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madam-wakefield · 7 months

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Open When Chapter 23

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Summary:

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22 When a few years into their relationship Bernie is asked to go back to the army and deploy Serena isn’t sure how she’s going to get through the nine months without her girlfriend. What she doesn’t expect is for it to be her girlfriend who has the perfect set of surprises to get her through both the best and the worst days. Canon divergent - Elinor lives (well actually the accident never happens), Raf lives, and Cameron isn’t a total ass! The staff of AAU also probably didn’t all work on there at the same time in canon but do in this! The fic is already fully written with the first few chapters having already been Beta’d. 27 chapters including the epilogue. Hoping to post every Monday and Friday!

Open if…

Serena is confused when Ric Griffin steps into her theatre scrubbed in and tells her to let him take over. There is absolutely no reason for him to be here let alone taking over her surgery.

“Why would I do that?” She questions, genuinely perplexed. “I mean I know I’ve only just started but everything is going fine, and this is definitely much more my expertise than yours.”

“Serena,” she looks up at his tone and it’s as her eyes connect with Ric’s that she knows something isn’t right.

“Okay,” Serena concedes unable to control the quiver in her own voice despite knowing nothing. “She’s got…”

“Don’t worry I’ve already checked her file, just go.” There is an air of urgency in Ric’s voice that she isn’t used to hearing expect when it comes to time critical emergency surgery and it does nothing to put her mind at east. As she washes down, she closes her eyes and breathes, because this cannot be what she thinks it is.

She instinctively knows to go to her office and as she gets closer, she can see through the blinds and there is her confirmation, stood in her office is a gentleman in uniform. Her mind starts to swirl but she needs to stay focused. She quickens her pace, needs to get into her office and find out what the news is.

She on autopilot as she walks into the office, shutting the door behind her as the man in uniform instantly holds out his hand. “Ms Campbell I am Captain Brown; do you want to sit down before I continue?”

She shakes her head, the “no” coming from her lips as if by its own accord, she probably should but she feels rooted to the spot, unsure if her legs would move any further even if she wanted them to.

“I’m here as you are the next of kin of Major Berenice Wolfe.” Serena winces at the name on Bernie’s behalf. “I regret to inform you that as of 7pm yesterday evening she is missing in action.”

“I, what, I’m …” she can’t formulate words. She isn’t being told Bernie is dead, which she must admit had been her first thought when she’d seen the man, Captain Brown, in her office. But she is being told that Bernie, her partner, the love of her life, is missing in action, but she doesn’t understand.

“There was an explosion,” Captain Brown begins as if he can read her thoughts. “At the field hospital that Major Berenice Wolfe was working within. Her body armour and ID tags were found within the location of the explosion. There was no body so currently all avenues are being explored.” Serena sways unsteadily on her feet, while miniature scenes of what might have happened to Bernie play in her mind like on a TV screen that she can’t shut off.

The silence stretches on, but in the end, she forces her voice to break through the haze, apologising to Captain Brown to the silence.

“No need, I understand it’s natural that what I’ve told you is a shock. I’m sorry I don’t come with better news. We will of course keep you informed of any updates at the soonest possible point. I’m afraid I must leave now, I have two more of Bernie’s next of kin to inform, if you happen to know them, can I please ask you give adequate time for me to deliver the news before contacting them.”

She watches as Captain Brown leaves, and it’s as the door clicks and if finalising the conversation that the emotions come. She lets out a truly guttural sob as she instinctively sinks into Bernie’s chair, pulling her legs up to her chest, hugging her arms around herself tightly as if she’s trying to stop herself falling apart. Her Bernie is missing. She had let Bernie go on this tour because Bernie had needed closure, but while the thought had always been there at the back of her mind, she never really imagined losing Bernie. She shakes her head then because Bernie isn’t dead, or she hasn’t been told she’s dead. She’s been told she’s missing.

It’s while these thoughts are running round her head, tears streaming down her cheeks and body racked with sobs that she feels the hand come to rest on her back. She looks up to see Morven’s eyes full of concern.

She fights with her own brain, her own mouth trying to force the words to form. “B…b.” She shakes her head, trying to let Morven’s hand which is now rubbing small circles into her back centre her.

She takes a deep breath before saying “Bernie’s missing in action. Explosion, they’ve found her body armour.” It’s all she can say before she is sobbing again, she doesn’t know how she’s still got tears to give. Her whole-body shakes and she feels like her world has literally turned upside down.

Morven puts her arms round her then, pulling her to her feet before guiding them both gently into the visitors’ chairs, and she allows herself to be held by her. If anyone has any idea what this feels like it’s Morven, Serena still can’t full comprehend what it must have been like for Morven losing Arthur so soon after they’d found each other. Doesn’t ever want to be in Morven’s position.

She’s not sure how long they sit there before she goes from crying to furious. “She was due home in a little over three weeks. Three bloody weeks. Why now! I know she couldn’t ever promise to come home, but she always promised this was it, that she’d stop after this that she just needed it for closure. Why does she have to be so fucking noble? Why did I tell her she could go? If I’d have said no, she wouldn’t have gone, and she’d be okay.” Serena isn’t sure if she’s raging with herself of Bernie but the outburst helps for a split second before making her feel even worse.

“Serena stop!” Morven’s hands grab hold of her biceps, with a lot more force than Serena is used to from Morven. “You can’t blame yourself for this, Bernie wouldn’t want that!” Wants to yell that she doesn’t know what Bernie would want as she isn’t here to ask her, but knows Morven is speaking the truth. “You let her go because of how much you love her. Plus, you said it yourself she’s missing it doesn’t mean she’s dead.”

Serena battles with her own thoughts for a while. A stream of different concepts battling to be the dominant idea in her brain before all of it is overtaken by the thought of Jason. Knows that she must be the one to tell him about this before it manages to spread through the hospital. Knows only too well that the rumour mill is one of the most efficient parts of the hospital. Before once again being enraged at the idea of something so important spreading through a rumour mill at all. Serena asks Morven to send Jasmine to find him. When he arrives five minutes later, Jason doesn’t wait for Serena to invite him inside the office or to ask him to sit down, he just does it, because he’s Jason and that’s what he does.

“Bernie’s dead, isn’t she?” She hears him ask like it’s the simplest question in the world. Like that if the answer to that question had been yes, their lives wouldn’t have shattered. But it’s Jason and Serena gets that.

“No Jason, she isn’t dead.” She’s not sure how much her own brain believes that statement right now, but Jason needs to facts. “She’s what they call missing in action.” Serena continues, “Do you get what that means?” She needs to make sure Jason understands this, understands what it all means. What the outcomes might be.

“The army can’t find her?” Jason says looking a little puzzled. “How can you just not find a person.”

Serena presses her fingers to the bridge of her nose; her own emotions are too raw for this, but she has to be the strong one for Jason. Forces herself to find the right words to explain. “It means that there was an accident of sorts, they’ve found some of Bernie’s belongings but not Bernie herself. That’s where it gets a little complicated because they aren’t sure where she went and if they’ll ever find her.

“So, we just have to wait? Bernie might be alive and might be dead and we all we can do is wait?.”

“That’s right Jason” Serena says taking his hand and squeezing it gently.

“But then who is going to watch all the episodes of world’s strongest man with me?”

“Oh Jason,” she says gently, because of course it’s something like that that upsets Jason out of all this, because that’s just who he is. That is the person that Bernie has always accepted where so many never have.

“I will!” Serena says not an ounce of doubt in her voice. It’s quiet again for a while before Jason unexpectedly breaks the silence.

“I miss her Auntie Serena” and Serena’s heart shatters all over again because for Jason to be verbalising such a thing he must be finding it extremely hard.

“I know you do Jason, I do too but we’ll get through this together.” After that Jason is determined to go back to work and finish his shift, Serena lets him do what he needs. She instead stays in the office; not sure she’s ever going to be able to face anything outside of the four walls of their office again.

Later, when she’s been left with her own thoughts for far too long and just before Raf and Fletch are about to take her and Jason home Morven slips into the office again. Serena looks up briefly before continuing to stare at the hands she’s ringing within her lap.

“Serena?” The tone is a question, so she looks up to see Morven sat in her chair.

Something ivory laid upon the desk in-front of her.

She sees Morven take a deep breath and knows she isn’t going to like what she says. “Serena, before Bernie went away, she gave me a variety of things for you and while I have loved giving you most of them this,” she says tapping the envelope “is one I hoped I’d never have to give you.”

Serena watch as the envelope is slid towards her, fingers reaching out to pick it up as soon as it’s close enough. She turns it over in her fingers and as her eyes take note of the words written on it her fists clench tighter, just loose enough not to cause damage to the envelope.

“Serena – Open if I go missing in action.” Her eyes stream with tears without her permission. These envelopes from Bernie have brought her so much joy over the months and now this.

She is quiet for a while then, Serena just letting the tears fall, what’s the point in hiding them. She’s not hiding her grief, not for anyone. “Bernie asked me to give you this if something like this ever happened,” Morven say softy. “But she also told me to tell you, to only open it when you feel ready.” Serena wants to remark it’s a stupid thing to say. Wants to argue that of course she’s ready because this is a letter written by her lover, but it’s exactly the reason she isn’t ready.

Raf and Fletch take her and Jason home after that, Raf driving Serena’s car and Fletch following along behind in his own so that Raf can get home once they’ve dropped them off. Once they’re back Raf and Fletch check they’re going to be okay, to which Serena assures them they are, even if the words sound false to her own ears. How can she ever be okay again?

She keeps her promise to Jason and watches the world’s strongest man with him, but she can’t help but notice he doesn’t delete it off the sky box like he normally would but instead leaves it there. His own little sign of hope that Bernie will one day return home despite the circumstances.

It’s only once Jason is fast asleep that Serena allows herself what she needs. She sits herself in bed, wine bottles on her nightstand, very full wine glass in hand, she pulls her legs up so that as she brings Bernie’s pillow to rest on top of her knees, she can feel the woman surround her with every breath. It’s only then that she removes the picture of Bernie from her nightstand, placing it on top of the pillow. Bringing her thumb to the glass to stroke at Bernie’s face. It’s then that the tears come for the first time since she stepped foot in the house. She doesn’t really make a sound per say, but the tears come and come and don’t seem to stop.

“Where are you Bernie,” she says, long swigs of wine between each word, tears dripping on to the glass of the frame. She doesn’t say anything for a while, drains 3 glasses of wine far too quickly before uncorking a new bottle and filling her wine glass to the rim again.

“If you could see me now,” she says looking at Bernie’s picture. “God knows what could be happening to you.” Her tears quicken again at the thought, and she feels like someone is literally squeezing her chest tight. “Yet here I am drinking myself into an oblivion for the night, so I don’t have to think. Don’t have to miss you.” She knocks back half of the glass then because she maybe several things, but she isn’t a lightweight and one bottle isn’t going to make her forget.

“I know you we never able to promise me you’d come home, that always went unsaid between us because we knew it wasn’t a promise you could be sure to keep. But I always wanted you to stay safe. My brave fearless soldier. I’m not sure if I can do this without you Bernie. I’d never been so sure about anything until I met you. You turned my life upside down, ran and then came back and since that moment I’ve never been so sure that I wanted to spend my entire life with you.” She does it again then, finishes the half a glass of wine, quickly pouring herself another full glass.

“Look at me, like this when you could be anywhere. You could be alive right?” She has to say that to keep the tiniest spark of hope alive. “You could be injured or captured, or god only knows what.” The thought is enough to make her down the entire wine glass and pick up the bottle, she needs to forget. I know you can’t hear me, you’re 3000 miles away after all, but if you have any say, any say at all please stay brave soldier. She moves herself to lie down, head now buzzing from the speed in which she just finished two bottles of wine. She hugs Bernie’s pillow close, laying the photo back on her nightstand to keep it safe, rubbing her fingers along Bernie’s face once more. “Please find a way to come home.”

When she wakes the next morning, the sunlight is streaming through the window and her head hurts. It takes her a second to remember why because she’s meant to be at work today, but then it hits her, and it feels like she’s been doused in icy water. Her Bernie, her brave, amazing courageous Bernie is missing in action, and she doesn’t know if she’ll ever get to see her again. She thinks for a second that maybe it’s a dream, but she looks over to her nightstand, and there it is the letter she isn’t yet ready to open. “Serena – Open if I go missing in action”.

When she’s managed to force herself out of bed and drank two strong cups of coffee she rings Alan, asks if he will have Jason stay so she can have a couple of days to herself. Explains briefly what’s happened, admits that she isn’t coping, and that Jason needs someone who he can lean on right now and that she can’t even be that person for herself let alone Jason. If anyone was to ask her what she does over the next few days she wouldn’t be able to answer she isn’t even sure. She walks around as if she’s a zombie. Emotions going from anger to sadness to fear as if she’s on some sort of out of control merry go round that she just can’t get off. The third morning after she received the news about Bernie, she runs to the bathroom to empty the contents of her stomach into the toilet. She should probably regret drinking herself into oblivion every night but without it she just she can’t sleep.

She opens the medicine cabinet looking for some painkillers and her fingers fall upon the little survival kit Bernie had brought her after her suspension. She bursts into tears again then because how far they’ve come since that moment, her hating on Bernie for babysitting her, yet all Bernie had really been doing was looking out for her. Isn’t that always what Bernie does for her, both during the times she was here with Serena and for the past nine months while she been away. It’s now she thinks that maybe Bernie would still want that for her, even if she isn’t there to do it herself. She takes the painkillers, brushing her teeth before climbing into the shower for the first time in four days.

She gets dressed and actually eats breakfast. She cleans the kitchen and the living room, it’s slowly starting to smell like a brewery. Only once the house is back to her exacting standard does she return to her bedroom, taking Bernie’s letter gently in hand.

She decides to walk to the park, she isn’t exactly in a fit state to drive. Once she arrives, she sits on the bench, the one her and Bernie usually occupy when they come here, the trees are in full bloom, the pink blossom reminding her of Bernie’s stupid pink coat. She removes Bernie’s letter from her bag, and takes her time to trace over her name, the name that Bernie had written there nine months ago or more.

She turns the envelope over and allows herself to gently prise it open. She slips the letter out taking a deep breath before unfolding it.

My Dearest Serena,

I am so sorry you are having to read this letter. It is one of those letters I knew I had to write but never wanted you to read. I’m missing in action, something we always knew was a risk but didn’t ever voice. I don’t know how much you know, how much anyone knows about my situation and for that I’m sorry.

What I need you to know more than anything though is that I love you, undeniably and without waiver. You are the love of my life and the joy you’ve brought me the past three years is more than I ever thought I deserved.

I can’t sit here and write that I promise to come back to you I never have been able to. But what I can promise you is that if I have any say in it whatsoever, I will be doing everything in my power to get back to you. You always tell me how brave I am for having done what I have, but now it’s your turn. It’s your turn to be brave, for me, for Jason, for yourself!

I need you to keep going, I’m not saying that will be easy. But I need you to do it for me because I love you Serena so much, and all I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy, healthy, and loved. I know you’ll be sad, that’s only natural but I need you to work towards a place where you are okay. Where you don’t blame yourself for any of this, like I know you will at least to start with. I also know Jason will need you now more than ever, and you can’t help him if you aren’t looking after yourself.

Keep my trauma unit going for me, working on AAU with you and having the trauma unit is the only thing outside being an army medic that ever felt right. I’ll never forgot how proud of me you were the day that trauma unit opened. Let it be a legacy, save those people who shouldn’t be able to be saved, be brave in ways other surgeons are too scared to be. Keep that little piece of me there with you always.

Most all Serena please never stop hoping, it’s one of the things I love about you, how hopeful you are. Don’t let anything stop that hope. I know I’ve written it already but please, please remember that I love you with every ounce of my being.

All My Love Bernie,

Your Big Macho Army Medic x

It takes her longer to read than it normally would a letter of that length. She’s not sure how many times she stops. Tears never drying on her cheeks. But she did need it. Needed to know what Bernie wrote for her and wants for her. And she is going to be brave for Jason, for herself and most importantly for Bernie.

She’s doesn’t rush, sits on the bench for a few hours, lingers, just allows her mind to settle. It’s doesn’t stop her worry, but it gives her time to organise her thoughts. Work out what she needs to do now. What she needs to do to help Jason and herself get through this limbo, and that’s what she’s decided it is an unknown limbo. She doesn’t know how long it’s going to last or when it’s going to end but she knows she got to keep battling through. Be brave just like her Bernie is.

She takes her phone out of her pocket, smiling at the picture of her and Bernie on her phone screen that hasn’t filled her with joy in this way for the past four days. Hanssen pushes back at first when she tells him she wants to come back into work in two days time. But she asks him to trust her, explains that right now this is what she needs. Bernie left the trauma unit in her and Raf’s capable hands and she’ll be damned if she isn’t going to keep it running like a well-oiled machine for her.

