#it is 2023 we are leaving behind the agony of feeling left out for the power of love and connection

[spearxwind]

yes hello: besties.... how do you make those once again???

As in making friend besties?

Youve gotta be willing to put yourself out there. Pursue opportunities as they come. Would it be more comfy to go home instead of stay and chat with someone? To go home instead of staying an extra hour at a gathering? Yeah. But if you stay and chat you will likely feel better AND you will deepen those relationships as well. If someone mentions a plan you'd like to go on, ask if you can join. If there's things you'd like to do with people, throw up a plan in the air and see if anyone bites.

Hell, if there is anyone you miss from highschool or from college go ahead and ring them up. I bet theyll be delighted to hear from you!

Go for a walk, frequent places, tell random people on the street you like their sick fits or their hairstyle etc. Most people will be delighted to have a positive interaction like that :]

There really isnt a secret to it other than to have a social life you have to... actually be social. I'm still learning that myself, but man if it hasnt made a HUGE difference in my life this past several months. I've just been throwing myself at opportunities that I wouldnt have even considered years ago. Parties with strangers (another friends' group.). Mountain trails. Karaoke nights.

I feel like a lot of people sabotage themselves (myself included) by just being recluse and distant. While I was going through really bad mental stuff during my major I was trying to connect with people there but really couldnt for some reason, and I thought I just wasnt liked. Then years down the line when I spoke to people from my old classes while reconnecting they all basically said the same thing: we thought you didn't want us to be friends because you were distant. THEY were the ones who couldnt connect with ME, not the other way around like I thought.

That alone has massively changed the way I see things and the way I behave. It's just made me more unabashed and unashamed and I AM making real connections this way

You are deeply beloved, you just need to let yourself see it and you need to let yourself act accordingly <3 I believe in you!

[abyssmalbeing]

— 07/09/2023

i have the deep urge to delete everything. the primal hunger to destroy anything of my own and leave it in ruin. nothing is more beautiful than looking at an empty room that once held so much. an untold story left untouched and a story that no one will ever be able to tell, the horrifying yes blissful experience of being percieved but never fully seen leaving fragments of yourself in the space yet leaving nothing more. a blissful limbo leaving the witness and a viewer to make up their own story about you, who you were, your motives, your fears, your pleasures. leaving an already blank canvas to someone who could make it all for you even beyond your own existence. isn't that beautiful? Being able to beyond art itself and reach out to the viewer and without touching them be able to turn them into an artist and let them create their own story. imagine that there's no meaning behind what I say other than just creating words that halfhazardly form into a sentence that forms into some sort of a quilt of meanings and feelings yet meaning nothing at all. nothing yet so much. amazing

maybe we can find meaning in existence again. find some way to manipulate our hands into some sort of form beyond just these mortal coils and this dying body of an organism, somehow brush past the chains that our disabilities hold us down to as we barely use art as a crutch to drag our limb and disfigured body down the never ending staircase that life seems to be. Being tossed down the staircase since birth and waiting just for someone else to finally muster up the strength and send us spiraling down the middle til we land in a sickening mass of flesh, bone, and biological material that is the floor of the end of time. hopefully we can somehow use the blood that overflows from our pounding and diseased heart int o some sort of form of art and be able to make the blood trail behind up from our broken legs can become beautiful and somehow mean something to this life. leave behind something more meaningful that our existence and even beyond it. although death doesn't not make us afraid, hell if we learned our life was cut short within months or even days from now we'd be unaffected. possibly even at ease at the idea that even after these many years of nothing but struggle and fighting and agony we would find some solice in the fact that the end of the stairs were closer than we ever imagined. we find more horror in the idea of dying of old age than we do of death being at our door within hours. but even then still we want to beyond this world this planet and beyond time. have our own being live beyond soul and concousness itself and be able to create something more than anything we could have ever imagined and have people build it like a magnificent tower of creation but somehow there's that overwhelming possibility that it will become nothing and crumble under its own weight as time destroys brick and tears at the seams of steel and metal, wiping away whole species and even ripping itself apart. but somehow our own meaningless life can easily be overstepped due to how low we crawl. we can easily be forgotten by anything we could ever make. but we crave something more than even our body could ever even dream or even imagine of making

