#for legal reasons I’m going to say that I managed to watch it through other very legal and official means

[is-casually-a-skeleton]

Guys holy FUCK I can’t believe I’m saying this but Nimona might beat Wolfwalkers as my Favorite movie, Wolfwalkers is pure art that deserves to be praised for all of time but Nimona hits like a rino in every way you would want it to and I just- holy shit I just need a minute man.

[laurrelise]

saw your tua post about five i dont go here but i need to know did they pull an incest again. is that why everyones mad or did the ship just suck

ok so i’m assuming you’re talking about season 4!! i’ll leave this part very vague and spoiler free and if you don’t mind more specific spoilers (only about the ship, not about the actual end of the season) than check under the cut! :)

ok so not incest this time. the ship just reeeeeally sucks because it’s not only out of character but it ruined multiple arcs and relationships.

unhinged angry explanation of my least favorite part about season 4 below the cut!! (beware: yapping)

ok hi again! so five and lila get together. they fall for each other after they get stuck between timelines in this alternate dimension subway station thing, and they spend 7 years trying to find their way back home.

it turns out that lila was only doing it to survive because she needed something to hold onto while five, having been through this once before, had fallen head over heels for her.

he withholds information that can take them home for 6 months and lila is pissed and tells him it wasn’t real because she wants to get home to diego and her children, and five tells her that she knows she’s happier between timelines with him, blah blah blah it’s a whole thing.

five reluctantly goes back with lila and it’s really awkward and he’s pissed at diego (even though it was LITERALLY NEVER HIS FAULT) because lila is clearly still in love with him. they argue a little, lila gets between them, diego suspects something’s going on and asks, and then the truth unfolds and he’s (REASONABLY) heartbroken. it’s really sad to watch tbh

anyways then the end of the world starts to happen once again and i won’t go into specific spoilers for that because it would take WAY too long but basically five and diego are beating the shit out of each other and five literally outright says “i wanna fucking kill him” and lila tells him that it’s over between them and he goes and sulks because he was truly in love blah blah blah blah blah. anyways

it ends with five and diego hating each other. and it’s really fucking frustrating. and i really don’t mind what people ship for the most part, but this specific ship pissed me the fuck off because it should NOT have been canon. in my mind it still isn’t canon because this whole season sucked ass and i refuse to accept it as real.

you’re telling me five hargreeves, the man who survived for 45+ years with the single goal to save his family gave up on them after 7 years with the only other person around because he fell for her? why the hell was this necessary? why did the writers do this bro 😭 that is not the five i spent 3 seasons absolutely cherishing. i refuse to accept it

but also you’re telling me that the entire show ends with five hating diego and diego hating him?????? this entire season was SO out of character for the both of them but i STILL can’t get over (and will absolutely NEVER get over) that the writers really thought they could get away with the hargreeves despising each other like this. so pissed about this season omfg

so not only was the ship problematic for age differences on BOTH ends (fives body was 19 but lila’s was 36ish, probably older, while fives mind was 64 while she was AGAIN 36ish???? like how did they manage to make it pedophilic on both ends bro lmfao) (and do not even get me STARTED on the age differences of the actors and the fact that this has clearly been planned since aidan was a very young minor and the writers were waiting around for him to become 18 so it would be legal like fucking creeps) but it also involved cheating / homewrecking (with family no less) as well as multiple relationships ruined. i LOVED five and diego as a duo before. why the FUCK was this necessary *i scream from the rooftops*

anyways sorry for my chronic yapping, that is all.

i hate five x lila, have a good day.

[writingreadinglurkingandsmirking]

Pick Somewhere And Just Run - Kiara "Kie" Carrera x Reader

Dear Reader Duology: Part 1, Part 2

Summary: Still reeling from the fight you got into with your girlfriend, you’re not letting that deter you from going on vacation. You need this. You do. But, when you see her again, you remember all you want is her. But, like she always does, Kie reminds you that all she cares about is you.

Word Count: 2.1k+

CWs/TWs: She/her pronouns used, adult/profane language, relationship stress and fighting, being overworked girlie, making up and going on vacation with your baby

Note: Happy end of pride beloveds. As pride month slowly comes to a close, I send us off with a last WLW hurrah (for now) for our girl Kie

Waking up in a motel alone was about as depressing as you’d imagined it would be.

You slept like shit. You felt like shit. For a lot of reasons. Your slightly swollen cheek from being struck by a random man was a part of it. Your entirely overworked everything was also part of it. But, the biggest portion of feeling like shit was from the fight you’d had with your girlfriend Kie the day before. You sat up and looked at your phone, unsurprised to see no texts from Kie as of yet. But, you did see some other messages. A few from coworkers, a few from friends. You sighed and threw the phone down on the bed, dragging yourself out of it, feeling much like a zombie.

You took your time getting ready, feeling a pool of dread in your stomach. You knew that you were going to have to go to the sheriff’s office like you’d told Kie the day before. It caused a well of anxiety in your stomach that you did your best to quell. But, considering your previous experiences with the sheriff’s office when you and your friends were in high school, you couldn’t shake the sickly feeling of stress. When you checked out of the motel, you headed to the sheriff’s station with trepidation in every move.

“Thanks for coming in,” Shoupe said, greeting you upon your arrival. “We’re gonna make it nice and easy for you. Just gonna give us your statement in writing and we’ll talk about if you want to press charges or not.” He looked behind you. “Is Miss Carrera gonna be coming back with you?”

“No,” you replied robotically, shaking your head. “Kie’s at home.”

“Do you want us to wait for her? To call her?” he asked, far more patient than you’d ever expected to see him.

“No,” you replied, shaking your head again. “I want to get this over with, Shoupe.”

He sighed. “If you’re sure,” he granted. “Come on back.”

He led you to a nicely furnished, inviting-looking interview room. It made your whole body tense, even if it should’ve relaxed you. You’d seen enough rooms in this station to know what most interview rooms looked like. The furnishings didn’t change what the room was. Shoupe watched like a hawk as you sat down and started drumming your nails against the table. He slid papers and a pen over to you.

“We just need you to write down what happened in as much detail as you can remember, okay?” he said gently. “You’re not in any trouble.”

“I’d hope not, considering I’m the one who was assaulted,” you said dryly, picking up the pen he’d provided. You looked down at the empty sheets and sighed. “Fine.” You began scribbling words onto the page as quickly as you could manage, getting all the details down. After what felt like an eternity of writing, you shoved the papers back over to Shoupe. He went through the needlessly long process of parroting everything back, then getting you to say it on record on a camera, then asked if you wanted to press charges. You scoffed. “I don’t have sue-a-millionaire money, Shoupe. No.”

“You don’t need to have sue-a-millionaire money to sue this guy,” he said. You rolled your eyes. He said your name sternly. “This is serious. This man assaulted you and berated you. And from what Mr. Johnson has told us, he’d be more than willing to foot legal bills.”

Blowing out a sigh, you looked away. “Do I have to tell you today?” you asked begrudgingly.

“No,” Shoupe said. “We’d have some time for you to decide.”

“Great. Then I’m leaving and going on a vacation. And I’ll tell you when I come back,” you said, rising to your feet.

Reluctantly, Shoupe agreed to let you go without you telling him you wanted to press charges then and there. Clearly, the man was eager to get this guy for what he’d done…for some reason. But, after accepting you wouldn’t be doing that today, he assured you that he’d keep you aware of everything ongoing with the man while he was on the island. You gave a half-hearted acknowledgement of that promise and then practically fled the station, praying you wouldn’t have to see it again any time soon.

In the privacy of your own car, you laid your head against the steering wheel, shaking your head. You took a moment, not quite ready to go home yet, and texted your friends and…now ex-coworkers back to assure them you were alright and everything was great even though it obviously wasn’t and wouldn’t be. Mercifully, after responding, you convinced yourself to put your phone on Do Not Disturb. Only then could you bring yourself to drive home. Halfway there, you felt stress curling in your stomach and had to pull over to calm yourself down. After ten minutes of hyping yourself up to literally just go home, you forced yourself through to finish the drive back.

Once you parked outside, you didn’t give yourself time to think about it. You moved from the car to inside quickly and shut the door behind you. You let out a tiny sigh of relief that you were able to overcome the doubtlessly stupid anxiety that was trying to keep you from the person who was literally, as far as you were concerned, the love of your life. With still-lingering trepidation, you put your bag down and walked further into your home.

A wave of shock hit you when you saw Kie, sitting on the couch, diligently typing away on her computer, a look of focus on her face. Next to the couch, you clocked a few packed suitcases—two being yours—and you felt your heart stutter in your chest. At the sound of your footsteps, she looked up. When she registered your face, she moved her laptop off of her and stood, walking over to you.

“Kie, I’m sorry,” you said seriously. You immediately felt a small layer of the guilt that you felt dissipate. “I was being such a bitch and I shouldn’t have said that you were implying anything. Shouldn’t have said anything in general. I know you just want what’s best for me. What’s best for us. I feel like shit. I’m so sorry. I love you.”

“I know you are,” Kie said, standing in front of you. She wrapped her arms around you and brought you into a gentle kiss. She reached one hand up to stroke your face. “I know. And I’m sorry too. I got defensive for no reason.” She frowned as her eyes registered your face more and she said your name, sounding sad, then there was a hulking pause. “Your face.”

I shrugged, holding onto her. “It looks worse than it is,” you assured her. “It should be good by tomorrow, I think.”

“That guy’s a real piece of shit,” Kie muttered, voice heated. She shook her head, trying to focus. “I love you, babe.”

Sighing in relief, you felt another layer of guilt melt off your shoulders. You wrapped your arms tightly around your girlfriend, bringing her first into a loving embrace. You pulled back enough that you could passionately kiss her until you both lost your breath. Only when you both were borderline gasping for air did you pull back. Kie’s smile was gentle, but her eyes were bright. The happy shine in her eyes admittedly made your heart flutter.

“I’m sorry. I’ve been off for the past few months. I know that. You’re right. And it is because work sucked. But I’m not going to let that happen anymore. We’re adults. I have better coping skills. I need to remember to use them,” you said, voice still apologetic.

“Babe, it’s okay,” Kie said, leaning her forehead against yours. “We both will do better next time.”

“It’s not okay,” you corrected. “It’s not okay if I treat you like you’re not a priority—that’s never okay. And I will do better next time.”

Kie paused, looking at you. She knew that if she said anything to disagree with you, you’d just double down on calling yourself out. So, instead, she just nodded. She gave you another soft kiss. “Okay,” she said. She took a deep, shuddering breath and then smiled again, soft but excited. “I have a plan.”

“For what?” you asked, confused.

“Vacation,” Kie said.

You blanched. “Kie, we don’t have to go on vacation. Not really,” you said immediately. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to make you feel like you have to just because I was in a mood last night.”

“Okay, first of all, babe, stop. You were assaulted last night. You are fully within your right to have been in a ‘mood’ if that’s what you want to call it,” Kie said sternly. “And second, you were right. You do deserve a vacation. And I want to go with you. I don’t feel like I have to do anything. I want to be with you. I have some time I can take off, so I’m coming with you.” She paused. “Actually, I kind of took over. But you know what I mean.”

Despite yourself, exhaustion and stress and guilt included, you chuckled at her words. “Sounds like you,” you teased. You let out a sigh and moved your hands around her shoulders, locking behind her head. “Where are we going then, my love?”

“Athens,” she declared.

You sputtered. “Athens? Like…Greece?” you asked.

“Yes,” she said. “We both just got our passports renewed. We have enough time. And we’re going to love it.”

“I, uh, Kie that’s kind of a lot for a spur-of-the-moment trip, isn’t it?” you said, skeptical.

She shook her head. “I called my dad. He has a few travel agent friends who he hooked me up with. I talked to them this morning. I already have our flights booked and everything and by the time that we land they’re gonna have the hotel and transportation covered for us too. We’re all set. And I packed everything for us. I checked the weather and everything so I should have everything you could possibly need while we’re there. It’s gonna be mid-70s to low 80s while we’re there it seems like. So it’ll be a nice time,” Kie said, grinning at you. “And I already have a few things planned for places we can go and surprises I wanna show you. Actually—”

You cut your gorgeous, obscenely, and unfairly perfect girlfriend off with a searing kiss. “Kiara,” you interrupted, voice colored with amusement and adoration, “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, babe,” she said, pausing, confused pucker to her brow.

“Thank you,” you said simply, pecking her lips again.

“For what?” she asked.

“Dealing with me…supporting me…planning this in literally less than twelve hours?” you suggested, laughing at her obliviousness to just how fucking amazing she was being right now.

Kie rolled her eyes. “Well, of course, idiot,” she said fondly. She looked into your eyes and gave you a loving smile that damn near took your breath away. “I love you. Doing this? For you? Easier than breathing, babe. Really.”

You sighed, melting into her touch more. “You make being corny cute. Even after all this time,” you said, unable to censor the thought.

