#it also really annoyed me because people don't seem to understand that immersing yourself in the worst events in human history

[thefabelmans2022]

conspiracy theories really would have you believe that no one ever commits suicide and i feel like that kind of mindset is really not a good one like. these theories spread the belief that someone would NEVER commit suicide if they were working on something they thought was important or if they were planning for the future or if they had friends and family or if they seemed totally normal before they died and all comes from a total lack of understanding of depression and suicide and like how are we supposed to change our cultural attitudes towards suicide if we're just in total denial that it even exists?

[thetruthbehindtheemotions]

Death

Who am I? Well, I am the most complex secret of humanity. The most feared being. The most tragic. The cause of countless unanswered questions, tears, laments, and sufferings. But also the only certainty you have in your life journey... nice to meet you, I am Death.

I keep some secrets, just as destiny keeps everything. One of my biggest secrets is also one of my greatest bitterness. Why am I not loved?

I, like every other eternal being, will stay here until everything ends. Not even Hope will escape me on some fateful day. I will be the last to finish. I am the one who will close the show of Life after applauding it standing ovation. Some see in me a way to end their own suffering and torture. Their final venture against my youngest son, Despair. But things cannot be that way. You should not hate me, curse me, and certainly not fear me, just as you should not take your own lives simply because you can no longer tolerate Despair. He was born out of a need of yours, just like me, just like Life and all other things. Life is too fragile for the burden it carries. A stake, a knife, a gun, a rope... Things created by man are capable of taking away what you hold most valuable, what allows you to be in all physical and literal forms. Taking someone's life, or even one's own life, is very simple in practice, sometimes it even brings relief.

Because that's exactly what death does, it takes away the pain, ends the problems, and puts an end to all the agony that seems to have no end. But for those who remain, death is an endless pain that can never be repaired or replaced. It is a black hole, something irreversible.

It is so sad to see how life has been trivialized. Drugs, thieves, murderers, man-made plagues, hunger, prejudices, diseases infecting the world and claiming more than I would like them to claim. It was so much easier when these evils - not as great as they are today - did not exist. It was really much easier. Don't you understand that when you die, you will fall into the river of eternal oblivion? And that river is called time, where its waters are red, murky, and impossible to swim in. They sink you and drown you, they make you nothing but memories that only I will remember one day. But you know what really annoys me? It's that Destiny knows who will die and who will live even before they are born. Isn't that unfair? Yes, it is, both for me and for Life. But there is nothing we can do, we were created specifically for this. While one generates life, the other takes it away. However, that doesn't make our task any less painful. But I'm not here to talk about my pain, much less about Life's pain. I'm here to reveal a little more of my essence, so unknown to you mere mortals. And you want to know something? Here's a piece of advice for you. Don't come into my arms looking for all the answers because I won't give you all of them, I will only show you the path you will have to follow to conquer them. Hold on to your dreams and try to fulfill them in some way. Don't let yourself be carried away by the destruction that the world has become, much less get lost in its despair, but I won't deceive you by saying that it will be easy because it won't be. This is called living, and living is difficult, especially if you do what you love. So don't stop at the first obstacle on the way, don't immerse yourself in the delirium of chaos when you can live beautifully and simply. Live each moment as if it were the last because it really can be!

It may seem surreal how time passes so quickly, how people constantly enter and leave your lives. It's all so delicate, resembling that little flower called dandelion. It only takes a random puff, in any direction, and everything falls apart. That's why you should never miss the opportunity to tell those you love how much they mean to you because in a single second everything can change, and then it's too late. Sad? Yes, but it's reality. It's what I am.

I always catch you off guard. One moment you're with someone, playing, talking, making plans for the future, and seconds, minutes, or even hours later you find yourself on top of a coffin lamenting the departure of someone who meant so much to you, and on another occasion, you are the body inside the coffin. Flowers, candles, cotton stuffed in the nose, and the body pressed against a piece of wood to turn into dust months later. Just dust buried in dust. It's torturous to think of death this way because it is always seen as the end of everything, as the great villain who is always ready to snatch away what you hold dear. But perhaps there is more to it than meets the eye.

Death, in its essence, is a natural part of the cycle of life. It is the inevitable conclusion to the journey that begins with birth. Death, in a way, gives meaning to life. It reminds us of the preciousness and fragility of our existence. It pushes us to cherish the moments we have, to love deeply, and to pursue our dreams passionately.

While death may bring grief and sorrow, it also has the power to inspire and transform. It reminds us to live fully, to appreciate the beauty around us, and to make a positive impact on the world while we can. Death teaches us the value of time and encourages us to make the most of every fleeting moment.

In the face of death, we often ponder the mysteries of life and the universe. We seek answers to profound questions about the meaning of our existence, the nature of consciousness, and what lies beyond the threshold of this reality. Death invites contemplation and introspection, urging us to explore the depths of our souls and discover our true selves.

While death may seem like an end, it can also be seen as a transition. Many cultures and belief systems hold the notion of an afterlife, where the soul continues its journey beyond the physical realm. Whether it is a heavenly paradise, reincarnation, or merging with a universal consciousness, the concept of an afterlife offers solace and hope in the face of mortality.

Ultimately, death remains a mystery that eludes our complete understanding. It is a reminder of the vastness of existence and the limits of human knowledge. It humbles us, reminding us of our place in the grand tapestry of the cosmos.

So, while death may bring fear and sorrow, it is also an integral part of the human experience. It is a teacher, urging us to live with purpose, to love fiercely, and to embrace the beauty of life. In the end, it is up to us to make our lives meaningful and leave a lasting legacy that transcends our mortal existence.

*************************

Morte

Quem sou eu? Oras, eu sou o segredo mais complexo da humanidade. O ser mais temido. O mais trágico. O causador de inúmeras perguntas sem respostas, de muitas lágrimas, lamentos e sofrimentos. Mas também a única certeza que você tem em sua jornada de vida...prazer, eu sou a Morte.

Eu guardo alguns segredos, assim como o destino guarda tudo. Um dos meus maiores segredos é também uma de minhas maiores amarguras. Porque não me amam?

Eu, assim como todo e qualquer perpétuo, vou ficar aqui até que tudo termine, nem mesmo a Esperança escapará de mim em algum fatídico dia. Eu serei a última a terminar. Sou eu quem fechará o show da Vida depois de aplaudi-la de pé. Alguns poucos veem em mim uma saida para acabar com o próprio sofrimento e tortura. Sua última empreitada contra o meu filho mais novo, o Desespero. Mas as coisas não podem ser assim. Vocês não devem me odiar, me xingar, e muito menos me temer, assim como não devem tirar suas próprias vidas somente por não tolerarem mais o Desespero. Ele nasceu por uma necessidade de vocês, assim como eu, assim como a Vida e todas as outras coisas. A vida é algo frágil demais para o peso que possui. Uma estaca, uma faca, uma arma, uma corda... Coisas criadas pelo próprio homem são capazes de tirar aquilo que vocês possuem de mais valioso, o que vos permite ser, de todas as formas físicas e literais. Tirar a vida de alguém, ou até mesmo a própria vida é algo muito simples na prática, às vezes, gera até alivio.

Porque é exatamente isso o que a morte faz, ela tira as dores, acaba com os problemas e finaliza toda a agonia que parece não ter mais fim. Mas para aqueles que ficam, a morte é uma dor inacabável, que nunca poderá ser reparada ou substituída. É um buraco negro, algo irreversivel.

