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xiaq · 3 years

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Hi, I have a question re:sex and Christianity. Small background: I still go to church, and I still live with my parents even though I'm not much younger than you, because housing is very very expensive where I live (pretty common here, I would say about 2/3 of my friends live with their parents and we are decently privileged kids)

Anyway. How does one get over purity culture? To be clear, I've never been told in church not to have sex, I've never gotten the gendered lessons that you got. But I am terrified of having sex. My first real, multi-year relationship just ended and while there was hand stuff etc, there was never any p in v sex (lol I feel 12). But I still had insane anxiety about being pregnant despite being on bc. And I think its because I know my parents would be so disappointed if I had sex. And if I was pregnant I could imagine all the gossip. And honestly I think im from a pretty open church, b/c one of our previous ministers kids recently got married at 8 months pregnant and lots of church people were at the wedding and supportive and her parents were there and everything.

I dont even think I particularly like sex, i might be on the ace spectrum, but how do I remove it from all the anxiety that's tied to it so I can even give myself the chance to find out???

(Asking because it seems like you've been pretty open about purity culture/removing yourself from it)

CW for sex talk (again)

How does one get over purity culture?

Oh man. That really is the million-dollar question, huh? Obviously, I can only answer re my personal experiences, and this is something you should talk to a therapist about, but I can tell you how I’ve tackled it with my therapist at least.

Purity culture is, at its core, an ideology that is perpetuated by shame. If you’re indoctrinated into purity culture when you’re a kid, the concepts become baked into the way you construct your identity, your perception of self, and your perception of your sexuality. It’s practically intrinsic, by the time you’re an adult, to feel shame any time you’re reminded you have a body, much less a sexuality.

According to the chapels I sat through every week as a kid, a girl's body could be 3 things: an intentional stumbling block for men, an accidental stumbling block for men, or unnoticeable. Women were to strive for the third option so as to keep their (and their male friends/authority figures) purity intact. After all, if a boy, or even your male teacher, had impure thoughts about you, it was your fault for tempting them (which, holy shit. I still can’t believe that was a thing I bought into for so long. If my 45 yr old grown-ass teacher had impure thoughts because he could see my 12 yr old collarbone, that sure as hell wasn’t my fault. But I digress.) The Only time a woman’s body can be something else, is when she gives it to her husband, at which point she must suddenly flip the switch in her brain that she is now allowed to be a Sexual Being and she must perform Sexual Duties despite living in outright fear of her own body and sexuality for years (decades?) up until this point. Jesus take the wheel.

Purity culture isn’t a thing you can just decide to walk away from if you’ve grown up in it. Because its ideology is insidious and internalized. So first you need to submit to the fact that you’re going to be fucked up about sex. It sounds like you’re there. Second, you need to interrogate what you believe. If you’re leaving religion behind entirely, you’ll approach removing yourself from purity culture differently than if you still identify as a Christian. It sounds like you might be the latter, which meant, for me, separating what’s actually biblical and what’s shitty, contrived, doctrine that I was told is biblical but is actually more political than spiritual. This helps you address the shame issue.

You need to throw away I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Lady in Waiting and all those ridiculous books you read and reread in the hopes of somehow obtaining impossible marriage perfection and look into actual scripture interpreted within its historical context. I could write a book on this, but the TL;DR is that the text of the Bible was written, translated, curated, and changed multiple times over thousands of years by human beings with human biases and, often, personal and/or political agendas. It contradicts itself! Reading it as it is—a flawed historical document—rather than some sort of God-breathed perfect document—is incredibly freeing. When you do, you’ll probably realize that purity culture is bullshit on a spiritual level. Which is a good start, if that matters to you. Because any time you start to feel shame or guilt you can ask yourself: does God actually care if I wear a bikini or touch a dick I’m not married to? Probably not. Wear the bikini. Touch the dick.

The most important therapy session for me was when my therapist asked what I would do if I got to heaven and God was actually the God I’d been raised to fear. What would I do if he condemned me for being bisexual and having premarital sex and becoming educated, for arguing with men, and failing to isolate while menstruating, and wearing mixed fabrics? If Montero had come out at the point, I probably would have said I’d pole dance down to hell. Instead, I said I would spit on heaven’s gates. If a god that cruel and that pointlessly demeaning really exists—a god who would create in me condemned desire—I won't worship him. The good news is, I’m 99% sure he doesn’t exist. At the very least, he isn’t supported by scripture.

Okay. The final thing you need to do is figure out what you actually want, sexually speaking. This bit is probably the hardest. I’m still in the early stages of this myself. You say: “I dont even think I particularly like sex, i might be on the ace spectrum, but how do I remove it from all the anxiety that's tied to it so I can even give myself the chance to find out???” Bro, I wish I had an easy answer for you. For me, whenever I’m feeling anxious about Sex Things, I tell myself: 1. My God does not equate my worth to my sexual habits. 2. My partner does not equate my worth to my sexual habits. 3. I do not equate my worth to my sexual habits. It seems silly, but reminding myself of those three things is massively helpful. If, after I’ve sorted through those, I’m still anxious or uncomfortable, I stop doing the thing. I evaluate. Am I overwhelmed and I need to try again some other time? Do I just not like the thing? Sometimes it’s hard to tell. Sometimes you change your mind. Sometimes you just don’t know. That’s why having a partner who you trust and who’s willing to patiently explore your interests (and respect your disinterests) is so important. Half the battle, for me, was having a partner who told me they’d be ok with no sex at all. Because that took the pressure off me. If the bare minimum they need is nothing, then anything more than that is a bonus! Hooray! This is maybe TMI, but let me tell you. I thought I was asexual* right up until I was able to have moderately non-anxious sex. Never in my life did I think I would initiate a sexual situation but… I do now. It’s a fun thing to do with a person I love and, holy shit. I am furious that I nearly missed out on it.

Finally, re birth control: I don’t know how you can approach that fear in a way that works for you. If you don’t want to ever have penetrative sex, that’s fine! If that’s a point of anxiety you can’t get rid of, then don't push yourself to do it. If you find out you like other sex things, do the other sex things! If you don't like doing any sex things, don't do any sex things! Also, have you considered sleeping with people who can’t get you pregnant? Always an option if it’s an option you want to consider. ;)

Okay. I hope this was even a little bit helpful. Sorry if it’s a little convoluted, I typed it up in bursts during my work breaks.

*This is not at all to say that asexuality can be “fixed." Rather, it’s to say that things like purity culture can drastically confuse your sexuality in general. If you’re asexual, then this process is still important to discover what you like/dislike. Then you can be explicit about those necesities and find a partner who’s a good fit (if you want a partner at all, that is).

#purity culture #sex talk #christianity #sex and relationships #sex and religion #mylife #answered asks #aspec #cw sex

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reidsnose · 3 years

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love letters

overview: spencer has a wonderful idea after finding out that reader had never gone to her senior prom

genre: fluff fluff fluff

a/n: i mixed two ideas that have been sitting in my notes app for this lol but i think its sweet!! i wrote it a little rushed and definitely not bc im not getting a prom this year due to miss rona👀 LMAO but as always please lmk what yall think ab it :)

masterlist

the idea had fully occupied his thoughts the second after the words left your mouth.

it was "the buttcrack of dawn" as you had called it, though spirits were high on the late jet ride home. it was a rare but much needed positive end to the case, and everyone was happily chatting with each other. since the case was involving high schoolers, the subject fell on prom. everyone went around sharing their prom stories one by one, recalling awful dresses and questionable dates til the questions turned to spencer.

"what ab you, pretty boy, what was your prom like?" morgan asked, still smiling widely from recalling his own.

you watched spencer shift uncomfortably for a second.

"i uh..i never went to prom." he stammered, a tight lipped smile on his face.

"no! you just dont wanna tell us!" prentiss cried, throwing her hands in the air.

"i graduated high school when i was 12! why would i have gone to prom?" he reasoned.

"you had to have gone when you were older or something! everyone has!" jj countered.

"thats not true, i never went to prom either," you defended, subconsciously inching closer to spencer.

before anyone could even ask you to explain why, spencer got the idea. he mentally left the conversation after you gave your answer. he spent the whole rest of the ride home and the next couple of weeks brain storming and planning.

and casually after work one day, as he was walking you to your car, he asked you if you wanted to hang out with him that weekend; at his house.

you and Spencer had hung out before, but mostly at your house or at coffee shops; he didn't invite people over very often.

of course you agreed but you grew confused when he told you to dress fancy.

you raced home afterwards to raid your closet, looking for any fancy dresses you may have stuffed in there.

spencer spent the whole day preparing his apartment. he put up streamers and balloons. he made a playlist of all your favorite songs. and then he rushed to get his clothes from the cleaners.

and when you knocked at his door the breath that left your lungs struggled to come back after he opened the door.

he stood in a gorgeous suit, different than he had ever worn to work. he rubbed the back of his neck and gestured to the living room, revealing the adorable (albeit poorly made but its the thought that counts) decorations.

"um.. welcome to prom," he said, turning back to you, revealing a blushy smile.

he tried not to stare too much at you, but it was difficult. your eyes sparkled as you stepped inside and looked around. and the dress you were wearing fit you so gorgeously he truly couldnt take his eyes off of you.

"spencer, i..." you trailed off, enchanted by what he had done.

"sorry if it looks bad. or if you think its weird that i did this. i just thought cause neither of us went to prom maybe you wanted to have a little one with me? yeah now that i say it out loud maybe you hate it im sorr-" he rambled behind you.

you turned quickly to him as he got lost in his words, eyes glued to the floor. cutting him off by wrapping your arms around his neck and hugging him as tight as you could. you could feel the tension leave his body as he melted into the embrace, returning it gladly. he doesn't like to be touched by anyone really, except for you.

"i love it. thank you," you whispered, giving him one last squeeze before letting go.

he has a spread of snacks lying out on the coffee table which he has mooved to the corner of the room to make space for a makeshift dancefloor.

he turns on the music and you two start talking and dancing and laughing. two fools with four left feet completely and obliviously in love. well, oblivious the the other anyway.

a slower song came on, an old one that you had wanted to slow dance to ever since you were a little girl. and somehow naturally you two came together, his hand dropped to your waist, the other delicately cradling your own. your other hand found its way up to his shoulder, feeling as though a magnet was pulling you two closer. and closer.

he looked absolutely stunning. the soft lights he had strung around the apartment sparkled like stars in his eyes; its was...dizzying, in the most incredible way.

unbeknownst to you, as you stared at the stars in his eyes he was looking at his whole world that he had been somehow lucky enough to hold in his arms.

he held his arm out, allowing you to spin and when he pulled you back both of your arms ended up wrapped around his neck, and his around your waist. you were less dancing now and more...hugging. with your head pressed to his chest, he hoped with all his might that you wouldn't be able to hear his hammering heart. you most definitely could, but it was calming to know he was as nervous as you were. you smiled, listening more to his heart than the music he had played for you.

you were both sure that you could burst from pure bliss. the song ended a little too quickly for either of your liking and reluctantly you let go of each other. and suddenly Spencer was hit with the realization that he forgot something.

"oh my gosh," his eyes widened as he looked around the room.

"what?" you asked, mirroring him and looking as well.

"i can't remember where i left your corsage! i was gonna give it to you at the door but i forgot!" he exclaimed, running around the room checking shelves.

you smiled to yourself. he got you a corsage!

"ill help you look" you decided.

"please do," he chuckled.

"i thought you had an eidetic memory, shouldn't you know where you left it?" you joked, shooting him a smug smile.

"y/n, my brain was all jumbled to day and it wasn't just from being around you," he realized what he had said and quickly turned back to the shelf he was looking at, "could you check in my room please?"

his heart was racing at his own stupidity; how could he just say that so nonchalantly? he had been planning to tell you that he liked you for the longest time he cant afford slipping up and having it be anything less than perfect.

you slipped into his room, your cheeks warm from the idea that you make his big brain all jumbled. he probably didn't mean it like that, you were just looking too much into it.

you sighed as you crouched to look under his bed for it. you found a small wooden box that you slid out from underneath. it had your name on it.

is it normal to keep a corsage in a wooden box? you wouldn't know, you never went to prom.

you shrugged your shoulders, "i found it spence!"

with out thinking you opened the box, except instead of a band of flowers you were greeted with letters, all addressed to you. there were annotations written in the margins with purple ink. you furrowed your eyebrows as you scanned the various letters.

dear y/n,

today you complimented my glasses and my heart skipped a beat. thats dumb spencer dont start like that

dear y/n,

im in love with you. too forward

dear y/n,

you make life worth living. shes gonna think youre a creep

you felt a rush of euphoria fill your chest. did he really feel these things for you? your thoughts swirled in the most wonderful way. a wide smile broke across your face, butterflies running rampage through your stomach as you reread his words. his words addressed to you.

"oh thank God i really thought i lost-oh. oh no." spencer started as he walked through the door of his room immediately walking back out. you followed, blinking your watery eyes at him. "i can explain.

"i think youve explained enough, theres like 20 letters in here!" you chuckled, flipping through them.

"i didnt know how to tell you and i dont want to ruin what we already have and i-"

"it wasnt too forward." you stated, grabbing one of the letters.

"what?" he asked, dumbfounded.

"in this one," you held up the letter, "you wrote dear y/n, im in love with you. and then you crossed it out and wrote that it was too forward but i dont think it was."

"youre not mad?"

"mad? spencer ive been trying to admit the fact that im in love with you since i realized it myself, why would i be mad?"

"youre..you feel the same way?" he looked back up at you, a hesitant smile pulling on the corners of his lips.