It had the desired impact though. Predictably, your girlfriend flushed and swatted at your arm, pulling back from you. Having seen this coming, you grabbed her hand and pulled her into another searing kiss. Despite the blush on her cheek and the minor embarrassment you knew Kie felt at being called out for being so sweet to you, she leaned into the affection. She was, in fact, the one who lengthened and deepened the kiss, making it go on longer than even you had planned. You were definitely not complaining though. Still, when she pulled back she had a faux-put-upon look on her face.

“Look, I got you some coffee and a breakfast sandwich. Make sure you pack up whatever little things you want because we gotta catch a ferry today to get to the mainland. Our flight’s late tonight,” Kie said. Playfully, she slapped your ass. “So get a move on. We gotta get ready to go. The last ferry’s at 4 today and I wanna be on one before that.”

“Yes ma’am,” you said, swatting at her ass in retaliation before she could move away. She glared at you with absolutely no heat behind it and you gave her a shit-eating grin.

“You’re lucky I’m in love with you or I would beat your ass,” Kie said, voice holding absolutely not an ounce of threat to it.

“I know,” you said earnestly, taking her hand and pressing a kiss to it. “Believe me I know.”

[tokusaatsus]

SURPRISE PARTIES

ft. oukawa kohaku

© tokusaatsus 2022

warnings: mild mentions of weapons, references to kohaku’s backstory, cursing

Crazy:B is just getting back from a hard day of practice, practice and more practice when they notice a human curled on the doorstep of their apartment.

By which I mean, the apartment that legally belongs to Niki and is currently being invaded by the usual amount of three-to-four freeloaders.

Curled up next to the welcome mat and fast asleep, hands wrapped around your knees, lies none other than you. One L/N Y/N, aka what Rinne means when he says ‘brat (affectionate)’, Niki’s sous-chef, ⅓ of the reason for HiMERU’s rising blood pressure, and the honorary fifth bee. The other four bees stop to stare at you blankly, before HiMERU breaks the silence. “Are they dead?”

Kohaku crouches down to poke your cheek, and you shift with a muttered complaint. “Nah. Jus’ asleep. Hey,” He shakes you. “Hey. Hey. HEY!”

You wake up with your fists flying, and nearly clip Kohaku on the cheek (you actually do manage to hit Rinne-senpai in the shin, but you ignore his grunt of pain and low swears in favour of focusing on what you deem more important). “Uweh! ‘M up, I’m up… Oh,” You blink slowly at Kohaku, who blinks back just as slowly. “You’re here.”

“Yeah, o’ course I’m here. This is Niki-han’s apartment.”

You rub at your eyes, voice heavy from sleep. The older three begin to file into the apartment–though still within listening distance, you assume. “That’s good… Hey, you aren’t too tired, right?”

“Not really… Why?” Kohaku’s instantly suspicious. “I can still fight like this, yanno?”

You look at him with a deadpan expression. You file that away for later examination. Whatever. Not thinking about it. “...‘Kay. Are you free to go to a store with me?”

Kohaku raises an eyebrow. You rarely ever ask him to hang out alone. Something about there being more competition for attention, especially considering you ain’t a real bee, blah blah blah. Privately, Kohaku doesn’t think you’ll ever have to worry about that, because he’s never seen the other bees dote on someone who isn’t one of their own. He’s speaking from experience here. “...Sure. What’s the occasion?”

“No reason,” You shrug. “Just felt like it.” You stand up with a bone-cracking stretch. Then, speaking at a volume that really isn’t necessary, you continue. “Well, me and Kohakkun”–you ignore his grumbled protests at the nickname–“will be at that idol store down the street! We’ll probably be gone for an hour-ish! We’re leaving now! Bye-bye!”

You grab Kohaku’s hand and begin running down the hallways. He goes limp and lets himself be dragged along, knowing that resistance is futile.

When you dragged Kohaku to the idol store, he was expecting it to be something similar to his trips with Love-han.

To translate, he expected a lot of squealing and rambling and excited fan behaviour. You being you, however, instead decide to completely destroy his expectations. You stay firmly in the NewDi aisle of the shop, carefully browsing through the merch.

Your eyes alight on a little plushie of Madara-han in his MaM outfit, and Kohaku thinks, oh God, no.

You pick it up off the shelf with a slight smile. “Hey, what d’you think?” You wave the plushie under his nose, and Kohaku watches the mini Madara-han, with his mini cowboy hat. He has the irrational urge to punch it, and then give it a hug. It’s cute, he’ll admit, but he’d rather die than ever be caught with Madara-han merch–be it Double Face-style or just MaM-style.

The only thing worse than that, Kohaku considers, would be to be caught with Crazy:B merch. Then he sees your eyes wander to the CosPro section, settling on the Crazy:B plushies, and Kohaku decides it’s time to do damage control. 

Madara-han is way better than the bees in this scenario.

He begins steering you towards the cashier. “Yeah, I think the teeny Madara-han looks great. Real cool. Ya should get this one. Totally.”

You give him a wicked grin over your shoulder, but allow yourself to be pushed. You complete your purchase while Kohaku hovers at your side like a short, pink, guardian angel. ¥60, 000 for a single Madara-han?! Crazy… 

“Hm, I think that’s all…” You smile at him, the tiny Madara-han tucked into your pouch. “Safe to go back now, you think?”

Kohaku doesn’t protest your strange choice of words and trails silently after you, checking his DMs on his Whole Hands. Love-han wished him a happy birthday (with lots of emojis and sparkles, as he is wont to do), as did Madara-han… He pauses, stowing his phone in his pocket just outside Niki-han’s apartment. Something feels… different.

He hesitates. It’s quiet.

Then it hits him. It’s too quiet. The bees (Rinne-han specifically) can never shut up for longer than five seconds. But there’s no noise from the apartment. You turn to look at him with your hand on the doorknob. “Something wrong, Kohakkun?” He doesn’t protest the nickname this time, too busy trying to pinpoint any signs of impending attack.

“Lemme go first.”

You look at him quizzically, but step back to let him pass. Kohaku pushes open the door carefully. It’s dark. He holds out a hand, barring your movement. Keeping you behind him. Out of the line of fire.

The lights flick on.

There’s a multitude of loud noises (not unlike that of a gunshot).

Kohaku flinches, moving in front of you to shield you with his body, waiting for the expected attack.

It never comes.

“SURPRISE!”

Kohaku opens his eyes to see… the bees? All wearing party hats? Grinning wildly? What the hell…

There’re banners and streamers strung up around Niki-han’s apartment, and a table spread with delicious snacks and food lies in the center of the living room. A large cake, light pink with a fondant bee on it, takes pride of place on the table. A popping noise (not a gunshot, not a gunshot) sounds behind him and he turns to see you, blowing a sparkly pink…party…popper at him. “Wh–huh?”

You stick your tongue out at him playfully. “Happy birthday, Kohaku.”

notes!

WC: 1k words

reze txt happy birthday kohaku! we love you, our sweet cotton candy bee! may you keep learning and growing and loving <3

additional notes: longest b’day fic i’ve ever written (so far). i don’t produce the bees but as a cospro lvr im obligated to care them. a lil bit. also yes the madara plushie IS kohakkun’s b’day gift from y/n :3 finally, a psa: when throwing ur incredibly sheltered baby assassin unitmate-slash-friend a surprise party pls be sure to remove any potential triggers from the surrounding area or i guarantee u WILL get knifed :( this has been ur bimonthly psa from ur friendly neighbourhood anzu lvr <3 salutes

[its-only-v]

Best Shows of 2022

Yes, I'm putting this on Tumblr after 2022 has ended. Yes, it's also entirely too long with 30+ shows and all categories that I made myself.

The Best Show That Feels Like an Extended Award-Winning Cut of a Movie

And yes, I mean it in a good way, and not in the way that it should’ve been a movie and not a tv show. Slow Horses made the time fly by and it was so excellent that its second season is already airing right now and the show just came out in March. A big reason to watch it is also Gary Oldman, who plays one of the leads in the show. He’s also announced that he’ll be retiring after it ends - but don’t worry, it won’t be anytime soon because Apple has already renewed it for third and fourth seasons. How is that for a stamp of approval?

The Show with the Superhero in Most Desperate Need of a Therapist

On one hand, we have Peacemaker who has daddy issues (understandably so) and survivor’s guilt. On the other hand, there’s everyone in The Boys. We have definite psychopath Homelander and possible psychopath Soldier Boy and what’s Butcher doing this season with superpowers? But I doubt a therapist would be safe from the maniacs in The Boys so I’ll give this one to Peacemaker who would make better use of the help and not kill the therapist (this guarantee doesn’t extend to Vigilante).

The Show with the Highest Tension

This one’s a tie between The Bear and Severance. And what a surprise, both of them have the workplace as the central setting. Besides what I’ve already said about them in separate editions dedicated just to them, do I need to say more? Fine, here’s one line - it’s best to go in blind for Severance because you want to be surprised and I’ve watched The Bear all the way through three times.

The Best Show About Worst Career Changes That Sort of Work Out

A tie and both of these are comedy shows. Killing It follows Craig (Craig Robinson) an entrepreneur-turned-python hunter in Florida and Our Flag Means Death follows Steve Bonnet (Rhys Darby), a gentleman-turned-pirate. Both of them should not be doing what they’re doing but they do it anyway and it manages to sort of kind of work out along with hilarious situations along the way.

The Show with the Weirdest Relationship

Nobody can explain the plot of The Time Traveler’s Wife in a way that doesn’t make you narrow your eyes. Clare (Rose Leslie) first meets her husband Henry (Theo James) as a little girl when he travels back in time to a clearing near her house as an adult. She grows up falling in love with him because who wouldn’t (and she finds out that he’s already married her in the future so it’s destiny)? But it’s technically okay because he keeps his distance (and it’s not like he time/space travels on purpose) and he’s actually first met her as an adult when she’s an adult too (who has been in love with him since her childhood so is it acceptable?). It was cancelled after the first season because of the entire HBO/Warner Bros/Discovery disaster of a merger so we won’t be exploring more complexities of this relationship but it was interesting to watch while it lasted.

The Show with the Best Fictional Criminals

Sprung makes having a crew seem fun. You’d love to hang out with them and commit crimes (for legal purposes, this is a joke and I’m not condoning crime). We also had some white-collar crime in the new season of Industry but I’ll give them the leeway that crime isn’t their full-time job.

The Show with the Best Real-Life Criminals

This category was previously going to be called best shows based on real life, but then all the characters were fans of shady business practices. The contenders include WeCrashed (about WeWork), Super Pumped (about Uber), The Dropout (about Theranos) and Black Bird (about getting a criminal to get a serial killer to confess) (let’s pretend Inventing Anna didn’t happen for the sake of my sanity). Black Bird is the clear winner here. It has Taron Egerton and Paul Walter Hauser giving their career-best performances and the show feels like a spiritual successor to True Detective and Mindhunter, which elevates it even more.

The Best Show About Teenagers Falling in Love with Teens Who Act Their Age

This was a difficult one to pick with very strong top three contenders - the new season of Young Royals, the last season of Love Victor, and Heartstopper. But, at the end, how could this not go to Heartstopper that’s romantic, wholesome, cute, and does not fail to put a big smile on your face? (The characters of The Sex Lives of College Girls are also teenagers but the second season is still airing so jury’s still out on that and if they all look & act like teenagers or rather young adults is up for debate)

The Show with the Best Power Couple

George (Morgan Spector) and Bertha Russell (Carrie Coon) from The Gilded Age, overcome the absolute drabness of their names to be the best power couple in television this year, not just in a period drama. Doing a bad relationship is easy. A great relationship? Tricky. Especially when it happens to be set in the past, with all its problematic period-accurate outlook. But Julian Fellowes has aced it (Bridgerton, please take note so you can have Season 2’s promising couple back for the third season, which didn’t happen this year).

The Show with the Most Toxic Couple

Yes, I said doing a bad relationship is easy. But - hear me out. Doing a toxic relationship with such compelling characters who happen to have insane chemistry? Louis (Jacob Anderson) and Lestat (Sam Reid) from Interview with the Vampire will make you go from thinking they-should-be-together-forever to please-someone-enforce-a-restraining-order. And as a bonus, there are multiple toxic relationships to go around along with toxic traits that don’t include ripping people’s heads or organs off their bodies (murder can be excused but Lestat, don’t open your relationship if you’re going to throw a fit once your partner takes you up on it and definitely don’t turn a teenager into a vampire to have an adoptive child to save your marriage). Runner-up goes to The Great, which had its second season air this year, with a couple that would also gladly kill each other but at least they’re honest about where they stand.

The Sexiest Show with Queer Vampires

How is this a category? How can this not be a category when you have What We Do in the Shadows’ latest season, and new shows including Interview with the Vampire, Reginald the Vampire, Vampire Academy, and First Kill all airing in the same year? Vampires definitely had a resurgence this year and not just on television (Dracula Daily was also a phenomenon this year and we had the iconic Morbius that needs no introduction and the overlooked Netflix film Day Shift with Jamie Foxx and Dave Franco as vampire hunters). But all of this is just to say that yes, Interview with the Vampire wins again, and Guillermo from WWDITS would agree and we should take his word for it.

