#im so insane about this i actually cant sleep
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i would give my liver to see kizami killing kurosaki in actual detail instead of it just showing the aftermath im losing my mind
#the way kizami is speaking about it sounds so. god. let me see im fucking begging you#like you cant just talk about how much kizami enjoyed it and not show me it in full detail PLEASE#straddling his hips and gutting him GODDDDD SAVE ME#im so insane about this i actually cant sleep#finn.txt
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i miss her…
#cant believe i forgot about her till the photobook q&a im so sorry witch mona~~~~~~~#press f for honeypre atelier gachas it was gone too soon™️#(currently e x t r e m e l y worried and stressed for tomorrow like never before b u t i have to appear like im fine sobs save me monachann)#(can i go on a stress-prompted tangent here about something inane? no? toooo bad im gonna go off anyway~~~~)#ok so. like. since witch mona is the image i have up ‘ere and since it’s still 七月… today’s tangent will be on irl spooky stories!!#s o. presenting a decently repressed memory from my childhood that resurfaced while i was hibernating at home:#anyways. well. thoughts about the afterlife can vary from person to person yes? there’s no one true correct belief after all#but the one question that unites us all is probably the one and only ‘are ghosts real?’#and well. for personal reasons i think so. i mean i’ve seen this one dude i hate get possessed a couple of times so welp. cant deny it ig.#wild story about that actually. back in the day my family’s finances were allegedly doing so badly that [dude i hate] had to pick up#a *c e r t a i n* side hustle for extra cash. that side hustle? literal grave digging at the cemetary. at night no less#and *ofc* he wasn’t respectful about it in the least so ofc some spirits followed him home. yay. free roommates.#one(?) of them even took residence in my room at the time and im 80% sure they ate my history textbook :( much sads#anyways well once that guy had too much to drink (which was rather often tbh) he’d get possessed. fun!#the only possession i ever saw was the n-rarity angry ghost who’d just huff and puff in silence with unfocused eyes most of the time#he’d occasionally put on a leather jacket too. but that was like a r-rarity event that didn’t happen that often#my mother had the chance to also witness the mosquito (who tried to barge into my room for fresh blood) and the 姑娘 (self-explanatory)#which is kinda unfair tbh. i wanted to see the ur-rarity ones too :( mostly bc it’d be funny to see a guy i hate act ooc (impure intentions)#oh right. how did we get the dude out of his possession? we just shook his arm really hard. prolly caused some lasting effects but who know#i think he could also just sleep off the possession but idk i was asleep for the ur-rarity incidents.#cant ask the one witness of it bc i dont want to bring back unnecessary flashbacks of [guy we hate]#anyways it’s been years since we moved out from that place and i still want my history textbook back. mostly for the principle of it but—#and so that’s the tangent of the day. i feel weirdly less stressed now thanks witch mona#i do wonder how my grandparents are faring on this 七月 though…#b u t !!!!! tomorrow’s date on the lunar calendar says it’s an auspicious day for wishful activity and starting a new job!!! so… maybe~~~~?#hauauauauauauauuauaaaaaa anyways insane tangent over stream mona’s new album ok bye#oops forgor to disable rbs i hate how easy it is to forget to use this function man
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Using my brain like a metal detector to figure out what the FUCK it wants to do
#*shakes brain* what do you want??? food isnt working acnh isnt working weaving isnt working#im gonna fucking riot#im understimulated but just listening to a video feels OVERstimulating#i get bored & tired two minutes after starting a thing#but i want to do SOMETHING#i was in bed almost all day yesterday b/c i couldnt get myself to do anything else for more than. like. an hour at a time#or maybe less (it felt like less anyway)#i do NOT want to do that again#if my new meds dont do anything to help istg (im not gonna do anything im just gonna be upset)#depressions a bitch and i hate it!!!#im tired but i got a good amount of sleep the past few nights so its not from that??? i know its the Mental Illness but. still#i do NOT want to just take a NAP all DAY i want to DO things when im OFF from WORK#is this what it was like pre-meds??? b/c if so HOW#i legitimately dont remember#personal#jay rambles#mental health cw#depression cw#im. so fucking tired of this shit if the new meds do the thing where it makes things worse for the first few weeks#im still not gonna do anything im just gonna be upset about it. and there's a real chance i wont be able to work full hours#which i cant afford atm#i MADE SURE i had enough food for lung and i havent had half of it b/c i started and my brain went “mm no you're full actually”#(i very distinctly am NOT full. but now it has a bad Mouth Feel and im going insane)#(gonna try knitting next to see if that works)#food mention
