#in one of those places rn where writing is really fun and enjoyable again :)

[heroes-fading]

alright so when I said the diamond au is gonna be two chapters I did in fact lie about that

[cheetahsprints]

Shadow is the coolest!!!

(Spoilers ahead)

STAGES: Eye candy, super fun and fluid.

My totally subjective judgement:

1. Chaos Island (It's a whole vibe and slightly scratches the part of brain that wishes Shadow could've appeared in Frontiers somehow. Ironically my least favorite full island in Frontiers... Speaking of, that was my first Sonic game besides TMOSTH so naturally I'm biased.)

2. Space Colony Ark (Currently all S-ranked, very fun and iconic location. After watching the demo players and waiting so long, finally being in it was so unreal.)

3. Sunset Heights (it's just delicious, I want to eat it)

4. Kingdom Valley (Utterly gorgeous and fun. Doom Surf parts were a little awkward, but don't take away from it much. I'm still salivating, so to speak.)

5. Radical Highway (I'm mad at this stage for skill checking me rn but... it's still the SA2 level remade... so cool. Expected to be hard as the last stage. The wonkiness caused by the game's story kinda takes away from the stage's original vibes for me though.)

6. Rail Canyon (Being at the bottom doesn't mean I don't love it, it just doesn't stand out as much as the others and... a lot of rail gaming as a given, y'know.)

BOSS FIGHTS: Biolizard and Mephiles are great, I'd rather not go through Metal Overlord again (I likely will), but visually it's cool. The gameplay of that was... not my forte. I didn't play '06 so the Mephiles fight in particular was a treat.

CONTROLS: Smooth!!! Doom Morph is kinda slippery sometimes, and I struggle with the sliding sections in Radical Highway. They're not Cyberspace, not Sonic Generations, but a secret third thing. (Somewhat an adaption of Overworld Frontiers controls to an evolution of Sonic Generations type level design? Something to that effect.)

CUT SCENES: My emotions grahh! I got no issues with the writing I can think of. I for one, enjoy the references, which were placed well imo. Overall, it's just really nice to see Shadow be an actual character.

GRAPHICS: Looks fine on the Switch, though I imagine it might be scaled down in places, I don't notice if anything is off. Didn't notice any stuttering, pop-in, or anything like that. I did have moments where the pause menu would freeze while I was scrolling through stages, not sure what that's about.

EXTRAS:

If you've played the game, White Space speaks for itself. It's great.

The 2D acts are fun wtf??? They flow so well? Sorcery! (Some parts of the 2D sections of Act 1 in Sonic Gens mess up my enjoyment of the stages.)

Missions are well done, as pretty much just tests of stage running skill, none of them making me want to punch the screen or just feel like I'm doing a chore as with several of the missions in Sonic Gens.

I don't like chasing music notes. [Redacted] those. The ones where you have to platform to a specific place where they're waiting for you are fine. Me problem though.

I sense if I try to improve my ranks I'm gonna have a love/hate relationship with the ranking system. I don't know yet if it's mostly based on time, but it certainly seems less generous than Sonic's.

Surprised at the lack of minibosses, it seemed like a fair number of people were expecting there to be. After playing most of the game... it makes sense though.

Next Session: Devil Doom...

[mandalhoerian]

ayup it’s the person that sent those vera things like a week ago ?? yk the one that made a fool of themself by rambling about ur oc ! anyways i reread it bc ofc i did and. idk. it’s such an amazing fic like genuinely and i felt a need to express it. like outside of how well-thought vera is and how interesting her dynamics with marvin + leon are (and claire ofc) and just. the pacing and story progression. it’s all so well done. and i’m sure someone has told u this in ur ao3 comments but the way ur reinterpreting canon a lil and having vera shake things up is so fun and genuinely interesting which is why i went back and reread it all. it feels like there’s a lot i kinda missed the first time round with the nuances of vera’s character which was. very fun to go back around and see again. hope ur doing well <3

HI OMG WELCOME BACK IM SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU

(you aren't a fool it's my inspiration and motivation juice YOU TAKE THAT BACK🔪)

first of all you are A CHAD. The fic is 100K words oh god I can't imagine -- im happy it was more enjoyable the second time around at least 😭😭😭😭 It's amazing to hear that despite the fat word count, you think the pacing and progression is going well!

Unrelated tidbit but I really didn't know how to introduce Vera before starting the fic and was debating on starting from pre-RE2R in the summer of 1998, spend five chapters and so with Vera assisting Jill in her investigation and unravel things from there. But at the end I was like "literally nobody would read that" and thought what best technique is there by starting right in the middle of action and chaos? And the rest I winged it.

That had to mean I had to go through EVERYTHING about her life and how she got to that point by peppering the events throughout the plot as Leon and her story also progressed alongside it, and I couldn't gloss over anything, so it just expanded and expanded and expanded and I'm sure got boring as hell at places since she hides a bunch of shit from the others and good god do they have to be integrated to the plot of re2r AND UGHHHHHHHH. Thank you for telling me I havent messed up LMAOOOOOOO

About the canon. I have a bone to pick with some of the game and the story, I don't like how they went about a couple of things. This is me trying to lay the groundwork to fix them and everything by tweaking .

For example Leon pulling the "i have to talk to the chief first" bs and saying "Idk what happened it happened to fast" to ada like he was trying to make excuses like a child to his parent really irked me, especially in the original re2 he bent over backwards to get ben out of the cell so he could come along with them. (dont talk to me about how a law-abiding rookie he's supposed to be. that could have been done better. leon simply isn't a person to leave someone like that, and he was hearing about chef irons the writing on that could have been better) And the way Claire and Leon barely interacted when they are the core of re2 together was just not it. The lack of Sherry and Leon together was also weird when Sherry is a big part of why he was taken by the government and stayed, and how Sherry blatantly says he saved her in RE6. (I know they just completely wiped the slate clean off Sherry and Leon with RE4R backstory by just saying Leon just didnt have a choice but like. yeah) and also Ada. God Ada "(to the woman she wants to discreetly capture. since she's A SPY) We're here for the g-virus and i will now proceed to jump in front of the bullets" & "Where's Leon when I need him (has treated him as a nuisance the whole way)" Wong. Im sure there are a lot more things but i cant think of them rn but I am annoyed with Things

SORRY I JUST WENT OFF ON A TANGENT. But like. Having Vera involved and having her existence be a reason on changing things around is so much fun. I could just expand on child experimentation and the truth of the orphanage through her, it was always something wildly bothering me that they kept that plot so subtle in Claire's story. Birkins (or maybe just William. we'll never know) were using children in G-virus experiments WHY DIDNT THEY TALK ABOUT THAT MORE DUDE? That's why canon divergence makes things so much more interesting because it's not just transcribing the game and inserting an OC along the way, it's changing things and making new things up, keeping things fresh

GOD I TALKED SO MUCH SORRY THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ASK!!!!!!

[fanfoolishness]

Mandalorian live-blogging, chapter 12, the Siege!

What did the Client really want to do with Grogu? He didn’t exactly seem to be on good terms with Gideon.

Din: “I finally know where I’m taking you — away from my life but not from my heart *cryyyyyy*” — oh wait, was that not the one?

The very practiced way Din is asking Grogu to do complicated shipboard maintenance suggests this has absolutely happened how many times before?

Din is so expressive here! All his gestures! So much nodding! His “no!” Hands! Shit, maybe my storyline about Din teaching Grogu sign is being carried on right here.

This may be the longest amount of time Din Djarin has spent continuously talking in about a year. I love how Grogu brings it out of him. He’s clearly exasperated by the shitty ship, but endlessly patient with Grogu, and I love how his voice absolutely conveys both of those emotions simultaneously

The tender way he says “no no no” to Grogu is so gentle.

I also love his contentedly narrating to Grogu as a part of their daily routine

I could easily watch 20 minutes of that type of content every episode and try to include pure adorableness like that in just about every fic I write

Oh, Cara Dune... why are you such an enjoyable character played by such an obnoxious person? I’m glad Gina Carano is taking her nonsense elsewhere, especially since it was clear she’d had multiple warnings, multiple chances to educate herself, but damn, I am gonna miss Cara on screen lugging Din around like a rag doll, or just smashing people in the face. I really appreciated seeing a woman on screen with the physique and capability to be that effortlessly kickass.

