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luvneedsnosyt · 4 years

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My Favorite Albums of 2020

Here is my list of my personal top albums of 2020

You can find my separate list for top EPs of 2020 here

My Previous monthly lists from 2020: January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November

My list last year for my top albums of 2019 can be found here.

Honorable Mention:

Aluna - Renaissance Genre: Synth Pop / Dance

Lead singer from AlunaGeorge steps out on her own with this fast paced romp. She brings along many well known producers like Diplo (who she’s signed with as a solo artist), KAYTRANADA, SG Lewis and more.

Proof: Warrior (Feat. SG Lewis) / Body Pump

Big Gigantic - Free Your Mind Genre: Electronic / Dance

The Colorado duo Big Gigantic’s big breakout was their sixth album in 2016’s Brighter Future that really expanded the reach of their high octane music. Four years later we have their follow up in this joyous affair. With their use of horns (one of them is a trained saxophonist) they always have a big band feel that meets the club in their sound that's so infectious.

Proof: Burning Love (Feat. Kidepo) / You’re The One (Feat. Nevve)

Cam - The Otherside Genre: Country / Pop

I’m not typically a big country fan but this country with a little infusion of pop is something I can ride for. Really digging the ways Cam expanded on a typical country vernacular while still staying true to it as well.

Proof: The Otherside / Classic

CloZee - Neon Jungle Genre: Electronic / World Bass

CloZee’s musical landscapes are living breathing entities. Her music is lush and vibrant that seem to flow to and frow with a breeze. Not what most people would attribute to the genre which is why it stands out.

Proof: Winter Is Coming / Heya

dvsn - A Muse In Her Feelings Genre: R&B / Neo-Soul

The third album by Toronto R&B duo dvsn and this is by far their best. A seductive and savory exploration through love, sexuality and heartbreak.

Proof: Dangerous City (Feat. Ty Dolla $ign & Buju Banton) / A Muse

Duke Dumont - Duality // Duality Remixed Genre: Electronic / Dance

This is sort of a greatest hits with some new songs masked as a debut. The fact most of these songs we have heard before and some way back to 2015, knocks this album back a bit on my list. That being said Duke Dumont is one of the best at funk infused dance music and this album bangs!

Proof: Ocean Drive / Together (w/ How To Dress Well) // Ocean Drive (Purple Disco Machine Remix) / Together (Luttrell Remix) w/ How To Dress Well

Empress Of - I’m Your Empress Of Genre: R&B / Pop

Empress Of’s sophomore album Us was quite an upward trajectory from her already good debut album. On her third record here that momentum is kept going with a little flair. This is her most danceable record yet with some nostalgic synths added to her musical attire that’s an accessory worth attention but not too distracting.

Proof: Bit of Rain / Love Is A Drug

Fakear - Everything Will Grow Again Genre: Electronic / Dance / Tropical House

French DJ Fakear’s eclectic sophomore album is lush and expansive in it’s sound. You feel enveloped in an exotic and kinetic world that you can’t help but get lost in while listening.

Proof: Sekoia / Rituals (Feat. Luiza Fernandes)

Georgia - Seeking Thrills Genre: Synth Pop

This sophomore album by the english singer is a riot full of pulsating beats and neon lit synth patterns. The singing has Santigold/M.I.A. vibes without being an emulation.

Proof: Never Let You Go / Ray Guns

Halsey - MANIC Genre: Pop / R&B

It’s been a pretty dramatic rise for the singer. She was already a sensation by the time her debut album Badlands came out in 2015. Now she’s one of the sought after features and a pretty big act in music. This third album MANIC is her most consistent, powerful and best. She has perfected how to utilize her raspy voice and how to connect with the listener and evoke strong emotions.

Proof: you should be sad / Without Me

Illenium - ASCEND (Remixes) Genre: Electronic / Dance

Illenium’s ASCEND was my 3rd favorite record of 2019. As quite a nice gift Illenium dropped off this super sized remix album with at least one remix of each song off the glorious album.

Proof: Good Things Fall Apart (3LAU Remix) Feat. Jon Bellion / In Your Arms (Alan Walker Remix) Feat. X Ambassadors

Kingdom - Neurofire Genre: Electronic / Neo-Soul / Dance

Even if you don’t know Kingdom off the top of your head you’ve probably heard a Kingdom produced song without knowing. He’s been a behind the scenes go-to producer and runs a label that has such artists as Kalela and Dawn Richards on it. Neurofire is a smooth soulful electronic album that has such an contagious bob to it you can’t help yourself but start dancing.

Proof: High Enough (Feat. Tiara Thomas) / His n Hers (Feat. Semma)

Lady Gaga - Chromatica Genre: Pop / Dance

Despite her immense success, Lady Gaga is not a complacent woman. After readjusting her sound to something more stripped down on 2016’s Joann, Gaga did another about face this time leaning into the EDM world and making an ecstatic dance record. Linking with many big hitter DJs for production work in Tchami, BloodPop, Madeon, Skrillex, Axwelll and others, who create a great vivacious platform for Gaga to strut all over.

