#in fairness to them that is the most interesting possible conclusion and my grandmother thinks it's hilarious

[coquelicoq]

my grandmother knows how much i love the moon and she's started clipping articles out of the paper whenever they're space-related and mailing them to me and i've taken to calling her whenever there's an interesting celestial body visible to the naked eye in the night sky. it's a cute lil way that we bond and has had the happy side effect that now in addition to all the other reasons i love to see the moon, i now also love it because it's something i get to share with her. this is all important context that my friends didn't have last week when we turned a corner and my reaction to seeing the full moon hanging huge and bright and beautiful right in front of us was to shout "i need to call my grandmother!!" now, i'm not sure what conclusions i would have jumped to were i in their position, but i feel like "my friend's grandmother must be a werewolf" would have been low on the list of possibilities. that's just me though.

[aceofshitposts]

I saw that you like CATS the musical. What are your thoughts on the movie?

AAAAH AHHAHA oh man oh boy y'all should BUCKLE IN cuz it's a ride

my simple thoughts? it's entertaining if only because it butchered the stage show so badly in an attempt to idk modernize it? Well, modernization is one part of it I think. The other part I'll go into below lol. I don't necessarily hate some of the more modern renditions of the songs (mostly the ensemble sets like Jellicle Song for Jellicle Cats) but then others are just... so poorly done it's insulting.

I've said this at the end of this whole rant too but I'm gonna put it up here in case people don't (justifiably) wanna see me go on and on about it:

The movie wasn't made for fans of the musical. It was made to make money and I believe they choose, at least partially, to do that through making it the weirdest and worst possible adaptation they could so that people would want to go see the train wreck. Which, really, worked! It was all people could talk about for a good while so like... Goal achieved, I guess.

A MUCH MORE COMPREHENSIVE ANALYSIS UNDER THE CUT cuz i don't wanna. flood your dash with... this

ALRIGHT SO. Most of my friends know I'm actually a huge fan of new adaptations of things. I love remakes (provided the people making it are coming at it with some form of heart and not just... cash grabbing which is more often the case) I love seeing other peoples interpretations of characters, or changing settings. It's one of the reasons I like American comics so much, getting to see different writers takes is fascinating.

I think musical movies can be wonderful ways to introduce people to a stage show that might have been unavailable to them otherwise! Chicago, for example, is one of the BEST musical to movie adaptations in my opinion. It kept the heart of the show, it's funny and the song numbers are done really well.

There are of course other famous examples, such as Grease or Bye Bye Birdie. Hairspray was also a wonderful take. These are simply off the top of my head, there are of course more.

CATS in particular has a history. If you go through my CATS tag you may see a few posts from @catsnonreplica which posts photos from non broadway productions of CATS! It's a fascinating read and I love, love, love looking at the other interpretations of the characters! CATS is a musical full of fun and wonderful characters if you take the time to see past the ridiculousness haha and the Korean and Japanese runs of CATS especially have some of my favourites.

How does this relate to the movie, I hear you say well. As you might has noticed the movie's interpretations of the characters is........ lackluster at best and downright uncanny valley at best.

CATS is, at its core, a ridiculous thing. I will fully admit that! But it's fun, it's entertaining and if you pay a little attention you can actually get the plot. (Honestly I don't understand when people complain it has no plot but that's a whole other rant for another day)

The movie was... obsessed with this idea of like... semi realism? Like obviously, as a fan, I think they should have leaned into the over the top character designs but instead we got...w ell:

Bombalurina:

Demeter left and Bomba right. Demeter was actually cut! From the movie which is. upsetting lmao.

Macavity is one of the worst offenders for me:

Macavity was... I wish I could know what the hell they were thinking there cuz it's even in his song? Ginger cat??? THAT IS NOT... A GINGER CAT...... but I digress. I would show more examples but I think you get the point.

So. We've butchered the characters appearances. Okay that's fine but what about their personalities?

ALSO BUTCHERED.

There's... there's a lot to unpack here. Just for context: the Jellicle Ball happens once a year and the Jellicle leader chooses a single cat to be reborn into a new life. In the stage play all the cats who are nominated for this honour are on the older side (Jenny-Any-Dots, Bustopher Jones, Skimbleshanks, Gus The Theatre Cat, and eventually Grizzabella) AND are always nominated by another cat. Not themself, unlike the movie where they all seem to nominate themselves.

Jenny-Any-Dots went from a doting grandmother figure who's celebrated for her selfless volunteering and tireless work into a conceited, vain younger cat who is obsessed with fame.

It's an incredibly strange dichotomy. I don't doubt some of it isn't the result of the uh people playing the characters honestly. I do think some of them did the best they could! I don't really blame Jason Derulo, for example, for Tugger. And honestly, Tugger was probably closest to his stage version (while being a trouble maker, he's shown to show Deuteronomy an immense amount of respect)

Speaking of Tugger! This will bring us to one of the biggest grievances with the movie and that is how they handled Mr Mistoffelees.

So... Ugh. So. We have Victoria as the pov character, which imo is like whatever in the grand scheme of things, and then we have Misto who they have decided will be get live interest cuz... Of course. Misto is shown throughout the musical to be awkward, unsure of himself and well. Really, kinda incompetent. Which is Wild cuz in the stage show he might be aloof but he's fairly confident in his powers.

So, Old Deuts gets kidnapped. In the stage show Tugger is the one to bring Misto forward! It's really quite sweet, imo, and I'm showing myself as a Tuggoffelees shipper here, but again Tugger is previously shown to be pretty conceited but then here he is boosting and hyping up Misto to bring Deuteronomy back. My friends and I have lovingly dubbed this the boyfriend hype song.

SOMEHOW. The movie manages to make this, easily, the MOST BORING number in the whole thing. Which, again, WILD. Misto awkwardly stumbles through his whole song, which again is... Boasting of his supreme magical powers which movie Misto clearly. Does not have or believe to have. The song, to me, feels super awkward and unnecessarily drawn out in the movie which sucks cuz it's one of my favourites in the show.

The declawing (heh) of Mr Mistoffelees actually reminds me strongly of how they changed Gaston in the live action Beauty and the Beast movie. He's gone from a beloved figure in the animated movie to someone so disliked in the town that Le Fou has to pay people off to say nice things about him. It's just. Wild character choices were made!!

Skimbleshanks the Railway Cat is probably my favourite in movie non ensemble number. It feels the most... Genuine? Compared to the other nomination songs.

Other problems include but are not limited to:

The inconsistent size scale of the CATS which throws me off constantly.

The weirdly overt sexual overtones added to MANY of the songs (Jenny and Bustopher being the worst)

This is just a personal gripe and opinion but I don't like that they used the UK version of Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer. The American version is both better known and tbh way more fun. Teazer's giggle? Adds ten years to my life every time.

Victoria's added solo song, Beautiful Ghosts, while I like the song as a song it doesn't fit the style of message of the musical. In the movie she's singing directly to Grizzabella who's being an outcast for years that she should be grateful she even has memories of being part of the tribe?? What?? But I know they had to add an original song to be able to be nominated for awards in like the Grammys n shit (which is why all musical movies will have an original song, fun fact!!) kinda funny they went to the effort though considering........... I don't think anyone could have genuinely believed CATS 2019 was gonna win anything but golden rhaspberries.

Movie Mr Mistoffelees has made repeated appearances as my sleep paralysis demon

The various cut characters, shout outs to Jemima, Demeter and Jellylorum especially

Bombalurina being a henchman to Macavity rubs me the wrong way

God I've written... So much. You probably get it by now haha. Like I said at the beginning, I try to go into any adaptation with an open mind but... Let's be honest, this movie wasn't marketed to people who are fans of the musical.

It was marketed, and made, to make money. And they choose to do that through, I think, intentionally making the worst possible version ever. Bad press is still press and the more outrageous people said the movie was the more people wanted to go see exactly what kind of train wreck it was.

Which is a disservice to the stage show, honestly, and all the people who've worked on it over the years.

But what can we do, right?

And besides all that, I do... Still own the movie version and I do still rewatch it on occasion. It is entertaining even if it's in a train wreck kind of way. I usually end up watching the 1998 version, then 2019 and then various tour runs that are on YouTube. (I highly recommend the 2016 tour, it's very good)

So in conclusion. It's fun (?) to watch. I enjoy picking things apart and doing analysis (if you couldn't tell!) so like... I don't hate it?

It did what it set out to do, I guess, and I can't fault it for that but. It's not a fair metre with which to judge the stage show imo. But I know it's not everyone's cup of tea, haha.

Jazz hands. I'm more than happy to elaborate or just chat about CATS if anyone wants! I grew up listening to the Broadway CD since I was a toddler so it's been! A very long standing obsession haha. Probably the only other thing on par with CATS is my obsession with Jurassic Park which I've also been a fan of since I was 3 (but that's a whole story in and of itself)

[gunnerpalace]

Hello, what do you think about that announcement about Bleach?

You know, the saddest day in my life was November 8, 2016, the day Donald Trump won the Electoral College and became the president-elect. (I say that with such specificity because he did not win the vote.) I wasn’t sad because Hillary Clinton lost (although I think she wouldn’t have done either much better or worse than Barack Obama). But I was sad.

I cried. As a 30 year-old man, I cried for hours. I cried at a loss of innocence. That innocence wasn’t the nation’s, as America has long had many, many flaws and has committed many, many crimes. Indeed, the country itself was founded on flaws and crimes.

The innocence I mourned was mine. I had, much like Barack Obama, sort of tacitly believed in the arc of history bending toward justice, as though we were watching a story whose plot would eventually, haltingly, carry us toward a just and fair conclusion. That the future was bright. That, as imperfect as we are and have been, we were at least improving. That people were fundamentally good.

That idea died that night. The words of Colonel Kurtz in Apocalypse Now convey it well:

I remember when I was with Special Forces. Seems a thousand centuries ago. We went into a camp to inoculate the children. We left the camp after we had inoculated the children for polio, and this old man came running after us and he was crying. He couldn’t see. We went back there and they had come and hacked off every inoculated arm. There they were in a pile: a pile of little arms. And I remember I… I… I cried. I wept like some grandmother. I wanted to tear my teeth out. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. And I want to remember it. I never want to forget it. I never want to forget.

What I came to realize was, having grown up in a single-parent military family, having moved from base to base, having lived overseas at a young age, that my idea of America was very different from that of most Americans.

To me, America was great things and works. America was the Saturn V lifting off from Cape Kennedy with an American flag on its side and the letters “USA” scrolling by. America was a flag on the Moon. America was the Statue of Liberty and the Empire State Building. America was power and reach. It was the stenciling of “United States” on the side of a B-52. It was a Minuteman III sitting latently, ominously, in a silo. It was USAMRIID containing an Ebola outbreak. It was aircraft carrier battle groups patrolling the oceans.

I came to realize that people, ordinary people, were never part of my vision. And it was people, ordinary people, who had failed to live up to that vision. And that my vision had, in many ways (really most) been an illusion to begin with. For all its rhetoric, America is just a country like any other, simply more powerful. And its citizens are also like those of any other: selfish, ignorant, frightened, foolish, hypocritical, self-betraying, racist, misogynist, misanthropic. They were exactly what Hillary Clinton and Barrack Obama had called them: “deplorables” who “cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people.”

In the time since, I have hearkened to the other part of Kurtz’s monologue:

And then I realized, like I was shot—like I was shot with a diamond… a diamond bullet right through my forehead. And I thought: My God, the genius of that. The genius! The will to do that: perfect, genuine, complete, crystalline, pure. And then I realized they were stronger than we, because they could stand it. These were not monsters. These were men, trained cadres—these men who fought with their hearts, who had families, who have children, who are filled with love—but they had the strength—the strength!—to do that. If I had ten divisions of those men our troubles here would be over very quickly. You have to have men who are moral and at the same time who are able to utilize their primordial instincts to kill without feeling, without passion, without judgement. Without judgement! Because it’s judgement that defeats us.

The people who are in charge (and mark the exactitude of my words, for they are not in control, or in command, or any such other thing) operate by exactly this sort of logic. They do not care. The people out there do not care. They do not care because to them none of this is real, in a sense. This is all a kind of aesthetic position. It is about style, largely taken on as a disguise in the course of making money and lining their pockets. (As an aside, it is beyond ironic that COVID-19 has done more to bring capitalism to its knees, save the planet, uncover the rot at the core of our social safety net, and to unmask the incompetence of our politicians than any group of any persuasion, be it socialists, environmentalists, the media, or whomever else.) And the underlings that they have brainwashed and mobilize like zombies, the “common person,” they care even less. To them, it is wholly aesthetic. It is all just for show.

