#aspec

[allseeingmoth]

also while we're at it can we stop using "slept with" as a euphemism for "had sex with." falling asleep in proximity to another person is in no way sexual.

I think people should be allowed to sleep in the same bed in a non sexual and non romantic way. I think cuddles can happen non sexually and non romantically. I think most acts of affection are non sexual and non romantic until you make it sexual or romantic (other than the obvious things like actual sex is sexual)

[lgbtqtext]

[queerglassgrass]

‼️This isn't about ALL aspecs, just ranting about a pattern I've noticed that irks me‼️

I've always found it a bit odd how some aspecs try to "make up" for their lack of attraction by placing more importance on other kinds of attraction, like aces placing more importance on romance, while aros place more importance on friendships.

As well as allos trying to justify our existence by saying we can still date, have sex, have friends, have qprs, and have families n such.. some aspecs have done this too and.

Why???

Just why?

It's not doing you any good doing this

Not only does it in a way paint your identity as a bad thing (which it isn't), it harms other aspecs.

There are aspecs who experience NO attraction, and that shouldn't be forgotten NOR should it be "justified" in one way or another, because your identity isn't something you should be ashamed of.

You don't have to make sense to everyone.

You don't owe everyone an explanation.

Love is not what makes us human, and it never will be. People are complex, and can't just be bunched up into one group.

You matter, and don't let exclusionists tell you otherwise.

I turned the loveless flag into an emote

Feel free to use it however you wish

Apologies if this post is incoherent, and lmk of I forgot a label in the tags!

[romancerepulsed]

i keep seeing misinformation about this, so: queerplatonic relationships do not have a set definition. the name comes from the idea that it's "queering" the platonic relationship, tailoring it to the individual relationships' own desires. it isn't necessarily romance lite, but it also isn't necessarily whatever definition you want to impose on it. the point of queering the platonic relationship is to break away from strict allonormative views on friendship, romance, and sex, not to make a new categorical box to fit in.

the answer to "what is a qpr?" is "whatever you want it to be." sometimes that is romance lite. sometimes it's a deeply committed friendship. sometimes it's friends who have a sexual relationship. sometimes it's based on an entirely different mode of attraction. sometimes it's fluid and impossible to put into words. it's whatever you want it to be. it's queer.

[monkey-shines-shenanigans]

This gave me nausea and anxiety just reading this.

"Aro/Ace person gets given a love potion" story but instead of them being immune or whatever, it DOES work, and they realize IMMEDIATELY that they've been fed a love potion because this feeling is so wrong and foreign but everyone keeps laughing off the idea of it being a love potion because "they were probably just a late bloomer" or "no, you just finally found the right person!" and it's just a horror story about how no one believes them even though they know, they KNOW this isn't right and they can't stand it.

[morally-earl-gray]

mfs be like "are you single or taken" and like technically im single but that implies that im availible, which i most definitely am not so yes im taken. im taken by me. you cant have me.

[bloggingboutburgers]

Once I saw someone in an ace chat group saying "No one deserves to live and spend their life without a lifelong companion*"

*in context: someone to be a couple with.

Someone pointed out that this could cause FOMO for people that didn't even know of they wanted or if it made sense.

I agree, but people there were silent and happy to talk about anything else.

I'm in a couple of ace groups in facebook and it's heartbreaking when someone talks about how they're going to endure an allo relationship because they're scared of being alone.

It's just so... weird. Why is it so unimaginable being ok on your own? Especially since EVERYBODY knows at least one couple that are obviously miserable being together. (but people don't tend to judge that)

OOF that last point is felt. The double standard is seriously INFURIATING.