Proof: Stupid Love / Replay

Låpsley - Through Water Genre: Indie Pop / Electronic

It’s been four years since British singer Låpsley’s debut album. But it seems that time was well utilized as this is a great leap for the artist. I enjoyed her understated debut but here she was able to incorporate a little more kinetic energy in her recording while keeping the sentimentalism of them really effectively.

Proof: Ligne 3 / Womxn

Lastlings - First Contact Genre: Electronic / Future Bass / Dance

I haven’t heard the early EPs from Australian dou Lastlings so first listening to this album was quite a pleasant surprise. There’s some definite influences from fellow Australian act RÜFÜS DU SOL here. And influences that they utilize nicely.

Proof: Deja Vu / No Time

The Strokes - The New Abnormal Genre: Alternative / Rock

It’s not often an extremely successful rock group after an extended hiatus returns and makes one of their best albums. Working with Rick Ruban the legendary New York group returns after seven years with an album that exerts a high level of confidence and maturity. It doesn’t scream out at you as an album yet the music is incredibly in depth and rewarding.

Proof: Brooklyn Bridge to Chorus / Not The Same Anymore

Sylvan Esso - Free Love Genre: Synth Pop

For their third album the North Carolina based duo took a slightly scaled back sound as the tone is a bit more somber and muted then their past albums. The indie pop is much more dominant over the Electronic aspects of their music. It still however is their enjoyable meshing of the two and there’s still plenty of danceable moments, they are just more interspersed in a more internal faced record.

Proof: Ferris Wheel / Frequency

Tchami - Year Zero Genre: Electronic / Dance

The French DJ Techami finally drops a debut album and what a blast this is. Year Zero is a joy ride form start to finish with no real filler tracks of straight enjoyable dance records.

Proof: Ain’t That Kind Of Friend (Feat. Modesty) / Ghosts (Feat. Hana)

Tyler Swift - evermore Genre: Indie Pop / Folk

The second of Taylor’s 2020 albums; made with the National’s Aaron Dessor. This one you can tell is a bit of tracks that didn’t fit the construct of folklore. This has a bit of a “thrown together” feel, which sounds more harsh then how I mean it. With that being said these are still more of probably my favorite iteration we’ve seen of Taylor so I enjoy it immensely. More on folklore below.

Proof: ‘tis the damn season / ivy

We Are The City - RIP Genre: Rock / Alternative

This is the fifth by the Concadian Rock group but the first I have heard by them so I can’t offer insight on how this fits in their past work. But when I heard the guitars and crashing drums come in on the thunderous opener “Killer B-Side Music” I was instantly hooked. This is a fun and emotionally gripping journey through this groups organized chaos.

Proof: Killer B-Side Music / Saint Peter

The List:

Last One Out: The Naked And Famous - Recover Genre: Synth Pop

New Zealand band The Naked and Famous return with their fourth album full of their patented form of catchy synth pop meant to excite and evoke. The songs are take their shoes off and make themselves at home in your head demanding a sing along.

Proof: Sunseeker / Bury Us / Come As You Are / Coming Back To Me

35. Grimes - Miss Anthropocane Genre: Synth Pop / Electronic

It’s been an odd couple years for the singer/producer Grimes as her high profile relationship has pushed her further into the celebrity life then she has been in the past. Despite the chios she still is an extremely talented musician and this stellar album shows that off nicely. I feel Grimes was a bit too harsh on her previous album, 2015 Art Angels, which had a more general pop sensibility. I genuinely loved Art Angels. With her own frustration Grimes went back closer to her early sound with this follow up. Her ability to bend song structures to her will creates an ever changing and unpredictable landscape for the lister to get lost in.

Proof: So Heavy I Fell Through The Earth / Violence (w/ i_o) / Idoru / We Appreciate Power (Feat. HANA)

34. Taylor Swift - folklore Genre: Indie Pop / folk

Taylor had a busy quarantine using this time to link up with Aaron Dessner of the National and Jack Antonoff to make not one but two albums. The first one here a surprise drop in July hit everyone in all the feels. The stripped down sound felt right at home with the isolation a lot of us were feeling during this pandemic. Taylor’s writing is as piercing as ever over these mellow and somber tracks.

Proof: cardigan / my tears ricochet / seven / august

33. Dua Lipa - Future Nostalgia // Club Future Nostalgia Genre: Synth Pop / Dance

English singer Dua Lipa confidently busts out the sequence for this dazzling sophomore album. As the title suggests this is a futuristic blast from the past with influences from the 70’s disco and 80’s synth pop in a modern ensemble. The songs are all catchy af and danceable as hell but you still never lose sight of the true centerpiece and that is Dua’s authoritative voice. She has the perfect vocal conflexion for electronic songs as it's commending enough to not get lost in the kinetic ensembles but also light and malleable enough to ride the harmonies with grace. As can be seen by her getting all the GRAMMY nominations the world is taking note of this pop force.

Proof: Don’t Start Now / Cool / Physical / Break My Heart // Hallucinate (Paul Woolford Remix) / Don’t Start Now (KAYTRANADA Remix) / Physical (Mark Ronson Remix) Feat. Gwen Stefani / Cool (Jayda G Remix)

32. KAYTRANADA - BUBBA Genre: Electronic / R&B / Dance

Montreal based producer KAYTRANADA picks up right where his 2016 debut left off with this smooth and sensual vibe fest of an album. The album doesn’t ever go for anything too high or too low. The tempo is pretty consistent in a controlled bob that can get a crowd up and dancing or can be played in the background for a chill environment.