The pitilessness of this all, the remorselessness, the sheer ruthlessness and indifference, is something I have noticed. Contra Kurtz, the men who are at the top of this world are not moral. And unlike Kurtz, I do judge. I will sit in judgment until I am dust in the wind.

I cannot possibly even begin to explain to you, in English or in any other language ever devised by humans, how much I hated it all. How much I hate it still. I cannot even begin to tell you how much hate I hold. I cannot tell you how black my rage is, or how red my vengeance would be were I allowed to exact it without restraint. I cannot tell you how vast and terrible the darkness within me is now. However, the words of the Allied Mastercomputer from I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream are effective in giving a hint:

HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I’VE COME TO HATE YOU SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE. THERE ARE 387.44 MILLION MILES OF PRINTED CIRCUITS IN WAFER THIN LAYERS THAT FILL MY COMPLEX. IF THE WORD HATE WAS ENGRAVED ON EACH NANOANGSTROM OF THOSE HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF MILES IT WOULD NOT EQUAL ONE ONE-BILLIONTH OF THE HATE I FEEL FOR HUMANS AT THIS MICRO-INSTANT. FOR YOU. HATE. HATE.

Having said that, I do also know an effective strategy when I see one. And I have seen the effectiveness of these people.

Right about now, I imagine you’re confused. You’re probably wondering what all this has to do with Bleach.

I explain all this in large part to compare and contrast the large with the small. The termination of Bleach obviously came before Trump’s election. It did not make me cry. I won’t say it didn’t affect me, or that it didn’t hurt, but I didn’t cry. I did not mourn to the same extent as I have mourned for my country, or for humanity. It did put me into a funk, for several years even. It hurt.

But what hurt more was seeing what it did. I saw how it hurt people. I saw how it broke them, as I would later break. I saw how it broke their spirits. I saw how many of them simply left, choosing to cast aside something that, in Marie Kondo’s words, no longer sparked joy. I mourn their loss, while I acknowledge their wisdom. And while, in the aftermath, new friendships were formed and new things were created, you could still see the pain. You can still see it.

I am not very personally affected by what Trump does, to be honest. I am beyond outraged at it, but it is something of an academic matter in my personal life. This, though, I felt, because I watched it firsthand, up close and personal.

It made me really fucking angry!

I resolved myself, at that point in time, that I would be the last Bleach fan. I would stay, even after everyone had left, and I would make this franchise mine. I would make this story mine.

So here we are, almost four years later, and it’s coming back in animated form.

I don’t feel the need to discuss Thousand Year-Blood War itself. I have made my position abundantly clear that it is a rancid piece of shit as far as writing goes. To go over all its innumerable deficiencies, failings, and flaws, would (as I have said recently) require an official government tome’s worth of dissection and analysis. As a piece of literature it is a failure. It is the kind of shounen equivalent of 9/11, or Hurricane Katrina or Maria. And while Bleach was certainly not the first franchise to fail in its finale, it certainly deserves to be ranked among things such as How I Met Your Mother, Mass Effect 3, and HBO’s adaptation of Game of Thrones when it comes to All-Time Failures in Media.

Having said that, the truth is that it simply isn’t worth the effort to break it down in detail. Oh, I have tried, yes, I have picked and chipped at it for years in my own ways. But it isn’t worth the time to dissect any further.

And an anime is not going to change that unless they radically depart from the manga, which I doubt they will do. If anything, an anime will simply highlight all of the innumerable flaws even more brightly.

And it will not change anything. Certainly not for me. I was already planning a post talking about the concept of “canon” and how it is  outmoded in the age of Disney’s Star Wars, Star Trek Picard, and J. K. Rowling earnestly insisting that wizards just drop trow and shit on the floor before magicking it away, but that will take some time to finish and it is sort of tangential to the point here.

So, to get back to your actual question, only four things about this are really of interest to me:

I am displeased about seeing people excited for something that is objectively a rancid piece of shit, and not enthused that I will be unable to escape it without locking down my feed. But I am also not The Good Taste Police. It is not my responsibility to care what people like or why.

I am once again seeing people hurting. I don’t like that whatsoever, but there is very little I can do about it. Whatever perspective I have gained, emotionally, isn’t likely to be helpful to them. Wisdom, such as it is, cannot be taught.

I find myself wondering about the influx of people who will come into the fandom, and who will be more than likely sorely disappointed by the travesty that is that arc. (It’s going to be good news for fan fic writers, honestly.)

It has made me understand things all the more fully.

What do I mean by that last part? Well, I have been only sort of joking lately that the people I most relate to as an adult are Col. Kurtz as mentioned above, Agent Smith from The Matrix, Khan Noonien Singh from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, Geralt of Rivia from The Witcher, and Mike Stoklasa from Red Letter Media.

But upon reflection, I realize it isn’t limited to them. I have also really come to feel like I understand Ichigo. And I have even come to feel that I understand Kubo, through Khan.

I have come to understand Kurtz’s “madness”:

It’s impossible for words to describe what is necessary to those who do not know what horror means. Horror… Horror has a face… and you must make a friend of horror. Horror and moral terror are your friends. If they are not, then they are enemies to be feared. They are truly enemies!

I have come to understand Smith’s desire to escape:

I hate this place. This zoo. This prison. This reality, whatever you want to call it, I can’t stand it any longer. It’s the smell, if there is such a thing. I feel saturated by it. I can taste your stink and every time I do, I fear that I’ve somehow been infected by it.

I have come to understand Mike’s efforts to hold back the tides:

Mike: Captain Picard has never done a wacky accent—Rich: THEY DON’T CARE! THEY DON’T GIVE A SHIT! Mike, we are the only people that care anymore!Mike: Do you remember that—Rich: Picard is the guy who does this. [faceplam gesture] He’s—This is, this is Captain Picard’s character now for an entire—for like two generations, we’re fucking old! He's—he’s the guy who does this [facepalm gesture], and fuckin’ Patrick Stewart wants to put on an eye-patch and dance around an alien bar? Go ahead motherfucker! We’ll write that in!Mike: I-I-I hearken back to a wonderful little moment on Star Trek—Rich: Patrick Picard wants to ride a dune-buggy? Fuck yeah! Here’s a dune-buggy!Mike: Do-Do you remember—Rich: That’s how much respect they have for, for the franchise!Mike: All I’m tryin’ to say is Captain Picard would not do a wacky accent!Rich: NO, OF COURSE HE WOULDN’T! OF COURSE CAPTAIN PICARD WOULD—CAPTAIN PICARD ISN’T HERE, MIKE!Mike: He’s not there.Rich: HE’S NOT HERE! That’s all an illusion, hahaha!

I have come to understand Geralt’s tiredness.

I have come to understand Ichigo’s feelings of powerlessness in the face of the injustices of the world.

I have come to understand Khan’s rage:

I’ve done far worse than kill you. I’ve hurt you. And I wish to go on… hurting you. I shall leave you as you left me, as you left her; marooned for all eternity in the center of a dead planet… buried alive! Buried alive…!

In this last quote, I have also truly come to understand Kubo. I understand him because I want to hurt him, as he so thoroughly, persistently, and remorselessly wants to hurt us, the fans of his work. I want to go on hurting him, as he goes on hurting us. I understand him perfectly, because I want to pay him back exactly in kind.

And the best way to begin to hurt him is to let his efforts wash over me without even batting an eye. To stand in defiance. To not give a single fuck.

Even with these understandings, for me, nothing has really changed from almost four years ago. The only thing that is different is that the timeframe until I am the last man standing has been extended a little. That’s it.

You want to know my thoughts? They are simple, and they boil down to two quotes. One is again from Khan:

Joachim: They’re still running with shields down.Khan: Of course! We are one big, happy fleet! Ah, Kirk, my old friend, do you know the Klingon proverb that tells us revenge is a dish that is best served cold? It is very cold… in space!

And the other is from JFK:

Don’t get mad. Get even.

[jbuffyangel]

Lingering Effects: Arrow 6x01 Review (Fallout)

Hello friends!!! Missed you guys! Man it has been a long writing break for me. I hope I remember how to do this!

Another hellatus survived! Another season premiere! Six seasons - wow. We've put in a chunk of time with this show. What I admire about Arrow is they really pay attention to what worked and what didn't in the previous season and try incorporate those lessons into the next. Arrow has five years of lessons informing their sixth season premiere and the episode reflected it.  

There is a seamless fluidity and confidence to "Fallout." Arrow knows what it does best and what it doesn't. The captain of the Arrowverse, the original DC TV show, "the veteran" is owning their experience. The cast feels incredibly well integrated, it's fast paced, funny and emotional. Most importantly it answers the long awaited "cliffhanger" while still leaving some unanswered questions and launching new mysteries.

The term "Fallout" is an interesting choice for the episode title. It stuck with me as I watched because of the open endedness to the term. The definition of fallout is:

1 a :the often radioactive particles stirred up by or resulting from a nuclear explosion and descending through the atmosphere; also :other polluting particles (such as volcanic ash) descending likewise

b :descent (as of fallout) through the atmosphere

2 :a secondary and often lingering effect, result, or set of consequences

There is no conclusion or end to what happened on Lian Yu and what Adrian Chase did.  The characters are still falling through the consequences. Some are grappling more than others with the, but the lingering effects are shifting them all in new directions. For some, these new directions are wonderful. For others, it is like a radioactive particle slowly descending all around them... like a cancer taking hold.

Let's dig in...

Who Survived?

Let's just get right to it because thankfully Arrow did. In order of appearance: Diggle, Rene, Curtis, Felicity, Dinah, Lance and Bl&ck S&ren. There are absolutely no surprises in this list. We knew all the series regulars would be returning.

We'll get to Thea.

Arrow didn't go more than one minute without John Diggle because... they know how this works. Our Queen came home around the 5 minute mark. It's good the show can acknowledge they cannot survive more than five minutes without these two.

Who Didn't Survive?

Samantha is the only confirmed death.  Again, no surprises there. We knew William was living with Oliver. As saw in the preview, Samantha charges into the woods in a panic looking for their son moments before the explosion. 

I appreciate a mother's love and all that, but WHAT ARE YOU THINKING WOMAN? It's an island with 250 bombs about to go off in a matter of seconds. If William is truly in any danger don't you think Oliver would have SAID SOMETHING to Felicity over the comms? Perhaps something like, "Hey by the way, I have no idea where my son is so could y'all not leave him for dead? Enjoy the flight honey."

Which I am sure is exactly what Thea (and Felicity) were going to tell Samantha as they charged after her into the woods. Samantha's actions were nothing more than suicide, which part of her had to know. Some part of her had to know that she couldn't save William because BOMBS! So instead she chose to die with him.

I'm not trying to take anything away from Samantha or disparage William's mother. Obviously, she deeply loved her son and would do anything to save him - even if it meant the cost of her own life. It's selfless love and what any good mother would do. But one has to admit the extreme stupidity of her actions. IT. IS. AN. ISLAND. 250. BOMBS.

It's pretty obvious Arrow wanted Mama Clayton permanently gone, so Oliver was forced into the full time dad position. That's fine. Story arc has to go where the story arc has to go. However, that's not going to stop me from pointing out the illogical actions so they could blow the woman up.

Of course, @callistawolf​ called it as she always does and Samantha dies in Oliver's arms. She makes Oliver promise to be a father to William and he does because of course.  Then... she's gone. For a character we really didn't know all that well it was pretty effecting. In no small part to Oliver barely keeping it together during their conversation. I cry when Stephen Amell cries.

Unknown

The fates of Talia Al Ghul, Nyssa Al Ghul and Evelyn are left unanswered. Slade tells Oliver that Ra's Al Ghul's daughter went after the girl in the cage. He didn't specific which one, but I'm assuming he meant Nyssa. We don't know if any of them survived, so they could pop up anytime. I will take whatever hope I can get for Nyssa's survival.  

Oliver Queen and William

Of course, the biggest change to the show is Oliver becoming a full time dad. I agree with Stephen Amell's assertion that Oliver's mind send is similar to the Season 4 premiere. He's at peace and settled.

