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ateezmakemeweep · 2 years

Text

love is gone (part 3)

word count: 14k

angst, fluff

(part 2) (series masterlist)

you don’t know what you were regretting more in this moment - ‘agreeing’ to go to this party at a rundown frat house that looks ready to collapse or ‘agreeing’ to go to this party because of seonghwa and not yunjin.

because with you accepting his ‘invitation’ and turning down her and mingi’s came a slew of accusations that have you positive they’d be fending for themselves in the rare event that the dorm burst into flames.

“you’re dating!” yunjin guessed as she did her makeup, watching you roll your eyes and sneer at her in the mirror.

“okay, but at the very least you kind of like him,” mingi said an hour later, when the plans he spoke so urgently of earlier in the week miraculously got cancelled when he learned of your attendance.

that one in particular made you scoff, seeing as how this ‘deal’ came about in the first place.

but nothing got you as good as yunjin’s final comment, something she’d probably been concocting in her head since you told her how the late night interaction really went down this morning.

“so you’re telling me you just happened to run into your hot mortal enemy at 3 am after you had a nightmare?”

“yes, yunjin,” you sigh, defeat heavy in your tone. “that’s exactly what i’ve been saying for the past hour.”

“ugh but, like, what are the freakin odds of that!” she squeals, “what are the odds that he catches you at that time and is then able to convince you, you, y/n!, to come to a party? i feel like you’d rather do anything else than go to a party!”

“i wouldn’t use the word convince as much as i would blackmail,” you mutter, explaining the gist of the situation - him holding the beginning of physics hostage - and now, if you tolerate the party for an unspecified amount of time, he’ll leave you be, so,

“i’m simply trying to take back my physics class.”

“so it has simply nothing to do with the fact that he’s hot?”

“not this again,” you sigh, falling back onto your bed.

you land with a plop and bounce against the springs, wincing a few seconds later when yunjin flails her body across the room and onto your bed, just missing your feet.

“oh, c’mon, y/n!” she whines, ignoring your quiet groans of protest. “you can’t sit there and tell me he’s not hot! the way he smiles at you is soooo-”

“nothing. is soooo nothing because he doesn’t smile at me any type of way.”

“oh please! it’s lust, roomie slash bestie slash asshole from physic’s not so secret crush!” yunjin proclaims, the urge to just kick her a little causing your foot to twitch.

“pure, unfiltered, feral-”

“wait a minute,” yunjun exclaims, your and mingi’s gaze shifting from the daunting frat house to her. she looks every bit as excited and determined as you feel hesitant, not able to stop the grimace at her words that follow.

“lust! that’s it!” the girl exclaims loudly.

“you wanna freakin kiss him! you don’t have to like him or be dating him to want to kiss him!” yunjin concludes, like she’d solved world hunger or global warming. “i told you! the hot assholes are always-”

“i already told you why!” you snap quietly, pulling her arm so she stops her ridiculous flailing. “and keep your voice down. you have a bad habit of-”

“blowing up everyone’s spot? tell me about it,” mingi scoffs, yunjin standing between you two like a very guilty child.

“listen yunjin, if y/n wants to kiss the hot asshole who is obviously interested in her and she’s obviously somewhat interested in back, but is maybe too scared or intimidated or hesitant to pursue right away, then who are we to-”

“mingi,” you interrupt, the tall man turning to you with love and affection in his eyes; judging from his bright smile, he thinks you’re about to thank him.

he couldn’t be more wrong.

“you’re not helping.”

his face falls and yunjin scoffs, mocking his words as you stare at them blankly; maybe if you slip away right now, they won’t notice you’re gone.

maybe you don’t have to do this at all.

maybe they’ll argue for so long, the party will end. or get busted by the cops - whichever comes first, you really don’t care.

you just wanna resist going in there and starting this night for as long as you can.

seven minutes.

they only argued for seven minutes, a new personal low for the duo, and you’d wish they argued for longer. way longer.

because after finally being dragged into the house by them, you were hit with nothing but a sweaty sea of people, body odor mixed with stale alcohol, and the overwhelming need to flee - crowds never bothered you until this very moment.

until you were so surrounded by loud screaming and strangers and the reminder that this is everything you said you wouldn’t do, you started to hate park seonghwa even more than you did an hour ago.

“how does he invite you and then not, like, find you?” yunjin grumbles, only now noticing the irony of the situation - seonghwa harasses you, blackmails you, even, into coming and now he’s nowhere to be seen.

he couldn’t text you (thankfully) because you didn’t exchange numbers but how else is he gonna know you kept up your end of the deal?

you, yunjin and mingi bounced around the house finding drinks and talking to anyone that looked your way.

your roommate was able to make conversation with anyone, girls proclaiming their love for her and guys showing a clear interest she was oblivious to.

mingi also already seemed to know everyone and their mother on campus, introducing you to two other boys named yeosang and jongho from one of his classes.

they banter back and forth like they’ve known each other for years and not barely a month; if there’s one thing that amazes you about your new friends, it’s how comfortable they’re able to make people in such a short amount of time.

“i wouldn’t say i’m stupid but i would say i’m-”

“a fucking idiot!” yunjin interjects, pulling away from her conversation with a drunken sorority girl. “yeosang, is it? riddle me this. me and y/n are roommates but mingi over here seems to think...”

your lips pull into a small smile as you watch the two interact, yunjin talking a mile a minute as yeosang watches her. his expression is interested but also slightly fearful, a quiet chuckle leaving your mouth.

“flames, yeosang! i’m talking flames! a big, boom, fiery explosion where y/n can only...”

“to her credit, he looks like that when anyone talks to him,” the boy next to you says, looking over and remembering his name is jongho. “she can’t take it personally. he’s shy.”

“to be honest, i’m not sure she even notices,” you say, a smile lighting up jongho’s face - the two drinks in her probably doesn’t help either. you fear what that means for her lack of a filter.

the boy beside you laughs, lapsing back into a comfortable silence. or as silent as it could be between you both, loud chatter, cheers and rap music blaring through the house.

you almost wanna break the silence and say something, keep the conversation going for the sake of not standing here quietly, but you think he might need it too.

he looks deep in contemplation, maybe like you, wondering why the hell he’s here or where the person who coerced him into coming is.

a loud bang coming from the other room causes you and jongho to turn your heads, watching as two big frat guys begin to wrestle shirtless; you can’t quite tell if it’s for fun or serious but you know the line is probably very fine.

the beer from their cups spills onto the floor, two large bodies promptly collapsing. your view is quickly blocked by hoards of gathering people, many of them cheering and taking bets on who is gonna win.

you and jongho share a flat look that causes both of you to chuckle.

“i didn’t even wanna come to this shit, you know,” jongho grumbles as you nod - if only he knew how much you relate to that.

“i started seeing this girl from one of my classes and she basically forced me to come.”

“oh?” you say, eyes peering the room for anyone looking his way; maybe she’s lost in the sea of sweaty drunks. “where is she now?”

“i have no idea,” he whines, something about his facial expression and high-pitched tone causing you to giggle; it seems uncharacteristic but also not. like something about this girl is just slowly bringing it out in him.

“i like her but she seems a little nuts. in a good way, don’t get me wrong, but she’s probably off-”

“like. a fucking. movie!”

you recognize her voice immediately, a familiar smirk tugging at your lips as you turn around to meet her.

she must catch the way your eyes flash with recognition, not only remembering her elevator monologue but from the few times you’ve seen each other around the dorm.

“i know you,” she says, her eyes glassy and words slurred.

“we live on the same floor,” you say, “kristabelle, right?”

“kristabelle riley, yes,” she smiles, her voice chipper and cheery. “i see you’ve met jongmo.”

“jongho.”

“jongmo.”

your lips twitch as you quickly glance at jongmo, defeat and amusement in his face that you’re also a little too familiar with.

“and i hate to take him away from you, um...”

“y/n,” you smile.

her face brightens like she recalls that, a light going off in her head, but you don’t think you ever formally introduced yourself to her.

“right! y/n! well, y/n, jongmo promised me shots and i finally found him so i must steal him away.”

you can’t quite tell if the boy wants to go or not, his face willing but body language otherwise; for a moment, you briefly consider getting on kristabelle riley’s bad side until you see yunjin coming at you with a deadly expression.

small shoulders rigid, eyes pulled into angry slits and a walk so powerful, you think she might’ve just defeated mingi once and for all.