The Best Show About Making Money Off the Female Gaze

Minx and Welcome to Chippendales both have businesses trying to capitalize on the female gaze - the first with a magazine and the second with a troupe of male strippers. Since Welcome to Chippendales is still airing and I’m not entirely convinced it’ll stick the landing, Minx wins this one by default but it’s also a very strong show which might have won anyway.

The Best Show To Take You On a Vacation

Or, more specifically, Italy. Yes, the second season of The White Lotus wasn’t the only show with a scenic Italian setting this year. While at the time of writing The White Lotus hasn’t ended yet, I know Mike White isn’t going to lead us astray. The other show that takes you on a vacation in Italy during Mussolini’s era is Hotel Portofino, which weaves in beautiful locales, interesting characters, history, and a mystery to keep you hooked till the end of the season.

The Show with the Best Murder Victim

The Afterparty. RIP Xavier (Dave Franco), you were a superstar blessed with predicting your own death in your music video. (Bonus points for the song being a banger, with the creators filming the full music video even though it wasn’t in the show and releasing a full EP by the character on Spotify).

The Show with the Most Underrated Detective

With a lot of criminals come a lot of criminal catchers. You know the trio of Only Murders in the Building but I bet you’ve not heard of Bell Prescott from Panhandle is a genius crime solver and there couldn’t have been a more fitting name for him for the way he acts. Luke Kirby (who you might know as Lenny Bruce from The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel - also the only good part of this year’s new season which I didn’t like much) plays the lead - he manages to solve years of unsolved cases all while not having stepped out of his Florida mansion (that he shares with his mother and pet crocodile) since the death of his wife (whose presence he still hallucinates). Also, like any crime-solving genius, he also gets an assist from a sidekick (rookie cop Tiana Okoye) who makes up for his flaws, making them an epic crime-solving duo.

The Best Supernatural Show NOT About Vampires

Well, not exclusively anyway. Supernatural Academy is my pick for this one, which won't entirely be a surprise. It was such a well-made show and had so much mature storytelling than I was expecting from it. I was also considering The Bastard Son & The Devil Himself because that was such a good show but it only picked up about halfway through and now it's been cancelled with just the first season on Netflix. While there hasn't been any news of Supernatural Academy's second season, I'm more hopeful of Peacock keeping shows going than Netflix at this point so I hope we'll see more of it.

The Best Show About Shows

Please take a moment to acknowledge the meta commentary by the placement of this category at the end. Thank you.

Please take a moment to acknowledge the meta commentary by the placement of this category at the end. Thank you.

There are multiple shows in this category and all are winners. The Rehearsal is technically a reality show that also shows you what goes into the making of a reality show. We also have Reboot for scripted fiction, which you’ve probably guessed from the title is a show about the making of a reboot that also happens to have an all-star comedy cast. If we extend the definition of a show to all types of shows because why not, we also have Hacks, whose new season was about the making of a new stand-up show on the road. Also an excellent watch.

[biarritzzz]

2021 u.s. pull out of Afghanistan opened my eyes, coming from an abusive Muslim background, I knew the evil of Islam, and extremism. Seeing white women bullied viciously online for saying they support the afghan women and girls to be brought to the west, (but not the men for obvious reasons) woke me up. The left doesn’t care about women’s safety and the amount of think pieces and infographics about white women being evil and racist for not welcoming afghan men with open arms was the last straw. As a non white woman I never thought they were being racist and always would support white women over misogynistic abusive pigs regardless of their color. A white woman never hurt me.

Feminists saying they only want Afghan women and no Afghan men are virtue-signaling.

This isn’t a policy that can realistically be enacted. How does it work exactly? Afghan women are ok with leaving their brother/father/uncle/husband behind? Yeah, right. And their father/uncle/husband are ok with letting them travel on their own to a Western country? Please.

Such a policy would be denounced as discriminatory anyway. If we take Afghan women, we have to take the men too. So I say we take no one.

Afghans have been wreaking havoc in Western Europe these past few years: not a week goes by that an Afghan male doesn’t rape, kill, assault. Afghan culture is horrifying and unbelievably backwards yet politicians in Europe tell us: no, we can’t send them back home (why the fuck are they coming in the first place) because the Talibans are there boohoohoo. As if Afghans oppose the Talibans on principles. It’s just tribal shit, they’re all deeply dangerous and violent.

The other day I stumbled upon this article in a magazine where a famous Belgian writer was talking about her trauma: at 12 years old she was raped by 4 men on a beach. I was horrified then thought: hang on… this can’t have happened in Europe. It’s only at the very end of the article that it’s revealed that it occurred in Bangladesh (her parents were diplomats there). I’m not saying that pedophilia, incest and rape don’t exist in Europe obviously, just that this type of public rape where men behave like fucking animals with a child is normalized in countries where little girls marrying grown men is legal, where women just walking around in public without a man by their side are fair game. Indian/Pakistani men make arab and black men look almost normal (almost being the operative word).

Years ago, I had this job in a company that did logistics. My stupid POS boss had the brilliant idea of hiring a few Bangladeshi men because he wanted cheap labour. Their job was to load the trucks. These men were creepy as fuck and the rare times I encountered them, I would always walk fast and limit eye contact. One day I made the mistake of answering one of them who asked me for the time. I stop, look at my watch and that is when one of them grabs me and pulls me toward him. Strong grip, I couldn’t let go. He decided that because I had stopped and talked to him I was fair game. I screamed and finally managed to get away. He thought that was funny and that I was playing with him. This is their ‘normal’ behavior.

These countries are sordid shitholes and the people inhabiting them are insanely dangerous and backwards. For women and for children (and for men as well). The idea that they’re going to adopt our western values just because they moved to the West is utterly preposterous and in a normal world anyone suggesting it would be laughed out the room.

If you are a white woman/girl you have a target on your back because to these men, you are a literal prostitute since the only times they’ve seen a white woman is through porn. Gang bangs especially. Porn websites publish data that show which country watches what type of pornography and the results are as illuminating as they are horrifying.

There is a fundamental civilization incompatibility that the corrupt European elites (left, right, center) don’t care about because it’s about greed, growth and destruction of Europe and the fact that it endangers Europeans and specifically women doesn’t matter to them.

Since you say you are from a muslim background, I assume you live in the West now. So your family came with you. If you came, then so did the men of your family and mathematically this puts Western women in danger (‼️).

[pandorasboxoftreasures]

A lot of you guys have no idea... Really. You don’t. The accuracy is chilling. (TW Child Abuse/Homicidal Thoughts/Violence/Mental Illness/Depression)

People that think they know me: “You’re so nice and kind and have a strong sense of justice and fairness and wouldn’t hurt a fly. How could you possibly identify with that awful, angry, violent alien monster?”

Me: *Explains the time a year after leaving school I found myself sat opposite on a bus from the kid that two years prior stabbed me in the ear with a pencil and worse, then had the whole class that watched and laughed defending him saying he did nothing when I fought back, even though he permanently scarred my right eardrum and damaged my hearing, then used my reason for having to leave class early that day (my dad had a hospital appointment) and forced me to be kept behind by the teacher and punished for fighting, even though I was literally trembling with shock and pain and barely able to speak through my PTSD episode to ask to have my ear checked but being ignored.*

*Makes this exact face remembering imagining following him off and the permanent damage I was going to do to him if he gave me any additional reason or opening to and looked down at him like that the whole time leaving him squirming in his seat, terrified, unable to make eye contact while also saying to him with the exact same tone and pitch as in that shot and said the following word for word because that moment was burned into my brain with how much I look back on it years later scared with what I'm^ capable of doing to someone and how close I was to doing it*  

“Hello, Michael... That’s you, aye? Yeah... That’s you. Like my new look...”

“... or am I too legal?”

____________________________________________

^ Yes, present tense. Because those wounds can only be managed since they don’t fully heal. I find myself getting very close once in a while to that violent 17 year old looking for relief from my grief and pain of what he and others like him did to the bright, friendly, happy, excited child with a promising future that walked into that school building and never came home. 

The fact that they could figuratively kill that kid like that, drive the husk left behind to almost literally finish off the job and then walk away and live happy little lives with relationships and children and careers and good reputations and family support and nothing coming back to bite them ever while my world and future had completely crumbled and imploded boils in my veins to this day.

Over three dozen therapy sessions have helped with management. Hobbies provide an outlet. My career path is in the one that ultimately saved me where all others failed. Video games. The places where I could safely trigger catharsis.

But I still need to keep checking myself so I don’t become that scared and wracked with despair thrashing for someone vaguely related to the people that pushed me into the water to pull down and stop myself from drowning empty shell of a former being again.

Seeing it on screen that night I impulsively bought the tickets for seat M10 in Screen 12, hit me like two couch-sized arrows to the chest. 

I didn’t think I would ever see it happen and be so accurate with something I didn’t make. I was making it. But it looks like I got beat to the punch.

And how haunting, but also how great it is to see. Someone in the pipeline between the firing of neurons and the firing of pixels empathised enough to make it realistic in the face of the convenience of a simple villain.

It may make him more scary because of how raw he is and people like me knowing what he’s capable of with that knowledge and experience of being there (especially after the end of Way Of Water where he’s in an even lower state), but it’s real.

I’m scared for Ritch as much as I’m scared for what he will do to others.

I wasn’t just being like “Oh, no, Lo’ak/Kiri! Don’t hurt Lo’ak/Kiri!”. I was at the other end of the gun/knife going “Don’t do it, man. It’s not gonna make it better. Crossing that line is a lot harder to come back from. Don’t do that to yourself just to get back at him. You’re a snake coiling yourself around a saw. YOU’RE BETTER THAN THIS!”

It’s the same with Neytiri grabbing Spider, too.

I think I need to drop this video down here before I consider this post done for now. I’ve still got a lot more to say, but that’s probably better saved for later.

But last word on it? Yeah. He better get a redemption arc... AND LIVE!

Because Christ knows there’s not enough characters like that in media for how many people are battling those demons IRL.

The more there are, the more conversations the real people can start.

Trust me, you don’t wanna keep sending the message that the only way to heal, repent and move forward after these kinds of thoughts and actions is to die.

[bereft-of-frogs]

I did not finish watching all of the Academy Award nominees this year but I made some progress so ahead of the show here are my unsolicited opinions:

Best Picture:

- Top Gun: Maverick - I had a lot of fun and it was so much better than a sequel to a movie from 40 years ago had any right being…but best picture? Really? I will always love plane go fast movie but I’m not sure why it’s up here.

- Women Talking - saw last week, it was OK. It was really well directed and the cinematography and performances were great but the script was terrible. If this wins a writing award I will scream. It felt like it was striving to say something profound but just ended up being really pointless. There are better examples of this genre than this script which literally has the line ‘not all men’ in it.

- Everything Everywhere All At Once - I definitely cried, this would be the popular choice, there is going to be uproar when/if it doesn’t win.

- The Banshees of Inisherin - the more I think about this movie, the more I like it. There’s such a great mythic quality to it, I would be happy if it wins.

- Triangle of Sadness - SO WEIRD. I liked it. Will never stop thinking about that dinner scene. It was so, so weird though 😆

- The Fabelmans - haven’t seen it, won’t be surprised if it wins and everyone is pissed, because my understanding is it’s a movie about making movies and the academy loooooves that

- All Quiet On the Western Front - I liked it but it did feel a little derivative and I think it’s going to be too bleak to win.

- Avatar: The Way of Water - if this wins I will be the one rioting. No I haven’t seen it. No I will not be seeing it. (I might have if I found the time before the awards.) I am one of the people who hated the first movie, no it was not to be rebellious and go against the grain, I just saw it on a tiny screen and was bored out of my mind and believe that if you have to say ‘well you should have seen it in the special format…’ it doesn’t deserve the general award. Technical awards, sure, but not best picture.

- Elvis - god this was so bad. I don’t even hate Baz Luhrmann as much as some people do but this was just all bad. Script was bad, performances were weird and overbearing, the frantic directorial style didn’t lend anything to the story. I feel like they just needed a biopic up here but omg it was terrible and I wish I had not watched it.

- Tár - did not manage to see this one before the show, I wish I had seen this instead of Women Talking but the theater was only showing it at matinee times for some reason. Probably won’t win but is probably way better than some of the others on this list.

International Feature:

- All Quiet on the Western Front - see above. Also I feel like there should be a rule about this, I don’t think movies should be nominated for both best picture and best international feature.

- Argentina, 1985 - this was nice. Pretty classic legal film but it was good and I would not be sad if this one won.

- The Quiet Girl - seeing on Tuesday! Will report back but even having not seen it I want it to win just because it’s in Irish #biased

- Close - didn’t manage to find this one, no idea what it’s about

- Eo - this was playing close to me but there ended up being a blizzard the only day I could go. Love Polish cinema though so I would like to see it eventually.

I don’t have many other thoughts aside from Ke Huy Quan should definitely win best supporting actor.

