#it being self employment it feels like im more responsible for taking a stand with who i align myself with

[himbopunk]

i guess i could try using my ko-fi shop again but tbats entirely dependant on traffic i can drive to it and my audience & reach is so thin it feels like

[warmau]

{Regular Inspired!AU x NCT} Doyoung

tw: weapons mention, violence mention, n*fw elements, be warned. everything written here is a work of FICTION, it does not in anyway reflect reality, nor do i condone any of the extreme behavior. ♢ introduction ♢ pick mark instead | pick haechan instead | pick yuta instead | pick johnny instead 

“i know i have asked a lot of you, and that you picked me to protect you and all ive done is use you to help my own means - but this will be the last time.”

“i choose doyoung”

you say

only to regret it a moment later because maybe you shouldn’t have called him doyoung so easily,,,,,maybe you should have went with mr.kim,,,,,,,

he is the head of a major department for this company 

i should be more formal from now on! i mean he looks like he probably hates being spoken to casually

but doyoung doesn’t correct you

instead he slips the notepad he’d used to write down something into the pocket of his lapel

he steps closer to you 

and for some reason it seems like the room has gone ice cold

not because you think doyoung is particularly,,,,,,,mean,,,,,but his eyes are so dark they could look black in the weak office lights

he outstretches a hand to help you off the table

and the rest of the members watch intently as you take it, skin warm and shaking against doyoung’s palm

“ill take care of them well”

doyoung says, gaze settling on jaehyun as he continues to hold your hand

you’re too embarrassed to scan the rest of the room

instead you stare down at your shoes 

and hear jaehyun confirm

“doyoung might not look like it, but he’s pretty agile and smart. im sure you won’t get hurt~”

taeil comments as he floats past you

the room emptying out

until it’s just you, doyoung and jungwoo

who takes his phone out before letting out a sigh

“i would stay with you as well, but i have to deal with something.”

he says to doyoung who gives a short nod

“go. send a report if you need me.”

jungwoo runs a hand through his hair, throws one glance your way and then turns on his heel 

“jungwoo and i work closely together. he keeps me in the loop of the,,,,”

doyoung pauses 

“of the extra affairs of jung enterprises.”

you don’t even notice it until you try to answer him, but your lips are quivering 

you touch them and doyoung watches

“you’re probably trembling because of everything that’s happened so far. don’t be fearful, it’s a natural response to shock.”

you just open your mouth - but nothing really can come out

what do i say to that? is he trying to comfort me - his tone sounds automatic, even robotic ,,,,, being a genius must make him very careful with his words,,,,

doyoung motions with his hand for you to follow him outside 

you go along, thinking that you’ll be driven to some secret hotel or be kept in some warehouse owned by the jungs

but you’re taken to your home and when you get out of the car

doyoung steps out with you

“i,,,,i think ill be ok on my own-”

you start, but doyoung scans the quiet block of your neighborhood, without a second to spare he takes his notepad back out and scribbles something down

muttering to himself the whole time

“three, no four possible entry points - there are mostly residential buildings here with ample spots for stakeouts and ambushes. i classify it as,,,,,most likely dangerous.”

you blink, it’s hard enough to follow along with his train of thought but he speaks so fast that it makes your head spin

“it - it’s not that dangerous really so -”

he clicks his pen closed and ignores you

“best that i stay with you tonight.”

before you can think of a response, let alone register it in your head 

doyoung,,,,the kim doyoung,,,,,wants to spend the night in my apartment?!?!?!

doyoung is already heading toward the lobby

you rush to catch up and take the edge of his sleeve in your hand

“um - do-doyoung! i mean mr. kim! i just ,,,, i don’t know ,,, ,what ,,, what the neighbors would think about me having you over for the night and i don’t -”

he stares at you without much of an expression as you try to form a coherent sentence

before cutting into your gibberish

“you’re of an age where you could be bringing me home as your partner. there isn’t anything suspicious about that.”

WHAT?

your mind rattles at the sudden string of words that come out of his mouth

partner???? your partner???? bring home????? 

while you’re back in a stage of shock, doyoung proceeds forward

within a matter of seconds he figures out what floor you’re on and the passcode to your door

which you don’t even want to ask how he does, but he tells you the answer anyway

“it’s either your birthday or whichever keypads have the slightest indentations on them.”

he walks the perimeter of your home silently, hands clasped behind your back, dark eyes outlining the walls - the windows - the doors

you’re still silently stunned when he’s done, jotting down whatever it is he’s gathered from his self-tour of your home 

before tilting his head toward the hall

“it’s been a long day, you should sleep.”

finally you break out of it - ok ok kim doyoung is standing in my apartment what should i do,,,,,,should i offer him water? should i tell him to make himself comfortable? should i ask more about what the hell kind of situation im in?

doyoung doesn’t waste time waiting for you to answer, he instead shrugs off his blazer

folding it neatly and placing it on your sofa

“if you don’t mind, ill be borrowing your couch for the night.”

you only manage a meek nod and he puts his hands up to undo his tie

“and again, if you don’t mind, im going to get undressed. i don’t much care if you watch, but seeing as though i don’t think you’re that kind of person-”

you throw your own hands over your eyes and mutter that you get it, you get it - you’re going to sleep now

doyoung watches you scurry embarrassingly away and when he hears your door shut 

he pulls the notepad out again

in the morning, you nearly forget about doyoung 

only to catch a heart attack when you come out after your shower in just your towel

and doyoung is standing at the door, fully dressed, hair slicked back and his eyes completely void of any surprise when he looks at you

“oh, you’re up.”

you scream,,,,,,,,,,,,,,which you apologize for later profusely as you and doyoung wait for a car to pick you up and take you both to work

he puts a hand out as if to say that’s enough and you shut up, berating yourself quietly about how much of an idiot you must look like to him now 

but also,,,,,you think it’s a little odd about how calm he is about everything - from spending the night with a stranger, to nearly seeing that strange half naked

i mean it’s not like im such a sight to see,,,,,but still - he didn’t even avert his eyes,,,,

the car pulls up and you’re surprised to see jungwoo is driving

he looks tired - there are bags under his eyes, but otherwise he’s still as intimidatingly handsome as ever

doyoung gets into the passenger seat beside him and the partition is rolled up so all you can hear is their muttering voices

you sigh, resting your head on the window as the streets of seoul roll by, the looming shadow of jung enterprises getting closer and closer

out of curiosity you begin to wonder how doyoung ended up working here,,,,

trading his natural intellect for a life of underground crime

he’d got world famous for being appointed his head position of marketing, but he had been in the news even before that

called a boy genius for graduating college at the same time most other people were just becoming high school freshman

he’d become the south korean champion at chess when he was thirteen

you remembered seeing his face on tv, your parents gushing over how it’d be like to have a child so gifted and so talented

looks like they’d just sell their brain for money

you think, but then reprimand yourself - you’re sure doyoung and everyone else working here had their reasons

when you get to the office, mark and sicheng both ask you sympathetically if you’re ok 

johnny chastises doyoung the second he sees him 

“kim doyoung, i never took you to be such a dog! sleeping with them on the first night! looks like you’re giving nakamoto a run for his money!”

doyoung doesn’t entertain the comment, but you’re sure the rest of the office sees you nearly turn red

jungwoo throws a sharp look the lawyers way and johnny seems to know better than to provoke 

so he turns away and you walk with your head down behind doyoung

“i have a lot to do today and the marketing team has deadlines, be useful and assist anyone in the department who needs it.”

doyoung instructs and you’re happy that he’s given you some kind of assignment

you were worried you’d be forced to sit in a corner with jungwoo’s hawk like stare fixated on you for hours

so you readily agree and leave his office to go ask if anyone needs a hand

the marketing team is made of regular people, unaware of any other business going on other than legitimate projects

you help out making spreadsheets and inputting corrections into documents - everyone treats you like the job you applied for - an intern

and even though it’s not the kindest treatment all the time, you’re content because you don’t get your hands on anything illegal

and plus, the experience is what you wanted for your resume in the first place

not like im writing - hostage of jung enterprises when this is all over in my past employment section

every now and then you think you can sense someone watching you, but you write it off as jungwoo or jaehyun

you don’t guess that it’s doyoung - who keeps detailed notes to himself

jungwoo does notice it, he notices the file doyoung makes in the afternoon and slips between the other paperwork on his desk

the file with your name and the numbers 000127 on it

you spend the next couple of weeks doing just that - intern work 

and it’d all feel so normal

if it wasn’t for doyoung staying over at your place every single night

and every time you want to argue that it’s fine, you promise you won’t run away or do anything to jeopardize the jung’s secret

and that doyoung shouldn’t stress himself out living here when he could be in, what you assume is, his million dollar loft somewhere

but doyoung just goes, “shall we set ourselves up together in a hotel somewhere?”

and that thought just seems somehow worse than letting a world renowned genius crash on your sofa

 it’s just,,,,,,he seems so out of place ,,,,,,,, with his expensive clothing and his piles of paperwork - which he does keep tidy

and the way he,,,,,,, works in complete silence unless he’s on the phone with jungwoo

he just seems so meticulous and neat,,,,,and you’re a young person who sometimes throws your sweater on the floor and who leaves books on the kitchen table

you notice that these things irk him

doyoung quietly moves your book back to it’s shelf and folds your sweater into the closet

your living room seems more and more spotless as days go by

and you’re not sure,,,,,,,,,why - but you think doyoung needs to have things in order, he needs things to make sense to him

you get home from work with him one evening and you suggest that he watch a movie with you

at first you just wanted to see his reaction, you were sure he had other things to do

but he’d agreed

and when you put it on - you sat uncomfortably far apart and still throughout the whole thing

you’d, like any normal person, had made responses to whatever happened in the movie

when it was a sad scene, you’d sigh - when it was a humorous scene, you’d laugh

doyoung did neither 

in fact he showed no reaction at all, aside from opening up that notepad and writing something down

he must always be thinking about work, writing whatever comes to mind even when he should be relaxing 

you’d turned off the movie when it ended and awkwardly thanked doyoung for watching it with you

he said he’d “enjoyed it” but you weren’t all that sure

you start picking up on the fact that doyoung doesn’t really have any sort of reaction to anything 

he fluctuates only between two expression; stone serious or almost murderous when someone messes something up in his department

even jungwoo shows more emotion than him

you’re copying papers for the marketing team one day when mark comes into the room, he shuts the door

and you open your mouth but he motions for you to be quiet

“huh, what? no, that can’t be right they promised they’d take care of the authorities in that section. what? you’re telling me that our guy got picked up?”

mark makes a pained expression followed by an exasperated sigh

“we have no choice, we’ll have to send someone in. if they took him hostage ,,,,,,,,, doyoung is going to make sure we get him back.” 

the look of pain turns almost malicious as mark straightens up

“yes, yes. he’ll be there? ok. ill inform jaehyun and doyoung, see what mr. jung wants us to do.”

you feel uncomfortable for eavesdropping, but the copying room is small - even if you didn’t want to hear, you didn’t much have a choice

mark stuffs his phone back into his pocket, hand on his forehead as if he’s lost in thought

he then looks up at you and puts his hand out

“you’re going to have to come with me.”

you find yourself following mark downstairs

past the offices and past the first floor receptionist, you’re going into what you can only assume is the basement of the building

it’s dark at first, and there’s a door with a touch sensored lock on it

mark presses his palm to it and tries to say that everything is ok to lighten up the terrified look on your face

it doesn’t work

especially when the door opens and you step behind him into a room illuminated by only a red light

the walls decorated in photos of shady looking people, weapons of all sizes lined up in cages, and two sectioned off tables 

at one end is jaehyun, feet up on the table - stacks of money spread out in front of him

“jaehyun, we have a problem”

mark starts and jaehyun shifts, getting up he looks at you as if you’ve done something bad 

but mark shakes his head, reading his train thought

“no,,,,it’s ,,,,,, it’s got to do with jungwoo.”

doyoung is brought down and briefed on the situation

apparently a deal that was made with some underground thai faction went sour 

they were supposed to help jungwoo get into thailand with no problems, of course smuggling across a couple of very illegal and very sought after valuables

but instead of helping, they’d taken him hostage and were demanding the jungs pay a hefty price,,,,,,,,or else

you avert your eyes when mark explains that this can be deadly

but you do curiously take a peek at doyoung

but again

nothing

aren’t they close? not even the prospect of jungwoo being in danger can make him show any sort of reaction?

instead, doyoung adjusts his blazer and crosses his arms over his chest

“so who is going to be sent to retrieve him?”

jaehyun paces back and forth, “jungwoo is too valuable of an asset to lose. my dad will agree with this. i think we should send sicheng and-”

“they took him in thailand right?”

doyoung finally speaks and all eyes in the room turn to him

“send me. ive never done a job like this and the people in thailand won’t know who i am.”

mark shakes his head, “that’s too risky, you were pretty famous before you joined -”

“i was famous in south korea, maybe japan and even america. but no one in thailand cares about me. plus, i can wear a simple disguise.”

jaehyun seems to be considering this, but his lips pull into a thin line

“and what about -”

he jerks his head in your direction and you stiffen

“they’ll come with me. we’ll go undercover to thailand like a couple of an engagement trip. no one will suspect us.”

wait what?

you turn your attention back to doyoung who doesn’t seem to even be thinking about what he’s just implied.

you doing an undercover mission with him? the deal was you’d just be another intern as long as you kept your mouth shut - not working directly for the jung family?

but you can’t bring yourself to argue, you just hope jaehyun can read the look on your face or at least mark

but both of them once again look like they’re actual considering this.

you have to figure out a way to protest this, to get some sense knocked into everyone, to remind them that you’re just a-

“they’re a regular person, it’ll make our undercover operation impossible to unearth.”

if you could, you’d slide down the seat you’re sitting in and refuse to come out until they all agreed that sending you to thailand with doyoung to save jungwoo from a bunch of dangerous goons isn’t the best idea

but jaehyun signs off on it

he motions with his hand for you and doyoung to go off and get ready, while instructing mark to set up plane and hotel arrangements

before you know it, you’re following doyoung to the garage and getting to a car with him 

“w-what is going on?”

you finally manage to ask as doyoung puts one hand on the steering wheel and stares straightforward without even tilting his head to acknowledge you

“im sorry to get you tightly wound up in this, but you chose me to protect you. i promise to do just that, but for now - you’ll have to deal with helping me out on my job.”

“i thought your job was head of marketing - i thought you were just updated on these things, not that you’d take part in them!”

your voice shakes as you raise it - but doyoung doesn’t even blink

“that is true, most of the time i simply help out with strategy and figures. but they have jungwoo and im convinced if we send any of the other men, they’ll be found out. this is the safest way for us to get him back.”

you open your mouth, but you catch something flash across doyoung’s face as he speaks about jungwoo

it’s a look of,,,,,,,,,,of failure?

“now, im going to drive you home. get your things ready in an hour.”

he starts the car and you decide you have to drop the subject, there’s no way you’re going to get out of this

great, looks like im now not an intern but an accomplice in something that’s probably not going to look good on my record if we get caught!

doyoung waits in your living room as you try to pack, muttering to yourself that thailand is going to be super hot and you don’t even remember where you packed away your summer clothes

for the first time since he’s been staying here, you see doyoung come into your bedroom

looking around with a hint of annoyance in the twitch of his lip

“what is taking so long?”

