#inej’s poison dream being kaz

[bartonbones]

i want to say it louder than in the tags but the way the poison scene is like. yes inej's deepest desire is to be known and to be trusted and to know and to trust and to be disarmed and to disarm someone else and most of all for someone to ask permission and wait for her to grant it, and that she wants that person to be kaz, but she knows it's a dream because she knows kaz isn't ready to do that yet, and even if she's dreaming, even if it's in her own head, she refuses to force him...she'll wait for him, she'll wait for him for longer than she should but she's not going to force him, ever, even in her own dreams, because she knows what that feels like--so she wakes up, she fights it, i love that she's the only one who is able to do that, the only one who has mastered herself enough to recognize when a dream is a dream who has the agency and the strength and desire to live for herself and make her own choices and take her own power even when there is no one there to take it from...

and then for her to know that kaz is going to have to be touched against his will, and to know that she's the one who has to do it, and the fact that it's true, that she's the only one kaz would let pull him out of that--because at the end of the day all this self-mastery and agency and power that kaz brekker forces himself to believe that he has pales in comparison to the woman who has been through unimaginable violations and yet reclaims her own body and her own physicality, even though it has been every bit as hard for her as it had ever been for him, becuase at the end of the day inej is the only person he trusts understands that in himself, that weakness that sits just beneath the surface, and the only person who understands how to protect it, who might, even, one day, understand how to heal it...

the fact that for a few seconds, in-between the past and the present, in-between life and death, kaz brekker feels someone touching him and is relieved when he sees that it's her. for a few seconds that trust and that love and that understanding breaks through the panic and she holds him, just for a second, and for a just second kaz brekker remembers that touch can be a comfort, can be a respite, can be something that reminds you there is something outside of your fear rather than being the epicenter of it...

and then it's gone. it's gone and he panics and it's too much and he stands up and he doesn't look at her and he lies about what he saw, becuase it's always going to be two steps forward one step back with these two, but that moment was there, and it existed, and for maybe the first time he really can connect this idea, that there is a future for him and touch, just like there was a future for inej, and that there could be a future for them both, and does he want that? does he? he wants--he wants-- etc. etc. and so forth i'm going insane

[wyluvbot]

some spoilery thoughts on s2 since i finished it

• I want to personally thank whoever made the decision to have Kaz go completely unhinged, I loved every second of it

• WYLAN AND JESPER? they had the cutest scenes together

• Patrick did a phenomenal job as Nikolai, i will admit I was concerned over whoever would be casted because Nikolai is my favorite grishaverse character and I was afraid how his personality would transfer over to the show

• Genya. Daisy did an incredible job this season, her performance was stunning. I loved the David x Genya content but I knew it was too good to be true (I know it’s canon but whoever decided to include his death early … sleep with one eye open) 💔

• Pekka is so hateable, the actor is doing a wonderful job portraying him

• I loved the Dregs/Per Haskell reference

• TOLYA AND TAMAR’S ENTRANCE?? HELLO? i actually stopped breathing

• The hallucinations while they were all being poisoned? I burst into tears IMMEDIATELY when Jesper’s mom was there.

• Nikolai’s injury/shadow monster scene had me gasping, I was convinced they weren’t including it

• Nadia and Tamar being hinted at 🥰

• Pirate Inej

• Mogens was TERRIFYING, the way he smelled Inej’s hair …. I got sick to my stomach

• “I’m begging you” “Are you?”

• THE WAY MATTHIAS WAS DREAMING OF NINA. “Matthias was dreaming again, dreaming of her” was the first thing that popped into my head. Plus his little moments with the wolves 🥹

• Jesper and Nina were so funny

• INEJS HALLUCINATION. i screamed so loud my mom got scared. “may I?” I ACTUALLY DIED. plus the tiny wound cleaning scene?? freddy and amita are actually insane. who’s doing it like them-

• Alina’s dark moment at the coronation? what was that about?!?! she looked so gorgeous in that outfit though

• Ben’s line delivery was so hilarious to me, he does such a good job in this role

• We have all six crows! I loved the detail in one of the opening credit scenes with the five crows on the sign and the sixth trapped in a window.

• Literally everything bc this season was so good despite so many complaints otherwise. We’d better be getting s3/soc spin-off or I’ll become so insufferable and upset .

[nerdlingmerchling]

1. ACTS OF SERVICE

It makes sense that this one would come in first position, even though you can see I haven't voted for that one ; more on it later.

I think the perception of this being Inej's love language comes from the fact she's ready to compromise or even sacrifice the things that are most important to her in order to help those she loves. She goes against her own faith to protect Kaz's life. I think this is the main example people were thinking about when they voted for this.

Inej is a protector and a savior. Her relationship to Alina in the series is a great example of that, and her will to save the indenture women from the slavers' ship as well.

2. QUALITY TIME

I have to say, this one leaves me a bit puzzled. The difficult thing with Inej is that she's gone through so much trauma that it's hard to define her natural traits and separate them from the characteristics she had to acquire in order to survive.

I don't think there is many examples of her seeking or making quality time with others, although you could maybe count the occurrence in the books where she drags Kaz to the top of a building to see the view, or when they hang out together as she feeds the crows. If you have other examples, I'd be interested to hear them.

I do think that underneath the layer of trauma that puts Inej in a near constant survival mode, there is indeed someone who would seek and give quality time with those she values.

3. WORDS OF AFFIRMATION

I've voted for this one because words of affirmation are one of the main ways with which Inej seeks love and appreciation from others.

She could decide she doesn't give a rat's arse if Kaz doesn't believe that Alina is a saint, but she truly cares. She wants Kaz to tell her that he shares her view and that she's right. Same for Jesper. She wants him to believe the same things she does.

In general, she seeks validation from Kaz a lot. ("Was there never another dream?") She wants him to say that he cares about her ; that he wants her around.

Also, she tells Jesper she's going to miss him, both times, when they think (season 1) and when they know (season 2) that they're going to part ways.

About physical touch; I expected it to find itself amongst the bottom ones BUT I would argue that if Inej had not had the trauma of being forced into prostitution at age 14, I think physical touch would be one of her main ways to express attachment. You can feel that in her interactions with Jesper. She seeks his physical presence and touch, because she trusts him.

Also!!!!! Her hallucination during the Datura Maloxia poisoning wasn't about Kaz saving her life, about Kaz giving her gifts or him saying how much he loves her : it was about Kaz removing his gloves, pulling her closer and kissing her.

VOTE FOR NINA'S LOVE LANGUAGE HERE

[biherbalwitch]

Unsurprisingly, I'm not done talking about s&b s2, let's discuss the rage over "ignoring" inej's trauma (spoiler: it wasn't actually ignored) and why exploring it in the poison scene would've been a terrible idea

Inej’s story was hinted at several times (which is more than we've got with other characters in 2 seasons *cough* jesper *cough* matthias)

They did it in bits & pieces as much as they could, in s1 Inej almost willing to kill just so she doesn’t go back to the menagerie, in her telling jesper she learned to suture her own wounds there. In s2, we see those pieces hammered in a bit more, Inej’s scared when she says pekka owns everything the menagerie owns. The most difficult scene to watch being the one on the roof with the taxidermist. The second he puts her on the ground and gets on top of her she is frozen. She looks TERRIFIED. And I'm gonna quote amita here, we know inej's capable of getting out of his hold easily but the shock of being in that position with a man violating her space & body again, telling her he'll take her back to the menagerie and "take a piece" is enough to have her body lock up and she's almost helpless in the face of her ptsd (paralleling to Kaz’s reaction in shu han)

If the writers had used the poison hallucinations to go further into her backstory, it would've simply been too rushed and an insult to the depths of torture she went through. Think of the length of that entire scene & think of the length each of their visions got. I can't see how they could've delved deeper with her, put her in those silks, without coming up short or without completely ruining her mental state that it would've been difficult to move on with the current plot at hand. There's a reason the spinoff script has a whole episode dedicated to each crow, where they can comfortably explore the heavier themes of each of their lives with respect & what it means for the characters' journey.

Lastly I'd like to say the actual hallucination we got MADE SENSE. After their moment changing her wound and Kaz pushing her away, she would dream of this. She desires intimacy with Kaz. In her dream, he makes an effort. In her dream, he asks for her consent. In her dream, they are BOTH vulnerable, both without their armour.

Despite the trauma she still desires and that's an important part of her that shouldn't be overlooked. She's making an effort and wants him to make an effort, if only just to find out what it would be like to be touched without it feeling like a stab. If only to find out if she can handle it.

[star-burst365]

We’re all sleeping on the gem that is Matthias Helvar: an essay

Crooked Kingdom spoilers!!

