#it’s just frustrating bc i was excited to explore this concept but i don’t want to upset anyone

[lavenderpop]

eh, probably going to leave daughters of draxum alone, writing dark shit of teenagers is upsetting to some people and i’d rather drop it

i’ll figure something else out ig

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

Hi this may not be new to everyone but I was recently introduced to the concept of questioning God. I was raised with the idea that you do not question Them bc who do we think we are to question God, and to question Them is to lack faith. I'm still trying to wrap my head round this new idea so sorry if this sounds really silly and naive but why would we want to question God? And is questioning God=lack of faith? Sorry if this was messily worded

Hey there, anon! When you’ve been raised never to question God, the idea of questioning them can be kind of scary -- but hopefully you will find it to be freeing and empowering and enriching, too! 

Now, I think most Christians would ascribe to some sort of “who are we to question God?” type mindset, as you name. I think I probably do, insofar as that means I tend to understand God as omniscient; I do believe that God’s answers and God’s will are Right and Just, are Correct, and that I don’t really have any hope of “proving God wrong.” But even so, it’s not a failure of faith to question anyway! As this post will assert, questioning is a healthy and powerful part of faith. 

For in questioning God, in going on a journey of reflection and asking God what the heck is up, I will learn and grow -- I will discover what God’s will truly is, and just why it is Right and Just. And I will grow deeper in relationship with God on the way. 

___________

(Before expounding on all of that, I want to add that there may well be some Christians who do believe that God might could be proven wrong -- or at least that God is open to learning and changing God’s mind! Diversity of faith and interpretation is valuable and worthy of respect. 

After all, there are stories in scripture where God changes Hir mind -- Xe is convinced by Abraham not to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah if even just 10 righteous people live there; and by Moses to spare the people of Israel. 

And then there is one of my favorite stories from the life of Jesus, i.e. God Incarnate, where he seems to get schooled by a Canaanite or Syrophoenician woman. I’ve got a sermon on this very story and what it might mean about God’s relationship with us as one open to give-and-take, growth and change! 

If I’m not mistaken, a faith that makes room for the possibility of God changing God’s mind is more similar to most Jewish persons’ beliefs about God than a “God is always right. period.” type mentality. Anyway, back to the main point of this post!)

___________

Questioning God does not = a lack of faith. After all, countless faithful figures in scripture asked questions of God, from Moses to Habakkuk, from the psalmist to Jesus himself. See this post for examples!

In fact, many say that questioning God is actually evidence of a deep and vibrant faith. (Again, this idea is a Big Deal for our Jewish neighbors.) 

If you dare to question, if you spend time and energy pondering hard topics and you engage with God as you do so, that’s a sign that you care. That you want to know what is true about God, what is true about God’s will for us. You’re not willing to swallow lies or submit to easy answers. That’s powerful faith. As Rachel Held Evans puts it in her book Inspired,

“If I’ve learned anything from thirty-five years of doubt and belief, it’s that faith is not passive intellectual assent to a set of propositions. It’s a rough-and-tumble, no-holds-barred, all-night-long struggle, and sometimes you have to demand your blessing rather than wait around for it.”

___________

Now, saying all this stuff about faith probably requires a redefining of faith. If you’ve grown up being told that faith is as simple as believing in God, as not doubting God’s existence or God’s will, all of this stuff about faith being a struggle or a conversation with God or any of that doesn’t make much sense. So here are some quotes + places you can go to explore new meanings of just what faith is:

“The opposite of faith is not doubt, it’s certainty -- because what need do the certain have for faith?” - Science Mike, The Liturgists. 

"The opposite of faith is not doubt, but certainty. Certainty is missing the point entirely. Faith includes noticing the mess, the emptiness and discomfort, and letting it be there until some light returns." - Anne Lamott, Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith

It can also be helpful to understand faith not as an achievement, but as a gift -- not something we earn, but are given freely. See this post. 

The idea of faith being a journey with ups and downs, and doubt not being faith’s enemy but a healthy part of it, can be explored in this posts + the posts linked in that one.

I find Barbara Brown Taylor’s discussions of a full solar faith vs. a lunar faith in her book Learning to Walk in the Dark very helpful when discussing a relationship with God that allows us to bring Her all our questions and doubts and messy emotions. I described her idea of the perils of a full-solar faith in which we cannot question God and must act happy & thankful all the time in this older post.

____________

Okay. Let’s get to the part of asking questions of God that excites me the most -- using our questions as a way to enrich our relationships with God!

God longs for real, mutual relationships with us -- and that can’t happen if we are unquestioningly obedient, right? A relationship cannot be one-sided; it cannot be unbalanced; it must involve a willingness on both sides to hear the other out. It must allow for vulnerability, for confusion, for communication. 

In asking questions of God, we can grow in relationship with Them. And we will be following in a long tradition of good and faithful people who have done the same! 

Here’s a quote on how sharing our questions and frustrations with God can actually deepen our relationship with them:

"My favorite Quaker example of this willingness to confront God is a story told by a woman who was so frustrated with her life she began berating God. For nearly an hour, she told God how pissed off she was with Him. Finally, her anger subsided and she heard a “still, small voice” whisper to her: “Finally, we can have an honest relationship.”"

- Anthony Manousos

And another quote about how letting God in on our anger or frustration towards Them is an important part of being honest and connecting with Them:

“Is it ever acceptable to be angry at God? I would suggest that it is not only acceptable, it may be one of the hallmarks of a truly religious person. It puts honesty ahead of flattery.” - Harold S. Kushner

_____________

An additional reason we would want to question God is because sometimes, what we are really questioning is whether a certain thing we have been told is actually of God is or not. Often, when we question God what we’re really questioning is the ideas of God that have been fed to us by other human beings. 

For instance, if we have been told that the Bible holds nothing but God’s direct word and will, and then find passages that seem to promote harmful things like genocide or slavery, it is right and good and human to question whether such things are actually promoted by God! 

“Accepting the Bible’s war stories without objection threatened to erase my humanity. ‘We don’t become more spiritual by becoming less human,’ Eugene Peterson said. How could I love God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength while disengaging those very faculties every time I read the Bible?” - Rachel Held Evans, Inspired

Or if we’ve been told that LGBT relationships are not God’s will, but then we see such relationships bearing good fruit while the repression of an LGBT identity bears bad fruit, it’s sensible and good to question what God’s will in this matter really is.

"If same-sex relationships are really sinful, then why do they so often produce good fruit—loving families, open homes, self-sacrifice, commitment, faithfulness, joy? And if conservative Christians are really right in their response to same-sex relationships, then why does that response often produce bad fruit—secrets, shame, depression, loneliness, broken families, and fear?" - Rachel Held Evans

For more on this element of questioning God that is more about questioning scripture or certain church teachings / leaders, see my “Framework for Interpreting Scripture” page on my website. 

_________

I’ll close by commending to you my #wrestling God tag. There you will see many examples of faithful people asking God questions, bringing their difficult emotions and their doubts to God, and even getting snarky with God! For instance, a post with verses expressing anger or confusion towards God.

Finally, if you dive into what it means to ask questions of God, things might get overwhelming for a while -- some people find that taking these steps causes them to feel like everything they thought they know about God has changed. If that happens to you, I’ve got a post that aims to guide you through some steps to getting to know God again. 

Best of luck to you, anon, as you continue your faith journey! Please let me know if you have any more questions as you go! 

[mrvelsavengers]

ok. so i finally finished/caught up mlb and here are my thoughts

1. shipping on this show is v imteresting bc i like ladynoir but i’m not a fan of ladybug and adrian, but i DO like the concept of marichat and adriennette is v cute but i think marinette needs to explore/consider different ppl besides adrien so i like lukanette. and i love kagami i think she’s v interesting but i’m not in love w/ KAGAMI AND ADRIEN, and i think that covers most of canon..?

2. so now that ladybug is a guardian, will she eventually forget EVERYTHING including her own personal life bc that what looks like happened to master fu? but then i was thinking bc there CAN be multiple guardians that if chat noir becomes a guardian then adrien and marinette can forget together and then eventually start all over and fall in love or smtg

3. we saw that glimpse of future ladybug and chat noir and we know it’s still marinette but chat noir asks abt himself in that episode which freaked me the FUCK out bc what if adrien isn’t chat noir in the future but i REFUSE TO THINK LIKE THAT bc bunnyx said that ladybug and chat were *multiple fingers in different directions* so i’m convinced that’s bc THEIR (adrien and marinette’s) dynamic is the same. so GOOD. but i wonder if we will ever see future ladybug and chat again bc i think i would absolutely LOVE THAT

4. From what i’ve seen -semi- unpopular opinion, but while i don’t hate chloe, i do think it made sense for her to switch to hawkmoth’s side and even tho they say that she is irredeemable i don’t think that is entirely true, but she was really desperate for the miraculous and w/ every being in her ear abt ladybug not trusting her or not being as close to her as she thinks herself to be that makes sense. but yeah i like chloe when she’s around ladybug and likes her haha

5. lila is singlehandedly the most frustrating character i think i’ve ever met EVER. i can’t recall a single character and i’m 19!! and have watched SO many shows now that have irritated me as much as she has. holy. shit.

5. i’ve seen a lot of felix hype and honestly *EYE* don’t get it bc i was not a fan and he lw creeped me out bc i have a fear of like evil twins lmaoo but yeah seeing ppl actually like him was v interesting

6. i want marinette to be with luka in s4 for a few reasons, besides thinking they’re adorable, this might come out wrong but i don’t know how else to say it, it might help mari mature a bit when it comes to romance and stuff? i know she’s still very young i think 14..? but i want her to just one day start acting ~normally~ around adrien and i want him to NOTICE it and be sort of like “???” and then maybe sort of see her and luka and maybe he hasn’t been able to spend much time with his friend bc she’s off with alyssa and luka and he sort of misses her and her stumbling over words and falling and stuff

7. the time when he told lila she better fix her shit and tell the truth abt mari and how that was actually one of the v few rare times (maybe THE ONLY I CANT RMBR) we saw adrien AS adrien not chat noir intimidate someone or even just drop his be kind to everyone bc they all probably have deeper reasons for being the way they are thing he has

‼️‼️ NY SPECIAL SPOILERS ‼️‼️

8.

a. full offense but if i wasn’t already convinced adrien has some unrealized feelings for marinette well that entire thing proved it. oh let’s dance marinette, this is the SONG we’ve danced to before.

but also the RARE times adrien has considered the idea of marinette being ladybug he is NOT mad abt it and i think it’s bc he starts piecing their similarities together and since he spends more time w ladybug than marinette (i think) it sort of makes sense in a way that it’s ladybug that he loves ... i didn’t explain that right at all lol

b. sidenote— this shit was so cute. he was so excited to sit next to her, so quick to help her w her suitcase and offer to switch seat when she said it was too hot and helping her when she kept bumping into the door or tripping and helping her up and yeah <3

[malepresentingleg]

is it 2013 again? cause i have a rant about teen wolf coming and i feel 16 y/o.

so due to dome heavy procrastination I've consumed a lot of teen wolf content, i skipped a bunch of episodes and a lot of scenes in the ones i haven't but i still have some Thoughts TM

it's good??? i had a Good Time watching, it was funny but intense and dark and i felt Feelings watching, some of the plotlines were meh (or maybe i just skipped them heh) but a lot were interesting and i loved the characters and their interaction

scott. my sweetheart. my baby. such a cutiepie, such a great protagonist 10/10 i love him and would die for him. he's so pure and cute and his little smile melts my heart. i love how he's fundamentally Human no matter how non human he is. he's a great character all around and i kinda wish they didn't do that shit to him at the end (imma get there) or treated him like he ISN'T the protagonist for such big parts of the shows

people KNOW. Stiles knows from day one, allison finds out soon, his mom finds out in season 2! the sheriff in 3, and they just become part of the gang and can help them with stuff bc they UNDERSTAND. shows like that get really tiring when the teens constantly lie to everyone around them and it was very refreshing. the running gag with the coach ruining things tho was funny and I'm ok with it.