“y/n,” she says, her eyes moving from you to the other two. “jongho. kristabelle riley. how are you all doing? great? amazing!”

her cat-like gaze moves to you, like she’s trying to peer into your very soul in the middle of this party right now.

“y/n, can i talk to you for a second? over there?”

the sense of urgency in her hushed tone is causing your own eyes to narrow, dismissing jongho and kristabelle with a small smile.

“nice meeting you jongmo,” you mutter, not able to stop your smirk as yunjin pulls you away.

she leads you past mingi and yeosang who seem to be debating about nonsense, standing behind one of the glass doors leading to the kitchen.

it’s a large space but completely crowded with people, with such loud chatter and screaming you can’t make out any conversations. you can barely make out faces with how many people are packed in there like sardines.

“is something wrong?” you ask, the sense of urgency behind her unnerving; it’s greater than usual. “did you and mingi fight?”

“we always fight,” she mutters, a smile puling at your lips before you see her eyes soften ever so slightly. like the way someone’s do when they’re about to tell you something they don’t think you’ll like.

“before i tell you this, i wanna ask you something. and please be honest.”

those words, despite complete innocence, always have a way of turning your stomach ever so slightly - what could she possibly be so cryptic about?

“o-kay...” you say, although it sounds more like a question, words dragging out a little longer than usual.

“how do you really feel about seonghwa?” she asks, your eyes about to roll before she continues without missing a beat.

“do you really just wanna do this to get physics back or do you maybe like him a little? like... is there a chance you maybe do like him just a little bit and are scared or intimidated like mingi said?”

“seonghwa doesn’t intimidate me in the slightest, let me make that clear,” you say, although you can’t deny the way your eyes immediately look up and quickly survey the room.

you may somehow miss his obnoxiously attractive face but you know for sure, if it was quiet enough to hear his voice in this room, your body would have a visceral reaction to it, alerting you of his presence.

but because you can’t hear anything and because you missed him in the sea of people, you have no idea he’s watching you right now.

“i... can’t say i feel anything toward him, yunjin,” you answer honestly, certainly knowing you find him smug and irritating and obnoxious and pushy but, for some reason, not enough to say you necessarily dislike him.

“i barely know him.”

“and yet, you accepted to come to this party?”

“we went over a hundred times why i came to this-”

“i saw him talking to a girl,” she blurts out, his tall, extremely obvious presence catching her attention in the kitchen a few minutes ago.

“and like, not just talking talking. it seemed like they were flirting. or she was at least flirting with him. did he seriously invite you here even though he has a girlfriend? because i totally don’t want this to happen now.”

“does your girlfriend know you wanna be friends with me so bad?”

“now who’s so interested in who?” seonghwa smirks, the teasing in his tone causing you to scoff. “hana’s not my girlfriend, by the way. not even close.”

“he claims to not be dating her, if it’s the same girl who was in the cafeteria with him.”

yunjin’s eyes widen, probably at the fact that you two have already spoken about this. it’ll probably make her mind go on and on with different conspiracies even though ten seconds ago, she was ready to chop his-

“so he’s already being honest about the girls he surrounds himself with? interesting. that could only mean that he-”

“’invited’ me here but has yet to find me?” you say, using her own words against her. “and is now spending his time with another girl instead?”

judging from the way her face falls, eyes surveying the room like she’s trying to find him again, you know she knows you’re right.

“i told you the reason i came here and it’s the truth, yunjin,” you say, a smile threatening to pull on your lips because she means well. “thank you for looking out though. i appreciate it. really.”

and if you were someone who was capable of putting your feelings into someone right now, making the silly choice as a college girl to invest yourself into someone like park seonghwa, you know she’d be a great friend to have.

but those are joys, even if it’d just end in foolish heartbreak, that you can’t allow yourself to have.

you just need seonghwa to see you here tonight, get whatever he wants out of you for reasons still unknown to you, so you could get back into the routine of your physics class.

“i just... i thought maybe you liked him a little,” yunjin whines softly, a pout on her pretty, red-tinted face. “both times i saw you with him, you were smiling. and you don’t smile a lot, so i just thought...”

right as her soft-spoken, innocent words cause your heart to ache, she halts. like someone else has caught her attention from across the room.

a part of you fears she’s spotted seonghwa again, is about to yell out “the asshole!” and leave you with no other option than to drag her out by her hair until she squeals “hongjoong!”

you crane your neck behind you just as a boy’s eyes flash with recognition at her voice, a smile lighting up his face before his gaze moves to you. your eyes narrow when his expression falters ever so slightly, looking at you as if he somehow knows you.

he doesn’t look familiar at all to you, though. he’s not in any of your classes, you’d probably remember him, and you don’t know how else you would-

yunjin’s dragging you over to him before you can place him as one of the guys in the cafeteria that day.

his blonde hair and small shoulders shaking in amusement as he playfully hit the taller, brooding, obnoxious man you know more than you care to in the arm.

you never had any intentions of meeting his friends, wooyoung was the one he mentioned, but leave it to your roommate to meet one of them by chance.

“hey yunjin,” hongjoong says, his eyes quickly glancing at you. “didn’t know if you two would make it.”

“three actually. mingi came too!”

you think for a moment they all know each other until hongjoong just nods, his facial features so sharp and striking, you can’t help but find this obnoxiously attractive friend group irksome.

attractive is one thing. entitled, self-serving, immature assholes is anoth-

“are you her roommate y/n? she talks about you a lot,” hongjoong says, his voice seemingly sincere. “we’re in the same journalism classes.”

you side-eye yunjin because, despite the stupid smile on her face, she hasn’t mentioned the boy. you’re gonna have to talk to her about being intrusive but keeping her own boy updates to herself.

“i am. nice to meet you, hongjoong.”

“i think you actually know my friend seonghwa,” he says, holding back a smirk when your face twitches at his name.

“he’s in my physics cla-”

“he invited her here and is nowhere to be seen!” yunjin blurts out, a sigh leaving your mouth because, truly, you expected this - where is mingi to save the day?

“like not for nothing, hongjoong, but that’s super rude of your friend. i can’t help but question the company you-”

“yo, is this y/n?” another boy asks, dark hair swooping and figure looming; you remember him, thinking he was broader and taller than mingi.

you feel calmed when you promptly hear his deep booming voice, arm loosely wrapping around your shoulder.

“who’s asking?”

you, yunjin and even hongjoong watch the stare down that ensues, yunho looking at mingi with a smirk while the other watches curiously. there’s a slight twinge of pink to his cheeks from the three beers he’s consumed in the past hour.

“me, handsome. my name’s yunho,” the tall boy says, tone and gaze flirty like a seasoned professional. “and you are?”

“her boyfriend.”

your lips twitch at the deep, booming laughter that leaves the man, his contagious chuckle enough to make yunjin, herself, snort aloud; mingi throws the dirtiest look tonight her way.

she’ll be getting her ass handed to her later.

“bullshit.”

you’ve never seen mingi’s eyes narrow the way they do in this crowded room. he’s looked playfully like that at yunjin, even you sometimes, but you could tell it was always funny.

as a joke.

he seems to really be having a stand off with the giant in front of him right now, the two of them eye-to-eye, with yunho only having about an inch on him. it doesn’t seem to intimidate mingi on the surface but something tells you yunho somehow sees more.

“what do you mean bullshit?” mingi asks, like it’s the most outrageous thing he’s ever heard.

“i mean bullshit,” yunho says, his stare full of mirth trapped on the boy. like a predator to pray, probably the very same looks bystanders see you and seonghwa exchange but you’d deny with a vengeance.

“there’s more of a chance of you becoming my boyfriend than being hers,” the tall man continues, mingi scoffing as he tightens his arm around you. “maybe after tonight, if you’re lucky, you will be.”

“please,” mingi scoffs, “you’re not my type.”

you press your lips together at mingi’s snark, the subtlest change in his voice. it holds the snark that it has when he banters like this with yunjin but there’s also the slightest quiver to it.

like the man’s piercing eyes and noticeably broad figure just might be affecting him a little - you’d be more surprised if it didn’t.

“no?” yunho quips, the dip in his tone and eyes lowering even making yours widen. “then what’s with the blush on your cheeks? and was that a quiver i heard in your pretty voice?”