the carnal inhuman urge to mold this rigid body like clay into something beyond anything that it was originally designed to do, yet somehow so much holds us back and the tools at our disposal are hidden away out of the fear of them being used. yet these tools exist? do we dare not use the tools they were destined to be used for? let them become nothing? i would much rather use tools than let them become useless when they could be used for such wonderful things. just as our body is a tool it feels almost locked away and unable to be used to its full potential, this body broken and damaged and sluggish under the weight of its own breathing, breaking it self at every crooked step it makes and every shallow breath heaving. unable to even digest and eat yet it craves more than just food, water and oxygen, we crave more than just life we crave creation we crave to be a god creating our own world and prove something beyond what our body is. to prove our soul is bigger than this flesh tomb and prove it is beyond what we could ever truly be. This body does not reflect who we are, this mind is butchered by the motor of our mouth and the words I write are just barely able to escape the machine that shreds our thoughts that is our mind. the experiences we hold within the bank are beyond anything we could truly even remember. our body and mind is dying. i anything we truly are and will be all for nothing? what we become will almost become nothing at all and whoever we will be will never be who we truly meant to be. multiple bodies crammed into the mind of one flawed organism that reflects nothing but barely anything that our spirit is. yet some how we have to conform to it, conform to the choked sound of our voice, conform and contort ourselves to the dna and the biological matter and sex that is of what we were birthed to be. How could this ever be fair and how could we live for 20 years unknowing that our own body is coking us like a weed. we are a greenhouse full of weeds and we were born with them planted in our own roots. how long til this strangles us out and smothers us. how long til the little sunlight we have left is sucked away from our view

[supervalor]

Lose You To Love Me [Fanfic, one shot]

Title: Lose You To Love Me

Pairings: None (implied Karamel, mentioned Kelly/Alex)

Summary: Lena crosses a line and Kara realises that their friendship isn’t what she thought it was. Warning: Though Lena is in character, she doesn’t get redeemed. The writers did say it was a Luthor/Superman story.

Lose You to Love Me

“You got off on the hurting when it wasn’t yours”

“This dance was killing me softly, I needed to hate you to love me”

Lose You to Love Me – Selena Gomez

 Kara knelt on the floor, crippled with pain from the kryptonite cage that she was currently trapped in, courtesy of her former friend Lena Luthor. Oh how she had wanted to believe that the CEO had been misguided, that she was blinded by the pain from Kara’s betrayal. She wanted to think it was just a blip, a stumble that Kara could save Lena from herself from before it was too late. Now she knew she was wrong. She had so badly wanted to save her friendship, save the woman that she had been so close to previously but now she was finally being forced to accept that Alex was right. Lena was beyond her help now. Still, she had to try to get through to her at least one more time or she wouldn’t be able to live with herself.

“Lena, stop…you don’t…have to do this”, the blonde panted through the agony.

Cold green eyes glared at her from where she stood by her machine that was filled with an altered version of myriad. Of course myriad would never affect Kara which was why, as Lena had explained to her earlier, she had made a trap to keep Kara from preventing the launch. “I’m saving the world. You should be grateful. I’m a hero, Kara. I’m not hurting anybody, I would never do that”.

The worst thing was that Kara knew that Lena honestly believed what she was saying. But from everything she knew about her older brother, Lex had been the exact same way. In his own mind, he was the hero. “Please, Lena. Mind controlling the world, stripping people of free will, their ability to make their own choices…it’s slavery, it’s not saving the world, it’s imprisoning it”.

“People’s ability to make free choices has led to violence and death and pain and betrayal. I’m saving people from themselves” Lena snapped. “I’m removing those urges. They will be honest, kind, good…there will be no more evil, no more crime, and no more war. The world won’t need Supergirl anymore”, her dark painted lips twitched upwards into a smirk as though the idea of making the heroine obsolete was pleasing to her.