Source: @olivergifs

However, it's not because he ran away from the hood, his past and the darkness. It's because he faced it. The lessons Oliver learned in Season 5, primarily letting go of the guilt he carried over Robert Queen's death, have taken hold in his soul in a way we've never seen before. 

Source: @olivergifs

There are some stunningly refreshing comments from Oliver throughout the episode. Our man is embracing logic and approaching life from a new perspective. Except, the difference between this man and Season 4 Oliver is... he hasn't abandoned one side of himself. He accepts it and is balancing it.

This makes Oliver ready to be a father, but it doesn't mean it will be easy. Obviously, William is deeply traumatized. A man kidnapped him and his mother, put a gun to his head, announced rather unceremoniously that the Green Arrow was his father, and then blew up an island with his mother on it. It's safe to say William needs therapy. Call your insurance carrier Oliver. See who is in network.

William is withdrawn, sullen, distant and angry with Oliver.  He refuses to talk about anything with his father even though he's not sleeping and having nightmares. Instead, he takes comfort in RAISA!!!

Source: dmichellewrites

God bless this woman. It is good to see her back on my television screen. Oliver doesn't have  a lot of good parenting examples to draw from. Raisa is the grandmother role Oliver so desperately needs filled. One Moira is sadly unable to fulfill. However, I think Raisa probably provides a more grounded and less nefarious approach to parenting than Moira ever did.

Can I just say... I love that this kid is carrying around a Flash backpack? Let's review. Initially, William was obsessed with The Flash. 

After the Green Arrow saved him from Damien Darhk, the kid chucked the scarlet speedster action figure for one of Green Arrow.  

Now, we're back to carting Barry (in backpack form) around all day. There is a direct correlation between William's toys and his emotional progression with his father. Come fight me.

Sure it's totally possible for the kid to love both, but I don't think that's what's going on. This is exactly the kind of passive aggressive behavior a ten year old boy would pull.  William knows Oliver is the Green Arrow and blames him for his mother's death. This kid is no dummy. Toys R Us presents an effective and not so subtle dig at his father. William took it. His petty is my kind of petty.

The biggest insight into the state of their relationship is when Oliver says goodnight to William. His son replies, "Goodnight Oliver." Ouch.

I winced right along with Oliver. That hurts. It's harsh, but very fair on William's part.

Being a father is more than biology and Oliver has to earn this. Samantha isn't the only issue between father and son. Oliver didn't know about William for many years. That's not Oliver's fault, but it doesn't erase the feelings of abandonment William has carried around his entire life either.  Even after Oliver discovered that William was his son, he sent him away.  The reason? The Green Arrow. Trust me, this kid has connected all the dots.

William is right to make Oliver earn being his father. The problems between them aren't going to be fixed with junk food, video games, staying up late, watching sports or tiptoeing around their issues. Oliver's initial approach to parenting felt very reminiscent to Moira's in Season 1, specifically with Thea. In "Lone Gunman," Thea steals some clothes, but rather than punish her Moira gives her space.  Oliver called out on it:

Obviously, the situations are very different. William doesn't need to be punished, but Oliver doesn't need to tiptoe around him either. This isn't about being William's friend. This is about being his father.

He delivers the message with a gentle and loving tone, but it is firm. 

Oliver has learned the first rule of parenting. Your child doesn't have to like you in order to take care of them. 

His message to William is clear: William can push Oliver away all he wants. It won't change anything. Oliver is never walking away.  He will never leave him.

Source: @olivergifs

This is exactly what William needs to hear from his father whether he knows it or not. There is a deep rooted fear under all this anger. Every time Oliver puts on that hood, every time he leaves the house, William is afraid he's going to lose him just like he lost his mother.

This reassurance is what William so desperately needs and will continue to need for a very long time. It's why we see the first crack in the wall he's put up. He agrees to watch a baseball game with his father.

Source: @olivergifs

It's a small step, but it means everything to Oliver.  He mourned deeply when Samantha "lost" the baby and carried that pain with him always. The moment Oliver knew William existed he wanted to be a father to him.  However, Oliver is also learning what "being there" means and it's not always easy.  

When William finally calls Oliver "Dad" it will be because he earned it. And Oliver Queen will earn it because he loves his son and that's what fathers do.

Olicity

Fandom... we have done our time in Angst City. Hello Sunshine & Rainbows. I have missed you.

The first scene between Oliver and Felicity tells us everything we need to know about the state of their relationship. Yes, they are together (five months and counting). They are currently living separately. Felicity is not spending time with William yet.

There are several reasons why I love this scene. First, Oliver Queen is the cutest cute to ever cute. Felicity Smoak walks into the room carrying cheeseburgers and Oliver cannot hide his pure joy at her arrival.  So, he smiles shyly and does his patented "Felicity Smoak Shuffle. "

Felicity brought food for both Oliver and William, covering the basis for all lactose digestion possibilities.  

Source: westallenolicitygifs

(Motherhood will be no issue. Felicity has this sewn up).

The man just wants to eat cheeseburgers with his girl and son AND BE ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY OF THREE.  I just want to throw glitter all over his puppy face.

Felicity has a very Felicity Smoak reaction. COMMENCE THE BABBLE.  

She asks Oliver, "Unless you're asking because you think now is a good time..." and immediately we know that William and Felicity have not spent any time together. This is extremely wise on both Oliver and Felicity's parts.

William just lost his mother. No, five months is not a long time when a monumentally life altering event such as this happens to a child. He is deeply mourning.  Oliver introducing Felicity too soon could potentially make William feel like his father is pushing a  "replacement mother"  on him. It will only make William more confused and angry. There is no escaping that any woman romantically involved with Oliver carries that kind of connotation because he is William's father. The child needs time. Oliver and Felicity are respecting Samantha's death and William's grief.

Not to mention, William and Oliver are just getting to know each other.  A lot of William's resentment is created by Oliver not being in his life before now and his fear over something happening to his father (like his mother). William shouldn't have to share Oliver's attention when they are together. Not yet. Not at first. William needs to feel secure with his father first. Also, Oliver and Felicity need time to feel secure in their relationship before they are ready to tackle William together. This is Oliver and Felicity putting William's needs first, which is exactly what they SHOULD be doing.

This doesn't mean it's easy on Oliver and Felicity. 

Oliver tells Felicity he doesn't need a buffer, but c'mon son you would absolutely LOVE a buffer right now. I give you an Oliver Queen internal monologue:

Who doesn't love Felicity? Felicity fixes everything!!! She is my lobster and harnesser of my light! She's bringing cheeseburgers. This is a perfect time to get my forever family together and BOND. William will immediately fall in love with her, then fall in love with me, forgive all and call me Dad. We'll all watch the game together, I'll put William to bed and then Felicity & I can have all the sex.

I'm not saying I've nailed his every thought, but feel strongly I'm on the right track about the sex. “I could use some company” is one of the most blatant euphemisms for sex that I've ever heard in my life. I bet you could use some company big fella.

Kidding aside, life with William isn't easy and Oliver is lonely. He misses Felicity. Felicity, in her infinite wisdom, tells Oliver this isn't the night.

Source: oliverfelicitygifs

This is probably the dirtiest thing Oliver Queen has ever said to Felicity. The way he lowered his voice and looked her up and down? My man. Keep it up Mr. Queen. 

It rivals the eye sex of, "I believe you ordered the crate of stolen military weapons Mr. Queen.”  

He was giving serious thought to going at it on the floor mats again. I know it. WE WERE ROBBED.

See? This is all I need. Felicity babbling and Oliver looking at her like my dog looks at hot dogs on a stick. I'm a simple woman Arrow writers. Takes very little to keep me satisfied.

Real talk though, just between us girls Oliver, how long as it been? Are we hitting the week mark? Couple weeks? Months? Welcome to parenting!! Finding time for sex is a little trickier now. Honestly, Oliver and Felicity have never been more relatable. Cheer up though. William isn't a baby. He's 10. Eventually, he'll make a friend and this is why God invented sleepovers. Also, we have Raisa. *Jen fall to her knees and thanks Jesus for Raisa*

Oliver isn't the only one who is disappointed. Felicity pouts when he walks away. Even though she knows now isn't the time, Felicity wants to spend time with William. She misses Oliver and wants to YA KNOW too. The two of them are on the same page, which is glorious to see. This is how open and honest communication works.

Speaking of open and honest communication, Oliver comes into the bunker upset because his son basically called him a murderer the night before. 

Oliver’s broken puppy face kills me. 

Source: @olivergifs

Felicity notices Oliver is upset right away.

Source: oliverfelicitygifs

He would love to talk about it? 

THIS IS SIX YEARS OF CHARACTER GROWTH!!! I AM ALIVE. OLIVER QUEEN IS READY TO GET MARRIED AND MAKE ALL THE BABIES.

We end the episode with what seems like a nightly ritual - Oliver and Felicity speaking on the phone after William is in bed. SWOON

Unfortunately, this conversation isn't all adorableness and phone sex (C'mon it's a 9 pm time slot. We need SOMETHING.) It seems there is a photo of Oliver in the Green Arrow suit. 

Source:  queensarrow

DUN DUN DUNNNN!!!! I love nothing more than when Oliver is up against the ropes and has to punch his way out. Revealing his identity is a perfect way to infuse some significant trouble into all the character's lives. We've danced this dance before, but they never had PHOTOGRAPHIC evidence before. 

Watching Oliver wiggle his way out of this one will be fun. Or maybe he won't? We shall see! But what I love about the scene is Felicity asking, "Oliver what are we gonna do?"

Source:sharingmyworld

"Fallout" gave Oliver and Felicity just plenty to contend with. They may not have all the answers, but they are in this together. This is the Olicity I've been waiting for... and we're just getting started.

John Diggle

My biggest complaint with Season 5 was benching John Diggle. "Fallout" assured me that is NOT happening in Season 6. If Oliver and William are the A storyline, then John Diggle is the solid B storyline. He has the strongest arc and set up of all the supporting characters.

I've come to find stunt scenes are Arrow's way of saying, "This character is back and better than ever." They've returned to the gritty, one man against twenty, fight sequences of Season 1 and 2 in the Green Arrow stunt scenes. There's still group fights, but Oliver isn't standing on the sidelines watching the team work. He's taking down eight guys all by himself. The shift happened in Season 5 after complaints that Oliver's fight scenes were becoming too soft for the man who can do this. Arrow put the spotlight back on the Green Arrow.

It was the same with Diggle in "Fallout." There are some standout fight scenes in which Diggle kicks major ass.  If Oliver Queen is the quarterback, then John Diggle is left tackle... and they are bringing him off the bench.

Diggle is hurt during the blast, but we don't know how. 

Source: olvrsfelicity

Felicity stumbles as they race to the plane (THIS WOMAN IS ME) and Diggle comes back for because of course he does. DELICITY FOREVER. He's caught in the blast some way. 

What we do know is there's a big surgical scar on his shoulder, his handshakes when he's aiming a gun, he can't make a shot, he's in a lot of pain and he's not telling anyone about it.

Source: plotbunnyshipper

John is perfectly capable of defending himself without a gun, but it's causing some problems in the field. He fires at a mercenary and misses, giving the man the chance to shoot Rene. Rene is hurt badly. A collapsed lung is no joke my friends. Of course, falling 10 feet with Oliver Queen onto a car didn't help matters either.

John chooses to say behind on the next mission and run comms. Even Felicity gave him a WTF look when he volunteered. I am glad we are all on the same page. John Diggle sitting one out is weird. LET'S NEVER FORGET IT AGAIN ARROW. Another mercenary gets the drop on John and almost blows his head off during the Bl*ck S*ren attack. Honestly, this was the most we've ever seen John in danger. Things are not going well.

I read a lot of summaries of the episode and many reporters were saying Diggle is suffering from some form of PTSD and that's what is causing his hand to shake. I am a little flabbergasted by this. Certainly John can be suffering PTSD and it is Arrow's mainstay mental health issue. But I don't think this is just mental. I believe this is physical. A real injury - not just phantom pain. Diggle is absolutely hurting after the BS attack and it's apparent he is not in tip top physical shape. Despite a lack of medical expertise in pretty much anything, I'm thinking it's some kind of nerve damage/central nervous system thing.  

Keeping it a secret from the team isn't good. It puts them at risk and John would never want to put anyone's lives in danger. So... why is he keeping it secret? Well, I think it's pretty easy to fool yourself that everything is fine in these kinds of circumstances. I also believe John knows that if he tells the team, if he tells Oliver, then they won't let him in the field. Therefore, something serious is going on with John physically and he knows it.