“if i didn’t know any better, yunho, i’d think you were-”

“what’s going on?”

you didn’t realize you were smiling watching the mingi-yunho banter until your face falls, seonghwa’s voice filling your ears. your gaze shifts to see him looking right at you, dark eyes as taunting as they are piercing.

you hate that your heart jumps in your chest, the black shirt clinging to his torso and delicate silver chain falling right to the middle of his chest.

“what’s going on is that you stood up, y/n,” hongjoong says, walking over to wrap his arm around his shoulder and smack his back playfully. “not a good impression to make, dude.”

“especially when she didn’t even wanna come, you basically forced her-” just as you were about to elbow yunjin, mingi did the job of covering her mouth with his hand.

“why are you touching other girls in front of your girlfriend, pretty boy?” yunho asks, mock shock and outrage on his face. “what kind of man are you?”

“he’s actually the type of man who kisses other me-”

yunjin managed to get his hand off her mouth for mere seconds before mingi growls her name and covers it again. you can’t even feel upset when he drags her away and leaves you with seonghwa and his two friends.

she deserves several verbal lashings.

“yo, y/n, for real though, you think he’ll date me?” yunho asks, “he’s cute. i love him, i think.”

“probably not,” you answer dryly, truly not knowing mingi’s type or preferences.

hongjoong bursts out laughing and you even catch the way seonghwa’s lip quirks in amusement, yunho looking all types of dejected.

“damn...”

there’s a few moments of silence between the group, your eyes bouncing everywhere but seonghwa who you know is watching you.

hongjoong and yunho side-eye each other with matching smirks, more and more unimpressed by their friend’s ‘progress’ with you.

“anyway...” hongjoong says, clasping his arm around yunho’s wrist. “we’ll leave you two be. seonghwa has some making up to do, doesn’t he, y/n? lots of it, it appears.”

the two stumble away like a bumbling duo of idiots, your eyes like daggers as you watch them walk off giggling and smacking at each other. you find it hard to believe they’re grown men.

you look up to see seonghwa’s gaze hasn’t moved from you, lips now fully pulled into his signature smirk.

“do i have some making up to do, y/n?” he hums, voice low for the volume of the room but your ears still managing to catch his every word. “if so, how exactly can i do that for you?”

your eyes narrow at his flirty tone, his smirk widening as you do so.

“let me guess,” he continues, “give you your 15 minutes back in-”

“physics. yes. you’re a genius,” you spit back, quickly talking again so you don’t focus on the way his tongue pokes the inside of his cheek.

“so now that you see i’m here, in the flesh, why don’t you stick to your end of the bargain so i can get out of here?”

“i wanted to hang out, y/n, and get to know you,” he says, leaning his shoulder against the wall beside him. “how am i gonna do that if you leave right away?”

“i’ve been here for over an hour, not like you’d know.”

you don’t mean to sound as bitter as you do, you were more annoyed than anything for obvious reasons, but you know it’s the worst possible thing you could’ve said.

because now his smirk is growing.

his eyes are softening with a subtle, teasing look that causes your stomach to swoop dangerously.

it also doesn’t help how close he is, swallowing the lump in your throat as you lean back against the counter. it presses into your bare back, the short top yunjin insisted you borrow from her leaving more skin than you’re used to exposed.

you were grateful for it in this hot, stuffy house up until this point.

“if i’d known you were here sooner, i would’ve came and found you,” seonghwa says, not missing the way his eyes indiscreetly look you up and down; your lip would’ve curled in disgust if it didn’t send the slightest thrill through you.

a very foreign, essentially non-existent, pang of desire and pride you’d never felt before.

“maybe we need to exchange numbers so next time, we can-”

“no, i think we’re good.”

a deep chuckle leaves him that, despite yourself, has a smile threatening to pull at your lips - “both times i saw you with him, you were smiling. and you don’t smile a lot, so i just thought...”

“for real, though, i didn’t know you were here,” he says, seemingly apologetic and genuine like his friend. “only knew because i saw hongjoong talking to someone and realized it was your roommate. they know each other?”

“yeah. they’re in the same classes together, both journalism majors i guess.”

you’re surprised to hear him scoff, something like “that explains it,” mumbled under his breath - he was still wondering all these weeks later how he and yunho discovered your name.

“ah, cool,” seonghwa says with a shrug. “they seemed into each other. maybe our friends will date.”

“or maybe they’ll never speak again, kinda like us.”

“do you really think that’s how this is gonna go?”

you don’t know if it’s his words or the way he moves closer to you that makes your heart jump. for once tonight, you’re grateful for the loud chatter so he can’t hear the way your breath hitches in your throat.

“how do you think it’s gonna go?” you ask, words mumbled but head cocked. “what are you aiming to get out of tonight?”

you in his bed? because that’s not gonna happen. you don’t know what else a man like him would want.

“i already told you. i wanna get to know you, y/n,” he says, like it’s somehow as simple and innocent as that. “you said so yourself. we hardly know each other.”

“that’s why i’m finding it very hard to believe you, seonghwa,” you answer honestly, a sigh of slight exasperation in your voice.

“guys like you don’t just want that.”

his eyes nearly widen because there it is - the elephant in the room, the barely there guilt in his stomach - but how would you know that? is it just an assumption?

“what do you mean guys like me? hot assholes?” he smirks, your eyes rolling before he speaks again. “what?” the taller man asks in mock confusion, “you said so yourself.”

“i said asshole. not hot.”

“so you don’t think i’m hot? i thought the attraction was very much mutual.”

“nothing seems to be mutual here,” you say, lying right through your teeth with shocking ease. “the attraction, the intrusive interest, the weird, non-sensical need to ‘get to know me’ or whatever it really is you want to-”

“look out below!”

the two shirtless boys who were previously wrestling are now in the strangest embrace you’ve ever seen, one carrying the other on his shoulder as they walk through the kitchen with a crowd.

everyone lets out surprised squeals and a chorus of “what the fuck,” watching as a parade of people follow two large, giggling, bloody men.

your eyes widen when seonghwa silently moves toward you, about to ask what the hell he’s doing before your chests are pushed together. his tall, looming frame stands directly in front of you, eyes looking down with mirth as you watch the people behind him pass in a hoard.

it’s like a zap of electricity courses through your body when you feel his touch, the firmness of him pressing against you heavy; you’re happy you didn’t let yunjin convince you to go braless tonight.

you swallow as your eyes move to his, what turned into your surprise and his amusement morphing into a challenge. that’s quickly what it seems to turn into with you two: your resistance and his insistence.

you proving that, no matter how bothered you are, you won’t let him win.

him showing you time and time again that he’s not gonna back down despite your attitude.

the sexual tension is thick, can be felt by you and seen by everyone who’s not watching the parade of idiots.

your heart jumps again when he casually rests his hand against the cabinet next to your head, gripping the edge so you’re trapped by him; you know he can feel it by the way his smirk widens, the way he presses against your chest just a tad harder.

“you were saying?” he mumbles, eyes dipping to your mouth that pulls into a grimace. he looks at you just in time to see your eyes narrow, falling back into your silent treatment.

you beg your heart to calm down and stop embarrassing you, trying to think of anything and everything but this disgustingly attractive man pressed up against you.

you begin to question how long this train of people can be, seonghwa falling silent right along side you, contently against you.

you pull your gaze away, letting out a quiet groan when you see the majority have decided to stay. they rummage through the coolers like they’re at a family barbecue and paid for them.

the room has gotten five times more crowded and ten times louder, seonghwa’s quick gaze catching a drunken, stumbling man.

he moves his body on an angle when he nearly smacks into you, his subtle cologne and the smell of his shampoo wafting in your face.

“watch it.”

“sorry, man,” the guy slurs, seemingly innocent enough... until he opens his fucking mouth. “whoa. are you guys about to kiss or something?”

you let out a disgusted scoff as seonghwa chuckles shortly under his breath.

“fuck off and drink some water.”

because he’s park seonghwa, and seemingly has control over everyone but you, the guy quickly stalks off.

“he onto something?”

his eyes are back on yours and playful, brow quirked in a way you’re sure works every time. you can feel it deep within your knees that it’d work if you weren’t so troubled.

“what do you think?” you snap.