“it’s just all of my winter clothes are out, i think my summer stuff is in storage so-”

doyoung turns on his heel before you can finish your sentence

“nevermind that, follow me.”

you do as your told, trying to tell doyoung that you haven’t managed to pack anything yet

 but he ignores you, picks your keys up for you and ushers you out the door

he drives downtown, unphased by the questioning look on your face, before pulling up to the mall

he parks, all the while saying absolutely nothing, and makes his way toward the doors

you try to ask where you’re going, but doyoung doesn’t waste his breath

just goes into whatever store he sees fit, pulls you in front of him and toward one of the sales associates

who tries to say her rehearsed greeting but doyoung cuts right in

“we’re going on a trip. it’s a warm place. please choose some clothing for them.”

he hands you off to the associate who looks just as confused and startled as you do

before he takes a seat and pulls out that little black notepad

you don’t even get as much as a squeak in before you’re being corralled into a fitting room with piles on piles of clothing

all of which you don’t think you’d ever be able to afford

but when you pick out a couple of things, doyoung instructs you to just give them to the cashier

before slapping down a gold card and then motioning to one of the duffel bags on display

“that too, and if you’d be kind enough just put them inside that bag.”

the cashier starts off by telling him the price, but doyoung shakes a hand

“it doesn’t matter, just please be quick.”

you stare at the receipt for what must seem like hours 

rereading the number in your head and gawking at it 

as doyoung drives back to the jung offices and meets mark back in the basement

mark slides over to fake passports, a pair of plane tickets, and a bottle of what looks like bleach

you start thinking about one hundred different reasons as to why you’d need bleach 

when doyoung picks it up 

“ill go do it before the trip.”

mark nods and you look between them

when doyoung is gone, you look to mark and ask him what the bleach is for

to which you only get a small laugh in reply

“you’ll see.”

it takes a while for doyoung to return, mark stays with you and you chat a bit 

when you decide that this might be your chance to ask what you’ve been thinking for a while now

“do,,,do you know why doyoung joined the jungs?”

mark gives you a bit of a half-nod

“you’re wondering why a natural born genius would need to work for what essentially are gangster, right?”

“yeah,,,,i just i remember seeing him all over tv. a chess champion, a mathematician, it just seemed like he was going to use his intelligence for good ,,,,,”

you play with the fake passport, opening it and looking at the photo of you 

the fake name and fake address

“well,,,,we all have our reasons for working for mr. jung. i can’t personally talk about doyoungs,,,,,,but sometimes being a kid genius isn’t the best way to grow up.”

mark shrugs and you hear the door open

doyoung is back, but you nearly fall from your seat when you see what he looks like 

his thick, black hair always neat and proper has been dyed a solid bleach blonde

the bangs hang in his eyes, unkempt and almost intentionally messy

the striking color brings out the narrow, handsome features of his face and the darkness of his eyes

he was handsome before - you admit that, but now he looks like a character from a manhwa

you can barely pick your jaw up after it dropped, but once again - true to doyoungs style - he acts like this is nothing

he grabs the passport, bids mark a farewell after letting him now he’ll be in touch when you land

and he snaps his fingers, to let you know it’s time to go 

im not a dog, don’t treat me like one! you think, still too nervous to really object to anything doyoung says or does out loud

but still you step in line behind him

at the airport is when your real anxieties sink in

these are fake passports, will your face give away the fact that you’re hiding something, how are you and doyoung supposed to act like a couple if he’s never even once shown any kind of emotion related to affection?

the questions make you dizzy and as you get closer to the ticketor you think you might just pass out

she greets you when you two approach, doyoung handing her the passports casually and placing your duffel bag on the scale beside her

“ah, a thailand trip - so nice to get out of this cold weather~”

she says and you can’t think of an answer, but you should because doyoung hasn’t been the best at making normal conversation -

but then doyoung’s poker face breaks and he smiles at her

actually,,,,,,,,,,,,,smiles

“yes, me and my fiancee can’t wait to get there!”

fiancee? 

she sheepishly smiles back, tells you two to enjoy the weather, and hands back the passport 

no qualms, no problems, no questions

and doyoung’s own acting,,,,,,,leaves you more stunned than anyone else

the flight there is short and you get nestled into the hotel mark booked without any slip-ups 

everything is going smoothly

the only thing out of whack is doyoung,,,,,,,,,,who has not stopped smiling at flight attendants and hotel concierge

and who’d even made a dad joke with another couple on the plane over

who is this person? did the bleach rearrange his brain?

you think, before scolding yourself - no he’s just pretending to be normal, this is part of the undercover ploy

once alone in the room, doyoung opens the duffel bag and dumps your clothing onto the bed - beneath it are a couple of tech devices and doyoung gets to work on setting them up

taking his phone out to call jaehyun and let him know that you two have arrived safely

you start folding the clothes, remembering that doyoung has a bit of a quirk with messes

and even though you don’t want to listen to what they say, once again, you can’t really help it

“we’re here. everything is set up. do you know where they’ll be?”

jaehyun’s voice comes over the phone

“according to intel the same group that has jungwoo operates out of the hotel’s casino. you should be able to get a view on them when you go there tonight. ill send over photos of who to look out for.”

you places the clothes neatly into one of the empty drawers and notice how doyoung keeps tapping his finger against his knee

“i think we’ll keep our distance for now, but it’ll be good for me to know their faces. has their been any news on jungwoo?”

it’s silent for a moment and the whole room feels still

“,,,,,,,they won’t release any information on him so we think he might be in serious trouble.”

you bite back your lip, you don’t know much about jungwoo personally but it still hurts to think of what could be happening to him right now

doyoung doesn’t ask anything else, he just tells jaehyun that he’ll keep him posted and hangs up

you finish with unpacking and sit on the bed - doyoung gets up and checks the time

“the casino opens for business at around nine, we should get ready and have dinner before then.”

the hotel you’re staying at is grand, it’s more like a resort than anything else and as you and doyoung walk through it 

you’re distracted trying to get a glimpse of everything

doyoung doesn’t really take particular care in any of that, he fiddles with his cuff link and then stops you before going into the casino

he offers his arm and you stare at it

“we have to give off the appearance that we are engaged, please hold onto me.”

you tremble a bit when you do as your told, but doyoung is calm and unaffected

the casino is bustling, even though it’s just opened and doyoung scans the room for any familiar faces

he seemingly spots a group of men clustered around the in-house bar and smoothly leads you over too

he doesn’t get too close - maybe five or six seats away and he orders a drink 

turning to you, you notice that some of his hair has gone out of place so you reach up to fix it 

doyoung puts a hand casually on your waist

and you try hard not to peek over his shoulder to see if the group of men are watching you

“don’t look that way, it’ll make us seem suspicious.”

you nod and thank the bartender when he slides a glass over to you

doyoung doesn’t touch it, instead he nudges it toward you, but you’re so nervous you think alcohol will only make it worse

“takes small sips and talk to me.”

doyoung instructs and you hold the glass as you try to think of something to say

“um,,,,did it hurt?”

“what?”

you motion to his hair and he shakes his head

“no.”

“do you like how it looks?”

“i don’t particularly care.”

yeah, great conversation.

you look around and watch all of the other people or a bit, bringing the glass to your lips and only sipping the smallest amount

everyone else looks so relaxed

they’re here on fun trips with family or friends, unaware of anything bad in their lives

you think of jungwoo for a split second - when you feel doyoung grab a hold of your wrist

“one of them is coming over, be natural.”

you blink, putting the drink down before a man finds his way over to you and doyoung

“excuse me, but i couldn’t help but overhear - are you two speaking in korean?”

doyoung plasters that smile on his face, oddly charming in its own way

“why yes, we’re here for vacation. an engagement gift from my parents.”

the man gives a slightly flustered look

“so young you two and already engaged?”

doyoung takes your hand and brings it up to his lips, kissing the skin gently

you smile too, but you can feel your pulse quicken

“we may be young, but i know this person is the love of my life.”

doyoung looks over at you, dark cold brown eyes suddenly full of warmth and adoration

“i don’t want anyone else getting their hands on them.”

the man gives a jolly laugh, you note that he’s stocky - wearing multiple golden rings on one hand and his friends from his group watch your interactions like a hawk

“well i can’t just say my goodbyes without giving my congratulations - “

he waves down the bartender and tells him that whatever you and doyoung put on the tab tonight will be on him

he gives doyoung a hard pat on the shoulder

“enjoy your youth, and happy marriage to the both of you!”

he exclaims, throwing a wink your way and picking your hand up to shake  before returning to his circle

you swallow a small lump in your throat and doyoung turns to you 

“how kind of him!”

but his eyes have gone dark again

“let’s go play a couple of games of cards in case they decide to tail us.”

he adds in a lower voice, leading you to a table where a game of blackjack is about to commence

you and doyoung sort of just mingle around, pretending to chat like a regular couple, partaking in games here and there 

before doyoung signals that it’s time to go

when you get back to the hotel room, doyoung rushes to lock the door and shut the windows

he switches on the bathroom light and immediately contacts jaehyun

“how was it?”

“slightly off-putting, one of the men spoke to us at the casino. do you think that’s cause for alarm?”

jaehyun says something and you can’t hear it because doyoung shuts the door

you sit back down on the bed and sigh - everything is so weird, everything feels so on edge

you’re being tugged between lying and pretending to being completely ignored by doyoung and it just 

it messes with you, even though you really wish it wouldn’t 

maybe half an hour later doyoung opens the door and starts quietly moving around the room, undoing his tie and switching on the desk lamp

pulling out that small black book

you look down at your hands, thinking about the kiss doyoung placed on them - thinking about doyoungs hand in yours

and then you narrow your eyes

“do,,,doyoung -”

you start and you hear his pen stop moving

“if we’re supposed to be,,,,engaged,,,,,,,,,why don’t we have rings on?”

doyoung stands up so fast you think it shakes the room -

“shit”

he curses and your eyes widen - the first change in tone you’ve heard from him in a while

“did the man at the casino look at your hand?”

“y-yes he shook it when he was leaving.”

doyoung puts a hand on his forehead

“that’s not good. our cover might already be blown, ill have to arrange to fix that.”

and with that he’s putting his tie back on, and in a matter of minutes he’s gone

and you’re alone ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, you lay back against the bed

tired and a little bit frightened, since this whole mess started you’d never been left alone, doyoung was always somewhere near

this was the first time he’d gone off without you

then again, he was probably sure you wouldn’t run off. you where in another country, had no money, and where at his whim. 

you curl up into a small ball, the fogginess of the hard day taking over your mind

why did this happen to me? i just wanted to live a regular life,,,,,,,,,,

you wake up groggy, wincing at the sudden sunlight that hits your face

looks like you’d fallen asleep and doyoung had returned, opening the windows in the meantime

and when you roll over you don’t see him anywhere

only a box sitting on the table side drawer with a note beneath it

‘wear it immediately’ 

it says and you open the box, stopping mid yawn to see a beautiful silver band

you stare at it,,,,,,,,,,,touching it and then recoiling your hand

he must have got these when he left last night, but where is he now?

you put the box down carefully and roam around the spacious room - but no sign of doyoung is to be seen

you look at the desk where he’d last been and the notebook is there

the one he always jots notes down as well as a file folder

it’s simple, but it has a label on it and you’re surprised to read your own name across it beside the number 000127

doyoung isn’t around so you carefully open it, wondering if there’s something inside about this secret undercover operation 

but it’s not 

it’s just

pages and pages of notes

you gasp softly, because the notes are all about you

from what foods doyoung has noticed you like, to your habits in the office

what is this? some kind of log about me?

you don’t understand, is jaehyun asking doyoung to keep such close tabs on me? i really didn’t think it was that serious?

you put the file down and your eyes hover over the small notebook

“don’t tell me -”

you reach out, but can’t bring yourself to touch it

and just in the nick of time you hear the sound of the soft beep of the hotel room unlocking 

and you only manage to hurry back to the bed with a second

doyoung comes in,,,,,,,,,,,,,dressed in beige slacks and a colorful short-sleeve shirt

he’s got sandals on and sunglasses perched on the top of his head

he looks like the epitome of resort chic

and the exact opposite of prim, proper, always business ready doyoung back at the jung offices

the first thing he does is look at the box beside you and your hand

“why isn’t your ring on?”

you shakily open it and slip on the accessory quickly

doyoung just gives an affirmative nod and doubles around the bed to the windows

“i think for the next couple of days we’re going to be tailed,,,,,,,,,,so we need to act as normal as we can.”

“is there any news about jungwoo?”

doyoung keeps looking out the window, hands in his pockets, before he turns around 

“they sent photos to jaehyun. he’s alive, but they’re getting impatient.”

he opens one of the drawers and pulls out your clothes - he drops them on the bed and motions to the shower

“when you’re finished, we’ll have breakfast.”

the following three days are full of what seems like normal resort like activities

you and doyoung have meals at the restaurants on the hotels premise

sunbathe by the pool and spend time near the ocean

doyoung even insists on taking you to the on-sight souvenir shop and throws out the fake names of your friends back home to buy little trinkets for

all the while initiating casual skinship and dropping pet names that nearly make you fluster every time

he makes sure that you two come off as any other couple staying at the resort - but you can tell he’s also constantly aware of who is around you

one evening he decides to go back to the casino, in hopes of making one last grand gesture of you and his “normal couples vacation” right in front of the suspected faction members

the same group of men is there as they’d been on the first day and doyoung gives a small greeting to the man who spoke to you back then

he comes over and asks how your vacation is going

it all seems wonderful until he asks

“and so, you speak so highly of your partner - what is it that made you fall in love with them?”

he asks doyoung, and you tense

how is he going to answer this, we barely even know one and other?

but doyoung doesn’t falter, not even a bit

he pulls you close by the waist

“why, where do i even start? i met them at this coffee shop - they’re so picky they spent ten minutes picking out a dessert. cutely talking to themselves. i was mesmerized with them, and the more we went on dates the more i learned about how deeply empathetic and hardworking they are. what could i want more, than someone who understands my emotions. who works with me. who loves everything about me and who i trust with my life.”

doyoung looks deeply into your eyes as he recites a bunch of your tiny quirks, all the little details about you

and if you hadn’t known better, you would believe that he was looking at someone he truly felt that strongly for

“i adore them, i realized i would die for them if i had to so - i wanted to make the promise of my life.”

doyoung picks your hand up, flashes the ring and then leans in - kisses you 

really, really kisses you

and looks back at the man

who for a second twitches between a frown and a smile, before settling on a grin and nodding

he looks totally convinced!

you think and he says something along the lines of how beautiful it is to see young people in love

with that he turns back and you feel as if the wind has been knocked straight out of you 

who knew doyoung even had a grasp on such a range of emotions? is this the same person who watched a movie with you absolutely silently - the same person who didn’t react when being told his closest associate was being held hostage?!?!?!

after another twenty minutes of hanging around, doyoung puts a hand on the small of your back and leads you out

as you two are hurrying back to the room he whispers against your ear

“they’re going to keep watching us, but i think they’re less suspicious now. there’s only one last thing we have to do and im,,,,,”

he pauses 

“what, what is it?”

