#immediately got teary eyed over ‘let’s be alone together we can stay young forever’ and imagining it as the last 8 ball of the healing tour

[fakeoutbf]

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[id-rather-be-an-outsider]

Sunflower Dreams | pt I

Aaron Davis (Spiderverse) x Reader

word count: 1757 (or about that, I made some tweaks after I copy pasted it here so uh.... rough guestimate?)

summary: when young and educated y/n’s given the opportunity of a lifetime, she plans accordingly. her life is finally starting to be perfect, until suddenly, it’s not anymore. her friendly neighborhood bachelor, Aaron Davis, helps her pick up the pieces, as she unknowingly makes him see that there’s more to life than being a villain.

a/n: I decided to write this story bc Aaron Davis gets no love, which is crazy to me, and because I had a little idea cooking up in my head that I thought would be a good story. I took a lot of inspiration for the protagonist from my own life, but you’re only gonna hear slivers of it for now. I have no idea how many chapters this is gonna be, but like. I hope someone enjoys this, bc I know I will enjoy writing it. also. I wrote this story from my perspective, so when I imagine the reader, I envision her as kinda ambiguous in the ethnic department (I’m mixed but white-presenting), but she can be whatever ya’ll want her to be. lightskin, darkskin, anything. okay. Imma let ya’ll read now haha jk I also gotta say, HELL YEA I USED TREVANTE RHODES AS MY PERSONAL FANCAST FOR AARON DAVIS, THAT MAN IS FWOINE AIN’T NOBODY FINNA TELL ME ANY DIFFERENT FUCK OUTTA HERE

    I didn’t make a big deal about moving to New York to pursue my Masters. Already had my Bachelors in Business Administration with a minor in Fine Arts, just got my Bachelors in Education, and now I was ready to chase after my Masters. It only made sense to take the opportunity. How often are you gonna be offered a full ride in exchange for opening your own business in Brooklyn upon graduation, with the funding necessary to do so? Once it took off, I’d return to Tacoma and pay the city my gratitude for making me who I was.

     As I was saying, it was a quiet departure. Thank God I’m a minimalist, otherwise I would’ve had a LOT more items to bring with me. My boyfriend and I packed all my belongings and made the trek across the US after saying goodbye to my family and friends. He was driving. We held hands all the way there. Sometimes speaking, sometimes not.

     When we got to my new home, I already had a parcel of mail waiting for me from my university. After we took up the first load, we sat down on my empty floor and opened it. It welcomed me home and had a map, coffee shops and fun places circled for me to go visit. It was sweet.

     By noon we had everything in my unit thanks to a friendly neighbor named Aaron Davis and his nephew, a funny kiddo named Miles who reminded me of why I came to New York in the first place, and by the evening we had everything unpacked. We walked to a Starbucks and had coffee and sandwiches, now sitting on my bed with our stomachs full. The window was open, the faint beeps and honks of traffic coming from far below.

     We curled up into each other. “I fucking hate this,” I said. “It’s not fair.”

     “I know. I do too. And you know I would stay here with you if I could, but I’m still having no luck finding a job here.”

     “Fuck finding a job, I’ll be the breadwinner of the family,” I laughed, even though I was serious. He knew I was.

     “I can’t burden you like that financially. I promise, as soon as I land an interview, you’re gonna be the first to know. And as soon as I get hired, I’m showing up on your doorstep.” He kissed my forehead. “I don’t say it near enough, but I love you, and I’m so proud of you.”

     “I love you too. And thank you. It’s like, my entire life is falling perfectly into place, all but- well- except for you.”

     “We’ll get there, I promise. For now, just finesse every man or woman here who will buy you dinner, and try to have fun.” He rubbed my back, continuing, “You’ve never dated anyone but me, so... take it as your opportunity to learn about what you like, and once we’re together again, we can find a way to fit any new and quirky tastes you find you have into the relationship. But-“ His hand moved down quick and slapped my ass, squeezing it and illiciting an ‘ow’ of protest from me- “This is still mine, so no fucking, or else I’ll be doing more beating than just beating that pussy up.”

     I laughed and said, “You fuckin’ freak.”

     “Yea, but you like that shit.” He said confidently.

     “Shut the fuck up, why you gotta be so loud about what we do when the window’s open?” I gave him a light punch, then whispered in his ear, “But aye, like, I won’t deny it.”

     “Good, because that would’ve been real awkward after I’ve been in them guts for four years straight.” Then he lowered his voice. “Speaking of which, I’m trynna be in them once more tonight and tomorrow morning.”

