How about 4 or 18 for the drabble/ficlet thing? Your choice!
18. Do you ever think we should just stop this?
Thank you so much for the ask, I know you asked it awhile ago (so im sorry it took so long!) but at least its finished, so that's something. Its a bit awkward as im still working on getting into the groove of writing, but I think its okay, and hopefully you’ll like it!! <3
~~~
Sometime in the seventies…
“Johnny…d’you ever think we should stop this”
“Stop what?” John replied, half asleep, as he shuffled Paul closer into his arms.
“Y’know…this.” Paul paused, but after receiving nothing but silence from John, he continued “This affair; sneaking behind everyone’s backs. We’ve just been on and off again for the past however many years-”
“And being “off” didn’t work for us, remember?”
They were in some hotel bed, lost in the damp streets of New York.
“Yeah, I remember…”
***
It had all started again with that visit to Johns, after Linda had turned to John and asked him “Do you miss England much John?”
“Frankly, I miss Paris.” He hadn’t even turned to even look at Paul, but both knew too well the subtext of that statement.
***
Finally, they had a second alone together.
“What the fuck was that John?” Paul had half-whispered, so that none of the others in the next room could here they’re arguing.
Underwhelmingly, John retorted with “Hm?”
“Y’know what…all that Paris shite”
John could hardly contain a smile, “Well, I miss Paris. It’s a nice city!”
There was a silence until Paul broke it with his realisation, “You’re gonna be difficult about this, aren’t you?”, then shaking his head, he added with an air of light-heartedness, “You’ve always been difficult.”
“And you’ve always loved that about me, eh Macca?”
“I haven’t” he replied defensively though smiling. “What did you mean with that Paris comment then? Don’t be difficult for once and just tell me, eh.”
John swallowed, a little anxious he replied, “I want to be with you. Again.”
“Johnny, don’t start this again-”
“Well why the fuck not Paul? I miss you, you miss me, so why don’t we just say fuck it and be together”
“Because!” he replied frustratedly, “I have Linda, and you have Yoko, or May, or whoever the fuck you’re with these days! I have a family – and I can’t risk sacrificing everything and everyone in my life just so that you can string me along for a few good fucks when you’re down and out.” He paused, then insisted, “I love you Johnny, you can convince yerself I don’t mean that, but I do. But I just can’t waste another year having an affair with you. Were in a good place, the two of us – we don’t argue like we used to…
And I know you – you’re self-sabotaging, and so just when things are going good for us, you’ll cheat on me, or you’ll leave me, or you’ll insist im leaving you when I just want to be close to you.”
“Well, Dr. Freud…” John joked, then taking a few slow steps closer to him, and cupping Pauls hands in his own, “I won’t this time…”
But Paul was quick to interrupt with, “Ive gotta be honest, I dont believe you mate. I mean I can’t believe you, can I Johnny?” He asked rhetorically.
John remained silent, in a moment of self-reflection – but Paul had untangled his hands from the others, and had already turned around ready to leave.
But with a total shift in tone, John erupted with, “D’you know you were never perfect either, now were ye Paul!” Paul turned around to look at him, he had a stern look in his eyes. “I mean, how was I ever meant to believe anything you’d ever bloody said when you were always so fucking inhibited!
Used to drive me insane, never being able to tell what you were thinking.” His tone, though still aggressive, was getting weaker with every word.
Paul’s look had softened, but he was slow to respond with, “Johnny…” He took a step closer to him, “Johnny, could you really make something like this work?”
John simply sighed. He recognised in that distressed look of Pauls that, no, he probably could not make this work; he recognised that he’d never made any relationship work, because he’s never allowed one to work; he recognised that he could be marinated with all the love in the universe, and he’d still convince himself that everyone would ultimately abandon him.
But perhaps most significantly, he recognised that he was a lost cause – therapy won’t change shit, because he’s never going to be able to dust away that spiders-web of self-loathing that’s been building up in his lungs and in his heart and in his head his whole life. He is Gods lonely man.*
However, before he could articulate this recognition, he was taken by surprise when Paul took a step closer, grasped him by his hips, and enclosed their lips with a kiss. It was a kiss guided by a plea: a plea to John to just allow Paul to love him this time, forget self-sabotage, leave destruction in the past. But this kiss was also tainted with a plea to either let love in, or let him the fuck out. He really cannot survive another relationship with John if it’s going to consist of a cycle of renewal, abandonment, renewal, abandonment, renewal, abandonment etc.
They broke away, Pauls hands still urgently grasping his shirt. They looked into one another’s eyes, because while they weren’t so great with verbal communication, they always had a way of reading each other’s mind. They were both so desperate, and yet so fucking tired.
“Paul…I don’t know if I can do it.” Defeated, Paul turned his head away from Johns gaze, though his hands remained tightly clenched to Johns shirt. “I think…I think I’m just meant to be alone; I don’t want to be, but ive done it all! Therapy, drugs, Jesus – whatever it is that’s meant to make mad men sane…has never worked for me.”
Paul turned to look back at him; staring urgently into his eyes, he asked “Would you try? Would you try to let this work for us?”