We’re all in denial about Matthias’s death in ck but also he had some bangers lines and scenes even before chapter 40 such as:

finding out his full name was Matthias Benedik Helvar omg why are we sleeping on this

“how about i bite your lip”

“don’t eat the snow” i dont think they were planning to 💀

YOU ARE EVERY BLOSSOM BLOOMING AT ONCE?? HELLO??

his constant feud with kaz

kaz could breathe and matthias would already be fetching the holy water

any demjin moment ever

“you’re all horrible”

to

“they all seem like practical choices 😀”

the grandpa energy

nothing but respect and admiration for inej “the little bronze girl” ghafa

MY GHOST WONT ASSOCIATE WITH YOUR GHOST

the big brooding yellow tulip

nina handed him a gun during the ambush of soc and he fr would’ve killed her if they weren’t being shot at

“I can drink your poison no longer” was so powerful. he went from extreme prejudices against grisha after being raised and literally brainwashed by hatred to bashing his ex-commander in the head to free Nina omg

friendly reminder his entire family was killed by inferni but he still moves past it

something nobody talks about: he combined his hateful past of serving as a drukelle, something made to hunt grisha to lead two of them (Jesper and Kuwei) out of a corner and get them back to the rest of the crows in ck.

he used military tactics made to kill grisha to save grisha

this was so important for his development i swear

and don’t forget Nina either

“little red bird” please im not okay

MY LOVE AS A PET NAME THATS SO PURE MY GOD

him and nina squeezing in the littlest places just to cuddle together and rest together is so dvfnjkvsfnks

him just wanting to be there for Nina for every step of the way as she recovers from parem

his wet dreams consist of three things:

her “glorious thighs”

a traditional fjerdan life and the domestic lifestyle Fr

literally just vibing in a field of flowers

he saw a nameless husband help a nameless wife with her hair in ketterdam and wished that could be him and nina that’s too sweet help

all he wants is a domestic little life filled with love

but then there’s “he considered brushing it off with his lips, then told himself he should take a walk”

he just told himself to touch grass my god

but also the enemies to lovers lingers, my one of my favorite quotes being:

”you’d flirt with a date palm if it paid you any attention” the shade

also his family? the way he still has memories? so much so he foot massages a pregnant woman?

friendly reminder this man is built like a giant and looks the most threatening out of the group

and he fr lets a girl sing her heart out AND OFFERS TO TAKE HER ON A WALK BY THE LAKE HES SO PRECIOUS

”sing. by all means, sing” famous last words

him complimenting nina on her hair and how she styles it??

the toffee on the boat in soc

constantly regretting his life decisions in soc but willing to die for the crows in ck

the found family trope is killing me

“trickery isn’t my native tongue but I can still learn to speak it” the demjin and crows influence

his lil commander voice to silence the prisoners when they were getting in the truck made inej, someone with the posture of a knifes edge, stand straighter like wtf

HE HAD A WOLF WHY ARE WE SLEEPING ON THIS

HE IS 100% A DOG PERSON

HE AND KAZ WOULDVE PETTED THOSE DOGS FOR HOURS ON THAT ONE CK MISSION

he went from saying meaningful and encouraging things to nina and then when she said she wanted to cry in a corner he switched in 0.2 seconds and said “but…this room is round” oh my god

made out with nina in front of two thirds of the grisha triumvirate

HE PERKS UP WHEN NINA LAUGHS THATS SO ADORABLE

nina and him being twin soldiers sdnnnojnididoskc

him and Jesper’s scenes are honestly amazing, we were robbed

THE DELETED HELNIK SCENE I WANT TO DIE I WISH LEIGH KEPT THAT

he’s literally kaz’s bodyguard when trading for inej

learned a language while in prison I mean that’s pretty impressive

eats honor for breakfast lunch and dinner

”i. Should. Let. You. Die.” He says while trying to desperately save kaz

ran to nina with a bullet in his stomach for one last kiss, for one final goodbye

”save some mercy for my people” that hurts oh my god

the grisha are the favored and children of Djel was so important because that’s him connecting both his past and his much better present together in an actuslly good way

he doesn’t associate his religion with witches and tree handshakes anymore, now he considers those witches blessed by his tree god

in conclusion: I sobbed for weeks over his death and will never recover. thank you for coming to my Ted talk

[mvsicinthedvrk]

i'm doing something a little different for my event prep-- because i'm on hiatus the rest of the month, i don't really have the ability to do much reaching out to plot (though if you pop into my dms unprompted to plot, feel free, as i'll definitely get back to you to chat when i'm able) and i need to make sure i keep my threads to a manageable number. but i still want to be able to be active during the event when i can! especially since other threads will be paused!

so below is my list of event threads; i'm limiting myself to 3ish per character for the time being with the understanding that i'm also willing to stretch it to more if there's pairings i really want to write for.

if you want me to write a starter, please request one below (limit 2 per member for now, please). i probably won't pre-plot with you much but i'll roll for the situation on my end as soon as u request them & add that info below so you have a general idea of what the conflict in the thread will be.

**and then this is the untraditional part of the starter call: there's obviously no obligation, but if you want to volunteer to write any starter(s) for a pairing, please also feel free to let me know below, so i can add that to my total thread count. i would love that. i likely won't be going through your starter calls to request things, not because i don't want to write with you all, but because i don't want to impose when there's a high chance i won't be around as much as usual

i'll also note that i don't think i'll be killing off any of my characters during this event, even temporarily, and if you want to kill off any of your muses, i'd honestly prefer you do it in a thread that's not with one of mine, but if you feel really strongly about it, we can definitely plot, i just need a heads up. thank u for understanding!

total thread count (list last updated saturday 10/14 at 9am):

bold is for my notes; means i need to write it still and strikethrough is that it's already written (written 19/20)

wei wuxian-- SLOTS FULL

one: writing wei wuxian and dream for alex (rolled: rat with a gun)

two: wei wuxian & yanli (aria writing)

three: wei wuxian & vic for swan (rolled: children with pumpkins for heads)

four: wei wuxian & cangse sanren (rolled: living corn attempting to eat u but it's still the size of regular corn)

five: wei wuxian & han solo (rolled: skeletons)

xie lian-- SLOTS FULL

one: writing hualian for mia (rolled: crossing stream)

two: xie lian & feng xin (kasey writing)

three: writing xie lian & mu qing for june (rolled: quicksand mud)

four: xie lian & shen qiao (june writing)

five: xie lian & sophie (rolled: a hoard of geese)

wen kexing-- 1 slot available

one: wenzhou (atlas writing)

two:

he xuan-- SLOTS FULL

one: writing beefleaf for sunny (rolled: poisonous gas)

two: writing he xuan & chunyu for kasey (rolled: giant spiders)

sha hualing-- SLOTS FULL

one: writing sha hualing & shang qinghua for sunny (rolled: murderous clown)

two: writing sha hualing & tina for risa (rolled: gritty)

liu qingge-- 1 slot available

one: liu qingge & anya (violet writing)

two:

loid forger-- SLOTS FULL

one: writing loid & anya for mia (rolled: werewolf)

two: writing loid & yor for kasey (rolled: giant table and feast)

dongfang qingcang-- 1 slot available

one: dongfang qingcang & xiao lanhua (kasey writing)

two:

chu wanning-- 1 slot available

one: ranwan (kasey writing)

two:

filippa kosta-- 1 slot available

one: writing filippa & cordelia for alex (rolled: high winds)

two:

qi yan-- 1 slot available

one: qi yan & laudna for cassie (rolled: giant spiderweb)

two:

kaz brekker-- SLOTS FULL

one: kaz & inej (sunny writing)

two: kaz & ninoma (alex writing)

three: writing kaz & wylan for aria (rolled: dead end/spores/drunk)

mo xi-- 1 slot available pls give him some love

one: june writing a surprise starter for mo xi and somebody

two:

pei ming-- 1 slot available

one: pei ming & bond (risa writing)

two: pei ming & heidi for swan (rolled: werewolf)

three:

lee rang-- SLOTS FULL

one: rang & yeon (atlas writing)

two: also lee rang & jang yeo hee (atlas writing)

two: lee rang & yuri for violet (rolled: whispering plant life)

xiao chiye-- SLOTS FULL

one: writing chiye & zechuan for june (rolled: werewolf, followed by truth zone)

two: chiye & qi zhuyin (june writing)

lu junyi -- 1 slot available

one: writing junyi & jasmine for moon (rolled: frozen tundra of corn)

two:

[bogunicorn]

still drives me absolutely fucking coconuts that season 2 has inej ask kaz what he saw in his drug dream like twice as if expecting some specific answer. like... girl what are you expecting, did you think you were sharing a deadly poison dreamscape?

i mean, the real answer is that inej asks that very specific and pointed question because the writers were being lazy and backtracking from the situation they'd written themselves into - which is that inej is the one putting up walls this season, not kaz. so they have her prod at something specific and have him dig his heels in, even though inej... also didn't say... what was in her dream. like. like you both woke up and then delivered taglines about it, that was a complete interaction. why do you need to know details, you didn't give details and dude was clearly making some kind of overture and askjdsfkjldsas

batty. fucking batty i'm foaming at the mouth, goddamn

shadow and bone writers stop making inej look like a dummy in season 3 and/or a crows spinoff challenge

[gingersnapwolves]

Kouri watches Shadow and Bone 2.06

I had to have SO much patience to put up with all the Alina scenes during this episode while the Crows were poisoned and hallucinating

Seriously even Dominik and Nikolai have more chemistry than Malina

It is beyond funny to me how Kaz is having a horrible nightmare and Inej is having a sex dream

Seriously HOW am I supposed to care about Baghra’s childhood when my crows are dying

Tolya would die as he lives: reciting poetry nobody cares about

This scene with Jesper and his mother is so good

Why cut the pad of your thumb??? Why?????

“Right now, it’s just us,” Alina says, as if Baghra is not waiting outside

Even funnier that because Inej is having a sex dream, she’s the one who figures out it’s not real

Love Wylan explaining about the butterflies and Inej is already chewing

I’m sure I’d have something to say about my reaction to Mal being an amplifier if my wife hadn’t told me back when she read the books

This fight with Ohval was SO GOOD

She’s like if the Terminator had a baby with Magneto

I love this immortal badass and her slightly senile art thief husband

Her putting his hands over his ears!!!!