     “I dOn’T hAvE aS HiGh Of A sEx dRiVe As YoU!” I mocked him in my best Spongebob voice. “Always lyin for why?”

     He pulled me on top of him and kissed me, his way of telling me to shut up nicely. “Shhhh, I’m just trynna make the most of the time we have left before I have to go back to Tacoma.”

     “But you don’t have to go,” I said, “You can stay here-“

     He cut me off with a series of kisses, “I already-“ “-bought-“ “-the tickets-“ “-so I actually do kinda have to.” He wrapped his arms around me, petting my hair. He always said I had the softest curls he’d ever touched.

     “I just wish you could stay,” I whispered. “We’ve already made it through so much, each of us on our own and then together, I just-“ I cut myself off. The tears welled up in my eyes, threatening to spill over. “-I just-“

     “Baby, say it. If your overthinker brain is gonna torture you with this, I wanna hear it so I can put those thoughts to rest.”

     “I just keep thinking that something’s gonna happen to you and I’m gonna lose you. The very idea of that terrifies me, and makes me want to weep-“ I go cross eyed as I watch a tear fall from my eye and trail down my nose- “-because I don’t know how to live without you. And I mean that in a couple ways.”

     “Well... I’m not leaving you forever. I’m coming back here as soon as possible, I’m gonna talk to you on Discord every chance I get, I’m gonna call you every day,  and I’m gonna go to sleep every night dreaming that I’m here with you. For all we know, I could be coming back here in less than a month.” He tilted my chin up to look in my eyes. “Even if I’m not physically present, I’m always gonna be here. You’re never alone.”

     “I love you.”

     “I love you too.”

     In the morning, we slept in late and cuddled until he absolutely had to get up. We both hopped in the shower and he put on his airport clothes while I pulled on a pale, lemon yellow sweatsuit with a white gold chain to match. Gotta let these hoes know, I outdress them even on my bummy days.

     The ride to the airport was a back and forth between us kissing at red lights and screaming out different lyrics from XXXTentacion, Post Malone, JUICE WRLD and whoever the hell else we felt like listening to as we drove, much like we did since the beginning of our relationship.

     When we got there, we took our time saying goodbye since he didn’t have to stress too much about baggage check. We said we loved each other, once I couldn’t see him anymore I called him and we talked while I drove back to my new home and he waited for his flight, and then he was called to board so we got off the phone, but not before he promised me that he would call me as soon as he landed.

     When I got home, I stopped by the mailbox to see if I had anymore mail and simultaneously checked my Instagram, seeing a flurry of notifications. Suddenly, his mom called me.

     “Hi mom, what’s up? Are you okay?” I said as I scrolled through my Instagram, trying to make sense of all the digital confusion.

     She sniffled.

     “Mom, what happened?”

     “Check the news, babygirl... have you not seen it yet?”

     “Uh, no, I haven’t, but I’ll check it out right now,” I said, putting her on speakerphone.

     She started sobbing, saying “I’m so sorry, baby, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have called you like this, but I wanted to be the one to tell you.”

     And that’s when I saw my worst fears in a news article:

NYC - Sea Bound Plane Crashes, No Survivors

A horrific accident has happened today, and experts are still struggling to find out how - a plane headed to Seattle malfunctioned mid-flight, claiming the lives of everyone on board. Many of the victims have already been identified by their families, not by looks, but by the identification on their bodies at the time of the incident. Below this article are photos of the bodies. If you think you can identify one of them, contact...

     I couldn’t finish reading. I scrolled and saw the bodies, all of them mangled and torn apart, almost unrecognizable as humans. Hearing his mom say ‘he’s dead’ over and over again as I stared at the pictures made me lose my stomach.

     Up came all of my breakfast, and whatever Starbucks I hadn’t yet digested from the night before.

     “Mama, I love you, but I have to call you back later-“ a pause as I threw up again. “I’m physically sick. I’m so sorry,” I sobbed the last sentence, and after hearing a teary goodbye from the other end, hung up. I’d dropped my mail the first time and only now noticed that it was covered in my mess. I didn’t care. I started crying, which was a mistake, because it only made me throw up more, this time nothing but bile.

     “Hey, are you okay?” I whipped around, facing Aaron Davis, the friendly man from the day before.

     “I- I’m sick.” I said, and immediately burst into tears. “Please help me.” Those three words rarely ever left my mouth, but even I know when I can’t do something on my own. He put his keys in his pocket and reached out to me.

     Mere minutes later, I was in my unit, crouched over the toilet, heaving. Aaron had guided me there, holding my hair out of my face as I continued to puke. He called management and told them what happened, and he told me they were already cleaning it up.

