#is crazy like im being very honest here theyre all ganging up on me because im 20 and black. its like

[robotpussy]

going to report my landlord to fucking citizen's advice because as far as he is concerned i have no support, and the one time i make a complaint, he tells me i should end my tenancy and he has done nothing about the mould problem here and he left me with a broken toilet for 7 months even after i kept asking him to fix it

[sistervirtue]

making a copy of this bc op disabled reblogs and i just got reminded it existed and would like to not lose it

ok so . im outing myself to the world but thats fine this is too funny to not share

so. ive run a roleplay blog for a few years. i keep it separate from my main, yknow, its just a side hobby and ive been doing it since i was like, 12. its cringe but hey yknow at least im not 30 and writing ya novels

now its pretty common for rp blogs these days to have rules. right? you dont want to just bag any weirdo on this website, and as you can imagine bnha roleplayers are batshit crazy (see: conversion therapy todoroki) so mine are pretty strict and detailed. because ive been doing it long enough to be exposed to what counts as carbon monoxide poison from a screen. one of those rules is "if youre mutuals with people who write porn of the kids even aged up im blocking you we're keeping a ten foot pole on this". because as a 20 year old man i have a healthy disinterest in seeing paragraphs of teenagers fucking

so the dash is astir with talk of a guy writing age up bakugou porn and im like ok whatever. make a post bitching about it . mutual likes those posts but then the mutual is turning around and being buddy buddy with this guy so i dm the mutual like hey whats going on here . mutual is like "well why dont you talk it out with him hes not as mean as he seems i prommy" and im like sure whatever i can have civil conversation and if it ends with One Less Person writing weirdo porn then i might be able to get into heaven

so i dm him and he loses his fucking mind. it lasted all of 10 minutes because he was sending paragraphs like this and i was too tired to give a shit

(take note of my icon thats a special tool thatll help us later)

(also he goes by the name rxgelord. WITH the x. thats also important just because its funny as fuck)

so the guys clearly bothered by the idea that people might possibly talk about him without his permission and im a little miffed after being misgendered (which hed do again later) so i just post our dms. swing first and hey batter batter lets play ball i dont give a shit this is bnha roleplay

once again: loses his damn mind. he makes a psa post about me talking about how im just some pussy infant and hes too HARD for me and shit and also they do bakudeku muffin roleplay in the comments of that post which is fucking insane

anyway. at one point while joking about the whole thing i called him a "wannabe bakugou kinnie" as a joke and apparently he felt a very serious need to address this

and im like holllllllllllllly fucking shit

you may have noticed that his posts are incredibly over-formatted. this goes for everything he does he is pouring a LOT of time and energy into typing his 9 paragraphs about how im an insane bitch or whatever. (if theres literally one thing i can give him credit on its that his graphic editing skills are kinda good. i will be honest) his rules document is also just as insane and features gems such as:

(this dude thinks hes pulling bitches on a bnha roleplay blog)

so we're just full on ragging on him at this point and hes getting MADDDDDDD MAD. he misgenders me again and when i point it out he has the following excuse:

(art by @/pcktknife. anyways)

after a certain point i get dmd an old copy of a 130+ page callout he had a year prior and im like WHAT and it included his yugioh rp blog career and various allegations like having been involved in gang violence, doxxing, etc. also a picture of the hickies he bragged about leaving on his uwu pink glitter gf which looked more like he was trying to go for the killing bite but hey. yknow. apparently im a toddler idk how that works

along in this we also find his twitch account, which was under the name rxgelord, and it featured edited graphics of his real life face with bakugou. he posts selfies a lot too i wont share them even if theyre public but he has knuckle tats and a goatee and uses the greyscale filter. if this gives you an idea. he also had 5 twitch followers and detailed his desire to be a rapper/dj and im like holllllly fucking shit this guy cant be a real person. holy fuck.

anyways. skipping a lot of unnecessary bullshit and paragraphs of text with gifs from 2013 attached hes constantly going on about how we wont just "say it to his face" which i think is hilarious bc i was, the entire time. but im like ok fine you want me so bad

so i send him this. he posts about how "he won when he got all might" (for some reason hes calling my ex mutual by the character name. i dont know) and then hasnt posted in 4 days. he deleted his twitch. im a little worried bakugou. dont say that. may have actually chased this man off the internet . to go have real life sex with his real life girlfriend so he isnt so mad

anyway we ended up turning one of his posts into an eminem uberduck

im honestly probably forgetting something this was so much and it was so fucking funny and honestly im glad to have been there

update: he has not in fact posted since last summer. god bless.