Honestly, I'm not sure I'm one to talk since I got married with my queerplatonic partner and I'd be lying if I said being afraid of being alone wasn't one of the reasons. But I wouldn't say it's a primal thing that came about on its own. I was always happy with having friends left and right and only got afraid of being alone because societal, allonormative rules will make those friends put you as a second thought as soon as a romantic relationship enters the picture. So I always had that back-of-the-head sadness/fear thing going on. That being said, I never pursued life-long companionship either. My QPP basically stumbled upon me and suggested everything on their own, and the reason I went along with it was because we happened to vibe so well to begin with. It worked. It was a lucky happenstance of sorts. But I'm pretty sure even if it hadn't happen I'd still have been pretty happy. Way happier than if I'd forced myself into anything. And yeah, it does feel a bit icky seeing how quickly and readily everyone will accept me in that same-gender-assigned-at-birth queerplatonic relationship as opposed to when I was like "yeah I don't want anything, I'm happy like that". Because like... My level of happiness hasn't exactly changed that much from one to the other all things considered?

I guess it's different for every person. But it IS hurtful to assume everyone needs the same thing, and it's weird how much more forgiven it is to judge someone for NOT wanting something than the other way around. Both options should be considered as possibilities at the exact same level.

[monkey-shines-shenanigans]

This is fair. As someone in both spectrums even if I don’t mind ppl playing with blorbo however they want I still understand the frustration. Like sec and romance is so aggressively forced on so many of us in family, in society, in assumption rlly, that having a character that is canon (even if people claim it’s not) is so fucking important.

Like when I tell you I was ANGRY that they forced Wednesday into a “canon” heterosexual/heteroromantic relationship/courtship for the sake of whatever the shit that was about. I ranted about it for months!!

And when Murderbot was stated plain as day that it was ace and it was respected in the show, it felt like cloud 9. I FELT SEEN.

Interpretation can be very important and it’s nice that people can participate in media in ways that makes them feel good, but it’s also important to keep in mind that some times not all characters/stories are meant for us/you and that how we interact with media and fandoms can and does affect other people. Because you can’t be apart of a community without affecting it or the people in it.

Male character: I'm not attracted to women.

Fandom: Oh, he's gay.

Female character: I'm not attracted to men.

Fandom: Oh, she's a lesbian.

Any character: I'm not attracted to anybody.

Fandom: Well, we don't know that they're ace/aro/aroace. It's open for interpretation. They're not canonically ace/aro/aroace unless they specifically say they are.

Hmmmm. I wonder why we're so frustrated in fandom spaces. I wonder if there's a reason.

[aromanticbastards]

[blkaroculture]

I think the biggest thing I struggle with as a Black aromantic is feeling like I’m not taken seriously as a human person.

People see aromanticism as dead. Remember when JK Rowling said those things about asexuals on Twitter? People had said “Aro/ace people don’t even do anything, why is she so mad?”

People have attributed romance as what creates art, as what creates life and what creates this colorful world. The minute it’s gone, everything is dull. That’s why any semblance of nonromanticism (the concept of doing and engaging in nonromantic actions) is mocked or even simply replaced with something that isn’t “static” to them. The label “black” historically has be used as a marker of death and inhumanity mentally. They treated my ancestors as such when they sold Black couples off whenever they needed to, separating families and lovers. Black love has kinda been used as a way for the Black community to show that they actually are active, lively people. That they actually can be considered human and alive. So when I tell people that I’m aromantic I feel as if I’m only re-sealing my status as a “dead” individual. I don’t feel as if my nonromanticism is acknowledged or appreciated. I once told someone close to me, a fevorant ally, about why I would marry a woman queerplatonically and she had said “why not just be roommates? Marriage is for romance.” She had also mentioned later on when she was talking to her boyfriend she had mentioned me, said that “They said they were aroace and maybe lesbian? I’m not sure but I support!” and like I said she isn’t against me doing anything queer but the mindset is what stuck with me. I’m not seen as a proper lesbian because my love for women is nonromantic. I can only call myself lesbian-adjacent, the full lesbian label is only allotted to those who’s love is romantic or, in many cases, both romantic AND sexual. It’s sad, really, because nonromanticism to me is FULL of life. Even when it’s completely devoid of intimate relationships including platonic and queerplatonic. Simply walking by yourself being with the life and nature outside is lively by definition. Simply breathing is lively. It’s not hard for me to understand aplatonic/aqueerplatonic folks because there’s so many ways to be alive even to the simplest thing. They teach me I’m not worthy based on my capacity to love nor if I have someone but I am worthy simply just because. Nothing else. I am human just because. I don’t feel the need to equate my love to romance anymore, and I wish people would do the same. I’m not a concept, I am a human being.

