#im sorry if became too opionated at the end

[leetfeat]

Love your take on the hazbin story!!!!! Really good and deeper philosophically than the original!

Thank you!!

I would love to get more introspective towards the characters.

I just think it's nice to explore different kinds of people who willingly or unwillingly committed sins, which showcases how bad the heaven and hell system is being implemented. Like it says that 'you shall not kill' , 'you shall not steal' but what if the individual had to do those in defense or for the means of survival? Do they deserve to be punished for committing those?

I think it helps sell the idea when the characters are well written. Their reasoning and the way they reacted to committing those sins should be clear to the audience so that they can think for themselves if those characters truly deserve redemption. Because humans are very complicated, they do things out of love, spite, greed, etc. It would be nice to see the characters trying to justify those kinds actions, because it makes them more humans. They have flaws and ideologies that we might all relate to so in return we would probably might want to see them be forgiven or at least be given a second chance and it could also make us think about our choices down the line. I don't know I just think that audiences should always have something to takeaway from a certain media, especially when it caters to adults.

That's why I don't sit well with the new Addict music video. Because I think the purpose is to show how sympathetic Angel is, and that he probably deserves to be redeemed because someone is being worse than him apparently. It would've been nice to show how sympathetic he is if only they just showed who is when he was alive and what brought him to make this choices that he ends up in hell. Because for all we know Angel probably did something so bad and vicious when he was alive that the treatment that Valentino is giving him are his just punishments. There's really no takeaway from it in my opinion

[strugglingbeingateen]

Weightloss

Weightloss is a bitch! And the only people that can understand what im talking about are the people who have been through it or are currently in the same boat as me. So far I have managed to lose 4 stone. Im proud of it but im not happy yet.

I have been told through out my life by various people that im not good enough because of how i look and it has shaped me into a person i no longer like.

As a child i didnt care that i was fat and the other kids were thin, i accepted myself for who i was, not how i looked. Unfortunately small minded people didnt and those who were too scared to be unpopular because they are scared their real opinion isnt cool enough decided to join in on bullying me and other kids with similar problems.

As the years went by what started off as one comment that stuck in my head, became many and then before i knew it i was depressed.

Yes, depression is a word people throw around here and there and others just think theyre attention seeking but the thing is, i had been such a happy person my entire life i never thought i could be depressed and then one day it hit me.

I felt stupid after months and months of wondering why i felt numb and why i would cry almost every day in my room alone, i realised i was depressed. I remember when it happened, i was pushing away all my friends with out even really knowing why, being horrible to them but deep down i knew i wasnt good enough to be their friend and i remember sitting alone in my room like i did every time i wasnt at school, id just lay in the dark and it was like a lightbulb going off in my head and i was just like...well shit.

Im not the type pf person who likes to share emotions or my feelings and im way to lazy to hand write a diary so this is what im going for, i dont care if people read this or if it just sits unread, when i have finished losing this weight i want to know how i felt through it all, because its easy to forget.

Anyhoo, it took me a long time to pull myself out of the depression and the way i did it was i started walking, this was the start of my first serious diet, i lost 3 stone on this diet. I was getting very very over weight and i decided the cause of all my problems was that i wanted to be thin and i wasnt.

What started off as a 2 mile walk a day soon turned to 4 and then before i knew it i was walking 18 miles a day, running 1 and a half and cycling 6 to 8. ( by this point it was the summer holidays) everything hurt and i was hungry all the time because i went from eating 4 peoples intake of calories a day to 1 and that shifted a lot of the weight but as the diet went on i got tired of doing so much every day and waking up feeling and looking the same at least in my eyes, so i quit.

I put on 2 of the 3 stone i had lost and i didnt even care. I had decided that being fat was who i was and who i am meant to be. Up until this christmas, i was around my family who are all relatively healthy and i was saw us all sitting and eating in the mirror next to the dining table and i just felt lost, everyone smiling and laughing while i sat staring at this reflection of me thinking how disgusting i was and how unhappy i was again and its all because i was too stupid to cut down and change the exercise to fit what i needed and a realistic goal each day instead of quitting entirely.

So i swore, this new year i am going to lose the weight and even though over the past 7 ish months there have been bumps in the road and a couple times where i quit, i got back up and am now 4 stone lighter than i was at the beginning of the year.

