#it gotta be at least partly from the vaccine

[raksh-writes]

Seems like its another no-sleep night. It's half past 4am, its getting light outside, the birds are starting to chirp and wont shut up for the next two hours and I havent been able to even start falling asleep. I am, again, too keyed up and my hearts pounding in my chest. I've already tried what helped last time, no luck. Im exhausted. And no idea why its happening. Again.

Can I just have at least those two hours like last time 😔

[barnesbabee]

Okay. Here goes;

I'm gonna address her as L. L used to cancel on me quite a lot a few years ago, she would wait until we were either about to meet up or it was a few minutes after to say "I'm not coming" or "I havant left the house yet, I'm still in bed," giving me a wasted PAID journey. I'm totally okay with people needing to cancel if they tell me in plenty of time. I've had people cancel on me but they've always told me at least an hour before, which I'm completely fine with.

Once when I was at work, she called me, said she felt really down and I needed to come see her. At that time I couldn't, (there was an incident at work and police were there so I couldn't exactly vanish and told her this), god I was called every name under the sun. A bitch, a c*nt, that I didn't care about her. Even told me if she killed herself, it would be my fault. I had a panic attack in work. Ended up having to leave early anyway and when I got to her, her first words to me were, "wanna go to the cinema?" I was like o.o what? I remember us arguing about it and then we didn't talk for about a month. She said she only made that comment because she knew I would come to her :(

During that time I was fresh out of a bad relationship, so I was quite sad and vulnerable and looking back, idk if she was taking advantage of that vulnerability or not.

She did end up apologising and we had a very long and serious talk about it.

About 3 weeks ago now, I had a week off annual leave from work, and my mum and I went fishing together, just to get some peace and quiet and have time out of the house. I went fishing on the Saturday, had made a post about how I would be gone for probably about 10 hours and where we went, the signal isn't the best and that if anyone needed me, I'd get back to them when I had signal, L purposely blew up my phone with phone calls and messaged me on snapchat, saying how I was a bad friend for not answering her calls and that I needed to pick up. That today was an important day to her and she needed to speak with me. I genuinely felt awful that I hurt her :( until it turned out that the important day was her cousin having her baby. I had 45 missed calls from her...

Honestly, looking back NOW, my partner and I have realized she can be quite manipulative and she has toxic traits. And he thinks I'm so much better off without her. I guess it just partly annoyed me because we were best friends when we were kids until the whole vaccine comments.

In the last 7 hours, I've received a message from her asking if we can meet up tomorrow, reading it I felt more pissed off than anything else. I haven't responded to her and I don't want to.

(She has done other things but these are the worst)

I feel like I've been too nice to her and given her too many chances that now I'm just exhausted...

I'm like a pro at not knowing when to let go because you just like someone too much, and cling onto memories

But when it's time, it's time. I know what it feels like, that little sadness inside remembering the good old times, but people change, and not for the better sometimes and you just gotta think that the person you liked is gone

I can't believe you actually put up with that and I'm happy that you got out of that, and I hope you keep staying out of it

and trust me, she's texting not because she misses you, but because she doesn't have anyone to manipulate and gaslight anymore

[thesevencrimesandpunishments]

Chapter 2-Gluttony; Scene 2

Seven Crimes and Punishments, pages 45-58

I had met Banica Conchita only once.

She was from a period close to two hundred years before I was born, so normally that would have been impossible.

Yes, it hadn’t been a normal meeting.

I had still been very young. At that time, my twin sister and I had snuck out of the palace that was our home, and were playing on a nearby beach.

There, we found a small box. It was a trap set by a certain sorceress, but of course at the time I had no way of knowing that, and so I foolishly opened that box.

A mist-like figure appeared from it. That had been her—Conchita, having become the “Demon of Gluttony”.

And she possessed…not me, who had opened the box, but my sister beside me. Partly thanks to the havoc that occurred as a result, I ended up leaving the palace—

It felt like it had been a while since I’d looked back on my memories from when I was alive like that. There was no way I would ever forget them, but at this point I had overwhelmingly more memories that I’d obtained after my death than before it. Even so, those were little more than “information”. As one would think, the things that I had experienced personally had a different weight to them.