Her lecturing Jesper on being a terrible Durast!!!!

I would watch a whole series about her.

Kaz and Tolya’s opposite reactions to Wesper XD XD XD

Kaz has one moment of emotional maturity and Inej just dumps a bucket of cold water on him lmao

See, guys, wouldn’t it have been better to have sex in the hotel at the beginning of the season? Not to be asexual on main but I simply would not be in the mood for sex after finding out I would have to kill my boyfriend to save the world.

Ruh roh

[fruityarsonist]

when the crows+tolya passed out bc of the poison gas was such a great scene actually, because all of their ‘dreams’ convey a sense of joy + melancholy amazingly!! like inej/kaz being a lot closer than normal but still refusing to touch. kaz getting to see his brother once more but with reliving the trauma of the cold ocean. jesper finally getting a resolution from his mother while also having to let her go once again. ugh this season was done so nicely 

[iheardarumorthings]

Hi :) request: kaz brekker x she/her reader with the song serial monogamist.

hi lovely anon!! i really hope you like this!

if you would like to request something, please go to my post on my 1000 follower special! it's ashe themed!

warnings: toxic relationships

SERIAL MONOGAMIST

You can say that I can stay

But, no, you can’t have it your way

I’m saying bye, bye, bye yo those days

You two were never stable, not really. The only things that were going steady with you two was that you were constantly his sword, his lever, his assassin. The other thing was that you would always, always come back if he wanted you. Or if you wanted to be with him.

You would sit atop his desk and listen to him, comfort him. You would sit atop his desk and talk about how things used to be, about how they will be. A bunch of childish dreams only told in the dead of night, he had said the next day.

It broke your heart more than it should’ve considering it was the fourth time that he’d done this. 

No, the night was your time to shine with Kaz. The night was where there was always a possibility of him loving you. He never truly did, but when there was a glimmer of hope you latched onto it like a leech would its host. Tight and unwavering.

But I would say that we should wait 

Just to see how long it’d take

Then we’d lie lie, lie, lie to each other, babe

You were going to leave the Slat for the final time, you vowed. Kaz didn’t know. No one knew. Maybe Inej if she had swept through your room at any given moment, but if she did know, she didn’t say anything. At least not to you.

It was devastating to make that last walk to Kaz’s office, to make it your last night. You knew you should just be leaving, staying at a hotel for the night, avoiding Kaz at all costs.

You couldn’t resist one last night of lying to one another, of a pretty poison disguised as honey.

Been a serial monogamist, and I’m serious that I don’t miss

The arguments or checking in at midnight

So tell me if it’s okay now

Knocking on his door, you opened it quietly, peeking in at the man sitting at his desk, jaw clenched, pen in hand.

“Kaz?” you asked, poking your full head in this time. At his grunt, you walked in, closing the door behind you. You sat on top of the desk, looking at his papers. “Are you okay?”

“I’m just fine.”

To take off your clothes but by 

Morning, I won’t try to hold you (hold you)

Promise I won’t call you later, try to get to know you (know you)

There would be lies tonight, you knew. But you didn’t think his well being would be one. Deciding not to push, you began your usual talk of the future, the past. You could see him relax. Oh, how you loved him. How you loved his lies, the mural of colors that hid an empty, broken canvas.

You could hear them as he looked up at you, his rasp coming through the dark. Just what you needed. One last high before you left, one last bit of Kaz. One last time seeing his face.

One last night.

Hold you up, hold you down, hold you to coming back around

It was your last few hours of pure bliss.

Used to live inside my head, felt so guilty in your bed

For  while, while, while it was complicated

For a long time, you wondered why he had never loved you like he promised. For a while, you had been coming back frequently, hoping the next day he wouldn’t let you down. 

But he did. He always did. 

Please don’t feel bad when I’m gone, you can call me what you want

But don’t dial, dial, dial my number, baby

You almost felt guilty, leaving him with no notice. But you knew that a replacement was right behind you, you knew that he could easily fix the issue of your lack of presence. 

You could only hope he did not contact you once you reached Ravka. You were only so strong; one more pretty lie and you would run back to his office, perched on his desk right where you used to be.

Been a serial monogamist, and I’m serious that I don’t miss

The arguments or checking in at midnight

So tell me if it’s okay now

The only thing you wouldn’t miss was the daytime. The daytime where you were strangers, not lovers who whispered pretty things under the veil of the darkness.

But that had to end, you knew.

To take off your clothes but by 

Morning, I won’t try to hold you (hold you)

Promise I won’t call you later, try to get to know you (know you)

You had your last night. Kaz had his last taste, too.

Hold you up, hold you down, hold you to coming back around

“Goodbye, Kaz,” you whispered, smiling a soft, teary smile. He grunted in response as you closed the door.

This time it would be the last.

[heaven-in-a-wild-flower]

Crows Headcanon: Wesper Headcanon (Wylan Van Eck and Jesper Fahey)

If you’d rather read this and more Crows headcanons on ao3 here’s the link.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Previous Chapter (Chapter 5)

Chapter 6 (the chapters aren’t related and do not continue the story, each can be read separately)

Wylan

It was inevitable. Their first fight. Of course, they'd fight at some point, living together. It began as everything does, small and barely noticeable. There would be tiny squabbles about clothes strewn about in the room, trinkets never returned to their places. Then it grew and grew, never-ending poisonous vines wrapping around them, strangling them. They spent every moment apart thinking of flaws with the other and every moment together pointing it out.

Just this morning Jesper grumbled about being too warm when Wylan woke up wrapped around him in the morning (even in sleep, his body knows what it really wants, too bad his mind isn't as smart right now). And Wylan knew, he <i>knew</i> that Jesper probably meant nothing by it. But his mind immediately began spewing venom into his heart. <i>You will only ever be a burden. He says he loves you, but he's already tired of you. How much longer do you think he'll stay here when he could have anyone?</i> But he's stubborn and strong and, he refused to show his heart because what else is that but an invitation to stab? So he pulled away and said, "Fine, then. If it's such an inconvenience then I won't touch you at all." And he walked out of the room, tears stinging in his eyes.

Jesper

I know I messed up. I've been messing up constantly. All of this is so new to me. I didn't know it would be this difficult to stay with someone. I've shared so many beds but I've never before shared a room. I didn't realise that it would bother someone else that my clothes aren't always in the cupboard. At first, it frustrated me that he would find faults with me all the time. It reinforced those voices in my brain that told me that I'd never be enough. So I took out those frustrations the way I always have, in cards and drinks and coins.

For a while, it was fine. I thought I'd fixed it somehow. Then, he started noticing more money missing. And he was so so angry. What else did I expect from a bomb-maker, if not an explosive temper? I knew that it wasn't working. I knew it was wrong. I knew that it wasn't truly helping me at all. But it scared me, terrified me that he'd already noticed all the worst things about me, and had to be stuck with that all the time. I realised then that this wasn't going to last much longer. So I gave up. I stopped trying to fix anything between us and just continued to feed the fire. If this is going to end anyway, what was even the point? What would be the point of telling me to please stay, please let me stay? How could I even convince him? He'd seen the worst things, the darkness behind my flirtatious smiles. He's let me stay for months now, and he hates it. He hates <i>me</i>, here. What could I ever do about that?

Even this morning, I complained about being too warm when he'd wrapped his body around me. I'd just gotten up, and for a single moment, I'd forgotten. I'd forgotten that we'd gone from being lovers, loved, loving, to...fighting. I'd forgotten that every word would be taken as a bullet. He'd flinched away from me (it made my heart <i>hurt</i>) and snarled, "Fine, then. If it's such an inconvenience then I won't touch you at all." And he'd stormed out of the room.

I raised a hand automatically, about to stop him. But what could I say? I'd only ever been good at destroying things, not fixing them. So I dropped my hand and laid back on the bed, eyes closed to keep the tears in, not succeeding in the least.

Wylan

It got so bad that even Inej and Kaz began to notice. They'd visit from time to time, either for his help or Jesper's. And naturally, they felt the crackling tension in the air. They never said anything about it, but he could see them exchanging glances, communicating in that way that only they could. It reminded him of the way he and Jesper used to communicate. The gentle brushing of their hands, stray touches on the elbow or shoulder, and he had to stop and take a deep breath to clear the constriction in his lungs.

They were both so tired of fighting all the time that even that had stopped. He never thought he'd miss fighting, but he did. At least then, Jesper was paying attention to him, even if he was smirking thoughtlessly. But now, nothing. They simply avoided each other around the house. He'd enter the kitchen, and Jesper would walk out. Jesper would enter our bedroom, and he'd leave. Even at night, Jesper would stay out so late that they never went to bed together. They did still sleep in the same room, the same bed. They still had that, but he didn't know how much longer even that'd last. So when he inevitably woke up first every morning, he'd stare and stare and stare. He'd caress every inch of Jesper's brown skin that he could see, just with his eyes, hand itching to touch.

He made sure never to get close to him, knowing that he wouldn't be able to let him go. He'd latch onto him and hold on forever.

Jesper

The silence was so loud it was deafening. It made his hair stand on end. He hated this silence, but he also didn't know how to break it. It'd grown so huge, a looming monster growing between them, and he knew no way of vanquishing it. So he let it be. He let Wylan avoid his touch like he had something contagious, and he let him keep as much distance as he wanted, even as his heart shrivelled every time it happened.