“I’ve been trying me whole bloody life Paul. Or at least, since I met you.”
“Since you met me…” Paul absent-mindedly muttered.
They were silent for the moment, until Paul blurted out softly, “Y’know, I have always loved you. What you were saying about me a minute ago there, bein’ “inhibited” and that – well I know ive always confused you a bit…always been an enigma.
But I have always loved you. D’you know that Johnny?”
“I know…” he said unconvincingly in response, so quietly even Paul who was mere centimetres from his lips could hardly hear him.
Nervously, John pulled Pauls hips closer to his own, and pressed his lips to Pauls. It wasn’t so much a kiss of passion, but more so the calm after the storm. Still, it was a much needed calm that each melted into so sincerely.
Maybe this could work – then again, it probably won’t. But do they have any choice but to try?
*A line I stole from the movie Taxi Driver (1975)
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"Tip cheap car insurance port saint lucie florida
Tip cheap car insurance port saint lucie florida
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Tip cheap car insurance port saint lucie florida
Tip cheap car insurance port saint lucie florida
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I am self employed and want to purchase health insurance for myself. I need to find insurance with maternity coverage. I have looked on several online insurance quote websites, but have been unable to find maternity coverage. I live in Texas by the way. Does anyone out there have some info for me?""
Which is better hmo or ppo insurance?
Which is better hmo or ppo insurance?
Can I get my own car insurance on a learners permit?
I am purchasing a new Altima on Wednesday. I am buying the car completely out but to take it off the lot you have to have insurance. Can I get car insurance on a learners permit? I'm 18. (Please don't answer if you don't know the actual answer. I don't need any opinions I need facts) Thank you in advance.
Changing motorcycles and insurance question?
Long story short I have got a new bike. The bike I am Insured on has about 2 months left before I gather another year no claims. However, I was wondering would/do Insurance companies offer a way for me to transfer the next/last 2 months to my new bike (At a possible cost) then charge me a full year when its due (In 2 months) Any help will be appreciated. I don't want to phone my insurance up cause every time I phone someone like that and tell them I have a new bike I want to insure they go crazy and keep phoning me! I have 1 years NCB and i'll be 18 in 2 months (when I will get 2 year NCB) Cheers Geoff""
Can my mum use her no claims to insure my car?
I plan on buying an 05 reg fiat punto active sport for my first car. Obviously being 17 if it is my own insurance it will cost ALOT, whereas if i am just a named driver i can get it for around 1800. I realise this is illegal and many people frown upon doing it but in all honesty she will drive the car just as much as me. She has been told that if her no claims bonus is already being used on 2 other cars, it cannot be used to gain a discount on a 3rd, i will be using direct line, is this true or can we use her ncd?""
Whats the best and cheapest car insurance?
Volkswagen Polo 1. Litre, to drive in the city of London?""
NEED HELP FROM CALIFORNIA RESIDENTS about car insurance!?
We recently moved, and I called my car insurance agent today trying to change my zip code. My insurance company (Mercury) wants to charge us extra $150 for a 6-month period. As I recall, wasn't there a law passed last year against insurance companies from using a zip-code-based system? And when we brought that up to her, she just said we haven't gotten any notice from Mercury so we're still going to charge you for moving. Anyone knows what I can do about this? Thanks.""
Tip cheap car insurance port saint lucie florida
Tip cheap car insurance port saint lucie florida
Graduating from college and need affordable health insurance?
Graduating from college and need affordable health insurance?
Whats the cheapest health insurance for adults ?
im 19 yrs.old have never had health insurance me an my husband need health insurance bad whats a good insurance company thats cheap ? he has juvenile diabetes an smokes i on the other hand do not !
How much should i expect for insurance cost on a used 2005 nissan altima?
i know it varies, but can i get a range?""
Can insurance change term suddenly without tell me?
Can health insurance stop cover my medicine suddenly? I have used this medicine for 6 months and now I refill it,( I have 12 months refill) my phymesist told me that the health insurance changed code and stoped cover it. Can insurance do that suddenly? What can i do to fight with them? thanks.""
Is auto insurance cheaper in Texas than California?
Is auto insurance cheaper in Texas than California?
Best car insurance for an independent at age 19?
Best car insurance for an independent at age 19?
Is there insurance you can get that will cover pregnancy?
I just found out that I am pregnant and I don't have insurance and I make to much for State covered insurance. Is there an insurance company out there that covers pregnancy now?
Is it any difference between Insurance agent and broker?
Is it any difference between Insurance agent and broker?
Auto insurance company wants to check my credit and past infractions.?
My auto insurance company (which i've been using for 6 months now) wants to check my credit history and past infractions in order to benefit from new lower rates i have good credit, but a couple of speeding tickets, could this actually increase my rate?""
How much will my second speeding ticket make my insurance rates go up?
I received a speeding ticket in January for 90 in a 70 (I-5 on my way down to San Diego), and today I received another ticket for 86 in a 65 on Freeway 85 in Cupertino. The first ticket is being taken care of with traffic school right now, and since I can't go to traffic school again so soon I'm assuming the 2nd ticket will increase my insurance rates. Does anyone know how much they will increase? I'm 21 and am on my parents' insurance (USAA) because I'm in college, but I will be paying whatever the difference in premium is so I'm trying to get an idea of what the damage is here. Also, I know I messed up, so no need to tell me in the answers. I thought I'd learned my lesson after the first ticket but apparently I still haven't, so at this point I'm just afraid to get into a car.""
