#im so normal about these fictional characters <- lie

[avephelis]

every time someone mischaracterises jay ferin as the therapist friend a fairy loses its wings btw. put some respect on her emotionally-constipated ass.

[minty-mumbles]

LU Survey 2024 Results

The long awaited results of the survey. Thank you guys for being so patient with me :)

There were 350 responses to the survey this year! Not as many as there were last year, but still impressive. If you want to look at the raw data for this, you can do so here

Demographics

General Questions

Favorites and Least Favorites

Blank Space Question (Select Answers)

I'm so normal about Legend (the biggest lie I've ever told)

WIND BABY WIND OUGH IHGH UUOA I AM SICK FOR HIM MY SKRUNKLE MY OUGHGHHGJUA BELOVED

Remember that fandom is a community! Reach out to each other and learn something new! Give someone a compliment! Ask them a question! Encourage new artists and writers who are still learning! Thank you Mint for doing the survey again, too!

The fact no one has thought of calling Warrior's Zelda, "Areia" hurts me deeply "Hyppolita" even, please, with how much shipping there is between them, people sure are eager to name her after goddesses who have vowed to never have romantic relationships.

I dont think the fandom talks about it but i really love that every single piece of sky clothing is embroidered, because unless skyloft has embroidery machines thats all hand done. Which means either someone he knows makes a lot of them and gives them out freely (i give most of my projects to friends and family) or he would have paid someone for it, which means that either someone on skyloft lives of decorating clothing (and likely other fabrics) or someone just uses it to get some extra money (both are amazing since in the modern day people dont want to pay for handcrafted works what its actually worth)

Shark skeletons are made of cartilage, not bone

It's dangerous to go alone. Take this. ��

FOUR SUPREMACY🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🔥🔥💚❤️💙💜💪💪💪💪🔛🔝💯💯💯💯💯

No but the Athena/Artemis thing is so real. What’s up with that. Why did we pick Artemis? Why did we do that?

I find it so funny how the fandom has decided to call Dark Link "Dink" because whenever I play a Zelda game I name my character Dink or Dinkus :D I started doing this waaaaay before I knew about LU

Im so excited for Echos of Wisdom! I find it really funny that Nintendo keeps making it harder for JoJo to stick to the plan, I'm pretty sure it's Legend and Fable but I'm not certain any ways Im really happy!

I love how LU is a culmination of so many of my favorite tropes from other fandoms! It’s been really comforting and nostalgic for me despite the fact that I only got into it this year. Especially since so many creators I liked have been getting revealed as problematic, it’s nice to be able to fall back on fictional characters who can’t ruin the lives of real people. :)

[daftdrac]

If you were in a conversation, what topic would you like to talk about? :D

Something X-Men related, probably specifically anything deadpool or wolverine (Deadpool isn't exactly X-Men but I'm counting him cause he's also a part of this hyperfixation) anyways I LITERALLY GOT THIS NOTIFICATION WHILE IM WATCHING THE WOLVERING AND THE XMEN CARTOON LMAOOO Yeah I'm super into. X-Men shit right now because I watched Deadpool 3 and my brain said YES. THAT. I am absolutely taking this as an opportunity to rant by the way cause there is so much random shit about this show that has me giggling. Errrmmm spoiler warning I guess ?

FIRST OF ALL LOGANS VOICEEEEEVEVEVDBDBE 👹👹👹 I'm not one to simp for fictional characters (lie) but I'm down bad JUST because of the voice (also lie im down bad for a lot of reasons)

ALSO THE FUCKING AMOUNT OF LOVE INTERESTS HE HAS IN THIS. JEAN, (KINDA-ISH) WHO DOESN'T SHOW UP UNTIL EPISODE 23 OF 26??? SOME RANDOM JAPANESE WOMAN WHO'S MARRIED TO A SAMURAI?? SOME ALIEN-MUTANT-THING WOMAN WHO WORKED WITH HIM AND WAS HIS GIRLFRIEND BEFORE HE LOST HIS MEMORIES OR SOMETHING ?? Emma kinda but not really she's not an explicit love interest but you can kinda tell it's a little implied at some points. I definitely am forgetting a few my memory is still shit but A BISEXUAL CHARACTER AND NOT A MALE LOVE INTEREST IN SIGHT <3 thats why Cyclops is here. He's supposed to be kind of a romantic rival to Logan kinda (cause they both like jean or whatever idk it REALLY doesn't seem like Logan likes jean all that much but I guess he does) but it really just ends in them having tension that feels less like they despise each other and more like they're waiting for everyone to leave them alone so they can go at it so I'm counting Scott even if he isn't like OFFICALLY a love interest he basically is

Oh also gambit is a thing for like 2 episodes. All he does is cause issues which. Gambit core I guess idk much about him 💀 all I know is he is REALLY like. Cunning and confident and shit. Tryin to think of the word. CHARMING yeah he's charming. Or supposed to be I guess he looks a little funny so he just makes me giggle looking at him. Honestly if he wanted to fuck Logan he could probably convince him to buy he's in love with one of magneto's daughters or whatever?? That he met for like a few hours and kissed once?? Before being thrown in a cell for kissing magneto's daughter??? And then abandoning her after promising to take her away from genosha with him?? I don't even know man.

Anyways I'm a complete noob X-Men fan I literally didn't know jack shit about anyone but Logan before I started watching this. Already a hardcore wolverine/cyclops fan they're gay to be fr with you. I should read some of the comics huh. Anyways here's my live reaction to Logan and Scott interacting like normal people:

Also silly goofy images from this show no I'm not sorry 3/4 are Logan he's BABYGIRL in this okay

Here have a poolverine meme to end this post

[cruciomee]

Why do you like the Greens so much. You seem very kind and it’s weird to me you like the clear villains/usurpers of the story (especially because they die out).

Honestly, I would normally be upset at this kind of question simply because I hate discourse. I am a people pleaser & in my heart I want everyone to be happy in the fandom. So normally, I would ignore this but not gonna lie. This question was kind of funny.

First & foremost, I was really neutral before I joined Twitter. I did not care about the silly who has more right to rule nonsense. I read fire and blood before the show came & the only thing I was looking forward to was “The Battle Above the Gods Eye” & Sunfyre coming back (because that dragon comes back!) Characters on both sides were equally interesting, but also equally boring for me. It was a specific part of the fandom on twitter to turn me so team green

On a sheer engagement level I have found that anything I draw with team black does not get very much interaction. You would think that ifRhaenyra is the most popular character in the show, if you draw something of her you will get some from of engagement but that is most definitely not the case. so sometimes I wonder if she actually has fans or is this fandom just full of people looking for a fight & use her as their excuse. Either way, I like drawing team black characters but what’s the point if no one wants to actually see it.

Now onto my personal opinions, I like my favorite characters to suffer. I hate cookie cutter happy go lucky stuff. The better a character is made to seem the more I don’t care about them. They become extremely boring to me. Im someone who likes a messy character. The more toxic the person the better. just because I like that kind of character doesn’t mean it has any effect on me as an actual person. fiction is not the same as reality! I don’t like discord in reality, but I love it in fiction! I hate toxicity in reality, but I love it in fiction! Aegon ii is a pathetic trashcan & I love to see him suffer. I can’t wait to see him burnt & broken! I also can’t wait to see him force himself off of Milk of the poppy & for his dragon to come back to him against all odds. I’m so ready to see his death, he needs to be alone & miserable. The fact I’m a kind person who honestly loves drawing kids & family interactions more than anything has nothing to do with what I want to see/read. I read some crazy toxic fanfic & the character I like the most is always the one getting emotionally destroyed in them. Everyone has their thing that they are into & I would never judge them so why should you judge me for liking a bunch of miserable losers who wear green in a show about dragons fighting for no good reason other than on who has more privilege to sit on a metal chair made of swords.