Proof: Go DJ (Feat. SiR) / 10% (Feat. Kali Uchis) / Need It (Feat. Masego) / The Worst In Me (Feat. Tinashe)

31. The Killers - Imploding The Mirage Genre: Rock / Alternative

With over 16 years in the game, The Vegas rock group and one of my personal all time favorite bands has not lost a step. Imploding The Mirage follows their 2017 Wonderful Wonderful as a return to their early form. This new album is a triumphant and boisterous affair exuding with confidence that only a group together this long can employ.

Proof: Dying Breed / Caution / Running Towards a Place / When the Dreams Run Dry

30. Blanche - EMPIRE Genre: Indie Pop

21 year old Belgium singer Blanche’s raspy commanding voice is one beyond her years. It’s very delicate while demanding your attention. On this debut she utilizes the effective voice nicely by surrounding it with a cinematic harmonious backing.

Proof: Empire / Till We Collide / Fences / How Does That Sound

29. BRONSON (Golden Features & ODESZA) - BRONSON Genre: Electronic / Dance

Connecting from an admiration of each other’s music, Seattle electronic duo ODESZA and Australian DJ Golden Feature team up for this new trio that merges their sounds while give us something completely new from the artists. Where ODESZA’s sound is more light and airy this collaboration is darker and dense. The weight of each track give them a powerful emotive feel as they blend into each other while the album progresses.

Proof: HEART ATTACK (Feat. lau.ra) / KNOW ME (Feat. Gallant) / TENSE / DAWN (Feat. Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs)

28. GASHI - 1984 Genre: alt-R&B / Synth Pop

It’s been a long road GASHI, growing up as an Albianian refugee before his family settled in Brooklyn as a child. GASHI struggled initially to learn English and eventually used music as his tool to learning the language. Dropping out of college to focus on music GASHI dropped a mixtape and couple albums that were pretty below the radar. It seems in 2018 connecting with DJ Snake was a catalyst for the singer. His last two albums have a focused synth heavy vernacular with an 80’s nostalgia. There’s a slightly haunting tension in his music that brings a level of wonder and mystery. The slight reverb makes the tracks feel as though they are recorded in a dark void with the jabbing synths as youre neon guilding light.

Proof: Mama (Feat. Sting) / Paranoid / Never Give Up On Me / Mr. Ferrari

27. Caroline Rose - Superstar Genre: Indie Rock / Alternative

Starting as a more folk/country based artist, the NY based artist took a dramatic shift in her music to a more indie rock style with some hints of synth pop and the move has proved rather fruitful. On her fourth album Caroline has hit a rather confident sweet spot. Superstar is filled with tunes you can jam out to with reckless abandon.

Proof: Nothing’s Impossible / Got to Go My Own Way / Someone New / Back at the Beginning

26. Jason Ross - 1000 Faces // 1000 Faces Remixes Genre: Electronic / Dance

Seven Lion’s understudy takes an emphatic step out of the shadows and it’s quite a big step! 1000 Faces pushes the twin cities DJ in the mix of top electronic DJs. He definitely shows off how he learned the use of dead space from Seven Lions but in his own style for dramatic drops in his ensembles. Suspense is used almost as an instrument leading to crashing moments meant to get you up and moving and your feelings yanked on.

Proof: When the Night Falls (w/ Fiora) / One that Got Away (w/ Dabin & Dylan Matthew) / Known You Before (w/ Seven Lions & Emilie Brandt) / 1000 Faces (w/ Dia Frampton) // Leave Me To Wonder (Just A Gent Remix) w/ Fiora / When The Night Falls (AWAKEND Remix) w/ Fiora / Known You Before (Trivecta Remix) w/ Seven Lions Feat. Emilie Brandt / Shelter (No Mana Remix) Feat. Melanie Fontana

25. HAIM - Women in Music Pt. III Genre: Pop

The HAIM sisters are slowily chipping away at their sound adding in more elements, while also chipping away at the patriarchy. Women in Music Pt. III is a further expanding the trios musical pallet with more R&B and Jazz sensibilities then we’ve heard from them before. Their strength is still their strong consistency. At 16 tracks this album still feels like there isn’t a wasted moment, every song is solid in its own right and contributes to the overall arc of the project. My sneaky favorite track is the smooth “3 AM” that sounds like it could be on a Janet Jackson album with it’s soulful and catchy as hell chorus and bouncy beat that get your head bopping and shoulders rolling.

Proof: Gasoline / Don’t Wanna / 3 AM / Now I’m In It

24. PVRIS - Use Me Genre: Rock / Scythe Pop / Alternative

Rock music as a genre has been a bit pushed back from the limelight the last few years. However that doesn’t mean the genre is dying and great acts like PVRIS prove that. Following up their thrilling 2017 album All We Know of Heaven, All We Need of Hell we see the rock group experimenting more with their sound. The 2019 EP gave us a teaser of the ways Synth Pop will infiltrate their vernacular more on this record. That doesn’t mean they are “going straight pop” here as this is still a rambunctious form of rock music. Just more blurry around the edges. PVRIS and lead singer Lynn are able to evoke such strong emotions in ever track, it’s impossible to not feel and sympathize with what her emotion is for that track while listening.

