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viperwhispered · 2 months

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Too Hard

Woop part 2 of the trip inside Jamil's head. Part 1 here.

The next time Jamil caught sight of you on campus, his first instinct was to turn around on his heel.

What a stupid thought to have because of you.

Besides, that would only make him more conspicuous, not less.

So, when your eyes met his, Jamil gave you a short nod in greeting. He would’ve left it at that and kept on his way, had you not walked up to him.

“Hi Jamil! How’s it going?” you said with that impossibly disarming smile of yours.

Why was it so difficult to look at you like he normally would? You had no right to make him feel so stiff, so unnatural.

On autopilot, Jamil exchanged a few pleasantries with you - those lessons from his parents had been instilled too deep in him for him to falter too badly in a simple exchange such as this. Still, Jamil quickly excused himself by telling you he still had to find Kalim before his next class.

Jamil didn’t miss the way your smile faltered. Had you hoped to get something out of him?

“Oh, okay. I’ll see you two later, then.”

Something about that irked him, though Jamil did not allow himself to dwell on it further.

His heart really had no business still racing as it did when he walked away, unaware of the frown on his face.

Just act normal. That’s all he needed to do.

After all, he had no time for dwelling in silly fancies.

If Jamil had been acutely aware of you before, it only seemed to worsen now that he was making a conscious effort to not act any differently with you. In fact, the harder he tried to keep you out, the more you invaded his thoughts, unsettling him.

The most innocuous words from you looped in his mind, and even the simplest actions caught his eye. For goodness's sake, he’d found himself staring at you while you were queueing up in the cafeteria the other day, not even doing anything other than standing around and looking bored!

For once, Jamil found himself grateful for all his duties. At least they provided him with something else to occupy himself with.

After all, if he was busy enough, it was difficult to think about those bright eyes of yours, your sweet laugh, or the way you bit your lip while thinking.

Still, sometimes it felt like no matter which way he turned, you were there, ready to throw him off-kilter. Not like it was his fault that often the most convenient route to class intersected with your daily routines. Or that your face seemed to jump out from any crowd, catching his attention.

Which certainly did not help his basketball performance. Jamil certainly did not recall you having such an interest in sports before, yet suddenly you were always there, distracting him. What had changed?

Could you possibly-

Jamil scoffed to himself, forcing his thoughts back on track for the nth time that day.

He picked up the tray of food and started taking it to Kalim. After dinner, he’d need to help Kalim with his homework, there were some housewarden tasks that would need dealing with, not to mention the preparations for the next-

Jamil froze in his tracks.

The voice he heard was quiet, but it was unmistakably you.

Really, it should not have come as such a surprise to him. You had become a rather frequent visitor to Scarabia, and Kalim often invited you to stay for meals. In fact, Jamil had started planning the dorm’s meal prep with your tastes and dietary restrictions in mind, just in case.

Jamil rounded the corner with strange exhilaration, his heart fluttering needlessly.

Yet, his mood evaporated when he saw you.

Why did you stop talking and look so guilty as soon as you caught sight of Jamil?

Jamil knew that look you gave to Kalim, had used it himself a thousand times. The one telling Kalim to keep quiet about something.

What could there possibly be that you would be comfortable sharing with Kalim, but not with him? That would give Kalim reason to sit so close to you, a comforting hand on your shoulder?

Jamil's mind raced with possibilities, yet could not settle for any single explanation.

He’d have to ask Kalim about it later.

Jamil gave you a short, polite greeting, his eyes lingering on you in an attempt to read what you were hiding.

“If I’d known you were coming over, I would’ve prepared something for you to eat as well,” Jamil said, already thinking about which parts of the dorm’s dinner to spruce up for you.

“Oh, no need, just figured I’d pop by. I’ll get out of your hair soon enough,” you said, something sheepish about your expression.

As expected, Kalim asked you to stay and dine with them, and with just a bit more persuasion you agreed - though not before telling Jamil that he should join you too and have himself a breather.

And since Kalim agreed with you, Jamil soon found himself sharing a meal with you and Kalim. Yet, even as he sat down with the food, his mind raced.

Had you been getting particularly close to Kalim lately? But surely Jamil would’ve noticed such a thing. Maybe someone from the dorm had been giving you trouble? But if that was the case, then surely you could let Jamil know about it, too. Unless for some reason you did not want to? But if it was something that concerned Kalim, then sooner or later it was bound to concern Jamil, too.

All the while, Kalim was talking to you about this and that, the latest topic being the animals kept on the Asim estate.

“I’ve got some pictures, let me show you!” Kalim said with an excited grin.