[fairyofshampgyu]

hiii! to preface: im not the original anon that requested the super drunk beomgyu drabble. either way i appreciated your approach to the ask ! not to be the woke friend (/lh 😭) but i think it’s way too normalized to go out drinking, feel horny, then kind of be all over your partner. obviously every relationship dynamic is different and some people again wouldn’t bat an eye at that or even be into it. like you said at the end tho, consent is the most important part and technically speaking you can’t fulllyy consent while inebriated. realism in fics is soooo important especially for people coming of age (obvi 18+) so yea, other than that i thought the drabble overall was very endearing 💜

Hiii ahh i really appreciate your thoughts on it and that you agree w me ! I thought people wouldn’t think it was that deep 😭 but consent IS sexy ‼️💪

And I totallyy agree with you saying it’s soo normalised in fics to write smut where one person is really drunk and the other is sober. I actually can’t read them and I mean no shade to other writers 😭. It’s a bit of a grey area, drunk sex, or having sex with your partner whilst one is drunk and some people are okay with it, and for some it’s a big no but discussions about drunk sex should be made beforehand. There are levels of drunkenness but for me, I kinda wouldn’t want to have sex with my partner even if they were just tipsy and I’m sober bc thats so weird to me 😭. But when someone is really, really drunk, they can’t consent anyway so.

And I SOO agree that realism is important even in fics bc tell me why there’s more non con than there are where consent is explicitly discussed or contraception is mentioned 😭😭 which I think both are so sexyy 💪💪🙌 And even though it is fictional it’s still important bc it’s very true that a lot of fanfic readers are still young adults and are an impressionable audience ! So it’s still important to write about these things sometimes bc for some people it can affect how they go about and view relationships with other people irl (which I feel like is not even really hot take bc as someone who was brought up reading fanfics, I won’t lie and say they didn’t subconsciously influence how I expected irl relationships to be or how to act) As someone who was unfortunately a minor reading fanfics growing up, I remember seeing the whole one character is really drunk and then they fuck kinda trope a lot and I didn’t used to think much of it 😭 Also, we can’t really control who reads our writings sometimes and there’ll be silent readers who are minors so realism and mentions of consent and how healthy relationships should be is still important bc you never know whose reading ig

But hehe thank you sm for sending an ask and enjoying the drabble !!<33💞💞

[its-no-biggie]

chapter 34

GOD. okay. yeah. okay

vague epilogue spoilers

this is the thing about orv. normally when you reread a story its like. "ohhh so thats what was going on here!" "oh thats a cool detail i missed!" but rereading orv is like "oh. this is speaking directly to me....." and maybe its just me but im always saying shit like. i could never be a protagonist. im basically an npc. its not an interesting story...... and just. the way that its clearly set up as a conversation between the reader and a fictional character. i need to lie down

[jamisonwritestf2trash]

what would the mercs' favourite shows/anime be? You might have done the 'shows' part before so im giving you the 'anime' option as a fresh twist ^w^ (No im not battling a double-hyperfixation of tf2 and jjba and seeking validation through mutuals why would you even think that-)

What Are The TF2 Mercs Favortie Animes?

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Oh boy it's been a hot minute since I've watched an Anime, I used to be so feral for any anime 😭

Mutual appreciation comment!!! Thank you for your asks! I love seeing them pop up, you always have really good prompts 🫶🏻

————————————————————

POSSIBLE SPOILER FOR DEATH NOTE?

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Demo- Kakegurui

Did I ever mention that this man loves to gamble? Also, you cannot convince me that this man isn't super expressive when he does so. Literally is the anime. Loves how batshit insane it is. Loves getting whiplash from one episode to the next. Wasn't a fan of season two, but adores season one. Bindges, and re-bindges the show at least once a month. Just loves feeling insane when he watches an anime.

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Engie- One Punch Man.

Saw Genos and immediately went "I could build that." And doesn't elaborate. He's not gonna lie, he may or may not have tried to follow Saitama's training routine once, but threw up when he got to the running part. Don't get me wrong this man isn't weak or anything but I genuinely don't think anyone on this team can run besides Scout. Loves watching OPM because he loves how unbothered Saitama is and wishes he could be like that, and also wishes he could be as strong.

————————————————————

Heavy- Your Lie In April

Loves the mix of a slice of life and melodrama. Doesn't care too much about how slow the show is. Just enjoys watching everything play out and being along for the ride. This man sobbed at the end. Couldn't believe it, well he could but he also couldn't? Even though it breaks him everytime he sees the ending, he still loves rewatching it.

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Medic- Japanese Tales of The Macabre/Parasyte

HE. LOVES. JUNJI. ITO. It'd be so wrong not to think so. He has genuinely wondered about the logistics of Layers Of Terror... be afraid of this man if he gets a curious look in his eye over any episode of this anime. He likes the books more but also loves the anime. I added Parasyte too because this man is a sucker for all types of body horror and I think Parasyte should always be mentioned. Just lord help us after this man's mind starts working when watching his favorite body horror animes. You'll here a mix of screams from the poor characters and Yippees! From Medic as he watches the horror.

————————————————————

Scout- Death Note

I think this is everyone's starter anime, but it just happens to also be Scout's favorite. I can't tell if he'd think Light is a genius or insanely stupid. But that's not super important. Loves Ryuk! He'd want a death note just to have Ryuk hanging around the base. This man would be a menace if he had the death note honestly. He'd probably write his name down first just to label it, forgetting he'd die.

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Sniper- The Disastrous Life of Saiki K

Man has never related to a fictional character so hard until now. Also wishes he could be perfectly average in the public eye and also has inhuman natural talents. It's not even funny how much I can imagine Sniper in this anime. He watched every season and loved them all (likes season one best though) and regularly rewatches the show when things get to stressful around him. It's his comfort show.

(Not that anyone asked but, I fucking love this anime, it's not even funny how much I love this anime I'm going feral.)

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Spy- Black Butler

Can a fictional character have a kin? Well in my mind yes. Spy kins Sebastian so fucking hard. Picked up the trait of taking his gloves off like that. Definitely share the same annoyances, living with incompetent coworkers, an annoying child, a criminally insane friend or two, you know the normal stuff! Was severely disappointed by season two. Loved everything else though.

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Soldier- Attack On Titan

I think he likes AOT because of all the Gore, blood, and fighting. I can imagine him kicking his legs and smiling all goofy while watching this. This man bindged the entire show, no doubt. Like the other mercs were genuinely worried about him. He's a mix of devastated and happy that the show hasn't ended permanently.

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Pyro- JoJo's Bizarre Adventure.

The insane person loves insane anime, who would have guessed? No, but genuinely, you'd think they'd have a short attention span, wouldn't be able to understand what's going on, and lose interest. Nope! Absolutely love this anime. Has probably rewatched it a million times already. Has made Engie watch this with him and utterly confused the poor Texan. Feverishly waiting for part nine.

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I hope you like this! I had to pull out my list of animes I've watched, and oh boy it made me realize how weird. Maybe? That my taste in anime is.

Also sorry its not super long or super indepth I was going off some very vague memories for a few of these!

I love you guys!

