#it seriously enhances my life indescribably

[tomatoluvr69]

It’s so crazy now that the garden season is wrapping up (aside from my collards/kale and root veggies for winter harvest) to look at my two 25 foot beds and know that I have somehow amassed enough knowledge and experience to tend them successfully myself all summer???????? I always get really down on myself when I see people’s artistic and musical skills because I struggle so much to teach myself those things and always think that I’ve got no skills and hobbies. But I grew a seriously impressive garden this year you guys. It literally has made my life feel like it’s worth living and I’m kind of blown away by what I know/am capable of. Like zero blossom end rot this year. Wtf and I’ve got so much life ahead of me to learn too. And so many new varieties and herbs to try yayyyyyyyyyyyy wow

[forasecondtherewedwon]

Dolls’ Eyes — A Jaws AU

Pairings: established Peggy/Steve, developing Brunnhilde/Carol Rating: T Chapters: 14/14

Summary: Tony Stark snapped his fingers and the vanished half of the universe returned, but Thanos escaped the battlefield, fleeing into space. Now that he’s virtually powerless, most of the Avengers consider chasing him all over the universe a waste of resources, but Peggy Carter—newly deposited in the 21st century—is determined to finish the job. Brunnhilde and Carol Danvers have the same idea.

When scattered rumours of fresh killings escalate to the death of one of their own, the three women team up to defeat Thanos once and for all.

read the prologue

read ch. 1 one / 2 two / 3 three / 4 four / 5 five 6 six / 7 seven / 8 eight / 9 nine / 10 ten 11 eleven / 12 twelve / 13 thirteen / 14 fourteen

After everything, Carol wasn’t surprised that Brunnhilde put up a fight over being told to just rest. Carol reminded her that she was lucky to be alive, to which Brunnhilde responded that it wasn’t anything like luck, and went on to list the incredible, lifesaving properties of her fine armour, explain the enhanced durability provided by her Asgardian biology, and enumerate all of the injuries she’d previously sustained that were apparently worse than being electrocuted half to death, and then nearly drowning while incapacitated. Carol didn’t believe half of it, but it was kinda hot when Brunnhilde bragged.

So, in spite of Carol’s efforts, Brunnhilde kept getting up the second her back was turned in order to haul bodies off of Thanos’s ship. As they started to fix everything Carol had broken (including a patch job of that hole in the roof), a scan of the local environment informed them that almost all of the life on this planet was aquatic. They left the stack of corpses on land. Whatever water critters were around, they didn’t need toxic eyeball goo leeching into their habitat.

Carol caught Brunnhilde shaking out a twitching arm and made her sit to do electronic repairs rather than manual labour. (Carol had that handled anyway, plus, she knew where all the bodies were because she was the one who’d left them there.) Brunnhilde protested that she was the captain. Carol came way too close to saying not of this ship, but stopped herself. Instead, she suggested Brunnhilde do like any other captain would and let her underlings take on the grunt work. That got a smile, if not verbal agreement.

Thankfully, Peggy was a fast learner; Carol explained the basics of what she’d done to wreck something and Peggy quickly understood how to walk back the damage. They worked their way through the ship, staying at neighbouring stations so Carol would be there if Peggy had questions, and Peggy would be there if (when) Carol had messed something up so badly that it needed four hands to fix.

“Maria would’ve been great with this,” she said without thinking, holding up a fistful of wires while Peggy tinkered beneath.

“Maria?”

It was easier to talk about her than it had ever been before. Like with the repairs, she could tell that Peggy understood without Carol having to do much more than gush over how good Maria had been at fixing stuff, how thorough she’d been with the plane she’d kept in the hangar on her property, how reliable, how trustworthy, how patient…

“Yes,” Peggy told her with a smile. “She sounds like she was wonderful.”

“She was.”

But when the two of them had finished their circuit of the ship and Carol went to tell Brunnhilde they were good to go, she wasn’t there. Carol panicked, worried that Brunnhilde had overheard all her praise of Maria and somehow missed the tone of a person who was in the late stages of grief, who had accepted the worst and was keen to keep living, maybe even loving.

When she couldn’t find her on the ship, she jogged down the ramp, intending to look for her outside. The second she turned to face the water, she spotted Brunnhilde coming towards her from the escape vessel. Carol ran out to meet her.

“What’s all this?” she asked in a tone of amusement, because Brunnhilde had her arms full.

“Food, Peggy’s jacket, a couple beers that didn’t get smashed when Thanos rammed us, uh…” She tried to examine the rest of the pile she was carrying, but it teetered and slipped; laughing, Carol scooped a few things out of her arms before they could end up in the shallow water.

“I thought you might’ve taken off on us,” she said lightly.

“I didn’t think you thought I’d be capable of that after getting zapped.”

“I was just…”

Brunnhilde walked close, pressing her arm into Carol’s.

“I know. I would’ve been the same way if it’d been you.”

“I don’t even know if I can get electrocuted,” Carol said.

“I’m not gonna recommend trying it for fun,” Brunnhilde told her. “Anyway, I used all my discs on Thanos and I dropped the remote in the water somewhere… You’d have to go to Thor with your request, ask him to bring the lightning down.”

“Straight to Thor?!” Carol laughed. “That seems a little extreme.”

“Or you could just stand around outside in New Asgard during a storm and wait for it to happen naturally.”

“And why would I need to be in New Asgard specifically?” Carol asked in a teasing voice. “I could get struck by lightning anywhere.”

She watched Brunnhilde flounder but couldn’t get an answer out of her, not on the way to the ship, not while she was distracted with Peggy asking her a slew of health questions, and not while they were trying to figure out how to get this humongous spaceship off the ground with a crew of only three people.

As they made their rocky assent, Carol was too busy to wonder whether Brunnhilde had heard her talking about Maria before she’d left the ship to scavenge from the escape craft. They had just broken through the atmosphere, blue sky giving way to black, when Brunnhilde spoke.

“Love’s like war.”

It was so sudden that Carol snorted a laugh.

“Ok, poet,” she said. She was tempted to devote some time to getting Thanos’s ship to play her music, if only to put on ‘Love Is a Battlefield’ for Brunnhilde. To let her know what had been said on the subject already.

She smirked to herself when Brunnhilde continued, clearly not giving a shit about her interruption or joking criticism.

“It is.”

“What do you mean?” Carol asked more seriously.

Brunnhilde shifted in her seat, engaging different protocols for outer space travel. Carol noticed the tremor had gone from her arm.

“You do better in both because of experience,” Brunnhilde said, looking straight out the viewport. “Anybody who can’t appreciate the benefit of falling for someone who’s been in love before is a fucking idiot.”

“And you’re not a fucking idiot.”

“I hope that isn’t a question.”

Carol smiled and shook her head. They flew in silence for a while.

“When we get back,” she said eventually, peering shyly over at her captain, “I owe someone important to me a visit, but then I’m coming to see you. Just a heads-up.”