     “Listen... I know it’s not my place to say anything, seeing as I’m just your neighbor, but...” He rubbed the back of his neck as he was crouched beside me. “I overheard the phone call. And I overheard the conversation you had with your boyfriend last night. He loved you.”

     “I know he did.” I said, because it was true.

     “I just... look, if you need anything, I’m here. I know you‘re hurting a lot right now, and I know you may want nothing but for everyone to leave you alone, especially the new dude who isn’t minding his business, but if you need anything, I’m here. And Imma check up on you. You’re not alone. You’re never alone.”

     I laughed, but it held no real warmth. “He said that last part to me yesterday night.”

     “He was right. And still is.”

[aeirwen]

一期一会 - 第2弾

“Sometimes we overcome adversity only by imagining what our world might be like if our dreams should ever come true.”

“Then what is it that you dream of?”

“I don’t know,” I gasped, clutching my chest as I held back tears, “But I know that in my heart, a part of my dream is to be with you...”

一期一会 - 第2弾 (Ichi-go Ichi-e - Dai Nidan) Tokugawa Ieyasu Rated T for Teens Word Count:  5129

[Chapter 1][Chapter 2][Chapter 3][Chapter 4][Chapter 5] [Chapter 6][Chapter 7][Chapter 8][Chapter 9][Chapter 10]

Ichi-go Ichi-e Chapter 2 Covers

"Say, ‘Ahhhh!!!’”

“‘Ahhhh!!!’“

“How is it, is it delicious?”

“My, it sure is!”

“Uwaah, it makes me so happy to hear you say that.  I made all of this all for you all by myself!”

“My, I would never have imagined!  To think that my precious Oai would be so talented in the kitchen.”

“Who is that?”  “Did Lord Tadasugu get himself a little mistress or something?  “An old guy like that still getting it with young, pretty girls like that...I wanna know what kind of tricks he used...”  “I wouldn’t mind hitting it up with a cutie like that either.  “She looks so small and frail even with all those layers on.”

“Oji-chama, I want to stay here and cook for you forever and ever.”

“Oh!!!  Lord Tadatsugu has a granddaughter?”  “That’s his granddaughter?!!”  “I call dibs!!”

In the momentarily quiet dining hall, as I was feeding my grandfather, hoping that it would entice him to let me stay, where we sat together was all of a sudden intruded upon by a large crowd of various men in various shapes and sizes.  Shocked and surprised, Ibuki moved back to avoid being trampled on.

“Hi!”  “Hey!!”  “Nice to meet you!”  “What’s your name?”  “How old are you?”  “Are you single?”

My face contorted with pain and I whimpered, “Y-you’re stepping on my hair...”  As I held onto the long lengths of my locks, upon seeing my teary eyed reaction, all the men suddenly became a lot more excited and sat around me, asking me question after question without even giving me a single chance to answer any of them.  Honestly, with so many words being thrown at me all of a sudden, my head was beginning to spin.

As I struggled to keep up with the conversations, my grandfather chuckled, apparently amused by the attention that I have suddenly garnered.

“Did you make these all by yourself?”  “They look delicious!”  “I’m quite jealous of your grandfather.”  “Might I have a bite to try as well?”  “It would please me very much if you were to feed me too.”

“Ahem!”

At the sudden interruption, silence had filled the hall.  All eyes turned upon the lord who had finally graced us with his presence.  Quickly, and as quietly as they possibly could, all the men who had surrounded my grandfather and I had rushed back to their seats as Lord Tokugawa Ieyasu entered the hall followed by a number of other men with various expressions on each of their faces at the sudden notice of me.

Oddly, suddenly nervous, I stayed silent and closed my mouth, staring down at the tatami calmly.  Or as calmly as I could fake it, feeling all eyes on me much more apparent than before.

“Wow, Lord Tadatsugu, you sly old dog.  You still got it in you, don’t you?” mused a rather brawny man as my grandfather laughed vaguely.

The last one, and perhaps the youngest looking one as well, merely glanced at me before finding his place to sit as Lord Ieyasu lowered himself where his tray sat at on his dais.

Maybe I did not know my manners...  Or maybe it was just something I wasn’t very used to.  The moment Lord Ieyasu had entered the hall, everyone had gone quiet and was having their morning meal quietly.  It oddly made me feel nervous about enjoying my time with my grandfather, sitting there, watching him enjoy himself as he fed himself.

Quite bored, I looked around the room.  Of course, I was completely surrounded by very handsome men, I suppose.  Each one perhaps had some charm to their own if one were to think about it...