“And you…are you going to be part of this mind hive?” Kara winced as she stumble into the kryptonite infused bars and crumpled over.

“Someone has to make sure that the control holds. I made myself immune to the process”.

Kara forced herself to pull herself up despite her pain and look her once friend in the eyes. “And…what will you do about me? You can’t control me, myriad doesn’t work on me and I will never allow you to get away with this. I know you think this is for the best but making the world into your own mindless drones, taking away their ability to think for themselves, their imaginations…you’re going to strip away everything that is good about human beings!”

“You raise a good point”, Lena ignored the rest of Kara’s speech and sat down on a stool in front of her work station. “I…I don’t want to hurt anybody, that was never my intention. I made it a point to not kill a single person. Heroes don’t kill after all. However…if I let you be, you’ll figure a way out of that cage…I know you will. I’m not Lex, I’m not stupid enough to underestimate you. And then you will get in the way. That makes you a bad guy. You want to prevent world peace…I’m going to have to do whatever it takes to stop you”, Lena mused out loud, a gleam coming into her eyes and Kara’s heart dropped to the floor. “You have to die. It’s the only way”.

“You’re going to kill me? After everything?” tears filled Kara’s eyes as it settled in once and for all that her friend was gone. In front of her was a Luthor, one just as dangerous and delusional as Lex. There was nothing Kara could do to stop her. She had been pleading with her for hours ever since she fell into her trap, trying to get through to her. It hadn’t worked. And no one knew where she was to save her. They were in a secret underground lab that Lena had borrowed from her brother.

A somewhat apologetic expression came over Lena’s face. “It’s the only way. I don’t want to kill you but I have to. If you would only stand down…but then again, I couldn’t trust that you would mean it”. The black haired genius walked over to a vault in the wall and typed in the code. She pulled out a black case and put it out on her work station. Opening the case, Kara saw a gun and a green bullet. Her heart began to beat rapidly as she realised what it was.

“Good thing that Lex always keeps one of these in every one of his secret locations”.

“Lena, please!”

“I’m doing this to save the world. It’s the only way”, Lena lowered the bars of Kara’s cage but Kryptonite remained in a circle around her, preventing her from trying to escape or fight Lena. Kara remained on her knees, pain flooding every single cell in her body. Her blue eyes landed on the gun that her friend turned murderer was holding and the way it was pointed straight at her head. In that moment, Kara knew that she was going to die. She closed her eyes, not wanting the image of Lena, the person she thought was her best friend, holding a gun at her to be the last thing she ever saw.

BANG! A shot rang out but Kara felt no pain, to her surprise. She opened her eyes to see the gun on the floor, the green bullet in pieces and Lena on her knees. “Alex!” Kara exclaimed, shocked to see her sister in front of her with a rifle in hand. The red head gave her sister a worried look before glaring back down at Lena as DEO Agents filled the room, fully armed.

“How did you know to find me?!”

“We got a note from the future with these coordinates, warning us that you were gonna die tonight if we didn’t come”, Alex glowered at the unrepentant Luthor glaring back at her.

Kara blinked in confusion. “Wait…what?”

“The note appeared out of nowhere, unsigned but I recognised Mon-El’s handwriting. Thank goodness he sent us that or you…you’d be dead by now. Lena was going to kill you”, Alex’s eyes filled with tears. “I nearly lost my sister”.

“I’m sorry Alex. You were right. I thought…I thought I could get through to Lena…but the friend I knew is gone…if she ever existed in the first place”, Kara looked one last time at Lena but the woman wouldn’t meet her gaze. Alex helped her out of her restraints and removed the kryptonite so she could stand before turning back to their former friend.

“Lena Luthor, I’m placing you under arrest for kidnapping and the attempted murder of Supergirl. You are also under arrest for conspiracy to harm billions of civilians with stolen technology”.