É tão triste ver como a vida foi banalizada. Drogas, assaltantes, assassinos, pragas criadas pelo homem, fome, preconceitos, doenças impregnando o mundo e ceifando mais do que eu gostaria que ceifassem. Era tudo tão mais fácil quando esses males - não tão grandes quanto hoje em dia - não existiam. Era realmente muito mais fácil. Será que vocês não entendem que, quando morrerem, cairão no rio do eterno esquecimento? E esse rio se chama tempo, onde suas águas são vermelhas, turvas e impossíveis de se nadar. Elas te afundam e te afogam, te tornam apenas memórias das quais um dia somente eu me recordarei. Mas sabe o que me deixa realmente irritada? É que o Destino sabe quem morrerá e quem viverá antes mesmo de elas nascerem. Isso não é injusto? É, é sim, tanto comigo quanto com a Vida. Mas não há nada que possamos fazer, fomos criadas especificamente para isso. Enquanto uma gera a vida, a outra a tira. Entretanto, isso não faz nossa tarefa ser menos dolorosa. Mas não estou aqui para falar das minhas dores e muito menos as da Vida. Estou aqui para revelar um pouco mais da minha essência tão desconhecida por vocês meros mortais. E querem saber de uma coisa? Aqui vai um conselho a vocês. Não venham para os meus braços a procura de todas as respostas, pois eu não lhes darei todas elas, apenas lhes mostrarei o caminho que terão que seguir para conquistá-las. Agarrem-se aos seus sonhos e tentem de algum modo realizá-los. Não se deixem levar pela destruição em que o mundo acabou se tornando, muito menos se percam no desespero do mesmo, mas também não irei enganá-los dizendo que será fácil, pois não será. Isso se chama viver, e viver é difícil, principalmente se você faz aquilo que gosta. Por isso não parem perante a primeira pedra no caminho, não mergulhem no delírio do caos quando podem viver de forma bela e simples. Vivam cada momento como se fosse o último, pois ele pode realmente ser!

Pode parecer surreal a forma como o tempo passa tão rápido, em como pessoas entravam e saem constantemente de suas vidas. É tudo tão delicado, semelhando-se a aquela florzinha do mato chamada de dente-de-leão. Basta um soprinho à toa, em qualquer direção, e tudo se desmancha. Por isso vocês nunca devem perder a oportunidade de dizer para aqueles que amam o quanto significam para vocês, pois em um único segundo tudo pode mudar, e então ser tarde demais. Triste? Sim, mas é a realidade. É o que eu sou.

Estou sempre vos pegando desprevenidos. Uma hora você está com a pessoa, brincando, conversando, fazendo planos para o futuro e segundos, minutos, ou até mesmo horas depois você se encontra em cima de um caixão lamentando pela partida daquele que tanto significou para você, já em outra ocasião, você é o próprio corpo dentro do caixão. Flores, velas, algodões enfiados no nariz e o corpo sendo pressionado em um pedaço de madeira para meses depois virar pó. Apenas pó enterrado no pó. É torturante pensar na morte desse jeito, porque ela é enxergada sempre como sendo o fim de tudo, como a grande vilã que esta sempre disposta a acabar com a vida. Mas a verdade não é essa. É importante que vocês saibam que, diferente do que muitos pensam, a Vida e eu não somos opostas, quem dirá rivais, na verdade somos irmãs, amigas, quase que a mesma coisa. Andamos por aí de mãos dadas, uma completando a outra. Enquanto ela é o início de tudo, eu sou o fim, ou quase isso. Na verdade eu sou aquela que dará inicio a um novo começo, o começo da eternidade. Não a um final, não a uma linha de chegada, a apenas um caminho diferente. A Morte— no caso eu - nada mais é do que o prólogo de uma vida sem dores, sem medos, sem destruição, sem ódio, sem crueldade. Eu sou a porta para o tão sonhado paraíso. Por isso vocês devem aproveitar ao máximo cada segundo, minuto e hora de seus meros dias.

Sorriam! Vivam! Amem! Sonhem! Delirem! Desfrutem! Desesperem-se! Desejem! Destinem-se! E em um dia inevitável, mas não menos fatídico, morram com a alegria de saber que seus momentos cairão juntos a ti no rio do esquecimento. Alegrem-se ao saber que irão deixar alguém para trás que os amem; que se preocupam e que irão querer vê-los novamente algum dia. Então, quando chegar a sua imprescindível hora de partir, não tenham medo, apenas me acolham como uma velha amiga.

"A morte é apenas o ponto final da primeira frase do primeiro livro de uma enorme biblioteca."

[delacyrose224]

Gold Rush

-Pairing: drummer!Jungkook x reader, with a side of guitarist!Jin x OC

-Premise: You were never one for rushing into relationships, but what happens when you meet a certain blue-haired drummer?

-Genre: rock band!AU, some fluff but also some angst

-Word Count: 8.1k

-Author's Note: This is based on the song 'gold rush' by the one and only Taylor Swift! It will still make sense if you don't know the song, but you'll find some fun Easter egg references if you do know it. Also, fun fact: this is the first fic I've written since high school...do with that what you will.

“Come...on!” Margot grunts as she tugs on your arm. You literally have no idea why you’ve agreed to this night out-it’s Tuesday, you have work in the morning, you’re already tired and the night hasn’t even started.

“I’m coming,” you mutter begrudgingly, as you step carefully in your heeled boots down very narrow steps into what looks like a very seedy bar. The Dynasty. You walk in the door, and instantly try to retreat-it’s tiny, the floor is sticky with who knows what, and it’s packed. More like The Die Nasty...this could not be further from your comfort zone.

Margot, meanwhile, could not look more excited. She’s been talking about this concert for weeks now. You can’t even remember the name of the band, that’s how not your scene this is. Margot steers you towards the bar. “What do you want? My treat, since I made you come out on a work night just to be my wing woman.”

You scrunch up your nose in disbelief. Her wing woman? Has she seen you? You’re the most awkward person alive around men, especially cute men. Plus, it doesn’t help that you barely had time to throw on an Eagles t-shirt with a pair of jeans, and your hair has frizzed out from the light drizzle of rain that started on the walk over. “A Malibu with coke works,” you say, adding, “And make it a double!” at her retreating back.

You turn and scour the packed room for an empty booth, table, anything. Your eyes finally land on a tiny two person booth in an awkward corner of the room. Margot may not be able to see the band perfectly from here, but at least you’ll have seats. “A drink for my best friend in the whole entire world!!” Margot smiles brightly as she brings your beverages over to the table. “Do you think Jin will notice me? I tried to look cute, but not try too hard, y’know?” She smoothes down the front of her blouse nervously. You immediately have a witty retort ready to go, but you don’t have the heart to say it when you look up and see how fidgety she is. “Mar-if he doesn’t notice you, he’s an idiot,” you smile kindly.

The show isn’t due to start for another 30-45 minutes, so you spend that time chatting with Margot about work, life, and everything in between. She’s convinced that if she can just get Jin to notice her, that she’ll be able to introduce you to one of his bandmates, and then you can go on double dates (or something like that). “Mar, do you really think tortured artists go on double dates? I really can’t see it,” you snort into your drink. Let alone a guy in a band being interested in you, you’re about as boring and straitlaced as they come. You lose track of time as you continue the conversation, and the alcohol is certainly making you less annoyed that you’re here.

“They’re starting, they’re starting!” Margot squeals, gripping your arm. “Really?” You try to twist around in your seat to see, but before you get very far, you’re being dragged out into the space right in front of the stage. You’re not quite front row, but you’re awfully close-too close for your own liking, if you’re being honest.

“Margot…” you hiss, trying to get her attention, but all hope is lost. Her eyes are glued to the small stage, waiting for the man she’s deemed to be the love of her life to walk out and pick up his guitar. You give up after a while, huffing and crossing your arms to show your displeasure. A few girls around you give you a sidelong glance, seemingly judging you for being upset at a concert. How dare you? After staring at you for what they deem to be an appropriate amount of time, they go back to their own conversations, which you’re able to overhear due to your close proximity.