[memphishing]

bringer of the kinjomae feast! i come with another question!

i saw the kinjo skincare things and though to myself, "how would yuki react to that, more off how would yuki react go kinjos... kinjoness"

and now i come to you! god of kinjomae knowledge, and bear a question at the dawn of midnight!! (its 12am where i am and i have a midnight question)

how do you think yuki reacts to, adjust to, and sometimes deals with kinjo's weird quirks, are there some things yuki dose that kinjo thinks is weird? i await answers!

(i love talking like im medieval its so fun!!)

OKIE I HAD TO TAKE A SEC TO COOK ON THIS ONE because i was carefully deliberating about this. because this question is so. like, idk how to explain it. it captures the... essence, of how i try to write kinjomae in any lighthearted situation. (aka both of them going 'what a weirdo... MY weirdo... <3') at seeing the other go to their day to day life.

it would be a bit as a result of their utterly different upbringings. think, culture shock, but instead childhood shock. it also depends on which yuki you're talking about; DRA (doomed) fake yuki? some combination of SDRA2 and DRA2 yuki?

i mention this now because me and another yapper (woahhh wonder who that is hmmmmmmm) have made a little consensus on the delusional fluffy kinjomae land. that being; it leans more into the 'yuki and utsuro are a system' angle. meaning that's canon for TOTS and OTC and all the wisdom teeth and sickfic hcs and whatever other fluffy kinjomae stuff where they share an apartment. cus if you take the utsuro out of the yuki, that's just sdra2 yuki which feels wrong. compromise: it's BOTH OF THEM, with the yuki kinjo dates being an introject.

given, he's branched out with his own identity and personality from his initial split as an introject, but this also means he's not just a lie on top of an amnesiac utsuro, which changes the game a little just for how he percieves. his own identity. and weirdness in general. so since yuki here is good at communicating with utsuro, he'll have a bit higher of tolerance for anything out of the ordinary than DRA 'designed to be normal' yuki

that being said, now to the meat. the truth. tsurugi would have a bunch of weird habits including very practical yet hilarious solutions to problems (beffect ch5 spoilers i guess, but at one point he puts cheetos on top of vegetables to try and tempt yuki to eat said vegetables. or like, to hide them or something.) routine pattern sensing ("she just started five of her sentences with 'and then' in a row. redundant. she needs to learn to speak.") (also the yam thing) and an utter inability to tell sarcasm at times ("oh yeah you're suuuuch a good leader. you protect us soooo well." "thank you. i know.") him being the specimen that he is means yuki has to learn about his various kinjoisms for ease of communication. kinjo usually immediately defaults to "my conversation partner is stupid, i fear." whenever they don't completely align, but yuki is the exception. because yuki is yuki.

kinjo would find yuki very odd too. both on the principle level of that... yuki is a fairly normal person (well, he doesn't really have a good upbringing either but he'd be absent of the mental scarring from it, that would go to utsuro) and that yuki is odd in the way that some teenagers are odd. gaming loving dweeb, somewhat of a nerd. yuki will get excited and direct his attention to stupid things like a squirrel or a seagull sometimes. inconsequential animals. 'they're cute', he says, doing a baby voice at a random squirrel that he has no commitment to nor will probably ever see again. what's that all about? tsurugi will completely not understand why yuki can't get out of bed for a few hours after he reads that shinsuke rejects ayaishi's confession that was built up in the last two volumes. he'll be like... 'isn't that fiction? why are you so worked up about it? these fictional characters do not exist, yuki.'

he'll probably eventually learn to search up ship art and send it to yuki, trying to fix all his sadness

along with his general tendency to be moved by fiction, he'd also be confounded as to why exactly yuki likes water bottles so much (i headcanon that he adores water bottles to a comical degree. sdra2 yuki thingz)

(on a lil more of a depressing note, kinjo would find it genuinely odd how yuki doesn't have the same level of self discipline as him, and while trying not to condemn it, would be genuinely confounded. him forgiving himself for bad days or poor grades would get tsurugi wondering why he wasn't spiraling about it. like, not even a little spiral? a tiny spiral...? why is he so okay with indulging in junk food and leisure? strange, he's strange, only because kinjo could never see this applying for himself.)

there are some things they'd match each other's freak on, though. in a lighthearted situation, i imagine they're both the type of extremely normal neurotypicals to quietly mimic sounds they hear around them. like, they hear a 'ding!' and they both whisper 'ding' before exchanging a glance and a nod of soul-deep understanding.

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

Hello dear,

I won't lie I'm here to bother you with questions , for which I'm sorry.

So , I'm new to self shipping and I feel like this.

Just confused and worried. But you self shipping post and kind words on your " about me" calmed me down. Like I have mentioned before your presence comforts me a lot.

So I'm curious about you and kenjaku ( I saw you and Suguru is normal/non sorcer au) so I'm interested did you knew Suguru before kenjaku take over? If yes , what was your relationship?

And can I have a random fact about you and sampo ( I literally adore this man )?

You and makima is interesting duo to think of, especially because the lack of moodboard. How would you describe your relationship ( Is it similar to the one with kenjaku ?)

As for my last question, feel free to ignore it. I'm a lover of vilians myself and the more I start thinking about my self shipping the more I get excited about the morraly grey ones ( if not borderline villains) but at the same time, I'm worried of being shamed? I don't know what word to use honestly. Any advices from your experience?

Thank you for replying to me dear. Have a lovely day or night!🩷

hiiiii tiramisu!!!!! >:3 would it be okay to call you misu …. i think it’s so cute . BUT PLEASEEEE YOU’RE THE SWEETEST IN THE WORLD 😭😭😭 for these questions and for saying such kind things …. i’m so happy this blog can be a comfort for you!!!!! truly!!!!!!

ahhhhh i’ll start with your last question since it’s the most important (and one i feel very strongly about) … i completely understand your worries but the lovely thing about tumblr is that the block button is always there to help <3 if someone shames you for loving a fictional character, no matter how absolutely awful they are, then they really just … aren’t worth your time lmao. the characters you latch onto say nothing about who you are as a person. so just block anyone who tries to give you trouble!! i’m sure you’ll find your way to fellow villainlovers :3 (<- speaking as a kenjaku / makima / mori stan lmao…) fiction is yours to do with as you please, and selfshipping in particular is all about you and your comfort. it doesn’t concern anyone else and they should mind their business!!!!!

that’s all i’d like to say ….. please know i support you wholeheartedly no matter how awful your blorbos are. (again i am a mori stan i am very much used to getting threats over my favs 🙏 obv it’s unpleasant but blocking and moving on gets easier over time!!)

anyway ;;; putting the selfships questions under the cut since this is already a little long. thank you sm for asking, you’re too sweet 🥺

for arikenny, i’m actually not a sorcerer in this au!!! and did not know suguru or any of the characters before meeting kenjaku :3 i picture it being more like . i am a soggy random guy that happens to run into kenny and then it all kinda spirals from there. i’d be enamored with them instantly ….. unfortunately LOL. so no sugu, that’d make me ….. too sad 😭

and sampri !!!!! wahhhh ….. well. i think it’s a very bickering dynamic :’3 he is just so silly and sleazy and i’m sick of him (i’m not). kind of like a partner in crime dynamic where he leaves me to clean up the mess and im exasperated but i still kind of like being needed by him ….. we also both have crazy commitment issues so there’s that <33

anddd then mari <3 I DO ACTUALLY HAVE A MOODBOARD FOR THIS but the shipname isnt super telling so maybe its easy to miss …. it’s . kindddd of arikenny like? in some ways? but also makima is a lot more toxic lmao, for how weird my relationship with kenjaku is it’s probably sweeter than you’d assume at first glance. but mari is full on toxicity. she doesn’t care about me, she’s just keeping up appearances; i don’t mind because i adore her. <- that’s basically it :’)) i love her forever even after she’s dead and gone. basically it’s just very twisted and i am weak for her in particular 

[blavikennbutcher]

So I know I have a huge heart and I feel all emotions immensly without showing them, but it always leads to making major decisions with no further thinking or even waiting on it.