The very tall and very skinny one was perhaps quite an earnest character, perhaps?  The shorter, more bulky one was probably one to never give up no matter how hard the task, probably.  The older one with facial hair may not be as wise as he looks, but I’m sure he has quite the boyish side to him.  And there was a handsome one who was quiet, but I’m sure he’s very friendly and quite a charmer.

The silence in the room was driving me nuts actually...

Was it just me, or was it actually quite tense in here?

Mmmmmm...I don’t think I can stand this anymore...!

Trying hard to hide the pout on my face, I looked over to Lord Ieyasu only open my eyes a little bigger.  I watched him as he merely stared out into the hall in silence, watching each person eat their food.  His gaze upon each person seemed to send a shiver up their spine, immediately taking hold of their actions.  One wrong move could become a great misdeed, it seems.

“Lord Ieyasu!” I called, breaking the silence.  Within that small moment, every head turned my way as I dared to call out the name of their lord.  I stared at Lord Ieyasu with worry, “Have you no appetite?” I asked, “You’ve hardly touched your food.”  Or, likely, not at all.

At my perfectly innocent question, it somehow felt as though the air in the room had all of a sudden become heavier..  I almost wavered because I was unsure if I should become embarrassed or concerned...  I glanced around as he simply stared over at me with quite a pleasant smile.  Oddly though, I had this feeling that that smile on his face was not a very friendly one...

But I was not about to falter.

“Here, allow me to serve you some tea!”  Immediately, I got up on my feet, pulling my robes up as I did so in order to not trip over myself on them.  I plopped down to my knees before him, offering Lord Ieyasu a kind smile as I reached for the small teapot, using both my hands to pour him a cup.  “Uwaah!!” I beamed, “Chabashira!”  The moment I pointed down to Lord Ieyasu’s teacup, the majority of the diners closest to use stood up on their knees to peer over and see.  “How lucky!”

I looked up to Lord Ieyasu with a grin on my face, watching as he only stared dully at me before picking up the cup and downing it in one shot before anyone else could see the standing stem in his tea.

I took a soft, deep breath and relaxed in front of him, staring at him gently, “Are you not hungry, My Lord?”  Immediately, before he could respond, I placed a palm firmly onto his forehead, shocking everyone around me.  “I don’t think you have a fever...”  I pursed my lips side to side, feeling my own forehead as well with the same hand, thinking to myself what could possibly be wrong.  “...do you not like today’s meal?”

“Do you ever stop talking?” was the first thing he was able to say to me, staring at me dully.

I only stared back at him before smiling once more.  “I’m not very good at leaving people alone...”

His head only cocked to the side, eyes narrowing, as I dared answer him back.

“Oh, but you MUST eat, My Lord.  Because if you don’t, I’m sure everyone here would be worried if you starved yourself.  Whatever shall we do if you were to suddenly collapse one day?”

He only stared at me, perhaps with annoyance in his eyes.  Not perhaps.  He really did look like he was deeply annoyed with me.

In truth, the silence was getting to me.  The tension...  The look in his eyes.

I want to stay here.  I want to be here.  I want to live with my grandfather for the rest of my life.

Please, don’t send me back.

...I just don’t know how to make friends...

“Saigou Masako.”

“Yes, Grandfather?”  At the sound of my official, formal, legal name, I turned to look over at my grandfather.  The looks of surprise among the retainers of Lord Tokugawa Ieyasu were blurred upon my focus on Sakai Tadatsugu.  My eyes were red and welled with tears.

“Return to your seat and properly behave yourself.”

“Yes, Grandfather.”

I did as I was told, standing up gently and gracefully picking up the hem of my robes, tucking them away with my thumb as I moved back on my small feet to take my place beside my grandfather, softly lowering myself to sit on my knees after tucking in my clothes.

I could not notice the tensed, but red faces of the retainers within the dining hall.  I had mostly kept my eyes lowered at the tatami before me, fighting the urge to look towards his way, to look upon the Lord of Mikawa.  This was the way my aunt had taught me to behave.  I knew no other way.

“You will be well behaved and never make eye contact with anyone above your station.  Your eyes must always be lowered and you shall always hold your tongue.  Remember, you are nothing but the lowly daughter of a disgusting whore.  That is how you shall behave.”

I could feel eyes on me, perhaps multiple pairs...  And suddenly...  I felt embarrassed...  And ashamed....

Perhaps they were staring at my face, watching the tears trail down the curves of my cheeks.  I don’t know what to do, or if I could even move.  Was I allowed to wipe them away?  Or would that draw even more attention my way?