“Were you at the last show? They’ve improved SO much since they started, I love them!!” one yells a little too loudly, while her friend nods enthusiastically.

“Have you heard that Jungkook dyed his hair blue?! He was hot before, but now…” the girl can’t even seem to finish her sentence, she’s so overcome by the ‘hotness’ of this Jungkook guy, whoever he is.

As soon as his name is mentioned, you suddenly seem to overhear it multiple times in the conversations surrounding you while the band’s crew finishes setting up for them. You lean over to ask Margot what the heck the deal is with Jungkook, but just as you open your mouth to begin talking, a loud strumming blasts from the speakers on the edge of the stage, and you mouth ‘nevermind’ and step back to where you were.

A tall, broad shouldered man steps out of the shadows at the back of the stage to deafening screams, his guitar already strapped across his chest. He lifts up a hand in greeting, and steps up to one of the mics set up. “Thank you all for coming out! We hope you have a great time tonight!” He blows a kiss to the crowd (to more deafening screams). Margot looks like she might faint-this must be Jin.

Next to walk out is a sullen looking guy, shorter and smaller than the first. He walks to the side of the stage opposite of you, and picks up a bass. Forget Jin, forget Jungkook (whichever one he turns out to be), you like this guy. Sure, he’s cute or whatever, but he literally looks like he wants to be anywhere but where he’s currently at. “Same, dude, same,” you mutter to yourself under your breath. One of the girls from earlier must have overheard you again, because she turns and gives you a weird look. The multiple Malibu and cokes you had earlier give you the courage to tell her to mind her own business and leave you alone, but just as you begin to lean forward, the loudest screams yet erupt from the crowd. You immediately clench your hands over your ears (which you realize looks ridiculous at a concert) and turn to look at what’s caused the reaction.

Over the heads of the people in front of you, you see a mop of almost neon blue hair making its way to the drum set, but the rest of him is obscured as he swiftly walks across the stage. This must be that Jungkook guy those girls were talking about earlier. His hair looks like a blueberry as far as you’re concerned, and you still don’t understand what the fuss is about.

He settles behind his kit, and as the people in front of you move slightly, you catch a glimpse of Jungkook. His blueberry hair falls around his face in waves, and his nose is scrunched up because of the giant grin on his face, clearly ecstatic to start the show. Okay, he was cute. Cuter than bass guy and Jin (though you’d never utter that sentence out loud to Margot for fear of losing your life). Still, he’s just another guy in a band, right?

Jin starts the opening chords to the first song to deafening cheers, bass guy starting to play shortly after, and Jungkook having the time of his life on the drums. After a long intro, you hear a smooth voice with a tinge of rasp come through the mic. It instantly feels like your bones have turned to jelly, and you want to melt into a puddle (in the best way). However, you are confused. You’re staring at Jin, who is immersed in his playing, sweat already starting to drip from his brow from being under bright lights. His mouth isn’t moving. Why? He’s the lead singer. Are you imagining the lyrics you’re hearing right now?

You lean over to Margot, who’s conveniently also looking at Jin, albeit for a completely different reason. “Why isn’t the lead singer doing anything?” you shout over the music. “Huh?” she screams back, unable to clearly make out what you’re saying. “I said, why isn’t Jin singing?!” you yell.

Margot looks over to you, mirroring the confusion on your own face. “Look!” she points towards the back of the stage. There you see Jungkook, not only playing the drums, but also singing lead vocals in one of most attractive voices you’ve ever heard. Not only that, but he’s somehow managed to keep that scrunched nose smile from earlier on his face while doing it. So THAT’S what all the fuss about Jungkook was over. Just as your brain makes the connection between it being his singing coming through the speakers, he makes eye contact with you and his smile seems to grow even bigger, his eyes sparkling with delight.

Oh, you’re in big trouble.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The rest of the concert seems to go by in a blur. You have no idea how many songs the group does, you are so caught up in watching Jungkook perform...he clearly has talent, but you can tell he’s in love with what he’s doing. Even when sweat makes his hair start to stick to his forehead, he merely gives his head a shake (sort of like a dog), and keeps going with that wide smile on his face. It certainly doesn’t help that it feels like at least every other song, he’s making eye contact with you somehow-even though you’re not front row, even though his drum kit is at the back of the stage. Surely you’re making that up. He’s just a good performer, right? He makes all the girls feel like this, like he’s performing just for them.

As Jin strums out the final notes of the last song, you shake your head to clear your thoughts. This is dumb, you had too much to drink, and you were distracted by a cute guy who has a pretty voice. That’s all.

As the song dies out, you turn to your best friend. “Margot, you ready to go? I’m tired.” What you’ve failed to notice is that your best friend has disappeared while you’ve been wrapped up in your own thoughts. Did she go to the bathroom? Had she gotten more drunk while you were busy swooning (no, NOT swooning) over a certain blue-haired drummer? Just as you’re about to start panicking, you see her as the group of fans in front of you starts to disperse...and she’s talking TO JIN.

He’s sitting on the edge of the stage, long legs dangling off the front, head tilted back laughing at something Margot has said. His laugh doesn’t quite seem to fit him-it’s loud and squeaky, kind of like a windshield wiper dragging itself across the front of a car. He reaches into his pocket, pulls out his guitar pick, and goes to hand it to your friend. Simultaneously, he leans in and gives her a kiss on the cheek. Other girls that are around you, hanging back in hopes of meeting the boys, are clearly fuming at the action and some even stomp off.

On one hand, you are excited for Margot-she’s gotten the attention of the man she’s been talking about nonstop for days. On the other hand, you also want to leave-love is gross and you have no time for it. Since you can’t abandon your friend in a seedy bar with a man she hardly knows, you settle for the next best thing-your fifth (you think?) drink of the night.

“A Malibu and coke please,” you ask the bartender while sliding cash across the counter. You know you’ll regret the alcohol running through your system in the morning, but you can’t seem to bring yourself to care enough to stop. You pick up the drink, filled to the brim, and turn quickly to go hide in your booth from the beginning of the night. Surely Margot will come find you when she’s done talking, right? Just as you turn, someone walking the opposite way bumps elbows with you with enough force to cause half your drink to slosh down the front of your shirt and onto the floor.

“Oh wow, I am so sorry! I should have been paying more attention-let me get some napkins for you!” says some unknown male voice. You’re too busy mourning over your half spilled drink that you’d just paid too much for to reply. Suddenly, there’s napkins thrust into your hand, and you look up.

It’s Jungkook.

He’s even more attractive up close, if that’s even possible. He’s sweaty, but somehow makes it look good-his longer hair is swept back into a little blue half bun, his eyeliner is smudged, and he’s down to his white undershirt with ripped jeans. The dim lights of the bar are reflecting off both his earrings and what looks like the stars in his eyes.

“Um...are you okay? I can go get you a new shirt to change into-wait here!” Before you have the chance to form any words, he jogs off towards the stage where he has a conversation with the bassist. The bassist doesn’t look happy about what Jungkook says, but Jungkook still goes to the back of the stage, and comes back with a black piece of fabric in his hands.

“Yoongi’s pissed because these aren’t even ready to be sold, but whatever. Just think of it as an exclusive sneak peek or something,” Jungkook says as he hands the shirt to you. You accidentally brush your hand across his as you take what he’s handing you, and you feel like you might burst into flames with the way your insides feel like they’ve become molten lava.

You unfold the shirt to see that it’s got song lyrics written across it in dripping graffiti font, along with their signatures. The realization suddenly hits you that you still have not said a single word to the man standing in front of you.

“Y-Yoongi?” you stammer out. You hate how much you sound like a high schooler asking their crush to prom. “Oh yeah, that’s our bassist. The one who looks like he’d literally rather be anywhere else than playing with Jin and me,” Jungkook chuckles. “He’s really a softy underneath it all, but don’t tell him I said that.”

