#is seen in the mirror but it isnt clear LMAO

[nctsworld]

[alienpupy]

About your top surgery:

Firstly, though, hoi! I'd like to say that I am happy for you, but I don't really feel happiness. Just nothing. But I am proud of you that you got the top surgery and seem very happy about it.

And going through your posts about it, I realize that I want top surgery, too. But I'm also genuinely afraid of the post-surgery time. And this makes me wonder, were you nervous or anxious before the surgery? (Also, apologies for the rambles and for not feeling the happiness for you)

no worries im happy to talk abt it :] i was anxious in the weeks and days coming up to the surgery, yea, but it was more anxiety abt stuff around the surgery than the procedure itself (like, ik several people who got top surgery at the same clinic and everything n they're super reputable so i wasnt worried about the medical aspect, just the preparations + i had to move appartments 10 days before the surgery + had to pack up AGAIN bc im actually staying with my parents for a month or two bc you absolutely need ppl to assist you with stuff during early recovery)

the closest thing to anxiety abt the actual surgery i had was one time a few weeks before it i was like "wait. what if i don't actually want this what if this is a mistake" and then to test it i put a bra and tshirt on and realized yeah no absolutely not thats just pointless self-doubt and i still hate these

it was rlly surreal tho if im being honest? idk if its even fully hit me that this was real and actually happened. I've wanted top surgery since i was like 13 but obv for most of that it felt like it was really distant in the future, and yet now that im flat it just feels. normal? like im still super early recovery so i havent actually seen my chest w/o the bandages yet but still just looking in the mirror with the bandages flat on my chest it just looks natural to me. its been less than a week and im already forgetting what it was like to have tits lmao (altho to be fair i've been binding for years so its not like they were ever a huge part of my life, just a major inconvenience)

and post-surgery really isnt that bad. i've complained about the weird nerve stuff, yea, but that does clear up eventually (altho ik it usually take years for the nerves to fully 100% heal, they're the slowest thing to regenerate). I've had basically zero pain, but i was still prescribed pain meds to take if i need them and given a lot of advice for healing as best as possible. the most important thing is definitely to have someone (or multiple people) be able to take time off to help you with everything (like, from food to drains to making sure you're comfortable and checking on you, you're not supposed to move your arms a lot or lift anything heavy for the first 6-ish weeks).

Post-op depression can be a thing for a lot of people too, but it hasnt hit me (at least not yet) and it can be avoided/mitigated by making sure you're not alone. having friends over, or calling people, making sure you still have games or movies or art to keep u occupied helps a ton.

also i dont think i've said it here before but i got top surgery at GRC montreal, and gender-affirming surgeries are covered by the government here in canada. I sent my paperwork/referral stuff there in may of last year, and it took them a couple months for each stage of processing but they gave me my surgery date (june 7th) a couple of months before, so (not counting the time to get a gender dysphoria diagnosis + letters from doctors and therapists and junk) i only had to wait about a year.

[meowingfawn]

my relation to my fict. types

a little self explanatory, a post about (at least some of) what connects me to my ficto kintypes honestly for some it isnt super clear, brain just went 'me'. i think ill leave the ones that have that feeling out since i wont really have much to say about them

i think all of these guys also have the feeling of "thats me" so i wont be including that in the info, but i do feel connected to them all with a sense of, thats me.

with that stated, lets start!

frisk

trauma, also probably influenced by a connection to undertale as a whole. i think the other ways i feel like them other than trauma are like, appearance, feeling pure of heart in a way while also feeling like you are the farthest from innocent. undertale feels like a familiar place to me, even though i actually was never heavily involved the fandom (and i dont even know all/majority of the lore! ive never done a genocide run, or seen a playthrough of one. just bits and pieces of a lot of lore)

steven universe

trauma heavily, its actually kind of weird how similar our traumas are, as well as literally so many small aspects of our lives. i could go on and on about things in our lives that are basically mirrored but not sure if i would feel comfortable with that lmao. other than that, yet again i am very bonded to steven universe as a franchise. the places dont feel the same as undertale, i can assume this is because undertale is a game and i usually feel like i am 'there' when im playing games, and shows you dont really get that, more so just observing everything. (unless you make fan content or indulge in fanfiction ofc)

twice/jin bubaigawara

trauma and sense of identity. i have really weird system stuff that i feel relates to twice's experiences. also, strange addition to this but i find that i do the back and forth with myself like twice does, im not sure if its my tics or what but sometimes i will just say stuff that sounds aggressive and i follow it up by something more sweet, or trying to comfort or apologize to whatever i just insulted or complained about (its like. almost always not actually a person). not sure if ive done that recently, tbh i dont pay attention to it much anymore.

himiko toga

honestly, i feel her obsessive behavior very much, its somewhat a cope on my end but mentally ill as i am i have become very obsessed with people like this sometimes! as well as just. being very not normal about men sometimes, plinKing rn. (/ref) this one is pretty personal to me but i feel like i take some comfort in relating to toga. i do feel like i have been doing better mentally when it comes to this stuff, but it still makes me feel better to hold her close in my mind and know she is just like me.

tomura shigaraki

i need to rewatch mha. i need to rewatch mha...i dont remember that much about this kin feeling- i think honestly it was getting muddled between system-related stuff and kin stuff, but i do still feel a connection to shigaraki, i feel like its wishy washy on if he feels like 'me' or not. still included it for the sake of saying this

gir

EXTREME silly, just like me. weirdly emotionally shifting between upset and silly, and also sometimes serious. relate. also i am such a little guy, i am !!!!!