“Vaguely threatening.”

“Sorry.”

“No,” Brunnhilde told her, grabbing her forearm to get her full attention, “I liked it.”

Heat raced up Carol’s neck until she was blushing as bright red as her suit, or the dumb acid burn on her arm.

Just then, Peggy’s agitated voice came from the other end of the wide flight deck.

“Someone’s coming right at us!”

Before Carol had the chance to say what the hell? or who? or again?, an incoming message threw a distantly familiar face up in front of them, hovering in the form of a hologram.

“Hey,” Carol greeted. “Small universe.”

—

Peggy had never thought to imagine what Gamora might be like. She’d had an account of Peter Quill’s affection for her from Rocket, but had recognized that a portrayal of the woman that crew had known—the woman Peter had loved enough to forfeit his life in the quest for reunion—couldn’t be fully accurate. At best, the Gamora they described would be one layer removed from the real person. The Gamora they had known and the one whose hologram had just appeared before Peggy, Carol, and Brunnhilde were a handful of years and a thousand experiences apart.

It seemed absurd to Peggy that this woman may wish to harm them, but she really ought to have considered it.

“Was it your distress signal I picked up?” Gamora asked flatly, eyes locked on Carol in the pilot’s seat.

“Umm… yep.”

“And you still require assistance?”

Carol glanced at Brunnhilde, then over to Peggy, who nodded. They certainly had worked wonders, she felt, in getting this massive spaceship off the planet, but who knew how many things could go wrong between here and Earth? Peggy doubted either of her shipmates had told her the half of it. They were simply short-staffed, too few fingers available to plug any metaphorical leaks they might spring on the journey.

“Yes please,” Carol told her.

With a nod, 2014 Gamora went from unknown quantity to ally. Peggy sighed in relief.

The three of them were transported directly from Thanos’s ship to Gamora’s. The process was quite indescribable, Peggy thought. Tingly, quick, with a bit of a lurch as she rematerialized on an entirely different flight deck from the one she’d just left. Had the transfer been instantaneous? Had she, perhaps, ceased to exist for a moment or two? She was full of questions but unsure to whom she should direct them.

Gamora, while welcoming in deed, was somewhat inscrutable when they met her face-to-face. Standoffish. Unsure of herself, Peggy realized. Immediately, she warmed to the woman. She had been in her place herself once, sort of, if not precisely in her intimidating boots. It hadn’t been so long ago that she’d been ferried through time to find the world completely changed. What Gamora needed was a reason to trust them the way they were trusting her.

“I take it you killed my father?” Gamora asked plainly once they were aboard.

Oh dear. It seemed they weren’t off to a very auspicious start.

Brunnhilde stepped in front of Carol, who’d just been opening her mouth to speak, presumably to claim responsibility.

“I was the captain,” she stated. “Thanos was killed on my orders.”

“Uh, no, not explicitly,” Carol argued.

“Anyway,” Peggy piped up, “I’m the one who shot him in the head.”

“And he was only vulnerable to that because I electrocuted him to within an inch of his despicable life and his helmet fell off,” Brunnhilde countered.

“On a planet I flew us to,” Carol reminded them.

“We’ll be sharing the blame,” Peggy informed Gamora on behalf of her crewmates.

Gamora cocked her head consideringly.

“And if it’s approval?” To their universal silence, she explained, “I know what he was capable of in my time, and I saw enough of Earth to get a general idea of what he was set to accomplish if he wasn’t stopped.”

“Were you out here hunting him too?” Peggy took a step towards her.

Directing her gaze away from them, Gamora blinked rapidly, looking momentarily confused and upset. In the next second, she’d hidden any outward hint of those feelings.

“I should’ve been,” she said, “but I’ve never been able to stand up to him like I should have. After I left your planet… for a while, I wasn’t looking for him. But I began to see signs. And then Peter Quill came.”

“Peter!” Carol said. “You saw him? Did you talk to him? Rocket never said—”

“No. I just watched. I followed him for a while. I knew he was looking for me. He was so… loud.” Gamora made a face. “Leaving word for me everywhere, telling traders and transports that he was my boyfriend. He was an idiot, but an entertaining idiot… I barely noticed that I’d stopped keeping track of Thanos until he just showed up…

“I was a coward,” Gamora went on. “I saw my father intercept Peter’s ship and I knew what would probably happen, but I couldn’t put myself between the two of them. Was I supposed to stand up for this guy when I’d never been able to stand up for myself? I was raised to be cruel, to think of myself, that attachments formed to accomplish anything but the acquisition of power make you weak. I know Thanos killed Peter. It’s my fault he’s dead.”

Peggy stood in front of her, refraining from placing a reassuring hand on Gamora’s shoulder when she gave her cagey eyes.

“It’s not,” Peggy told her firmly.

“I only heard your distress signal because I heard Peter’s first,” Gamora said. “I went onboard after my father had left; it was days before I could force myself to do it, maybe longer. I used his communications system to speak to his crewmates on Earth.”

“You must’ve just missed us leaving,” Brunnhilde said.

“That’s what he told me. He said three more morons had left the planet, on their way to hunt down Thanos.”

“And you’ve helped us,” Peggy said, tone insistent. “If you do feel any responsibility for what happened to Peter, then surely you should also believe that you’ve redeemed yourself by saving our backsides.”

Gamora’s eyes squinted as though she were in pain.

“I owed him more than this and I hate it,” she said, jaw clenched. “He was no one to me. He knew someone I’m never going to become.”

“Shhh. I know,” Peggy said soothingly.

“I don’t see how that’s possible. Have you ever had someone tell you they love you when it feels like it’s impossible that they even know you? That whoever they loved had to be a different person from who you are?”

Peggy’s shoulders fell. She could feel the bittersweet smile on her face.

“Actually, yes.”

Gamora appeared surprised to have been brought up short in such a manner.

“Do you have any advice?” Peggy urged softly.

For a minute, Gamora was quiet, staring hard at the wall. Peggy could feel that the others had backed away, giving them time and space when Gamora’s stream of information had been diverted by the confusing grief she was obviously experiencing.

“Whatever lengths he goes to because he thinks you’re better than you are…” Gamora finally said, turning her head to look Peggy in the eye. “Try to be worth it.”

“Got it.”

Peggy folded her hands together, pressing her right palm to her wedding ring.

—

They were about to get underway, their new crew of four on a significantly smaller, though sleeker, ship. (Brunnhilde didn’t mourn for the one they’d left in the shallows; it had served them well, first the Asgardians and now the team responsible for the death of Thanos.) However, staring out the viewport from the seat in which she’d been installed as the effective second-in-command, Brunnhilde didn’t feel right. The sight of Thanos’s ship just hanging there in space unnerved her. It would be better if no trace of the Titan remained.

“Let’s blast it,” she suggested to the deck at large.

“Thanos’s spaceship?” Peggy checked.

“Yes.”