The only way he now knew to protect his heart was to stay out of the house. He didn't think that he'd ever need to protect his heart from Wylan. He couldn't believe that this is what it'd come to.

He came home every night, skin chill from the wind outside, aching to sink into Wylan's warmth and knowing he wasn't allowed. So he stared and stared and stared and drank whatever warmth he could from those bright curls and freckled skin. And in his dreams, the only thing he saw, over and over again, were those azure eyes gazing at him like they once did, in love.

Kaz

He'd had enough. What now that they didn't have any problems those idiots decided to make some of their own? He would not let this stand, not a chance.

Inej

She knew that gleam in his eyes. He had a plan, and since it was Kaz's, it was expected that it'd be devious. But, she knew for once that it was with the best of intentions. So she listened attentively when he told her and smiled a tiny proud smile when he was done.

Wylan

It was an overcast evening, and he shivered as he made himself a cup of hot chocolate. Jesper was out, of course, doing whatever he did every day. He didn't know. How could he if they didn't talk anymore? So he took out his flute and tried to practice, tried to ignore his trembling hands. Suddenly there was a loud banging on the door. He dropped the flute and ran for it, only taking a second to check who it was. Inej.

He yanked open the door. She wouldn't bang it like that if there wasn't an emergency. She looked worried, eyebrows furrowed and eyes wide.

What's happened?" he asked.

"Jesper...he's missing," she said, suddenly wilting. His heart stopped.

"What?" he whispered, his voice breaking.

"Kaz needed him for a job, so I went to get him. I checked all his usual joints, and he wasn't there anywhere," she looked pitying now. She'd definitely noticed the way his skin grew paler. If even the Wraith couldn't find him, where could he be? What-what could've happened to him?

"But," she said and he perked up immediately, "we think we know who could've taken him."

It takes them half an hour to make a plan to rescue him, hoping desperately that they were going to the right place. Inej instructs him on which bombs they need, and they set off.

Jesper

It can't be true. It could not be true. Not again. Kaz just told him that one of his rivals had kidnapped Wylan. They were now waiting for him to come to them and demand the ransom. How could this have happened? Why Wylan? He hoped with all his heart that they were at least treating him well, knowing that that wasn't very likely. As they sat there, a fire burned in his belly. He felt hatred rise like a storm inside him. He would not be merciful with whoever had kidnapped Wylan.

He didn't understand how Kaz could just sit there, relaxed as though nothing had happened. No, he knew that maintaining a veneer of calmness would make it easier to negotiate with the kidnapper. But he still couldn't stop his fists from clenching and his jaw from tensing. He tried to breathe deeply, telling himself that the kidnapper wouldn't kill Wylan because that would get him nothing. Wylan would be okay. He had to be. He couldn't die. He couldn't die, with Jesper not able to recollect the last time he touched him, the last word he told him.

So they waited. Jesper grew more and more jittery, legs shaking and fingers tapping and fidgeting. Kaz somehow grew calmer and calmer, cane resting gently on his lap, utterly in his element, ready to do his part.

When the outer door slammed open, Jesper stood up abruptly, and Kaz gripped his cane tighter. The door opened and in came charging...

Wylan

Finally, they got through the gate, and the soldiers posted outside and entered an empty room. He didn't waste a second. The moment he noticed the other door in the room, he rushed at it, pushing it open. And there he was. He ran to Jesper and hugged him, holding on so so tightly. He was so relieved to find him that he didn't even wonder why Jesper wasn't tied up and gagged.

"You're okay, you're okay," he chanted, under his breath, still unwilling to let go of his sharpshooter. Jesper held him in return, nestling his head in Wylan's curls, speechless for once. After a few minutes, or seconds, or hours, or an eternity, he pulled back a little to see Jesper wide-eyed, looking at him like he was a ghost.

"I'm sorry," they both blurted out at once, and they laughed and sobbed at that.

"No, no, I should be the one to apologise. I'm so sorry for being such a mess. The clothes and my other things and the gambling. Oh, I knew I needed to stop, and I couldn't and then- and then-" Jesper babbled.

"No! Don't be sorry. I'll help you, we'll do it together. Okay? I'm sorry too. It was all so perfect, and it scared me. I was so scared that you'd leave that I nearly drove you to leave myself," he said, staring right into Jesper's eyes so he'd understand.

"Okay. But just so you know, I never would've left," Jesper tells him, looking back just as intensely.

"Okay. That's good," Wylan says, chuckling, suddenly embarrassed.

Jesper tilts his chin back up and gazing into his eyes the whole time, kisses him. Wylan responds ravenously, and well...it all works out. They remind the other that they love them, that they always have and always will. And when they realise what Kaz and Inej tricked them into, Wylan is outraged, and Jesper just laughs and laughs and laughs (Wylan then kisses him, hearing the laughs echo in his heart).

Next chapter (Chapter 7)

Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list.

[andromeda3116]

so like i said i would do no more explaining but i was kinda jokey with that post when actually no i legit did put thought and purpose into this kanej playlist, so here’s a breakdown of the songs on it and which lyric(s)/to whom it applies. some of them, again, are more about the general vibe, but mostly there’s like. an actual reason i picked these songs.

kaz.

o. (not on spotify) the sewers belch me up, the heavens spit me out, from ethers tragic i am born again. [...] is it bright where you are? have the people changed? does it make you happy you're so strange? and in your darkest hour, i hold secrets' flame. you can watch the world devoured in its pain. --the end is the beginning is the end

i. god money, i’ll do anything for you. god money, just tell me what you want me to. god money, nail me up against the wall. god money, don't want everything, he wants it all. no, you can’t take it, no you can't take it, no, you can’t take that away from me. head like a hole, black as your soul, i'd rather die than give you control. bow down before the one you serve, you’re going to get what you deserve.

ii. there’s a shadow just behind me, shrouding every step i take, making every promise empty, pointing every finger at me. [...] i am just a worthless liar, i am just an imbecile. i will only complicate you. trust in me and fall as well. [...] why can we not be sober, i just want to start this over.

iii. i’d walk to you through rings of fire, and never let you know the way i feel. under skin is where i hide the love that always gets me on my knees. [...] i want it now, i want it now. don’t tell me that my ship is coming in. --nothing lasts forever

iv. one: take control of me, you’re messing with the enemy. said it’s two: it’s another trick, you’re messing with my mind. [...] there it goes again, take me to the edge again. all i got is a dirty trick, i’m chasing down the wolves to save you. i tell you i want you, i tell you i need you. the blood on my face, i just wanted you near me. --club foot

v. don’t waste your touch, you won’t feel anything. or were you sent to save me? i’ve thought too much, you won’t find anything worthy of redeeming. [...] reach out and you may take my heart away. --the leaving song, part two

vi. while i waited, i was wasting away, hope was wasting away, faith was wasting away, i was wasting away. [...] inside a crumbling effigy, but you promised. so dies all innocence, but you promised me. --the great disappointment

vii. welcome to the end of eras, ice has melted back to life, done my time and served my sentence, dress me up and watch me die. if it feels good, tastes good, it must be mine. dynasty decapitated, you just might see a ghost tonight. [...] the crown. so close i could taste it, i see what’s mine and take it. --the emperor’s new clothes

viii. all my friends were glorious, tonight we are victorious. [...] i’m a killing spree in white, eyes like broken christmas lights. my touch is black and poisonous. [...] throw the bait, catch the shark, bleed the water red. fifty words for murder, and i’m every one of them.

ix. just like romantic verses, just like a joyous end, just like a memory, it twists me. you land as lightly as the new snow onto the melting boy. you land as gently, you’re so cinematic, bathed in your radiance, i melt. --this celluloid dream

x. i’ll describe the way i feel: weeping wounds that never heal. can this savior be for real, or are you just my seventh seal? no hesitation, no delay, you come on just like special k, now you’re back, the dope demand, i’m on sinking sand. [...] i’ll describe the way i feel: you’re my new achilles heel.

xi. i choose to live and to grow, take and give and to move, learn and love and to cry, kill and die and to be paranoid and to lie, hate and fear and to do what it takes to move through. i choose to live and to lie, kill and give and to die, learn and love and to do what it takes to step through. [...] i’ve been crawling on my belly, clearing out what could have been. --forty-six and two

xii. do you listen to yourself? never live for someone else. do you like the way you feel? nothing hurts when no one’s real. [...] i wanna bullet-proof your soul, would you like to lose control? i won’t let you fall until you tell me so. [...] should have listened when you called my name.

xiii. you have forsaken all the love you’ve taken, sleeping on a razor, there’s nowhere left to fall. your body’s aching, every bone is breaking, nothing seems to shake it, it just keeps holding on. [...] i thread the needle through, you beat the devil’s tattoo.

xiv. i’m insane, but on my toes. i can keep the world balanced on my nose. i had a slumber party with all my foes, now i wear ‘em like a badge of honor on my clothes. if i’m crazy, i’m on my own. if i’m waiting, it’s on my throne. [...] can’t stop me now, i said i got you now. i’m right here at your door, i won’t leave, i want more. --what’s up, danger?

xv. the world is a vampire sent to drain, secret destroyers hold you up to the flames. and what do i get for my pain? betrayed desires and a piece of the game. [...] despite all my rage, i am still just a rat in a cage. --bullet with butterfly wings

xvi. can’t you see i’m sorry? i will make it worth your while. i’m made of dead men’s money, you can see it in my smile. oh, lazarus, how did your debt get paid? [...] when the fires, when the fires are consuming you, and your sacred stars won’t be guiding you, i’ve got blood, i’ve got blood on my name.