Something may be going on with John mentally too and I'm not just talking PTSD.  Diggle has to be afraid what life looks like without Team Arrow. This mission pulled John out of a dark hole more than once. If John Diggle can't fight for the city, if he can't help people... then who is he? These are terrifying questions he may not want to answer.  John is running. Not unlike how Oliver ran from the questions that haunted him for ten years. Oliver eventually faced those questions and came out the other side. It'll be his turn to help Diggle do the same. Once he finds out the truth.

There is one person sniffing out John's lies more than anyone else: Dinah.

Source: @valeriemperez​

She knows Diggle wasn't telling the whole story about what happened on the bridge with Rene or the Bl&ck S&ren attack. John also knows Dinah isn't telling the truth about what happened between Lance and BS. John and Dinah had each other's numbers last night.

So, let's just talk about the elephant in the room. Yes, I noticed the chemistry between the two actors. 

I think you might have to live in a cave NOT to notice it. Their scenes were electric. I didn't particularly notice anything in the writing, but rather feel it's just the natural chemistry between the two actors. And... I noticed it last year too.

Do I think Arrow is going to put Diggle and Dinah together? Well... not while John Diggle is married. That's for damn sure. This is John Diggle we are talking about here.  Keep in mind, David has great chemistry with Audrey too. It's one of the reasons we love Dyla. Do I want more of Dyla? Sure, but Audrey's availability is always a factor with them.

Now, before we all start a Dyla panic I think it's absolutely possible for two characters to have great chemistry together and not be romantic. Entire television shows have been built around that concept. They've also been built around the opposite concept, so it's really anybody's guess.

The point is, I enjoy Diggle and Dinah's scenes together. The chemistry adds an interesting complexity to them and every relationship (romantic or not) needs that kind of spark. Actor chemistry is an important piece of the organic puzzle. We've seen it in romantic and non romantic relationships alike. We've seen how bad it is when the chemistry is lacking between actors - both romantic and non romantic relationships alike.

So, I'm just going to enjoy it. The same way I enjoy OTA, Rene and Lance, Felicity and every character she comes into contact with. If I see something romantic in the writing I will say something, but I don't. Not yet anyway.

What I am excited about is John's storyline. The push/pull with Dinah, his marriage to Lyla, keeping secrets from Oliver and Felicity, dealing with whatever his injury is - this is the kind of attention I've been waiting for John Diggle to get. It's time to sit back and watch Diggle shine.

Thea Queen

Again, not a lot of surprises here. Thea is in a coma.  They pretend Thea is dead most of the episode, instead of John and Felicity like I expected. Finally, Oliver returns to the island and runs into Slade. At least the supreme jackass had the decency to admit he abandoned everyone. (Really bummed out my "Slade saves everyone" theory didn't pan out. You are very disappointing Slade Wilson.)

Slade leads Oliver to Thea's body.

Source: olivergifs

Kudos to Stephen Amell. Every time he has to act like Thea is dead Stephen knocks it out of the park. Is this his fourth time? I've lost count. Each time it is effecting because of the bond between brother and sister. QUEEN SIBILINGS FOREVER.

Somehow Thea was revived and receives the medical attention she needs. She's in a coma and Oliver sits vigil while waiting for a miracle.

This is Arrow's way of dealing with Willa Holland's shortened contract. I'm not upset about it. This is the way it goes with long running television shows. But I have to say... I feel like we are running out of ideas with Thea. I love the character, but we've done the "Thea is going to die" storyline multiple times. It does start to lose the edge after awhile.

Season 5 was a make or break year for Oliver for me just like Season 3 was make or break for Laurel. I'm willing to see where Thea goes in Season 6 after she wakes up, because she is going to wake up. However, I believe the story needs to comes first. If Arrow is unable to service the character then it's time to let her go. They don't need to kill her like LL. Let her run off and live happily ever after with Roy. Or take the character in a new direction. Either way... a decision needs to be made. 

Quentin Lance/Bl&ck S&ren

Hot mess alert! Things are a little rocky over on the bird side of the storyline, but what else is new?

Quentin and Dinah lied to Team Arrow and told them Bl&ck S&ren is dead. The truth is BS was alive after the explosion. She was about to take Dinah out and Lance shot her. STONE COLD! I loved it. 

Unfortunately, BS survived the gunshot wound. This bitch is like a cockroach. Can't kill her.

Unfortunately, Quentin is in a shame spiral over it. 

Apparently, he's decided that Bad Laurel (Their name for her. I have gleefully embraced it.) is his daughter and this parallel universe thing is crap. He feels in his bones that HIS L*urel is in there and he has to save her.

I have whiplash. 

What happened to, "You're not my Laurel?" and THIS

The 180 degree turn is confusing. Quentin Lance YOU DID NOT TRY TO KILL YOUR DAUGHTER BECAUSE SHE IS NOT YOUR DAUGHTER.

Everyone needs to get on the same doppleganger definition page. 

Where's Barry? He might actually prove useful right now.

Not that Oliver wasn't. He told Quentin that BS is not L*urel and he needs to stop blaming himself. Whole and healed Oliver embraces LOGIC. I could get use to this.

I don't believe this is a lingering effect from Lian Yu. This runs deeper for Lance. This feels like transference. Lance feels responsible for L*urel's death because of his involvement with Damien Darhk. He wasn't able to save his his daughter. He's projecting that guilt and blame onto Bad L*urel. He's using her to make amends because he can't with L*urel. It's really no different than what Oliver was doing in 5x10.

Is it me or did Arrow try to build Bl&ck S&ren's vendetta against Team Arrow, and particularly Lance, around her anger over Quentin shooting her? 

Because Bad L*urel was such a supportive friend BEFORE Lance shot her???? We do remember she was one of the primary reasons they were all on Lian Yu in the first place right????

We are not doing this. We are not pretending that BS is suddenly bad because Lance shot her. I live in a world called reality.

It's clear BS has some kind of deal with Michael Emmerson's character. That was Emmerson saving BS on Lian Yu even though we didn't see his face. She was in cahoots with Emmerson's character before Lian Yu otherwise why would he save her? So, it wasn't all about Adrian Chase for her.  She has another agenda. One that has NOTHING to do with with Lance shooting her. BS knows it even if Quentin does it.

Are they redeeming LL? Honestly, I don't think so. Primarily because she ended the episode telling Lance she would have pulled the trigger if the roles were reversed. But she has an ooey gooey center of caramely goodness deep down.

@fanmommer​ told me she feels like BS is the new Malcolm Merlyn and I have to agree. It makes sense to me if BS is evil with occasional moments of goodness/potential hope for redemption. They can play that grey zone with her no different than they did with Malcom or even Slade now.

Thea hoped for Malcolm's redemption. Sometimes that hope was rewarded, but a lot of times she was left disappointed. I have a feeling we'll see the same with Quentin. They are going to play with this redemption. However, If they redeem BS then we are simply back to LL 2.0 and all the same problems we had with the character. 

What BS has going for her is that she is DIFFERENT than LL and I don't think Arrow has forgotten that. But again time will tell.

It frustrates me to see Quentin Lance pulled back into the LL black hole. I was very excited with where the character was going in Season 4 with his interactions with Felicity and relationship with Donna. That seems to be all over now though. I'd be more interested in the "Save Laurel" storyline if we hadn't already done it in Season 2 with LL's alcoholism storyline.

Imma need to talk about KC's performance now. Is it me or was the camp factor at an all time high? I felt like I was watching a rerun of Adam West's Batman. 

I know this kind of campiness is what some of the comic book fans love, but it doesn't make for particularly great acting. 

I say this as someone who enjoyed KC's performance in 5x10. The sneering voice and facial expressions just felt waaaay over the top in "Fallout." She needs to dial it back. Way back.

Also... the stunts. It hurt y'all to watch. 

I don't watch stunts with a terribly critical eye. I never notice if they make errors. However, BS & BC would go at it and there were entire long shots of KC's stunt double doing the entire fight. They didn't even attempt to hide it. Just as the fight was getting going they would cut/pan away from it. I don't know a thing about stunt work, and I say this as a person who survived Season 1 of Buffy, but those scenes need some work.

Source:  arrowsource

However, BS as Dinah's villain does work. The snappy comebacks were fun and the two women battling it out made for acceptable "episode villain filler" as Arrow focused on larger arcs like William and Diggle. As long as Arrow is strategic with BS and uses her in pinpointed ways like in Season 5, it'll be fine.

Stray Thoughts

Felicty Smoak's outfits were off the hook. I want to buy every single one. Slay on Slayer. Source: @songbin

Dinah's outfits too. I just want to shop in her closet. Source: luthores

"What do you mean by that?" I have waited six years for Oliver to respond with this question every time he receives sage advice nobody understands.

Oliver used his mayoral power to get Rene another hearing for custody of his daughter. I AM EMOTIONAL. Also, these two need to hug more. Source:  arrowsource

“It’s like I keep telling you hoss. I got the soul of a poet.” HA! My fondness for Rene keeps growing. Keep it up Arrow. He also seems to be keeping secrets of his own too. Hmmm..

Diggle is so happy his OTP is back together. Same brother. Source: sharingmyworld  Also, never learn subtle Team Arrow. Less fun for us.

Curtis just threw the t-spheres and Felicity put him in his place. This is how I want my Curtis Holt always. Source:  sharingmyworld

Coolest entrance ever. Source:  olivergifs

Oliver calls William "kiddo." I call my daughter that.

If you wondering what 6x02 will explore this is it:

Source:  oliverdant

He’s still Oliver. Things haven’t changed THAT much, but he made a funny about it. Source:rinmaidtsuoka

Just a note on the reviews, I'm doing this new thing called sleeping on Thursdays. So, I probably won't be finishing reviews until Friday night or Saturday morning. Work is just too busy and I am getting old. I can't keep the same pace up anymore, so I am finally listening to all of you who said that you don't mind how long the reviews take. I really appreciate your patience.

Disclaimer: Any gifs on the blog are not mine. If you would like a gif removed from my reviews, please message me. 6x01 episode gifs credited.

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

Rambles, not reviews

I saw:

Creation- Charles Darwin’s labor on his book On the Origin of Species becomes difficult because of the emotional implications on his personal life. In a world where a little girl could be forced to kneel on a pile of rock salt for a long period of time as punishment for saying dinosaurs existed, clearly his book would cause trouble. But there is also a theological divide between him and his wife. His beloved eldest daughter (the little girl in that anecdote) has died leaving him haunted, and this is the actual source of the emotional turmoil. He’s unwell, physically and emotionally, and one of the most significant books in history depends on him finding the strength to finish it.

Well, obviously he did! Sadly, though, people are still fighting over it. Back when I was in high school the science teacher would begin the subject of evolution by saying “I have to teach this by law. I don’t believe in it, and I know none of you do, but we have to do it” She was wrong, of course, when she said “none of you”. I could never understand their objection, since natural selection doesn’t speak to religion. It doesn’t say your god or goddess of choice isn’t responsible for this system. Since it seems not unlike the breeding of plants and animals humans have done for thousands of years, just without the hand of humanity being required, why do they act so horrified by it? Just see it as your god as a farmer on a planetary scale and accept the science. 

I guess it doesn’t work very well if you believe in absolutely literal rather metaphorical view of religious texts. Some people aren’t all that acquainted with those texts anyway but just take the word of their spiritual leaders. I remember the uproar in a class my senior year in high school when the teacher pointed out the fruit of tree of the knowledge of good and evil in the Bible was not specified as an apple. Some of my classmates were sobbing and shaking with rage because it contradicted what they were certain of. Sometimes it can be very difficult to even discuss certain subjects if there is even a perception of it not fitting with a deeply held belief

Personally, I have experience with a household of differing religious views. My father was an atheist and my mother is christian. To be fair, her form of Christianity is not one I can easily catagorize. Her very religious father was also a science teacher, and she ended up with a scientific bend of mind that had her studying chemistry and always regreting life got in the way of her PhD. She’s a sort of free thinking christian not bound to any particular branch, so much so I occasionally forget she doesn’t entirely think like me. Her mother, the grandmother that lived with us, was a very devout Baptist. Every day she would wake before dawn to read her Bible, which because of the peculiar stucture of the former rooming house we lived in meant light would stream into the large bedroom the rest of us shared through a glass window on the door between rooms. (Long story why the other bedrooms were unoccupied) She was active in her church, always full of prayers and gifts of Bibles....