Ok this is mellisa appreciation time. she's SUCH a great, complex and unusual mom-of-hero character. i absolutely love her and her attitude, i love how she's not simply being used as a tool to cause scott pain (just.. sometimes) and their relationship is parenting goals.

also isn't it fucking hilarious how she's a nurse but she just knows everything medical. she's also a surgeon and a mortician and a doctor. ik it's for plot reasons but it funny af.

in general women on the show.. had a lot of potential, i love them, but i hate how they were treated.

allison was all around great imo, her and scott's relationship was built very well and was two sided from the start (unlike... yeah), she has emotions, she's smart and brave, but also human and scared, she kicks ass and, again, exists outside of Scott's GF status (mostly). andddd they killed her. idk if the actress had to/wanted to leave or it was a pure writers decision bc they needed to keep just her father or something, but that would have been ok if not for all the other things

we have 3 main kickass ladies with powers- lydia, kira and malia. lydia spent close to FIVE whole seasons not knowing anything about her abilities/not knowing how to control them. cmon, it gets old. scott masters his powers after a season or two (and had control a lot sooner), parrish finds out what he is like half a season after it becomes relevant etc.

malia- do i need to explain? she was CONSTANTLY struggling controlling her abilities, no matter how badass she supposedly was. and kira oh boy, they did her dirty, didn't they?

kira was such a cute adorable character. i loved her and her little crush on scott and wanting to make friends and being freaked out about relationships, i love her discovering her past and heritage and learning to fight and gaining control and becoming a badass. but. what? they just undid all this? oh no the fox is taking over she has no control no agency of her own she needs to disappear for years now bye :( again, idk if the actress needed to leave but it was so unsatisfying and was insulting to the character. she wasn't even mentioned later a bunch like allison was, just they needed her mom for a plot tool and didn't even acknowledge it was her sword they were breaking. uhm rude?

LET WOMEN HAVE POWERS AND BE AWESOME WITH THEM. and not just minor/bad characters thanks.

i love the concept of a pack on the show and how you don't have to be a werewolf to be a part of it, how scott becomes a true alpha and how he cares about his friends. i kinda feel like in later seasons him being an alpha was more talk than show which like /: meh. like i said, he stopped BEING the main character, just talked about as if he was.

i love how friendship is valued, but i think it could be more.. i mean the scene in the motel, all season 3b, scott and lydia, all the girls with each other.. i love it. too many times tho it "wasn't enough" and only romantic love worked which SUCKS. in 6a i was so happy scott went in to try and remember stiles and the memories hit me right in the heart. then when it "wasn't enough" i was SO pissed and frustrated goddammit. i guess that leads me to the next point-

ships, should i talk about ships? i don't want hate in my asks but oh well it's been a few years maybe there's no fandom to care. I'll start with the end

malia and scott. what. the. fuck. when, out of fucking no where, they had like a lingering look or something i was just "nope. no thanks". and then every scene they had together i had to cover my eyes bc it felt so wrong and bad and awkward. jesus. no build up at ALL, they're like family, i just. ew. no. it felt way too much like "oh we gotta pair off the leftovers" or "the main character can't end up single" well guess what, he fucking can. it was. god. i can't even explain the disgust. when he needed to heal and all she had to do was kiss him ugh. it felt so fake and empty of meaning. i would 100% prefer for it to be stiles (I'll get there) or his mom who snapped him out of it.

melissa and chris, i could get aboard with that. def cute, def weird af since his dead daughter was dating her son but, well.

stiles and lydia is a ship i have conflicting feelings about. i absolutely hate the concept of "the nerd" is in love with the popular girl since freshman year and he's borderline being a creep ("oh but it's stiles! he's a dork and he's harmless" no.), completely obsessed with her and she ignores him but then they end up getting together.. i mean, it sends a bad msg to obsessed boys about how it's worth it in the end, and it makes the whole relationship feel unbalanced from the start, makes her reciprocation feel unatural. BUT, i have to admit the show did kinda make me warm up to this ship by the end, curse them. it was kinda cute. i wish there was more mutualness before it became such an important part in 6a tho.

just gonna put it out there: malia/kira and lydia/allison. i wish we saw more girl on girl interactions in general but the ones we had were very good, great dynamics.

i won't get too much into it but i.. i don't ship st*rek. i understand why they're the biggest ship (two white hot boys that interact with each other, i mean.), and i see the couple of fan service-y moments the show throws at us but just. they don't have my heart, i don't really care about them. not the characters, the characters i absolutely love! (tho this watch i skipped most of season 1 and 2 and 3a and i think that's where derek is the most asshole.. didn't he do really bad things? idr) idk if you want a bad character on the way to redemption with someone you should ship liam and theo who had way better shippy chemistry imo, even tho their ship probably wouldn't be healthy given their dynamic history, huh.

the ship that does owns my heart? scilies. I'm a softy when it comes to best friends to lovers, and their bond and relationship is just. so. pure. don't get me wrong, i love me a good platonic relationship, but there was just one to many homoerotic interactions between them for me not to ship it, hard. (not to be that person but my guess is that if Scott was white it would have been a way bigger ship, but who knows?) i love their love, i love they would do anything for each other, and i feel like there were a bunch of very missed opportunities for them in later seasons :(

so representation. this feels like a show that is trying to be Woke TM but it's not going so well. the main character is supposedly latino but it's never ever addressed. idc about "oh we want a world without prejudice" you can still fucking address it. i mean they went to Mexico a couple of times, stiles keeps saying "Mexican cousin" i mean. god. give us something. did i mention scott was told he'd make a great "nazi youth" ..

and you don't need to be a genius to see the most characters are very white or at least very white passing. and when you don't address their non whiteness they might as well be..

i already mentioned how poorly i feel kira was treated, but also mason, who is a wonderful character, gets no depth? we know nothing about him other than being gay and smart pretty much.

i also spoke about the women already but, they were really really great women characters, but not enough of them, not enough that lasted.

there's not much to talk about disability bc it just wasn't on the show. the only blind character was healed which. /: same with epilepsy and asthma..

i think the show is probably very proud (ha) with their LGBTQ+ rep bc they're like "oh let's make this insignificant couple gay bc hey nbg". examples are lydia's grandma, La Bete and marcel, i think nolan and jiang were exes and then nolan and gabe were a thing? idr if it was explicit. the couple of girls in the tent.. probably a couple more. it's nice, def better than all random couples being straight but that's not satisfying as rep.

Danny was great. i think he and ethan were.. cute? i think he was awesome, i loved danny so much and was very excited to learn he KNOWS at the end of season 3 and was waiting to see him join the pack. instead he fucking disappeared?! wtf. #WhereDidDannyGo

brett was cute rep, especially being bi but i feel like it could go into the insignificant pool which, again, is better than nothing.

mason and corey i just don't have strong feelings about. they were definitely cute and I'm glad they were together, i love mason A Lot. i think this relationship could be explored more, or at least the characters could be explored more to give this relationship more depth.

very interesting how there's no wlw canon couple, not even hinted. just fan servicey hot malia kira dance which /:

not to mention transgenderness. god can you imagine the interesting plotline of transitioning while being a werewolf 0:

i think the rep i was most happy about was ethan and Jackson. even tho i don't think there was build up or clues in the first couple of seasons, I'm happy for the actor who i know was struggling with coming out publicly, and it was very fun and refreshing for the ending. even if we got very few scenes with them the dynamic was 10/10

the biggest problem is obviously stiles. i just don't understand why, if they're so supposedly progressive, they went to that length to queerbait without following through. the whole gag of wanting to be attractive to danny and to gay guys, the whole "aww danny want to have sex with me that's so nice", the whole "do you like guys too?". it's a gag. his alleged bisexuality is the butt of a joke, and it pisses me the fuck off. they don't have to make it a big deal or have him get a bf for it to be official. it wasn't subtle subtext. it was a CHOICE. to put a spotlight on his sexuality but not deliver. -100/10 would not recommend.

also they could talk about his mental health more.

and about Scott's, please and thank you.

and everyone's.

i had some more feelings, like villains changing sides without getting a proper redemption and having no consequences, the wholesomeness of the sherriff and mellisa being each other's kids second parent eichen house (wtf??), and more, but i think i wrote enough for now.

tl;dr- good show with A Lot of problems, will always have a place in my heart bc I'm a nostalgic gal.

[chocolate-raspberries]

Thoughts on season 2 of The Order, BIG SPOILER WARNINGS FOR SEASON 2. Also this is kinda rambly and unedited I apologize in advance

Okay, to start overall I did enjoy this season a lot, possibly more than the first season. I want to start with discussing the plotline. I read this in another review (by @georgesezra ) that the 2 episode formula works very well and I highly agree with that. I think overall, in the beginning the pacing went well for the mini-plots that the show is going for. The way the plot is built up, with distractor antagonists/ not the top antagonist ( Salvador ) is very reminiscent to me of early seasons of Teen Wolf ( especially season 2 with the Kanima storyline but this is not a Teen Wolf Review. )

The Early episodes were the best episodes, in my opinion, the amnesia plotline was resolved relatively quickly, but there still was some fun with it, especially with seeing Jack as a cheerleader. Also Blonde Jack, definitely the best move and I really missed the blonde in later episodes. The first half of the season the Knights Dynamic felt like it was there and real. They want to Be the Knights of St. Christopher and outside of the Order, not the Order’s pets whenever they need werewolf strength.

However, things to me go to shit when Lilith goes to the demon realm. All of a sudden many characters seem to go slightly ooc without the proper character development shown in the show. I’ll discuss this more when I touch on certain characters, but Hamish especially seemed to take a complete 180 this season, but didn’t show on the screen how we eventually lead up to that point. 

Going back to the main plot, I really enjoyed the concept of Praxis, Salvador and liberating magic. The dilemma of keeping magic only to those deemed worthy by a secret organization most people are unaware of, with their own set of strict rules where people are expected to not question the authority of the grand magus. Battled with the complete choice of free will and that everyone should be able to wield magic. Those two ideas battling is a very good concept and I wish it could’ve been used a little more or introduced earlier into the season. I think the first place we see this idea is with Rogwan. The demon that takes fear away from oneself. So, people are going completely based on their first instinct without the fear of death. This, in my opinion, is foreshadowing to what could happen if everyone could use magic. That it sounds good in concept, a life without fear sounds good, but quickly can turn disastrous and cause ( in this case ) the Apocalypse.