They’ve probably already announced awards before I posted this, haven’t checked, anyway those are my thoughts on what I managed to get through, hopefully I will do better next year 👍

[stall1iion]

champions love - two

Y/n was tired. Sitting in a meeting room all morning was not how she preferred to spend her summer but she had decided to sign the contract, but that didn’t mean she knew she would be sitting in a room listening to people go over rules and legality technicalities, whatever you wanted to call them.

If she wanted a law lesson she would have sat in on a class, but nonetheless she was a big girl and so she put on her big girl pants and sucked it up. Even if she’d preferred to be in her big girl pajamas, on her couch, binge watching whatever show she was pushing off with a coffee or tea in hand.

The real issue? She had to sit through these meetings alone, she had to read through the contract, agree to it, and then sit through enough presentations and sign enough things for her hand to have a blister. Alone. Because Max Verstappen was too busy to come himself, something about training they couldn’t push off. So his manager and lawyers were there, Max having already signed everything with his conditions written down apparently.

Now him not being there wasn’t a huge reason for her to be mad, no scratch that, she wasn’t mad, she was just annoyed and tired. This was not what she signed up for but Michael said it would be rude if she put her head down and took a nap in the middle of a presentation. She almost leaped with joy when they announced they were done and everything they could think of was signed and discussed, until she was handed a paper by his manager, Raymond, before she could bolt.

“This is Max’s number, figured with him not being here, messaging him to discuss press things would be nice before the media catches on” He said and even though she was annoyed and ready to go home, this guy was an old guy, basically her grandfather’s age and so she couldn’t snap or be mean and so she smiled

“Thanks, i’ll do that once I get home” she said with a nod as she took the paper and put it in her purse as she smiled at him before waving and walking towards Michael, her smile and overall face dropping as they walked to the car.

“You did good, Y/N” Michael said as he opened the door for her and she slid in, placing her purse in the middle seat and putting her seatbelt on as she glanced at Michael getting in as well. The driver started the car once they heard the click of his seatbelt.

“Did they have to drag it on that much? I feel like I just sat in a criminal law class” she said as she rubbed her forehead before leaning against the door

“They were just cautious..there’s a lot to this, a rather iceberg topic that could ruin both your career and his if found out” he said and she sighed

“I know, I just feel all of that could have been put on a little packet saying the “dos and don’ts” and it would have been easier to understand and faster. I thought we would have just read the contract, make me sign the necessary things and then we leave, not a whole lecture” she said before she looked out the window, “plus Max was able to skip out of everything by just signing the contract”

“Yes well, it was Raymond and his team who drew up the contract, I’m sure they explained everything to Max prior” Michael said before they pulled into her driveway, “And please don’t forget to text Max, we would like for the two of you to have pictures to post before we leak the photos to the press”

“Alright..yeah, I’ll text him” *she said as she looked at him before she got out of the car and walked up to her front door before closing it behind her as she watched the car drive off.

liked by max_verstappan1, bsf1, bsf2 and others

y/nofficial just a little break from the ice, will be back to our regular programming soon <3

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username1 UM HELLO?? WHO IS THAT MAN IN THE SECOND PHOTO??

username7 UH JUMPSCARE WARNING NEXT TIME PLEASE??

username4 🚨‼️MAN ALERT ‼️🚨 MAN ALERT‼️🚨

username12 ..is mother..in her soft launch era?? 😭😭

bsf1 um…rue…when was this? 😦☹️

⤷bsf2 WHAT ABOUT US?? WHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING WEVE BEEN THROUGH 😭✊

⤷bsf1 WHAT ABOUT TRUST?? 😭😭

⤷y/nofficial you know I never meant to hurt you ☹️😔 (high school musical marathon?)

⤷bsf1 duh 🙄

⤷bsf2 call us cheater

username2 I waited three and half years…white man did it one week

⤷username9 I SAID I WAITED THREE AND HALF YEARS

⤷username6 white man did it in one week ☹️😔

username5 if you look closely in the first picture you can see me hanging from a branch after viewing the second photo

⤷y/nofficial why would you wanna ruin my first picture? ☹️

⤷username5 OMG YOUR SO RIGHT QUEEN! 🫡 I WOULD NEVER

username8 okay yall we get the man jumpscare but I fear everyone is glossing over the fact that MAX VERSTAPPEN is in the likes 😦😦

⤷username11 THANK YOU BECAUSE I WAS LIKE “max verstappen? Ariana what are you doing here??”

⤷username22 and if I said the white guy is max then what…? 😶

⤷username11 friend….😐

⤷username8 now you know damn well our queen would never fall for Sid from ice age 🤨😒

liked by charles_leclerc, lando_norris, y/nofficial and others

max_verstappen1 a little beach time yes?

view all comments

username1 um sir?? if that’s you on the left…then who’s on the right??

⤷username2 right? Because if two plus two is four, and humans have two legs…then what the fuck is this?

lando_norris you can read??

⤷max_verstappen1 yes I read 😒can you win a race?

⤷lando_norris HAHA YES I CAN, 5/5/24 BITCH

charles_leclerc wearing sunscreen?

⤷max_verstappen1 wouldn’t want to cosplay a lobster next race 🫡

⤷username7 and yet you two still won’t follow each other??

⤷charles_leclerc no

⤷max_verstappen1 would rather die tbh

username3 okay yes we’re all shocked but Y/N HIDING IN THE LIKES?? YOUR NOT SLICK YOUNG LADY

⤷username6 THATS QUEEN Y/N TO YOU!

y/nofficial is the water warm?

⤷username4 now girl….

⤷username8 Ms.y/n… STAND UP 😭😭

⤷username9 look at her…knowing damn well she don’t give a fuck about the water besides being thirsty 😒

⤷username11 she saw the comment saying she was hiding and said “hiding where?” 🤣

⤷username15 and instead made a damn fool of herself and us 😭sick

liked by bsf1, bsf2 and charles_leclerc, lando_norris, lewishamilton, and multiple others

tagged: y/nofficial & max_verstappen1

Insider source reveals current formula one world champion, Max Verstappen, and current olympic champion figure skater, Y/N L/N, have been spotted together on numerous dates the past two weeks. The relationship has yet to be confirmed but we here believe that the pictures are more than enough confirmation.

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username22 I FUCKING KNEW IT!!

username3 what does that dutch man know about our ice queen?

⤷ username2 right???

username5 STOP IT RIGHT NOW! WE LOST A BADDIE TO SID FROM ICE AGE?? 😭

⤷ username7 SID?? IM FUCKING CRYING WHY IS THAT ACCURATE?

username1 NOOO HE’S NOT SINGLE ANYMORE??

⤷ username4 GIRL…STAND UP

username9 is it just me or is anyone else kind of weirded out? like..he just broke up with Kelly a month ago

⤷ username31 yeah i thought about that too but again you know how these men move, it could be just a fling 🤷

⤷ username9 yeah you right, i guess we’ll see

username14 stop 🛑 who is she?

⤷username89 That’s Y/N L/N she’s a two time olympic champion for figure skating

⤷username70 did you not read the caption?

⤷username14 nope, saw the photos and went right to the comments but cool, she’s american, logan won’t have to be lonely anymore as our token american

username44 ma’am???

username12 i knew we were cooked when she flirted under his comment section 😔

username77 guys false alarm, that’s actually me- haha

⤷username45 I’m coming to you as a woman….

username66 it’s the fact that it’s basically the whole grid in the likes 😭

→ y/n did in fact forget to text Max once she got inside, Michael had to remind her two days later

→ the day she posted, y/n and her best friends remained on call for 5 hrs with y/n just straight up violating Max (quotes in text messages) and then watching high school musical (1-3)

→ y/n did come up with her “flirty” comment but spent about five minutes gagging before she pressed post

→ yes you are buttercup in the group chat (I know it’s sugar, spice, and everything nice and then compound x but yeah um bsf2 is unhinged and so compound x is them) (your spice)

Author’s note!

→ Heyyy, random drop at 2 in the morning but that’s what happens when your work shift ends at 11pm :) Hope you enjoy chapter two! I started it and then took a break for like a day before suddenly getting an idea for how I wanted this chapter to go! I have no idea how Chapter Three will look like but expect it sometime this weekend possibly! Also no beta read, we die like bitches here (this chapter was 10 pages long)

Taglist: @boiohboii @ale-522 @ietss @theseerbetweenus @jaxx-7 @sainzluvrr @the-untamed-soul @ashy-kit @hc-dutch @nichmeddar @delululeclerc

༉‧₊˚ CHAMPIONS LOVE ༉‧₊˚

⤷ Following the messy breakup between Max Verstappen and Kelly Piquet, Max’s manager comes up with a solution to divert the attention – a fake relationship. His new girlfriend? Two time olympic gold medalist figure skater, y/n for the USA team. Easy? Well…

[c-is-for-circinate]

For a long, large part of my life, being queer in a media landscape--finding queerness in a media landscape--has meant theft.

I'm a Fandom Old, somehow, these days, older than most and younger than some, in that way that's grown associated with grumpy crotchetyness and shotguns on porches and back in my day, we had to wade through our Yahoo Groups mailing lists uphill both ways, boring and irrelevant anecdotes from Back In Those Days when homophobia clearly worked differently than it does now, probably because we weren't trying hard enough. I've seen a lot of stories through the years. I've read a lot of fanfic. (More days than not, for the past twenty years. I've read a lot of fanfic.)

When people my age start groaning and sighing at conversations about representation and queerbaiting, when we roll our eyes and drag all the old war stories out again in the face of AO3 is terrible and Not Good Enough, so often what we say is: you Young Folks Today have no idea how hard, how scary, how limiting it was to be queer anywhere Back In Those Days. Including online, maybe especially online, including in a media landscape that hated us so much more than any one you've ever known. And that is true. Always and everywhere, again and again, it's true, we remember, it's true.

We don't talk so much about the joy of it.

Online fan spaces were my very first queer communities, ever. I was thirteen, I was fourteen, I was fifteen--I was a lonely, over-precocious "gifted kid" two years too young for my grade level in an all-girls' Catholic school in the suburbs--I lived in a world where gay people were a rumor and an insult and a news story about murder. I was straight, of course, obviously, because real people were straight and anyway I was weird enough already--I couldn't be two things strange, couldn't be gay too, but--well, I could read the stories. I could feel things about that. I would have those stories to help me, a few years later, when I knew I couldn't call myself straight any more.

And those stories were theft. There was never any doubt about that. We wrote disclaimers at the top of every fic, with the specter of Anne Rice's lawyers around every corner. We hid in back-corners of the internet, places you could only find through a link from a link from a link on somebody else's recs page, being grateful for the tiny single-fandom archives when you found them, grateful for the webrings where they existed. It was theft, all of it, the stories about characters we did not own, the videotaped episodes on your best friend's VHS player, one single episode pulled off of Limewire over the course of three days.

It was theft, we knew, to even try and find ourselves in these stories to begin with. How many fics did I read in those days about two men who'd always been straight, except for each other, in this one case, when love was stronger than sexual orientation? We stole our characters away from the heterosexual lives they were destined to have. We stole them away from writers and producers and TV networks who work overtime to shower them in Babes of the Week, to pretend that queerness was never even an option. This wasn't given to us. This wasn't meant for us. This wasn't ours to have, ever, ever in the first place. But we took it anyway.

And oh, my friends, it was glorious.

We took it. We stole. And again and again, for years and years and years, we turned that theft into an art. We looked for every opening, every crack in every sidewalk where a little sprout of queerness might grow, and we claimed it for our own and we grew whole gardens. We grew so sly and so skilled with it, learning to spot the hints of oh, this could be slashy in every new show and movie to come our way. Do you see how they left these character dynamics here, unattended on the table? How ripe they are for the pocketing. Here, I'll help you carry them. We'll make off with these so-called straight boys, and we only have to look back if somebody sets out another scene we want for our own.

We were thieves, all of us, and that was fine and that was fair, because to exist as queer in the world was theft to begin with. Stolen time, stolen moments--grand larceny of the institution of marriage, breaking and entering to rob my mother's hopes for grandchildren. Every shoplifted glance at the wrong person in the locker room (and it didn't matter if we never peeked, never dared, they called us out on it anyway). Every character in every fic whose queerness became a crime against this ex-wife, that new love interest. Every time we dared steal ourselves away from the good straight partners we didn't want to date.

And: we built ourselves a den, we thieves, wallpapered in stolen images and filled to the brim with all the words we'd written ourselves. We built ourselves a home, and we filled it with joy. Every vid and art and fic, every ship, every squee. Over and over, every straight boy protagonist who abandoned all womankind for just this one exception with his straight boy protagonist partner found gay orgasms and true love at the end.

Over and over, we said: this isn't ours, this isn't meant to be ours, you did not give this to us--but we are taking it anyway. We will burglarize you for building blocks and build ourselves a palace. These stories and this place in the world is not for us, but we exist, and you can't stop us. It's ours now, full of color and noise, a thousand peoples' ideas mosaic'ed together in celebration. We made this, and it will never be just yours again. You won't ever truly get it back, no matter how many lawyers you send, not completely. We keep what we steal.

.

Things shifted over time, of course. That's good. That's to be celebrated. Nobody should have to steal to survive. It should not be a crime, should not feel like a crime, to find yourself and your space in the world.