“Well,” Carol said, “we aren’t near anything. There’s nothing for the debris to hit…”

Brunnhilde smiled slightly and looked to the captain.

“Gamora? Do you have any weapons on this ship that could do the job?”

“There is one thing I’ve been saving for a special occasion,” Gamora said, gaze fixed on Thanos’s ship. “First, we’re going to need to get clear.”

She piloted them away—away from the planet, away from the ship. Part of Brunnhilde wanted to request the honour of launching the torpedo Gamora was setting the coordinates for, locking it onto her late father’s final vessel, but she was already satisfied with the role she’d played. Let Gamora take this final, symbolic step. It was like Thor’s hideous couch; Brunnhilde had helped him lug the thing into the open air, but permitted him to drop the match (once she’d soaked the cushions in lighter fluid, just in case it wasn’t sufficiently saturated in spilled beer). She would content herself with watching it go up in flames.

And it did. It was an impressive explosion, scattering wreckage in a wide perimeter Gamora had kept them outside of. They were briefly silent as jagged hunks of metal twisted in the void.

“That’s one way to get the stink of dead bodies out,” Carol noted, and Brunnhilde turned to her, shoulders shaking with laughter Carol quickly joined in on.

They flew for some time, and it was good just to relax, to stretch in her seat and tilt her head from side to side so that her neck cracked horrendously and Peggy said things like “good lord!” while Carol laughed her ass off. Brunnhilde remained alert though. She couldn’t help it. In the old days, with the Valkyrie, there’d been a certain relief when the battle in which they’d been engaged was done, but they’d only known true rest once they’d returned to Asgard. Home. The last time she’d been on a ship bound for Earth, the atmosphere had been one of intense grief, muffled weeping in the corridors. They’d known Earth as Midgard and had little admiration for its country of Norway, chilly with fog and swathed in the bleak colours that reflected their inner emptiness. Nothing they loved was there—not their people, not their gleaming towers and soaring statues. How could it ever possibly feel like coming home?

Brunnhilde had honestly believed she’d lost her ability to experience that feeling, that, without her sisters-in-arms, the sensation was lost to her. Yet, despite the tension she still carried from the fight, she felt it easing. She felt herself longing for home, her little house at the water’s edge. For the chance to return to her people as their king and announce a great evil defeated. Maybe this tension was only anticipation after all.

In contrast to the fruits of her own contemplation and revelation, Gamora’s private thoughts had left her expression mournful and roving. Brunnhilde exited the deck to relieve herself and find something to eat in Gamora’s stores, and when she returned, she addressed her.

“You’re not taking us all the way to Earth, are you?”

Gamora flicked her gaze sideways to assess her. Brunnhilde knew there was no judgement to be found in her face, so she stared back calmly.

“I’m taking you to Quill’s ship. Thanos, in his infinite arrogance, didn’t damage it. Maybe he thought he might like to return to it some time and claim it as part of his fleet. It’s a tribute to how much I continue to feel my father’s influence that I planned to do the same. Not build a fleet, but go back. There’s something about that ship… I find it comforting.”

Brunnhilde frowned thoughtfully.

“Are you sure you don’t want to take it and leave this one for us?”

“No. What I felt when I was onboard, examining it and… and removing Quill’s body for space burial… that was just a feeling of, I don’t know, another life. There’s a group on Earth for whom that ship means something. And it’s the only thing they have of him. I couldn’t keep it.”

“One of those people is your sister,” Brunnhilde said carefully.

“Yes.”

“I tried to talk to her, but she doesn’t like me very much. I don’t blame her,” she added as Gamora gave her a wary look. “She was upset.”

“Nebula is at her most dangerous when upset, and she’s always upset, so she’s always dangerous.”

“She was upset about Peter’s death. But I think also because, without him, no one was out here looking for you.”

Gamora stiffened.

“If she really wants to find me, she can come look for me herself. I’ll be ready.”

“She doesn’t want to fight you,” Brunnhilde said. “She misses you. I think. It’s really none of my business.”

“Why would you wish to get involved in our family affairs?” Gamora’s voice was more curious than accusing. “Besides murdering our father, of course.”

Brunnhilde sighed before answering.

“I’ve lost many people I cared about. I don’t have a family anymore.” She glanced over to see Carol and Peggy bent over a screen together, Carol’s sudden snort infecting Peggy until they were both laughing. “I mean,” Brunnhilde corrected herself, “I didn’t.”

When they arrived at the Benatar and Gamora transported Carol and Peggy off her ship, Brunnhilde motioned for Gamora to hold off a moment on removing her.

“If we don’t meet again,” she said, sticking out her arm for Gamora to grasp.

Gamora gripped her tightly and nodded.

“I think we might though. I thought about it and realized it’s easier for me to find Nebula than for her to find me.”

“I may have left you her coordinates.” Brunnhilde released Gamora’s arm. “Enjoy Missouri.”

She joined Peggy and Carol on the Benatar, pausing to bend over Carol’s seat to surprise her with a deep kiss before she took up her own position. She brushed stray strands of hair back out of Carol’s dancing eyes.

“I’m going to have to redo your braid,” Brunnhilde told her.

“Oh, we’ll have time. We’ve got quite a road trip ahead of us. Luckily… Peter left us his tunes.” Beaming, she started up a song with a bright beat.

Brunnhilde smiled and went to her seat, fastening herself in as Carol readied the vessel for launch.

“You know,” Peggy said thoughtfully, slinging her jacket over the back of her chosen seat, “before all of this, I was actually quite afraid of outer space.”

Carol laughed.

“I can’t imagine why.”

[quazartranslates]

Welcome to the Nightmare Game - CH87

**This is an edited machine translation. For more information, please [click here]**

[<<< Previous Chapter | Table of Contents | Next Chapter >>>]

-----

Chapter 87: Castle Cry (XIV)

"I should say 'I'm sorry' to you, but I don't think you want to hear such boring words of comfort," Su He took a sip of black tea, put down the beautiful white porcelain teacup and said.

Qi Leren propped up his side face and looked at the boundless blue sky outside the tower, making a muffled sound.

"Actually... I don't quite understand." Su He's voice called back Qi Leren's attention. He frowned slightly and showed a puzzled expression. "In my opinion, there is no essential difference between men and women. They are both human beings, and their spirits are intertwined. All attractive characteristics and all beautiful characters will not be different because the other party is male or female."

Su He smiled, looked Qi Leren in the eyes, and said seriously: "If I would fall in love with you as a woman, I would definitely fall in love with you as a man, because you have the same soul, which is unchanged by gender differences."

The speed of Su He's was slow and his voice was gentle, and his gaze even gave Qi Leren the illusion that he was special to Su He. This kind of thought made him a little uneasy. He immediately expressed an objection: "It’s still different... There’s a natural attraction between men and women. Even if they don't like it, they can't help but pay special attention..."

"Are you trying to talk about sexual attraction?" Su He asked with a smile.