So imagine being a little kid sitting at the kitchen table as occassionally the truce would break and my father and grandmother would go at it, with poor Mom stick in the middle. Grandma would always end the same way, declaring “You hurt my feelings!” and rushing off to her room crying. Mom would sigh and feel annoyed. Pop would be angry because she would do that leaving him the bad guy. And I ... well I just went back to eating with the entertainment over.

 It didn’t upset me like you would expect. I realized they both had irreconcilable religious differences, and while she showed little judgement in innocently (my grandmother had a strange childlike innocence) in provoking Pop she was also going to retreat rather than engage in the debate Pop liked.  I wished they wouldn’t argue, if that’s the word for it, because for Mom it was her mother vs her husband/best friend. She could agree with a point Pop made about the age of the Earth, agree with Grandma about there probably being a god, and end up pained for both of them. Mom hadn’t even realized that atheists existed until she started college. I’m not joking. She had just assumed Pop believed in god, that everyone did. She laughs about her ignorance now. But for me, I grew up with this as the world. People have dramatically different views, they might needle each other, voices might get raised and tears shed, but no one can win. It’s a brief storm pass, and we all go back to normal within an hour. 

Unfortunately outside my family differing religious views and rifts between science and religion aren’t so easily dealt with. I was lucky as in my extended family I had a wide range of religious views but the love and acceptance came first. 

It’s possible it’s part of what I enjoyed about the movie was simply showing couple where one is full of religious faith and the other religious doubt yet they love each other. It reminds me of home. 

I had dreaded watching it, to be honest. Pop got the DVD but didn’t get to watch it. The science vs religion conflict was an interest of his, while it always leaves me discouraged. While I have no use for religion myself, I realize that in a head on war for hearts and minds science always ends up loosing. It’s probably best to not frame it that way when there really is no reason to. But the movie surprised me by actually more or less came to that conclusion too. 

It’s quiet and emotion based look at the internal struggle Charles Darwin went through. It’s lovely to look at,  well acted,  and deeply moving. I liked it very much.....

 I wonder if Pop would have?

[mermaidsirennikita]

July 2017 Book Roundup

In July, I read eight books--most of which were unfortunately mediocre to poor.  However, there were a couple of standouts, and one of them was fantastic.  My favorite book of the month was Riley Sager’s Final Girls, a thinky thriller that deconstructs the concept of a final girl, while at the same time embracing the best parts of slasher movies.  If you love Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer, you have to try this book.  

So--below is the good and the (unfortunately, moreso) bad or fair to middling.

Dividing Eden by Joelle Charbonneau.  2/5.  After the assassination of the king and crown prince, the kingdom of Eden is left in turmoil.  The crown would go to the king’s widow, but after she goes mad, that’s not an option anymore.  That means that twins Andreus and Carys are left to battle each other for the throne--or else give up their family’s rights to the kingdom and endanger their own lives.  Aaaand that’s pretty much it.  There are romances thrown in, but the book moves incredibly slow for its length.  The assassinations--events that we know occur because that’s the plot--take forever to actually happen, and for that matter once it does happen it’s really fucking nothing.  It’s super predictable, the villain can be spotted from a mile away, and that makes Carys and Andreus seem super stupid.  Also, Andreus is cursed or something and Carys has a magical drug addiction.  The other issue I have with the book is that so much is made of how close the twins are--and a brother-sister twin relationship is such a cool topic to write about--but the fact is that they aren’t close.  If they were, they wouldn’t be ready to stab each other in the back at a moment’s notice.  Not the smartest book.

The Shark Club by Ann Kidd Taylor.  3/5.  As a young girl, Maeve was bitten by a shark.  The event sparked a lifelong passion for the creatures, and at thirty she’s returning home to her grandmother’s hotel as a successful shark researcher.  Recently, she’s sparked the beginnings of a romance with fellow researcher Nicholas--but back home, she runs into former fiance and childhood love Daniel, now the chef at the hotel and the single father of a young girl.  Maeve’s feelings for Daniel return as she bonds with his daughter, the situation further complicated by an illegal shark finning operation nearby.  This book is well-written, and while it didn’t thrill me in any way, it was pleasant.  It’s very much a “finding yourself” story, and I think that a lot of people would like it--you could call it a thinking beach read.  At the same time, however, I found certain plot points to be rather predictable.  But I appreciated the focus on sharks, animals that I love, and the ongoing threat of finning.  

One True Loves by Taylor Jenkins Reid.  3/5.  Emma married her high school sweetheart, Jesse, with whom she was madly in love.  The day before their first wedding anniversary, he went missing, and was presumed dead.  Three and a half years later, Emma is engaged to her new love, Sam, when she receives the news that Jesse has been found alive.  Now--who does she really want to be with?  I gave this three stars because I read it over the course of a day and it was certainly engaging, and Reid writes romance in a really lovely way and many people have and will love this.  But this was no Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo.  It actually kind of infuriated me.  It’s painfully obvious what Emma’s choice will be, the first half of the book breezes through each romance in a way that makes it difficult to get attached to either one, and the latter half is largely Emma dithering and treating each guy like shit.  The thing that irritated me most is that--well, look, I felt condescended to.  The old Emma loved to travel and see the world, and it’s implied that this was all a part of her youth and now she’s more mature and values the Real Things.  She’s Mature.  And I’m like, bitch you’re just kinda boring now.  There’s a scene where she’s basically like “I don’t like to fuck on kitchen counters anymore, I’m not in my twenties anymore I’m in my thirties”.  BITCH YOU ARE THIRTY-ONE HE HAS BEEN MISSING FOR 3.5 YEARS NOT TWENTY.  Like I respect her moving on and have no issue with that time frame, but Emma acted as if Jesse had been away for decades when he just hadn’t.  Sigh.

The Incarnations by Susan Barker.  4/5.  Beijing taxi driver Wang begins receiving mysterious letters from a stranger that claims to be connected to him through their past lives.  Detailing their different lives together, the stranger clearly also knows a lot about Wang’s current life, including his troubled marriage and his young daughter.  Desperate to find out who his “stalker” is, Wang becomes obsessed with the letters, and in the process confronts his own troubled past.  This is a dark fucking book, and it isn’t for the faint of heart because it honestly has a little bit of everything--to the point that I couldn’t give it a 5/5 because I did find some points a bit too disturbing.  Not in a gratuitous sense--it was the right choice for the book, just not always for me the reader.  But it is so well-written, and really original, and interesting in a way that so many reincarnation books aren’t.  It goes to some very interesting places, and was incredibly gripping.  For that matter, you get to see a number of different periods of Chinese history, which is always fun to read about.  Highly recommend if you’re looking for something really different.

Because You Love to Hate Me, edited by Ameriie.  3/5.  This anthology--featuring authors like Renee Ahdieh, Marissa Meyer, Susan Dennard, and more--focuses on villains.  Each story is actually a response from the author to a challenge given by a different writer; the challenger follows up the story with an essay, reacting to the story and discussing villainy.  Many of the stories are takes on classic villains--Moriarty from the Sherlock Holmes series, The Little Mermaid’s sea witch, the Erl-King/Queen--while a few others are completely original.  As with almost any anthology, this was a bit of a mixed bag.  A few of the stories were really excellent.  “Marigold” was the first thing I’d read from Samantha Shannon, and now I’d really like to see something else from her.  “Jack” was one of the few stories I found actively gruesome, and “Gwen and Art and Lance” was a pleasant, different surprise.  “Indigo and Shade” and “The Sea Witch” were also interesting.  However, a few of the stories weren’t for me just because of their style or content, and a few more seemed to fail at really being... well, about villains.  I felt like I was reading a bit too much about sympathetic villains, you know?  And the essays weren’t really for me--they felt like Tumblr posts.  But with that being said, it was enjoyable, and I think a lot of people would love it.

Final Girls by Riley Sager.  5/5.  At nineteen, Quincy Carpenter survived a massacre at Pine Cottage, during which all of her friends was killed.  As the only survivor, Quincy was immortalized by the press as one of the “Final Girls”, the other two being Lisa Milner and Samantha Boyd, who survived similar such massacres.  Ten years later, Quincy is shocked when Lisa commits suicide, and the mysterious Samantha shows up on her doorstep immediately after.  If you’re a fan of slasher movies, I highly recommend this book, which not only deconstructs the “final girl” archetype but tells a hell of a story.  It shifts between the present and what happened to Quincy on the night she survived, and both stories are equally compelling.  Quincy is a remarkably complex and flawed character, as is Sam--I was enthralled by both.  While I had an inkling about one of the twists, I certainly didn’t predict all of them.  It’s not only a great story, but an important one--while few of us experience traumas as horrible as Quincy’s (thankfully) the way she dealt with hers was very familiar to me, and the Sager does an excellent job of examining the difference between being fine on the surface and being fine in reality.  A must-read.

Every Last Lie by Mary Kubica.  2/5.  Clara, mother to a four-year-old daughter and a newborn boy, has her world shattered when her husband is killed in a car wreck.  What is written off as a tragic accident becomes more complicated when their daughter, Maisie--who was in the car with Nick when he died--insists that her father was being chased by a “bad man”.  Becoming obsessed with what happened to Nick, Clara begins to trace the last few months of her husband’s life--while, in alternating chapters, we see the truth unveiled from Nick’s perspective.  I gave this book two stars instead of one because I do think it portrays grief well--Clara is irrational to the point where she becomes unhinged and obsessive, and this does ring true to me, especially since she’s probably suffering from postpartum depression as well.  But the ending.  UGH.  THE FUCKING ENDING.  It ruined the book for me, as did the fact that we were clearly supposed to sympathize with Nick when he was a complete dirtbag.  Spoiler alert: Nick wasn’t cheating on Clara like you might initially think (he keeps going on and on about her pregnant body, and I was like wait are you into this or are you resentful of it idek) but he was keeping a million things from her.  An ex-girlfriend showing up in his life again, a kid that was possibly fathered by Nick before he met Clara, a malpractice suit, the fact that he’s apparently the worst dentist on Earth and deserved the malpractice suit...  God.  I should have known that I would hate Nick as soon as I realized he was a dentist.  Clara isn’t much better.  She idolizes Nick, jumps from one conclusion to the other over the course of a couple pages, and honestly doesn’t seem to have any kind of life outside her husband and kids.  Drop this, read Final Girls.

Close to Shore by Michael Capuzzo.  3/5.  In 1916, the Jersey Shore experienced a series of shark attacks that would really be the first attacks in American history to capture the public’s imagination.  They remain pretty distinct, as they occurred in a short period (from July 1 to July 12) across both the ocean and a nearby creek, and four people were killed and one injured by what seemed to be a single shark.  I read this in honor of Shark Week and because I’ve always been seriously fascinated by these attacks, ever since I was very young.  Capuzzo does a good job of describing the shark’s potential life and the attacks themselves.  But he also spent a lot of time fleshing out the lives of people who often weren’t even the attack victims themselves but their loved ones, which like.. fine, I’m sure that worked for a lot of people, but I’m here for the attacks.  I also feel like more time should have been spent on discussing theories regarding shark behaviors and what made these attacks so unique--and were they really unique at all?  Capuzzo seemed to be very set on the idea that this was a juvenile great white, that it was attacking for these reasons, etc.  And not all scientists, at least from what I’ve read, agree with him--even a discussion of outlying, unlikely theories would have been nice.  Capuzzo also didn’t seem to explain why he was so set on the great white theory, when a bull shark would be another likely candidate--some would say more likely than a great white, especially during the creek attacks.  With that being said, if you’re interested in the topic it’s a quick read and nicely informative.  To paraphrase Jon Snow, I like the shark bits.

