#it think it's interesting how fell back on using social media slang as a coping mechanism here because sm incites dophamine most times

[thisisaname-whatahappyname]

i want to be meaner to my mom but scared that i might make a habbit of it to the point of that spilling onto other people, so let's vent, near everytime i say something that challenges her belief that she's right about everything she always goes on about how i love debating her and how im always attacking her and saying she's wrong about everything, this bitch litterally fucking just told her child "you're always the villain to me" like i dont have a mountain of evidence saying that she's the one who's fucked up

look we disagree on things a lot, i disagree with her a lot, she seems to take everytime i point out she could be wrong (the first few times her response was "it's like your my mom mano po" ("mana po" is something people do to their elders) and "go work on your self first" in response to my room and my sleep schedule, like. y'know me sleeping late and being messy gives her yhe excuse to be a bad person.) now it's "you just love debating me don't you" "you always think im wrong about everything" and now recently "youre always the villain in my story" ("lagi kang kontrabida saking buhay")

because yeah sure im the villain, im the person who bullied ("idiot, lunatic, insane, you made yourself ugly, you look insane, you look like a lunatic") verbally abused (read the previous sentences, and what comes after this), hit (four times to be exact, also threathened to beat me up if i ever did that again, and later on said she was gonna smack me if i ever tried it again later on too) and told their kid they're insane and that tgey didn't care about anyone except themselves for botching their haircut

like this isn't my first time saying this within these last few days, it still holds true though, her words, the villain sentence specifically, should be directed at herself if anything, like girlie are you describing your own actions or

damn these last few days have been shit, like most days that have my parents in them aren't good, but these last few days have been horrendous, wonder if i should kill myself lol, atleast id have a botched haircut at the funeral, where a lot of the people whod know me would see, might botch it even more before doing it, just out of spite, it's just like id face the abuse that would com after anyways, i would be dead. also that whole haircut and these few days after said haircut have confirmed my theory that my parents treat me nicer when im pretty so! that's another thing! man!

like girlie really did just say her kid was the villain in her life despite being the one to hit her kid four times over a botched haircut, and verbally and physically abuse said kid for days afterwards (the verbal abuse was worse than what id written, basically just wrote a summary for the most part, just don't feel like translating it) i mean girlie really?

edit: also if you read the tags i almost forgot about that last bit, memory repression works hard ig. wonder how much shit i forgot that i never remembered.

also another edit: i think it's interesting how she used to so "oh so im the villain now" in response to me whenever i brought up her doing something bad, like that used to be a common occurance a few months near a year ago, but now she says "you're like a villain to me" after, reminding her she can be wrong, and botching my haircut. i mean. girlie at least isn't blatantly ripping off mother gothel now so that's fun.

[lovemesomesurveys]

Have you ever been concussed? No. Lol that reminds me of Johnny Knoxville in Jackass the Movie after he fights (well, attempts to and loses badly) this wrestler, Butterbean, and he’s on his way to the ER and he’s like, “I’m feeling a little concussed.” And then later he’s like, “Is Butterbean okay?” which is funny cause like I said, Knoxville got knocked the hell out, Butterbean was perfectly fine.  Would you say The Nightmare Before Christmas is more appropriate for Halloween, Christmas or just whenever? xD It’s great for both Halloween and Christmas, but he is the Pumpkin King, after all. Have you ever seen something that wasn’t actually there? What? Yeah, like I’ve seen movement out of the corner of my eye and thought someone passed by, but no one did.  When do you find your brain is most active / thoughtful? It never shuts up. Do you assume you won’t get on with someone because of the things they like? I could get along with someone who I might not have much or anything in common with. We just might not be friends, but we could still get along. And maybe we could be friends, we don’t have to like the same things. Maybe they can show me new stuff that I might end up liking and get into and vice versa. Who knows. It is nice to have some things in common, though. I like talking about shared interests and “fan girling” over things lol.