"Ah?" Qi Leren is a bit stunned.

Su He put his chin in his hand, looking at him leisurely with an unfathomable smile: "It depends on skill. All kinds of... skills. "

Qi Leren felt that he seemed to understand something that he would rather not. He coughed twice: "We’re going too far."

"Ah, because the speed that time flows in the field is very different from the outside world, before I knew it I forgot that we’re still in the task. It really is a pleasure to chat with you... Let's get down to business." Su He sat up straight, put his hands on the table, and asked solemnly, "Do you want to get rid of that thing behind your neck?"

Get rid of the seed of slaughter? Qi Leren raised his head in astonishment and stared at Su He. At that time, he seemed not to understand.

"You heard me right. As I said before, I’ve done some research on the power of demons. I guess the demon mark on you should be a seed of slaughter. This thing can really enhance people's combat effectiveness in a short time, but it will gradually erode the person's reason. You’ll find it more and more difficult to control it until one day... you completely become its slave."

Warm sun fell on the tower. They were on the terrace under a circular dome supported by four pillars at the top of the tower. Airy flowed in from all sides, with a fence that was only half the height of a person surrounding the terrace. The Village of Dawn in Su He’s field was sunny and breezy, but Qi Leren’s mood was indescribably heavy.

He wanted to say yes without hesitation, so that he could immediately get rid of this dangerous ticking time bomb, but he still remembered his contract with the Court. Did he want to break the contract? Should he do this?

"How do I get rid of it?" Qi Leren asked with a hard expression.

"It's a bit complicated, and you need to go to a place far away. If you like, I’ll take you there after this task is over. I'm afraid you won’t be able to go back to the Village of Dusk for a while." Su He's proposal was incredibly tempting. "There are still many unknown places in the Nightmare World. There are all kinds of wonderful things. Naturally, there are ways to remove the Devil’s mark... I can't be 100% sure, but still 70% to 80%. Even if you don't succeed, I will help you think of other ways. In short, I won't watch you go to a dead end."

-I won't watch you go to a dead end. Qi Leren's heart cramped painfully, and his eyes were a little wet. He didn't tell anyone about it, and he didn't dare to tell others how isolated he had been, constantly injured, constantly dying, resigned to his fate, with the road ahead uncertain. No one could share his pressure, not only about his own life and death, but even about the fate of this Nightmare Game.

He was afraid that he would suddenly die one day and never be able to revive again, and then this heavy secret would be buried with him in this world, together with the hope of redemption that no one knew.

For a moment, he wanted to tell Su He everything and tell him the secret of the Nightmare Game. He was much better than him. Maybe he had a way to solve it easily and could save the world.

But when his lips moved, the bloody words in the drawer reappeared in his mind - keep the secret. He choked on the words that had come to his lips, swallowing them back.

Qi Leren closed his eyes for a long time. He said in a hoarse voice, "Thank you. But... I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I have to disappoint your kindness."

He had to refuse. If he didn't refuse, sooner or later he wouldn’t be able to help himself from telling everything.

There was an inaudible sigh from the wind: "Is that so? I see."

"I’m really sorry," Qi Leren apologized again.

Su He shook his head. "I know you must have your reasons. If you need my help one day, you can contact me and I’ll help you find a way."

Qi Leren nodded silently, and his inner doubts came up again: "But why..."

Why help him?

Su He's calm expression finally revealed a faint confusion and melancholy: "I don't know. People are always faced with many choices in their life. Sometimes, you don't even know why you do something. Just like this time, I understand why I came here, and the system won't make the same mistake twice. Suppose the last time it was because the killer disturbed the order of the Novice Village, what about this time? Why is that this time, the system issued a false alarm?"

Qi Leren's nerves suddenly tightened, and cold sweat flowed down his back. How could he forget? Su He didn't appear here to catch up with him! Under the gentle appearance, his keen observation has already seen through him. How many things had he found?

"I..." Qi Leren tried to say something, but Su He gently put his index finger on his lips and stopped what he had not yet said.

"Don't say it." Su He and said.

"But why..." Qi Leren really doesn't understand Su He.

"Don't ask either." Su He added.

“……”

"When I make a choice at this moment, it is not your own business. For now it's our secret, but if you say it now, I can't help you keep it a secret. Don't ask me why, I’ve said many times that people will always make choices they don't understand." Su He smiled wryly. "But now that you have made a choice, never regret it."

Qi Leren's heart was stuck in panic, and the impulse to talk about everything reappeared, but he still couldn't say it.

Keep your promises and keep your secrets, even if you have to lie.

"I... I still have some questions... About this task, there seems to be something involving devil worship." Qi Leren forced himself to divert his attention and took the time to ask Su He, who had done a lot of research on it.

Su He listened carefully to what he said. Even if the two had just had a regrettable conversation, even if his kindness had been rejected, his tolerance and self-cultivation made him show no negative emotions, and he was as calm as ever.

It was not until Qi Leren finished telling the story of his battle with the crazy lady and how he’d lost control of the seed of slaughter to kill her that Su He said: "Before, Dr. Lu also told me about the task this time. You’ve found something very interesting."

"What do you mean?"

"In the past few years, many players have found that demon power has appeared in copy worlds outside the main world, but it’s not clear why the demons in the main world interfere with the copy worlds. Even though its existence has become very common, the system will not report errors on these contaminated copies, nor will it purify the copies. There will be some unusual changes in these polluted copy worlds, at least in terms of difficulty, so many players have encountered copies that exceed their own strength, causing accidental death," Su He explained.

"..." Well, it seemed that it wasn’t all his lucky value that made this D difficulty so difficult. Qi Leren felt a little relieved.

"But you still made a lot of mistakes during the boss fight, otherwise you could have solved this crazy lady more simply. Of course, it’s also possible that I’m looking at the problem from your narrative point of view, but I’m caught in a misunderstanding." Su He smiled apologetically and seemed a little embarrassed to point out his mistakes. "Do you want to hear it?"

"Of course!" Qi Leren said without thinking.

"The first one is about the haunting shadows. They appeared for the first time when you were climbing down with your mobile phone for lighting, and for the second time after the candles in the basement came on, but after your explosion caused most of the candles to go out and you were in the dark, they disappeared. The third time was after the crazy lady howled when the extinguished candles came on again, but at this time the shadows couldn’t hurt you, who was controlled by the seed of slaughter. Obviously, these shadows appear because of the appearance of a light source, so the light source you carry should not face yourself and it is better to extinguish them, including those candles. Considering that this is a two-person copy, the two players should cooperate with each other, but you were alone, which made the situation you faced in isolation even more dangerous. This was the first mistake. " Su He calmly said his analysis.

Qi Leren suffered a wake up call. Yes, the shadows that scared him were not difficult to deal with, but he couldn't think this kind of problem through calmly in such a time of crisis.

