#it made sense in the first chapter because of the plot/where society was but i'd like to think we've moved beyond that now

[adventureofthedancinggirl]

All signs point to Izuku ending up quirkless. All the vestiges have been transferred and the visual symbolism of middle school (quirkless) Izuku is impossible to ignore.

The narrative went out of the way to show that stolen quirks didn't return to their owners when AFO disappeared. We’re specifically told that Eri’s Rewind quirk is not going to fix everything.

Quirkless Izuku still becoming a hero (and the hero system being restructured) would be a good resolution for the themes that have been at the core of the story from the beginning.

However, there is still a chance for some deus ex machina plotline to happen, creating a scenario in which Izuku doesn't end up quirkless.

In Heroes Rising, OFA returned to him even after he transferred it to Katsuki. The only explanation we got was that the vestiges chose to remain with him because they respected the fact that he was willing to risk everything to protect others. (It's worth noting that it wasn't a concrete answer; just All Might's speculation.)

But the vestiges are gone now. The fact that they all were part of the plan to sacrifice themselves in order to stop Shigaraki makes me hopeful that this isn’t going to be a repeat of that storyline but who knows. If anything Izuku could end up with just OFA (stockpile quirk minus the vestiges) but I don't really see the point of that thematically.

[sprinklenoodles]

Read the first chapter, have some thoughts! Some simple ones before I go on a specific tangent and all!

As for my tangent, while reading the first chapter of A Heir's Journey but the more I think of it, Kijo kinda reminds me of Lusamine in an odd way. Not specifically here but I shall elaborate of course!!! The game version of Lusamine is absolutely awful but in the anime, she's much more doting, a bit clingy, but she means well despite her flaws. I'd mention Ultra Sun and Moon Lusamine as well since she's also a variant of her character but also like, I didn't play those so I only know so much about how different she is to her other game counterpart. I know she's kinda an awkward middle ground though due to the changes in who the main antagonist is in those games. But, where Kijo comes along in this is, like Lusamine, there are differing variants of him in your fics which I already mentioned the slight variants of characters being cool and interesting and being a sorta mini analysis of the character by showing different facets of their personalities depending on what au they're in. And like, it doesn't help that I am reading The Pokemon AU fic now and got reminded of Lusamine oddly enough. Like, in this fic, I can already feel the lot nicer side of Kijo showing as apposed to other fics that show his calculative side, his more authority-driven side, even his love life and more controlling side of him. And damn it, I will never not find this cool!!! It shows the multifaceted nature of Kijo and how, in some instances, he could even be shown as a good father.

Like, damn it! I don't even know if this will last in this fic or not cus I dunno all the twists and turns QUITE yet, but damn it. Kijo's just lowkey wholesome here. Like, it was actually sweet reading Byakuya saying that he loved his father, even if it was just to get the damn man off his back so he can be cool and do Pokémon trainer shit! I am definitely interested in Kijo in the near future while slowly reading this fic, how the plot progresses, if I'm proven wrong on some things. Silly stuff like that! I really gotta psyche myself up into drawing him more so I can finally get a definitive design and draw him being both a menace to society, a charming gentleman, and of course goofier doodles cus I will never not shitpost! It's too fun heehehe!! Hope this little ramble made sense and I also will be continuing to read this fic of course!! Hell, even if I say I'm not as big into Pokémon anymore, I got too invested as a kid so I'll at least be somewhat of a sucker for it, even if I'm not playing the games or watching the anime anymore!

AAHHH!! I'm really honoured you're taking so much time to think about my silly fics!!

And I suppose that Kijo is kinda like Lusamine. This Kijo would really just be like animated Lusamine tho!

But glad you like this so much. Kijo and Byakuya do just really have a good relationship here... because I could. Byakuya deserves it!

Also happy I managed to convert you!!! The Byakuya &Chihiro friendship is the best, though there are not there yet here. They gotta develop some first! Same goes for Byakuya and the other person in his group!

And it's not like you need to be a huge fan of pokemon to enjoy it, as long as you know it. Like, it helps to know how moves, evelution and that stuff works because I... can't really explain it a lot without it being weird- the characters know this stuff already after all.

But really happy you enjoy reading it :D

[aqours]

In defense of JK Haru Vol 6

i know the plot decisions that emerge in volume 6 of the JK Haru manga (about halfway through the novel) are controversial but i'm gonna go to bat and say i think it. actually really makes sense and if anything i think helps create more context for what this story is supposed to be and fits into its themes very well.

and it isn't like, surprising its controversial: its a huge thing that comes out of NOWHERE on the semi-final volume of the manga/halfway through the book. and the question of "Why would Haru go back to the brothel?" and "Why didn't she just use this early on?" are, imho, actually really valid questions. and the answer is because it wouldn't matter. JK Haru isn't a story about changing the world, it's about the abuse that sex workers face and how Haru exists in that world. nothing really changes in the entire world from beginning to end: and i think that works perfectly, actually.

gonna post more under the readmore both for spoiler consideration and so it's not too long if you don't have the thing that cuts down post automatically! bare in mind i've read the novel and a chunk of JK Haru Summer so there might be spoilers inbound, as well as talking about what vol 7 will probably cover! (and on that note if i'm incorrect about anything from JK Haru Summer let me know, i haven't read all the vignettes yet and i'll edit this post)

nothing really changes in JK Haru's world from beginning to end. hell, the last bonus chapter of the novel is more or less just sharing the setting's mythology and explaining why misogyny is so deeply rooted into its culture: Haru does not change this world, nor could she. it is impossible for one person to have the strength to change such an incredibly rooted misogyny in the world.