Suddenly I feel so big that I want to return to becoming small and hiding away...

“Oai, why are you crying?” my grandfather asked.

I kept my eyes lowered on the tatami and answered him truthfully...if he would let me do so...  “It felt lonely to watch Lord Ieyasu sit and stare as his retainers eat while he does not.”  The moment I made my answers, all retainers in the hall clasped their chopsticks together and set them down, sitting in silence and staring straight ahead.  “To not be able to share meals with others, let alone eat one is lonely to me...”

“You may be the daughter of the Saigou Clan by name, but even in the presence of guests, you shall starve.  You will sit there and keep your eyes lowered and make no move to partake in meals.”

“It’s alright, Oai.  Lord Ieyasu just does not have an appetite right now.  Please eat your meal.”

“When asked why you’re not eating, you will answer with...”

“I do not have an appetite at this moment either.”

“You are not my daughter and will never be.”

“And who might this young beauty be?”

“Oh, my.  This precious one here?  She is my late brother’s daughter, but since his passing, she’s been my loving daughter for many years.  Masako, please introduce yourself.”

"I am Saigou Masako, daughter of Saigou Motomasa.  It is my pleasure to meet you, My Lord.”

With a soft and gentle bow, I lowered myself before my adoptive father’s younger brother who only stared down at me with a bright smile.  I did not look upon his face, having been lectured earlier and many times not to look at the faces of those who are above me, but when he called my name, I looked up to that young, bright, and handsome face of his.

“Masako, is it?  A lovely name for child with such bright eyes.  I remember you, you’ve grown into a beautiful woman.”

Lord Saigou Kiyokazu smiled down at me kindly before passing me by and I could not help but turn to watch him leave in order to greet my adoptive father and my cousin, watching the way the three of them got along so well.

“Did I not tell you to keep your filthy face away from the eyes of others?”

With that harsh whisper heard by me and only me and my handmaiden, I lowered my face again and followed after my grandfather’s daughter.

“I should have never taken you in.  Your face, like that whore of a mother of yours...seducing even my husband, my son, and my brother-in-law...  What I would do if I was not my father’s daughter...”

“Forgive me, Mother...”

I have been rejected as early as I could remember...  My father was a samurai, my step mother was a noble woman, and my birth mother was a courtesan.  My father was constantly at war, my step mother could not care for me, nor my older half brothers under her influence as well, and my mother...a courtesan having had a child?  Her career would be over.

My father would not have me, a small girl, running around the red light district and took me away from it to benefit my future and my virtue.  But he took me away to a family that rejected me where he soon passed and my grandfather took me away to a clan who not only rejects me, uses me, and sees me as nothing but a burden...or, in special cases, a prey to be devoured...

When I was only thirteen, my adoptive father had first laid a hand one me that would scar my heart forever...  When I was only fourteen, my cousin, the one I call my very own brother, would touch me in ways that frightened me to the very core of my being...

“Please let go of me...”

Is this face of mine...really that filthy?

Sitting alone in my room with Ibuki quietly embroidering something by the door in the light, I brushed the characters I see written on the last page of the book.

Of course, I honestly am still illiterate, but I’m sure this is his name.  “Shouhei Genkou,” I softly whispered.  There were five characters in total, 松平竹千代, but what else could this be other than his name.  Shouhei Genkou...  I did not know the rules of lettering, but nonetheless, knowing that his name is written this way is beautiful to me.  “Kou-chan...”  I smiled to myself, tracing the characters with my finger on the page.

I cannot read this book word for word...but I do remember the gist of it.  It was about a young girl who lived with her father, he step mother, and step sister.  Her step mother and step sister could not stand her beauty and her kindness and did not prepare any fine clothing for her to join in the festivities in their town, but she had met a magical fish who she was kind to, and in gratitude towards he kindness, the fish granted her beautiful clothes so that she could go to the festival.  There she had met a handsome lord, but when it was time for her to leave, she lost a jeweled slipper and he had used that to find her, seeing that her feet was so small and dainty, no other woman could fit their foot inside.

It’s a beautiful, and enchanting tale.  One that I wish would come true...

But these clothes are not mine, these shoes are not mine.  Everything I have, though little it may be, I do not possess.  All that I am adorned with is to keep the appearance of a loving daughter who has loving and devoted parents.

“Oai.”

“Yes, Grandfather!” Given a start, I immediately closed the book.  I looked over to him with as bright of and as cheerful of a smile I could.

“My Lord.”  Ibuki immediately placed her things down and bowed low on the tatami.

“As you were,” he replied, stepping in to take a comfortable seat next to me.  “I’ve been thinking a lot since you’ve arrived...  Why have you come to visit me?”