"Second, when you were against Mrs Crazy, you completely adopted the method of confrontation, but do you remember? You said that at first she held a doll and put it carefully on the rocking chair. After defeating the crazy lady, you grabbed the doll. It seemed to be a reactive living thing. I'm afraid this doll is not simple, because it’s linked to the clue of the crazy lady's miscarriage. This doll should be her weakness. If you went straight to the doll at the beginning and killed it, maybe the battle would have ended sooner. The other is the devil sacrifice. I think these things are not just to reveal the truth of that year to the players, but to have an impact on the boss, but you didn't bring one. All of them were left with Dr. Lu."

Qi Leren nodded solemnly.

"The last point is not a mistake with the boss fight," Su He suddenly laughed, and his beautiful eyebrows were gentle in the glow. "You unexpectedly hit the wall and forced yourself to wake up from the seed’s control."

Qi Leren touched his forehead and smiled bitterly: "I couldn't help it..."

"But I think you still had a choice," Su He laughed.

"What?" Qi Leren's voice just fell, and an idea flashed in his brain.

"I remember you saved the file before being controlled by the seed of slaughter. If the save time allowed..." Su He's voice dropped and finally turned into a faint sigh. "I'm not sure about the principle of your skills, but it's possible that the seed of slaughter would be 'degraded' back to the save state at that moment because of your loading of the file. For you now, one less outbreak means that you can live longer. Whether loading the file or the seed’s effects are more harmful, you can judge it yourself."

Qi Leren opened his mouth, but couldn’t say if it was in surprise or helplessness. He still had to rely on the S/L skill to survive. Su He's guess should be correct. If he deliberately activated the seed of slaughter after saving, and then committed suicide to load the file, then with his death the seed of slaughter should also return to its state at the point of the save, but the premise was that he had to grasp the short moment of clarity, otherwise he would fall under the control of the seed.

Su He stood up, walked slowly behind him, and said gently, "Look down and let me have a look at it."

Qi Leren lowered his head. The back collar of his clothes was gently pulled open, and cool air poured down his neck, which made him shiver. Su He's finger touched it in the place where it stung from time to time. It was a little cold and itchy.

"The spread of the seed is usually through specific ceremonies, but I believe that you wouldn’t turn into a worshipper of Slaughter, so was it an accidental infection?" Su He asked, standing behind him.

"Hmm." Qi Leren talked simply about the accident on the spaceship.

"In such a short period of time, its growth rate has exceeded the normal level," Su He sighed, adjusted his open collar for him, and then returned to his seat. "It's almost time to leave, let's go."

Qi Leren clutched his neck and nodded silently.

In the field, the world of the Village of Dawn began to darken, and in the blink of an eye, they had returned to the castle.

-----

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[bonduniversity]

Bangkok and beyond

Jasmine Valcic (Bachelor of International Relations/Bachelor of Laws) shares her experience studying in Thailand and her advice for applying for the Australian Government’s prestigious New Colombo Plan Scholarship.

Between hearing about my successful application for the New Colombo Plan (NCP) Scholarship program and my departure for Thailand, I had almost a year to plan and wait. As the departure date loomed closer I became more and more restless, but it was definitely worth the wait! I have just finished the first component of my program: undertaking an exchange program at Mahidol University International College in Thailand, and I loved every moment of it. I lived in Salaya, an area about 30 minutes from Bangkok CBD, close to the university. Out of all of the places I visited during my time in Thailand, Salaya is the place I’d be most likely to live. It had the perfect combination of hustle and bustle without being hectic or touristy. It was far enough from the CBD that prices were lower (approximately $2 per meal), but close enough that it was easy to pop into the city for a day.

The MUIC campus itself was beautiful, and even had its own lake and river system. All of my classes were held in MUIC’s newest building, which was an amazing architectural combination of being both indoor and outdoor. My favourite part of studying at MUIC was learning from a different cultural perspective. Two of my subjects were ‘International Organisations’ and ‘Transnational Crime and Law Enforcement’. Even though I had previously undertaken subjects at Bond that had a content overlap, it was fascinating learning about international affairs through the lens of a different culture. Further, two of my professors actively encouraged class discussions and debate; one of my subject’s final assessments was an in class debate on humanitarian intervention into Yemen. This allowed me to hear the opinions of not only the teachers, but students from all walks of life. As MUIC is an international school, I was able to interact with Thai locals as well as students from all over the world in my classes.

During my 3 months, I was able to visit places in Thailand ranging from down south in Phuket, to further up north in Chiang Mai, and a variety of places in between. Another fantastic bonus that accompanies studying at MUIC is the structure of the class schedule. I was able to organise my schedule so that I only had classes on Mondays and Wednesdays. This allowed me to travel every Wednesday night to Sunday night. My favourite trip was definitely my second visit to Chiang Mai to see the Yee Peng festival. Yee (or Yi) Peng falls on the full moon of the 12th month. Everyone comes together to release lanterns into the sky. The release of lanterns is a way of honouring Buddha and of releasing the suffering that has been held within from the previous year. At the risk of sounding cliché, being a part of such a collective spiritual moment was indescribable. I felt elated and light, and yet warm and comforted, it was a truly beautiful experience.

I had been given advice by my fellow NCP Thailand Scholar (who began his program earlier in the year) that undertaking a full internship during the study semester was too much. I am glad I listened, having more spare time and flexibility allowed me to truly enjoy the experience and explore various facets of the Thai culture. However, part way through the semester I felt I had some spare time and wanted to do something more to enhance my experience and contribute to my professional development. An opportunity arose when I met a member of the UN Digital Service ReliefWeb team at the Australian Embassy’s NCP meet and greet (for scholars and grant students). She told me about ReliefWeb’s upcoming interactive seminar at the inaugural Peace Summit for Emerging Leaders, which was being held in the Bangok UNESCAP Headquarters, and mentioned that they were seeking volunteers to help organise the event.  

I applied to be an online volunteer with ReliefWeb at https://www.onlinevolunteering.org/en. As a volunteer, the next two months I was involved in writing general briefs and judging criteria and edit country briefs for the simulation. As the position was entirely online, except for aiding logistics on the day at the event, I was able to complete the tasks from any location, and it did not greatly impact my plans to travel all through Thailand. Working with ReliefWeb was an amazing experience. I learnt so much about how a UN service functions, as well as different event organisation skills. The fun and tight knit team was fantastic to work with, and I made some valuable connections. It really ended up being the perfect project to contribute to my profession development, without overloading my plate or taking away from my overall cultural experience of Thailand.

I highly recommend to anyone looking to study abroad to seriously consider Thailand and MUIC. It is a place too often overlooked, as people are unaware of the amazing cultural and professional opportunities in Bangkok. Thailand is the Southeast Asian hub, and gateway, for business and international relations, and its global importance and the opportunities it presents should not be underestimated.  I am writing this blog from my new apartment in Manila, where I am about to begin an internship with Austrade. As I reflect on my experience so far, I am eager to begin my next adventure and next component in my NCP program.