I really wanted to keep out of the HC fandom for my mental health, but I think I need to stop blaming him for my mental health. He's a white man who's friends with homophobes and racists. Why did I expect so much from him? Though my heart tells me he is a good person, but everytime he posts I get a huge panic attack because I know something worse is going to happen and I'll get closer and closer to being wrong about him, and I can't take being wrong.

I think instead of looking at him like a celebrity I want the attention of (don't lie, thats what we mostly all want. That one like, that one acknowledgment that he knows you exist. Which is double stupid for me cause he's seen several of my art works).

I need to start treating him as a fictional character, an art muse and something that helps me with my depression. And to just accept he's not who I first started to love three years ago. But that doesn't have to be an issue if I don't let it.

I'll never meet him, he'll never acknowledge me properly. So he essentially is a fictional person in my life. And I think mentally thats probably the healthiest way to look at it, rather than obsess over him and what he does right or wrong.

Im going to think on it for a week as best I can, my freelance is starting to get massive right now so I wont have the time to obsess over him like I used to anyway. And truthfully I dont enjoy this fandom anymore as it is, too many toxic people with fake personas. But I need to let myself enjoy him.

I still adore the guy, and I hate myself for judging anybody because we're all just human. So I'm gonna do what I do best, draw my muse, ignore my feelings and try to enjoy my life in a normal way.

Also I am 100% aware this may sound batshit crazy to some people, and if it does, move on I guess.

[deedala]

🌿w e e k l y 🍄 t a g 🕯️ w e d n e s d a y🌙

thanks @darlingian for writing this week!! and thanks for tagging me @creepkinginc @energievie @metalheadmickey 💖💖💖

which character from any media would you like to have as a father?: oh hey yeah i am going to have to also say Bob Belcher. He is dad goals.

if money, laws, time, and effort were no object, what animal would you want to have?: im sorry i have a whole entire me and 2 kids to take care of i dont want anything else lmao

what is your Chinese takeout order?: veggie fried rice and veggie egg rolls!

what's your favourite emoji?: omg i dunno uhmmmm 💖 is probably up there!!

would you rather have a library, greenhouse, or home theater in your house?: okay i am a legendary plant killer but i would LOVE to be able to just hang in a greenhouse. thats my vibe. i just cannot be responsible for those plants ok

what childhood tv show do you think of the most fondly?: david the gnome!

what was your tumblr like when you first joined?: for a really long time my tumblr was just my silly little artworks, from like 2011 to late 2014. in 2015 it became more of my dragon age artwork and fandom blog. and then a few years ago i just started reblogging whatever the fuck i wanted. and well now its a whole mess huh. my beloved trash pile.

what clothing style do you love but don't feel compelled to replicate yourself?: cottage core and dark academia

if you were plopped into a fictional world, which one would you know the layout of the best?: Thedas hoo boy

what is your favourite piece of art?: hmmm birth of venus by william-adolphe bouguereau

do you have a water bottle? what does it look like?: aluminum cup with a straw style, its blue and green and has a leaves design on it

what fanfic trope is a quiet fave? uuhhh...i dont know if i have a quiet fav?

do you carry a daily bag? what does it look like? what's the weirdest thing in it?: lately its been an addidas black drawstring bag. i just dug through it and found absolutely nothing un-normal haha?? i guess the most uncommon thing in there might be the epi-pens??

If you had to ship Mickey with another Gallagher, who would it be?: what kind of choice is this?? im going to go ahead and be a cheater and say i BFF ship mickey with debbie

what is a fanfic trope you didn't expect to like and then very much did?: ack...again i dunno?? i just like all the basic things and i dont know enough about the other stuff? maybe i need to try more things that i think sound unfun lol

Do you think s11 Mickey can still carry s11 Ian?: lmao hes so inexplicably swole, yes absolutely

who got custody of the killing bat when they sold the house?: i want debbie to have that, she deserves it.

Okay here's some nuggets who i think might want to play!! @michellemisfit @too-schoolforcool @mickeysgaymom @heymrspatel @gallawitchxx @gardenerian @callivich @juliakayyy @mmmichyyy @jrooc @sam-loves-seb @crossmydna @suzy-queued @tanktopgallavich @lingy910y @transmickey @rereadanon @palepinkgoat @sickness-health-all-that-shit @suchagallabitch @thepupperino @sleepyfacetoughguy @tsuga-of-mars and also you person not tagged you can lie and say i tagged you as always i will corroborate~

[rayasland]

I'm sorry but your post about Aging Up characters delegitimises hundreds upon thousands of fanfictions across all fandoms and is a ridiculous ask. You're basically asking all fans to only write about the adult characters in NSFW situations - even if the teen character is now an adult in the fic??? So we can't explore how the teen now struggles with life as an adult, including new adventures or settings, because its somehow problematic??? I can assure you authors aren't picturing kids when writing Aged Up fics, the point and the intent is to explore how they'd function in different/challenging situations, not if their homework needs to be in on time. I understand your intent- you're coming at this topic from a place of worry- but bullying fanfic writers is just going to silence all forms of fandom. We're cannibalising each other enough as it is, and your words are doing more harm than good

uve completely got it all wrong. ur saying u understand but ur sending this long ass paragraph and that says otherwise. im actually getting pissed.

how is bringing attention to smth thats been happening for a while now gonna be labelled as “bullying..?” a bit confusing. im not forcing no one to stop writing abt minors, if u wanna live ur life writing about kids despite knowing its pedophilic, do as u wish. like i said im 1. bringing to light how wrong it is 2. seeing how many ppl will agree. im not bullying anyone either so idk wtf ur on abt. all i can say abt that is that u must be real fucking sensitive if u think that was bullying bro. cannot wait to see how u react to real life bullying!

i cant even lie how u gon write a paragraph of pure yap😭😭

its okay to write kid characters experiencing real life things that could happen to literally anyone(non-sexual), i never said u couldnt. whats not okay and what i completely disagree on is blatantly writing porn about them. "i understand your intent!" mm sure, and i understand what you’re saying is that its okay to write them having sex?? bc it's something that they can "explore as an adult"? you’re okay with a child experiencing that? regardless of whether they're real or not??? honestly you’re js trying to justify ur weird ass behaviour and its as clear as day. also… tbh, why r u acting as if sexual activities are the only ways a minor aged up as an adult can explore or wtf that means??? pretty sure theres a million other ways so maybe get ur mind out of the gutter.

tf was the point of that message? that why you asked anonymously? bc YOU YOURSELF know posting that is pedophilic behavior disguised behind ur so called moral ambiguity by bringing in other shit that only justifies writing porn about A CHILD??

u wanna be dramatic about "bullying fanfic writers," "cannibalizing each other," and my words doing more harm than good? how about you get a fucking life you self righteous pedophile. like okay, sure fine we'll let it slide. and then we should let real-person fictional literature porn about a child slide. and then we should let porn videos and drawings of little kids slide. and then we should normalize minor + adult relationships so that everyone can have a chance regardless of their age because experiencing something is better because it makes both parties understand!

in all forms!! incest, pedophilic, power imbalances, rape from randoms on the street, in our schools, in the transports, out in public, in private, in our homes, when we're young! when we're old! when we don't know what's between anyone else's legs! they a boy? they a girl? they both? they none? even better! honestly if ur reading that kinda shit and r actually getting off to it, please seek help. and if u STILL after reading all this have no idea why its not okay, use google or read the comments and reblogs on the actual post and go talk nonsense at them bc im not going to be responding to whatever bs u have to say in response.