[tadashiwa]

karasuno boys reacting to you sending nudes for the first time

features: hinata, kageyama, tanaka, nishinoya, tsukishima, yamaguchi, daichi, sugawara, & asahi

hinata shoyo

he absolutely loses his fucking mind

you innocently texted him "guess what i bought :D" and he obviously asked to see

and there u were. kneeling in front of a mirror. in white lingerie. and its so sheer you might as well be wearing nothing.

it's not hinata's first time seeing you in a position like this, but oh my god you sent him a picture just for him to keep all for himself of you looking like this—

he's painfully hard almost instantly, sitting back against his headboard and pulling his cock out of his shorts

instantly becomes a babbling mess and cant form thoughts

kageyama tobio

you didn't realize that oikawa was eyeing you like a man starved when you and kageyama ran into him

but kageyama sure did

and he wasn't gonna let it go

he didn't blame you, but he was just generally agitated until he dropped you off at home

but when his phone lit up with a text from you as he was brushing his teeth he didn't think twice about it, expecting a simple good night text

but he was met with a picture of you with one of his old jerseys on, the hem of the jersey in his mouth, your bare chest on display for him

kageyama forgot how to breathe

bestie if you dont answer his damn calls

tanaka

you and tanaka had been friends for a while, but you had just recently entered what one would call the "talking" stage

even when you were just friends tanaka never shied away from telling you how attractive he thought you were

and then one night you were feeling yourself, so you thought: fuck it

you texted him asking if he wanted to see this really hot picture you had taken of yourself

obviously he said yes

but what he was Not Expecting was a picture of you holding your tits in the shower, covered in soap bubbles, with your arm covering your nipples

tanaka LOST IT

he lives to serve u

nishinoya

you're sitting on nishinoya's bed as he throws a volleyball up and down at the ceiling

you're complaining about this boy you had been talking to, and nishinoya is trying his hardest not to just tell you how in love he is with you

and

and then

u have the nerve

to say

"and i sent him this really good nude and he literally just sent the thumbs up emoji—"

and then nishinoya is seeing RED

not only did this prick have the pleasure—no—PRIVILEGE—to see you naked, but he didn't even APPRECIATE IT

noya's just joking around when he says "i would NEVER—" and then he starts ranting about how to hype up a girl

but when you say "next time i'll send my nudes to you" and he can't tell if you're joking

but you're CLEARLY not joking when that night you send him a picture of your naked body on display—

he tries to play it cool but hes FREAKING OUT

tsukishima kei

you and tsukishima had been dating for a few weeks

he's clowning you because he thinks you're innocent as hell💔💔

so obviously you've gotta prove otherwise

so you send him a picture of the tattoo in between your tits

he's not even sure if you meant for the picture to be so fucking hot but there you both are and he's looking at your tattoo and he just wants to RUIN YOU—

and he's gotta make sure you know that

tadashi yamaguchi

god bless him

youre gonna actually cause him to drop dead one day

you two had done things with each other before and yamaguchi wasn't a stranger to your body

he obviously still short ciruits every time he as much as thinks about you like that though

one day, when your phone dies, you borrow his phone really quickly

but then a text from tsukishima comes through

"youre paranoid. y/n isnt gonna think u have a thing for thigh highs if u buy them a few pairs for their birthday"

and then u get an Idea.

u ordered a pair of thigh highs that night and poor yams has no idea whats coming

when they come in the mail you put on one of his shirts, the socks, and nothing else

you sit on your calves and bunch up the shirt in your hands and spread your legs juuuust enough for yamaguchi to see how turned on you are

you send him a picture and tadashi literally dies LMAO

he cant even express how bad he needs u

and u dont really grasp it until u see him again

good luck bestie

daichi sawamura

you and daichi had been together for a little over a year

he was away and you hadn't seen him for a while and you needed him

thankfully, the feeling was reciprocated

daichi made this clear when he texted you from his hotel room at 2am LMAO

my boy needs u expeditiously 💔🙏

he asks if you're awake because he wants to hear your voice

when he calls you and you can hear that his voice is a bit strained you know exactly whats going on

"daichi? you're touching yourself aren't you?"

"yeah. yeah, i am, i'm sorry i just need you so bad—" he whines

"don't stop." you state bluntly

and then daichi hears clothes rustling

and then you start moaning and whining and oh my fucking god

when you hang up to go to sleep he texts you thanking you

so you bless him again

rip daichi fr fr

Sugawara Koshi

you and suga were friends

yet you both knew that with how attracted you were to each other it was only a matter of time

and then one night you're both at a party and someone has the genius idea to play truth or dare

you and suga are both a bit tipsy and so obviously you agree

and then someone dares you to let suga give you a hickey

and then you're straddling suga's lap and he's sucking on the sweet spot on your neck and holy shit

he pretends he doesn't hear you whimper over the music and you pretend you don't feel him growing in his pants

eventually you both go home and by this point you're both sobered up

and holy shit is the hickey on your neck is big

you send a picture to suga to show him his work

but you intentionally make sure he can see your bare chest

asahi azumane

this fucking man

has NO IDEA what he does to you

he sends you a mirror selfie at the gym holding up a peace sign because its just a little thing that the both of you do

and his thighs look so. fucking. good.

and so you decide your boyfriend deserves a shot of your glorious thighs right back

so youre wearing one of his shirts and nothing else and lay on your stomach with your ass in the air

and you look so cute

and asahi almost drops dead where he stands from arousal

its what this gorgeous man deserves for living rent free in your head like this

authors note: this was fun :) send me requests!!!!