Advice for future New Colombo Plan (NCP) Scholarship applicants:

1. Use all information available.  When preparing your application, and for the interview, it is important to understand exactly what the selection committee is looking for. The DFAT website has masses of information on the program, as well as advice from the last year’s selection committee. There is also an archive with all the advice from all previous years. Use this information to help guide you in writing your application.

Useful links: 

http://dfat.gov.au/people-to-people/new-colombo-plan/scholarship-program/Pages/scholarship-program.aspx

http://dfat.gov.au/people-to-people/new-colombo-plan/scholarship-program/Pages/previous-rounds.aspx

2. Think outside of the box when choosing your host country. The NCP offers more than 40 different locations, however most applicants apply for the same locations: China, Japan and Singapore. Although there isn’t a specific quota of scholars per location, because of the high number of applicants, these locations are more competitive. When selecting a host country to apply for, look at countries other than the big 3, there are plenty locations which are suited a wide variety of different interests and areas of study.

3. Be unique and personable. When I attended the NCP pre-training event, I was sure I would be walking into a group of suits that were all the same. I could not have been more wrong; everyone was different and came from all walks of life. Although there definitely was a large number of international relations students, it was by no means the only area of study. For example, one scholar selected Japan as their host location purely to study niche areas of Japanese film. The one linking factor between the scholars was their openness to meet new people, and their ability to network. It isn’t surprising given that at the end of the day, what the selection committee is looking for is a group of young ambassadors.

Find out more about completing an exchange as part of your degree at Bond University.  

[braindamageforbeginners]

more FAQ

Cycle 10, Day 13

So, I spent this morning hanging out writer-y people and I was asked such a good question, I thought I’d use it as another FAQ. As always, I can only answer for myself on these things, ask a physician or real grown-up if you have any doubts. And to all my friends and family who think I’d use a blog to update my health status if things go bad - that’s what Instagram is for, people.

Q: What will my cancer treatment be like?

A; Exceptionally and amazingly unpleasant, I should imagine. Even though I don’t really like the whole “warfare/warrior” metaphor, there is one useful thing about it. I’ve heard from enough combat veterans - in various ways and media that, no matter how well it’s described, surviving modern warfare is indescribable to anyone who doesn’t have prior experience. Same goes here - until you survive a terminal illness, or get that fatal phone call, you really don’t know what it’ll be like, no matter how good I am at describing it. All I can tell you with any certainty is that you will have to develop a completely unassailable faith that you will outlast this thing. From that, you can get start developing the sort of pig-headed stubbornness you’re going to need to win this thing and carve out some sort of normal life. Having said that, I’d also say that you might have to modify your life and life goals, like Data in the game Strategema, in the immortal Trek episode “Peak Performance,” when he (Data) successfully challenges the annoying bureaucrat/ambassador caricature to a rematch: “ I was playing for a standoff, a draw. While Kolrami was dedicated to winning, I was able to pass up obvious avenues of advancement, then settle for a balance. Theoretically, I should be able to challenge him indefinitely. ” It sucks that you might have to put your life on hold in a potentially-never-ending stand-off with a disease, And I’m not going to argue that life is worth living - that’s your decision, and there are potential long-term constraints to my survival that I wouldn’t consider acceptable, but you might. Also, keep in mind, that same episode has the line, “ It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life. “ These are dangerous diseases - deadly if mistreated or mishandled, and frequently deadly even with the bestest care. You’re going to have to see those sort of statistics like “90% fatality rate” and say, “Fuck that, I’ll take those odds, someone hold my seat while I get a drink.” Of course, it’s easy to say that now. However, more to the point of the question, I’ve had a multicourse treatment starting with neurosurgery, then radiation and chemo, and maintenance chemo. After each step, you’re likely to get a week or two off to recover before your doctors review the results, and clear you for the next step. Treasure those weeks off, they might be your only progression-free moments where it looks like you’re on the upswing. And remember, the phrase, “I would recommend more treatment” is a good thing. Cancer patients only get sent three places: home, the hospital, or the hospice. More treatment and hospitals are bad, expensive, and dangerous, but they beat the hell out of 33% of the options.In my case - in the case of most chronic cancer patients - I’m not wild about five years of chemo, but it does beat the alternatives. When our post-Mastodon species talks about “killer instinct,” it’s usually in some unhelpful motivational seminar. No one talks about it for what it really is - coldly, and grimly doing whatever is necessary to outlast your enemy, which, in this case, is a rogue bit of you. Nietzsche talked about “will to power,” and it’s been used in conjunction with some horrific rhetoric and movements, but I’d advise you to embrace it if it’s the only way to get home again.  However, my treatment has been: 1. Neurosurgery 2. 4 weeks off 3. Initial chemoradiation for 6 weeks (that’s brutal) 4, a few weeks off 5. maintenance chemo consisting of 5 days of Temodar and three marizomib infusions 6, ?

Q: Do you ready things about your disease differently than you do other biomedical studies and/or literature?

A. Oh, fuck, yes. I once read that the tell-tale sign of privilege is ignorance (about their privilege and those in a harder circumstances)(which, as someone who’s had a few of those permanently revoked - there was a time when the words “third floor” didn’t have me looking for an elevator)(still, a limp and/or ankle braces definitely beats that horrifying walker). In the same way, an ability to classify knowledge as “academic” is a sign of intellectual privilege (or complacence, which is the next step of privilege). I am absurdly invested in anything I read about GBM. Or cancer. Like, I understand - and kind of agree with - the old rule about not allowing physicians to treat their family members. You’re not going to exhibit the same degree of clarity and judgment. Same thing for me - I’m nigh-immortal on my good days (or with a morale boost), and, potentially dead on the bad ones. It’s exhausing, but, at the same time, i don’t know why we exhibit such disinterest in other areas (Ladies, I’m still single). You are either 1000% focused and committed, or not a all. You know what doctors call cancer patients who successfully complete half of their required treatment before giving up? “Dead.” There’s a good chance you’ll die, anyway, not committing to a treatment course once you’ve started is just a very expensive form of lengthy suicide. Additionally, even though I still use clinicaltrials.org and PubMed as my primary-source services on such things, I’m not as interested as I used to be. Don’t get me wrong, I am still absolutely interested in any new developments in my disease or treatment plan - I literally spent a few hours every week on those sites, but, in August, after John McCain died - from the same disease - and GBM treatment studies went from a few dozen on the FDA page to hundreds - I really started to believe - still do - that If I can just live long enough, healthily enough, science will catch up with me.