[amidstnamjin-and-binchanlix]

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Warnings: Uhhh. Non-graphical smut and slight angst, but that's pretty much it for now since I'm still crafting the next part, and some curse words lmao.

I won't control you, but MDNI. This is not for you, please.

Pairings: OT7/(F) Reader

Plot: Seven dates that has a significant mark in your life, one of which massively tilted and fucked up your world for good.

Seven men you didn't want to have more significance in your life than they already have for each of those dates you desperately want to forget.

Genre: mutual pining (ik, ik, i'm sorry), light angst, denial of feelings, eventual poly ot7

placeholder: avoust xxix - óutobre xxxi - nouvèmbre xv - desèmbre xxvi - febrié xxiii - mai xiii - juliet xxii

this is not my first dabble at the bts fandom but this was my first bangtan fic i posted in ao3 2 years ago bc i was a baby army (and my first bangtan creation [not the mixtape series] one is still unfinished and unposted wkwkwkw) so pls be kind to me uwu n i don't really have army moots so if you wanna, come say hi to me on twitter @shimaeara (i don't use it for now because i have no moots there yet) this fic is fucking self-serve and was written without sleep and came to me after reading a fucking drarry slowburn and binge listening to Moonchild and continued after weeks(months) of procrastination and am not good at smut so i might not be able to write it graphically for now idk sorry (edit, 2023: I can write smut now lmao but im still not good at it so i'll try!!!!) artists mentioned are not mine and own themselves. only my original character is self-made, and portrayal and descriptions are in no way real and did not happen in life. everything is entirely fictional not beta'd so i take full responsibility for each and every mistake, my existence included.

i'm reposting this right now because of the date in my country (and a happy birthday to my irl bestfriend, allain. hope you're happy wherever you are, fucker

aight imma head out

💜 You're not aware of the date today.

You wake up unusually early. It's ironic—everything today seems to be, and it's only six in the morning. That in itself should've clued you in because never in a million years would you wake up at five fucking thirty ahead of your alarm, and a weekend at that.

No one dare wake you up voluntarily before seven safest, not after that incident with an overly-hyper Joji that resulted in him sporting a black eye and split lip for a week. No hard feelings were had; you've been bestfriends with him during the past few years since he became your client at the villa. It was resolved with a quick fuck before you even got out of bed. Everybody pretended that the scratches on his back were—ahem—inflicted during the fight.

Pft. Sure.

He has since left residence, but he still flounces around whenever his schedule allows, the motherfucker. You should remind him to bring his own food next time because he cleansweeps the fridge every time.

Your mood has been off since you opened your eyes. You lie there for a few minutes before you realize that it's still kind of dark outside, and a quick check of your phone informs you of the time.

5:36 am

Huh. That's fucking early.

You rub at your chest softly, wondering where the hollow sinking feeling is coming from and what roused you from your sleep. Granted that yes, you're not the most mentally healthy person, but the feeling is different from usual. Almost worse.

You try to go back to sleep but right as you were about to drift off, your bladder decides to kick in. Groaning, you roll out of bed and pad sleepily to your bathroom to do your business with closed eyes, trying not to let go of your sleepiness. Of course, that proves futile. You aren't able to fall right back to sleep after that. Normally, you'd have no problem jumping right back to snoozing, but again, irony.

When trying prove to be useless, you decide to get up. On the way down, you forget to take your phone with you, and you ain't going back to sixth ass floor when you're already on the second. You continue onward and bump into Shads. "Morning, Matt."

He looks at you in trepidation, and you laugh lightly at his expression. Nobody dare forget that you're not a morning person. "Hey, Y/N."

"Relax, I'm not gonna punch you." He laughs at that and visibly relaxes.

"You're up early," he comments.

"Yeah. I don't even know why, and I can't go back to sleep now anyways so..."

He nods. "Well, I'm just turning in. Need to catch some sleep before we fly later."

"Fun night?" You ask.

He snorts at that with a laugh as he turns away to walk to his room. "Wish. Had to be at the studio to fix some things."

"Aw, you poor baby."

"Fuck off."

You both laugh and walk away; him towards his room, and you towards the kitchen. "Sleep well. I'll make sure the car will be here later for you guys."

"Thanks, babe."

You feel it again while you are making myself a cup of hot chocolate at the communal kitchen. You have a love-hate relationship with coffee, so you don't drink it that much. You thump your chest lightly with a slight grimace, the feeling almost crushing now. Your heart is racing and you don't know why, hands shaking as you grip the counter and try to breathe through your mouth.

"Y/N?"

You look up to see Jin in his pajamas, blinking at you owlishly. "Hey, Jin." Your grimace morphs into an awkward smile and you put your arms to your side in fear that he might've seen it—he did.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," you say, ignoring the heavy pounding feeling in your chest. He doesn't look convinced. "You're up early."

He shakes his head. "This is my usual waking time. You're early."

Well, you don't have a rebut for that.

"Are you sure you're okay, Y/N?" he asks again when you stay silent.

"Yeah." You will yourself to calm down, even though it's obviously unsuccessful. "I think I'm just having a heartburn."

He raises an eyebrow at that, clearly not buying your lie. He decides to spare you instead. "You shouldn't be having hot chocolate then; that will just trigger it more. Sit. I'll make us some tea."

"No, no, it's okay! I'm fine." You try to argue, but you quickly shut up when he narrows his eyes at you. You wait in awkward silence as he prepares the tea and starts making breakfast, possibly for his friends. Once it was done, you thank him and turn to go back to your room.

"Where are you going?" he asks, spatula raised from where he is cooking.

"Back to my room?"

He shakes his head. "No, you sit. I'm making breakfast anyway."

"But I—"

"Are you really this stubborn?" When you remain silent, he hums and goes back to cooking "That's what I thought. Now sit down."

And what choice do you have?

"Do you take any medicines?" he asks after a few minutes of silence.

"...no?"

"Not even for anxiety? Or anything?"

Wow. What happened to sparing you? You shake your head no. He just raises his brows at that and (mercifully) changes the topic. "What are you doing today?"

"Nothing. It's my first break in months, so I think I might just sleep all day and stay in bed. I don't know." You shrug. "How 'bout you guys? Do you have promotions today?"

He shakes his head. "Nah. We're all preparing for Jungkook's birthday. It's in three days."

Wait. Jungkook's birthday is September 1.

You stop at that, the cup of tea paused from where you were just about to take a drink. "T-three days?" You ask shakily as he puts some food on a plate and places it down in front of you, unaware of your inner turmoil. The food smells amazing, but you don't think you can handle eating right now.

"Yeah. It's 29 today, isn't it?" Jin takes his phone that was on the counter and checks, then puts the phone back down. "It is. We're gonna prepare a surprise for him."

Fuck.

"That's good," you say, trying not to show how your heart feels like it's about to burst out of your chest. He smiles at you and turns back to where he's cooking.

So that's why you've been feeling off since you woke up. 29th. It's the 29th of August today.

You finish your food with difficulty but you don't show it to him to not be ungrateful. His cooking is great, but your mind is really just elsewhere today. "Thanks for the breakfast. And uh, the tea." You clear your throat as you finish washing your plate.