I stared at him innocently, “Because...I really miss you, Ji-chama....”  I lowered my face, trying to act cutely.

He only chuckled in response before pressing on, “Grandfather misses his precious Oai too, but this is a place filled with many men.  There aren’t a lot of women here to keep you company.  It’s not very proper for a young woman to reside in a place filled with men, won’t you go back home?  I’m sure your mother is very worried about you.”

I stared at my grandfather and forced a smile, doing my best to hide the hurt in my eyes, but I couldn’t.  my brows crinkled and tears had already welled in my eyes before I could tell myself not to cry.  Grandfather made no change in expression, merely only staring back at me nonchalantly.  If he knew how terrible it was to live there, would he still tell me to go back home?

Would he believe me if he knew what was going on?

Grandfather finally broke eye contact with me as Ibuki only quietly listened, sighing as he looked out to the bright and sunny sky outside.  The birds chirping and singing.  “Perhaps it is time I marry you off to a respectable young man.  I don’t know if your mother and Motomasa are ready to give you away yet, and I find myself teary eyed at the idea of it as well because you are my only precious granddaughter, but you are not a small child anymore.  You’re finally a grown young woman, ready to become an adult.  If only your father could see you now, you probably don’t know how much he loved you knowing you were only so young when he left you.  Perhaps your Aunt and Motomasa aren’t ready to let you go yet, which is why perhaps it is I who should find the strength to do so.”

I sniffled and gasped, trying not to let my voice crack, “Oji-chama, would it not be alright if I could just stay with you for the rest of my life?”

He laughed at my words and dabbed his eyes with his fingers.  “Oji-chama might not even last in this world for the rest of your life so he needs to find someone who can.”  He patted my head and brushed away my tears, only, doing so had caused more tears to spill.  “Listen to Oji-chama, alright?  He’s only going to look for someone to take care of you.”

“But what if Oai can take care of herself?” I asked, wiping away my tears as I shook before him.  “I don’t want to get married, I just want to stay with Oji-chama for the rest of my life.”

“Saigou Masako.”  I lowered my head and shut my mouth in response to my official name.  “Please do not let Grandfather worry for your future.  I took you away from an arranged marriage when you were only nine years old, to this day, I am still not sure if it was right or wrong of me.  I’m sure, had you gotten married then, you would have been well taken care of, but I am also sure that your father would not have wanted that fate for you.”

“Would your worries for my future be sated just by my getting married?”

My grandfather stared at me gently and nodded.  “Yes.”

“If this was possible, would you allow me to choose my husband?”

“Choose your husband?”

“I don’t need an advantageous marriage, because marrying someone like me, the daughter of a courtesan who is no better than a peasant brings no merit to a lord in a high position...”’

“Oai, what are you saying?  You are my granddaughter, my son’s daughter, and the adoptive daughter of Saigou Motomasa.”

“...but my mother, my birth mother, is a courtesan, what right do I have to seek a noble husband?  If I were to be married, I would like to choose my husband with the hopes that despite everything, he will choose me.”

“Saigou Masako, your name is worth more than your blood.  Who had taught you to think this way?”

“I don’t want a husband who’s life I will end up worrying about like my father’s and my grandfather’s.”

At my response, Grandfather softly sighed, staring at me with worry.  “Won’t you understand your grandfather’s heart too?”

“I’m not afraid to be alone for the rest of my life.”

“Oai, please do not say such sad things.”

“I have Ibuki with me.”

“I’m sure Ibuki would like to have a significant other in her life at some point too.  What would you do then?  In this world, a woman trying to survive on her own is not an easy task.”

“If marriage solves every problem a woman has, there is only one person I would like to meet again.”

“And who might that be?”

Grandfather waited for my answer, staring at me as I wiped away my tears.  I opened the book that sat on my table and flipped it all the way to the end.  “I do not know if this is really how his name is written, but there was a boy I met a long time ago.  This book belonged to him.  His name is Shouhei Genkou.  I would like to marry him in this lifetime.  Perhaps he may not be an advantageous marriage for me, but I would not be advantageous to him either.  If upon meeting him once more, I find that I would not like to meet with him again, then I will allow Grandfather to marry me off to whoever he wishes.”

My grandfather stared at the page where a name was written in large letters.  He looked at me, utterly confused and bewildered as I stared back at him, in all serious manners.  It wasn’t until he burst out laughing that I felt offended.  Was it truly not a name?  Was it actually a sentence??  Was 松平竹千代 actually meaning, “this is the end”???  Did I make a mistake?  The way Grandfather had laughed, slapping his leg and wiping his tears away deeply hurt me.