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one thing I thought was missing from canon sk8 was the mine being haunted apparently. so we are bringing that into burnished house for absolutely no fucking reason
#sk8 the infinity#burnished house#(I am jokeing there is. in fact. a reason)#(you will not learn this until the divorce comes up)#(well the preliminary reason is I fucking love ghost stories and want to put them in everything)#(and that reki is afraid of scary things which makes him my favourite kind of victim. younger sibling coded for that only)#Im actually having a lot of fun alternating povs between reki and langa bc Ive like. accidentally grounded langa's in#very clear and present bodily sensations. straight up uncomplicated observations about materials in the world around him#while reki's gets all the hyperboles and pretty poetic stuff. I enjoy the idea of him being good at storytelling#ESPECIALLY bc him taking words to heart including scary stories. big deal to me ok?#love to write langa and going from things that clearly are present right there in the scene to the most insane thoughts a man can have#and then write reki and jump wildly between dork ass energetic shounen character speech and romanticizing the fuck out of concrete#weird thing to say after writing three fics of like 20K+ words in total about them granted lmao#but like. listen. I feel like burnished house is me going apeshit so far. this is truly my time to be the worst ever#same approach as I took with [REDACTED]. oh you think this is bad? just wait#I have already added TWO old people ghosts into this one. be in awe of my power#well. be in awe of it when I finish this chapter... I need to sleep rn dksdfhdskj#have a good nite lads. I cant wait to get to that one spot in this chapter where I go yess... YESS!!!! HAHAHA YESSSS#wish u the same for ur art endeavour. if ur art endeavour doesnt have something like that u should add it. my message to da world
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as my first act of 2023 im gonna expose myself: yes i did snap and wrote a vocaloid fic a while back, here it is
#my art lol#vocaloid#vocaloid fanart#oliver vocaloid#vocaloid oliver#halloween#candy#stars#pumpkin#THIS DOESNT COUNT AS THE FIRST DRAWING OF 2023 B/C I STARTED IT IN 2022. WAY BEFORE DEC 31ST#i just decided to finish it up on new years eve b/c why not. so the actual first drawing of 2023 remains to be seen#ugh i wouldve done better drawings like little scenes from the fic itself. that wouldve been fun#but at the same time its like... lowkey spoiler? idk. so this is an abstractish thing. looks like phone wallpaper material bruh#idk why anyone would have my art as phone wallpaper but. im just joking around#IF YOU CANT TELL IM VERY COMMITTED TO THE HALLOWEEN THEME JOKE. YES I KNOW ITS JANUARY. BUT LOOK AT MY BLOG BRUH#can you believe it guys? halloween! just a week away. halloween is in a week! woohoo! i am so happy about this information#listen its the horror holiday so its instantly the best. fck da xmas bullshit halloween where it at 😩#as you can see i get more insane in the ungodly morning hours so. yeah. my sleep schedule's been fcked so there's been more of this lately
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uhhh something something 'the only time a yakuza should laugh with his teeth is when he's with family or in trouble' something something arakawa gradually doing so more and more when hanging around jo something something Uh Oh™️
#arasawa#snap chats#DO WE GET WHAT I MEAN.#im not arguin semantics rn just listen to me im gripping you by the shoulders reader#it can go either way A.) arakawa gradually seeing jo as a part of his persoanl family opposed to The General Family#B.) you know how in fanfics theres that 'Oh. /Oh./' trope Yeah. i want big man to realize he's a lil doki doki for one of his guys#why the fuck i frame it like these arent in the same vein I CANNOT THINKKKKKK STRAAAIGHT#BUT NOOOO LISTEEENNNN i know bro would be SOOO conflicted. dare i say... he'd be in trouble SEE DO WE SEE WHAT IMEA#ok you can stop looking at me. im delirious. insane. delulu. its cause i cant draw rn its hard and my head hurts#ive been struggling with this idea for. WEEKS. i CANNOT find a way to make a comic out of it and its making me loco and mad#so im just throwing it out into the ether as Free Real Estate if anyone else wants a crack at it. or yk just so i can share it#LIKE THERE'S SOMETHING HERE I KNOW THERE IS I AM BRUSHING IT WITH MY FINGERTIPS BUT I CANNOT GRAB IT#you know it fuckin bad when i actually make a text post about it thats how you know Im At My Limit#driving me insane....... i just need everyone to know im rotating them like SSBB trophies....#anyway. yeah youre right i still havent drawn shit#UUUGGGHHHHH should... or shold i sleep....#let me try to force myself to sketch something and then ill run to my car and sleep there or somethin#idk. anyway bye i love the old people
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i think princess bubblegum is (and has pretty much always been) neutral good and marceline went lawful good (before being turned) -> chaotic neutral (obsidian flashback era until the early seasons) -> true neutral (early to mid seasons till stakes) -> neutral good (season 7 until the end of the show) -> almost lawful good (end of the show and fowards)