“it might be uncomfortable and i feel like an animal asking you to bear with it, but we have to put on this one last show,,,”

he casts his eyes downward and it takes a moment for you to register what he means

you put your fingers up to your mouth and can’t stand the increase of your heartbeat and the heat that creeps up your neck

“you mean,,,”

“yes - just a little bit, so they’ll believe we’re really together.”

you take in a deep breath, as you two get closer to your suite doyoung stops and ducks you two into a corner between two of the hotel buildings

you feel your back up against the wall and you look up to see doyoung has covered you almost completely with his frame

“i know i have asked a lot of you, and that you picked me to protect you and all ive done is use you to help my own means - but this will be the last time -”

you don’t let him finish, you know that this is for show and that in the long run it will help doyoung get to jungwoo

so you put your hands around his neck and tug him in close

you keep thinking of what he said back in the casino

“i adore them, i realized i would die for them”

those are such romantic, heartfelt words and you would be beyond happy to hear them from someone 

you press your lips to doyoungs, letting yourself fall into this fantasy 

that you’re not kissing someone who is just pretending to love you, that you’re kissing someone who does

and you can’t tell what doyoung is feeling or thinking

but he’s absolutely on the verge of falling apart

he holds you, close and hungry, because the truth is doyoung has never had the chance to feel so alive

he was born a genius, grew up being paraded around for his talents and hailed by adults for his intellectual abilities

everyone who ever showed interest in him

showed interest in his brain, how he thinks, how fast he can solve a problem

no one had ever allowed him to express anything above rational, accurate answers

he’d never had the door opened to relationships with others, from freindships to romance

so this overwhelming feeling of your body pressed against his - it drives him crazy

and he can tell you’re still shaking, still worried about everything he’s had to put you through

but you’re being strong and brave by helping him out, even when you have nothing to gain

so he apologizes to you in his mind, a thousand times over

as his hands take hold of your hips and he brings you flush up against him

small hums against your mouth, quick parted breathes as he kisses you with a passion that’s been locked away for most of his life

neither of you can control your bodies natural reaction, the low groan of his when you trail your lips down his neck 

his hand coming down to grasp your thigh, hitch it around his waist as you moan into another kiss 

his name comes out of your mouth and doyoung thinks this is what its like to see stars

by this point, it should be enough to convince anyone that what’s going on between you two is real

and that’s partially because in the moment it is - it really is 

and when doyoung finally breaks away from you, his mind lashing out on him 

you’re using them! how could you do that?! 

you stare at him because for the first time he’s the one that is shaking, eyes big like a doe

you feel as if you should ask him if he’s ok, but there’s not much to say after what just happened

just that you and doyoung need to get back to your room and hope that this makes everything easier in the morning

which it does, from the operations stand point of view

jaehyun calls doyoung with information about where he could possibly find jungwoo

and when doyoung scans the perimeters outside your room there’s no suspicious people

no feeling of being watched

you managed to convince them that you and doyoung are nothing but two young people in love

but on the other hand,,,,,,,,,,all you’ve done is make everything more confusing between you both

doyoung is fixing his watch, tinkering with some sort of recording device that he’s built into it 

when you ask

“what you said yesterday, about all the reasons you fell in love with me,,,,,,,,,were they all things you got from my file?”

he turns to you, putting down the watch

“how do you know about the file?”

“you left it on the desk and i happened,,,,,,,to read it.”

instead of being angry, or telling you with some sort of deadpan arrogance that you shouldn’t touch his stuff 

doyoung just tells you that yes, he did just list off habits he’d recorded in the file and then asks why you seem to want to know

“why,,,,,why did you write all those observations down about me.”

you pull your knees up to your chin as you sit on the bed 

you don’t look him in the eyes, but you don’t feel like you’re the one in the vulnerable position here

“because you’re the first person ive been close to who is seemingly,,,,,,,,regular.”

“but,,,,,you work with regular people. the people who work in marketing with you aren’t involved with the jungs.”

“that’s true, but they are not ,,,,,,,,, they are not interesting. you are a regular person, who has an emotional and physical stake in your relationship with me- well,,,,,,,with everyone who works for mr. jung.”

patiently you wait for some other explanation 

there has to be more than just the fact that you’re a normal person - normal enough to be studied like some kind of test subject

but doyoung says nothing more on the matter

and you can’t pinpoint what about that makes you feel so ill 

“do you think ,,,,,, what you said about me ,,,, are those things someone could actually fall in love with?”

the questions from you are all real, you just want to know - how someone like doyoung could take what he wrote down about you and put it so elegantly  

make you and everyone in the room believe that he could feel these things he’d never shown any hint of having

but to him, the questions are like poisoned darts sinking deeper and deeper into a wall he’s put up since he was a child

and suddenly he’s on the bed too, coming closer to you, pulling you up toward him 

“i don’t think you understand how very lucky you are.”

“doyoung what-”

“the fact that you have all of these things about you,,,,,all of these unique quirks different to all normal people, that you can feel so strongly, react so vibrantly - how i wish i could understand all of that.”

you were scared at first, but now you just feel pity - what mark had said about doyoung growing up as a child genius, was that the reason he was so ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, closed off?

“im sorry that you weren’t allowed to be normal.”

you start and doyoung’s eyes go big again

“i don’t know what it’s like to grow up with all that responsibility on your shoulders - to have the world look at you as something other than a child with hopes and dreams. but i just,,,,,,,i just think that there’s more to you.”

he lets you go and sinks a little bit

his shoulders sag and it’s as if he’s gone from the strong, stoic man he’s been around you this whole time

to nothing more than wilted flower

“sometimes i hate that i was born with this gift, that i look at things logically, that i can never act on my emotions like all other humans do.”

“but you do.”

he looks up, his hair is in his face and he looks a little unkept 

“i know we were just pretending in front of all of those people - but even if it was fake, for you to take notice of me like that and to say things that are so full of raw emotion - you have it in you doyoung,,,,,,,,,you can really love someone-”

your voice is cut off by the sound of the phone ringing

doyoung picks it up and he reverts back to his usual self

eyes dark and serious, shoulder straight

when the call is over he waits a moment before telling you 

“they now where jungwoo is.”

you tell doyoung that you must go with him, you’ve gone along with him for this whole trip, he can’t just leave you behind now

doyoung explains that this is the dangerous part - the part where someone can get killed

but you shake your head, “i didn’t like it when you left me alone in that hotel room the first time. im not letting you do it again.”

doyoung racks his brain for some kind of response, all the logical ones point to arguing against you

forcing you to stay behind 

but somehow you end up by his side, outside of what looks like a shed near the back of the casino

at first, you can’t believe that they’d hide a hostage so close to a hotel full of bustling people

but doyoung says they’re not, they’re hiding him underneath that shed - probably even underneath the casino

you wince, thinking about jungwoo tied up and starved in some murky basement

at least the jungs were kind enough not to do that to me,,,,although am i hostage? 

you shake the thought out of your head as doyoung comes close to the shed - picking apart the lock faster than you can blink

the inside looks absolutely normal

there’s equipment inside for the casino tables and stacks of poker chips, nothing out of the ordinary

but doyoung is observational and catches on to the one creaking plank beneath your feet

he pushes back his bangs, and then grips something hidden in the belt of his jeans

you see it, a silver handgun, and you pray that there won’t be any use for it

as quietly as he can manage, he pulls the plank up and reveals a secret door

it’s narrow, you can’t imagine that stocky man from the casino slipping trough, but doyoung has no trouble

and as you follow behind him, you’re greeted with a completely new room under the floorboards

the fluorescent light in it is blinding and it looks like a hospital ward more than anything else

there are a couple of cots set up and on one of them is the familiar figure of jungwoo

he’s unconscious, but you can see the small rise of his chest

you want to gasp, tears stinging at the corner of your eyes, but you don’t want to make any noise

and doyoung is cautious before approaching the body

as you and doyoung work on getting the cuffs off of jungwoo’s arms and feet, you hear a noise 

you are about to warn doyoung, but it’s too late 

and before you know it three people have dropped down from the open floor

and there are three guns pointed blankly at you and doyoung

you freeze, the blood in your body goes cold, and you can feel jungwoo waking up only slightly 

moving gingerly against his cuffs

doyoung is standing beside his head, his fingers are still snared between the cuffs, but to your surprise they’re loose enough that you think jungwoo could slip his hands through

but you’re distracted by one of the men suddenly making a statement 

“ah,,,,,aren’t you the young couple the boss talked to in the casino?”

doyoung doesn’t answer and you keep as quiet as a mouse

“what, no conversation for me? that’s fine, the boss will get here soon and you can answer to him -”

doyoung shifts a bit and shakes his head, putting on that fake smile

“oh really? i’d love to speak with him.”

you try to hide your expression of confusion, but then you see it

doyoung twists his hips just enough out of view that it covers jungwoo’s upper half

you take a risk and move from jungwoo’s legs up toward doyoung

you stand right at his side, shielding more of jungwoo from view

as you pretend to cower at his side

“honey,,,,please - tell them we don’t mean any trouble”

one of the men cocks his gun and points it at you

doyoung tenses, you feel it as his arms flex where you’re holding him

but he plays along

“it’s ok baby, the boss will get here and sort it all out.”

you barely hear it, but in a moment you sense doyoung let out a small breath

jungwoo slips his hands from the cuffs and snatches the gun from doyoung’s side

in a matter of seconds he yells for you and doyoung to duck 

and when you down, opens three clean shots out onto the men

they all fall, guns clattering to the ground and you turn to help jungwoo finish undoing the cuffs on his feet

doyoung helps as well 

and jungwoo is a little bit woozy on his feet - but enough for him to make it past those men with you and doyoung 

and up toward the open hatch

you think they must all be dead

jungwoo’s marksmen shooting was spot on - but as you run past their still bodies

someone’s hand shoots out and you turn, just in time for him to get a hold on the gun

and point it up - at you

you close your eyes, ready for impact, ready to take this shot - but it doesn’t happen

instead, you feel doyoung’s arms wrap around you

the bullet brushes into his shoulder and lodges there

and the blood spills down his arm

you freeze, but doyoung clenches his teeth and urges you to get out after jungwoo

who pulls you and doyoung up

you only have maybe five minutes before you’re sure more goons will come running, so you three book it out of there

you must look absolutely insane to passerby’s 

but the adrenline gets you all out of there and to your shock, just as you all barrell out of the hotels gates 

a car pulls up, sleek and red

the window rolls down and another person pokes his head out

he grins, pearly white

“im ten. jaehyun told me to get you all.”

he tilts his head and looks at doyoung’s bleeding shoulder

“try not to get too much of that on my leather seats.”

jungwoo flings open the car door and all of you pile into the back

you immediately turn to doyoung and press your hand over his where the bullet is

“are you ok? does it hurt badly?”

doyoung’s eyes slowly begin to glaze over and he drops his head into the crook of your neck

you panic, begging this ten person to get you to a doctor

he waves off your concern, “a shoulder injury isn’t lethal!”

you want to snipe at him, but jungwoo puts a hand on your shoulder

“he’ll be ok”

but then he sort of stammers over his own words

“i just,,,i never thought he’d jump in front of a bullet to save anyone.”

ten pulls up to a condominium where doyoung is treated by a doctor and jungwoo is given his first hot meal in a week

you sit, dazed and confused by everything that’s happened, before ten joins you

“i hear you got tangled up with the jungs, how’s that going for you?”

you think he must be joking and when he chuckles you realize he is

“still, you must be one brave person to accompany the guys who work for him on such a job. are you maybe,,,,”

he leans in close to you 

“in a special relationship with one of them?”

you refuse the thought the instant he comes out of ten’s mouth, but he just thinks that’s even more hilarious and continues to prod

“so which one, doyoung or jungwoo? which one is it?”

he looks down at the ring on your finger and the sly grin only grows wider

“woah, isn’t doyoung wearing the same one?”

you want to explain to him that this is a misunderstanding

but the shadow of someone towers over ten and you both look up to see that it’s doyoung

his sleeve has been cut off and his arm is bandaged, dry blood sticking to it

you get up, asking in the same breath one hundred questions till he just says 

“im ok, how are you?”

ten looks between you two and excuses himself, says he should let lovers be alone

you grind your teeth, but your more important focus is doyoung

jungwoo is right, why did he jump in front of a bullet that was heading right for you?

doyoung seems to know that’s what you’re thinking 

so he sits you down and tries to put together a coherent reason

but the thing is 

he really can’t think of one,,,,,,or at least he can’t think of one that sounds like an excuse for why he knows he really did it

“you asked me,,,back in the hotel room if the things i observed about you are things that someone could actually fall in love with.”

“yes, but what-”

“i think,,,”

he starts and stops himself, because this is all new - this is all different for him

he needs time

“i think,,,,,,those things about you - they’re very much lovable and very much worth protecting which is why,,,,,,”

he wants to bring up his hand to run through his hair, but the pain from his wound makes him wince

you come closer, touching him gently and just that sends a shock wave through his body

unfamiliar, but not unwelcome 

“which is why i took that bullet. i couldn’t bare the thought of you losing any of those habits, of losing you.”

this sounds like a confession of feelings, but you can never be sure with him

so you decide that the best way to know is to be straightforward, to be logical just like he always is

“does that mean,,,,,,,,,,you like me?”

doyoung’s eyes flash for a moment, but he tilts his head

“all of my reasoning points to that answer. yes. i do like you.”

you resist the urge to smile a little

“oh,,,,,,,,well”

“do you like me too?”

coming from him, you can’t believe it sounds so childishly cute and innocent 

“i will admit, the whole keeping a file on me thing was a little weird but im going to assume you were just trying to understand me - right?”

doyoung plays with his fingers and looks shamefully down 

“yes,,,i just i have never really-”

“shhh shhh,,,,,,,what im saying is yes doyoung i like you too. in a weird way, this whole trip - this experience with you has made me understand that deep down you’re not some emotionless person. you’re a person who feels a lot and just has never had the chance to express it.”

he looks stunned - and you’re proud to say that you’ve stumped one of the smartest man in all of south korea

but on the other hand none of that matters

what matters is that you want to be a person who will help doyoung discover this side of himself

because it’s been locked away, stunted from growing since he was a child

doyoung stands up and you follow him as he leads you into the room where he’d been treated

he closes the door and you stare at him, blonde hair a mess, clothes a mess, blood on his jeans and on his knuckles

nothing like the doyoung you met for the first time back at jung enterprises

he comes closer, you bite back your lip but let him places his hands back on your hips

“since we both like each other, can i re-do the kiss from before?”

he breathes against your neck

you close your eyes, nod and feel doyoung unleash what he’s been holding back for so long

after all of that, jaehyun contacts doyoung and tells him that the trip back is all set up 

it’s on the plane back to seoul where you finally ask doyoung what’s been on your mind 

“why did you join the jungs?”