Din Djarin, wearing a jetpack: scrambles off his shitty ramp with all the grace of a flying lobster

I love the dynamic of Greef and Cara and Din. I hope we at least get to see Greef again! Maybe he’ll be like “now that the town’s cleaned up, the Marshal’s moved on.” Also, since when do we have Marshal in Star Wars? I’ve seen how many SW movies how many times, and no such thing as local law enforcement, let alone local law enforcement with a Western flair? Then all of a sudden Mando S2 shows up with Cobb Vanth and Cara Dune and I’m wondering if it’s an actual legal position in the Outer Rim and like, a cultural title of Outer Rim humans on many worlds (because it sure as shit doesn’t sound like a title you’d take in the Core Worlds).

Anyway, Greef’s actual love and adoration of Grogu is the sweetest. Maybe he and Peli can start a Grogu fan club and be the founding auntie and uncle.

Still can’t believe I missed that statue of IG-11 until I saw it pointed out here on tumblr.

Just think of how this is probably the first time Din’s been around this many children since Sorgan. And Sorgan kids had it different, they had a world that loved and protected them, and a place they could freely be above ground, and so that was fine; and Din had thought the children of his covert, the foundlings, they were fine too. But then it turns out it wasn’t true, the foundlings weren’t safe, they were slaughtered. And this is Nevarro, a township that wasn’t Home, but was nonetheless home to his people; and he remembers a little school in their hidden, simple covert for the foundlings in their training helmets; and he’s both heartened and pained that this group of children, at least, are able to be schooled in a safe place.

Din trusts these people as much as he’s trusted any non-Mandalorians, and it’s a lot! He knows he can ask them for help with the ship, he knows they saved his life and Grogu’s. And yet still see how unsure he is to leave Grogu at the school! He knows they don’t mean harm, he sees how beautiful and well-used the school is, he knows it should be safe... but he still stares after Grogu, barely looking at Cara, wanting to follow him. “Wherever I go, he goes,” says Din desperately, barely bearing to trust that anyone else could keep the kid safe like he could.

I keep thinking I need to write a fic of him flying off to go get Grogu at the end, now that I’m rewatching it, perhaps now is the time!

I’d love to have some of these kids’ Star Wars hairstyles

Hey! The Maelstrom! I know that! You know Han Solo did the Kessel Run in under 12 parsecs? And I love correcting people when they think SW didn’t know what they were talking about? Parsecs ARE a unit of distance and that’s what Han meant because of the Maelstrom! He got dang freaking close to it! Anyway I’m just very excited because y’all do realize they built the Sun Crusher in the Maelstrom? Anyone here read those books?

Grogu is such a little shit! and he really did just say “Patu,” huh

I love Greef’s beard. I love it! Are we saying it enough? It’s great!

So is Nevarro basically an asteroid? Are they seriously flying to the other side of the planet for this? Maybe it’s tiny? How can Din fly over half a planet on a jetpack? Nevarro must be a galactic pebble.

I could watch Din just get in and out of vessels all day long

Din is just so excited to use the Phoenix and I love that he’s not that good at it but loves it anyway. “Hold tight”

Lava tide? The hell is this shit planet.

Din is not impressed by stormtroopers one little bit. I love him standing there all nonchalant.

Din is just sooooo shiny in this episode.

Cast it into the fire, Isildur!

Why do these bases never have guard rails for these giant drops

The Mythrol asked the same question 1.3 seconds later

Mythrol? Cracks of doom? Mithril??? A coincidence? Surely not

Greef I love your outfit so much

Yeaaaaaaah get those Snoke-looking bitches outta here

Din with a horrible sinking feeling... “I don’t like this...”

Din is heavily regretting letting this man live rn

Din must have been seeing. FUcking. RED

You know if they stop building their hallways with fucking COVER the stormtroopers won’t keep getting killed in them by enemy assailants with better weapons and aim

Din running to get his son <3

Cara SMASH and I love it

Din, you flew away over the LAVA? That is so badass. And I love his very clumsy superhero landing. And taking a running leap off the top of the lava flat

I love that Cara doesn’t quite get the whole kid thing, but totally supports Din in his love of fatherhood

Cara would be GREAT at driving the Mako

I do love how often environmental hazards take out scouttroopers on their speeder bikes. Like, no shit! You’re a human trying to go 300 miles an hour? Since when is our reaction time capable of that???

Dammit TIE fighters! They’re much more intimidating on a planet, actually. They pack a serious punch when you aren’t shooting ship-sized lasers back at them

Yes!!! The shitty little Razor Crest that could!

And Grogu’s excitement! He trusts Din so much now that it doesn’t even enter his mind they might be in danger. He just knows Din’s here, we’re gonna have fun, I trust him.

And think how much Grogu has grown since S1. He would have been hiding in the back with all of that excitement beforehand, not excited and waving his hands and giggling

Din is just... resigned to Grogu being sick. And he could clean Grogu up and go back to see Greef, but he just wants to make sure the kid’s okay... especially after what he���s just learned about Moff Gideon.

I do miss the slower pacing of S2. I would have liked another episode in between this and The Jedi where Din just sort of processes and deals with all of this new information.

Oh hurr hurr wait I write fanfic

I like that some of these Imps don’t have the Coruscanti accent. They’re just like... y’know, American.

Gideon is so childishly pleased by his Darktroopers, like get over yourself, dingus

If Favreau took this episode I wonder if that means he wanted to make sure all the mythology and shit is going according to plan. Or maybe I’ve just been watching too much X-Files. If Chris Carter wrote an ep, it was mythology ONLY, and that was it.

The end! Maybe I’ll write tomorrow :)

[lizacstuff]

SCK Asks: Episode 38

(asks under the cut)

Anonymous said: happy edser just HITS different. maybe it's because we've been so deprived of them together and blissful, it's such a joy to watch. i had a silly grin on my face during all their scenes. sure the tumor cloud is looming over our heads, but this episode only laid the foundation for that and then went into romcom mode, which i really appreciated because we've been bogged down for SO LONG with heaviness, it was nice to just take a breather.

OMG! Yes, all of this. And I’m not sure if it’s happy Edser that hits different, or if it was whatever magic and sparkle these writers injected into this episode that made it hit different.  

The magic was BACK. The sparkle was BACK. These writers took the most ridiculous scenario idea (these two famous architects deciding to solve a murder) and just made it sing. I grinned through the whole thing and laughed out loud, A LOT. 

This was the first episode in ages where I wasn’t watching the clock and waiting for some uncomfortable or unpleasant moment or scene to occur. Instead watching was pure joy and no anxiety, even with a tumor diagnosis. 

There was so much good Edser in this episode it’s hard to know what to talk about. I loved every moment they were on screen together. 

Anonymous said: I have to hand it to you, you said that the reason they were doing this pregnancy story is so that we could find out that Selin and Serkan never slept together. ngl I wanted her to suffer more, but as long as she’s gone I’m fine with her punishment being the humiliation of having to admit that in front of Eda. 

Ha! Yes, I have said that all along, and I’ve never been more relieved to be right. They really went the extra mile with having Selin spell out that it hadn’t happened.  With the English subs it almost sounded like they had never, ever had sex, even before.  If so, I could actually believe it, their prior relationship seemed to be very business like, like they were each other’s safe, convenient date to business and family functions, and it wasn’t emotional or physical for him. 

After the gross story around Selin, and how much damage she did and how much she got away with, this was not nearly enough comeuppance to sate my thirst for her pain. These writers started this story and introduced Selin’s role in it, so it’s not like they 100% inherited something they had nothing to do with. However, between Bige’s limited availability due to her father passing, Sarp Can having covid, and the way the other writers drug it into the ground, I’m also just happy it’s over and will deal with this being all we get, plus, while she didn’t get punished adequately, she did take her lumps. It’s humiliating that Serkan went around acting incredulous to everyone who would listen that she could be pregnant because he never touched her, even while she was his fiancé. I mean that’s a shrinker. Can you imagine agreeing to marry a man who you knew didn’t want to touch you? Everyone now knows her sad, pathetic desperation to have him under any circumstances. Yikes. 

And as you say, she then had to stand in front of Eda and Serkan and admit he didn’t touch her. Admit that Serkan never wanted her, and it’s humiliating that everyone at Art Life knows what she did and thinks she’s a monster. Serkan finally knows she’s an awful manipulator who tried to trick him, and in the end she gets an unplanned pregnancy with a man who doesn’t love her and whom she doesn’t love.  So it’s not like she’s winning by any stretch of the imagination. 

(Though I really wish everyone knew (mostly Serkan and Eda) that she sabotaged Eda’s presentation. It’s important for the characters to know that she can’t be trusted professionally as well as personally... but oh well.)

Anonymous said: Two things: 1) I kinda love it even more that they got the tattoos before he found about the illness.. idk why but it was even MORE romantic. Also does this mean they're kinda sorta engaged again since the reason she said no in the first place was Selin? and 2) I need more of that "ring for love" bell ASAP. My jaw actually dropped when he lifted her up since we were deprived of it in 26.. please more breaking of family structures!!