I know many people have secret opions on overweight people and some not so secret, i know a lot of people who call fat people ugly when im around and i just turn to them and say ‘being fat and being ugly arent mutually exclusive’ and i watch ad their face falls and they realise that there is a fat person standing right next to them, i then watch as they struggle to find the right words to say and stutter and i remember with this one guy i just said ‘look, i know im fat’ he looks so confused, he was stunned as if he thought i was completely clueless and he said ‘you know?’ And i remember laughing and saying ‘of course i know, i have eyes and a brain, i can put two and two together just as easy as a thin person’ he looked to confused and i just remember how funny his expression was and i just said ‘i cant believe you didnt think that i knew i was fat, even if i never looked in the mirror, the size of my jeans or down, the people shouting fatty at me would clue me on’

In my opinion, being fat and ugly are two different things, i think someone being ‘ugly’ is just an opinion each person has about different people, some to do with looks and other personality. I think beauty really is in the eye of the beholder because i remember this girl who was my friend, i thought she was absolutely stunning, so perfect and just amazing and then my brother genuinely didnt find her attractive in any way shape or form, he said ‘i dont know why you think she is so pretty, she is bland and is as thick as two short planks’

I defended her over and over again until i saw her true face, not the one that you might think, she didnt take off makeup and look completely different or anything, she was a natural beauty, i mean we fell out, actually its a bit more complicated than that, i fell out with a mutual friend and no one asked but she chose the mutual friends side, me and the mutual friend just ignored each other but this other girl, she used me to make herself popular, she spread lies and rumours about me and got her new found ‘friends’ to torment me, every day they would ask me questions about rumours that i didnt even know about and they harrassed me, she just stood there and watched, sometimes she would laugh but she would never get involved, i guess she was too scared or was telling herself she wouldnt stoop that low and bully me but the way i saw it was she enjoyed watching me be harrassed and embarressed and tormented every day, where ever i went and she wouldnt speak to me when i spoke to her, she just ignored me like we had never been best friends, like she thought she was better than me. Like i wasnt good enough. I ended up spending more time at home than in school just because i couldnt get out of bed in the morning because i knew what was waiting for me at school. My mum soon figured out what was happenening and wanted me to go to the head of year so i agreed, i would but i wasnt saying any names, not only because i didnt want to be a snitch but a part of me still had hope that we would be friends again and i didnt want to hurt her. I ended up moving forms from the one she was in but that still didnt stop them, my parents started getting annoyed that i wouldnt go to school and they would shout at me and every day was a struggle. I just couldnt believe that my so called best friend of 8 years could change into this bitch. If it wasnt for my other friend i wouldnt have gotten through it.

Once i saw this side of her i no longer saw her as beautiful, i still knew people would and i couldnt deny she was pretty but being beautiful means inside and out in my opinion and the only thing she was inside was rotten and she still is. Its been over two years now and im not in school anymore im in college, the people that bullied me, some go to my college and they laugh and slag me off when they see me but luckily the girl stayed on for sixth form. Me and the mutual friend actually made up a little over a year ago and actually see each other quite often, when me and the bitch originally fell out, i remember people that were mutual friends asking me why and i said because shes a bitch and they would defend her, i have seen all of them and each one of them have appologised and said they were sorry because now they realise how right i was. The original mutual friend me and the bitch fell out about actually hates her now and i have just realised recently that these so called ‘friends’ the bitch have, dont really care and when they go off and live their own lives, they will leave her behind because they dont really care and this bitch i have heard she has no plans for the future, not that there is anything wrong with that but it just goes to show that popularity may matter to her now but what happens when there is no one left to be your friend and to show off to.

Anyway after all this i have become a better person, not the best version of myself yet but im getting there, i have learned what really matters to me and who really matters and i dont want to be thin anymore, i want to be fit, healthy because the trusth is no matter how much i want to deny it being overweight is unhealthy, both mentally and physically. The reason i know im going im going to get where i want this time is because i am doing it for me, because i want to feel and look good, not to show off to others or take revenge on this bitch.

Anyways i know this probably wont be read, but in case it is, i cant be bothered checking on spelling and grammar so sorry if its a terrible read i needed to get that off my chest

[yoongivenn]

Tears

Author: yoongivenn

Pairing: Reader x Yoongi

Genre: Angst | Smut

Word count: 2,323

Summary: You and Yoongi had been fighting a lot in the past two weeks and you’re both exausted. Will your relationship end?

A/N: Okay so I rarely posted my writings here but I wrote this one and my friend encouraged me to post. I don’t know if there will be more, but if the reaction is positive I might consider it. I hope you enjoy! xx. 

You and him had been fighting for the past two weeks. Almost everyday there was a fight and It was worning you out. You didnt like this, you didnt like the feeling of being angry at your boyfriend all the time. Yoongi had been too stressed, probably because he was working a lot since the comeback was in only a month.  You sighighed as you typed words on your notebook, finishing a paperwork for college, then you heard the key on the door and familiar footsteps coming in.

Yoongi had arrived home.

You didn’t raised your head to meet his eyes and continued to focus on your work. You heard him taking of his coat and his shoes by the hall and then walking to the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator and poured some water in a glass. You didn’t realise you had stopped typing until the only sound in the room as his of his throat swallowing the gulps of water. He finished the glass and layered it inside the sink, then he walked close to you.