Sickle sending me to the ground world like this had that meaning to it, in a way. To have me “experience” things rather than just have “information”. Though I had no way of knowing what kind of result that would bear.

The people who had contracted with the Demons of Deadly Sin, and the stories that they’d woven--I could somewhat grasp that these things were vital components. The culprit behind the world being destroyed…that girl had also been a contractor. She had dwelling in her the “Demon of Wrath”.

Before long I would be meeting with her. But before that…Banica Conchita.

I was taken along to the Conchita mansion in the Beelzenian Empire by Hänsel.

Or to be accurate, to the place where the Conchita Mansion used to be. In reality this place too had been reduced to ruin, and yet just like in Asmodean a phantom mansion had risen up here. Thanks to the excessively red walls it didn’t look calming in the least.

We had arrived there twenty minutes ago, and yet the mansion’s owner continued her meal before me without paying me any mind. The speed at which she ate was intense, yet with as much there as there was, the amount of food laid out on the table had hardly diminished at all.

All of dishes here were, naturally, illusions like the mansion. But could one taste them even so? I decided to have a sample of one of the dishes, outside of Banica’s notice. It was a whole-roast browned songbird.

…

It’s delicious.

I was a spirit too, and as such I didn’t get hungry.  So, it had been centuries since I had actually taken a meal. However, I could taste the meat just like when I had been alive. It didn’t feel at all like it was an illusion. How curious that was.

“—I’d rather you didn’t snitch someone’s food without permission.”

Conchita stopped to glare at me. It looked like I’d been found out. But this was a good opportunity for discussion. I couldn’t stand watching this dinner scene go on and on any longer.

“Long time no see, Lady Banica Conchita,” I greeted politely. But Banica looked on at me blankly, with an expression that indicated she had no recollection of me.

“Have we met before?”

“Yes. Strictly speaking, it was after you became the Demon of Gluttony. I’m the prince of the Kingdom of Lucifenia, Alexiel—ring any bells?”

“…Ah, you were from back then. Riliane’s younger twin brother. Sorry about that. Everything I did around that time is a bit jumbled up, so my recollection’s a bit hazy.”

The intonation of her “Sorry about that” was very similar to Maylis’. Her face was also exactly the same. They were like twins. They looked so alike that I could scarcely accept it as just being a matter of blood relation. It was the “similarity of faces” thing that the Demon of Lust had spoken of. He hadn’t told me the reason why. Naturally, there was nothing on it in the black box. There was no data on the time of Creation in the box. I didn’t know if there hadn’t been any to begin with, or if Sickle had deleted it—

Conchita was a woman who had contracted with the “Demon of Gluttony”. But on that point she carried a particular singularity different from the other contractors. Impossibly, at the event of her death Conchita had taken the place of the demon that was possessing her.

--By the feat of having eaten herself.

Sickle had called me “Irregular”, but from where I was standing I couldn’t help but think Conchita to be the more extraordinary being.

Conchita set down the knife and fork in her hands and made a small sigh.

“Sigh…No point, after all. It’s delicious, but no matter how much I eat I never get full.”

That was true. A dead person couldn’t be satisfied by eating illusionary food.

…But then, could I simply classify her as a “dead person”? The soul of Conchita as she sat before me was, at the same time, also a demon.

“Well then…Alexiel.”

She looked towards me, and started talking again.

“Just ‘Allen’ is fine.”    

“I see. Then, Allen. I heard this from Pollo earlier, but it seems you are going around interviewing those who have contracted with demons, yes?”

Pollo—she meant Hänsel. After he’d taken me to Conchita’s side, he’d immediately left the room.

“You…don’t find it odd? That Hän—Pollo and I look alike?”

“…? Look alike? You and Pollo? You look different to me.”

That was impossible. …Maybe she could see things with a different view of the world than me, being a demon herself.