[gh0stwriting]

may I request hcs for Jason, Thomas and Wall Boy with a S/O who's very tall, maybe even taller than them and v v insecure about it at times 👉👈 maybe cause they're not this petite, cute figure they feel like they have to be

(yall out here wanting to be giraffes lmao same im 5’3. but also apparently most of the hella tall slashers are 6’5 so i changed it up a lil)

JASON VOORHEES

(him= 6’7. you= 6’4)

hes thankful for your height because he wasnt about to break his spine just for some affection, he loves you but he also loves being able to stand up straight.

you actually met in your last year at the camp, well, he saw you, you were fiddling with your swimsuit and mandatory lifejacket trying to somehow stretch them to fit more comfortably, to no avail. you got in the canoe with your friends and actually saw him but didnt scream, as you thought he was dead.

turns out he isnt, shocker, and took a liking to you for not instantly being terrified of him. you frequently woke up to see flashes of a hockey mask in the cabin window but just played it off as a nightmare or lucid dream.

you eventually started to have one sided conversations with him out in the woods and it evolved into how you are now, whether youd call it love or not. if youre ever visibly insecure hed just kinda eye you for a minute and not do anything unless it was really bad, then hed let you cuddle him or whatever you wanted to do with little objection.

also he makes it very clear that he actually prefers the fact that youre tall and loves you exactly how you are, no matter your appearance. also just because he prefers your height doesnt mean hed hate/kill you if you were short, it just makes things a lot easier.

THOMAS HEWITT

(him=6’5. you= 6’6)

hes never met anyone taller than him and is honestly intimidated but like him, you’re mostly a gentle giant with a heart of gold. but considering you’re taller than Thomas you’re also taller than the whole Hewitt family, that doesn’t stop them from messing with you though.

you have been known to help the family with their “activities”. acting like you were a victim too and then using the sheer size difference between you and the stranger to take them down and hand them off to Thomas. we dont talk about that though.

though most people are jealous of your height, its not all that great all the time. especially with the fact that most of your clothes are just ever so slightly too short but you cant go and buy more.

Thomas physically refuses to let you be insecure about your height for more than a minute though. if he sees you looking in the mirror and focusing on your legs or trying to pull your skirt/pants down more than what would be considered normal then he’ll grab your hands and just stare at you with the love of Cupid himself.

this man literally loves you so much and will not let you think badly of yourself for a second, he’ll do anything in his power to make you as confident as you can be and will be visibly upset if you talk badly about yourself.

BRAHMS HEELSHIRE

(him= 6’3. you= 6’5)

he already has enough trouble running through the walls with his height, evident by the huge chunks broken out of the support beams from where hes obviously hit his head and the cracks lining the top of his mask from the force of the impact. so have fun trying to go anywhere inside the walls with him.

he actually finds it kinda cute that youre taller than him and it kinda makes him feel like a kid because he has to look up at you, if that makes sense. but he loves everything about you, and if youre a little clumsy because of your height he finds it even cuter.

at times you feel like youre a doll in a dollhouse, what with the mansion and your porcelain faced boyfriend, but those thoughts are often soured by the negative thoughts of how dolls dont look like you do, theyre usually small and fresh faced and cute, which youve never seen yourself as. but brahms does, and he makes sure you know how cute he finds you with nicknames like “doll” and “button” and borderline aggressive compliments.

he’ll carry you around the house even if you say youre too tall for that, but he’ll deny it and ask you to carry him too, its just fun to him. he’ll also do stupid things like play tag with you but inside the walls, and if you happen to get hurt, expect a dozen bandaids per scratch because he thinks thats how it works, dont tell him the truth though you might break his heart.

also he’d find it funny and cute if you tried to put things just out of his reach, because that means you underestimate his willingness to climb on the counters or whatever he has to just to get what you tried to hide.

[blookmallow]

i finally rewatched Us watching for details... I also took a bunch of screenshots, I’ve mentioned before I live in santa cruz and grew up going to this boardwalk so im obsessed with this movie, I’m going to go try to take some better comparison shots sometime (here’s a few I took before) (and here’s a Tethered mannequin that was outside of the frightwalk for a while. i havent been inside for ages so I don’t know if they moved him inside or if he’s just gone now) (i HOPE they did something with the theme considering the frightwalk is literally a horror attraction beneath the boardwalk. i dont really want to go in there by myself though lmao. not a fan of animatronics jumping out and screaming at me) 

this is a lot, i have many things to say 

-----------------

- the opening news segment is 11 at 11 

- you can faintly see adelaide/red’s reflection in the tv screen, with a toy rabbit (her shirt also has twin lines on it in multiple places but that could be looking too far lmao) 

- in the “Hands Across America” segment (aside from the obvious red figures linked together in the logo) : “from the golden gate bridge to the twin towers” another possible 11/twinning, and it starts in california, which is where the tethered revolution begins 

- on “from sea to shining sea” the exact same coastline image is just flipped 

(there’s also another 11 on the side of the TV here) 

- “This summer, 6 million people will tether themselves together” 

- brief mirroring in the boardwalk ad, not just two girls running on the beach but also two girls with upside down reflections in the ground, 

- fairly obvious one, but “find yourself” (as a sidenote there’s nothing in that spot irl, the roller coaster and the swings are real but there was never a ‘vision quest’ or a ‘merlin forest’ as far as I know and there’s no door or anything there either, the interior shots must’ve been done separately somewhere else) (nothing’s left here from the movie now either, I have no idea when they filmed it because I never saw anything or heard anything about it) 

- adelaide/red whistles “the itsy bitsy spider” when the lights go out in the vision quest - “down came the rain and washed the spider out,” it’s raining outside when her tethered comes up (and she is dragged down). she also drops her red apple on the ground before she enters 

- zora’s rabbit shirt 

- everyone else is eating fast food of some kind, except adelaide, who is eating red strawberries 

as well as being a visual cue, its possible she has an aversion to meat if she was forced to eat raw rabbit as a child

- young adelaide arranging animals in the sand (it seems like some of the tethered tend to mirror their counterpart’s movements, so it’s possible she’s mirroring red, though it’s probably not that likely she’d be planning this early/the dance hasnt happened yet so its probably just foreshadowing) 