“what better job is there for someone whose been conditioned to be emotionless than illegal work?”

you agree, but now he’s not the same person as before - does that mean he wants to continue working for them?

he looks to the side, where jungwoo is fast asleep 

the superficial scars are small on his face, but he’s worn out and still malnourished from the week of starvation

“i don’t think i can leave this job right now, will that make it hard for you to be with me?”

you touch the ring that you’re still wearing, doyoung is still wearing it too

“i just think you could use your mind for better things - for medical discoveries or helping others ,,,,, it’s a shame you have to use it working for people like that.”

he leans in, and you’re shocked when doyoung places a fluttering kiss to your lips 

“you make me want to be a better person and i want to do all of those great things you believe im capable of, but it’ll take time - will you be there by my side?”

you think that if you can survive an undercover rescue operation for the jung family, you can stand by doyoung’s side through anything

that being said you’re not sure how the rest of the office is going to take a romantic relationship between you and him

but when you get back home - everyone is crowded around in your tiny apartment

everyone from jaehyun to taeyong to taeil

and when you and doyoung come in holding hands

mark nearly faints and jungwoo goes 

“yeah i know, i can’t believe it either.” 

let’s just say it takes some getting used to, but it’s worth it because each day doyoung becomes more and more his true self

and even jungwoo picks up on a smiling habit

and maybe not right now, but in the future you know he’s destined for better things and you’ll be there to help him see those goals through

[peachymhaechan]

“Trust me, it isn’t just for the camera.”

Genre: fluff, babey !! nothin like a good ol idol au, am I rite, laid ease??

Warnings: bad words (like everything else I've written ever lol)

Pairing: Taeyong X female idol reader

A/N: junior year is almost over, thank god. I am so tired. writing this was such a good break from studying for my ap exams and cramming for finals. thank u, Taeyong. also, im working on something for the superhuman comeback, stay tuned, yall :)

you had been a model for sm for a few years now

well within your first year you had gained so much popularity that you became the company’s most hired model and had received a nickname from your employers and fans

you were their Golden Girl (hhhhhffk listen,,, we been knew I ain’t creative), and everyone was dying to work with their Golden Girl

most notable for your bubbly personality and striking looks, every employer was fascinated by your ability to pull off any look 

very similar is lee Taeyong, another artist signed to your company

with his stark beauty, it was no understatement to say that you would not have minded working with someone as pretty as him

so, when your manager told you about an upcoming project where you’d be working with Taeyong and a few of the other nct boys you were #sh00k to say the least

“wait..... WHAT?!” was all you could say in response to your manager telling you the good news

“Yeah, I know. I know how long you’ve wanted to work with him. Well, get ready. For this photoshoot they need you to have bubblegum pink hair, and.....” 

for the next few days, you tried to mentally prepare yourself for what was about to happen

yeah, you guys were signed to the same company but that doesn't mean you saw him all the time

you had only seen him once, and that was when you had just become a trainee and were walking through the halls to try and find the recording studio on the third floor

you accidentally went into the dance studio and found yourself interrupting a dance practice for nct u

“Sorry, I have to find someone in the recording studio, where-” 

“You’re fine, don't worry about it! If you go out this hallway, make the next left turn and it should be the second door on the right,” Taeyong said, giving you a small smile 

that was the ONLY interaction you had with him, but boy even when covered in sweat was he gorgeous

and you got to WORK WITH THAT 

the day finally came where you got to work with him yayayay

you woke up at 4 am after having only 1 hour of sleep, thriving

you got up and took a quick shower, did your skincare routine, and changed into comfy clothes for the day

on your way to meeting your manager you grabbed a few coffees for the staff as a thank you for the opportunity

you met your manager at the company building and it started to hit that 

//ohmygod this is really about to happen//

your manager tried her best to calm your nerves but damn, you were not having any of that

scrolling through Instagram, you anxiously awaited the company van that would take you to the photoshoot set

when it pulled up after about twenty minutes of waiting, you and your crew piled in and then you heard your manager tell the driver to hold the van for a few more minutes, seeing as Taeyong and his people were running a little behind

that only made your heart beat even faster

hgjaonfnwnw anxious from waiting, you just wanted to get it over with and rip it off like a bandaid

five minutes later, you saw three people walking over to the van

one of which was wearing sweats, sneakers, a hoodie, and a mask

you automatically recognized who that was despite the baggy clothing and half hidden face

oh fuck oh shit

one of the other two men talked to your manager, who had gotten out to speak to taeyong’s manager and the other person there

Taeyong climbed into the van and made eye contact with you in the back row, spotting the empty seat beside you

“Is this seat taken?” he asked, nodding to the spot right next to you

you felt a blush creep into your cheeks and your throat started getting closed up from nerves

so all you could do was shake your head no

he sat down and gave you a small smile, then started yawning and stretching out his arms

you had one extra coffee left from earlier and you figured it’d be a great ice breaker maybe 

“I have an extra coffee from a coffee run I went on earlier, do you want it? It’s not super hot or anything, but its still a little warm, and its caffeine,” you said and his eyes immediately lit up

“Oh, yes please!!” 

you grabbed the last cup from the drink carrier and gave it to him, and he thanked you right away

“How did you have enough time to go on a coffee run this morning?” Taeyong asked in shock

“I got up at four and am running on one hour of sleep,” you explained, not even trying to seem like you have it together

that's what its like being a hot mess, babey !!1

“That’s not good, you need to get more sleep. Were you out late last night with your schedule or something?” 

concerned mom? yes

“I was out until about eleven pm, yeah, but in all honesty... I couldn’t sleep because I was very nervous to meet you.” 

bro you need to get some sleep and get your filter back in place

bc when you get no sleep?? a bitch has NO filter whatsoever

Taeyong was genuinely surprised that you were nervous to meet him

“Really?? You were nervous to meet me?? Why, am I really that scary or something??” 

“Its not that you’re scary, exactly, but... I have wanted to work with you for a very long time, and it still hasn’t fully set in that this is my reality.” 

he nodded after you spoke, and it seemed to both impress and confuse him

no matter how popular him and his group got, he never got used to having people look up to him

and to hear it from someone as successful as you, someone he has constantly seen in the media for so long?? mind boggling

it kind of made him nervous tbh

before he could reply, the managers and everyone piled in and the van started moving to the photoshoot set

as soon as you guys left the company building, your head leaned onto the window and you passed tf out

when you woke up, Taeyong was tapping you on the shoulder and telling you that yall got to the set finally

taeyong’s face greeting you when you woke up? shocking, but not an unwelcome sight

“Alright, we need to get you guys into hair and makeup, then we will send you both over to wardrobe and they'll make any last minute touchups and then you can get to work. Sound good?” your manager told you two, and when you both nodded, she immediately directed you to the makeup studio

your artists were very excited to work with you, which made everything much more pleasant

“The feel we are going for with this shoot will perfectly fit your aesthetic and your features, I’m so excited!!” and “You’re naturally this pretty? And after only one hour of sleep? Oh my god, my under eye bags are permanent and it looks like you don’t have any at all!” or the occasional “I wish I could be as stunning as you without even trying...” 

it sounded like Taeyong was going through the same thing, as you could hear some of the other makeup artists gushing about his sharp features

“Wow, your eyes are so beautiful!” and “Your smile is stunning!” and “I wish I was half as pretty as you are!” 

you could tell it made him a bit uncomfortable because he sat there with a :} face 

(unrelated but: that face looks like the grinch lowkey, ok sorry for interrupting lol, back to the fic)

you two made eye contact in the mirror and you could practically read his mind

I want this to stop, they’re making me uncomfortable, oh my god. 

to which your eyes said, Same here, and I am used to dealing with this on a daily basis.  

luckily, they finished putting shadows and liner on your eyelids, and then they sent you to the hair department

for hair, they teased and curled your hair, giving you a tired and just woken up look

well, a styled just woken up kind of look

Taeyong came in halfway through your hair and all they had to do for him was throw some gel in his and make it a little messy and he was good to go

by the time you made it to wardrobe Taeyong was already on set and getting individual pictures for the concept

they threw you in clothes, and by clothes you mean a men’s oversized white button up, short shorts, and a bright red bra

and before you could even leave to head to the set, they made sure that the first few buttons were undone on the shirt

to say you felt a lil bit exposed and cold was an understatement

the second he saw you, Taeyong had a glint in his eye and he couldn't stop staring at you

naturally, that made you blush and get really self conscious

?? wot

“Hello, I am your photographer for the day. This shoot is supposed to be sort of a couple, romantic fashion shoot, so I hope you two know each other very well and are comfortable with being close to one another. Do you two have any issues with that?”  

you both looked at each other, 

and then lee Taeyong, 

while staring dead in your eyes, 

said

“No, sounds perfect!” 

bitch

what the fuck was that supposed to mean ?! 

“sounds perfect” uhhhhhhhhhhh lemme get a mcfuckin explanation 

he gave you a small smile before you managed to get out, “No issues here.” 

that only made him smile more

njsdncvcaehcfabcafcb bitch!! you were whipped for him already

“Great! Let’s get started, then. Y/N, I will have you stand over here, and...” 

let’s just say that the photographer had you two start with basic stuff, like you two standing next to one another with Taeyong putting his hand on your shoulder and things like that

it quickly escalated though, and he had you doing things like laying your legs across his lap and running your hands through his hair

“Sorry if this is a little too intimate for you,” you whispered into his ear during another shot, where you were draped over his sitting form and your hand caressed his cheek

“Don’t apologize, it’s not. If anything, I’m a little flustered to have someone as pretty as you staring at me the way you are, Y/N, even if it is just for the camera,” he told you, shifting so that you were turned with your back to the camera and chest flush to his, your hands delicately placed on his upper arms, his hand resting on your lower back and you staring up at him

faintly you could hear the photographer say,  “THIS IS IT, THIS IS THE ONE!”

“Trust me, it isn’t just for the camera,” you mumbled, not able to filter yourself due to sleep deprivation

you thought he didn’t hear you, but then a smirk formed on his face and you knew you #fucked up

the end of the shoot was arriving, and there were a few more pictures the photographer had in mind, but he wanted to let you guys do your own thing and see where it ended up

“You guys can do what you want for these next few pictures, just do what feels naturally and I’ll angle it well.” very encouraging, right

making use of the pieces of furniture on the set, you decided to lay on the bright red couch and Taeyong looked down at you from behind it

“I couldn’t hear what you said earlier, can you say it again please?” he asked, trying to fish a confession out of you

Oh, Mr. Lee Taeyong, it won’t be that easy. 

“Hmmm, what do you mean?” you asked, purposefully trying to be as close to him as you could, so you sat on your hips to the side more and pulled him down so your hand rested on his cheek and your face was //right there, you could feel his breath on your lips//

(the photographer would have fainted there if he could get away with technical time theft while on the job)

taeyong’s breath hitched and a blush crept onto his cheeks and you knew you got him

ladies and gentlemen.... we got ‘im

even still, he tried to get it out of you

“Well, I thought I heard you say something under your breath before the photographer spoke to us,” he coyly explained, sitting down and pulling you onto his lap

at that point it became a game of who could get the other to blush more

and lemme just say, mama didn’t raise no lil bitch, so you were NOT about to lose

grabbing both sides of his face in your small hands, you leaned in and whispered, “I hope it’s okay that I’m going to kiss you now.” 

his eyes went wide, and then he said, “MORE than okay.” 

and the next thing you know, your lips were planted on his and the photographer was sobbing genuine tears

“THIS IS PEAK PROFESSIONALISM, OH MY GOD, IT’S BEEN YEARS SINCE I’VE WORKED WITH MODELS AS GOOD AS YOU TWO, OH MY, THIS IS THE SHOT THAT WILL MAKE IT BIG, I’M-” 

of course his enthusiasm made you start giggling, and you could feel Taeyong smiling into the kiss

when you two broke apart you leaned your forehead on his and stared into his eyes

“I think we both know what I said earlier,” you told him, throwing your arms around his neck

“Good, because I hope we are both on the same page,” he said, smirking slightly

“And that is?” 

and all he did in response was kiss you again, but this time not smiling from the photographer’ s goofy remarks

the photographer gave the okay after he got that shot and told you two that he wish he’d gotten to work with you sooner

the ironic thing here is that you and Taeyong wished the same thing

you headed back to the dressing rooms, hand in hand, getting stares from the staff but not caring much

or at all, really

#bad bitch club: RISE

“I hope you know that as soon as those pictures get released, people will assume we are dating, right?” you said, wiping the makeup off and combing through your hair

you quickly ducked into changing room, throwing on the clothes you were wearing when you arrived

you heard him chuckle from the other little makeshift room

you exited your changing room and found him waiting for you

“Why let them assume when we could tell them the truth ourselves?” 

and somehow, despite the crazy hectic schedules you both had, 

and all the crazy ups and downs of being in the public spotlight,

a few months later, when the magazine finally hit the shelves and the cover image was you two kissing each other and looking like the happiest couple in the world,

when you got invited to an interview to discuss the inspiration for the images and the experience of working with each other, 

you two walked in hand in hand, smiling brightly and looking like your average couple that was in love

and when asked if you two were dating, 

you replied, “Yes, and it has been the best few months of my life so far.” 

:) uwu

[tumblunni]

Misc thoughts of rambling development for my new yokai watch ocs family of hugs and sadness (blythe the Dimmy and amber the Gorgeous Ambassador)

* Amber was totally still Gorgeous Ambassador at heart even back when he was human. I feel like he probably dressed very plain and was very self concious for a long time, as well as also being poor as dirt so it wasnt really easy to be super fashion time. Perhaps the only way he was really able to be remotely flambouyant or pretty was just having a long ponytail that he was very proud of. It would have been easier to maintain a shorter hairstyle when you're struggling to even find somethibg to eat each day let alone a bath, but it just helped him hold on to a tiny bit of confidence. Even when he reincarnated as Gorgeous Ambassador he was still unconfident for a long time and it took all these centuries to fully embrace The Power Of Gorgeous. He was probably really shocked when he got his medal registered and heard his new yokai name, like uhh excuse me "must beautiful man who spreads beauty through the world with his smile" are you sure there hasnt been a mixup??? And nowadays he's become so happy with himself that he maybe dresses a little bit gaudy sometimes, but if you saw how he used to feel then you'd absolutely be cheering for him!

* he was probably worried that Blythe wouldn't recognise him when he finally managed to reunite with them, but i think the lil shadow ghost instantly knew it was their brother and ran straight into the biggest hug ever. "Im worried they'll think im all cringe and gaudy" NO UR LIL SIB IS IN AWE OF YOUR FASHION POWER AND HAPPY FOR YOUR CONFIDENCE

* I also think Amber would absolutely be proud of how much confidence Blythe has gained through travelling with the protagonist and co. Like "aaa the last time i saw you you were so tiny and shy!" "Yes, now i'm tall and shy!" "NUUUU STOP PUTTING YOURSELF DOWN"

* basically they are absolutely Shyness Fam, and Amber just approaches his anxieties differently with over-the-top fake boasting about his greatness instead of being honest about how bad he feels. So thats why itd be so heartwarming to see him genuinely making progress and genuinely seeing good parts of himself. ALL THANKS TO THE INTERNATIONAL GORGEOUSNESS ASSOCIATION OF THE AFTERLIFE, YES *cheesy makeover ads fly by in the background*

* Dimmy's fave food is rice balls not just cos ninja monster = rice balls, but cos for Blythe specifically it brings back happy memories of backstory ninja Amber in ye olden days packing lunches of love for his tiny friend. He was always broke in between finding bountys to hunt, so he was never able to cook anything too fancy, but those simple meals became associated with childhood in Blythe's heart. All the times this big strong human swordsman would have a moment of gentleness and offer his last bit of food to a useless little yokai like them. ("No!! You're a valued part of the team!! And growing children need this more than i do!! Besides, i'm so tough i don't need to eat." *stands up for a minute and blacks out*)

* Since this backstory took place before thee yokai watch was invented, you cant technically say Amber was Blythe's previous watchholder but like.. He totally was? Same formula of being a human you partner with and then go around fighting/befriending other yokai. I like to think that maybe before yokai medals became the latest trend and they set up the whole official regulated medal registration process, yokai would still give their human friends some sort of token of their friendship but it was just less organised. Like imbuing their soul energy into all sorts of shit like This Leaf I Found or One Shoe. Which could be used in the same way to summon them but obv was less conveinient, haha! I'm thinking maybe Blythe's bond object was just a neat rock, cos they were so young and didnt really own anything else to gift to this human. Like all they had was the coal from the hearth in the house they used to haunt, but thatd be too crumbly so they dug through to find the sturdiest and prettiest rock and Amber was like straigjt up crying from how touched this whole thing made him. I WILL TREASURE THIS PEBBLE MY TINY MONSTER CHILD...