Oh I agree, I found it very romantic they went and got the tattoos and the only impetus was their desire to have a symbol of their love. I already love those tattoos so much, and I love that they sat their designing them together. They really do signify the ultimate commitment. 

I’m not sure if they’re engaged or not. Maybe they’re in a place where it’s obvious they’re going to get married, they both know they’re going to get married, but we’re still going to get one more proposal to make it official?  

As for the ring for love bell, when and where did he get that!? Hee. And yes to more breaking of the Turkish family structure. That lift and twirl through the living room was... HOT. And it was just so effortless, there are just no words at times for how good Hande and Kerem are, I’ve really never seen anything like it. They don’t really have time to rehearse on set, or limitless takes or the time to really block and perfect things, but they’re just so good together they make magic happen every time they’re on screen.  Amazing. Enjoy this kids, because you probably won’t see anything like it again. 

Anonymous said: With the nature of these shows, Eda and Serkan will not a blissful happily ever after without something hanging over there heads or some new drama until the show actually ends. So if the new angst is Serkan's potential illness, I'm down for the potential angst it'll create.. it's already a good sign that, although he hasn't told her about it yet, he's not pushing her away in fear, but instead the opposite. I also don't think, and really hope not, him keeping it secret rn won't cause trouble.

Yes, I like that even with that heavy health news hanging over the episode, it was still light and funny and romantic and had that old sparkle. That tells me that they’re going to strike the right tone with this story which seems to be a very carpe diem thing with Serkan. 

It didn’t bother me that he didn’t tell her. First, he told the doctor that he didn’t want anyone to know until he had a diagnosis. That makes sense, why worry her, or any of them, before they know.  I’m sure I would feel different if he was pushing her away because of the diagnosis, but since he’s holding her close and just seems to want to spend time with her, without that heaviness hanging over her head, I’m okay with it. 

Also, as seen in the new fragman, if this story is an excuse to get them out of the office and put them in all sorts of scenarios together it would otherwise be hard to justify, bring it on.  Let’s see how far down the list of things to do they can get! 

Anonymous said: i know no one reaaaally cares because they're not most people's favorite side characters, but it's really much nicer to watch aydan and ayfer scenes now that they're both on "team edser" and have become really good friends. i swear, the AAA trio scenes were so unbearable to watch when they were fighting over him and i was fast forwarding through all of them.. at least i can sit through team "united" aydan/ayfer scenes.

They’re actually enjoyable scenes now! I love that they’ve become actual true friends, best friends really, and along with Seyfi I love their little trio.  Love that Seyfi and Ayfer were being so supportive about Aydan rekindling something with Kemal.  And I agree that we can root for them when they’re working for Edser’s well-being and happiness.  I just hope Aydan doesn’t do something stupid if there begins to be some question about Serkan’s parentage. 

Anonymous said: the scooby doo gang ending had me laughing so hard i was tearing up when more and more people kept sneaking in and eda and serkan were getting more and more exasperated. erdem accidentally using flash took me tf out lmao. i love when sck does comedy with the whole cast and not just the usual "comedy" characters.. they're some of my favorite scenes! both "asking for the girl" scenes come to mind.

You could see Erdem using the flash coming from a mile away, but that still didn’t blunt the comedy when he actually did it.  So funny. Also Engin not recognizing Eda, imagine him thinking Serkan is there with some rando woman.  I also love the full cast comedy scenes, they are so much fun and really should be utilized as often as possible. 

The scene where Edser walk back into the house and Aydan and Kemal were there paying their respects had me screech-laughing! So so so funny. Both sides being incredulous that the other was there and wanting answers!  I also enjoyed that Serkan obviously put Erdem in charge of Kemal’s project, because he wants that project to go away. Unfortunately for Serkan, I think it’s going to take more than Erdem to drive Kemal away.  

Anonymous said: Everyone is saying serkan planned the whole thing, do you buy into that? Idk would he really put everyone in a gunpoint situation where they don’t know it’s fake? Cause that’s some potentially trauma inducing stuff. Also I have no idea where they’re going with this, since it’s been a 4 day break from set which is kind of worrying. And do you know why Melisa wasn’t in the ep? I know Sarp can got Covid but wasn’t Melisa posting with cast members on her story throughout the week?

Wow, this is a lot of negative energy and fretting after a really good episode. Deep breath. Since you sent this, we know that Hande and Kerem have been shooting for 2 full days at a romantic looking beach location for 39, so it looks like Edser has some sort of mini-getaway. I don’t see any reason to be concerned about the 4 day break last week. (now the fragman’s out, hopefully that puts your mind at ease)

No idea why Melissa wasn’t in the ep, other than the way the ep was structured with the supporting characters, if she had to miss the ArtLife shooting day then I can see that they would have had to write her out of the full episode, because most of their scenes were there and it set up everything for the rest of the episode. So perhaps she was in quarantine for a Covid exposure, maybe she was legit sick/injured (she has had a foot thing) or maybe she had a conflict for that one shooting day. No idea, but I don’t think it’s anything to worry about.  Also her absence gave us Ferit/Melo scenes and I’m 100% behind that, give us more of those! 

As far as if Serkan planned the whole thing, he did look pretty smug and relaxed while sitting there at the end, but he also wasn’t planning for the whole group to tag along and make a mess, lmao. We’ll have to see. 

Anonymous said: Do you think bad ratings makes sck in danger of being cancelled or do you think high social media engagement keeps it safe?

Friends, I don’t know anything about the Turkish system, but it seems to me that SCK will either go through May or extend into summer and end then, regardless of the ratings. We shall see. As I’ve said before I’m not going to engage in the fretting and worrying and discussion on this topic because no fan really knows what they’re talking about and there is nothing we can do to change what will happen. So just enjoy the show while we can, the news on when it will end will come when it comes. 

[kinetic-elaboration]

June 25: Thoughts on Writing

So I’ve decided I want to do a bit of thinking on writing. The truth is that I actually don’t think about it that often anymore, and haven’t for several weeks, not since I realized I needed a break and declared a hiatus. I really did think I’d get over that hiatus in a couple days but it’s seeping into me instead. I told myself I’d take as long as I needed but… at some point, because creating is difficult, you do need to make a choice to just do it even though it is hard and you don’t feel ready. I’ve been trying to balance that—knowing that writing is good for me and good for my mental health—with forgiveness for myself. Something is telling me that I need a break. I’m not always great at listening to myself, the unconscious urges and instincts, so I am trying to do that.

I suspect a big part of this is that I’m inching out of the fandom. I never plan to leave or enter a fandom, I just go where I feel I want to be. But nevertheless… I am torn. A part of me doesn’t want to leave. That part thinks of all the good ideas I had and all the unfinished ideas, and wants to complete things, and to continue to explore. But another part of me just doesn’t care, doesn’t feel inspired at all. I’m not really inspired to write in other fandoms either (though I am toying with non-T100 ideas in a way I haven’t in probably about 3 years), so it’s not just that T100 isn’t an interesting place for me rn, and may never be again, but that is part of it for sure.

I could go into the other reasons but I didn’t sit down with the intention of dwelling on that. This is more about… what do I want, and what should I do? How much do I just content myself with other things and how much do I force myself to write, and in what direction? I could certainly fill my hours with other things, even other productive things. But being able to leave myself and my apartment, mentally, through writing is so important to me, and especially so now. I know that when I don’t write for long periods of time, my brain becomes stagnant and I feel dull. I already feel this happening. I’m not sure if it’s a chicken or an egg but I need the escape. I just don’t know how. I don’t even know my own instincts. What do I WANT, what’s the IDEAL, what should I be striving FOR?

So. There are a couple of possibilities.

One possible goal certainly is to finish things, to check things off a list. I love my lists and this part of me, the just do it part, has always been and will always be in conflict with the more creative part, which just wants to follow whims. Of course actually creating completed things of any sort does require discipline and forcing yourself when you don’t feel like it so I know these aren’t really incompatible instincts, but they do feel like it often. I have a lot of half-finished fics. I have a lot of ideas that have been haunting me for a while in an annoying way. And I have outstanding requests. So one thing I could do is just focus on those things that I most want to say ‘well that’s done now, good’ regardless of inspiration, and then hope that the joy of writing naturally follows, once I give myself time, space, goals, etc. The advantages of this are that even if it’s not as satisfying as I hoped, something will at least get done. Plus, I don’t need to figure out what I “really” want, or put pressure on myself to find the ‘perfect’ inspiration. It’s going to be hard no matter what, anyway.