Does filing a claim raise auto insurance rate?
My car was vandalized while I slept. Luckily my car shut itself off when it did not recognize the key. I filed a claim with the insurance. I had comprehensive coverage. When it was time to renew, my rates increased. What is the point of having insurance if you are discouraged from filing a claim? I thought if it was not my fault, my rates do not increase?""
""When being sued by an insurance company, can they put a lien on my property?""
i was involved in a accident in 2008 now me and my mom are being sued. My mom is the registered car owner (shes super mad at me) anyways they will post a judgement againt the both of us. We are both W2 workers and she has a house. Can anyone give me the worst case scenario, what can we do??""
Best insurance quote website?
I dont want to call 10+ companies and telling them the same info over and over. What is the best insurance quote website that allows me to get the most accurate quotes from the most companies?
Wat is the avarage cost for car insurance in nyc? anyone! please be as specific as posible?
so ive been thinkin about getting a car. but i dont know how much i would be paying a month for car insurance..i would really appreciate to get accurate answers...thank u guys
What is the best car insurance to get?
Cheap, reasonable, and the best.""
Can I be under my uncle's car insurance?
My uncle just bought a car for me as a gift, however it is under his name. Is it possible for me to be added as a driver under his insurance, even though I am under my parent's insurance? or would I have to add that car under my parent's insurance? This is all so confusing.""
What are typically the cheapest auto insurance company in Massachusetts?
I currently am with MetLife but they increased charges this year, so I'm looking to change the company. Any suggestions to cheaper auto insurance? Thanks!""
What will Insurance company do?
My brother got hit by someone while driving. He and this other person exchanged information and the other person agreed to write him a check, but never followed through. He isnt sure if the person who hit him had insurance, but has a feeling they didnt. He reported the claim to his insurance company, but decided to sue(small claims) the person who hit him on his own for the deductible. When he arrived to court he found out the person who hit him filed a counter-claim for damages done to their car, but they are the ones who hit him! Can he get the insurance company to give him a release letter to sue on their behalf or will they take over? I dont know what to tell him or how to help him. Help please!!!""
Where can i get really cheap braces in California?
I need braces, I do have insurance I am a teen we cant really afford them. I would probably need a year to two in a half years with them. Thank u""
Behind the wheel test insurance question?
I'm taking my behind the wheel test soon and my best friend is going to be my licensed driver and we were thinking if taking my moms car its insured and everything but its In my moms name only. Can I still use it for the test even though she's not going to be there? I checked the dmv website for California and it just says the car needs to be insured with valid registration.
Cheap Auto Insurance for someone under 21?
The lowest auto insurance rates I can find wants me to pay like 340 a month I want to know if someone knows of a auto insurance that has a monthly fee of 200 at the most high or low deductibles do not matter buut there has to be a deductible anyone know a auto insurance that can offer me this Thanks
How much would car insurance be on a 2004 mustang?
i just recently bought a red 2004 Mustang V-6 convertible and i was wondering how much insurance would cost ? im pretty sure its over 100 but how much ? im 16 and its my first car , no rude comments please.""
What heapens if I don't pay for car insurance?
I have a car, but actually I don't wanna pay for insurance any more. So what happens if I don't pay and drive without insurance?""
Cheap car to insure at 17years old?
Hi, I was wondering if someone could help me. Ok, When I'm 17 I'm intending getting a car straight away and putting it onto my dads name. (he has been driving over 30years so it should be cheaper atleast a few hundred - his is like 300 per 6month's driving a 1.8 litre Ford Focus) Anyways - I have enough money to get my driving lessons completely paid for and passed (ofcourse as I was promised for it to be paid) and I have a few thousand left in the bank Anyways - I was wondering if someone could recommend a car for me. I'm into like these kind of cars: Vauxhall Corsa Vauxhall Vectra (the 05 type) Vauxhall Astra (the new kind of hatchback (05 again I think) Ford Mondeo 2001 Ford Fiesta (I love those modified but not for a first car!) Fiat Punto 2005 Seat Ibiza I know nearly everyone will be saying the Corsa is the least to insure of which I know it is (Insurance group 1 I think) but.. Its just not my sort of car for my first car but I would like to have it later in life. I'm 15 the Now (16 in March) and my dads covered with E-Sure. What car would be best to insure (In order)""
What is the average insurance price for the new 2010 Chevy Camaro's? CURRENT 2010 CAMARO OWNERS ONLY PLEASE!?
I'm interested in purchasing a Chevy Camaro(2LT or 2SS), and I wanted to see how much current owners pay for their insurance. I'm 22 years old and I've got a clean driving record as well. Please let me know what you know! I don't feel like being spammed by insurance companies. I've gotten the free quote before and I still get emails from Geico! Thanks!""
Tip cheap car insurance port saint lucie florida
Tip cheap car insurance port saint lucie florida
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