"No biggie." He smiles brightly and you almost forget—almost.

"Have fun today with your plans. I'll be"—you swallow as you leave the room almost hurriedly, and Jin finally notices your distress—"I'll be in my room if you guys need something from me."

You hear him ask if you were really okay but you ignore it, almost tripping on your way out. You don't know you've been holding your breath until you let it out as you reach your room and flop uselessly on your bed. You can't even cry at this rate. You've spent so long crying that it left you tearless and empty. When you try to look deeper, the pain is crippling that you can't even move to shed a tear. It feels like being suspended mid-air in a dark void with that feeling that you might fall anytime, only you don't know when and if the fall will finally kill you.

You spend the whole day in bed with minimal to no human interaction. Matt swung by midday and thanked you with a hug before the band left. It will be hours later when someone knocks on your door again.

It's Namjoon.

"Y/N?"

You're tempted to not answer him. While yes, your closeness with him and his group came a long way from just them being your clients, you still don't feel comfortable with giving them the burden of trying to deal with your tragedies and discomfort. He calls your name again with a light knock before you amble to the door weakly, opening it just an inch. "Hey."

You smile at him, but it's clear as day that you aren't really feeling it. "Hey, Namjoon."

"Are you okay?" He pauses, then shakes his head. "No, you're obviously not. Can I come in?"

And of course, he can.

One thing you like about him is his maturity and perceptiveness. With the chaos that comes with his group, Namjoon keeps them tethered. You love their group, you really do. But when the energy becomes too much, you're thankful because he always senses your need to slow down and calms them. Maybe it's the same reason you're drawn to him the most out of all of them. All you know is it isn't just a plain crush on such a charming person anymore. When you spend a lot of time with someone so kind and wonderful, their looks become just a fucking bonus. Every time you look at him your heart won't stop racing, and it's the exhilarating type that makes you sweat and puts the coil in your stomach.

You both sit on the bed, pulling up the covers as he sits a respectable distance from you.

"Hyung told me what happened," he says at last. Your stomach drops at that. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

Do you want to?

With your silence, he continues. "I understand if you don't want to. Just know that we're here for you." Then softly, "I'm here for you."

Your heart stutters, but you keep your face neutral by giving him a soft smile. "Thank you, Namjoon."

After a few minutes, he asks, "Is it because of Jungkook?"

"What?"

"Jin-hyung said you ran away when he mentioned our surprise for Jungkook." There is an emotion you can't name that briefly flits through his face before it smooths out to curiosity. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

"No!" At his surprised face, you backtrack. "No," you say in a much softer voice. "It's not that."

"Then what is it?"

"I—"

"Noona!"

Wow. Speak of the devil and all that jazz.

Jungkook bursts through the door, completely oblivious to the tense atmosphere in the room. Or if he does, he doesn't comment on it. "My favorite Noona~!" He climbs on the bed and sits beside you.

Your eyes flit to Namjoon, and you nearly miss the sharp look he gives him when Jungkook lies with his head on your lap. You snort at Jungkook's antics, a slow smile spreading to your lips.

"I bet you say that to all your noonas," you tease, to which Jungkook splutters.

"No, I don't!" He turns to Namjoon. "Tell her, hyung."

"I—what?"

"That she is my favorite noona!"

"You do say that to all your noonas, Kook." Namjoon deadpans.

"Hyung!"

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding." Namjoon laughs. "Everyone knows you love Y/N the most."

"Yeah! Don't be jealous though, hyung." Jungkook chides, a crimson blush slowly spreading over Namjoon's cheeks. "We all know you love her the most."

"Hey—!"

"By the way," Jungkook back turns to you and ignores Namjoon's protesting, "we're all going out later. Want to come with?"

"Uh," you awkwardly scratch the back of your head. "I don't know, Jungkook. I—"

"Please?" He pulls his infamous doe eyes that makes it hard to refuse. While you normally don't have an issue with going out, you're not feeling up for it today. Especially not today of all days.

Your mind drifts to your old friends.

It's been seven years since they'd all been gone, but the memory is still fresh. For the past few years, you'd celebrated this day—all their birthdays—cradling a bottle of whatever liquor you get your hands on. You'd plow through bottle after bottle, glass after glass, trying to forget that you would have been celebrating with them had that day not happened. Then, you'd come home and sob yourself to sleep and pass out from being drunk because them being gone meant your alcohol tolerance was suddenly gone too.

"Y/N?" You snap out of your trance and see both men looking at you in confusion. "Are you okay?"

"Y-yeah." The hollow feeling intensifies and you feel a little nauseous, but you shake it off. "Sorry, what was that again?"

"Do you want to come with us later?" Jungkook's mood subdues at your lost expression, concern marring his pretty face. "But you can say no if you don't want to!"

You know they really wouldn't force you to come with them if you say no. They never once made you feel like you have no choice with the shenanigans they drag you into.

Then you think about what Alex would probably say if he's still here, what all of them would say. They'd kick your ass for stopping yourself from celebrating and getting wasted. They'd tell you that you need to try to forget even just for a day, and that drinking a whole ass bar is one way to do it. They would probably say some shit about honoring them by getting shitfaced.

"Okay," you say weakly.

The two men looks at you apprehensively.

"Are you sure, Y/N? We really wouldn't mind."

You nod. "It's fine. I'm sure it'll be fun."

"It will be!" Jungkook says excitedly. "I'll make sure it is."

And make sure, he does.

Eight pm rolls around and you're ready to head out with them. You don't want to risk them being seen with someone who'll just drag their image down so as much as it pains you, you actually do put effort in dressing up and looking presentable. Normally, you would just wear the most comfortable outfit. You can't risk that tonight, however. You're going out with people who has all eyes on them. Being associated with someone who looks remotely like a trash can would do nothing good for their image, although you know they could care less about that.

"Noona, you read...y?" You turn around in time to see Jungkook's Adam's apple bob in his throat. His eyes rakes your figure and you can't help the slight flush in your cheeks when you meet his intense gaze.

"Am I overdressed?" You try to joke, but it feels weak. He shakes his head, cheeks a lovely shade of pink.

"You look wonderful, noona ." He mutters under his breath, "too wonderful."

"What?"

He ignores that, giving you a blinding smile. "Shall we go?"

You feel baffled by his actions, but nod at him nonetheless. "Lemme just put on my shoes." You turn around and miss his eyes go wide when you bend over to slip on your pumps. He subtly adjusts himself through his pants and tears his eyes away from your ass before you can catch him staring. "Let's go?"

"Y-yeah." He clears his throat. "Hyungs are all waiting downstairs."

"Are you sure you're okay?" You ask. You walk over to him and put your hand on his forehead, unaware of his inner turmoil at the skin contact.

He catches your hand, and you gasp at his intense stare. A few seconds pass and he squeezes your hand before letting go.

"I'm okay." He then smiles but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. "Let's go?"

--

You've already lost track of how many drinks you've consumed tonight. The corner of the bar was the perfect place and you made a beeline for it straight away once you spot it, unaware of Namjoon's eyes that were trained on you the whole time. You know you probably should've stuck with the others but you know your presence wouldn't be missed that much, so you stay put. You just left when you had enough turning down unwanted attention. Seriously, can't they all get a fucking hint?

"There you are!"

You startle as you feel a hand on your shoulder. You turn around and Jungkook stands there with a dopey smile. You assume he's on the way to being drunk now, but you really can't tell. "Y/N! I've been looking for you everywhere."