* oh but just to rub salt in the wound i think he couldnt find it again when he woke up floating over his own burned corpse in the wreckage of his final fateful battle. There uhh..wasnt much of himself left, let alone anything he was holding. Itd kinda have to be that way cos if it worked like a yokai medal itd mean Amber could have instantly reunited with his friend and cut out all of these years of sad backstory, alas

* ok but imagine the cute and sweet emotionalness of then being able to swap medals when they see each other again, and have an actual magical guarantee of never losing their family ever again.

* I feel like Amber only initially agreed to join the Gorgeous Association because he wanted to get a job in the yokai world and save up to buy a decent house and decent level of income so that there would be a hapoy home waiting for his child whenever he finally found them. He didnt really believe that he had the potential to be a fashion icon, he just went along with it as an employment opportunity in his weird new ghost life. But OH NO, accidental self confidence!! (We are all very proud of him)

* oh and the Gorgeous Association doesnt work 100% identical to the anime version, i just like the anime's general concept. I feel like Gorgeous Ambassador is indeed a yokai species and not just a title, its less 'you were chosen by random lottery' and more 'you were chosen by destiny'...? Shy people who have potential to be fashion icons just tend to end up becoming the shy-people-with-potential-to-become-fashion-icons yokai, aka this. And the Gorgeous Association takes responsibility for finding all new Gorgeouses and training them to use their new powers instead of just staying in their shyness. Its more of a self help club? Oh and also the membership is full of other types of fashion yokai too, its not just Gorgeous Ambassadors. Just its only Gorgeous Ambassadors that get visited by the president as soon as they die and given a special invitation to join. So basically interpreting Gorgeous Ambassador as more 'this yokai is named that cos its powers are about encouraging people to be more confident aka introducing them to the world of fashion'. And less the idea that all Gorgeous Ambassadors used to be a different type of yokai and you can only become one by being picked by the club lottery. And also that its just a costume with no actual powers?? That was funny in the anime but i prefer if they actually could inspirit people and make them more confident and stuff.

* I FEEL LIKE IM EXPLAINING THIS BADLY, SORRY! Ok so uhh like yknow some clubs are all exclusive entry "you are not this thing til you join"? Like you cant be a country club member til you join the country club, and the sense of comeraderie there is just all being rich enough to pay for membership rather than having anything in common. But then there's stuff like lgbt groups or mental health support groups where youre all already the same thing and thats WHY you join the club. Anime version had Gorgeous Association be a country club and Gorgeous Ambassador be just a membership name rather than a real yokai form. Which, again, was really funny but i feel like it only works in a more gag focused series like the anime. Here i'm interpreting it that you can just be born in the species Gorgeous Ambassador, same as any other yokai like jibanyan or whatever, and it actually does have its own special powers and stuff. And its just that the Gorgeous Association sends out invites to any newborn yokai that have fashion related powers. So not all Gorgeous Ambassadors actually join the Gorgeous Association. Oh and Kageusuo is the actual yokai species name for those unaffiliated ones. The anime seemed to say that kageusuo was an unrelated new yokai that isnt in the games, that was just invented to have a form that Gorgeous Ambassador had before he became Gorgeous Ambassador. But i have Other Ideas

* i'll make it a new bullet point cos im getting all disorganized now aaaa

* ok so Kageusuo (or my fanmade eng dub name Shamshade) is Gorgeous Ambassador. Same thing. Same species. Kageusuo is a yokai personifying the idea of a fashionable beautiful person who never reached their potential in life due to social anxiety/bullying. Like an 'ugly duckling' story. Their default form is this shadowy looking depressed dude because their power is that they drain shadows from people, vampire style. This makes you 'less overshadowed", so you become more confident and people notice your unique style! But kageusuo cant use its powers on itself, so a lot of them stay in this shy form forever and just continue repeating the same overshadowed life they have as a human. The fabulous form that Gorgeous Ambassador has in the games is just simply the same yokai dressing differently- a kageusuo that managed to conquer its anxieties from its past life and take steps to embrace its true self! But theyre not actually any different in terms of powers, theyre still shadow vampires and their power to make people fabulous is just them eating your shadow. It was something they could already do before they became fabulous themself, now theyre just confident enough to match their powers, yknow? And also unrelatedly there's a club called Gorgeous Association that this particular kageusuo joined, which personally helped him in his journey of self confidence so he goes by the nickname Gorgeous Ambassador to advertise it. (Which is even more nicknamed into Amber cos he thinks it sounds cute)

* WHY ARE MY HEADCANONS SO OVERCOMPLICATED AAAaa

* anyway just imagine a vampire movie but its a supermodel lurching out of the shadows groaning "I VANT TO SUCK YOUR ANXIETY" and then when he bites you you become more confident. This is a Good Concept so i will somehow find a way to use it, dammit!! *b movie music* "OH NO THE MONSTER GOT TERRY" *terry suddenly wearing applebottom jeans*

* also imagine all of that but also the dude is a weird samurai being all "wow the wonders of the future" about thos applebottom jeans

* why do all my headcanons start as angst and end up as nonsense like this

[ms-marmar]

quarantine relapse

hey y’all! i hope you’re safe and healthy. with the state of things around the world, it’s hard not to feel distress, hopelessness, anxiety, pain, and a whole lot of other negative feelings. 

for one thing, quarantine has been difficult, to say the least. ive come to notice that many (myself included) have created expectations for themselves to practice certain behaviors during this pandemic in efforts to try to carry on as if things were normal, minimize the effects that this shift in environment has on us, and prevent ourselves from becoming “lazy.” ppl have set out to try to be more productive (from home), follow a schedule, dabble into new hobbies, work out from home, try new recipes and diets, etc. 

unfortunately, many face even more struggles with this pandemic than just a shift from their daily routine. many of you are facing insecurities regarding your health, employment, finances, and much more. such pressures can trigger increased anxieties and lead to the unhealthy coping mechanisms (ie. self harm, restricting, binging, purging, etc) that you’ve built up over time.

i struggled (and still struggle) to commit to a routine, often feeling guilty for failing to do so. i thought about how i was lucky to be in the comfort of my financially stable household, seemingly separated from the outside world and personally unaffected by the coronavirus. i have so much privilege in this moment that i shouldn’t be feeling such despair and instability. im stuck at home, with nothing to do but sit around on my laptop to attend online classes and try to find some hobbies to pass the time. even though everything else going in the world hangs in my mind like a grey cloud of concern, the biggest worry constantly invading my mind was just about what i had to eat. im sure youve heard ppl despair over the possibility of gaining weight by staying cooped up at home, unable to go outside or to the gym. in a house full of food, many of which are “fear foods” with long shelf lives, ive been battling the temptation to mindlessly binge on snacks all day. it’s also easy to opt out for restricting. for instance, when supplies are low at the store, you decide NOT to get that last loaf of bread, thinking someone else could use it more than you. by justifying that you dont need that food, it can become a cycle of justifying that you dont need any food. there’s also that feeling of guilt that arises when you do get the food, knowing full well it’s something that’ll just get purged. there are numerous experiences y’all have gone through and are (re)facing right now as a result of our present day. the pandemic has created circumstances in which new thoughts and anxieties provide a gateway to practicing disordered eating behaviors as a source of relief.

as a result of this quarantine climate, all these thoughts and expectations, many of which have resurfaced from the shame and guilt ive already felt for years, continued to build up. my concern over weight gain turned into fear, and i fell back into the vicious cycle of binging and purging. 

thing is, nothing right now is normal. the moment we’re living in is beyond control. it’s natural to feel helpless. however, we can’t let that take over our lives. the “little” things we can contribute every day to help the cause (ie. social distancing, limiting going outside, being hygienic, showing appreciation to essential workers, keeping yourself and others informed, donating to groups, etc) can go a long way. you’re not helpless if you can do something to show your support. additionally, we don’t need to punish ourselves for the changes we’re experiencing. staying at home might mean we don’t move around as often, and that’s okay. you being hungry after sitting all day? also okay! all these are natural as we adjust to these lifestyle changes. 

apologies i am late with this. for some, quarantine restrictions are easing up. however, pls continue to limit your outside excursions,practice social distancing and hygiene, and wear masks. times are ambiguous and cases are still very much present (and numbers continue to rise). in addition, social justice movements have experienced a recent surge. pls be safe and support your families, friends, and communities. we all deserve to be treated equally and need to stand up to oppressive systems in whatever ways we can. take time to educate yourselves and others, while maintaining a balance in order to not overwhelm yourselves and create more stress/anxiety. i know these ideas seem contradictory, but i know each of us have different thresholds for stress. find yours and develop healthy mechanisms to cope with them. reaching out is always the best option. 

takeaways n important things to keep in mind or try (some of which you may have already heard before; however, sometimes we need a reminder):

-its okay to relapse. recovery is full of ups n downs, its not linear

-u dont have to earn the right to eat. ur body is communicating to you what it needs. if you’re confused over your hunger and satiety levels, which often happens due to changes in brain chemistry, maybe this guideline is helpful. it’s from one of my lectures in an eating disorders class i took last quarter. act according to your body’s physiological responses. if you’re hungry, please eat. if you’re about to go over your fullness levels, please stop yourself and do something else to distract you. maybe call a friend to hold yourself accountable. ik everything is easier said than done, and i struggle with this myself, but every thought and effort counts:

-limit your media use. sometimes watching the news all day or watching how others seem to be doing great in quarantine can trigger anxiety and disappointment. opt for enjoyable activities, learn something new, or meditate. 

-try to eat regularly. 2-3 meals a day, with some snacks between. do not ignore your hunger cues. you might then become very hungry, which increases the likelihood of binging then purging. 

-you’re not alone. many articles have been written about how quarantine has made a hard blow to everyone, especially those with need insecurities and/or mental illness. i encourage you to please reach out to any trusted individual in some way if you’re experiencing any challenges. refer to the bottom of this post for some links about having ed’s during the pandemic. seek covid relief and emergency funds if you are in need (here’s an informational website with grant resources in the US link)

-having said that, seek out a support system. therapists, support groups, etc have moved online. now is the time to join them, especially if you haven’t had time in the past. talk to friends and/or family when you can. be transparent with your needs. 

-feel free to reblog with or comment any resources you may find helpful for others

there are definitely some viewpoints that i’ve missed, and i apologize if through this post i haven’t made you feel a part of this struggle when it’s something you also experience. i just want to say that every experience is valid, and they vary widely. eating disorders affect ANYONE. i wrote this mainly with my own experiences and observations in mind, and i’d love for you all to share your own stories. i want you to keep fighting through. i want you to see the end of this pandemic, to be able to go outside again and experience life to its fullest. all those plans you had but were forced to cancel? you can do them when things have become okay again. didnt have plans? make some so you have something to look forward to when this is over. you have to conquer this battle by putting your health first and realizing the danger you’re putting your body in when you engage in disordered eating. there’s so much waiting for you in the future. recovery is a long, hard journey that we’re reluctant to embark on at first. but i promise that nothing will feel as beautiful and relieving than when you live free from this toxic mindset. pls stay safe everyone. my heart goes out to you and all the different struggles you’re facing. we’re in this together. 

thank you if you’ve read this and made it this far. 

articles about ed’s during quarantine:

1 2 3 4 5 

ms-marmar xx

[untitled-by]

Funny thing about my anxiety. Bullshit things will send my heart racing. Things I know are small. I wont remember them in a year, and if I do it will always be due to more anxiety not because they mattered... but its still so disruptive and difficult. It also feels shitty, ya know? to be stuck in the flight or freeze response to inconvenient or uncomfortable but ultimately nonthreatening situations. I only have a handful of coping strategies, some if which, such as speaking positively to myself out loud, arent always the best options because a lot of my anxiety and panic is internal, so its weird to speak out loud even if it is effective. The rest basically boil down to wait-it-out; lots of breathing and distractions, or literally wondering "am I done yet?" while crying and hyperventilating.

But see. I know who I am in an emergency, in a real emergency. I know how to keep my head and I never get stuck.

I act-- the one car accident Ive been in not with standing, I completely forgot about the e-brake. To be fair, tho, it was my side was hit. I called the police, my employer, and my sister for a ride all in the same 15 minutes. The other driver just stood in the road and stared at everything. Afterward all was said and done we walked home. An actual emergency makes me want to move.

I how to take control of situations if I have to, or let others do so if theyre obviously having more success--the drunk guy who crashed his bike didnt know I was there, but I did walk my wife thru safely stopping a car that died as we were driving 75mph down the highway 2 hours away from the nearest town (had we crashed we would have had to rely on infrequent passersby to notice us and call for help.)

I put myself in the way-- nothing like running into traffic to swip up a toddler without stopping to narrowly avoid getting both of us hit by a car.

Hell, I even handle mundane events quickly such as spills, the dropping of hot coals, whatever...

Anxiety is annoying because its not me. Anxiety is annoying because it lies. The panic attacks (a seperate problem similar to but not the same as anxiety) are lies. Depression lies. Overstimulation... exaggerates... still uncool.

I know Im being fed lies. I hope everyone else who suffers from these problems knows it too. I know self- and situational-awareness wont make any of these problems magically go away for you or me (if only!!!) but they do help. You are not your illnesses. Even if you dont know who you are when shit hits the fan or even if the youve been overpowered in those or any other moments by your illnesses or entirely different instincts (theres nothing inherently lesser about flight or freeze responses.) You are still strong.

[kihaku-gato]

Hello, fellow horticulturalist here. So you are a green house grower? Is that for cut flowers? Or retail? Sorry if this is werid. Im just looking into so much to help decide what i should do after my internship ends with a tiny nursery I am currentlt at. Any help or knowledge is appreciated

This is gonna be a doozy of a wall of text, so my apologies beforehand.

I’m a owner/grower of a basic hoophouse greenhouse at our family farm. I primarily container raise perennials, trees, and shrubs from seed (either collected at gardens or purchased online) to sell to gardeners and other greenhouses/nurseries, so basically a mix of retail/wholesale.

My original plan was that I was going to work as an employee at a greenhouse/nursery while I worked on my own greenhouse from the ground up slowly until it reached a point of self sustainability. Unfortunately the few greenhouses in my locality weren’t hiring, which lead to me just going head first into my self-employed greenhouse work a little sooner than I was planning to.

I have at least two nursery connections that have expressed interest in purchasing plants from me, however I still have to wait at least 1-3 more years before a lot of my existing plant crops are at a size/quality that I feel is worth selling.