The downside of this is that having a plan to get back into a hobby by making it the most like work as possible seems… dumb.

Another possibility is that I continue just writing fragments, individual scenes, free writes, etc., instead of pursuing stories, multi-chapter fics, or other longer projects. This is basically all I’ve been doing since finishing the AWWNH Interlude a month ago. The most story-like thing I wrote since then was Fifteen Miles, which did require a couple false starts, but which is still under 2k and pretty simple. I actually do like the scenes I’ve written and it feels good but not stressful. I have found in the past though that when I do too much of this kind of writing, it starts to feel… difficult in itself because each story is short but it’s also something I have to start from scratch. Of course it’s not like I have to do a certain number of them, so I can keep my overall output small while still not losing the writing habit entirely.

Option three: it’s not about writing, it’s about planning. To be honest, this is all a part of me wants to do. Outlines. Brainstorms. Sit on my couch with a notebook and hand write vague ideas I may or may not ever write. I haven’t actually been doing this, or at least not precisely and not much, partially because I just haven’t had the time/energy for ANYTHING recently, and partially because… I guess in a way I feel like I don’t deserve it. Like planning new projects is for when you’re done with current projects. I realize this is unreasonable but it’s the truth.

And finally, I could try to really, really detach myself from any care about what I “should” be writing, and just write whichever of my ideas most speaks to me in any given moment or, otherwise, something chosen randomly, since often it’s hard to tell what I’m in the mood for (again, creating is hard, and it’s always hard—doing nothing is always easier than pursuing even the best, most interesting idea). I don’t necessarily ever have to finish anything, and I can work for as long as I want or don’t want. Realistically, I’m probably not going to have much of an audience for my fics again, at least not in this fandom, so I might as well really lean into writing things for me. I don’t owe anything to anyone! If it’s not enjoyable for me and I don’t like the finished project, it is not worth it, and I should cease to care.

This attitude is not in my nature but I could use more of it.

The truth is I do want to be able to post things again and have people actually want to read them, to have them look exciting etc., because I’m only human and I love validation. But that’s beyond my control. So I can’t get caught up in it, or let it distract me in any way.

Realistically, I’ll probably do a combination of these things. I’ve been collecting a large document of current projects and ideas for a little bit now; it’s one of the few creativity-adjacent things I have been able to do and have liked doing. I’m going to continue with that, and I’m going to try to make time to write on the weekend. I’m going to put a slight emphasis on requests since I feel the worst about those being unfinished. And otherwise I’m just going to work on random projects, and try to be as little concerned with quality as possible, at least for now. I’m also going to make time to just plan stuff for fun, since that’s something I actually do actively want to do (and I know that it’s a lot harder than it seems… it’s still ‘work’ in a sense, still ‘productive’).

I’ve been really topsy-turvy this week and now that it’s almost over… I’m not sure what to expect from the weekend. I hope to get enough rest today and tomorrow that I can actually accomplish stuff on the weekend itself. I might be going out on Saturday… depending on the weather, just to sit outside away from my apartment. Might do some notebook-writing then. It’s demoralizing to spend a long time on something and get little in return, in terms of word counts, etc., but I’m going to try to gear myself up for that likelihood, and focus on what I need the writing for: to get out of myself, to deeply imagine another time and place and other people who aren’t me, and be in their heads. I would like that. I am going to try.

[dominarava]

YOOOO dog u should totally write some nasty adorable dom ghostface.

oh man your lucky im so hard for him rn lol

i tried something a little different this time and made the subject gender neutral so everyone could have a good time with the ghostman~

Warnings: um i think dub-con, sex, & some pretty violent shit

--

Hello~ My name is-- Mr. Fear~

--

Curious eyes at the bar lead to quiet conversation. Clinging to his side rest his camera. A journalist. Introducing himself as a Mr. Jed Olsen, he was relatively new to the area. Floating conversations danced around their head as he went on about his job and asked about their life. How shaking it was when he popped up a few days later at the store, taken with him though and the smooth of his conversation coupled with his good looks let the question slip.

"You wanna grab a drink sometime again?"

A sly smile stopped their heart, "We had such a good time last time, why not?"

Soon it became a regular thing to run into one another. Having a drink or just around town, he always seemed to be lingering nearby. How sweet the bitter taste of their sorrows spilling in to his lap became with his keen interest in every piece about them. Even going so far as to lament about this growing feeling swallowing them alive, this consuming paranoia of constantly being watched. The figure lurking in the shadows that had been following them tormented their head space and even crept into the safety of their dreams. Though he kept his cool the fact he was getting so far under their skin was just as thrilling as his grande finale. Knowing when their resolve finally broke, the shift in their closeness to him let another simple question fall from their lips in a dripping slur.

"Your place or mine?"

"Yours."

A brush away for him to dip away into the men's room let him come back with a wafting scent of a heavy musk to refresh himself. Enamored they had no qualms about the suffocating scent as they nearly drug him back to their place with giggling grins shared between them. Something about him demanded to be in the lime light of their affection, but even so, he drilled them on more details of their life that wouldn't be so easily given up. He knew how to pull the answers he wanted though, almost uncaring to any of those that could have heard him on the darkened streets.

"What was your first car?"

"Who do you listen to most often?"

"Did you ever want to leave this city?"

"Has someone ever broken your heart?"

Inquiries about every part of them made them feel like someone cared for once, easily falling into the safety net of his facade as he kept them as close as he could. Never would they ever be able to forget the surrounding fragrance of his cologne when he pulled them in for a heated kiss beyond the shine of the late street lamps. It felt like they weren't ever going to make it home, feeling a jolt of excitement when their front door came into view with their prize from the bar being holding their hand tight.

Burying his lips against their neck he murmured quietly as they fell through the front door with their affection, "Would you believe me if I said you were my first?"

"No?" They chuckled quietly, "You're way too good looking to be a virgin."

"Mm you think so?" He thought aloud before giving them a tap on the rear, "Go freshen up while I make myself more comfortable."

Too drunk to really give much mind, they took off for their bathroom to clean up a touch before getting into the depths of their probable short encounter. The mirror looking back at their own intoxicated visage almost made them reconsider what was happening, but the pump of desire ripping them apart wasn't about to be ignored as they made their way back into their bedroom. Taking the breath from their chest, it was strange to see a camera on a tripod hanging out at the end of their bed.

A scream almost cut the silence as a leather clad hand wrapped over their eyes, "Shh-shh-shh it's just me still. I hope you don't mind," He spoke with the brush of his lips against the tenderness of their ear, "I'm kinda into takin' pictures."

"Somehow that doesn't surprise me Mr. Journalist." They snickered as their barely clad frame brushed against the tight grasp of his being hugged by the buckles and leathers unseen under his clothes the entire night.

The short huff of a laugh he gave before binding their eyes made them sweat a little before the soothe of his tone danced through their ears, "Do you trust me?"

What a strange question, "I-I think so.."

"Good," The seethe was almost a sigh of ecstasy, "Get on the bed."

Familiarity guided their nervous steps to the bed before falling into the greeting of its comfort. Another instruction to remove what was left of their garments left them exposed for his eyes only. Was this the game he played? Getting someone drunk and capturing them in film them for his personal enjoyment? The idea crossed their mind more than once as they felt the brush of him moving between their legs.

A careful brush of their fingers against a hard plastic where his face should have been made even more unease crawl down their throat. Reaching for the strap that blinded them, his hand caught their wrist in movement so swift it stopped their heart.

"Don't worry, you'll get to see- but not yet. Okay?"

"Okay.." They whispered before the warm press of his lips brushed theirs, guiding their hand between their legs.

"Go on- you know what to do." He murmured in a tone so sickeningly sweet they could have melted into the bed.

Their slightly uncoordinated fingers began to lay a gentle pleasure to their heat as he shifted back off them. Silent paces of his feet around the room could be heard floating around them before they returned to their place before them. Feeling a relaxed wave wash through them as he let his hand move between their thighs, the security they felt with him was quickly shaken with the whispering shutter of a camera. Timid, their hand paused their sweet feeling only to have him soothe them with the tender wrap of his words.

"Don't worry about me- you look great~"

Still finding themselves bit taken aback by the thought, they went on as the camera shuttered a few more times with his place getting closer and closer to the intimacy they both desired. When the brush of something hard and cold came across the supple tautness of their breast, the resulting hiccup of fear that held their chest earned a hushed sigh from him before he came back down from his high to ease their worry.

"You said you trusted me right-?" The way his covered hand caressed their cheek was enough to stop anyone in their tracks with the affection laced within it.