Only, a thorough patting of his pockets and a look around confirmed that Kalim’s phone was nowhere to be seen.

Jamil pinched the bridge of his nose. Where had Kalim left it this time?

Before Jamil even had the chance to say that he would handle it, Kalim sprinted off. Jamil hesitated for a moment, automatically halfway up from his seat, before he decided that leaving a guest unattended would be a worse offense than not helping out his master.

Jamil slumped back down with a sigh, mentally tracing the path Kalim took today, trying to recall the last time he saw Kalim handle his phone.

“Breathe. He’ll manage,” you said. There was the faintest of smiles on your lips, and Jamil could not decide if it was knowing or amused. Perhaps both.

Somehow, despite his frustration, Jamil’s own lips wanted to curl up too.

“Hmm. Maybe he will.”

Sure, Jamil could’ve called Kalim’s phone, to make it easier to find, but it was not that urgent, was it?

Jamil took another bite of his food, keeping an eye on you from the corner of his eye.

How was his mind so empty and so buzzing at the same time?

“You know-”

“So-”

You looked at each other, both just as surprised that the other had spoken up at the same time.

Even your surprised look was so-

“You first,” Jamil said. The way you bit your lip... Jamil had to raise a cup to his lips, slowly sipping his drink.

“Just… Feels like it’s been quite a while since I’ve seen you be still, you know. Or exchanged more than two words with you,” you said. You were attempting a light, joking tone, yet it was quite clear there was more to it.

“You say that like it would be unusual for me to be busy.”

He was not prepared for the way your soft sigh tugged at his heartstrings.

“No. It is not.”

You were both quiet after, poking at your meals. Normally, Jamil would’ve cherished such a moment of peace, yet this particular silence between you two was decidedly awkward.

Where was your usual chatter? Why weren’t you looking at him like you usually did?

“If you’re worried about me, don’t. I’m fine,” Jamil said, some softness creeping into his tone despite his best intentions.

“That's what Kalim said too,” you said. Yet the way you looked at Jamil made it clear you were still skeptical.

Wait.

Had you clammed up earlier because it had been Jamil you had been talking about with Kalim? That Kalim had comforted you about?

The thought twisted his stomach into knots.

Eta: you can find part 3 here, part 4 here, and finally part 5 here. Hasdhfsdf the way I fought with that last scene I swear. I don't even want to know how many versions I went through, trying to figure out how to say what I wanted without rubbing it into your face or making it too veiled. The joys of trying to convey things through a limited pov. Hopefully it came out reasonably balanced in the end. Rip to all those sentences that were lovely on their own but didn’t work for the whole. Hopefully I can rehome y’all one day. I do have thoughts for part 3 and part x (might be some chapters between those two as well, who knows at this point), so maybe we'll see those at some point, too. Tag list: @colliope @crystallizsch @diodellet @jamilsimpno69 @jamilvapologist @twstgo If you'd like to be tagged for future works, let me know! (Just be aware that sometimes I do also write nsfw, though you can certainly ask to be tagged only for particular kinds of works.)

#twisted wonderland #jamil viper #twisted wonderland x reader #jamil viper x reader #ner writes #jamil definitely knows how to deal with his feels #also writing this is making me wonder how aware jamil is of his inner versus outer life #like he’s very aware of how he comes across because that’s what he’s been told to watch out for #but how well has he truly learned to understand himself and his own feelings wants etc?#(I mean as you can tell I’m assuming not very well)#originally this went to more of a “jamil hears just the wrong part of the conversation” route but #a) I kinda hate that trope especially when it’s dragged on beyond belief and #b) Kalim maybe doesn’t want to spill anyone’s secrets but he really is such an open book especially with Jamil so #also it’s not like jamil needs the extra help to catastrophize he already does that well enough on his own 🙃#tho then I went a little too far in the other direction and had to pull back #but let's just hope I didn't edit this to death by now #also also: since I seem to have a bit of a naming theme going on for this series #if I were to be the sort to go for the angst route what part would definitely be titled Too Late or something along those lines #also x3 but loved folks commenting on that part about reader being inoffensive in the first part #I certainly had fun writing that line #(and in general extra love to everyone who leaves comments on tags replies wherever always great to read those)#(and in general chat with y'all)

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jyeshindra · 19 days

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Astrology Basics

I had a brain blast and decided to break down what all of the planets mean in tropical astrology. I try to use one word that I feel applies to the planet the most and let that be the guide, then a metaphor example to further explain the signification.

SUN: your ability to grow as a person (and what you grow into)

AUTHORITY. relating to personal power, authority, self expression, and independence. if you were King, how would you rule? where would you rule? what’s a priority to you? where was your personal power found?