Jason comes home the day in between her opening the letter and going back to work. He asks if she’s okay, and while she can’t say she is she does tell him that she needs to be strong for all of them. They spend the evening together eating fish and chips and watching Dr Who reruns. Not a single drop of Shiraz passes her lips, she’s sure she’s drank enough in the past few days to kill her liver off for a month or two. Sleep doesn’t come easily, and she has nightmares of Bernie suffering, nothing specific she can exactly recall in the morning just enough that she isn’t as well rested as she should be for having tried to get a full ten hours sleep.

She walks onto AAU at 7am precisely, a strong hot coffee in hand. She can instantly see and feel the pitying looks. They remind her of the ones she got when her mum was ill. But she doesn’t want them. What they have here is something her and Bernie built together and she’s going to cherish that whatever the outcome of this limbo. She calls Morven into the office a little later after the ward round, when she feels every single pair of staff eyes on her at least one.

“You, okay?” Morven questions, and Serena gets it, she was in a very different way sat in this office not even a week ago.

“Yes, however can you please get the word out that Ms Campbell does not need all the pitying eyes and whispers. She’s here to do her job, run the department and keep Bernie’s trauma unit running like clockwork”.

The message must get around quickly because next time she leaves the office her staff actually talk to her, ask for her opinion on their patients annoy her just a little by letting their own personal conversations at the nurses’ station go on just a little bit too long.

When the red phone rings Raf just looks at her, she nods confirming that she’ll take the lead, gets him to accompany her though. The surgery is easy enough thankfully, an emergency spleen removal that she could almost perform in her sleep. She knows she’s going to see Cameron at hand over but doesn’t expect him to turn up on the ward fifteen minutes early. She’d not sure which of them initiates the hug but it happens easily.

“Mum’s tough. She’ll be okay you know.” Cameron reassures her while they are still hugging.

“Yes, she will.” Doesn’t know if she gives her response to try and convince herself or Cameron but they both smile as they pull back from the hug.

She goes home that evening knowing she’d made a difference at work and that night she finds it just a little bit easier to fall asleep. It doesn’t stop her wondering where Bernie is and if she’s okay, but it does make it just that little bit easier. After all its thanks to Bernie that they have a trauma unit and she’s going to look after it for as long as it takes.

She keeps herself busy with the same routine, refusing to take a day off. She works long day shifts, it keeps her mind busy, means she doesn’t have the same amount of time to worry. Ric comes to see her a few days after her return. Questions whether she’s doing the right thing working, tells her maybe it would be healthier to take some time off. But she explains to him that right now this is right; she isn’t grieving because she doesn’t need to because Bernie isn’t as far as anyone knows dead. She isn’t going to act like she is. She explains to him that she’s doing exactly what Bernie would want her to do. Carry on with her days, saving patients, performing operations, all the things that come with ease. That the not having time to think isn’t a bad thing, it means she can keep her fears under control. It’s not that she doesn’t think about Bernie, doesn’t worry about her, but she tries to limit it to a healthy amount in the comfort of her own home when she wakes in the morning and when she goes to bed at night.

The first patient she loses, during this limbo is hard. She’s been back at work three days, a week and a half since Bernie went missing. She knows right now she can’t be the one to inform the family. That really is a little too close to home. She asks Raf to do it, knows in time she’ll come to be able to do it herself, but at this point, and this point in her limbo she needs to lean on those around her too and she’ll do that for as long as her limbo lasts.

#Open When #Madam Wakefield Writes #Berena #Bernie Wolfe #Serena Campbell #Holby #Holby City #Buckle Fandom #Holby Fanfic #Holby City Fanfic

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curator-on-ao3 · 3 years

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21 answers for a fanfic 2021

1. fandoms you wrote for this year

Star Trek: Voyager

Star Trek: Picard

Star Trek: Lower Decks

Star Trek: The Next Generation

Ted Lasso

2. favorite fic you wrote this year

I’m really proud of The Autobiography of Kirsten Clancy. I’ve always wanted to write a character backstory, and am grateful to have had the opportunity.

3. favorite fic you read this year

I fangirled — hard — for Who Shot AR’s Everything Will Come Right (If You Only Believe), a Julius Eaton/Kay Eaton origin story from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine’s “Far Beyond the Stars” universe. I misted up for parts of @marymoss1971’s The Inspiration, in which newly minted Captain Kathryn Janeway visits a mentor, Captain Benjamin Maxwell, who is in prison due to the events of TNG’s “The Wounded.” I, of course, delighted in @ussjellyfish bringing Kirsten and Matthew Clancy into her Star Trek: Janeways universe with her delightfully naughty Unscheduled Time and sweet what we can. Oh, and the Michael Burnham & Paul Stamets conversation in SiderumInCaelo’s i don’t forgive you (but please don’t hold me to it) was exactly the between-the-seasons discussion I needed for those two characters.

4. favorite opening line/scene you wrote this year

I’m pleased with both opening scenes of Fly Me to the Moon, a non-linear Kathryn Janeway/Tom Paris story that examines four universes of their relationship — three canon and one AU.

5. favorite ending line/scene you wrote this year

Again, I’m pleased with both endings to Fly Me to the Moon. I love the feeling of tying up a story with a little bow, and I think I did it well on that one.

6. a trope you wrote this year

I actually kicked off the year with a Kathryn Janeway/Tom Paris four times, one time: Console Me (Four Times Paris and Janeway Almost Had Sex and One Time They Did).

7. pairings you wrote this year

Just looking at main pairings, not sub-pairings, I wrote:

Jet Manhaver & Tom Paris

Kirsten Clancy/Original Character (Matthew Clancy)

Raffi Musiker/Seven of Nine

Kirsten Clancy & Jean-Luc Picard

Kirsten Clancy & Sonya Gomez

Kirsten Clancy & Edward Jellico

Kirsten Clancy & Simon Tarses

(untagged, but I’m proud of it) Kirsten Clancy & Tom Paris

Kathryn Janeway/Tom Paris

Kathryn Janeway & Tom Paris

Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway

Tom Paris/B’Elanna Torres

Kathryn Janeway/B’Elanna Torres

Kathryn Janeway/Kes

Kathryn Janeway/Harry Kim

The Doctor (Star Trek)/Kathryn Janeway

Keeley Jones/Roy Kent (Ted Lasso)

8. a fic regret from this year

I don’t know.

9. a song that helped you write

Fly Me to the Moon (of course). That fic had an entire playlist. And I have, ahem, four Clancy playlists.

10. total number of fics you posted

I think 14 [edit: 15 — another little one happened]. (It’s a little hard to tell with so many crossovers within the Trekverse and one fic that carries over from last year.)

11. total number of words you posted

92,769 [edit: 92,960 — yes, the little addition was very little]

12. most popular fic written this year

By hits, kudos, subscriptions, bookmarks, and comment threads, Fly Me to the Moon was my most popular fic this year, which makes me happy because I am very proud of it. (Shout out to beta extraordinaire @caladeniablue! 🎉)

13. least popular fic written this year

It’s a little tougher to tell least popular, but I think In Bed has my lowest hit and kudos count. That’s okay. I knew my E-rated vignettes that dip into The Autobiography of Kirsten Clancy universe through the perspective of Matthew Clancy wouldn’t get a lot of traffic. I’m pleased with the work, though, and that’s important.

14. longest completed fic you posted this year

That would be The Autobiography of Kirsten Clancy, at 32,536 words.

15. shortest completed fic you posted this year

As a stand-alone story, the shortest is Starlight, a 154-word, G-rated, Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway musing on the ways different people see and express love.

16. favorite character to write about this year

Kirsten Quayle Clancy

17. a fic you didn’t expect to write

All of them.

18. most memorable comment/review

So many! When Fly Me to the Moon comments became a forum for Tom Paris character analysis, I could feel my fandom soul begin to ascend. Also, every time someone commented some variation of, “How did you make me care about Kirsten Clancy?” or, “I don’t usually ship this, but …” or, “I’m so happy you wrote this friendship/scenario/pairing,” my writerly heart filled with joy. I don’t want to single anyone out, but comments wishing for an Autobiography of Kirsten Clancy book club, comments from regular commenters who said they tried something new because I wrote it, and comments from re-readers were all especially meaningful.

19. trends you noticed in your writing this year

I don’t know why but, across three stories, I wrote experiences during and immediately after Wolf 359 for Kathryn Janeway, Tom Paris, Raffi Musiker, and Kirsten Clancy, plus glimpses for Nick Locarno and Edward Jellico, the latter of whom was in two stories, so he got two experiences — and two characterizations.

20. fics you wanted to write but didn’t

Real life has been demanding this year. I have a few fics I hope to finish next year.

21. something you want to write next year

I’d like to finish my post-Endgame Kathryn Janeway/Mark Johnson story. I also have a few other WIPs rattling around. But I just don’t know.

If anyone has questions on any of that, please ask. Also, if you write, I’d love to read your fanfic 2021 answers!

#fanfic lookback #fanfic 2021 #fanfic answers

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thehierophage · 2 years

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April 9, 2022 e.v. Dies Saturnii, An Vviii e.l.

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

The Feast for the Second Day of the Writing of the Book of the Law, The Greater Feast of Saint Rabelais, The Greater Feast of Saint Francis Bacon Lord Verulam, The Day of Beth, The Day of the Magician

Hebrew Letter: Beth

Numerical Value as Letter: 2

Numerical Value as Word: 412 (Beth+Yod+Tav)

Meaning: House.

Thoth Card: The Magus (Atu I)

Alternate Title: The Magus of Power.

Image:

Correspondences:

Tree of Life Path Association: Key 12 - Binah to Kether (from Sephira 3-1)

Astrological Sign: Mercury

Element: -

Egyptian Godforms: Thoth, Seshat, Imhotep (deified) and Cynocephalus

Geomantic Figure: Octagram

Gemstones: Achates/Agate, Opal

Perfumes: Mastic, Mace, Storax, Nutmeg, Euphorbium, Karaya and all fleeting odors

Plants: Nutmeg, Vervain, Ash, Herb Mercury, Palm, Arnica, Mullein, Cinquefoil

Animals: Dog, Mullet, Monkey, Jackal, Cynocephalus ape, Civet cat, Weasel, Bee, Hybrids, Fish

Colors:

King Scale – Yellow

Queen Scale – Purple

Prince Scale – Grey

Princess Scale – Indigo, rayed violet

The Secret Instruction of the Master:

The True Self is the meaning of the True Will: know Thyself through Thy Way! Calculate well the Formula of Thy Way! Create freely; absorb joyously; divide intently; consolidate completely. Work thou, Omnipotent, Omniscient, Omnipresent, in and for Eternity.

Mnemonic:

The Word of Wisdom weaves the web of lies, Weds irreducible Infinities.

Recommended Text for Meditation:

Liber AL vel Legis sub figura CCXX, Cap. 2

The Book of the Law Liber AL vel Legis sub figura CCXX

as delivered by XCIII = 418 to DCLXVI

1. Nu! the hiding of Hadit.

2. Come! all ye, and learn the secret that hath not yet been revealed. I, Hadit, am the complement of Nu, my bride. I am not extended, and Khabs is the name of my House.

3. In the sphere I am everywhere the centre, as she, the circumference, is nowhere found.

4. Yet she shall be known & I never.

5. Behold! the rituals of the old time are black. Let the evil ones be cast away; let the good ones be purged by the prophet! Then shall this Knowledge go aright.

6. I am the flame that burns in every heart of man, and in the core of every star. I am Life, and the giver of Life, yet therefore is theknowledge of me the knowledge of death.

7. I am the Magician and the Exorcist. I am the axle of the wheel, and the cube in the circle. "Come unto me" is a foolish word: for it is I that go.

8. Who worshipped Heru-pa-kraath have worshipped me; ill, for I am the worshipper.

9. Remember all ye that existence is pure joy; that all the sorrows are but as shadows; they pass & are done; but there is that which remains.

10. O prophet! thou hast ill will to learn this writing.

11. I see thee hate the hand & the pen; but I am stronger.

12. Because of me in Thee which thou knewest not.

13. for why? Because thou wast the knower, and me.

14. Now let there be a veiling of this shrine: now let the light devour men and eat them up with blindness!

15. For I am perfect, being Not; and my number is nine by the fools; but with the just I am eight, and one in eight: Which is vital, for I am none indeed. The Empress and the King are not of me; for there is a further secret.

16. I am The Empress & the Hierophant. Thus eleven, as my bride is eleven.

17. Hear me, ye people of sighing!

The sorrows of pain and regret

Are left to the dead and the dying,

The folk that not know me as yet.

18. These are dead, these fellows; they feel not. We are not for the poor and sad: the lords of the earth are our kinsfolk.

19. Is a God to live in a dog? No! but the highest are of us. They shall rejoice, our chosen: who sorroweth is not of us.

20. Beauty and strength, leaping laughter and delicious languor, force and fire, are of us.

21. We have nothing with the outcast and the unfit: let them die in their misery. For they feel not. Compassion is the vice of kings: stamp down the wretched & the weak: this is the law of the strong: this is our law and the joy of the world. Think not, o king, upon that lie: That Thou Must Die: verily thou shalt not die, but live. Now let it be understood: If the body of the King dissolve, he shall remain in pure ecstasy for ever. Nuit! Hadit! Ra-Hoor-Khuit! The Sun, Strength & Sight, Light; these are for the servants of the Star & the Snake.

22. I am the Snake that giveth Knowledge & Delight and bright glory, and stir the hearts of men with drunkenness. To worship me take wine and strange drugs whereof I will tell my prophet, & be drunk thereof! They shall not harm ye at all. It is a lie, this folly against self. The exposure of innocence is a lie. Be strong, o man! lust, enjoy all things of sense and rapture: fear not that any God shall deny thee for this.

23. I am alone: there is no God where I am.

24. Behold! these be grave mysteries; for there are also of my friends who be hermits. Now think not to find them in the forest or on the mountain; but in beds of purple, caressed by magnificent beasts of women with large limbs, and fire and light in their eyes, and masses of flaming hair about them; there shall ye find them. Ye shall see them at rule, at victorious armies, at all the joy; and there shall be in them a joy a million times greater than this. Beware lest any force another, King against King! Love one another with burning hearts; on the low men trample in the fierce lust of your pride, in the day of your wrath.

25. Ye are against the people, O my chosen!

26. I am the secret Serpent coiled about to spring: in my coiling there is joy. If I lift up my head, I and my Nuit are one. If I droop down mine head, and shoot forth venom, then is rapture of the earth, and I and the earth are one.

27. There is great danger in me; for who doth not understand these runes shall make a great miss. He shall fall down into the pit called Because, and there he shall perish with the dogs of Reason.

28. Now a curse upon Because and his kin!

29. May Because be accursed for ever!

30. If Will stops and cries Why, invoking Because, then Will stops & does nought.

31. If Power asks why, then is Power weakness.

32. Also reason is a lie; for there is a factor infinite & unknown; & all their words are skew-wise.

33. Enough of Because! Be he damned for a dog!

34. But ye, o my people, rise up & awake!

35. Let the rituals be rightly performed with joy & beauty!

36. There are rituals of the elements and feasts of the times.

37. A feast for the first night of the Prophet and his Bride!

38. A feast for the three days of the writing of the Book of the Law.

39. A feast for Tahuti and the child of the Prophet--secret, O Prophet!

40. A feast for the Supreme Ritual, and a feast for the Equinox of the Gods.

41. A feast for fire and a feast for water; a feast for life and a greater feast for death!

42. A feast every day in your hearts in the joy of my rapture!

43. A feast every night unto Nu, and the pleasure of uttermost delight!

44. Aye! feast! rejoice! there is no dread hereafter. There is the dissolution, and eternal ecstasy in the kisses of Nu.

45. There is death for the dogs.

46. Dost thou fail? Art thou sorry? Is fear in thine heart?

47. Where I am these are not.

48. Pity not the fallen! I never knew them. I am not for them. I console not: I hate the consoled & the consoler.

49. I am unique & conqueror. I am not of the slaves that perish. Be they damned & dead! Amen. (This is of the 4: there is a fifth who is invisible, & therein am I as a babe in an egg. )

50. Blue am I and gold in the light of my bride: but the red gleam is in my eyes; & my spangles are purple & green.

51. Purple beyond purple: it is the light higher than eyesight.

52. There is a veil: that veil is black. It is the veil of the modest woman; it is the veil of sorrow, & the pall of death: this is none of me. Tear down that lying spectre of the centuries: veil not your vices in virtuous words: these vices are my service; ye do well, & I will reward you here and hereafter.

53. Fear not, o prophet, when these words are said, thou shalt not be sorry. Thou art emphatically my chosen; and blessed are the eyes that thou shalt look upon with gladness. But I will hide thee in a mask of sorrow: they that see thee shall fear thou art fallen: but I lift thee up.

54. Nor shall they who cry aloud their folly that thou meanest nought avail; thou shall reveal it: thou availest: they are the slaves of because: They are not of me. The stops as thou wilt; the letters? change them not in style or value!