Obviously not everywhere. "Sorry, Kookie. I was just at the bar."

His smile gets wider at the pet name. "Kookie?"

"Oh, I mean—"

"I like it." He takes your hand with a slight tug. "Come on, let's go find the others."

You let him lead you and weave through the throng of partygoers. You feel the warmth of his hand on yours and fixate on it. Too much, that you don't know where he's leading you until the sounds of music gets muffled and muted. There's a firm click and thud, and you're being pushed against the door. His lips are on yours before you can even comprehend what's happening.

It takes you a few seconds to realize that you're kissing back. Weakly at first, you try to push him off you until he takes the hint.

His lips detach from yours and he pulls away, breathing heavily. His profile is illuminated by the purple light of the room, and you can feel the rise and fall of his chest from catching his breath.

"What are we doing?" You ask him, eyes wide.

"Nothing you won't consent to."

You look at each other wordlessly. He steps back a little from you and removes his hands on your hips. You realize that he's giving you an out if you want to, but that you really don't want him to give you an out.

The last part scares you.

"I won't force you to anything you don't want to," he says gravelly. "You can always say no."

"What if I don't want to?" You mumble. "Say no, that is."

He looks confused for a moment. When it dawns on him, however, his lips pull into a slow devilish smirk. Goosebumps follow his fingers on your skin.

"Then we do whatever you want."

It's all a blur after that.

His lips find yours again, hands seeking the curve of your hips. He trails kisses on your cheeks down to your neck and chest, and sucks bruises that make you gasp out loud as your hands tangle in his silky hair. They don't slack grip as you guide him down right where you want his mouth and hands.

He takes you twice; first is when he pounds you from behind. Your hair is fisted in his hands as he pulls on it, and your eyes roll back in pleasure.

He thrusts deeper when you moan loud. "Stay quiet, noona," the honorific sounding sinful from his lips. You keen when he grinds his hips and hit that wonderful spot.

The second is with your legs wrapped around his waist, arms on his shoulder. You can feel the pulse of his cock inside you with every savage thrust, and it makes you forget what it is you're running from. Half-crescent scratches are etched on his shoulders as you grip him tightly when you come, his hips stuttering in rhythm as his own orgasm crashes through him when you tighten around him.

Once you both finally catch your breath, he puts you down gently and fixes the creases on your dress.

"I'm taking this home," he says and pockets your panties. You don't have it in you to protest. Instead, you settle on rolling your eyes at him with a placid smile.

"I think you fucked the sad out of me," you say as your breathing calms to normal. You run your fingers through his hair and he kisses your wrist. "Thank you, Kookie. Happy birthday."

He pulls you into a tender hug, pressing a kiss on your hair. "Love you, Y/N."

You don't respond, don't need to. You know he feels it with how you fix his appearance and ruffle his hair as you lead him out of the room, totally unaware of a set of eyes that follow you both on your way out.

[noxiatoxia]

even as a small kid i felt like i didnt belong in this world. not in qn edgy way either but genuinely in a "i was born in the wrong lifetime" sort of thing. and then as i got older i got obsessed with the idea of stories and characters and people that were fixated on suicide from the moment they were born or people who never felt like they should have been brought into society or be human. i got obsessed with stories about unconventional means of happiness and love and living. ways of living life or being happy that most people would be perplexed at, i found comfort in those sort of stories, because i felt it was the closest id ever get to feeling like i belonged.

noww not to say i DONT like living. in fact i do. i have fun & despite all the bullshit in my life i do not want to end it all or w/e. i can have fun and be happy but that does not change the fact it all feels like a lie to others. hanging out with friends and talking to family feels like an eternal game im playing, never actually connecting with anyone or anything. and thats fine, bc its still fun and i still have fun, but living life day to day feels as real and sincere as a video game. i could play games for hours, get immersed and invested in them, fall in love with those pixels on the screen and cry at the story, but theyre still made up lives inside a digital world at the end of the day. thats what my life feels like. a very very fun video game! but its all shallow anyways. idk if that really bothers me exactly. i do often times find myself yerning for that place i belong that ive dreamt of before i could even read. as an abstract concept, one with the earth, or somewhere in the atmosphere, in space, dunno. i know ill never find it in this lifetime, and thats fine, as long as i can have fun and adventurw right now. and then when i die, i hope i can find where i truly fit in, and what my soul truly was meant to be.

i could go on abt how its likely this is a big reason i project myself through media and rely on it heavily to express myself, since im not really myself in real life, dont really have a being in real life, so i can pour my base desires and wishes into a fictional world where it all makes senae to me. and i could also acknowledge that i might be a bit mentally unwell, but if i have felt this way my whole life, perhaps this is just who i am. as ive always felt, some people simply are not destined to be human or to be alive. what some people want or how thwy feel cannot be changed through reprogramming or drugs. they are "lost causes", those who want nothing more than to dedicate their lives to killing, to killing themselves, to drugs, to living in the woods, to living with wolves. their happiness and desires are unconventional and perhaps can never be changed. maybe theyre "broken", but theres a lot of them out there, and i feel a connection with them. we get one life, lets live it how we want, theres so much more outside of this constructed society. normal is weird and weird is normal. for me, ill just wait.

[angelicyouth]

bro i just realized that most of my happinest comes from imagining myself in fictional scenarios with fictional characters because in the real world i dont really have anyone i feel i can truly trust, so really at this point one of my only sources of happiness is just being somewhat delusional thinking fictional people care about me when in reality i dont know if anyone will truly even care about me in that extent, i dont even think i could even love myself the way i want people to love me because i just see myself as a generally displeasing person to be around because im too much too bear or too confusing or too angry and people dont wanna put up with me and ive just been realizng that for the past months and it makes me wish i was someone else who could be better than whoever i am, i dont even know at this point who i really am and i wish i was better and funnier and not someone who is the embodiment of a dissapointment.i cant even bring myself to talk about my problems to people irl no matter how much id like to because im too scared to be a burden or just seem overexaggrerating so its eating me from the inside and i cant bring myself to be someone i want to be, all i do is just stay in my room all day because i dont have the energy to do anything anymore. thing that i used to like dont seem the same anymore and i just wanna be held by someone and to be told that its okay to not be okay but if someone actually did it would feel like just a big lie because i dont have that much of an excuse to not be okay so really im putting down other people's problems and looking for attention and i feel so guilty for even feeling this way but at the same time i dont wanna let go of these feelings because it feels like if i have them people will actually care about me and ill have someone by my side and if i dont feel sad then nobody would have any reason to pity me and nobody would really wanna hangout with me anymore and it feels so comflicting and it makes me wanna shut myself away from everyone and continue to pretend everything is okay even if nothing feels okay. i wish i was someone else, maybe then nothing like this would happen.

that one relatable moment where you have nobody 2 vent 2 so you vent as an anon 2 a random blog ran by the literal nicest person ever

-mango anon

mango bby :(

first of all—i’m proud of you for being honest with your feelings! i’m sure it took a lot of courage to come forward and to talk about this with someone else so please give yourself some self care in my place for taking that monumental step!

i know that it may not mean much if i say this because of how overused this line is but truly, don’t ever feel bad about what you’re feeling. always remember that the need for attention is normal and common to all humans. it’s not only limited to that but the need for comfort is also normal and common, the need for physical touch is normal, the need for validation, for acknowledgment, for a positive reaction to yourself, a need to express yourself, to talk about yourself, to voice your pain, to feel valued and important—it’s all normal and a part of just being a human being.