[just-sauntered-vaguely-downwards]

I marched in the Seattle Pride parade with a Ace/Aros group. There were definitely a few “why are you here?” nasty jeers. But what stood out most was they were a handful that would then be drowned out by a sea of people cheering for us. And seeing a couple of people including teens go from closed up and shyly waving their flag to brightening and smiling just like, shit it made me so happy to be there are contributing to that because if I saw ace representation more (or pretty much at all) maybe id have realized I was ace sooner.

"love is love" until it doesn't include sex

"love is love" until it lives in separate beds

"love is love" until it is queer platonic

"love is love" until it does not comply with compulsory sexuality and amatonormativity

love IS love, for aspecs, for sex repulsed folk and for platonic relationships

"love is love" apply to more than same-sex relationships in a world where romantic and sexual relationships are considered more valuable

Remember to advocate for Asexuals and Aromantics this pride. Because we are also here, and we are also queer

[i-suggest-aro]

idk why this is happening or if there even is a pattern (i might be seeing one where there isn't! it could be coincidence!) but i have this theory that some aroaces assume that any aro content they find particularly relatable is aroace content, even when there's no mention of asexuality. i can't pinpoint why some comments by aroaces make me think this and i could be way off base here. it's just a vibe i'm getting. is anyone else feeling this or am i just imagining things?

in my experience? 100% accurate. it's completely understandable that some aroaces can't or don't differentiate between the two identities, but a lot of the time, they externalize that personal preference, and end up erasing non-ace aros and conflating the two identities as a whole. just because the labels are connected for you doesn't mean they are inherently. for an example, i associate my gender identity heavily with my pansexuality. but i don't see posts about pansexuality and immediately assume that they're also about being a nonbinary girl. that just makes no sense.

in general, some aroaces have a real problem about assuming that they are, in a manner of speaking, the main characters of aromanticism. that every aromantic experience relates directly to theirs, and if it doesn't, it can't be "really" aromantic. they see an aromantic experience, and go "oh! i relate to this! therefore this must be an aroace experience, for i am aroace." completely ignoring the part where aromanticism is an identity and experience onto itself, fully separate from asexuality. no matter how intertwined the two may be for you, that's still just your experience. you have no right to project it onto mine.

[plum-petunia]

Once again saw a post with thousands of notes I've got a bone to pick with so... yeah if someone is trying to normalize that there are "platonic explanations for this" maybe don't undermine the entire point by then calling it "weird" that people can be devoted to their friends and making it clear that you still see a romantic or sexual relationship as inherently "better" or "more important" and reinforce the relationship hierarchy because um.... yeah that's actually aphobic still actually.

And I'm also like super not vibing with a giant queer account that's just reblogging this seemingly without thought about how off that seems and people seemingly not questioning it (though perhaps others who didn't like it didn't have the courage to directly state their issues with it just like me).

I keep forgetting that the queer community as a whole just doesn't support us beyond "you're valid" and doesn't even think to question their own internalized aphobic thinking such as relationship hierarchies.

Maybe I'm just being nitpicky but... it hurts. It hurts coming from someone who thinks they're an ally.

[pupiipawzz]

Snake: A term for people who struggle to form relationships with others/to love others/etc. This can be used as an orientation or used in a general sense.

Credit to @0bseumcoining for making the flag!

Tagging: @0bseumcoining @squidfreak @zuitcaze @virovirokun-has-adhd

Help with ids is appreciated

Divider Credit

[deva-26]

YEAH!!! 🙌

i had to