Kara looked away as Alex cuffed the L-Corp CEO and handed her over to a team of agents. She watched as Lena was led away, feeling a large lump form in the back of her throat. All this time she had been feeling this helpless sense of guilt, taking the full blame of Lena’s decisions and actions onto her own shoulders but now she knew that it wasn’t her fault. She didn’t force Lena to do any of these things. She had been doing shady stuff behind her back for years, long before she felt betrayed by her. The only thing her finding out she was Supergirl had done was force her dark side into the light.

“I’m sorry, Kara. I know you didn’t want it to come to this”, Alex swung an arm around her shoulders as tears began to leak out.

“I didn’t but you were right. All of Lena’s actions are Lena’s, I didn’t force her into any of it and all this guilt will do is weigh me down and affect the decisions I make and I don’t want to live like that anymore. I mean I broke the law for her because I felt guilty and wanted to make it right. I should never have done that. It’s time that I accept our friendship is over and Lena is not the person I thought she was…I hoped she was”.

“You did what you could. You’re the paragon of hope, remember? You held out that same hope for Lena. Don’t ever lose it. It has made a difference, it has saved the world even and though it couldn’t help Lena it’s one of the best things about you. It’s your greatest super power”.

“Thank you, Alex. I needed to hear that”, Kara held her sister tightly before flying them both back to the DEO to write down their reports of what had occurred…or almost occurred.

 Three Years Later

 It had been a while since Kara had seen her. As she stood outside of the large prison, she took a deep breath. Quite a lot had changed since their showdown where Lena had almost managed to kill her. Kara’s long blonde hair had been chopped into a wavy bob, the fringe was gone and she had left her job at Catco. Alex had married Kelly and the two of them were talking about adopting. Kara was happy for them and she hoped that she would be able to come back and visit her niece or nephew at some point.

She was officially leaving National City. At least National City of 2023. Superman would be taking over full time with the justice league as the resident heroes of Earth 38, present time and she was heading to the future to help the Legion since they were down a few heroes and there were too many threats for the team to manage on their own. And besides from that…she wanted to be with Mon-El. He had been coming back for visits sporadically ever since the note he had sent had saved her life and they had reconnected. She was looking forward to giving them a real chance.

But first…she needed to see Lena one last time. For the past few years, Kara had been harbouring feelings that came dangerously close to hate. After all, she had been stabbed in the back, used and gaslighted into thinking she deserved it several times by someone she cared for and found out that the woman was willing and capable of killing her. Kara had struggled to get over pain and hurt that had lingered and now she was ready to just put it all behind her and move on.

Kara went into the prison, gave them her ID and was led to a visitor’s room. A little while later an orange clad Lena was brought in and seated across the table from her. “Supergirl…what do I owe this visit?” she smirked at her sardonically with a perfectly sculpted eyebrow raised. “It’s been a while…”

“I came to tell you that I’m leaving National City” Kara replied calmly. “I know you are due to be released in less than two years but I’ll still be around for visits. And then there’s the Justice League and Superman…they will be keeping an eye on you when I can’t…but what I really want to say is that I have hated you for a while now”.

Lena barely blinked at this admission. “You did more than just betray me with lies, Lena. You tried to kill me, you physically and emotionally hurt me and all while I thought we were friends. But I realised that holding onto hate isn’t doing me any good. I’m better off without you, I realise that now, but I also don’t hate you anymore. You don’t get to have that power over me. I forgive you for everything that you did but I’ll never forget and I would never trust you again ever.  I just don’t want to be burdened with these feelings that are just holding me back in every way”.

“Are you done?” the other woman asked, coolly, not moved in the least.

“That’s all I came here to say”, the superheroine confirmed as Lena looked at her curiously.

“Where are you going? I thought National City was your home”.

“National City is my home. Just not in the right now. I’m going where I’m needed”.

“Will I ever see you again?”

To Kara, it almost sounded like Lena cared but it was a little too late for that.

“I hope not”.

With that said, Kara stood up and walked out of the room, not looking back even once.