“i think it just got crowded in here,” he says, voice back to being mumbled and low. “wanna go outside?”

you hate to admit it but you really would like to, seonghwa taking your first few moments of silence as a yes anyway. he wordlessly takes your hand and you have half the mind to rip it away but know you’d probably get lost.

the second the cold air hits your face, your warm hands disconnect.

“that was ridiculous,” you grumble, only a few stragglers braving the cool fall air.

“i know,” seonghwa says, walking toward two unoccupied lawn chairs. “we almost kissed in front of everyone.”

you detest the smile that pulls at your lips, the whiplash this man gives you like none other. you don’t wanna laugh at him or smile at him, you truly find him ridiculous and intrusive and completely self-righteous, but it’s like you can’t help it.

he’s nothing like the person who called you out on the first day, brooding and dark and borderline scary in his monster boots, so you can’t help but wonder who he really is.

is he the flirty, witty playboy or the jaded bad boy?

does he really wanna get to know you or does he have ulterior motives?

does your body only respond to him the way it does because you’ve never been touched by a man before or-

you shake your head of the thoughts as quickly as they came, not allowing yourself to think of anything like that.

you came tonight for one thing and one thing only - keep up your end of the deal to rid your physics class of seonghwa - you definitely shouldn’t be wracking your brain over every possibility as to why this man is so quickly making his way under your-

“sit.”

his short command causes your head to snap, looking down at him as he man spreads in his seat.

typical.

“i’m not a dog.”

“would you prefer i pull you on my lap?

“i will choke you.”

“then sit.”

there’s a silent stare down between you two that seems to last hours, the next challenge making neither of you waver. his eyes don’t leave yours and vice versa, although you want to look away.

because there’s something so deep in his eyes that just pulls you in more. so many layers and emotions flickering in them, you wouldn’t even know where to begin with this man.

it’s the very opposite that intrigues him about you: the emptiness in your eyes, the way he can barely read you, the way the second a flick of any emotion (usually anger or annoyance, seldom the amusement he longs every time you speak to see), it’s like you wipe it away with immense force.

he understands not wanting to feel anything, or being able to wipe away feelings, but the severity of yours seems to be... alarming, yet intriguing.

that anger works its way in your face for a split second before you sit down with a scoff.

“i can’t wait to leave.”

“don’t act too excited now.”

you sit in silence as your gaze travels around the large backyard, patchy, dead grass littered with lawn chairs, red solo cups, and a few drunken bodies. it’s mostly couples or small groups out here, everyone’s cheeks flushed with smiles on their faces.

this is everything you were trying to avoid - a deal you made with yourself when you first got into college and briefly considered not going in the midst of a breakdown.

it felt like something you shouldn’t have the privilege of doing, even though she wanted it so much for you - it was the last thing you talked about after all.

but why were you able to live your life?

why were you able to make all these new memories, experience things people were only so lucky and privileged to experience when you should’ve been-

“so, what’s your favorite color?”

seonghwa’s voice stops your mind from racing, turning to look at the man with a blank stare - surely that’s not why he’s been harassing you for weeks.

“did you really invite me here to ask me my favorite color?” you sneer, a smirk pulling at his lips.

“i gotta get to know you somehow,” seonghwa says, his eyes watching you carefully, knowingly. “something tells me you won’t tell me anything deeper.”

“would you?” you ask, brow quirked with the impending challenge in your face; the prolonged silence and blank stare gives you all the answers you need.

“purple,” you finally mumble, his eyes lighting up like he’s won the lottery. you almost wish you didn’t tell him because of the pleased half-smirk on his face.

“cute,” he says, “now, what’s your deepest, darkest fear?”

“staying here a second longer with you.”

a chuckle booms from his mouth and damn yourself to hell that it makes the softest giggle leave you too.

you hate the way his eyes crinkle and how deep his laugh is. how annoyingly attractive even his side profile is, the black undercut and silver earrings all too enticing.

you hate how quickly your guard threatens to drop around him, like he’s some charismatic cult leader who’s gonna trap you before you know what hit you.

or before you go on and ask him his favorite color in response, playing his stupid game without much of a second thought.

“you didn’t tell me your favorite colo-”

“black,” someone says, a figure suddenly standing in front of you and seonghwa. “like his bad boy, shit-stomping-boot-wearing, angsty soul.”

you look up to see a vaguely familiar boy with dark, floppy hair. his eyes are glassy from alcohol and hold a mischief that rivals seonghwa’s, even on his most obnoxious days.

another annoyingly attractive friend, what a surprise.

“wooyoung,” seonghwa mutters, disdain heavy in his tone. “just who i didn’t wanna see.”

“you should meet my friend, wooyoung. you two would get along.”

“bullshit!” the boy scoffs, fearless enough to kick seonghwa’s foot with his dirty sneakers. “i’m your best friend, cocksucker. don’t act like i’m not.”

“it’s not an act.”

wooyoung seems to let the comment slide as his gaze moves to you, a smirk crossing his face that unnerves you - what is it with these men looking at you and smirking like they know something you don’t?

and why do they all know your name?

“are you the infamous y/n who called my friend a hot asshole?”

your head snaps to seonghwa who looks at you with a shit-eating grin, shrugging his shoulders as you wait for his explanation.

“when did you ever hear hot?” you snap, “i only said asshole, asshole.”

“hmm, i think you said hot, too. in case you forgot, we almost kissed before.”

“we definitely didn’t, you delusional-”

“so befriending your physics crush is going well, i see,” wooyoung says, thinking nothing of it to plop down right on the dirt patch in front of you. “you’re all he talks about you know,” the boy says as he winks at you, ignoring the growl of his name from seonghwa.

“never seen him take an interest in anyone the way he has in you. you must be special, y/n.”

“don’t feed me bullshit, wooyoung.”

“damn,” the man says, throwing his head back in laughter at your snark. “that kind of made me horny. do you want me to court you instead? we can get rid of him easily, babe, just say the word. he’ll be gone.”

“i’d rather get rid of both of you.”

“yo, what did i do?” seonghwa asks from beside you, looking over with a smile on his face - what didn’t he do?

“didn’t i tell you you two would get along?” he murmurs, just deep and low enough for you to hear and your stomach to swoop.

wooyoung watches with a growing smirk as your eyes narrow, entranced by the stare down you and his friend have.

it’s true that over the years seonghwa has gone through his fair share of women, all of which being one night stands or several-week flings for the especially detached.

he has a certain look, no one can deny that.

a certain charm and a certain presence about him that just seems to make 95% of women fall to their knees for him. wooyoung’s seen it before his very eyes, seonghwa setting his sights on a girl and them going upstairs no less than ten minutes later.

he always looked cold, serious, callous.

like even if the girl said no, it’d be no sweat off his back because everyone knows he’d find someone else; for some reason, that seems to entice them even more.

but wooyoung can’t help but notice how much more playful he looks with you.

how much he likes the challenge of girl who doesn’t immediately fold and gives it back to him. how much he has to change his tactics with a girl like you to get what he wants.

what he needs in order to win.

“so how did he convince you to come here tonight, y/n?” wooyoung nosily asks, throwing his best friend a wise ass look. “seems like you guys are becoming friends.”

“we’re acquaintances,” you’re quick to clarify. “i agreed to tutor him once in physics so it’s actually more professional than friendly.”

for some reason, wooyoung laughs his ass off like that’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard.

“seonghwa? needing tutoring?” wooyoung snorts, ignoring the chastising look his friend throws his way. “like the motherfucker isn’t here on an schl-”

“get us drinks,” seonghwa demands, reaching his foot out to kick wooyoung’s criss-crossed knee. “we’re thirsty.”

“you didn’t get your woman a drink?”

“not his woman,” you mumble just as seonghwa says, “we were busy almost kissing.”

you side-eye him in annoyance, wooyoung holding back a laugh before he asks what you like.

you despise the way your face warms, knowing you don’t know your ass from your elbow when it comes to alcohol.

by the time you’d be partying in high school, getting shit-faced in someone’s stuffy basement while their parents were away, you were too busy grieving.

locking yourself in your room and swearing you’d never need to know anyway.