There were always content creators who could slip a little wink in when they laid out their wares, oh what's this over here, silly me leaving this unattended where anybody could grab it, of course there might be more over by the side door if you come around the alleyway (but if anybody asks, you didn't get this from ME). We all watched Xena marry Gabrielle, in body language and between the lines. We sat around and traded theories and rumors about whether the people writing Due South knew what they were doing when they sent their buddy cops off into the frozen north alone together at the end of the show, if they'd done it on purpose, if they knew. But over the years, slowly, thankfully, the winks became less sly.

A teenage boy put his hand on another teenage boy's hand and said, you move me, and they kissed on network TV, in a prime-time show, on FOX, and the world didn't burn down. Here and there, where they wanted to, where they could without getting caught by their bosses and managers, content creators stopped subtly nudging people around the back door and started saying, "Here. This is on offer here too, on purpose. You get to have this, too."

And of course, of course that came with a whole host of problems too. Slide around to the back door but you didn't get this from me turned into it's an item on our special menu, totally legit, you've just got to ask because the boss throws a fit if we put it out front. Shopkeepers and content creators started advertising on the sly, come buy your fix here!, hiding the fine print that says you still have to take what you've purchased home and rebuild it with your semi-legal IKEA hacks. Maybe they'll consider listing that Destiel or Sterek as a full-service menu item next year. Is that Crowley/Aziraphale the real thing or is it lite?

And those problems are real and the conversations are worth having, and it's absolutely fair to be frustrated that you can't find the ship you want on sale in anything like your color and size in a vast media landscape packed full of discount hetships and fast-fashion m/f. It's fair to be angry. It's fair to be frustrated. Queerbait is a word that exists for a reason.

There's a part of me that hurts, though, every time the topic comes up. It's a confusing, bad-mannered part of me, but it's still very real. And it's not because I'm fawning for crumbs, trying to be the Good, Non-Threatening Gay. It's not that I'm scared and traumatized by the thought of what might happen if we dare raise our voices and ask for attention. (Well. Not mostly. I'll always remember being quiet and scared and fifteen, but it's been a long two decades since then. I know how to ask for a hell of a lot more now.)

It's because I remember that cozy, plush-wallpapered den of joyful thieves. I remember you keep what you steal.

Every single time--every time--when a story I love sets a couple of characters out on a low, unguarded table, perfectly placed to be pilfered on the sly and taken home and smushed together like a couple of dolls, my very first thought is always, always joy. Always, that instinct says, yay! Says, this is ours now. As soon as I go home and crawl into that pillow-fort den, my instincts say, I will surely find people already at work combing through spoils and finding new ways to combine them, new ways to make them our own. I know there's fic for that. I've already seen fic for that, and I wasn't really interested last time, but the new store display's got my brain churning, and I can't wait to see what the crew back at the hideout does with this.

Every time, that's where my brain goes. And oh, when I realize the display's put out on purpose, that somebody snuck in a legitimate special menu item, when the proprietor gives me the nod and wink and says, you don't have to come around the side, I know it's not much but here--there is so much joy and relief and hope in me from that! Oh, what we can make with these beautiful building blocks. Oh what a story we can craft from the pieces. Oh, the things we can cobble together. Look at that, this one's a little skimpy on parts but we can supplement it, this one's got a whole outline we can fill in however we want. This one technically comes semi-preassembled, and that's boring as shit and a pain to take back apart, but that's fine, we'll manage. We're artists and thieves. I bet someone's pulling out the AU saw to cut it to pieces already.

And then I get back to our den, which has moved addresses a dozen times over the years and mostly hangs out on Tumblr now (and the roof leaks and the landlord's sketchy as fuck but at least they don't charge rent, and we've made worse places our own). And I show up, ready for joy--ready for a dozen other people who saw that low-hanging fruit on that unguarded table, who got the nod and wink about the special menu item, who're ready to get so excited about this newest haul. Did you see what we picked up? The theft was so easy, practically begging to be stolen. The last owner was an idiot with no idea what to do with it. The last owner knew exactly what it could become, bless their heart, under a craftsman with more time on their hands, so they looked away on purpose at just the right time to let me take it home. I show up every time ready for our space, the place that fed me on joy and self-confidence when I was fifteen and starving. The place that taught me, yes, we are thieves, because it is RIGHT to take what we need, and the beautiful things we create are their own justification. We are thieves, and that's wonderful, because nothing is handed to us and that means we get to build our own palaces. We get to keep everything we steal.

I go home, and even knowing the world is different, my instincts and heart are waiting for that. And I walk in the door, and I look at my dash, and I glance over at twitter, and--

And people are angry, again. Angry at the slim pickings from the hidden special menu. So, so tired and angry, at once again having to steal.

And they're right to be! Sometimes (often, maybe) I think they're angry at the wrong people--more angry with the shopkeeper who offers the bite-sized sampler platter of side characters or sneaks their queer content in on the special menu than the ones who don't include it at all. But it's not wrong to be mad that Disney's once again advertising their First Gay Character only to find out it's a tiny sprinkle of a one-line extra on an otherwise straight sundae. It's not wrong to be furious at the world because you've spent your whole life needing to be a thief to survive. It's far from wrong. I'm angry about it too.

But this was my den of thieves, my chop shop, my makerspace. Growing up in fandom, I learned to pick the locks on stories and crack the safes of subtext at the very same time I learned to create. They were the same thing, the same art. We are thieves, my heart says, we are thieves, and that's what makes us better than the people we steal from. We deconstruct every time we create. We build better things out of the pieces.

And people are angry that the pre-fab materials are too hard to find, the pickings too slim, the items on sale too limited? Yes, of course they are, of course they should be--but my heart. Oh, my heart. Every single time, just a little bit, it breaks.

Of course the stories are terrible (they have always been terrible). Of course they are, but we are thieves. We steal the best parts and cobble them back together and what we make is better than it was before. The craftsman's eye that cases a story for weak points, for blank spaces, for anywhere we can fit a crowbar and pry apart this casing--that's skill and art and joy. Of course we shouldn't have to, of course we shouldn't have to, but I still love it. I still want it, crave it. I still thrill every time I see it, a story with hairline cracks that we can work open with clever hands to let the queer in.

That used to be cause for celebration, around here. I ask him to go back to the ruins of Aeor with me, two men together alone on an expedition in the frozen north, it feels like a gift. And I understand why some people take it as an insult. I understand not good enough. I understand how something can feel like a few drops of water to someone dying of thirst, like a slap in the face. If it was so easy to sneak it hidden onto the special menu, to place it on the unguarded side table for someone else to run off to, why not let it sit out front and center in the first place? I know it's frustrating. It should be. We should fight. We should always fight. I know why.

But my heart, oh, my heart. My heart only knows what it's been taught. My heart sees, this thing right here, the proprietor left it there for you with a nod and a wink because they Get It. It's not put together yet, but it's better that way anyway. It's so full of pieces to pull apart and reassemble. I bet they've got a whole mosaic wall going up at home already. We can bring it home and make it OURS, more than it was ever theirs, forget half of what it came from and grow a new garden in what remains.

And I go home to find anger, and my heart breaks instead.

[ayuki-ikuya]

I’ve read your ennead fanfic and i’m already in love with your writing😭 pls i need more ennead content 🫀❤️‍🔥

Tbh, I wasn't sure on how people would like Ennead Fanfic content since it's originally a BL, and people (specially in genshib fandom) that finds anything canon or close to being canon, will get offended by people making Fanfic that isn't GL or BL like the canon and will attack them for it.

While understandable, it is a FANFIC for a reason. A Fanfic is a person own interpretation which could be also seen as a timeline. By changing events to something else, it branches from the original to create something entirely different from what it was intended, which doesn't harm the canon version as it's all FICTIONAL.

If a person feels like their ship isn't getting represented, make the content yourself rather than bashing the people for it.

BTW, this is regarding about Yae Miko x Ayato and Yae Miko x Ei. I'm not a shipper myself because genshin is a fairly messy fandom regardless. Majority of the fights going on are literally going straight into "He said she said" fights. Lesbian Coded, that's fine, but unless explicitly said by the company themselves, it is merely there. And Proshipping (if you don't know is where an adult watches over a child until they are a legalized adult and enters a romantic relationship) is a common trope that is used in some fictions. If you don't like the content, don't attack or harass them about it. It's all fiction, they're simply characters that you don't know personally and they don't know you. Joke or not.

Anyways, sorry for my ranting, I'm just tired of all the shit going on in Genshin fandom about their ships.

Anyways, onto the ENNEAD content Anon has requested!

I'm gonna be fairly honest tho, I didn't know what fiction to write for ENNEAD, so I just wanted to establish who Apep/Apophis!Reader is.

Before I get straight into about Reader's character, I'm going to say that I combined Apophis/Apep with Nehebkau.

Nehebkau is a snake god who is considered a funeral god connected with the afterlife before they ended up considered an evil spirit. This god fitted nicely with the theme I had going on, which was Apep/Apophis originally being Nehebkau before ending up corrupted.

I'm just going to spit it out here, and I apologise, but you're name is going to be considered your sacred name, Nehebkau is your human name, Apep is your god name and Apophis is your fallen god name

Originally, you were named Nehebkau when you were human, but God had decided to bless you, and upon you reaching god hood thanks to Seth's curse and Ra, he renamed you Apep/Apophis.

Originally you had shoulder length hair that was the color of the sea. Although it was unfornately dirty since you were in poverty due to Seth. Now as a god, you're hair grew to the floor, and thankfully, you had managed to braid it to where it reached to the back of your knees. It maintains it's blue color, however, there is golden highlights amongst the blue.

Ra had blessed you with golden eyes to withstand the sun and see everything within the past in an individual along with being able to predict the future. This became difficult for you when you became god, and ended up wearing a veil to cover your face to obscure seeing the person directly despite the see through cloth. (The veil was actually made from the Ra's hair who found this amusing) You also have small faded blue scales around your body (underneath the eyes, your shoulders, sides)

Your headdress is much like the others except a cobra snake's head covering over your head with a veil hanging from it's fangs and sides.

As the story progresses, nearing about towards the end, you had accumulated a lot of chaotic energy to the point of no return. Thus, putting you in agony for days on end as you began to change, your hair had turned into a golden color, and the small blue scales are now fairly large and golden. You're eyes which used to be pure gold are now twinged with an amber red, resembling the sun. You had forgo the headdress and braid, your hair is moving and coiling even without the wind.

Even though you're a fallen god filled to the brim with Chaotic energy, you maintain rationality which is shocking as most who ended up becoming a fallen god, go insane and attack others. You? No. You are as calm and calculating as always.

Except, your aim is to attack Ra and fulfill your true duty as the true oppressor in order for Seth to become the hero. (And thus leading to where Seth protects the sun boat by fending off the snake)

And now onto you as a character.

In the beginning, you're shown to be a bit of an outcast, as there aren't a lot of snake gods, and snakes are often the sign of a bad omen. You're childhood friends with Horus, which is how you ended up meeting Seth when you were young.

When you met Seth again, you were merely watching from the sidelines, occasionally appearing alongside Horus or Isis depending on what fortunes you've have seen. So unfornately, Seth didn't have a very strong opinion in the beginning until during the trial as you were also an unknown god who isn't born a god.

both you and Horus undertook the trials together as one, occasionally splitting apart to do the trial in fairness. The trial you did was the water breathing trial. Which is fairly easy for you since you're pretty much a snake.

Unfornately, this lead to a draw as you both injured each other pretty well since your own ability is able to control snakes and able to shift into a snake. However, instead of a normal sized snake, you turn into a giant golden snake that reached across the entire Nile river, putting Seth under pressure as you were too large for him to take on, but because you haven't angered him nor cheated, he was particularly peachy, but okay with the draw if it was you.

The boat race turned to be the same since it's Horus.

During THAT night, you were in serious pain due to the chaotic energy you kept to yourself, and Horus offered you to sleep with him like you two did often when you were younger, which you agreed to since it would provide some comfort even though you're still in pain. (If you're a woman, think of having a cramp, but 10× worse. For men, think of a pounding headache but 20× worse.)

Horus became overly alert before you did as you were too focused in on the pain to notice anything. But when the covers were pulled off you, you had squinted to see who had lifted the blanket to see Seth there, staring at you.

But you turned away and ignored him with gritted teeth while you continued suffering until you were pulled on top of Horus and then yeah. NSFW content from there until Seth became fearful due to Horus being like his father and had unfortunately swept you along with him since he was still in you. And then so on forth with NSFW content.

I'm not gonna delve into all of it, but if you guys are heavily interested in this idea, I can start up a book on Wattpad!

[caker-baker]

Of Convenience

The protagonist was sometimes asked if they were married. They would always say no. There was no point in the whole truth.

To be fair, they were young, in college, and both them and their spouse figured being married would make things just a bit easier with money.

So, marriage. Totally platonic marriage between two broke best friends that was meant to last only through the end of their schooling.

Then their spouse disappeared, and stayed disappeared for ten years.