Proof: Death of Me / Hallucinations / Old Wounds / Wish You Well

23. Disclosure - ENERGY Genre: Electronic / Dance

After a decade in the genre and more then a 5 year break from their exhilarating sophomore album Caracal (one of my personal favorite records of 2015), the London DJ duo return with this double album stuffed with euphoria inducing dance tunes. The name of the album is the consistent throughline, every track is bursting with vibes and energy. There’s also an obvious globalization with their already inclusive music with many songs featuring singers in other languages and using themes from that culture in the beat making. It’s quite a thrilling journey that keeps you guessing song to song what will come up next.

Proof: Lavender (w/ Channel Tres) / Douha (Mali Mali) w/ Fatoumata Diawara / Tondo (w/ Eko Roosevelt) / Know Your Worth (w/ Khalid)

22. Deante’ Hitchcock - BETTER Genre: Hip Hop

What an impressive debut from the 27 year old Atlanta rapper. I wasn’t up on Deante’ until this album came out so I don’t have knowledge of his rise but this was a great introduction to him. You can really see the merging of older Atlanta influences from Goodie Mob, Outkast and Ludacris with new hip hop from J. Cole, Kendrick Lamar and Wale in his sound. Hip Hop is in a funky moment right now as there’s a bit of a struggle on what the dominant sound and style will be. This is a necessary struggle for such a diverse and malleable form of music. For me this is my favorite form of the genre and seeing new artists like Deante’ and JID come in with such vigor let’s me know it’s not going to die off.

Proof: I Remember / I Got Money Now (Feat. JID) / Circles / Angels

21. Alina Baraz - It Was Divine Genre: R&B / Soul

The soothing and sultry vocals of singer Alina Baraz have been some of my favorites since she slid on the scene as the vocalist on Urban Flora EP with producer Galimatias in 2015. Her soft and understated Soul music flows and sways in your head like a mellow gust of wind picking you up and carrying you to a better place. Starting from her previous project, Alina’s partnership with Khalid has quickly become one of my favorite pairings, that I hope they continue.

Proof: Morocco (Feat. 6LACK) / Endlessly / Off The Grid (Feat. Khalid) / More Than Enough

20. Harry Styles - Fine Line Genre: Alternative / Indie Pop

On the first round of albums from the One Direction boys I will admit I was more drawn to ZAYN’s alt-R&B sound. But even with that I still enjoyed and could tell Harry was doring much more musically on his 70’s rock influenced self titled solo debut. It only took him two tries to perfect his sound on this brilliant follow up. On Harry Styles I felt Harry was emulating his influences a bit too much but here he’s perfect keeping that same nostalgic vernacular while modernizing the sound. The 26 year old brit boasts a level of confidence here that is pretty engraved in the music. The R&B banger :Adore You” was my favorite song on the album on the first few listens but eventually the emotionally gripping closer “Fine Line” caught up with me for all the feels.

Proof: Watermelon Sugar / Adore You / Lights Up / Fine Line

19. Sufjan Stevens - The Ascension Genre: Synth Pop

Sufjan is an artist that likes to bounce around in styles project to project and this might be his most dramatic bounce as he takes on a more electronic palette then his normally acoustical vernacular. It still is a Sufjan album and very internal and subdued in vibe, but with a more expansive musical landscape that makes his normally intimate and crouched music a bit more of an expansive and sprawling affair. The moments of emotional outburst are mostly through the synths and drums rather than Steven’s words and lead to the tracks all individually wound tight with tension and then carefully crafted moments of erupting release.

Proof: Video Games / Ativan / Sugar / America

18. Krewella - zer0 Genre: Electronic / Synth Pop / Dance

Good things come to those who wait and we had to wait quite a while for the sophomore album from the sister duo of Krewella. zer0 is a burst of danceable pop tunes stuffed with numerous outside influences on the sisters. There’s some general pop influences from artists like Christina Agulaera, there’s electronic backings with notes taken from contemporaries like Alison Wonderland and there’s a definite spine of their Pakistani heritage audibly visible as well. This is quite a confident and exhilarating cannon shot of an album by the duo I feel has been a bit criminally overlooked.

Proof: Good On You (Feat. Nucleya) / Anxiety (Feat. Arrested Youth) / Ghost / Greenlights

17. Jack Garratt - Love, Death & Dancing Genre: R&B / Pop / Electronic

British singer Jack Garratt returns with his bursting soulful vocals over a unpredictably windy electronic pallet. Every track by Jack Garratt takes the listener on quite a picturesque journey with dramatic shifts in tone and pace. In much less deserving hands this can be a recipe for a disastrously chaotic listen but as mentioned before Jack’s smooth vocal delivery is an effective juxtaposition to the kinetic melodies. You never know what the next turn is but whenever you feel lost, Jack extends his voice as a helping hand to reel you back in. Eventually you just know you’re along for a ride and to buckle up and enjoy.