“I-is this not a name...?” I asked, suddenly worried and feeling stupid.

I had not known that the characters 松平竹千代 stood for Matsudaira Takechiyo.

I was only 9 years old when I met him.  When I met my husband-to-be that is...  Adorned in my red kimono and heavy hair ornaments, trying to balance it all on my head on my thin neck, I bowed to someone who looked very old to me.  Not old like a grandfather or a father...but someone who was obviously a lot older than me.  Sitting face to face with him, trying to sit back up with all these heavy ornaments in my hair, it was quite obvious that I was still just a child in front of what I did not know was still a teenager.  He looked kind of mean, really, really scary actually.  I was quite afraid to be honest, scared enough that I actually cried and wet myself in front of him.

Me...a nine year old girl, already getting married to someone so old and mean and scary looking!

I could not have embarrassed my grandfather and the Saigou Clan more!

What I did not know was the person I had done that in front of was THE Lord Oda Nobunaga himself.

I was so shook and frozen, that my pee drenched self had to be carried out by who I did not realize was my uncle at the time, Lord Saigou Kiyokazu.

“Was he really that scary, Lady Saigou Masako?”

I did not know his name at the time, but Lord Kiyokazu seemed like someone I could trust.  I nodded hurriedly to him, covering my face as I trembled before him.  He was my adoptive father’s younger brother who had came here in his place as my guardian.

“That’s alright.  Getting married can be a very big thing for a girl.  Let’s go get you cleaned up now, okay?”

I nodded and let him pick me up with his arms.  He did so gently and kindly despite the fact that I had used the bathroom in my own clothes...  I mean...not my clothes...as my Aunt had mentioned many times.  These clothes did not belong to me, they are only given to me to make myself look presentable as the daughter of the Saigou Clan.

While having been bathed by the maids of this castle, I could not know what kind of negotiations could have transpired in my absence but after my bath, I was pleasantly surprised when my grandfather had came for me and told me that it was time for me to go home..

“Oji-chama, is there a reason why I’m going home?  I thought I was getting married?”  Although I was happy to leave Owari, I was still curious as to why I was leaving.  Was it because I used the bathroom in front of that old, scary, and mean looking lord?

Grandfather only smiled at me kindly, “You could say Lord Oda Nobuhide took pity on your age and had pardoned your duties as the daughter of a samurai this time.”

“This time?  You mean, I might have to come back later?”

“Maybe, but for now, are you glad that you won’t be getting married yet?”

I smiled and nodded, staring eye to eye with my grandfather.  “Because, that means that I know I can still see Oji-chama’s face again and again.  I’ll still be able to see Oji-chama so he won’t ever feel lonely without me!”

Grandfather laughed happily to my reaction.  “Oji-chama feels very happy to hear Oai’s honesty.”

“But, is it really time to go home already?”  As I followed after Grandfather on my small and tiny feet, I turned my head to look back at the castle, wondering where that boy had gone.  “Oji-chama, there’s someone I want to say goodbye to before we go home.”

“Oh?  And who might that be?”

“Kou-kun!”  I had saw him for a fleeting moment, and I don’t know how or why, but I had already done so without thinking, running back towards the castle even though Grandfather had called my name.

I ran kicked off my geta and ran on the dirt in my white socks because if I didn’t, who knows if I’ll ever get the chance to say good bye.  I ran around to the back side of the castle and slowed to a stop, pretty sure that I saw him go this way until I spotted the tree where we had first met.  Looking around my surroundings, seeing no one around, I ran to the tree, sure that we wouldn’t be spotted if we met there.  The tree was a fairly large one, surely enough to hide two small children.  “Kou-chan?”  I walked around the tree, once, and did not see him.  I looked around, my heart slowly filling with the pain of disappointment.

Honestly, where did he go?

I really, really wanted to say goodbye before I left.

I don’t know why I was such a sensitive child...but my eyes were definitely becoming red again, welling with tears.  My fingers curled into my palm and dejectedly, I took a step forward again in order to make my way back to my grandfather, ignoring the pain of stepping on sharp rocks on my feet until a voice called out to me.

“Goodbye!” was what he said.

Startled, I looked up and searched for the source of that sound and saw that Genkou had peeped his head out from behind a different tree.  Without another thought or care, I ran over to him, huffing from not having run to often, especially in heavy robes.  I took deep breaths when I reach him, panting as calmly as I can so that I can give him a proper goodbye.