Additionally, there aren’t many cases of brain cancer of any sort, so you have to take a less methodical, statistical approach, and start looking at the outliers. I call this the Jack Lallane vs biochemistry approach. Stick with me. So, many years ago, a biochem professor in grad school pointed out that, according to the studies, there was no benefit to the sort of excessive protein consumption promoted by body builders, athletes, and other healthy-looking people. I probably should have realized this was coming from a 5′ middle-aged British man who looked the part, and taken it with a grain of salt. At a friend’s encouragement, I did start taking the supplements and what-not, and, as it turns out, further investigation and research showed that protein doesn’t promote muscle growth, unless it’s consumed within an hour of the workout. This is one of those cases where having incomplete information - as my professor did, as eventual research showed - is actually worse than ignorance. To that end, even though I try to keep current on research and development on GBM, I’m less interested in conventional wisdom and studies, and more on what the statistical outliers suggest. This is not to suggest for a minute that you will be better-informed than researchers - again, when the Warlocks or Mad Scientist say “No,” I usually take them at their word. But GBM research is a very weird and strange area of cancer research (again, it was nigh-impossible to find physicians who would agree to treat the disease as aggressively as they could; so we’re talking about a cancer that’s only been formally studied by epidiomology and science for 20-odd years), so I’ve gone with trying to track down data on those few outliers who outlived the 14-24 month life expectancy (also, good news, a recent study showed that almost 30% of us live for at least two years post-diagnosis), and figuring out how they did it. So far - and this is useful - the major commonalities are that they did successfully get a medical team to take them seriously, treat them aggressively, and they survived the treatment, which is still almost as-likely to kill you as the disease. They all also stressed the importance of “complementary medicine” in addition to the real stuff. So, again, full disclosure, I am not a fan of “alternative medicine,” which is when you get the unproven or unstudied stuff instead of traditional Western Medicine, but I am a massive fan of “complementary medicine” which is when you use the freaky stuff in addition to the established, standard stuff (and a crazy hallucinogenic, experimental chemo trial would qualify, I think). “Eating healthy” and “staying psychotically active” are also included in that category. We can talk about fad diets and nutrition, but, again, just going old-school Jack Lallane, I try to get 7-10 servings of raw fruits and vegetables (I really don’t think the “raw” part is very important, but it would take time and energy to cook them, and I’d rather that go into writing or research)(which reminds me, I have to look into photo enhancement/editing techniques this week). “Coffee” is also not on anyone’s nutritionally-recommended list, which makes me ponder how those researchers survived their patients. And such things aren’t studied by most researchers; I don’t think that’s because there’s any insidious pharmacy conspiracy, I just think it’s hard to find qualified patients (again, the rules governing these things are usually established by human rights laws and treaties, add the various dos and don’ts of a clinical trial selection into you reach anothe order of magnitude for cost and lack of returns), and, in many cases, there’s no need to reinvent the wheel. With one notable exception. In addition to being a massive fan of fitness and nutrition as a way to keep healthy and vital enough to convince your physicians to douse you in Agent Orange, I’ve also become a major proponent of medical marijuana. Again, not because it’ll cure cancer, but because it’s better at treating some of the nastier side-effects than established pharmaceuticals (and it’s telling that the shift comes just as a lot of lawmakers and pharmaceutical giants start divesting themselves of standard stuff and invest in medical marijuana development and research). And what I didn’t know at the beginning, that I wished I did now, is that the side-effects and problem stack up in standard chemoradiation. It was harder to drag myself to the infusion center on Cycle 9 than Cycle 5. But I was there.

[gaijinginger]

Day 12 & Final Thoughts

Before I begin my “final night in Japan” rant, an update on my last 24 hours:

Today I went to the Tsukiji Fish Market and had the best sushi of my life. I couldn’t move for about 15 minutes afterwards. No big deal. Before that I had hoped to visit the Tokyo Museum of Advertising, although it’s apparently closed until December 2017. Another thing to do on my next trip. After wandering around the market for an hour or two and consuming more sushi in a single sitting than I have in several months, I went back to my hotel and took a quick power nap. Two weeks of travel is starting to catch up with me. Tonight, I got dinner with my waitress friend again, where we discussed the logistics of Dwayne Johnson’s impending presidential run (for the record: she’s for it, I’m against it) and why so many Americans hate Woody Allen (we both concede he’s a weird dude, but agree he’s made some great movies), among other things. Always cool to have friends in different places, especially a place as cool as Tokyo.

And now, the “final night in Japan” rambling:

As I sit here in my capsule hotel room, eating green tea Kit Kats and taking mental inventory of my possessions and bags, I am overwhelmed by feelings of great privilege and fortune. How incredibly lucky am I to have even been able to entertain the idea of a trip like this in the first place.

I was very nervous about this trip before I got here. This was not only my first trip to Japan, but my first solo trip. Between those two factors, I had significant hesitation before pulling the trigger. In retrospect, pulling said trigger was one of the best, if not the best decision I’ve ever personally made.

The first few days were a little nerve-wracking. Between the culture shock, jet lag, and sudden absolute autonomy, it was a LOT to take in. But I did it, to the fullest and best extent I could have hoped to. I did probably 80% of the things I came to Japan to do, and the rest will no doubt be taken on in subsequent trips (or full-blown stints here). I’m glad I didn’t come here for a long period of time right off the bat, but I’m seriously considering it in the future. This was admittedly a bit of a fact-finding trip: getting a feel for the place before diving right into my childhood dream of actually living here. Two weeks was dipping my toes. The water is fine. More than fine, it’s incredible. I loved every second of this trip.

Japan is a crazy place. The people are antisocial and politely racist, the scenery ranges from urban cyberpunk sprawls to rural mountainous wonderscapes, the public transit is amazing, there’s beer and canned coffee in vending machines on most every corner, and the toilets spray little automated jets of water on your bits at the touch of a button (the last point will be admittedly the thing I’ll miss most; I’m buying a bidet kit for my toilet at home as soon as possible).

Before I came on this trip, especially in the weeks leading up to it, I entertained the idea of what my perception would be like afterwards several times a day. Making oatmeal in my Allston kitchen, walking to Dunkin’ Donuts, brushing my teeth- what will these things feel like once I’ve gone to Japan and come back? I’m about to find out, but for the most part, I’m sure they’ll feel the same. I’ll go back to America, and I’ll probably feel more comfortable than I have in years. More in my element.

In America, I’m at the apex of the “privilege” hierarchy- a straight white blue-eyed light-haired 20something guy from a comfortable background. In Japan, I’m a gaijin. To be such a radical outsider was something I had never personally experienced prior to coming here, and the experience was nothing short of perception-shattering. But again, I’m sure that for the most part, my life will remain the same when I get home. The experiences and perspective I’ve gained from this trip will significantly enhance my life going forward, though. Making oatmeal will still be making oatmeal, and walking to Dunkin’ will still be walking to Dunkin’. But to be able to think back to this trip- “oh, right, I went to Japan by myself for two weeks. I can do this.” The feeling of self-assurance I’m filled with now will be an invaluable tool in my life going forward.