[actualbird]

Hello! Soooo, I happened upon one of your MarLuke posts, and out of sheer curiosity, decided to read it!

And boom. I was in love.

I saw a couple of people ship Marius with Vyn before, so I never thought of shipping him with Luke instead!

Please, tell me how did you first start shipping these two babies? And tell me more about their dynamics? I'm quite thirsty to know more.

I hope you have a good day ♡

hello!!! im glad u like my marluke stuff :DDDD

i actually hc'd marius as having a crush on luke very early. my first tot ao3 fic is basically just marius having a crush on luke HAHA. i only started shipping them for real recently when i realized that their dynamics together are GREAT ACTUALLY.

so yeah, here are my views/dynamics on the two!!!

characterization stuffs

luke and marius are pretty similar in a lot of ways. both of them are a little arrogant, both of them have the tendency to show off, both of them have their moments of brazen confidence. this would make them clash at first, yeah, but also would be a catalyst for them connecting and understanding the other.

their differences tho is what makes me very intrigued though like

first, luke is a very emotionally honest person most of the time. when he's pleased, when he wants to give a compliment, when he has something nice to say, he's open and upfront about that. marius on the other hand is throwing up masks and facades every second of his life. for example, when marius wants compliments and gets them hes like "HA! I TRICKED YOU! (pls dont notice how much i actually crave this oh my god)" it drives me CRAZY. marius, when he inevitably becomes the target of luke's emotional honesty, would be very overwhelmed. marius would think "you're okay just...being honest about all that? especially to me? oh. oh."

second, marius is a very hopeful person actually. it may not look like it because he hides it a bunch, but he is (link leads to marius analyses delving deeper into this). luke seems to be very resigned and even hopeless at times, time and time again, he's so scared of not being good. so when marius comes into his life, im pretty sure he completely believes in luke's goodness, pretty sure that marius would share his (cautious yet persisting) hope about the world and the people in it to luke. luke would be very overwhelmed by this. luke would think "you're okay just...believing that things are going to be alright? that im alright, that i'll be alright? oh. oh."

THEYRE VERY GOOD FOILS FOR EACH OTHER, IS WHAT IM SAYING!!!

okay moving on, heres some cuter lighthearted thoughts

luke and marius are in the early twenties gang of the nxx investigation team. yeah, even the late twenties gang have their moments of childishness, but luke and marius ksjdbfkjds they are a bit more obvious with how they can be fun dumb young people.

for example, them playing video games together and getting STUPID COMPETITIVE OVER IT. "loser has to give the other a kiss," marius smirks. luke smiles sweetly and says "marius, if you want to kiss me, you dont have to lose to me in Smash Bros, you can just go for it." marius immediately tackling luke as he, affronted, says "WHY ARE YOU SO SURE IM GOING TO LOSE, YOU ASSHOLE!!!"

height difference. marius is 188cm (6'2) and luke is 180cm (5'10). i know thats only an 8cm difference and none of the nxx boys are short but like, IT'S CUTE OKAY, and marius does not let luke forget about the 8cms. marius being like "awwww does my short boyfriend need something from the top shelf?" and luke being like "does my tall boyfriend want to be ignored for the rest of the day?" cue marius going "NOOOOO, I WAS JUS TEASING, UR SO MEAAAAAN 🥺🥺🥺"

these two can switch from flirting with each other to roasting each other at the drop of a hat, it gives everybody in the immediate vicinity a LOT of whiplash.

marius, when he wants to fluster luke, calls luke "babe." never fails. the first time he does that when around the other team members, luke quite literally trips on NOTHING, face RED AS A TOMATO

luke hasnt quite figured out how to get back at him for this, luke doesnt really do terms of endearment (nothing is more romantic to him than the cadence of his lover's name!!!) but im sure he'll figure out something. for the time being, he has to admit he enjoys being called babe.

