#im trying to contain myself and not share more stuff for my shop ><

[happyfunf3tti]

update on the keychains!!

they turned out great! these are samples so i'll be ordering a batch of em in the future for my shop!

[9tzuyu]

closest to me

prompt: coming out to natasha as nonbinary

note: totally meant to write this months ago, but whateverrrr. and yes, i am aware that not all nb people use they/them, this was just my own little work :p.

warnings: being scared to come out to ur sexy redhead russian of a gf :[

i’d tag but i also don’t want to somehow trigger someone :[

thank u moli for proofreading i love u to the moon and back.

. . .

you’d come out to two of your close friends, ones you knew wouldn’t judge you. they’d taken it just as expected, but that was no surprise when you’d known them your entire life. your shared opinions and thoughts were what brought you together in the first place. 

your friends immediately began using your correct pronouns, and you’d never felt more right in your life. it was refreshing to hear yourself being referred by they/them rather than she/her. their constant support made you feel normal again. after so much struggling, things were finally being put into place.

but there was one person, one very important person whom you hadn’t come out to yet, and that was your girlfriend.

natasha.

the thought of having the conversation alone with her was terrifying. granted, you knew she’d never be anything but supportive, but all the what if’s came flooding through with each attempt you made. 

your fingers trembled as you fiddled with the silver chain around your neck, a nervous habit you’d seemed to form over the years of wearing it. 

god you wanted to tell her so bad.

but as you stood in the kitchen, natasha’s hands around your waist, you began to panic all over again. the familiar fear of judgment wrapped around your throat. 

you didn’t know natasha the majority of your life like you did with friends, so you weren’t really sure what her exact opinions on different pronouns were. sure, she was part of the lgbt community, and of course she was supportive of trans people, but it still made you wonder how she’d feel about pronouns that weren’t he/him or she/her. 

“what’s on your mind, baby? i can practically hear the gears turning in your head.” 

you sighed. natasha always knew when you were lying, so you couldn’t make something up off the top of your head. she wouldn’t force you to talk either though. she’d give a push, but nothing more until you were certain you were ready — or in some cases, when she knew it was becoming too much to bear on your own. 

“just dumb stuff. i’ll get over it soon.” 

natasha nodded against your back, containing her concern for now. “you know i’m here.” she whispered, taking one of your hands away from your necklace.

“want to go downtown? we can look at some of the new shops that just opened up” 

you smiled, “sure.”

for the next few weeks, you weren’t seeming to find any relief though, and natasha picked up on it. she tried her best to make things easier for you, but none of it seemed to work. 

time and time again you reassured her that nothing was wrong, that things would clear up on their own, but another month down the road and natasha could still sense that something was eating away at you.

it’d gotten a little more obvious now. you didn’t go out as much with her when she was with her friends. the constant referral to you as something, or someone, you weren’t was a steady reminder of how outcast you’d originally felt when coming to terms with who you are. 

“she/her” felt like a slap in the face every time you heard it. the words were exhausting, damn near agonizing to hear. but day after day you tried to suck it up out of fear of being rejected by one of the very special people you loved most. 

it wasn’t until one sunday night when natasha came home to you crying in your shared bed when she’d finally had enough. her worry was through the roof and seeing you struggle so much pained her. 

she dropped her keys on the nightstand and crawled into bed behind you, securing her arms tightly around your figure. 

“talk to me. whatever it is, i want to hear about it.”

but that only made you cry harder. you couldn’t help but feel more alienated than you already felt. why were you crying over such a stupid little thing? you could already hear the false words slip from natasha’s lips.

“hey, baby. shh, shh, you’re okay.”

you turned your body to face natasha, teary eyes looking into hers. “you might hate me, or think i’m weird, or a freak, or that i’m just confused.” 

your girlfriend gently combed through your hair with her nails. “i could never think those things about you. please tell me what this is about because i have no idea and i just want to help.”

her steady hand movement rubbing your arm while the other twirled your hand between her fingertips eventually brought you to a more reasonable state. 

“you know how trans people typically go by their opposing pronouns?”

“mhm.”

“well... i don’t- i just- god this is so frustrating!” you frowned, unconsciously grasping at the chain around your neck.

“are you trying to tell me you’re trans?”

“no, no, it’s not that. well, i don’t think so, depends on who you talk to. some people like me consider themselves to be classified under the trans umbrella, but not everyone.” 

natasha hummed once more while tracing small shapes against your skin. 

“what do you think of nonbinary people? like, you know, those who don’t use she/her or he/him?” 

she shrugged, and your heart sank for a brief second before she spoke. “i don’t have a problem with it. why?”

“i don’t like being referred to as she/her. my pronouns are they/them. i’m not a man and i’m not a woman... will that ever bother you?”

a smile broke out across the redhead’s face. “doesn’t bother me one single bit. i love you for you, y/n. not for who you think you’re supposed to be.” 

relief was all you could feel. as cliche as it sounded, the weight of the world felt like it had been lifted from your shoulders. you didn’t have to worry anymore, not while natasha was around.

“is this what’s been bothering you for so long?”

you reached over and grabbed a loose red strand, it was your turn to play with her hair. “yeah. i knew you wouldn’t judge, but-”

“what if.” she confirmed and you nodded. 

“does anyone else know?”

“just my two friends i grew up with.”

“no one else?” you shook your head, looping a red curl around your finger. “nope.”

“is that why you stopped hanging out with me, tony, clint and the rest of them? because everyone referred to you as she and her?”

“yeah, felt like a punch in the stomach every time i heard it. made me feel weird, not normal i guess.” you mumbled, almost embarrassed by the confession.

natasha placed a long kiss on the top of your head, rubbing your back for extra support. “they would never judge you, i’d cut them off in a heartbeat if they did. if it helps any, i can ask how they feel about it? poke around some and let you know what they say? then when they don’t have a problem with it, which they won’t, you can come out when you’re ready, yeah?”

you nodded again, although it was slightly hesitant. “sounds good.”

“forgive me if i mess up a couple of times. i’ll try not to make a big deal out of it and just correct myself.” another kiss was delivered to your head.

“oh! last question. promise.”

“yes?”

“when im around other people and you’re not with me do you want me to use they/them? i don’t want to out you when you’re not ready.”

“i swear you’re perfect,” you giggled. “but you can use they/them both when im with you and when i’m not. just try to keep it casual? please?”

“anything for you, sweetheart.”

[five-hour-anxiety]

depresssion vlog 😥😴👎💭🏳️ | The Theory Of Real Activity | thursday vlogs

Taglist: @zerogettie  @spacevirgil@tree4life25@thebiggestnaturaldisaster @pailettehazel@jordandobbertin@thecityofthefireflies @the-fabulous-kimball@azuranightsong@virmillion @erlenmeyertrash @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch @the-sanders-sides @punch-you-with-friendship@captaincantatrice@clovenpinetree @jughead-is-canonically-aroace@aplaceinthevoid@that-random-fandom-girl @zennyo

Word Count: 4431

Warnings: depression and talks of anxiety

Pairings: platonic prinxiety, platonic logicality, platonic analogical

Summary: Virgil is in the middle of a spiral and the back to back bad days are making it hard to function. He texts a few friends for help, and this is the result.

Designated Nerd:  Virgil, it has been some time since I’ve heard from you. Are you feeling well?

Me:  i mean, am i ever fine

Designated Nerd:  Well that is indeed worrying. Is there anything I can do for you, or would you rather I contact our more… emotional friends? Do you need me to come visit?

Me:  no, i dont want anyone over right now. this is gonna sound so stupid but,,, could u tell me what u do when ur upset

Designated Nerd:  If it helps, of course. I tend to listen to stimulating music and take hot showers. Please try to brush your teeth sometime soon as well, as hygiene is something that we all tend to be lax with in these states.