"more so," you beamed, stepping closer.

he wrapped his arms around you, "thats good or else the rest of this prom would have sucked."

you chuckled, pulling him impossibly closer to you as another perfect song played.

ultra mega super cool taglist

@mac99martin @imhreid @spencersmagic @hollydaisy23 @raelady1184 @a-broken-pact @padfootswife @hey-there-angels @star-stuff-in-the-cosmos @sonnydoesrandomshit @averyhotchner @laurakirsten0502 @reidyoulikeabook @rem-ariiana @spencerreid9 @vampire-overlord @takeyourleap-of-faith @spenxerslut @violetspoetic @aperrywilliams @b-a-utiful @eevee0722 @srhxpci @reidemandweep @imdefinitelyfloating @random-human-person @gurkiloni @luvspence @calm-and-doctor @ssavanessa22 @singularityjc @sydnee-kom-spacekru @sydneekomspacekru

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yyxgin · 2 years

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— tag game. ☔

recommend 5 or more of your own works that you would rec to someone asking what they should read first & explain a little bit about the work. these can be the most popular, the ones you think are underrated, or your own favorites! then tag five other writers! | tagged by @neo-shitty thanks toffee i love talking about myself! :p

you best believe i AM doing more than 5 because i write for a lot of groups and i truly believe those fics are worth reading!

seventeen.

sympathy subtraction (chwe vernon). okay so there is NO way im not mentioning this fic. AND im putting it on first place because its literally my child. my longest fic and the fic i hold the closest to my heart. 40k full of undying love for chwe vernon, this is. it also really closely follows my emotions about every single falling-out i've ever had. the perfect slice of life, the perfect coming of age. i shamelessly reread this from time to time from how well written it actually is. i am not afraid to say that i am the biggest fan of my own fic bc oh well. i write the fics i wanna read <3

this february 14th (kim mingyu). okay here's the tea. for a while, i really didnt like this fic and i despised seeing it in my notifications, BUT. it literally has 1k notes so i reread it last night and i literally forgot what this fic was about i kid you not 😭 after reading it again, i came to the conclusion that my writing style in this is actually really good and even though the plot is not anything special, i still think it was really sweet :p

nct.

happier than ever (huang renjun). a big FAT trauma dump. but i absolutely adore this fic. one of my absolute favorites. i somehow always give renjun the fics where i experience the most trauma lmao i treat writing for this boy like a therapy session. i think it has to do w the fact that i see myself a lot in renjun so it feels safe to write about him in this way :p anywAYS i still love the brother's best friend trope i incorporated in here. its also a fairly popular fic of mine, which is a pleasant surprise! a lot of coming of age/slice of life vibes, fluffy but also absolutely heartbreaking. <3

the borders (huang renjun). AAAAAAA another trauma dump 😭 hits a little less to home than the previous fic does, but still hits nonetheless. inspired by one of my most favorite songs ever! i always wanted to write a fic on this song, even back in my 5sos era, so i am glad i finally did it when writing for nct. handles very difficult themes, so i was a little scared of posting it, as it was the first full nct fic ive ever posted as well :) i said it the first time and i will say it again; handle this fic with care.

and i love her just like that (lee donghyuck). MY MOST POPULAR NCT FIC AND YOU KNOW WHAT? AS IT SHOULD BE. hyuck e2l just hitS 😩😩 i think about this fic at least two times a week when i go play table tennis with my dad. hyuck is a menace and i still wanna make out with him very badly at a ping-pong table. this fic represents just that. also slightly inspired by maniac by nct u bc hyuck ate

just saying (liu yangyang). my writing style in this >>>>> ngl i find myself really funny in this it might just be me but. this fic is top comedy. also i have a yangyang fic in my drafts that deserves to be in this list but i havent posted it yet😔😔😔 not yy being the only non dream member i write for from nct. his impact on me is truly impaccable.

seventeen going under (zhong chenle). another fic that might be difficult to handle and also another sam fender inspired fic. talks about suicide. with this, i wanted to speak up about the rate of male suicides and how we tend to overlook mental issues in men due to toxic masculinity. also, i loved the 'retro' film vibe and the chenji besties interactions i wrote in here<3

hypersonic missiles (na jaemin). bros i didnt expect this fic to get nearly as much attention as it has. idk man i dont really get much to say abt this one, other than the fact that its a sci-fi, which i dont usually write, but i fucking loved writing this it was so much fun i should do more sci-fi

stray kids.

lee felix's guide to hating you (lee felix). another popular one!! loved every second of writing this. it handles my own feelings and emotions and the fic is very personal to me hihi it also lowkey made my blog "blow up"?? not that its big rn or anything, but i think that most of my followers came from this fic! :)

my only hate, my only love (kim seungmin). bruh there's just something about seungmin that only allows me to write angst for him. i think there's like one (1) fluff that i wrote for him and even that one is a short drabble. im sorry seungmin. 😭 anyways i am a literature hoe and wrote this despite not reading romeo and juliet fully once!! had a lot of fun with it. e2l stays superior (not actually, i prefer f2l but shh)

meet you there (kim seungmin). another heavy one ooof- inspired by sky castle! ngl i am very much in love with kim donghee and he always reminded me of seungmin a bit and i think that's what made me write this fic? 😭 not sure.

tagging. @koishua @crispy-chan @chogiwow @mellow-midzy @aliceu @multi-kpop-fanfics @decembermoonskz and @tinami (if you come back to tumblr🤍) LETS SPREAD LOVE ABT OUR FICS AND ACT LIKE ARTISTS ON GENIUS EXPLAINING THE LYRICS 😡😡😡

#tag game #bar.txt

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summersun4youforever · 3 years

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✨ Tag 9 people to learn more about their interests!

tagged by my fav @loulovehome thank you pu hope that this quells your curiosity!

MUSIC

fav genre? not to be that person but i think i have a toe in most genres, i suppose my favorites have got to be anything taylor swift does, pop punk, r&b pop/new age r&b, and bluegrass

fav artist? again, not to be that person but i love so many artists! let’s do this based off of genre: taylor swift, 1D, 5sos, massive focus on ZAYN, the Avett brothers, and counting crows

fav song? fav song of all time (since i was young) is going to be come around by rhett miller but more currently i’d say you are in love by taylor swift and dRuNk by ZAYN

song currently stuck in your head? i have no idea how it got there but i have stressed out by 21 pilots stuck in my head??

5 fav lyrics? ok let’s do this kids. edit: this went in a “fav love song lyrics” way so sorry in advance.

1) I hope that I don't sound to insane when I say / There is darkness all around us / I don't feel weak but I do need sometimes for her to protect me / And reconnect me to the beauty that I'm missin' (January Wedding - The Avett Brothers)

2) Hands around my waist / You're counting up the hills across the sheets / And I'm a falling star / A glimmer lighting up these cotton streets / I admit I'm a bit of a fool for playing by the rules / But I've found my sweet escape when I'm alone with you (Disconnected - 5sos)

3) This is the worthwhile fight / Love is a ruthless game / Unless you play it good and right / These are the hands of fate / You're my Achilles heel / This is the golden age of something good / And right and real (State of Grace - Taylor Swift)

4) What if I changed my mind / What if I said it's over / I been flying so long / Can't remember what it was like to be sober / What if I lost my lives? / What if I said "Game over"? / What if I forget my lies? / And I lose all my composure (Back to Life - ZAYN)

5) I never said I was perfect / Or you don't deserve a good person to carry your baggage / I know a few girls that can handle it / I ain't that kind of chick, but I can call 'em for you if you want / I never said that you wasn't attractive / Your style and that beard, ooh, don't get me distracted / I'm tryna be patient, and patience takes practice / The fact is I'm leaving, so just let me have this (Jerome - Lizzo)

BOOKS

fav book genre? murder mystery and young love!

fav writer? jane austen, lisa jewell, and rick riordan (nostalgia ok?!)

fav book? the way i used to be my amber smith, rebecca by daphane du maurier, and then she was gone OR watching you (both by Lisa Jewell)

fav book series? i guess the whole percy jackson situations? i have everything RR every wrote, and i liked it all but i havent touched the older ones in ages

comfort book? not one specifically but the nancy drew books

perfect book to read on a rainy day? bird summons by leila aboulela

5 quotes from your fav book that you know by heart? i hope i can name five...

1) “The point is, life has to be endured, and lived. But how to live it is the problem.” “I am no traveller, you are my world.” (both are My Cousin Rachel by Daphne Du Maurier)

2) “And I’m terrified he’ll see through the tough iceberg layer, and he’ll discover not a soft, sweet girl, but an ugly fucking disaster underneath.” (The Way I Used to Be by Amber Smith)

3) "I cannot make speeches, Emma," he soon resumed; and in a tone of such sincere, decided, intelligible tenderness as was tolerably convincing. "If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. But you know what I am. You hear nothing but truth from me. I have blamed you, and lectured you, and you have borne it as no other woman in England would have borne it. Bear with the truths I would tell you now, dearest Emma, as well as you have borne with them. The manner, perhaps, may have as little to recommend them. God knows, I have been a very indifferent lover. But you understand me. Yes, you see, you understand my feelings and will return them if you can. At present, I ask only to hear, once to hear your voice.” (Emma by Jane Austen) (sorry for the length, the shortened versions were not cutting it for me)

4) “Read, read, read. That's all I can say.” (The Secret of the Old Clock by Carolyn Keene)

5) “...amazing how boring you can get away with being when you’re pretty. No one seems to notice. When you’re pretty everyone just assumes you must have a great life. People are so short-sighted, sometimes. People are so stupid. I have a dark past and I have dark thoughts. I do dark things and I scare myself sometimes.” (Invisible Girl by Lisa Jewell)

TV AND MOVIES

fav tv/movie genre? i like dramedies, mockumentaries, and procedurals

fav movie? ive got a massive list on my phone but ill pick Doob (No Bed of Roses) and 3-Iron as my favs for today

comfort movie? 2000s romcoms, im talking clueless, 13 going on 30, how to loe a guy in ten days, ten things i hate abt you, legally blonde

movie you watch every year? mamma mia and all listed in prev question

fav tv show? too many, currently im rewatching arrested development

comfort tv show? new girl

most rewatched tv show? new girl

ultimate otp? shawn and jules from psych (ultimate bc ive been watching since diapers literally)

5 fav characters? winston bishop, stiles stilinski, bellamy blake, clarke griffin, lydia martin

super fun even though it took me an hour lmao, I'm tagging @technosoot @hometothecanyonmoon @sassylilnoodle @sushiniall @rosegold-thorns no pressure and sorry if youve already been tagged!

edit: i somehow managed to forget what i consider to be one of the greatest opening verses ever???? so bonus lyrics:

Step out the front door like a ghost into the fog / Where no one notices the contrast of white on white / And in between the moon and you / The angels get a better view / Of the crumbling difference between wrong and right (Round Here - Counting Crows)

#lei te night thoughts #personal #tagged

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pixeljade · 2 years

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i just finished my reread of homestuck

and i have thoughts

putting them under a readmore bc many of you wont gaf and thats fine

so first of all, it was SIGNIFICANTLY less shitty than i remember, both in terms of quality and "problematic" shit. Dont get me wrong they use the R-slur a fair amount in the early stuff, and portrayals later on get a bit insensitive, but *almost* all of it seems either A) From the era where People Just Talked Like That (Lets be real, virtually everyone said the R-slur back then, it sucks, but it was that common) or B) fairly self-aware. The only real exception which was exactly as gross as i remember was Damara, but thats literally just like, three pages she shows up on.

moving on from all that though, story-wise its INCREDIBLY solid! The only plotholes I can think of are Jade's granddad's appearance in the session early on (which can actually be explained if you just think about the portals under the elevator in the frog ruins and Time Shenanigans), and Gamzee's various appearances post-scratch (He seems to have the capacity for time shenanigans AND immortality which is just weird since hes not even god tier).

as for the characters, WOW. They're exactly as endearing and wonderful as the first time i read the story!! You know i remember thinking i would be a Harley-Egbert in this world (tho NO thats not why im named Jade), but after rereading it, i think im almost definitely a Strider-Lalonde, possibly somewhere in the Roxy-Dave range. I've got issues aplenty, deep deep irony poisoning, and I *constantly* say inappropriate / uncomfortable shit and then overpsychoanalyze myself in a rant about it. proof, this stupid fuckin paragraph here.

But Vriska, oh MAN. I can now absolutely say Vriska--Is the BEST character in this fucking story, if only by virtue of her complexity!!! She's absolutely not a *great* person, but she's not remotely evil, either. She sits in the grey area, but at various points, can believably flirt with both evilness and righteousness. Ultimately she's a character driven by her own desire to be loved, but sometimes that desire to be loved steps over into a desire to be feared. She's utterly fascinating, and I'm right to have defended her, even if she is ALSO a huge 8itch!!! Nobody should strive to be like her, but also, everyone should strive to write characters like her. ALSO, she absolutely DOES get something of a redemption arc in-story, across multiple versions of herself. She ends up actually being the key to bringing down their enemies by the end, and the story makes no bones about that. But, simultaneously, her mistakes are deudly in ways that can't be underestimated.

Also, the formatting is FAR more brilliant than i gave it credit for back then. Not only do you have the animation and playable segments, but you have branching paths, split paths, characters at some points changing the very site presentation, and then finally using a password-system to do the retcon (which is outright brilliance)! Truly its the best example of Scott McCloud's infinite canvas....so far, at least.

Now onto the disappointing bits, or parts that weren't BAD, but i feel could have been improved. First of all, the game mechanics are ALL OVER THE FUCKIN PLACE. Dont get me wrong, some of them are outright compelling (Shooting thru a window to get to another window in outside-story-space??? fuckin cool) but others are convoluted (Like John's retcon powers, which somehow change all of current reality, but not ghost bubbles?), and others still are just now-obvious deus ex machinas (Like all the time loop shit, "Oh this idea was spawned by taling to someone who brought it from after the idea was implemented" is basically just "Because i said so" with extra steps). This is fun in some ways like i said, but by the end it feels somewhat cheap, and makes the ending kinda predictable.

The humor too is something that i feel could be improved. Its almost TOO running-gag-y for its own good by the end. Like, okay, I get that this story was *about* online friendships and that IS how online friendships (esp at the time) spoke, but eventually the running gags feel like they derail a lot of the actual interesting character development. I dont need to see Hussie bring up the Sock Ruse Was A Distaction comic for the billionth time while Roxy is finally reuniting with someone she thought was dead. It almost feels like it waters down all these characters into catchphrase machines, but the catchphrases are shared amongst them.