thank you for the lovely ask!!! i hope you have a good day too :D

[thisdreamplace]

ashamed to say the 3D reflects our true inner reality, yes? my ENTIRE family has turned against me, after some atrocious conflicts in which they all ganged up on me nd judged me, name-calling, very hurtful things too, provoked me. i been dealing with some serious mental uh 'issues' on my own nd when this happend i was already on the verge of a breakdown nd the good news is while the conflict happened i kept telling myself theyre only reflecting me u can get thru it etc. Later i looked at the hard facts nd realised some of the hurtful things they said were my deep secret feelings abt myself. BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people? confronting one person vs whole family, why?! i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?

Part 2 is simply its been a week and theyve still been cold towards me as if I yelled AT THEM ABT THEIR PAINFUL 'tRuThS' in front of EVERYONE LMAOOO. At first if i was around we'd have dinner together while they'd all talk to each other like best friends aka sickeningly overly friendly while completely IGNORING me while i sat there. i could tolerate it. I WAS PISSED AT THEM TOO Now its too painful. They're having dinner without telling me, yesterday didnt leave enough food for me knowing i hadnt eaten, serve tea/snacks without my portion. i honestly feel so unspeakably trigered nd sad. worst is these things r reminding me of deep school memories when id feel excluded like this by other kids at parties or class activities nd its like im back there. anyway im glad i controled myself a bit nd didnt counter with horrid things abt them to THEM yet they think they can say the same to me. im so hurt rn i cant even tell u lol i was okay the whole week but now its too much,, ive been crying the whole day

thing is, ik this seems like 'im a victim oh noooo they ganged up on meee'. Nope its more like how do i change myself to change them?! u could say why not talk to them how they made u feel, except whenever ive defended myself in the past regarding hurtful things they/anyone in family did, the siblings/parents would say irritating things like: "oh so YOU'RE the one hurt? Oh thats right, its because YOU'RE right! yes, yes, you're always right. Forgive me for saying anything against the perfect person u are." Or one of them says: "You?! I hurt YOU? What about me? You don't care about me! So you think what ur doing is okay?" or "no, who do YOU think u are to tell ME what to do?" it just goes in circles like this! i dont deserve to hurt myself or do smth to myself even if they dont give a damn, even if years of silent suffering of the 'mEntAL pRoBlEms' (which my lovely parents have already told me is my fault years ago, hence why I NEVER show it to them, unless im crying too much then lol they just mock me, but idc abt THAT bcoz now ik i hav a right to let out my emotions)). i mean this is worse rjan usual. its kinda insane nd when guests come they start talking to me as if nothing's wrong then when they leave, they ignore me!

this whole twisted dynamics, feelijf left out nd helpless is ig some crazy assumptin from childhood of being alone nd unable to defend myself. plus when they argye with anyone, they become overly self-righteous nd over the years its clear they can only scream, blame the scapegoat and never talk abt serious matter like normal ppl. And yes, in the past when i bring this up, they like to reply with stuff like: "no YOU'RE the one who doesnt talk to US bla bla" like, when i do u just shut me down? have belittled my mental 'issues', mocked me when im at my worst, stabbed me with cruel silent treatments nd thinking its alright "bcoz of self-righteousness blegh". Or maybe i think its okay for them to punish me? or whatev? Like law says u get what u r. if these ~~~ keep doing this to me, im doubly ashamed to say this means im the one at fault?! i let this monster assunptin grow nd now idk what to do. the worst thing imo is how i failed to tell them,even if they ignored me in the past, how i feel when anything like this or a conflict happens nd none of them stand up for me, or at least are neutral to me. bcoz now if i do, they say nope, u dont care what we do, YOUR the shameless one :! so yeah they hav the advantage of 'numbwrs' while im too afraid to stand up for myself lol. btw they never apologize nd i suspect they expect ME to apologize to TYEM bcoz everything's already ruined bcoz of 'me'..... i give up on them, i really do, but my heart hurts. Either i harden my heart, nd save up to move out, OR i try to change my self or whatev assumptins i have. But how do i do that? i try afirming: "my familys so nice to me, im respected by them" but it feels so fake tears literally enter my eyes lol

firstly i want to say, thank you for coming here to vent and being open about your feelings. it’s so important sometimes to just let it all out, without holding back. so that way you can move forward more bravely, to create the life you truly want to experience. that being said, i am going to be completely honest with you here in hopes that perhaps it may inspire you and you will be ready to do what is needed for the life you truly want to experience.

“BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people?” -> “i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?” here is your question, and here is your answer. i think that being completely honest when venting your feelings can actually be so helpful, because if you read back what you have said, you will be able to clearly find the patterns that are creating your personal hell. FEELING IS THE SECRET. ASSUMPTIONS HARDEN INTO FACT. the true way you feel, becomes your experience. Feelings/assumptions/beliefs come first, and the experiences come second to confirm them. That’s all that’s happening here.

i am glad that you were able to keep your reactions to a minimum! that's wonderful and as many of us know, it can sometimes be hard to do in such hurtful circumstances. but you managed to do it, this shows just a small glimpse of the power you truly hold within. although emotionally you may feel out of control, there is still the choice to choose better for yourself which you demonstrated through your reaction to them. good for you!

the truth is, you acknowledge the victim mindset to seem like you’re not engulfed in it, but no, you’re still very clearly engulfed in it. as i have said before, you can’t be a VICTOR and feel bad about it. feeling bad about taking responsibility, about everyone is you pushed out, about any of these types of concepts automatically shows a victim mindset. talking to them won’t do anything, because there are no second causes. you could talk to them nicely, you could be the nicest person in the world. but you can’t pretend your way out of your inner world. your inner world is the one and only cause of your experiences. until you change the story you tell yourself, they will stay the same. this is a hard pill to swallow sometimes. and it can feel heavily, because it’s ultimately only you’re choice. they can’t change until you do. the heaviness of the situation may make it seem impossible to turn around, but that’s just an illusion. your emotional attachment to the situation makes it seem so real and hard to change, but no. that’s just an illusion too. however, it’s ultimately your choice. Do you want to take responsibility for your life, or do you want to keep being tossed around like your lost at sea, victim to the merciless angry waves? Because we always have a choice. No one chooses your inner world, you do. No one can go into your mind and decide things for you, that’s only your job.

you can harden your heart, but who would be the one who suffers more? It won’t be your family, i can assure you. it’ll only be you. by doing that, you keep that old story alive and therefore you keep experiencing it. you keep those stories alive that are desperately showing themselves to you, saying “LET US GO.” but you remain identified with those painful stories, so you grip onto them tight. you keep on thinking of possible reasons for their behavior, but you could just read your entire ask back to yourself and you’ll see every reason. your reactions, your beliefs about them, your emotional pain. its your refusal to let those things go, and focus on what you truly want that keeps you in this state and keeps them in this state. sure it’s painful to face the responsibility at first, but it’s not a blame game. thinking its about blame is just a misunderstanding of the teachings. it’s not about they’re so perfect and you’re so not, so you have to change your ways. it’s about this is how life works here. this is about... you can ONLY ever experience self. whatever is going on within, will be reflected in your outer world. it’s about how they can’t change, UNTIL YOU DO. so instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you have to decide to give yourself the gift of a wonderful life because you have that power too. you stop deciding they can be in control of your experience, and you decide your experience yourself.

to change your assumptions, stop trying to affirm over them and actually face what’s keeping you from believing in your desires. yeah, it’s going to be painful and uncomfortable. but you need to face the pain that you’re running away from, so that it can finally be released. you have to realize, it only stayed true because you believed it to be true. and if you are to live a life free from that story, and experience a more desirable story, then you must let the pain go. give yourself love and grace as you work through it, and know that there is a more beautiful side of life that awaits for you to accept it in.