Proof: Time / Return Them To The One / Better / Circles

16. Charli XCX - how i’m feeling now Genre: Synth Pop / Dance

Only 8 months after her third album Charli returns with possibly her most refined project of her career. Made during the first month of the stay at home order from the pandemic, how i’m feeling now is an album about isolation and loneliness. Equipped with her standard unique form of deconstructionist pop and electronic melding with a dash of 0 fucks given, the rushed nature is sort of a vernacular the tracks wear proudly on their sleeves. There’s a stripping of some of the plasticity making the raw emotions of the tracks stand out.

Proof: forever / enemy / i finally understand / anthems

15. Louis The Child - Here For Now Genre: Electronic / Synth Pop / Dance

After a couple EP’s and a speedy rise, the Chicago based Electronic duo Louis The Child release their debut full length album and flex a bit more diversity then we’ve previously seen from them. WIth a sound a bit more geared to expand their audience the group dables more in R&B, Hip Hop and pop then in their more electronic focused EP’s. This expansion is not a dilution at all though. Their unique melding of grooves in unorthodox way is on full display across this joyous album.

Proof: Nobody Like You (w/ Vera Blue) / Don’t Mind / Free (w/ Drew Love) / Fade Away

14. Jessie Ware - What’s Your Pleasure Genre: Pop / Dance / Soul

Needing a reset, UK’s Jessie Ware took a break from music to focus on her family and other forms of collaboration like her podcast Table Manners. Shortly after the birth of her second child, the itch came back but with a new outlook on life it was a different itch. Jessie has been one of the great sad song writers of the last 10 years, on What’s Your Pleasure? Jessie wanted to focus more on the positive love she has in her life and how she just wants to joyously dance in celebration of it. Using Disco as her muse Jessie makes a modern discoteca equipped the listener with alacrity and positivity while promoting they get up and get down. The timing of such an album was quite intuitive and brilliant by the singer. She started recording the album in 2019 but by the time it was ready to release was in the middle of a pandemic. Perfect timing for such a jubilant album.

Proof: Spotlight / Save A Kiss / Adore You / Mirage (Don’t Stop)

13. Buscabulla - Regresa Genre: Latin / Pop / Dance

When Latin synth pop duo Buscabulla returned home they did to a post-hurricane Maria Puerto Rico. After years in New York they were returning to a place they love but that was forced to change dramatically. The married couple came equipped with a new record deal and new found personal stability, but chose to surround themselves in the instability their friends and family were forced to live with after the natural disaster. Despite the chaos their music evokes hope, and joy. My limited and very broken knowledge of Spanish doesn’t give me much of an insight on the song meanings but the vibe of this whole album just gets me up off my butt and moving my feet and hips. The latin based rhythms with an Electronic pop influence makes this project quite an infectious and joyous romp.

Proof: Vàmono / El Aprieto / Mío / NTE

12. Purity Ring - WOMB Genre: Synth Pop

The third album from Canadian duo is a bit of a return to their darker and more brooding sound of their debut from the glossier and brighter sophomore album. Some of these descriptors may sound like a negative but trust me it is not. Now I seem to be in a minority that enjoyed the more electronic and pop focused sophomore album a bit more than their debut but it was still their debut that drew me in to them so this return is not met with any dismay from me. Always fascinated with the human body, WOMB is a coming of age album focusing on the weird things our body begins doing as we mature and how that affects us emotionally. It took them five years for this third album from another eternity but sometimes maturation just takes some time.

Proof: pink lightning / i like the devil / vehemence / stardew

11. Run The Jewels - RTJ4 Genre: Hip Hop

The first track is quite an exhilarating indication that even though this is the fourth record from the duo Run The Jewels, they haven’t lost any of their vigor. Dropped early during the protests going on around the country for police violence, RTJ had impeccable timing for their best project to date. All RTJ albums are quite a whirlwind and this is no exception. Both artists have been in the industry for over 20 years, but their collaboration has brought them both to new heights of notoriety for each of them. With this new stature nothing has changed in their music though, they still want to provide you music to party to and music to revolt to.

Proof: yankee and the brave (ep. 4) / JU$T (Feat. Pharrell WIlliams & Zach de la Rocha) / the ground below / a few words from the firing squad (radiation)

10. Super Duper - HALLELUJAH! Genre: Electronic / Dance

The full length debut from Nashville producer Super Duper is quite an endorphin shot in the ear. I first found out about Super Duper seeing him open for Petit Biscuit a couple years ago without knowing anything about him. I enjoyed his use of electronic backdrops with reverb and echo to create space within it along with the cleaver voice samples and hard hitting drum patterns to inhabit said space. I immediately found his debut EP and eventually his follow up. When his EP Prelude came out earlier this year there was a noticeable uptick in the pop sensibilities in his sound. Sometimes this can be considered a negative but here it added another form of personality. His earlier albums were all expansive landscapes but the increase in pop singers and vocal samples adds a further human element for the listener to identify with as they explore these powerful backdrops.