Anyways I think thats all my thoughts for now. I'm really glad i reread this, I'd been wanting to for a while, and it gave me a LOT of great (and a few not-so-great) ideas for my own comics i'm making now. If you haven't read it since it came out, i strongly recommend giving it another go, and if you havent, give it a first try! The best way to experience is the homestuck unofficial collection, which is what i did, it keeps almost everything exactly as it was before flash died!

#homestuck #and now to go thru the snapchats and cry

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kinkymagnus · 4 years

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Hi! Love your stories!! <3

I just wanna start with I am not transphobic (I know it sounds cliche...) but I am just curious about fanfic authors who write Magnus as trans.

Most of the time I shy away from trans!Magnus fics because for me its hard to picture it when he is male and when I try to read a fic I will get thrown off once I read sex scenes. I love your stories of sub!Magnus (let's be real there is no other kind <3).

I am always afraid to ask (hence the anon ask) cause most of the time anyone who loves trans!Magnus will get really defensive and start getting really mean when it's a general question or opinion and I just wanted to get your take on it.

hm ok. well. i really don’t love the wording of this question. but i like to try and take questions like this that i think are more borne of ignorance than malice and like, engage with them. i don’t think i’m morally obligated to, though, and people you may have said something like this to and reacted negatively, well, i don’t blame them at all. i’m not exactly feeling sunshine and roses about it, either.

under the cut bc this is long

first: starting with “i’m not transphobic, but--” isn’t cliche, it’s a sign of someone knowing they’re about to say something transphobic. or trying to excuse themselves and distance themselves from any blame. and so on. it’s not like “oh everyone says that” it’s “i read that and immediately know i’m about to put up with some bullSHIT.” like, the fact you put that little disclaimer there means you KNOW IT NEEDS ONE.

second: “it is hard to picture if when he is male” hm. ok. so. right here you’re assuming trans men =/= male. magnus having a vagina = not man. that’s very much being transphobic.

but let’s give the benefit of the doubt. let’s say you didn’t mean it like that. you might be confused just because you’re so used to cis male magnus, it feels off when someone suddenly describes something that doesn’t fit what you’re used to. it’s like when i read a fic and it mentions magnus’s dick or whatever, and i’m always surprised, and find it hard to picture, because at this point, i’m so used to trans magnus that way i write it. or it might be even something like...

ok, here’s a weirdly specific example. i read the alex rider books as a kid, and there’s a character who is described as white and red-headed. in the recent tv adaptation, she’s a black woman with long dark curls. i’ve never been good at imagining characters in my head when its just books, so the imagery i’ve attached to this character is the tv show version of her. so now, if i go back and reread the books or read fanfiction for alex rider, every time they mention her red hair or something that makes it clear she’s not black, i’m a little startled, before i remember, oh yeah, originally, she was a redheaded white chick.

so let’s say that’s more the feeling you’re getting: you’re so used to cis magnus, seeing trans magnus is a little moment of surprise.

........so what?

your options here are:

don’t read it and be quiet if it bothers you so much

keep reading and deal with the surprise i mean is it really that bad to have a momentary “oh yeah lol” moment? and you might even stop being surprised eventually if you get used to it lmao

i don’t think it’s a big deal to be a bit thrown off when you remember that this person’s version of magnus doesn’t have a dick or whatever. but that’s kind of something to keep to yourself. read it or don’t, but there’s nothing wrong with it. it’s not weird, it doesn’t make magnus less male, and if you don’t like it, don’t read it.

also, you say “i’m afraid to ask” but come to think of it, you haven’t actually.... asked a question. just “like your fics. im not transphobic BUT... trans magnus is weird because i can forget he’s supposed to be trans until the sex scenes, and then it throws me off because he’s supposed to be Male. it’s weird. i love sub magnus. i’m afraid to ask because trans magnus fans are mean and defensive when you say lightly transphobic things. what’s your take?”

i mean, is the question the whole “i’m curious about fic authors wrote magnus as trans”? like, what about us? most of us are trans and we love magnus???? idk what you want to know buddy? why people would EVER headcanon magnus as not cis? like, there are lots of reasons for that one being he literally could not possibly be our definition of the western cis male given that he was born like 4+ centuries ago on an entirely different continent . like, really, if you want to know why we headcanon him as trans i’m sure you could read through our blogs and find a bunch of shit

and anyway it’s like, ok, 1. trans magnus isn’t just about the sex, but that’s a lesser issue.

2. again, no question being asked here beyond a general “what’s your take on this” (this being....”trans magnus weird”? or “trans magnus fic authors...thots?”?)

3. finally to get tho the last part of hmm yikes wording is the “anyone who loves trans!Magnus will get really defensive and start getting really mean”. the word choice here sure does say a lot.

“defensive” and “mean”. if you’re going up to them and saying “trans magnus confuses me during sex scenes because he’s male!” then yeah, people might get a little upset. and defensive? either a) implies you’re on the offensive, or b) implies they’re like, guilty somehow, they’re being defensive and cagey.

like, coming out with some casual transphobia or whatever and then playing the victim when people are offended and react....not cool

and just... look. calling someone out for being transphobic isn’t being mean or a bully. and no one’s saying you have to like trans magnus, no one’s holding a gun to your head and making you read our posts and fics. but if you’re going to read our posts and fics, don’t be a dick about it.

and genuinely, like, i know i’ve focused on the bad here, but like, thank you, i’m glad you like my stories, and hell yeah sub magnus rights. and i don’t think you’re like a bad person or someone trying to be malicious and hateful or something, but like.... my dude PLEASE think about this shit and how you’re wording things like. jesus

i think the highlights here are

yes trans man = man

man with vagina = still a man

trans magnus having sex via a cis man’s penis in his vagina = gay sex between two males

people might get defensive or “mean” if you say things to them that are kinda transphobic and that’s understandable. they aren’t aggressors or your enemies for reacting like this.

no one is forcing you to like or read trans magnus content, it’s okay if you don’t, but if so just don’t, you don’t gotta say anything just don’t read it

there are lots of reasons someone might headcanon magnus as trans

and headcanoning him as trans isn’t weird, gross, or wrong in any way

honestly headcanoning him as cis makes less sense but that’s another talk

also saying “im not transphobic but--” doesn’t absolve you of any transphobia following it

#long post #tw transphobia #sigh....anon.......#im very tired

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incorrect-pokespe-quotes · 5 years

Text

I read every single Emerald fic on FFN so you don’t have to

There are 66 fics with Emerald listed in the tags.

First, I took out any fic that was either not in English or actually gameverse, leaving me with 38 fics-- though I will say, the Spanish fics look like they slap

After filtering out “everyone appears” fics (I skimmed them to make sure) I was left with 26 fics. (While I would like to include “everyone appers” fics, I do not have the time nor motivation to read 30,000 words of derring-do and melodramatic heroics seventeen times in a row for Emerald to show up, deliver 2 lines, shoot something, and leave)

From there, I sorted them into various categories based on whether Emerald was a BG character or not, whether the fic had romance, whether Emerald was actually PART of that romance, etc. Then, finally, I was ready.

Below the cut are the reviews of all twenty six fanfictions!

Category 1: BG Emerald Every fic needs side characters, whether to provide extra voices or comedic relief or just a foil for the MCs. These fics don’t feature Emerald in a huge capacity, but he’s there and that’s what matters to me. I came into this site expecting anything: third wheel Rald, wingman Rald, Im-only-here-to-complain-about-your-flirting-Rald... I found everything but! It seems the most cliche writers among us don’t like using the Emerald tag, bc the few Frantic-with-BG-Emerald fics with I did find turned out to be spectacular! I’m pleasantly surprised and impressed.

1. That Special Someone - Team Cap Cap is on this list like 30 times so get used to it. This fic is mostly about Ruby refusing to shut up about Sapphire and how much he loves her (and how Emerald finds it infuriating). The details of this fic are super cute and the way Ruby and Emerald interact added 3 years to my lifespan, so I highly recommend this one if you want a nice, relaxing read involving the Hoenn boys (dare I say best boys?). In short, read this fic and all of Cap’s other fics while you’re at it.

2. A Picnic - Team Cap Oh look. It’s Cap again. This fic, surprise surprise, is also good, and while it’s a little more basic than the others (Emerald runs into Ruby/Sapphire at a park and they mess around), it’s still cute and I still love it! Not really much else to say here... but the fic is good and I recommend if you’re in for some light domestic reads.

3. High Hopes and Checkered Skies - aromatisse I’ll be honest: my general opinion of frantic fics with BG Emerald is... low. A lot of them shoehorn my poor boy into whatever the plot requires at the cost of his characterization but this fic really surprised me in the best way! This one features Sapphire bringing Ruby to a “special place” the two of them arguing, and Emerald having to patch things up (mature Emerald? I don’t believe it!!). I found this fic while making this list and immediately bookmarked it bc THIS SHIT GOOD FAM. Please read this.

4. Alpha and Omega- Ruby and Sapphire's Thoughts - Shadoweevee70 Not much to say about this to be honest. It’s exactly what it says on the tin. No plot, no development, not even 500 words. Emerald has a line. I think two.

5. Boundaries - Team Cap This fic hurt my heart. Though it focuses on Wally’s one-sided crush on Sapphire, there’s a touch of Emerald in there acting as Wally’s emotional support buddy, which tells me that either Emerald has matured or Hoenn is just devoid of emotionally stable individuals. Regardless, this fic is heartbreaking and beautiful but contains very little Emerald, so therefore I have very little to review. In short... not a lot of Rald, but you should read it anyway.

6. Summer Days - eonentity Crystal and Silver go on a “date” and Gold + Emerald try and stop them. It’s cute, it’s honestly kind of creepy if you think about it, and it involves Emerald. While the premise is kind of sketch, the banter between Gold and Emerald is incredible and I really like the general progression of the plot (especially the ending!) This is a very cute fic if you’re looking for something simple to read. Highly recommend, utilizes Emerald as a character really well!

Category 3: MC Emerald (gen) This... this is my bread and butter baby. These fics run the gamut from friendship to domestic to drabbles to angst and everything in between, but the gist of it is that it includes Emerald as a focus without pairing him off. Not to say this is my favorite category... but it is. I’m biased, sue me.

1. Family Inclusion - Team Cap They say to leave the best for last, but I disagree. You’ll realize pretty quickly that Cap is one of my favorite authors to appear in this tag, and this fic is one of her best! I’m focusing on Chapter 3 (that’s the part with Emerald) where he has to entertain a shiny baby Ralts while Ruby and Sapphire are away (everybody say awwww). The fic is stupid cute, and while it doesn’t really offer much in terms of character development or stakes, it’s the type of domestic fluff you can read over and over and still find just precious each and every time. Also... Emerald takes care of a baby pokemon how can you NOT love that. Seriously. Look at this.

2. At the Amusement Park - Team Cap Oh wow, another Cap fic I really like. What a surprise. I’m astounded /s. This fic focuses on Emerald’s dilemma of being short at a place where height restrictions mercilessly mock the vertically challenged and how he deals with it with the “help” of Ruby and Sapphire. Though there is background Frantic (which shouldn’t really come as a surprise), this fic mostly focuses on Emerald’s insecurities and his relationship with the trio. It’s introspective, it’s wholesome, I’ve read it six or seven times (I lost count). Regardless, it’s good, and like every other Cap fic on this list, I demand you read it. That is a threat.

3. Frantic Fight - Puph17 Any fic that drops a line like “margarine is in vogue” within the first three lines is immediately propelled to my top ten fics of all time list and this is clearly no exception. Despite the name, this isn’t franticshipping, just Ruby and Sapphire bickering and Emerald / Wally being annoyed about it. This fic, hands down, is one of the funniest pieces of fanfiction I’ve ever read on this godforsaken site. I am begging you to read this fic, if not for Emerald with a megaphone for the sheet amount of laughter it will cause. This fic may not be deep but it sure as hell is hysterical. ... Well, what are you waiting for? Why are you still here? Go read the fic, we’re wasting daylight.

4. Weird War - storm-aurora This is another fic I think I’ve probably read a dozen times and refuse to get tired of. Emerald and Sapphire are having a paintball fight in Slateport market, and I literally could not ask for a better friendship fic. The writing is high quality, the characters are very accurate (altho bc this is fanfic it doesn’t matter all that much), the friendships feel real, they’re having a paintball war.... everything about this is ideal. This is the quality content I live for. Please PLEASE read this fic, you’ll be happy you did. Close this tab and go read it immediately for your sake and mine.

5. Skydrop - ayasato Not a lot of people write about Emerald. The ones that do, for whatever reason, seem to do it very, VERY well. This fic, which is so long it might as well be considered an epic, is probably the piece de resistance of Emerald friendship fics. While not as snappy or funny or domestic as some of the other fics in this list, it more than makes up for it with a beautifully built slowburn friendship between Emerald and Sapphire, my favorite take on his living situation I’ve ever seen, and enough introspection to make your high school English teacher swoon. This fic is a must for any Emerald fan, even if it takes like an hour to read in full. It may be long but it’s magnificent.

6. Croissant Kings - ayasato The fact that this fic is discontinued is irrefutable proof that this is the timeline god abandoned. Emerald and Pearl running a croissant stand is quite possibly the single most absurd fic concept I’ve ever heard but... it works. Somehow? It works. This fic is perhaps, hands down, one of the most ridiculously entertaining concepts and executions I have ever seen in my life. Everything about it, from the setup to the writing to just Emerald being Emerald is so raw and so ridiculous that I smile fondly when I think of it. I wish there were more than 3 chapters, however...