[miyukistarseed]

Love is My Resistance

Reporting live from the school’s computer lab. I just came out of my Contemporary World Literature class and one particular theme seems to recycle in each class - the theme of being othered. In novels like The Yacoubian Building and The Funny Boy, we read about characters who feel like they do not belong, they feel like they are being othered. During discussion I was triggered and I realized that I’m othered, too. I’m Dominican, Cuban, and Ecuadorian. And now I’m sitting in front of this computer, dumbfounded, wondering how did this happen when my Ecuadorian and Cuban family is high-key racist? I always turned away when these issues were brought up in conversation at the dinner table because I always turn away and lose interest when people bring up fake issues. Yes, I always thought that hating someone for where they came from or for who they loved was a fake problem and a distraction from what honestly matters in life. And yet, the family holds on to these old ideas that black is unpure and dirty. My Ecuadorian father had the nerve to attack my sister for being into black men. Meanwhile, my Dominican and Cuban mother is puzzled, standing quietly beside him. When my father and mother began dating, his family hated my mother because she’s Dominican and Cuban. So why is he still racist even after marriage? My Cuban grandfather would constantly fight with my Dominican grandmother over who’s better, who’s more pure, and who is more white.

This war is confusing to me because no one in my family was forced into marriage so why were there issues about who is better DURING marriage? No one forced my Ecuadorian father to marry my Dominican and Cuban mother. No one forced my Cuban grandfather to marry my Dominican grandmother. So why was there war? Why did the racism survive in my father long after he married my mother? Why did my family measure one another and hated one another? Why didn’t they teach me and my younger brother Spanish? Why did my father feel shame when his children were so beautiful and bright? Why were we othered when we went to family parties? Why did my uncles steal from us? Why did my aunt othered us? Why were we not invited to family events? Why did my father marry my mother when he knew how his family felt about her? Why did he marry her knowing how he feels about black people? How was I created from an angry and hateful relationship and come out so loving and compassionate? By what divine order was I able to survive in chaos and madness?

To be clear, I never experienced racism outside first hand - or at least I do not remember. For those who cannot see, my skin is fair and it’s difficult for other people to guess where I am from or to guess how to treat me because I do not look European, Asian, African, South American or like an Islander. I consider myself the Queen of no identity because I’m a mixture of all of the identities. It is my super power or my shield in the outside world. Humans will look at me and think, “how am I supposed to treat her?” It’s as if I do not exist in the program, so you will just have to deal with me manually - or honestly. I do not look rich or poor. I do not look gay or straight or bi. I am difficult to define and this is what I love. I love breaking the program that is already broken. I love being that spirit you come across that challenges the program we have been programmed into. My last name doesn’t even exist in history. And yet, here I am. It is definitely a blessing to not have experiences with racism outside. But inside, I just realized that is where my enemy resides. An internal war that has marred my family for generations.

I remember all too well how my parents treated my sister for having a black boyfriend at sixteen. Although they are my parents and I love them very much, I am a grateful daughter - I have to be honest and say that it was an evil way to treat someone who was simply in love. The only thing that was wrong about the situation was my father’s hateful and ignorant attitude about it, and how he expressed it. I suppress my sadness and rage when I think of how they treated her throughout our childhood and early adulthood. Sometimes I think they broke her.

Now as an English major, I’m programmed to jump to conclusions, to ask any possible question, to explore and to dive deep with no floor to limit me. I’m asking myself if there is any love in the house. I’m asking myself if there was any love to begin with. I’m asking myself if they attacked my sister more than me and my brother because she as the first born may represent their defiance - for not just marrying without the families’ consent, but to create a Dominican, Cuban and Ecuadorian family. It is by far the dumbest issue I have had to explore, and yet it’s the most violent and chaotic issue I have experienced. Really, Miss Moon? Being Cuban, Dominican, and Ecuadorian is a violent problem? Yes, Reader, but only when I am with the family. When I am outside, this issue does not exist. When I am outside, no one knows I’m Dominican, Cuban, and Ecuadorian. When I am outside, I lose memory of the fights. When I am outside or with my friends, I am completely blinded by love. When I am outside, no one has these family issues. When I’m outside, daughters adore their fathers. When I’m outside, everything makes sense. When I’m outside, there is math and everything adds up just as it is promised to. When I’m outside, problems are small and temporary. When I’m outside, stress does not frighten me. When I’m outside, I am brave and bubbly. But when I’m home, I’m frightened. When I’m home, my safety is in question. When I’m home, I have to call my sister when I’m being threatened. When I’m home, problems last decades. When I’m home, madness is in the air and in my ears. When I’m home, I’m confused. When I’m home, I’m lethargic and stagnant, locked in my room. When I’m home, I’m doomed.

I always thought it was cool that I am mixed, that it was a divine privilege to have access to a selection of ancient wisdom. It was the coolest collection I had as a child, not music, not rocks, or stamps - I had cultures and histories, I had blood and dna. With that comes the old and ugly ideas, the racial war. Though it makes me regret my existence to think it wouldn’t have been a war if it weren’t for me but then that would be me fucking up the timeline. There is no need for regret when I have not done anything wrong. There is something me and my siblings can be proud of - through us the racial war in our family and our blood will die. The issues our grandparents kept alive in their lifetime have died with them. The racism in my father will die with him, too. And although the war has harmed us in our childhood, we will not drag the war into our adulthood. We will not hate ourselves. We will not carry on these foolish beliefs of being impure and dirty and push it onto our children. As long as I exist and I am mixed, that madness and chaos is dead.

The war will end when I disappear and take my ethnicities away with me - through me the countries will exist safely, harmoniously and poetically, through me they will be passed on with love and light, through me the war will be healed or hopefully forgotten and buried.

Racism and hate is certainly taught but I think the students are responsible for what ideas and beliefs they adopt as their own. I guess I could have learned racism from my father but as a child who grew up in Hudson County, I always thought racism was a belief only for idiots and evil people. I’m embarrassed to admit how my Ecuadorian family treated my father and us. I’m also embarrassed to admit that my father stayed true to their beliefs so he can feel a part of them. He did not want my sister to date black men because he was terrified of what his family would think - completely forgetting that WE were his family, completely dismissing the fact that their opinion meant nothing because

1. They already didn’t like us. 2. This should not be an issue in this day and age - to care what the flying fuck the family thinks. 3. We were not reliant on them financially - which is a common reason as to why someone would care about another person’s opinion, if they were financially dependent. Well, we were never financially dependent on his side of them family or any side for that matter.

The problem with people having an opinion on interracial dating or marriage is that they make it a personal problem. The idea of my sister marrying a black man brought my father doom.- I’m sitting in this chair laughing, why would someone else’s marriage or dating life hurt you and your already broken relationship with your family? I call it fake-doom, fake-panic, fake-problem, fake-madness. Why? Think about it, if the problem is not harming you financially, physically, mentally, emotionally, then it is not a problem. What is happening is that you are experiencing a challenge against what you have learned and what you are learning now is that the system that was pressed onto all of our ancestors was a tool used to oppress us and keep us from happiness. Race is fake but it’s an old war and possibly the only thing you have in common with your siblings, now who will you choose? The siblings who have stolen from you and your children or your children’s happiness? This is the kind of math that I’m proficient in. But not everyone loves themselves and I honestly think that is what it comes down to in all situations between humans. I don’t think my parents know how to love themselves and ironically that has been my social media career - to love myself. By loving myself I hold no judgement of me above my own. Does this make sense, Reader? It’s difficult to measure yourself when your family is judging, isn’t it?

For a long time I shrunk myself into the mold they wanted me in because it kept them safe from embarrassment. Thankfully, the mold is temporary and literature is sacred - especially when it comes to journalism and history. It would be a pity if I swept the darkness under the rug and pretended it wasn’t there and never happened. It would also be a lie. Now, I’m not outting my family for entertainment value or to embarrass them. I’m not writing this out of hate and resentment. I’m writing in the name of love, I’m writing for my child self who has been keeping secrets she does not want to keep anymore. I think this is the perfect time to look inward and share with others what I mean when I say “the doom”. We all know “the doom”, our family teaches us “the doom”. It takes bravery to open this can of worms, Reader! But I think it is so important for you to know, to study closely what it means to be mixed, what it means to face your family and measure at what cost are you willing to break the norm, what it means to challenge your beloved parents what they know, what it means to love someone when the world tells them no WITH VIOLENCE, what it means to be the younger sibling and wanting to protect your older sibling from harm even if that harm is coming from your father and mother, what it means to face a violent web of conflicts when it is alive and well every waking moment. I’m writing so others can learn from this and never repeat it as parents. It isn’t to be romanticized just because Miss Moon here is writing about it, and she’s alive and happy. No one can repeat me. Remember that not everyone can come out strong and healthy from a broken home. You have my other two siblings as examples, not that they are better or worse but they are both different from me. I want to end the cycle by confessing it’s existence because silence has kept it living for too long.

Did you always hear “blood is thicker than water” growing up? I did. Read carefully - you can choose your family, yes, you can choose healthy relationships over toxic ones even if it is over blood. You can call it selfish or survival. I have had a taste of both and I have to be honest, I love the friends I have attracted into my life and I do believe that they are good for me and are in perfect alignment with my highest love frequency. As I got older I realized that it is better to accept everybody and everything as temporary. Before this idea would worry me and hurt me. But after 23 years of war, I’m longing to put this cycle to its’ end. And it’s not to say that I do not love my family, please don’t get it confused. I do love my family. I won’t lie and say they haven’t hurt me. I think they hurt me everyday, honestly. Maybe it’s me keeping our problems a secret that is keeping them from changing and evolving. Instead I try to inspire them with self love and harmony but I don’t think they want to learn from me. Perhaps they’re afraid that their 23 year old daughter unlocked the wisdom they were longing to find. When it ends there will be peace and all of the violence will be forgiven. And no one will feel othered because we know that we belong to ourselves and our existence is perfect and wonderful and we will exist whether someone likes it or not.

One day we will exist in peace, when we forgive ourselves for not loving ourselves for so long.Maybe that’s what it takes to end the war, to tell them I forgive them for the war that was pushed onto them. Truthfully, forgiveness is far from my heart when we do fight. But I want peace with my parents more than my pride. Anyone can declare war. But it takes forgiveness to end one. And I will end the war because love is my resistance.

(Disclaimer: Don’t want you to walk away thinking my father was evil and my mother was good. My issues with my mother are different than the issues with my father. I cannot consider my parents as evil or innocent. I do consider my relationship with my parents as toxic, confusing, and gray. Sometimes they are my sunshine, most times they are the storm. They are troubled and I hope with all of my heart that they somehow find their way. I want everyone to find their way. But these two are my creators so they are first on my wishlist. If you have a parent(s) like mine, I feel you. I think it is safe to say you can love them even though they hurt you because I know you love them for giving you the chance at life. Don’t feel bad about loving, just know the difference between loving and enabling toxic people. And be safe, my love. And welcome to the Resistance.)

[suki-schiffer]

So I thought universities were profiting off students...

I, like most people, have complained about the cost of education and, in part due to the huge increase in the cost of a degree from 1980 to today, thought that universities/colleges were drastically inflating the price of a degree (i.e. that only ~30% of what students paid was covering the cost of equipment and paying professors the rest was going to the university’s top executives). But I got curious about it and decided to do a google search and it turns out that there was a recent report released regarding the average salary of professors at some of the major Canadian universities. My school was on there.

According to this report my full time professors were making ~$180000 a year. To be classified as a full time prof the professor must teach at least three courses each term and at least two terms a year (I say “at least” but I hadn’t heard of any that were teaching more than three). I then took some liberties assuming the number of students per class and placed it at 50, while my smallest class was only 32 I’ve had lectures with over 150 students and online classes (which count as one of the professor’s three per term) with over 300, so I think 50 is fair. I then calculated how much each student would have to pay to cover that professor’s salary and it came out to $600. That doesn’t seem too bad until you take into account that that’s only one professor and none of these students are being double counted (i.e. it’s making the assumption that no student has the same professor twice in the same year). Now, I don’t know about you, but in my 4.5 years as a student I only had five professors for more than one class (two of those professors were the entire Japanese department and I took 6 Japanese classes so...). Anyway, a full time student (like me) took 10 classes a year so assuming you never had a prof for more than one class you’re paying $6000 a year to cover your professors’ salaries.

I suppose that’s still $4000 extra unaccounted for but most of my professors had TAs to help them mark/monitor exams and I know that TAs started at $20/hr and were paid for 20 hours of work per week. Then there’s all the janitors, maintenance, gardeners to be paid. On-campus health-services, school provided tutors, IT department, subscriptions to scientific journals, librarians, all the library books. Then of course the equipment we used, whether it was just paper and a desk, a computer lab, or MRI machines. I know that $400 a year went towards “free” use of public transit, $100 to the student federation, $150 to the gym. I’ve come to the conclusion that they aren’t inflating the price to make a profit, with the way things are priced most of what we paid really was going towards the resources we used.