Me:  i should have expected advice like that

Designated Nerd:  Is it not useful? I apologize.

Me:  o no, its good. thx lo

Designated Nerd:  Anytime Virgil. Do not hesitate to contact me if you need anything else.

 ***

Sir-Sing-A-Lot:  hey panic at the everywhere, u still breathing

Me:  wow didnt kno u cared that much

Sir-Sing-A-Lot:  of course i care u ass how u doing

Me:  i mean im not dead. thats a fucking victory dude can i get a hell yeah

Sir-Sing-A-Lot:  hell fucking yeah bro im proud of u

Me:  hey while ur here,,,, how do u deal with ur bad days.

Sir-Sing-A-Lot:  poorly

Me:  damn dude

Sir-Sing-A-Lot:  yeah well thats life but i also light candles and fucking moisturize. unlike u u heathen

Me: thanks u fucking prick

Sir-Sing-A-Lot: hate u too u asshole c u this weekend~

***

Pat-Dad:  hey kiddo!! haven’t heard a peep outta you lately, just wanna make sure you’re still okay!!

Me:  im not okay, actually. but im glad u texted bc i have a q for u

Pat-Dad: anything for you kiddo, tell me how i can help!! :)

Me: wat do u do on bad days. like, how do u deal with the shitty emotions

Pat-Dad:  language kiddo.

Me: hellcrab.png

Pat-Dad: i dont have the profanity manatee on me so just pretend i sent that. anyway! i like to watch a bunch of funny shows and sit around in my favorite clothes! gotta feel good somehow!! and like, a lot of pillows are involved.

Me:  is this permission to turn my living room into a pillow fort

Pat-Dad: absolutely!!! but make sure you eat something today kiddo,,, making food is gonna be better than takeout btw. Feels good to have made something, trick the brian into enjoying the food more.

Me:  brian

Pat-Dad:  *brain, oh hush up

Me:  thanks 4 the help. <3 u

Pat-Dad: anytime kiddo!!!! :) <3 love you more!!!!!

***

   “Welcome back to the Theory of Real Activity -- today’s vlog: not what you all signed up for.” Virgil sighed, running a hand through his hair. “As I’m sure a lot of you have noticed, or at least the twitter crew has, I haven’t been as active on the channel lately. And I’m sorry about that, but I think I’m ready to talk about why now.

   “As many of you know, I have depression and anxiety. No way around it, there’s the truth. Often, these diseases prevent me from functioning like a healthy person would. That’s what’s been happening to me for the last few months. I’ve had a hard time getting up and dragging myself anywhere, much less making new content for all of you. Talking to friends via text is really hard too, so Twitter is something I can’t deal with either.

   “And I know a lot of you out there are the same way -- heck, when I do use Twitter and the likes, I see messages like that all the time. And I’m happy I’m able to help you all through those days when I can. But I can’t always be around to make stuff like that, so today I’m gonna talk you guys through helping yourselves when the days get bad and the voices get loud, okay?

   “But don’t let the start of this video fool you -- this isn’t a ‘oh we’re all gonna be okay if we just believe!’ kinda thing. Because there’s a lot of those. Don’t get me wrong, those are all wonderful messages and I really appreciate them, but I don’t think we need another one right now. What’s the point in trying to be motivated when the energy just isn’t there? I don’t know about any of you, but I almost feel worse when I watch those because I know whoever is on the other side of the screen wants me to work for happiness and I just… can’t. I can’t do it when I’m that low. So, no, this is not one of those videos.

“This is something completely different, I really hope it clicks with a few of you.”

   The camera switches out of selfie mode to reveal a table full of shopping bags. Virgil laughs off-screen and there’s the sound of papers shuffling.

   “Ladies, Gents, and everyone beyond the binary welcome to ‘How to Kinda Cope with Shit Brains’, starring yours truly. Let’s begin, shall we?”

***

   “Logan, you didn’t tell me you were uploading a video today! What’s this one about?” Patton squealed, clicking on the notification. Logan peered over his shoulder, trying to make out the display behind layers of smudges and a few cracks.

   “I- I did not upload a video today as Thursdays are typically reserved for anything Virgil wishes to post. That’s why there have not been any midweek videos recently.” Logan pulled out his own phone, giving up on Patton’s, and quickly unlocked the screen. “There is no one else with access to the account, so who- oh never mind. That is clearly something of Virgil’s creation.”

   “My goodness, he sure loves emojis, huh?” Patton giggled, reaching into his pockets. Logan groaned something like ‘you have no idea’ and pulled out a screen cloth for Patton. The younger man took it and quickly cleaned off his screen before pulling out his earbuds

“Do you wanna watch it together?” He asked, dangling them in front of Logan. Logan stared at him, grimacing.

   “Do you know how unsanitary sharing earphones is, Patton? I have a split connector in my bag, allow me to retrieve it and we shall view it together.”

***

   “So, I have compiled a list of things my friends do when they’re having bad days, as well as a few activities of my own, and we’re gonna test them. I’ll take note of how I feel before I start, do the activities, and then I’ll rate them by how I feel afterward. And if that sounds complicated, it is! Kinda. Logan says it’s the proper way to test things, by having a starting point and an end point, so go ask him? I don’t know, he’s always talking about control groups and I don’t know about any of you but I don’t want to make myself have bad days back to back just so I can test a bunch of things ‘fairly’.

“Anyway, first up: Roman’s list. He- he actually didn’t have much to say, just “moisturize bitch’ so I just pulled ideas from what he normally does on off-days. Sorry, Ro, but you brought this upon yourself.”

   Virgil reaches into the bag marked “Bed, Bath, and Beyond” and fishes out a bottle of something pink, as well as a purple container of lotion and a green candle.

   “I know for a fact Roman prefers grapefruit face wash, so that’s what we got here,” he shakes the pink bottle, “so we can gift this to him when we’re done here. And we have a bottle of lavender-scented lotion to go with it. I read somewhere that lavender helps with anxiety or something, but like,” he points at the camera, “it just smells good, and I am not ashamed to admit to that. Don’t read too much into this.

   “I also bought a scented candle, because that’s the only other thing Roman offered advice-wise. I fact-checked this one, and apparently good scents are supposed to help you think more clearly? Or something. I don’t know, I read the article at four in the morning, there’s not much I can really remember about it. Four am Virgil is really bad at retaining information.”

   The camera jostles as Virgil picks it up and walks into his bathroom. “Uh, just for like, the starting point? The best way to describe this type of anxiety is the buzzing and tensing of your muscles and the tightness in your chest. There’s nothing I want more than to dive under my bed sheets and sleep until tomorrow and try again later.

   “But I’m going to do this, so wish me luck.” He mutters, turning the tap on and grabbing a washcloth. The screen cuts away to black as an upbeat nineties song plays, and the text on the screen reads ‘Roman’s results’.

   “So,” Virgil starts, his face covered in white foam, “this stuff kinda burns? Roman, what the hell is wrong with you, you like this stuff? Ugh. Also, just so everyone knows, the smell of artificial grapefruit and lavender do not mix. Like separate, they are really good smells but just… don’t mix them together. It’s a really bad idea. We may have to do my list next so I can let the house air out for a while. As it is, I didn’t even try to light the candle, we do not need to add spearmint to this stink bomb.

   “Beyond that? The face wash is definitely waking me up. I feel a little more ‘oh hey, I’m a person’ that I did before so, yeah. This wasn’t a total bust. And my skin is soft! I understand the appeal of moisturizing now! Roman, how dare you keep this a secret from me?” Virgil laughs, rubbing his hands together. “Holy shit I feel like a million bucks. I am keeping the lotion, you can take this demon face scrub.” Virgil reaches off screen and picks up the pink bottle, scanning the back panel of text.