- young adelaide very pointedly watches “her” mother crying, saying “I just want my little girl back” - she will never have her little girl back again, though she doesn’t know it (I’m not sure if adelaide still remembers what she’s done at this point either) 

its also mentioned that ‘grandma’ has passed away as of the present time, likely adelaide’s mother (i dont remember if its stated outright but since the house belonged to the grandma, and it’s in santa cruz, that would line up) so. the tethered mother, if she’s still alive, would not kill red’s real mother in the uprising. dont know about the father, or if red knows/cares about this, but. thats there. that also means the original mother will never know what happened with her daughter (likely the father won’t either, it’s not clear if he’s still alive but there’s no mention of him being around/he’s not at the house so it seems likely he passed already too) 

- adelaide, her reflection, and a (not so) itsy bitsy spider 

theres even two spiders, one a toy, one real 

- jason crawls out of a cabinet at zora’s feet and scares her while she’s looking in a mirror (which is also a very pluto-like movement) 

- adelaide finds the toy rabbit in a box; assuming the intro was chronological, we saw “her” with it in the tv screen reflection before she went to the boardwalk, so this was red’s rabbit first (she probably does not remember this, though) (red also later finds this and cuts off the head, not sure why though)

- adelaide “sees” her child self in the room with her (in her memory) learning her dance alongside her reflection

 but the reflection is the one she “sees” looking directly at her 

(she’s also interrupted by hearing her son, above her, screaming because he’s trapped, but that might not be intentional) (though when red comes down here later, she is also interrupted by her son getting stuck in the closet too)

- she’s also wearing a choker necklace with a matching gold bracelet, maybe an allusion to. the choking and the handcuffs, again i might be looking into it too much, but. the white clothes which steadily become red with blood seems very intentional so i wouldnt be surprised if the jewelry was planned specifically too 

- its really hard to see and its a split second throwaway comment but kitty goes “oh isnt that beautiful” showing her the magazine and i thhiiiink thats a white girl in a native american headdress :’  ) probably doesnt have. much deeper meaning other than ‘clueless white friends’ but 

- guy buried in sand comes bursting to the surface again and scares his friends (also eyyooooo you can see the wharf in the background im down there all the time) (sorry this is still wild to me. i grew up here ive been to that beach like 9 million times)

- i didnt catch it and was waiting for it to be shown again and it wasnt and i dont want to go back for it but anyway jason has a drawing of a bunch of people holding hands in a line like the hands across america thing in his room, theres a lot of drawings around and we see his drawing of the first untethered, so he probably drew that as well

- jason has a hard time communicating, but he seems to use drawing as a way to express himself. he doesn’t tell his mother about the encounter with the old man (and only shrugs when he’s asked about it) but he does draw it. adelaide found self expression through dance when she was a child before she was able to talk, so he probably got those traits from her. her voice also goes low and hollow on the line “I just didn’t know if you were lost, or... taken” 

- her voice also gets very strange when she’s talking about her memory of the encounter in the vision quest. low, shaky, harsh. its fascinating hearing how much alike the voices are (obviously they’re both the same actress/if the tethered are clones it makes sense that they’d have identical vocal chords but like. red’s got a fucked up voice. hearing echos of that in adelaide is wild and i didnt notice it at all before) 

- its not clear whether adelaide actually remembers what she did, or even realizes she was the copy - is she trying to protect her family from what she believes was the girl who almost took her, or trying to stop her from getting her revenge? she describes the event to gabe as if she was the one who was attacked but escaped, and im not sure if she’s lying or has convinced herself that’s the truth

something’s going on with jason and pluto too but I don’t quite know what it is. when we first see jason he’s wearing a Jaws shirt, kind of a similar vibe to the thriller shirt, and when the tethered arrive he’s wearing a white tuxedo t shirt, white matching his mother’s white outfit. the others all go off to kill their doubles but pluto holds jason’s hand, sits with him quietly, watches his magic trick, he’s told to go “play” which. obviously has a violent undertone to it but he doesn’t actually try to kill him. i dont even remember seeing him with the scissors. why are jason and pluto different. why does pluto get stuck mirroring jason’s movements even to the point of his death but the others dont. why didn’t adelaide mirror red

i guess its possible its because pluto is the youngest in the family so maybe he hasn’t broken out of his connection yet? they didnt really ever explain how they learned to do that 

and as for the connection with adelaide it. could just be that jason takes after his mom more and zora takes after her dad more but that seems too simple. i mean theres the theory going around that jason was actually switched with his clone too at some point and its got some good points (jason forgetting the magic trick, getting stuck in the closet again, etc) but theres a whole line of logic to debunk that too so its just. What’s Going On Here  

cal 11 

i took the first pic to get a comparison shot at the same place later irl but then noticed the ambulance they come across is the same one (#2) they saw earlier 

pretty obvious but the real rabbit comes out through the picture of an identical rabbit (there’s also probably a “rabbit hole” allusion here) 

i noticed this before too but now i have a screenshot of it, im the rabbit in the background just chilling on the floor during the climax here

- im sure i must have seen this before but i forgot about it. the 11:11 guy’s tethered didn’t have a sign so he just.......carved it into his head

- it never healed, either, he did it badly enough to scar

- red says “I couldn’t stop thinking about you, how you could have taken me with you” - she doesn’t mean adelaide ran off and left her there. adelaide made the choice to trap her in the underground. its possible red might have even been thinking how she would have let adelaide come with her if given the chance, which. i mean, i dont know how her parents would have reacted to suddenly having identical twins out of nowhere, but like. knowing there’s a chance red might have accepted her. and all this could have been different 

this is definitely a movie that’s not really intended to be fully explained, there’s a lot of questions that aren’t really supposed to be answered, but nonetheless one of my biggest concerns is where do the clothes come from underground. red tells us they were all abandoned down there generations ago so nobody’s supervising or providing anything. how do they end up with copies of the clothing their counterparts are wearing. and here adelaide has a messed up faded old shirt that either looks similar to red’s shirt or is the same shirt just badly damaged, she switches it with red’s before she goes out for good so that explains how she gets the new shirt, but where did this one come from. why is it different if the other clothes aren’t

and of course there’s the whole question of “where did they all get these red jumpsuits from” but again. questions that aren’t really the point, i guess

