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Why does knowing I have DID because ✨DID Problems✨ make said problems both less and more Terrifying.
Like I know what it is and how to cope. I'm getting really good at it in fact.
But also these are like. Problem problems. I dunno if we can counsel ourselves outta this one gang..
Blogging time! Cuz like yeah it's objectively weird but just another Sunday for us lmao
Like tell me why, when we headed back to work shortly after hanging out with a friend, "we" briefly couldn't even remember who we hung out with. Except now that I know what's going on, I realize when I'm not fronting. This other alter fronted by surprise, probably because we were deciding where to work tonight.
Like cool I know why I was so out of it but still Doing Things but the WHY there makes things. So incredibly complicated for me. And bro felt baaaaad like shit he didn't remember jack. Because duh the Guy Who Was Not There fronted only after the other human is Gone. Some alters just can't help but mask and it's not good for us so they don't front with others around, you know the basics lol
And why do we feel like a bad friend even though we remember them perfectly clearly now. We remember them, but we had to consciously communicate it... To someone else in our own head... Like a thought-game of telephone? And like u know what it's like to think u can feel your brain working, and mine's like "compartmentalize or else." Whoops! Having fun? Many people wanna share front? Gonna slice up the memories! Oh you're conscious of this process? Amnesia. Get shadow realmed bitch you're not about to come into contact with something you shouldn't be reminded of. DAMN being wired for Living is so cool actually but also mom pick me up I'm scared (picks myself up). We always remember after a moment or two, which is why we never used to suspect amnesia to begin with. I will never understand why latching onto guilt for every little thing seems to be hardwired into our being.
It's up and down really, and makes socializing tough even though we love interacting with our friends so much. And Idk we always have really good communication when we're happy (and high ngl) but sometimes if we're alone we connect a lot of dots and don't know what to do with them. Silly funny interesting things and not something legit keeping me too dissociated to drive lmaoooo good thing we're freelance
BUT because we stopped, we saw a raccoon skitter across the ground. I love raccoons, they're cute. We were just thinking about them earlier. Makes up for the Horrors I think.
Tryna make some more money before bed but my phone is crying "no signal" despite working on certain apps. Guess I'm being forced to chill for a second. We're doing just fine and hopefully have a whole new job soon. We saw a magazine at the store that had part of the title obscured and all that remained visible was "your mind works." I think I'll take that as a good sign because uh it sure does! We deal we deal.
Being myself is the best advice I ever actually followed but damn this is difficult.
So yeah internal communication is a fuck. But less so than it used to be.
#vent#i guess?? idk i guess ive never had anywhere#to express how i think#and like it's lived experience that's interesting sometimes right?#it's what a blog is for but idk if we “silly”post that is actually screaming into the void too often#but yeah tagging vent outta curtosey feels right#system stuff#no context honor system#sometimes i miss not knowing#but idk if not supposed to be acknowledged why so disruptive huh??#huh you fucking meat computer?? godddd lmao#it is what it issssssss#and i need to write it down somewhere#i think its good to express my honest thoughts somewhere#i know others will see but also Nothing Bad Happens when they do#like no one cares in the best way possible#we're just showing the internet a glimpse of our weird fuckin thought process#tw drug ment#im a punk whos punk name is weed u can put together the rest lmao#blitz yaps. and yaps. and yaps some more#“why” this “why” that stfu WHY do i care so much ohhhhhh understanding gives the illusion of predictability bye#too many words#I WAS GONNA QUEUE THAT BUT OK TUMBLR#also apparently we don't all know how to spell “courtesy” thanks guys
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happy wip wednesday. have another snippet of offshore (and adrift at home) as i've been picking away at it quietly.
cw/tw: none for this snippet but this fic will include depictions of cheating, angst and smut.
as always, please do not interact if you're under the age of 18.
your gaze skitters over close cropped blonde hair, the bridge of a crooked nose that’s clearly been broken more than once and left to heal wrong, and a black surgical mask covers that covers the lower half of his face. he also has the coldest pair of dark brown eyes you’ve ever seen. you’re suddenly struck with the image of shark’s eyes; round, black holes that absorb every shred of light available as they glide through the ocean searching for their next meal.
crows feet show themselves briefly at the edge of his eyes. a flicker of a smirk or a barely tempered sneer, you can’t be sure. what you do know is that you’ve just been judged and found lacking.