7. Perfect - Micah Debrink I’m gonna be straight with y’all: I don’t like this fic. I’m not too sure what the plot is, and it was certainly an interesting read, but not my cup of tea. It’s good, don’t get me wrong; the writing is mature, very well paced, and overall well-written, but something about the characterizations is just not vibing with me. Thus, I’m not gonna pretend I thought this fic was perfect (har har) but I will say it’s something you should give a try. I’m admittedly a very biased party, so maybe you’ll enjoy this fic more than I did. For sure give it a shot, because maybe you’ll like it more than I did. This ain’t my jam, but it’s quality preserves nonetheless.

8. Roost - ayasato This is short and sweet and may have some Sapphire/Emerald crushing if you squint, but overall a fun read. Very short, very good, give it a shot. This author is very high quality and that’s that on that.

9. One Day - Jian-Kenkoku This is short yet again but has a super interesting (if poorly explained) premise: Emerald gets adopted by Gold / his mom! This short oneshot details his first day, and while it is a tad rushed, it gives me the Emerald family content I have been sorely lacking. Not sure if this is one of my “reread until my eyes bleed” fics, but it’s certainly worth the trouble of reading through! It’s very cute and I recommend!

10. Emerald: Lying to Himself - reminiscent-afterthought Very poetic and extremely well-written, but less than 200 words. This fic took me thirty seconds to read and it feels like time well spent. Please read it, even if for the sole reason that it’s super short. It’s also a super poetic way to talk about the Emerald arc.

11. Go Away Gold! - jayfeatherelle Ah yes, the “little brother enlists the help of a prankster to keep apart his sister and her boyfriend” trope... This may be cliche, but it sure as hell was enjoyable! Emerald enlists the help of Meddler Blue (side note: where did this trope come from bc she never does anything in canon that would be qualified as meddling other than just messing with Red at any given opportunity). Anyway, this fic is adorable, has a lesson at the end (that surprised me), had a really mature conclusion, and gave me Blue / Emerald friendship I really didn’t know I needed. In short? This is a cliche done well. It’s predictable, sure, but that’s not a bad thing! If anything, it’s a great nostalgic read.

12. What if: Emerald never met Crystal - LetEveryoneOveraRip This fic stole the last little bit of hope I didn’t even know I still had. You thought it couldn’t get more violent or sad? You were wrong. Everyone dies. This fic made me sad for like 45 minutes and I feel emotionally manipulated. I guess I should have seen this coming. Not much else to say except that this fic made me really sad, which, of course it did, but I still feel cheated out of a happy ending regardless.

13. Emerald Owner’s Guidance and Maintenance Manual - Pokerescue18 Nothing happens in this fic. It’s literally an instruction manual and it’s well written and all but also has no plot. It is quite literally what it says in the title, so perhaps this should have been obvious but even still, I was left confused after reading this. I think I need a nap.

14. Through My Eyes - Kaith1 Relationship angst that hurt my heart. This is less than 400 words so again, took me only around a minute to leave but the emotional impact scarred me for life. Very well done! This fic details Emerald’s inner turmoil as Gold and Crystal get together and Emerald worries he’ll be abandoned again. While I do feel like Emerald hating the two of them for getting together is a little ehhh, this fic does a great job of showing why Emerald would be so upset about it and his inner motivations for being so hurt by it. While I don’t agree, the author made me “get it” a little more, and for that I say bravo!

15. At the Fair - IanDonyer This one is short and focuses on Emerald meeting a security guard at a Halloween fair kinda deal. It’s also one of the first Emerald fics on FFN, released far before the remakes even came out! While obviously it doesn’t contain much in terms of character development, it also was written with only the Emerald arc to go off of-- so I can easily overlook any character inconsistencies. That being said, this fic is really cute and uses the OC pov really well! If you’re looking for a blast from the past, check this fic out!

Category 4: Emerald shipping fics On the rare occasion where the blue moon hangs melancholy in the sky, the planets align, and starlight rains down from the heavens... someone ships Emerald with another character. Romantically. Not sure where the aversion to shipping him came from, but for whatever reason everyone prefers him single. These authors, these brave knights, they’re changing that. Hell yeah for romance.

1. Left Out - RedCharmeleon Not to be like “this fic is painfully straight...” but yknow. Emerald is upset at Gold/Crystal’s wedding because he’s the only single one and needs a girlfriend. There’s also a “what are you, gay?” joke in here, which soured my mood for the rest of the fic. I’ll be honest, I never really liked the “all male protag / female protag ships and then taking Silver, Pearl, and Emerald and pairing them off with OCs” deal, so I’m heavily biased against this fic, but the writing is decent and the plot is fine. If you enjoy this style of plot (everyone needs to be paired up, blushing galore, love at first sight, everyone acts like they stumbled out of a hallmark movie script) then this is the fic for you!

2. Glances - Diemerald A collection of drabbles about Emerald and Wally becoming friends and falling in love. I’ve read it seven times now. While the plot is a tad disjointed because of the format, this author really NAILS Emerald’s character. Emerald (and Wally) show a lot of growth between the snippets and god it’s so beautiful I need more of it. Please read this fic. Tell your neighbors about this fic. This fic is fantastic.

2. Revolvershipping Cuddles - Charmerruby You’re never gonna guess what this one is about. It’s very cute but it’s literally just fluff. Very cute, like marshmallows. This is kinda short so there isn’t really much to say, but I will am starving for Emeruby content, so though this be but little, it be fierce. And fluffy. Did I mention cute? This fic is so filled with love my heart grew three sizes after reading it. I could keep calling it adorable, but I don’t think that’s productive. Spend the time reading this fic instead.

3. Misunderstandings - Pokeluv101 Reading this was very weird because I know the person who made the OC the story is centered around. Reading even the names thrust me so violently back into my middle school days I can almost taste the edge. It’s very good, and I suggest giving it a read even if you’re not a huge dexholder/OC fan. Also tsun Emerald is good Emerald.

4. Unexpected - Diemerald A fic about Emerald and Yellow falling in love. Not exactly my cup of tea so I skimmed it but this author is really good so it’s a great fic, even if it’s not to my tastes. I suggest giving it at least a once over because this author worked hard and I respect them, even if this isn’t really... my thing. Check it out!

5. Big Changes - Aquatales You know how I said I would read every Emerald fic? I lied. This one is about Emerald getting genderbent and immediately shipped with Wally against his will by his friends. Reading the summary gave me hives and I could not bring myself to read it in full.

Final Thoughts While I’ll be honest and say that I did find some of the the cliche fics I was expecting, I was incredibly and happily surprised to discover that more often than not, the people who bother to publish Emerald fics really care about his character and publish some pretty high quality stuff, and that’s pretty damn cool. There are shipping fics, BG Emerald fics, MC Emerald fics, and most of them are pretty fantastic! Way to go spe fandom writers, you did my boy justice, all..... 10 of you.

#trainer emerald #pokespe #not a quote #I read every fic so you don't have to #admin vex

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kinktae · 5 years

Note

How dare you bitchin!jungkook ?! HOW DARE YOU ?!

very NOT spoiler free bitchin’ 8 asks under the cut

Y/N SUPPORT GROUP

deliciouslydisturbed365 said: I just read chapter 8 and holy fuck I’m nauseous. Poor Y/N 😭

queen-emon said: What the literal FUCK man, I just read Bitchin 08 and like im so broken. I never ever consider Y/n and I to be the same person but this time I felt like we were the same person both getting our hearts crushed by the man we loved so dearly. I AM NOT OKAY WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO ME! THIS IS SO NOT GROOVY :(

Anonymous said: Me🤝y/n Repressing our emotions

madjammil said: I am legit crying. Poor y/n! I cannot believe Jungkook slept with Kiri! My heart is broken. I thought these two were finally getting together and he goes and does this dumb shit! Smh. Aside from that, your writing was amazing as always! I love this series so much!

YARA BULLY JK PETITIONERS

Anonymous said: omg i can’t believe jungkook is rly going to get his dickie chopped off 😍😍😍 deserve! can’t wait until yara finds out

Anonymous said: Ignore jk, y/n!!! Gosh she deserve so much better than a fboi who only cares about how he feels physically!! Ahole to the max and I need her to slap him! Yara can join along the slapping game!! But srsly he needs to learn his words alone can’t mend this and I hope y/n doesn’t give in so easily cuz he deserves cold shoulders from her for a very long time and don’t just rely on charms to get his way. Ik he was trouble from the start 😔 y/n dear don’t worry you deserve better

casualxexistence said: So 👉👈 um like is there like ANy chance that we get to see our baby yara’s reaction to this 🥺🥺🥺👼 bc um well I would kinda love to see her hand both jk and kiri there asses bc they aren’t gonna hAVE ANY AFTER SHE FINISHES WITH THEM RIP

Anonymous said: dude, what if y/n hooks up with tae and starts beef between jk and him while yara bitch slaps kiri….. dude bitchin’ has such good drama theories wtf literally anything is possible at this point

Anonymous said: if yara doesn’t punch kook can I punch him? Not as the oc I meant like me BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK

forvever-ddaeng said: I keep rereading this last part like it’s somehow gonna change or it won’t make me sad the more I read it but it’s having the opposite effect and now I want Yara to beat Jungkook’s ass smh

Anonymous said: WTFFFFFFF YARA GONNA HUNT DOWN AND KICK JUNGKOOK ASS FOR HURTING HER BABY

JUNGKOOK ANTIS:

Anonymous said: what the fuck is wrong with bitchin’!jungkook does he think with his dick i wanna kick his ass

Anonymous said: why jungkook would do something like that if he likes y/n? i would be so mad at him too like… isn’t that kind of cheating? he didn’t say if he was back together with his ex but he slept with her so that must mean something, she probably thinks it means something. he was really stupid

omgtaehyungsmullett said: i know jungkook fucking with me, dammit 😡

Anonymous said: I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY WOULD JUNGKOOK DO THAT WHY

ausjeons said: Jungkook what the fuck!!! I could slap you silly after reading part 8 😪😩

Anonymous said: Team make jk suffer for awhile and then be able to patch things up with the oc 🤝

Anonymous said: I read ch8 last night and this weighed heavily on my mind all day like why is jk such a hoe? Like how could he just sleep with Kiri just like that. I think these children are very confuzzled with their feelings. After he slept with Kiri, did he rush to y/n bc he knew this was the end of their “relationship”? One last passionate banger goodbye 😟 my 💔 broken heart

Anonymous said: I ain’t even sad. I’m full on rage mode. WHO TF GAVE JK THE AUDACITY , THE ABSOLUTE BRAWN TO STICK HIS DICK IN KIRI AND THEN , NOT EVEN A FULL DAY LATER ( cuz yk that would be farrr too gracious ) WITHOUT A WARNING , WITHOUT A FRICKING GOOD MORNING EVEN , GOES TO FUCK OC AND THINKS THAT’S OKAY???? Good to know OC and whatever his relationship was with her was worth less than a nut😒

Anonymous said: i’m actually sad… like wow. i really expected him to go back, i really did. but even though i knew it’d happen, it still hurt, y’know? i think that made it worse; knowing that he’d go back to her in the end… shit’s fucked up, really. great job writing it. i could literally feel the emotion from this one.

Anonymous said: Bitchin ch 8…..oh wow the smut was so nice and fluffy but wtf JJK messed up big time. Honestly I don’t think he deserves oc after this. She deserves someone who isn’t so unsure of his feelings that it takes getting back together with and sleeping with someone else to realise it. If he really liked her, he wouldn’t have slept with Kiri.

Anonymous said: “ArE YOu MAd?” Srsly what brand of clown juice is Bitchin JJK drinking?

Anonymous said: TAE AND Y/N HOES BRO ENTER THE NEW SHIP FUCK JK

cchristinnaa said: Jk really did yn like a pocket pussy huh

Anonymous said: HOW COULD JUNGKOOK OH MY GOOODDDDDDDDDDD literally men aint SHIT….. the part where y/n said you got what you wanted from me🥺🥺🥺🥺 I FELT THAT ugh i love the angst

Anonymous said: Hope jk dieS from jealousy next ch. And regrets it skdhdhd :( jk. Hope they get their sht 2gether soon or im gon 😷😖😭

diortae said: me: *explaining to bitchin 8 jk why he’s a dick for calling Y/N his “pretty girl” immediately after fucking her raw the morning after he slept with his ex*

jk: well, you know what they say. hindsight is 20/20

me: KINDA SEEMS LIKE REGULAR SIGHT SHOULD HAVE CAUGHT THAT ONE

Anonymous said: JUNGKOOK IS ABOUT TO MEET THESE FISTS UP CLOSE THATS ON GOD THAT DUMBASS LIMP DICK BITCH REALLY FUCKED UP

Anonymous said: I HATE JJK HES AN ASS FOR GG DOWN ON 2WOMEN HE CAN JUS F HIMSELF RN

Anonymous said: JUNGKOOK IS GONNA GET HIS ASS BEATEN UGHSHHSKDHXJSJ MOTHERFUCKER WHAT? WHAT??? THIS BITCH IS A RIDE OR DIE AND UR GOING AFTER FAKEASS KIRI REALLY? FOR REAL I THOUGHT UOU WERE BETTER THAN THIS BUT NO ALL MEN DO IS LIE LIE LIE

Anonymous said: the way i closed the tumblr app when i saw jungkook saying “kiri came over last night”

Anonymous said: alright we beating jk’s ass @ noon 😤

Anonymous said: WHY WOULD JUNGKOOK DO THAT TO OC LIKE WHAT I AGREE WITH OC HE USED HER AND THAT MAKES ME 😡😡😡😡😡

Anonymous said: BITCHIN PART 8 WTFGGGG MY HEART Do be Hurting . i’m going to beat jungkook up !!!!

betysotelo18 said: It’s been a few minutes since I read part 8 and I can’t stop thinking about what could happen next… the meanwhile F U jeon Jungkook, you did wrong

Anonymous said: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! I CANT 😭 WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH THIS CHAPTER HUUUU JUNGKOOK WTFF BRO…….. my heart is breaking for them. Why can’t they just date already wkxbdbbdjdjdjdjdjdj this is onky misunderstanding right? and thankyou for the new chapter sis hihuhihih💕💕