“uhh, whatever,” you say, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. “i don’t care.”

you can feel seonghwa side-eyeing you but refuse to meet his gaze, finding a sudden vast interest in the patchy grass beneath your feet. you hear him tell wooyoung to get him ‘his usual’, whatever that may be, before you two are left alone again.

the air is crisp around you and filled with a tension that could only grow between two people who seemingly hate each other; that much is obvious when, a few seconds later, you hear seonghwa scoff under his breath.

you can’t help the way your eyes are already narrowing in annoyance, turning to him as you cross your leg over the other.

“something funny?”

“you,” seonghwa says, meeting your gaze tenfold with that usually aggravating mirth. “are you drinking your first beer with me, y/n? how cute.”

“it’s not my first beer,” you spit, knowing full and damn well it is.

“no? your pink cheeks and uncharacteristic stuttering tell me otherwise,” seonghwa smirks, tone deep and eyes wandering. like he’s trying to pick apart every single piece of you.

you find comfort in the fact a harsh gust of wind blows by at the exact moment he leans in closer to you, chair scooting closer.

you’re hit again with the scent of his cologne, gaze traveling over your body again and lingering on the sliver of exposed skin.

“tell me, princess,” he says, tongue peeking out to lick over the lips your eyes fight to wander over. the pet name you’re telling your stomach to stop fucking swooping over.

“what other firsts are you gonna give me?”

the swooping happens tenfold and more than anything, you wish you could stop it. the natural, innate attraction to him and his stupid good looks and deep voice and annoyingly cocky words that shouldn’t be making you feel like this.

but if he thinks for a second he’s really gonna get you with that, after the rightful fight you’ve been putting up, he’s very wrong.

you quirk a type of smile you’ve never felt on your face before, tongue peeking out before you bite down on your lip. it feels weird, foreign but also like what you should be doing right now.

have your eyes peer over him in the same flirty, predatory way his do; you’re not as shameless but you’re doing it and that’s all you can be proud of.

“how about...” you say, a coy moment of silence as you watch his eyes darken. men are too easy.

“the first guy i give a black eye to?” you finally say, the sultry, hushed tone of your voice weird to your own ears. “or maybe my first assault charge? what do you think, seonghwa?”

the smirk that pulls at his lips threatens to take over yours but you remain strong, keeping your stare on him with a cocked head; for a moment, you think you stun him speechless.

stun him into your own game.

but then you see he’s playing his own, leaning back in his chair and cocking his head at you in a similiar fashion. his chain and well-fitted black shirt are on full display, able to see just how toned he is under the soft material.

he’s still man-spreading because you’re not sure he knows any other way to sit.

it’s a dangerous game with obvious body language and dark, challenging eyes, neither of you wanting to break the silence. or the stare.

you both would stay like that all night if you had it your way.

seonghwa can hear wooyoung’s voice the second he comes out, shouting a characteristically loud “yo yo yo!” to someone in the distance.

the man beside you looks you over once more before letting out a short laugh under his breath. he licks over his lips, the cold air probably stinging them, before he leans in again.

his mouth is just mere inches from your ear, his breath threatening to waft over you and cause goosebumps.

“i think my ideas are more fun.”

you swallow the lump in your throat, stiffening in a way you hope he doesn’t realize but knows he must; you don’t want this man reading any of your body language, learning any possible tick about you besides the ones he observes by getting under your skin.

“for who exactly?”

he knows him. definitely him.

definitely him for the foolish reasons him and his idiot friends concocted weeks ago that, every once in a while, brings a dirty feeling of guilt deep in his stomach.

seonghwa licks his lips to answer again, some of the distance naturally broken, before wooyoung’s voice interrupts.

“beer for m’lady,” wooyoung says, curtsying in front of you as he presents a brimmed red solo cup. he throws a quick look at seonghwa as he offers another beer, glancing back at you with a mischievous look in eye.

“and really, y/n, say the word and i’ll get rid of him,” wooyoung says, “you’ll just get me in return.”

“she’s not that stupid,” seonghwa scoffs.

“i’m not stupid at all,” you counter.

you watch as the two boys share a smirk, a sinking feeling of, both, embarrassment and anger your stomach.

“damn, teachers pet and all that,” wooyoung says, your eyes narrow as seonghwa lets out a loud sigh. “you weren’t kidding, park.”

after a few seconds of silence, seonghwa finally turns to see you looking at him with a blank stare.

“what? you called me an asshole.”

“because you are.”

“and you’re a teacher’s pet.”

“i’m a teachers pet because i participate? and don’t think i’m stupid?”

“it’s more than that, you seriously-”

“hate to interrupt the lovers quarrel and all,” wooyoung says, admittedly amused by your banter. “but there’s a game of truth or dare about to start with our names on it.”

“i think i’d rather stick my dick in a cheese grater than play another fucking game of-”

“with. our. names. on. it,” wooyoung says through gritted teeth, turning to look at you with a chipper, happy smile.

“i expect to see you guys there in five. make out or do whatever... erotic, sexual-tension-filled, borderline freaky stare down you gotta do before meeting us all.”

your answer is only in the form of a sarcastic smile, wooyoung shooting you both two thumbs up before clumsily making his way inside.

“see,” seonghwa says, “i told you you guys would get along.”

your face remains blank as you look at him, the cup of cold beer in your hand only bringing more of a chill through your body.

“and i told you i had no interest in meeting your friends.”

his eyes roll because it’s a little too late for that, eyes roaming over your face before dropping to the drink in your hand. he doesn’t comment on how red, borderline frostbitten your fingers look.

“you have any interest in finally taking a sip?” he asks, nodding toward your cup. “since it’s not your first beer and all.”

“it’s not,” you say, not knowing when or how you got so immature. it’s just something about how purely aggravating this persistent, attractive, annoying man is.

you put your lips to rim and suck down a gulp that you wouldn’t even with water, an involuntary gag leaving your mouth. seonghwa’s lips pull into a smirk, the lowest, deepest of chuckles leaving him.

it would’ve been hot if he wasn’t laughing at you.

“shut up,” you spit lowly, seonghwa’s smirk growing into a full blown smile.

a part of him wishes he didn’t find it cute, perhaps even endearing, given the circumstances, but he does. eyes roaming over you and the scowl on your face.

“it’s alright, happens with the first beer.”

you answer by getting up with a huff, disgusting beverage (if you could even call it that) left by your chair as you make your way inside. alone.

for all of five seconds.

big boots you’ve detested since the moment you laid eyes on them clobber behind you, able to just hear the smirk in his voice as he calls out your name.

“alright seonghwa, your turn,” wooyoung says, the unofficial official leader of this ridiculous game.

you were surprised to walk in to about twenty people playing truth or dare, some laid out on the floor while others were scattered on the stained couch.

it started with dares of streaking or truths of the most embarrassing moments that had you biting back a smirk, yunjin drunkenly falling into you with loud bouts of laughter.

you weren’t surprised to reunite with her and mingi in the truth or dare circle, the latter next to the boy he claims to hate but hasn’t stopped bickering with since they met in the kitchen two hours ago.

“i wouldn’t be surprised if they bang tonight,” yunjin whispered, a teasing, taunting tone in her slurred voice. “mingi likes him. i can tell.”

you let out a scoff as you smack her lightly, eyes moving to a boy who laughs out loudly. you recognize him as hongjoong, a smirk pulling at your own lips before you peek over at your roommate.

“speaking of liking people...” you mumble, yunjin’s neck nearly snapping as she turns to you.

“not you wanting to gossip about boys?” she squeals, voice uncharacteristically hushed - mingi’s verbal lashing must’ve gotten to her finally.

“hongjoong?” is all you have to say for her cheeks to turn even pinker, mumbling incoherent things under her breath.

“oh? don’t like to gossip when it’s about your crush, huh?” you tease quietly, smiling when she knocks your elbow with hers.

“so you admit, the asshole is your crush,” she slurs, even in her drunken state not forgetting to call him that.

you roll your eyes just as wooyoung’s voice catches your attention - or, more so, the question he directs at seonghwa.

“alright pussy seonghwa, i’ll ask the truth we’re all wondering,” he says, and you’d think he was being dramatic if all eyes weren’t peeled on him right now.

it’s then you notice a familiar looking girl enter the living room, not able to place her but sure you’ve seen her before; judging from how all the other familiar people have looked, you have a feeling she’s connected to seonghwa.