Of course, there are lots of things in life harder than going to Japan alone as a 20something white guy with a comfortable budget. But for me, it was a lot. It recalls a diagram I once saw about self-improvement: three concentric circles. The innermost circle is the comfort zone, where nothing changes. The middle circle is the growth zone, where positive change and personal growth occur. The outer circle is the danger zone, which shouldn’t require further explanation. This trip was at the bleeding edge of the growth zone for me. I don’t think I could have taken it on even a year ago.

I’ve always loved the idea of solo travel, but prior to this trip, it always carried a certain fear with it- “what if it’s too much? What if I mess up? What if something goes wrong?” I don’t have those thoughts anywhere near as much anymore. Taking this trip has helped me shed about 90% of that mindset.

The Japanese have a saying “shogunai,” which translates roughly as “it can’t be helped.” Train running late? Shogunai. Flat tire? Shogunai. Forgot your umbrella on a rainy day? Shogunai. As a kind of greater cultural ethos, it’s why Japanese people generally reserve being stressed for things that they have direct control over, like work. Things that can’t be helped don’t deserve undue worry. At the risk of sounding “namaste,” this trip has helped me adopt a significantly more “shogunai” way of approaching life and its many complications.

Before taking this trip I heard a story about a man who goes around the world looking for his “treasure,” only to return home and find that it was right where he started. The moral of this story is supposed to be that life shouldn’t require grand narratives and self-imposed “adventures” to be fulfilling; true enlightenment and happy living is an inner thing. I saw a pretty funny t-shirt online yesterday that echoed a similar concept: a picture of Mt. Fuji and some traditional Japanese shrines overlaid with the caption “I don’t need therapy, I need to go to Japan.” I tried my best not to approach this trip with that mindset, and for that reason, it was a completely fantastic experience. I didn’t arrive in Japan expecting to leave with some fundamental truth about life that I was lacking beforehand, and I certainly won’t be leaving with any… otherwise this blog would evolve into the web store for the next tacky self-help/self-love book written by a white guy who goes to Asia and appropriates eastern mysticism (working title “The Secret 2: Buy This Book So I Can Come Eat More Sushi Here Next Year”).

For me, Japan was never a hypothetical. Rather, it was an inevitability (that line has been rattling around in my head for as long as I’ve been thinking of coming here, so now seems as good a time as any to put it to print). For as long as I’ve been familiar with the concept of travel, I’ve wanted to come here. I never expected to find the key to happiness here. I expected Japan, and what I found was absolutely, positively, 1000% Japan. Wacky, glorious Japan. It’s a country unlike any other place on earth, and I simply can’t wait for my next opportunity to return. When I do, it won’t be for some second shot at tacky “namaste” enlightenment. It will be for sushi, ramen, the Shinkansen, Toto toilets, capsule hotels, Onsens, weird English signs, and more history and culture than you can shake a katana at. It’ll be for sitting in a quiet mountain valley sipping a beer and eating a pork cutlet over rice, then hopping on the train for an hour and stepping off into a neon-studded scene from “Blade Runner” to grab some coffee flavored jello cubes and take in a VR show. And yes, it will be for the rare and uncomfortable joy of being the only white guy in a communal shower filled with confused Japanese men.

This trip has been indescribably amazing for me and to reiterate, I can’t underscore exactly how fortunate I feel to have been able to get even a glimpse into Japan’s inarticulable majesty through it. Looking back at my experiences over the past two weeks, I am humbled and awed beyond measure. Thank you all so much for sharing this journey with me. I’ll probably make another post in the next few days as a retrospective when I’m back in the U.S., but until then, peace.

[theacidjazzguitarist]

What Dreams May Come All of my life I've been a dreamer. As far back as I can remember, there were recurring dreams of a fantastic nature. Some were wonderful delights of adventure and others were nightmares involving sensations I would much later in life (a few years ago to be exact) come to learn were the symptoms of sleep paralysis. There were dreams where I had superpowers, intergalactic adventures that seemed to span decades and when I awoke only a few hours had passed. Emotional dreams where upon awakening I would be almost in a state of deep depression and the content of that dream would lay heavily on my mind throughout the day. And then there were the periodical dreams of lucidity, where I would be fully aware inside the dream that I was dreaming. Those were(are) the best, most insane, hyperrealistic, fantastic adventures ever. As a child I thought everyone dreamed like this. I thought everyone dreamed. I was taken aback when talking to people who would say that they didn't remember their dreams or that they didn't have them. I have a deep swell of pity for those people but it gave me an even greater appreciation for my night excursions into what I would later learn to be the astral realms. I have dream memories from childhood that are with me to this day as real and as vivid as anything I can remember from my waking state. Oh...let's not forget the dreams of loved ones who are deceased. THese dreams are extremely powerful, symbolic and usually contain messages for you to decode. I call them visits, and the wonderful thing about visits is that it's not always family members that visit. Back in the mid 90's I was getting heavily into studying spirituality and occult practices such as numerology, astrology, etc. During this time I remember finding a book on astral travel. It gave techniques on having what is commonly referred to as OBE's or Out Of Body Experiences. Shortly thereafter I had my first OBE or the first one that I remember. All I can say is mindblowing. I immediately got up and tried my best to describe the "indescribable but more real than reality" experience I just woke up from (more on this later). It was at this time that life began to throw some serious curve balls my way. Over the next 20 years I walked away from a major label recording contract (sometimes your lifelong dreams can turn out to be nightmares), the internet came into existence, I studied computer graphics and found work as a typesetter/designer, my father was diagnosed with early onset dementia which led to alzheimers, and I moved back home from Atlanta to Savannah to help my mother take care of him. I found an outlet for the music via the internet and the dreams continued. In 2016 I delved back into the study of metaphysics and the occult and by the time 2017 came around I had decided to begin seriously practicing chaos magick. Over the years I had dabbled with sigils and studied different practices but never actually committed to doing that spiritual work on a consistent basis. So in essence I read about magick, believed in it, saw examples of it at work in my life at different times but didn't actually practice it. And then I dove in head first, starting with sigils and then creating entities or servitors as some would call them, moving to ancestor worship and altar work and pouring libations, etc. Damn near everything I tried seemed to work. I would get results from unexpected situations but the synchronicites and manifestations were/are amazing. And the dreams became even more fantastic and vivid. So here on Google+ is where I'll chronicle and try to describe some of these experiences and dreams. Also my experience with the dream enhancing herb Mugwort, which I feel helps with retaining the memories of OBE's and lucid dreams. Itunes: - https://itunes.apple.com/album/id986854561 Spotify - http://bit.ly/20UnrwE Bandcamp - http://bit.ly/1Nx6gEU Amazon - http://amzn.to/1QfRbsB Google Play - http://bit.ly/1I7kbns YouTube: - http://www.youtube.com/acidjazzguitarist Soundcloud: - https://soundcloud.com/acid-jazz-guitarist ReverbNation: - http://www.reverbnation.com/acidjazzguitarist Emusic - http://bit.ly/1QfG3Cd Muzoic - http://bit.ly/1ThocKd Twitter: - https://twitter.com/acidjazzguitar