#imselfprojecting

[pyrpaw]

this is just a angsty fix inspired by "price of perfection" (by Kathrine Lynn rose)

cause I'm so sick of second best

(contents: GN reader, badly done angst, (name) overworking themselves and just being mentally ill and not a good person, ig the end kinda implies a possible crush on (name)? it's sorta supposed to)

"tell me what's the price of perfection"

A faint light from the hallways peeking into the room, where a stressed teenager can be seen on the verge of passing out while writing an essay. Eye bags right under their bottom lashes and unkempt hair pulled to stay out of their face, faint tear stains on their cheeks and paper that'd been sloppily dried before the ink would run.

"tell me why I crave your affection"

Ignoring all the other teenagers in the room, friend or not, (name) immediately goes to turn in their homework and hopes for some sort of acknowledgement when given their graded paper. Pushing themselves in P.E till the aching in their muscles is unbearable. Doing hours of research for a history project that barely affects their grade. Doing anything and everything just to be noticed for their hard work and dedication.

"when excellence is expected, praise Is a luxury"

A group of freshmen being rejected by their friend for hangouts stroll through the hall, talking with each other and rough-housing. While said friend that laid them off is stuck in their room regretting every second they don't go out, but still refuse to get distracted from academics. Strained hands, back pain, headaches, the list goes on, but (name) still refuses to take a break or even think they deserve one.

"American dream"

A lonesome teenager begins realizing that no matter how well they might do in this school, none of it matters, they don't belong here. It doesn't matter how well their grades are, it doesn't matter if people like them, it doesn't matter if they have fun, they might be stuck here forever.

"why do my achievements define me?"

Various teachers asking to see (name) after class, all asking the same thing. "why have your grades been dropping?". Realizing that they've pushed away everyone that tried to be nice to them and only has adults caring about them, the teenager just shrugs and claims they don't know. Why does it matter if their grades are falling? no one will care past these classes.

"why does life feel so damn confining"

It's too late to reach out, that's what they'd been repeatedly telling themselves whenever they wanted to reach out to one of their "friends". As despair falls upon them all they can muster the thought of is the fact that they're still the self sabotaging kid that already ruined their life.

"when success is respected there's no room for mediocrity"

In the end, here they are, still ignoring anyone who tried to reach out and just talking to the little cat who rooms with them. Maybe soon people will realize they're still the same person that ghosted them... but teenage boys are stubborn