Anonymous said: im shocked i dunno who i hate more rn you or jungkook. my heart is literally SHATTERED he better fix this or else im traveling to the 80s just to kick his ass 😭🤬

Anonymous said: never want to punch jungkook in the face like i wanna do right now

Anonymous said: JUNGKOOK WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUCK 🤬 for the love of god rose why do u did that to me i wanna die

Anonymous said: ROSE WTF WAS THAT MAN !!! my heart it hurts and like wtf jungpuke!! Why would he do that to reader !! why would he sleep with kiri and then sleep with reader ?!? Like go siekkeksjdjejjejdbehhe i wish i can put in reaction pictures in here

CUTIE PIES

Anonymous said: Omggg thank you so so much for this chapter, for the whole fic. Thank you for sharing it with us. You are a great writter. Seriously! I just love how every chapter is so intense. Not only the smut is amazing but every detail, every action, the whole plot, all of the dialogues. I actually cried at the end I love how I can really feel everything. All the emotions. Ah and they’re so cute!!! But why was JK so weak? Even if that’s what you wanted since the beginning… I thought- BOY WTF??? :’( But seriously this is the type of thing I love, I am WEAK for this. The slow burn, the oblivious idiots that love each other but keep suffering thing. And you write it so well. Your mind!!! Your talent!!! I love it. Thank you, for real ♥♥♥ I’m antecipating the next chapter, but already sad that it’s almost ending :((( I’m gonna miss this a lot. Anyways, take your time, baby. And have a nice day! ♥♥♥ (Sorry for bad english btw)

tinievmin said: ROSE. IM IN PAIN. I FELT THE BREAKUP BETWEEN YN AND JUNGKOOK. IM SO SADDD. But not related to the plot, your writing is ART. You always make it flow so well aND WOW!!! I don’t have enough words to express how much I love your works

AND FINALLY, AN INTELLECTUAL

Anonymous said: kiri is a bitch i said what i said

#ask

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oikawa13 · 4 years

Text

love in the time of köttbullar

Shouyou sets the bowl on the tiny table with a flourish and an itadakimasu! and this is when it hits Atsumu harder than a Skurup to the temple:He wants this. Shouyou, hip cocked against the miniature kitchen countertop, smiling shyly up at Atsumu through the amber fan of his lashes, beautiful god-boy-man somehow glowing gold even under the buzzy LED lighting. Though they’re standing in a 430,000 square foot warehouse in Tsurumachi, Atsumu’s looking at Shouyou, and he’s home.

Amid the Flärdfull and the Smörboll, Miya Atsumu falls a little more in love.

words: 3,378 | rating: T

i’ve never been inside an ikea so this fic quite literally changed me as a person. sometimes loving a person is as scary as saying that first i love you!!!! and sometimes... love is easy as saying i love you at an ikea ; ;

LAUNCHING MERRILY DOWN THE PATH OF SIN (THE FIRST TIME)

"Bokuto said I should bring you home. But I don’t know where you live. So I took you here.”

“To hell?”

"No, Atsumu-san. To my apartment."

words: 1,990 | rating T

i wake up in the middle of the night thinking about this fic and then go on ao3 to reread it again its just so fdjgfhdjf good. i think about this shoyo a lot. theres something!!!! very dreamy going on here. this is the first part to a series btw, you can read them all if you want since theyre probably all around 1k :-)

lord i no longer believe in anything but the way he holds my name between his teeth

The miracle of the rabbit on the moon.

“We took this photo at their seventh birthday party. His father baked a cake. But someone ate all the jellybeans off the top before they could even sing the birthday song. That’s why Atsumu cried. He used to cry a lot. It stopped when the twins found out about volleyball, but before that Atsumu would cry over everything. Spilled milk. A skinned knee. The neighbor’s dog. He was the twin that was scared of paper straws. It's funny how things have changed.

“He looks happier now. Did you do that?”

words: 10,456 | rating: T

so, this goes just a liiiiitle past 10k so its up to you if you want to read it or not, i just thought i’d include it since its so! close! lol theres this part!!!!! they are holding hands underneath the table!!!!!!!!! atsumu are you drunk?!!! no!!!!! hes just so stupidly in love with shoyo. i cant stand them!!!!!!!!!!!

wait for it, wait for it

The notifications are up at 100+ again and Hana wants to check it quickly to make sure nothing's wrong, especially because she'd just cleared them before the media scrum. The fans, she figured, must be overjoyed with the win.Congratulations MSBY Nation!!! the first reply reads. #myspiker #atsuhinaBoth tags, she finds, are currently trending in Japan.

Five times #atsuhina trended on volleyball Twitter and one time it should have (but luckily didn't), as told by the MSBY Black Jackals' junior publicist

words: 6,043 | rating: T

this fic is SOOOOO much fun!!!!!! also i love hana, idk if i ever mentioned that before but yeah. this is like... hdjkdhgjfd so much ; ; <3

south of an early summer

Warmth, then, was being wanted back. Two weeks later, Atsumu holds that warmth in by Shouyou’s waist; he watches it, how it sleeps, and wonders what the heat will become next.

words: 2,602 | rating T | tw: atsumu being atsumu about (past) kg/hn for a split second

IF i wasnt an absolute fool and gave you all these recommendations to pick and choose from id just send you this and the walking emoji bc honestly!!!!!!!!! i may not know what the heck romantic means but i see this and maybe it is romantic! maybe its not the average romantic idk?!!!! but i do know theres something beautiful here. love ?? ; ;

truths in two’s

Shouyou leaves for Brazil in two hours.

words: 8,300 | rating: T

LDR.... but like, in probably one of the easiest 2 breathe/good feeling fic for ldr!!!! idk im a baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ten reasons to break up with me: a love letter

1. It has to be you, ‘cause I won’t.

words: 4,197 | rating: T

pls....... i cant even THINK about this fic without crying okay!!!!!!!! insane. fuckign!!!! i love it so much, so much. it lives in my heart. this is the fic where i was like... i dont believe in love. yes i do. no<3 YES!!!!!!!! and cried and paced my room and finally FINALLY!!!!!! stopped feeling so hurt about hinata leaving for brazil again lmao!! like, i cant explain. this sounds crazy right???? anyway, i think... atsuhina can love each other so much it hurts when theyre apart but their love is so.... i mean......... they literally waited years to play together... so......... their love keeps them going..... GOODBYE!!!! i love listening to fka twigs cellophane & home with you and just..... being insane.

just can’t help myself

Five times Hinata takes care of Atsumu, and one time Atsumu returns the favor.

words: 5,025 | rating: T

*think about atshn taking care of each other* *cries*

blue crush

And there’s a promise there, sewn into the easy curve of his lips: I’m not going anywhere, Atsumu-san. Glittering eyes that cut through the rain-blurry dark like a beacon when Shouyou turns back to look up at him. Even if you fuck up all of our dates.

Murphy’s Law as demonstrated by Miya Atsumu.

words: 2,297 | rating: T

atsumu trying very hard to have things perfect and romantic and even in the failures its still very lovely<3

If I’m Icarus, You Must be the Sun (Allow me Three Mistakes)

He wonders if Icarus felt like nothing was wrong with self-destructing, because he had reveled in the sun, if only for a little while.

Atsumu finds, loving Hinata is the same.

Atsumu's love over the years, and the mistakes that accompany it.

words: 4,620 | rating: T

i am...very weak to the whole icarus/sun thing with hinata and his ships. this one though......... i think about it A lot.

in your eyes, i see our future

“Yer’ a real sweetheart, Hinata Shouyou.”

Shouyou smiles brilliantly. “Only for you~”

He scoots over so Shouyou can sit next to him. He can smell the pineapple body wash Shouyou is so fond of the moment he sits down. Shouyou passes the tray over carefully before settling against the headboard comfortably.

“What’s the occasion?"

(Or, Atsumu just really wants to marry Shouyou.)

words: 9,769 | rating: T

fhdsjjkjfdsj goes crazy stupid over marriage!!!!! listen... i do not believe in marriage!!!!! but for atsuhina, oh you bet i do!!!! :-)

breathing a hello

There’s no significance to them ending up here except that both of their lives are held in the sway of volleyball. Everything else comes second.That’s the crux of it, really.

words: 2,826 | rating: T

gjhfsjkfd shhhhhhhhh. my heart is very soft when i think of them here, please..... just!!!! pls.

if you’re out there in the cold, i’ll cover you in moonlight

My [23M] best friend and ex-boyfriend [23M] is visiting me for a week, and my current boyfriend [24M] who agreed to all of this is suddenly withdrawing from me. Can I get some advice? Please? Anyone?

words: 8335 | rating: T | chapters: 3 | tw: past kg/hn 😳

this one is optional since you wanted one shots and theres 3 chapters here. my idea of romantic is...well, i especially love when one of them is acting hurtful/mean/difficult to the other bc their own personal issues but the other loves them anyway??? and then they work on that issue!!! just!!!!! ; ;

Love in the Time of Insomnia

And anyway Hinata was sprinting out faithfully after Atsumu, who had keys to the gym like a badass, and who was going to give his spikers a few more tosses after-hours without Meian knowing like the greatest, most generous badass the Jackals had ever seen.

words: 2,457 | rating: G

running four kilometers just so atsumu can rest. this is what romantic means!!!! hdkshjfhdj

ode to what you’d have been

5 times it’s Kageyama’s fault and the 1 time Hinata realizes it has never been.

words: 3,628 | rating: G

loving someone including their flaws PART 2!!!!!! ok.... u might be like... um... this is romantic? hfdkhjfd LISTEN!!!! to me!!! there is nothing more romantic than being in love with someone and the ugly parts of them. going, i love you, all of you. and communication!!! and understanding!!! and feeling terrible and shitty and horrible but having the one you love accept you. and trying to help ease your mind, worries. *sobs real hard* also shout out 2 ‘okaaayy.... i hate sakusa now’

a shrine for a boy

Despite his uncertainty about how to tell Atsumu of his move to São Paulo, Hinata takes action. Things do not go according to plan.

words: 2,447 | rating: G

hinatas time 2 be romantic and fail but its ok bc!!!!!!!!!! :-) they are just dummies in love<3

the greatest distance between you and longing is defeat

(In other words: Atsumu, let go. I’m here now.)

words: 3,310 | rating: G

um... *cries* post break up.... o_o!!!! god they really thought they could????? lmao!!!!!!

the tear in this (our gentle language)

“I’m going back to Brazil.”

He isn’t asking for permission. This isn’t a consultation. Hinata Shouyou informs his boyfriend at their after-practice practice. Miya Atsumu has a volleyball in each arm, trying to pick up a third. It drops and rolls away from him. The thud resounding in an empty gymnasium.

Shouyou had tried to envision Atsumu’s reaction many times. He never expected to be met with silence.

Alternatively: an exploration of Hinata Shouyou’s return to Brazil

words: 7,204 | rating: M

ldr CAN be romantic ok!!!!!!!! it takes a lot of communication, time, and love ; ;

evening sun

Atsumu looks at Shouyou and thinks, I want to know every inch of you.

words: 1,502 rating: M

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stillebesat · 5 years

Note

i was rereading your stork au (bc i Love It and im so soft for baby logan) and i was kinda wondering how the legal bits work in that universe? like do the storks tell whoever (idk the right government people lol) that ‘x has a kid now’ or do the new parents have to like,, go register or something? idk its just a thought that came to mind after reading

(So happy you love the STORK AU! ^^;; It’s been a favorite of mine to write)

Short Answer: MAGIC!! It fixes everything! ^^;; lol For the most part the STORK’s magic makes pretty much all the necessary changes to all documentation instantaneous as soon as the new parent(s) accept their child.

Longer Answer below the cut:

The nice thing about STORKS is that they do have their own brand of magic that helps to facilitate the child’s move to a better family.

Their main magic is used for the changing/erasing of the original parent(s)/guardian(s) memories so that they won’t go looking for the child and to ensure that the child doesn’t have to worry about running into them again.

But this magic also is used to alter official records that the government (and medical, educational, etc places) keep. Basically if a government person just happened to be looking at the child’s name on their birth certificate when they’re taken by the STORKS and accepted by their new family it would be like a ‘blink and you miss’ it sort of change. One second the name may say Joe Johnson and the next it would be Joe Anderson. (The person may not realize that the name changed or think they misread the name, it’s so quick)-And if the child doesn’t want to keep their name that their original parents gave them, then the paperwork could change to say Andrew Anderson or even Jennifer Anderson depending on what the child wants to be called. Etc.

-The changes are also very very easy to make for those government systems who have digitized their information. As basically just blip and the necessary information is altered and no one is the wiser.

The good thing about the government though is that there are billions of people living on the planet and keeping track of every single form for every individual is such a momentous task that unless the person in the government is involved directly with the STORKs (aka they accepted a child from a STORK) it’s unlikely anyone will notice any changes to documents that contain the child’s name.

The only major difference to most governments is that since most of the time the original parent(s)/guardian(s) believe that their child was killed, there needs to be a paper trail there just in case one is needed. (aka death certificates and insurance claims filed and processed)

-If there is insurance on the child, then there’s the added complication of ensuring that the money was processed and placed in the right accounts so the original parent(s)/guardian(s) aren’t like “Where’s my money?”

Also what all needs to be changed in the paper trail of the child often depends on the situation that they come from and their age.

It’s a lot easier on the STORKS when the child hasn’t yet entered school as there are less official records (mostly like a Birth Certificate, Social Security Number, and maybe a couple of medical records.) that need to be altered.

It’s also the reason why most of the STORKs work with babies and toddlers. (And how they got their reputation for carrying babies to parents in the stories) There’s less that needs to be altered to ensure that the child can seamlessly enter into their new family’s lives.

But if the child is older and in school then there’s more complications and potentially more legwork (including physical visits to differing locations) that the STORK has to complete after uniting the child with their new parents in order to ensure that the no one goes “Oh hey wait what happened to Jimmy who was in class last week?” When the original parents think that the child ‘died’ three years ago.