#i will elaborate in Length if anyone asks me im just too tired to write it all down right now#Please Ask Me. i am Begging you to ask me.#adventure time#we dont know what marcy was like immediately after being turned but i think she was neutral evil. i think my girl deserves to have been#fucked up after what happened to her. and i think she deserves insane amounts of guilt i love it when characters are wrecked by thr Guilt#and i think in the Future (think after finn dies until around the shermy and beth era) she oscillates between#lawful good->neutral good->true neutral and back a lot but she never gets as bad as to warrant the chaotic label or worse#at least not in that time frame. shes fucking immortal so who knows what she goes through and gets up to like idk 5000 10000 years in the#future#also the way im using the alignment chart here is good/neutral/evil are about your Goals and lawful/neutral/chaotic are about your actions#...i cant remember if thats how the alignments actually work but its how i use them#ok i wrote too much im going to sleep
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...
#so theres this terrible thing i do where i force myself to get up way too early and go into the lab before anyone else#bc i get overwhelmed when lots of ppl r around. its terrible bc if u do that over and over it kinda breaks ur brain#but there is something i like abt walking around while its still dark out and on ones on thr roads looking up at the stars and theyre all#haloed here bc theres actually moisture in thr air here. i feel. idk how i feel. more normal i guess. like neutral but in a negative way.#like i dont really care about anything. probably im just tired. i haven't been sleeping well. maybe its the birth control#which im still taking bc im too curious abt how my mood fluctuates when my hormones r controlled. or maybe its my mood. but ive been tired#and ive not been having fun. i just feel like im very no thoughts empty head. here's info do u have anything to say abt it? any observations#? no. no. cant read cant think cant talk in a way that makes may sense. what do we do abt it? i dunno. i dunno.#sleep maybe. stop taking the birth control maybe. talk to my councilor monday definitely. give her an insane rant abt how im definitely not#bipolar lol i think ive got a point. but i go back and forth idk. it doesn't really matter. i just find it interesting#sigh. remember when i had time to draw? remember when i wanted to draw? now im just tired#whatever. ill sleep and feel better. get my executives to function maybe. maybe. but probably not#i did cut off like 3 inches of hair on impulse. got that chin length depression haircut. classic#unrelated
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tried going to bed early bc ive just been sitting staring at the wall or my phone all afternoon but it's been 3 hours now and I can't stop crying. :(
#I dont even know why im so fucking sad. this last week has felt like getting hit by a train repeatedly for no reason whatsoever#and it fucking hurts so bad and i cant fix it because i dont know whats wrong!!!!!!#i think thsts why its been so hard sleeping lately like my brain is problem solving but theres nothing there to be solved#and i dont even have anyone to talk to about it and even if i did i wouldnt have anything to say bc i dont know im just fucking. sad#like yeah ive gotten upset abt other things but thats me projecting my mental state onto everything. theres no original cause#unless it really is just pms and some hormonal shit which is likely but kinda insane to think abt. like yeah my body has decided#to flood the entire fucking system with Kill That Egg™ for a straight week except its too effective and makes me want to kill myself also#but apparently not fucking effective enough to start my actual fucking period. yippee#i want a thousand year long hug and to cry rly snottily into someones shirt and then to fall asleep and wake up feeling rested#man. nothing makes me feel any different. exercising and sleeping and socialising and eating and showering and reading#and i can feel my interest in things trickling away like i havent been able to do a lot of shit i rly want to bc of this barrier#and ive been trying to make myself do some things regardless bc inactivity will just make it worse. but nothing works!!!!!!!#i dont even know anymore man. i do everything right and im still as depressed as i was like 8 years ago#and i know thats just the depressed brain talking like i know i dont constantly feel like this but its hard to see outside of it man#u spend ur whole life drowning but its ok bc sometimes u get ur head above the surface long enough to take a breath or whatever#insert overused mentally ill metaphor here etcetcetc#ok i think ive run out of things to say im gonna try sleep again. day 1 billion of making longass vent posts sorry everyone#gn#.vent
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Idk anything about Yakuza but your posts seem imply Kiryu is a faggot. Can you confirm?