Haru has an incredibly godly OP power that is not revealed into halfway through the novel because there is no way to capitalize on it. women are barely allowed to go outside on their own, and her power is one that requires her to -as bluntly as possible- fuck a LOT OF PEOPLE before it can start doing anything useful. and i'll acknowledge this could've been an interesting story in itself: "JK Haru Is A Former Sex Worker In Another World Who Wants To Defeat The Demon King" with chapter 1 being about how she's waited for the better part of 8 months to amass skills before setting off on her adventure: it'd be a dime in a dozen beyond talking about misogyny and having a fem protag for that genre, but i'd like to imagine it's a shiny dime. like, if i had to use a dime for a vending machine and had two dimes, i'd use the other dime first.

but that's not what it it's about.

JK Haru isn't just a scathing criticism of misogyny present in the isekai general, it's a scathing commentary about our real world attitudes. and it IS funny at many times, it is absolutely an erotic work that also wants to sexually entertain its readers if they want it to be a work for such, it is a commentary about what sex workers actually face. we live in a world where prostitution is referred to as the world's oldest profession: and society at large views their lives as worthless. Haru's problems aren't bad because she's a sex worker: it's the rampant misogyny and the treating that the lives of her and her friends are worthless as a result.

Haru at no point really objects to the fact she does this for a living in this odd new world she finds herself in. the most is her shock at the very beginning of "oh, ok wow yeah ok i'm gonna be a sex worker i'm learning how fantasy world contraceptive works-" and it's not this aspect of her life that's nightmarish. the abuse she and her friends have to face because they are women and because they are sex workers is a societal ill. it is made very clear that even if Haru had done this scenario of biding her time before setting out: what would have realistically happened?

if she beat the Demon Lord, if there was even a single man that was a part of her traveling party society would do their damndest to cover up and hide this fact. again, the skeletons of what could still be a fun story, is one that approaches the attitude of one person alone can destroy society's evil. so at the end of the day: those super OP powers end up just becoming a tool for one moment, then it's back to her old life.

because Haru enjoyed her life. she actually notes with hope this is the world she turned 18. this is the world where she graduated from being a JK.

Haru never dislikes being a sex worker because it's sex work: her issues come from misogynistic customers. and she even enjoys it more than once: her relationship with Sumo was something that even if she didn't particularly get a lot of physical pleasure from was something she enjoyed doing. the time with the Bard, while weird, was funny and clearly not something she actually disliked. she's a human being who enjoys sex, and at one point even develops feelings for somebody else and wants to have sex with him.

Haru, Lupe, and Sherasquo's problems are not because of the fact they are sex workers, that they are people who have sex to make a living, as opposed to the misogyny that comes with it, which tragically takes Sherasquo's life. if either her or Lupe had Haru's OP skill? it's likely that beyond the fact Sherasquo survived, they wouldn't have done much for it.

Haru isn't looking to be a hero. she's just trying to live her life as happily and peacefully as she can in the other world. and as we've now stated, Haru does not dislike the fact she is a sex worker and is unashamed that this is her occupation. the treatment she faces, the misogyny, those are the things she hates and harms her and women like her.

and the world keeps revolving. even after Haru finally uses her power to murder an entire squadron of soldiers, nothing changes in that world. Haru goes back to doing the work she is good at and comfortable with because she has found a happiness in her life and does not feel a need to use this power to radically change her life. because the truth is, even if she did, the misogyny is simply so deep-rooted into this world that Haru would probably find herself significantly less happy and much more miserable than doing what she wants to do. that is the choice she ultimately makes, and why a status quo returns: and it's a status quo that is still riddled with pain and suffering, but despite it, Haru managed to find a happiness for herself. and it is not as if she decides to forego all other desires ever: Haru does make a choice she wants to use her skills as an adventurer at the end of things, and even decides she does want a shot at the Demon Lord. she actively tries something new in her life: and ultimately returns to where she was to continue trying to live happily.

nothin really changes all that much in the world of JK Haru. everyone goes through some growth: hell, even Chiba of all people actually manages to become... kind of a decent person by the end of JK Haru Summer? but the world is largely the same. the reality is that sex workers like Haru will continue to face horrific misogyny, and at worst it may result in their murder. Haru is pregnant and ready to raise a baby and might or might not be married to the Demon Lord of her own free will.

so i don't believe Volume 6 doesn't ruin the manga. i don't believe that Volume 6 renders everything pointless. this was never a story of epic fantasy and fighting and how Haru changes the world around her: it's a story about one girl ripped from her home finding her happiness in another world. and she finds this happiness as a sex worker, is not ashamed of that, and has to overcome many trials to be able to truly claim her happiness in her hands. those who describe this as truly bleak misery porn are, simply put, just kind of wrong.

Haru is probably the single most powerful individual in this entire world and rather than using it to change the world with force returns to sex work to continue seeking her happiness, and that's OK. she decides that the usage of these powers cannot bring her to happiness, and that's OK. JK Haru is about the struggle of a young woman that must navigate a violent and misgoynistic world to obtain her happiness while drawing attention to the fact that for many sex workers in the real world, in our earth, this is a reality they have to face, and an adamant message that sex workers are people who are as entitled to their happiness as you, me, and everyone else. the fictional world doesn't change because of one woman's actions just as our real world will not change because of one person's actions, the entire setting isn't radically changed by Haru, and her having her powers even if enough to defeat the Demon Lord would not be able to change the world around her.

so in all?

volume 6 doesn't ruin this story or anything. it just further hammers in what kind of story this truly is, what it's really about, and i think that's... that's OK too.