   “So overall, I’d say Roman’s tactics work. You just gotta like, make sure you get complimentary smells so you don’t stink yourself out of your house,” He says, still reading the bottle, “And you should definitely read the instructions on the bottles because this,” He holds up the pink bottle, “says to wash off after a few minutes, and it’s been ten. I’m gonna go get this off my face now.”

***

   “Babe, you seriously didn’t read the instructions?” Roman howled, throwing his head back into the couch. He could hear Virgil scoff from the kitchen.

   “Excuse me, but I thought it was like one of those face masks you leave on for half an hour! How was I supposed to know!” He asked, walking back into the room and plopping down beside Roman. “They look the same when you put them on, and you have a few long-lasting ones that smell like grapefruit! I had no way of knowing!”

   “You could’ve called, man. I would have helped you!” Roman lifted his arm, inviting Virgil to crawl under it. He took it and wrapped his arms around the taller man’s chest. “You bought face scrub, which is definitely not the same thing. Both are good though! Just, not that same.”

   “Yeah, well, I know that now,” Virgil muttered, burying his head in Roman’s hoodie.

   “We can do actual face masks after this if you want.” Roman offered, picking his phone back up. “Your pores could really benefit from one.”

   “You’re a dick. Turn that thing off.”

   “Love you too, bastard, but there’s no way in hell I’m turning this off.”

***

   The camera cuts again, and this time Virgil is in his bedroom. The window is open, and the sound of passing cars is almost inaudible but still present. His peach walls are bathed in a warm glow of the setting sun, a light breeze pushing his bangs up every so often.

   “Okay so, next up is Patton’s list. As per my own ‘rules’, I’m feeling mentally exhausted and ready to check the fuck out right now. But despite this, I’m actually… really excited for this one? It involves food, there’s no way this can go poorly.”

   The video cuts to footage of Virgil screaming as food on the stove erupts into flame. The 1812 Overture is playing the background. Whatever was in the pan is no longer food, as the burnt sustenance is bubbling in an ominous manner. The oven mitt is no longer on Virgil’s hand and is instead in a smoky heap on the kitchen counter.

   “No way this can go poorly” Virgil’s voice echoes as he runs off camera screaming. He returns with a fire extinguisher, the lens becoming jammed with foam just before the video cuts back to Virgil in his room eating Chinese takeout.

   “Okay so. It turns out it can go poorly. Patton said that making sure you eat, like, actual food and not six servings of chocolate cake with a glass of cherry coke on the side is supposed to help with the depression thing but like. It definitely didn’t help with the anxiety. Something about the food you worked to make tasting better?

   “So, I cheated and ordered take out. But hey! This stuff has got a bunch of veggies in it, so I think I won this round. Moving on,” Virgil puts the food down and leans down to grab something off the floor, “Patton also recommended watching some shows that I know I enjoy, so let’s do that next.” Virgil puts on the purple headphones he had grabbed and pulled his laptop onto his lap. He clicks off the light on his desk and plunges the room into darkness with only his computer light illuminating his face.

   “We’re watching the entirety of the Brooklyn Nine-Nine Halloween episodes, so be prepared for a highlight reel of that while I stuff my face with rice.” He twirls his finger around in a ‘roll film’ motion and kicks his feet up on the desk.

   The camera cuts to a black screen once more, the same upbeat music playing in the background. The text now read’s “Patton’s results”.

   The next few minutes is a series of clips strung together, many of them consisting of Virgil mouthing the lines along with the characters, and screeching with laughter. The last one shows him crying into his takeout, mumbling about how much he loves the relationship between Jake and Amy. He had taken his feet down from the desk at some point, now curled into his chair and bundled in his hoodie almost entirely.

   The video cuts away to a slightly more composed Virgil, who is now cuddling a pillow and scraping the bottom of the takeout box. His eye makeup had run down his face over the last few hours and he looked unnaturally pale in the weird lighting.

   “Yeah that uh,” He coughs awkwardly, “that worked. Ten out of three Patton, way to go. Got my brain to shut up for like, I don’t know, two hours?” He takes a deep breath and puts the takeout container on the desk. “It’s late, I think I’m gonna just do Logan’s and I’s lists tomorrow.”

***

   “Should I be concerned that he set the kitchen on fire and didn’t call anyone?” Patton whispered, pausing the video. “Why didn’t he call anyone? Did he get burned?”

   “I do not think you speeding to his house would have done any good, Patton, as he got the fire out by himself. That being said,” Logan pinched the bridge of his nose, “he is not allowed to cook for game night. Ever. What was he even trying to make?”

   “He can join me in the kitchen ban, then. The store-bought cookie club just gained a new member.”

   “God help us if you ever cook together. I’d have to take out a loan for a new apartment. I already cannot pay my student loans, I fear the possibility of adding to my life debt.” Logan shuddered, reaching over to unpause the video.

***

   “Okay, good morning internet. It’s buttcrack early outside, I don’t even think the sun is up yet? That’s good, actually, and I’ll get to why later.

“So, all that’s left is Logan and I’s lists, and to be honest? Logan may have already won the whole thing, looking at this on paper. He actually cares about like, not dying by germs or some shit.,I can guarantee his list will be practical. I gotta go set some stuff up for my list, so hang tight.” The screen cuts to a slightly more awake Virgil.

   He grins and gives a tiny wave before tapping the screen to switch the camera and show a hammock.

   “So, I’m next. I’m also gonna save Logan’s advice for the end of the video so you guys watch this whole thing. Give people an incentive for sticking around. Because I can see the stats on this, I know half of you like, exit the video halfway through. Stay for the whole thing, dammit, I need the ad money.” He laughs, gently putting the camera down. The screen shows a new sunrise, one full of soft purples and oranges. Above the sun and its halo are a few stars that have yet to go out for the day, barely visible behind the hazy clouds. Virgil picks the camera back up, the footage shaky.

   The camera stills to a shot of Virgil’s legs, the hammock swaying gently in the breeze. A few frogs can be heard singing in the background and Virgil hums a few notes. His voice is low as he speaks, still rough from sleep.

   “Again, to follow my own rules: I feel so awful I don’t even want to talk about it, guys. Sorry.” Virgil is quiet for a while longer, the occasional whispered lyric picked up by the microphone. Eventually, he speaks once more, a lighter tone to his voice.

   “Sure, this looks peaceful, but if you could all hear what kind of music I’m listening to right now, you’d be calling my therapist. Hey, Paul, I apologize my bro, but wow are you not gonna like me the next time I’m in.

   “So yeah, my list is just ‘get sun and get songs’. You Gucci fam, just stay out here until you either feel good or get cold. Probably gonna be the last one but, hey, you tried. Gold star. Bring a blanket if you wanna aim for the best possible outcome.”

   The camera cuts again, this time looking down from what is assumed to be a porch. The sky is dark once more, and the only source of light is a small candle.

   “Huh. What do you know, the candle works after all. Spearmint -- the poor man’s anti-anxiety. You know, I actually looked that up. Spearmint is supposed to be a good stress reliever and some kind of mood booster. The more you know, huh?”

***

   “Virgil, what the hell does that mean?” Roman chuckled, rubbing Virgil’s arm.

   “It means that when I’m panicking at work I just pop in a breath mint and BAM I am suddenly closer to reality than I was ten seconds ago.”

   “Do I wanna know how you discovered that?”

   “I had a hangry panic attack in high school and the only thing I had to eat in my bag were breath mints I was meaning to gift to you.”