I had several things that I wanted to ask Conchita. About her, and about the time that we had met on that beach.

“Why did you end up becoming a demon?”

“…There are various reasons for that. Half of it was inevitability. At the time that was the only thing I could do. And, that is what I myself had wanted. To grant my desire to know what a demon tasted like.”

Compared to Venomania she was much more favorable towards me. She answered my questions without delay while sipping red wine.

She had said it was the only thing she could do, but I knew something. That another option had been at hand for her.

“I’m quite sure you had a vaccine available to you.”

“Vaccine…Hm. Hahaha, it’s been a while since I’ve heard that word. It didn’t exist in the period where I lived. Nor in yours. But you use it like it’s nothing. Just like the demon back then.”

“Do you have a problem with that?”

“No. But…Those that are called ‘Demons of Deadly Sin’. Do you know their true identities?”

“…I think so.”

“Yes. Then you must know. If we follow their line of reasoning, then we must be ‘their’ subordinates. But I have no intention of being that. Whatever the facts, this place is our world now. I certainly wasn’t going to keep company with a parent who could not let go of their child.”

What chicanery. At the very least, she couldn’t have known the truth at that time. She was trying to use this contrary conversation to obfuscate the real reason that she hadn’t used the vaccine.

Oh well. It had been an ill-spirited inquiry. The reason she hadn’t eaten the vaccine—I could guess that without needing to ask.

That “vaccine” had been something precious to her.

So much so that when forced to choose between it and her own self, she chose the former.

In other words, that was the reason.

“After you became the new ‘Demon of Gluttony’—you possessed my sister, Riliane. But, why Riliane and not me? I was the one who opened the box, after all.”

I quit discussion on the vaccine, and moved to my next question.

“I didn’t possess you…No, that’s not it. I couldn’t possess you.”

“…?”

“When I became a demon, I obtained a great deal of knowledge and power. At the same time, I became bound by a rule as a demon. A rule set down by that disagreeable sun god. You are an exception to that rule. …That’s all it was.”

“And what rule is that?”

“…A parent may only lay a hand on their own child.”

Conchita hadn’t properly answered my question, but chosen to speak using an abstract expression. Having never met her when she was a human, I couldn’t judge for myself if she had always talked like that, or if it was from after she’d become a demon.

“Any other questions?”

“Yeah, see—”

“Well then, this time I will ask you something. What in the world is that bat that’s up above—that sun god--planning?”

What a shrewd person. Despite acting as though she’d had no interest in me, she’d seen through to my true nature from the start.

Well, Venomania had known, so I suppose it was only common sense that she would too.

“…I don’t know. He just told me to meet with all of you.”

“Is that the truth?”

“I don’t have any reason to lie.”

“—Very well. In any case, now that the world’s turned out like this, my ambition will never be granted. You and him can do whatever you like with it.”

Her tone was severe, but it didn’t seem like she was all that angry about it. Conchita stood from her seat with a faint smile on her face.

“If I can’t hear the Sun God’s scheme, then I have no further interest in you. I’m going to go sleep a little.”

“You won’t return to your vessel?”

“That wineglass? Didn’t I tell you? I have no obligation to obey their kind…Ah, yes yes. Arte did want to meet with you again. Make sure you go see her before you leave.”

“Arte—”

“She might be more familiar to you if I called her ‘Ney’. Well then, farewell.”

After a moment, Conchita’s form grew faint like mist, and then disappeared.

Just like the ram demon.

“…”

When I turned left, there was the door Hänsel had gone out of.

I could hear someone talking on the other side of it.

“—Go on, get in there. He’s gotta hurry and get going.”

“—H-hey, don’t pull on me! I know. I know, but…”

When I had been a servant in the palace, I had eavesdropped on conversations in the “Hall of Mirrors” and “Hall of Sounds” through doors in much the same way…I recalled that.

My servant colleagues had been with me then. Chartette…And her, who was most likely on the other side of the door right now.

I walked up to the door, put my hand on the doorknob, and then quickly opened it.

“Uah!?”

“Uaaaagh!”

