#im so fucked for my exam tomorrow
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studying latin is cool and useful and really interesting until you have to pull an all nighter to memorise roughly 70 chapters in latin of tacitus' most fundamentally dull historical writings
#im so fucked for my exam tomorrow#also i doubt any diehard tacitus fans will come across this post but rest assured i love tacitus hes my beautiful girlfriend#im just resenting him right now for using so many words when i know he can and has expressed himself in far fewer#and also my true love lies in latin poetry so by nature i find historical prose a little tiny bit boring compared to like. the aeneid#personal#latin#tacitus#classics
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trying so hard to move thru this w grace and dignity + my actions reflect this so im ok :)
#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#fuck fuck fuck FUCK THIS SO MUCH MY CHEST HURTS I HOPE I GET NEWS THAT YOU DIED TOMORROW I HOPE YOU TEXT ME AND TELL ME YOU LOVE ME I HOPE#I NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN I HOPE I GET TO SEE YOU FOREVER FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK EVERYTHING YOU STAND FOR#HOW ARE HER EYES RED. YOU ARE IRRELEVANT! I CARRY YOU IN MY HEART! THE ONLY WAY TO MOVE FROM GRIEF#IS TO GROW AROUND IT SO IM TRYING TO GROW SO FAST MY BONES HURT!!!!#im actually going to scream this is not good i took 2 painkillers already 😭#i need to study oh my god#50% exam#god#personal
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just think this time tomorrow ill be publicly indecent in a spoons somewhere. i am so strong
#ONE MORE EXAM. WE CAN DO THIS. I WILL BE DONE IN LITERALLY LESS THAN 24 HOURS NOW#AND THEN THE NEXT EXAM SEASON ISNT UNTIL MAY. COME ON GIRL#we have such a fun plan for tomorrow though bc the consensus has just been 'we need to get fucking mangled after this exam'#like i havent been out-out in WEEKS the closest i came was the end of december for a hometown house party of all things#i didnt even go out for nye. let's all take a moment and consider the implications for someone like me NOT GOING OUT ON NYE#so i am OVERDUE a good night out and then on top of that ive had exams be SO fr#and also this is the first year where my main friendship group (i.e not my housemates but my actual social circle)#are ALL econ students like there's about five of us and we all do econ and yeah two of them ive been mates with since first year#(the girl is my best mate at uni and is always who im on about if i talk about a 'girl on my course' and the lad is the one i lived with#in first year and have kind of got a thing with now?) BUT THE OTHERS ARE NEW ADDITIONS AND THAT'S SO FUN#so we're ALL gonna tip out of that exam and then me and her are gonna go back to mine to get ready bc am i fuck doing make-up#before that exam. the STATES i have shown up in these past few days i think the invigilators are worried about me#and then we're meeting the lads at the pub and starting there and THEN going spoons bc it's me and the girl's tradition#(calling her just 'the girl' is so funny. woman 🫵) after exams to buy each other mystery shots at spoons and we HAVE to drink them#and then one of the lads really wants to go to a karaoke bar for some reason?? so that might be in my future#AND THEN we're going clubbing. im so ready. take me home vodka shots. the end is near please please please#hella goes to uni
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looking through my old messages is so traumatizing i want to go back in time and kick myself in the stomach like what possessed you...