so please, don’t beat yourself up over having those. if you’re struggling with some of them particularly, it doesn’t mean you’re “needy”. anyone who doesn’t get those things would go to deprivation mode and end up craving them severely, eventually. those needs should be met at default and as your friend, i always want to ensure that i can readily provide those for you! so don’t feel ashamed for voicing those thoughts to me because i appreciate that you trust me enough to tell me as i genuinely want to help you. i know i may seem like a random blog run by someone you don’t know from the internet but that doesn’t mean my friendship for you is less valid. so please, if you ever need to talk to someone or just need me to listen then always remember that i’m here for you. because how else would i know what to help you with if it’s not said?

and i know that you feel delusional for seeking comfort from fictional characters but that’s simply not true. because personally, through my own writing, what these people say or do are essentially extensions of the authors who use them in their literature. so whenever craig and kenny talk to reader in youth, they’re not just baseless things that are said just cause for the plot. they’re actual words with real meaning and intent to whoever is reading their dialogue. so with that in mind, what they both have said is their words of affirmation and reassurance to you:

feelings aren’t illogical. they aren’t wrong nor are they here for no reason. they aren’t a failure of self control, they aren’t a burden, and they are not an inconvenience. emotions are generated from actual things that happened, they are normal reactions to things that actually happened!! if you feel sad, anxious, hurt, overwhelmed, mad, frustrated—even if it seems illogical, there’s a very good reason you feel this way. you aren’t supposed to control how you feel, you aren’t supposed to doubt your emotions. they are always just a reaction, they do not come from you!! they’re not your failure, feeling all this is normal and logical under unbearable circumstances of anything that’s happened.

i hope you will be kinder to yourself babe, you deserve it :< it makes me so, so upset when you can’t see how amazing you are in my eyes and i bet everyone else’s just because of some mistakes you made along the way or any ill feelings you harbor for yourself. i really wish you didn’t beat yourself up so much over them, those mistakes or whatever negative things that have happened don’t define you.

and remember: you’re not stuck the way you are now. every day you have the potential to grow and to learn, and you do grow and learn, all the time! it may not feel like it because it’s so subtle, but you do. the universe won’t let you get stuck, there is so much more to discover and i’ll always be here with you along the way! it’s inevitable to make mistakes, it’s human nature and wouldn’t make sense to be perfect on the get-go. no one is like that. just remember, progress can’t be compared. progress is still progress and slow + steady will still win the race! as long as you’re not changing yourself to cater to someone else’s needs or society’s standards then i will always support your desire to strive for the best version of yourself!!♡

[myalonyalala]

Nobody ask me, i ask my self hehe

0. 153cm

1. 22

2. 37/38

3. No

4. Yes

5. No

6. Sometimes ppl think im 18 (just bcs im small)

7. No

8. No

9. Yes

10. No

11. My best friend, well i have some. Vale, Rahma, Delah, Ivan ... Actually i hv more but they were on my different level of trust so ...

12. Single and not looking for any bf

13. Inteligence

14. Hubris

15. TITANIC (1997) is my fav movie and comfort movie!!!!! (I get too attached to the tragedy, idk why)

16. I'll love you ... If you have finally know and understand yourself first. And love yourself more than you love me, and ... Hmm loyal, can be trusted, not abusive ... Yeah thats a lot

17. I miss ... Jacks 😭 ik its a fictional character but yeah ... Hes on my brain everyday im not thinking about anything else

18. My father abused me when i was child ... Physically and mentally. I still hv nightmare about it. Its a verry long story

19. Fact about my personality ... I act like i love to be alone but i think maybe it was bcs my parents neglect me when i was child, so maybe its not bcs i love to be alone, im just used to it.

20. I hate the fact that i have this intrusive thoughts and a bit suicidal

21. I love me bcs im ... I wouldnt say im strong bcs im still alive here. But maybe bcs finally i can defence my self againts my father or anybody else who try to like manipulate ir exploitate me or smthg. I can find a word ... But ppl like to controll other ppl to get what they want and sometimes its form is manipulation and exploitation.

22. I hv a lot of dream tbh. I always wanted to be a writer. And i want to be forensic psychologist. Well thats for now

23. I have 2 yiung sister and 1 young brother. We are verry close and protect each other from our "sometimes" abusive parent

24. I wont answer

25. Hm i really want to try dancing and running on a grass with this special person. Wearing nice dress, swinging, laughing, look at the sky ...

26. I dont have pet

27. Well since i only like Jacks for now. So the desc is, he has blue eyes ... Ice blue eyes(?), he is cold, he has golden hair but sometimes it turned blue. I love both. He has sharp jaw, he is tall, and he was a fate.

28. I dislike ... No one. When i dont like something its used to be hate. I never dislike. Its always hate

29. Lie ... I rarely lying. I dont like thinking about something unimportant (for example: lying) whyd i have to lie? Like for me, lying is like infesting on problems and overthink in the future. I rarely lie, so i dont remember.

30. What i hate about my school, is sometimes my teacher (on HS) is not showing their responsibilities as a teacher.

31. My last message: "i want ramen, btw" to my best friend

32. Hm .. "do you think by telling everyone that i hit you, you will get symphaty from them? No, they only will know they can do the same to you" - my father when i was 13

33. You can make mistakes but also you can make it better later. Thats fine

34. What i find attractive about women is when they're support to another woman

35. What i find about man is their softness when the speaks, kindness, dll

36. I want to live in findland or maybe swiss

37. I feel insecure aboutttt my thoughts. The intrusive one and my nervous system. It isnt normal

38. I want to be a painter and a writer

39. Vanilla ice cream

40. I wish i could be a better and wiser person. And be myself freely

41. I wish im on my work r n. Bcs im just graduated but not officially so i cant look for jobs yet

42. I ate cake. My mom sell cake

43. JACKS. WHO ELSE?!

44. Random funfact that maybe not that fun ... About Titanic. The engineer on Titanic still working even when the ship half-drawn to make sure the electricity and light keep turn on. Sorry for bad word choices. This isnt my first language. Ok, the engineer need to make sure that the electricity still on so the crew on the upper deck can send SOS (CDQ). Oh, and the moon ... So i read on book that on April, it suppossedly the ice is not on the shipping lane. But it was. Bcs the moon is on its closest distance with earth and make a big wave that big enough to cut big ice on finland or something and brought it to shipping lane. Yes

nosy anons let's go

0: Height

1: Age

2: Shoe size

3: Do you smoke?

4: Do you drink?

5: Do you take drugs?

6: Age you get mistaken for

7: Have tattoos?

8: Want any tattoos?

9: Got any piercings?

10: Want any piercings?

11: Best friend?

12: Relationship status

13: Biggest turn ons

14: Biggest turn offs

15: Favorite movie

16: I’ll love you if…

17: Someone you miss

18: Most traumatic experience

19: A fact about your personality

20: What I hate most about myself

21: What I love most about myself

22: What I want to be when I get older

23: My relationship with my sibling(s)

24: My relationship with my parent(s)

25: My idea of a perfect date

26: My biggest pet peeves

27: A description of the girl/boy I like

28: A description of the person I dislike the most

29: A reason I’ve lied to a friend

30: What I hate the most about work/school

31: What my last text message says

32: What words upset me the most

33: What words make me feel the best about myself

34: What I find attractive in women

35: What I find attractive in men

36: Where I would like to live

37: One of my insecurities

38: My childhood career choice

39: My favorite ice cream flavor

40: Who I wish I could be

41: Where I want to be right now

42: The last thing I ate

43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately

44: A random fact about anything