xvii. “oh don’t talk of love,” the shadows purr, murmuring me away from you. “don’t talk of worlds that never were, the end is all that’s ever true.” [...] every night i burn, every night i scream your name.

xviii. my heart’s a tart, your body’s rent, my body’s broken, yours is bent. carve your name into my arm, instead of stressed, i lie here charmed. [...] like the naked leads the blind, i know i’m selfish, i’m unkind. sucker love, i always find someone to bruise and leave behind. --every you, every me

xix. it don’t matter, i won’t do what you say. you’ve got the money and the power, i won’t go your way. i can’t take for the people, they don’t matter at all. i’ll be waiting in the shadows, until the day that you fall. [...] kill me if you dare, hold my head up everywhere. --underdog

.

inej.

i. i’m a princess cut from marble, smoother than a storm, and the scars that mark my body, they’re silver and gold. my blood is a flood of rubies, precious stones, it keeps my veins hot, the fire’s found a home in me. [...] and i’m locking up everyone who ever laid a finger on me. i’m done with it, oh, this is the start of how it all ends. --yellow flicker beat

ii. just how deep do you believe? will you bite the hand that feeds? will you chew until it bleeds? can you get up off your knees? are you brave enough to see? do you wanna change it?

iii. i know it’s a lie, i want it to be true. the rest of the ride is riding on you. [...] wishing you could keep me closer, i’m a lazy dancer, when you move i move with you. --collect call

iv. don’t look ahead, there’s stormy weather, another roadblock in our way. but if we go, we go together, our hands are tied here if we stay. oh, we said our dreams would carry us and if they don’t fly, we will run. now we push right past to find out how to win what they all lost. oh, we know that we want more, oh, the life we’re fighting for. [...] there are no rules that we can’t break. --disparate youth

v. as i move my feet towards your body, i can hear this beat, it fills my head up and gets louder and louder. i run to the river and dive straight in. i pray that the water will drown out the din. [...] there’s a drumming noise inside my head and it starts when you’re around. --drumming song

vi. shoot me down, but i get up. i’m bulletproof, nothing to lose. fire away, fire away. ricochet, you take your aim. fire away, fire away. shoot me down, but i won’t fall, i am titanium.

vii. you’ve been walking, you’ve been hiding, and you look half-dead half the time. monitoring you, like machines do, you’ve still got it, i’m just keeping an eye. you say too late to start, with your heart in a headlock. i don’t believe any of it.

viii. i’m in need of a savior, but i’m not asking for favors. my whole life i’ve felt like a burden, i think too much and i hate it. i’m so used to being in the wrong, i’m tired of caring. loving never gave me a home, so i’ll sit here in the silence. i found peace in your violence, can’t tell me there’s no point in trying. i’m at one, and i’ve been quiet for too long.

ix. i am running, i will meet you halfway. when i get there, will you be waiting for me? and i’m scared that you don’t feel the same. and after all, just how much can i take? heaven help me, i think i’m in love, i’m all in love with you. ‘cause i can’t help myself, i’m falling down, i’m falling hard for you.

x. i never promised you an open heart or charity, i never wanted to abuse your imagination. i come with knives, i come with knives and agony to love you.

xi. stooped down and out, you got me beggin’ for thread to sew this hole up that you ripped it my head. stupidly think you had it under control. strapped down to something you don’t understand, don’t know what you were getting yourself into. you should have known, secretly i think you knew.

xii. go row the boat to safer grounds, but don’t you know? we’re stronger now. my heart still beats, and my skin still feels. my lungs still breathe, my mind still fears. but we’re running out of time, all the echoes in my mind cry. there’s blood on your lies, the scars open wide. there is nowhere for you to hide, the hunter’s moon is shining. i’m running with the wolves tonight.

xiii. a falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes. i screamed aloud as it tore through them and now it’s left me blind. the stars, the moon, they have all been blown out, you’ve left me in the dark. no dawn, no day, i’m always in this twilight, in the shadow of your heart. [...] i took the stars from my eyes and then i made a map, i knew that somehow i could find the way back. then i heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness, too. so i stayed in the darkness with you. --cosmic love

.

both/and.

i. shed a tear for each soul set free, but that’s what happens when you dance with me. pity the man who stands in my way, i’m a nightmare even in the day. i’d be wise with which words you say, ‘cause they could be the last breath you take. [...] call me a criminal, maybe, baby, i’m an outlaw. you know, i ain’t evil but i ain’t a saint.

ii. it’s my own design, it’s my own remorse. help me to decide. help me make the most of freedom, and of pleasure. nothing ever lasts forever. everybody wants to rule the world. there’s a room where the light won’t find you, holding hands while the walls come tumbling down. when they do i’ll be right behind you.

iii. i know you’ve suffered, but i don’t want you to hide. [...] i want to reconcile the violence in your heart, i want to recognize your beauty’s not just a mask. i want to exorcise the demons from your past. i want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart.

iv. you mean that much to me and it’s hard to show. gets hectic inside of me when you go. can i confess these things to you? well, i don’t know. embedded in my chest and it hurts to hold. i couldn’t spill my heart, my eyes gleam looking in from the dark. i walk out in stormy weather, hold my words, keep us together. steady walking but bound to trip, should release but just tighten my grip. night time, sympathize, i’ve been working on white lies. so i’ll tell the truth.

v. i, i came here in day, but i left here in darkness and found you, found you on the way. [...] your sins into me, oh my beautiful one. --silver and cold

vi. you wanna make me bad, make me bad. you wanna pay me back, pay me back. baby, it’s violence, violence. [...] but i like it like that.

vii. hey, baby, can you bleed like me? oh, come on baby, can you bleed like me? you should see my scars.

viii. i’m giving you a night call, to tell you how i feel. i’m gonna show you where it’s dark but have no fear. [...] there’s something inside you, it’s hard to explain. they’re talking about you, boy, but you’re still the same.

ix. you don’t wanna hurt me, but see how deep the bullet lies. unaware that i’m tearing you asunder, and there’s a thunder in our hearts, baby. so much hate for the ones we love, tell me we both matter, don’t we? [...] come on baby, come on, come on darling, let me steal this moment from you now. --running up that hill

x. feel my heart burning, deep inside, yearning. i know it is coming. a fettered heart, waking. tainted youth, fading. leave it all behind. delirious again, mesmerize my senses, souls entwine one more time.

xi. there is love in your body but you can’t get it out, it gets stuck in your head, won’t come out of your mouth. sticks to your tongue and it shows on your face, that the sweetest of words have the bitterest taste. darling heart, i loved you from the start, but you'll never know what a fool i have been. darling heart, i loved you from the start, but that’s no excuse for the state i am in. --hardest of hearts

xii. it’s fire, it’s freedom, it’s flooding open. it’s the preacher and the pulpit and your blind devotion. there’s something breaking at the brick of every wall, it’s holding all that you know. so tell me do you wanna go? where it’s covered in all the colored lights, where the runaways are running the nights. impossible comes true, it’s taking over you. [...] where the lost get found and we crown ‘em the circus king. --the greatest show

xiii. but if you’re troubled and hurt, what you got under your shirt will make them pay for the things they did. they said now, teenagers scare the living shit out of me. they could care less, as long as someone will bleed. so darken your clothes and strike a violent pose, maybe they’ll leave you alone, but not me. 

xiv. we are ready for the siege, we are armed up to the teeth. be careful how you live and breathe, release what’s broken underneath. how many times do you wanna die? how many ways do you wanna die? [...] you used to do a little but a little won’t fly, right before you hit your prime. that’s where we fell in love but not the first time. --the royal we

xv. and how can we win, when fools can be kings? don’t waste your time, or time will waste you. no one’s gonna take me alive. the time has come to make things right. you and i must fight for our rights, you and i must fight to survive. --knights of cydonia

xvi. look at me go, look at me high and low, look at me picking myself back up from the underground. i’ve died a few times before, i know what it’s like when i can’t see the light, i find a light of my own. [...] we were born alone, and we die alone. what a way to go, now i’m on my own. but i’m not sorry, no.

xvii. broken people, hollow and feeble, they’re rolling, rolling up the hill. [...] breaking in, in, in my eyes, i can’t see like this. i can’t let go, please help me down, i can’t be like this. --sweet

xviii. prey on the powerful, masters of the game, we run with wolves in the shadows, we chase ‘em down ‘til we’re face to face. [...] it’s in our blood, in our blood, in our veins. this is the world we made.

xix. and our lives are forever changed, we will never be the same. the more you change the less you feel. believe, believe in me. believe, believe that life can change, that you’re not stuck in vain. we’re not the same, we’re different tonight. [...] we’ll make things right, we’ll feel it all tonight. we’ll find a way to offer up the night tonight, the indescribable moments of your life, tonight. the impossible is possible tonight. believe in me as i believe in you, tonight.

[elriell]

Book Rec’s

Going to try and add a lot of less known books that are amazing and not enough people talk about, this would be too long if I talked about each one in depth, so I am going to leave my fav quotes as that tends to give me a feel for books and whether I will like them and I will link the GR page for more info! Happy reading:)

Fantasy Vibes

From Blood And Ash by Jennifer L Armentrout    (CLICK THIS TOO)

“Death is like an old friend who pays a visit, sometimes when it’s least expected and other times when you’re waiting for her. It’s neither the first nor the last time she’ll pay a visit, but that doesn’t make any death less harsh or unforgiving.”