55. Thou shalt obtain the order & value of the English Alphabet; thou shalt find new symbols to attribute them unto.

56. Begone! ye mockers; even though ye laugh in my honour ye shall laugh not long: then when ye are sad know that I have forsaken you.

57. He that is righteous shall be righteous still; he that is filthy shall be filthy still.

58. Yea! deem not of change: ye shall be as ye are, & not other. Therefore the kings of the earth shall be Kings for ever: the slaves shall serve. There is none that shall be cast down or lifted up: all is ever as it was. Yet there are masked ones my servants: it may be that yonder beggar is a King. A King may choose his garment as he will: there is no certain test: but a beggar cannot hide his poverty.

59. Beware therefore! Love all, lest perchance is a King concealed! Say you so? Fool! If he be a King, thou canst not hurt him.

60. Therefore strike hard & low, and to hell with them, master!

61. There is a light before thine eyes, o prophet, a light undesired, most desirable.

62. I am uplifted in thine heart; and the kisses of the stars rain hard upon thy body.

63. Thou art exhaust in the voluptuous fullness of the inspiration; the expiration is sweeter than death, more rapid and laughterful than a caress of Hell's own worm.

64. Oh! thou art overcome: we are upon thee; our delight is all over thee: hail! hail: prophet of Nu! prophet of Had! prophet of Ra-Hoor-Khu! Now rejoice! now come in our splendour & rapture! Come in our passionate peace, & write sweet words for the Kings.

65. I am the Master: thou art the Holy Chosen One.

66. Write, & find ecstasy in writing! Work, & be our bed in working! Thrill with the joy of life & death! Ah! thy death shall be lovely: whososeeth it shall be glad. Thy death shall be the seal of the promise of our age long love. Come! lift up thine heart & rejoice! We are one; we are none.

67. Hold! Hold! Bear up in thy rapture; fall not in swoon of the excellent kisses!

68. Harder! Hold up thyself! Lift thine head! breathe not so deep -- die!

69. Ah! Ah! What do I feel? Is the word exhausted?

70. There is help & hope in other spells. Wisdom says: be strong! Then canst thou bear more joy. Be not animal; refine thy rapture! If thou drink, drink by the eight and ninety rules of art: if thou love, exceed by delicacy; and if thou do aught joyous, let there be subtlety therein!

71. But exceed! exceed!

72. Strive ever to more! and if thou art truly mine -- and doubt it not, an if thou art ever joyous! -- death is the crown of all.

73. Ah! Ah! Death! Death! thou shalt long for death. Death is forbidden, o man, unto thee.

74. The length of thy longing shall be the strength of its glory. He that lives long & desires death much is ever the King among the Kings.

75. Aye! listen to the numbers & the words:

76. 4 6 3 8 A B K 2 4 A L G M O R 3 Y X 24 89 R P S T O V A L. What meaneth this, o prophet? Thou knowest not; nor shalt thou know ever. There cometh one to follow thee: he shall expound it. But remember, o chose none, to be me; to follow the love of Nu in the star-lit heaven; to look forth upon men, to tell them this glad word.

77. O be thou proud and mighty among men!

78. Lift up thyself! for there is none like unto thee among men or among Gods! Lift up thyself, o my prophet, thy stature shall surpass the stars. They shall worship thy name, foursquare, mystic, wonderful, the number of the man; and the name of thy house 418.

79. The end of the hiding of Hadit; and blessing & worship to the prophet of the lovely Star!

Love is the law, love under will.

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genius2mania · 3 years

Text

21 answers for a fanfic 2021

Thank you @curator-on-ao3 for the questions & the template - to another lovely year of fic!

1. Fandoms you wrote for this year

Star Trek - mainly Voyager with a dash of Picard, TNG and Discovery

2. favorite fic you wrote this year

That has to be “Things that Fall”, just because it was my first foray into creative writing and it holds a special place in my heart. Also, I’m quite pleased with how it turned out!

3. favorite fic you read this year

I am physically incapable of picking just one, so have my top 3:

Treat Night by @youvearrived-deactivated2021122

The Autobiography of Kirsten Clancy by @curator-on-ao3

Burnished Slate (and wild horses) by CynthiaER

4. favorite opening line/scene you wrote this year

”She's panting and you try to tear your eyes away from her heaving chest, but you fail, miserably.” (Four times she denies you and the one time she doesn't)

5. favorite ending line/scene you wrote this year

"Go back to sleep, Kathryn." (I’m a little tied up right now)

6. a trope you wrote this year

The Four times One Time trope, I guess the prehensile plant counts as a Star Trek Trope?

7. pairings you wrote this year

Main Pairings:

Kathryn Janeway/Seven of Nine

Kathryn Janeway/B’Elanna Torres

T’Rina/Laira Rillak

In supporting roles:

B’Elanna Torres/Tom Paris

Chakotay/Seven of Nine

Kathryn Janeway/Seven of Nine/Prehensile Plant

Kathryn Janeway/Borg Queen

Borg Queen/Data (Star Trek)

Borg Queen/Seven of Nine

Borg Queen/Jean-Luc Picard

Hugh | Third of Five & Seven of Nine

Phoebe Janeway & Seven of Nine

Gretchen Janeway & Seven of Nine

Icheb & Seven of Nine

Seven of Nine & B'Elanna Torres

Seven of Nine & Deanna Troi

Beverly Crusher & Kathryn Janeway

8. a fic regret from this year

The WIPs I didn’t manage to finish honestly - but there’s still time and I'm excited to continue working on them!

9. a song that helped you write

I don't really listen much to music while I write, but most of all it'd probably be jazzy and lofi HipHop beats

10. total number of fics you posted

11. total number of words you posted

69.214

12. most popular fic written this year

Four times she denies you and the one time she doesn't.

13. least popular fic written this year

I Will Follow Where You Lead

14. longest completed fic you posted this year

The Space in Between

15. shortest completed fic you posted this year

Each single one in Drabbles & Oneshots

16. favorite character to write about this year

I mean always, always Kathryn Janeway but I was definitely ambushed by my love for Laira Rillak and T'Rina so that was a fun surprise...

17. a fic you didn’t expect to write

I Will Follow Where You Lead

18. most memorable comment/review

Oh that is hard - I've been lucky enough to receive many, many lovely comments. The ones that stick out are the flailing ones, the beautifully thought out ones, the kind commenters that keep on coming back - they all have a special place in my heart!

19. trends you noticed in your writing this year

I write a lot about connection, what prevents it, what it takes; communication and a lot of adulting about feelings. With copious amounts of smut sprinkled in there...

20. fics you wanted to write but didn’t

An exploration of how different names for a person, titles, nicknames, endearments change how we interact and perceive ourselves. Maybe next year ;)

21. something you want to write next year

I want to continue working on my timetravel-PIC-Seven-meets-VOY-Janeway-Gay-Panic-TM-Ensues fic - it's been a bit of a wrestle with that one...

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stvlti · 4 years

Text

Writer's tag

@yellow-warbler tagged me in this one (cheers love 😚).

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. Then tag some of your favorite authors!

Now I've been pretending I do not see for like, the last 5 to 10 tag memes I've been tagged in because I'm either too busy to sit down and do them, or I just don't have any new works / WIPs in my folder to pull from 😔😔 but this one sounds fun!! So let's goooo

#20. Trading Places

On Wednesday, Roman takes the limousine to the Wayne Enterprises headquarters.

#19. And I'm chewing on metallic taste

Misa still remembers when her day-to-day schedule was packed with appointments from five in the morning to nine - sometimes ten, eleven - at night.

#18. Transference

Roy Harper begins his morning fiddling with the radio as usual.

#17. Talking During the Movie

Jay had never dated.

#16. You can rip my shirt, drag me in the dirt

Dick was perching on a large tree branch, tail swinging lazily when he heard the incoming rumble of Slade's Chevrolet.

#15. What Lurks Beneath

On Wednesday, Dick received a text message from an unknown number:

#14. When I'm down on my knees, you're how I pray

The pool of blood slid across the linoleum, staining the soles of his shoes and darkening the hem of his black tunic.

#13. The Only One That Hasn't Left *

Roy Harper is lonely.

(*) This is a work of translation. Since it's not exactly original, I won't include it in the summary of patterns.

#12. Left in the night 'cause you don't like to see me in the daylight

The first time it happened, Dick was all pumped up on adrenaline, Harley was half-undressed and more than willing, and her creaky second-hand bed was right there.

#11. Second Chances

Every time she looked at Artemis, it was like staring at God herself.

#10. My fear pulls me out to sea

Dawn once said he had a "saving people" complex.

#9. Handcuffs & Boot Leather

At this point, Wally is living off of Dick’s couch (and in his bed) in Bludhaven more often than not.

#8. The Cat Returns

Things could change completely within two months.

#7. Cat Fic

You found him wandering in the backyard of your vacation lodging.

#6. Imposter Syndrome

For all of the Red Hood's dubious international track record, the man under the helmet absolutely hated being put on the spot to deal with confrontations he didn't ask for.

#5. Paying It Forward

"Can I tell you something?"

#4. I Am My Mother's Child

Jason held the apartment door open as Mrs. Walker ambled in behind him, large cardboard box cradled against her chest.

#3. A new feel (it won't ever get old)

He had never been good at staying in one place too long.

#2. if you can't summon your own tentacles, store-bought is fine

Not for the first time, Jason found himself regretting saying "yes" to Roy Harper.

#1. Growing Pains

Lego Robin remembers when he was made.

Patterns

I suppose I start a lot of my stories with one-liners and a namedrop? And sometimes there's a sense of time as well. Like:

character name(s) + simple/straightforward action + time frame

Lol the who/what/when/where/why style of reporting jumped out lmao

Favorite

On its own, I like #11 best. That's a killer one-liner. But that's only when it's divorced from its context though. Cause if we're talking about my favourite opener, it's gotta be #3 in its full context:

He had never been good at staying in one place too long. Home was not a warm caravan, or a large Manor and its ever-pristine halls - home was wherever the people he loved went and congregated. When Bruce first started subtly encouraging him to spread his own wings, he flew West and built a nest there for him and all his misfits to seek sanctuary in the summers. He loved them like a second family.

That was fun! And now I shall tag:

@trans-l-lawliet @transdankovsky @fantomn @lawliyeeeet @irolltwenties

No pressure, but it'd be cool to see what you guys have in your portfolio (that you're willing to share)! :D

#long post #tag meme #writing tag

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eldritchsurveys · 4 years

Text

984.

1. When was the last time someone saw you naked? >> That’s a good question. Sparrow sees me in various states of undress sometimes, but I don’t remember the last time I was fully naked long enough to be seen by anyone. The only time I’m nude is when I’m in the shower or putting on moisturiser directly after said shower (which I do in my room).

2. If you could bring someone back from the dead and spend an hour with them, who would it be and what would you do/say? >> I don’t want to do this. I wouldn’t want to do that to the person, either, like... that sounds traumatic as fuck. (Now, if it were an Inworld type of situation, that’d be way different.)

3. What is the greatest loss you’ve endured? >> Various aspects of myself, I guess. But maybe they’re not truly lost. I have no way of knowing right now.

4. How would you describe your current mood? >> Neutral. I am rarely in an actual mood of any sort when I get this question, obviously -- I tend to only do surveys when I’m in this state, because it’s hard to focus on survey questions (or anything, really) if I’m actively having an emotion.

5. When was the last time you did something you were embarrassed by? >> I don’t remember.

6. What was the last thing you lied about? >> I don’t know, lying isn’t something I normally do -- unless lying by omission counts, because I don’t say literally everything that I’m thinking or tell everyone literally everything about a situation. Or whatever.

7. Where is your favorite place to have sex? >> Inworld.

8. What is your earliest memory? >> I have a vague impression of being on the floor of a dog breeder’s house? When we got my childhood dog Roxie, I guess.

9. Do you ever drink or get high alone? >> I often drink alone just because I’m in the house alone during the times when I’m most likely to drink. I like to just vibe, and not have to worry about “putting on my human suit” or whatever. Sometimes I like to be weird and dreamy or dance-y and vibrant when I’m intoxicated and I like to have space to do that.

10. What type of a drunk are you? >> I don’t know, I haven’t been drunk in a long time. I think at this point in my life I’m probably just a sleepy, cranky drunk. Which is partly why I don’t drink nearly enough to get there, lol.

11. What song (or a few songs, whatever) means a lot to you and why? >> Death is the Road to Awe means a lot to me because The Fountain as a whole means a lot to me and the music is a big part of that whole yarn-ball of meaningfulness. It’s something I really can’t explain. The feelings I have about the movie and the song are on the “this is actually kind of painful in its intensity” level of emotional connection.

12. When was the last time you revealed your feelings for someone? Were they accepted or rejected? >> I don’t remember. Revealing my feelings isn’t a common activity here in Mordredland, as I’m sure is obvious, and I rarely have any remarkable (or share-able) feelings about people anyway.

13. What was the reason behind your last visit to the hospital? >> I think the last time I was in a hospital was when Sparrow’s sister had her child.

14. How do you tend to deal with a breakup? >> ---

15. What is the “worst” drug you’ve done? Are there any you will never try, or any you want to try? >> I don’t classify drugs this way, so I don’t know how to answer this question. The drug I know I will never try is crack, and a drug I am interested in trying is shrooms.

16. What is something you’ve done that you truly regret? >> ---

17. What does it mean to you to be a good person? Do you feel you are a good person? >> I am uninterested in the “good person” designation. I just want to be valuable to and loved by a few people, maybe. That’d be nice.

18. What is your philosophy on life/how do you generally choose to live or conduct yourself? >> I don’t think I have an overall life philosophy, because that seems terribly impractical at best. Life is so complex. Maybe that’s a philosophy -- rejoice in and value the complexity of life. *shrug*

19. Do you view animals as being just as important as people? Why or why not? >> Hmm. I think a living thing should be allowed to live out its life and not be abused or willfully subjected to conditions that disrupt its quality of life. That’s really it, though.

20. When was the last time you were up all night and why? >> I don’t remember the last time that happened.

21. What is the worst thing you’ve done to yourself? What is the worst thing someone else has done to you? >> I don’t know what the worst thing I’ve done to myself is, but one not-great thing I’ve done to myself is become a chronic self-injurer. One not-great thing someone else has done to me is, well, I don’t know, physically abuse me repeatedly?

22. What is the most personal thing you’re willing to reveal? >> I’m not sure.

23. What made you stop talking to the last person you cut out of your life? >> The fact that he emotionally abused me, probably. That’ll do it.

24. Is there a situation or person you haven’t been able to get over/forgive? >> There are a lot of things I haven’t “gotten over” because their traumatic nature changed the way I am as a person and now I have to deal with that. I don’t really see a point in forgiveness, personally -- what I do see a point is forgiving myself and treating myself better than I’ve been treated.

25. Who was the last person to yell at you? Did you yell back? >> I don’t remember.

26. Where did your last injury come from? >> I don’t know! I just have this random gouge on my finger, like someone just took a small sample of my skin.

27. What are some kinks or turn-ons you have, if any? >> Trying to describe the things I like is hard because 1) it’s often dependent on context and 2) it’s more... specific kinds of things happening in specific kinds of situations and I don’t want to like, have to lay out a whole scenario, lol.

28. What are you like during arguments? >> I have an insanely heightened physical response to conflict, for some reason (I say “for some reason” like I’m not literally post-traumatic, but I don’t know what exactly contributed to this particular symptom) -- crazy heartbeat, flushed skin, shaking, the whole nine. So I guess I’d say I go full monkey-brain during arguments and I tend to do/say whatever will get me the fuck out of the situation because I cannot process anything but “I’m in danger and these people are dangerous and did I mention DANGER”. I’ve been working on trying to express myself rationally during perceived-conflict or actual-conflict situations, but it’s a long process and mostly I just try to avoid getting into the position to begin with.

29. What is the worst thing you have said to another person? >> *shrug* Who knows.

30. Where do you like to be kissed? >> Everywhere, when a person I’m available to in that way is doing it. (So, Inworlders.)

31. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel? >> I don’t look into people’s eyes, period. It’s the practice of eye contact itself that is inconceivably difficult for me.

32. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way? >> I really don’t remember the last time I was legitimately furious (and not just using bluster to suppress a more vulnerable feeling).

33. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them? >> Why was I in Honolulu, though...? I need more context for this situation that I cannot imagine myself in.

34. You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid? >> Well, obviously I tell my spouse, and then I guess... some people I hang out with online? I don’t know what I would do with my remaining days because I can’t imagine what it’s like to be in that situation and how it would change my priorities. And, of fucking course I’d be afraid.

35. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? Usually when someone says that, a list of two things would follow. <--

36. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dogs life? Why or Why not? >> I don’t work, so that’s the first problem with this question. In a general sense, though, I would probably risk a consequence of that caliber in order to try to save a life if I can. (I don’t know about this specific situation, though, because I can’t swim...)

37. Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most? >> It’s people that I trust and love (those are the same thing, sorry, I don’t get how they can be separate *shrug*) that would have the best chance of hurting me, because of the emotional attachment...

38. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you (or did you) do/say? >> ---

39. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why or Why not? >> No, man, we went through this already in an earlier question. No matter how you present the circumstances, I’m not bringing anyone back from the dead, period.

40. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend? >> Well, I don’t know???

41. Does love = sex? >> Inworld, it does, because that’s just how it works for Us.

42.Your boss tells your coworker that they have to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your coworker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company? Why or Why not? >> ---

43.When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person? >> I haven’t done that in a long time, idk.

44. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a member of the opposite sex, you love them or that you do not love them back? >> I think the “I don’t love you back” conversation would be way harder, lmao. People get really upset about that sort of thing.

45. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose? >> *shrug*??

46. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them. Who were they to you? >> ---

47. If there was one moment and one time in the last month what would you change and why? >> No.

48.Imagine it is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you? >> My apartment is on the third floor... my biggest concern would be “how the fuck is this person walking on air???” I don’t know why I’d want anyone in particular with me -- why, so we can both be killed by this apparent superhuman? lmao.

49. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not? >> If I felt confident in my ability to perform CPR, I might. I think it’s mostly the fear that I’m going to do it wrong and... idk, kill the person quicker? that would prevent me from doing it. It does sound vaguely irrational when I write it out like that, but hey.

50.You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your rationale for making the decision? >> ---

51. Are you old fashioned? >> No.

52. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it? >> I’m not “nice to” people. I just treat people with basic respect and consideration, and of course I expect that in return...

53.Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why? >> ---

54.If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be? >> ---

55. What was the last thing you ate? >> A few toasted vanilla Smashmallows.

56. What kind of guys are you usually attracted to? >> ---

57. What’s the stupidest thing that’s happened to you that ended a friendship? >> I don’t think any of the things that ended my friendships were stupid. It just sucked.

58. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve had sex for? >> Inworld, probably... an hour and a half, maybe 2 hours? Outworld, I don’t remember or care.

59. What reality shows do you watch? >> I don’t think I watch any. I’m trying to think if anything I’ve watched on purpose qualifies as “reality” and I... don’t think so? Untold Stores of the ER is basically just dramatisations of allegedly-real stories, so maybe that’s the closest thing to reality tv that I watch? Man, I do love that show. Oh, wait, those cooking shows! Those are reality TV, right? Okay, yeah, I watch stuff like that.

60. Post a video of yourself here: >> No.

61. Where do you work? >> ---

62. Have you ever gone up to a car thinking it was yours and tried to get in it? >> ---

63. Where do you buy most of your clothes? >> I don’t have a designated place where I buy most of my clothes. I shop for clothes so infrequently that it’s really just “wherever has the specific item that I want”.

64. If you were very intelligent and had the capability to have any profession, what would you like to be? Getting tired of the unrealistic hypotheticals. <-- My constant mood with surveys.

65. What’s your most irrational fear? >> ---

66. How many radio stations do you listen to? >> Zero.

67. What kind of music do they have? >> ---

68. Would you rather go to Greece or Hawaii? >> Oh, but I would go to either...

69. Musicals: Yay or Nay? >> Yay :)

70. What are the next concerts you’ll be going to? >> Ha! Hilarious.

71. What was the last conversation you had with your best friend about? >> ---

72. Are you one of those people that LOVE to hug others? >> Inworld I will spend all day cuddling if I can. Outworld, I legitimately cannot remember the last time I initiated a hug with someone. It’s been years.

#surveys #survey #random survey

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shekissesturians · 4 years

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Animes Watched Since Quarentine Started ~

So I just sat down and realized... I have developed a problem X’D BUT it could be worse! So I figured I would share for those looking for something new to watch! Also, what have y’all been watching!?

Full list below the line + reviews! * No spoilers, I promise! I wouldn’t do you dirty like that! * ;-*

1. Kakegurui

This show took me by surprise, I had no idea gambling could be so thrilling! Plus let us take a moment to appreciate the facial expressions animated in this show! Beautiful, just beautiful. Beware though, this anime gets dark, and sick, and you will definitely forget to breath at times. It is a thorough joy.

2. Steins;Gate

3. Steins;Gate 0

Honestly, Steins;Gate + Stains; Gate 0 is one of the best animes I have EVER seen. Legit. Also, It is one of the best stories of time travel I have ever encountered. The way it is explained in the anime is brilliant! Compelling, thrilling, emotional, so much amazingness. I watched in chronological order instead of season order which I really enjoyed. Also one of the most moving anime endings I have seen. All the characters you will fall in love with, and their character development is one heck of a ride. A must watch, 100%.

4. Fullmetal Alchemist

This was a nostalgia back flash for me! It was been years and I felt like reliving it all over again. Which I am glad I did, cus boy was there a lot of heavy themes and topics I did not pick up on when I was younger! One of the biggest themes was this existential undertone throughout the whole show that explored the ideas of humanity, authority, morality and race.

5. Fullmetal Alchemist Conqueror of Shamballa

A must follow up to the original FMA series. It just ties the whole story up in a pretty bow. I remember when I first saw this movie, it was my first encounter this the idea of multiple dimensions and it just blew my mind. The whole this felt so exciting and surreal, and I loved the addition of our timeline playing a part. Watching FMA + Movie over again leaves me a bit torn on which is better, Brotherhood or first adaptation. I think both should be watched for a full understanding of the lore. The first anime series definitely has some holes and details missing, but it’s also so nostalgic and they really give you a better development of characters and feels than Brotherhood does, as they rush through that to get back to the main plot.... so grab some popcorn and watch both and just enjoy the ride :)

6. Angels of Death

This anime has such a unique premise!! And morally it is just all sorts of twisted, which I love! The music is fantastic in it and all the characters you encounter are very unique and fun... it’s dark though, don’t get me wrong.. and twisted. BUT a fun ride if you are down for that kind of adventure!

7. Another

WHOOOO BUDDY! If you want to go on a journey THIS IS ONE! It’s a mind bending premise and each episode ends in so much suspense. I literally could’ve watched the whole thing in one day. This anime is like a jar of Pringles, once you start you just can’t stop!

8. Death Parade

This anime gets the prize for the most misleading opening ever! X’D But it is such a BOP Please watch if you can. The anime overall is a joy, its very thought provoking and touches on the darker topics of death and mortality. Who is really good? Who is evil? Where do they seamlessly blend into each other? Besides the premise being so unique and tantalizing, the artwork is breathtaking! The background and environments the characters exist in are gorgeous. As an artist and a writer, I appreciate this anime on so many levels.

9. Sekkou Boys

Oh god, this anime is a joy. Just pure, clean joy T.T The episode are VERY short so you could finish the whole thing in an evening. But if you are an artist, a Renaissance history lover, or a J-pop fan, you will especially appreciate this joy of a creation. Watch it for your soul, you will feel better afterwards.

10. Kokoro Connect

This is a very intriguing coming of age story to say the least. There is an element of fantasy/science fiction that comes into the picture that stirs all sorts of trouble for our dear group of friends. It makes you really reflect your own intra- and interpersonal relationships and how we perceive and interact with one another. Overall a fun trip to go on.

11. Occultic; Nine

HOLD ONTO YOUR HORSES CUS THIS ANIME IS FAST! Omgsh, if you watch in Japanese like I did, get ready to have tired eyes cus the pace and speech of this anime is like nothing I have encountered before, but it is soooo much fun! It is mystery combined with the supernatural. It’s one of those animes where there is a lot of characters involved and some how everyone is connected in some way, like Baccano! if you have seen it. I would say to watch this AFTER you watch Steins;Gate if you have any interests because it is written by the same writers and there is little things that reference back to Steins;Gate which are really fun to pick up on.

12. School-Live!

I didn’t know what to expect when I started this series. It is not the kind of art style I am normally drawn towards but I am soo glad I watched. The characters are all really fun and cute! Especially the puppy!! <3 You deal with psychological stress as well as a nice mix of slice of life all in the midst of a zombie apocalypse! It’s a combination I never knew I wanted in my life, but now I am glad I have it. Don’t let the cute animation style fool you... it gets DARK. I was full out trying not to sob at one point, but I think that just shows how many levels are involved in this story. Have fun with this ride my friends <3

13. My Hero Academia

GUYS ARE YOU FREAKING READY!? This was the story I never knew I needed in my life, but now I don’t know how I lived without it. Dear god, I binged this one so hard I think I forgot to breath for a week. All of the characters are so dynamic and the overall tone of the series is so uplifting and positive. If you are in a depressive slump just turn this one on. I promise you, you will be smiling and feeling better in no time! It is so motivational as well. Humor, action, suspense, thrilling, emotional- I don’t think there is anything they don’t touch on. Uhg gosh, I could prob write a dissertation on all the themes and undertones expressed in this work. I promise you, this is a journey you will not regret taking <3

14. My Hero Academia: Two Heroes

I’ll be honest, I think sometimes series’ movies miss the mark, or just feel lackluster, like a power hour of filler. This one my friends.... DID NOT. I was really glad I watched it too, because I felt as though it added so much to the main story line. Plus you get to see college years All Might... so bonus! X3 But seriously, it is a very fun movie and it gives you more background to the world you wouldn’t otherwise get.

15. Shiki

First off... THE ART. This anime’s art is so unique and fits so well into the overall narrative. But honestly, I feel like this anime is a work of art, it feels like an old folk tale/dark fairy tale you would elders talking about in a pub late at night. The narrative never went where I expected it to, and by the end I was so morally conflicted I didn’t know what to do with myself. It’s a dark fantasy that really explores all the little nitty gritty grey areas that are often passed over in stories. There were definitely a few scenes that made me so uncomfortable I was squirming. Human nature is truly a sight to behold, and this anime shows it to you.

16. Kabaneri of the Iron Fortress

The Feudal Japan- Post apocalyptic- Steam punk journey you never knew existed! Gosh this anime is amazing. First off the art is breathtaking and many scenes reminded me of Miyazaki. Second, the music is SO GOOD. It’s a concept on the undead that I find to be very unique and truly thrilling. Most of the anime takes place on a train which is such an intriguing element. You also go into human fear of the unknown and how our nature can truly be our biggest hindrance. The characters are great and you get to the point of really rooting for them. Get ready for this feast for your senses!

17. Kabaneri of the Iron Fortress Movie: Battle of Unato

After watching the series I felt like my heart was still missing something. Honestly the whole thing felt like it went by too fast. I still wanted more! This movie helped fill the void in my heart. You get to see relationship begin to form between characters as well as more insight into kabane and all their abilities. Standing alone, this movie is a really fun adventure and gives more insight into the state Japan is in overall.

So THERE YOU HAVE IT! I hope you might have found some new things to watch. I would love to see others lists of things they have watched, feel free to leave in the comments! Or if you have watched any of these, I would love to hear your thoughts! Let’s chat <3

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let-me-write-shit · 4 years

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Like We Used To: 29

A/N: This chapter is HEEEAAAVVVVYYYY! It’s a long one, but I’m really proud of it. One more chapter left!!!!

*WARNING*: Mentions of miscarriage!

[Click Here For Previous Chapters]

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CHAPTER TWENTY NINE

Elizabeth paced her kitchen for an hour, occasionally picking up her phone to reread the TMZ article. ‘Harry Styles on a Romantic Night Out with Ex? We’re confused too’. She tried to reason away the pictures. Maybe it was photoshopped. Maybe it was the angle. Maybe it was the wrong place at the wrong time. Honestly, it could have been. But the fact that Harry didn’t return a single call or text all night made his situation worse.

She thought back to why Harry was upset with her in the first place; Kyle’s statement to the press. Emotion flooded Elizabeth and she collapsed on the ground, pulling her knees to her chest and balling into her arms. The past year has been one of the hardest years in her whole life, and when Harry showed up, it finally felt like things were falling back into place for her. Everything started to make sense again. She recalled all of the events leading up to Kate’s wedding. The excitement, the confusion, the hurt, the pain, the heartbreak. Her life was turned upside down.

When Harry was there, she felt like she would be okay. She honestly thought she had finally found the one who could hold her up when things got tough. The one who she could rely on no matter what. She knew that the time apart and the distance between them would be rough, but she thought that it would be her who struggled with it, not him. Yet the second the waters started to get rough, Harry freaked out and acted rashly. Whether he went against Elizabeth’s wishes by hanging out with his ex or not, he shut her out. That’s not the kind of relationship Elizabeth wanted. Not this time.

Elizabeth looked at the time on her phone that read 8:27 AM. She knew that meant that it was only 3:27 AM where Harry was, but she couldn’t wait any longer. She was pissed. She had everything she wanted to say memorized, and she needed to get it off her chest. Furiously she dialed his number. As the phone rang she suddenly got nervous, afraid that he might actually answer. She didn’t know if she’d have the guts to say everything to him directly. She’d rather say it to a machine. Luckily, his voicemail picked up. She held her breath, trying to regulate her heartbeat, directing her to leave a message.

Elizabeth took a deep breath to steady her voice as she spoke, stern but somehow soft at the same time, “Hey. It’s 8:30 in the morning here. I felt like I gave you enough time to cool down. I was hoping you would have called me back last night so we could talk, but you never did. Instead, I woke up to TMZ articles of you and Camille together. At first, I thought I would wait for you to call me so you can explain. It couldn’t be true, could it? But all articles are true, right? That’s what you thought when you read Kyle’s statement in the news yesterday. Except it wasn’t true. Not entirely.”

Her voice began to crack as she continued to explain, her composure deteriorated with each word she spoke, “I was pregnant, Harry. It wasn’t planned. It happened just after Kyle and I got back together. But we were happy. Excited, even. So he proposed to me. Through blood work we found out we were having a boy. We picked a name out. Asher. We weren’t going to tell anyone until I was halfway through. But at 18 weeks, I started bleeding and cramping really badly. I went to the hospital and found out I miscarried. I had to get scheduled surgery to get Asher out of me. Surgical evacuation, they called it. Kyle didn’t come. He said it would be too hard for him. So, I told Kate and she went with me. Two hours. The surgery was only maybe 15 minutes, but I was there for a total of two hours before I went home. Sore and empty. Kyle acted as if nothing happened. Like we didn’t just lose our baby. He didn’t understand how broken I felt. He couldn’t understand why I didn’t want him to touch me. I wasn’t ready to have sex yet. So he cheated. And I left. Do you know when our due date was? The day of Kate and Lewis’ wedding. The day I saw you again.”

She couldn’t help it. Tears began to stream down her cheek, reliving the pain all over again. In the back of her mind she regretted leaving this message. She didn’t want Harry to feel guilty for her. She didn’t want him to think she was making excuses. But he needed to know. He needed to understand why she was so hesitant to start dating him. It wasn’t because she was worried about the spotlight, it was because of the trauma she had just gone through, and the lack of support she needed from her previous partner.

Her voice began to tremble as she continued, “I built a wall up after that, but I tore that wall down for you. I let you in. Being with you enabled me to pick myself back up again, piece by piece. I let myself have fun again. I let myself feel normal again. Because of you, I let myself love again. I wasn’t ready to talk about it, but I would have if you gave me the chance to yesterday. Instead, you ran away like a coward and went right to Camille. Now, I don’t know if you cheated on me or not. Maybe I shouldn’t assume, but then again you didn’t give me the luxury of defending myself, so I’m not sure if you deserve a chance.”

Her voice became more clear. Elizabeth wiped her tears and cleared her voice, feeling more confident in herself. “At the end of the day, you ran. And I’m tired of being in one-sided relationships. I’m tired of being left behind, standing in the dust of the person I care about because they’re scared. And I’m not going to let myself be in that position again. So I’m done. You don’t have to call me back. You don’t have to text me. I don’t want an apology or an explanation. I probably won’t answer if you tried. You can go back to Camille, if that’s what you want. Or don’t. I don’t know. But, I just can’t do this anymore. Thank you for helping me feel like myself again. I love you. I always will.”

Elizabeth ended the call, putting her phone face down on the kitchen island. She planted her palms onto the counter and leaned into it, letting what she had just done sink in. She broke up with Harry. After twelve years of pining over him, she finally got him, and she broke up with him a little over a week later. Typical.

Elizabeth slowly ascended the stairs towards her bedroom, opening her closet doors and rummaging through the shoe boxes on the top shelf, taking hold of one with a pale blue lid and pulling it out. She took it to the end of her bed and took a deep breath, lifting the lid off and placing it beside her, staring down at the contents in the box. She felt her throat tense up, getting emotional after having not looked at these things for months. She pulled out a ziploc bag with a used pregnancy test in it, two prominent pink lines stained onto the screen. She frowned, pulling out two strips of ultrasound pictures. The first showing a string bean of a baby, shape barely recognizable, and the second showing the little boy’s growth at 16 weeks, features clear as day. She ran her finger along the length of his leg, wiping a tear that had fallen from her cheek. She set it aside before pulling fabric out of the box. A onesie that she had bought when she found out she was having a boy. The front read, ‘I’m new here’.