Legally, the protagonist wasn’t even married anymore, they never lied when they said they weren’t married. How could someone be married to a presumed dead person?

Sometimes they felt guilty. All the mourning for their best friend had been done with, and they weren’t by any means in love with them in the traditional way one would love their spouse, but it never stopped the protagonist from feeling bad.

Bad about moving on with their life. Bad about this date.

But it had been ten years, and the protagonist reasoned their best friend, wherever they were, would be happy for them.

It was supposed to be at a nice place, this date. A traditionally formal restaurant, one with valets. The protagonist enjoyed that. They didn’t always have the time for nice outings.

It was also relatively public, a little ways away from the heart of the city, close enough to home in case things took a turn for the worse.

But that was just a what if. Their friend gave this blind date a glowing review.

The bad feeling still ate away at the protagonist. Not for their possibly dead spouse, but for the lack of knowing. They didn’t know this person, and sure, the goal was to get to know them, but there was no basis for anything.

Regardless, it was going to be a nice night out with a nice meal in their nice clothes. All thoughts the protagonist had to remind themselves of as they watched the valet take their car away.

The door closed behind them, and the protagonist jumped.

Online, the place looked lively, warm. This was empty, abandoned of all people.

The tables and chairs and lights were all there. Lovely centerpieces of flowers and candles decorated empty spaces. No chatter filled the room, no host stood at the front, and most notably, no date.

It was all under a second the protagonist was able to observe these factors, and took less than three to turn and push on the door that wouldn’t budge.

“It locks electronically.”

For the second time that night, the protagonist jumped.

“How wonderfully modern.” They said, not taking their hand off the door.

“Wonderfully.” The faceless voice agreed. “Wouldn’t you like to sit?”

“Actually, I think I was just about to leave.”

“What about your date?”

The protagonist turned, and nearly screamed.

They thought they could deal with a regular person in this irregular situation. However, dealing with a villain was much, much different.

“Funny enough,” the protagonist managed “I’m beginning to think they stood me up.”

“Oh?” The villain grinned, sitting slowly at one of the tables. “What makes you so sure?”

“It’s been a few minutes since the agreed upon time.”

This was wrong. Talking with a villain while waiting for help.

What help? No alarms were triggered. There’s no sign of a villain being here at all. No hero would have any clue of potential danger.

“Still.” The villain moved their eyes to the chair opposite them. “You should sit.”

At this point, the protagonist was only conscious through fear and adrenaline, so, they moved to the chair, and sat.

“Now, forgive me if I’m wrong, but aren’t you married?” The villain said, leaning forward to rest their chin in their hand.

“I-” Two more people came out then, trays in hand, and all the protagonist could do was watch as they set them down, and left wordlessly. “I- what?”

“Well,” the villain started again, lifting the lid to their tray. “I could have sworn you had a spouse. Yet here you are, waiting for a,” they sucked air in through their teeth, a harsh sign of disapproval. “date.”

“What an unlucky bastard my spouse is, huh?” The protagonist felt dizzy.

“Oh, surely.” The villain’s eyes looked as if they darkened. “I’m glad, at least, corporate life hasn’t knocked the humor out of you.”

What?

“No, just all my free time.”

“Still free enough to try for a date.” The villain looked at them with a matter of fact stare, something the protagonist had been on the receiving end of before.

It was a stare their best friend, their spouse had mastered.

It was the same stare the villain was giving them now.

It was the same eye color the protagonist used to know well.

It was…

Oh.

“There they are.” The villain - or rather, their presumed dead best friend, their spouse - looked amused, and leaned back in the chair. “I knew you were smarter than that.”

“But you-”

Oh, God.

“You vanished.” The protagonist whispered.

“And you never even looked for me.”

“Looked for you?” The protagonist repeated in disbelief.

“I’m only teasing, love. I didn’t leave a single trace. No one could have found me.”

The protagonist stood. “And now you’re a villain.”

“Mm. I prefer goal-oriented entrepreneur.”

“You’re a villain!”

“If you insist. You are really going to let the foie gras go to waste if you don’t eat.”

“You’ve been alive this whole time! You’re perfectly fine!” The protagonist sat again, lowering their voice. “We had a funeral for you. We mourned you. The police could only assume you died.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, love. I didn’t realize my disappearance would upset you so.”

The protagonist slammed their hands on the table. “You were my best friend! We got married.”

“I know, I was there.” The villain held up their hand, the old, cheap ring still on their finger. “Bringing me back to my point. Why go on a date?”

For a brief moment, the protagonist had to wonder if they were the crazy one for not seeing the villain’s side of things.

“Why was I trying to go on a date ten years after you left?” They spoke slowly, still trying to decipher if there was something strange about it.

“We both know it wasn’t just the one date. Maybe the first one in a while, but-”

“Have you been watching me?”

“No more than I need to. You’re my spouse, Protagonist.”

“It was a marriage of convenience. Neither of us really ever…and legally, no, we aren’t married. You can’t be married to a dead person.”

The villain let out a single scoff. “You’re not dead, and I’m still very much married to you.”

“That’s not-”

“Point being, Protagonist, I got tired of watching these people come in and out of your life.”

“And you get to do the exact same thing, is that it?”

“Absolutely not.” The villain scowled. “What kind of a person do you take me for anyways?”

“The kind who disappears for ten years without a call or even a postcard!”

The villain at least had the decency to look slightly embarrassed. “Touché.”

The protagonist’s tone turned less angry, and more serious. “I’ve seen you online. The news.”

“Ah.” The villain let a look of annoyance pass over their face. “Most people have, love.”

“What makes you think I wouldn’t go running to the closest person I could find to tell them about you? I know your identity now. There’s someone to find and blame for the things you’ve done.”

“I do have your car.”

Stupid valets.

“And, really, love. Do you know me? My civilian self has dropped off the face of the earth.”

The protagonist felt a chill up their spine, but the villain was just getting started.

“You also seem to be forgetting I’m the one who kept on eye on you. I know you. For better or for worse, I know you. How it’s only six blocks to home, how you visit your parents and sister every other month. She’s sixteen now, right? How you meet up with my parents every anniversary of my disappearance, and how you manage to avoid telling everyone who asks that you are indeed committed to someone.”

“What do you want?” The protagonist spat.

“Other than your company?” The villain tapped a finger to their lips in faux thought. “Now that you mention it, that cushy corporate job of yours has a hold on some valuable assets of mine. And believe me, love, it’s honestly something they wouldn’t want to get too deep in.”

“You��ve been watching me this entire time just to threaten me? Because of my job?”

“Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, love. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not threatening you. I adore your family, and I would never hurt you. You know that right?”

“Do I?”

“Mm.” The villain tilted their head to the side. “Tell you what, love. You don’t even have to do any of the corporate espionage. You just have to give me your boss’ number. I can go from there.”

The protagonist found themselves shaking.“Why are you doing this?”

“I couldn’t think of a better reason to stay in your life than to bring a little chaos.”

[itsclydebitches]

@thewhitehairedwitchgirl​ many ramblings below feel free to ignore hard agree with everything you’ve said in that thread (I’m snagging a portion in a new post for brevity’s sake). I also think it’s worth acknowledging that of course Jacques needed a PR team to manage his own slavery. Not because that’s the only way to cover up any kind of abuse, but because he was running a slavery operation. As in, thousands of faunus workers mistreated across Remnant with major tragedies like the cave-in that killed Ilia’s parents to try and cover up. But one hotel owner? The Madame doesn’t need all that to hide her abuse. Hers is much smaller (in the sense of the number of people involved, not the emotional damage) and therefore much easier to keep out of the public eye. Jacques required PR damage control because of his status and the scale he was working on, not because every abuse case requires that level of power, funds, and manipulation.

As you point out, The Madame is legally Cinder’s mother. We as the audience know there’s no love there and that she pulled Cinder from a dubious hovel whose paperwork probably isn’t up to snuff, but on the surface they’re legally a Happy Family™. If we’re bringing Jacques into the mix, this is far more comparable to his public relationship with Weiss than it is his treatment of the faunus. And, just like Weiss, Cinder was conditioned to present an “Everything is totally fine!” front to the rest of the world.

Compare how Cinder looks in the hotel to when she first arrives. She’s clean, hair tied neatly back, wearing a spotless white uniform, and if you don’t know that the necklace is a shock collar (which, given that she’s only shocked in the privacy of the kitchen, no one does) you’d think that her mother gave her a very nice piece of jewelry to wear. It even matches her eyes! Aww, how sweet. She works, yes, but so do the two stepsisters (we see them carrying cakes and such out), so clearly these are sisters learning the family trade together, and if you’re only visiting infrequently - like, say, short-term at a hotel - you’d never notice that she’s doing the bulk of that work. Cinder smiles while delivering food to each door and when she trips Madame looks furious for a moment... but then very swiftly covers that anger up. Because she’s playing a part. She can’t afford to yell or shock Cinder here because people are watching. Out here, they’re a family. You know, just how out in public, Weiss is the perfect heir to a stern, but ultimately loving father. We likewise see her practicing smiling before she calls home. She knows how to work to keep things looking normal.

Despite the major issues with the episode as a whole, I think RWBY did a good job here of demonstrating how insidious abuse is; how easily you can hide it behind convenient excuses and a clean set of clothes. As a useful exercise, it’s worth going back through episodes and asking what do we as the audience know vs. what do other characters know? Because in Cinder’s flashback, I guarantee that what most other characters know, even Rhodes, is minuscule compared to our own knowledge that’s informing our outrage (shock torture sessions, soundtrack detailing her misery, obvious fact that Cinder is a villain and most likely didn’t have a happy childhood...) and the rest is just suspicion and speculation that people are going to have a hard time acting on. That’s one reason why abusers get away with it. When people see the Madame briefly get angry they don’t think, “She’s an abuser about to shock her daughter once they’re alone” they think, “She’s a frustrated mother who almost lost her temper over an accident that broke a ton of dishes, but then didn’t. Good for her.”

I agree wholeheartedly that Rhodes could have told someone, but I question whether that would have done any good in this world (I question if it might have made things worse) and, by extension, if his choice to go a different route that he thought would benefit Cinder (training her) is automatically irredeemable in the way most of the fandom has described. This isn’t a man who wrote an abused child off, this is a man who decided to help her in a way others don’t agree with... and those are two very separate things. Because yes, there’s this disconnect between how fans view the worldbuilding and I’ll always be on the detailed, practical side of, “What exactly do you want done?” Just saying he should have told someone sounds wonderful on the surface... until you require specifics and either someone can’t offer up an answer, or that answer is easily undercut by canon. Who’s he meant to tell? The CPS which doesn’t seem to exist? The police which, uh... has a whole host of other problems attached? The robots that got hacked and made out as symbols of oppression? (And that’s a whole other can of worms in the, “You shouldn’t have children fight” conversation.) Other huntsmen? Part of the shoddiness of the worldbuilding is not knowing what parties have what power and whether they’re trustworthy enough to send a child to. We have no idea if Rhodes or another huntsmen could have arrested the Madame with the evidence he’d gathered because Volume 7 treated Weiss’ arrest of her father as a joke, not a moment of clarification. We have no idea if someone official were to turn up, how easy it would be for the Madame to play everything off as just having a troublesome teenager. But given all those other details (how Cinder looks, how she’s been taught to smile, how careful the Madame is to do everything behind closed doors, the other girls being given ‘equal’ work, how common it is for kids to have weapons and how stealing a sword probably isn’t going to come across as a red flag in Remanent like it would here, etc.) I’d say it would probably be pretty damn easy. And, if we’re really going to treat this fantasy show ‘realistically,’ Rhodes had better be damn sure he can get Cinder out of there before he starts making accusations, otherwise she’ll be the one bearing the punishment for his actions. Like, that’s the entire point. It’s easy for abusers like the Madame to get away with their domestic abuse in a way it’s not easy for a billionaire to get away with large-scale slavery of an entire race. It’s so much harder to prove and as a result, it’s very likely that Rhodes telling the Yet Unestablished Safe Party Who Might Totally Save Cinder leads to him being banned from the hotel, Cinder shouldering the Madame’s fury, and now she’s out of any huntsmen training that could free her later. 

Which brings me back to Weiss because again, we’ve got another domestic abuse case right there. In the interest of fairness across characters, I have to wonder if we’re going to condemn Rhodes for not doing enough, what does that say about every character who has come into contact with Weiss across her life? She has an older sister who - shock, shock, surprise, surprise - in true Remnant fashion, chose to train Weiss in an effort to allow her to escape Jacques herself, rather than just sweeping her away to safety (and she seems to have forgotten Whitley entirely because he can’t be trained). There was an entire party where people watched Weiss get manhandled by her father and become upset enough that she instinctively summoned a grimm to defend herself. Based on the trailers people have listened to her sing songs about trying to regain her own autonomy and break free. Her friends (who, going back to the original conversation, are on the cusp of adulthood) at the very least have a strong suspicion about her home life... but no one does anything.