“Fear and bravery are often one and the same. It either makes you a warrior or a coward. The only difference is the person it resides inside.”

 “You're an absolutely stunning, murderous little creature.”

Storm And Fury by Jennifer L Armentrout

“What are you going to do if it does get worse?” he asked. “Maybe I’ll get myself a seeing-eye gargoyle.”

(HONESTLY BADASS GARGOYLES. SO UNIQUE AND AWESOME)

Demons At Deadnight by A&E Kirk   

“I launched into a graceful ninja-like front roll, then stood my ground to face the monstrous heathen, fearless in my determination to vanquish the deadly foe.

Nah, just kidding. I bolted, discretion being the better part of not getting dead.”

“We are killers,” Matthias said. Bad news. 

“Not girls. We don’t kill girls.” Good news. 

“She’s no girl.” Insulting news? 

“What? Of course she’s a girl.”

 “Want me to check?” 

“Shut up, Blake,” the rest of them chorused.”

The Cruel Prince by Holly Black   

“If I cannot be better than them, I will become so much worse.”

“If you hurt me, I wouldn't cry. I would hurt you back.”

“I am going to keep on defying you. I am going to shame you with my defiance. You remind me that I am a mere mortal and you are a prince of Faerie. Well, let me remind you that means you have much to lose and I have nothing. You may win in the end, you may ensorcell me and hurt me and humiliate me, but I will make sure you lose everything I can take from you on the way down. I promise you this is the least of what I can do.”

MM Romance

Him by Sabrina Bowen & Elle Kennedy

“Our mouths fit together so perfectly. Every time we kiss, I fall even more in love with him, and it has nothing to do with sex or lust. It's him. His closeness and his scent and the way he soothes me.”

“I…” He clears his throat. “I’d let you do it, though.” My hand freezes in his hair. “You would?” Wes nods. “I’d let you do anything to me, Canning.”

Misfits by Garrett Leigh (Poly romance, its just so perfect ala herongraystairs!)

“Learn something. Read a book. Explore someone. Anger is just a hole where your life could be.”

In The Absence Of Light by Adrienne Wilder

“The light is a funny thing, Grant. We think it shows us what we need to see, but in reality, it blinds us. That’s why I brought you here. I wanted you to see me.”

“Morgan may be autistic, but he is a normal man with a mental condition, not a mental condition who is a man.”

HOneStly JUST READ IT

The Foxhole Court by Nora Sakavic

“It’s not the world that’s cruel. It’s the people in it.”

“I'm not a math problem." "But I'll still solve you."

“Is your learning curve a horizontal line?”

“Who said 'please' that made you hate the word so much?"  Andrew gazed at him in silence for a minute. "I did.”

“I didn't think I was a personal problem. You hate me, remember?" "Every inch of you," Andrew said. "That doesn't mean I wouldn't blow you." 

EVERY QOUTE IS ICONIC TBH 

Vampires, Angels & Greek Mythology

Bloodlines by Michelle Read

“The greatest changes in history have come when people were able to shake off what others told them to do.”

“Takes a lot of tries before you hit perfection." He paused to reconsider that. "Well, except for my parents. They got it on the first try."

“No, thank you," said Adrian. "These hands don't sully themselves with fighting.”

“Everything's about my personal entertainment. The world is my stage. Keep it up- you're becoming a star performer in the show.”

Angels Blood by Nalini Singh

“Some things were worth the dance with danger.”

“You do realize this makes your wings even more unique." "Are you saying you shot me as a cosmetic procedure?”

“You ask a lot of questions for a dead woman.” “What can I say? I prefer to die well-informed.”

“You don't fear me," he said now. She wasn't stupid enough to lie. "I'm petrified. But I figure you didn't make me come all this way just so you could push me off the roof.”

Dark Lover by J.R Ward (warning OTT vamps if thats not your jazz either skip)

“Some bridges you crossed on your own, no matter who drove you to the edge”

“Vengeance was one hell of a roommate.”

Half-Blood by Jennifer L Armentrout

“Two people see each other across a room or their skin brushes. Their souls recognize the person as their own. It doesn’t need time to figure it. The soul always knows… whether it’s right or wrong.”

“It’s just words and words mean nothing. Only action does.”

“People do the damndest things when they’re in love.”

“There is a difference between love and need. Sometimes, what you feel is immediate and without rhyme or reason.”

Assasin-y Goodness

Grave Mercy by Robin LaFevers

“When one consorts with assassins, one must expect to dance along the edge of a knife once or twice.”

“I comfort myself with the knowledge that if Duval ever feels smothered by me, it will be because I am holding a pillow over his face.”

“Surely He does not give us hearts so we may spend our lives ignoring them.”

“There is no shame in scars, Ismae.”

Daughter Of The Pirate King by Tricia Levenseller

“I am me because I choose to be me. I am what I want. Some people say you have to find yourself. Not I. I believe we create ourselves to be what we want.”

“Lass, you've the face of an angel but the tongue of a snake.”

“Everyone has something dark in their past. I suppose it's our job to overcome it. And if we can’t overcome it, then all we can do is make the most of it.”

“Waiting. Not waiting. One lover. A hundred lovers. There should be no judgement either way. A woman is not defined by what she does or doesn‘t do in the bedroom.”

“Even a man who’s spent his whole life at sea has reason to fear her when she’s angry. But not I. I sleep soundly. Listening to her music. The sea watches over me. She protects her own.”

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

“No mourners. No funerals. Among them, it passed for 'good luck.”

“It's not natural for women to fight." "It's not natural for someone to be as stupid as he is tall, and yet there you stand.”

“I will have you without armor, Kaz Brekker. Or I will not have you at all.

“The heart is an arrow. It demands aim to land true.”

“Kaz leaned back. "What's the easiest way to steal a man's wallet?" "Knife to the throat?" asked Inej. "Gun to the back?" said Jesper. "Poison in his cup?" suggested Nina. "You're all horrible," said Matthias.”

The Kiss of Deception by Mary E. Pearson

“It can take years to mold a dream. It takes only a fraction of a second for it to be shattered.”

“Taking another life, she had whispered, even a guilty one, should never be easy. If it were, we'd be little more than animals.”

“Maybe there was no one way to define it. Maybe there were as many shades of love as the blues of the sky,”

“We all have our different skills. You’re patient to a fault, which sometimes doesn’t work to your advantage. I, on the other hand, have the patience of a wet cat. Only on rare occasions does that come in handy.”

“Maybe there were a hundred different ways to fall in love.”

Circus Vibes

Caraval by Stephanie Garber

“Every person has the power to change their fate if they are brave enough to fight for what they desire more than anything.”

“She imagined loving him would feel like falling in love with darkness, frightening and consuming yet utterly beautiful when the stars came out.”

“Some things are worth pursuit regardless of the cost.”

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

“You may tell a tale that takes up residence in someone's soul, becomes their blood and self and purpose. That tale will move them and drive them and who knows that they might do because of it, because of your words. That is your role, your gift.”

“Secrets have power. And that power diminishes when they are shared, so they are best kept and kept well. Sharing secrets, real secrets, important ones, with even one other person, will change them. Writing them down is worse, because who can tell how many eyes might see them inscribed on paper, no matter how careful you might be with it. So it's really best to keep your secrets when you have them, for their own good, as well as yours.”

Six of Hearts by L.H Cosway

“Note to self: Never try to out-trick a trickster.”

“So why not live with the magic? Be a kid again and believe in the fantastical. Life is more fun with a little smoke and mirrors.”

“We all have thoughts that we would never, ever vocalise. And people who say they don’t are liars.”

“I once read that people who have imaginary friends never reach out to touch them. There’s some part of their brain that subconsciously knows it will break the spell. That’s what it feels like with Jay.”

Amour Amour by Krista & Becca Richie

“We all traverse in and out of people’s worlds, leaving footprints. Some larger, some smaller, but there is always a mark. We can’t sweep it away.”

“Life is a rollercoaster with no volunteers. We’re all forced to take a seat and ride it out.

“I’m average. I’ve been average most of my life, but there are moments where I feel extraordinary. Invincible. Able to conquer any fear and step outside any box. There is no illusion, no fantasy. I can climb a forty-foot pole. I can fly eighty-feet in the air. I can be taller than tall. It’s a dream that I’m living. Every day. With him.”

More M/M Romance

The Song Of Achilles by Madeline Miller

“I could recognize him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world.”

“And perhaps it is the greater grief, after all, to be left on earth when another is gone.”

“He is a weapon, a killer. Do not forget it. You can use a spear as a walking stick, but that will not change its nature.”

“He is half of my soul, as the poets say.”

Axel’s Pup by Kim Dare  (Shifter Romance & BDSM FYI if thats not your jazz)

"I want to screw you, and tie you up, and make you writhe from-you know all that. But I want so much more. I want the whole thing, not just a quick scene. I want twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. I want you to be mine. I won't take anything less."

Aristotle And Dante Discover The Secrets Of The Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz

“In your dream. You were looking for me.""I'm always looking for you," 

“He was funny and focused and fierce. I mean the guy could be fierce. And there wasn’t anything mean about him. I didn’t understand how you could live in a mean world and not have any of that meanness rub off on you.”

“He looked like an angel. And all I wanted to do was put my fist through his jaw. I couldn't stand my own cruelty.”

“One of the secrets of the universe was that our instincts were sometimes stronger than our minds. Another secret of the universe: Sometimes pain was like a storm that came out of nowhere.”