“oh em gee, that’s her,” yunjin says in your ear, making it clear as day she’s looking at her and then proceeding to whisper. “that’s the girl i saw seonghwa talking to.”

hana.

the girl who screeched and then stormed off, the table of men laughing like it was the funniest thing they’d ever seen; you don’t know her but you don’t have to know you don’t appreciate the way men can get a girl riled up.

her eyes seem to darken when she notices your stare, lip pulling into a sneer like she’s disgusted to see you.

her eyes seem to flash with recognition and you can confidently say now that seonghwa’s friend group, in one way or another, have been talking about you - even if they’ve been using a term as childish as teachers pet.

you hold her gaze because she doesn’t know you and, yet, she’s looking at you like you’ve offended her in some way.

she rolls her eyes when you refuse to back down, carelessly plopping herself in the main circle on the floor. her eyes immediately zone in on seonghwa, something possessive and adoring in her gaze.

against everything in you, against your vehement desire to not think of this man anymore than you have to from his insistence, you wonder what their deal is.

he said they weren’t dating but does that really mean anything coming from him?

could his definition of dating be something so completely different, where he’s leading her along without realizing it? or, worse, completely knowing it and not caring in the slightest?

judging from the look she gave you, and the way she’s looking at him, you think that’s a huge possibility.

“what’s your body count, park?”

your neck cranes to look at seonghwa who’s watching his smirking friend with a deadly look; for a second, he’s the scary, intimidating boy from physics again.

wooyoung looks to you with a wink before turning his attention back on his friend.

“the people wanna know.”

“a gentlemen never tells, woo,” seonghwa finally says, deep voice smooth and unwavering. “you know that.”

there’s a few deep chuckles mixed with sighs of exasperation, something very odd and concerning about people’s vast interest in an attractive stranger’s sex life.

“oh, c’mon, man, just tell us,” a random guy says before looking around nosily. “there’s gotta be at least two in the room right now if he doesn’t wanna say anything.”

“only two? that’s insulting,” another random chimes in.

chatter and laughter erupts in the living room and you didn’t grow nervous being apart of this game until this very moment, seeing the turn these questions were quickly, but inevitably, seeming to take.

“honestly wooyoung, that’s such an invasive fucking question,” a high-pitched, feminine voice says, your gaze following it and falling on none other than hana.

“he doesn’t have to answer.”

“oh, i’m sorry but literally who asked you, hana?” wooyoung asks, his tone meeting her snark head on. “why are you even here? don’t you have ta’s to fuck?”

“maybe you should start so you stop failing all your classes, if only they could stand you,” she snaps.

you eye seonghwa who’s watching the duo with annoyance hard on his face, about to open his mouth when wooyoung speaks again.

“the same could be said for you, hana. i dare you to sleep with a man who actually likes you.”

“pretty boy didn’t answer the question so you actually can’t give out another...” wooyoung shoots a dirty look to the drunken man who finishes his sentence with a mutter.

“dare...”

“anyway,” the self-appointed leader says, looking at seonghwa with a sarcastic smile. “before we got rudely interrupted... body count. what is it?”

“enough. more than yours,” seonghwa growls, reaching out to kick wooyoung in the foot. “now fuck off.”

his answer causes deep chuckles to fill the room, a pit sitting in your stomach that gets tighter when hana speaks again. you can feel her gaze burning right into you.

“there’s a lot of freshmen here tonight,” she proclaims, her voice with mock interest and intrigue.

you wish you didn’t but your stubbornness always outshines, lifting your eyes to meet her.

“you,” she says, your eyes narrowing at the way she spits the word. like it was a nasty piece of soggy food. “what’s your name?”

you stay silent for a few seconds, the muttering quickly halting as they sense tension in the air. you can tell seonghwa’s stiff next to you, muttering words under his breath that you can’t make out.

yunjin squeezes your arm next to you, her slurred words coming to save the day.

“well, we’re both freshmen actually! i-i’m yunjin and that’s-”

“i didn’t ask you, lavender,” hana says, her icy gaze matching the stiff, apologetic smile that crosses her face. “i asked her.”

you would sit here in silence all night if you had it your way. if it wasn’t for the way you feel yunjin’s body deflate with hurt, sinking in on herself in embarrassment.

“y/n.”

your answer is short, curt and full of bite.

you don’t offer anything more or less and even though that’s all she asked, hana narrows her cat-like eyes as if she wanted a different answer.

“y/n,” she repeats, like she’s testing it out on her tongue. “interesting,” she says, gaze moving from you to seonghwa then back to you. her red lips take on a smirk in the process.

“truth or dare, y/n?”

there’s a beat of silence before you answer, ignoring the twinge of anxiety in your stomach.

“truth.”

hana bites the inside of her cheek as she cocks her head in thought, gaze shifting to seonghwa who’s eyes are nearly black.

he wants to scream at her to stop.

to just fucking drop it and leave you alone before she blows up his spot somehow - but he can tell by the playful, conniving twinge in her eye that that’s not even close to happening.

she’s having a pissing contest where she has no right to piss.

“alright, y/n, how ‘bout you share... the craziest place you’ve had sex. easy enough, right?”

her smile is bright and cheery but doesn’t match her gaze; there’s a cold, hateful twinge in them that scares the shit out of you.

maybe people will think that’s why the color drained from your face.

why, for a split second, you tensed up, quickly scanned the room of people and fell back into your signature silence while the room ‘oooh-ed’ at her awarding winning question.

not because you didn’t wanna confess to a room full of college students that you were still a virgin but because the girl who asked you looks like she wants to drag you around by your hair.

“c’mon, y/n, that’s easy, right?” she repeats, your eyes narrowing as your chest burns to snap at her. “anywhere but a bed, really, would suffice.”

you smile sarcastically and resist the urge to roll your eyes; but the more you evade the question, the less chatter there becomes - like everyone is nosy as to why you aren’t saying the top of the empire state building or an airplane.

“isn’t that a little invasive?” you ask, using her own words against her; she must notice because the faint vein in her forehead bulges.

“oh please! it’s just a silly game, y/n.”

“it was just a silly game when seonghwa was asked, too.”

you bite back a smirk when her eyes turn black, probably from hearing you say seonghwa’s name so casually; regardless, she passes it off with a loud, girlish giggle.

“oh c’mon, little freshie!” she squeals, “we’re all waiting to hear it. it has to be pretty crazy if you’re keeping it a secret!”

it’s like she’s putting on a performance the way she cocks her head a few silent seconds later. eyes widening in surprise and then her perfectly manicured hand covering the growing smirk on her glossy mouth.

“wait a minute...” she says, looking around to just alert everyone. “you... you’ve had sex before, haven’t you?”

“hana,” seonghwa mutters warningly, a deep, low tone of his voice that never fails to make your stomach swoop.

it never occurred to him until this moment that that could be a possibility - it didn’t occur to him when he and his friends started this mess weeks ago - it’s something so far removed from his mind.

that the vulnerability and obliviousness that comes with never having sex is something he would have to consider when just trying to get with a hot, albeit nerdy, obnoxious, and self-righteous, girl.

but if he found you hot and intriguing and was just a tad more interested in you being untouched was neither here nor there - he didn’t appreciate hana doing this right in front of him.

as if she had any type of claim on him.

“what hwa! i’m just saying! it’s a pretty simple question,” she whines, throwing a pout his way before her eyes take on a lustful glint. it’s obvious to everyone in the room and you think that’s exactly her purpose.

“i know what my answer would be. i think ours would be pretty similiar.”

“i wouldn’t bet on that,” seonghwa growls, deep voice low but loud enough for a few snorts to fill the room. hana’s cheeks flame in embarrassment before she puts all the attention back on you.

to cover up her own embarrassment by causing you some.

“are you a virgin, y/n?” she asks, her nasally tone mocking and high-pitched. asking as if she’s your curious best friend and not someone trying to expose you in front of 20+ college students.

“aw, are you like saving yourself or something? that’s cute.”

no, i like had a near-death experience and secluded myself from society for two years.

you smirk at the voice in your head but hana seems to think you might find her amusing, about to open her mouth to make another snarky comment when you beat her to it.

“like you said before, these questions are pretty invasive,” you say, tone confident and even despite the anxiety wracking your system. “though i am wondering why you’re so interested in my sex life. are you always so interested in strangers like this? or is it just me?”

her cheeks flame and you have to bite back a smirk, keeping your gaze pinned on her. you miss the way seonghwa lets his smirk show, something like pride stirring behind his gaze.