Parallels and callbacks are very well done this season and I loved them. With the repeated Jokes of Randall calling Hamish different nicknames, the repeated discussion of Hell versus Demon Realm with the Knights. Callbacks to events that happened in the first season. Bringing back Kyle and Professor Clarke. Showing the difference between having Midnights hide on Jack versus Silverback. Also, still showing that they are college students who are trying to just go through college, especially with Jack saying how he needs to pass his exam to keep his scholarship etc. These are things that the show does very well

Moving onto my thoughts of characters

Starting with Nicole, she was only a side character but I really enjoyed her when she was on the screen. She had a lot of conflicting morals with helping the order versus her affection for Lilith. When Lilith leaves her only concern is getting her back, seemingly more than the knights which I’ll touch on later. She spends seemingly all of her time after that trying to save Lilith and it is very apparent she just wants to use magic for the good of others, but the limitations of the order does not allow her to do so - “ the only altruistic thing i have done so far is fix someone’s car”  I hope we get to see more of her in a season 3 and see her develop more

The Sons of Enoch and Orbin. I’m going to be honest I didn’t necessarily care that much for this plotline. The thought of a hive mind is a very interesting concept and I did enjoy how they show’d to explore this concept. However, it seems like The Order makes this alliance with them and then it’s never used?? Also Alyssa joining this collective so soon ( ik she was on the juice but still ) it seems that Alyssa easily pledges loyalty to groups without getting the full story, I’ll touch on that later, but it was a frustrating to watch with her so easily trusting them despite Jack’s protests and the original reason they were there. However, the makeup and set design for Tree Jack was wonderfully done, all of the Sfx makeup is done super well 

Gabrielle turned into one of my favorite characters this season. I hated her character last season, with the whole being a complete bitch and unnecessarily cruel ( the truth glove. ) However, we get to see her have a lot of growth this season. Showing that she wants to be part of a group and have friends, she just uses her bitchness as a deflect ( smartly pointed out by Randall, I’ll touch on the relationship later. ) Her early season with her treating Jack as her pet was annoying, but at least entertaining, like I said I was a big fan of blond Jack. Seeing her being willing to help the Knights on their various quests to help save Lilith or help Jack is nice, sure I’d rather have Lilith, but at least Gabrielle is given time to have character growth. Having Midnight choose her as a champion was a good plot choice in my opinion. I’m not sure in the long run if it was, but for what it was in season 2 I liked it. She wanted to find a group that she could fight for and would fight for her, and the Knights seemed to be more than The Order. However, seeing her try to fight Midnight off, fight Kyle off and seeing her completely vulnerable is a nice change and I’m hoping is a season 3 we get to see more of the other sides of Gabrielle. However, her character seemed to be one of the most consistent while being able to have growth

Getting to the Knights

Starting off with Randall. I loved him this season a lot. His struggle with just wanting to be a knight and sticking to what he knows to be the Knights of St. Christopher is refreshing to see throughout the season. Especially in the fear chamber when his biggest fear was having to join the Order. Also is this our fears or a sight of the future was very spot on. I’m glad that the Lilith/Randall plotline was thrown out bc it was an out of nowhere part of season 1. Being not only comic relief but being able to show more strength and fight for what he believes in, which in this case is just saving Lilith, is nice to see. However, with Hamish being out of commission in my opinion it seemed like a lot of Randall’s options were limited. I highly enjoyed him killing Kepler but keeping it from Nicole in the finale. It finally seemed like something the Knights would do and how they would do anything to save a fellow knight

Lilith, we sadly did not get to see her much this season. I’m not sure if this was a prewritten plotpoint of Devery Jacobs had other projects she had to film outside The Order. However, looking at it from a storyline point it is a very poor choice in my opinion. Lilith is a fighter and she is not scared to stand up to authority. She would have put Hamish in his place for fulling committing to the Order and many things would have gone different this season, besides her being thrown to the side as a “we have to save Lilith” storyline that continuously gets put on hold. It is interesting to see what will come out of demon/werewolf Lilith in a season 3

Okay, let’s get to Hamish. Now listen I love Hamish especially in season1 and early season 2. However, the whole Vera/Hamish plotline that mostly takes place offscreen totally changes his character. Now, self-growth is important, but this seemed to be a 180 that came out of nowhere. From season 1 to killing Jack for being in the Order to not saving Lilith due to having to help the order just seems so ooc to me. Also, turning completely sober, like I said personal growth is good if we see it on camera, not when we are just told it is happening behind the scenes. However, I did really enjoy him in the early Praxis scene where he pretended it was a very good magic show, and I still love seeing his character on screen, it just was very frustrating to have this flip where it kinda came out of nowhere.

Jack Morton. I really liked Jack this season a lot. The beginning of the season I was a huge fan of vengeful Jack. With just wanting to get revenge on The Order and kill them all. Honestly was a big fan of that Jack and how his feelings were amplified by having Midnight. Then, the internal struggle of having both hides and the discussion in the collective unconscious of how it is a choice of what kind of person he wants to be and there are no wrong choices.  He had a lot of character growth this season as well. Still the non-rule follower, but this time around it is complete revenge on one character like with coventry. He truly seems to want to do the right thing for the people around him. Taking many sacrifices this season - fear chamber, confessing to the murder, multiple times facing Praxis!Alyssa. He is willing to do what it takes to make things right. Again, a complaint I had about Hamish is putting Lilith on the backburner, especially when Jack was there when it happened. However, Jack did have previous loyalty to the Order and he is shown being a person who struggles to stay on one path ( what is my actually major? ) Jack still makes a very good lead for the show and I am excited to see what the future holds for him in later seasons

This is going to be a controversial opinion, but I do not like Alyssa Drake. This does not go to say I don’t understand where her character’s motives come from, because I do. I also think it is very interesting to make her the final villain in the show. She wants to feel like she has control over her life and magic gave her that. She has said multiple times that magic is her life. So, finding out that Vera betrayed her by not destroying the Vade Mecum that blocks her magic would definitely be a good cause for her to not trust the order. To finally see Jack and fellow knights season 1 opinions. That everyone in the order is inherently selfish. And it is hard to dismiss that. Higher ups, especially the nogstic council ( that definitely is spelled wrong sorry ) are shown that they will do anything out of their own selfish needs. Saying all this and understanding Alyssa’s motives still doesn’t make me like her. She is easily manipulated by people - Coventry, the sons of Enoch, and now praxis. With this desire to be her own person completely, she loses sight of who she is. Alyssa tends to dedicate herself to one idea and sticks to that without listening to the insight of others. Season 1 with not initially believing Jack about Coventry, not listening to him about the sons on enoch. It all came to a head with Praxis. Now, I don’t believe some white boy needs to save her. I think Alyssa just needs time to figure out - who she wants to be, where her moral standings are, etc. Her delve into completely taking away Vera’s power and doing anything to get the incantation can either be seen by her being influenced by - Salvador, the Vade Mecum, or she has lost herself again. This is very reminist of me to the character or Alice from The Magicians ( whom I also am not the biggest fan of, but that is due to poor writing choices etc. not a Magicians review ) I hope in season 3 and beyond Alyssa can figure out what person she wants to be and find some sort of closure, but as it is now she is dead, so there may be a collective unconscious storyline there. It would be interesting to see her maybe talk to Ellie in there?? Idk just some ideas

Vera Stone. She stole the show. I loved Vera a lot this season. Seeing her still be a baddass and command a room is nice. It is nice to see a powerful woman in charge of an organization and not just seen as a mean bitch or completely characterized that way. Of course there is the whole side plot of  Kepler undermining her and trying to get her replaced which is frustrating. Especially from the perspective of seeing it as another woman trying to take down a woman in power. However, seeing that Vera is trying to do the right thing and is able to make the tough choices is pleasant to see. She understands that her ideas are not always ideal, but there isn’t very many options to run off of. Especially when most of our main cast doesn’t necessarily listen to what she has to say. I hope we get more of a backstory to Vera after seeing what she did under the hive mind of the sons of enoch and having her and Jack being able to bond more after that is nice. The dynamic between Jack and Vera is very well written and I like how it is explored. Although Vera is strict she still understands that these are young adults, who question authority, make mistakes, and believe that they have the right vision about the world. I am a huge Vera Stone fan and this season did her well. Her losing her magic and paralleling that to Alyssa is important to show. Both of them are more similar than they believe and both of them felt completely lost without their magic. In Vera’s case she wished she was dead instead of lost without her magic. However, how they deal with it is different, despite losing her magic, losing who she is, she still does everything she can in her limited power to save the world and try to save Alyssa along with it. I am excited to see what her storyline delves into for a season 3.

Now onto relationships

As said by @madroxed the Order cannot write a good relationship and I agree wholeheartedly. They probably put what I am going to say in words better, but I have a very similar viewpoint if you want to read their review.

Starting off with Randall and Gabrielle. It isn’t horrible, I think, like most relationships on this show, came out of nowhere. All of a sudden they are in this on and off relationship this is mostly shown offscreen, giving us little leadway what happens behind scenes. I think a frenemies to friends to then maybe in a season 3 to lovers trope would work better. Or just sticking as friends. Randall is the first one to truly call Gabrielle on her facades and I hope that with her becoming Midnight and killing Alyssa there friendship dynamic can be shown more. Not the worst, just started to quickly

Nicole and Lilith. I love more WLW representation especially seeing it come from POC women. I think this relationship has a lot of potential and is good character growth for both of them. Yes, there will be trust issues between the both of them lying to e/o about facets of their lives ( memory wiping, the robbery ), but perhaps this could make a good subplot for season 3. Also I am happy the Randall/Lilith plotline was thrown out because they also just work better as friends

Hamish and Vera. Now this was hinted a little in season 1, and it could be well. If it was written on screen or shown on screen honestly at all. It was just mentioned by Randall “someone is hot for teacher” they both have strong  leadership abilities and understand what it is like making tough choices. However, all this relationship did was make Hamish completely complacent to the Order and he not doing whatever it takes to get Lilith back, whom he has known as a part of his family, brotherhood for a lot longer than Vera.

Jack and Alyssa. I love seeing their complicated relationship on screen. Long are the days of the season 1 instalove trope, that I am not a big fan of. Having them acknowledge that their relationship is toxic to both of them at times, but still establish that they both deeply care for eachother is important. They both are constantly on other sides of whatever situation they are on, but still are willing to risk themselves for the other. I am not sure where I stand on liking or disliking the relationship, but throughout this season I think that the discussions that were started with how they view their relationship is important. 

The ending of Season 2. I’m not sure how I feel. As I have seen many other people say it was rushed ( which I agree with ) and ending on a reel of powerful women being hurt in the arms of men is kinda disheartening to see. It feels like a man! Savior trope. I want to believe it wasn’t written this way on purpose, but seeing it does leave a bad taste in my mouth. That is not to say I didn’t like how the storylines ended, but how they showed the end and having all of the bad happen to women as men watch is,,, not the best.