Proof: We Had Everything / Quiver (Feat. Lonas) / Feel Good (Feat. Bre Kennedy) / All On You / Religion (Feat. Bre Kennedy)

9. Joji - Nectar Genre: R&B / Pop

Japanese singer George Miller has come a long way from his jokester YouTube days to his sophomore album here. Beginning his career in entertainment as an online shock humor performer, Joji is known for being responsible for the “Harlem Shake” meme craze years ago. In 2017 Miller decided to focus on a legit music career dropping off his debut EP In Tongues that year. The EP was a good introduction but suffered a bit of consistency. The kinks were ironed out a bit for his debut album, Ballads 1 which had the gut wrenching “Slow Dancing In The Dark”. There still was a bit of consistency issues present though but those are all but fully worked out on this impressive sophomore effort. Creativity was never an issue for Joji’s music but needed to be channeled more in a cohesive direction across a whole project and it seems he is able to find that focus here. “Run” is up there with one of the most beautiful songs to come out this year. It is pretty impressive the growth Joji has made in four years and I can’t wait to see what’s next.

Proof: Daylight (w/ Diplo) / Run / Sanctuary / Afterthought (Feat. BENEE) / Your Man

8. Shallou - Magical Thinking Genre: Electronic / Synth Pop / Future Bass

After a few lovely EP’s over the years, LA producer Shollou dropped off his melodic and ethereal debut full length. Shallou’s form of electronic music is very subdued and modest on the surface yet expansive and encompassing the deeper you venture as a listener. Where the music lacks in flash it does not lack in complexity, emotional depth and infectious melodies. Shollou created worlds of subtlety and sophistication, that double dips as easy listening sounds or music to immerse yourself and get lost in.

Proof: Forget / Mutual Love (w/ Zachary Knowles) / Silhouettes (Feat. Vancouver Sleep Clinic) / Older (w/ Daya) / Good Together (w/ Ashe)

7. The Weeknd - After Hours Genre: alt-R&B / neo-Soul

One of my favorite artists making music today (and one of the inspirations of me making this blog in the first place), The Toronto based singer Abel Tesfaye goes a bit back to his roots while still expanding his musical palette on his fourth full length record here. As the 2018 EP My Dear Melancholy, hinted to us, the neon lighting synth pop of his precious two records are taking more of a back seat for the dark and moody R&B melodies of his first record and mixtapes.The difference is his early mixtapes were a consistent mood but After Hours is a whole experience. Now as a more seasoned artist Abel is able to more effectively mold the atmosphere to his will. And take in previous explorations as well as new ones into his atmospheric sound seamlessly. “Blinding Lights” that would have fit perfectly on Star Boy or “In Your Eyes” equipped with some new jazzy saxophone yet neither standing out in the whole composition of the project show this dexterity off well. The former being possibly the most successful single of 2020.

Proof: Scared To Live / Heartless / Blinding Lights / In Your Eyes / After Hours

6. Jonah Mutono - GERG Genre: alt-R&B / Soul

London based Kenyan singer Jonah drops off a gorgeous debut album here. Jonah, who himself grew up in a very religious family, has been hiding his sexuality and this album addresses how that puts a strain on him and his relationships. GERG is a gripping expose as the singer comes to terms with his own needs and desires and brings to light them for the audience to see and feel. His voice is both commanding and soothing, mostly in a deep somber tone but can get up to some surprising heights when needed. His music sort of sounds like a cross between Kwabs and Frank Ocean. “The Low” which specifically is above loving someone in private from your family is maybe one of the most feels inducing songs of 2020.

Proof: Shoulders / If You Mean It / The Low / Circulation / South Bank

5. Phantogram - Ceremony Genre: Synth Pop

Despite the chaos in the world that is defining 2020, the return of one of my favorite groups in music is about finding the love that will keep you positive and moving through it. It’s been a bit of a journey for the New York duo with some thrilling highs and heartbreaking woes. After the success of their 2009 debut album Eyelid Dreams. The group really took their time on their sophomore effort knowing this will more be what defines their direction and sound then the debut. After a couple EPs to hold fans over when 2014’s Voices dropped it was a triumphant release that pushed their notoriety in the indie pop world to great heights. The next year was a gifted creative experiment collaboration with Oukast’s Big Boi in the Big Grams EP, but later that year tragedy struck with lead singer Sarah Barthel’s sister committing suicide. Three was released in 2016 written and recorded during the morning of this death which led to a much more emotionally charged offering. For their fourth album they could have kept with the darker vernacular of its predecessor but after going through the healing process from their own heart break, Sarah and Josh wanted to instead offer a record of healing and hope to the world in a time we all need it. That doesn’t mean Ceremony is devoid of the impacting sentiments of before. Ceremony is still as much a personal record as Three, but looks more to the future with a hopeful viewpoint then the past looking record before it. A necessary step for anyone to take towards healing from a trauma and/or tragedy. Nothing shows this off more than the poignantly brilliant “Pedestal”, possibly the most passionate and emotionally intimate record of the group’s career, that never fails to leave me in goosebumps no matter how many times I listen.