“why wouldn’t i be interested in the girl that seonghwa and his friends made-”

“enough hana,” seonghwa growls suddenly, her face falling and everyone quickly turning silent at the harsh tone of his voice.

that should’ve been your first clue then.

should’ve made it obvious that seonghwa and his friends were plotting something against you, that he wasn’t trying to get to know you the way he claimed (and the way you didn’t believe in the first place).

you should’ve known that hana was in on it from the start and almost exposed it so early for the sake of getting the upper hand on you.

you would’ve thought more about it unless seonghwa’s deep, booming voice didn’t start defending you even more.

“oh, c’mon, hwa, little freshman is being a total freakin-”

“her name’s y/n,” seonghwa says, keeping his tone low as he cuts her off. his eyes are burning with darkness, completely unamused, and making your stomach swoop way more than you care to admit.

“and you’re starting to look stupid, hana. just move on.”

there’s a chorus of “ooohs,” and snorts, one most definitely from wooyoung, that causes her cheeks to flame.

she shoots you a look like you’re the one trying to publicly humiliate her, her narrowed gaze like daggers into your soul before she stands up.

“whatever. this is lame anyway.”

“you’re lame. stupid even,” wooyoung says, hana throwing him the finger with her long, manicured red nails. she gives one last fleeting look at seonghwa who pointedly ignores her gaze.

you can see the miraculous difference between high school and college within just minutes after hana leaves, the game carrying on as if nothing happened.

there were a few nosy looks thrown your way, some of sympathy, some of pity, maybe even some perverted ones of intrigue, but the game went on.

the questions stayed sexual in nature, with people who had a lot more to say than you, but nobody seemed to care that hana insinuated you were a virgin - nobody except the boy and his friends who placed a bet for you to sleep with him.

“does that change the stakes?” they’ll ask next week in lunch, feeling nowhere near as funny as they did weeks ago.

“yeah, it makes them greater! laundry for at least a year then.”

seonghwa will laugh but it won’t feel completely right.

the others will poke fun and say things even they know are callous but “a bet is a bet at the end of the day.”

hana will make another appearance and watch as seonghwa approaches you, that soft, charming smile she hasn’t seen in years on his face.

but for now, you can only sit there with yunjin beside you knowing there are probably questions sitting on the edge of her tongue.

beside seonghwa who’s desperately trying to meet your gaze, read a vibe off you although it’s been damn near impossible since the moment he’s met you - he’s only ever been able to read animosity.

the more you sit there and listen to questions, the more you feel yunjin’s drunken, nosy gaze on you and think about stupid hana’s insinuations that you’re saving yourself, you feel yourself get hotter and hotter.

hot with what, you don’t know.

embarrassment because everyone in this room is probably somewhat experienced?

rage because she tried to do it on purpose?

or maybe because she reminded you of what your loss and grief ripped from you. how every part of your life, even not getting laid, can be related back to that.

how empty and worthless and depressed you felt.

how the only way you knew how to cope was shutting yourself off completely. not feeling anything, not seeing anyone, spending your youth as a closed off, shell of a person.

how you swore that’s exactly what you were gonna do here because you needed to graduate and get the best grades and prove to her that you’d be able to-

“i need air,” you mumble to yunjin, chest tight with the impending doom of an anxiety attack.

“i-i can come with y-”

“it’s okay,” you say, shaking your head as you get up quickly. “i won’t be long.”

you’re grateful to see the front yard is void of people, plopping down on the concrete stairs. you shakily inhale the cold fall air, closing your eyes at the faint burn in your lungs.

you take all the slow, deep breaths you take when it’s 3 am and your pulled from sleep.

when you have to be in the car for longer than ten minutes and you think about how much your life, even two years later, is still impacted by that rainy day.

being surrounded by people usually helps, usually takes your mind off it, but not when they’re throwing all these experiences in your face.

not when your grief can resurface at any given moment and you’re at a fucking party you didn’t wanna go to in the first place; it only makes you feel bad the more you think about it.

how, even though you know deep down she’d want you to have these experiences, you can’t do it without feeling so hopelessly guilty.

you can’t imagine ever living your life happily while doing things she isn’t able to do; a parent wants best for their child but a child also wants their parent to be-

“so... first drink, first kiss, first assault charge, i really was taking your firsts,” you hear a familiar voice say behind you, quickly blinking the tears that were daring to prick your eyes.

you smell his cologne when he plops down next to you, his large, imposing frame like a huge black cloud next to you; he rivals the one above your head at all times.

“seonghwa...” you growl out quietly, able to hear the heavy defeat and annoyance in your own voice; you don’t even have to look at him to know he’s watching you.

to know, for whatever reason, he’s not gonna let you sit out here alone.

“if i didn’t want yunjin out here with me, what makes you think i want you here?”

“what makes you think you have a choice?”

you don’t know whether you want to huff and get up silently or start screaming insult after insult at him. tell him you always have a choice and that he can fuck right off or just hope that, for once, the silence will get to him and he’ll leave.

that the game you’ve learned to play so well, sitting in silence and making it count, will be the very thing to-

“i’m sorry about hana.”

of all the things he could’ve said, you didn’t think it was gonna be that; the wary, questioning look you throw his way causes his lips to pull into an annoyingly handsome smirk.

you hate the smirks that look like that.

“she could be... a lot.”

“a lot? is that the word to use?” you mutter, a short chuckle leaving him that causes your lips to quirk.

“a lot. mean. vindictive. take your pick.”

“possessive of her secret boyfriend, perhaps?”

there’s a tick in his jaw that you can’t help but notice, eyes rolling as he shakes his head.

“not her boyfriend. not even her secret boyfriend.”

“so what, she’s just obsessed with you?” you ask, sarcasm heavy in your tone. “it’s obvious that’s what that was about.”

“hey, you said it, not me.”

you can’t help but scoff in disgust, his arrogance and grandiosity off-putting; you choose for the both of you sit in silence so maybe, he’ll notice his flaws and check himself into some sort of facility.

the loud cheers and booming music can still be heard from the house, the crisp night air blowing in your face. you seem to crave the cold when you’re in crisis, when any emotion is too overwhelming and leaving you in distress.

“for real, though, i’m sorry she did that. it wasn’t cool,” seonghwa says, something quiet and genuine slipping into his tone.

you don’t know what or how to respond when he talks to you like that. when he seems serious and sweet, like he’s trying to have a real conversation and not silly banter.

“it’s fine,” you finally say, shrugging your shoulders as a chill runs through you. “i didn’t care.”

“so you’re not, like, saving yourself or whatever?”

that should’ve been your second clue - him needing to know that. him confirming with you right then and there if you wanted your first to be meaningful.

all in all, you throw him a dirty side-eye.

“i’m not having this conversation with you.”

he smirks because he can hear the slightest hint of amusement in your tone, te smallest of smiles pulling at your lips.

“why? the goal tonight was to get to know each other.”

“okay then, are you saving yourself?” you ask, before your eyes narrow playfully. “or is your body count being higher than wooyoung’s such a grand thing?”

“wooyoung’s the biggest virgin i’ve ever met so...”

you giggle despite yourself.

your heart jumps when you notice his eyes roam over your face as you laugh. when you allow your arms to touch for the briefest of seconds as he knocks your elbow with his.

“don’t tell him i said that. his rep depends on it.”

“yeah, that seems super important to him.”

you lick over your lips as your gaze travels over the front yard, the quiet residential neighborhood full of so much tragedy to have a frat house on the block.

there’s a few outdoor games splayed across the yard, the flickering street lamps lighting up the patchy grass.

“you wanna play?”

you turn to see seonghwa watching you, swallowing as you notice just how close you are. peering up into his dark, attractive gaze and your breath hitching as he moves closer.

“or do you wanna almost kiss again?”

your eyes drop to his mouth only because he said the word kiss, meeting his gaze again with your eyes narrowed.

“we- we didn’t almost kiss.”

you stutter only because it’s cold.

“if you keep looking at me like that, you’ll be right,” he mutters, finger coming up to swipe across your lower lip. “we’ll definitely kiss.”

you swallow thickly and feel utterly entranced by him.

you wanna pull your body away from him, pull your face away from his somehow warm finger that’s touching your lip, but you can’t.

you wanna remember how fucking obnoxious he is, how he forced you to come here and will continue to annoy you after tonight, but you can’t.

your heart is pounding, your stomach is fluttering and you feel something in your body that you’ve never felt before - it scares you how much he makes you finally feel something when you’ve been empty for so long.