Overall, these were the goods and bads of the second season of The Order. I still love this show a lot and it’s nice to see the fandom grow bigger. If you read through this whole rambely, unedited mess thank you. Feel free to send an Ask or Message me with your thoughts!

[t100ficrecsblog]

an interview with @changingthefairy-tale​

What are you working on right now? Right now, I’m focused on BellarkeFic-for-BLM (I just got an amazing canon prompt I’m really excited to finish). I’ve also been participating in this round of the Chopped Challenge, which has been fun and challenging. In between prompts, I’ve got two WIPs that I’m slowly cranking through. Shoutout to every single reader who’s been incredibly patient while I’ve been so slow on those updates — though, reminder that you can donate to a BLM organization (even a $3 donation works) and request an update to get those higher on my prio list while I’m focused on that initiative.

What’s something you’d like to write one day? My absolute dream job and the ultimate goal is to become a showrunner for a prime time TV show. I love TV shows — I love the way actors and directors and crew take a script and breath life into it, I love how you take a general idea for a story and mold it into something amazing as you go, I love how a series gives a story more time to be fleshed out and explored, I love the concept of a writers room and collaborating on a story. It’s a different ballgame from fic writing (which I do for fun) and travel writing (which I do for a living), but I’m determined to make it happen. JRoth, I’m coming for your job, babe. 😉

What is the fanwork you’re most proud of? I’m still really new to fic writing, especially compared to some of the powerhouse writers in this fandom. And I’m sure one of my WIPs (when finished) will probably supersede this. BUT, my one-shot about Madi calling Bellamy on The Ring (She called you for 2,199 days) is something I’m really proud of. I’m a long-winded writer, so one-shots have never come naturally to me. This one just…clicked. It’s got some good lines in there that I’m proud of, and based on the feedback I’ve gotten, it really made readers feel something and connect to the story. It’s not my longest story or my most thought-out. But it shows my growth as a writer these past few months, and I’m proud of that.

Why did you first start writing fic? I started writing fic as a creative outlet for my writing. My day job is writing about travel and credit cards. And while I enjoy that, it’s just not as creative. My dream is to write for a TV show though, and I was craving a way to flex my creative writing muscles in a low-stress way. I started watching The 100 when it first came out, but I didn’t really get into the fandom until I came back to the show during the S5/6 hiatus. That’s when I started reading fics and reblogging stuff about the show on Tumblr. During the S6/7 hiatus, I had this idea for a Greys Anatomy AU, and my sister (who is also a major fan of the show) was like, “You literally write things for a living. If you want to write a Grey’s AU for t100, there is absolutely nothing stopping you.” I published my first chapter on that The Choices We Make in Dec. 2019, and the rest is history.

What frustrates you most about fic writing? For me, I think that the most frustrating thing isn’t even about fic writing itself; it’s the fact that it’s a side-hobby and not something I can dedicate my full attention to. When you write all day for your day job, then do some for your freelance gig, and then turn around and try to write for a few hours every night for fic… that gets hard sometimes — especially since starting quarantine where I’m not traveling, going out with friends, getting a break from it, etc. Fic writing is a creative release for me, and I absolutely love crafting and writing these stories that involve some of my favorite fictional characters. And I love interacting with other writers and fic readers, I love talking about ideas and exchanging headcanons and fangirling over my favorite writers’ works. But (because there’s always a but), sometimes I just don’t have the mental energy or capacity to write at the end of the day when I’ve turned in 3 deadlines for work. I’ve got all these ideas floating in my head, but only so much time and mental energy I can dedicate to it.

What are your top five songs right now? Oh boy. So I live alone, which means I’ve got either music or Netflix on in the background 24/7 because ya girl doesn’t like silence. I have a different playlist for different moods. I’ll share my fav song from each of those playlists. Lol Fvck Somebody by The Wrecks (On my “Summer state of mind” playlist for when I wanna dance it out in my kitchen like an idiot)

Don Quixote by Drapht (On @talistheintrovert​’s “My Good Bitch Murphy” playlist for when I’m feeling *edgy*)

that way by Tate McRae (On my “Pandemic Jams” playlist bc I like angsty music and this song is a Bellarke MOOD)

Washington on Your Side from Hamilton (On my “Feeding my Broadway Obsession” playlist for when I wanna sing show tunes and plot overthrowing the government)

Tea by Noah Davis (Shameless plug for Noah bc it’s a bop and I literally dated Noah’s older brother in junior high — so proud of this kid for making his dreams a reality)

What are your inspirations (books, songs, other fic, really good cake)? All of the above, except I like pie more than cake. lol But really, I kind of use everything around me for inspiration. “The Choices We Make” is inspired by my love of Grey’s Anatomy. “Intertwining your soul (with somebody else)” is inspired my the first draft of my YA novel (though the setting was adapted to a grounder canonverse AU). “The Day He Shut That Rocket Door” and “She called you for 2,199 days” were inspired by @historyofbellarke‘s headcanons that were brought up in S7 speccing conversations (shoutout to her for enabling my angsty ass). My most recent WIP “There are some things written in the stars” that I started as part of Chopped (but will continue because I’m obsessed with the idea) is inspired by my love of Timeless. And I have an entire Notion database filled with fic ideas — some one-shots and some multi-chapter fics — that are inspired by quotes, songs, conversations with friends, books I love, shows I adore, random HCs that pop into my head while I watch, my own life experiences, etc. I take inspiration in any form it decides to come in. 💕

What first attracted you to Bellarke? What attracts you now? I’m a ho for enemies to lovers — the idea that you can put your worst foot forward and show someone all the ugly parts of you… and that they’ll see that and somehow look past it to see the good stuff too, falling in love with your whole self instead of just the pretty parts. Yeah, it’s my favorite romance trope. And that tension is what originally drew me to Bellarke. Now, it’s a combination of things. I love each of these characters in their own right. I relate to Clarke in a lot of ways, and I aspire to be her level of badass. I straight adore Bellamy Blake (flaws, stupid decisions, and all) and would marry him in a heartbeat if he were real — I’m not even kidding. lol But I also love their dynamic. They are partners, best friends, perfect compliments to the other. They see each other in a way no one else does, and they are the one person the other constantly risks everything for. They are both so driven by their responsibilities to their people, yet that all typically goes out the window the moment the other is at risk. I don’t believe in soulmates in real life, but it’s nice to get to believe in this fictional world that they are just made for each other.

BESIDES Bellarke, what character or pairing do you like best on t100? My favorite character besides Bellarke is John Murphy. His arc has been BY FAR the best on this show, going from that little shit in S1 to this “asshole we love” in the middle to now a true hero in this final season. And through it all Richard Harmon has been amazing to watch on screen.

My favorite pairing besides Bellarke is Linctavia. Yes, that ship is problematic in a lot of ways, but I still loved their dynamic. Lincoln helped Octavia navigate this new world that she was so desperate to be apart of while being mindful of her safety. And I thought they were a good match — he helped tame her fire without putting it out, and she helped challenge the way he was raised. Given time, I think they could have become one of the most stable and loving relationships on t100. Of course, that couldn’t happen because Jason needed Bell’s actions in 3A to have heartbreaking consequences, O to spiral for her own character journey, and whatever mess happened off-screen between Ricky and him. But they still remain my favorite ship aside from Bellarke.

Why did you decide to start writing for bellarkefic-for-blm? The second I saw that Sam was planning on doing this, I reached out to ask how I could help/write/be involved. The BLM movement is so important, and this is an amazing way for me to contribute while pursuing my passions. It’s a way for the fandom to get involved and do something good. And ultimately, this helps organizations that need donations. Shameless plug for everyone to please go check out the Bellarke Fic for BLM page — check out the many amazing writers and artists we have participating, and send in prompts. Most of us are allowing WIP chapter update requests, and there are a number of us (myself included) who are matching donations made! No donation is too small, and you’ll be supporting a movement that is a necessity in the U.S. and beyond.

What’s your writing process like? My mind is literal chaos, so I plan and outline like hell in order to make sense of everything. When I get an idea for a fic, it goes on my Notion database. Within Notion, I write down my inspiration for the idea, and a pretty in-depth summary of where I want the fic to go — dialogue ideas, any feelings/emotions I want to invoke, literally just a brain dump of all my ideas. From there, I’ll arrange that brain dumb into an outline. If it’s a one-shot, I’ll generally write the whole thing in the Notion doc. But multi-chapter fics will get a checklist within Notion for me to keep track of progress, and I’ll actually write the fic in Google Docs. I generally start writing from the beginning of a story, but if I get stuck or have an idea for a later scene, the fact that I’ve outlined heavily allows me to jump around as ideas come to me. I’ll read each one-shot or chapter after I’m done to make sure it flows before publishing. I post chapters for my WIPs as I write them, which I should really stop doing. lol For my readers’ sakes, I should work ahead and publish on a schedule rather than making them wait for my slow ass to finish chapter to chapter. But right now, that’s my process!

What are some things you’d like to recommend? Oh goodness, too many fics to possibly name. Instead, I’ll link to my AO3 rec bookmarks (which isn’t all-inclusive of the amazing fics I’ve read in this fandom, but it’s got some good favs in there) and shout out all of our awesome Bellarke Fic for BLM writers. Y’all should check out their work (and send in prompts)!

Where’s the best place to find you (twitter? tumblr?) I’m @changingthefairy-tale on Tumblr and @changingthefairy_tale on AO3! My ask box is always open for anyone who wants to scream about the show, ask about specs, talk about my fics, etc. Come say hey!

[badsext]

idk if you're still taking requests but i'd love some more robert/klaus smut bc i think i've read all there is up to date lol, was thinking something hella dirty with a the reader being british, also bonus if it ends with someone else walking in on them ;)))

Kitchen Heat: Robert Sheehan x Female Reader

Thanks for the request, anon!  Requests and comments make me so happy! I hope you enjoy!

Words: ~1800

Warnings: It’s pretty smutty :)

After years of culinary school and working as a sous chef in some of the top restaurants in the UK, you decided to move to Los Angeles to open your own restaurant.  The concept: classic British comfort foods updated to suit the health conscious and eclectic millennial palate.  You had recently been graced with a glowing four star write up in Food and Wine magazine which created quite a buzz.  It also drew the attention of your celebrity obsession, Robert Sheehan.  You’d been a devoted fan ever since Misfits.

The first time he came in the place was jammed!  Your staff struggled to keep up with the demand, but you didn’t want to turn anyone away.  The host seated Robert and his friends at a table far enough away from the kitchen to be considered a good table, but close enough that you had sight lines through the narrow kitchen window.  You observed him talking and gesturing enthusiastically with his friends, imagining what he might be saying about your food.  Whatever it was, he looked pleased and your heart swelled with excitement.

That’s when Kim, the waitress came back into the kitchen saying, “Robert wants to meet the chef.” You nearly had to pick yourself off the floor at the news. 

“Tell them I’ll see them straight away,” you said, imitating confidence.  You ran back to the loo to put yourself together.  Working in a busy kitchen has a way of making you look like you’ve been running a marathon through a food fight.  You took off your apron, restyled your bun and applied a bit of powder to manage the shine.  You looked in the mirror and smiled sarcastically at your reflection.  This was about as good as it was going to get without a shower and a change of clothes.  You bravely walked out to the dining room for Roberts critique.