Elizabeth frowned, remembering how she was going to tell her friends she was pregnant with that onesie. Instead, she had to tell Kate through a frantic phone call that she was pregnant, but now she needs a ride to the hospital for an appointment because her baby had died, and to please not tell anyone. Eventually she had told her closest friends and family members, but they were respectful enough to not bring it up again. That memory alone was dizzying. Finally, she pulled out the paperwork she had received upon discharge after her surgical evacuation. She took a deep breath and shoved the contents back into the box, quickly pushing it to the back of her closet. It was time for her to get to work. There was no use in moping.

Instead of working from her home office today, Elizabeth decided to work on her balcony. It was a chilly day, but at least the sun was out to warm up her face. She nuzzled in her blanket and clicked away on the keyboard. However, as the day progressed, her mind wandered often, anxious about the voicemail she left Harry. She wondered when he would wake up. Wondered if Camille was in the bed with him right now. Was he happy? Was he a mess like she was? Would he listen to the voicemail? Would he feel bad? Or upset? Or not care? She doubted that he wouldn’t care. Harry may be many things, but unempathetic was not one of them.

She skipped lunch, ignoring the signs of obvious hunger as her stomach growled and cramped, continuing her work. The loud chimes of her ringtone startled her, heart lurching as she flipped her phone to see that Harry was calling her. She stared at it for a minute, thumb hovering over the green answer button, before sending him to voicemail and setting her phone down, continuing her work. A second later her phone rang again. Harry. Once again she sent it to voicemail. On the third time he called, she just turned her ringer off, set her phone on silent, and turned it over.

Curious to what he had to say, she knew it was best to put him behind her. At least for now. She didn’t know if she could handle whatever it was he had to say, and she just needed time to herself. Still, she cracked a smile at the thought of Harry trying to get a hold of her so desperately, feeling the vibrations of her phone every time he attempted to call or text her. To her, it showed that he still cared. At least that’s what she hoped, as she was too afraid to turn her phone around to read any of the texts or listen to any of the voicemails. As curious as she was, she wanted to refrain.

By the time the sun had set and Elizabeth could no longer ignore her hunger anymore, she made her way back inside to fix herself a plate of spaghetti and collapsed on her couch, turning on ‘Always Be My Maybe’. The presence of her phone’s existence occupying her back pocket nagged at her until she gave in, shoving her bowl on the coffee table and pulling it out. Her eyes widened. 47 missed calls, 23 missed text messages, and 5 voicemails.

As she skimmed through she realized that, although Harry had left most of the messages, she had also gotten some from her friends and family. Harry must have reached out to a few people because Kate, Matt, and Lewis had texted her to see if she was alright, expressing their worry, and asking for her to call them back. She shot them quick texts saying that she was find and that she would call them tomorrow before reading the messages from her sister who hadn’t been reached out to, but texted to let her know that she had seen both articles about Kyle and about Harry and was checking in to see if she was okay and to talk about it. She even got a text from Anne who had told her to hold her head high and that she wasn’t sure what was going on, but would be there for her if she needed it. Elizabeth frowned, realizing that she probably didn’t know that she had just broken up with her son a few hours ago. The most recent texts she got were from Sarah and Mitch who had texted her 20 minutes ago saying that they just landed and that they were on their way to the rehearsal space and they would try and talk to Harry when they saw him. Poor things didn’t know what was going on, either, as they were on a 9 hour flight to New York.

She hovered over Harry’s texts, of which there were 13. The most recent saying ‘I’m on my way to rehearsal, so if I don’t…..” the rest being cut off from display as the text was too long.

Elizabeth debated on clicking it to read all of his texts, but again, she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Instead, she turned her phone off and continued watching the movie, shoving her face into her food and letting her feel sad for herself for the first time today.

Thursday almost seemed to drag. She had continued to get calls and texts from Harry, which she subsequently ignored. This prompted an onslaught of texts from Mitch, Sarah, and even Jeffrey begging her to call him and just give him a second to explain. That it wasn’t what it looked like. Honestly, hearing that made her start to feel guilty, second guessing if she was doing the right thing. But she needed to stay strong. To prove to herself that she didn’t need to be in a relationship to feel whole.

For dinner, Elizabeth visited her neighbor, Judy. Of course the first thing she asked was where Harry was. She filled her in on the jist of things, not wanting to go into too much detail. It was the first time Judy didn’t make a joke of anything, simply telling her, “If your heart has wanted him for this long, it’ll never stop wanting him. Make sure you can live with that if you’re going to walk out.” The seriousness of her voice and the words she spoke lingered in the middle of Elizabeth’s chest for hours, but her pride was too strong to give in just yet.

Elizabeth explained to Kate, Lewis, and Matt what had happened and why they would no longer be flying to New York on Friday. If they were upset about it, they did their best to hide it from her and instead, they made plans to have a sleepover at Kate and Lewis’ house. Nothing like a night full of booze, movies, and party games.

And that’s exactly what they did. She headed straight from her work’s office to Kate’s house with the three of them already there, waiting. There was no build up, chit-chatting, or consoling. The second she walked in the door and dropped her overnight bag, her friends screamed and bombarded her with shots. She laughed again. For the first time in days, her mind was distracted. They stayed up until 2 AM, the drinks all gone, cards and game pieces scattered on the carpet, Elizabeth falling asleep on the couch to a movie with her feet propped on Matt’s lap.

The next day, everyone was woken up by a knock on the door. Elizabeth stirred, seeing Lewis stumble by before wiping the sleep out of her eyes and squinting at her phone as the sun shone brightly through the curtains. 12:13 PM. How could they sleep until noon? Familiar soft voices were heard by the landing before the sound of a door shutting echoed and Lewis walked back in carrying about 12 stacks of chubby little paper folders.

“Who was that?” Kate muttered, sitting up from the other side of the couch. Elizabeth kicked Matt awake, and sat up, cross legged, yawning.

“Your sister,” Lewis said to his wife, handing her half of the stacks, “She was driving by on her way back home and wanted to drop these off. It’s the pictures from the disposable cameras at our wedding.”

“No way!” Kate exclaimed, the excitement making Matt and Elizabeth grin as she shuffled through the stack. Kate’s eyes flickered, looking up at Elizabeth, “Heather wrote ‘For Harry’ on this one.”

Elizabeth frowned, reality hitting her. They would have been in New York right now if she hadn’t broken up with Harry. She outstretched a hand to reach for it and Kate passed it over. When she opened the stack, the first thing she saw was a picture of his chubby 14 year old face, laughing with Jimmy and Lewis. She flipped through, realizing that these were the old pictures from Kate’s photo album that he had asked her to make copies of. But as she neared the back, she recognized more recent photos from the wedding and their weekend at the manor.

She saw a picture of Elizabeth dancing with Edward at the reception. Harry could be seen off to the side with Kate and Celeste, smiling at her. Elizabeth’s smile grew as she continued to flip through the photos, laughing at some of the goofier photos, before landing on one that caught her attention. The picture was taken from a bit of a distance, but the image was still extremely clear for it being from a disposable. Harry and Elizabeth were the only ones in the lake, sitting with their butts in the inner tube. Harry was holding onto Elizabeth’s float so that she wouldn’t drift away. Her head was tilted back, eyes closed as the sun beamed on her chest. And Harry sat there, eyes covered by sunglasses, smiling at her.

Elizabeth remembered that moment clearly, remembering that was the moment that she had realized she still liked Harry. She remembered Harry telling her that this was the moment that sparked the lyrics for one of the songs he wrote about her, ‘There’s No Way’. She felt an empty pit form in his stomach, looking up at her friends in realization.

Matt and Lewis furrowed their eyebrows in confusion, but Kate’s eyes lit up, understandingly, as she softly asked, “Are we going?”

“Let me take a quick shower!” Elizabeth exclaimed, bolting up the steps of her friend’s house as Kate was left to explain what was going on to the two clueless boys. She had messed up. Judy was right. She wasn’t willing to live without herself if she had just given up on Harry. She wanted to fight for him.

The drive to the airport seemed almost frenzied as the four friends rifled through their small duffel bags, trying to figure out what they had forgotten to bring, as they had packed so hastily, and making sure they had all of their ID’s, passports, and credit cards within easy access. Once at the airport, they immediately headed to the check-in counter to buy their tickets. The next flight out would be boarding in 20 minutes and would be landing in New York at 8:30 PM if there were no delays. But their gate was all the way at the other end of the airport. They quickly purchased the tickets and bounded towards TSA. The line was quicker than normal, but they had no time to waste as it had taken 15 minutes to go through and they overheard their gate being called for boarding.

They dashed through the airport, zigzagging in and out of groups of people. Their gate was in sight, and Elizabeth got a second wind, speeding up as they called for final boarding. The four friends panted, reaching the doors as the flight attendant smiled sweetly at them, scanning their tickets.

“Have a great time,” she called to them as they calmly walked down the hall towards the airplane.

Elizabeth glanced at her seat number once more, parading down an aisle of the huge double rowed plane, finding her seat towards the middle. It was a fairly packed flight which was why it was so surprising that Matt had landed a seat next to her, although Kate and Lewis were assigned seats further down the aisle. They tucked their bags in the overhead compartment and took their seats, catching their breath.

Her anxiousness grew as the plane began to reverse out of the terminal, grabbing onto Matt’s hand. She hated the departure, and her nerves about the whole situation didn’t help. Matt squeezed her hand to calm her until they were in the air and Elizabeth felt like she could breathe again. She suddenly remembered all of the unread texts she had gotten from Harry over the past couple days and decided that she should probably read them now.

Her hands shook, as she read text after text. ‘Baby please pick up’, ‘Please don’t do this. Let me explain’, ‘I love you. It’s not what it looks like’, ‘It was a coincidence you have to believe me’, ‘Camille and her friends are staying in the same hotel as me. We just happened to get back at the same time. You can see her friends in the picture walking into the hotel a little ahead of her’, ‘Please, Lizzy, I promise I didn’t cheat on you. I would never’, ‘I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions. I was a stupid. I should have listened to you. I didn’t know. I just need to hear your voice, please.’ And many more desperate pleas.

Towards the end he texted less and less, but the sadness and desperation still evident in the messages. ‘I sent Jeffrey to the airport just in case you changed your mind and decided to come anyway. I really hope you did.’ ‘I guess you aren’t coming. I love you baby. Goodnight.’ ‘Goodmorning. My show’s tonight. I miss you. I’m sorry.’.

Her heart sank, full of regret that she hadn’t read his messages earlier. The last thing she wanted was to break his heart. And she realized she did exactly what she was pissed off at Harry for doing; ran away like a coward. How would she make up for it? Was all of this too little too late? It was worth a shot.

The 9 hour flight felt more like 48 as their plane descended into the airport. Although it was nearly 9 PM, the city lights illuminated the sky so brightly, at first glance it looked like mid day. The four friends grouped together as soon as they got into the terminal and briskly walked through the airport towards arrivals as Lewis requested an Uber, thankful that they didn’t need to check their bags in the first place. It took all of 6 minutes for their uber to meet them, and they headed straight for the arena that Harry would be playing. A 30 minute journey. By her calculations, Harry would be nearing the end of his performance by the time they would have gotten there.

People still crowded the entrance of the arena, Harry’s voice carrying through the street from how loud the speakers were. Elizabeth bound up to the ticket taker with her friends behind her, explaining who she was and that she didn’t have tickets but they needed to get inside. He laughed at her. 15 minutes of the four of them arguing and security being called, it was no use. They stepped away, pulling their duffel bags further onto their shoulder.

“Why don’t you just call him?” Matt asked.

Kate scoffed, “Because, in case you couldn’t hear, he’s currently singing to thousands of people at the moment.” she slapped Matt, earning a laugh from Lewis.

Elizabeth thought, talking to herself, “Yeah….but….maybe Jeffrey?”

She quickly pulled out her phone, dialing Jeffrey’s number, bouncing on her toes with anxiousness. It rang four times before he picked up, screams blaring through his end of the line. “Lizzy?!” he shouted.

“Jeffrey! Oh, thank god! I’m here, and I’m trying to get in, but….”

“Hello?” He hollered back, cutting her off, “Lizzy? I can’t hear you!”

“Can you hear me?!” she shouted back.

“It’s too loud! I can’t hear you.”

“I’ll text you!” she responded, hanging up the phone. She silently begged that he could hear that last part as she frantically typed him a message, ‘I’m out front with Kate, Lewis, and Matt. Security won’t let us in. Please help!’

The four of them stared at her phone, hoping that he saw it. Three little dots appeared as he typed a response. And a simple ‘on my way’ appeared. They sighed, a huge wave of relief washing over them. Elizabeth bent down, digging through her bag and pulling out a thin piece of paper, gripping it carefully in her hands. Five minutes passed before the front doors opened and Jeffrey walked out, two large, burly security guards behind him.

“Lizzy!” He called, waving the four of them over.

The four friends dashed over to him. Matt shot the ticket taker and the security guard that he had called over a nasty look, flipping them the middle finger and following Jeffrey inside. Jeffrey pulled Elizabeth into a tight squeeze as they were escorted towards a ‘staff only’ door, walking down hallways towards the back rooms and side stage to avoid the crowds.

“Thank god you showed,” Jeffrey exclaimed, “Harry’s been a mess. Look I know what that photo looked like, but I was actually with him and he didn’t…”

“I know,” Elizabeth grinned, patting Jeffrey on the arm, “Don’t worry, I know.”

He shook his head, pursing his lips before saying, “He’s on stage right now, but we can take you to the side stage behind the curtains so he could at least see you’re here.”

“Perfect,” she agreed, turning to Kate and grabbing her hand.

Kate squeezed her reassuringly and Elizabeth looked at the boys who’s eyes wandered around, taking everything in. She grinned at their amazement. Harry’s singing voice became louder and louder as they got closer. They rounded a corner and Jeffrey allowed them to set their bags against a wall before they climbed up a pair of rickety metal stairs, the stage coming into view. Sarah was the first person they saw, banging away on the drums. Mitch was the next, just barely swaying from side to side as he played. Charlotte was just barely out of view and she could see Adam and Ny on the other side of the stage. They all seemed to be in halloween costumes, dressed as ghost busters.

Jeffrey and the four friends inched closer to the side, finally able to see the back of Harry, Elizabeth’s heart pounding in her chest. The first few rows were visible from the stage lights and her eyes wandered to the VIP section, instantly noticing Camille, swaying along to the music with her friends. This time, she didn’t feel annoyance or jealousy, but indifference; she didn’t care. She felt eyes on her, and her attention snapped back to Sarah who was looking straight at her, eyes wide and smiling broadly.

“Hi!” Elizabeth mouthed, waving shyly.

She shook her head, laughing, “Hi!”

Mitch must have noticed because he turned to see what Sarah was looking at and grinned, his chest jolting from a small chuckle, nodding at her appearance before turning straight ahead as Sarah beat the hell out of the drums, the song finishing. The crowd screamed in the silence and she could hear Mitch’s voice.

“Harry!” his soft voice called.

Elizabeth watched as Harry looked up at his friend while taking a swig of water. Mitch’s head nodded in the direction of the side of the sage and a subtle finger pointed towards her. Harry’s attention traveled past him and his eyes landed on hers. He stiffened up a bit, clearly shocked, but also very obviously happy. Elizabeth waved the paper she held in her hands at him and he looked from her, to the crowd, back to her before quickly jogging over. A few concerned crew members started shouting at him to go back on stage, but Harry ignored them at first.

“You came! I’m so sorry!” he rushed, muttering words as Elizabeth tried to quiet him, feeling the frustration from the crew members grow the longer he stayed off stage.

Elizabeth smiled, forcing the paper in his hands, “It’s okay,” she reassured as he looked down, seeing the picture of the two of them sitting on the floats in the lake. He looked up as she said, “Go on. I’ll be here when you’re done. Go!” She pushed him back towards the stage.

He smiled back at her, glancing back down at the picture before shoving it into a pocket of his costume. “Sorry, I saw a ghost that needed busting,” he joked to the crowd, an eruption of screams and laughter filled the stadium. He turned towards the band and mouthed something, everyone nodding their approval and understanding as he faced the crowd again, “So, this next song I want to sing for you is off of my new album. It’s very special to me, I hope you like it. It’s called ‘Brown Eyed Lover’.”

Harry turned and winked at her as the band sang a few lines of ‘waiting’. Sarah banged on the drums and the music started. Harry’s voice bouncing off the walls.

Waiting Waiting Waiting

I've got a brown-eyed lover On the other side of town I don't wanna keep her waiting (I don't wanna keep her waiting, waiting) She's got me upside tongue-tied Twisted all around I don't wanna keep her waiting (I don't wanna keep her waiting, waiting)

Well, I don't know I can't tell Will this last Or just come and go? It came so fast And my feet feel cold But my mind is for sure And my heart remains

Oh, she's got everything you want Wardrobe bought at the thrift shop And all my friends adore her She reminds me of my mother She wonders how my day went And don't care about my paychecks Well, I don't wanna keep my baby waiting

Oh, let me think What if she finds a man Who's got so much more time For her than me on his hands? That don't make sense Why would she wait so long Just to run away?