[genericpuff]

Oh, so that's where the whole "Lolita" thing came from... Uh. I can understand the whole tiredness that going down that rabbit whole provoked you, so it's okay if you wanna rest for a while.

On another note, can I say this whole "Dr. Pepper show" comic reeks of mid 2000s weirdly disturbing content? Like, I'm not trying to say all those things back then were bad, but I think you get what I mean when I say that... Yeah, the 2000s were wild times and tons of stuff that shouldn't be normalized or publicly exposed as "okay" were, well, alright.

And I mean, there's nothing wrong with liking or making content with dark topics. But there's just something about the whole "Gothic lolitas" that make me feel uncomfortable. Like, yeah, I know is a fashion style on some areas. But, like, knowing RS particular interpretation of what it is doesn't make me feel any better.

So, uh, when you feel better (and if it's okay), any theories on what the webcomic could have been about? I personally think it may have been straight-up nsfw of, well, whatever the plot of it was. Or maybe another one of those "purity culture deconstructs", idk.

Anywho, thanks for the info from where "usedbandaid" originates. Have a nice rest of the day. And i'm so sorry for whatever horrors you may have witnessed.

haha I'm okay, honestly, it wasn't so much horrifying in the sense of being like, legitimately triggered, it was more so just like ... whoof. I gotta ease up on my own habits because there's nothing here that I need to be seeing LMAO Just kinda makes me feel sorry for myself a little bit for getting sucked into it in the first place but I know it's just my ADHD tendencies to be like "OOH, STUFF??? I WANNA ABSORB ALL THE STUFF" (instead of doing the things I'm supposed to be doing).

Man, if people go on this many rabbitholes to find my old art some day... let me know because I'd genuinely love to see LOL I've lost so many of my old pieces over the years. But I'm sure there's also still plenty of cringe that would make me (⊙x⊙;) So I'll give RS credit there, a lot of that old stuff - especially The Doctor Pepper Show - was made when she was like, 18. I can understand her maybe wanting to disconnect herself from both that comic and her old usernames affiliated with more more fetish-y art. But that's the Internet for you. It's true what they say - anything you post on the Internet is there forever. Even stuff from 20 years ago.

Oh god 2004 was nearly 20 years ago-

As for The Doctor Pepper Show, there are still pages out there for it that you can find, along with summaries. I think she got about 3 chapters in before she quit doing it (seemed to be due to her going to college around the same time which is like, yeah, valid). Unfortunately so far it seems there isn't a way to get entire chapters to read it at length, but there are some spare pages floating around.

I believe it was about a woman in a neo-Victorian society trying to become a doctor ? (from what I've been told) which is interesting but you can still tell there was a lot of RS' own personal kink stuff going into it. Which is like, fine, more power to her, at the VERY least she was right to put it behind an 18+/R rating back then. But it's wild that she's still doing that sort of thing in a comic that's being marketed to children (LO). Makes me wonder if she'd ever return to it after LO is done, god knows when that day will come though.

[slowthinkingreader]

The Shadow of The Torturer - Gene Wolfe

(Started May 14th, finished May 25th, 2024)

Takes a long drag of my cigarette. OKAY. I really didn't intend to start another long series of books this year. I've already started my read of Proust. How much have I read of Lost Time? Don't ask me that right now. This book, I'm coming to know, is basically like reading Proust, except instead of following along with the minutia of high-society France in the 20th century, we're somewhere in the far distant future, where the sun has dimmed in the sky and society is contrived in such a way that the ruling powers depend on a guild of Torturers to blindly carry out the punishment they're ordered. There's also fantasy medieval towns and fantasy logic; duels, mythology, time travel, JRPG characters... I could sooner fit what doesn't appear in this book rather than what doesn't.

Full disclosure, the ^ cover art above is not the actual art of the book I own, as I would otherwise put, because I don't own the book, I'm reading this series on my phone, and the cover art that Apple Books supplies to all their books are so ugly I couldn't in good conscience put that shit here for other people to fry their eyes with. Thank me.

Another disclosure; I'm listening to the Shelved by Genre podcast as a companion as I read along. It's really good! It's what got me interested in reading these books to begin with. I'd heard of the Book of the New Sun series before, in a "this series is a classic but the books look very intimidating on the sci fi shelves" sense, but never felt compelled to read them myself until now. I listened to the first episode and realized I would have a lot more fun if I read the chapters myself and then compared my observations as I went along.

In fact, this first book was not that long of a read, but it's very, very dense with information. Not in the sense that the worldbuilding or the plot is especially strange, though it is; the prose itself is so evasive in what it's describing that several times I've had to backtrack to make sure I'm understanding what's even transpiring on the page. You're frequently introduced to foreign expressions and concepts with no explanation as to what it means, and sometimes you're introduced to things that should be familiar, but that are mystified and made foreign.

It makes for a confusing review, but I don't know if I would have enjoyed this book without the podcast as a companion. And I'm not saying that as a complaint. Maybe this speaks more about my own patience and taste, but in a way I feel like the book presents itself so much as a game rather than a singular reading experience. Things of interest are obscured from you; the narrator obscures the truth from you; your ability to parse and identify patterns reveals different things every time you read something, depending on what you seek out. Any one interpretation is bound to be different. I'm trying to imagine myself reading this book alone and finding myself very bored at the prospect. I understand why New Sun has such an involved fanbase; you could hold infinite debate over every detail in this book. I'll keep myself more limited in this review than I could be.