What time did you switch your light off last night? It was like 3, I think. Did you fall asleep soon after or does it take you hours? I fell asleep some time within the hour. Have you ever started a trend? What was it? No. Are you completely disconnected to what’s popular nowadays? With some things, but I hear about a lot on social media and I have a younger brother who fills me in on some stuff. Some of things I’m just like...wtf. Kids nowadays are weird. Obviously back in my younger days things were cooler. haha. What is one trait you look for in potential friends? If we vibe, we vibe. Plus like I said, I do like to have some things in common cause then we connect and bond over those things.  How shy would you say you are? Very. Have you ever wondered what strangers’ lives are like? Yeah. Who taught you to tie your shoe laces? My mom. I remember when I got the hang of it I went around the house tying all the shoes. Are there any types of people you’re intrigued by? Who? Yeah, lots of people.  Have you ever argued with a teacher? What about? No.  Do you get annoyed when you don’t understand things? Sometimes. Especially when it came to school stuff, like math for instance. Math was a bitch and always gave me a hard time and I’d get SO frustrated. Many times I cried out of frustration and fear of not passing.  Is the internet you’re using right now wireless? Yeah. Do you feel awkward when people you don’t know talk like you’re bffls? xP I’ve had people I didn’t know or just met start opening up about their life right away and telling me things and I’m just like uhh why are you telling me this? lol. People have told me they felt comfortable talking and opening up to me, so I guess that’s why. It would just be awkward because I didn’t know them, so it was a lot to unload for just meeting and I didn’t know what to say. But hey, if they needed to just vent then I’m glad I was able to listen.  Do you flinch easily? I��m jumpy. Have you ever had an alter ego? What were they like? No. Why do / don’t you like roller coasters? I’m a scardy cat and also they’re too jerky for me, which isn’t good for my back. Have you ever wanted an identical twin? I did when I was a kid. Do you use a ‘baby voice’ when you speak to kids or animals? Yeah. What does your laugh sound like? I have no idea how to describe that. Have you ever been called a Drama Queen? Did you take it as a compliment? XD I have. I was confused cause I definitely don’t consider myself to be. Do you already have your life planned out? Not even a little. I have no idea what I want to do or where to go from here. Do you eat breakfast in the morning? What do you have? Usually. I like scrambled eggs with cheese and spinach. When was the last time you had butterflies in your stomach? Why? Recently, but not the good kind. I haven’t felt the good kind in a long time. Do you have any special skills? What like? No. Tell me a slang word from where you live: (If there is one o.O) “Hella” used to totally be a California thing, but now it’s more common. I think “hyphy” or “going dumb” might be some. I don’t know. Oh, and I’m told it’s a Californian thing to say, “Yeah, no” and “No, yeah.” Like, “Yeah, no we’re definitely not going.” and “No, yeah it’s fine.” OH and real kicker, “Yeah, no, for sure.” lol. I think also words like, “stoked” and “gnarly” may have originated here and the whole valley girl thing, too. That stuff is more common now, though.  Is there anyone who bugs you, but you don’t know why? Not currently, but I have felt that way about some people before. When in public, do you talk to random people for fun? Uh, no. That’s definitely not me. Have you ever been on medication? What for? Yes, depression, anxiety, and pain management. And antibiotics, but I’m talking about stuff I took/take long-term. Although, there was a time I was on antibiotics for a few months. Do you customize everything you own? No. What pattern / colour is on your favourite shoes? White with 3 black stripes on both sides. Have you ever worn something so much it got hole-y? Yes. What noise makes you feel sick? (Fingers on a chalk board, etc) Not sick, but eating sounds (slurping, smacking, sucking, chomping) sounds drive me inSANE. Would you be embarrassed to let your parents read your text messages? No. They’re all from them and my brother anyway, with just a few from my Nana. lol. Do you prefer platonic or romantic relationships? Uh friends are nice and a romantic relationship is nice, too. I don’t have any of those currently, though. Would you rather direct or star in a movie? Neither. Are you a member of any clubs? Which ones? Proud member of the Losers Club. ha. Describe your dream hairstyle: I just need to get it dyed and styled again. I like how it looks after I get it done. Do you own anything glow in the dark? No. What was your favourite TV show when you were a kid? I watched Nick Jr, Disney Channel, PBS, Kids WB, Fox Kids, Saturday morning cartoons on ABC like Recess and Pepperann, and Cartoon Network. What’s your favourite TV show now? I have a few. What’s your favourite flavour ice-pop? If you’re talking about what I call Otter Pops, then I like the blue, green, red, and pink ones. Do you prefer odd or even numbers? Do you have a reason why? My favorite number happens to be even, but I don’t have a thing for even numbers. Or odd numbers.  Have you ever kept a scrapbook? Yes. How many times have you moved house? Are you happy where you are now? I think 4 or 5, but only once that I’m old enough to remember. And no, I’m not. We want to move and have wanted to for a long time, but we haven’t been able to. Have you ever made an animation? What of? I’ve made gifs. How do you cope with stress? Not well. Do you prefer butter or margarine? Butter.