A tense nod kept their head from giving much more than a slight nod at the rustling of what they assumed was his pants for him to reveal himself for their moment. Their was a shift in his form as it felt like he leaned back for just a breath of moment before caging them in the pin of his arms, forcing a gasp to quietly belt from their chest.

"I've been watching you-" He chimed quietly with the excited rut of his lubed cock against their sex.

Already the admission of that had their heart pounding, "What- do you mean?" They pressed as he prodded them playfully.

He didn't answer before he was inside, letting them hear the drawn out groan he gave from their tightness holding him firm with their swallowing warmth, "Mm, I mean I took an interest in you-- when I saw you-- I knew you were going to be my next big story."

Nothing prepared them for how much his girth would open them up, letting the space fill with their shaken cries as he laid into them like an animal in heat, "Oh God- I couldn't tell you-- how hard I was-- hearing you talk about that 'Shadow Man' of yours-- you looked so fucking scared," A chuckle that left him before thrusting himself to the hilt made a sickness twist in their gut, "It was so hard- not to tell you it was me~"

With a thrash and squirm they tried to get out from under him, "You fucking prick!"

Having no problem holding them still he went on, "Shh- shh- shh- I never hurt you, did I? Though I'll be honest," The sound of slipping leather and buckle jingling about was quickly silenced by the swift binding of their hands, "There were many nights I thought about not holding back-- good Lord did you tempt me-- but then I would have ruined our big night if I hadn't-- And we couldn't have that now could we?"

"Why- are you telling me this?" They tried to keep their voice level but the overwhelming pleasure of having him so deep was earth shaking.

Finally pulling the blind from their eyes, they were met with the stark white of a ghostly mask clad in black leathers and straps pulled snug around his form, "Because," He started with a deep lean in against their ear as his hips didn't give up their pace, "I want you to hear the story that'll make you famous~"

Before anything could be done to stop him, the still of his knife met the fire of their chest. Being unable to stop their own demise, their sputters of life sprayed across his mask in a gory display. How beautifully it poured and gushed around his blade as the room that was once overflowing with the sound of their pleasures now echoed with the deep, wet plunges of his true dominance. They couldn't tell for sure, but in their fading moments, it felt as if that is when he met his end as well with his pace becoming ragged from the crushing ecstasy pumping through him.

Pinning their ribcage under the stop of his tool, trembling fingers grasped for the grip of it as he grabbed his camera, "Ah- ah- ah- not before we take our final shot for the night~" The upbeat of his tone only settled to make the moment that much unbearable as he positioned himself well betwixt their legs once more.

How many times the camera shuttered before their light faded couldn't be counted, but the excitement in his job well done was the last taste of him they would have before it all went dark. Finding his fun had ended, he made short work of the mess they'd made. The mess He made. On the way out, he couldn't help but stop at their fireplace mantel to glance over all the tchotchkes and photographs that littered it. Sticking out of the inner corner of one was a wallet sized portrait he assumed had been done recently. Plucking it from the frame, he gave it a long look before the swipe of his thumb over the crisp photo of their smiling face left a rouge smear across it, "You'll be my favorite story to tell."

[dykeyote]

Oh you listen to TMA?, well would you recommend it?

i did listen :D!! not much anymore haha but i was real into it back in like 2020 (: and well . that is a VERY layered question bc i have very mixed feelings about tma as a podcast sorry anon im sure u were hoping for a cut and dry yes or no but alas .... i ramble

so basically short answer is that if you want to get into non-dnd fiction podcasts and be an active member of fandom for them i would highly recommend you listen to tma not even out of tmas own original quality but just because its So popular and its made Such an impact on the fiction podcast landscape . i would recommend wtnv for a similar reason but also just because wtnv is just great and a wonderful listen (and my special interest lol) - SOOO many people around you are gonna be referencing tma and referencing the entities and listening to at leaset a good chunk of it at least once will make your experience in the fiction podcast fanbse more enjoyable because when people say stuff like . idk "sydney would be a corruption avatar" youll understand wtf theyre saying . so just on a very functional level id recommend you listen to it just so you understand the references that people around you make (:

whether i would recommend tma based on its own merits is .... more complicated . because tma is one of those pieces of media where the good attributes are REALLY INCREDIBLY GOOD and the bad attributes are very noticeable, and some of those can even be the same thing - for example, while ive had many in depth discussions about how poorly implemented i think the entities system is and how frustrating it is that theyre so poorly balanced throughotu all the episodes, i still think its one of the most genius pieces of world lore ive seen and does an AMAZING job at accurately encapsulating every single fear you could think of.

so basically, while i would recommend tma both because it has some VERY amazing aspects and because it had such an Impact on fiction podcasts that itll be tricky to avoid it if u wanna keep getting into narrative podcasts, i would recommend you examine it critically while you do so. like by all means have fun its GREAT the horrors creepy its popular for a reason!! but also make sure youre able to examine the writing flaws, both the ones that are just writing issues (like the pacing problems) and the ones that probably come to mind more when you think of "examining media critically" (like the narratives Very odd relationship to the police) . basically i would recommend checking it out and i think its very likely youd enjoy it but dont get too attached to it that you cant handle valid criticism because there is a LOT of valid criticism to be made

also ive heard stuff about ethics issues with the production company itself, im not really caught up on which parts of that are real and what the accepted appropriate ways to handle it are (like i said im not actively keeping up with tma anymore so i dont really know much about the good or the bad rn), but basically i wouldnt contribute to the the magnus protocol kickstarter (its got enough money as it is) and would instead support your favorite smaller podcasts instead (: theres loads to support if u wanna support a podcast financially!! blue mayfield (creator of camp here and there) in particular is struggling quite a bit, thats a good place to support (:

but again to wrap it all around this isnt a post dissuading you from listening i WOULD suggest you listen to it to understand what other people say about it in podcast spaces as well as because it genuinely has some really good creepy episodes and strong compelling characters w interesting dynamics and some really good examinations into themes like what it means to be human or the nature of fear and where it comes from . its definitely an enjoyable listen and one id recommend listening to at least once to anyone who wants to get into fiction podcasts and interact with the fanbase in any way!! i loved it in 2020 and i still adore many of the characters now (: i just have a lot of emotions about it lol im sure this is a way longer and more convoluted answer than you were hoping for whoops </3

[queen-mabs-revenge]

OK so here’s my @watchingfairytales Ep 1-8 “””write up”””:

Man, shit’s hard, but this is so enjoyable.

So the thing I’m really trying to do with this rewatch is stop and question every time I get a conditioned emotional response. By that I mean, there are certain truths that each section of the fandom has come up with in order to justify/condemn certain things/characters according to the desired outcome in relation to that section’s faves. As someone entrenched in the Hooker/CS side of things, of course that resulted in a lot of animosity towards Regina and Rumple, some justified, some not. But I think a lot of times, every single thing was pitched to make the two of them The Worst Of All Time, and I know this has happened in other corners of the fandom with regards respective antagonists.

So rewatching, I’ve had to take my head out of that space by asking certain questions over and over again:

“Am I feeling this because of fanon or canon?” being a huge one. 

“Am I applying real-world rules to the narrative instead of viewing actions with the in-show framework?” which I think has some overlapping qualities with the first question. And again, kind of a reworking of both of these:

“Am I choosing to see this action/person negatively in order to overly-exonerate my fave?”

“Am I holding this character to different standards than I do my favourite?”

So for example, I just finished 1x08, and while I don’t remember having a particularly negative reaction to Rumpelstiltskin in this episode on first watch (before Milah and Killian were introduced, that is), I know that if I were to have come at this post S6, I would have made efforts to find every possible way to drag him, or use every one of his choices to show how morally bankrupt he is at a base level. He burnt down the duke’s castle, people lived there and COULD HAVE DIED -- which, fair, that’s true in a sense, but I think that I have to ask myself the second question in relation to that opinion.

Am I applying real-world rules to the narrative instead of viewing actions with the in-show framework? A bit, yeah. I’ve created a score of imaginary victims that probably would have been there if the castle were a real one to take the focus away from the moral dilemma that the show is actually asking about Rumplestiltskin in relation to the episode’s themes: What does one place one’s trust in at the point of desperation?

And so I’m missing the forest for the trees by creating a conflict that isn’t really there, and that’s something that takes away from my enjoyment of the character and the show because I’m so intent on villifing every action that the antagonist-to-my-fave is doing. (Which, super different reaction to him in this episode than to 1.04, but that’s for a different meta because oh yikes that’s even worse now after 5.14) Which in turn robs me of the real guttural conflict that’s going on because I’m too busy being hung up on invented nitpickery?