He likes both girls and boys but has a finicky nature about when and where he likes them because sometimes he cant get enough and other times he doesnt even realise that people are real but he is in fact a gigantic slobbering faggot thank you so much for asking
#Thanks for the ask !#kiryu literally pegs men and eats an insane amount of pussy its part of his dietry requirement#he has lines of men and women queuing up to have their cocks destroyed by him and thats a promise#i cannot stress how fantastically bisexual he is#like he will sleep with you but you have to be direct about it because he is a man who when it comes down to it speaks with his fists#in battle. like the only girl hes ever kissed (made a move on) is the only feeemale battle companion#his actual canon on paper love interest is a girl who was more widely accepted as his literal (adopted) sister and he adopted her kid#so they were like umm yeah kiryu loved that woman look hes raising her daughter but him and that lady barely interacted because she died#and his other girlfriend went to america and he was like bye :) good luck :)#im not saying ‘oh he cant keep a girlfriend so he must like guys’ no he cant keep a boyfriend either#the one guy who followed him around with a gigantic loving puppy gaze he left behind to go start an orphanage without <- cannot stress#enough that kiryu Clearly likes him back its just that hes not built for long term relationships. he just has an extremely passionate row#with a person jampacked with fervour and heated romance then they say goodbye forever#oh but there was a girl he absolutely refused to fuck in yakuza 5. she stripped down to nude in front of him and he put his jacket over her#and was like get out of my house mayumi
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Have you ever been assumed to be romantically attracted to someone and even just the thought of that makes you want to throw up . Anybody
#had someone's husband in my dms going on about how i want this bitch romantically and frankly if i hadn't been so busy crying i would've#actually thrown up . absolutely disgusting idea . vile even . horrid concept#anyway tldr im down a best friend because he didn't tell me anything i was doing was wrong after telling me that everything was okay and#then sent his husband after me to call me a creep that was obsessed with him that also apparently tried to make out w him#the same trip that my best friend of five years told me he hated having me in his hometown to see him graduate.#this was after i found out my cat had been murdered and mutilated and thrown in my granma's garden . that day happened to be my birthday#because my ma was kind enough to drive me and my lil brother down there to go see him graduate bc he was also supposed to move in w us the#month after . and he told me right after i got home that he 'didn't think it would be good for our relationship' and apparently#just didn't know how to tell me until a month before it was supposed to happen . bonkers times over here#anyway i didn't want to make out with him . he cried after i wouldn't have sex w him just last december . which i specifically got high as#shit to avoid . and i dont even have like. actual examples of what i was doing wrong to go off of so now i just get to live in mystery#forever ig. like shocker that the person that's been my best friend for five years would tell his husband to say that to me and not say that#shit to me himself . this is a wild to me . i feel like im going insane . can anybody even hear me what's going on#you know its bad when your mama gets so sick of you crying over a friend that she hugs you for the first time in years#also i cant sleep my head hurts . crying is evil . devils liquid . might watch rpdr or something . still nauseous over the idea of being#into him romantically btw . like still nauseous over that . like what a fucking insult to our entire friendship#does saying that we may as well have been made of the same atoms mean like . nothing . does nothing ive said to or about him not mean anythi#ng if its not romantic in nature . what did i do that wasnt enough for him. i fucking told him he outgrew me and that was fine i just#wanted to know if we were still friends or not and he said we were and i believed him. if he told me the sky was green i would make it so#ripping my hair out . am i being dramatic . am i the only person that wasn't expecting this . am i the only one that didn't know#when i had to tell people who knew about the moving plans that he changed his mind the first fucking thing i was told was “i thought it migh#t happen.“ WELL I FUCKINH DIDN'T . AND NOBODY TOLD ME#this is like . the second most humiliating moment of my life . aside from movinggate because at least nobody irl has to know about this#anyway . this boy could've taken my blood and i'd sit there and smile while he did it because he was my best friend .#i was so glad we got to grow up together. i miss him already. im taking my little brother to school my myself for the first time and all im#gonna wanna do is tell him about it . im tired . i want to sleep . im still so nauseous . did none of it mean anything just because ive#never and will never like him romantically. does that make everything less worthy somehow#i hope he never talks to me again. i dont think i could handle this again. he let is fucking husband say that shit to me. not him.#puppmeo misery
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remember being a teen and watching shit like soul eater and kimono jihen and thinking god damn i wish I had a perpetually exhausted but badass mentor to help me get through things?