Two figures who had been pressing up against the door tumbled to the floor in front of me.

One of them was Hänsel, and the other one—was a girl who looked a lot like my sister.

“Hey there...’Ney’.”

When I spoke to her, she stood and brushed off her skirt.

“…”

We both just looked at each other wordlessly for a moment.

“…I know that it’s weird for you to see me in this form.”

“A little, yeah.”

“Just a sec.”

Ney raised up her arms, and then took a pose I didn’t recognize.

“Trans-Form!”

Her body became engulfed in light, and then once it had abated a different girl stood there.

Her hair color was the same gold it had been before, but it was tied in a side-ponytail. Her features had also become a bit tighter, and she was a little taller.

There now was the appearance of the coworker I had once known—Ney.

“Is this a bit easier to talk with? …Though I guess we don’t have much to talk about.”

That wasn’t true. This was a long-awaited reunion. We could get into animated conversation reminiscing together.

But…even I knew. That conversation wouldn’t be all pleasant things.

“This is good enough. I’m glad just to have been able to see your face again, Ney.”

“I’m happy to hear you say that. …U-uh, hey…”

“Hm?”

“…I’m sorry, about Michae…Oh no, no I can’t do it. It’s nothing. It’s just not in my character.”

“You seem a little bit quieter than the Ney that I knew.”

“You think so? …Well, a lot of things happened when I got reborn and all, so I don’t really remember what I was like when I was Ney.”

The time period in which I was alive—An extremely long time had passed since then. What Ney said was probably on point. Even for me, if I was asked if I had the same personality as I did back then, I couldn’t really say “Yes” with confidence.

“Allen. Are you—going to Riliane next?”

“Yeah, that’s probably what’ll happen.”

“Give her my regards for me.”

“Are you not going to go see Riliane, Ney?”

“No, I’m too busy with serving Lady Banica. Our cook hasn’t come back, so I have to do the cooking.”

Did that mean that Ney had cooked this meal?

…No—Was there even a need to prepare food that was an illusion in the first place?

Oh well.

“Alright, I’ll be off.”

“Yes…Yeah, here.”

Ney handed me something.

It was four mirrors—the Vessel of Deadly Sin that ruled “Pride”.

“Pollo had this. He said to give it to you.”

Said Pollo had seated himself in the chair that Conchita was sitting in earlier and was snitching her food.

He was sure to be harshly scolded by Conchita later. Or, be done in by her scolding.

I took the mirrors from Ney. When I did, they began to gently vibrate in my hand.

“—Guess it’s my turn next.”

A deep voice resounded, and then something jumped out of the mirrors.

It was the six-winged “Demon of Pride”.

Its form was most assuredly before me—

“…Uh, huh?”

The demon’s body was a lot smaller than I thought it would be.

A rodent small enough to fit in the palm of my hand was standing there.

“You got something to say?”

The rodent demon glared at me with eyes that held a kind of majesty.

To be perfectly frank, I wasn’t scared in the least.

“No…I was just surprised by how small you were.”

“Shut up! It’s all Held and Michaela’s fault! Those jerks completely went against the rule about no direct intervention against m--Oh, whatever. Come on, let’s get going. You wanna see your sister, don’t you? Heh heh heh.”

The rodent snottily laughed.

Though it didn’t look self-important in the least.

“Right, right. Well then, I leave myself in your hands, Demon of Pride.”

“Only say ‘right’ once! –Well, let’s go. We’ll be flying, so you better hold on tightly!”

I gripped the demon’s body. When I did, it fluttered its wings and the two of us flew up into the air.

We passed through the mansion’s ceiling and flew higher.

And then it was full speed ahead to Lucifenia—

“…We’re too slow!”

The demon was flapping its wings with all its might, but the speed we were moving along at was no different from a walking pace.

“Harumph…Can’t use my power.”

“…I would think it’ll take us an absurd amount of time to get to Lucifenia at this rate.”

“I-it’s fine. I’ll—try harder! I’ll try a bit harder!”

…I doubted it was actually fine.

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