   “Oh, that’s pretty- hey.”

   “You could still use some, man. Keep your nasty breath away from me.”

   Roman just hummed, looking at Virgil from the corner of his eyes. He smiled softly, his eyes sad and concerned. Pulling him closer, he unpaused the video and listened as he continued to hold his friend.

***

   “And last but certainly not least, is the list of the late, great Logan. He’s not dead. He’s just always late to dinner dates. Like a pretentious nerd, his excuses are ‘oh, I was studying’, ‘oh, I had an exam’, or ‘Patton set the kitchen on fire again, call 911’. What an ass.

   “Anyway. This list, which doesn’t have a cool name because Logan is against emojis and stuff, just has like, five items on it. In order that is: brush your teeth, put on some clean clothes, wash your hair, put on some socks, and the last one is a surprise. Because it really took me off guard and I need you all to be as surprised as I was.

   “And right now, I just feel apathetic. In case someone gets upset that I didn’t mention I felt going into this, I just feel apathetic.”

   The video cuts away to Virgil’s bathroom once more, and the leftover mess from the other day can be seen in the sink.

“Uh. Just, just ignore that mess. You know what it’s from, I don’t feel bad about that. Anyway, teeth brushing. Let me just find the toothpaste…

“You know, I can’t remember if I bought toothpaste at the store. Of all the crap I bought, don’t think toothpaste made it into the bin. So, let’s just see if I still have any of the travel samples from the dentist.”

Virgil riffles through his cabinets, pulling out items such as combs, hair dye, bleach, and a bottle of pills. He hums for a second, before crouching down to look under the sink.

   “I feel like, and I could be the only one who experiences this, I feel like anything that gets put under the sink will never see the light of day. So maybe I won’t be brushing my teeth today- wait. Wait! Oh gosh, thank you Jesus- there’s a- there is a bottle in the back there, but I can’t reach it. Outta my way, makeup kit, I got teeth to be cleaned!”

   Virgil pops back into view, holding up a half used mini bottle of toothpaste. It’s the kid’s kind, that tastes like berries and bubblegum. He uncaps it and starts to squeeze it out onto his toothbrush buts stops short.

   “Why the hell are there sparkles in this thing? That- isn’t that a, like, choking hazard or some shit? Okay, sorry Logan, teeth brushing is not happening in this video. I think you’d agree with me on this. When you get to this point in the video, feel free to add toothpaste to our shopping list.”

***

   “Jokes on you, Virgil, I added it yesterday when I spent the night and had to use that monstrosity.”

   “I use that stuff all the time, Logan, there’s nothing wrong with it! Look at me, I’m perfectly fine!”

   “That’s… that’s a, uh, great point Patton. Explains a lot.”

***

   “Okay, so next on the list was clean clothes. I’m doing that off camera, you nasties, so hang tight for a word from our sponsors.”

   The screen is black, with white text reading “crofters plz sponsor us logan is desperate.”

   Virgil reappears, in the same hoodie and shirt. He smirks, pointing at a pile of clothes on the floor.

   “Ha, I own two of these hoodies and three of these shirts. I am a cartoon character, y’all will never see me in a different outfit. You can dream, but my job is to crush those dreams.” He makes a fist as he says this, laughing through his teeth as he tries to appear tough.

   The camera cuts again, this time showing Virgil singing into a hairbrush while a towel is wrapped around his head. The scene doesn’t last long, as we are once again taken back to Virgil’s bedroom where he is set up with a laptop. This time he’s on his bed and the curtains are drawn.

   “It said to wash your hair, and you can’t wash hair without serenading the monsters living behind the shower curtains we all feared when we were little. Just because we aren’t afraid of them doesn’t mean they aren’t real!

   “Anyway, this is the last part of Logan’s list. It’s actually really sweet? Like, I am a grown ass man, and I am not ashamed to say I sobbed over this.” He continues, voice starting to tremor.

   Virgil spins his laptop around to show a YouTube video that’s about half an hour long. The title reads, ‘the best of Bert and Ernie from Sesame Street’. Virgil sniffs real fast, raking a fist over his eyes.

   “He uh, he knew these guys were my heroes growing up. And he knew it would cheer me up. Guess w-hat man,” Virgil sniffs again, “It- it worked like a fu-fucking charm. I uh, I’m actually feeling things after going through your list, so like. Nice work, I guess, I owe you dinner. Like, dinner at a restaurant, not a cooking dinner because I don’t want to poison you.

   “Ahem. Anyway. That’s the best thing in this whole video, you win Logan. And that about wraps up the Thursday vlog. Thanks for listening everyone, here’s the obligatory ‘we’re gonna be okay’ message, because as corny as that is -- it’s true. Find yourself a Bert to go with your Ernie and it’ll be okay. Maybe throw in an Elmo or a Zoey if you wanna round out the group. And my metaphor is getting too complicated, so! Virgil out! See you this weekend for the next Theory of Real Activity -- Logan and I are joined by Patton this time and we get into wild shit this week, let me tell you.”

***

   “Well, what are we still waiting around here for?” Patton asked, turning his phone off. He disconnected the earbuds, stuffing his haphazardly into his front pocket. Logan winced at the sight, and quickly but carefully wound his up into their case.

   “I’ll text Virgil to make sure he knows to expect us. Patton, if you could text Roman?” Logan asks, standing up and smoothing out his shirt. Patton nods, already poking away at his phone.

Me: Greetings, Virgil. Patton and I are on our way over to your house if that is okay?

Virgil Jackson: cant tell you no, you practically live here

Me: Yes, well, that is true. Is there anything I should bring with us?

Virgil Jackson: would it be lame to say a hug

Me: Not at all. If there is anything this group is good for, it’s hugging and crying. The occasional yelling, but that could go either way.

Virgil Jackson: whatever nerd, get over here already

[epb-archive]

Okay, this is me trying not to care too much about Brighter by Wingit on Ao3 or @wing--it on tumblr (and failing miserably)

DISCLAIMER: Everything is my opinion and is in no way attempting to bash other fic writers because writing is hard and everyone that put their personal time into doing this and sharing fics with people over the internet deserves praise and to feel proud of what they’ve written. For this reason I won’t be naming any other fics aside from Brighter because that’s the focus and #Boost Ur Fandom Writers ya feel

DISCLAIMER 2.0: I realized I told @wing--it  that i’d have a meta done for their fic except I realized I’m not entirely sure what Meta is so I’m probably not good at it wow this is long im sorry okay let’s do this thing

Actually as I’m writing this, I realize it’s just going to turn into a giant ass review for Brighter and I don’t know how I feel about that but @wing--it hi, i love your fic, we’ve been over this right? Under the cut this goes. (contains mild spoilers for Brighter but I’m trying not to say everything outright)

Brighter is a Victuri fanfic that is by far one of the best I’ve read in terms of storyline, characterization, conflict, and angst revolving around that conflict.

Starting with storyline, Brighter is a godsend fic that gives that good ass almost immediately after the GPF life for Victuri. So the two of them figuring out their relationship and working out how to live together in a more intimate sense (that being on their own and not constantly surrounded by Yuuri’s family and the patrons of Yu-Topia). Now, there are some other good ass fics that also have the lives in St. Petersburg and that do this shit well (actually, I appreciate every fic out there, shout out to all fic writers yall are doing gods work) BUT something different that stands out about Brighter is how the storyline isn't just focused on Yuuri Katsuki.

Honestly, at the most current point (10 chapters in, updated last on the 8th of June) the two main characters are NOT Victor and Yuuri, but Yuuri and Yuri which is??? Possibly one of the few fics I’ve seen where these two are the main focus while still having the fic be Victuri centered. Like without getting too much into Yuri’s storyline for the sake of spoilers (though it’s kind of revealed in chapter 3 or 4 i think, pretty early on) This fic, by far, has some of the best characterization of Yuri P that I’ve ever seen.