-Basically if a person was closer to the parents, their memories will shift so that they too think the child is dead.

-If the person was closer to the child, they will forget who the child’s original parents were and remember only the new parents and in most cases will think that left because they moved away.

But yah. Schools complicate everything because there’s such a paper trail in those buildings. Assignments, Tests, Scores, Assessments, Nurses Visits, etc etc. (again yay for digital stuff as computer records are quite easy to alter for the STORKS.)

It’s even more complicated in the rarer cases where the ‘child’ is at that near adult stage of 15-17 years old where they may have a job (and all those certifications/background checks, etc) or have received their learner’s permit/driver’s license.

Because Remy usually deals with infants and toddlers his job isn’t as complicated as other more experienced STORKS who take on the older children in need.

And because Virgil is Logan’s original Dad, his case is different than most as he can keep his original name as his birth certificate was filed using Virgil’s last name as Logan’s last name and named him as father.

The main complication is that the Mom is still alive and now believes that Logan is dead.

-With Remy’s magic she believes that he died in the boating accident along with Virgil because Virgil’s Grandfather told her that Virgil was dead. Now the memories shift to include Logan in that.

So there’s a tricky bit of magic there where you could call it…a mirage. If she were to happen to look at Logan’s birth certificate she would see Logan’s name with her Maiden Name (though since she and Virgil weren’t yet officially married, she never took his last name and hasn’t yet been married to anyone else.) But if Virgil were to look at that exact same certificate, he would see his last name as Logan’s last name.

There will also be a Death Certificate found in the state of Florida that has Logan’s name with his Mother’s Maiden Name on it if the Mom were to need it.

In very very rare cases. A STORK is unable to properly change memories/paperworkforms because they have to act in the spur of the moment and take the child before a new family can be found for them. In these sort of cases it’s like…’the strings of fate’ -or in this case the ties of family- are violently snapped leaving the child(ren) adrift with no connections to anyone (records vanished, memories people have of the completely gone from their minds leaving holes in memories) until the STORK can get them out of imminent danger and realign them with a better family.

This happens to Remy when Logan is 14 years old when he rescues nearly 16 year old Roman and Remus from a cousin they lived with who was deadset on killing them.

Remy basically yanked the twins off the street as they ran by, shielded them with his wings from their cousin’s view and promptly used his magic to ‘break’ every single thread connecting them to their old life because he had no time to be ‘delicate’ when their lives were literally on the line.

As to the new parent(s), mostly what they have to worry about is what they’re going to tell people when they’re like “Hey…who is this?” The STORK’s magic, however, ensures that whatever story the new parent(s) decide to tell, it will be believed so that the child can be better accepted into their new life. (Though there’s almost always that one distant relative that disproves of everything no matter what you tell them. “Can they even afford to have another child?!” “Adoption?! Why in the world would you subject yourself to that?!”)

Again with Babies it’s rather easy if there’s a parent involved who can bear children as they will often use the story of “I didn’t know I was pregnant!” With older children the reason can be slightly more complicated and parent(s) have told very simple stories of “we decided we wanted to adopt this little angel” to more complex stories of “So apparently I actually had twins in the hospital but they told me one died but only now through Ancestry.com did I discover my child had actually survived and after a lot of searching we found each other.” (The STORKS have to shake their heads at some of the stories they’ve heard the parent(s) tell to explain why they suddenly have another child)

Paperwork wise the parent(s) usually find all the necessary documentation for the child in the mail within the week (after the haze of ‘we have a new child!’ has faded a bit) to ensure that there won’t be difficulties in their future (drivers licenses, passports, job applications, college applications, medical history, etc).

Again with Virgil and Logan it’s easier in some ways and difficult in others since Logan is Virgil’s biological child. So he can rightfully claim that Logan is his son.

But it does take Virgil a good two or three days before he feels like he can leave the building with Logan and tell people the story he’s comfortable telling.

Because like….how do you explain to people that your Grandfather didn’t want your fiance to marry you and so he set up the boat explosion to kill them, but somehow they survived, but then he convinced the Mom to fake being dead and then lied to Virgil about the her and Logan’s survival only Virgil discovered years later that they could potentially still be alive and when he ‘found’ them (Virgil never sees the Mom again, Remy is the one who took action to find them before Virgil could get a chance to) and Logan’s Mom could no longer care for him (otherwise Remy wouldn’t have been able to take Logan from his mother) and ‘wanted’ (since she’s not alive) nothing to do with Virgil and so Virgil took Logan back home to live with him and raise.

Yah…Virgil doesn’t tell that story to more than a handful of people. He mostly sticks to “His Mother took him from me, but now can no longer care for him and so I took my son back.” And if they know his situation with his ex-fiance will also state that she ‘faked their deaths and I just discovered they were still alive.”

But yah, paperwork wise, not much needed to be changed for Logan as he was too young to be in school (at almost five) and his Mom hadn’t enrolled him in preschool and had stopped taking him to daycare a good year before when she realized he could take care of himself well enough that she could leave him home while she was at work and not worry about him burning down the house (and save $$$ in the process) so no one would question why he no longer was coming.

Hope that answers your questions! Let me know if you have any more. :D

#STORK AU #neglectful parents tw #death talk tw #attempted murder tw

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crossnecklace · 7 years

Photo

hi hi hi! so i feel like a lot of my most favorite fics dont get talked about much, therefore i wanted to create a proper fic rec masterpost to spread the love!! this is going to be a looooong list, so hopefully theres something for everyone (though i do firmly believe u should read every single one of these before u die)

in no particular order, but a * indicates my absolute faves that i reread monthly:

hats off to my distant hope by navigator (21k) *

Harry is in White Eskimo. Louis is in London.

AU loosely inspired by the song “505” by Arctic Monkeys.

-kicking this off with one of my very favorites. i think my favorite trope is when hl have this angsty “we’re not dating but definitely fucking and also doing everything couples do also i’m irrevocably in love with you why aren’t we dating?” sort of moment. its painful in the sweetest way, and this fic captures that perfectly. there will be quite a few of those on this list, i’ll bet

up the long delirious burning blue by orphan_account (6k)

harry is a swimmer & louis is the writer who somehow manages to make him come up for air.

-this one is quite sad. so poetic and painful and lovely and unf (warning for mentions of suicide and depression, and the ending is quite ambiguous but there is no MCD)

we wreak havoc with out hearts by flimsy (9k)

Harry finds that he can’t keep things separate; neither can Louis.

Harry tousles his hair, smoothes it back, shrugging.

“Alright,” he says. “I’m, you know, outside if you need anything.”

“Yeah,” Louis replies. “Sure.”

He doesn’t look like he’ll be needing Harry, and Harry tells himself that that’s okay. They’ve both got their moods sometimes or maybe the timing isn’t good, and if it’s not then that’s alright as well. Harry can respect that. And it’s not like this is their first tour; Harry knows that Louis will come around. He always does.

-another one of those w that trope i talked about. im gonna call it the RFWB trope (romantic friends w benefits). this one is so hot and good

rather this than live without you by mediaville (10k) *

Harry decides to give it all up. Louis refuses to be left behind.

-RFWB pt. 3. i ADORE this fic. just the setting and the angst and the smut ugh it all has me on the floor

one day to believe in you by mediaville (7k)

A mysterious force compels Louis to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Even when it’s really inconvenient.

Harry blinks and has the nerve to look surprised.

“You think about me when you get off?”

“Yes,” Louis says. He wonders how hard he’d need to punch himself in the face to knock himself out.

“Often?”

“Yes, Christ, Harry,” Louis groans. “Probably eight times a week for going on six years now. On average, you know. More when we were touring, less when I’ve been visiting family. Anything else you’d like to know?”

- :-)))))))

all my love was down in a frozen ground by navigator (16k)

Louis goes to the woods.

AU very loosely inspired by the creation of Bon Iver’s first record.

-i’ll be honest i dont even remember what this fic is about but its in my bookmarks and its by navigator so i know that its good

boys of summer by sharktoothedfawnskinned (49k) *

What he wants is for this to be a forever thing, not someplace Harry spent the summer once. What he wants is for this to be more than a memory.

(New Jersey beach town AU.)

- I SCREAM EVERY TIME READ THIS RIGHT NOW

we should get jerseys by orphan_account (12k) *

There’s a lot surrounding Harry, and Louis knows, in his heart of hearts, that there always will be. He just doesn’t know if he’ll manage to equate into the ‘always’ of it.

(Harry is a hockey player, and Louis is his slightly melodramatic boyfriend.)

- another old favorite!!! pretty much anything that involves harry being good at sports has me on my knees bc it paves way for automatic angst, louis being jealous of a puck/ball/net/what have you, and uhhh various other *athletic* activities

the finish line (is a good place for us to start) by @loaded-gunn (122k)

Louis Tomlinson, one-time Formula 1 World Champion, is looking forward to the 2013 season. He’s got Zayn in his garage and Liam in his ear, he’s got Cowell Racing backing him despite former indiscretions, he’s got experience and the best race car out there. Not to mention he’s the only racer they have, after Oliver dropped out late last year.

It hasn’t occurred to him that Oliver would have to be replaced by February. That is, until he finds himself at a party celebrating Harry Styles leaving Ferrari for Cowell. Harry hotshot Styles, who broke a record last year and is probably looking to make a big splash. Harry Styles, who is talented and somewhat intimidating. Harry Styles, who left Ferrari for reasons unknown and seems kind of lonely and harmless in person. Lonely, harmless, hot as fuck. Whatever.

The first thing Louis does is take him under his wing. From there it’s nine months of slow-burning romance, the past catching up to them, turning into the human puppy pile that is OT5 and a lot of feelings until, of course, reaching the finish line.

-one of the first 1d fics i remember reading. i havent touched it in a long time but it used to be my #1 fave and it has a special place in my heart. so much pining, only not really in a frustrating way bc theres abundant flirting and they kiss in like, the second scene. its basically louis trying to keep his shit together and failing miserably. AND its stuffed with fandom meta which is quite entertaining if youve been here for awhile. anyway give this a read, i truly love it so much

so keep my candle bright by whisperdlullaby (78k) *

louis returns to his hometown after four years to find that the reverend’s son has done some growing up of his own.

-god. the characterization in this one is just gorgeous. the way louis helps harry accept/explore his sexuality is so beautiful and i think about it every day. a must read!!! (warning for homophobia and religious themes)

no one like you by @myownsparknow (20k)

Dear Niall,

I was glad to have the chance to talk with you again at the AHA conference. Your idea that the Musee D’Orsay Tomlinson painting is in fact not a self-portrait is an intriguing one, and I may have discovered something that will have a bearing on that theory.

Some background: as you may remember, I’ve been researching for a book I’m writing about Harry Styles. I’ve been in communication with Styles’ last living descendant, who is in possession of a trunk that her family believed to have belonged to Styles himself. It held some personal items she presumes to be his, including two unmounted paintings and a small collection of letters.

Upon spending the last few days in Provins studying these items, I believe there to be a connection between Tomlinson and Styles, and I would very much like your opinion.

Are you up for a trip to France?

Sincerely, Liam Payne

Where Liam and Niall are art historians discovering the truth about two nineteenth century painters on opposite sides of an artistic divide.

-this is one of the only recent fics on this list bc i like to stew in the past and pretend all my favorite writers havent left the fandom. i read it when it first came out and man oh man, its like poetry. so gorgeously written, and hl’s relationship is so deeply rooted and beautiful. i love

our little corner of the world by brownheadedstranger (30k)

AU. Louis is stuck in his mom’s diner for the summer. Harry is the line cook with a pickup truck.

-so good!! i’d die for americanized fics which doesnt even make sense bc i hate america but. what can u do

i could dream all night by @fondleeds (73k) *

As the sun kisses the horizon, one last flash of light before the stars and the moon take over, his phone will brighten in his grasp, Louis’ name appearing on screen, come over or wanna see you or miss your mouth. Harry always lingers on those messages, elbows bruising on the cool metal of the railing by the lookout, watching the water as he thumbs at the side of his phone, lips bitten into his mouth, trying to will away the bubbling in his stomach, the heat that flushes to his neck at the thought of being thought of.

At the thought of Louis thinking of him.

AU. Harry spends his summer away from the city.

-lordt. where the fuck do i begin. first of all, lysha, if ur reading this, i’d die for u even tho u already killed me with this fic. second, what the fuck???? this is so good??? the imagery is exquisite, everything is so soft and hazy and warm, but just be warned that its a tRick. this fics wraps u in like a warm hug and then stabs u 7 times in the back so be prepared :-))) (warning for ambiguous ending)

another hazy may by deLILAh (41k) *

louis is a terrible poet and harry lives in the now and they have six weeks to fall in love but, really, it only takes six seconds. bookshop meets military meets summer romance au ft. marlboros, the backstreet boys, and underrated literary devices.

-i dnot even wanna talk about it. i swear to god the first time i read this i stayed up all night and cried through literally like the last three quarters of it. its so poetic and gorgeous and now every time i think or hear about the literary present i wanna die so thanks for scarring me forever

like a bastard on the burning sea by vashtaneradas (22k) *

au; harry breaks louis, louis breaks everything.

- listen i know im not supposed to like this but yknow what?? iconic. its absolutely a guilty pleasure and the only cheating fic ill ever give the time of day bc it just hurts so good

take me to the church (series) by @kingsoftheimpossible (14k/6k/4k)

Harry and Louis are Horsemen of the Apocalypse- War and Conquest- but that’s not really important. They just like to fuck things up.

these r freaky but so so good. theres nothin i love more than boyfriends wreaking havoc on..everything. (the main warnings i’d say are for slight gore/violence and blasphemy. other than that i’d read the tags before you dive in)

if you love me, come clean by @victoryjacket (121k) *

AU in which Louis works at a recording studio where Harry’s ‘up and coming’ and ‘exciting’, soon-to-be famous indie band has just signed a deal to record their debut album at, and Louis’ never even heard of them for Christ’s sakes, but that doesn’t stop him from repeatedly catching the eye of the raven-haired, eyeliner-wearing and slightly dangerous-looking frontman (but he’s not interested, he isn’t.)