#pfh wips#offshore (and adrift at home)#theeeere he issssssss my problem child#wip wednesday#why yes it is before midday and i am awake and posting what of it?#sr
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I love characters that have a vaguely freakish nature *slaps Sam Winchester like he is the roof of a car* you can project so much on these bad boys
#tag this with what you project onto him!!!!!#no it’s like so universally relatable#no matter what makes you a freak. your class. your gender. your mental health. your sexuality. Sam Winchester will always be there <3#been thinking about this a lot since the ‘woman coded’ discourse actually#like yes he is not a woman obvs 🙄 but he issssssss a freak who was denied autonomy and called hysterical and has had to deal with so many#double standards#like literally within the show when Sam starts acting like dean that is when people think he’s a monster and#you’re gonna say women can’t make that connection?#idk hopefully you are picking up what I am putting down#sam winchester#supernatural
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when you’re trying to sleep but the 2 morons living rent free in your mind be like
#g o away moronxmoron l e m m e sleeeeeep#tried listening to the meoto preview with the auto captions on for the funsies and yujiro’s ‘anata no mono ni natteru’ t o o k me out aaaaaa#idk if that’s really what he’s saying for now bc my ears are rubbish bUT IF IT ISSSSSSSS#YUJIRO. WHY ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU BELONG TO AIZO ON MAIN H ELP#auauauauauauauauuauauauauaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#crisis be crisising this is not fair i just wanna sleeeeeep#at least the workweek’s 2/5 done… i can’t wait to spend the next week crying over lxl album 24/7#pls album pspspspslspsps come in a day early again like the sukiitai album pspspspspsps i n e e d meoto full ver#man this is barely coherent i should really try harder to fall asleep ok gn see you when either last stage or white day kiss drops on friday#染BODY ONCE TOLD ME—#LXL MEOTO CRISIS 2K24
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when u got the invisible feely tail attached to yr body and it swish.. .. . .. . .. .. .
#mmmramblez#alterhuman ig#WE STILL HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT IT ISSSSSSSS IM SO CONFUSED#We r getting there tho 🫶🫶🫶slowly
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A hand curls around their victim's face, pressing their palm roughly against much softer lips. Talons press lightly against delicate flesh, threatening to sink in deep if they dared move. "Shhhh..." The creature begins. "Not so loud. You wouldn't want them to see us, would you?"
#✺;;|| a guise of chaos#✺;;|| Open Starter#✺;;|| Open to m00ts#Idk what this issssssss but maybe it could be fun?#tw threat
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SALUTATION ! DO YOU LIKE YURI /SILLY
First “Yaoi”, now “Yuri”???
I don’t know what this stuff is, sorry…
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FULL NAME: Robin ???
AGE: ???
HEIGHT: 187 cm
HAIR: dusty pink
EYES: gray
the “Baroness of Death” or the “Black Window”
the most infamous gang leader of Rhinestone City
she saw the bombing happen in front of her eyes
her gang members are the remains of her family (three brothers and one son)
all her rich husbands got killed under “mysterious circumstances”
#bulletproof bandits#sc: robin#there she issssssss#i think robin is a very interesting character so i wanted to give her her own little post#if bb was a game she'd have her own dlc#and maybe when the story is over i could write a spin off about her#i dont know. if you want it of course like if you want to know more about her feel free to ask#shes like the bella goth of my own universe like shes so mysterious to me and also like. the pamela anderson of the apocalypse as me and al#i might do other secondary characters as i go on and give more backstories bc this is so fun#maybe the next one is gonna be the liberty city gang leader#oh yeah i didn't put her surname bc i wouldnt know what it could be. however not putting the age was intentional#bc i think that the radiation mightve affected how she ages#but idk yet its just a thought#a.
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pikman............... pickmen..................p
#very vague pikmin 4 spoilers in these tags dont look ->#i feel like im either quite near the end or like. in the middle. of the game. is this a big game or a medium game#if this area im in rn was the final one id be satisfied but 👀 i dont think it issssssss#absolute power move for them to introduce purple pikmin in the cave that they did. like what an enterance
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This one goes out to my still remaining Keroro mutuals. Some trash i found in my 11k+ gallery
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me when i complain about my bio-geo project but then procrastinate it despite not having even a full day left of time anymore
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.
#someone is drunk singing#at 1am#a few yards over from me#and i cant figure out whats going onnnn#idk which house it issssssss#ive never heard someone doing this before im so curious#its might be my nrxt door neighbour#deffs not 2 houses over#and id be shocked at house number 3 but theyre the only one with young people#idk! but im invested lmao#rambles
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shakes my silly little playlists like a bag of cat treats
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Do you not remember lizard man from mighty med?
https://mightymed.fandom.com/wiki/Lizard_Man
i doooo remember lizard man, i just dooooon't know what you're asking. consider the following: i am dumb and i need you to explain it to me like i'm 10 years old pls
like suuuuuure you want lizard man profile pic. i get that. but ?????? what are you asking for?? screenshots???? an edit???? i'm getting wrinkles trying to figure it out nonny
help me help you
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No one (romantically) care me 😔
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theres SO MUCH wrong w this dude that it compells me. like. literally hes such a bastard that he ends up coming off as kind of mysterious ..
.........
*re reads what i just wrote* no. that doesnt make sense. ok
anyways .him casually saying it was fun hanging out w a bedridden sweet old granny (not even his own) while drinking yakult. king moment. which is cringe 4 me to say cos hes literally such a piece of shit but those r my tru feelings.....n again it adds 2 the mistery. he gives off this weird, chill atmosphere 50% of the time n the other 50% hes straight up SCARY FUCKER WEIRDO hwo only thinks abt himself. hes just also rly weird. hes just my type of anime asshole man. i cANTTTT wait 4 his painful downfall u hv noooo idea god
#also whats up w his ear???? is it bc of his profession?? *googles it* IT ISSSSSSSS nice detail tbh???????#di4ry
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