Which is saying a lot because I will often stop reading a fic because of how they characterize Yura (especially if he’s a major recurring character in the fic). Yura does play a huge part in this fic in terms of his own character development and conflict (godddd I just really fucking love his story line) and Tash!!!!!! Gives a solid reason why Yura would be “”angsty”” 24/7 and h*ck!!! It’s just ugh!!! Everyone knows, if you’ve gone through your angry teenager phase, it’s so incredibly difficult to stay mad 24/7 unless something’s happened or something’s happening (mental illness notwithstanding) and like just godddd. Okay??? Okay. So Anyways, Yura opens up to Yuuri (eventually) and friendship happens and honestly out of this entire fic Yuuri and Yuri’s friendship is my favorite. Like yes, this includes Victor and Yuuri’s relationship or Victor and anyone else or any of the characters combines. I just think Tash did such an amazing job working with Yuri in the fic and I’m already emotional this is a mess I’m sorry.

Okay, So that’s Yuri’s character. On to Victor’s. I think Tash does a beautiful job having Victor adjust to life loving someone. Like here, we have a guy who’s spent his entire life trying to please and surprise so many people, like aside from splurge stuff, what has Victor done for himself? When going off that logic (and like the 50 in depth tumblr posts about this) Brighter is so beautiful in his characterization. Because it starts with Victor and Yuuri being soooo in love and everything’s perfect!!! For exactly .2 seconds

Because everyone knows that’s not how relationship work and people have to work together and have conflicts and allow room for being human together. (And dont get me wrong, I am just as likely to read a 50k coffee shop au with 0 conflict because I enjoy not hurting). Anyways, Victor’s characterization is essentially him trying to figure out how to be genuine (and failing on multiple occasions) and just him trying to teach himself that he doesn’t have to do what he thinks Yuuri would like to get him to stay because Yuuri loves him and they’re in this for the long run but still Victor  IS STRUGGLING to figure this out.  Tash just. God. Tash just does this so well.

And Victor. He’s also subject to his own anxieties but in a different way from Yuuri and??? Like the fact that he’s throwing himself back into his career after a year break and to go back to his way of surprising people and then coaching Yuuri and choreographing short programs for him, yuuri, and yuri too (i think he was doing 3 short programs anyways). The ice skating portion of this fic is so fucking important, which of course it is, in an anime about ice skating of course it’s fucking important but what I mostly mean is that it doesn’t necessarily take second to the romance in the fic with is easy to do. The Ice skating and the romance are like on par with each other with the only vaguely second plot line being Yuri’s story line which is :,,,) still

Anyways  I just fucking love this okay I’m so sorry this got off track I’m not even done yet but please, read Brighter.

Last on characterization is of course, the main character, Yuuri Katsuki. Alright, I just h*cking love Yuuri in this fic. Like?? He’s so understanding and doesn’t deserve half the shit he’s gone through because if!!! SOME PEOPLE just TALKED IT OUT1!!!!!! Maybe. But no. Tash’s way of writing Yuuri is one of the ones that I appreciate the most. His way of dealing with things (which is to overthink then not solve anything) or his way of sherlocking through other people’s problems (see: Yuri P see: Victor N) His insecurities are all #relatable and just, Idk how to talk about this because i really can only say how perf i think tash did with him and that’s nonsensical imo anyways yuuri in brighter is like best yuuri hi i would die for him to be happy

For Brighter, the conflict and the angst go hand in hand (though tash has been hinting at things getting more painful in the next update and i’m not ready but :,,,) ya kno) and so without spoiling anything I just want to say that the conflict/angst is different in a way that it’s something that doesn’t seem improbable and is just 100% believable like past the characterization in the fic, I could almost 100% see this happening in canon which is a weird feeling and idk if the movie turns out to have any of these problems I’m gonna pay Tash like $20 or something (so open ur paypal now cause I have a feeling). Specifically here I’m talking about the conflict between Victor and Yuuri (not necessarily Yura’s because that’s something I definitely don’t want to happen but god it makes for some really good ass story telling and background on a character).

For Victor and Yuuri, it’s a matter of being honest about one’s feelings and just you know, um, telling the truth and not saying what you think someone else wants to hear. Which doesn’t really sound hard or difficult at all but here we have Victor who’s done everything for other people up to recently in his career and has probably never been so deeply in love as he is with Yuuri right now so he’s confused and I’ll give him that. HOWEVER, sometimes, Victor just needs to have a little more faith in Yuuri’s feelings for him.

The same goes for Yuuri though, the conflict isn’t 100% Victor’s fault. Some of the blame is deff Yuuri’s and Yuuri’s anxiety (which is essentially a whole nother Yuuri except darker with idk maybe a goatee and constant bad ideas). But also you can’t blame a character for being anxious and stuff and really I’m not ragging on Victor for this but I also don’t think Yuuri’s entirely to blame here? Like I’m so bad at meta okay I’m sorry buT I think to a degree they both have insecurities and doubts that are straining the relationship. They really do try to work through things but on Yuuri’s side, he almost always links the problems back to himself and in term him not being able to satisfy Victor like sexually and emotionally I THINK. Like…….. Okay I can’t go into it because I’m not sure how to put what I’m thinking into words

Another point I cannot stress enough and can’t actually find a good place to put in even tho this was number 1 on the list of things I wanted to talk about in here is This conflict is seriously all good conflict. Brighter has character’s growing and developing and just. Nothing seems forced or out of place?? Like it wasn’t just put there in order for there to be something wrong. Actually I think i did mention this but I cannot stress enough how much the conflict in brighter just fucking makes sense!!!!! I’m actually repeating myself I know but seriously my favorite part…. Second favorite part after Yuri’s characterization is how good the conflict and problems Yuuri and Victor have are. Like they’re honest to god relationship things and fuck!!!!!!!!! It’s so good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But essentially, Yuuri and Victor need to have a good oldfashioned talk but that’s not going to happen because Tash is about to rip out our hearts and I’m ready for once.

Alright, that’s been my not meta. I’m sorry @wing--it if you’re on mobile and cant read under the cut, it exists and also I’m sorry that this got so long……. But you know i told you!!!! It was gonna be long I just really fucking love brighter and i cannot express that enough. I tried to be coherent here in talking about all the things I enjoyed and I definitely missed something like the JJ conflict but this is almost 2k in length and I’m really embarrassed bcos of how passionate I am about this.

tl;dr: just read Brighter for fucks sakes, that’s all I want. More people to read brighter and scream about the character(ization)s and just heck!!!!!