[lvcmze-blog]

smiling towards death

E N D G A M E SPOLIERS

summary: you, natasha 19 year old adoptive daughter, sacrifice yourself for the soul stone

paring(s): natasha x teen!reader, avengers x teen!reader

disclaimer(s): angst, mention of death

ragged breaths kept escaping the mothers and the daughters mouths, as one held on tight on the other; desperately trying to pull them up. a friend of theirs stood at the edge of the cliff, awaiting to see the heartbreaking scene to unfold awhile they tried to process what just happened.

a daughter sacrificing her life. not willing to live without their mother.

"it's okay, mommy. everything will be okay. i'm fine with my life ending here. live your life to the fullest. thank you for everything. i love you, mommy to infinity." the daughters voice came out shaky but a grateful, brave smile laid on her face. a lonely tear managed to escape from her once bright eyes and slid its way down their cheek. natasha shook her head in denial as she kept her tight hold on her daughters hand. tears were already sliding down her cheeks; her heart getting torn apart, piece by piece to the point of no repairing.

if only she could pull her daughter up close enough to hook her up to line and take her place. if only. but that was just a lonely hope.

"goodbye, mommy."

was the daughters last words before her foot pushed on the cliff, her hand escaping her crying mothers tight hold of her hand. the mother and the friend watched in pain as the young woman fall to her death. the forever to be nine·teen year old kept a small smile on their face as they kept their eyes locked on their mother. they continued to smile even though death was coming fast. finally the young womans body hit the hard ground, instantly killing her.

the mother and the friend came back to 2023 in the avengers facility where the rest of the soon-to-be-sad friends waited for them.

clint quickly handed steve the soul stone before taking his friend, natasha; the heartbroken mother into his comforting arms. the mother let out a pained cry, gripping onto clints sleeves tightly. her heart screamed in pain, in agony. the mother felt as though the world has came to an end and in a way, it has for her.

her daughter was her world, her light, her angel, her baby, her forever, her purpose, and now, she was nothing.

"clint, where's y/-" hulk was cut off by natashas scream. clint sent a glare but everyone could see the pain behind it. hulk face held a confused look, oblivious to the situitation.

"a soul for a soul." nebula spoke out. tony looked towards her before connecting the dots. tony sighed before shaking his head in denial and grief as he made his way down from the time travel platform. nebula followed quickly behind, smirking to herself.

"did she have any family besides natasha?" tony softly asked towards natasha who was being held by steve. natasha stopped crying, although she felt numb. she sat still and looked towards the lake, ignoring tonys question.

"us. we're the only family she had." steve said, pain running through his voice. he held natasha tightly for her comfort and slight for his too. clint leaned on the wooden pole as a single tear slid down his cheek. lost in his thoughts. thor looked around at everyone in denial and tried to make sense of the situaition.

"why are you acting as though she's dead? why are we acting as if she's dead? we have the stones, right? we can bring her back, nat. so avengers, get your shit together." thor rapidly said in denial and frustration as he clenched his raised fists. clint slightly turned his head back to look towards the god, his arms still crossed over his chest.

"we can't get her back. we can't bring the little girl i knew back. it can't be undone or at least that's what the red floatly guy said. maybe you wanna go chat with him." clint said, fully turned around as he threw his arms around. thor, tony, hulk, and steve saw how broken he was by just watching his niece fall to her death at such a young age.

"go and grab your all mighty hammer! and go find him!" natasha finally yelled out, standing up and out of steves arms. she turned around and made her way to leave before she stopped in the middle. she lifted her head, her body shaking. her fists kept clenching and unclenching by her sides.