If you go plant nursery route (especially from scratch) I can at least say a few things from what I learned already on my first/second year;

If doing this from the ground-up in a self employment set up, it’s going to take a big while before any green (money) will come rolling in. Unless you go into Contract/Annuals work where you’ll get quicker amounts of money, you won’t see money come in that quick if at all. If anything you’ll be seeing a lot of uncomfortable red for a while. I live with my family so I can get away with having greenhouse as my primary even with it being red (and I tell ya, between the greenhouse being built and the huge amount of potting soil I’ve needed, I’ve been seeing a lot of red), but for most people they would probably need to have a part time job to keep living expenses going, which isn’t that necessarily hard to do with nursery work imo.

If going container style over bareroot nursery style, try your hardest to find the closest bulk nursery supplier to purchase from. Pots and potting soil when you need it get really expensive, especially if you end up depending on retail like Canadian Tire or Home Hardware or Walmart. Most bulk sellers if you’re lucky will have a seasonal bulk selling deal (there’s one near-ish us that sells potting soil by the pallet in autumn/spring, so we’ll be doing that in the future). Talk to other greenhouses/nurseries in your area if you can, they’ll likely know about suppliers that you weren’t aware of. It was a Mennonite lady who does annuals that helped us find our supplier.

As annoying/scary as it may be (and admittedly my own biggest kryptonite), local connections in the business are going to be your biggest ally. Talk to other nurserymen, talk to horticulture groups, get your image out there. They’re not likely going to just walk into your establishment on their own discovery, you’ll have to bring their attention to you.

This business is a little harsh if you’re not careful on your choice of crop. I’ve seen a lot of plants sell for less than the potting soil, containers and time it probably took to grow them (example- tall person-sized trees sell for a measly $4.99 CDN). As it currently stands, my current tree saplings at this current time are at a value that would sell for way less than the pots and soil they’re growing in. And it can get a lot worse if you’re selling/raising plants in bulk that people aren’t interested in buying. I grew tomatoes last year to attempt to get some seasonal money in while waiting for my slower crops to grow, and I only successfully sold to 3 people, and hardly enough plants to be worth the work it took to grow them. As another more recent example there’s an entire corner of Hosta lancifolia being sold at Cuddy Gardens, and almost no one has bought any whatsoever (A- it’s not a true species hosta so it doesn’t appeal to collectors, B- it’s a green hosta so unappealing to most gardeners who probably already have green hostas and are more interested in other colours/varieties), even though it took at least 2 years to raise them as they are. If Cuddy wasn’t such a plant-generalist of a nursery and have other selection, that would be a bit of a disaster. Practically, you’re going to want to grow stuff that will appeal to a lot of wide array of gardeners long-term. Annuals/Veggies can be risky here as tastes can drastically change year to year.

You’re going to lose crop plants. Surprise diseases, pests/animals, your own newby mistakes (DON’T PUT HEAVY FERTILIZER IN FRESH TRANSPLANTS IN MIDDLE OF SUMMER, DON’T BE ME OF 2016), it’s inevitably going to happen. It kind of ties up with the earlier point of the business being pretty harsh. If you’re lucky you’ll just lose a handful of each of your different crops (while not great it’s still a normal average in some greenhouses to lose a few of certain crops), if not so lucky it’s going to be a painfully gigantic chunk of your crops and time. Prevention/learning is most key.

Avoid patented plants. A bit obvious for the wise but still. You need a special paid licence to propagate/sell patented plants. It’s not worth the risk in fines and money lost when you’re just barely starting out, imo don’t do it.

Despite these harsh and scary points I still want to work in the plant raising business. It’s really up for if you find the risk/reward worthwhile. I hope this response isn’t too overwhelming and that it helps.

[teddy-feathers]

This is why i dont do emotions. You sit around all week wondering why you feel like you want to cry - only you dont feel that way at all - when everything is going good. Then you realize its because even if some parts of your life suck you are honestly truly happy about one part of it. If not proud than at least feeling good about it and yourself on that one aspect and... Your brain thinks thats not allowed. But for once its NOT punishing you for feeling good. You still have to worry about other stuff but you dont hate yourself for enjoying something. But that odd disjointed feeling lingers even as you know what it is and dismiss it. With time it will stop waiting for the other shoe to drop. But since it lingers you start feeling that old build up of worry. Its fine managible low back ground static thats almost soothing in its familiarity and it just lends your enjoyment a sharper edge and wears you out faster. Manageable because nothing is seriously wrong right now and Youre well practiced at keeping up With it now. And then something does hit you. And for once its not guilt or self loathing its not depression or impotance its anger but you catch the feeling instead of being slammed with it for the first time and.... That in a way is worse. There's no overwhelming flood of emotion. There's no confusion or disquiet at having complex feelings. Anger doesnt feel like poison it feels like purpose like firmly standing behind a line youve drawn in the sand. You are holding your emotion like a ball in your hand for once and can let it go if you choose. Its a victory i never thought id have. But with it comes the clear cut view... I have been told by my shrink, and tell people and believe that you are not responsible for other peoples happiness but that means more than just that. It means that no i cant blame my dad for my anger but nor do i have to take credit for his. It means that all this guilt and fear and bullshit i put myself through because he gets upset and vents about it... But he gets to move on and im left an emotional mess because im too sensitive... No. Im taking credit for his emotional immaturity. He doesnt get to get away with being an asshole. I dont need to make excuses - that i was disrespectful, that we know better, that hes not that bad, that hes so much better, that he is helping me out when he doesnt have to - all of that has NOTHING to do with him being an asshole and i dont have to give him that pass and beat myself up by doing so. Im ALLOWED to be mad. and its a scary responsibility, ive never taken for my emotions. They happen to me i dont have control over them... But here my anger is validated by myself finally and i am responsible for what i choose to do with it. And that brings back that weird disjointed feeling. That i dont know or have in control of instead of controling me like i do my anger... So on one hand im angry but BETTER than ive ever been because for once im not breaking down over how i feel... But. On the other im still anxious and being responsible for instead of afflicted by my emotion seems like another burden im adding to my plate. I feel like this is an amazing step in the right direction but at the same time i still get shakey and anxious when im the least bit tired either in an interaction or physically. I fumble any more trying to talk to people. Im afraid to be out around people. Its too much and i didnt used to be this bad. So is getting better more healthy emotionally worth it if my functionality is deteriorating? Great i dont want to stop existing because im mad at my dad and its not unreasoning i understand and can experience it and let it go. But i also cant close pandoras box and stop feeling or being overwhelmed by shoving anything in a box anymore. I cant be a good worker bee. I cant shut down and just do what needs to be done at the drop of a hat. And my mental wellbeing seems a pour trade even though ive never been as okay in my life as i am right now. I am so much BETTER i can feel it, but I'm USELESS in a completely different way that was more socially acceptable. I could get any shit cashier job and smile and follow my polite scripts and make people like me. I could work until i broke down but i could work and be the best damn worker i could be. I could talk to strangers or stand in a line that had more than two people or not need a break after every brief exchange. Im worse in all the ways that matter and now i can see that getting help, that making friends, that being legitimately okay just doesnt count for anything. I mean i cant go up to an employer and go YES i can cashier but after three weeks im going to get so anxious i cant go to work for three days or more but on the bright side i dont think as much about how much easier it would be to disappear or die and i dont hate myself whenever i actually do something i enjoy quite as much. I am happier now but im much more broken for it...

[rizzythemonk]

One Night in the Row

Everything in italics have been added by me for clarity and insight, everything else is directly copied from rp with @roewyn​ @leywalker-starsworn​ @zaderick​ @velerodra​ @thebuildingcacophony and @Vicajin. There was also a lot of peanut gallery chatter I did not include to keep the story focused. Indented is from Kurel’s post.

“Anyways… Im goin before it escalates t’crazy.” He told Kurel and Mav

Famous last words Rizzy.

“But she’s right. Its a manageable thing. Should you tame a tiger from Pandaria, part of you will always fear it.” Said Magistrix Demytrya as Rizzy took to appearing from the shadows, standing atop the cart, just inches in front of his sister. It was an interesting choice of words. An interesting choice of creatures, and the shadow of the tiger across his back itched in response.

Rizzy cleared his throat. Conversation continued on top of him and all around, but the monk focused most of his attention on Captain Essex, on the Ambassador, on the Magistrix.

Killian’s ears perked up when he heard Rizzy clearing his throat. His gaze fell on the man and gave a quiet nod in greeting. A smile returned briefly, then his gaze moved back to Ilyea. It was good that he had their eyes, and the monk waited patiently for their attention. Granted he knew quite a bit about what was circling around through his informants, Riz still wanted to give the pair a chance to own up to their end of the bargain, or to at least ask for what he had to offer.

He counted beats. Patient. And then tried once again to gather attention to himself.

“So. I believe.” He started out slowly. “There was some interest in a meetin with Kurel goin on. That interestin’ly enough, the magistrix ain’t got any power t’fullfill.” The monk called out clearly. He licked his lips and crossed his arms over his chest in mild irritation. He was almost tempted to let his tattoo roar for him if this did not in effect work.

“Evening, Rizzy.” Taleyreil intoned back.

Rizzy nodded, glad to finally have some amount of attention. “Would y’like to have a talk there Ambassador?”

Killian shifted his weight, scratching the back of his right ankle with his left. His gaze drifted from Taleyriel towards Rizzy, but let the Ambassador speak.

“A talk where?”

“Just away from the distraction of people who are promisin you something they absolutely cannot deliver.” As he pointed at Demytrya to ensure they knew what he was talking about. From Kurel’s mouth to his, there was absolute certainty in the monk’s mind that even given the man’s chance to cool from the clusterfuck she would be unable to make a meeting happen for the two. A meeting that Riz sincerely wanted to help with.

“With all do respect, Rizzy, you have yet to deliver.”

Rizzy raised an eyebrow, “We had a deal an it looks like y’goin round tryin t’no’ pay my reward. Makes the wonder whether you’d pay the reward for the one puttin up the posters either.”

The captain and the ambassador exchanged glances, and as much as Riz would have responded to Ilyea’s comment about the posters he had bigger fish to fry so to speak. Which Taleyriel seemed content to ignore as well.

“I cannot talk to others now?”

“We settled terms, settled location until -you- backed out, and settled on a payment schedule. How is that no’ at least good faith?”

“A failure to disclose the intricacies presented by said location could undermine your good faith. Me speaking to the Magistrix here has not put in jeopardy your reward.” The ambassador countered.

“Except I did disclose said ‘intricacies.’ And payin forward two grand in gold for Kurel’s bail, acceptin a card t’meet Kurel on her turf very much does put in jepoardy my pay.”

Demytrya glanced up at Rizzy, her expression letting him know he wasn’t helping. Her words were clipped as she offered a smile in his direction, “I asked for a show of good faith on the Ambassador’s half. He’s a man that obviously understands that no meeting with anyone of import comes without a price. His is to handle the small…” She paused, calculating how she would put it, especially with Ilyea in presence, “Kerfuffle that Kurel found himself in with the state. I’ve asked him to show that like me, he can make sure such trivial matters are set aside so that business can continue as it should.” Surely she wasn’t speaking of the row as business. Fels bells, she totally was.

That cinched it.The ‘Kerfuffle’ her own subordinate caused, when she turned Kurel in to the guards. An incident of the Magistrix making that she was demanding the Ambassador clean up, the appearance that it was his fault Kurel was there to being with, it was down right rude and bad business. Business he had thus far conducted about as transparently as the monk could, she was adding lies and backdoors to. The monk steeled himself to perhaps make a rare enemy for once. Speaking against a Magistrate was always dangerous. He could bend forever, but Kurel, Killian, Taleyriel would not. Especially two thousand gold poorer. He had Kurel at his back, Vel by his side, the pages of Sunspire in his pocket. It was time for the tiger to speak.

“Magistrix, with all do respect, you had no right making any deal on the Trade Lord’s behalf.”

Killian looked towards Taleyriel, taking a few steps towards him. He leaned in to whisper inaudibly to the rest. He nodded once finished.

Demytrya looked at Rizzy, “You can let me handle that, hmm? Unless you feel you are suited to handle such affairs between the Magistry and Sunspire?”

“I am in fact.” Fuck the magistry. That was the entire point of Sunspire. Freedom from such bureaucratic condescending manipulation. That was what all of this was for. Sunspire and Sunspire’s eternal freedom. It was a discussion that should never, and if Rizzy had anything to say about it, would never be controlled by the Magistry or any other power. They were self governed men.

Killian nodded at Taleyriel again.

“I’m sorry, I must have missed your induction into the magistry. I’ll be sure to get right on such accounts, as I would have welcomed you more formally, had I known.”

Rizzy pulled out the official paperwork of Sunspire from his pocket, “I have all the official paperwork of Sunspire’s trade connections, manifests, and legalities directly from the Purveyor’s office and the Will and Voice of the trade Lord.” He took a breath, that had come out harsher than he wanted, rilling himself up with the state of the port and its freedom, so he tried to clarify. “Sunspire is a free port. We are not, under any condition to work with or within the magistry, ma’am.”

“And I hold the proof In. My. Hand.” Oh please let that be the end of it.

“Indeed, you aren’t. Well then, it would seem my negotiations have been for naught. Forego the 2000 gold crown negotiations I asked of you, Magister. It would seem Rizzy here, has a better deal for you.”

The pair in question kept exchanging glances, and kept quiet.

“I have the -only- deal at present.” He reiterated firmly against the magistrix’s not so subtle snark, but at least she was acquiescing.

“Meet Kurel without such trivial matters being thrust upon you, as Kurel was delighted to pay such a fine.”

Or not. Clearly she was trying to goad Rizzy on the price tag. On the perception of his employer’s disgruntled reaction to the two thousand gold wasted that could have covered his jail fees. He knew better. He knew what Kurel wanted. He had for a long time now. He knew Kurel was the man that would rather blow up his own ships than see a dime from their use if it meant proving a point. Two thousand gold was but a drop in the bucket to what others had already ripped from the Trade Lord by a woman’s manipulating tongue.

You did not threaten his freedom.

“Are you certain, Magistrix?” Taleyrial piped in again finally.

“Sounds like the man blocking my view is the only deal in town Ambassador…” Vel offered and Rizzy gave her a light pat in thanks for the reassurance.

Demytrya looked up at Rizzy at that point, “Are we certain, Rizzy? He was about to see to it that Kurel’s fines be abated. Is that what you would negotiate for Kurel? That he pay the fines and meet with the Ambassador without such trivialities?

“Will Kurel rather he had the fines in lew of… well no strings.

“I suppose that is what it comes down to, Rizzy. You, after all, hold the papers.” She motioned to the papers in his hands.

Good gracious, how many ways could the man tell her she had no idea what she was dealing with before she got the point?

“The fines are none of the Ambassador’s business. How he is involved in Kurel ‘inciting someone to nudity’ I’m not certain. Nor should you be, you and I were both present for his lawless act.” He threatened. She wanted to keep talking? Fine. He would offer publicly her public humiliation and all the details he was aware of if she was not careful.

“Whoa. What?!” The Ambassador seemed to almost jump at.

Rizzy looked to Taleyriel and Killian, “She was trying to get you to pay restitution for something you had nothing to do with. So, you’re welcome.” Hopefully done with the meddling magistrix.

Demytrya laughed softly, “You think the pamphlets had nothing to do with it then? By all means. Tell Kurel your decision then Rizzy. I defer to you.”