[spotlightsaga]

Kevin Cage of @spotlightsaga reviews... Legion (S01E03) Chapter 3 Airdate: February 22, 2017 @fxnetworks Ratings: 1.043 Million :: 0.49 18-49 Demo Share Score: 8.75/10 **********SPOILERS BELOW********** 'Legion' requires a certain state of mind to take in what the show is putting out... 'Chapter 3' in particular is just pure chaos, but in this case, contained chaos, for the most part anyways. I've watched the episode twice now because I feel to properly review, I must also breakdown and deconstruct the story piece by piece to truly understand just what the hell is happening. Melanie gets advice and listens to old proverbs from a cappuccino machine that her husbands voice is inhabiting... It sounds as if he's trying to warn her that everything is not what it seems or what you need it to be. Whatever they mean she just enjoys his company, which is shown through her pouring out the cup of coffee she had barely sipped from and asking for another cup... This is what I took from it anyway. I had to watch several of the scenes repeatedly to get a good grasp of what was really happening. In and out of the dream work, this world is bizarre and abstract, which can make watching 'Legion' both an absolute blast, as well as incredibly frustrating. If 'Legion' itself was a polygraph the needle would break from scribbling from one end to the other with such ferocity. I imagine that's exactly what it's like for David to just exist, awake or asleep, just one piece of a puzzle after another, some of the pieces belonging to separate puzzles, but all the of the puzzles form a picture that he can't make out... But promise a bigger picture. Yeah, even explaining it is strange... But to interpret something so far out of the box, you have to think out of the box. I like that 'Legion' challenges my mind, I just have to put of my seatbelt and helmet before I press play. In 'Chapter 3' Melanie and Ptonomy continue their 'Dream Work' with David. They attempt to go slow, and immediately discover that David's powers reach beyond what they had originally thought when they see him in a pure state of emotional distress bursting the entire contents of a kitchen wide open through kinetic energy after a fight with Philly when she discovers both him & Lenny out of their heads from the 'blue dragon/mist'. There's a bit of a disturbance, evil laughter, and the evil face that many speculate is Mojo and David is spooked (and apparently only he can see and hear this), they decide to go back and start over but Ptonomy is stuck... He can't bring them back. Suddenly they are transported out of the memory cube, through several thick walls, 600 yards away, which freaks out Ptonomy. He asks David, "What are you?" Little does he know, David isn't the issue. Its almost comforting that the show goes from a frazzled state to a calm, serene scene that David shares with Syd. We as audience members need a bit of time to decompress, the show can get so intense so quickly that we need proper time to process it. Here we have David talking about how ever since Syd inhabited his body and switched with him, he still feels as if he has long hair and goes to brush it away, his balance is effected, and even admits to touching himself while he was her. It all sounds creepy, but she listens the mood with a joke that she jerked off... Then admits she's just joking. She clearly has no hang ups about the body switching and even admits to switching bodies with others; A Chinese man, a 300-lb woman, a 5-year old girl... "But wherever I go, I'm me." She delivers the line with such a calm assurance. She's at peace with her powers, it's advantages and disadvantages, and somehow that makes the scene even more calming, surreal, almost dreamlike. The tests continue with Loudermilk... This time monitoring his brain waves and hormone levels. Telling David to think about the most stressful moment in his life is probably not the best direction to give the man. We're transported to Halloween, when David was a young boy, which turns into a narration of the faceless man telling him the terrifying bedtime story. Can I pls get a hit that 'Blue Dragon' stuff? I need it just rehashing this insanity. The voice gets deeper and more menacing and Young David stumbles onto a graffitied being on a wall that looks like an angry version of Moral Orel. What in the fuck? David snaps back into reality as Angry Moral Orel makes a b-line towards him. Loudermilk asks if everything is ok, Lenny appears on a rolling chair. Clearly things are NOT ok as Lenny taunts David and turns into his sister insinuating that they could be raping her. Syd runs in and they literally just kind of disappear into nothingness. Go ahead and take another dose now, under the tongue guys, it's always better to keep it under there as long as possible and breathe through your nose. Syd & David are vaguely transported to where his sister is being held and grilled by Brubaker... The Eye senses their presence but they are like particles and atoms that are loosely put together, making them appear like faint mirages. As The Eye reaches for them they transport back into a pond by the compound where they reassemble through brightly colored matter in water. Fuck it, go ahead and dose again, it's not gonna hurt at this point. Melanie gives us a little backstory on The Eye, who was a recruit brought in by her husband who she explains now transfers consciousness through the electronics in the buildings from the elevator to the coffee maker. Yeah. David could give two shits who he is (or her electronic hopping husband), he just wants his sister. Chill David, sometimes in order to beat your opponent, you must know your opponent. Melanie believes that David's brain is defending itself, hence the trouble with the memory work... But she's wrong, she's dead wrong... As she's not aware of the Yellow-Eyed Devil, that may or may not be Mojo. She's frustrated, even considering the notion that she may be making things worse. Now David is worried that she's giving up, but she can't, he's literally the most powerful mutant alive. Melanie has one last idea.... They'll sedate David to gain unfiltered access to his mind. Syd demands to be there. This is about to get crazy... Full access to David's mind is the stuff nightmares are made of, literally. A quick moment between David and Syd the night before the next intense, full access session of dream work with Ptonomy to further establish trust between the two... And you can go ahead and dose yet again, at this point it's required. We start with how David ended up at Clockworks... Lenny and David are high as a kite and Lenny is pushing David in a shopping cart... You know, normal blue mist activities. Melanie explains that David is with them but he's in child form, because that's the only part of him that's awake and that Syd can touch him because her powers don't work in this realm, not without her physical body. Oh yeah, shit is about to slam you right in the feels. Two people who can never touch, and most likely have never really been touched (for separate reasons) are about to touch for the first time. The hug of the century, y'all. It's serious. Ptonomy wants to 'move this along', but I'd prefer the hug to last forever. Potato, PoTATo. They follow the David they've come to explore... He's experiencing a strange phenomenon; memories within memories... Inception, if you will. At this point, you've dosed too much, but it's too late now... I should've never encouraged all of that excessive hallucinogen use, but it's too late... The rabbit hole is wide open. David is rummaging through tapes... He appears in a flash, cramming the film from the video tapes into his mouth and the walls start to rumble. Young David takes off... Syd is rightfully worried why Melanie & Ptonomy aren't reacting. Don't they hear that? Don't they see that? Told you that you shouldn't have taken that last dose! Or did I? The walls are literally being ripped apart and there are definitely hands pulling them apart from the other side... And Melanie & Ptonomy are oblivious. Holy FUCK, someone listen to Syd and get the hell out of there! Ptonomy attempts to transport them out, but his powers fail. Unfiltered access, this is what they wanted!!! The tension is building like a brick mason working in fast forward, brick by brick... Little David dashes out of the room and hops over the older version of himself and Lenny who are high on the Blue Mist on the ground... What an image! What did we take again?! 5-MeO-DMT?! Syd walks into the kitchen where David is fighting with Philly. The intensity continues to build as Little David enters a bedroom and hides behind a bed where David appears to be fucking someone... I can't tell if it's Philly, Im not sure it matters... It's the energy that counts. Syd has to coax him out of the room where they then attempt to hide. Little David grabs a screwdriver and pops open an air duct that looks like the size of an old laundry shoot. Moral Orel from earlier in the episode is spotted, staring into the corner of a hallway. Yup, time to get the fuck out. Little David Climbs in and Syd is hurried in afterwards after Moral Orel suddenly turns and heads her way. I'm pretty sure I've had this exact same nightmare before. Luckily Moral Orel has. Big old head and most likely wouldn't be able to fit in that vent... But 'The Devil with The Yellow Eyes' makes a surprise pop-out when Sue looks back... Gotta admit, not what I was expected, may have peed myself just a smidge. Syd pleads David to wake up and the shots are cutting back to the room where the dream work takes place, with a fish eye lens (just in case things weren't already weird enough). Suddenly Syd comes to, gasping for air like she's popping her head out of a very deep dive into a pool. She literally beats Ptonomy with a pillow and wakes him up... Unfortunately Melanie and David are still under. OMFG, I literally can't take it. This has turned into a straight up horror show. Cut back to Melanie who's making her way through the corridors of David's memories. She finds his old room and the book the man without a face has been reading to David in past Memory Work sessions... One the cover... Is Moral Orel!!!! Ok it's not really Adult Swim's Moral Orel, the book is actually titled 'The Angriest Boy In The World'. She begins to read the book... It's violent and doleful and straight up terrifying. Not the type of book you read your little boy to put him to bed, know what I mean? The book slams down on her hand hard and basically eats it, she pulls away and looks down at her hand and it's bloated and disfigured, behind her is that obese 'Devil with The Yellow Eyes', that looks an awful lot like Mojo. She immediately snaps out of the trance and wakes up grabbing her hand as you would if you had just experienced a nightmare where you lose a limb and you're certain it's happened in real life. It's official, Melanie is now unsure if those memories they are exploring even belong to David at all. The episode fades out as they attempt to wake up David who is now stuck in the other realm, and it is the opposite of peaceful and serene... As the camera pans backwards holing David into a small space where he's surrounded by multiple people with aggressive energy. What a fn' episode, huh? At least now Melanie has a better understanding of what their working with... And isn't blaming David from holding back memories and advancement in treatment. The whole thing just makes me shiver a bit. Until next time, guys... I'm trying to make this a weekly thing... And I'm really enjoying Legion, but it is not an easy watch... It's like a 1000 ego deaths and being trapped inside a bad trip on a seriously heavy tryptamine.