"it was supposed to be me. i was fighting clint to take his place. i was too caught up in the fight that i didn't notice my little girl run towards the edge. it wasn't until she s-s-said mommy i-i can't....can't live without you. i-i-i managed to um...grab onto her hand as i was connected to the wire..." the mother inhaled and exhaled as she relived the moment, not feeling clint grab onto her hand in support, "i was t-trying to pull her up to connect her to wire but she kept pulling and pulling away from me....every damn time. s-s-she too fucking y-young! it's not fair!"

the mother yelled out, collapsing onto the wooden ground and wrapped her arms around herself as she started to rock herself back and fourth; repeatedly. clint kneed down next to her and rubbed the aching mothers back in comfort as another wave of tears coming down on both their cheeks.

steve knocked on the door of the daughters room to the avengers facility. natasha nodded in response to his knock. she sat up against the black headboard of the bed she sat on, holding a stuffed animal wolf tightly in her arms. her eyes red and tired looking from of the tears of pain.

"what's the wolfs name?" steve softly asked, taking a sit on the bed. natasha looked down at the wolf then to steve with a sad smile.

"alianovna." a simple yet painful answer. steve smiled sadly. y/n, the little girl who always knew how to make him smile even on his dark days, was gone. dead.

"it'll be worth it. you know that, nat?" steve asked to the mother who now looked the wall to the side of them that was covered with pictures of the mother and the daughter. steve could see a small lonely tear left the red eyes of the mother.

"you know....if this doesn't work...." a small pause from natasha who turned her head back to steve and looked straight in his eyes. "i'll hurt you cause that means my baby died for nothing. that i lost my damn little girl for nothing. steve....she was my world. i'm trying so hard to make sense of this...trying not to blame myself cause knowing her, she would say not to blame myself."

silence. though, every single heart mourned for the forever nine·teen year old girl who sacrifice herself to bring them back.

a selfless move from such a young girl.

pepper and tony whos arm that was banaged up in a sling held onto their daughter who sat in tonys lap. peter parker sat next to the starks, heart aching for his best friend. rodney kept his head down low. clint and laura were comforting their three childern who were crying. wanda and pietro who clint bought back were holding hands as tears poured out. the guardians just stood still but they still felt sadness for the young girl that they never knew. rocket let one tear out before going blank. thor sat, looking blank yet his eyes show the pain he was feeling. bucky, sam, and steve sat next to him as they tried to process everything that just happened.

natasha, the lost mother, sat on the ground of twicks and dirt as she felt as though she had no more fight in her. for the first time, she did not know what to do. she just wanted to hold her daughter again. to feel her daughters heartbeat against her ear as she cuddled her daughter to sleep. she kept a tight hold on the stuffed toy wolf as she did on her daughters hand.

"she said after we um...got you guys b-back that she wanted to get a small house so we can a slightly no-normal life....fuck." natasha broken voice said out, a tear full of pain slid down her face. after three days of tears, she hasn't stopped crying.

she did not even get the chance to say i love you.

soon the silence compeletly ended as scott and hulk jogged towards the small group of mourning friends. scott bent down, trying to catch his breath. his index finger was held up as a signal to hold on. he stood up straight with his hands on hips.

"me and the amazing hulk may have found a solution to bring y/-"

"don't say my babys name. you don't deserve to say her name." natasha spoke harshly to scott. she cuddled the wolf closer to her aching chest. a sad look laid on all of the friends face.

"we may know how to bring her back." scott said softly causing everyone to perk up at what he said and the mothers head snapped up. she got up from the ground, not even bothering to dust herself off before turning around and making her way to a semi-scared scott. scott kept walking back till his back hit a tree, trapping himself to where natasha pushed her forearm against his throat. the stuffed toy wolf in the arms of wanda who natasha handed to lightly as she had made her way towards scott.

"if you're lying, may god help you. tell me." she came closer to scotts face with gritted teeth, "now." a single word that sent chills down everyones spine at the deadly voice that said it. scott did nothing to resist from natasha and only croacked out a small "okay".