He smiled and got up from the table when he saw you.  He started clapping and his friends joined.  It was surreal.  The blush heated your cheeks.  You took a little bow in response. 

“Y/N, this food is…I can’t describe it…In tastes like the past and the future.  It’s delicious.  I love it.,” he said, gesturing wildly with his hands. 

You laughed. “Wow, thank you, Robert…I don’t know what to say.“  You really didn’t.

You sat down for a few minutes to chat with the group.  Kim brought you a glass of wine, turned away from Robert, her eyes wide, mouthing the words ‘oh my god.’ You tried so desperately to act casual at first until you actually did feel at ease with your new friends.  Robert was so warm and kind.  He had so many questions.  You tried to learn about his current project but he kept bringing the conversation back to the restaurant and the food.  He was really enthusiastic. 

You soon realized that you were needed back in the kitchen, so you excused yourself and went back to your frazzled kitchen staff.  Your memory of those moments with Robert would be etched into your brain forever.  Now it was back to reality, whisking and chopping, searing and garnishing tall, savory dishes long into the night.

A few weeks later Robert returned to the restaurant.  He was alone this time. It was odd seeing a celebrity dining alone.  He ordered the beef wellington and a glass of red.  He was reading something.  A script maybe?  Kim came back to tell you that he had tipped her a hundred bucks, said he wanted to camp out at the table for the rest of the night.  "I think he’s waiting for you,” she said gently digging her elbow into your ribs.

Your heart started pumping at double speed.  Maybe he was interested in you. God knows you had been fantasizing about him for nearly a decade.  After meeting the real Robert, maybe those fantasies weren’t so crazy after all.  It looked like he was actually a fan of yours.  That realization lit a spark in you as you swaggered out into the dining room and up to Robert’s table, sliding into the booth across from him.  “Hello, Robert.”

He dropped his script, clearly flustered. “Y/N, you surprised me!”

“You came back.”

“Well, the food is amazing and I think I’ve got a thing for the chef,” he said with a shy smile.

“A thing, you say? Let’s explore that, shall we?” You looked down at your watch.  "The restaurant closes in twenty minutes.  I could give you a private tour of the kitchen, then we can hit the pub or something."   

"Yes! I like this plan,” he said grinning. 

You spent the next twenty minutes in a daze of growing anticipation.  You made stupid little mistakes trying to manage the final clean up and prep for the next day.  The cooks and sous chef were headed for the pub.  They asked if you’d be joining them. You mumbled something noncommittal and focused on pulling yourself together.  You were now just seconds away from being alone with Robert.

“Everyone’s gone.  Come with me,” you said, grabbing his hand, surprising yourself with your boldness.  The touch of his skin sent electricity to your brain and back down to the heat between your legs.

The overhead lights were off and pilot light from the stove cast a gentle glow when you entered the kitchen.  Robert stepped in close to you, still holding your hand.  "I’ve had everything on your menu.  His head tilted slightly and his gorgeous green eyes looked deeper into yours.  “Is there something else I can try?”

You smiled, acknowledging the innuendo, but decided it would be more fun to tease him. “I’ve got a new desert I’m working on.  It’s a bit like classic trifle, but I’ve added an American twist.  You went over to the walk-in and returned with your latest experiment.  Robert leaned forward curiously, tucking a wayward curl behind his ear.  He watched intently while you assembled the sponge cake, fresh berries, and cream.  "Let’s see if you can guess the secret ingredient.”  You dipped a strawberry in the cream and slowly brought it up to his lips.  He opened his mouth and devoured it sensually, closing his eyes then moaned softly and exhaled. God, everything this man does is erotic, you thought as you watched him swallow the desert.  You inched closer until your lips were a few centimeters from his. “Bourbon,” you whispered. “It’s the secret ingredient.”

“I didn’t have a chance to guess,” he laughed. You studied his long, curly lashes as he blinked. In what felt like slow motion, his lips finally met yours.  You drew a suddenly necessary breath in through your nose, wondering if this was real.  He slid his hands up around the back of your neck and gently slid his tongue into your mouth.  You tasted the lingering sweetness from the strawberry and creme as your tongue mingled with his.  You hooked your arms around his waist. He pressed his body to yours.  Even through your double breasted, heat resistant chef’s coat you could feel his stiff cock pressed against you.

His hands slid down to the buttons of your coat.  He managed the first few, then became frustrated. He pulled away from the kiss with an audible wet smack.  ��So may buttons,” he lamented with furrowed brows.  You giggled and finished the job, removing the coat.  Your clingy T-shirt was damp with sweat.  You cringed for a second, worried that would kill the mood, but quite the opposite happened.  Robert was intoxicated by your scent.  He kissed your damp neck, peeled the T-shirt up over your head, then removed his own.  His smooth chest and lean muscles took your breath away. 

You thought for a second about the fact that this was happening in your kitchen.  You were about to break every rule in the book, but that just excited you more.  Besides, you’d sanitize the whole goddam place in the morning anyway. 

You hooked your index finger into Robert’s ridiculously low waistband.  You heard the anticipation in his breath.  He grabbed your wrist, and turned your hand over in his so he could softly kiss your palm.  “Not yet,” he said.  You started walking toward the empty stainless steel prep table, looking back at him over your shoulder.  He grabbed your hips and positioned himself behind you, answering your non verbal question.  Then he kissed your back and shoulder blades as you unclasped your bra.  His wet kisses sent shudders down your spine.  He cupped your breasts and gently pinched your nipples while grinding his cock against the small of your back. 

Your pussy was already soaked when you both started feverishly wrestling with your pants.  You kicked off your shoes and Robert took care of the rest.  You stood before him naked but for your socks.  He gave you a boost up onto the table, your knees spread apart.  You leaned forward placing both palms down in front of you.  Robert’s hands grabbed two handfuls of your ripe ass.  You whimpered when he ran his fingers up and down your wet slit, then gasped when he eased them inside you.

You were about to get off on his fingers alone when he slowly pulled them out and replaced them with his mouth.  His lips and tongue explored every part of you from your clit to your asshole and back again. He made swirling rhythmic motions that made you twitch and moan until you came like an earthquake.

Rob guided you down off the table until your feet were back on the ground and gently bent you over. Then he slid his cock inside you, bucking his hips until he was as deep as it would go.  He grabbed your hips and began grinding and thrusting.  Your nipples grazed against the cold stainless steel table with every movement, adding to your pleasure.  Just as you were rounding the corner to your second orgasm the lights flicked on.  You shrieked.  

“Oh shit!”  Kim screamed and shielded her eyes with her hand like you do in the bright sun.  You and Rob tried to cover up the best you could, using your hands as fig leaves. Kim laughed nervously.  “Well, you two…keep calm, carry on,” she mumbled and turned to go, forgetting why she came back in the first place.  “My phone”…she reached awkwardly for the object on the counter… “forgot my phone.”  Then she bolted for the door.  As soon as she was gone you both burst out laughing.

“Y/N, I don’t mean to sound forward, but would you like to come over to my place?”  

You laughed and nodded.  "That sounds lovely, Rob.”

Want more?

@moorehollandplz @helena-way07 @turtlease @zohrayoung @vices-brendon @fangirl110603 @addan-anye @wow4stories @clockworkchild @isabellagiron@lilim13 @becka1703 @this-bitch-actually @ineffablecrowley666 @tootsie-noodels @ohyoubringmejoy @yeetskeetbuddy @klaushollandyoung

[seokjxnnie]

hi, i really enjoy your writing. its clear and detailed and beautiful exactly what i've been searching for. are there any tips you can suggest in improving ones literature? or how to unlock somesort of burried creativity? how do you deal with severe writers block?

the way u got me cheesin real hard i’ll be sleeping well for days 🤧 first of all thank u for the heart palpitations this was very nice to read hehe

i find that when i want to improve my writing, i first need to have something i really want to write about, so that it gives me the motivation to just write and the desire to deliver it well bc it’s an idea/concept i really want to explore. i personally draw inspirations from movies/tv, like when i watch a scene/event that appeals to me i get inspired to elaborate on it on my own. so, i would explore whatever usually gives u the most ideas!

also, while i don’t read many books or fics myself i do sometimes skim bits and pieces of other people’s work that comes onto my dash to see everyone’s different writing style. obviously we’re not trying to steal someone’s work, but i like to see what works for them to make myself think what would work for me. like some writers use beautiful descriptive language to paint the emotions of their story, whereas other people map out exciting and complex events, so it kind of helps me to think what i’d like to do and how i would do it, if that makes sense. and of course doing a lot of reading expands your vocabulary and can teach you flow, structure, development, grammar, etc too.

tbh i write really slow bc it takes a while for me to form my words the way i want, and i am constantly experiencing intervals of writer’s block which is why i don’t update as fast as i’d like to (on top of being a full time student) so i’m so sorry if i’m not much help. just know that you’re on the right track if you’re already expressing interest in wanting to refine your writing! it’s a process that’s sometimes slow and frustrating, just be patient with yourself! also, getting feedback is a huge motivational booster for me too (which is why it’s so important to support your favourite writers with comments and feedback!), so hopefully as u post more u will find more and more of the motivation that’ll keep you going!

good luck babey hehe feel free to keep me updated on your writing journey!!

[lettersandinkstains]

🌼💐💠🍁 // & have a bunch of hearts too, bc u deserve 'em!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

hrjhfjdkhds you are so sweet, Livvy!!

🌼 Your OCs are delightfully multidimensional. Do you have any tips for writers who’re trying to give their characters more depth?

A few things:

People watch. Like, 100%. This can help you figure out how people naturally talk (since we don’t always talk in a formal type of english, ya know?), and transcribe what the people near you are saying and add in description of how they’re sitting / standing, how they’re holding themself. Etc. You could also write a story about this person -- make up what you think their life is like outside of the brief moment you have with them.

Nothing is black and white. Your characters, even if they’re great heroes of far away lands and beat up bad guys and save the princess, need flaws. Nobody is ever 100% morally pure. Your hero could tell little white lies, or maybe they’re bad at cleanliness. People can also easily be contradictory and be someone else, depending on who they’re with. Hell, they could always be late to meetings or dates. Give them flaws, give them ideologies you may not agree with.

Put them in difficult situations. Sure, you control the characters because you’re the author -- however, you can develop your characters very easily if they’re met with a hard situation. For example, Zephyr kills the queen at the end of So Said the King, this goes against Ayathia’s pacifist beliefs and their own morals -- for Zeph, this affects them throughout the second book, added on keeping it a secret from Sage. This causes them to develop a little bit of a guilt complex, and they have to work through it and work up to telling Sage of what they did. (tl;dr: figure out how your character will develop in the situation).

Going from difficult situations to let your characters experience the consequences of their actions. Nothing says character development and character depth is them learning and suffering from the consequence of their actions. Bojack Horseman, as flawed as the show is, does a super good job of this. Your character lied about something important, okay. Let them eventually get caught. What happens?