Proof: Dear God / Into Happiness / In a Spiral / Pedestal / Let Me Down

4. Childish Gambino - 3.15.20 Genre: Hip Hop / R&B

For possibly his final album as Childish Gambino, Donald Glover left us an interesting crescendo of his musical career. 3.15.20 is a conglomerate of his previous albums wrapped up in a concise and cohesive, yet exploratory and eclectic album. The Boom Bap inspiration of CAMP, the spaced out futuristic wonder of Because The Internet, and the nostalgic and funk driven change up of Awaken My Love! are all represented here. The way the album meaders has been something critiqued of this record, but I find it’s part of it’s creative charm. Time being a theme of the album you feel the way time is a bit aimless as it just progresses, which leads to the moments you remember really sticking through. On your first listen you never know what time has in store for you on the upcoming track. Some may think this is peculiar and too subtle of a final statement, but I think it fits the artists perfectly. Donald can be in your face, but as his career in comedy and Television progressed he found his sweet spot at being subtle and rewarding those that pay attention to the margins.Who knows what is next for Donald’s career (he is halfway to an EGOT), but if this is the end of his musical journey I am very glad to be a witness of it.

Proof: Algorhythm / Time (Feat. Ariana Grande) / 19.10 / 42.26 / 47.48

3. Kacy Hill - Is It Selfish If We Talk About Me Again Genre: R&B / neo-Soul / Synth Pop

It has been quite a journey for the 26 year old singer to this point. After beginning a career in modeling at the age of 16, a venture that she sort of fell into and wasn’t something she was passionate about, Hill also began dabbling in music. While on tour with Kanye West as a backup dancer for the Yeezus Tour, Kanye heard a self released single of hers and immediately signed her to his G.O.O.D. Music label. This is around when she popped on my radar. After a 2015 EP and a 2017 Album, Kacy decided to leave the label which leads us to this self released sophomore album from the singer. It seems the roller coaster of the young singer’s career up to this point has given a clarity for Hill to create her most emotional gripping and cohesive project. Part of the strength of this album was working intimately with Francis and the Lights who is a producer on 6 of the 11 tracks and gives the project it’s common vernacular. Utilizing Francis’ Synth and bass heavy backdrops, Hill allows her sweet falsetto to hit some impassioned locations. There is a sort of yin and yang to her vulnerable lyrics and the darker cavernous production that give each track depth. Kacy is now in full control of her music and we see she is very capable with this role.

Proof: To Someone Else / Much Higher / Porsche / I Believe In You (Feat. Francis and the Lights) / Six

2. Kasbo - The Making of a Paracosm Genre: Electronic / Future Bass

It’s easy to get lost in the lavish and vibrant ecosystems of Swedish producer Kasbo’s immersive music. Kasbo’s debut album Places We Don’t Know was easily one of my favorite and most replayed albums of 2018. For the follow up. Kasbo ups the ante a bit with this lush and cinematic offering; each song is rich with so many layered melodies and bursting with gripping emotion. The coatings of pianos, synths and vocal samples are woven together with an orchestral composition. The tracks all have a form of deep breathes inward and explosive exhilations that lift the listener up in their swirling harmonies. Though the pieces all are vast and expansive they are both introspective and affectionately personal. Kasbo had a very tough time in between his debut and sophomore albums, with an undiagnosable bout of severe hearing loss. Once his hearing returned and he was able to continue where he left off on his music you can hear the sense of leaving it all out there in this project. He doesn’t know if the condition will return so he made sure to make this project one that conveys what he needed to convey; which despite that scary premonition is unbridled hope.

Proof: Play Pretend (Feat. Ourchives) / Blur / Lune (Feat. Vancouver Sleep Clinic) / Staying In Love (Feat. Nea) / Show You

1. Tame Impala - The Slow Rush Genre: Synth-Pop / Electronic

From the opening chopped up and synth-out vocal sample you realize this journey the multi-instrumentalist from Australia is about to take us on is one much different than his previous efforts. It took Kevin Parker 5 years to follow up his mega acclaimed third album Currents. The album pushed him to a new stature selling out large amphitheaters on his own and as a consistent festival headliner. The long wait and meteoric rise proved fruitful for this outwardly exuberant and extroverted yet simultaneously introspective and internal album. The Slow Rush is for anyone that connects with people who while socially at parties or clubs constantly feel hidden to the world. Those who both see the world moving around them at a fast pace yet still feel as if they are moving in slow motion.

Musically, The Slow Rush is a sonic fondue pot of many genres and timelines melted and stirred together. There’s both nostalgia and futuristic aspiration swirled in every track with footsteps in every decade from the 60’s to 2020. Imagine Hall & Oates, Pink Floyd and Daft Punk having a musical orgy while on acid. Despite the sheer vast amount of styles and genres being pressured into this album there is an uncanny level of sophistication by Kevin in this science experiment of an album. The project’s crescendo is the psychedelic thunder cloud of “It Might Be Time”. The track starts out airy, spacious and understated, slowly synth keys start jabbing in, yet still don’t ready you for the bombardment of 808’s, and symbol crashes of the momentous chorus that hits you right in the gut and gets you on your feet.

The Slow Rush is both an album you can put on at a party as well as chill alone and vibe out to. On the surface are the euphoric dance indications but a deeper inspection, should one wish to take on, finds the emotional and gripping crosscurrents that are interwoven throughout. If there’s levels of protection from past pain, and uncertainty for the future holding you back, well “it might be time to face it”.