Shattered Glass by Dani Alexander

"Tell me something good about your life," I whispered, needing to hear that he wasn't as broken as I thought him to be.[...]"You." It was so quiet I almost didn't hear it.”

“Is he my competition?” I asked. “Everyone is your competition.” Peter lifted his hand to his eyes and began lowering it incrementally. “It goes normal human beings, crazies, republicans, my hand, imaginary characters, corpses and then, in a moment of lustful psychosis, you.” By the time he was done, his hand was below the table.

Romance 

Kiss The Sky by Krista & Becca Richie

“You’re not a pit stop. You’re my finish line. There’s no one after you.”

“People hope to touch the sky. I dream of kissing it.”

“I love the way he’s staring at me. It makes me feel more than just beautiful. I feel like I’m his. Like no one else could possibly compare to me. He doesn’t even have to say the words. I see it in his eyes. I can practically read it in his mind.”

“I’ve wanted so many things in life,” he says softly, “but you’re the one that has meant the most to me.”

Translation: I love you.”

Wallbanger by Alice Clayton

“You know those moments when everything is exactly the way it was meant to be? When you find yourself and your entire universe aligning in perfect synchronization, and you know you couldn’t possibly be more content? I was inside that very moment, and fully conscious of it.”

“The right woman for you wouldn't want you to change anything about your life. She wouldn't rock your boat, she'd jump right in and sail it with you.”

“It breaks my heart the way young girls pick themselves over, never thinking they're good enough. You make sure you always remember, you're exactly the way you're supposed to be. Exactly. And anyone who says otherwise, well, poppycock.”

Ugly Love by Colleen Hoover

“Ugly love becomes you. Consumes you. Makes you hate it all. Makes you realize that all the beautiful parts aren't even worth it. Without the beautiful, you'll never risk feeling the ugly. So you give it all up. You give it all up. You never want love again, no matter what kind it is, because no type of love will ever be worth living through the ugly love again.”

“Some people they grow wiser as they grow older. Unfortunately, most people just grow older.”

“Sometimes the spirit of a man isn't strong enough to survive the ghosts of his past”

“My grandfather used to say the placement of a birthmark was the story of how a person lost the battle in their past life. I guess you got stabbed in the neck. Bet it was a quick death, though.”

On Dublin Street by Samantha Young

“Gentlemen are gentlemen in bed. They make sure you're having a good time." "I'll make sure you're having a good time, and that you're okay with everything. I just won't be well mannered about it.”

“In truth it’s difficult to describe a broken heart.”

“Sometimes words aren’t needed for you to know a change has come upon you.”

Romance Series

Paper Princess by Erin Watt

“My skill, if I have one, isn’t dancing. It’s my ability to believe that tomorrow can be a better day.”

“My life is mine. I live it. I control it.”

“but a clean knife still makes a painful wound.”

“Fate is for the weak--those people who don't have enough power or will to shape life into what they need it to be.”

Foreplay by Sophie Jordan

“I’m not going to lie to you and convince you that I’m someone good and shiny like your guy that’s going to be a doctor.”

“You can’t even see it. I’m the safest thing you’ll ever find”

“That's what I wanted. Something to enrich me, to make me feel better about the things in my life that I could never change."

Wait for You by J.Lynn.  (AKA Jennifer L Armentrout) 

“You are really…” “Amazing? Awesome?” He paused, brows raised. “Astonishing?” “I was going to go with bizarre.” “Well, hell, if I had feelings that might actually hurt.”

“As long as the sun’s shining, shit can’t be that bad.”

The Deal by Elle Kennedy

“Sometimes people sneak up on you and suddenly you don’t know how you ever lived without them.”

“I want to murder him in his sleep, A. No, I want to murder him when he’s awake so he can see the joy on my face when I do it.”

“And the most important lesson I learned is that I’m not a victim—I’m a survivor.”

Romance w/ Epic Plots

The Unbecoming Of Mara Dyer by Michelle Hodkin

“This was the boy I loved. A little bit messy. A little bit ruined. A beautiful disaster. Just like me.”

“You could start a fire with the heat between you two.""You're mistaking bitter animosity for heartfelt affection.”

“You're supposed to say, 'All I want is your happiness. I'll do whatever it takes, even if it means being without you.'""Sorry," Noah said. "I'm just not that big of a person.”

“I’ll walk forever with stories inside me that the people I love the most can never hear.”

“We are far too screwed up for a goddamned love triangle.”

“You will love him to ruins.”

The Winners Curse by Marie Rutkoski

“He knew the law of such things: people in brightly lit places cannot see into the dark.”

“Isn’t that what stories do, make real things fake, and fake things real?”

“The Winner’s Curse is when you come out on top of the bid, but only by paying a steep price.”

“The god of lies must love you, you see things so clearly.”

Obsidian by Jennifer L Armentrout (are you getting the idea I love everything she writes? because I do!)

“I've always found that the most beautiful people, truly beautiful inside and out, are the ones who are quietly unaware of their effect."

“More books." His eyes went wide. "You have, like, them books you just said you haven't read." "Doesn't mean I won't get more books."

Angelfall by Susan Ee

“I never thought about it before, but I'm proud to be human. We're ever so flawed. We're frail, confused, violent, and we struggle with so many issues. But all in all, I'm proud to be a Daughter of Man.”

“Sometimes, as we're stumbling along in the dark, we hit something good.”

“I knew from the start that your loyalty would get you killed. I just never thought it would be your loyalty to me that would do it.”

Unique Reads

Dont Look Back by Jennifer L Armentrout

“I was stuck in a life I didn't remember, squeezed into the shell of this girl - this Samantha Joe Franco - and the more I learned about her, the more I was starting to hate her.”

“Things aren’t perfect. They are far, far from it,but they are getting there, and I wasn’t looking back. Not when there were so many good things in the future.”

Verity by Colleen Hoover

“I wasn’t heroic. I wasn’t simple. I was difficult. An emotionally challenging puzzle he wasn’t up for solving.”

“A writer should never have the audacity to write about themselves unless they’re willing to separate every layer of protection between the author’s soul and their book. The words should come directly from the center of the gut, tearing through flesh and bone as they break free. Ugly and honest and bloody and a little bit terrifying, but completely exposed.”

“No one is likable from the inside out.”

“Find what you love and let it kill you.”

Painted Faces by L.H Cosway

“We all paint on a face to show the world," Nicholas replies philosophically. "For some of us, that's quite literal.”

“I love him because he makes me laugh when I don't feel like laughing. I love him because he challenges my view of what a man is. I love him because I know I shouldn't love him and that he'll break my heart. I love him because he's a complete and total anomaly. I love him because I want to kill the sadness inside him more than I want anything else in the world.”

“You saw me, changed my life, made it better, and I’m completely fucking in love with you.”

Sorcery of Thorns by Margret Rogerson

“It was always wise to be polite to books, whether or not they could hear you.”

“Knowledge always has the potential to be dangerous. It is a more powerful weapon than any sword or spell.”

“When terrible things have happened to you, sometimes the promise of something good can be just as frightening.”

“You belonged in the library, as much as any book.”

“You unmanageable, contrary creature. You have made me believe in something at last. It feels as wretched as I imagined.”

Obviously not every book is going to suit everyone, everyone has pet peeves, and things that they won’t enjoy but hopefully this gives you some variety and I personally loved them all at some point! Pls feel free to come to my ask/chats to discuss any of them  that would make me so happy <3 this took 4 hours damn

[anonniemousefics]

My Dearest Inej | Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Masterlist

Originally posted on AO3

Rating: Teen And Up

Synopsis: A series of letters kept among the personal belongings of Captain Inej Ghafa.

Chapter Thirteen: A New Bastard

A final warning to the traitors who still call themselves Dregs:

Your ungrateful, deceitful usurper of a commander can no longer shelter you from the consequences of your betrayal. You are each given one opportunity to remember who gave you this life and show the proper respect to the heir of the Haskell empire. Defectors will be disposed of like faithless filth you really are.

Signed,

Rhett Haskell and Co.

(in the margins next to the crossed out wording, in Jesper’s handwriting)

OH WHAT A CROCK OF SHIT

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(hastily scrawled on old, yellowing paper)  

Dear Nina,

I’m sorry for the state of this letter. I don’t know if I’ll ever send it, honestly. It’s dark where I am but for the wash of moonlight, and Wylan thinks I should sleep but I’m going mad, and I have to write something.

What was my last letter to you? Something about kissing and hotel rooms and dreams coming true? When will I learn, Nina. When will I learn how quickly it all can vanish.

I came back to Ketterdam in a hurry. I’d received a slurry of disturbing letters in my post box at Os Kervo. Something was brewing back in the Barrel. Something I couldn’t leave them to fight alone. (That’s something I shouldn’t ignore, isn’t it?)

But it was too late. It had begun before I even entered Kerch waters. Thank the Saints Jesper was there, Nina. Thank the Saints.  

I’m getting ahead of myself.

Bluntly put, Kaz collapsed. Middle of the day, just after lunch, not a soul touching his skin. Gods, Nina, he’s only twenty-two. He was at Jesper and Wylan’s. He’d come back from taking Ambroos on a walk and was literally in mid-snarky-sentence when Jesper says his eyes went all unfocused and he stumbled to his knees. They made him rest on the sofa, and Wylan went to get a medik and while he was gone, Kaz lost consciousness. Jesper’s still shaken from it. Apparently, he seized, foamed at the mouth – terrifying, disgusting shit, Jesper says. The medik was able to stop it.