[fmstevie]

              *    ╰              waddup   y’all   ruby’s   back   2   annoy   u   all   w   a   lil   british   fuckboi   action   .   here’s   stevie   ,   inspired   by   matty   healy   n   thinkin   she’s   a   god   among   men   .   i   don’t   recommend   u   read   on   but   in   case   u   do   i   pray   u   forgive   me   enough   2   want   plots   w   that   like   button   .   🤡

                new   york’s   very   own      𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐕𝐈𝐄   ‘   𝐆𝐑𝐄𝐘   ’   𝐆𝐑𝐄𝐘𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐍𝐄            was   spotted   on   broadway   street   in   doc   marten   smooth   leather   chelsea   boots      .   your   resemblance   to   diana   silvers   is   unreal   .   according   to   tmz   ,   you   just   had   your   twenty   -   second      birthday   bash   .   while   living   in   nyc   ,   you’ve   been   labeled   as   being         𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐬   ,   but   also   𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞   .   i   guess   being   a   cancer      explains   that   .   3   things   that   would   paint   a   better   picture   of   you   would   be      erudite   inclinations   informed   by   a   god   complex   ,      melodrama   as   your   magnum   opus   ,   &   the   world’s   most   secretive   love   life         .               (   i   had   a   secret   marriage   that   lasted   6   months   but   ended   due   to   my   fear   of   my   family’s   mafia   ties   getting   in   the   way   .         )      &      (   cis   female   &   she   /   her      )

𝒏𝒂𝒎𝒆      :      stephanie   charlotte   greystone 𝒏𝒊𝒄𝒌𝒏𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒔      :            primarily   stevie   ,   although   her   stage   name   is   ‘   grey   ‘   which   has   caught   on   as   a   go-to   nickname   .   takes   little   to   nothing   else   wilingly 𝒂𝒈𝒆      :            twenty   -   two 𝒛𝒐𝒅𝒊𝒂𝒄      :      cancer    𝒐𝒄𝒄𝒖𝒑𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏      :      professional   musician   with   a   voiceclaim   of   lorde   ,   on   temporary   hiatus   to   write   grey3   .   casual   photographer 𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓      𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒕𝒚      /      𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒔      :      cis      female      /      she      her      hers 𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏      :      pansexual   w   strong   female   pref   but   tbh   if   u   can   handle   her   energy   she’ll   b   down   WKERWJER 𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕      :      5’10  🤤 𝒍𝒂𝒃𝒆𝒍𝒔      :      the   hedonist   ,         the      aesthete      ,      the      opaque   ,      the      vainglorious      ,      the      prodigy      ,      the      intangible   concept       𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒈      𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒔      :      rhiannon      -      fleetwood   mac      /      WHAT   U   CALL   THAT      -      chase   atlantic    /      iceberg      -      borns      /      UGH      -         the      1975     /      boss   bitch      -      doja   cat      /      elephant      -      tame   impala     /      black   hole   sun      -      soundgarden      /      black   madonna      -      cage   the   elephant      /         this   charming   man      -      the   smiths     /      swim      -      chase   atlantic      /      1999   WILDFIRE         -      brockhampton

tw      drug   mention

𝒊.  𝒅𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏.

there   is   perhaps   no   more   a   formidable   surname   in   the   organized   crime   circuit   in   all   of   europe   than   greystone   ,   a   name   risen   to   fame   through   countless   court   cases   and   highly   publicized   trials   .   dubbed   ‘   el   chapo   of   the   old   world   ,   ‘   liam   greystone   makes   his   reputation   known   as   a   ruthless   and   conniving   leader   of   a   million   dollar   cartel   business   ,   distributing   to   most   of   the   UK   and   eastern   europe   .   it’s   perhaps   an   even   greater   shock   to   find   even   as   public   enemy   #1   ,   he   takes   a   welsh   wife   by   the   name   of   marissa   and   weds   her   in   a   lavish   and   very   public   ceremony   ,   surmounting   crowds   not   unlike   those   of   the   royal   weddings   .   such   a   decision   is   a   clear   power   move   on   his   part   ,   flexing   the   pure   influence   it   would   require   to   have   such   a   public   family   life   with   no   fear   of   repercussion   from   rivals   or   enemies   .   

it’s   several   months   following   their   wedding   that   james   is   born   ,   with   nicholas   taking   a   few   years   after   .   elite   prep   schools   in   the   most   posh   london   neighborhoods   were   abuzz   with   equal   parts   curiosity   and   concern   to   be   sharing   streets   with   the   most   feared   mafia   family   in   their   whole   country   ,   though   the   elite   nature   of   liam’s   new   societal   presence   meant   he   took   to   his   ‘   dealings   ‘   with   a   but   more   subtlety   than   before   his   rise   to   power   .   something   of   a   media   frenzy   ,   it’s   the   talk   of   the   town   when   marissa   falls   pregnant   another   time   ,   nearly   a   decade   after   nicholas’s   birth   ,   this   time   with   a   baby   girl   ,   something   that’s   all   the   sun   and   mirror   can   seem   to   post   about   in   their   celebrity   tabloids   section   for   weeks   on   end   .   her   birth   raises   questions   of   immense   speculation   :   what   will   the   world   do   with   a   greystone   girl   ?