"n-nebula said that it's a soul for a soul, right? a soul got the soul stone, why not reverse it? give back the soul stone for a soul. a soul for a soul." scott said to the mother who now had a frown on her face as she tried to make sense of what he said. everyone looked at one and another with curiosity.

could this actually work? could they bring back the young girl? after all it is a soul for a soul

slowly the mother pulled away from scott, moving her forearm away from his throat and let it hand loose to her side. scott coughed till he finally was able to breathe properly. tony handed morgan to his wife who quickly held her daughter in a hold of love before walking towards scott, hulk and natasha.

"you know that actually may work. i mean come on i didn't think time travel could work but now....", he paused as he looked towards everyone who was dusted and brought back, ending to look at his wife and peter who were looking down at morgan who was now in between her mothers legs, "anything is really possible." he finished off with a soft smile towards peter, his wife and his little girl.

"let's do it. i was returning the stones tomorrow but i can do it today. if you want me to, natasha." steve stood up from the fallen tree log he sat on with two of his best friends. natasha shook her head. "no. do it tomorrow. i have to prep myself for the worst. wanda, give me alianovna back. i'll be staying at a hotel. text me if anything comes up." she said, taking alianovna from wandas stretched out hand. she started walked away from the group, grabbed onto the two duffel bags near the tear she was walking past.

once she got to the car tony gifted to her as a condolence gift, she threw the duffel bags to the passager side before turning her head towards the group who now were watching her. she only nodded before getting in the drivers seat and closed the door as she did.

she sat bent over with her forearms on her thighs at the end of the hotel bed, staring blankly at the tv in front of her. she played with her own fingers, thinking back when her daughter was alive. when her daughter heart was beating.

3 WEEKS BEFORE THANOS CAME TO EARTH

the mother held her daughter close to her. the four·teen year old head laid on her mothers chest, ear pressed aganist where her mothers heart beated. the mother let her hand comb through her daughters short coloured hair, luring the young girl to sleep.

"mommy." a small soft voice escaped from the young womans mouth, although her eyes were shut closed. a gentle smile laid on natasha face upon hearing her daughters voice, even more so when she heard the dearly name she held so close to cold yet warm heart.

"yes, my little y/n?" she said to her daughter. a quite sigh was heard all through out the small ugly hotel room. the mother frowned at the sound. she wondered what was wrong. her thought was quickly answered.

"i don't ever want to lose you. i don't think i could ever live without you by my side. you saved me. mommy, i love you too much to let you go." the young closed her eyes tighter, trying to stop the tears that threaten to pour from her bright eyes. the mothers hold on her tighten as she held the young girls body shake lightly.

"why are you thinking like this?" the mother questioned her daughters suddened fear of losing her. the young girl only cuddled closer into the mothers body. the mother kept her right arm wrapped around the waist of the girl as her left hand ran through the locks of hair the four·teen year olds. she leaned forward to place a small yet lovely kiss on the fourteen years head. she pulled away, relaxing her head on the pillow.

"little one, i'm right here with you. i promise you, my little sunshine, i won't be taken away for quite sometime. y/n, i need you to promise me something." natasha whispered to her daughter that hummed in responds. the mother tilt her daughter head with her empty hand causing the daughter to open up her eyes and look into her mothers eyes. a soft smile laid on natashas face. "promise me this, y/n."

"that no matter what, if the time comes, where it's either you or me to die. you look away and only ever think happy thoughts. and remember i love you so much. i don't ever want to lose you. you're my little sunshine." a tear slipped out of the mothers eye as her voice got shaky. she cupped her daughters cheek, letting herself memorize every little detail. the daughter quickly shoved her head into her mothers chest, cuddling closer if even possible. natasha started to sing a lullaby to send her sunshine to dreamland with her arms wrapped protectively around the daughter.

"you are my sunshine, my only sunshine

you make me happy when skies are gray

you'll never know dear, how much i love you

please don't take....

my sunshine away." the mother tearfully sang as tear after tear came sliding down her cheeks. she bit her lip in frustration and clenched her raised fist. natasha let out a angry scream before getting up from the end of the bed and taking her self to the rooms bathroom. her hands held on tightly to the edge of the counter as she kept looking at herself in the mirror. she finally snapped. she sent a harsh punch to the mirror, shattering it into peices and causing blood to come out on her cut up knuckles. she looked at herself from the remaining parts of the broken mirror. "you took my sunshine away! i'm sorry, my little sunshine! my little girl!" she yelled out. three lound knocks snapped her out of her thoughts. she sniffed quickly and ran her hand under her nose.