Nina, if he had been at The Slat when this happened…

It gets worse. Of course it would get worse. When will I learn? Wylan had had a suspicion from saints-knows-what and convinced the medic to force-feed him an antidote for a compound called checconide. Sankta Alina, what would we have done without Wylan. I don’t know how he knows these things. He was completely right. Someone had been poisoning Kaz’s food with tiny doses of checconide. For who knows how long. He’s been tired for ages, Nina. It could have been weeks. Months, if they were particularly non-committal about it.

And to think I gave him a hard time about falling asleep on my birthday.  

He’s looking at a lengthy recovery, and taking him back to The Slat to recover was out of the question. Jesper and Wylan did the sensible thing – they’d started to make plans to go investigate in East Stave. But that was before the next death threat came in.  

Seems like there’s a new bastard in the Barrel, Nina. An actual bastard this time, spawned by Per Haskell himself, who, I don’t know, found himself hard up for cash and decided he was going to be a big shot now. He goes by Rhett, and Jesper says he looks as stabbable as he sounds.

I’m going to make him beg me for death.

He used Artie Galligan when he was alone on the streets and aching from his first stab wound. He took that poor boy who had nowhere else to go and groomed his newborn grudge. He took advantage of Kaz’s one weakness, his decency for other little canal rats, and used it against him. He convinced Artie to join the Dregs and start slipping checconide into Kaz’s food.

They’re going to write dissertations on the new ways I will discover to make this man hurt.

For now, though, we’re living in the hole. That’s what we’re calling it anyway. Warehouse district. Abandoned textile mill. That’s where I found them when I finally made it to Fifth Harbor. Kaz, Jesper, Wylan, the medik. Ambroos, too. Haskell knows Kaz isn’t dead. And he knows where Wylan and Jesper live. I have to get them out of the city. I have to convince them to let me get them out of the city. I have to figure out how to get them out of the city.

Because there’s also another matter to consider that I don’t want to consider at all.  

The checconide antidote can only do so much after such prolonged exposure. In short, Kaz is not awake. We have him with us in the warehouse, and we’re trying to keep him comfortable. Keep him stable. The medik informed Jesper and Wylan – the medik’s exact words were, “This is a gamble.” We have medicinals and capsules, and there are all sorts of things the medic is doing to keep him cool to bring the fever down and aid his body in recovering what it can. I hate that phrase. I hate it. Recovering what it can. The medik says we won’t know how full of a recovery to expect until he wakes up.

That bitch even had the nerve to say “if he wakes up.”

Nina, I need you right now. I don’t know what to do or where to begin. I have to get him to the Wraith, but I don’t know how we can move him from this warehouse like this without being discovered. I feel like a sitting duck, just waiting beside this makeshift cot we have him on. We don’t even have light – just the full moon over the harbor through the tall pane glass windows. I hate it. It makes him look like a ghost.  

I’m going crazy. I can’t just sit here. I have to do something. I have to get them all out. I have to eviscerate Rhett Haskell and leave him in the sun for the flies. I have to get Artie from him and get him to Leflin.

And we cannot lose Kaz. I simply refuse this. He has to wake up. He has to open his damn eyes. He has to see how fucking adorable it is that Ambroos has not left his side and pretend to be unaffected by it. Saints, the reason Kaz Brekker dies will not be his enduring generosity to Ketterdam’s forgotten children. There is no good in this world at all if that happens.  

Nina, I’m so scared. I should have kissed him more. I should have stayed longer. I should have said he was essential to me, too. My gods, my last letter to him was just a bunch of snooping questions about Artie in a veiled attempt to get him to open up about his brother. The last words I have of his are “And then I can finally have my bathtub back. No pressure.” That’s… that’s nothing. That’s an absurd ending. That can’t be it.

I have to go back to thinking about fileting Rhett Haskell, or I’m going to lose it completely.  

Nina, he’s not even grinding his teeth...

[troublecominghq]

character name(s)/alias/etc: jesper fahey / the sharp shooter.

character age and date of birth: 21, april 22nd year 100.

character's pronouns/gender identity/romantic & sexual identity: he/him mostly, but vibes with any tbh. genderfluid. bisexual, biromantic & polyam.

character faceclaim: kit young.

oc or canon + which fandom affiliated with: canon, grishaverse.

currently located: the slat, ketterdam.

moral alignment + people/groups etc they are aligned to: chaotic neutral, jesper is one of the last people to be seen following any rules, but he also doesn’t have evil intentions really. he’s a chaotic entity, sure, but there aren’t any overly bad or overly good motivations to it. jesper is entirely aligned and loyal to the dregs/crows, and though he can be reckless at times with it, he cannot be shaken on that.

tell us about their personality/the kind of character they are/what kind of goals etc they have: charming, witty, a touch full of himself, but jesper has a true heart. he’s not above doing dodgy shit to get what he or the crows want/need, and he certainly dabbles in plenty of vices, but he’s not a horrible, evil person. he doesn’t believe in the oppression of others, unless that ‘other’ is some rich fuck getting off on making the lesser suffer. jesper ‘eat the rich but i also wanna be rich’ fahey. jesper can be incredibly reckless, loudmouthed and overly confident. he’s got a habit for fucking shit up though most of the time it’s not intentional, but in the end, even some of his most chaotic of methods get shit done. there just… might be a bit of a detour first. which, on the note of: jesper has a bad habit for even worse decisions. a gambler, an addict to the rush, jesper has a lot of issues around this and relishes in figuring the odds on most things. the downside is that although jesper definitely isn’t suicidal, he takes a lot of risks with his own life. jesper can be a jittery, anxious person at times and he specifically uses these outlets-- gambling, even fighting to get a fix of an adrenaline rush and soothe it. however, in spite of all of this, jesper has a lot of self esteem issues and doesn’t have a genuine, high value on himself. he has a grandiose and exaggerated personality, but the fact is, so much of it is for show and to cover up his many flaws and the parts of himself he hates. he tends to look to his peers-- the crows especially, those he loves and is dedicated to above all else-- for validation. jesper’s goals are simple, to an extent. they don’t align with big, grand ideas as such and are far more personal. he wants to pay off his debts. he wants to live comfortably, rich and content but he doesn’t want to push down others like him to do it. he knows his issues with gambling will likely prevent it, but he clings on to the small dream and that he could undo the mess he’s made of his life since moving to ketterdam. he wants to see his fellow crows happy, to do what he can to help their plans and gains. he kinda would love to see the old fucks of the city taken down a peg or twenty.

biography: born to a kaelish father and zemeni mother, jesper grew up on a jurda farm in novyi zem, close to the western mountains. tragedy struck jesper’s life early with the death of his mother, a grisha, who died using her powers to protect two young girls from poison. in fear of the same happening to his son, jesper’s father discouraged him from using his own powers, insisting he let them go dormant. jesper obeyed, growing up with a fear for his own powers and an internalised hatred-- not for grisha, but simply for his own powers and self. however, grisha that fail to use their powers tend to suffer ‘sicknesses’. in jesper, this presents itself in a seemingly never ending supply of energy building up inside of him, and is why he often seems anxious and jittery and in need of the outlet he uses for it-- gambling and other reckless, adrenaline inducing vices.

coming to ketterdam for university was supposed to be a turning point in jesper’s life. and to an extent, it was. just not in the way he’d planned. drawn in by the lifestyles on offer, jesper very quickly developed a gambling addiction and as such, he ended up dropping out of university early into his new life in ketterdam. this is where he began to dabble in crime, taking on jobs for multiple different gangs in order to pay off his debts, only to repeat the cycle. this broke at least partially when he met kaz brekker who saved him from a severe beating and took him on as a member of the dregs. in spite of his flaws, jesper is an incredibly talented sharp shooter and an asset to the gang. he’s a quick thinker, and easily adjusts when things don’t go as planned.

jesper was quick to join kaz on the job to find and kidnap the alleged sun summoner and had one hell of a time crossing the fold, delving into more heists and general causing chaos in ravka. tragically though, things didn’t quite go as planned and the crows had to return to ketterdam without a prize but, hey, at least they survived? but that didn’t mean it was an easy return by any means, not when their exit had left so many loose ends in the first place and brought more enemies to the table than planned. but jesper’s faith in kaz never failed, and thankfully, it wasn’t misplaced. some bribery here, a little heartrending beautiful tweaks there and eventually, things were back on track for the crows. jesper knew there was still a threat lurking though, but it didn’t stop him from diving right back into his usual chaotic life. till, that was, a new job came to the table. the biggest one yet and promising a lot more than a million kruge split three ways.

breaking into the fjerdan ice court was a shit show, but one that, in spite of the fuck ups, jesper relished in. the exact kind of thrill he thrived on. of course, until one of their own is kidnapped. but in true crows fashion, they go just as hard, if not harder to get inej back and completely destroy jan van eck. for once, things finally work. maybe not as planned entirely, but they get their win. the dregs come out on top, and jesper feels somewhat settled in knowing that he finally managed to begin to make things right not only with his friends, but with his father too.

but now, he has a whole lot of actual secure looking future to play with and he has to wonder: what beautiful way can he play with that? because he’s far from done with being a chaotic lil fuck.

for those writing canon grishaverse characters particularly from the s&b trilogy, please outline any instances of divergence you wish to include within your portrayal, even if it’s already been mentioned in the biography: when it comes to jesper, i’m chill to keep pretty much everything established in the books while of course, having included the show details too!