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#it’s like when Edmund walked out of Mary’s house not because he was super resolved but more on an impulse of the moment
whenthegoldrays
·
4 months
Text
Hmm
#pondering
#I can’t believe it’s been a year since I gave up on my last crush
#it seems like so long ago I feel like I’ve lived eight lifetimes since then
#but it also feels like just yesterday
#and yet I feel so…. distant from him
#I mean I also never see him anymore
#the only reason I did then is because I’d seek him out
#and even then….
#idk what I’m trying to say
#just that things change
#and myself of two years ago would be amazed
#that I’m able to have a normal life and think about him minimally and painlessly
#because two years ago I was in the DUMPS
#I went through this intense phase where I just felt like I *had* to be with him and got to the point where I’d just cry out of fear that
#that I’d die before I got a chance to make him fall in love with me
#it was so bad I was so paranoid and lovesick and and and.. ough
#I still remember that night so well
#it was also a Wednesday like today and it had been an awful day and I had a headache
#and I just thought. I can’t take this anymore. where are we even going. he’s never going to notice me never
#i GIVE UP
#it was mostly an impulse but looking back I’m so glad I followed that particular impulse
#it’s like when Edmund walked out of Mary’s house not because he was super resolved but more on an impulse of the moment
#just felt like the thing to do. and I may have regretted it once or twice afterwards but in the end it absolutely WAS the right call
#and a couple months later YOU-KNOW-WHO showed up
#absolutely insane events happening to me last year.
#but now I feel like the girl from that one video
#“girl who is going to be okay” djdjdhdh
#but really! I will be!
#and I am even! just taking it one day at a time
#elly's posts
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