All of which I say not to drag those characters, but to point out that Rhodes, in turn, is not solely responsible for solving the deliberately secretive abuse of a stranger because even friends and family have been unable or unwilling to do anything. That’s not an excuse, just a really sad fact about the state of this broken system. Accusations require authority to follow up on, which RWBY hasn’t shown us exists in Remnant, let alone is established enough to be relied upon. We have no idea how much characters can actually do and, by extension, when they haven’t done enough. If Winter who has first-hand knowledge of her father’s abuse towards her, and her sister, and her brother, and her mother, and is a huntress, and in a really powerful position in the military, and has the ear of Atlas’ primary leader, and despite all that she still decides that the best course of action is to train Weiss in the dead of night so she can escape to Beacon and someday get out from under her father’s thumb on her own... I can’t personally fault Rhodes for doing the same? I mean, I could from that ‘realistic’ perspective, but not within RWBY’s canon. Like yeah, we as the audience in the real world are rightly going, “What the fuck you need to CALL someone and get that child OUT OF THERE” in the same way we’d hopefully go, “WHAT THE FUCK YOU CAN’T GIVE A 13 YEAR OLD A GIANT SCYTHE” but this is a fantasy story and I find it weird to continually judge characters by our real-life standards that, time and time again, RWBY says do not exist. If RWBY had told us that there was a Remnant 911 that Rhodes could have called to safely pry Cinder from the Madame’s hands then yeah, he’s the Fucking Worst for not doing that. But all RWBY has done is heavily imply that every problem is solved by giving kids weapons... which is what he did. Go figure.

[nott-emotionally-stable]

Professor Widogast stumbles into his classroom one particular Monday morning, silencing the murmurs of "if he's more than 15 minutes late, we're legally allowed to leave!" Well, he presumes that's what they're saying; his ears are still ringing from last night.

He gives his students a quick logical puzzle as a warm-up. However, more than a few moments later, the kids are all still gaping at him. Caleb doesn't blame them; it's not every day that your teacher comes in looking like a human punching bag. There's gashes still visible on his neck and hands, and his body is basically one big bruise. Even Caduceus’s healing paired with a long rest wasn't enough to fully restore him.

"Aright," he sighs, resigned. "Who has questions?"

Every hand in the room shoots up simultaneously. Caleb feels an amused smirk pulling at his lips- at least they're curious.

"Wonderful. Once you complete the warm-up, you may bring it up to my desk and ask one question each."

The sound of pencils scribbling across paper fills the room. The children start quietly muttering to one another, some discussing the problem, most discussing their teacher. Caleb rests his eyes for a moment. Ohhh, that feels nice.

It feels like not a moment later when his trance is broken by the sound of confident footsteps and something being placed on his desk. Without opening his eyes, he responds, "Yes, Elise?"

An assertive, yet slightly squeaky voice answers back. "How'd you get so hurt?"

"I got into a fight last night." He says matter-of-factly.

The room bursts into sounds of disbelief. "No way!" one boy exclaims, as another one shouts "I told you!" Caleb peeks his eyes open and sees a few hands exchanging some copper, as twenty students start demanding more answers out of him. Caleb allows the volume of the room to rise a little longer before trying to regain some control.

"Please calm down everyone, I do not need the other teachers angry with me. In fact, I believe Professor Biesdorf is giving an exam right now, so let's tone it down a notch."

The students are not relenting, so Caleb decides to remind them of the rules. "I am not answering another question until there is another paper on my desk."

It helps a little. Some kids are too busy staring at him in awe to continue. They all must have assumed he slipped on some ice or tripped over one of his cats. These students are too young to have been taught of any of his exploits, so to them, he's just a stuffy professor who spends too much time in the library.

Another paper gets tossed onto his desk. "What did you fight," a boy named Otto demands. He's trying to act unfazed, but there's excitement sparkling in his eyes.

Caleb pauses for a moment for dramatic effect. "Someone I used to call a friend." Gasps echo around the room.

Not much longer, another paper is slammed in front of him. “Did you kill him?”

Caleb grins, “Ohhh, no. She’s much too clever for that.”

Soon enough, there’s a steady stream of worksheets being scattered around him, as his students congregate excitedly on the other side of his desk.

“Did you win, though?”

“Hmmm… I would say no.” Caleb squints his eyes faux-menacingly. “But you better not tell her that.”

“Who is she?”

“For security reasons, I cannot give her name out.” An uncontrollable smile fills Caleb’s face. “However, in this room only, we may refer to her as Fiona Fancypants.”

“Fiona Fancypants?” One girl manages to say through her giggling.

“Yes,” Caleb says with wide eyes. “And you better not underestimate her.”

“Why? What can she do?”

“She is not a sorcerer, and yet, she can create magic without a god, without music, and without a spellbook.”

“But isn’t that supposed to be impossible?”

“It is, yes.” (A/N: don’t come at me if i’m wrong, im dumb and its 2am)

“What kind of magic can she do?”

“I’ve seen her send large beasts to another plane of existence. I’ve seen her glue together petrified people and then bring them back to life. I've seen her deceive an ancient hag with nothing other than her own cunning and a moldy blueberry cupcake.”

“Are you in love with her?”

Now it’s Caleb’s turn to laugh in surprise. “No, but I do love her.”

“Then why did you fight her?”

“She betrayed me.”

“What did she do?”

“Yes, what did she do?” a deeper voice asks from the doorway. All the kids spin around to identify the unknown voice. There stands a dark elven man with curly black hair that sits at his shoulders. In his left hand he is carrying a brown paper bag. Caleb mentally kicks himself. Since he used up all his spell slots last night, he slept at the Blooming Grove with the rest of the Nein, and then he teleported right to the Academy in the morning. Which means he forgot to pick up his lunch from home.

“Everyone, I’d like you to meet… Ussek.”

Essek, who has started making his way (🎵making his way🎵) through the classroom, momentarily freezes in bemusement. “Ah, yes. My name is... Ussek. It’s very nice to meet all of you. I’m sorry to interrupt, but even the smartest teacher in the world forgets things sometimes.” Essek places the paper bag on Caleb’s desk, next to the cluttered mix of papers. He picks one up and studies it with a serious expression before turning it around, revealing it to be nothing more than a series of scribbles. “Hard at work, I see,” he says in the driest of voices.

“Yes, well thank you for the reminder. We were all just getting back to our seats.” Caleb gives his class a pointed look. The kids all groan as they return to their spots. They watch closely as the two men turn away from them, speaking in hushed voices.

“So what did Fiona do?” Essek teases with a quirk of the eyebrow.

“... It was a complicated-”

“She challenged your word in Scrabble again?”

“Yes! Every time we play!”

“And you responded by attacking her?” Essek asks dubiously.

“What do you think?” Caleb retorts.

“That she attacked you?”

“Ah, at first it was just Thaumaturgy, but then it… escalated.”

“Well, do not worry. Next week, I’ll be there to protect you.”

Caleb looks at the ceiling and sighs, a smile dancing on his face. “I am going to ignore the insinuation there, and just say that everyone missed you at family dinner.”

Essek mirrors his boyfriend’s easy smile. “Of course they did. I do float, after all. Now, you better return to your students before they figure out my identity and rat me out to the Bright Queen.”

And Caleb most certainly does not blush, because there is no way his super hot boyfriend just made him forget that he’s supposed to be in the middle of a lesson.

Essek holds Caleb’s gaze as he does a quick series of hand motions and vanishes. Caleb just rolls his eyes as he turns back to his class, because he knows Essek just Dimension Door-ed into the hallway to impress the kids.

And it worked. The entire class has their mouths agape once again. Except for one terrified-looking child in the back of the room, who has his hand up.

“Yes Charlie?”

“Is Fiona Fancypants still looking for you?”

Schiesse. It was not Caleb’s intention to traumatize any children, so he shakes his head and responds, “Do not worry, she is on a boat right now on the other side of the world. She has no idea where I am.”

And indeed, Jester is sitting on the deck of The Nein Heroez on the other side of the world. However, at this moment, she is giggling through her scry spell as she’s describing all of this to her own boyfriend. (“He looks sooooo fucked up right now, Fjord, you have no idea.”)

[hollybollybingbong]

Albus Dumbledore is the worst.

Albus Dumbledore was written to be a hero, and that's what makes him such a good villain. Almost everyone in the Wizarding World trusted him and thought he was so incredible and amazing, but in reality, he was playing a brilliant game of chess, using them all as his pawns.

How? Let's start from the beginning with Tom Riddle.

Dumbledore first met Tom when he was eleven, and even then, you could see the warning signs. Dumbledore did too. He saw that Tom was dangerous and unstable, and Dumbledore, being Dumbledore, wanted to give him a chance at Hogwarts.

But, Dumbledore, also, being Dumbledore, was the only one who saw who Tom really was, and only "kept an annoyingly close watch on him." He saw Tom Riddle, at the age of eleven saying "I can make bad things happen to people who annoy me. I can make them hurt if I want," and did not think to do anything about it.

He said to Harry in Chamber of Secrets that, "help will be given at Hogwarts to those who ask for it," yet, here we have Tom Riddle, who desperately needed help, and did not get it. Could Dumbledore have prevented Tom Riddle from becoming who he was? I'm not sure. Could he have helped him more while he was at Hogwarts? 100%

Next up, Sirius (and a bit of Remus)

One thing I never understood while reading the books was why Sirius had to spend twelve years in Azkaban when there were literally potions that forced you to tell the truth.

The truth is, unsurprisingly, Dumbledore wanted him there. By keeping Sirius in Azkaban, there was no way he could adopt Harry (who was legally his), and ruin Dumbledore's perfectly thought out plan of manipulating Harry. Dumbledore was a high-ranking member of the Wizengamot, if he managed to get Snape off, he surely could've gotten Sirius free too.

But unlike Snape, and Remus, and Hagrid, and Harry, Dumbledore couldn't use Sirius. Remus was a werewolf with no job prospects in the Wizarding World, and no Muggle qualifications either. He spent twelve years alone, as he watched his friends die or get sent to Azkaban. But then here comes Dumbledore, who gives him a job and a home when no one else would. And suddenly, Remus is loyal to Dumbledore.

Hagrid, a half-giant, was kicked out of Hogwarts in his third year for something he didn't do. But Dumbledore comes along and suddenly Hagrid has a home and job, and owes it to Dumbledore, ensuring his loyalty.

Even Snape, Dumbledore saved him from a lifetime in Azkaban prison, securing his loyalty too.

But Sirius, Sirius was different. He saw right through Dumbledore and his manipulation. He was a rebel and chose his path. A path that didn't involve Dumbledore, which is why he was stuck in Azkaban for twelve years, despite him being innocent. Because him being around would've messed up Dumbledore's plan to raise Harry to die, because there is no way in hell that Sirius would've allowed that to happen.

Finally, Harry Potter, himself.

Harry escaped death at the age of one and then was essentially kidnapped by Hagrid on Dumbledore's orders. While there's no proof, surely James and Lily would've written a will, especially considering they were living through a war with their son being the target for the greatest dark wizard of all time. I believe that Dumbledore pulled some strings (because remember, he was a member of the Wizengamot, and despite not holding the title of Minister for Magic, he was as good as, especially considering how incompetent they were), so he could be in charge of Harry's living arrangements and manipulate him further. Sirius Black was his legal guardian, being godfather and all, and yet Hagrid had "orders from Dumbledore," so he got stuck with the Dursleys.

Harry grew up in this abusive home where he was unwanted, neglected, and bullied, so when he eventually finds out about the Wizarding World, he sees it as a home, a safe haven, away from the Dursleys. He feels grateful to the Wizarding World for saving him from them. And when he has to go back at the beginning of summer, it's a reminder that it can all be taken away, so when Harry has to sacrifice himself to save the world he's come to love so much, of course, he does! Because why wouldn't he? It's his home.

Dumbledore could've left Harry with Remus, or the Weasley's, or the Longbottom's, or literally any other family, but the Dursley's made Harry easiest to manipulate.

And before anyone mentions Lily's blood wards, Dumbledore says in Order of the Phoenix: "You need return there only once a year, but as long as you can still call it home, there he cannot hurt you."

There was no reason for Harry to grow up in an abusive household, isolated from the Wizarding World, but it made Harry an easier pawn to manipulate in Dumbledore's game.

Similarly, when Harry is in school, he rewards Harry's saviour complex through house points. In Philosopher's Stone, the trio very clearly go against McGonagall's orders and put themselves in dangerous situations to 'save the day.' But instead of facing any punishment, they are rewarded via the House Cup, and Dumbledore is buying Harry's loyalty.

It's always Harry being the one to put himself into dangerous situations, never Dumbledore. Chamber of Secrets, Harry and Ginny both nearly die, but oh, thanks to Dumbledore's phoenix the day is saved! But wait, wasn't Dumbledore there the first time the Chamber was opened? Was there nobody else in the entire Wizarding World who could fix this mess, without having to rely on a twelve-year-old???