No One To Change But Self

There is Nothing to Forgive

How to Sit with Your Triggers

give yourself the time you need, it's not race. the love that you wish to experience exists, allow it in. 💖

[roadkillfuneral]

if connor never found the letter

No Letter AU a.k.a. connor and Evan were set up to be a perfect gay love story

-The story is the same up until the moment after Connor signs Evan’s cast. He doesn’t find the letter and leaves the computer room, already forgetting the nervous boy he just encountered

-Evan goes home and his mom sees Connor’s name on his cast bigger than life itself and invites him over for dinner. Connor never has a chance to even think about his previous plans that night

-As soon as Heidi leaves them alone they begin bonding over overbearing mothers and, soon after, shared disdain towards their fathers, and they’re attached to each other before they even realize

-Sometimes due to Evan’s mother, but more on their own, the two start to hang out. They goof around, talk about books they like and Connor shows Evan loud music and Evan shows Connor… support.

-At some point Evan notices the marks on Connor’s arms and asks about them, completely innocently. Connor lashes out of course, defensive as all get out because it’s not Evan’s business, it’s not anyone’s business, he doesn’t have to talk about it with anyone, it doesn’t matter he’s fine

-And Evan drops it because he’s confused but also because he wants to respect Connor’s wishes

-Connor sees that and not too much time later, he finds himself confiding in Evan, telling him about them, what he’s done, how long he’d been clean, but it doesn’t really matter, he’s fine. And Evan, touched, tells how he’d broke his arm. The real story.

-And then there’s a moment where they both have never felt less alone.

it doesnt end there though

-the friendship progresses pretty much perfectly. Connor’s parents love polite little Evan, and Heidi, at first, is just glad that Evan has a friend, but then she sees some of her lost teenage self in Connor and finds that Connor is actually a funny kid???

-Heidi and Connor totally playfully gang up on Evan “sh hon the grownups are talking” they sip their tea in unison  omg give me heidi and connor cute friendship

-By now Evan is coming to Connor’s house whenever Connor isn’t at his and his crush on Zoe is ever persistent. And one day he makes a fool of himself, trips or chokes and eventually Connor is just like dude. what’s going on.

-so Evan comes clean, all blushy and dumb and gushing, but apologizing all the while because she’s your sister I’m sorry but gosh have you seen her smile? sorry but wow

-then Connor feels it. the tug in his chest and the burning of emotions he thinks are gone, thinks he couldn’t possibly feel anymore

-Connor has always known. He was lucky to grow up in this generation where he sees men holding hands on the sidewalks and it’s been a couple years since gay marriage was legalized. He knows this and he’s long since accepted it, though he’s never been with anyone cos everyone fucking sucks have you met people? they’re gross

-But Evan. He’s sweet and understands Connor and when he laughs- not that awkward laugh, but a real laugh that’s hard and deep- Connor’s heart stammers.

-he feels it even before that moment but he only begins to really comprehend his feelings when he’s jealous

-He manages to ignore it until one day when he asks Evan if he wants to smoke weed with him

-Evan trusts Connor fully and he’s curious and Connor always seems so laid back when he does it

-So he agrees, even if he’s a little skeptical 

-He’s an anxious mess at first and coughs his lungs up and Connor has to light the pipe for him because Evan’s hands are shaking so bad and Connor was just planning on giving him a few hits, making him chill, but Evan takes a few too many drags and he is stoned

-At first Evan is just giggling and rambling and fluttering his hands and he seems fine and Connor thinks its fine so he smokes a little more, feels a little lighter, a little more high

-To this day he doesn’t know who started it. All he remembers is touching Evan’s hands and Evan touching his hair and counting Evan’s eyelashes and then they were kissing 

-Connor has kissed a couple people before, usually pecks and things like that, and he assumed Evan has never kissed anyone before but it feels perfect, it feels like finally

-They’re pretty much making out by the time Evan pulls away, his eyes wide and scared and no longer high. Connor wants to kiss him again but he looks so scared. It’s a silent moment before Evan runs out silently  

-Evan knows he’s not gay. Connor knows he is. Connor knows what he wants. Evan does not. 

-he knows that he’s been admiring Connor, sure. He likes how tall he is and his black nail polish and how when he’s angry (even though he’s almost always angry) his eyebrows pucker but his bad moods make him look likes hes glowing when he smiles or laughs and…. that doesn’t make him gay, does it?