Severian— I love Severian. Awesome, never lies, wise beyond his years, shredded and shirtless all the time, and his sword is huge. May or may not be embellishing his own biography.

Okay I actually don't have much to say about him yet. The book is such that it doesn't exactly resolve anything. I imagine by the end of the series I will be able to formulate something much more like an "opinion" about the "contents", which will hopefully make more sense by then. Until I finish, I have a few thoughts and predictions:

I love the way this book plays with scale. I love how unabashedly *huge* everything is. Can't get enough of massive women and mountains and galactic empires and ocean monsters. Not enough of this in any genre, I say!!!

I honestly have no idea where the book is going wrt misogyny and gender. It's certainly grappling with a lot of interesting thoughts on gender roles and bioessentialism... but to what end, I really can't predict. I wonder how Severian would react to somebody challenging him? If a woman did? If Vodalus did?

What memory could Vodalus possibly be trying to get out of eating corpses. Just any corpses, too? Nobody's crypt in specific you're trying to pilfer? Why is memory something you can extract from eating corpses too I... whatever. Whatever. I'm normal. It's fine.

Maybe I'm too Lord of the Rings-brained, but when I read this, my immediate impression was that he was looking into an eye, with a sharp sclera surrounded by fire:

For the first book of the Book of the New Sun series, The Shadow of the Torturer was intriguing, and enjoyable if only to appreciate the prose, but it hasn't completely sold me yet. 6/10.

[hedgehogcryptid]

Hi! :3 Wanted to ask earlier, but forgot. You said there were various story-lines in Bleach you didn't like (or something like it). I'm curious, would you be ok with telling me what those are? Brainstorming with you was very fun and I'm pretty sure I'd enjoy even hearing about the stuff you thought sucked. XD Only if you're ok with it, of course.

I first watched Bleach when I was a kid, and even if I didn't finish it I thought it was good. I tried to rewatch it this year and, among other things, I found it boring. I couldn't keep my focus even when I did my best. So I might be remembering things wrong and I'm missing rather a lot of information. That said: One of the things I didn't like by the time they got to Soul Society was that the secondary characters felt,, well, painfully secondary. In theory, I should believe that Chad and Inoue went because they're good people and they're Ichigo's friends. Chad even says that he doesn't know shit about Rukia but he's there because Ichigo is. When I was a kid I thought "wow, that's epic". Now, I find that their friendship is underdeveloped. We get the flashback where it started, and then we almost don't see them interact. I should be able to tell that Chad is Ichigo's best friend by chapter one or two if their relationship is really that meaningful. They should talk and do shit together. So, when watching a friend who's mainly left aside by the plot, it feels like his presence in Soul Society is unjustified, because I'm told it's based on the strength of a relationship I didn't actually get to see. (I hope that made sense) This time around I realized that Ishida is not the smart character I remembered him as, so that was fun. In my memories, he was arrogant because he was smarter. Turns out he's just arrogant, full stop, and then goes on to do some very irresponsible things just to pick petty fights with Ichigo. While overturning expectations is fun, I don't find his character interesting in the least. I think Aizen is boring (while trying to put my thoughts into words I've realized that that's my main problem all around. I'm mainly character-driven so if I don't think the characters are fun to watch then I just can't stand to watch it). But, back to Aizen as a villain, I feel like he's just a bag of charisma? Like, "look at my traitor strategist! So cool and slick. So smart. He thought of EVERYTHING!" and then I'm just suposed to believe it. Maybe I'm just slow and stupid, but I didn't get how his plan made sense? How could he influence all those little things to get to that result? It seemed far-fetched to me, like I had to reaaally suspend my disbelief to buy into it, and at that point I was not willing to do so. And even if it made sense, I feel the timing is wrong. Aizen gets introduced as a villain pretty late, but he was suposedly influencing things from the beggining. I feel that if that was true, there should be foreshadowing from the start, so that when it gets revealed you can go "ooooohhhh that's what THAT was about, holy shit"(maybe there WAS foreshadowing and I didn't see it because I was loosing focus, but I doubt it. It feels, again, like those things we're told and I'm just suposed to believe it instead of seeing it with my own eyes) I couldn't stand Byacuya this time. His justification for his actions is flimsy at best, and that's only about Rukia. It does not include, explain or justify his disregard and even cruelty towards his subordinates. That should be purely on him for being an asshole, but we're suposed to believe it was because he was sad over his dead wife? And once we know he's sad about his wife he can now be a good boss? It doesn't make sense and I hated it. Didn't do anything to make me stop hating him, even though the plot was telling me that it was cool now, it was all just a misunderstanding. And that kind of contradiction between what the story says and what I believe sours things for me. I can't expect a proper redemption if the author believes it's already done. If he kept behaving like an asshole but he was aknowledged as one that would be okay too. Instead I got what feels like a half assed effort. Something that happened a lot during my rewatch was that a lot of characters that I liked as a kid turned out to be boring, annoying or bad. Byacuya is one of them, of course. I liked Hitsugaya but now he's just some dude. I didn't have a problem with Rukia but now I don't like her brand of bossiness. At times it feels like manipulation and I don't like it. I liked Yoruichi but now the fan service ruins it for me (though that's no fault of her own). Soi Fon's problems and attitude feel stupid. Kyoraku is a flirty old man at inapropiate times and now that bothers me more than before. I just thank my lucky stars that Kenpachi and the 11th were even MORE fun this time around, because I could enjoy their nuance better. And I have mixed feelings about Ichigo. On the one hand, the mix of delincuent with responsibility and a certain amount of brains is a fun combination. A main character wigh comon sense is great! But a lot of the things he does feel like they just slapped a hero complex over his personality? I feel like sometimes he just does things because the plot requires him to do them, not because he deeply believes that these are the things that must be done. Unfortunately, I don't remember enough details to back this up, but that's the feeling I was left with. A bit like with Chad, I feel that sometimes characters do things because that's the role they're suposed to play, not because those choices make sense with who they are. All in all, I was left with the feeling that Kubo is not great at making characters. At least, he's not great at making characters I can enjoy