MOON: your emotional nature, your perspective, your mind.

INSTINCT. Moon comes naturally to you. What were drawn towards, who we are drawn towards, what experiences we create naturally for ourselves. Moon is felt. Moon is experienced.

Moon is the mother, so it's a tender position. It feels true and can be a source of incredible strength. It represents nurturing and our needs as humans.

ASCENDANT: your physical body, central theme of your life

PHYSICS, but in this case we study YOUR motion through time and space!

how that motion impacts other people

what YOU pursue and HOW (chart ruler)

MERCURY: communication style, what the mind will be drawn to. interests and hobbies. mental processing.

INTELLECT, the mental powers and capabilities of a person.

developed through information, listening, exploring interests, communicating.

you witness the intellect in communication.

Do you listen more than you talk? What do you talk about? What captivates your mind?

VENUS: Relationship style. how you are with romance and intimate partners. your personal sense of beauty/values. your “perfume”. what pleases you

BEAUTY, a combination of qualities that pleases the senses.

Related to our earthly experiences, our pleasure driven functions.

Your quality of beauty, what you find beautiful, who you find beautiful, what pleases you, who pleases you.

MARS: Commanding style. personal sense of ambition, passion, anger, excitement. sexual personality. driving force.

how would you drive a car? are you blasting music? are you smoking? are you playing hymnals? what about road rage? where are you going?

Mars in Taurus might be taking their time, enjoying the scenery. There may be air fresheners in the car and snacks. They're headed to a brunch or to a hair appointment. Mars in Sagittarius is probably on a bike and on their way to go hiking!

SEXUAL, not necessarily pertaining to sex. Think of it more as a matter of instincts, passion, and pursuing that which we are drawn to. How is your passion expressed? How is it expressed within an intimate contact? How does it drive you towards your ambitions? How does your body perform the work?

These next planets have more of an external influence on our persons.

JUPITER: where you find blessings, where you are lucky. where your god-given talents and abilities manifest. your sense of spirituality and faith.

ABUNDANCE. Where we experience abundance we can have a sense of spirituality/faith around it. Jupiter in 4H may receive much through the family or through the mother and have a very faith-based relationship with them. Jupiter in the 3H may have a natural gift for speaking and writing. These are the gifts that bring them abundance and blessings. Jupiter in the 5H Libra may have a lot of faith in their children. They may believe in fighting for children's rights or defending children.

SATURN: where you encounter restrictions/limitations. where you need more structure and patience. where some of your deepest fears lie. karma in the form of tests.

THE SUMMIT/GAUNTLET. Saturn is the mountain we have to climb and it may take a while. Gauntlet also works as a good metaphor too, as Saturn can feel like a series of trials and tests, each one more difficult than the last. However the bounty that awaits you? Mastery, competence, and maturity. Saturn has a sobering effect, like the air on top of the mountain. It's clear and crisp.'

And sometimes those trials we face feel familiar. We encounter people from our current past, souls from past lives, circumstances we did not master in previous incarnations. It can feel ancient.

URANUS: where the LIGHTNING strikes

innovation and insight and ingenuity

where you tend to rebel

where sudden changes and upheavals will come

your innovative spark, if uranus is the lightning bolt of inspiration you are the conduit. what you produce is what makes you “unique”

NEPTUNE: where the MIST sets in

where you face a lot of deception, mystery, and confusion.

where a sense of magic dwells. the inexplicable

where your “dream” lives

where you connect to something greater

PLUTO: where POWER and TRANSFORMATION lie

here you must go into the underworld and take what is yours

where you’ve lost power, where you feel out of control, where you feel TOO powerful. power struggles in general

how and where you evolve

where you may endure trauma, loss, and change

South Node: past life patterns, area of former mastery, what you’re used to. where you may suffer loss or become detached. the point through which you find spiritual liberation

North Node: you feel a pull in this direction, “destiny coded”. where you can become obsessed and lost. where you may create something entirely new for yourself. another point of spiritual liberation and detachment.

Just from knowing Rahu (NN) and Ketu (SN) in Vedic, I believe that we must find a balance between South and North nodes and develop conscious awareness of the pulls from both nodes, lest we be swallowed whole.

BONUS ASTEROIDS:

CHIRON: Childhood wounds, trauma endured when young. where a great bit of healing will be done in your life. you learn to live with this and the lessons associated will be your gift to share.

LILITH: how you’ve been outcasted. where you feel shame. you rebel at all costs here and may lose favors because of it. another aspect of sexual personality

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