You laugh, though you feel like it sounds a little too forced and a little too loud. Your assumption seems to be right, as you see Jungkook raise one eyebrow.

“Are you sure you’re okay? I really am sorry I made you spill your drink.” He genuinely looks worried. About you. What universe are you even living in right now?

“I’m fine, really. Thanks for the t-shirt, you didn’t have to do that,” you mumble softly.

“It’s the least I could do for a pretty girl whose Eagles tee I ruined, don’t worry about it. Yoongi will get over it.”

Jungkook smiles that same smile he seemed to throw your way throughout the concert, nose scrunching up, eyes sparkling. It feels like you’ve been thrown overboard into the ocean in the middle of a storm. You can’t get your bearings, the waves keep throwing you under, and you’re disoriented. The only light is coming from the stars in his eyes. Surely this man who could date anyone he wanted to did not just call you pretty, as casually as he might have mentioned the weather outside?

You’re shaken out of your reverie as Margot and Jin approach the two of you. “JK, my man, sorry I took so long-I was too busy being enchanted by this lovely lady,” Jin smiles, and you can see that Margot is beaming with happiness. You’re glad someone’s night has gone well.

“No problem, I was just talking to...” Jungkook suddenly looks lost, realizing he doesn’t know your name.

“Y/N.” you blurt out. Margot looks at you strangely, but is distracted once Jungkook begins talking again.

“Yeah, I bumped into her and made her spill her drink, so I gave her one of our shirts and we were just chatting.” He smiles gently at you and your heart does a somersault.

“Nice to meet you. You must be cool if you’re friends with this one,” Jin nudges Margot with his shoulder. How long have the two of them been able to talk for, for him to know you’re friends? You’ll definitely need a debrief on the walk home.

You speak to Jin with much more ease and control than you can manage with Jungkook. “I like to think I’m cool,” you grin. At this, Jungkook smirks.

“She’s the best!” Margot chirps, clearly still a little drunk. Jin chuckles and puts an arm around her shoulders.

“Well, pretty girl, JK and I need to go help Yoongi with getting everything put up in our van. It was lovely to meet you,” he drops his arm from around her shoulders, only to pick up her hand in his and kisses her knuckles promptly. Margot giggles. “I’d love to take you out sometime.” She nods enthusiastically.

“It was nice to meet you too,” Jungkook leans in to half-whisper in your ear. When did he get that close?! You nod with a small smile in his direction-that’s all you can seem to manage when that drowning in the ocean feeling suddenly returns.

He and Jin turn to leave, and you go to your booth, making sure you didn’t leave anything behind before the whole drink-spilling fiasco happened. Seeing that you have everything, you turn to find Margot, only to see Jungkook whispering in her ear across the room and laughing.

Your heart drops. You were right all along-he does treat all the girls like this, like they’re special to him.

Margot comes up to you shortly after. “You ready to go?” you ask quietly.

“Yep!” she smiles, and drags you out of The Dynasty by the hand. The entire walk home, all she can talk about is Jin-how cute he is, how funny he is, how talented he is, and oh, did she mention how cute he is? You nod and smile in all the right places in her story. You are happy for Margot, but you can’t help comparing what she’s telling you with your interactions with Jungkook. You had acted like an idiot, and there was no way he was interested in you on any level. Plus, he clearly thought that your best friend was worth flirting with after Jin helped him escape your awkward conversation.

You shake your head to clear it as you reach your apartment building. Margot bids you farewell at the second floor, while you continue your trudge up the stairs to the fourth floor. You key into your apartment, throwing your keys into a bowl and heading for your bedroom.

Makeup off, pjs on, you’ve just finished washing your face when you look at yourself in the mirror. “Boys are dumb, and love is stupid,” you say to yourself, not sure if you actually believe what you’re saying. As you dry your face, you hear the sound of your phone receiving a text. Margot, no doubt, still waxing poetic about how she can’t believe that Jin wants to take her out on a date.

You slide into bed and turn off your lamp, grabbing your phone to set an alarm for the morning and to tell Margot that you’ll talk some more tomorrow during lunch.

Unknown Number

2:37 AM: Hey, it’s Jungkook!...I hope you don’t mind, I got your number from Margot. thanks for coming out to the show tonight, I hope you had a good time!! if you didn’t, you don’t have to wear the shirt I gave you, that would be weird for you to wear it if you hated our music…

2:41 AM: anyway, I just wanted to apologize again for making you spill your drink. Usually I’m not that clumsy, I guess I was distracted. You should come hang out with the band before our next show on Friday! only if you want. let me know...or don’t. Whatever you want.

2:45 AM: Can you tell I’m nervous? haha

2:46 AM: usually i’m not like this, but you’re really pretty and you seem cool. ANYWAY. I hope you hang out with us-bring Margot too, Jin would like that. I hope you got home safe and i hope i see you soon :)

You stare in disbelief at your phone. Jungkook just texted you. Jungkook just texted you FOUR TIMES IN A ROW. Good thing you are much less awkward via text, mostly because you have time to think out what to say. You can’t help the giant grin that forms on your face as you type out a reply.

2:50 AM: I made it home, thanks for checking in...I can’t turn down a good band shirt, so I’ll definitely be wearing it. Maybe I’ll wear it if we hang out, you’ll have to wait and see!

You place your phone on the nightstand and turn over to get comfortable. Maybe Margot wasn’t the only one who had a good night after all.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Three days later, you’re staring at your phone sitting on your desk. “Can you not?” Margot huffs from beside you, rolling over in her desk chair. “Just freaking text JK and tell him we’re coming to hang out with the band,” she rolls her eyes and lets out a huge sigh.

“Margot, can you not? Stop being so loud, we’re at work,” you hiss. Margot looks slightly taken aback at your comment, and then swiftly rolls back to her own desk.

You’ll deal with her hurt feelings later. For now, you go back to staring at Jungkook’s text that is boring a hole in your brain...he sent it about six hours ago, and you still haven’t replied.

Jungkook

8:53 AM: Morning! I know it’s kinda early, but i figured you might be at work already. You and Margot coming by later? Jin will cook for us! i think i can manage some cookies too, just don’t judge if they don’t taste as good as jin’s cooking...i swear he was a chef in a past life. You like chocolate chip?

You’d had brief text conversations each day since you met, nothing too crazy. Even so, you still can’t help but feel like your brain is freezing over, ceasing all functioning momentarily every time a text comes in from him. Margot is right, you just need to text him back already.

3:30 PM: Make it snickerdoodle and I’m there.

Jungkook immediately sends back a reply, overeagerly filled with emojis, their apartment address, and instructions to come over at 6. For a drummer in a rock band, he is surprisingly silly, kind, and warm. You’re not sure what you expected from him, but it wasn’t this.

The rest of the work day goes quickly, your mind preoccupied with what’s in store for you at the boys’ apartment. As soon as you and Margot step outside your office, her eyes are glued to her phone. “Hey, Margot...I’m sorry for snapping at you earlier. I just don’t know what this...thing...is with Jungkook, and I’m stressed. Not an excuse, but you didn’t deserve me being rude,” you say in a small voice.

“Girl, I forgave you like ten minutes after you said it, it’s whatever. Look at this!” She shoves her phone under your nose, and you examine what she’s trying to get you to look at. Pictures of food? You’re confused.

“What is it?” you ask. “Our dinner, silly! Jinnie’s making us pasta carbonara with homemade breadsticks!” Your mouth involuntarily starts watering at even the mention of food. Homemade bread? Jungkook must not have been kidding about Jin’s cooking.

“Look look look, your boyfriend is making us snickerdoodle cookies too-how sweet!” Margot gives you a sly smile, and you can immediately feel heat radiating off your cheeks.