[scuttle-buttle]

Chapter 11

WC: 2077

Rated: E

Chapter Tags: full on angst, discussions of emotional trauma, mild depictions of blood/gore, mentions of self h*rm & su*cide, mentions of child abuse, discussions of physical disabilities, institutionalization, some dialogue & plot canon to TV show, hurt/comfort

🧠

The rest of the conference went by much like the first day did. Both you and Laszlo bought a few books for your collections. An ease had settled over your conversations with the help of Sara and John's presence; you spoke more freely with each other. You tell yourself it is not because he's going soft on you or vice versa, but rather that you have found yourself in this imaginary bubble where you happen to get on well. It's inevitable that it will pop once you’re back at school and Laszlo will revert back to his usual callous state.

Laszlo. It still felt odd to think of him like that, rather than by his title. You couldn't lie, it gave you a sort of thrill. Even in your dreams you had only called him by his honorific. Thankfully you didn't have another dream after Friday. You couldn't escape the feeling that you'd said something incriminating in front of the man in question. So you chose to pretend it didn't happen.

Monday morning came and you headed to the train station. Once again he had secured a private cabin for the journey. This time you came prepared with a book since you had yet to replace your broken phone.

"Thank you again for inviting me to this, I really enjoyed myself. It was really nice of the department to foot my travel expenses, the hotel was really fancy. I may have helped myself to a mini-bottle or two," you joked.

"There is no need to worry about the department's finances; they were not involved."

You pause. He paid for you? Laszlo did say he would take care of the arrangements; but the four-star hotel, the private compartment train tickets, the admission to the conference, and every meal? Shit, that must have been a fortune, hundreds of dollars at least.

You don't know what to say, so you settle for an awkward "oh." A moment passes before you add "I appreciate that, um, I can pay you back. Might take some time but I can."

The professor is flippant in his reply. "There is no need, it was well spent for the research and knowledge acquired." He opens his book signaling the conversation is over.

You lick your lips. Fine then, I'll just consider it payment for emotional suffering and damages of the last eight weeks.

The first few hours of the journey were spent reading one of the new books you picked up at the convention. Occasionally you would peek over the pages at the professor. He was engrossed in his own selection; sometimes he would pause to write down a thought.

Around the seventh hour of your journey you had given up on reading anymore in favor of looking at the fields outside. The silence was comforting.

Laszlo had trouble concentrating on the book in his hand. He saw you as a conundrum. One minute you could be sociable and teasing with your comments, then next you were biting at his throat with your quick wit and fierce ideals. He decides that he wants to know what made you into who you are today. Now is as good a time as any.

His eyes on you cause a tingle up your spine but you ignore it. Laszlo breaks the silence; "may I ask a personal question?"

"You just did," you answer, still peering out of the large window. He huffed once, amused. At his following silence you face him. You raise your eyebrows to signal him to go on with his question. Curiosity grows at the thought of what he intends to ask.

"Twice now you have made implications of a traumatic past," he begins.

Bubble popped.

Interrupting, you snark "is this the part where you psychoanalyze me, doc? Because trust me, I've been through enough of that." You pick at the lint on your jeans.

Laszlo tries to choose his words more carefully the next time he speaks. "What I mean to say is, the first afternoon in the classroom where you defended that student you implied you had been witness to a trauma. You then displayed signs of anger and embarrassment before leaving prematurely. Yesterday you mentioned having entered a psychiatric facility. As an alienist I can't help but find myself curious about your experiences."

You slide your eyes to meet his from across the cabin. Your face is devoid of any emotion. "We all have our demons. Even you can't argue with that."

Your jaw clenches. Everyone had warned you. They all said he would try to worm his way into your head to figure you out. All the reviews, the gossip, everything. It was a big fat 'I told you so'. You give a pitiful laugh at the situation. "You know, everyone told me that you would pull this stunt."

He seems confused by your statement. "And what is that?"

"That you'd get inside my head and try to figure me all out or whatever. You already know I googled you beforehand, what everyone says about your methods. By now I assume you've done a little research yourself. I promise you there is nothing exciting here," you scoff and point to yourself.

"You would be correct in your assumption." You chew at your cheek as he starts. "I do know some of what happened in your past. Yet I also know that society likes to dilute the truth into something either more palatable, more entertaining, for people to consume greedily. What I want to know is what you have faced. How you have not allowed the experience to overcome you so much so that your humanity is erased like the characters I lecture on."

Eyes closing of their own volition you are thrown back in time to that night so many years ago. You didn't talk about it anymore. Bitsy knew of course, but that was the extent.

Laszlo waits. He knows this is likely to push you over the edge if your history with him means anything. Quite frankly, anyone would be tossed to their limit at his interrogation had they gone through what you had. John always told him that he needed to work on his bedside manner; that he had a habit of coming on too strong in his pursuit of learning the intricacies of the human mind. But your earlier comment about being sent to a so-called 'nuthouse' rubbed him the wrong way. It left a bad taste in his mouth. He needed to know. He needed to understand.