as   it   would   result   ,   they’d   worship   her   .   stevie   found   herself   raised   in   a   world   that   sought   her   out   at   every   turn   ,   cameras   pointed   towards   her   at   every   outing   .   james   and   nick   ,   now   teens   by   the   time   she   enters   primary   and   just   as   big   of   terrors   as   their   father   ,   view   their   lavish   lifestyle   as   the   result   of   some   bigger   destiny   for   greatness   ,   as   their   father   had   always   fed   to   them   ,   something   they   passed   on   to   their   baby   sister   who   took   it   as   her   mantra   .   one   of   the   earliest   manifestations   of   a   rather   intense   personality   ,   stevie   takes   this   to   an   extreme   ,   turning   her   unwanted   stardom   into   a   fuel   for   an   ever-increasing   god   complex   to   develop   .   the   apple   of   her   father’s   eye   and   every   bit   as   quick   ,   her   instructors   note   a   dedication   to   perfection   and   an   obsession   with   accomplishment   ,   along   with   a   natural   intelligence   that   leads   her   to   blast   through   her   studies   with   relative   ease   .   

she’s   just   16   when   she   completes   her   schooling   and   already   has   a   reputation   that   will   precede   her   ,   just   as   her   surname   had   before   .   relaxed   and   observant   ,   her   voice   never   peaks   higher   than   a   low   alto   with   her   charming   londoner   drawl   ,   a   facade   never   cracking   from   her   knowing   poker   face   .   there’s   something   about   being   so   above   everyone   (   even   if   it   is   a   self-imposed   superiority   )   that   leads   stevie   all   but   to   the   brink   of   isolation   ,   finding   solace   only   in   the   words   of   a   self-deluded   father   and   her   own   scribings   in   a   leather   bound   notebook   .   piano   lessons   since   early   childhood   lend   themselves   to   melodies   following   melodies   ,   and   before   she’s   even   able   to   legally   drink   ,   she’s   released   her   first   album   under   the   moniker   ‘   grey   ’   titling   it   pure   heroine   as   a   cheeky   nod   to   the   inevitable   accusations   of   it   being   her   family   ties   that   got   her   a   record   deal   .   but   as   streams   of   the   melancholy   tunes   begin   to   pick   up   fans   worldwide   ,   the   album’s   themes   of   isolation   ,   abandonment   ,   and   wasted   youth   hit   harder   than   ever   anticipated   from   the   youngest   greystone   .   she   leaves   home   to   tour   the   world   with   the   album   reaching   #1   in   countless   countries   ,   forging   her   own   path   with   a   maturity   beyond   her   years   and   a   vision   beyond   this   world   .   

    the   tour   ends   and   she’s   smitten   by   the   charm   of   new   york   ,   opting   to   move   to   continue   to   pursue   her   music   away   from   the   tangled   complications   of   family   life   in   england   .   barely   18   and   perhaps   intoxicated   with   the   loneliness   of   a   life   spent   in   the   watching   eye   of   others   ,   the   semblance   of   privacy   is   something   she   takes   to   like   an   addict   ,   exasperating   prying   paparazzi   with   her   notorious   refusal   to   comment   on   details   of   her   personal   life   .   she   builds   a   wall   between   herself   and   the   world   ,   keeping   out   prying   eyes   with   a   tight   -   lipped   grin   .   its   at   this   time   that   she   lets   the   first   person   into   her   life   perhaps   ever   ,   a   whirlwind   romance   so   intoxicating   it   results   in   a   courthouse   marriage   done   in   secret   .   never   to   be   seen   together   ,   never   a   word   spoken   to   anyone   else   ,   stevie   relishes   in   the   secret   which   is   soon   to   sour   upon   the   passing   of   their   honeymoon   phase   .   with   her   brothers   expanding   their   reach   into   the   US   for   their   unsavory   dealings   ,   it’s   not   long   after   her   marriage   begins   that   the   conflicts   reach   a   breaking   point   ,   an   annulment   following   barely   6   months   after   they   had   traded   ‘   i   do’s   .   ’

she   takes   to   the   studio   with   a   new   resentment   of   the   concept   of   love   and   even   more   sequestered   heart   ,   producing   melodrama   which   takes   the   world   by   storm   ,   snagging   her   a   grammy   win   for   album   of   the   year   .   fatigued   from   the   constant   go-around   of   keeping   her   secrets   her   own   except   for   when   they’re   taken   to   radio   streams   ,   she   does   a   limited   tour   for   melodrama   and   lands   herself   right   back   in   new   york   at   20   ,   putting   grey3   on   the   backburner   as   she   takes   to   all   the   hedonistic   engagements   she   had   indulged   herself   in   during   her   time   on   tour   .   she’s   kept   herself   busy   between   mindless   flings   and   days-long   benders   with   hobbies   such   as   photography   and   writing   ,   the   former   of   which   is   building   her   a   rather   impressive   reputation   in   the   arts   world   .   

𝒊𝒊.  𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒆𝒒𝒖𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆 .

if   y’all   ain’t   tired   of   me   yet   god   bless   u   .   ..   .   bc   i   straight   up   b   tired   of   myself   :/

anyways   dis   is   stevie   ,   also   accepts   grey   the   same   way   ppl   talk   abt   lorde   n   switch   between   ella   n   lorde   !   she’s   not   picky   :~)

major   inspos   are   matty   healy   from   the   1975   n   hayley   kiyoko   if   she   was   less   of   a   try   hard   .   little   bit   of   kristen   stewart   in   there   ,   big   2016   ruby   rose   energy   n   brie   larson   top   me   tomfoolery   as   well   !   

basically   da   fuckboi   of   ur   dreams   ..      ..   .   lil   devilish   londoner   who   stays   thinkin   she’s   the   closest   thing   to   a   god   on   this   green   earth   !