“He’s not my boyfriend! He’s just-whatever! He’s not even interested in me like that, he hasn’t asked me out or anything. Not like someone I know,” you attempt to distract her by bringing up her date with Jin (it had literally happened the day after meeting him, and he’d set up a second one for the weekend-you couldn’t help but be impressed). Even though you’re flustered, you still can’t stop the warmth spreading through you. Yes, embarrassment. But also Jungkook was making snickerdoodle cookies like you asked.

“Boyfriend or not, we’re here!” Margot singsongs as you walk through the front doors of an apartment building, and step into an elevator, pressing the button for floor seven.

There’s a loud pinging sound as you step out, and Margot knocks on the door directly across from the elevator. You hear clanging sounds, alongside shuffling and male voices indistinctly talking. The door swings open to reveal Jin in a pink apron.

“Hey pretty girl,” his eyes light up when he sees Margot standing in the doorway, and he immediately bends down to kiss the top of her head. Margot is positively beaming, and looks up at him like he’s her entire world.

You clear your throat awkwardly. “Oh hey, y/n,” Jin smiles warmly at you. “Jungkook’s excited to see you, he hasn’t stopped talking about you coming over since he started making those cookies.” Jin winks as your eyes grow wide.

“HYUNG!!” you hear Jungkook bellow from you assume the kitchen. As you all walk into the apartment, you can see him glaring at Jin.

“What? I’m just telling the truth, nothing wrong with that-right, Margot?”

“Right,” your best friend grins.

“Not you too, M. Why do I put up with this torture?” Jungkook pouts in your direction, blue strands of hair falling messily in his face. You can see he’s also wearing an apron, black-but with lots of flour stains.

You walk closer to the kitchen and lean on the counter that separates it from the living room. You may be nervous as ever, but maybe if you fake confidence, things will feel better.

“Oh, I dunno, maybe because he’s one of your best friends and bandmates? Because maybe it is the truth?” you grin cheekily.

Jungkook’s doe eyes go even wider than you thought possible, and it looks like he may drop the mixing bowl he has in his hands.

“Weren’t you excited I was coming over, Kook? I can leave if you want…” you step into the kitchen with him, reaching forward and gently pushing a loose strand of hair out of his face. You swear he leans into your touch, and it feels like electricity is coursing through your veins.

“I-I mean, of course I was! I invited you over, didn’t I? Of course I want you here.” Jungkook has a fierce blush creeping up his neck towards his face, and he looks like he wants to sink through the floor.

A deep chuckle resounds from the corner of the living room, and you turn around to see Yoongi smirking at the two of you from an armchair. “Can we eat now, please? As much as I love seeing the two of you absolutely not know how to function like normal human beings...I’m hungry.”

Jin uses this opportunity to sweep into the kitchen, grabbing his pasta off the stovetop and bringing it to the center of the dining room table. Margot brings the breadsticks over and places them down as well. You each take a seat, Yoongi sitting at one end of the table, Jin and Margot on one side, you and Jungkook on the other. Dinner unfolds in a relatively normal fashion, mostly silent because everyone is so hungry. Jungkook may have actually been underselling Jin’s cooking ability, because you’re not sure when the last time you had pasta this good was.

Just as you’re finishing up, the timer on the oven beeps, signaling that Jungkook’s cookies are done. He hops up out of his seat to grab the pan out of the oven. A few seconds later, you hear a loud expletive and a metallic clang. “Kook?” you call, already walking towards the kitchen. As you round the corner, you see him holding his hand under the faucet, water streaming over what looks like a nasty burn.

“Kook!” you exclaim, swiftly moving towards him, peeking around him to see the injury. “What happened?”

Jungkook turns around, seemingly just noticing your presence. He gives you a smile that doesn’t quite meet his eyes. “Don’t worry about it, it’s nothing. The pan started slipping out of my hand, so I went to grab it with my other hand to steady it. I just happened to forget I was only wearing one oven mitt.” He forlornly looks behind the two of you. You follow his gaze to see that most of the cookies have fallen on the floor, save for three. “I just wanted the cookies to be perfect.” His lower lip juts out as he begins to pout, staring at the cookies littering the floor.

“Jungkook, look at me.” His eyes raise from the floor to your own. “The fact that you even made any cookies at all is very sweet-pun intended. It’s the effort that counts. That, and making sure you don’t have permanent burn damage.” You reach out for his wrist and delicately turn his hand to look at it. It’s angry looking, but you can tell it will heal pretty easily (you may have suffered several cookie-related burns yourself in your day). “Just make sure you put ointment on this a couple times a day for about a week, and you should be fine.” You shoot him a soft smile, which he returns.

“What are you, a doctor?” he asks.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” you reply, grinning widely.

“Yah, why do you have to be so difficult? Here I am, trying to be nice, trying to get to know you more, and this is what I get in return,” he gripes, but there’s a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“Hmm...I dunno, Kook. I think you like it when I’m contrarian,” you giggle, turning to leave the kitchen. Before you can move through the door frame, Jungkook moves in front of you. You look up at him confused. He leans in close, lips brushing against your ear as he whispers.

“...maybe I do. But next time I see you, you should actually wear the shirt I gave you.”

He winks, leaves the kitchen, and leaves you to wonder what the heck just happened.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your sporadic texts with Jungkook have turned into one long, continuous conversation over the past few weeks. It feels like you talk about everything, but also nothing. He remains somewhat a mystery, though you know this is because you’re still keeping him at arm’s length.

Jungkook is too good for you, you’ve decided. He’s cute, funny, charming, and talented. Everyone is in love with him for good reason. Every time he makes eye contact with you, his smile lights up his entire face. That smile has you falling faster than you’d like, and it isn’t a pleasant feeling. A cloudlike floating down to Earth? Try hurtling through the atmosphere like an asteroid determined to destroy the planet. You haven’t hit the ground yet, but you’re not sure if you’ll be able to properly recover once you do.

Kook

4:23 PM: Come with me to the beach this weekend! You need a break from work, and i need a break from the morons i live with...don’t tell them i said that. I need to work on song stuff too, but i’d like some company :)

Your chest constricts at his latest message. Is this a date? He hasn’t asked you on one before, but this feels suspiciously date-esque. But he’s working on band stuff, so maybe he really just wants company. You shoot off a quick text in the affirmative before you can think much harder about it. Jungkook immediately sends back a slew of emojis, as well as telling you he’ll pick you up at 8AM on Saturday to drive the two of you down to the coast.

The next two days go by in a blur. Before you know it, you’re standing in front of your closet Saturday morning, wondering what to wear on your not-date. It’s not quite summer yet, so you know the two of you aren’t wearing bathing suits (not to mention that would have been a whole other crisis to work through-being half naked in front of a very attractive man on a maybe-date? Absolutely not). You quickly put on a pair of jean shorts, and smile as you grab their band tee and slide it over your head. You still hadn’t worn it in front of Jungkook. You finish off with french tucking the shirt, sliding on sandals and wearing a simple gold necklace with your first initial on it-you didn’t want to be too fancy.

You make yourself a cup of tea to pass time waiting for Jungkook to arrive. Halfway through drinking it, there’s a knock on the door. You hastily place your mug on the coffee table, grab your bag, and open the door to find Jungkook leaning against the doorframe.

He lights up upon seeing you, his doe eyes widening when he notices your outfit. “You’re finally wearing it! I thought I was gonna have to bribe you or something,” he smiles.

“Let’s go, dork,” you reply, shutting your door behind you and making sure it’s locked.

Jungkook leads you outside to his car, opening the door for you. “After you, m’lady.” You roll your eyes, but not without laughing at his antics. He slides into the driver’s side and starts the car. “Off we go!”