Laszlo can imagine the reprimand that he would receive from John and Sara for this. Just as he considers apologizing for his intrusion you open your eyes.

"She was fine. None of us suspected anything was wrong. I came home from having dinner with some… boy, and she had locked herself in the bathroom. She- she must have started over the sink and moved to sit on the side of the tub. She was hunched inside it when I got the door open. I pulled her out. Blood was… everywhere." Your voice is clinical as you explain.

"After, I shut down. So I checked myself into a psych ward a few days later when I couldn't get the feel of her blood off my hands. It's slippery, you know. And it smells. You wouldn't think so but it does." You clear your throat. "I did the therapy, took the meds they prescribed, all the standard treatments. Later I started watching true crime documentaries. I'd heard about exposure therapy so I figured the more I saw the gore, the less the image of my dead roommate would bother me. And it did help. The nightmares stopped after a while, I came back to school. I was better, just not the same.” You had watched the passing landscape as you explained. Turning to face him you speak again. “That's why those pictures didn't bother me. They weren't anything I hadn't seen before."

He contemplates you. The discovery and subsequent loss of your friend in this manner would no doubt cause lingering effects to your psyche. A stain that would forever remind you. "I offer my sincerest condolences. I do not presume to know what that would be like to experience, but I am glad you sought help afterwards. To make the choice to alleviate yourself of your own suffering where possible.”

As he says this he realizes that your anger towards the idea of being enslaved to unconscious impulse makes perfect sense. It explains why you focused so much energy on defending your belief in free will. That you have the power to choose how you carry your joy, your anger, your healing. It reminds him of how he held onto his own guilt and hurt, ignoring how it festered within him for so long. He feels as though he needs to share a piece of himself with you.

“I played piano as a child, quite well too. My mother hoped I would someday make a career of it. I vividly remember playing Mozart’s Concerto for Piano No. 20 in D Minor at a holiday party when I was seven years old. It was my favorite to play.... It requires two hands." You finally look at him. "My father...” He pauses to gather himself.

Now it is the doctor that cannot meet your eyes. As you listen you feel your confusion grow. How could he have been a talented pianist if he only had full use of his left hand? Unless..., the realization dawns on you just as he continues, his words slow.

“My father had two sides. One loving and the other brutal, the two often coexisting. It was something as trivial as putting me to bed, I recall... A game of tug of war. We were laughing…” He inhales a sharp breath. Already you can feel the tears begin to blur your vision. “I don't remember if he was drunk or if I said something that offended him. He must have pulled my arm behind my back.” Laszlo exhales shakily. “In small children, fractures can often affect…” he trails off, unable to finish. You can hear how he barely holds himself together.

Your heart aches for the broken man that sits in front of you. He never let on how much his arm bothered him, at least not within your presence. Suddenly you don’t see him as this rude, insufferable, obsessive man, but instead as someone that spends his life trying to protect himself. He projects his own anger and hurt so that he may, just for a minute, forget about his own demons. He wants to help others even when he feels he cannot bear to help himself.

But unlike you, he has to live with the physical reminder of his past every day of his life.

You stand and move to sit on his right side. Before allowing yourself to think too much of your actions, you place your hand atop his own, curling your fingers around his palm and squeezing delicately. You don’t bother wiping away the tears on your cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Laszlo;” the whisper is barely heard above the sound of the train. A second passes where you fear you have overstepped and offended him by touching the affected limb. When his thumb tightens against the backs of your fingers you know he is not. He holds you in place.

“You asked me how I kept my humanity. How does anyone really? We learn to take what we get and we carry it in a bag. Sometimes you have to drag the damn thing behind you. But eventually the weight gets less and less if you allow yourself to move forward, even if it’s still there with you all the time. I dealt with what happened years ago and it does still haunt me. It’s easier now than it was, but… I- I suppose I’ve learned from you too. Sitting in those lectures and hearing you talk. We can either let it haunt us for the rest of our lives… or we can accept it… and use the memory of our pain to help ourselves and others.”

“I’m not sure the choice is entirely in our hands.” His tone is mournful.

You turn to smile at him through your tears. His own eyes are bloodshot. “I disagree. If it weren’t, if we didn’t have the freedom to choose that, we’d all be murderers.”

Tag list

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[ackermanshoe]

Edited lmao: warning this is kinda pointless and alot of farfetched theory and a veryyy long post please read at your own risk 🤡

Edit again: my analysis when I started it 1 month ago: 👩‍💼🖨️📇✒️🖋️✏️

My post now: 🤡🤡🤡🕯️🕯️🤡

Edit: I started writing this like ages ago but I don't see my own point with this writting and I'm editing it after reading @nini14 's Ackerman breaking the cycle analysis and I feel like both of these go hand in hand. So without further ado:

Triangles

Let's see as we all are made aware that aot significantly revolves around trios of friends such as the following :

Although these are the main trios that is noticeable, other trios can be made out by taking some characters from their original trios to make trios based on looks / character and dynamics. And this is where my argument comes in with this trio:

Their dynamic has always been mother father and son. Now let me explain, idk if anyone has heard about the drama triangle but here

These terms can be applied to MLE trio, Levi being the persecutor, Mikasa is the rescuer and the victim being Eren. In the first 3 seasons at least, Eren was being taken away and his decisions constently put him in danger, Levi being the persecutor who always gives Eren what he deserves for being a pain the ass and Mikasa being the rescuer always siding with Eren and protecting him no matter what. Do you see it?