And I know that would have been the case because the fourth question then comes into play. Am I holding this character to different standards than I do my fave? ...Yep. I’m not even going to go into the S4 Evil Hand thing with Killian and Rumple, nope. I’m gonna put my own problematic fave on the line rn: Liam Jones.

A person in a position of complete lack of power left to care for their only remaining family in a situation of economic poverty, social poverty, and the poverty of choice. That person is faced with a crisis situation in which the child they love and care for is in a situation of mortal peril. They might be able to solve the problem themselves, but the chances are slim to none. Instead they’re approached by a person who offers them a magically guaranteed solution -- the power to 100% assure that their child will be safe. It might require a bit of light murder, but only of people who had been the ones to take away the person’s choice and safety in the first place. The person takes the power to guarantee their child’s safety at the peril of others and attempts then to live a life with the child that the safety of that choice afforded.

Yep, if I can see all of that for Liam, I sure as hell better be able to see that for Rumple, and if I can’t? Then I have to ask myself why. And there might be a valid reason for those feelings (writing reasons, character trajectory within the show, etc.), but if I don’t acknowledge the disparity and ask myself the question, then it’s just running off of what I think is probably that ol’ fandom anxiety chestnut: I have to defend everything that remotely relates to my fave in a way that puts them on top in the morality olympics.

I’ve been finding it harder with Regina, but I think that’s because of two factors: one, the narrative in this season is definitely placing her as the main antagonist -- Rumple is manipulative and quietly terrifying, but the whole Regina/Henry/Emma is the main source of conflict in the show so far, and so the harm that Regina is causing is more up front and palpable. And also, she genuinely does mental harm, intentional and unintentional, to Henry in favour of preserving the world she’s created.

However, the thing that’s helping me, again, is that fourth question. And while in this case it’s not the exact same, because if you ask me I will tell you time and time again: the worst thing that Killian ever did as Hook was what he did to Bae -- he put his own hurt above the wellbeing of his child. But yeah, that’s the point isn’t it? I can look at Killian and say, he did something atrocious there -- he harmed and betrayed Bae because he was angry, hurt, insecure, and immature.

So yeah, this is emphasised to the nth degree here with Regal Believer because it’s a whole season instead of an episode and a half, but I feel like if I’m going to be fair to Regina, I’ve got to think in the same way. Yeah, she is trying to obscure Henry from the truth, and that in turn is causing him harm, but I think I can see a lot more this time around that it’s coming from this place of love, for also from a place of desperation.

Knowing what I know about Regina from all seven seasons, I do know that she has a great capacity for love, but that from the moment she was born, she was always put into a position of being valued not for herself, but for her value to a person’s needs and agenda, namely Cora’s. So you see it put into her head that she herself is not enough. She’s valuable as a bargaining chip to Cora’s security in power; she’s valuable as a mother figure to someone’s child, not as a person to love and be loved on her own; she’s valuable as a tool to be shaped to trigger a curse. And you see the foil for that in Henry Sr. and Snow, two people who I think genuinely did want her safety and happiness but who were weaker than the devaluing forces in her life, and therefore who were easier as targets of her frustration, anger and powerlessness.

So then you have Henry, who she sought to fill that hole in her heart left by killing one, and alienating another of those two people, and she’s left trying to love him, but always governed by this fear and desperation that her love isn’t enough -- she’s been given this idea that people in power don’t think she’s valuable in and over herself, that her love isn’t enough because she doesn’t have that kind of value.

She has to be useful to Henry’s needs to be worthy of him, and the thing he needs right now is honesty and that’s something she can’t give him. So she’s lashing out at anything that can jeopardise the delicate and jagged “perfect” she’s created in harmful ways. And that’s the fixation on Emma, even in situations where she’s not involved -- the whole Graham situation really drove that home for me. During the ‘break-up’ scene in front of the vault, Graham continuously says that it has nothing to do with Emma, that he’s not leaving Regina to be with Emma, but Regina keeps bringing it back to Emma. Emma is the physical representation of her not being enough for Henry. Henry needs honesty and trustworthiness, and because Regina cannot be useful to him in that way, she needs to strip Emma’s honesty and trustworthiness so that she’s no longer a useful tool for that need. And it comes from that place of anger, hurt, insecurity and immaturity.

And that’s narratively OK. It’s OK to both understand the reasons why someone might be doing something and to know what they’re doing is wrong. It’s OK to understand that she is wronging Henry right now - she’s betraying him and prioritising her own hurt above his well-being and just as it’s OK to acknowledge that for other character and not bar them from future happiness, it’s OK to do that for Regina, too.

It’s OK for her to be approaching the concept of love without utility in an immature state right now because that’s interesting and means that there’s a place to go from here. The questions that arise later on in the series, is whether the writing satisfies the journey that’s set up -- and that’s true for any and all of the characters.

Umm…. so that’s where I’m at right now? How I’m approaching this rewatch I guess? Basically I want to love all the characters like I love my favourite ones -- “you idiot child please think for .2 seconds and have a cup of tea before doing the thing?” It’s so much more fun that way, you know?

Probably a little less focused on the individual events and more on the overall themes this time around. Look, the writing’s not perfect, but there are some damned good arcs and I want to enjoy them all.

[betweenironyandsilver]

MUSICAL ASKS: ALL! OF! THEM! (or as many as you feel like doing)

only u would want to know my shitty Thots on musicals lmao (jk ily)

1. Favorite (Reprise)

for pure head-bobbing enjoyment, this honor goes to paris/look down (les mis), but for narrative purposes, i would pick the just you wait reprise (my fair lady) because i love how you can see how much has changed 

2. Best Act 1 ending.

one day more (les mis) sure does get the blood pumpin'

3. If you could go back in time to see a certain production, which one would it be?

i would kill to see the original my fair lady with julie andrews and rex harrison

4. Who should write a musical?

i guess she already has her own musical tv show, but i would definitely go see an entire musical by rachel bloom

5. The routine you recreate when home alone:

nothing, really lol...i have the bad trait trifecta of being very self-conscious, a mediocre singer and also unable to dance

6. A duet you’d love to perform and with whom.

i want to perform confrontation (les mis) with someone, doesn’t even matter whomst

also i love bad idea (waitress) but i sadly do not have the vocal capacity for those higher notes so probably no one else should be subjected to that 

7. A musical everyone can learn from.

sorry that like half these answers so far are les mis-related, but i do think that les mis has something for everyone, and it’s about LOVE and REDEMPTION and FORGIVENESS

8. Favorite set design EVER.

the great comet set design (or rather, theatre design) made me gasp out loud

9. Favorite person to play (insert role)

the main musical i follow extensively through multiple casts throughout the years is my fair lady lol and my favorite person to play eliza doolittle (excluding julie andrews obviously, who is god-tier and on a different plane of existence from us mortals) is lisa o’hare

10. Best digital #ham4ham

i didn’t watch these because by then i was getting a little fatigued about hamilton lol

11. Make up a name and the ingredients for a Waitress pie.

Too Scared to Graduate, Too Tired to Keep College-ing pie, which is filled with lemons and tears

12. Best tap number.

i love the little tap battle in bottom’s gonna be on top (something rotten!) 

14. Express your love for the orchestras!

they’re all valid and lovely!!!!!! when i saw les mis at west end, we could look into the pit from our seats which was so cool

15. Favorite musical written by (insert composer, lyricist)

you didn’t give me a composer/lyricist lol so im gonna say that i love alan menken and howard ashman and my favorite musical by them is beauty and the beast

16. Which part (or parts) do you sing in One Day More?

you can sing all of them if you’re not a coward

17. A line that never fails to make you laugh.

My father newly dead and the funeral boiled eggs now coldly furnished for the marriage table/methinks another chef might have whisked our desperate eggs together as one (from something rotten!)

and i would be a lot more zen/and i would punch a lot of men/if i had my time again (from groundhog day)

18. An upcoming production you’re excited for.

THE MOULIN ROUGE MUSICAL IN BOSTON!!!!!!!!!!! i wanna see it so bad

19. Do you have any funny misheard lyrics from a showtune?

hmm, none that come to mind rn

20. A musical you would NEVER see with your parents.

well my parents don’t really like musicals so we’re already a little out of options, but they would probably hate musicals that are a little “out there”

21. Musicals can introduce you to new cultures, interests, fancy words and so on. Name 3 things you’ve learned from musicals.

i felt like i was missing a lot of the references in jesus christ superstar (and i was) when i initially listened to it, so i went and read up on the various biblical stories

after watching les mis in high school, i went and actually read les mis, which was fun, and that led me to read some other stuff by victor hugo as well

i didn’t know anything about leo frank before listening to parade, and it was interesting to read about

22. Favorite OBC.

my fair lady OBC forever, we stan a singing legend with a supposed four-octave range

23. Cast recording you know by heart.

>open my itunes 

>only one album, the sound of music (film version)

>3000 plays

24. Cast recording for a long car ride.

i’m a little over hamilton but it is VERY fun to sing along to in the car

25. Favorite Miscast performance.

:( i don’t really watch these, sorry

26. I really like these ones so: make 2 musical related confessions.

i think wicked is overrated

 i kind of wish we would stop making musicals about random movies

27. Showtune of the day:

‘s wonderful (funny face)

28.  Who would play you in a musical about your life?

my life is not exciting enough for a musical

29. Who would play your best friend in a musical about your life?

see above

30.  Who would play your romantic interest in a musical about your life?

romance?? in this economy?? 