The car ride is comfortably silent-probably because it’s still early in the morning, neither of you are completely coherent yet. The hum of the road beneath the car combined with the radio playing in the background puts you at ease. You can swear you keep seeing Jungkook look at you from your peripheral vision, but maybe you’re imagining things. You settle for looking out the window at the passing scenery, which honestly is beautiful-you should get out of the city more.

After about 10 minutes, you glance over to the driver’s side, only to make complete eye contact with Jungkook. “Kook, why do you keep looking at me?” His eyes widen, and now you know you weren’t imagining things earlier.

“Oh, uh...I-I’m just glad you decided to come. Yeah. And um, you look really good in my shirt.” You can see his ears reddening as he says this, and all of a sudden, you’re looking at anywhere but him.

There’s an awkward pause for a few moments, and then suddenly that molten lava feeling from a few weeks ago at the concert is back. You whip your head back towards Jungkook so fast, you think you might injure your neck. He has reached his hand across the console to where yours sits on your thigh, and as you watch, he intertwines your fingers with his. It feels like an out-of-body experience, where you’re watching yourself from above. Is this really happening? You glance up at Jungkook’s face with wild eyes, and he meets you with a steady smile. Not only is the molten lava feeling back, but it’s brought along the storm in the ocean feeling as well. Only this time, Jungkook is there to be the lighthouse that leads you back home.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The rest of the drive is peaceful. Jungkook continues to hold your hand the rest of the way to the beach, shooting you smiles every time you look over at him. You’re so mesmerized, you don’t even realize that you’ve parked until he lets go.

He immediately rushes over to open your door after getting out of the car, and then proceeds to pop the trunk open and grabs a cooler and a picnic basket.

“Kook, what is all this?” your eyes widen in surprise.

“Please, like I was going to take you to the beach and not pack a picnic. We have to eat, don’t we? I got those weird sparkling waters you like too.”

Your response is to grab the picnic basket out of his hand and immediately intertwine your fingers again with his free hand. Jungkook looks like his face might split in half with how big his smile is.

“You like it?” he asks with a hint of uncertainty.

“I love it.”

The two of you walk hand in hand down the beach quite a ways before you find what Jungkook deems the ‘perfect spot’. “And what exactly makes it perfect?” you peer up at him.

“Easy-one, we’re snagging the last free shaded spot,” he points at the umbrella stuck in the sand, “and two-it’s far enough away from other people that I can work on songs without a ton of noise distracting me.”

“Are you sure I won’t distract you?” you frown slightly, worried that he won’t get any work done.

“You’re never a distraction, you’re an inspiration.” He winks conspiratorially at you, and chuckles at the flustered look on your face. He sets the cooler down under the umbrella and looks over at you. “There’s a blanket in the picnic basket, can you get it out? As much as I love the beach, I don’t really want to find sand in my shorts for the next month.”

You set the basket down next to the cooler, open the lid, and pull out a bright blue blanket. Jungkook takes one side, you take the other, and you unfold it and place it lightly on the sand. He immediately plops down on one side of the blanket and reaches his hand up toward you, motioning for you to take hold. As soon as you do, he yanks a little too hard, and you careen sideways onto the blanket and into his side. “Well, that’s one way to sit down I guess,” you laugh at his appalled face.

“Are you okay? I didn’t mean to pull that hard…” his brow furrows in worry.

“I’m good, weirdo. Great, even.” You reach into the cooler, pull out a sparkling water (key lime, your favorite), and pull the book you always keep in your bag out. You lay out on the blanket, propped up on your elbows, and begin to read. Jungkook lays down beside you in a similar position, pulling a small notebook out of his back pocket and starts scribbling.

You sit in this position for a couple of hours, silently working, occasionally catching each others’ eyes and smiling when you do. Suddenly there’s a loud rumbling beside you. You laugh. “Hungry, Kook?”

“Thought you’d never ask,” he laughs, sits up and reaches over to pull the picnic basket closer to the two of you.

“What’s on the menu?” you peer over as he starts to pull plastic containers out.

“Gimbap. Simple, easy, and delicious.” He hands you one of the containers as he pulls out a second for himself.

“Did you make this yourself?” you ask, mouth half-full. He nods. “Delicious,” you concede through your mouthful. He grins.

“Maybe I could actually cook for you sometime. Without burning my hand on cookies, that is.”

“I’d like that,” you shyly respond, eyes firmly locked on the plastic container of gimbap in your lap.

“It’s a date, then.” Your eyes shoot up to meet his, and you can see dimples forming alongside his smile. You can’t help but smile back.

After eating, the two of you go back to your previous positions-you reading, him working on song lyrics in his notebook. This time, though, after about 30 minutes you start to get restless. Looking over at Jungkook, you notice he keeps shoving his hair behind his ears as it falls in his face while he’s writing. You rummage through your bag for a hair tie, and scoot over closer to him. He raises an eyebrow in curiosity at you, and you just lean over and gently start pulling his hair back for him into a half bun that matches the way his hair looked the night you first met.

“Better?” you ask quietly, running your fingers absentmindedly through the hair at the nape of his neck that’s too short for the bun. He looks up at you, awestruck.

“Everything is better with you,” he whispers. You’re not sure if he knows he’s said this out loud. He suddenly sits up on the blanket, flipping through the pages of his notebook he’s been working in. He stops about halfway through. “Can you look over these lyrics? I’m not sure they’re quite right, I need a second opinion.”

You look down at the page and see lyrics scribbled in Jungkook’s messy handwriting.

“I wish you were right here, right now”

“This mad, mad love makes you come running”

“See your face, hear my voice in the dark”

Different versions of these lyrics are scattered across the page, certain words changed, scribbled out, and moved around within phrases. As your eyes scan the page, they land on one final line etched out on the bottom of the page. No scribbles, no changes-it simply reads:

“I wish you knew that I’ll never forget you as long as I live.”

“This is really good, Kook! It’s so much different than the music the band’s done before, how’d you come up with this?” You’re genuinely curious, this almost seems more like a ballad compared to the band’s usual upbeat tunes.

Jungkook looks at you warmly. “I’ve had new inspiration lately, that’s all.” You suddenly notice that he’s way closer to you than he was when you started looking over his notes...he’s sitting directly in front of you now.

You feel frozen as you see him stealing glances at your lips while his face inches closer. Is he going to kiss you? He’s going to kiss you. Oh my gosh, JUNGKOOK IS GOING TO KISS YOU.

As his lips meet your own, the molten lava turns into an erupting volcano. You feel hot and tingly all over, and Jungkook is assaulting your senses in every way possible. You can smell his cologne, feel the softness of his lips, taste his mint chapstick, hear the satisfied hum that gets caught in his throat as your lips collide. Even though your eyes are closed, the vision of Jungkook leaning in to kiss you is seared into the backs of your eyelids.

The kiss is over far sooner than you’d like. As Jungkook retreats, he doesn’t go far, instead leaning his forehead against yours, gazing at you longingly. The stars in his eyes have become a full blown galaxy, and you can’t look away. Still recovering from the kiss, Jungkook breathily laughs.

“You make me want to write all the love songs in the world.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Margot is tugging insistently on your arm. “Hello? HELLO? Is there anyone in there?” she taps the side of your head. When you don’t respond, she grabs you by both shoulders and gives you a shake.

The room comes back into focus and you look over at your best friend with eyes still lightly glazed over. “Huh?”

“I said, it’s intermission...are you enjoying the show? You certainly seemed distracted by Jungkook-I saw him smile at you,” she grins. “Jin made eye contact with me a couple of times, he even winked!” she gushes, continuing to talk about how hot she thinks he is.

Your stomach feels like it’s dropped completely out of your body, and your throat has gone dry.

“Hey...you okay?” Margot notices that you still seem slightly out of it.