notably   ,   she’s   incredibly   intelligent   and   profound   ,   tends   to   take   on   a   rather   patronizing   and   condescending   tone   bc   she   straight   up   b   thinkin   she’s   usually   the   smartest   person   in   the   room   (   how   annoying   )

so   laid   back   n   observant   ,   rlly   has   no   need   to   raise   her   voice   ever   bc   her   arguments   b   runnin   circles   around   ppl   !   imagine   the   way   harry   styles   talks   low   n   slow   n   calculated.   .   .   .   .   cameron   from   love   is   blind   ,.   ..   .      kristen   stewart   lowkey   sometimes   ..   ..   ..   das   grey   .    sexy   ass   alto   monotone  🤤🤤

i   dont   wanna   use   chaotic   bc   she   rlly   isnt   the   WILDEST   bitch   but   that   god   complex   means   she   deadass   thinks   she   can   get   away   w   what   she   wants   n   she   usually   does   ?   less   of   a   chaotic   evil   n   more   like   a   neutral   evil   lmao   she   can   follow   rules   just   fine   she   jsut   prefers   whatever   suits   her   better

on   that   note   —   OBSCENELY   self   obsessed   .   follows   her   own   natural   whims   n   impulses   bc   that’s   just   what   appeals   to   her   .   is   inclined   to   follow   rules   if   she   calculates   itll   work   in   her   favor   bc   she   also   doesn’t   like   to   look   sloppy   !

super   secretive   and   OBSESSED   w   her   presentation   .   every   movement   is   calculated   n   she   doesnt   want   anyone   seeing   a   side   of   her   that   she   hasn’t   designated   for   them   !   she   doesn’t   care   what   other   ppl   think   but   she   DOES   care   abt   what   she   sees   herself   doing   n   her   vision   .   doesnt   fit   the   vision   ?   will   NOT   happen   in   her   book   .

straight   up   a   WHORRE   lmao   she   likes   2   fill   the   void   left   by   a   lack   of   human   connection   w   sexual   intimacy   n   then   is   like   nice   imma   have   u   leave   now   love   LMAO   .   does   not   discriminate   and   is   rlly   inclined   to   follow   any   sexual   impulse

this   was   implied   but   her   relationships   are   super   messy   ?   does   the   leonardo   dicaprio   thing   where   she   will   never   fuckin   discuss   her   love   life   in   interviews   or   anything   so   ppl   just   gotta   SPECULATE   .   she   lets   ppl   post   all   they   want   abt   her   but   she   wont   say   a   WORD   abt   them   JWHEKJWH   her   socials   r   basically   just   abt   her   n   her   music   we   said   SELFISH   lads   .   she’s   bad   @   bein   tied   down   n   is   probs   polyamorous   as   it   stands   but   im   p   sure   she   has   cheated   on   every   single   person   she   has   ever   been   with   lmao

lowkey   a   shit   friend   most   of   the   time   lMAO   she   can   b   really   unreliable   bc   u   guys   can   have   plans   n   then   she   takes   someone   home   n   misses   yalls   plans   n   then   texts   u   4   hours   later   after   all   ur   missed   calls   n   is   like   my   bad   bruv   i   got   tied   up   AS   IF   THAT   FIXES   IT   KWEJKWJEKWE

chain   smoker   n   its   nastie   but   lowkey   sexy   somehow   :/  ,   will   ONLY   wear   outfits   that   r   equal   parts   thrifted   n   designer   ,   always   has   her   hands   in   her   pockets   n   if   her   jacket   has   a   hood   its   UP   like   a   big   ole   homo   ,   is   rlly   annoying   bc   shes   good   looking   n   KNOWS   it   so   she   uses   it   to   her   advantage   ,   wants   2   get   her   motorcycle   license   ,   judges   u   based   off   the   music   u   play   in   the   car   ,   judges   u   on   everything   tbh.

[hungrybish]

Why we need more SkamFr seasons

ok, so I never do this, but I really wanted to this time. Here is my essay on why a Daphné season and an Eliott season would be fucking important to me. (Oh and excuse my English: its not my first language) 

why I/we need a Daphné season:

okay so first of all, I recognise a lot of myself in her. The insecurity, the obsession with her body, the urge to be liked and loved and also a lot of her personality in general. 

Ive been bullied in high school (dont worry this isnt gonna be a sob story lmao), that had a huge impact on my self-esteem, naturally. I started to compare myself to other girls: popular girls/those girls who guys like. (just like Daphné with Manon) I would look in the mirror everyday for hours to analyze every part of my body and to search for every flaw. My body became my biggest insecurity, I started hating it.  I imagine our Daphy does this too. let me be clear, I do not think I have an eating disorder nor would I diagnose myself, but Im just saying that my thoughts werent healthy. I still have those thougts: everytime I walk into a room I start comparing myself to the other girls and I do this thing where Im constantly feeling my jaw and stomach to see if I became fatter. This all made me feel undeserving of love and Im afraid Daphné feels this too. 

other than that, I also feel like Daphné hides her real feelings with enthousiasm (like with the foyer). When I see her do that, that hits close to home. Im a very extraverted person, so a lot of people probably wont believe me when I tell them that I have mental issues. Thats the exact reason im not talking to people about it: they wont understand. Thats why representation fucking matters: people need to see that everyone has their own struggles and just because Daphné for example is a very “happy” person, that doesnt mean thats also the case inside her head. 

Im very happy to have a friend who really understands me and is always there for me, so I would love to see Daphné find a person like that for her. (Basile!) 

why I/we need an Eliott season: 

In s3 we already see a little bit of how Eliott struggles with his MI and how he handles it. Again, im not diagnosing myself, but I also really struggle with anxiety and some days I feel my emotions more intense than anyone I know and other days I feel completely numb. I respond to that with drinking lots of alcohol or making myself really sad on purpose. those are not healthy coping mechnanisms, but its reality. We already heard and seen Eliott handling his guilt, his emotions and especially his relationship with Lucas and Lucille. Thats also not healthy sometimes. But we need to see that, we need to educate people on how MI people handle their illness sometimes, how it really is for them. I would love to see how he is when he is alone and how he copes with it. healthy or not. 

also when he basically tells Lucas he doenst want to burden him. Damn. Ive felt so much guilt for when I was down and snapping at people and especially for telling someone Im not OK, like why would I burden someone with that they wont understand and they cant help you. I do still think that my feelings weren't and aren't valid, that people have it worse than me so im not allowed to feel bad. what SkamFr is already showing us is, that people can help you and that your feelings are valid. Talking helps. there are wonderful people in your life who can help you. That you're not alone.

so I hope this made some sense lmao. Im sorry mecs for the long ass essay but yeah I want SkamFr renewed so badly. 

thank u so much if you read the whole thing and my inbox is always open to talk!  