Killian looked at Rizzy.

“If you defer to me, madam Magistrix, then shut y’trap? Thank you.”

The phrase in question was apparently such a slight the magistrix would not let it go even days later. Clearly it was the rudest possible things the monk could ever say.

“How do you incite someone to nudity?” Taleyriel asked.

“He paid someone to undress.” Said Riz.

“Oh.”

“He paid someone t’undress specifically to humiliate the magistrix here.”

Demytrya lifted a hand, a cold blast of icy air expanding from a small vortex outside of her palm towards Rizzy, meant to blast him off the cart and on to his ass if he didn’t dodge. She would have a certain amount of impudence, for sure, but his telling her to ‘shut her trap’ that seemed to be a no-no.

Killian frowned, furrowing his brow as he glanced towards the magistrix.

Rizzy had seen the wind up. The ice. The fury growing in the mage and relaxed his muscles ones by one. If this was it, he was going down fighting and making sure Vel would take none of the force of the attack. “That’s the charges he was official paying fin-” Rizzy did not dodge, and was blown all the way back, smacking into the wall hard, the air from his lungs audibly forced out with a hard grunt.

You did not threaten his people.

Killian walked towards Rizzy and held his hand out to the man. No words were said, but he gave him a nod.

Riz let out a hacking cough.

Taleyriel stared blankly into the distance as though he were in the office. Yep.

Demytrya watched as rizzy was thrown, turning to Taleyriel as if she hadn’t just blasted him in the face with 70 mile per hour winds of ice, her smile not entirely meeting her eyes. “Go ahead and go with our agreement. I’ll make sure to tell Kurel that Rizzy here fought on his behalf for you not to honor the agreement we established so Rizzy is not seen as derelict. I’ll also make sure to see to it that if he hurt his poor noggin, it’s handled, hmm?” A single pale brow lofted.

Rizzy took Killian’s hand once he could breathe again, leaning hard on him for just a moment, “Thanks”

Rizzy’s next words were quiet, pressed close to Killian in a whisper. “There is no deal. Kurel is refusing to speak with you two for now because of all this cluster. Whatever she's promising you, don't trust her. I'll work something out in the future. Don't worry about my pay. I just want t'see you two safe an sound. Also... Im gettin rid of the rocks round sunspire. I had no idea how terrible they were."

"Whatever fucking shit's happening, you will get paid. You came forward with information, even though we didn't meet. You deserve at least half for that. This whole thing is bollocks. We should speak in private. I have met Kurel before." The captain mumbled back.

"Anytime. Im here for you guys whenever y'need. Also that Ilyea lady? She's the one that made all the flyers."

"Are you certain about that?"

"Its what Kurel said, an’ the fact that she won't shut up about em lends support t'that."

"Ten thousand pieces of gold, as per my reward. Thank you for that."

Meanwhile Rizzy kept his ear perked for the ambassador and the magistrix still…

“Are you all right?”

“Welcome to the row, Ambassador.”

Taleyriel gave a polite nod. “You have my gratitude,” his attention shifted towards Rizzy and Killian for a moment. The absurdity of having asked the attacker if she was fine had been entirely lost on him.

“Magistrix - to be clear, are you saying you intend to keep the deal you have no authority to make?” Vel asked considering Rizzy was still a bit winded.

“Vic if you hadn’t been sitting there being bored, you’d have known that was your cue to wisk Rizzy away in the shadows.” The magistrix shot the troll a frown.

The troll in question only replied, “I don’t do political assassinations anymore. Messy stuff.”

Wait, what?

Rizzy did a few calculations. Killian at one side, Vel at the other, other friends and informants about the crowd hidden and in view… he was safe, but at the same time. She blatantly offered out loud to have him taken into the shadows and murdered. He would remember that.

“I’m saying the deal I was making was on behalf of a close friend. Not as an agent of Sunspire Port. He can take Sunspire Port’s deal, or mine. I am willing to bet which deal Kurel would find more to his liking. Do you challenge that?”

“Me too.” Vel replied.

“Which is going to make Kurel have more faith in the magister here? Which is going to show the magisters good faith that he in in fact who and what he says he is?” Demytrya would just not stop.

“Ambassador.” Taleyriel corrected.

“Pardon, Ambassador, my apologies. At any rate, the Ambassador here gets an opportunity in my deal.”

Taleyriel gave a dismissive wave of his hand. “No need. It has been a rather energetic night.”

Ilyea pipped in “Demy is a very good friend of Kurel. She will be the best to make sure both are done well. I guarantee it.”

Except Killian knew the truth already. If Taleyriel didn't know yet, he was soon to follow.

“To show that if there is business to be had, he can handle it. He’s got the cops, as it were to make such negotiations and see them through.” the magistrix continued.

Vel shrugged, “I’d not dare challenge an all knowing magistrix… Though, I do know… somewhat - that Kurel doesn’t like deals he isn’t being told he’s a part of… which - unless you’ve manage to tell him… you have no way of knowing… I’d bet on Rizzy’s deal…”

“Oh? So perhaps we put it to the test? We could offer both deals to Kurel.”

Vel just stared at Taleyriel. Then to Demy, “wait - one moment… if we do the test - and he rejects your deal… You owe me something… hm?”

“Sure.”

Riz remained quiet, letting the magistix blow her storm out thinking somehow her icy wind had led her to win. He quietly recalled conversations with Vel and felt more centered despite the physical bruising spreading across his skin. Given a choice, as a free man of Sunspire it was his right to choose; Riz would never be the wind.

Seriously, have you all not figured out reading this by now?

The reed bends in the wind. It does not break. But contracts do.

@shaded-hawke @kurel-andiel @tinthard @thoendran @aranyaphoenix @crimsynlotus

[clearsandwicheagle-blog]

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Im 18 years old and i have 1 years no claims. Is there a company that will insure me on a car for one day?

Auto insurance is expensive for my teenager son. Are there any options for me to keep expenses down?

I'm makeing payments on truck for him, now that he can drive, do I have to add him to my insurance? And how much more will it be? I hear some parents don't tell there insurance, they just say there child is borrowing the car. But my son does not live in the same house hold , but is in another city over. Can I still just say he is borrowing the truck. If he gets in a car accident I understand it's on me, but will my insurancecand the law see it in that manner.""

How much is insurance per month?

Insurance for a car. I'm going to buy a used car for no more than $3000, for getting to and fro school. How much would insurance be? Is insurance where you take out a loan and pay back on it month by month, forever? Or can you cease it at anytime?""

What are good things to have in health insurance for families.?

I'm looking to buy health insurance for my self and my kids,but I don't under stand what things mean like they talk about coinsurance, deductibles how do I know what's the best one? I'm looking for affordable n with good coverage can you help me? I need low monthly payments and low copayments

Car accident/insurance question!?

Is there some sort of law that claims if your car is in an accident the dealership will pay for the rest of the remaining balance on your car? That way the insurance company gives you the money to buy a new one. My friend was telling me something about this but I don't really remember what it was called, or even if that was what she was trying to explain. Thank you!""

Website to talk to a car insurance agent?

Okay do you people know the site where you can like instant message a car insurance agent? I forgot wut the site was called. My parents need it.

How much would US insurance cost?

I am driving across america with a friend in a 1975 Camaro so I need us car insurance. I am 18 (Full UK licence) and have had no claims. However I only need insurance for 3 months.

Short vs. long term individual health insurance?

whats the better choice and why

""I'm being low balled by an insurance claims adjuster for damage to my car, now what?

I had a claim against a guys insurance company for damage he caused. They came out today and did an evaluation and now the insurance estimator is saying that the vehicle needs to be totaled and that I will be offered some low ball figure because my car has prior damage which was only cosmetic and minor nothing structural at all. I know that the vehicle will be worth more than they are going to offer. But I just want a fair price for the car. They suggested that it might take some back and forth negotiations and I need to know how to prepare for that and succeed at getting something fair? Are there any angles or cards that I can play that should give me some leverage against their claims adjuster? Your help is appreciated and thank you for your answer!

Renault Clio insurance for a 17 year old girl in Coventry?

I turned 17 last week, and plan on buying a Renault Clio for less than 1000, (about a 2001 reg). I have trauled all over the internet and cannot really find a decent quote anywhere, so I was wondering what an approximate cost of insurance would be? Thanks! Or if not, what are the best suggestions for a first car? Cheap insurance very important!!""

Car Insurance - Where the car is kept?

I'm currently looking at insurance for my car, which will be kept where i live in a small private residence Cul-de-sac with a coded gate and CCTV. Will this come under as Locked compound or Private Property? Hope someone can help.""

Would applying for car insuance quotes give a bad record?

I'm searching for car insurance but I am not sure if applying for a quote online will give me a bad record. Like applying for a credit card does you know.

How does and underage affect insurance?

A friend of mine was just charged with an underage but was accepted into the ARD program. We are wondering how this is going to affect her auto insurance policy.

How much will car insurance be for a VW Polo for a 17 year old?

I will be turning 17 in a year and a half and i am set on getting a 2006 Volkswagen Polo because i don't need much more from a car. It will mostly just be used for short drives through my town and city and I will be parking it on the road. I'm hoping to find one with a 1.2 engine and no higher because i know that is a dramatic factor in the insurance cost. I was just wondering, as a rough estimate, how much per year (in British pounds) would the insurance be?""

I am looking for an eye docter that takes any insurance in los angeles california?

for kids that will give contacts

About how much will my car insurance be?

I'm turning 16 in a little bit and my parents are making me pay for my own insurance, how much would it be for me with a 2.6 gpa, i'm male, and i'll probably get a pretty safe car""

I haven't received my national insurance?

I'm 16, going to turn 17 this year. I am from Bolivia (south america) I have live in the UK for 7 years and I don't received any benefits ... I haven't received my national insurance and i don't know why if any one knows why or how i can get? then please tell me thank you""

Insurance on small cars example punto ?

hey everyone iv just passed my theory test today and i want to buy a punto for my fist car i need advice on de price off tax and insurance like for example i would probably purchase any punto from 1997 -2001 and im 19 does anyone av any advice for me cause i don wanna be ripped off thanks for readin you guys xxxxxxxxxxx

Can you have car insurance without owning a car?

my 20 year old is in another state going to college, can he get car insurance on his brother's car?""

Best health insurance plan for a low income individual?

Looking for the best health insurance plan for a 26 yo old single femail in tennessee. $30k/year job, minimal health problems, need medical, prescription, dental, and vision coverage. Paying $208/month currently and need better coverage. Please sends me in the right direction guys :)""

How much would car insurance cost for a 17 year old female? More info provided?

I will be 17 yrs old when I get my intermediate license, which I will then have for 1 yr before I can get my full license. I'm looking for a general insurance quote for a 17 year old female in Iowa (does this have any bearing on the amt my parents pay). Also, I have about B average, but I'm taking AP classes if that makes a difference. I don't have a job but I will have an unpaid internship this summer (does this make a difference?). Both my mom and dad have one ticket each, but that's about it, they're both very careful drivers. I will also have taken a drivers ed course (reqd in my state). I'm also looking at purchasing either a 1998 BMW 528I or a 1998 BMW 740IL as both are under $5000 w/o taxes but if anyone can give me an estimate as to the total cost of both of these cars (after taxes, gas, insurance, etc) that would be fantastic. If any more info is needed let me know.""

Do I need Liability insurance?

I live in So california, and just brought lots In Texas,Arkansas and Utah.The lots are vacant land. Im being told that laibility insurance might be wise. is there someone out there who knows for sure.""

How can I afford car insurance?

I'm under 25, and I'd like to buy a cheap car. Over a 6 month period, the insurance will cost much more than the car itself!! So is there a point to getting a car?""

Dental insurance and plans?

i live near houghton lake michigan, and i need to see a dentist badly!! i lost my dental coverage when i turned 21, and because of my age change, i am no longer able to get free dental coverage through my state. i have 3 children all under the age of 4 that need me, and because of the pain im experiencing it is extremely difficult for me to take care of them!!! i have 5 cavities, and 2 impacted wisdom teeth. i brush every day, but i keep getting problems with my teeth. i am on a very tight budget, and cannot afford to pay out of pocket fees to go to a dentist. does anybody know of affordable plans or insurance? or if anyone is familier with the area that knows of a dentist that accepts sliding fees? any help would be awesome! thanks in advance.""

Can i collect disability insurance?

Can i collect disability insurance? i was shot when i was 18 in the ankle and the bullit is stuck between the bone in my ankle. i have worked for a company for 10 years and quit my job two years ago to start my own business. but now as im getting older i can't stand on my leg without experiencing pain or climb up and down things like i used too can i collect disability insurance?

How long does it take to get a check from renters insurance?

Lightning just struck and destroyed all of my electronics, other than the TV :-) Xbox, Modem, Router, Computer, Printer, And a few other things. How long will I have to be without entertainment? I don't have cable or satellite so this sucks.""

""If I add my boyfriend to my car title, do I need to add him to my car insurance?""

He has his own car and his own insurance already. Also, we live in Texas.""

Whats the rough cost of insurance for a 17 yr old new driver?

im looking to buy a car like a corsa or 306. summin like that but just wanted to know what the cost of insurance will roughly be. and no dont tell me to 'get a quote' caus you need like all the details and full licence etc, that i dont have yet""

Can we carry car insurance in ca from two different companies?

we live in california ,one of my friend he wants to start courier service as an indepentdent contractor the company he wants to join they need commerical insurance coverage 300,000/300,000/300,000. Can he buy additional coverge of commercial insurance from another insurance company with his regular car insurance. Is this legal? can he buy insurance from two different companies two policies? One for commercial and second regular insurance from another company? Thanks""

What are good things to have in health insurance for families.?

I'm looking to buy health insurance for my self and my kids,but I don't under stand what things mean like they talk about coinsurance, deductibles how do I know what's the best one? I'm looking for affordable n with good coverage can you help me? I need low monthly payments and low copayments

I want my own car but my parents wont pay for insurance?

They say that they can't afford it but I know they can. They just don't want to pay for something that they think isn't necessary. Since they won't pay for insurance, I can't drive anyone's car. Not their cars, not a friend's car. So, my license will basically be useless. So I had this idea. After I get my license I'll buy a cheap car on Craigslist. I'll get a friend to drive it home for me. I'll threaten to drive uninsured, and if that won't make em pay for insurance, I'll actually go drive uninsured. Then they'll HAVE to buy insurance. Will that work?""

How does car insurance work?

I'm a 17 year old girl and I recently got my license. Yesterday my dad bought car insurance for me, but I don't have a car. So i'm assuming that this insurance is for his car, but can that same insurance be transferred if I get my own car? Or did my dad just put my name on his insurance? I don't really understand.""

Car Insurance Question!!?

So I just got my license yesterday but my dad said that I can't drive the car myself until he puts me on the insurance plan. Do I really need to be put on the insurance plan? I know its illegal not to have car insurance but I do, it would just go under my parents' names. Isn't that ok or do I really do have to get my own insurance card and everything? if yes, how many days would it take for me to get my name under the insurance? I really want to be able to start driving on my own. thanks!""

Speeding and insurance rate?

I got a speeding ticket 2 years ago. It was for 20 km over in a 50 km zone. There was a fine but no demerit points to my licence. Will this affect my insurance rate when applying for a new policy this month? Thanks.