“Yeah, yeah...I just...need another drink, that’s all,” you manage to choke out, turning on your heel and heading straight to the bar. While the bartender works on your drink, you run through everything in your head. The texts...the dinner at the boys’ apartment...the beach. The kiss. None of it was real, was it? What was wrong with you?

You take the drink that’s slid across to you and head outside to a side alley beside the bar. No one’s there, everyone has gone to the bathroom or to refill their drinks while waiting on the band to return. You let out a deep sigh, leaning against the brick wall and running your hands through your hair, making it even frizzier than when the night started. At least it isn’t raining anymore, you think to yourself.

You return to the question Margot had asked you-are you okay? You’re not sure. You’d apparently made eye contact with Jungkook, a man you had never spoken to, and imagined a whole entire relationship with him in the span of half the band’s setlist. Are you that desperate for a man? Apparently. You let out a deep sigh, replaying the scenarios you had created in your head. Once your brain reaches the kiss again, you find yourself getting teary-eyed at how sweet Jungkook had been...in your head. You feel a tear escape, and you quickly swipe it away.

Taking a steadying breath, you push yourself off the wall and move towards the door to head back into the bar. As you reach for the handle, the door swings open and hits you in the shoulder, turning you slightly to the side and spilling your drink on your shirt and the cobblestones of the alley.

“...again?!” you mutter, looking down at your ruined shirt.

“Um...are you okay? I can go get you a new shirt to change into-wait here!” you hear a male’s voice, but as you look up, the bar door is already closing again as he’s gone inside.

A minute later, the door is swinging open again to reveal none other than Jungkook-hair in a half bun, eyeliner smudged, and in a white undershirt and ripped jeans. Just like in your imagination.

He reaches out to you with a black t-shirt in his hand. “Yoongi’s pissed because these aren’t even ready to be sold, but whatever. Just think of it as an exclusive sneak peek or something,” he parrots your imagined scenario you had played in your head moments ago.

“Thanks,” you say as you take the shirt, unfolding it to see the familiar graffiti design.

“It’s the least I could do for a pretty girl whose Eagles tee I ruined, don’t worry about it. Yoongi will get over it.” Jungkook smiles at you the same way he did during the first half of the show. One thing your brain got right are the stars in his eyes sparkling at you, which makes you smile back at him.

“Hey, I need to get back to make sure we’re ready for the second half of the show, but it was nice to meet you. You should hang back after the show-Jin thinks your friend is cute, and he was talking about inviting her to come grab food with us when we’re done. Yoongi can’t come and I don’t want to be a third wheel. Come hang out with us and save me from dying of awkwardness?” he looks at you shyly, his rock star persona melting away completely.

“I’ll think about it,” you tease, turning away and heading back into The Dynasty. Jungkook is left wide eyed in your wake, smiling as he turns to head towards the backstage door.

You meet up with Margot again after changing into your new shirt. The crowd has started to gather in anticipation of the second half of the show. “Hey Mar, let’s move all the way up,” you motion at the space in front of the stage.

“Who are you, and what have you done with my best friend?” Margot gapes at you in disbelief, but follows your lead as you weave through the crowd to get to front stage center. You shrug goodnaturedly and just smile as an answer.

A moment later, Jin, Yoongi and Jungkook come from backstage to get in place for the second half of their set. You can see Jungkook scanning the crowd, brows slightly furrowed. You give a small wave, which catches his attention, and his nose scrunches in a smile as he sends an enthusiastic wave back. ‘I like your shirt’ he mouths at you as he settles behind his drum kit, winking as he does so. You can feel the heat creeping onto your cheeks as a bar employee strides across the stage to the mic and the crowd starts cheering.

“Give it up again for Gold Rush!”

[ijustliketoreadbooks]

Finale (Caraval, 3) Book Review

I liked this book, and overall I liked the trilogy. It is good to pass the time and immerse yourself in a world of fantasy and dreams. I consider that the ending was super convenient and not very credible. But despite that, it is a satisfying ending. Let's start by talking about the characters. I adore Tella, she is my kind of character, she doesn't bite her tongue, she's super outgoing and daring. She would do everything for the people that she loves and it is clearly seen throughout the book, I liked her ending and I am happy. I also like Scarlett, but I don't adore her the way I adore Tella. She is the most withdrawn sister, she thinks about things more before doing them and she is much more cautious. But she, too, is smart and would do everything for her loved ones. But I don't know if her ending convinced me at all, I feel that it could have been better and the author could have developed it more. Julian, I do like you now. There is not much to say about you. You have redeemed yourself in my eyes and I hope you don't screw it up again. I add that I would have liked to see more of your past with my man, Legend. Legend, I LOVE YOU. This man has stolen my heart. Every moment he appeared was extremely captivating. I am very disappointed that we have not learned more about his past, his relationship with his brother, his old relationships, etc. I think it was possible to delve deeper into his person because he is an interesting character. Jacks, I thought I was going to fall for you. I had seen many people saying that he was the best, that they loved him, etc. I do not understand why, he seems to me someone manipulative, obsessive, and unkind. I still think that the author did not do him justice because, in the end, you learn almost nothing from him. I may not like him but I think he could have been a more interesting character. Now the plot. It was somewhat disappointing, I'm not going to lie. The conflict was resolved with the mystical power of LOVE. I know it is a book made for kids between 13 and 17 years old, but I am 17 and I think it was not very credible. The whole girls' mother thing did seem more interesting to me, but it could have been better. Now, I have to discuss the age difference because it bothers me, and I didn't discuss it in the other two books. Julian, Legend, and Jacks, are immortal, that is, they have lived for years, that is, they are adults. Adults who are with girls from 16 to 17. I have seen people who say it does not count because they were trapped in time, and even though they are immortal, they are young. It is explicitly stated in the book that all the men I already mentioned look in their 20s (at least over 17 years old), so people can't even say that they are like Peter Pan and that their minds are young. Honestly, it tires me that authors always make their characters have an abysmal age difference. But the thing is, Legend's character would have been more interesting if he really was a 17-year-old boy who commands and controls an entire island. I still like the trilogy but I can't ignore the problems (besides that all men lie, manipulate, and hurt the protagonists). It's a book worth reading, it was a nice ending, but it could have been done better. ⚠️ SPOILER ⚠️ I could talk more about the plot, but it is not my specialty, we are going to talk about the characters, and by characters I mean Jacks. I understand that there are girls who are interested in Jacks, he is an interesting character, but I do not understand why there are girls who believe that Donatella must have stayed with Jacks. This man not only kissed Donatella and then threatened to kill her, but he also took advantage of her in a vulnerable state to kiss her and force her to marry him. This type of scene, where someone is in a vulnerable state and the other person TAKES ADVANTAGE OF IT, to kiss her, sleep with that person or force her to do any kind of thing, annoys me and has caused me to not like a lot of couples in books. It is very common in the book and it is worrying. By this, I am not saying that

Legend is a saint. But I don't consider Jacks to be a great partner. Even the book itself tells you (in a very unsubtle way) that Jacks DOES NOT LOVE TELLA, Jacks is only obsessed with her, they say it a thousand times. It is said to me that Tella is the true love of Jacks, it does not even delve into that topic, and even if it was his true love and that was relevant in the story, these two (Tella and Jacks) never talk about anything other than him manipulating her or forcing her to do something. I REPEAT, Jacks is an interesting character, but the author never delved into it. Tella is his true love. What else? Because it is clear to my eyes that Tella does not want to be her true love. Does that mean that she is not his true love? We will never know because he only got into the plot to create a love "triangle". Legend screwed up, I can't just sit back and pretend he didn't, but, I feel like his problem was just miscommunication and all the nonsense of ceasing to be immortal. Nothing more. Despite my great problems, I read the book in one day, I loved it and I want to go to Caraval (just to be a spectator).