“Kou-chan, I have to go home now,” I told him as he only stared at me indifferently, as if he already knew that.  “Thank you for keeping me company these past few days.  I had a lot of fun thanks to you...”

“Are you really leaving already?” he asked, his eyes narrowing as the wind suddenly blew, causing a rush of cherry blossom petals to shower around us.

“That’s what Oji-chama said, but I’m sure we’ll see each other again, I think.”  I smiled to him.  “I really hope that we can meet again someday, sometime soon.”

“Can I do that thing again?”  His eyes narrowed even more as he tried to hide himself even more behind the tree, his words coming out as more of a mumble.

“Hm?  What thing?”

As he removed himself from the tree, another gust of wind summoned cherry blossom petals our way again and he pulled me to him, bringing his lips against mine in a sudden kiss.

I had froze right there, my feet planted on the ground as he pulled back, face face reddening by the second.  My face tingled and I could feel the heat on my cheeks.  I didn’t know what to do, the only thing I did was press my hands against them, trying to cool them down with my cold hands and trying to stop the tingling.

The boy didn’t have a very kind face, in fact, I mostly see him scowling or pouting, but even he looked a little embarrassed as he reached over to me with his hands and peeled what must be a cherry blossom petal off my lips.

Overwhelmed and shocked, I stood there for some time, holding onto my cheeks as he just simply walked past me and disappeared.  I could not find the strength in me to turn and watch him leave, I was still too paralyzed to move that I simply just stood there and waited to feel  the blood circulating in my legs again.

That was the last time I saw him before returning to grandfather with my hands still pressed against my cheeks.  I never went back to that castle and I don’t know where he is now.

But wherever he is...I hope that he is safe and sound.

“I’ve already made that girl my woman, so you will not have her as your wife.”

Even though grandfather had laughed at me, that night, I still opened the book and stared at those characters.  Grandfather did not explain to me why he laughed, he had just simply left my room, unable to control himself.  And each time after that when we would see each other, he would just keep on laughing.

I can stare at these characters all I want, and I can believe that this is Shouhei Genkou’s name all I want...

But it doesn’t hide the fact that I still cannot read it to know it for sure.

But...I really do...  I really do want to see him again.

I can feel the heat and the tingling sensation on my cheeks again, pressing my hand against them as I remember what we did the last time we met.

[Chapter 1][Chapter 2][Chapter 3][Chapter 4][Chapter 5]

[Chapter 6][Chapter 7][Chapter 8][Chapter 9][Chapter 10]

A Message from the Author (A couple months ago...):

I’m not gonna lie, I’m stuck.  :)

4 January 2018

I would like to thank @frywen-babbles for the comments I saw in your tags when you reblogged my fic.  I would also like to thank @strawberryasu for the comment as well.

lol, honestly, somehow, I started seeing notifications on this fic again and I began to wonder what was going on since the first chapter I posted was about over a half a year ago.  But yeah, lol.  What was going?  Why am I all of a sudden seeing notes in December?

But truly, and honestly, I decided to try and come back with chapter two for you two.

I actually began writing chapter 2 back in July 2017, but I don’t know what happened.  I kept getting stuck as I wrote and rewrote and rewrote.  I even went back to replay Ieyasu’s route just to find some inspiration and motivation, but I also got “promoted” without actually getting promoted.

Work took over my life.  I went to work, came home, slept, got up, and went back to work.  I took over the head clerk’s position because she found a new job and I was given hers out of merit when there was another clerk who has seniority over me.  That other clerk soon left too because he found a job closer to where he actually lived.

My department became understaffed and it was a nightmare during the holidays, lol.  And now they’ve cut our hours.  Why?  My guess is because the wage went up.  But not only did the wage go up, the price of everything went up too...so...fun days at SlaveAway.

But I will try...try my hardest and best to keep updating this fic.  (Might not get this chapter done until the end of January though...  GDI, Cynthia...)

I know this fic has potential.  I know it does.  And even if it doesn’t, I don’t care because I LOVE Charyouei and I have so many things I’ve already planned in my head for the two of them.  She is actually the first sweetest, cutest, purest original character I’ve created.  (I think.)  Whereas, I usually have a lot more original characters who are severely mentally ill, have a lot of issues, and/or carry a LOT of emotional baggage.  And, while I do say that, it doesn’t mean that Charyouei doesn’t have any of that, she does, but she leans on the more positive, optimistic side.  Iyaa, iyaa, iya...  I need to stop talking.  (Cynthia, you talk to much.  Put a lid on it.)

Thank you so much for reading and I will try harder from now on.

In the end, I did not get back with this until some time in February...

Sorry, guys...