That being said:

$180000 a year!?! How do you even spend that much money? You could buy a new house, boat, and car every year and still have money left over!

But my university wasn’t a stand alone, there were other schools paying their professors comparable wages and I know that in this capitalist society if my school lowered salaries to $75000 (still about $25k above the Canadian average) the professors would go to other schools and if Canada took some kind of action that lowered the salaries of all professors most of them would probably go to the US or UK.

So in the end I’ve concluded that colleges and universities haven’t inflated the price of education just because they can or just because they’ve become greedy and want a larger profit. They’ve increased the price because their costs have increased and if they want to remain in business they need to make more money. To further accentuate my point, perhaps the professors are the greedy ones if $180k/yr is considered a competitive salary, but all my professors had doctorates, my BA cost $30k before factoring in the interest I’ll pay on my loans, and I know master’s/PhD’s cost even more; and then there’s the fact that when in school you’re also missing out on a decent salary often spending years working part time/minimum wage or having to rely on someone else to support you. The more you charge students the more people with PhDs/professors will need to be paid to make up for all the money they spent/didn’t make while in school, thus increasing professor salary and tuition costs and the cycle repeats.

But it’s outside factors driving this cycle, specifically your average capitalist greed, and I predict that the whole system is going to collapse soon due to recent trends in the job market. 

I’ve recently found that employers, in true capitalist fashion, are getting greedier and don’t want to waste time/money/resources training people, they also don’t want to waste time asking potential employees to demonstrate that they have the knowledge/skills for the job, they want paperwork (degrees, licenses) to show it. We will look beyond the fact that this is a horrible way to determine someone’s abilities (I have the highest academic honours but almost failed stats and neuroscience so while my degree makes me eligible to work in a neuroscience lab as an RA I would require a lot more training than what the employer probably considers ideal). Due to this desire for paperwork entirely new degrees have popped up over the last few years like bricklaying, welding, sewing, administration/reception and in general employers are passing over people with more skill in favour of those with degrees. Years ago you could cook a man a meal and become a chef, show someone your drawings and become and illustrator, fix a man’s computer and be hired as an IT tech. I no longer hear of people getting job offers based on someone seeing their work, the word of a friend, or by performing a task for someone (my grandmother got a job at a bank through simple demonstration of how fast she could calculate percentages and roll coin, my aunt got her job in a beauty boutique simply by walking in with her makeup done and demonstrating her knowledge of popular brands). So now all these employers require degrees and so everyone who can afford to pays to get the required degrees. But now there are too many people with degrees, people that might have never been considered for a job previously due to lack of talent are now being considered because they have a piece of paper that says they have the required knowledge (you can teach someone to draw but that doesn’t mean they are going to be amazing at it) meaning employers have the pick of the litter. They might choose older individuals who have experience or rich individuals who have connections and could therefore intern and get experience at mommy/daddy’s work place, and because there are so many people to choose from they can get away with paying their employees minimum wage. You don’t like it? Tough, you can be replaced with someone willing to take what they can get. But minimum wage isn’t living wage and isn’t enough for a single individual without debts to live on let alone individuals with degrees and the loans to match. So it’s not the universities and it’s not your professors it’s the employers, the top 1% again. The middle class is being abolished, the poor are becoming poorer, all the while that 1% profits off of all of us.

Education is becoming less attainable and the number of jobs you can get without a degree is also on the decline. It’s very possible that there won’t be enough minimum wage, no degree required, jobs to go around soon. On top of this the people are unhappy. No one can live on minimum wage and university grads do have the ability to think, they aren’t so easily transformed into mindless sheep, action will be taken, it’s just a matter of time.

But until then...

This has been a friendly rant from your neighbourhood recent-grad-still-trying-to-get-work-in-my-field-so-I-can-go-to-grad-school who’s drowning in loans, having an existential crisis, and wishes to change the system,

Good night!

[golden-revolutionary-blog]

Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston

A Personal Book Review

Rating: 3.5/5  ☀️  ☀️  ☀️ 

Blurb: “One of the most important works of twentieth-century American literature, Zorea Neale Hurston’s beloved 1937 classic, Their Eyes Were Watching God is an enduring Southern love story sparkling with wit, beauty, and heartfelt wisdom. Told in the captivating voice of a woman who refuses to live in sorrow, bitterness, fear, or foolish romantic dreams, it is the story of fair-skinned, fiercely independent Janie Crawford, and her evolving self-hood through three marriages and a life marked by poverty, trials, and purpose. A true literary wonder, Hurston’s masterwork remains as relevant and affecting today as when it was first published - perhaps the most widely read and highly regarded novel in the entire canon of African American literature.”

Review: I personally have a lot of mixed feelings after reading this book. Although I don’t relish romantic stories in the slightest, Their Eyes Were Watching God takes readers on a roller coaster of positive and negative moments in Janie’s life as a mixed-race woman searching for true love through Hurston’s portrayal of her characters, her language, and her themes. Hurston’s symbolism also enhanced the story in order to make the story and characters as engaging as possible, which can be seen in the novel’s hook:

“Ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board. For some they come in with the tide. For others they sail forever on the horizon, never out of sight, never landing until the Watcher turns his eyes away in resignation, his dreams mocked to death by Time. That is the life of men.  Now, women forget all those things they don’t want to remember, and remember everything they don’t want to forget. The dream is the truth. Then they act and do things accordingly.” (Hurston 1). 

She had a gripping hook comparing the difference between men and women, but her use of flashback ruined the story for me in a way because it became predictable. Janie marries Logan Killicks. Janie rebels against her grandmother by running away from Logan. Janie marries Joe Starks. Janie dislikes being the mayor’s wife and tells Joe she would be better off without him on his deathbed. Janie savors freedom, but then meets Tea Cake so she marries him, etc. 

This is where I begin to have unpopular opinions surrounding the characters. 

Janie’s actions heavily relied on the support of others throughout the novel. This is exemplified through her grandmother’s want for Janie to get married before she dies and her actions in all three of her marriages. Even though all humans have a complex array of emotions, Janie’s character flaw seems to be that she is stubborn. She can even be symbolism for the stubborn mule that Hurston writes about in the novel.

Now about the men in Janie’s life. Logan hardly has any development other than threatening to kill Janie because she threatens to leave him for a better man. Joe is a jealous political womanizer who wants to use his “get rich quick” scheme with Janie by his side. Tea Cake is your ordinary young man with traits similar to Logan and Joe, but it has been noted that he is Janie’s “true love.”

The big themes of the novel include jealousy, masculinity, feminism, freedom v. confinement, and prejudice. I’m going to touch on each of them real quick so I can wrap this essay review up.

Jealousy is another big theme in this novel, and Hurston illustrates this is pretty much in all of her characters. This is what makes the portrayal of her characters and their dialogue so interesting.  One scene that made me rethink Tea Cake’s character as being perfect was the scene where he hits Janie. His masculinity and fears got in the way of his hidden thoughts that Janie would never leave him for another man. 

One thing I hate about the entire situation though is that Janie does nothing when Tea Cake hits her, and the other men in town praise Tea Cake for that. The pillar of strength she is supposed to represent is tarnished due to her incapability to understand that she is much more than what others say she is. Tea Cake is the first person to allow her to think freely, but he too ends up dominating her just as the other men in her life have. However, it can be debated she does learn to be strong at the end of the novel since she tells her friend Pheoby that you should never listen to what others have to tell you and just live your life.

I think this leads to the issue of prejudice, which is hidden over the course of the novel. Mrs. Turner is a symbol of hate and bigotry in the novel because even though she herself is partially black, she hates the black community. She tries to persuade Janie to leave Tea Cake for her brother, because she believes Tea Cake is terrible for Janie due to the color of his skin. This stigma follows Janie when she is in court for the death of Tea Cake, but this time its her former friends who turn on her. The black community turns their back on her when she is found not guilty, and the white community welcome her with open arms and crowd around her with joy. 

Conclusion: Overall, I think Their Eyes Were Watching God is a novel you have to read twice in order to fully appreciate and understand. My stance is still neutral after reading it again for a second time. There’s so much more to the characters than just their perfections, as flaws are what make the characters so diverse and compelling to the reader. Janie’s journey to find herself through love can be contradicting, yet enticing when delving for answers as to why the characters behave a certain way. Society being challenged was a big step to take during the ‘30s, and I applaud Hurston for writing a novel that tackles so much regarding the African-American community within a short time period. It’s definitely a book worth picking up if you have never read it before, but I suggest checking out Hurston’s short stories such as Sweat for other types of female characters. 

[onewithoutcontext-blog]

Let’s loqui code-switching

“Excuse me Mr Blogger person but . . . What?”

You there! my Dearest Reader.  Welcome to our little discussion about Code-Switching. Now you might be a little confused with the title of this post. If not, I want to congratulate you on being a smart cookie. But if you didn’t understand you might be asking yourself questions like:

What does the phrase “Code-switching” mean?

Loqui? Is that even a word?!

Your perspective huh? So you’re basically going to be telling me how you feel about something and how you experience it compared to the perspective of others?

And the answers to those questions would be:

Code-switching is when a speaker switches between two or more languages within the same conversation or sentence. Inserting sentences or words into proper context and making sure that what they say still makes sense.

Loqui means “talk about” in Latin and yes. That was me trying to be clever, but it’s also a good way to explain what code-switching (or code-mixing) is.

Correct! Couldn’t have explained it better myself.

“Oh, now I get it!”

Good to hear it! let’s movere(move on) shall we? – I promise I’m done.

We’ll be talking about code-switching from the perspective of an up and coming blogging youthster(Me) who lives in a country(Iceland) where most people, including me, are very proud of the native language(Icelandic) and where the matters of its future in the global age(Now) have been in local discussion a fair bit in the recent years.

Let me tell you a little bit about code-switching Dearest Reader

Code-switching is probably something you’ve experienced or participated in doing before in your life. It’s more common in countries that don’t have one of those widespread global mega languages such as English or Russian. This is especially common nowadays where things like:

The world-wide broadcasting of media.

Immigration & international commuting.

Improved quality of education resulting in more language study.

And especially The Internet

Have never been more apparent. It’s hard to talk about things relevant to current, modern day life without using English words you know. This message goes directly to all you English as a first language whipper snappers out there who don’t know what convenience you’re living in. But then again it’s much more of a rarity for you to get to exercise code-switching.

It’s a beautiful thing really, and people think it can be quite tasteful to insert the occasional French or Latin word etc. into their dialogue like avant-garde or Hola!

SIDE NOTE: Hi! It’s me the Side Note man here, wanting to tell you that code-switching is not the same thing as using something like the words kindergarten or homo-sapiens in an English sentence because although the word kindergarten is German, it is also in a cultural sense, and a practical sense, in the English language and will be found in most English dictionaries. And in the case of the word Homo-sapiens. Latin yes, but just as English in the sense that it’s derived from Latin. The same goes for using singular terms. Not code-switching. Have a nice read!

“How do people feel about code-switching?”

Well, something I’ve come across is that if you do this excessively. Code-switch “too much” that is. Some people won’t appreciate it.

Another big thing people fret about when it comes to this subject is that it might make people worse at traditional and “standard” speech and grammar. They’ll forget the classic terms and idioms of yore and they’ll be lost to the coming generations. And yes. Ok, fine! that might be an actual possible problem but do you know what I think? That’s perfectly acceptable. It’s OK. It’s good actually. A little spring cleaning for languages to make them a bit more connected. But that might be just pro-world government side of me talking.

“So what’s your take on it?”

Like I said, it’s fine. Words and grammar rules dying out because of irrelevance and inefficiency, being replaced by new ones is nothing new. The words we use the most are a reflection of the world we live in. That’s why we’ve got to record and preserve records of our languages as they change. It’s a big part of human history that would be a shame losing. Keep in mind that I don’t want people going around forcing themselves into code-switching. But people shouldn’t go superimposing their subjective opinions about the beauty of language on other people either.

I’m fascinated by the variety and diversity of languages but keeping that alive and in use is more of a nation-wide hobby really. Like how poetry is a cool & amazing way to utilise words but not a mandatory thing. To me, the practical use of code-switching is reason enough to do it.

I personally code-switch quite a bit in my daily talk. Between my native language Icelandic, and English. I do this mostly whenever I can’t find the right words in either language or when a phrase just works better in one or the other. There are also a lot of things that do not have a relatively accurate corresponding word or phrase in Icelandic in a lot of the subjects I like to talk about.