well now im 27 and im the perpetually exhausted mentor with bedhead and a slight alcohol problem to my 15 year old cousin and im gonna tear my hair out about not being able to just let her stay for a bit because i know it doesnt matter fuck all what i say to her dad, shes still gonna be treated like shit just because shes a moody teen with undiagnosed add and an autustic brother who constantly talks over everyone. i suddenly need a cigarette.
#like he was going on about shes doing bad in school because she sleeps late and all she needs to do#is got to bed early!!! reset her internal clock!!#BRO IM LITERALLY RIGHT HERE AT 27 STILL ONLY FALLING ASLEEP AT 5AM AND WAKING AT NOON BEVAUSE THATS NOT A THING YOU CAN CONTROL#ESPECIALLY WITH ADD/ADHD.#IM LITERALLY DIAGNOSED I CAN TELL YOU YOURE WRONG AND I CAN EVEN SOURCE THE ARTICLES THAT EXPLAIN WHY#FUCKING ARE YOU KIDDING ME#im still mad cause i sat with with poor kid while she tried to keep from bawling her eyes out because she made a snarky comment#about her brother talking about his coin collecting (and to be clean its not jus tthat he cant understand social cues he just literally#never stops making noise. we all know he cant control it but we also all know its because his parents denied he was autistic until he was 21#despite the fact he stopped maturing at 11. we love him.to death but oh my god i cant handle it for two visits a year#Of course his sibling feel like they live in an insane asylum)#like yeah it was a rude comment but fuck can you blame her?????? when shes silenced because he talks over everyone then gets awkward#because she has no idea what to say when she DOES get the chance to speak of course shes going to resent him#ALSO NOT TO MENTIONT HE FACT SHES CHINESE AND WERE ARE ALL VERY VERY WHITE#SHES GOT OTHER SHIT SHE SHOULD BE IN THERAPY FOR#DO NOT MAKE IT MORE COMPLICATED FOR HER BY BRINGING ACTUAL SYMPTOMS AND HER SCHOOLING INTO THIS#My god i hate academics like the world does not end because you failed a math class. i dropped out at 16 and all the useful skills i have#i gained after the world opened up when i left and i wasnt being told no thats not on a standardized test you cant do that#im much fucking happier and frankly intelligent than the rest of my family thats wasted time on universities#and like being happy is what matter#why would you wsnt her to be “sucessful” if she isnt also happy#like if school fucking sucks for her then why send her to a rich white private school and fucking SUMMER SCHOOL#imo thats just abuse#like the graded education system is inherently abusive anyway but its worse when its pushed on her like that#i need to move so we have room out east for her to come stay and maybe do some classes free of them#but i dont work and cant drive so i cant help her#hell i can barely take care of myself#but im just so fucking mad on her behalf and she doesnt deserve to feel this way#its happened twice in the three days shes been here#just they all need therapy but they need to fucking listen to her ans i know she wont even feel okay speaking up
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graceland on the brain tonight... like literally the whole of it. the whole three seasons at once. if im going to have one(1) thought more im gonna explode into atoms
#rewatched the first season in two days and started rewatching the second one today and im actually going insane#im like nooo no way this show makes me lose my mind That hard and then i rewatch it and im like oh nvm#literally shaking just thinking about it and also i want to gif some moments SO IM LIKE. MANIFESTING WITH THIS POST#SOME FREE TIME FOR ME#OR ELSE IM GOING TO THROW MYSELF OUT OF WINDOW AND START GNAWING ON THE ASPHALT#i have to get up at like 5:30am but im literally so overwhelmed i cant sleep i cant do anything i want to scream and kill someone violently#also the great paul briggs scene is on the brain tonight. hi<33(im going to kill someone)
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I can not sleep