(@renewskamfrance)

[madzoomerr-blog]

                     ᵖᵉʳˢᵒⁿᵃˡ ʰᵉᵃᵈᶜᵃⁿᵒⁿ  /   PSA !       BILLY   #002.    

now   before  we  get  into  anything,    i  just  wanna  point  out  that  this  is  my  personal  understanding  and  for  my  own  comfort.    interaction  wise,   this  will    ALSO  HIGHLY  DEPEND   between  comfort  with  the  mun  and  heavy  plotting  and  muses’  chemistry  but  by  now  i  hope   that  most  of  you  have  read  my  headcanons  for  max  because  i  take  my  portrayal  of  her  super  carefully  and  respectively.   i’d  like  to  make  it  clear  that  i     DO  NOT   and  have  never  seen  the  ‘ship  tension’  between  billy  and  steve  nor  do  i   think  billy  is  a  good  person/brother  to  max.   and  if  by  chance    ( which  i  don’t  find  i’m  gonna  get  into  anytime  soon  )    i  write  in  that  realm,   it  must  be  that  i’m  comfortable  with  you  and  we’ve  plotted  it  well  enough  for  me  to    WRITE  IT   as  an  au  or  development.   otherwise,   it’s  impossible  for  max  to  even  think  about  him  in  that  sense :     i  know  there’s  gonna  be  some  that  don’t  agree  and  that’s  fine  but  before  stirring  some  sides  about  this,   again  this  is  just  my  personal  psa  for  my  max’s  proper  portrayal  and  comfort.   so  hear  me  out .  pls  dont  hate  me  lmao

 if   you  are  a  billy  writer  and  i’ve  talked  to  you  over  ims  and  have  read  my  headcanon  of  billy  and   billy’s  dad  then  you  probably  have  the  idea  that    max  does  not  like  nor  can  never  forgive  her  step   brother  whatsoever.   to  sum  it  short  please  refer  to  this    (     important  post    )   by   @turnedbabe​ .   but  to  break  it   down  regarding  max:   there  is  no  relationship  of  sibling  there.   with  the  knowledge   of  abuse,   max  was  emotionally  abused  and   because  billy  knows  he   can’t  hurt  max   –––-   he  hurt   others  around  her,  and  that’s  a  form  of  hurting  her  internally  not  to  mention  he  hurt  a   POC  specifically  for  that  reason.   yes,    he  was  damaged  because  of  his  father.   yes,   a  part  of  why  he  is  the  way  he  is:  is  because  of  neil.    yes,   he  also  could  change  /   needs  help  one  day  but  that  didn’t  give  him  the  right  to  treat  others  the  way  he  does.  it  doesn’t  change  the  fact  that  he’s  done  all  the  unforgivable  things  he’s  done  despite  having  the  ‘argument’   of   being   ‘a  mirror  of  his  dad’   which  you  can  read  from  my  first  post .   unlike  other  characters  that  are  damaged  i  just  feel  that  billy  had  a  choice  to   NOT  BE  LIKE  HIS  DAD.   steve  and  billy  are  two   COMPLETELY  different  people  but  if  you  want  an  example:   they  both  have  shitty  dads,   mess  of  a  family.   sure  steve’s  had  a  past  of  being  a  dick  as  seen  in  earlier  season  one  but  is  nowhere  a  smidge  NEAR  what  billy  is.   he  chose   NOT  to  be  like  his  dad  and  instead,  a  better  version  of  himself.   but  with  what  billy  is  shown  as,   redemption   is  hard  gain/give  to  a  person  like  billy.  and  if  you  read  my  first  headcanon  post:   max  has  given  up  trying  to  understand  him  and  instead  SHE  HAS  TO  PROTECT  HERSELF  from  him ,    and  not  only  her  now  but  her  friends  too  because  of  the  way  she  was  treated.   ABSOLUTELY  NO  ONE  CAN  BLAME  HER  for  that.  we  don’t  know  his  full  story  for  sure  i   get  that,   but  through  a  13  yr  old’s  eyes,   fear  and  anger  is  there.  he  may  not  hate  her  sure,   but  arguments  like  protection?   to  max’s  eyes,  it  was  threats  and  fear  that  struck  her  which  causes  trauma  to  a  young  teen  as  well  as  others  which  is  sad .   another  thing  i  see  around  alot  is  that  his  ‘sexuality’  is  also  another  reason  for  his  behaviour  which  i  absolutely  find  baffling  because  it  has   NOTHING   to  do  with  that.   his  sexuality   and  not  being  ‘out’  is  a  part  of  his  being  but  not  a  part  of  the  person  he’s  become.  related  but  TWO  completely  different  arguments  and  is  definitely  not  an   excuse,  if  anything  the  closest  excuse  that’s  valid  is  his  dad,   but  to  say  that  he  is  an  angsty  teen  who  isnt   out  of  the  closet    is  not  really  a  good  excuse  for  giving  him  redemption  for  the  person  he  is   and  things  he’s  done.      

idk,  as  much  as  i  want  to  go  on  much  deeper,  thats  all  i  could  really  say  that  was  important  that  related  max   greatly.   kudos  because  this  was  hard  to  talk  about/explain  but  if  you  wanna  talk  about  it  more,   my  ims  and  inbox  are  always  open,  for  constructive  critism  only  so  long  as  you  can  justify  it  which  i  could  definitely  try to  understand  and  even  plot ,     not  pointless   commentary .     read  my  first  post  to  connect  it  with  this  one  so  it  makes  more  sense.