[ratthewrodent]

Ok, I love lifestyle bloggers but to be honest I can never really trust their reviews of things because there's just no way I can be that motivated, consistent, organized, or self-sacrificing. But oh lordy do I try.Here's some of the "zero waste"/ "buy it for life" / "Environmental" things and hacks I've tried and how they compare to the normal products I would have used. 5/5 is going to be exactly as good as a normal product.A disclaimer- I am a young, able bodied adult woman with no kids, no allergies, and non-sensitive skin. I'm also going to be referring to products very generically, because many I bought locally but have identical or similar items all over the market. Also there will be TMI for things like body care and butts and stuff so... yeah.Saftey Razor (5/5) - I genuinely don't know how disposable razors managed to so thoroughly usurp safety razors, it is a marvel of marketing. I bought a super cheap safety razor ($20ish) and a 5 pack of blades because I was nervous and yeah there was a bit of a learning curve but not more than normal shaving? I'd say the biggest difference is the fact that pressing harder doesn't change anything and if your shave isn't close enough you need to switch angles instead of just going over and over again. I am not a patient shower-er and I have not yet cut myself. I've used it to shave every area except the Brazilian wax area. No razor burn to be seen (but again I have non sensitive skin). I dispose of the blades first in any old plastic container or can I'm getting rid of anyway before the trash, but that process may be more difficult with children who have access to bathrooms.I could see how blade removal could be difficult for folks with shaky hands, and obviously self harm triggers from the blades are present.Shaving Cream Bar (4/5) - Not as satisfying as a foam, but equally as effective. Docked a tiny bit for being very slippery to handle, especially when on its last legs. Also tough to spread around bikini areas.Cardboard Tube "natural" deodorant (2/5) - I really wanted to like this one more because I loved the smell and the idea of it, but these suckers are fairly expensive and I also seem to like,,,, crush them???? I am not raging hulk of a person as far as I know but these suckers just have not managed to keep their whole shape and "push-up-ability" for me. Also I'm a real sweaty bastard and while it smelled nice it was not workday capable without a re-application. All in all it was just too much money for a semi-crushed nice smelling stick for me to buy again.Old tee-shirt cotton pads (4/5) - I was shocked, shocked I tell you, with how well this ended up working for me. I was completely unwilling to actually sew a hem around the squares I cut from a no longer wanted cotton shirt and so I felt crazy looking at these stupid little fraying bits of scrap cloth. But I put them in an old tissue box and they blended right in with my bathroom. Applying products to the squares and then my face is exactly as good feeling as a standard disposable wipe. I used a different small basket I already had for dirty ones so I could wash them in larger batches because my morning process does not leave room for me deal with them one at a time because my life is a mess sometimes.Washing them is... a process. At first I tried hand washing but then drying was not happening and my partner did not deserve the punishment of tiptoeing through a bathroom with like 50 cotton squares just around. Also cat hair got on everything. Eventually I ended up with the solution to use a mesh bag (like for bras) and added them to my laundry load that way so they dont get lost.Honestly I would try this one if only because you have nothing to lose. You're getting rid of the tee shirt anyway, rub your face with it first and see if you like it!Silicone period cup (4.5/5) - I really like mine and it takes a bit of practice, but I'd say it's well worth the learning curve. Once you know how to do it you can pop that sucker out, wash it and pop it back in in less than 3 minutes tops. Holds like 8 hours of blood no problemo.Old clothing "paper" towels (2/5)- I wish this worked for me as well as the bathroom squares did. But between the cats and my general messiness old clothes were just not absorbent enough to clean as well as my actual wash rags. I may just have shitty clothes though.They did work well for very specific instances like wiping up a spilled drink on a flat surface, but not enough for me to be willing to have a basket of old shirts just sitting in my house.Bamboo Travel Cutlery (0/5) - No shade if you like these but they were garbage to me. I bought them because I was tricked by green-washing and cool advertisements and I wish I had just packed a normal fork.Bar Shampoo/conditioner (2/5) - While these technically did a job, they did not work for me and my partner (and we share shampoo). He has thick curly locks and the shampoo and conditioner in a bar was just not able to permeate without some very meticulous showering and we are not meticulous people. Our showers are 10 minutes give or take, and we needed something more simple. I am also a clutz and would always drop them, losing whole dollars of shampoo at a time.Some crazy shampoo/conditioner that a local hippie delivers to me in a metal tin so I only needed one reusable pump (5/5) - Hell yeah! I can't really do a good recommendation on this one because obviously not everyone is as lucky as I am to have a zero waste shop in the same city as they are. But here is my plea - give your local hippie shop owners a chance, do some intensive googling for local businesses and you may be pleasantly surprised at what you find! (by the way, if you're in the Tacoma area A Drop In The Ocean makes my shampoo)Bidet (5/5+) - Honestly I tell people who arent zero waste to get a bidet. Just get one, they're so good. Mine was like $30 and it only shoots cold water and it's still the best thing that's ever happened to me. I still use toilet paper with mine but now it's like one square at a time for drying purposes.Cast Iron Pan (5/5) - Im in love with my cast iron. It just sits on my stove and I cook everything on it. That being said, I've never managed to get it truly seasoned to be non stick on its own, I add a lil oil to it for that. I also literally dont know what all these crazy care instructions on the internet are. My father used a cast iron for 40+ years and he cleans it with water, sometimes a little soap if it's uber gross and it's literally fine. I've seen him re season it once. Not a good pan for people who have muscular troubles with their hands though, these bad boys are pretty heavy.Also side bar: Advice about cast irons online is terrible it's all so pretentious and frightening to read if you don't have background knowledge but I swear, it's super simple. All those people using big words and crazy continuous care are just like, high on their own knowledge or something.You clean the cast ironyou rub that bad boy with some vegetable oil or criscoyou throw it upside down in the oven at 375 for an hour and let coolBAM all done. It is now seasoned forever. If for some reason you feel the seasoning getting thin somewhere (maybe because you're like me and accidentally left it in soapy water overnight because I'm a sinner) Just do step 1-3 again.A mason jar instead of a reusable cup (0/5) - I dropped my bag because I'm a moron and it fucking exploded because it's glass, maybe 5/5 if you're not a moron but I'm unwilling to attempt again.Keepcup TM (1/5) - Very cute but the lid stopped working after I kept putting boiling hot drinks in it. My friend's still works fine so maybe it's a fluke, but I didn't get another.A $2 reusable starbucks cup (4/5) - Because I broke every other cup I guess. I also beat the shit out of it with no visible damage so far, including microwave, freezing, dropping and dishwasher. They are pretty thin though so I use a knit cozy so I can hold it when hot. Also doesn't seal shut.Cutting open the bottle of my swiffer cleaner so I could refill it (5/5+) - Only thing that makes my swiffer worth it. The seal is a lie, there's threading under there. The instructions linked are a good way to do it, but I literally just hacked at the edge of mine with a knife until it came off. I refill using a cleaning concentrate and it works equally as well as the original cleaner. Throwing in that I got a reusable swiffer pad set of three as well and they work great too. Just throw them in with the laundry when they're dirty!Powder Toothpaste (1/5) - Again, power to you if you can use this. My teeth felt clean but I also wanted to barf while using it. I did use it all, which I am proud of, and I did gag every time, which I am not.And finally...A metal reusable straw (3/5) - It's fine I guess. I cant really take it places with me but it's nice for when I drink at home.I am so sorry this got so long. I don't know what happened. Quarantine is just so boring. Hopefully maybe other people can leave honest reviews of them trying to live normal lives with zero waste products too and add validity to this monstrosity or maybe just point out things I missed or something. via /r/ZeroWaste

[whatdoyouwantfromme16]

Finally Moved On Chapter 1

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12324406/1/Finally-Moved-On

One of the stories I have been working on for awhile.