#biggest “WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT” moment in my life tbh#the only thing that didnt make me cringe is me calling my brother a “mayo snorting goblin”#2020 me kinda ate that up#2021-2022 was def something tbh#i wore pink cat ears. i think thats all you need to know#ohh this is def going to keep my dumbass awake at night#ı was cringe but i was free and im proud of past me for that#it was one of my worst years but like... kick ass#<- by worst i mean mentally horrid in a way that changed me forever#speaking of 2021-2022.. my old chosen names were absolutely CRIMINAL#the first one was felony (which i still kinda dig but in a cunty way) the second one was ciel which i think is cool#but heres the bomb: one of my old chosen names was cereal. CEREAL#i think ted takes the cake tho. what evil soul possessed me to choose ted as a name#also constantine waa one of my old names which is actually fucking awesome#eıhjfjfjf i have a science exam tomorrow and im on tumblr infodumping about 2021 me uhhhf#i jumped through so many hoops to get to this blog#2020 somehow knew something transgender was going down and decided to get a haircut and boom. gender#DYSPHORIA THAT IS GET PRANKED LOSER#shout out to 2020 me for figuring out whats up#not sorry about the incoherent screaming. im autistic and i am full of violence
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standing in some fucking beautiful catholic church building and feeling like mr gaius valerius catullus. i could gay marry my girl here
#what do you mean conjuction of amare and bene velle in a union that is illegal by the state but blessed by the gods#sounds like gay marriage to me#catullus#leave me be sorry im doing mind soup. i have exam tomorrow i am so behind on work.#is gaius valerius catullus a lesbian? Technically-#hozier where is my catullus inspired song?#hozier when are you coming to fucking dante country- this is disrespectful!!!
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ba-beat you next time
#diary#sorry for being so inactive recently#exam season's been fucking my ass#my final's tomorrow but i have to retake this subject so im going to meet for attendance#cuz im gonna fail regardless lol#anygays i dew a beatle. i hope everyone's been taking care#i wanna see peoples art and draw more again mksdfs#see you some time not tomorrow. gn#milk
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when will i learn
#two days for my exam and i started today#:/#not to mention the surprise exam tomorrow! whose syllabus er dont even fucking know#im gonna genuinely just let go this time#fail get an atkt and re do the exam next semester#im so sleepy. i dont feel well and my nose wont stop running#im gonna sleep now and wake up at 3 hopefully please god
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k i think i’ve accepted my fate at this point
#i’m literally 10 slides under the requirement and 1/3 of the ones i have are. empty. to put it politely.#so. i’m just going to go to bed tonight bc otherwise i think i might just give up and delete the entire thing#tomorrow will be better i think. i know what i need to do at least#or at least by tomorrow panic will have kicked in and i’ll do like 4 months of coursework in 48 hours#like i’m panicking now. but it’s not the productive panic it’s the ‘fuck i hate my past self im going to go live in a cave’ kinda panic#i did look at the grade boundaries and if i nail the exams i only need 8/100 coursework marks to get a b#and like my coursework is shite but i think i can scrape 8 marks together#and luckily the exams are easy even without revising and i still have over two months til my first dt exam. so i’ll be fine#sorry about this. a bunch of toh people followed me recently and somehow i don’t think this is the content they were after#morganposting
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finished my fucking summer school stuff
#IM SO FUCKING TIRED#ahhh but whatever its over now. not really i still have my exam tomorrow but itll be super easy probably so its fine.#my mom said she was gonna bake a cake to celebrate me finishing ^_^ yay#inquisitivewaltz.txt#cant wait to finally be able rest tomorrow though oh my god#ive stayed up insanely late these past two days just trying to fucking. get shit done#and i can draw… and play video games… yes.. [sickos image]
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My dad had my childhood dog put to sleep today without telling me
#WHY THE FUCK DID YOU NOT TELL ME BEFORE YOU DID IT!!???#YOU MOTHER FUCKER WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME!!#his appointment was planned for friday and I was going to see him tomorrow#but i guess he had a seizure this morning so he just took him in#which like yes I'm happy he didnt suffer but why the fuck did you wait the whole day to tell me#...fuck#he sent me a picture of him on the exam table#i haven't cried this hard in so long oh my god#my little guy#my old boy#oh dear god#fuck im mess rn#tw animal death
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i love when you make your environment absolutely perfect to Get Shit Done like i had a nap i ate food and made coffee i put the big light on i got in comfy clothes i made sure i was warm enough i got all my stuff out. and then executive dysfunction goes 'watch this!' and you get nothing done forever and ever
#sincerely a girlie who has a microeconomics exam TOMORROW and was supposed to start studying an hour ago#and i hear your 'most revision the night before is just reassurance bc if u dont know it by now you wont! you'll be fine!'#but im TELLING YOU i will not be fine#i have 50 flashcards to memorise#i have not started#and i dont even mind memorising flashcards bc as dull as it is im really fucking good at bulk memorising shit#like i can memorise 300 flashcards in a night for an exam the next day (<- tried and tested)#(i did all my gcse geography revision the night before by doing this and i was three marks off a grade 9 ur girl can MEMORISE)#and i get into a real groove of it so like. WHAT IS THE ISSUE HERE#JUST DO YOUR FLASHCARDS BITCH WHY ARE U READING FIC#im so burnt out and exams havent even started pray for me please#might shower and see if that wakes me up#my flat has like an actual power shower i have MISSED HER my home shower is this shitty electric one that feels more like light rain#oh yeah im back at uni btw! i missed my bed sm i forgot how comfy she was#hella goes to uni
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Fuck u I shouldn't have to work on weekends vs Jesus christ I have so much to do. Fight.