Now you were back at typing and looking at the screen as if he wasnt even there. Maybe ignoring him was the best if you wanted to avoid having another fight.

He sighed loudly as he speaked.

“Please look at me.”

Your fingeres froze mid-word. Yoongi usually didnt plead. You swallowed and looked up to him.

He was wearing black glasses and a turtle black sweater. His hair had been back to black for a while and it always took your breath away to look at him. He looked particularly stunning this night, but then when didnt he?

One of his hands streched further and hoovered over yours, as if he wanteed to touch you , but then he retreated himself.

“We should talk.” He muttered. “Figure things out.”

“Fine.” You said, storming up and throwing the chair away with your explosion. “What do you wanna talk about?”

It wasnt really fair to act this way, but you were tired. You were so tired. And all your patience had worn out after so many discussions. You just wanted to sleep through it all.

“Im tired of fighting.” He said, his voice a tone louder.

“Well so do I, but we don’t seem to be going anywhere.”

“Maybe if you didnt act so childish.” He said in almost a whisper, you almost didnt heard him.

Your eyes widened.

“What? How dare you say that after Tuesday night where I had to pick you up from the bar because you were so drunk you couldnt even walk? How dare you say that when I keep this house functioning and wait for you to come home everynight and then you come and take it all on me, all your stress and worries you just drop it all on me!” You screamed the last part, even though you didnt want to scream tonight.

“You should be there for me!” He yelled. Now it was back to yelling once more.

“But I am Yoongi! I always am, you just dont have to suffocate me like that, it would be nice if for once you listened to my problems instead of only talking about yours.”

“Unbelievable. You always do this. You always make things about you.”

You couldnt contain yourself anymore so you just released a huge ironic laugh.

“Me? I always make things about me? I can’t believe you’re saying this you’re the most selfish person I’ve ever met. You don’t know how to love anyone but yourself!!” You screamed the last part so loud you were afraid the neighboors heard it. Your throat hurt a little because of it. For a moment you felt quite good about what you said, you felt sort of powerful. Until you looked at him.

Yoongi just stared at you. Completely motionless. His whole body was tense but his eyes had softened. He looked straight to you and you finally responded to his gaze.

“What?” His voice was barely audible. “Is that... Is that what you think of me?” He was talking now, not yelling. He sounded hurt.

Then the most unexpected thing happened. Yoongi started to shake. His whole body was shivering, completely out of his control.

“I..I..” He tried to form a word but he stuttered. He started breathing heavily. Your feet seemed to weight a hundred pounds. You couldnt move or do anything, you heard your own heartbeats in your hear as your heart raced.

“I c-cant believe you said that. You meand the world to me Jagiya.... How can you say that?” His voice shaked and then he raised his hand to his eye. You lost your breath and it seemed like your heart stopped beating because there it was in front of you. Yoongi was crying. He cleaned one of his eyes but it didnt matter because both of them were watered.

You didnt know what to do. Your mouth was completely dry and your throat ached. This never happened before, Yoongi never cried. Maybe he did once but it almost never happened you couldnt remember the last time it did. You wanted to beat yourself up for doing this to him. How could you? You were both wrong in those arguments you’ve been having. You needed to stop blaming each other and learn to deal with stuff rationaly and not getting into heated arguments almost everyday.

You felt awful and your insides twisted. Yoongi was just staring blankly at the wall. He was lost. You took a deep breath and took the first steep in his direction. He didnt move or looked at you. You pressed your fists so hard you felt your nails dig into your flesh but you didnt stop. It felt good to hurt, afterall you deserved it for hurting him like you did.

You stepped closer to him.

“Yoongi... I.”

He finally looked at you. Now there was anger in his eyes and that unsettled you.

“Don’t. I get it. You don’t have to say anything else. I’m just gonna go.”

He turned to the door.

“NO!” You yelled. Running to him right away. “Please, please no.”

You turned to him so that he was facing you. You held his sweater as if that would stop him from getting away from you.

He avoided your eyes and sighed. This was going to be so hard.

“I’m sorry.” You pushed his face but he still wouldnt look at you. “Look at me!” you begged and your voice cracked into a sob in the middle of the phrase. This made Yoongi turn his attention to you. Your breath shaked and you tried to compose yourself so that you could talk.