-So naturally he goes to his mother. 

-And he’s like so. asking for a friend. what should you do if your friend of the same sex kisses you (even though he thinks he might have initiated it) and you kinda like it and might wanna do it more

-Heidi freaks out she’s all oh you and connor would be so cute oh what a sweet boy your cousin lindy can flower girl at the wedding 

-Connor is all mom no for a friend

-Heidi smiles and agrees to play along, tells Evan, all wise and mom-like, that if he really likes Connor then he needs to tell him and see how Connor feels and talk out where they should go from there. 

-Evan is scared to death. He likes Connor so much (in what way he doesnt know) and he’s pretty much his only friend and he’s so scared of ruining this but he goes anyways 

-There’s a lot of stuttering and flushing on Evan’s part and mumbling and avoiding gazes on Connor’s part but they both admit to the feelings they have that are definitely not Straight and by the time theyre done they’re kissing again, simultaneously relishing in the fact that it feels much better sober and knowing where they stand 

bonus content

-connor’s long noodle ass limbs getting in the way of everything. when they cuddle its a jumble of connor’s ligaments and evan in a ball watching as his beanpole of a boyfriend tries to adjust 

-oh and cuddling? these two are a fucking mess

-it starts off the most awkward thing ever as i said connor can’t adjust himself and evan doesnt know where to put his hands but they are both very touch starved but they dont give up they keep trying and eventually connor knows just how to curl himself around evan so he can kiss his forehead and whisper in his ear and evan still can touch connor’s hair and snuggle his face into his tiddies chest 

-connor denies that he likes it even a little bit even though he’s the one that initiated it, the nerd

-possessive connor. bruh. 

-once he gets evan he refuses to let him go. if he sees alana even look at evan for too long he feels the need to take that moment to grab his hand (if he isn’t already holding it) or to kiss him or grab his ass whatever connor is possessive but pretty harmlessly. he knows evan likes him and only him but still. 

-evan can also get jealous at times, though his is much more lowkey. if someone flirts with connor he wont speak up, but he’ll feel the need to tell connor how much he likes him and cherishes him. connor understands. 

-weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed

-stop that ‘evan makes connor stop smoking’ bullshit. im here for evan becoming a borderline stoner because it helps with the anxiety. he might evan smoke more than connor. maybe he likes edibles more but im totally here for connor and evan shotgunning because homies share hits

-speaking of evan’s anxiety

-connor is annoyed with it at first tbh. evan’s nervousness and awkwardness grates on him but then he’s okay with it and then he finds it cute and then he loves him for it

-who says i love you first? ohoho boy

-i have way too many headcanons for this but my favorite is that they’re hanging out, probably smoking, def telling jokes and swapping little kisses and they’re laughing and evan just kinda says it

-connor’s mother doesn’t even tell him she loves him that much anymore. she kinda gave up when he started taking out his anger on everyone including her and when evan says it, connor stutters it back, but he says it, and dives down to kiss evan again but honestly no kiss could convey how happy he feels. evan says it many more times that night. 

-zoe doesn’t get it tbh

-first this anxious weirdo comes into her house and is looking at her weirdly and then he’s looking at her brother and her brother is looking back and she hears laughing coming from connor’s room it’s weird but hey at least he isn’t acting crazy anymore

-then one night she hears a car come up the driveway at like 11 at night and she goes to her window to see who in fresh hell it is, forgetting that connor has gone to evan’s for the afternoon

-she sees the two get out of the car and go to the door. they chat a little bit and connor is smiling and their faces are weirdly close and they stop and evan leans up on his toes and oh my god they’re making out on the porch

-she never mentions it but there’s at least a week or more where she can’t look at connor 

-if im being honest i see evan being ace but if he weren’t/still copulates with connor, im here for power bottom connor

-someone that wasn’t me mentioned evan still letting cynthia pay for his college but only if she gets connor therapy and i love it and i love evan getting connor to therapy and i love him getting therapy gwahh

i havent got anything else but um this au kills me daily hope u like it adios