Mai POV 1 ½  years ago

“Me or Gene?” When he said those heart breaking words, I could feel tears starting to form but I decided to make this a chance to re invent myself after being rejected like that. So that’s exactly what I did the next day at the airport when we were all saying our goodbyes. He offered me a picture of him and Gene which I declined right away, knowing that the memory would only bring pain. “I hope you enjoy the rest of your life Davis and LIn-san.” I say to them right before they go through the gates.

After I said my goodbyes to the SPR irregulars I went home and packed up all my stuff, I was moving to Tokyo. After all Shibuya just wasn’t for me anymore. I didn’t leave a note and I had already changed my phone number. I just hope that they won’t be too worried.

I got on the train and sped away – the movers had already brought my stuff to the new apartment and I should be there shortly, I guess all that I can do now is go to school and hopefully be able to get into Toudai on scholarship. I had already gotten a new job there, I had an old family friend that owns a restaurant and when I told her she said that she would be delighted to have me work there.

When I got to my new apartment there was the person standing outside of the one next to mine.

“Yo, you must be the new girl. I’m Izuki Tony, pleasure to see that  my new neighbor is so cute.” He said with a wink and a smirk. I must admit he was pretty cute himself, he had these beautiful golden eyes and perfectly kissable lips along with that cool boy vibe. I thought to myself this is the most perfect time ever for re-invention.

“Yeah, I am the new girl, and I have to say you are most definitely a sight for sore eyes. You can call me Mai.” I replied back coolly, trying to hide my blush best as I can.

“I think that we are gonna be great friends Mai, you can call me Tony. Well, I’ve got to go to work. Nice meeting you, here’s my number if you ever want to hang out.” he said before he walked away.

I unlocked the door and saw that everything had already been set up. Perfect. Now to go shopping to perfect the new me. I went for the bad ass rocker chick thing, and I even dyed my hair black with red streaks!

Advance of 1 and 3 months ago.

“Mai I love you. Would you do the honour of being my girlfriend?” Tony asked me looking very serious.

“I don’t love you but I would like the chance to if you will let me?” I said the words knowing that if I didn’t now I would regret it for the rest of my life I needed this to finally move on from that Narcisstic ass whole.

One Month ago

“I am really sorry Mai I promise I will be back in one month's time I will call you when I land, okay?” he asked me.

“Of course Tony I will be waiting but go your family needs you right now.” I tell him holding back the tears.

“Just remember the charms and spells I taught you, those should help keep you powers at bay until I get back, I will always love you with all my heart Taniyama Mai.” He told me.

“See you when you get back.” I told him, with that he kissed me a longing kiss and left to go board his plane.

Current day

Naru POV.

As I entered the Tokyo airport after a year and a half I saw the SPR irregulars. I saw everyone except for the one I came back to Japan for Mai. even though I did not see her I did not instantly question where she was instead what surprised me is LIN said;

“Where is Mai-san I do not see her here with you guys?” they all looked very uncomfortable at Lin’s question.

Masako what the first to speak. “We haven’t got the slightest clue right after you guys left she just up and disappeared.” she knit her brows together after that.

Then we all heard a voice that we could never mistake say “Tony, you’re finally back I missed you so much!” said the girl that sounded like Mai but looked nothing like her, this girl had black hair with red streaks that went down to the middle of her back, black ripped jean son and a red t-shirt with a leather jacket to top it all off.

The male picked her up and kissed her. “I missed you too Mai.”

“MAI is that really you?” I heard the voice of MIss Matsuzaki ask.

Mai. Pov.

I looked through crowds of people and once I spotted im I couldn’t help but run up and throw my arms around him Saying.”Tony, you’re finally back I missed you so much!” he picked me up and kissed me right there.

“I missed you too Mai.” he said lovingly.

“MAI is that really you?” I heard a very familiar voice say. I Tony put me down and I turned around, and standing right there was all of SPR including Davis and Lin-san.

“Oh hello everyone long time no see eh?” I say to them not wanting to make a scene. Tony puts his arm around me.

“Calm down Mai just keep your emotions in check.” he whispers in my ear and I just nod my head, putting a cap on my emotions.

“Yeah it has it's been a year and a half and you finally resurface with some delectable eye candy, mind sharing?” I hear the familiar voice of Yasu say.

“No way I am not going to be sharing my boyfriend with anybody, anyways Tony you must have had a long flight let's head home.” I say with a shaky voice seeing everybody again has brought up emotions that I am not sure how much longer I can contain.

“Wait these are the friends that are in that book that you refuse to tell me about aren’t they?” Tony asks as if he already knows the answer.

“Yes” I reply with glumly no really itching to get out of here.

“Well Daymon, Rose, and the kids are coming over tomorrow why don't we invite them as well?” He asked me, I glared at him.

“I’m not sure after all I do have to teach the kids so it might be a bit awkward.” He gave me puppy dog eyes.

“But I guess if you guys don’t mind me being a bit distracted you can come over. Tony I know that you just got back but I really need to get away from all these people, can you give them the details while I go catch some air?” I ask knowing that if I don't get out of there now it was gonna make a scene.

Tony POV.

“Of course babe see you at the car.” I say, she leans up and kisses me on the cheek.

“Okay thanks, Tony .” she tells me.

“I love you.” I call after her. I turn to all of her old friends back when she was on a ghost hunting team, now it's just me and her as a ghost hunting duo.

“So this is our address and home phone number feel free to call if you get lost the other people should be there around 1 so if you wanna come around then that would be perfect.” I tell them as I hand them each a piece of paper. I turn to start leaving knowing that Mai would be worrying and wanted to be at home in her training room.

“Are you sure it's okay for us to come and interrupt your everyday lives I mean we were ghost hunters she almost died several times.” I heard the tall blond guy with a ponytail ask me.

“Oh we still ghost hunt together I think that you would be surprised on who she is now. So I think that she will be okay as long as I am there for her.” I tell them. “But I better go Mai doesn’t like being out of the house much so I hope to see you tomorrow.” I tell them with a smile before I go off to go home with my Mai.

Naru POV.

I thought if we left Mai would stop being in the paranormal world, not go change everything about herself and get a new boyfriend. Mai was supposed to wait for me I thought she loved me. “Well he seemed nice.” Yasu said to no one specifically.

“I just hope that Mai is happy, is anyone going to go there tomorrow? I mean I kinda want to hear more about her.” Ayako asks.

“I am going for sure.” Says Masako surprisingly. The rest of the SPR irregulars agree that they are going to go and Lin accepts on both our behalfs. This is gonna be very interesting, I think to myself.