This is Mikasa to a T.

The following is an example of the dad being the rescuer and the son "junior" being a victim, and much like Eren, could possibly refuse the hand that is helping him.

So that being said now that we have an understanding of their dynamics in the relationship, let's get back to understanding a triangle. Did you know triangles are one of the strongest shape because it has three sides that rely on each other hence shifting their energies on to each side and it makes the perfect shape for a bridge, architectures favourite. Why am I tell you this?

Because these dynamics that every trio is made up of in aot is because they have strong relationships.

Someone mentioned isayama loves putting move triangles and I couldn't help but agree, look at how many times he has placed Eren historia and an angry Mikasa? And subtly he has always ( to me at least) hinted the love triangle between Levi Mikasa and Eren, outside of their father-mother-son dynamic. Personally this makes sense to me the most, fueled by mikasa's dream. A choice was there to make and she unknowingly chose Levi.

Now this brings me to the death of all the trios Levi has been part of, from Isabel & Farlan to hanjo & Erwin to where we are now. Our situation before S4 was EMA+Levi = 4 people but we all know that a square isn't as strong as a triangle so something shifted. Eren, even with him in it Armin and him were more connected as for Levi and Mikasa as a pair it was more obvious. Especially in the conversation EMA had in that stare place as depicted on @gilly-bj 's analysis on similarities between rivamika and Mika's parents. Not only was Mikasa placed directly next to Levi although being feets apart in reality but her lines "another conversation only you two understand" it. Visually and verbally divided Mikasa from Eren and Armin and connected her to Levi. Both alone.

Yet another triangle placed by isayama intentionally or not is Armin Mikasa and Levi.

Because a triangle represents the process of recycle and reuse it also represent the cycle of life, an on going thing that doesn't stop, a history that repeats itself. And going back to Ackerman finally breaking this cycle of tragic fate, will they?

The fact that the whole manga series start at chapter 0 is very suspicious in it self. Why does it isyamaa? A 0, a circle that comes back around? A 0 which represents both the ending and the beginning? Why is the 1st chapter called "to you, 2000 years from now"? ( That's such a fucking impactful chapter name gives me chills )

Before my theory start I just wanna add that the story started from a narrative perspective makes me wanna believe in rivamika even more. Did eldians share the same fate in 2000 years? Who knows, but I know for sure Erens and mikasa's dynamic as the impulsive hotheaded doer and their protective calm but strong friend thinker will continue forever just like the never ending triangles.

I forgot all these ppls names on chaoter 0 so PLS bare with me.

The main dude who heavily resembles Mikasa even tho he is a man, has a incredible power just like the Ackerman's as a human AND he can shift into a titan???? Last time I checked weren't Ackerman's the bio product of titans? Remember is science is on a ongoing journey and forever progressing towards the impossible ;)

Hmmm

The little girl who resembles Gabi, who has the same dynamic as Eren, the girl also looks up to his inhumanly powers, a little too much alike Eren's idolisation of Levi ( and looking up to Mikasa's strength I think )?

Lastly, chapter 0 makes me believe it was set in the future. Look at the buildings, 2 story buildings I don't remember seeing buildings like this in the pre time skip era have you? I could be wrong tho.

If Isayama is as smart as we think he is then he might have related this chapter to the whole plot of aot. 🤷 Or it could mean something. And here's where my theory comes in and it may not be the most favourable for eldians. Let me start with the good part tho, the guy who looked like Mikasa is could be a descendant from the Ackerman clan, but he isn't half and half like Mikasa and Levi, he's full blooded. Which might be why he has the power to shift ( idk this kinda don't make sense since Mikasa and Levi can't buy hush )

So let's say rivamika got married had a family they always wanted and had the peaceful life and 2000 years from then this guy^ existed. Oddly familiar to great great great grammakasa 💀💀.

The cycle never ended for eldians, the whole world could still be mad at them for Erens action and has the prejudice against them for a long time. And the fact that they can shift is never going to change even 2000 years in the future. And the guy ( omg I keep calling him the guy cause I literally can not be bothered figuring out his name ) who lives in a far more developed society with richer civilization within the wall. It could be possible that Ymir or someone erased the eldians memories ONCE AGAIN after the rumbling ended. Because Mikasa levi weren't effected they probably were excused and got to live as they pleased. This dude is also the reason why I believe isayama does not consider the Ackerman's as side characters at all. In the end the story might have actually started with them, alluding to "the ending is just the beginning" as said by kingsama himself. ( Wtf am I saying lol )

So yeah in conclusion as I said yes story is weirdly really influenced by a large amount of triangles and loops. And yes ackerman probably would break the cycle of death after all living through hell fighting hell all for what? If not recreating into a heaven, giving it new life. I do believe in rivamika living the life they are destined for with each other but eldians fate might just be too tragic for me to see them as truly free people who gets to roam around outside the walls as they please.

I guess my point is that everything that goes around will come around, that will bring good karma for the Ackerman's and maybe a repeation of the past for the rest of the world. 😩😩 I think I fully somehow believe Eren is gone for good. Unless isayama draws him waking up from a long dream on his bed then 💀👀👀 I will throw myself away.

Thank you for reading 💞 once again I'm so sorry this post isn't as good as I'd like it to be I am sleep deprived right now and it isn't worded as well as of like it to be. But hope my delulu ness was enjoyable at least. ✌️💀

[alittlefrenchtree]

Ok, guys. I have a CRAZY idea. What if... we start talking about the movies and the source materials they're based on? Wouldn't be mindblowing? To talk about art? On tumblr? Within the Timmy fandom? I wonder what it would feel like.