Leave your thoughts, and tell me if you agree, disagree, and why <3

Storygraph

[dearmumnopeeking]

No knowing about something does not make me stupid

Stupid is an strong judgmental adjective that i will refrain from using moving forward.

Why?

Because not knowing doesnt make one dumb, it just shows that the person has yet to be expose to that knowledge.

Circumstances like lack of resources or just not raise to the person's attention.

No one is stupid.

I am not stupid.

The only thing I should work on is to not be lazy. Not to choose to continue being ignorant even after the topic is being raise to my attention.

Not to shun away my curiosity because it might seems like a lot to read up on or a lot to following up on.

Not to hold back researching about that topic because there is no time because other things are more important.

This knowledge can be snippets of news, google search or even documentaries.

I can learn subconsciously and it might not effective but i would have that slight awareness when similar words reappear. That way I don't have to start from 0, I just need to start from the last thing i researched about and move on.

Remember your recon memory is quite strong because of flashcards.

Make your own flashcards about things, collect articles and flip thru to remember.

I am not stupid, I just need to change my mindset to get immerse in absorbing more information.

if I learn better with youtube do it.

The only people that I can use the adjective: stupid, is for people who judge me for being unexposed or people who think they smarter than others just because they are ahead with the learning.

Stop yourself from being them

Stop yourself from being them to yourself

Stop saying that you are stupid to yourself to spur motivation for learning.

It is ineffective and harmful, thats why you remember so little about the courses that you learned previously.

Every course is useful and important. Everything taught by the professors might not be in full now but it a starting stone.

Stop blaming them for not conducting classes properly

The lessons and assignments are insightful.

Yes they are, learning about these really helps being better are work.

I am growing.

I am becoming better.

I am becoming more aware about things.

No wonder people quote to stay curious.

Because it starts from asking more questions.

I am not annoying for asking so many questions.

I am just being curious and try to learn

I should write my questions and ask people who are experts in these.

Sharing should be offensive.

You are right for keeping your ground on what was put across in the conversation earlier.

You can do better if you listen carefully to just the words.

Sometimes its just offensive because you expect the person to explain more

But you need to understand that in this setting, the other party is not obligated to be informative.

Other people have their opinion and that can be the start of my new research point.

Never be sad about a heated conversation.

Don't judge if you don like it.

But I also don have to lower self to learn.

I have the same capabilities just underexposed.

[anything-advice-blog]

I am finding it hard to motivate myself and I'm getting really scared because I'm at my last year of uni and here, your final grade is on the things you do last year. I have had two assignments that I messed up. I'm so mad at myself because I thought I'ld get myself together this year because if I want a shot at medical school. I have the will to want to do well, I don't go out and I usually start assignments in time. What usually happens is that I get stuck and then I start procastinate.

Hi there!

Work ethic is extremelyimportant, that’s a given, but always try not to force yourself into a corner.Constantly give yourself a break, and take time to breathe for as long as youneed. It’s never considered an excuse to give yourself some time to recuperate.

I would recommend totake as many electives as possible. Many graduate schools/ studies tend to lookat strict marks, not really caring about what kind of subjects they are. So bytaking electives you’re basically boosting your current GPA. This also givesyou leeway to make mistakes in your main classes if you get overwhelmed.

Talk to your school’sguidance or advisory team. If you constantly go to them for advice, many tendto end up on yours side. By having them by your side has perks especially sincethey know people from graduate schools.

Get to know your Profs.Marks may be the main point, but many scouters now, are looking for peoplepersons. If you have a good reputation and relationship with many Profs, it notonly shows that you are able to respond well to authority, you are able tobuild relationships with your future co-workers. Teacher recommendations areimportant now more than ever. Also, if you’re especially close with specificteachers they can help you know potential internship or volunteer places toapply and can recommend you. Get their attention by being attentive and activein class, as well as regularly going to their office hours. Contrary to belief,Profs love it when students have initiative, so don’t be afraid to stop by andsay hi or ask questions.

Remember, now that youknow you’re procrastinating, now is the perfect time since you’re feelingdesperate and motivated. You still have time. First plan of action is to takestudying and work ethic to the next level. I understand the procrastinationmonster. Hell on earth if you ask me. It’s annoying, but force yourself and sityourself down in some place where you know you’ll work. Find you environmentwhere you’re most productive first (and when you begin to focus more and moreyou can ease your way to other environments) these places are usually whenthere’s no odors, and no noise, except maybe white noise (Some people can’tstand silence) I prefer university libraries. You are surrounded by motivatedstudents, so if you don’t study you don’t feel comfortable, so basically it’slike productive conformity. You really get in your zone. If you’re the type wholikes music since empty silence is too much for you, try the Mozart effect.This effect only works on some subjects. If its copying notes, or English,music can be a good background calming effect, but if it’s something calculative,it’s best to keep your full attention. Make sure your music has no lyrics (ormaybe if you can focus, another language so you don’t really understand, butthis is not recommended) since this makes you have a split brain effect. Ipersonally, love to listen to music box or instrumental music when I study. My favoritechannel on YouTube in which I use to study a lot is Relaxing Music Project. Ifyou’re interested, you can check it out here.

Time yourself. Set up astrict schedule for yourself so you feel in control. Mark it down to the T.study blogs on Tumblr have fantastic printables where you’re able to mark yourday on paper or for your studies and follow that schedule. Also time how much you study. Studiesshow that students are more like to retain information as they spread out theirstudying. Daily review is better than cramming. Studying well for 30 minutesand then taking a 5 minute break will greatly boost memory skills. For myself, Itweaked it a bit to studying for one hour, and a 10-15 minute break dependingon how I feel. I used a timer I googled and from there, it will beep to signalwhen I start or end my break. Change the time to whatever suits you. Duringthat break, you can do whatever. I tend to close my eyes and take a little nap.Did you know that with 15 minutes of a short nap, you retain more informationand also it will allow you to focus for the next 2-4 hours? So whatever you do,do in stride. However, be wary that you will have to be flexible. Life happens,so we can’t plan everything. Be serious about it, however don’t be too hard onyourself if you momentarily step out of plan. Speaking of Tumblr blogs, followother studyblrs if you like to give yourself some motivation.

Procrastinating is allabout the starting point. It’s hard to get around to actually doing it, butonce you start it gets progressively easier to get into it. Remember that ithappens to the best of us. Motivation quotes can help some, and others prefer areward system that they set up for themselves (if I do this, then I get to havesomething I enjoy etc.).

Give yourself some spaceto breathe from school. Uni is hard. No one ever expects anything to come easyin university. After all, in our generation onward, society continues to wantmore from us than we can actually give. The marks and the stakes just keepgetting higher. You’re not lazy, its people expecting too much. Your stress isn’thelping you out either. Give yourself a regular sleep schedule, and eatregularly. Give yourself brain food, and review daily instead of cramming. Easiersaid than done agreed, but if you’re able to do it, it’s all worth it.

Finally, remember thatas unlikely as it seems right now, you literally have all the time in theworld. You just started your life. Don’t stress out too much. Favourite quoteof mine that I will forever and eternally keep saying is “this too shall pass”stress, schoolwork, university will all pass in time. Try to immerse yourselfin the moment and don’t think about the past and future too much. Live in the momentand do your best for now. If you’re able to achieve this, everything else willfall into place. So what if you don’t get into med school this year? Does itmake any difference if you get in a different year? Everyone has a differentjourney. Some may have different paths to take. It may be rocky for you now,but soon it will be smooth sailing in another time of your life. Just rememberthat since it’s your life, you have the right to go with the flow and enjoyyour life. Opportunities will always come knocking to those who work for it.

Good luck! You can doit!

Sorry this was so long0.0

~Ella ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