Oh, she's got everything you want Let's me pick the restaurants And all my friends adore her And I can still afford her She wishes I'd stop worrying About where my next paycheck is Well, I don't wanna keep my baby waiting

I've got a brown-eyed lover On the other side of town I don't wanna keep her waiting, ye (I don't wanna keep her waiting, waiting) She's got me upside tongue-tied Twisted all around I don't wanna keep her waiting I don't wanna keep her waiting (I don't wanna keep her waiting, waiting) I don't wanna keep her waiting (I don't wanna keep her waiting, waiting) I don't wanna keep her waiting (I don't wanna keep her waiting, waiting) I don't wanna keep her waiting

Harry’s voice died out with the symbols and the crowd screamed wildly, jumping with excitement. He glanced to the side where she stood, smiling from ear to ear. Quickly, he ran over and planted a kiss on her lips, salty from all the sweat that was dripping down his face.

“I love you,” he whispered.

She giggled, “I love you, too,” kissing him and pushing him back onto the stage to finish his set before she got yelled at by any more crew members.

KEEP READING

#Harry styles #harry styles smut #harry styles fluff #harry styles fan fic #harry styles fan fiction #harry styles imagine #harry styles one shot #Harry Styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfic #Harry Styles blurb #smut #one direction #one direction fan fic #one direction smut

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ranma-rewatch · 3 years

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Episode 25: The Abduction of P-Chan

Y’all, it has finally COME. The arc I have been wanting to rewatch for ages. One of my favorite arcs in the series. It’s time for figure skating, I’m pretty sure I remember this arc very well, and I look forward to seeing if I still love it as much as I used to.

Oh, but before I do that, I just want to go over something. I already talked about this during Season 1, but some of you might be confused why I’ve waited so long to cover this arc. It’s because the original broadcast order and the production order are different, and Hulu has things in the production order. I wanted to cover the series by broadcast date, so even though this takes place right before the original Shampoo arc, we’re not watching it until, well, now. But anyway, that done, let’s watch the episode!

I am not disappointed.

The episode starts at an ice-skating rink, where Akane is there with a few unnamed friends who want her to join the skating club, because she’s genuinely that good. However, she brought P-Chan with her and left him on the ice. Before she can get back to our transformed lost boy, someone else finds him and takes him away, calling him ‘Charlotte’.

From there, we cut to a ramen shop where Ranma is getting grilled by his friends Hiroshi and Daisuke, who want to date ‘the other Ranma’. That request goes as well as you can expect (though I do have to wonder, since it’s unclear if they think the ‘other Ranma’ is Ranma’s girlfriend or his sister, and they both want to date her, if this would be an actual polycule), but just as Ranma starts walking away, insulting Akane because his friends brought her up, she appears, looking upset.

Ranma immediately regrets that and starts backpedaling, only to realize she doesn’t care about that, she wants his help finding her pet. Luckily, that won’t be too hard, because the thief enters the same shop they’re in, carrying Ryoga around with her. Akane tries taking him back, but the girl resists.

That’s when someone shows up to help Akane, a tall attractive young man who acts like the ultimate pretty boy romance option. He apologizes, explaining his friend has a bad habit of taking things she finds cute and naming them. That just sets the girl off though, whining more and more about the matter until she challenges Akane to a figure skating match.

It’s then that we learn who these two are: Mikado Sanzenin and Azusa Shiratore from Kolholtz High School. Together, they’re a figure skating duo known as the Golden Pair, and they’ve won 950 matches with no losses. Despite this, Akane is ready to fight.

Mikado starts putting the moves on her, causing Ranma to flick some food at him. The figure skater takes that as a challenge, so it’ll be a doubles match of Ranma and Akane versus Mikado and Azusa, and it’ll be in one week.

That night at dinner, Ranma and Ryoga argue over who gets to skate with Akane, each bragging over what they can do...the only issue there is that neither can actually skate at all. Akane starts helping Ranma after he goes into the bathroom and activates his and Ryoga’s curses, since he feels like failing so badly at skating looks worse when he’s masculine.

The Golden Pair return, with Azusa snatching P-Chan to put a new collar on him, one only she can unlock, and Mikado now trying to flirt with Ranma. It’s revealed that they’re both masters of Martial Arts Figure Skating, and that’s what the match really is, as they train by defeating a hundred opponents in just nine seconds. Things get worse when he actually steals a kiss from Ranma, causing Ranma to go use hot water to turn himself back and enter the ice rink ready to fight. He punches the ice so hard that he leaves an enormous crack in it, and he claims it’s the first time in his life he’s been really mad.

That’s where the episode leaves us! But wow, I still feel like a lot happened in this one. There’s a heck of a lot for me to cover, but let’s just start with, well, all the Ranma/Akane. I’m sorry! I can’t help myself!! There was just so much of it! Whether it be Ranma worrying about making Akane mad from another “she’s not cute” kind of thing and being ready to take it back, to how annoyed he gets from Mikado flirting with her, to how after being kissed by Mikado one of the first things he worries about is that it was in front of Akane.

It was adorable!

I also think it’s remarkable how this story is just carried by the personalities of its characters. This isn’t some plot that happens to have the Golden Pair in it. The conflict is driven by Azusa’s strange kleptomania and my Mikado’s predatory behavior. Compared to some other storylines I can think of, this approach makes this one feel much more focused, as well as emphasizing the antagonists of the arc.

I’m going to give each of them their own Character Spotlight in coming weeks, but I did want to say here that I think it’s really interesting how Mikado is frequently animated to make his possessive behavior clear just through visuals, like how he holds Ranma’s arms while carrying him, to keep him from resisting his advances.

The comedy felt strong in this episode, as did the action. I wasn’t laughing the whole time or anything, but I was entertained throughout, and that’s not something I can say for a lot of episodes, sadly. It’s a strong start to this arc, and it just gets better from here...or at least that’s what the opinions I formed in high school tell me, from across the vast distance of time.

Instead of doing a Character Spotlight, I’m going to FINALLY talk about Season 2’s Opening! Since, for some reason, this is the first episode to have it...when due to broadcast order versus production order a lot of places don’t even have it in Season 1!

This song is called “Little Date”, performed by the band Ribbon. It’s a very cute little song, with elements of lighter and sillier moments but also of more emotional ones. I like it a lot more than the first opening’s song, and while I’m not sure if it’s my favorite opening, it’s one of the ones I love going back to listen to the most.

The visuals are...okay. The first half is pretty meh, a combination of original art, images from the manga, and overall less animated stuff. It’s also kind of infamous for showing Ranma’s cursed form topless, right at the start. The second half is better, and I especially love Shampoo’s introduction. The way she and the music fit together is really good, and the fact it’s at the bubbliest part of the song works really well.

On the whole, even with some more lackluster visuals, I’d still put it above the first seasons’s OP.

If it isn’t obvious, I’m very happy to be starting the Martial Arts Figure Skating Arc. I don’t know how popular it is in the larger Ranma fandom, but I know I’ve always been a big fan of it, and this time around it’s still good, at least so far. Honestly? I’m actually going to put this as the second best episode so far, I liked it that much.

Episode 7: Enter Ryoga, the Eternal ‘Lost Boy’

Episode 25: The Abduction of P-Chan

Episode 12: A Woman's Love is War! The Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics Challenge!

Episode 15: Enter Shampoo, the Gung-Ho Girl! I Put My Life in Your Hands

Episode 9: True Confessions! A Girl's Hair is Her Life!

Episode 2: School is No Place for Horsing Around

Episode 19: Clash of the Delivery Girls! The Martial Arts Takeout Race

Episode 6: Akane's Lost Love... These Things Happen, You Know

Episode 13: A Tear in a Girl-Delinquent's Eye? The End of the Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics Challenge!

Episode 23: Enter Mousse! The Fist of the White Swan

Episode 17: I Love You, Ranma! Please Don’t Say Goodbye

Episode 20: You Really Do Hate Cats!

Episode 16: Shampoo's Revenge! The Shiatsu Technique That Steals Heart and Soul

Episode 8: School is a Battlefield! Ranma vs. Ryoga

Episode 11: Ranma Meets Love Head-On! Enter the Delinquent Juvenile Gymnast!

Episode 4: Ranma and...Ranma? If It’s Not One Thing, It’s Another

Episode 5: Love Me to the Bone! The Compound Fracture of Akane's Heart

Episode 1: Here’s Ranma

Episode 22: Behold! The 'Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire' Technique

Episode 3: A Sudden Storm of Love

Episode 21: This Ol' Gal's the Leader of the Amazon Tribe!

Episode 10: P-P-P-Chan! He's Good For Nothin'

Episode 14: Pelvic Fortune-Telling? Ranma is the No. One Bride in Japan

Episode 18: I Am a Man! Ranma's Going Back to China!?

Episode 24: Cool Runnings! The Race of the Snowmen

This arc continues next week, and if I’m being honest, I think it’s going to top this. But maybe I’m wrong! We’ll see with “Close Call! The Dance of Death... On Ice!”. Can it be as good as Reptaur on Ice? I doubt it.

#episode 25 #The Abduction of P-Chan #ranma 1/2 #ranma saotome #akane tendo #mikado sanzenin #azusa shiratore #anime analysis #anime rewatch

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ezrisdax-archive · 5 years

Text

chat room nine

the ds9 chatfic I’m gonna regret (also here on ao3) (with thanks to @trillscienceofficer for some names)

March 12th, 2372 06:07

oh, worm changed chiefofsecurity’s name to an inch to the left

oh, worm changed captainsisko’s name to putting the dad in crawdaddies

March 12th, 2372 06:32

putting the dad in crawdaddies: dax.

oh, worm: ;3

putting the dad in crawdaddies: this is an officers chat designed to help efficiency.

oh, worm: lighten up ben, last night you posted pictures of your latest recipe

oh, worm: also we let quark in here, I think our standards lowered then

putting the dad in crawdaddies: I thought that was when I agreed to have you stationed here, old man

oh, worm: benjamin!

putting the dad in crawdaddies: ;3

a miles a day keeps the doctor away: jadzia please don’t tell me you just taught the captain emoticons.

oh, worm: >:D

March 12th, 2372, 06:40

an inch to the left changed their name to chiefofsecurity

chiefofsecurity: dax.

oh, worm changed chiefofsecurity’s name to constagooble

oh, worm: believe me odo. I can go all day.

March 12th, 2372 07:01

secret agent man: are we going to skip over the fact that the chief is aware of emoticons?

oh, worm: damn julian, you’re right.

punch a lizard in the dick: had to happen some time.

punch a lizard in the dick: what’s an emoticon?

oh, worm: now all feels right in the world.

a miles a day keeps the doctor away: shut up julian.

a miles a day keeps the doctor away: molly showed me.

secret agent man: she’s four.

a miles a day keeps the doctor away: my children will be always be smarter than you, julian.

oh, worm: congrats by the way! I know it’s early but these nine months will fly by I’m sure.

today is a good day to die, tomorrow works too: @putting the dad in crawdaddies, I would like to discuss taking some time off.

punch a lizard in the dick: I don’t know how she can manage pregnancy, I’m not sure I’d be able to.

a miles a day keeps the doctor away: I’m sure Worf would help you out.

today is a good day to die, tomorrow works too is offline

[oh, worm -> a miles a day keeps the doctor away]

oh, worm: please tell me there’s a story here.

a miles a day keeps the doctor away: it started when the Enterprise was struck by quantum filaments

oh, worm: hang on, I’m replicating popcorn

a miles a day keeps the doctor away: it’s not even 8

oh, worm: just keep going

March 12th, 2372, 11:47

come to Quark’s, drinks on you: Come to Quark's, Quark's is fun, come right now, don't walk, run!

a miles a day keeps the doctor away: quark I can tell you’re using spam bots in the system, it’s taxing the processors.

come to Quark’s, drinks on you: Come to Quark's, Quark's is fun, come right now, don't walk, run!

putting the dad in crawdaddies: @constagooble take care of this

oh, worm: I don’t think that’s necessary ben. kira just left.

secret agent man: I’ll go prepare sickbay

constagooble changed their name to chiefofsecurity

chiefofsecurity: I’ll prepare a cell

oh, worm changed chiefofsecurity’s name to hot glue

oh, worm: ;3

[hot glue -> come to Quark’s, drinks on you]

hot glue: and here I thought ear piercings weren’t your thing.

come to Quark’s, drinks on you: shut up odo

March 12th, 2372 13:07

a miles a day keeps the doctor away: why am I still finding Cardassian voles in the upper walls of the station?

oh, worm: they like to feel tall

March 12th, 2372, 15:34

oh, worm: @today is a good day to die, tomorrow works too we still good for dinner tonight?

today is a good day to die, tomorrow works too: I will be there.

oh, worm: @punch a lizard in the dick we still good for breakfast tomorrow?

punch a lizard in the dick: so long as the replicators are working.

a miles a day keeps the doctor away: I’m working on it.

oh, worm: I always have some gagh leftover.

punch a lizard in the dick: dax no.

today is a good day to die, tomorrow works too: I would prefer that to the promenade.

oh, worm: you win some you lose some.

hot glue changed their name to chiefofsecurity

oh, worm changed chiefofsecurity’s name to legally you have to tell us if you’re a cop

oh, worm: and I’m winning this one

[putting the dad in crawdaddies -> oh, worm]

putting the dad in crawdaddies: are you hitting on both the Major and Commander in the chat?

oh, worm: you only live once ben, I see no reason to limit myself.

putting the dad in crawdaddies: you’ve lived eight lives dax.

putting the dad in crawdaddies: I can see you’re still online.

March 12th, 2372 16:47

a miles a day keeps the doctor away: quark did you move our Alamo figures?

come to Quark’s, drinks on you: I wanted to since it was taking up table space but bashir paid up so no. I didn’t, it’d be bad for business to lose regular clients because of this.

today is a good day to die, tomorrow is too: No matter the planning you do you will not win that battle.

oh, worm: didn’t peg you as a quitter worf

today is a good day to die, tomorrow is too: They need more numbers.

oh, worm: Or a Klingon?

secret agent man: you’re welcome to join worf. Soon as we find out where our figures are.

a mile a day keeps the doctor away: keiko says she hasn’t seen them.

secret agent man: leeta says she didn’t see anyone move them.

a mile a day keeps the doctor away: I’m replicating more now just in case.

today is a good day to die, tomorrow works too: You need more soldiers anyway.

a mile a day keeps the doctor away: that isn’t accurate then.

secret agent man: no no, he’s on to something.

[oh, worm -> come to Quark’s, drinks on you]

oh, worm: your tongo debt is wiped to zero now, quark.

come to Quark’s, drinks on you: just remember to move them out of my storage.

come to Quark’s, drinks on you: unless you’d like to store them there for fifty latinum a day.

oh, worm: I’ll pick them up at tongo tonight

March 12, 2372 18:12

punch a lizard in the dick: [img: roster file]

putting the dad in crawdaddies: thank you Major. Please change Lieutenant’s Portant and T’Von’s shifts, they spoke to me earlier.

oh, worm: are you using this for actual work?

putting the dad in crawdaddies: for it’s intended use.

oh, worm: boring.

oh, worm: aren’t you supposed to be spending this time with jake and kasidy anyway?

putting the dad in crawdaddies: [img: jake working on a padd] he’s working on a new novel.

putting the dad in crawdaddies: [img: kasidy working on her own roster]

putting the dad in crawdaddies: [img: a jambalaya being stirred]

oh, worm: so…

putting the dad in crawdaddies: you can come over.

oh, worm: can I bring worf?

putting the dad in crawdaddies: I’d expect you to.

putting the dad in crawdaddies: @punch a lizard in the dick you’re welcome over as well.

punch a lizard in the dick: be there soon.

March 12th, 2372 18:40

oh, worm: [img: edge of plate of jambalaya, most of the picture is both worf and kira sitting across from her]

oh, worm: how’s the love life going, julian?

secret agent man: show off.

punch a lizard in the dick: [img: plate of jambalaya]

secret agent man: ?

punch a lizard in the dick: I thought we were showing off?

oh, worm: nobody tell her.

punch a lizard in the dick: dax.

March 12th, 2372 20:02

oh, worm: @legally you have to tell us if you’re a cop you couldn’t have waited to arrest quark till after I got my winnings?

legally you have to tell us if you’re a cop changed their name to chiefofsecurity

chiefofsecurity: tough luck, dax

oh, worm changed chiefofsecurity’s name to the goo-do

March 12th, 2372 21:53

noggin’: you won’t believe what the officers chatroom is like

write-tajino: I’ve heard stories.

March 13th, 2372 00:16

goo-do changed their name to chiefofsecurity

March 13th, 2372 06:08

oh, worm changed chiefofsecurity’s name the liquid embodiment of a stick up your ass

oh, worm changed their name to it’s a lovely morning on ds9 and you are a horrible worm

it’s a lovely morning on ds9 and you are a horrible worm: good morning everyone

it’s a lovely morning on ds9 and you are a horrible worm: ;3

#star trek: ds9 #jadzia dax #she's really the main character in this #beej writes

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tibbinswrites · 4 years

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Prompt #26

It’s my birthday!!!