Give them interests outside of the plot. My character, Lucija, loves to knit and sew. She’s also involved in LGBT+ rights in her country because they affect her as a person. Zephyr, while a prinxe and is supposed to inherit the throne one day, loves the sea and sailing. When it’s plot relevant or when you can, explore these interests. Let us see what else makes your characters excited (but don’t forget you have a story to write!).

Psychology. Okay, this one might be frustrating or boring or might not apply. When your character faces a traumatic event, they might not come out of it very mentally healthy. They might feel guilty for a long time (especially if this is a story where they’ve killed someone for the first time), they might suffer from depression. Explore their brain, explore how they react to these things. Let it become part of the plot in some way. For example, Aston killed his stepfather pre-story, this is something that follows him throughout, and is one of his driving motives (he needs money to pay for his little sister). He struggles with the guilt that came with killing his stepfather and not being able to protect his mother as a child. Aleks struggles with the fact she was bitten by a vampire.

Let their interests vary from yours.

Uhh. I think that’s it?? I’m sure there’s more, but that’s basically what I do!!

(everything else is under the read more because this got long)

💐 Your works are remarkably different from each other. How do you develop concepts that are so independently unique, especially when you have multiple WIPs?

I...don’t know, to be honest. I listen to a lot of music, which influences my stories. Glass Walls came from a dream and then for it, I tend to listen to a lot of punk bands such as Anti Flag and Rise Against (and also, political science major, which also influences the story lol).

I usually worry they all sound the same hfdjks

💠 Your writing style is easy-to-read and accessible yet intellectually rigorous. How did you teach yourself to strike this balance?

Spite. In all honesty, I hate long winded, giant paragraph stories that detail too much (Tolkien, ily but ugghhhh). Also a lot of practice. While my short stories are always shown at first draft, a lot of my other stuff, I do go in and edit and add or remove information that I feel is too much or too boring.

I also live off of feedback from my friends. It nourishes me.

🍁 Your use of sensory details makes me feel fully immersed in your writing. What wisdom can you give to writers who wish to do the same?

Practice! Play with words! Sometimes think, “How would I feel in this situation?” and describe it. Practice describing what you feel in certain moments, such as intense excitement, sadness, content, etc. And describe your surroundings too.

Like what I see out my window right now:

“The night floods the sky, and the orange lights from buildings casts soft orange glows and long shadows. The bikes are locked up and put away for the night, and dark outlines if people move quickly in the biting cold to get inside. The orange leaves sit on brown grass...”

Don’t be afraid for simplicity, because sometimes, simplicity is better than long windedness. Sometimes, you just feel happy or sad, those are different states of mind than elation and depression. 

But all in all, practice and play around. I think a thesaurus is okay to an extent but remember, English is a funny language where just because a word is in the same family, does not mean it’ll convey what you want it to convey and could very much have a different meaning.

[createinfinity]

*just throws the whole Mun talks about the Muse list in here for Rokku bc OCs need more love*

mun talks about the muse

first of all, it has to be said that i love lucy okay. you’re the best. i’ll put some of it under a cut because it’s gonna be a lot.

✍ favourite thing about writing the muse?

their empathy and compassion. rokku is confusing and frustrating and nosy and annoying, but they care so much. they have so much emotional intelligence and they love people. their quirk has very little combat application but they somehow make it work, and they’re going to be such a good hero. they’re going to be some kid with a non combat quirk’s favourite hero and they’re going inspire them to be a hero too. despite all their insecurities, rokku is just so inherently good. they’d do anything for the people that they care about, and i love writing a character who contains so much love in such a skinny little noodle body.

👀 favourite thing about the muse’s appearance? 

their eyes. those big old green eyes. they’re so pretty.

🧥 favourite outfit for the muse?

this emoji won’t load, but whatever.

for this i’m not sure? probably one of their ballgowns from the fantasy verse tbh. in terms of canon verse, i suck at dressing people but rokku has impeccable fashion sense so i don’t really know what their day to day wardrobe looks like as a result.

🌌 favourite alternate version of the muse?

fantasy, definitely. fantasy rokku is so much fun to write. they’re quite different to canon rokku, and i love all of those little differences. figuring them out is a lot of fun, but at their core they’re still rokku. they’re still frustrating and energetic and confusing, they’re just better at hiding what they’re really feeling.

plus, they have a tiny dragon that screams. how could i not love that?

💕 favourite ship for the muse? 

i honestly can’t choose. i love all of my rokku ships so much, for different reasons. they all make sense in their different, varying ways, and i just. i love them.

💔 least favourite ship for the muse?

i don’t have one currently on my blog, but honestly the only ships that would be an absolute hard no from the get go would be with adults. i’d be at least open to discussing and/or exploring other ships, even if in the end they don’t work out.

💢 something about the muse that annoys you?

rokku has no sense of boundaries. because their quirk allows them to access anywhere, they just stroll on in to places. they have no concept of why anyone would want to keep something locked away because locks have never stopped them. i know it’d drive me absolutely up the wall. they mean well, though.

😈 worst thing you’ve ever done to your muse? 

there is actually a whole future plot line that involves a pro hero rokku infiltrating a villain ring. their quirk is of value to them, and with their skill at disguise and the fact that their true identity is a closely guarded secret, they’re the best bet the heroes have. unfortunately, the villains have a mole and are well aware that rokku is coming, and rokku ends up being taken hostage and tortured. part of this involves cutting off the ends of all of their fingers, rendering them quirkless.

they get prosthetics - i figure in this future society, fingertip prosthetics would be a feasible thing - and although they still help out on missions where their hacking skills are of value, they actually end up going back to ua to teach. but yes, the worst thing i’ve done to my muse, although i’ve never actually written it, is have them tortured and made quirkless.

😂 funniest thing that’s ever happened to your muse?

hmm. it still makes me giggle to remember that the reason that rokku is able to even fight at all is because they glittered bombed yamikumo - @quirkless-wonder - and so he dragged their scrawny arse to the training field. it was the perfect kind of karma.

💡 what inspires you to write the muse?

rokku is honestly just really fun to write. i initially wanted to play an oc because that’s what i was the most comfortable doing, and i just kind of fell in love with them. i love playing someone with a passive quirk who is still working to be a hero, and exploring the kinds of things they’d be able to do. pro hero rokku is a riot.

📷 favourite picture/screencap of your muse?

this one! i wasn’t able to find the original screencap, since i probably deleted it, but this one has so much rokku energy in it. when i think of them, this is always the first screencap i think of. happy lil noodle.

📑 favourite part of your muse’s backstory?

rokku never really had any friends until they got to ua. they were picked on for being skinny, and being different, and for their quirk. they were told that they’d never be a hero, because how could they. it’s this part of their backstory that gives them all their insecurities, but keeps them determinedly pushing on anyway, because they’re gonna prove all those people wrong if its the last thing they do.

📝 favourite head canon for your muse?

that they ask for, and are granted, exemption from the sports festival.

rokku is well aware of their own limitations, and they know that they’re never going to be the kind of hero that excels at something like the sports festival. it makes a lot more sense for them to not take part, and to keep their identity hidden. as a pro, rokku is a wealth of information - floor plans, villain quirks, access to security cameras - and they know that it will make them a target, so their true identity is very carefully guarded as a result.

aizawa is so impressed with their self awareness and pragmatism that he gets them an internship with the underground hero network, which is where they end up working as a pro.

😒 is there anything canon about your muse that you ignore?

the fact that they aren’t really canon.

🔮 what do you see in your muse’s future?

happiness. so much happiness. happiness and a job as a hero that they love. they work as a comms expert for an underground hero agency, seeing the field as and when they’re needed. their work is one of the very few things in life that rokku takes seriously, as everyone that works with them speaks very highly of them as a result. rokku is an absolute force to be reckoned with - they have a niche, and they are very good at what they do.

🔥 unpopular opinion about your muse?

rokku replacing mineta when?

i kid, i kid. i don’t know if i have any? they’re mine. all my opinions are therefore simultaneously popular and unpopular.

💭 favourite memory of the muse? 

when they were sad as a child, rokku’s parents would make blanket forts. they’d take rokku’s favourite things in with them and they’d feel safe there. they could talk, if they wanted to, or they could not, and it was always with the knowledge that what was said in the blanket fort stayed in the blanket fort and wasn’t discussed outside of it unless it was deemed necessary. rokku remembers them fondly, and at christmas they stayed at the dorms and built one for everyone. when in a relationship, they sometimes do it for their partner(s) when they’re especially sad, too.

😩 hardest thing about writing the muse?

i feel like this is a hard one because…rokku’s my character? if something is hard it’s my own fault. probably their extroversion, though. i am a definite ambivert and i have to remind myself that rokku doesn’t need time to decompress because being with people is what energises them.

⌨ what’s a situation you’ve always wanted to RP with the muse?

i’d love to do more pro hero stuff with them. also just…i’d like to interact with more characters! i think that’s a common problem with ocs. i just want to let rokku love people and be friends with them.

🎭 how similar are you and the muse?

quite. there are definite differences - rokku is an extrovert, i’m an ambivert; rokku wears their emotions on their sleeves and are highly emotionally intelligent, i’ve got the emotional range of a potato; they’re very fashionable, i live in jeans and random t shirts; they’re very good at buying gifts for people, i suck at it. but we’re both excitable and love glitter, and we both care very deeply about our friends. we both can’t cook. we both have terrible sleeping patterns and rely too much on caffeine to keep us going as a result. we both have the best friends we could ever ask for. i think there are more similarities than there are differences, which is why i think it’s generally pretty easy for me to write them.

[fmdyeoreum]

IDOLIZED: A DOCUMENTARY SERIES PRESENTS…

an exclusive interview with the lead vocalist & rapper of WISH, yeo yeoreum. she is represented by BC ENTERTAINMENT. per prior permission, all footage is allowed for use throughout the show. note for the editing team: these cuts are from taken from rehearsal in preparation for portal digital music project. ceo kim byungchul would like for us to remind you to focus on wholesome interactions & showcasing positive attitudes !

HOW IS REHEARSAL GOING ??

        ❝ i’m actually having a wonderful time in the rehearsal process for this show ! it’s been really fun getting out of the recording studio & seeing lots of people from bc entertainment, but also from other companies, too. being apart of such a massive showcase of talent is a total blessing, & i can’t wait to see how the entire concert goes over with our beloved fans. i, too, am a huge supporter of a good number of the groups & soloists participating, so deep down, i’ll be cheering for everyone from backstage ! both of my acts don’t go up until almost the very end of the night, so i’ll have enough time to prepare for them, but also to enjoy all of the other numbers being presented. other than that, i think HEART SHAKER, & our new single, WHAT IS LOVE? are really great when paired together how we’ve arranged, & i know our beautiful wishing wells will enjoy our set a lot, & that’ll make all of the hard work put into this so worth it in the end ! ❞

WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING WHEN YOU’RE NOT ON STAGE ??

        ❝ being that we’re extremely prepared with our dance moves & vocals, i’ve been able to catch up with old friends & meet lots of new people, too, whenever it is i’m not on — stage. however, i still make ample time in order to run through everything, but i don’t want to be too overworked. i think working needs some play time in order to put on a great performance, so it’s been an absolute pleasure entertaining both ideas. i’m just glad to be apart of such a once in a lifetime experience, & being that WISH is lucky enough to close the entire show makes me smile. not only that, but the special stage that’s being prepared is quite amazing, too. ❞

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR SPECIAL STAGE ??