“i... what game were you talking about before?”

you get back to the dorm around 2 a.m with a mostly sober yunjin, who puked on the walk back to campus, and a drunk in love mingi who swears he’s never felt this way before.

“he... he makes me so fucking mad but, like, i love it?” mingi says, like he’s finding it incredibly difficult to understand this concept. “he’s funny and sarcastic and witty but also so fucking hot, i just wanna-”

“oh shut the fuck up already,” yunjin sighs, slapping her hands atop her head. “if you’re gonna be like this, then literally do not hang out with us anymore. i will be positively sick.”

“aw, you sound bitter, yunjin,” mingi says, a fake pout on his face. “is it because you’re gonna die alone?”

“it’s because you’re the sappiest excuse of a man i’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting in my...”

you smirk as you block their voices out on the way up to the dorm, mind foolishly floating back to the night - or, more specifically, the end of it.

if someone told you you’d end the night hating seonghwa a little less, you wouldn’t have believed them. that you’d somehow, someway, secretly come to find him just a little tolerable, you’d laugh in their face.

but there’s something about being able to run around and laugh with someone like you have no worries that gets to a person.

you never played kanjam before and it showed, taking 20 minutes of seonghwa explaining it and another 15 of a mock demonstration for you to finally understand the point of the game - but once you two got it going, it was on.

his deep chuckle rang through the cold air every time you missed it.

he let out a loud curse and accusation of cheating on the semi-rare occasion you got it in.

you walked over and kicked his can over when he blatantly cheated, something so lightweight and playful in your system, you have no idea where it came from.

you forgot what it felt like to experience that, even if only for a little bit; mingi and yunjin promptly came running outside what felt like only moments later, your roommate running past you to vomit in the street.

“is that yunjin?” seonghwa asks.

he was stood in front of you after your battle for the frisbee, your head turning around to see her keeled over in the street. mingi was holding her hair back but laughing hysterically at her.

“it absolutely is,” you mumble, shaking your head at the girl slapping mingi. “great.”

“damn. dealing with that and losing kanjam. how could your night get any worse?”

you whip your head back around at him.

“i didn’t lose.”

“you didn’t win.”

you roll your eyes despite the smile pulling on your lips, hearing yunjin whine out mingi’s name; you turn back again to see him puking now.

“i should probably go.”

“that fucking sucks,” seonghwa chuckles, his shit-eating grin lighting up his face and only more when you reach out and smack him in the arm.

“not helping,” you mutter, seonghwa quirking a brow and drawing his body just a little closer to yours.

“oh? is that an invitation to go back to your dorm and help you with them?” he asks, “i would love nothing more than to-”

you turn around and only get a few steps away before he’s pulling you back, a deep chuckle leaving his mouth.

“hey, it was just a joke,” he says, arms up in innocence as you blankly stare at him - you guys are quickly back to that. “happy you came tonight.”

your stupid little heart flutters despite yourself.

“you didn’t give me much of a choice, now did you?”

a smile pulls at his lips that, in turn, seems to affect yours as well. weird.

“i guess i didn’t, no,” seonghwa says, shaking his head as his eyes roam over you. “but are you that mad about it now?”

because he felt the change too.

saw it in how, for the first time since he’s known you, your guard dropped ever so slightly and he saw a twinge of happiness in your eyes.

“i guess not, no,” you say softly, voice barely above a whisper as you confess the impossible. “but i’ll never come to one of these again.”

and that, you’re positive, is a promise. you don’t care how much fun you had playing this stupid lawn game.

“that’s fair,” seonghwa says, “we can hang out other places.”

you don’t even wanna think about what he’s considering right now, entertain the idea of anything after tonight being something other than physics classmates - so you roll your eyes and ground yourself.

prepare to be back to your normal self, your normal dynamic, by the time monday rolls around.

“don’t bet on it.”

if you could feel the way his heart dropped at your words, he’d be fucked. absolutely fucked. he rolls his eyes for so but takes a slight step back from you.

“see you monday?” he asks, a glint in his eye that causes you to roll yours; you two won’t be like this then.

you won’t be.

you can’t.

“see you monday. in the back.”

“we’ll see about that.”

“yeah? well we’ll see about that, you stupid fuck. i give it a day and a half before you drop to your knees and-”

“inside voices,” you chastise quietly as the elevator dings open, the three of you meeting the hallway of your dorm room.

mingi and yunjin hobble over each other clumsily, running down the hallway like children in a hotel before they crash in front of the door. you slip your key in like an exhausted parent, biting back a smirk when they crash inside.

“shotty the right!”

“you know i sleep on the right!”

“you sleep in the middle like a selfish bitch!”

it feels like it takes hours before you, yunjin and mingi are all laying down, the two of them curled up in her bed while you watch them in amusement.

you’re happy they’re here for several reasons but the first being so your mind can’t wander back to how tonight felt.

how it felt to be happy and carefree.

how it felt to be flirting with a boy you thought was cute.

how it felt to, for a moment, think about how life could be if you weren’t destined to-

“so, y/n, i know i was busy, you know, puking my fucking guts out,” yunjin says, “but me and mingi both know what we saw.”

you know that guard has to go back up and quick.

you know you can’t allow yourself for a second to consider gossiping and giggling and sharing secrets like you three are a bunch of-

“oh? and what exactly did you two see?”

“you and the asshole giggling! you and the asshole playing games! you and the asshole looking so flirty and fun and into each other, it’s like you guys are only seconds away from fuck-”

“yunjin! she’s literally a virgin! weren’t you there for truth or dare?”

“of course i was there!” yunjin spits, “that bitch hana totally embarrassed me, her sleazy fucking ass. next time she looks at me, i’m gonna- wait. y/n. are you... are you actually a-”

“i’m not having this conversation with you two,” you grumble, shaking your head at the both of them huddled under the blanket. “you won’t even remember and i’ll have to repeat myself at some point.”

“won’t remember? why- why wouldn’t we remember?” yunjin asks, “you really think we wouldn’t remember anything you tell us?”

“i think that you guys are so drunk, mingi won’t even remember yunh-”

“yunho? yunho! did someone say yunho?” mingi yelps, sitting up and pulling the blanket completely off yunjin. “ugh. i love that man, you guys. i’m for real. i love him so much, i think i’m gonna start-”

“oh, my god!” yunjin screeches, your own drama forgotten as she smacks mingi with her pillow. “shut. the. fuck. up! i swear to god, mingi, i’m gonna...”

you smile to yourself as you watch the two best friends fight and argue, telling yourself that tonight and tonight only can you go to bed with the thought of park seonghwa on your mind.

because once next week comes, you have to go back to hating him.

part 4: coming soon

tag list: @atinyarmyx1 @baekhvuns @markleeyeosang @nlost21 @lost-midnight-flower @toothlessshiber @seonghwanotes @harry-the-pottypus @cherryatiny @sweetteez @mirror-juliet @sanraes @yeombin @jess-1404 @youre-a-wallflower-charlie @justineasian @kpopwh0r3 @atinct @hwashope @marsophilia @atzcoke @ateezinmymind @yeosangsbiceps @mel-the-mad-hatter @takoyakibinnie @kingmeloverse @atz-diary @uzumakioden @haliwithluvv @rdiamond2727 @xirenex @parkjiminiemouse @lix-freckle3 @kpopnightingale @kpop-choco @hwaddict @lemontiny @seonghwarizon @nevieatiny @eastleighsblog @cityhrj @effulgentfireflies @linahopeeeee @kunhye @havetaeminforbreakfast @diorwoo @san4lyfer @criesinchaos @mangotexts @dei-lilxc (also no offense but who tf was gonna tell me you could only have 50 mentions a post??? no wonder so many of u mfs weren’t being tagged)

#the amount of fucking times #i write in a fic #the prey vs predator line #is ridiculous #the animal kingdom is shaking #seonghwa #seonghwa angst #seonghwa fluff #ateez #ateez angst #ateez fluff #seonghwa scenarios #seonghwa series #ateez scenarios #ateez series #seonghwa imagines #ateez imagines

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