So I got you all a present. That’s how birthdays work, right? I wrote you this fic. Prompt #26 on my list because guess how old I am?!

Fair warning: Major Character Death. I made myself cry.

I’ve now done prompts for: #1, #2, #4 and #16, #9, #10, #20, #26, #33, #77, #78, #170 (part 1), (part 2), (part 3), #327 and #502 and I’m not accepting any more prompts at this time.

Also, check out the destiel anthology I’m in. We’re 119% funded and saving for hardback so if you want one, get one!

Prompt #26. Afterlife

Getting old sucked. Ever since Dean had found his first grey hair and noticed that the wrinkles around Sam’s eyes weren’t going away when he stopped smiling, Dean had realised that he might actually get to experience old age. It was a thoughts that settled uncomfortable behind his sternum, though he knew it wasn’t exactly bad. They’d defeated Chuck, after all, and only a couple of years after that, Dean had called it quits and retired from hunting… mostly. He’d help out if there was a case in their neck of the woods, Sam always called him first so he could call dibs or pass as he pleased. At least he had, until Sam himself had retired with Eileen and they’d passed the reigns on to the younger generation.

That was just fine by Dean. Sam and Eileen now lived only a couple of blocks away, the bunker a place none of them had been to in years, though sometimes they got visits from the younger hunters, wanting to gawk or advice or to hear some of the Winchesters’ greatest hits, which Dean was always happy to oblige and he and Sam had a tally going of which one of the brothers they’d come to see (Sam was winning, but barely). He liked seeing the way their eyes bugged out when Cas brought out a plate of sandwiches and dropped a kiss to Dean’s hair before settling next to him on the couch, his hands taking Dean’s left in his own so he could fiddle with the ring he’d put there nearly thirty years before.

Now, Cas was the worse part of this getting old deal, because Cas wasn’t. Or… he was, his grace had been irreparably damaged over the years, but slowly. Cas still looked like he was only barely approaching fifty, while Dean had come to realise that he was a shrivelled-up eighty-eight-year-old.

Despite Cas’ assurances that it made no difference to him, that he was still older than Dean by millennia anyway, that his soul was still as beautiful as it had been, Dean still sometimes found himself staring into the mirror in dismay, then looking over at his still-gorgeous husband and feeling even worse. Especially when Dean had had to convince Cas to pretend that he was a carer out in public, or his son, or something that would make more sense than him, a raisin of a human, being married to an angel (formerly of the Lord, now of humanity) who just wasn’t ageing at the same rate and both of them being happier than either had dared imagine for themselves.

Dean watched Cas from his chair while he puttered around outside. Before they’d even finished unpacking their meagre belongings after moving in, Cas had started working on the garden. There was a small beehive at the very back, and lots of decorative birdbaths and birdfeeders they had been gifted with over the years and the plants themselves were an explosion of colour. Dean couldn’t really make it out there on his own anymore. There were a few stone steps to get down into it from the house that he struggled with now and thing was practically a jungle, with roots and uneven ground that was pretty perilous for a man of his age. There was no lawn to speak of, the grass was always too long and there were more trees and plants than open spaces. It was beautiful to look at though, and sometimes in the summer Cas would carry him out to the bench (that was nowhere near the beehive) and they would sit together and watch the birds and insects flutter by, and despite being surrounded by suburbia, they were perfectly alone, a place of calm, like the lake near the bunker they’d gone to years ago.

He got nostalgic a lot, and bitter with it sometimes. And though he didn’t regret the way his life had turned out, not at all, he missed feeling like he had something, anything, to give back to Cas in return for loving him. He couldn’t offer to help around the house anymore. He was confined to his chair most of the time. Cas carried him to bed and helped him hobble to the bathroom and cooked for him and put up with his crotchety-ness when his knees were bothering him. He made sure Dean took all his pills on time and read to him when his eyes wouldn’t focus properly and sign to him when his ears were fuzzy and drove him over to visit Sam and Eileen twice a week. And he still looked at Dean in a way that made his heart melt, like he was beautiful, and just as capable and strong as he’d been at thirty, and not the pile of brittle bones that he had become.

Cas saw him watching through the window and smiled, as though seeing Dean sat where Cas had gently placed him a few hours ago was the best surprise he could have hoped for. Dean shook his head and smiled back. Even after all these years Cas was still a giant romantic dork. It was good to see him smile. He’d been kind of mopey for the past week, though wouldn’t answer when Dean asked him what was wrong.

He came back in soon after that, though he’d only been out for around fifteen minutes. He brought Dean a bowl of soup for lunch and sat with him with his own bowl, telling him how the hive was doing and which flowers had just begun to bud. Dean listened to it all, just letting Cas’ voice brush through him, as soft as his grace.

“Claire called this morning.” Cas informed him. “She and Kaia are planning a trip to Athens next month for their anniversary.”

“Well it’s lucky for some,” Dean said with a smile. “I’ll bet Alex and Patience are jealous.”

“Livid,” Cas agreed. “Claire was very pleased. She’s hoping they might run into ‘something cool’.” Cas’ fingers quoted the last two words. “So I daresay they’ll spend a few days looking for a hunt.��

“And how’s Donna?”

“As well as can be expected. Alex is staying with her for a little while, you know.”

“Yeah.”

Cas had driven them to the funeral a few months back. Jody had died peacefully, surrounded by her wife and her girls, but it was still hard on all of them. Especially Donna and Claire. Jody had been kick-ass even as a pensioner, getting into trouble with the local law enforcement when she decided to voice her complaints about their ‘sloppy new police tactics’. Dean had been sad to say goodbye.

“I think you should call Sam.” Cas said once they were done eating, though Dean hadn’t even managed half of the soup; he missed the days he could devour seven grilled cheeses in quick succession.

One hand still holding Dean’s, the other playing through his wispy, white hair. At least he hadn’t gone bald like his grandfather, though Sam had followed in Samuel’s eggheaded footsteps, which was a fact that Dean never tired of teasing him about.

“Why? We were over there the other day.”

“I know, but… It’s nice to check in. I’ll get you the phone.”

Bewildered, Dean stared as Cas unstuck himself from his side and went to pick up the cordless phone. He dialled and held the phone to his ear, turning his back to Dean and talking quietly so he couldn’t hear or even attempt to lip read what was being said. That was weird.

“Here.” Cas said, a few minutes later, handing Dean the phone before kissing him on the cheek and gathering up the trays from lunch. “You talk to Sam and I’ll clean up.”

“You’re being weird.” Dean told him, but dutifully held the phone to his ear anyway. “Hey Sammy.”

“Hey Dean.” Sam’s voice cracked a little over the words. “How are you feeling?”

“Old,” Dean replied. You?”

“Four years younger.” Sam said, and Dean could hear the smartass grin through the phone.

“Hello, Dean,” came Eileen’s voice.

“No!” Dean said firmly. “I’m not falling for that again. Sam, tell Eileen I say hi and that she’s been pulling the same joke for the past forty years.”

“And you fell for it for the past thirty-nine of them.”

There was a pause, probably while Sam signed something to his wife because he heard her laugh.

“What did Cas wanna talk to you about anyway?” Dean asked. “And why doesn’t he know by now that he can just call you without pretending that I need to talk to you.”

“He’s just paying back the favour.” Sam said, a little too quickly. “It used to be that I was the one playing messenger between the two of you.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Why do I feel like you’re planning a surprise birthday party or something?”

“That’s exactly it. We forgot to do that in January. You know what my memory’s like now.”

“It’s from all those concussions you got.” Dean said, falling easily back into their old banter. Cas was right, talking with Sam was just what he needed. Sure, they still saw each other a lot, but over the phone he could almost kid himself that they weren’t as old as they looked, and even if they were… then it wasn’t that bad. Because he and Sam had made it through. Against all odds, through Hell and Heaven and Purgatory, they’d stared down monsters, ghosts, angels, demons and God and they’d beaten them all. They were the Winchesters and they’d survived.

Sure, this old age crap sucked, but every day he got to wake up next to the person he loved, knowing that his brother was doing the same. He got to hear stories from the hunters who came to visit, about new weapons they’d developed, new hunters they’d recruited, new lore they’d discovered. He got to hear how the fight was continuing without them and it was kinda nice to not be needed any more. He knew that he’d done his part, given all he had, and still ended up with a life worth bragging about. He didn’t worry about nightmares anymore, didn’t wake up drowning in guilt over things that were long over and done with. He’d made peace with his mistakes years ago, and he’d also learned to appreciate his victories.

His conversation with Sam lasted longer than he’d expected. They ended up, as most of their conversations did, reminiscing on old times. Mostly because there was so little present news happening. The world was quiet, for which they were both grateful, and they had more than earned the right to allow it to pass them by.

But this conversation felt different to the one they’d shared just the other day. Heavier almost. Sure, they laughed and poked fun at each other, just like they always had, even brothers in their eighties were still brothers after all, but Sam told him a few things that he was sure had never come up before, things like how grateful Sam was that Dean had raised him like he had, how he’d known all along the things he’d sacrificed so that he could have as normal a childhood as possible, even growing up as a hunter. He confessed how pleased he’d been to see him at Stanford, even knowing that it meant trouble, and other little moments like it. After hunts when Dean had been hurt, how terrified Sam had been every time. And when Sam got hurt, how much it had helped knowing that Dean was the one patching him up. He told a dozen different stories that emphasised how brave Sam thought he was, how kind, how smart, and he wouldn’t let Dean scoff off those compliments like he usually did.

Sam’s openness inspired his own and he found himself confessing things in kind. It felt good, cleansing, like a too-hot bath, and despite how stilted and slightly uncomfortable the entire conversation was, he was glad Cas had suggested the call.

Eventually, they both seemed to run out of things to say.

“Well, I should probably go,” Dean said. “But we’ll come visit on Tuesday like usual, kay?”

To his surprise, Sam sniffed, and it sounded like he was about to cry. “Yeah, okay,” he said. “Love you, jerk.”

“You too, bitch.”

He ended the call and glanced up at Cas, who had returned about an hour ago with a book, though instead of reading it, he was watching Dean.

Dean frowned at him, thinking about how weird Cas had been acting, how today he’d barely left him alone, how he’d caught him up on all the latest family news and made him call Sam. He remembered something Cas had told him years ago, when they’d first begun to let themselves truly love each other, how angels could sense when someone was dying.

“Today’s the day, isn’t it?” He asked.

Cas looked stricken for a moment, then he put the book aside and came back to sit at Dean’s side, curling around him like the world’s most careful question mark. “Yes.”

Dean reached out to grasp his hand. “Thank you. For making me talk to Sam.”

Cas just squeezed his frail fingers.

“Maybe I should’ve cut back on the burgers after all.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“No, I don’t,” Dean conceded. “But this has been nice though. Our life. Our, post-hunting life.”

“Our together life,” Cas said, his breath soft against Dean’s neck. “Yes, it has.”

“I love you.”

“And it still takes a deathbed for you to say it,” Cas joked, as though Dean hadn’t made a point to say it at least once a day since they’d been married. “I love you too.”

“So, what happens… after?” He had to ask, despite knowing, he had to ask. Because he’d known this day was coming in a far-off kind of sense, and he’d died more often than he cared to count, but knowing that this was it, this would be his final trip over to the other side, well… he was a little apprehensive.

“I’ll find you.” Cas promised. “I’ll need you to wait for me a little while. I have to make the arrangements here and—”

“And be there for Sam.”

“Of course.” Cas said easily. “But as soon as I can, perhaps a week or two, I’ll find you; and we’ll keep… not-living a together afterlife.”

“I’ll like that.” Dean said, just as a sharp pain prodded at his chest.

“I’m sure we’ll have plenty of visitors too,” Cas said. “Jack will make sure we have plenty of channels between Heavens. The last we spoke he said he was excited to see you again.”

“Be nice to see him too.” Dean said, though he was finding it hard to breathe; Cas stroked his hair and the touch was nice. “And the rest.”

The last thing he felt on Earth was Cas’ lips brushing his skin, and Dean Winchester drifted off, content in his angel’s arms; knowing that this was right, that he was ready, and that when he woke up back in his thirty-year-old body in whatever Heaven he had earned, he was gonna give Cas a hell of a welcome when he joined him.

#supernatural #prompt #my birthday #major character death #old age #spn fanfic #Destiel #saileen #TibbinsWrites

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blouisparadise · 4 years

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Upon request, here is a rec list of bottom Louis fics where Louis is pining for Harry. We hope you’ll enjoy this list. We also have a mutual pining rec list here and we will have a pining Harry rec list eventually. Happy reading!

1) Down On Your Knees, You Don’t Look So Tall | Explicit | 3445 words

Louis and Harry are friends, and best ones at that. Louis loves Harry more fiercely more than he's ever loved anyone, so he doesn't really have a problem with it when they start doing this thing. this wonderful, wonderful thing.

2) You Had Me At Hello | Explicit | 4529 words

Louis works in the shop next to Harry's cupcake shop. Louis pines after Harry until he goes into a heat and Harry finally catches up.

3) Just Like Live Wires | Explicit | 5427 words

Harry climbs into Louis’ bed when he’s cold. Louis pines.

4) Something To Live For | Mature | 5535 words

After over a century of waiting for Harry to realize they're mates, Louis gets his heart broken when his friend announces he's found his 'one' in a human girl named Teresa. Wanting only happiness for Harry, Louis accepts that it just wasn't meant to be and decides it's time to let go of the immortal life.

5) Five Times Harry Styles Was Jealous | Mature | 6184 words

Harry's jealous all the time but there were five times that definitely stand out. Five times that changed Louis and Harry's relationship.

6) On My Mind All The Time, Say You're Mine | Explicit | 9261 words

“Dude, we’re inside, and it’s night time. Those don’t look as cool as you think they do.” Louis could kick himself, he sounded so stupid, but it certainly got the guy’s attention.

It was at that unfortunate moment that he noticed several other things about this hot asshole, that he hadn’t noticed just staring from afar. First, when Louis spoke to him, his gaze was kind of unfocused behind his sunglasses, and secondly, that he had a red and white cane folded up under his arm.

“I’m… Blind,” the man chuckled, awkwardly.

Louis wanted to melt into a puddle out of pure embarrassment.

“I— am so sorry. I have to go.”

“Hey, wait, wait,” the man soothed, grabbing at Louis’ shoulders before he could get away.

“I’m sorry,” Louis repeated, looking down at his shoes.

“It’s alright,” He cackled. “I get it a lot. More than you know.”

7) Let The Beating Waves Come Drag Me Down | Explicit | 9447 words

“Just try it, the worst thing that could ever happen it’s that you won’t like it” Niall had told him. And there he was, on the way to one of these pubs created for perverts, willing to break up the routine to try something new, something that terrified as much as excited him.

One night to get swept up in passion, one night to let the devil get in.

"Tonight, I’m going to make you scream of ecstasy Louis,” he said with a raspy voice full of control, making him tremble with anticipation.

8) Got It Right Such A Long Time Ago | Explicit | 9699

There are a lot of people Harry might expect to find on his doorstep at three o’clock in the afternoon these days.

It could be the delivery man, come to drop off the pair of boots Harry impulsively ordered online last week. It could be one of his neighbors, dropping by to complain about how a party he’d thrown weeks ago had clogged up the street. It could also be any number of his friends in L.A., who stop by unannounced most days to mooch off Harry’s food or whisk him away to try some new yogurt shop.

As a rule, it definitely cannot be Louis Tomlinson, although Harry’s blinked at least three times now, and it’s still Louis standing there, a backpack slung over his shoulder and a duffel bag at his feet.

9) You Know What They Say | Explicit | 10232 words

Nice guys always finish last.

10) Call If You Need Me | Explicit | 10770 words

If anyone asks later on, Louis plans to tell them that it’s all Niall’s fault.

11) Love Is Like This; Not A Heartbeat, But A Moan | Explicit | 13150 words

Note: This fic is locked and can only be read by AO3 users.

In which Harry loves Louis, but Louis has been cold to him ever since he presented as an omega at age fifteen.

Eight years later, Louis approaches Harry with a request, and who is Harry to deny him?

12) Just Let Me | Mature | 14714 words

The party was going well. So well, Niall had already sworn undying love to one multi-tiered chocolate cake, two friendly corgi-poodle mixes, Zayn’s hair, and the entire population of Los Angeles. So well, Zayn had only laughed and ruffled Niall’s hair and not even twitched towards a cigarette. So well, nearly everyone had spilled far past the boundaries of the night’s original plans, extracting bottles of vodka from the cabinets and losing a lot of clothes. Harry had proclaimed that he was finally going to throw a small and very grownup dinner party and of course here they were three hours later, fifty people half-naked in the pool. Soon to be full-naked, if Louis had to guess. Everybody in LA loved a heated pool. Everybody loved Harry.