#this actually SUCKS#my back aches and i can hear the electricity whirring through the walls#and i can feel bugs on me but i know theyre not real but i cant because what if#i cant lie still#brain is going random places#lizzietalks#i am going.#mildly insane#this close to sleeping on kitchen tile rn#havent tdone it in very long time#however#tempting#last night was constant nightmares#and now its just no sleep at all#please heavens let me sleep#j think im probably just anxious#easter is over and its time for me to return tk the city#i hate the city#i have been aboiding about how anxious i am this week so much i forgot i was#so last nights nightmares (there were four)#makes complete sense#cause why was i getting literally murdered so much#god im so tired#and i am screaming into the void cause im too ancious to actually tell anyone else because like#im bothering them and also like wtf is anyone meant to do with this information of ther than#lizzie is depressed again#the only times i have left my house this past two weeks is because i made plans to make sure id leave#all the while being completely fine™#because i dont want anyone to know i am indact depressed again#because ill become sad lizzy is fucking sad again
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OH NO I forgot Daigo did that god help me
"Are you free tonight?"
Mine: *panicking after just wishing he could know Daigo on a more personal level*
"I want to get to know you better"
Mine: *more gay panic*
"Are you single?"
Mine who was just treating this like he was about to go on a date: 😳
That's all Mine did around Daigo tbh even when his ass was about to meet him face to face for the first time
mine's the funniest character in this series, like he barely sees daigo one fateful night and sees people dying for him and immediately decides to stalk him and now we're here
#snap chats#its insane that daigo doesnt even think twice bout all this but i also love him for it#ilke Fair daigo doesnt know mine has the sociability of a fuckin platypus but my god#Day One he's like 'so are you single :))' like ok daigo you lonely ass#i still think about the first time mine actually meets daigo face-to-face when daigo wants to confront him about his and kanda's business#five seconds away from rereading that whole story actually... god I Repeat its just so good.....#no but real hit its the way mine was lamenting how he'll only know daigo as Sixth Chairman#like he's pining already oh my god and then daigo blesses him with a night out#you really cant make this shit up this is literal fanfiction#i remember sending these stories to my bestie and every so often she would just be like 'snap what is this this is fanfic'#anyway i love mine he's so deranged#drops hundreds of millions of yen first night out just to make sure daigos ok#he's known daigo for max two hours and either knows him sleeping with a woman is impossible#or hes so obsessive/possessive he can't believe that and investigates himself#i love that for him get help#i have to stop before i think about how mine really has never had friends before#WAIT ONE MORE IT REALLY IS SO FUNNY HOW THE WAY HE WANTS TO IDENTIFY DAIGO TO A STRANGER IS JUST#'have you seen a man with a good physique around here' LIKE IK I JUST TALKED ABOUT THAT THE OTHER DAY BUT STILL#ITS STILL FUNNY andivebeenmeaningtoproperlymakefunofitbutikeepgettingdistracted#ok now im done bye
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okay time to have a metldown on dash as i do every day as is my right
#rambling#vents#anyone else get traumatized but in the innerworld#so you cant fucking. tell anyone about it because it literally happened in your head and youre fucking insane#anyone else have an abuser that you share a fucking body with#yeahhh thats great aint it#im fucking. trembling because someone else in the head touched my shoulder without warning me and i went “oh! its happeneing Again!”#i need. to sleep i think#i need to never front again#i dont know how many times hes even fucking. done this to me. bc i only very faintly remember what happens in the innerworld#if its not in the front room#sorry sorry sorry i shouldnt be putting this shit online but its the closest ive got to like. telling someone what happened#im so fucking worried that if i actually say anything people will say it reflects poorly on us as a system and i just cant deal with that#im. gonna delete this later i think
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