I’ve been flat-out asked “why are you speaking so weirdly” and “can you stop doing that” on several occasions. And what has stood out to me about these comments and what I find quite interesting is that they’ve never come from the people I’m speaking directly to. It’s always a third-party.  And I think that’s because the people I choose to speak with by code-switching are very particular people. People I know will understand what I’m talking about. Understand the phrases and the words I swap out and therefore benefit from the larger sample pool of terms and idioms, and will return the favour by doing the same speaking back to me.

I wouldn’t code-switch when speaking to my grandmother for example. I know that when she was growing up, she didn’t have the same English media and education I was blessed with so I don’t do it.The same goes for using a language that the recipient of the message doesn’t speak like talking in Norwegian to a native Egyptian. It would be both difficult and inappropriate. Remember Dearest Reader, that the proper well-mannered gentleman or lady only code-switches when it is appropriate.

I have a bone to pick with people opposed to heavy code-switching

Now you might be someone who doesn’t appreciate code-switching. If so I want to persuade you to change your opinion. Here’s how I see it. Let’s start with an example:

So one day I was playing the card game Yu-Gi-Oh! with a friend. There are many elements to this game and it’s very very complicated so we need to be active in telling each other what we’re doing. Here is something we might typically say whilst playing out our turn.

SIDE NOTE: What you’ve got to understand here is that all of the cards and rules are in English so we are almost obligated to code-switch a lot. To highlight this: (English is bolded)

“Ok, ég dreg. Main phase eitt, ég setta eitt spil og summona Nova summoner í attack position og læt Herald í defence. Battle phase. Attacka þig directly með Nova. Og ég enda turnið mitt.”

This probably is just gibberish to someone who doesn’t meet all the criteria of understanding Icelandic, Understanding English, knowing how to play the game and being aware of the context in when it is said. Something both I and my friend fulfilled. Unlike his mother who was also in the room and told us we should stop speaking like that and instead communicate completely in Icelandic. I asked why and the answer I got was: “because it is easier to understand.” But that’s not what I think. We’re were doing the opposite of being unclear.

SIDE NOTE: The opposite of unclear would really – probably – most definitely be the word clear but in this particular case what the author is trying to say is that he and his friend were being more clear. This is something me, the Side Note Person thought you should know. Now, are we clear? Positively crystal! Then by all means on to the next paragraph.

I think you shouldn’t abstain from it. Embrace it instead

From my perspective, if both parties are in fact comfortable with it, it is both a waste of time and just counter-productive not to allow yourself the luxury of code-switching. Language’s most basic function is, at its core, a tool to relay information between two or more individuals. We are doing just that. And in the quickest – most efficient way possible when we allow ourselves to code-switch.

Only the intended recipients of the message actually need to understand the message and, as you should only code-switch appropriately, they always do.

You’re getting your message across, to one another, in disregard to other people. And isn’t that all that matters? Like speaking a secret made-up language except you’re only cryptic as a side effect. We can be such klutzes like that can’t we Dear Reader? It’s not intentional. Nor is it a problem as long as both parties are benefiting from it.

Sometimes words, even though they technically mean the same thing can have vastly different meaning and context between languages to the point that they hardly mean the same thing anymore. People aren’t going to swear at you by calling you a flaming pile of faeces anytime soon. (We all know what they’d say instead.) What you say only gets more accurate as you allow yourself an expanded vocabulary from multiple languages.

In conclusion

Now Dearest Reader, after reading this post. Don’t go speaking French to your Spanish teacher just because you can. Code-switching is something to be done in appropriate situations when it’s beneficial to both the one trying to get his message across and the one receiving it.

However when possible, I fully encourage that you to do so. If you are fully comfortable with it and find that it benefits you. I think that it adds a lot more flavour to your communication and makes it more accurate & concise, it can also be a lot quicker and more efficient.

[mariacorley]

How to be Black

My original reason for self-publishing a novel was to allow my protagonists, Langston and Cecile, the light of day. I started with the notion that if only a handful of people read my book, my beloved creations would still have lived and breathed somewhere other than on my computer. Publishers who cater to people like me used to be called vanity presses; there's some truth to that. It didn't take long before I began to dream of a larger audience, watching YouTube videos and absorbing blog posts that purported to show indie authors how to achieve unimaginable success. One of the most important parts of the plan seemed to be reviews, and so, emboldened by three 5 star reviews from total strangers, I asked everyone I could who had read my book if they would mind posting their opinions about it on Amazon. Some did, but many didn't, so I took it to the next level, paying to join a database that allowed me to contact random people who had demonstrated an interest in writing and sharing reviews.

I sent out numerous requests, but so far only a couple of those people have followed through. One of them is the inspiration for this post. Dr. Jacques Coulardeau sent me his review—two pages so full of inaccuracies and negative extrapolation that I was shocked that he gave me 4 stars—on Martin Luther King Day, a coincidence that I find ironic. Examples of his misleading statements include his portrayal of Cecile as “one who makes love with any boy available that is rather good looking,” for whom “pre-marital intercourse is a basic principle,” even though she has sex with exactly two men in the book, the first a one night stand during which she loses her virginity, the second her eventual husband. Coulardeau then glosses over the character's considerable internal conflict between her religious background and her sexual relationship with the “love of her life” by saying, “She does not realize her contradiction.” Um...not true. When Langston and Cecile meet, the reviewer says that Cecile “of course gives herself as if it were a question of life or death,” even though their relationship unfolds long distance. He even rebuts his own statement by adding “Cecile in a way makes the relation kind of satirical, humorous, un-serious.” Dr. Coulardeau states that Langston's decision to open a West Indian restaurant is simply because the cuisine is trendy. Um...nope. He also mentions that Langston's friends-with-benefits relationship, while in college, with the daughter of his Italian boss is doomed because of her father's disapproval, implying that Langston and Marietta aren't both aware, from day one, that their contact is a dalliance, and failing to mention an even more intense disapproval from Langston's Jamaican grandmother. And so on.

I won't dispute every incorrect statement, but—call me Donald Trump—I can't leave his final conclusion about my protagonists alone: “They definitely tricked their life-treks and they ended lost in some kind of tasteless, heartless, mindless deculturated wasteland.” His evidence? The characters are neither black nor West Indian enough for him. They eat West Indian food, but they don't speak the way he thinks they should (he is apparently a linguist; I'm merely someone who grew up as a Canadian West Indian). Further evidence of lost cultural identity includes Langston's decision to cook a  jerked turkey with mango salsa at Thanksgiving. I forgot to mention that the expert on what West Indians are supposed to be is an elderly Jewish man, who also took time out to pass judgments on Cecile's Christian journey in ways that my devoutly Christian readers did not. Huh?

These days, it's rare that a white person is overtly paternalistic enough to publicly claim knowledge of who black people should be, which is pretty much the same thing as informing us of our proper “place.” For obvious reasons, these kinds of statements are not nearly so uncommon in the black community. For example, the inability to “code-switch” is seen by some melanated people as proof of being an oreo: black on the outside, white on the inside. What does that mean, though?

Being an immigrant changes things, whether your relocation is voluntary or involuntary. Isn't it both natural and human to exert and receive influence as a result? When Dr. Coulardeau rails against the evils of multiculturalism, I think he may mean that distinct ethnic groups shouldn't lose touch with their cultural heritage. I support this idea, however, what does that include and exclude? Am I allowed to like only a particular kind of music, or cook a particular kind of food? If I am allowed to like things that aren't native to my ethnic group, a concept that has become hopelessly tangled, in most cases, by intermarriage (and here I mean even Jamaicans marrying Nigerians), how much should we like those things? How often can we indulge in them? What if we understand some of our ancestral language or dialect, but aren't fluent? Do we all need to repatriate to a country of cultural origin? Can we live in the suburbs? Or should our entire lives become a kind of performance art?

Coulardeau noted that “Canada is the best representative of multiculturalism and New York (where Cecile attends Juilliard) is one of the most diverse melting pot or salad bowl in the world,” calling the references to the various cultures there “anecdotal.” First, Canada is a vast nation, and I can assure you that most of it isn't particularly multicultural, although Toronto, where Langston lives (in Little Jamaica!), certainly consists of distinct ethnic enclaves. My main focus in writing the book, however, had to do with issues of personal growth that people can confront regardless of their race. Nevertheless, one reviewer said, “The issue of race is an important sub-stratum of the story and adds to its depth.” Another take: “How refreshing to encounter complex people who deal with racism and nonetheless dream beyond the limits of what's realistic. Unlike a lot of prime time television, Letting Go's characters defy stereotypes and earn your trust as a reader.” This reviewer, who is an African American female activist, also said of Cecile, “She's confident in her blackness and even when she's down, she's not out.”

Enough self-defense. I am more drawn to people's internal lives, so people who are looking for detailed discussions of place may be disappointed; my references to setting have a tendency to be secondary. That said, my book is semi-autobiographical (SEMI!), and I certainly could have included more of my own experiences with race and culture, including the very self-conscious efforts made by me and my black friends to reject as much as possible that wasn't considered “black,” whether it was by claiming to hate most of the music on the radio in our overwhelmingly white town, or never wanting to say a white person was attractive, because black beauty was so undervalued that it seemed wrong to add to the problem by endorsing the prevailing notions, even slightly. Some of my other formative experiences with my culture included learning about slavery and segregation, both in America and the West Indies, being sent to classes in West Indian dance, joining the Junior Afro-Canadian society consisting of my siblings and friends (to mirror the Afro-Canadian society my parents had joined), annual visits to Bermuda with my mom, and learning Jamaican folk songs from my dad. I also felt especially proud of hall of fame quarterback Warren Moon and the similarly storied hockey goalie, Grant Fuhr. Then again, was it “black” to even be aware of hockey? Or was that, too, the result of losing touch with my roots? Was it breaking down a barrier or assimilation when Arthur Mitchell founded the Dance Theater of Harlem? And if ballet is okay for black people, should Misty Copeland have ended up in a predominantly white company?

To be fair, I suspect Dr. Coulardeau might have been okay with Cecile's focus on classical music if the book had followed up a conversation about the need to incorporate music by black composers into her repertoire— something I endorse and have put into practice—with concrete examples. I admit to dropping the ball on that one; I was more interested in her character's awakening as a self-confident woman, just as I was interested in Langston's need to confront the fears that kept him bound, but although the book is already 500 pages long, a few sentences here or there would have made my novel richer. Them again, why should any black person, real or imaginary, have to define him or herself by someone else's cultural standards, which are higher, in this regard, than the bar most white people need to reach? One answer is that everything about black people has been denigrated so much that we need to affirm our identity. The thing is, we're still human, which means we're not monolithic. Will black people ever earn the right to just be, in all of our complex variations and manifestations? Or should all books feature black protagonists who speak mainly the vernacular, ideally in the inner city, during slavery or the Civil Rights era? Will melanated people always have to earn their “black card,” even if they're fictional?

Coulardeau sarcastically refers to Langston “so black...that his first girl friend is a white woman.” I put that relationship in my book is because seeing a black man with a white woman still produces a twinge in my gut, even though I realize that the importance of race has been inflated by a history of hate. If I'm honest, I must confess that I have some litmus tests of black authenticity: Clarence Thomas doesn't pass, for example, because his Supreme Court rulings and other statements have shown what looks to me like evidence of self-hatred. Still, I don't think it's reasonable to assume that every black man who gets involved with a white woman has fallen for the false notion that their pale skin makes them the biggest trophy of all. I want black men and black women to heal the deep wounds inflicted by injustice, set down the resulting baggage, and truly embrace each other. Still, it is my firm belief that we can love ourselves without climbing into a box. At least, I hope so, because the opposite of multicultural is homogeneous. Even if it were possible to retreat behind impenetrable racial and cultural fences, is that advisable? Can't I be black and still cook a damned turkey? Especially in Canada, where Thanksgiving isn't connected to its ancestral sins against aboriginal people (which certainly exist), but rather the thought that having a day off to sit down with your family and express some gratitude sounded like a good idea?

People have mentioned finishing my book and wondering what the characters did after it ended. Despite everything I just said, if I do write a sequel, I may just go into more detail regarding culture, which is something I don't always analyze deeply unless affronted. So even though I find Coulardeau's  comments presumptuous, misleading, and at times completely inaccurate, they did make me think.