#i did fuck all this weekend so its gonna hurt monday when i have to start scrambling#ive gotta do extractions and make media and back up cultures and work on my preproposal#and do 3 assignments rip. ugh im so tried. ill just work on things tomorrow#i have an appointment tomorrow to get accommodations for my learning disability tomorrow and idk what thatll b like#ive sorta got a chip on my shoulder abt using accommodations so im afraid ill come off as rude#but idk itll make me freak out less if i get etra time on exams. i never stay after tho basically i wont use any#so whats the point but everyone is telling me to do it so i am#my mom calls the way i read a lil ADD bc i cant pay attention long enough to make the words make sense bc i get distracted by my thoughts#its real annoying 😒#how to cure that? stop reading. problem solved 😌#unrelated
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Might post the undamaged version later
#Totally not ignoring the growing worry over procrastinating instead of studying for my exam tomorrow#im so fucked#starbench mafia#my art
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study leave diaries:
#today i forgot my last name temporarily and have decided that dark chocolate digestives can and should fuck me up#currently drinking a sugar free sparkling juice thing but ummm it tastes enough like tin can that im not entirely comfortable w it#listening to queen my dad saw them live and ill forever be so jealous of it#have done worryingly little revision for my exam on weds but!!! HaHa! 😌what will be will be😌#telling myself ill cram it tomorrow but i have therapy and am visiting an invalid friend sooo#we'll see how that works itself out#all in all im pretty content lmao#feeling the executive dysfunction girl i think i should see some sort of psychiatrist#but thats a problem for later me :D#adios chiquitos
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ouhohoohh wait. sorry gender moment. changing my pronouns but it's like a werewolf transformation scene where their clothes stretch and rip and tear as i become the evil transtrender i once feared. adding it/its to my bio lol
#makes me feel like im a dog getting scratched on the head it feels affectionate and familiar and nice#which is generally the opposite of how ppl view those pronouns but hey who give a shit#it's like. idk. it's nice being treated like a creature sometimes. like the opposite of if you cant beat em join em#like on purpose dehumanization. i am detached from this shit entirely#look if im gonna feel like the Other all the time i might as well be treated like an Entity yk#kinda works for me im realizing#which is weird bc it's never really struck a chord with me. but ig i never really considered it that much before now#and i mean ig thats the fun/trouble with genderfluidity is the impermanence thing. gotta keep checking in on it#and neopronouns have never really worked for me but they isn't really great either (except for the once in a blue moon where it's perfect)#but i still need smth neutral... yeah.... yeah ok#ok!!#yeah.... gender getting weirder by the day all right!!!#not getting rid of the other pronouns im just adding to them lol#wow yeah. i feel way more seen like that rn wowza. ok#probably not an always thing bc nothing is with this godforsaken gender (affectionate in a shitty first car way)#but like. yeah :)#at least something came out of today (<- was supposed to do like 8 things and did not)#got mildly upset early on and everything just fell apart. whyyyyy im gonna fail my french exam TOMORROW#did not study hhhhhhh but whatever#i was so ready and willing too i had a fucking plan i erased the rgg guys on my whiteboard (rip) to draw a chart and everything#whateverrrrrr it's fine. augh
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