SPOILERS DUNE BOOK I - CHAPTERS 16-17

Chapter 16:

🙌🙌 THANK YOU LIFE SOMEBODY IS FINALLY TALKING ABOUT FOOD 🙌🙌 Honestly this is the main point of creating a whole universe, right? What the food look like? So now I’m happy to have some, I would like to have more, please? Details, meals, dishes, drinks, I want to know everything. Please.

Interesting chapter tho. The kind that probably makes way more sense once you know the whole story very well, I think.

The part I paid more attention to is obviously Paul’s taking the Duke’s seat after his departure. It’s very often a highly symbolic thing (HA, now that I've read the next chapters, talk about a highly symbolic thing indeed). I can’t wait to see it and be like Jessica and watch my son’s dignity and the mature sense of assurance explode on screen. It’s going to be glorious and beautiful.

I’m still not sure of what to think of this part of the scene. Jessica answering for Paul’s can be seen as an overprotective mother but don’t look good for a future Duke. But what about Kynes taking his side? Is it because he has decided to be loyal to the family and to Paul? Or is he trying to take the ascendant? I don’t know. Paul doesn’t like it and he doesn’t like not completely understanding the situation he finds himself in. I wonder what that means for the next time he’ll be placed in his father’s position or a similar one.

There is a quote I actually like but it sounds better in the french version than in its original version.

Here is the original:

My son displays a general garment and you claim it’s cut to your fit? Jessica asked. What a fascinating revelation.

Here is the French one:

Mon fils évoque une image et vous y voyez votre portrait? reprit-elle. Quelle fascinante révélation !

Which could literal translate to:

My son mentions an image and you see your own portrait in it?

it sounds awful like this but i like it a lot in French.

I also like this one:

In our society, people shouldn’t be quick to take offense. It’s frequently suicidal.

Can you believe like this one is more relevant in 2021 than it probably was in 1965? Humanity is really out there making progress 💫

Chapter 17:

This chapter is one of my favorite so far. Which could be surprising since Paul isn’t even there but damn Lady Jessica 🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

So narratively speaking, Duncan is drunk so Jessica can learn that she’s being watched inside her own family and see that the Duke’s men are feeling rootless ever since they’ve been sent to Arrakis. I’ve asked myself if there could be more in this scene because it feels like it could have been but I have nothing. I don’t know. So let’s directly jump into the next scene because WHAT A SCENE.

First thing first, a unborn child? What??? Considering nobody has talked (to my knowledge) of ideas of cast to play this kid, I’m guessing the girl won’t be important before long, if not ever. I’m guessing she dies or never come to life if Jessica die before giving birth. That being said — even if I usually love siblings relationships in fiction (and non fiction) and relationships that look like siblings even when they aren’t — I’m not sure I’m enthusiast to Paul having a little sister (or brother or non-binary human). There is something special about legends like Paul being only child, one of a kind something, and kind of alone in his thing. We’ll see how it goes.

What also makes me happy in this chapter is that we learn more about Mentats. From what I understand, a Mentat is entirely based on logic, which is why I love the concept so much. I’m probably closer to be a Mentat than a normal human being. That being said, what Jessica said is interesting to take in consideration even in an universe without Mentat.

I would make a terrible job trying to paraphrase or to explain how I understand it but please read it and read it again until it makes sense for you. And if it doesn't read it until it makes sense for something you witness in others then accept that it also makes sense for you. It's an important take on our differences as human beings and on human relationships and I love Jessica for saying it. I might end up bowing to her just as much as I'll bow to her son.

So let's talk about the Bene Gesserit Voice. One thing I wonder, if it's it wouldn't have been better to properly introduce to the power sooner. I don't really like when a mechanic required for a plot twist is given just one or two chapters before the said plot twist. It feels artificial somehow.

But It's funny how the voice of a Jedi is exactly the voice of a Bene Gesserit. In fact, a lot of this Bene Gesserit thing is similar to the Jedi thing. SW just... took it. I wish I had better knowledge of sci-fi so I'd more easily spot all the different ways Dune has influenced the genre I think I even saw something that made me thought of Harry Potter, even if we're talking about fantasy in this case. But I can't remember where it was. I find it interesting that this compelling voice is a feature exclusively owned by women. It could be an interesting conversation but the world isn't ready for this conversation (except for the part of the world that actually is but is also sexist and would misunderstand the talk just to serve their fucked-up ideas. And we don't want to do that). But it's also interesting to see that, a dozen years later, the feature is given to the Jedis, who are/were?, mostly represented by male characters. Anyway, I'm digressing without being that much pertinent so let's move on.

Damn I'm also so impatient to see this scene on screen. I hope it will make it to the cut because how could someone be more mentally and brain-ly yummy than Lady Jessica in this scene? (Paul in a future scene, I KNOW, I'M STILL PROCESSING). I love when she's ready to forgive anything to someone acting on the behalf of protecting the Duke. I love when someone like Thufir Hawat looked at her and think Who could stop a person with such power? I love when she explains how Bene Gesserit have access to almost unlimited power but choose not to use it because getting a power known by others is the best way to lose it. Please let her and the whole Bene Gesserit thing stay equally amazing, if not more, through the whole book. Thank you.

Ok, I'm still a few chapters behind but I'm still re-reading pages so I'm not moving froward in the story at the moment. I hope the 2.8 people reading this are having a excellent day and I'll see you in the next one 💛🌔