“I’m sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean it. I was just trying to hurt you, on purpose. I’ve been so so tired...” You had to stop to catch your breath as words flew from your mouth. You looked deep into his eyes. Into the eyes of the man you loved and you spoke the truth. “You are one of the most loyal, caring and loving people I know. You give more than you think Yoongi. You do it in the small things, like when you order the food I like when I get late from college. Or when you take me on impromptu dates in the middle of the night, to show me a tree you liked, an alley that made a good kissing spot or a peculiar restaurant you found. Or when you ask me to listen to your music, and you get really nervous about it because my opion matters the most to you. Or when you take me to nap with you...” You stopped for a while to smile at the memories and realized your cheek was wet with tears. Your voice was all cracked up but you continued. “God, I love those naps so much. You pull me so close to you I can hear your heart beating and it’s the most calming thing in the world. Or when we have sex and you say “let’s make love” because that’s what it is to you. And you’re always so passionate when you do it, you are completely yourself. Or when you are sleeping and I look at you. I look at your tiny eyes and it makes me wanna cry so hard because I love your eyes. They are so tiny and precious I wanna kiss your eyelids whenever I think about it. You have cute eyelashes and ugh...” You made a weird sound and you noticed a small smile forming in his lips. “I really love your eyes. I love your hands and how they... Oh God I could ramble about all your body parts and why I love them all and I kinda lost the point of what I was saying and...”

Yoongi stopped you by putting a finger in your mouth.

“I’ve heard enough.” He said.

Your stomach turned. You were afraid he was going to leave you. You just stared deeply into his dark eyes. Tears were rolling down his cheeks too. He responded to your gaze a little but then he looked away and laughed.

“Stop looking at me, I know I’m crying and I’m embarrased about it.”

And there it was. The gummy smile.

“Please just let me love you in this fragile second.” You said.

He looked back at you.

“I love your gummy smile. You have the prettiest smile.”

“Oh Jagiya....” He raised his hands and run his tumbs across your cheeks, catching all your tears with it. “I love you.” He stared into your eyes so hard while it said it, it seemed he was seeing your soul. “I’m sorry we’ve been fighting so much and I promisse to stop...”

“No!” You said a little louder than you wanted. Your arms raised up to Yoongi’s neck and you pulled him closer. “Please let’s just not say anything else, I can’t...” You sighed. “I love you Min Yoongi.” Was all that you could say right now.

He started to smile again as he pulled you to a kiss. His tongue was warm against yours and you tasted his salty tears. What started passionate and deep suddenly became desperate. You felt his crotch harden against your leg and the memory of how it felt to have him inside you was enough to turn you on. You slid your hand to his bulge and made a little pression with your fingers. That made Yoongi stop kissing you and pull his head back a little. His lips parted as if he were about to moan but you knew he always tried to hold them back just to torture you. He knew how much you loved to hear his moans. He opened his eyes and stared at you. “I really need to make love to you right now.” he said, making you laugh. You both started to remove your clothes and you both took of your glasses. Yoongi lead you into the couch and he paused to put on a condom so he sat first. You spread your legs as you positioned yourslef on top of him and then you teased his head with the entrance of yours. You could sense that he was about to beg so you waited.

“Jagiya.... Please.”

You just loved hearing him beg. You slowly descended into him, making a little moan escape his lips as he went full inside you, then you started riding. You trusted your hips slowly and Yoongi looked at you lustfully. He cupped your breasts and your nipples hardened at his touch. After a few thrusts Yoongi decided to take control. He pulled you and positioned you laying on the couch with him on top and he started to trust hard on you. In a second you were breathless and then the for the second time in one night Yoongi started crying.

His tears started to fall on you. That completely broke your heart. His eyes were closed and he was still thrusting.

“Yoongi...?” You asked unsure. You were covered in Yoongi’s tears and you felt tears forming in your eyes too because of that.

“It’s ok Jagiya.” He opened his eyes and met your eyes, he pulled your head and kissed you. “Just stay with me okay?” You nodded and brought him close by wrapping your legs in his body. You pulled his head close to yours and whispered in his ear “I love you Yoongi.” He smiled among tears.

He set his hands on the sides of your head and you arched your body to help him thrust. Then he looked at you as if asking a question while one of his hands went to your leg. You nodded lightly and he pulled your leg up to his shoulder, then he went deeper inside you.

You moaned loud.

“Yes.”He said with a low voice full of lust.

You eyed him and saw that his pupils were completely dark. He bit his lip and you almost lost it. He puled your upper body into an abrace and you dug your fingers into his hair and back, leaving small scratch marks on him.

When you came you screamed his name so loud it was like the sky ripped.

He was sweating, his face shinning glouriously on top of you, his nipples hard and his body thrusting a few more times until he too came. In the moment he dug himself on your neck, all his body was on you, your boobs pressed against his chest, while he moaned deeply and raspy into your ear, and you immersed yourself in that sound.

He then raised his head and stared at you. His eyes met yours and you felt butterflys in your stomach, a familiar feeling when it came to him. He kissed you softly while he held you tightly and you knew everything was going to be ok.