        ❝ the special stage that i was asked to be apart of is absolutely sensational, & being that i was given such an integral role as far as vocals are concerned makes me really excited, too. i feel honored that they trusted me with so many lines, & a good bit of choreography, too. sharing the stage with fifteen other idols that i regard so highly is a feeling i can’t really explain ; just a huge group of people from all three companies involved paying homage to some of the biggest & best artists in the industry is a great way to celebrate all of our hard work & endeavors together. not to mention that the three songs included in our medley are some of my all — time favorites, & i’m sure all the others would have to agree with that, too. it’ll be a huge delight for fans of all of the members coming together for this one performance, & heck, if i weren’t involved, i’d be so thrilled to see such an amazing mix of talent coming together. ❞

ARE YOU EXCITED FOR THE SONGS YOU’RE PERFORMING ??

        ❝ oh, absolutely ! it’ll be one of the first times that our WISHing wells will be able to watch us perform our latest title track, WHAT IS LOVE? & i think they’ll catch onto the dance moves extremely fast ! not only that, but HEART SHAKER was such an overwhelming success upon its release, so treating them to yet another performance of one of their favorite songs will be amazing, too. ❞

HAVE YOU FOUND SUCH A LARGE, INTENSIVE REHEARSAL MORE CONSTRUCTIVE, OR FRUSTRATING ?? 

        ❝ this rehearsal has definitely been extremely long & really detailed, but i think with how many songs are going to be performed, it’s necessary to ensure that no technical issues occur, & that all things will run as smoothly as possible. being that we’re just getting started in the promotion cycle after a much — needed break, i was so used to sleeping in later, so waking up incredibly early was a bit difficult, but seeing everyone’s smiling faces upon arrival to the venue was so special & gave all of us so much energy to push forward. that, & it really like a huge family reunion, & i think we’re all just enjoying being in the presence of close friends. it’ll help the long hours go by so much faster ! ❞

THIS CONCERT IS MUCH LONGER THAN CONCERTS YOU MAY HAVE PARTICIPATED IN. HOW DO YOU PLAN TO KEEP UP ENERGY FOR MULTIPLE PERFORMANCES, & / OR FOR PERFORMING AT YOUR OWN POINT IN THE CONCERT ??

        ❝ being that this concert is so long, & the special stage i’m involved in, as well as WISH’s performance, are at the end of it all, i feel fortunate that i was given such a complimentary position. i’m able to really rest up backstage before i go on, & closer to the time that i do, i’m gonna take a lot of time to hydrate properly, stretch so that my muscles don’t get too stiff from the dancing that i’ll be doing, & run through all of my choreography & lyrics to make sure that no mistakes will be made in the process of the performance. when i starred in DEATH NOTE : THE MUSICAL a long time ago, i found that really finding time to sit in the quiet & store energy for when you’re about to go on — stage is crucial, so hopefully i’ll be able to fit in some meditation time before i hit the stage, too. ❞

THERE WILL BE MANY FANS AT THE CONCERT WHO MAY BE ATTENDING TO SEE ANOTHER ARTIST. IF YOU HAD TO INTRODUCE YOUR MUSIC TO ANOTHER ARTIST’S FAN, HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE IT ??

       ❝ if i were to introduce WISH’s music to a fan of another artist, i would simply say that we explore really lovely concepts, & it’s full of bubblegum pop goodness. we’re definitely release the type of music that’ll stay stuck in your head for weeks & weeks, & if even if you don’t like it at first, you’ll fall in love with it in the end. we just want everyone to have a good time, & to be happy, you know ?? not only that, but each & every one of us is so multi — talented in song, rap, & dance, & we really do strive to put on a great show every single time we step on — stage. it’s our goal to have everyone singing & dancing along with us wherever it is we get to perform, & i think that we’ll be able to gain new WISHing wells in the process of this concert project. i also hope that many of our supporters will learn to love all of the artists & groups who will be there with us, & i know in my heart that they will. ❞

[scarletrebel]

more destiny oc stuff: avias past and yr 1 destiny timeline

totally inspired by @mrpinstripesuit‘s post last night, also featuring their guardians, also @nattiebug14 and @lostinthehaywoods oc’s carver and cornelia

(im making a lot of assumptions on how grier and avia met btw pin so if theres anything you disagree with or wanna change thats cool!!)

- petra and avia become part of the queens guard - uldren takes an interest in avia, potential for her to become a crow, which she really, really doesnt want - reef wars, petras sister dies, avia begins to question the awoken, why this happened 

- petra grieves, avia is alone for the longest time and becomes frustrated, wondering what they're even fighting for - petra is promoted to the corsairs and avia has mixed feelings. petra needs the direction but avia doesnt think a promotion will fix anything, also if avia was a corsair uldren would Leave Her Alone.  - tries to convince petra that everything is bullshit but petra just hears jealousy and treason - uldren pulls her up on it, and that's when she knows she needs to Leave - steals a harbinger at the first opportunity she gets - gets out of the reef and into our solar system before the other harbingers find her - it's a long ass fight, avia is able to evade them for the longest time until they shoot her engines out somewhere around the moon - she dies. the harbingers leave. a ghost is born, shakes its shell, and starts searching. - the remnants of her ship, with her nestled in the cockpit, break orbit of earth and crash land in the cosmodrome - she's revived with her memory in tact and her heart broken to pieces - she rejects her ghost and the light at first but her ghost is persistent and she gives in and follows him through the cosmodrome to find a ship - they make it to the tower and she's so fucking scared. the awoken do not speak highly of the guardians. - but her ghost leads her gently to cayde and he welcomes her jovially. doesn't much care for her past (only because he doesn't expect her to know it) - going through the D1 story is what gives her the direction she needed and begins to ground her, making her realise she can be a better person than she ever was at the reef - afterwards she admits to cayde that she remembers everything, after figuring out that it's not a Thing amongst guardians because she's Confused. he's supportive and passes her onto Ikora - huge mistake - she loves Ikora - cayde is kind of sad about it (jk) - Ikora tells her about the thananotauts and at the concept avia kind of puts her nose up to. it sound stupid and weird to her and refuses to explore it, like ‘oh hey actually I don't care that much I'll just keep being a guardian who has my memory as a bonus yay’ - avia kind of wanders around for a bit, patrolling and running strikes with guardians she never keeps in touch with. this is where she learns that she really, really doesnt get along with a lot of other hunters.

- petra comes to the tower as the queens emissary. avia doesnt recognise her at first but petra recognises her and its

- its not a good time for avia. petra tries to speak to her but avia bails all the way to venus and has a good old fashioned breakdown

- ikora calls her back and puts her on a mission to find tolands scattered journals. she fears the worst ones may still be out there and she doesnt want any wayward guardians finding them and abusing what power may lie within

- little does avia know she has another warlock, scarlet-2, searching for them as well. 

- this is how scarlet and avia meet, with avia acting like a cat who caught their own reflection whenever scarlet is around 

- scarlet doesnt much care even though this pint sized hunter constantly trying to one up her is. amusing. 

- petra tries to approach avia again when shes in the tower with scarlet and the warlock very gently diffuses the situation, and has figured out by now that avia likes to Run Away and so she takes them to the cosmdrome 

- avia doesnt give a lot of details, but basically explains the situation to scarlet and mentions that ikora wanted her to talk to the thananotauts and scarlets like ‘ew. you dont need to talk to them. they’re weird and desperate for answers youre fine the way you are.’ 

- and a friendship is born 

- petra venj leaves the tower. 

- a fireteam takes on the vault of glass, and avia is only slightly disappointed she wasnt there

- avia spends a lot of time with scarlet and by extension lots of other warlocks too. she becomes a running joke to the vanguard mentors that she chose the wrong class. 

- so scarlet and eden met after twilight gap, they both helped build the wall and they became really close buddies. scarlet tells eden that she may have finally found a hunter for their fireteam and eden is so. excited. 

- eris morn returns from the moon, and avia sees this funny little warlock awoken talking with her all. the damn. time. 

- eden and avia meet, and avia is overwhelmed. she thinks that eden must be a new guardian and doesnt care to ask anything about her and wonders how the hell her and scarlet of all people are so close

- she doesnt really give the friendship a chance (although eden is patient and knows avias type all too well) until zavala asks eden to do routine sweeps of earth and the moon to make sure these blades of crota are kept at bay

- of course, eden drags avia along with her and it takes a wayward mention of building the wall for avia to get off her damn high horse and start taking eden seriously 

- they dont really take part in the dark below campaign, just keep on top of the rise in hive activity whilst scarlet talks to ikora and eris and studies the hive at the tower, in the middle of one of her ‘not leaving the tower’ phases that eden tells avia about

- which causes avia to a) worry about scarlet and b) begin to realise shes starting to care for people 

- emotions are weird you guys 

- avia starts to ask eden about the wall, twilight gap, everything that came before she got to the tower. eden answers all her questions with a raw truthfulness, although she doesnt know the specifics and laughs that scarlet would be better to go to for the history of the guardians and such, but avia is just fine with what eden tells her 

- and avia tells eden about her past, about dying but still remembering everything and petra. eden is very chill and happy for avia that shes somewhere better now, that shes trying to be better. 

- yay now avia has TWO whole friends. they become an official fireteam and eden is far too excited about it. 

- avia starts seeing that funny little awoken warlock less and less, and asks scarlet about him. she knows hes gone missing but kind of shrugs it off as a thing that warlocks do. avia says if scarlet ever does that avia will Hunt Her Down. scarlet just laughs.

- (she says this in earshot of ikora) 

- crota is killed. again, avia wanted to be there. she needs more friends

- avia basically sticks like glue to scarlet and eden, kind of refusing to run strikes and missions with any other guardians which is a problem

- avia meets carver and cornelia through eden and scarlet but is still really prickly. her fireteam are at their wits end. 

- ikora straight up forces avia on a mission with another warlock, and of course its the funny one who went missing a while back 

- she sees something in ikoras eyes when they meet for the first time but knows better than to question it 

- this. kid. is. a. handful. 

- their mission is something hive related, a big risk on ikoras part but avia guides them through safely. 

- ‘ooh a hive thing!’ ‘do we need to know about the hive thing?’ ‘no, but I-’ ‘then lets move on grier.’ ‘but-’ ‘now.’

- ‘youre mean, avia.’ ‘im also keeping us alive.’ ‘you dont have to be mean about it.’ 

- ‘fine, i will stop being mean if you start doing what i tell you to. deal?’ 

- idk i kind of imagine grier latching onto avia for reasons that i cant explain bc grier isnt my character but hes basically exactly what avia needs at this point in her life, a funny little warlock who gets under her skin. 

- she massively underestimates him, reminding her of what she did with eden so she loosens up and gives him a chance. 

- they run more missions and strikes together. she asks questions about his gun, his attire, why he likes the hive so damn much.  