Prisoner of Azkaban. Why were Harry and Hermione the ones to rescue Sirius? Why couldn't Dumbledore do it himself? Goblet of Fire. You're telling me the 'most powerful wizard in the world' couldn't break the magical contract? In all honesty, he probably could, but he said it himself, he wanted to see what would happen. He was using Harry as bait. McGonagall seems to be the only person who cares about this poor boy's life. And then we have Order of the Phoenix. Where Dumbledore isolates himself from Harry, gets Snape to teach him Occlumency instead of doing it himself, which leads to Sirius's death, which I believe was planned (to an extent).

And at the end of Order of the Phoenix, Dumbledore comes 'clean,' saying that the reason he ghosted Harry for the entire year, was because 'he cared for him too much.' That he cared more about Harry's happiness than the safety of others, that he put Harry's life above the life of innocent people. He was telling Harry, who watched his godfather die in front of him, and blamed himself for it, that him being happy would lead to the deaths of others. Dumbledore's exact quote was, "What did I care if numbers of nameless and faceless people and creatures were slaughtered in the vague future, if in the here and now you were alive, and well, and happy." And of course, Dumbledore said this, because he knows Harry has a tendency to sacrifice himself for others, and as a result, he'll choose to die when the time comes.

Dumbledore kept Harry's inevitable death from him for sixteen years, five while he was at Hogwarts. And guess what? By this point, Harry was wrapped so tightly around Dumbledore's little finger, and wouldn't say no even if he could.

Harry Potter was raised like a pig for slaughter, by a man he trusted. And this makes me so angry. Harry Potter was seventeen when he walked into the forest alone, more than willing to die. He was seventeen when he and his friends fought in a war against people twice their age. He was seventeen when he saw some of those friends for the last time, watched them die fighting a war that none of them had seen the start of.

He was fifteen when he watched his godfather die before him, and blamed himself for it. He was fourteen when he watched Cedric Diggory die at the hand of Voldemort. He was twelve when he had to fight a basilisk and Tom Riddle single-handedly while trying to save himself and eleven-year-old Ginny Weasley. He was eleven and having to find and protect the Philosopher's Stone, the first 'test' of many. He was a child battling an adult's war, with no choice in the matter.

Dumbledore manipulated them all, so he could get children to fight his battles for him.

[spidernerdsblog]

Can you do MMIH blurb where the reader and Tom try and have alone time but the twins keep interrupting and tom gets frustrated and sends them to Nikki's nd Dom's place so they can have alone time?

Got a couple of requests on this concept so here it is the well deserved date night for them. Hope you like this. Let me know what you think.

Match made in Hell (series)

DATE NIGHT

Pairing : Mob! Tom Holland x Reader

Warnings : 18+, SMUT, minors DNI, soft passionate, bathtub sex, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it)

Running a business was never easy be it the mob or his new real estate business Tom always found paperwork grating. The constant signing of his initials after scrutinizing the legal documents line by line stacked in those manila folders on the table was strenuous. And on top of that when you walked into his office in the middle of the day dressed in that sundress that drove him insane didn’t help much either. He was quick to put all the work aside and pull you in his lap. 

With the kids and a business to run you could barely spare some time for each other. So whenever you managed a little alone time you were all over each other like some horny teenagers all desperate and needy. Your dress was bunched up to your waist, his hands kneading the soft flesh of your ass as you grinded on his growing bulge. Tom’s breath was hot on your neck as he kissed the sweet spot behind your ear that made your knees go weak. You let out a whimper when he slipped a hand between your legs rubbing your clit through your panties feeling your wetness. 

“Fuck baby you’re soaked” he grunted hastily undoing his belt and fly. He was about to pull out his throbbing length when you were interrupted by Leah’s sharp voice.

“Mommy! Look, Nate ate my chocolates!” 

“No mommy I did not!” Nate retorted as you stopped everything you were doing. Sighing against his mouth you pulled away from Tom.

“Mmmmph don’t go please” he whined, chasing your lips as his grip tightened on your waist in an attempt to keep you close.

“I have to” you kissed his nose and pressed your foreheads together with a smile.

“You know I love them with my life but they are being serious cockblocks lately” he mumbled.

“Don't say like that, they are small and they need me” you snickered. 

“What about me? I need you too” he pouted, giving you his best puppy eyes.

“Yeah that is the reason they are here in the first place so now deal with it” you got off his lap standing up and fixing your dress while Tom sat on his chair with a scowl on his face. He knew he was being selfish but you both deserve some alone time together. He can’t remember the last time you cuddled together and poured your hearts out, drifting off to sleep listening to each other's heartbeat. And then suddenly an idea went across his mind.

“By the way, are you going to the diner today?” he asked.

“Yeah, some deliveries will be arriving. I need to check them myself. Why?”  

“Try to come home early”

“For what?” you glanced at him questioningly.

“Just be back by six. You’ll get to know” he insisted.

“Ok I’ll try” you left, pressing a gentle kiss on his cheek.

After solving the huge mystery of the stolen chocolates, it turned out that Nate indeed had eaten all of his sister’s chocolates. You made him say sorry to her and then went to your diner. As promised you returned home early and were a little surprised to find the house oddly quieter than normal days.

“Good evening darling. How was your day?” Tom’s voice startled you as he walked in from the backdoor of the mansion. You also noticed how he was dressed differently tonight in a blue turtleneck and trousers, hair gelled back as his rolex glimmered on his wrist.

“It was good but why is it so quiet in here? Where are the kids?” you asked, taking off your overcoat and handing it to Tom who took it from you and hung it on the coat hanger.

“At their grandma's” he informed nonchalantly.

“Thomas Holland, you just did not send our kids to your parents house to have sex with me did you?!” you raise an eyebrow questioningly.

“That’s preposterous! I would never do that!” he gasped dramatically “it had been a long time since they visited their grandparents and mum was missing them too so I dropped them off at my parent’s for tonight” he explained. 

“Okay I believe you. So why did you ask me to come home early?” 

“Well I thought it has also been a long time we spent time together just the two of us so I arranged a little date night for us” he revealed, smiling with glee. 

“Aww that's very sweet of you. So where are we going?” you asked curiously.

“You'll see. Shall we Mrs. Holland?” he held out his hand for you.

“Sure Mr. Holland” you slipped your arm into his with a smile.

Stepping out of the mansion you strolled through the blue stoned walkway hand in hand as he took you to the gazebo built in the middle of your huge lawn. As you neared it your eyes went wide in awe. The gazebo was decorated with fairy lights, a table for two was set with flowers and candles on it and a mix of your favorite songs playing.

“You like it?” he asked softly.

“Oh my god Tom I love it!” you gasped, taking his face between your hands and giving his lips a warm rather long kiss.

“My lady,” Tom pulled out a chair for you.

“Thank you kind sir” you snickered sitting down as Tom took the seat opposite to you. He opens the bottle of wine and pours you both a glass. Raising your glasses in the air for a toast he admires your beautiful face glowing in the soft yellow light emanating from the candles. After you are finished having your dinner which, not to mention was delicious. You reached out your hands, taking his hands in yours gently.

“This was perfect Tom, I really missed spending time with just the two of us” you said, mindlessly tracing his wedding band with your thumb.

“I’m glad you liked Y/N” he gave a warm smile, squeezing your hands lightly.

“Thank you so much Tom for...”

“Ah ah not yet darling” he cuts you off.

“What else did you plan?” you gave him a puzzled look.

“For that we have to go back inside the house”

“I think I already know what the surprise is” you narrowed your gaze, giving him a knowing smirk.

“Oh c’mon you’ll love it I promise” he said with an impish glee.

“We’ll see,” you laughed as you got up from your seats and slowly made your way back into the house and then headed to your room.  

“You might wanna change” he whispered into your ears as you felt butterflies in your stomach in anticipation at what he had planned for you “and don’t come in before I say” he added before disappearing inside the bathroom. You unzipped your dress, taking it off as you decided to just put on your satin robe and sat on the edge of the bed wondering what he was doing inside for so long.

“Y/N you can come in now” you heard him call out after sometime. The lights were off as you padded your way inside to have your jaws dropped. Tom had drawn a bubble bath for both of you. The room was lit with your favorite scented candles, the sweet scent looming in the air and rose petals scattered everywhere.

“So what do you think?” Tom asked, sitting inside the bathtub.

“Well you got me speechless Holland”

“I thought what’s better than a relaxing bubble bath at the end of the day”

“Can’t argue with that” you snickered.

“Now come on in before the water gets cold” he invited you.

You untied the knot of your robe and slipped it off your shoulders letting it fall on the floor. Tom’s eyes were on you watching every slight movement of yours mesmerized. He can never get enough of you and your beautiful body. You stepped inside the tub as Tom spread his legs a bit to accommodate you. You sat down between his legs leaning back on his chest instantly relaxing at the feeling of the warm water hugging every inch of your skin as you breath in the aroma of the bubble bath. Tom’s warm chest brushing against your back adds to the feeling as you  melt into him soaking in the heat radiating off his body. It was like heaven and this is exactly what you needed.

“Comfortable?” he asked as you nodded in a yes. Tom brought his hands up to your shoulders, gently pushing his thumbs into them, massaging your tired muscles. He rubs his hands all over your shoulders and upper back relieving the knots. A little moan escaped your lips whenever he hit a spot.

“You really need to give serious thought to taking up the job of a masseur” you snickered.

“Well as I told you before it’s only for a special person” he said continuing to massage at the base of your neck.

“It feels good” you sighed in content.

“Oh yeah?”

“Mmhmm” you hummed.

“I have another way to make you feel better” he murmured against the shell of your ear and your breath hitched.

“How’s that?” 

Tom wrapped his right arm around you, cupping one of your breasts. He places his other hand on your knee, running it across the expanse of your thigh before dragging them along your inner thigh. The cold wedding band on his ring finger a sharp contrast against your warm skin sending shivers down your body.

He spread your delicate folds with his long fingers and dragged them slowly up and down taking his own time. He littered your neck and shoulder with bites and kisses as his fingers explored you and little waves of pleasure coursed through your body. He switched between pinching your nipple and squeezing your breast as you grind your ass against his cock.

“Want my fingers inside you love?” he purred.

“Yes... yes please Tom” your voice came out shaky yet desperate.

He bites on your shoulder gently as he inserted his pointer and middle finger into you in one swift motion. The feeling of his knuckles pressed deep against you felt so overwhelming makes you clench involuntarily. His fingers massaged your velvety walls pushing in and out of you drawing out delicate moans of his name from you. His thumb soon found your bundle of nerves drawing slow circles around it. You grinded your ass back against him harder as he picks up his pace.

“Needy for my fingers, aren’t ya?” he chuckled as you mewled in response. Your head tilted to the side as he trailed kisses back up your neck, nipping at your earlobe while his fingers worked on your wetness. He whispered praises into your ear as you clenched around his fingers, legs threatening to close. Tom placed a hand on your thigh to keep your legs apart. He could tell you were close as your body grew heavier in his grasp.

“You gonna cum for me darling?” he curled his fingers inside you hitting your spot.

“Yes...fuck Tom... right there” your body fell back against him. Tom knelt down, capturing your lips in a sloppy, passionate kiss as he rubbed at your clit faster. Your body convulsed as your orgasm hit you like a tidal wave. Tom held you against him as you came down from your high you felt his hard cock pressing against your ass. 

You turned around in your post orgasmic haze placing your hands on his chest straddling his waist. You captured his lips in a heated kiss, his tongue slipped past your lips dominating you as he ran his hand down your bare back. Your wet bodies rubbing against each other as you moaned into each other's mouths.

“Ride me baby. Wanna feel every inch of you” he said pulling away, the deep baritone of his voice making your pussy throb with need.

You lifted yourself up gripping on his shoulders tightly as Tom grabbed his dick and lined it to your hot, wet and welcoming entrance. You slowly sunk down on him, your eyes rolling in the back of your head as he filled you up. You can never get used to him always stretching you in the most incredible and delicious ways. Tom groaned loudly, bottoming out. 

You started to ride him, gradually gyrating your hips in a slow motion. His hands falling to your hips guiding you up and down his length. Your hips meet with each and every thrust, water splashing out of the tub which you could care less about right now. He knelt down peppering your chest with kisses and love bites, your fingers knotted in his hair tugging on the roots as you bounced on his cock.

Tom’s hands slid down to your ass, spreading your cheeks as he took control. You gasped when he picked up the pace, plunging deeper inside you. You wrapped your legs around his waist, clinging onto him as he thrusted up into you mercilessly. You hid your face in the crook of his neck sucking a mark into his skin. Tom felt your body tremble, your walls squeezing him like a vice and he knew you were almost there.

He wrapped an arm around you holding you securely while his other hand reached down between your wet bodies. He began rubbing your oversensitive clit in fast circular motion that sent you tipping off the edge. You wrapped your arms around him trying to keep him as close as possible as you slowly rode out your high. Your walls spasmed around him which sets him off too. His whole body shudders and he spills his seed inside you. 

Both of your chests were heaving as you came down for the high. He leaned back against the edge of the tub with you in his embrace. You sit back to find a goofy smile on his face . 

“I love you” your hand traces his jaw and you lean in to kiss him “you always take care of me so well” you murmured against his lips. Tom tugged on your bottom lip, a grin forming at the corner of his lips.

“We are just getting started, darling”

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