-everyone read my love’s fic right now. she writes tortured rockstar!harry beautifully and its just so good :-))))) ft. the slowest, sweetest burn

a runaway american dream by dangerbears (15k)

AU. they take route 66 with only each other and their secrets.

-iconic. plus the whole thing is just hl trying and failing to be just bro pals and platonically share a bed

from the love to the lightning by orphan_account (22k) *

“i didn’t realize it would sometimes be more than whole, that the wholeness was a rather luxurious idea. because it’s the halves that halve you in half.”

a like crazy au where harry and louis fall in america, but have to try to make it work when problems arise that force louis to stay in london.

-definitely in my top 10. first things first, the line that fucked me up forever: “Three thousand, four hundred and seventy one. There are 3471 miles and an entire ocean between them, but Harry doesn’t even have to get out of bed to find bone-crushing heartache.” AH. i think this might actually be the only long distance au ive ever read and its angsty as fuck but oh so worth it. like literally idek what to say except read this right now (warning for harry/ofc relationship that is pretty detailed, but i grew kinda fond of her? and anyway its mainly just a plot point to emphasize harrys pining for his tru love,,,,yk who)

we can take the long way home by @eleadore (27k) *

“Fertile,” Louis says, and then laughs because it sounds stupid to say out loud. He hasn’t ever really thought of himself in those terms. Baby-making terms. It’s just one of those things his body can do, like exercise, or go without tea. Doesn’t mean he will.

or, The band takes a break. Harry and Louis come together.

-listen, i REALLY REALLY love this fic. its probably literally my favorite one shot, like, its really just so sweet and hot and its again one of those good ol RFWB tropes. loveeee

red brick heart by hazmesentir (99k) *

Harry has only had his room for thirty-two minutes when it stops being his.

Uni AU. Harry had turned up at the halls of residence expecting fun, new friends, and maybe a life experience or two. What he doesn’t expect is a surprise roommate who’s loud and dramatic and obsessed with tea and is maybe, actually, all he’s ever wanted.

-this is one of the few fandom faves i can get behind. i know its got that early era cliche of commitment phobe!louis but i really love hl’s relationship in this, and how harry comes to terms w his sexuality via making out w louis tomlinson like 500 times. plus the scene in the club where louis, uh, helps harry out just…GETS me, yknow?

some things take root by navigator/quitter (50k) *

AU. Louis’ ex doesn’t get jealous of anyone besides Harry. Harry helps Louis use that to his advantage.

-pleasepleplalspelplseease. literally navigator can end me. this is THE fake relationship au yall, like, any fanart of hl making out near a bar gives me flashbacks to this fic. read it

keep yourself warm by navigator (20k)

AU. Harry sleeps around.

-this fic is really nice and oddly comforting, like, i just love the pining and the angst. its so !!!!

with love comes strange currencies by mediaville (16k) *

One day One Direction will be over and Louis won’t be around Harry every waking moment. He’ll be able to finally get some space, let their bond dissipate as it’s bound to do, if they don’t mess up again. He can move to Costa Rica and forget that Harry Styles popped his first knot inside him. Until then, he’s going to have to deal with this.

or, They’re Accidentally Mated and Dealing With It Rather Badly.

-i con ic. listen, i have nothing against abo but im just .. not rly into it. however, THIS is the first abo fic i read and the only one i ever loved. like just the whole accidental mating and how it draws them to each other even tho its quite inconvenient, and how h takes cares of l when hes sick, i just..gotta go

covered in lines (series) by mentalistecbm (24k)

He likes to imagine that he’s always aware of Harry’s eyes on him, but the spark that flashes across his body at how often Harry licks his lips while looking at his throat doesn’t feel like something he’s explicitly and consciously acknowledged before, but it feels familiar. Usual. Right.

(Louis is human, and Harry is lucky enough to be his vampire boyfriend.)

-noah fence but this is,,,, essentially twilight in au form, minus love triangles and werewolves. actually its completely different lmao, who am i, but the overall atmosphere and the vampire dynamics rly reminded me of it. i mean it in the best way!!! its so good, and anything involving dr*nking has me on the floor

weird honey by orphan_account (5k)

~staying up all night, talking blasphemous ash, weird honey~

(PWP where Harry is not 100% at home in his body and he and Louis use a sex toy to help work through the problem)

-this fic is soft and nice and makes me feel warm inside so highly recommend

who painted the moon black by throughthedark (95k) *

“People died,” Harry whispers so quietly Louis strains to hear. “People died, and I killed some of them. How does life just go on after something like that?”

Louis shakes his head. “I don’t know. It just does.”

Hunger Games AU where Louis Tomlinson is district six’s victor from the 69th Hunger Games and Harry Styles is district seven’s victor from the 72nd Hunger Games.

-listen. i do NOT want to talk about it. (ps harry throwing axes on the bbc literally took me out by the knees bc of this fic)

one more for the stars by imsosorry (16k)

It’s different, and Louis knows that, because Harry’s got so much riding on this - a career and a future and his whole life. There’s talk of him going first overall in the draft, of entering the NFL after only two years in college, of going to New York or Seattle or Green Bay, and Louis wants to be there for him, wants to support him and help him make decisions, but he also kind of wants to pin him to the bed and cry and scream, What about me what about me what about me?

(au. Harry’s the star quarterback and Louis is about to graduate. It’s a heartbreak waiting to happen.)

-i think i mentioned before that sports au have me on the floor and this is no excpetion

you and me were kings by ithacas (28k) *

harry plays football in a small town in west texas. louis might be the only person that doesn’t give a damn. au.

-another football au, this one with the added beauty of being set in southern us. im such a sucker for southern aus, mannnn, and this one is so soft and beautiful

hold onto your stars by vashtaneradas (16k) *

au; harry’s in the army, louis’ back home, and ninety days is a lifetime.

-are u srs????? this is another hazy may except…….Worse. like, im still working out the science of it but im pretty sure this killed me and brought me back to life just so i could suffer the pain of it forever. (nobody dies tho)

makes perfect by checkthemargins (8k)

“What if you practiced on like, a mannequin?” Louis presses. “Or one of those blow up sex dolls? Or even just like, I don’t know, a pillow or something. Whatever it’d fit around.”

Harry tilts his head thoughtfully, curls catching the light so entrancingly that Louis finds himself reaching up to push his fingers through them. “It’s different, though, innit? When it’s a real person. A pillow won’t snog me.”

“Why should it?” says Louis. “You can’t even take its bra off.”

hmmmm. hmmmmmmmm. im jus gonna leave this here,,,,,,,,,

all the diamonds you have here by vashtaneradas (21k)

it hits louis now, how fucking close to the precipice they’re standing.

or, an au feat. investment banking and children.

-its #confirmed that anything by vashtaneradas is guaranteed to be painful as hell. who said there cant be soul crushing angst in marriage/kid fics too !

wild and unruly by @100percentsassy/gloria_andrews (123k) *

Harry is a cowboy sitting on the biggest oil reservoir in Wyoming, and Louis is the paralegal assigned to pressure him into selling his land.

-ending this with a classic. i trust that everyone has read this masterpiece already and that i dont have to say anything about it other than w o w

______________________________________________________________

tis all for now! happy reading and pleaseee feel free to yell @ me about these fics if you liked them as much as i did!!

#this TRULY took me for fucking ever lmao #pls ignore my sorry attempt at a banner #anyway pls read all of these i love them so much #im so picky about fics so theyre all amazing its confirmed #fic rec #fics #hl #larry fic #my fic rec

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jooheongif · 6 years

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it's theory anon,hi!!how are YOU?i'm really good rn thanks:)) thank you for your kindness again,i'm really happy i could somehow help to help you feel even a tiny bit better and hope you're doing well now,too(and it's ok to not rest on your day off but it's also ok to do so if that's what you feel is right for you atm!).about the mf(ilm), i thought the same thing, it felt like a parallel universe type of story!i also really love plotlines about friendship, (again cont.i'll try to be briefer!)

(i’m so sorry i wrote a rly long reply so i’m gonna put this under read more !!)

2. friendship is beautiful and i feel oftentimes underappreciated(but not mx!there they go again being amazing) so i love the concept. personally i like not knowing what exactly the producers were thinking because having my own interpretation of something and seeing other ppl have their own fills me with wonder,like,that's art!so many people think so many different things and no one's wrong i love it!!your thoughts about them appreciating everything they've done so far,you're absolutely right(cont) 3. i hope they are able to bc everything's so hectic for the.i get lost just looking at their official schedule,i don't know how they do it but i also hope they are aware of all these things bc those are all mindblowingly huge accomplishments in my opinion and i just want them to feel like their hard work is worth it,yknow?(is this comprehensible?)and i know they feel pressure because as you said the business is nasty but yea i hope at the end of the day they can feel like (cont.???again 4. everything they've put so much of themselves into is worth it,i love their energy and fierce determination and i just don't want them to lose it but maybe as you said feel less pressured..but then the only way would realistically be to make sure they get awarded in the Real World so we're all doing our best in the system&hating it as you said:/ they just mean so much to so many people i want them to feel that too!i try to contain myself but here i go again! sorry it's so long AND i have more(con 5. also!thank you for your big reply and sharing your thoughts i mostly just agreed with (but you're right so what else can i do),i don't have mbb friends to vent to and fanperson(is there a gender neutral term for fanboy/fangirl?) over mx with and this is really nice and fulfilling(again,if i'm boring you,you can just delete the messages and not reply!) so THANKS!it's great to strive to be a better person but i feel like one(you) should also acknowledge the good things they're already doing(cont?) 6. you showed such pure kindness and really melted someone's(my) heart and that's a Big Deal!djkghddgwe can agree that we both inspired each other :') also please i feel like you're such a wonderful soul and you really deserve every bit of gratitude and appreciation i managed to express(i feel a lot moreprobably) so!yeah!reminder that you're lovely and deserve to be appreciated and i'm also very,very happy you're here!you made my day brighter for the 2nd time now wow!thanks! i hope you and(cont.:() 7. your gorgeous heart are taking good care and enjoying your day/night! and this cb!i really like it i haven't had time to listen to the entire album but jealousy!is a bop honestly it's my type of jam and the choreo is stunning and so are their voices!iwas so skeptical about the lyrics(they could've been like hero or stuck and those made me a bit >:/ honestly) but i really should've known they wouldn't fail me in any way ever!i can't wait to hear the rest of the songs i hope you enjoy them too!bye

hi theory anon, it's nice to hear from u again ! firstly, i am so sorry for the slow reply to this ! but im rly glad to know that u are doing good :-) i'm doing ok too thank u !! how are u ? kfjjfdsjfdf sorry that u had to read my tags but thank u for saying that !! i just feel so guilty when i do nothing bc im absolutely terrified of time passing too quickly ? just the thought of letting a few minutes go to waste is overwhelming ? even though i know it's not rational to think like this but ??? theres just this constant feeling that im running out of time so i try to get rid of it by always doing smth ?? and feel bad when i dont ? idk ?? but anyway im working on it and ill be ok ! sorry..not to be dramatic and tmi and all that kjdfdj istg this blog gives me too much freedom to say...too much :( (hope the internet folks that collect metadata never read the garbage i write bc..yikes they aren't gonna hav the best time) anyway..yea. what a paragraph to start off this reply :( sorry for the honesty and saying so much all the time btw :( not that being honest is necessarily a bad thing but ! idk every time i write smth i suddenly feel extra self conscious and feel like deleting it bc im rly embarrassed and always end up having big regret later when i reread anything ive typed up !! but i just keep writing them anyway bc...idk ?? i'd rly hate it if someone got discouraged from sharing their thoughts/worries/feelings which i think is a rly important human thing :( so yea im rly embarrassed w anything i write but i'll keep doing it anyway bc i'm all for that kind of stuff and sometimes i know its not easy and it takes someone a lot to share that and its a good thing and i dont ever want anyone to feel discouraged from doing that ! anyway i just felt like i rly needed to say all of this..but pls dont feel obliged to reply to this mess !! anyway back to mx ! you are right :( i also hope mx feel like what they've done is worth smth w/e their definition or standard of that is :( like.. all of the hard work they've put into being mx it certainly means so much to fans but i hope all the hard work they've put into being mx also means smth to them at the end of the day and they are happy w what they're doing and what they've achieved so far :( and yes we'd love mx to always be rewarded in the real world :( though we love them and we want to get them a win, i know that everyone has their commitments, means and different circumstances and we can only do so much :( but even if u think its just a small contribution, everything adds up and counts and i know that all mbb hav contributed in some way in helping them get another win for this cb ! there are some mbb who can't buy albums or streaming passes and things and i hope they don't feel bad for this :( even if all you can do is watch the mv once or twice, even if you could only vote, i hope you know that it all counts and matters !! abt mx's schedule, i get tired just by looking at their weekly one idk how they can even put up w it all ?? after this they'll hav their japanese album and things and then they'll have their concerts and on top of all that apparently [some of them are also studying] ????? they are so hardworking :( HOW do they do it !! just..thinking abt their schedule is overwhelming !!! also pls dont think that you're boring me or anything like that :( im so thankful for any msg i receive and the fact that u actually took the time to type out smth to send to me ?? im so grateful ?? u are never boring !! honestly even if u sent me a stainless steel dishwasher manual w the page length of like..23 bibles, i'd still love u for it and i'd prob read all of it :( btw thank u sm for saying all those kind things !!! receiving kindness for the 3rd time is rly !!!!!!! and once again i've done nothing to deserve it :( i dont even know what i can say to you that will ever be enough to thank u again or to top what u hav already said ! if there was like a...maslows hierarchy of kindness of smth, ur at the very top of that triangle and anything i say will never be as kind as what you have said !! for you, i can agree that we both inspired each other :-) but really thank u so much from the bottom of my heart :( i hope you know how kind and lovely u are too ! if nobody told u this today, i wanted to say that im rly grateful to know u and i'm happy that you're here !! thank u again for being so kind and thoughtful and for making me smile !! :( same, i havent properly listened to the whole album either bc ive just been letting it stream in the background (but i dont count that as a proper listen unless i listen w headphones tbh) ill give it a good listen one day ! also im a repeat 1 kind of garbage person until i feel the need to listen to a new song ?? and rn jealousy to me is a song that gets better w every listen ??? shes too powerful atm :( one day ill listen to another song but today is not that day ! Actually.....I think jealousy is my fav mx song ???? before this cb i didnt hav a fav bc i couldnt pick the song i liked most out of blue moon/blind/fighter/incomparable. i was just gonna base it off the one w the most play count out of those 4 but now i know its jealousy ! what are ur fav mx songs ?? btw i know im always saying that anything mx releases is always a masterpiece no matter what, but in all seriousness its ok if u didn't like smth they released. i don't think it makes u any less of a mbb if u didn't enjoy a certain release or if u only liked one aspect of a thing but not so much the rest of the thing. anyway not to sound so...stale and commonplace but for lack of a better word/sentence, at the end of the day your own reactions and feelings to a piece of art like music...it's all just subjective isnt it ?? not liking that thing doesnt mean that its not a masterpiece or its any less of a masterpiece to someone else either so !! it's ok !! anyway this is rly....ive written a lot and its all over the place and incoherent probably :( i'm sorry !! feel free to reply whenever u feel like it, or no pressure on never replying at all btw ! also feel free to disagree w anything i say ! thank u sm for talking to me abt mx bc ive also got no mbb friends so !!! thank you :( theres so many times where i rly want to start a conversation w someone but im too scared and also i've got no clue abt how to initiate conversation ! and the times when i do manage to...i get stuck on how to keep the conversation going ? but when i figure smth out then im coming for u @ friendship !! i hope u had a good weekend and that you got some rest and that ur doing ok wherever u are !! until next time, take care ❤️❤️❤️