- he tells her about toland and the hive, and the weapons of sorrow whilst explaining bad juju. she makes a mental note to keep an eye on him whenever he uses it (and somewhere ikora smiles gently to herself. it scares cayde.) 

- she tells him about the journals she found in the wild and he just :oooooooo asks a lot of questions about where and what was in them and what that could infer

- ‘wait avia, i thought you didnt care about hive stuff?’ ‘what? no, i just... dont like getting off track during missions.’ ‘oh. then does that mean you also actually like me and arent mean to me cause you dont?’ 

- she begins to find him quite endearing. 

- he gets them out of a lot of jams during missions just from his practical know-how and shes impressed too. 

- also asks a lot of questions about his sunsinger abilities and esp reviving himself. shes only ever seen scarlet be a voidwalker so sunsinger amazes her endlessly. she sees grier as a lot more powerful than he sees himself, and again, its totally endearing to her. 

- he introduces her to rook and eve. avia steers clear of rook at first, even though she finds him handsome straight off the bat.

- they play a few iron banner matches together, a mixture of griers fireteam, hers and carver and cornelia. avia starts to develop a crush after realising how laid back and relaxed rook is.

- also how freaking good at crucible he is. 

- he’s really easy to be around, she can be herself around him, around another hunter which is something she never thought she’d have. i imagine that means they talk about their class a lot seeing as avia never really did that with anyone else, or really cayde for that matter. it helps to get an insight into what being a hunter is all about from a guy who doesnt take it so seriously. 

- the flirting starts, playful and nothing serious and we allllllll knowwwww where that leads to

- then the wolves revolt. 

- before the tower even find out, she receives a message from petra, apologising. asking her questions about being a guardian, how she is. avia ignores it, the first of many. 

- she Refuses to get involved. 

- not even scarlet and eden can convince her. or ikora. or cayde. 

- but grier comes back from the reef one day and looks really dejected and hurt and avia is just. who hurt you. what happened. and he explains that none of the awoken at the reef like him??? he thinks a couple of them looked at him weird he couldnt tell it was all confusing and avia kind of sighs and. explains some things. 

- she tells him that she used to be Awoken and that she knew petra and basically tells him everything about her past whilst explaining that the Awoken have a very high opinion of themselves  - they go back to the reef together, but she still doesnt want to get involved in the uprising. 

- she goes and patches things tentatively with petra another day. its a case of avia explaining how she became a guardian and petra explaining why she was forced to become an emissary after accidentally killing a team of guardians. its an amicable, but strained relationship. they basically realise that they were never friends, just competitors. theyre both happier where they are now.

- avia grows closer to grier to the point where they’re inseparable, she flirts with rook, runs missions and strikes with her fireteam and really starts to come into her own as a guardian 

- she runs a lot of prison of elders with cornelia and carver and grows closer to them too, eventually apologising for being a little standoffish when they first met

- now avia has SO MANY FRIENDS and gets really emotional whenever she thinks about it 

and then taken king and rise of iron happen and they deserve posts of themselves tbh but!!! avias D1 experience!!! i love this kid so much

[msbunky]

Hi, how are you? 

How are you doing?

How are you feeling these days?

Oh boy…do you ever get those loaded questions? I do and as much as I appreciate that people care and want to know how I am, I also wonder if these are “polite” questions, or do these people genuinely want to know how I am. It’s so hard to know how to answer. So, generally, I respond with, “I’m doing okay thanks”. 

But what if I told the truth? 

The truth is, I’m struggling right now. I’m struggling physically with pain and exhaustion and I’m struggling with my blogging and I’m struggling with feeling lonely and housebound, but I’m pretty sure no one really wants to hear about all that when they ask me how I’m doing so I don’t tell them. 

But I’m going to tell you.

I’m averaging about 2-3 hours of sleep a night right now. I manage about 45-60 minutes at a time and then I wake up. I feel like I’ve slept for hours, but I look at the clock and barely any time has passed at all. I’ve always struggled with insomnia and I’m going to be trying some new meditation music, but it’s frustrating to not be able to get decent rest. It doesn’t allow my body to heal, which contributes to my overall pain. As I type this, I can feel my hands and legs and feet throbbing with pain. It’s almost like a drumbeat – thump THUMP thump thump, thump THUMP thump thump, thump THUMP thump thump, over and over again. My legs muscles feel tight and almost crampy and my fingers and toes feel swollen. My back is tight and tense and I can also feel the tension in my jaw and neck. My vision is blurry and I can feel the spot just under my cheekbone where my Trigeminal Neuralgia flares up – it’s gently pulsing, almost like it’s teasing me.

Now, I don’t tell you this to ask for sympathy. It’s just stating the facts. The same as I’m struggling right now to come up with various subject matter to blog about. With two blogs on the go now, I’m working at how to monetize one of them, and keep this one for posting on. I’m taking some courses about how to make money blogging and I’ve signed up to review a couple of courses as well. In the midst of that, I’m also taking a general writing course, plus I’ve applied for a new volunteer position – another committee that I’d like to be a part of. I’ll be back to work on one of my current committee assignments soon, which I’ll write about, but it still leaves me struggling with core subjects to blog about. It’s not for a lack of writing prompts, that’s for sure. Generally, what happens is I get an idea in the wee hours of the morning and then I write like crazy and bang out a post in about 30 minutes. It happens when I write poetry too. It just comes to me, I don’t plan it. When I wrote Wistful Thinking, I literally had the idea and the concept and completed poem done in 10 minutes. 

The other issue is that I’m housebound for the most part. It’s because I don’t do enough to get out and about, because of pain and exhaustion (and because I’m busy blogging). Well, no more excuses for that. I just bought a new walker/rollator to get me out moving again. She’s a pretty silver/blue Xpresso and I’ve named her Bluebird:

Isn’t she lovely!!  So much nicer than my old one, as there are no exposed cables, the basket is deeper, the seat is thicker and so is the backrest, and the wheels are designed to go over gravel and other rough surfaces. The handle area is large and smooth and she rolls beautifully, plus it’s still a one-handed close…I just pull up on the handle in the middle of the seat and voila! she folds sideways, so easy to transport when needed on the bus!!  Hopefully, this will be the incentive to get me out and about more often…there is a gorgeous lake just 15 minutes from my house with a perfect walking path around it and I’m making it my goal to get down there at least once a week.

I also plan on getting back in the pool, and Bluebird will be great for walking to the bus and back. I’ll be speaking with my new doctor in the next week about taking an Aqua Therapy course at our local Pool and Fitness Centre. It’s a specialized one-on-one program for People with Chronic Pain, working with a registered Kinesiologist to help with rehabilitation in the pool, so it’s easy on the joints and muscles. By getting my doctor’s approval, there’s a good chance I can have the costs paid by my Long Term Disability provider. I’m excited about it and even though I have to take a bus to get there, it’s only a 20-minute ride. I’m sure there’s parking available for Bluebird as I’m not the only one who takes these types of classes.

I’ve also been trying to be more physical at home, and not just sitting in my recliner all day (although it is rather molded to my butt shape). I’ve been doing wall push-ups and bicep curls and was trying to do squats as well, but those became too painful for my knees and ankles. I’m going to start doing planks to see if those work and maybe some gentle lunges with no bouncing. Everything hurts my joints so much, but I need to become more flexible. I think my Achilles Tendon is ultimately going to need surgery as it’s responded to nothing else we’ve tried – no physio, no stretching, no taping. I’m not sure what else is left, but I see Dr Winston soon, my Physiatrist and we’ll talk about options. It’s slowing me down and affecting how I walk and causing my left hip to have even more pain than necessary, which is going to increase the time before needing a hip replacement on that side as well. I’ve also developed some painful Neuropathy in the left foot, on the top and into the big toe, that might be related to my Type 2 Diabetes, so more to talk to my new doctor about. This just came on in the last few days, while on the motorcycle trip. 

Mentally, I’m worried because I think I’m going to have to come off the drug I take for my Bipolar Disorder and it’s the med that has given me all the energy I’ve had lately, Abilify. It’s causing me some major side effects; brain zaps, tongue trembling, handshaking, vision blurring and an uncomfortable amount of weight gain. I’m only 5’2″ tall, so any weight gain over 145lbs is too much and I’m up to 160lbs. It’s the brain zaps that are the worst though…I can actually feel them…they’re like an electric shock in the brain, but in high speed, and you can both feel them and hear them – a lightning bolt that goes right through the head from one side to the other. If I had to describe them based on something we physically have, I’d say it’s like one of those electronic fly killers that buzzes when it kills a fly…same sound, that bzz-zap!

Annoying!!!

There are good things happening in my life though. Ever since we bought our new motorcycle, I’ve been able to get out for more and longer rides with my husband Ray, which is a real treat for me. Our new bike is a 2007 Yamaha Venture and more of a cruiser than the sports bike we had before, a Kawasaki Concours.

The Venture is super comfortable for me and I’ve been able to go for longer rides each time we’ve been out, including a very recent Grand Adventure! Ray and I took the bike and went to Mt. Vernon, Washington to visit an online friend of mine named Maura so I could hang out with her and binge watch the second season of This Is Us, a tv show that I started watching on Netflix, but is no longer being carried there. Maura is a huge fan as well, so I spent 2 days with her watching the show while Ray went off exploring on the bike, then we hung out with her and her hubby Paul for dinner the first night (and with their daughter Anna – their son Matthew was out), and on the second night, we took them out for dinner at a local pub. On Saturday morning, Ray and I left at 5am to head for home, taking the I-5 freeway to the Blaine border crossing and then the Tsawwassen ferry home to get back to our cat Dorie at just after 9am.

Altogether, I’d say I spent 2 hours in the saddle but every second was great!! I know I can go for longer now and be comfortable. I can get on and off the bike easily, and it just feels good to ride. As an added bonus, I have a new leather jacket and gloves! Ray bought them for me on Saturday, August 25th here at a leather shop close to home. I really wanted pink, but decided this black jacket was too sexy to pass up! It has just enough detail on it to make it look sharp without being tacky. The leather is buttery soft with black stitching up the sides on the back, and on the back of the arms from the wrists to the elbows. Ray will have to put a new snap in at the wrists to make them tighter (I have short arms and tiny wrists) but it fits beautifully everywhere else and I’m delighted to have it. I also bought proper bike gloves – I got gauntlets, the kind that goes over the jacket sleeves to protect me from bees flying into my sleeves, etc. 

Here are a few pictures. I’ve also included a picture of yours truly with my hubby Ray, as we were coming home from our trip. It was taken on the ferry from Tsawwassen, BC to Victoria.

I’m still keeping busy with my volunteer work and have applied to sit on a new committee for Island Health’s Laboratory Services Quality Council. I access Lab Services every three months for blood work, so thought it might be fitting to be a part of their quality control council. I’m also waiting to hear back on a couple of other opportunities I had my name in for so it could be an exciting fall!

So there you have it…a bit more about me and what’s been going on in my life and how I’ve been truthfully feeling.  The next time someone asks you “how are you doing”, how will you answer them? With a short predictable answer? Or will you tell the truth? 

There is always hope

  How Are You Doing? Hi, how are you?  How are you doing? How are you feeling these days? Oh boy...do you ever get those loaded questions?