31. 2 solos you’d love to perform.

if i had the vocal capacity, i would love to sing vanilla ice cream (she loves me) and stars (les mis)

32. Describe yourself with 3 musical theatre characters.

i’m very bad at describing my own qualities lol

33. A character that inspires you to be better.

jean valjean, hardened embittered convict turned loving father and CHRIST FIGURE

34. A showtune that always puts you in a good mood.

she loves me (from she loves me lol) is so fun and happy. the bit where he goes “i wonder why i didn’t want her/i want her/that’s the thing that matters/and matters are improving daily!” is so fun!

35. A showtune that makes you feel melancholic.

she used to be mine (waitress) makes me think about how i’m not really very happy with where i am in life, but also that i don’t know how to really address these issues

36. Best showstopper.

something rotten!/make an omelette; a bunch of dancing eggs on the stage that unfold their costumes to turn into omelettes? random musical and shakespeare references? could your faves ever

37. A place you consider to be your Santa Fe.

hmm...i guess greece?

38. The name of the prettiest theater you’ve been to.

lyric opera of chicago owns my entire ass

39. The most intense scene from a musical.

el tango de roxanne makes me go into cardiac arrest every damn time

40. A great cover of a showtune:

hmm i can’t think of anything off the top of my head

41. Put your phone on shuffle and write the first 2 showtunes that appear.

valjean’s soliloquy (les mis) and looking down the barrel of a gun (gentleman’s guide to love and murder)

(the worst part of this one was that the first two songs that came up on shuffle were showtunes)

42. Best design of a Playbill.

i don’t actually have particularly strong feelings about any playbill designs, they are mostly all nice!

[kitwilsonsass]

anyway at some point i should probably ramble about my trip to boston?? so i’m gonna go ahead and do that??

like right off the bat let me just say the worst [art was actually GETTING to mass. my train was supposed to leave at 9:55am, and around 7:50 i got a text saying it was delayed until 1:03pm. we arrived around noon, and gradually my anxiety about going on the trip turned into anxiety of NOT getting on the trip as the board kept delaying... and delaying... and delaying...

....and then it started pouring out. crazy wind. murmurs the train lost signal and all contact with the station. after i finally got on (at 3:00pm), my aunt texted me that all that? yeah. that was a tornado warning. wat.

i got a pair of seats to myself for most of trip. fought with my wifi. listened to the crazy lady rant about dope ruining america a few rows back. mostly enjoyed the view and basked in the fact that i was not, shockingly, puking my stomach lining out. until we got to utica, and a shit ton of people got on.

my seat buddy then became an almost cute 18 year old dude with dreads and a lower half trash polka sleeve who was more interested in his earbuds than anything so i was fine with this. until we were about to MA and a few exchanged word and lazy lounging around turned into him doing THING guys think is cute where they lowkey rub your skin with the side of their finger against my thigh. so i ended up sitting up and the next stop he moved his shit to another seat. YEAH BYE.

along the way we kept having to stop bc signal problems and track construction and letting other trains pass. needless to say the train that was supposed to get in at like 8pm got in at at like 2:30am.

it was miserable, and raining. rachel got us an uber and i sat in the back seat next to some chick wh was super pretty and dressed up and here i was, a goblin, smelling like train restoom, in an ill fitting deadpool hoodie and yoga pants.

when we got to her place she made me some ramen (WITH THE RANDOM EGG AND EVERYTHING) that was good but spicy af and my stomach noped out and tbh over a week later my stomach is just now letting me eat properly again. tho i’m blaming this more on the issues with my abdomen acting up prior to leaving than the actual trip (tho, my skin having pores the size of actual craters i am blaming on the trip). i think the one thing we ate that DIDN’T act up in my body was the awful chicken wings we got from Wings Over that were about half fat and ridiculously undercooked. it figures.

ANYWAY. her futon is huge. it’s sad that i have more leg room on a futon than an actual mattress, but whatever. and there was construction going on across the street. fun fact: i came home to construction going on on MY street. so this was inescapable from the jump.

day 1 i got cute as possible and we hopped a bus and a train. my stomach was less forgiving of the motion here, but i lived. i saw Ron, the T-Rex. and we went to the isabella gardner museum where she lied and said i was a student. i was then asked a bunch of questions about being a student, none of which i was prepared for, and i’m pretty sure the only reason they let me in was because my zip code was accurate. that place is massive and pretty gorgeous from head to toe and i can’t fathom ever being that fucking rich.

then we went to get some food at a nifty little bar and restaurant . the name is escaping me rn but i stole a coaster. again, the food did not agree with me, and i could do a review on boston restrooms at this point. but it was great.

NINJA SEX PARTY! the house of blues wasn’t as bad as reviews made it sound, and aside from the mess that was the merch table they we kind of cheated like assholes due to some pretty honest confusion, was a good time. the line was MASSIVE. we got there an hour early and it was already around the corner and hard to miss. by the time we got towards the front of the building, it was around the block. we met a couple younger dudes from maine and a significantly more awkward gentleman more our age to keep us entertained. there were some street musicians. some asshole staff. you know.

all i really have to say about the concert itself was it was probably the best live music show of any kind i’ve ever been to and definitely the most enjoyable environment (huge tall dude who kept, somehow, ending up directly in front of me aside). everyone sounded amazing live, even if we were RIGHT under the speaker stage left and now permanently have bass vibrations embedded in our bones.

day two we hit up the museum of fine arts, which is massive and we didn’t see all of (and i paid full price for, thank you very much) and then grabbed a pizza and those awful wings and intended to chill out with some boy meets world. but the disks wouldn’t play. so we settled on mst3k. and let me tell you, i have not nearly cried from laughter in something as much as ‘cry wilderness’ nearly made me fucking cry.

day three we headed to south station to meet probes and hung out. there were a bunch of food trucks outside that were kinda neat. we didn’t think that girl would ever fucking find us, but she did. everything was OKAY. NO NEED TO PANIC. NO FIVE HOUR DELAYS. jess gives massive hugs, for the record.

we hit up a spot for lunch where they served be like, the biggest plate of pasta and bread i have ever witnessed in my life. i felt wasteful only eating barely half of it. then we found our way to the trains and the aquarium just in time for some sweet penguin education and eventually a lecture on their huge ass fucking tank that takes up the entire center of the room with a 90 year old sea turtle in it and some sharks and string rays. it was pretty cool, yo.  i got a stuffed squid in the gift shop, even tho we did not see any giant squids (0/10 do not recommend) and outside jess gave me a present even though i fucking told everyone no presents (RAChEL ALSO GAVE ME NAIL POLISH AND A WRISTBAND WTF). it was a new day candy bar from fye. and yes, pop rocks n chocolate is surprisingly pleasant.

our PLAN was to go see hitmans bodyguard. but everyone showing it before like 7 was only showing 3d, and we wanted to get her on a bus home by 9. haha what fucking suckers @ us, because the bus didn’t leave until like 10. so we got shitty milkshakes, hit up the comic shop, and wandered around harvard for a bit until it got dark. and then were stuck at south station, wondering if she was going to be stuck in MA forever. reflecting on two quiet nerds and one extrovert being a not great possible combination of three people. but i still had a good time.

day 4 we did, in fact, see hitmans bodyguard and while it was mostly forgettable summer action lulz, i do ship the hell out of samuel l jackson and salma hayek now. so that’s cool. it was a fun time. hit up the park after, and a b&n to get schooled on peak writing stephen king. then we went to starbucks and i HAD STARBUCKS FOR THE FIRST TIME?? it was the double choc ship frap thing. it’s good. i’m mad about it.