#how did i..even end up writing so much im so sorry :-(#and sorry that this is all over the place !!#i hope i didn't go on too much of a tangent :(#ask #theory anon #Anonymous

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shytiff · 4 years

Text

Small Oct Wins

1 - DL, its bts week on fallon 🥰🥰also chuseok, which means content >>>, cicil dk ikk, rapat sponsor and talked and raged with regen abt mpi and manhwa lmao, group call shiko

2 - DL, finished 4 dk ikk wow!!, read dear door sampe ujung

3 - DL, symptoms ipd WHILE trying to losten to resus cairan fkdigital and i failed to listen to fkdigital lmao in the beginning they talked abt different fluids, my kompre is in Nov!! Can take a slight breath of air. Cicil kompre

4 - DL, symptoms, ordered krispy face (tasted so so), started reading sign, its so hilarious but the antagonist just doesnt make sense. too dysfunctional

5 - DL, ea simulation (got cushing syndrome, yay us for rosc!), forgot my scrub pants so i borrowed from indah, the way back homd (PP motor) was hooot, cicil banifidi, talked with ara for 1,5 hrs abt mental health and past traumas lmaoo

6 - DL, cicil geri, read raise ga wa tanin ii

7 - formatif geri, originally meant to go to puri with atikah to get seirockya, but its closed. So we walked to lippo, got genki sushi takeaway, walked to carrefour where we parked, and on the way back atikah had this sudden idea of eating @ taman 45. So we did. We reminisced old memories while eating rice bowls and sushi at park. Sounded pretty great except its taman 45 lmaoooo. Took a nap at atikahs place and then i went back. Tried matcha cookie by Chips Chat Lexley, its too crumbly :(( the taste was so so

8 - was sooo drained i dunno why. Slept and lazed around until 11-ish after i managed to shower and eat. Rip stamina. DL. Formatif with stella manda, dr asti and dr fuady. Digorenggg. the dark chocolate cookie tasted quite good. Finally a cookie that did not fail

9 - helped ical and ara for simul kompre, e, DL, played among us with candra and solid, paused the game to do formatif ea lmao. i need to studyy aaa

10 - DL, my body felt tooo drained from 1 (one) exercise lol. Symptoms. Ordered mujigae and janjiw caramel latte 1L because 10 10 promo. lazed all afternoon. planned to run because it’s cloudy but wacana is life. Watched MOTS On:E with racheel. Gladi resik nemo. Saw hakken cosplay’s IG live. among us. i was an impostor with cibe (participant: 10) and i somehow won lmaoo. edited 2 pld article so i finally caught up! just need to wait some more articles from reporter

11 - DL, symptoms, wasted my time rereading vampire knight for the n-th time

12 - DL, QA KMKP, read banifidi while drinking janjiw caramel latte and on god coffee rly helps me to focus and not get sleepy, talked with ara abt her session with dr jiemi (emotion vs cognition)

13 - DL, there’s no class today uye, drank caramel latte janjiw at 11am and yall i somehow became productive. finished reading banifidi, 2Padi.

14 - Became captain at simul today, kasus HPP, i forgot to put O2 wtf :((((, bought 2 1-L package from sbux dm after school, and with +15k you get green tea frappe so i sat there for a bit for DT, felt a bit better (like im a normal functioning person???? like i dont feel sluggish). cicil IKK, passed lvl 4 DL

15 - DL, nemo as 2nd operator, vanilla latte nyom, thats all folks unfortunately

16 - DL, theres no schedule today, woke up at 10 am, vanilla latte and cicil PT, cicil IKK (only did a bit today), among us and i was the impostor 4 times lmaoo

17 - symptoms, in the soop 7, e, read on/off its too hilarious!! Finished 1 sitasi kompre

18 - last in the soop ep :(, e, DL, tugas kasus harian geri

19 - DL, the table i bought has arrived!, cicil IKK, joined ukmppd course, started at 18:30, its now 22:36, still 14 questions to go...

20 - DL, qa discussion with group, bought some plastic shoe boxes online, its cheap and it is great, bcs my shoes used to sit there in plastic bags, organized some stuff in my room for a bit!! my metal rack looks less messy yay. dk ikk, les

21 - Started my day early (finished shower by 7:30), DL, finished 1 ltm ikk and 1 sitasi PT, JK went live in youtube with his long hair and undercut, and literally afterwards YG came on vlive playing guitar. Its a good day indeed :”) its cloudy today, just a perfect shared to listen to youtube’s lofi study playlist. Barely paid attention in today's les, i rly need to reread the forensic one

22 - DL, formatted qa docx, looong qa zoom, read the dops form, tidied up my stuff for tomorrow and while waiting for les the dumbass me didnt realize that the mic is on and i muttered "masker n95..." lmaoooo. Paid attention in les. Took a shower while leaving the zoom (q&a sesh) and turns out its finished at 22:45. Yalll the tutors dedication though

23 - simul, waited around a bit, bought halo bowl from grab since im at school all day, tried chicken pesto. made me feel full, tasted like a typical "healthy food", not too oily. OK in the afternoon, did not get dops (not surprised), was today years old when i found out you can park motorbike beside gedung putih. Went home while listening to kuliah guru besar. Passed out in the 2nd part of les (bedah). That adds more of my course debt lmao

24 - Im trying out habitica now so DL documentations will be moved theree, trying to add the habit of reading quran. watched in the soop behind and dalbang, watched the social dilemma halfway (message: careful of being the social media’s product), ate nayam, slept again and woke up at 5 pm, made status anes, les (the freshest ive been so far. maybe because its saturday night, there’s only about 25+ participating until the end from the usual 50+)

25 - woke up early and showered, slept again, ate breakfast at 12 pm with banana and 2 brownies i need sugaar, reviewed forensics (les), made half of ltm ikk wow im kind of proud, submitted asinkronus, eval nemo

26 - icu and simul, the way back home was pleasantly cloudy, slept and woke for les, read anti PT and oh my assisant since i cant sleep during the night

27 - did ikk ppt, read TO SOLID answers (i got 65 and i feel sooo stupid, but the grade somehow changed to 66 which means pass), slepttt during the afternoon, dk ikk was pending bcs dr Indri was still doing surgery at 18:00. Les

28 - Felt like doing nothing. Watched the latest dalbang, PT briefing, dk ikk, les. Thats it omgggg my time keeps flying away

29 - Started my day early (6:30am) since i slept all the time :):):)), finished 1 ltm ikk, tried truffle belly, the nanban one. good enough and the rice is not too much which is nice. i dont rly know how the truffle oil’s supposed to smell (ive tried tubo before but i still have no idea). chose wahana choice for MPI (bismillah!!), finished reviewing TO SOLID 1, les

30 - it took me a whole day to read 1 (one) sitasi PT but im still proud nonetheless, how did time flyyyy tf. You’d think that this 5 day “holiday” i would learn a lot for kompre (haven’t started) and quickly checked off my to do list. for les i pulled the table near my bed so i was half listening half reading Private Lesson while laying down lmao

31 - checked 2 acads to do (i feel like when i do things in advance there will be stuff that make me go "ah tau gt nanti aja"), bingeing romee strijd's YouTube and its miracle i dont feel like shit after watching it (they literally go do amsterdam from sg to put their bags and then theyll go to miami?!), afternoon nap coz i cqnt bring myself to study kompre, cicil kompre bismillah.docx, last day of les (im not strong enough to follow until the end, bailed halfway), read a bit of blood link lmao, WTF ITS NOV 15 MINS FROM NOW :((( (writing this after sheetmasking, its 23:42) still not prepared for ukmppd kompre God Help Me

And thats it for Oct! I feel like there were some terrible mood phases, some ok ones, and those rare days when im up and about and refreshed and feel like doing things (most days im a sloth). Hope to do (and feel) better in Nov

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modeledbyhands · 5 years

Text

an ode to 2019.

2019 has been a funny year. i think this year more than most has been a ridiculous ride of ups and downs, really more of downs than anything.

I started journaling about the whole year, i started realizing two things.

1. i only listed out the good things that happened.

2. it was a rather short list.

it’s hard to come to terms with the lows that have been this year, but as cheesy as it sounds, it shaped me and molded me - and i also can’t really say for all the better.

NY started off with a literal bang (i punched my car in a drunken rage) and came out more confused when i woke up the next day. and not from a hangover.

in february, Duke died, and thus sent me into a pretty bad downward spiral, at least mentally. to this day, i haven’t really talked to too many people about it, or even made a post that told people that he passed. even today, when a coworker saw my wallpaper of him, i just jumped around the fact that he had passed. interestingly, dogs and death (or a combination) have been the only things i’ve cried about, and it was more than i’m willing to admit this year. even more recently, sandy passed as well. even though it was like 10 months after Duke died, it was still hard. knowing that feeling of having your dog pass away in front of you and just hearing it in Frank’s voice brought everything back for me.

a patient of mine passed this year. they say you always remember your first, and i probably always will. but i can’t shake the feeling that i’m starting to forget the way he sounded and how he looked. his death affected me so much that I ended up writing about it in my application for PT school. i wasn’t happy with that decision, as it felt like it cheapened my experience with him. the relationship I had created with him, his wife, his son, his granddaughters all now felt less important in the face of now just being another admissions story. and don’t get me wrong, it was probably the best piece of writing i’ve ever written (not saying a lot). but i still didn’t feel happy about after the final draft.

i got ghosted. a few times. im not really surprised that this happened - it’s a rather common practice now i hear. but i think i’m more shocked at how much it’s affected me. i’ve become quite good at just building up walls and not outwardly showing emotions over the last decade or so. but from this i legitimately was thinking “okay, maybe God wants me to be celibate my whole life”. dramatic, yes, but being a feeler and being an internal processor, it really started to fuck with my mind. generically speaking, this year was a tough year for relationships - romantic or not. i’m about to leave texas and go to a place i literally dont know anyone. but somehow i got set up on a blind date (there have been rumblings that more are on the way.). she was cute, and quite fun, little ditzy but nothing i couldn’t handle. this feeling of knowing i’m leaving soon just gives me a mindset of just no more games, and a sense of urgency. i can’t commit to a girl that only think is a little cute. i gotta think that if i’m gonna start a relationship (and really have it been LDR), that I have to just somehow fall head over heels (not gonna happen). even now in my relationships with my friends, i’m already scheming ways to just hang out with them more or make them feel appreciated or loved by making them food or something, because let’s be real i’m gone in 5 months.

a big part of this year has been the weddings though. took part in one. drank a lot at two. extremely happy for each couple in all three. i guess i could say this year has dealt with a lot of death and life. death of patients, friends, dogs. but new life in the union of my friends. to see only one and discount the other is such misguided view of the world - something big i learned this year. next year won’t be much different. within the first 5 months theres like 4 weddings and i’m pretty sure i’m not invited to like 1 or 2 (mom says its a mistake? i think otherwise)

oh, and i got accepted to a few PT schools.

honestly i’m just exhausted from writing this. i know people read this still (i dont even know who has access to this anymore. i’m sure they just read bc they get my inner thoughts at this point. i probably should lock it up but im too lazy to figure that out). it’s hard to believe that this has been a form or feeling vomit for almost 10 years now. it’s seen the struggles of a pubescent kid dealing with his first girlfriends and dramas.

rereading this post has made it extremely clear how much of a negative person i’ve become over that time span. i’m so much less happy, and quick to snap at people nowadays. i would say that i’m just the product of my environment and that i’m the sum of my experiences (albeit true), but i know that’s just a coverup of a person that’s chosen that route in words, actions and thoughts. as 2020 starts, i haven’t been ambitious in my “resolutions” and “goals”. but made manageable and achievable ones that I can complete and make more. i would reflect more about this but i’m just tired of thinking about 2019. that was so last year.

here’s to you 2019. you were a crazy, eventful year.

i hope you think of me today, sincerely, tomorrow. -2020

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