#im structuring it as a spy dossier

[cjinxrun]

I'm doing the dumbest thing ever for this work presentation and it's a thing that is deeply entertaining to me and only me

[haphazardlyparked]

a point of contention

regret everything part twenty-one (part twenty)

Noki begins coming back later and later at night, and his absences correlate directly to the impending deadlines for Congress proposals. Noki comes to bed when Kan’s already asleep, and by the time Kan wakes up in the morning, he’s already up and about. Kan spends a lot of his brand-new alone time thinking about the Exchange, and how he can best dismantle the group without mortally offending Noki.

The Exchange is becoming far too involved with different Samra-related pots to continue operating within Kan’s government. That Kan must force a choice on them is already apparent, though Kan doesn’t care what Noki chooses to do so long as his interests are clear, and his position is appropriate for those interests. Pure diplomacy hasn’t been Noki’s focus for a while now.

Kan decides he’ll start the process after Congress. Things will be calmer then... and Noki might be more persuadable.

“If you want my advice, Noki,” Kan drawls, passing the data screen with the Exchange’s draft proposal back to his lover. “You need to look at our side more closely again. You’re starting to sound like an agent of Samra, and not like a group dedicated towards Tasak’s successful future.”

He tries to couch it in a jest, but Kan hopes Noki sees his genuine concern. The Exchange has become very… bold recently, more so than Kan could have anticipated. Their proposal—to create an organization dedicated towards analyzing viable structures for bilateral trades between Samra and Tasak, as well as research on such an alliance’s potential benefits (and costs, Kan supposes)—is a good idea in theory, but their highlighted topics and outlined priorities heavily favor Samran scholars, and what Samra has to offer, and what Samra should be allowed to do or not do.

What about what Tasak has to offer? They may not have Samra’s sophisticated organic technologies, but their work with digital and mechanical construction has built wonders in their city. And Tasak has seated herself at the center of a grand alliance between multiple states, a trading coalition unlike any seen before it. There’s nothing in the Exchange’s proposal about how the alliance’s farmers and tradesmen and engineers will be protected from the adverse effects of Samran influence, let alone how this new relationship might change Tasak’s relations with her historical allies.

Noki cuts Kan an annoyed look. “Are you going to help me or not?”

“Not,” says Kan glibly. “It would be highly inappropriate if I did.”

The scowl on Noki’s face scrunches his nose. In an energetic attempt to derail the conversation, Kan leans sideways to kiss it; Noki evades him.

“I’m serious, Kan. This is important!”

“And I’m serious too, Noki,” Kan replies, exasperated. “I just gave you my opinion. You know I won't take risks for my people that Samra will benefit from, and which we might or might not.”

“I've already explained--”

“I know,” Kan says, trying to sound patient. “I know how you think these supposed provisional allowances will function, but you must recognize how narrow your plan’s vision is. The Exchange is going to keep heading down this road. You know this, don't you?”

“Excuse me?” Noki asks, surprised into sharp politeness.

Kan huffs. “You’re hardly one of my diplomats these days. Changing careers can be a good thing,” Kan adds quickly. “But you must see the beginnings of the need to change, right?”

Wrong, clearly. Noki’s expression shutters to blankness. “Is what the Dowager has been saying?” he asks.

“She doesn't have anything to do with this.”

“Kan.”

Kan sighs. “She agrees with me, but that doesn't make me wrong, Noki. You're not exactly objective. And you do this thing, where you try to be the organization you want to gain permission for, only before you have the permission. The Exchange is an example of this, I think.”

Noki recoils, stung. In an effort to distract them, or to give himself a minute to think, he gets up from the sofa and goes to get a drink. While he’s gone, Kan wonders how he can get out of the rest of this conversation.

“How can you say I don't want the best for Tasak?” Noki asks when he comes back. Instead his spot by Kan, he sits on the chair beside the couch.

Kan frowns. “That's not what I’m saying,” he objects. “All I mean is that, as a diplomat in my court, you should be more objective when it comes to Samra. Understanding them and understanding where and how we can open dialogues and relations is important, but in the end, you're Tasakese, Noki.”

“I never said I wasn’t!” Noki protests hotly, sitting ramrod straight now. His eyes blaze with righteous anger, and Kan shakes his head.

“You speak with a whole host of Samran contacts every day,” Kan reminds him.

“Just as I spoke to Isokai every day too.”

“That was--is--different. He's the ambassador, and you're his Tasakese liaison here. Under what auspices are you carrying on your communications with various members of Samra’s Conclave and private strategic organizations? Would the Exchange even provide me a list of them, if I asked?”

Noki gasps. “Have you been spying on me?” he demands, using his outrage to avoid the question.

But Kan avoids his question in turn, because while he himself isn't doing the espionage, Sem and the Dowager do present him dossiers of information on the Exchange.

“In this matter, Noki, I am your lord,” he replies calmly, but with an uneasy weight in his chest that drags his voice down half an octave. “I can support your passion as your lover, but I cannot always condone your actions as your liege. You should know this.”

Noki sighs, and leans back in the chair. “I understand,” he mutters.

But Kan doesn’t know that he does.

A few nights later, Kan finds a familiar-looking ring sitting in an open box on his pillow. It’s made of a dull metal, with a white band circling its center, and he knows immediately that it is a strand of Noki’s dyed hair set into the band.

“I don’t want to fight with you over this—thing,” Noki says, coming into the bedroom from the bathroom. His voice is heavy, on the verge of cracking. “I love you, Kan.”

Smiling, Kan picks up the ring and box and sets it on the bedside table. Holding out his arms, he beckons Noki closer until they’re standing next to the bed. Then he hugs Noki so tightly, he can’t escape when Kan lowers his mouth to Noki’s ear and taunts, “One apology to one. What does that mean, in Samra?”

“I suppose,” says Noki quietly, shivering in an effort to fight his ticklishness. Kan loosens his hold so that he can poke at Noki’s sides. “It means that neither of us--is perfect!” The last comes out as a squeal, and Noki pushes at Kan lightly. When Kan loses his grip on Noki, he escapes backwards onto the bed. 

Kan follows him, and Noki pulls him down beside him. “I love you, Kan,” he whispers seriously, his hand running down Kan’s side and back up. Kan suppresses a shiver, and shifts in closer to Noki. 

“I love you too, my brilliant heart,” he murmurs back. 

Kan leaps out of bed and to his feet at the sound of doors slamming open.

“Lord Kan!” he hears someone shout his name. “Kan!”

He’s awake enough to realize that very few people can come into his and Noki’s home without triggering all manners of alarms, and then he recognizes Sem’s shouting.

Dread bores a hole into Kan’s stomach. He runs towards the front door, and meets Sem in the hallway.

“Kan!” Sem repeats, breathless, more a sob than Kan’s name. He’s red-eyed and he grasps for Kan’s arm, gasping, unable to say the words that he needs to.

Kan holds Sem upright and closes his eyes and wishes that Sem never finds a way to tell him. He might even take this moment, Sem in pieces and clinging to him, for eternity, just as long as—

“The Dowager,” Sem gasps. “The Dowager—Kan”—another sob wrenches free of Sem before he can continue, voice trembling—“I’m sorry, Kan. She’s gone.”

“What?” Noki gasps from the bedroom door. He looks as white as his nightshirt.

(next - twenty-two)

im afraid to tag people but  @gingerly-writing  @severe-fangirl-syndrome @rrrawrf-writes