"who is it?" natasha said in a raspy voice as she left the bathroom with a towel over her bloody hand, making her way to the rooms door. a familar voice was heard from behind the door.

"it's steve. bucky and sam are here too. can we come in?" natasha frowned but unlocked the door. she opened up the door to see a smile on all her friends faces. she rolled her eyes before walking away into the room, allowing them to follow behind. sam closed the door and locked it. natasha sat on the chair that was in the corner of the room, waving her hand to the bed indicating for the three men to sit there. only steve sat on the beds end corner facing natasha while the other two men leaned their backs against the bathrooms wall. "look this better be important because i sw-"

"y/n is back." sam said, cutting off the now shocked mother. natasha mouth dropped open as her widen eyes looked start at sam. she dropped the bloody towel before getting up and marching her way to sam. she stopped just a couple steps away from sam who looked oddly calm. "what do you mean my little girl is back?" she sternly yet calmly asked the male. steve got up from the bed and walked towards the mother, stepping to the side of her. steve placed a hand on her shoulder causing her to snap her head towards him. a soft smile laid on his face.

"i went today to return the stones. when i returned the soul stone which was difficult. i almost gave up till she fell in front of me. i came back here to tell you she's back of the backup avengers compound. she's out right now but the nurse said she'll wake up in a hour or two." steve explained the whole situation to natasha. she shook her head before walking quickly around the room, gathering the wolf, her carkeys and a duffel bag. she walked to the door, unlocking it before running out, not bothering to shut it. the three males looked towards each other before taking off after her.

a relieved smile came on the mothers tearful face once she got the med room her daughter was recovering at. she looked at her resting daughter with joy and relieve running through her body. she walked into the med room quitely to get to her daughters bedside. she put the duffel bag and the wolf side by side down on the small counter in the room. she walked closer to her daughter, looking at her as though she was an angel. she let her hand cup her little sunshines cheek so softly and rubbed her tumb along the cheekbone. a single happy tear slid the mother grateful face. a small groan shook the mother out of her trace. the young girls eyes opened. her eyes wandered before shifting to look at her mother. a small smile rushed to the young girls face. "hi, mommy" a quite raspy voice escaped the girls mouth. a small cry let the mother as she heard her daughter talk again.

"hi, my little sunshine. i missed you so much." natasha spoke to the young girl. natasha grabbed onto her daughter hand that laid to her side and held it tightly. she placed a quick kiss on her daughters hand before landing a kiss on the young girls forehead. tears slipped down the mothers face as she did. she pulled away from her daughters forehead, looking at her daughter whos eyes were closed again yet she still spoke. "mommy, sing me a song." a small laugh bursted out the mothers mouth before she went quitely and started to sing a lullaby to lure to her sunshine to sleep.

"you are my sunshine, my only sunshine

you make me happy when skies are gray

you'll never know dear, how much i love you

please don't take my sunshine away."

as the song came to end, the daughter was in a peaceful sleep. the mother held a gentle smile as she looked upon her resting daughter.

"again." the mother whispered out to nobody.

A/N: this took 5 days. before anyone askes, i got the sudden idea when i watching natashas death scene on youtube. and thought what if she had a daughter? who just so happened to be there and took her place? plus i know some scenes in this was off but pls work with me. honestly, i was going to end it where the daughter (you) never comes back and natasha k**ls herself because she couldn't handle the pain. also natasha adopted her (you) when she (you) was 10 btw. so in 2015 before AOU.

i really hope you liked this! i will be doing more imagines! i focus on MARVEL, DC, CPD, etc. thank you and have a good life 💞

L O V E

Y O U R S E L F

- kim namjoon