13) We’re the New Romantics | Explicit | 16054 words

Alternatively, a high school au where Louis pines and Harry is not who he seems to be. Featuring peanut butter banana milkshakes, motorcycles, and first times.

14) Wait For Me (To Come Home) | Explicit | 16066 words

A future fic of time stamps where Louis finally comes to grips with a love he'd denied for too long.

15) Deflower Me | Explicit | 20154 words

Louis is a proud virgin, and no matter how much society tries to make him feel like a freak for not acting on his natural urges, he doesn't suffer from his lack of experience. He has never felt drawn to someone in a way that made him want to get involved sexually with them, and he isn't planning on rushing himself so he can get some because people think it's what he should do.

In walks Fratboy, the Serial Haunter of His (wet) Dreams, who thankfully has a little business going on that might be just what Louis needs.

16) I Wanna Be More Than Friends | Not Rated | 20721 words

The one where Harry’s an alpha with no sense of smell, Louis’ an omega who isn’t allowed to scent his best friend, and that’s all they’ll ever be. Obviously.

17) The Way The Storm Blows | Explicit | 21649 words

Louis doesn’t have a habit of thinking about Harry’s dick.

That would be weird, seeing as they’re best mates, and they share a flat, and they’ve spent holidays at each other’s family homes. Their friendship hasn’t ever risen to a point where Louis should want to see his mate’s dick, and he’s happy to keep it that way.

Except, all that Louis can think about is exactly that. The size of it. The shape. The amount of people it’s been in.

Maybe it’s the tequila talking, or the fact that Louis’ just recently walked in to an eyeful of Harry taking turns on some slags that he’s never seen before, but. Louis’ mind can’t stop obsessing over the idea.

18) Ours Are The Moments I Play In The Dark | Mature | 30830 words

Jane Austen's Persuasion AU. Nine years ago Louis Tomlinson was persuaded to break off his engagement to Harry Styles, a poor sailor. Since then Louis has come to regret being so easily convinced to give up his one chance of happiness. Now Louis' family is in debt and his childhood home is being sold. In a complete reversal of fortune, Harry has returned to England a wealthy bachelor looking to settle down. Events conspire to bring them together once more though Louis is- must surely be- the last man on earth that Captain Styles would think of now.

19) If Ignorance Be Bliss | Mature | 30429 words

Uni AU: Harry is too experienced, and Louis just wants to get to experience him.

20) Where The Lights Are Beautiful | Mature | 31170 words

The accidental bonding a/b/o fic.

21) Mark My Word (We Gon’ Be Alright) | Explicit | 35524 words

"He’s always known that there would come a time when Harry would bond with some beautiful, quiet omega, and they would have lots of curly-haired pups and live happily ever after.

Knowing it and living it are two very different things, though. Watching the object of your affection desperately search for a mate and completely disregard you as an option is all sorts of painful, but it is what it is, and Louis is just going to have to learn to live with that."

22) Before We Knew | Explicit | 39831 words

Louis has been skeptical of soulmates for years so it seems like fate when he finally bumps into the owner of the obnoxiously large signature printed into his skin since age sixteen: Harry Styles, a human rights attorney who is firmly against soulmates.

23) Eyes Off You I Explicit | 39396 words

A Charlie’s Angels inspired fic where Louis is the brains, Harry is the charm, Liam is the muscle, and Niall drives the getaway car - and Zayn is there, too. sometimes.

24) Kiss Me On The Mouth And Set Me Free (Nut Please Don't Bite) | Mature | 42074 words

Harry is the CEO of Flora Corp, Louis is his new secretary.

"...Louis wanted him so badly. Wanted Harry to pick him up, bite him, and break him. Make Louis his, make Louis cry, make Louis a beautiful, plump, pregnant omega..."

25) Let Me Touch You Where Your Heart Aches | Explicit | 46625 words

A Friends with Benefits AU, in which Louis falls in love and Harry is jealous. There is some Karaoke singing somewhere in there, because how do you write a romantic comedy without a Karaoke scene?

26) Underneath The Moon | Mature | 46927 words

In five years’ time, Louis would be the one saying to his students about how he knew the great Harry Styles, in a time before he had ever put out an album or performed on a real stage. Harry fucking Styles had been his best friend and he still loved him, he always would. But they couldn’t stay that way.

27) The Sidelines | Explicit | 47078 words

Note: There are mentions of Top Louis.

Or Harry and Louis play hockey for Penn state and can’t stand one another, since they can’t keep their hatred off the ice their coach and team do what they can to keep their hard earned spot in the playoffs and their two star players from killing each other.

28) Waiting For The Tides To Meet | Explicit | 59873 words

Soulmate AU. Everyone is born with heterochromia — one eye is their own eye colour, while the other is the colour of their soulmate's. It's only when they meet their soulmate for the first time that their own eyes match properly. After a hazy night at a frat party, Louis wakes up to blue eyes and the shocking realization that he had met his soulmate, without any sober recollection. Seven years pass where Louis comes to terms with the fact that he'll never know who his soulmate is. Then one fated summer, a beautiful green-eyed photographer arrives at Louis' workplace, with promises of endless laughter and a familiar feeling in Louis' heart.

29) Pinkies Never Lie | Explicit | 83615 words | Sequel

AU in which Louis hates his job and loves Harry, Harry just wants a distraction, everyone else wants them to get their shit together, and Louis learns the hard way that new beginnings are only possible when something ends.

30) Inevitable | Explicit | 185917 words

AU where Louis and Harry used to be more than friends, but everything had to change the day Harry introduces Louis to his new girlfriend.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

#fic recs #bottom louis #top harry #larry #pining louis #blp fic recs #blp

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devil-kindred · 4 years

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Get to Know Me - raisinghellinotherworlds

Saw @pd3 do this and though I’d give it a go!

1. Name : Siren (it’s a pseudonym!)

2. Nationality: American

3. Age: 27

4. Birthday: January 29th

5. Zodiac sign (or your primal zodiac sign): Aquarius

6. Gender: Female

7. Sexuality: Heterosexual

More below the cut

[[MORE]]

8. Your looks (add a picture or describe yourself)

For the record this is the only recent picture of myself I like and this is about as much of my face as you’ll ever see bc I know my angles.

9. What do you/did you study?: I went to school for a Bachelors in Arts with and emphasis on Sciences but never finished it bc 1) college is expensive and 2) I don’t know what I want to do career-wise so there’s not a point in going back anymore.

10. What’s your current job like?/What job would you like to have?: I’m a service desk associate at a department store. Something where I could deal with less people bc boy does this job push my patience sometimes.

11. What is your birth order?: Firstborn/Oldest.

12. How many siblings do you have?: Technically four, but only two living.

13. Do you have good relations with your family?: My immediate family. My siblings are closer to each other (but they’re only two years apart) but we get along. I also have a good relationship with my parents though I’m not as close to my mom as I could be it’s hard to forget the not nice things your parent say to you as a kid.

14. How many friends do you have?: Lots though only a few I see/talk to on a regular basis.

15. Your relationship status: Single.

16. What do you look for in a SO?: Intelligent, kind, has a sense of humor.

17. Do you have a crush?: I guess.

18. When was your first kiss?: WHY *sighs* I was... 25.

19. Do you prefer serious and meaningful relationships or casual dating/one night stands?: I’ve... never been in an actual relationship? I’d like to say serious.

20. What are your deal breakers? Being rude, cheating, and treating me like a child/you know what’s best for me/someone in need of saving (new flash, i am not your princess peach/some damsel in distress. If you need to rescue someone I am not your girl).

21. How was your day?: It’s still early into the day and I go to work in about an hour and a half and I get to close so we’ll see!

22. Favourite food & drink: French Fries. Or anything with potatoes. I’m a fiend. And Dr. Pepper or Coffee.

23. What position do you sleep in?: On my side/stomach on the part of the bed that’s against the wall.

24. What was your last dream about?: It was... highly NSFT and no, I will not go into detail.

25. Your fears: I’m not a fan of spiders or bugs of any kind really, I hate clowns, and I don’t like thunderstorms. Or tornados.

26. Your dreams: Move, either out of state or out of the country.

27. Your goals: See above.

28. Any pets?: A bird, Momo.

29. What are your hobbies?: Writing, playing video games, and reading (fanfic or books)

30. Any cool places in your area?: I’m sure there are but I live in a town surrounded by corn and other farmland so... it’s anyone’s best guess.

31. What was your last awkward situation?: The other day when a customer stared at me for a solid three minutes when I explained that due to the pandemic we’re no longer offering one of our services in an effort to reduce contact.

32. What is your last regret?: That I didn’t realize the true nature of some people who I no longer speak to sooner.

33. Language/s you can speak: English, Spanish (I’m so rusty though), a little bit of French, and a teeny tiny bit of Japanese.

34. Do you believe in astrological stuff? (Zodiac, tarot, etc.): I believe in my many things so yes.

35. Have any quirks?: Uh... I mess with my hair when I’m nervous? & the more nervous I get my (already high) voice gets higher and will go up several octaves the more nervous I get?

36. Your pet peeves: People in my apartment building slamming the front door all the damn time.

37. Ideal vacation: Somewhere with nice scenery and where it’s calm.

38. Any scars?: Quite a few small ones on my head from a car accident when I was just a baby (I went through a window- got a few scrapes but other than that was unharmed) and one on my hand (it’s on both sides of my hand too) from when I was toddler and got bit by a dog.

39. What does your last text message say?: “I’ll let you know when I get some gameplay posted!” I have a sideblog for casual TS4 gameplay. Was telling a friend that I was going to post new stuff soon.

40. Last 5 things from your search history: No thanks! It’s all just checking if a word is really a word and spelling anyways.

41. What’s your [Device] background?: Lockscreen is a wallpaper from FFXV ft. The Chocobros; Hope Screen is Sam & Evie.

42. What do you daydream about?: Writing mostly.

43. Describe your dream home: Decent amount of space, a library room to hold all my books... good lighting, comfy.... preferably NOT in the middle of nowhere.

44. What’s your religion/Your thought about religion: I am not a fan. Particularly of Christianity but everyone has their own beliefs and in that regard, to each their own. Just don’t try to convert me bc the answer is f*ck no.

45. Your personality type: INFP.

46. The most dangerous thing you’ve done?: Climbed onto the roof of the shed when I was little because I got something stuck up there.

47. Are you happy with your current life?: For the most part!

48. Some things you’ve tried in your life: Gymnastics, Ballet, etc.

49. What does your wardrobe consist of?: Lots of t-shirts, jeans, shorts, flats, boots, etc.

50. Favourite colour to wear?: Black or Blue.

51. How would you describe your style?: Extremely casual.

52. Are you happy with your current looks?: Kinda? I really need to cut my hair because it’s gotten so long it’s annoying. But I can put up with it until it’s safe again bc pandemic. My hair is not that important I assure you.

53. If you could change/add something to your appearance - impossible or not - what would it be?: Oh God, could I be taller? Like at least 5’3”? Which is still teeny but better than my 4’9” ass.

Do you have any piercings or tattoos?: I have 3 piercings and three tattoos (two finished, one in progress)

55. Do you get complimented often?: Maybe? I’m oblivious to the point that you could have a flashing neon sign with the compliment written on it and it would probably still go over my head.

56. Favourite aesthetic?: Biker Chic!

57. A popular trend that you dislike: Neon.

58. Songs you’re currently obsessed with?: Blessed Be - Spiritbox.

59. Song you normally wouldn’t admit you like: If I like a song, I like it. But if I have to pick one, I know everyone hates Despacitio. I know, ok but I really like the original version bc I like the sound. Latin music always has a fun groove to it.

60. Favourite genre?: Rock & Metal.

61. Favourite artist/band/genre?: Type O Negative, Pallbearer, Ice Nine Kills. Give me all the goth rock/metal and just fun metal in general.

62. Hated popular songs/artists?: Oh boy... don’t hate me but I um... don’t care too much for T Swift? And I’m not a fan of country.

63. Put your music on shuffle and list first 5: Devil’s // Door - VCTMS, Karasu - The GazettE, Path - Apocalyptica, I Walk the Line - Halsey, Drumming Song - Florence + the Machine

64. Can you sing or play any instruments?: I can kinda play bass but I’m still learning so it’s just like... the very bare basics.

65. Do you like karaoke?: I’m very self-conscious so no.

66. Own any albums?: Yes, though majority are digital.

67. Do you listen to radio? What stations?: Yes. I have it on for background noise in my room in which case I don’t pay attention to it, but I have XM radio in my car where I listen to Octane/Liquid Metal/Turbo.

68. Favourite movie/series?: The Dark Knight trilogy or Hellraiser or Nightbreed.

69. Favourite genre of movies/books/etc: Horror, Sci-fi, and fantasy.

70. Your fictional crush/es: Too many. Look at my OCs and their SO’s and you’ll find a bunch of them.

71. Which fictional character is you?: My friends would say Mira Jane from Fairy Tail. My bestie says Mercedes from Fire Emblem Three Houses (minus the devout part bc... I do not have nice feelings re-religion. You do you though!).

72. Are you a shipper? List your otps, if so: Yes, and once again you’ll be reading for eternity. So I’ll sum it up as too many to list.

73. Favourite greek god?: Apollo.

74. A legend from where you live that you like: It’s said that before big disasters happen in the town I live in + the surrounding areas, that you’ll see a panther. Supposedly one has been seen before at least 4 different bad things that have happened over the years. I’m in the midwest though so take that as you will.

75. Do you like art?: I do but I don’t really have a favorite. ... I am kinda partial to Van Gogh though.

76. Can you share your other social media?: I have a Pinterest but since my other social media has my name (which I also share with an OC whoops. That’s what I get for being indecisive and going the first name the name generator gave me) I’d rather not. If you ask and we’re friends I’ll probably give it to you but...

77. Favourite youtubers?: I don’t really watch too many anymore but I’ve been watching a lot of jacksepticeye’s gameplay. Aside that I tend to just watch channels like PlayStation Access or Outsidexbox.

78. Favourite platform?: Instagram

79. How much time do you spend on the internet?: More than I should, I’m sure.

80. What video games have you played? Which one’s your favourite? Uh, if I had to list them all you’d literally be reading this for eternity. To sum it up, I mostly play RPGs/JRPGs, open-world, survival horror (my fave), and a few (emphasis on few) FPS. Favorites are (once again with a limit): Bioshock, Dragon Age, Mass Effect, Until Dawn, Silent Hill 2, and Fatal Frame.

81. Your favourite books (manga also counts): do you know how f*cking hard this question is as someone who’s a bookworm? Ok, ok um... Gotta have a limit or I’ll never shut up... um... Three favorites: The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern, Horns by Joe Hill, and American Gods by Neil Gaiman.

82. Do you play board/card games?: On occasion! They’re best with bigger groups but alas, my apartment is rather small and I don’t have a lot of space for multiple people so I don’t play them often.

83. Have you ever been to a night marathon in cinema? No, but it sounds fun.

84. Favourite holiday: Halloween!

85. Are you into dramas?: As in, tv dramas? Kinda? I have a friend on lived in SK for a time and got into K-dramas so I watch them with her from time-to-time when she visits.

Would you use a Death Note if you had one?: No.

87. What changes would you make in the world, no matter how impossible, if you had the power to?: Oh boy... make everyone get along, ensure everyone could live their life to the best possible, etc.

88. Could you survive a zombie apocalypse?: Possibly.

89. If you had to be turned into a paranormal being, what would it be?: I’m going with mythical instead of strictly paranormal but... a vampire!

90. What would you want to happen to you after your death?: As in to my body? Cremate me. To my stuff, give my books to a good home and take care of my bird.

91. If you had to change your name, what would be your pick?: Most people call me by my middle name already since I got tired of people calling me the wrong name (& I like my middle name better) and insisting my first name was actually a nickname (it’s not, it’s the same as the musician I’m named after) so if I were to eventually be bothered enough, I’d have it legally changed to my middle name.

92. Who would you switch your life with for a week?: I don’t know to be honest. I’m fairly happy with my life so I think I’d just not switch.

93. Pick an emoji to be your tattoo: 🌊

94. Write 3 things about yourself - only one of them must be true: I took karate classes for several years, I’ve never dyed my hair, I’ve had two jobs thus far.

95. Cold or hot?: Cold I guess? If we’re talking in reference to seasons give me cool (aka Fall).

96. Be a hero or be a villain?: Hero because being a villain would mean I’d have to be mean to people and I can’t even pick the mean options in video games without feeling guilty so...

97. Sing everything you want to say or rhyme?: um... no? I’m not quite certain what this means but I’m going to go with no?

98. Shapeshifting or controlling time?: Shapeshifting!

99. Be immortal or be immune to everything aside from natural death?: Immortal.

#get to know me #get to know siren #my face #please DON’T REBLOG #my apologies to anyone on mobile #i put a read more and it shows up if i view my blog in my web browser but isn’t showing when i view it in the app!

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