we headed back, did laundry, ordered food. i ought her dream daddy, which was a waste of money, but i do take pride in just knowing she’s stuck having technically played a portion of dream daddy now. it’s her own fault for asking about it, it really is. mostly we watched more mst3k, some grumps shit, some random shit, some postmodern jukebox, had a drink. just chilled. and the ‘oh... fuck... haha... i have to go home tomorrow’ feeling hit when i turned off the lights.

i was too bummed the next day for much of anything tbh. i get depressed after anything fun. i get depressed after wwe shows, lmao, so for the trip to already be over when it suddenly seemed like i just got there sucked. plus it only just then really hit me i was in a different part of the country, if that makes sense even if it was only one state over. it was a weird realization as someone who never travels to have.

the train home i wasn’t so lucky to be alone most of it. i ended up in an aisle seat with a college girl. we minded our own business. stuck directly under the AC that was way too cold. a woman and a fucking baby sitting the next row over the second any space cleared out. had a layover in albany where an old guy made me a shot of iced chocolate espresso which he had never been asked to make before, and truthfully, i’d never had before, but it was alright. i actually enjoyed the layover as some weird, space between spaces, time to reflect on my own in an unfamiliar place kind of thing.

we got in around midnight, my aunt picked me up. got home around one.

that was that.

i had a really good time. i’m sure it didn’t seem that way. i’m like that. but i did and i appreciated the opportunity and definitely appreciated rachel for letting me freeload on her futon and showing me around and making me ramen i felt guilty for not finishing.

the city was nice. i’m sure i was only seeing the nicer parts, mind you, but compared to rochester or buffalo it just felt wider, cleaner. idk. i didn’t HATE it, and as someone who hates being in cities for more than a couple hours, it wasn’t bad.

it was a great time away from the world and despite the stress of coming home to everything, and a room without molding on the door (which was, for the record, still locked), i did feel a lot better afterwards. i still do.

=)

[nintendo-666]

killing time while I wait for my bf with a questionnaire I rememeber doing back in like middle school lol

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? My phone has been dead all day and therefore I cannot recall whom I have texted most recently. 2. You talked to an ex today, correct? Ye me and Dylan still talk most days, he’s like my bff 3. Have you taken someones virginity? lol yeah. like too many times. idk I became sexually active really early in life so yeaaa. 4. Is trust a big issue for you? Yes actually. Which you wouldn’t expect because I overshare so much but ye. 5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? The love of my life visits me for his lunch breaks every day that he’s working and I’m not so yeah I saw him a few hours ago c: 6. What are you excited for? Doing some more xtc and doing a d with my baby tonight. 7. What happened tonight? Nothing yet tonight, but last night I also rolled pretty hard and stayed up too late lel 8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? Fuck no. Let girls do whatever they want, let people live their lives, drinking is fun, stop being judgmental. 9. Is confidence cute? This is a very insecure and weird question to ask. I don’t think a person’s cuteness is defined by their like self esteem and social skills. 10. What is the last beverage you had? I’m drinking a fruit punch rn!! 11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? I don’t have an opposite sex and I don’t trust a lot of people. 12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? lol I only have one pair of pants that are not skinny jeans. 13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? ooh that’s tonight! so yeah my night plans are the same, except now I’m also gonna check out kk slider on my new save file on acnl. 14. What are you going to spend money on next? electric bill lol 15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? Yes!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? I mean I’ve been growing up a lot lately so I’m hoping that’ll continue. 17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? uhhh Gary, Dylan, or my Mum 18. The last time you felt broken? pretty much constantly tbqh 19. Have you had sex today? Ugh no I had multiple surgeries on my reproductive organs in the last two weeks so like I’m not supposed to have anything happening down there for some days or weeks still. tragic. 20. Are you starting to realize anything? That’s so 2016 21. Are you in a good mood? Yeah I suppose! 22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? YES 23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? Nah. Somehow his eyes are brown and my penetratingly bright blues powered through them dominant genes. 24. What do you want right this second? Status report of my night lol 25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? :^///// 26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? Nope, never again. 27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? Oh absolutely not 28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? I cannot remember :o 29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? Yeah dude I miss all my friends in different states and countries pretty badly. Mainly my Massachusetts bff Jamie and my dad. 30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? Not everyone. 31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? Lol yeah but I also love that lil shit 32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? Yep! 33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? Oh god no way I drink it at every opportunity. I love soda. 34. Listening to? Bob’s Burgers is on in the background 35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? I mean not really. 36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? Yeee 37. Do you believe in love at first sight? No. However sometimes you can immediately be attracted to someone, and you just so happen to also have very compatible personalities and this develop feelings for one another quite quickly. 38. Who did you last call? da boifwend 39. Who was the last person you danced with? Oh god I have no idea. #toocooltodance 40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? Because I’m in love with him and his lips make me happy. 41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? Uuuuuhhhhhh whenever the superbowl was? 42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? No :c I don’t see them like all the time these days. Which is a TRAVESTY. 43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? Oh constantly. I’m in an endless state of crippling embarrassment. And combine that with my very obvious social anxiety and mild clumsiness, I’m always doing things that are impossible to live down in front of people I very much like. 44. Do you tan in the nude? I do not tan under any circumstances. 45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? Hell no. 46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? uhh yes and no. We basically talk until we decide we’re too tired, then quietly cuddle to sleep. 47. Who was the last person to call you? I haven’t the slightest. Probably my insurance or something boring like that. 48. Do you sing in the shower? Yeah dude I’m a superstar in there 49. Do you dance in the car? YEAH DUDE I’m a superstar in there 50. Ever used a bow and arrow? Tragically, no. 51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? I have no idea. I do casual photoshoots with pro photographer friends kind of a lot. 52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? Fuck no I love musicals. 53. Is Christmas stressful? Only if you let it be. 54. Ever eat a pierogi? This question has always perplexed me. But yeah. Just the cheese and potato ones tho. 55. Favorite type of fruit pie? I mean like I want to say raspberry or strawberry, but they always end up too acidic. So I guess like apple, cause it’s always sweet and hard to fuck up. 56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Astronaut, actor. 57. Do you believe in ghosts? It sucks like I can’t reasonably justify the belief with everything else that I think and feel, but the thought of ghosts is just so fun, you know? 58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Yeah it’s so weird I dun like it 59. Take a vitamin daily? Nope 60. Wear slippers? I don’t think I own any 61. Wear a bath robe? Sometimes Gary drapes his across me in the mornings if I get cold. 62. What do you wear to bed? naked when I’m with Gary, shirt and underwear while I’m alone. 63. First concert? I saw Say Anything with two of my friends in middle school!! 64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Target fosho but Wal-Mart for food and sometimes Kmart is best for clothes shockingly. 65. Nike or Adidas? I really don’t care 66. Cheetos Or Fritos? Cheetos all day, Fritos are gross. 67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Peanuts are way more fun 68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? Ugh 69. Ever take dance lessons? I did Irish Dance briefly as a small child. 70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? I want my spouse to do whatever makes them happiest. However I do sincerely want to be with Gary forever and I know he’s very good at his passion, which is recording and audio mixing and stuff for bands. Also his drumming skills are insane. 71. Can you curl your tongue? I’ve never met a human being who cannot and also it has nothing to do with kissing skills so who cares? 72. Ever won a spelling bee? UGH NO I came in like 3rd place because I had to pee really bad and I misheard the word. 73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Mhmm 74. What is your favorite book? I really don’t like reading, man :/ I got a focus issue. It’s really sad actually. 75. Do you study better with or without music? I don’t studyyy 76. Regularly burn incense? Yeah c: 77. Ever been in love? Yeah, a few times. 78. Who would you like to see in concert? I just need to see Marilyn Manson again. 79. What was the last concert you saw? Marilyn Manson in Boston lol 80. Hot tea or cold tea? idk both are great, it really depends on the mood. 81. Tea or coffee? generally coffee for effectiveness, but tea for enjoyability. 82. Favorite type of cookie? I don’t too much care for cookies, but oatmeal raisin soft cookies are pretty tolerable. 83. Can you swim well? Yeah dude I grew up in Florida. 84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? I actually really struggle with it lmao 85. Are you patient? Not at all man 86. DJ or band, at a wedding? Ohhhh that’s a tough one. I feel like both would be cool. They’re just so vastly different, you know? 87. Ever won a contest? omg yeah recently I won a $600 Epiphone Les Paul Custom Pro from work for signing people up for the same prize in a sweepstakes. 88. Ever have plastic surgery? Nah but I’m not against it by any means. 89. Which are better black or green olives? Green olives can go and fuck themselves 90. Opinions on sex before marriage? lol it’s so stupid not to 91. Best room for a fireplace? idk I guess like a living room or something???? 92. Do you want to get married? Yeah tbh