Is there some type of dental insurance that is affordable??

I am 38 y/o male who needs to finally look into some dental insurance that is affordable/ I have some teeth that needs to be fix ASAP thanks for your Help Bri

If I just got auto insurance?

If I just got auto insurance for my car but my car was crash before hand, should I still let the auto insurance company know even if I wasn't the driver?""

Car insurance question.?

If I buy a car from my uncle, and do not drive it do I still have to pay for insurance on it? Extra info: I only have my permit and get my license in October. So I don't plan on driving it until October. I don't want to have to pay insurance on a car I wont be driving until a couple of months. Thanks in advance.""

What is good website to find affordable health insurance?

What is good website to find affordable health insurance?

Life insurance or burial insurance?

Right now I have a life insurance policy that will pay $20,000 when I die. I'm paying $50.00 a month for that and in my opinion is too much. Should I just by burial insurance instead since that is basically all my Life insurance policy cover is my burial?""

Cheapest saturn sky insurance for a 16 year old?

I am about to turn sixteen and i was wndering how much insurance would cost for a Saturn sky?

I NEED A CHEAP AUTO INSURANCE ONTARIO?

I have my g2, i am 19 years old, and i am trying to find a cheap insurance to quote me on a cheap car....its only a 99 cavalier 4 door. I have done a lot of online quotes and i have basically gotten the same quote around $430. I would like a quote more around the $200 range!! Help! Anyone know of any cheap auto insurances?? Thanks!! Carley.xo""

Car insurance?

when someone gets a speeding ticket it affects the cost of their insurance. how many years does this affect the cost? do all forms of tickets, traffic, moving and parking violations raise the cost of liability car insurance? and how long for?""

Hiring an employee / health insurance?

If I hire an employee in California do I have to pay for their health insurance? Is there some threshold like 40hrs/week where I have to start paying or what?

""In Florida, How much (if any) will my auto insurance rate increase with 3 points on my license?

I got a ticket for improperly changing lanes and I'm electing not to go to traffic school (since I only have one more chance for traffic school based on two times/year) for such a minor offense. Would it make sense to skip 8hr school ($70.00) or would I end up paying more in the long run because of my 3 points?

'occasional driver' Car insurance?

Hi, I'm 18 and I'll be heading off to college in the fall and so won't be home very often. However when I am home I'd like to be insured on my dads car. I don't see the point in having to pay the same price for car insurance as someone who drives almost daily, so I wanted to know if there was a type of car insurance for the 'occasional' driver. I'll only be home on vacations, and even then I won't be driving all the time, but I really need a car insurance for when I do drive, mostly summers.""

What is a good name for a Spanish speaking Insurance Agency?

I am opening a Spanish speaking Insurance Agency and need a name. I need some sincere suggestions. Will be much appreciated.

Comparing insurance rates?

Hello, I am looking for a site that allows me to compare different insurance rate quotes based on the information I provide.""

Is there car insurance for people who don't own cars in Ontario?

My parents are taking me off their insurance as an occasional driver. I don't own a car and don't plan on getting one. I was wondering if I need insurance in order to drive someone else's car? I haven't had any luck finding info relevant to Ontario. Thanks!

What is the best medical insurance company in illinois?

What is the best medical insurance company in illinois?

Need car insurance for a nissan navara? please help

hello, just wondering if anyone can give me some insurance companies for a nissan navara, im 22 have 3 years no claims yet my insurance says they cannot insure me on it? At the minute i drive a 1.9tdi vw passat and my insurance only costs 800, so why wont they insure me on 2005 nissan navara? Please help, thanks in advance x""

""New driver, average car insurance?""

Just wondering here, to the new drivers, how much do you pay per month for car insurance. I am canadian so that would be helpful too. If I were to take drivers ed and then get my g2 that way...What would I be expecting to pay monthly?""

How can I get car insurance without a guardian?

I live with away from my parents, Im almost 18 but not there yet. How can i get car insurance without having a guardian?""

What's the average price for teenage insurance?

my parents are making me pay for my insurance over the summer, but they won't tell me how much it is until then. can someone tell me the average price or something? i drive a 2000 mazda b truck (similar to a ford ranger). i just need a rough estimate. thanks!""

Affordable car insurance companies in NYC?

Hi there, I would appreciate it if I can get some names and possibly reviews of inexpensive auto insurance companies within NYC (companies in all 5 boroughs are welcome)? Please! I beg you, don't mention Geico, All State, State Farm, and Progressive! Thanks very much!""

Insurance rates for 18 year old?

I've never owned a car but I will for the first time soon. I know that in high school insurance rates partially depended on grades, is it the same way in college? What other things are factors in determining the rate?""

What are good things to have in health insurance for families.?

I'm looking to buy health insurance for my self and my kids,but I don't under stand what things mean like they talk about coinsurance, deductibles how do I know what's the best one? I'm looking for affordable n with good coverage can you help me? I need low monthly payments and low copayments

""When it comes to your car insurance, when is it cheaper to let your kids get their licences?

is it smarter to wait until they are 18; if they get their licence before they are 18 do your rates go up higher or lower then if they waited until they're 18.

Motorcycle Insurance cost in Ontario?

I know it depends on a lot so I'll give you as much info as possible: age: 18 bike: honda cbr125r driving(car) record: spotless -the bike will be kept in my house overnight, and I'll only be using inner city (for work, school, social..) So guys I just need a rough estimate, doesn't have to be exact. how much would it cost be per year? Also, is insurance less if you're female like with car insurance? thanks for any help!""

""If I finance a new car, how much insurance do I buy?""

I know it will have full coverage, but how much? I'm trying to get an accurate quote through geico to see if I can afford it before buying the car.""

Is A Ford Mustang a good car for a 16 year old?

Im 16 and Im getting my license in a couple of months. Im looking for a car and I really like mustangs. Im thinking about buying a 2003 or 2004 mustang in sonic blue. But will getting a mustang raise my insurance a lot and how much more than a normal car? Also, what mileage is bad on a mustang?""

How much is an oldtimer insurance for a Rolls Royce Silver Shadow II ?

I would like to know how much per month an oldtimer insurance for a Rolls Royce Silver Shadow II or Spirit would cost about per month? I am 21 years old, self employed. Does someone know ?""

Adrian flux car insurance?

is this a good car insurance company, has anybody got any good/bad coments or opinions about this company, i am a new driver and this will be my first insurance so i would like the advice. thankz in advance!""

Can you ride a Ducati 848 for every day use and is the insurance expensive?

I wanna purchase a bike, my first decision is the Ducati 848 evo, i wanna buy it brand new(2012) but the only 2 things im concern about is the insurance on it & can that bike be used every day.... im 22 just got my moto license and have had my drivers license for about 6 years if that matters( i did an online quote was 700$)im looking for full coverage, I live in California have no record of anything bad at all (accident etc).My second concern is can this bike be driven every single day? Its like the Ferrari of bikes and when you own a ferrari you dont drive it every day..... does this bike break down alot? My second and final decision is the yamaha r6 (2012) i want nothing but the ducati but if the ducati cant be driven for everyday and the insurance is a total rip then i guess ill have no choice....Please if possible only answer my questions please (i really don't wanna read get a used one learn from it drop it etc i know and understand that all my only concerns are the questions)""

Insurance companies that run driving history?

I'm trying to get quote on new insurance and I know Esurance runs your driving history to give you your quote. What other insurance companies do this? I don't know mine or my fiance's whole driving history for the last 5 years and it would be a lot less of a headache if they ran the report.

Will a loud music ticket affect my insurance?

I was driving and i got stopped because of my loud music and got a ticket, Does this affect my insurance? iv'e been reading online that it a non moving violation and will not affect it, is this true? P.S Im from California""

How much is the average car insurance payment for a teenage?

I'm 16 & I know I'll be on my moms insurance since I'm not 18. would I be better off getting a 2011 or 2012 year car? I've heard it's pretty costly

Where can I get affordable health insurance for my family?

USA 2013, it's now illegal, NOT to have medical insurance for everyone in your family. I get insurance for myself through work, which is mostly paid for by them, except my high deductible and co-pays, which I can barley afford. My wife and kids will cost me over $800.00 per month to insure through my employer. Can't afford that, it's almost as much as my rent. Half the insurance companies I've applied for say I make too much, the other half tell me I don't make enough. What I'm I supposed to do, eat or have insurance? If I just don't buy any, I'll be penalized through taxes at the end of the year. So, does anyone know of any good health insurance companies out there? Thanks.""

Pls help me to find a cheap insurance in CAli?

Ive a dodge stratus that i bought in a rebate the title saids SALVAGE and I would like to quote something cheap with covarage to into tijuana or ensenada!! pls HELP!

Cheapest way to get car insurance!?

I recently just passed my driving test and a know car insurance isnt cheap. The cheapest i have been quoted is a little under 5000 on a 1.2 Vauxhal Corsa. I know there is a way if you make one of your parents the main driver on your car and you are a named driver but by doing that its illegal (if you are really the main driver) and if you crash they will not cover you. Is there any other way which isnt illegal to get cheap insurance!? Even anything under 3000 would be defined as cheap for me!

""What is a good insurance company that will insure a just bought, used cell phone?""

What is a good insurance company that will insure a just bought, used cell phone?""

How much would my car insurance rise from 2 points?

Well i started driving at 16 and a half. I got in a hit and run and now i have 2 points on my record about a year ago. Now im 18. I wana know an approximatly how much my car insurance would go up

Can an auto insurance company suspend my license?

I was hit by a woman in a parking lot. In Texas where I live, certain parking lots are no fault zones if they are private property. I was in one of these no fault zones. I was uninsured at the time. She had Uninsured Motorist Protection as part of her insurance policy. I suffered no damages to my vehicle or person. She suffered $1500 worth of vehicular damage. Her insurance company paid for her damages. I was backing out of a parking space and she came flying around the corner and messed up the entire passenger door of her car on my rear bumper. Like I said I received no damage to my vehicle since I was the one barely moving. She called the police immediately after this minor accident took place. I was not cited on the ticket I received for any accident, only for no insurance. The officer informed me verbally that the accident was my fault only because she had the right of way but that there was nothing they could do about it because of the no fault zone policy. Anyway, now her insurance company is coming after me to collect payment of the $1500 they paid for her damages. I have not agreed to pay this amount because it was a no fault zone and I don't feel I should pay for it. She should not have been going that fast in a busy parking lot with a car full of kids. Although the unofficial technicality states that I was at fault, legally no one was at fault. Her insurance company is also threatening to have my license suspended if I do not pay the amount specified. I did not think that they, as a private company, had the power to have that happen. I've never been in this situation before and need an answer as to whether or not the insurance company can do that or if its just some kind of scare tactic to jolt me into paying but really has no merit behind it. Someone please help!""

If you are in the military does your car insurance rate go down?

If you are in the military does your car insurance rate go down?

I am Looking for Affordable Health Insurance Services in Illinois?

Hello, Friends, My Cousin and her husband are planning to shift in Illinois, in the next month. We required complete guideline regarding Health Insurance and missing open enrollment. Also, we need to find that if we are eligible for subsidy? Please help if anyone knows. It would be great full. Thank you :)""

Good student discount for car insurance?

so...i just completed my first year of college, and quite frankly i finished up poorly. my GPA is like a little over 2.4-2.5 and my dad is asking if i'll be able to send my transcript to the insurance (my dad is unaware of my grades). no chance of getting some discount or any at all??...i've kept my grades from my dad for quite some time, and now this is totally gonna blow my cover. i'm screwed aren't i? i'm a full time student and the insurance company is american family. so i guess my question is, do they discount % based on intervals of GPA, or is there just a minimum requirement and it's either you get a discount or not?""

How much would insurance be for an under 21 female in NYS?

I've been trying to figure out how much money I would pay for auto insurance before I get a car, but I can't get any quotes without a car. I am 19, a female, and living in New York State. Is there anyone that would mind sharing how much they pay, what insurance company they have, and how old they are? I would really appreciate it.""

Progressive auto insurance problem !?

I need an opinion on what should i do in this case. 3 weeks ago , as I was driving home , on the freeway , from the truck in front of me fell big peace of ice and hit my car from underneath. Less than 1 minute later i noticed blue smoke behind , luckily there was and exit with gas station right there. By the time i pulled up to the gas station car was barely moving. After staying parked for 20 min , it leaked oil and tranny fluid . I called towing , had them pick the car up , called progressive made the claim. All of that happened in WI near Milwaukee , before i used to leave in Chicago , so I never dealt with progressive from WI. After couple days adjuster came out and gave shop 1100$ to start the repairs , shop diagnosed everything and came to a conclusion that its the transmission leaking because of the damage inside. Adjuster was extremely slow to give shop any kind of approvals to do anything , So after 3 weeks they finally allowed them to take transmission apart , another adjuster came out took pictures , then shop owner want around , called me and said that he will call me next day. Next day shop owner calls me asking if I heard anything from progressive ? I call that guy back , but he went on vacation. Call my first adjuster , she says that the guy who went on vacation concluded that it wasn't related to impact , so they wont pay for anything and I owe 500 for taking down transmission. I called shop owner right away asking if its possible , not being related to impact , he says of course not , otherwise your car wouldn't break after impact. He also said some technical explanation what caused it to break , i just don't know what. he also said that no one ever called him and asked him what was the cause if that. I dealt with progressive in Chicago twice , when i lived there , and i had greatest experience ever , but it seems that in Milwaukee , they are playing games , making me pay , and not taking responsibilities. I figured somebody might know what should I do in this case , I just want them to do what they should do , especially when Im paying 200$ a month.""

Low cost insurance on my car?

I'm 18, about to start paying for my insurance. I have a 1998, Honda accord EX, 6V 2D. I've had my license since 2010 and a clean record. My parents have us on nationwide but it's really expensive. What's a cheaper insurance company I could go to when I graduated?""

Which company deals with indemnity title insurance for remortgaging?

I want to remortgage my property and have been given an offer by a lender, however I can't complete without indemnity title insurance. Norwich Union no longer does title insurance due to the credit crunch, is there anyone else who can help me?""

How much does car insurance cost for a 17 year old?

I can get my license anytime now. North Carolina doesn't offer good student discount. I'm asian, will be driving my dad's 2000 Ford Windstar with 70,000 miles. My dad says that adding me on to his allstate account would cost 1100 every six months. That sounds a little exaggerated. Is there anywhere else where I can find cheaper insurance?""

Will my car insurance represent me in getting claim from other person's car insurance company?

Wife got in accident with teenage girls that was at fault. Other driver had insurance, and I'm dealing with them, but because they say my car is totalled as its older and not worth a lot, they offered me some money, but when I go to buy a similar car online, I see I'm short a few thousand. They are being a bit difficult and have my car at a lot ( I know mistake but they said they only were going to look at it, now its gone). I don't have a lot of pull but will complain as much as I possibly can - was on phone for nearly hour today. Question: Do you think that my insurance company will help me get money from the other insurance company of the at-fault party? I have not contacted them yet.""

What are good things to have in health insurance for families.?

I'm looking to buy health insurance for my self and my kids,but I don't under stand what things mean like they talk about coinsurance, deductibles how do I know what's the best one? I'm looking for affordable n with good coverage can you help me? I need low monthly payments and low copayments

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/what-best-lowest-cost-insurance-first-time-driver-sharie-noena"