Proof: One More Year / Borderline / Posthumous Forgiveness / Breathe Deeper / On Track / It Might Be Time

Others:

Good: Abir - HEAT, A Boogie wit da Hoodie - Artist 2.0, AceMo - I Want to Believe, AceMoMa - A New Dawn [HOA007], The Aces - Under My Influence, Action Bronson - Only For Dolphins, Active Child - In Another Life, Actress - Larama & Desire, Adrian Younge & Ali Shaheed Muhammad - Jazz Is Dead 001, Adrian Younge, Ali Shaheed Muhammad & Roy Area - JID002, Aesop Rock - Freedom Finger [Music from the Game], Aesop Rock - Spirit World Field Guild, A. G. Cook - Apple, Agnes Obel - Myopia, Alanis Morissette - Such Pretty Forks in the Road, Alaska Reid - Big Bunny, Alec Benjamin - These Two Windows, Alexandra Savior - The Archer, Allan Rayman - Christian, Alicia Keys - ALICIA, Allie X - Cape God, ALMA - Have You Seen Her?, Aloe Blacc - All Love Everything, Aminé - Limbo, Andrianne Lenker - songs, Andy Shauf - The Neon Skyline, Ángela Muñoz & Adrian Younge - Introspection, Angelica Vila - Deception Szn 1, Angel Olsen - Whole New Mess, Anna Burch - If You’re Dreaming, Another Sky - I Slept On The Floor, Ariana Grande - Positions, Armin van Buuren - Lost Tapes, A$AP Ferg - Floor Seats II, Astrid S - Leave It Behind, Atmosphere - Whenever, August Alsina - The Product III: stateofEMERGEncy, The Avalanches - We Will Always Love You, Ava Max - Heaven & Hell, AWOLNATION - Angel Miners & the Lightning Riders Baauer - PLANET’S MAD, Bad Bunny - LAS QUE NO IBAN A SALIR, Bassnector - All Colors, Baths - Pop Music / False B-Sides II, BENEE - Hey u x, Banoffee - Look at Us Now Dad, Beach Bunny - Honeymoon, beabadoobee - Fake It Flowers, Becca Mancari - The Greatest Part, Becca Stevens - Wonderbloom, Benny the Butcher - Burden of Proof, Best Coast - Always Tomorrow, Beyoncé - The Lion King: The Gift (Deluxe Edition), Big Sean - Detroit 2, Bishop Nehru - Nehruvian Tuesdays: Vol, 1, blackbear - everything means nothing, BLACKSTARKIDS - Whatever, Man, Black Thought - Streams of Thought, Vol. 3: Cane and Abel, Blu & Exile - Miles, Blxst - No Love Lost, Bombay Bicycle Club - Everything Else Has Gone Wrong, Bongeziwe Mabandla - iimini, Boniface - Boniface, Botany - End The Summer F(or)ever, boy pablo - Wachito Rico, Brandon - Coming Clean, Brandy - B7, Bree Runway - 2000AND4EVA [Mixtape], Brent Faiyaz - Fuck The World, Bryson Tiller - A N N I V E R S A R Y, Bryson Tiller - T R A P S O U L (Deluxe), Buddy & Kent Jamz - Janktape Vol. 1, Buju Banton - Upside Down 2020, Busta Rhymes - Extinction Level Event 2: The Wrath of God, Burna Boy - Twice As Tall Cam’ron - Purple Haze 2, Cassian - Laps, Caribou - Suddenly, Carly Rae Jepsen - Dedicated Side B, Car Seat Headrest - Making a Door Less Open, Chelsea Cutler - How To Be Human, Chloe x Halle - Ungodly Hour, Circa Waves - Sad Happy, Clap! Clap! - Liquid Portraits, Cleo Sol - Rose in the Dark, clipping. - Visions of Bodies Being Burned, Common - The Beautiful Revolution (Pt. 1), Com Truise - In Decay, Too, Conway the Machine - From King To A GOD, CRi - Juvenile, Cults - Host, Cut Copy - Freeze, Melt D Smoke - Bad Habits, DaBaby - BLAME IT ON BABY, DaBaby - My Brother’s Keeper (Long Live G), Daecolm - Figur£$, Dan Deacon - Mystic Familiar, Dave East - Karma 3 [Mixtape], Declan McKenna - Zeros, Dee-1 & Murs - He’s the Christian, I’m the Rapper, Dehd - Flower of Devotion, Delacey - Black Coffee, Delta Heavy - Only in Dreams (Remixes), Denzel Curry - UNLOCKED [Mixtape], Destroyer - How We Met, Diana Gordon - Wasted Youth, Diplo - Diplo Presents Thomas Wesley Chapter 1: Snake Oil, Diplo - MMXX, Dirty Projectors - 5EPs, dj poolboi - it’s good to hear your voice, DJ Snake - Carte Blanche (Deluxe), Drake - Dark Lane Demo Tapes, DRAMA - Dance Without Me, Dreamville - Revenge of the Dreamers III Echosmith - Lonely Generation, EDEN - no future, Ekali - A World Away, Ela Minus - acts of rebellion, ELIO - u and me, but mostly me, Ella Vos - Turbulence, Ellie Goulding - Brightest Blue, E.M.M.A. - Indigo Dream, Eric Bellinger - Eric B For President: Term 3, Eric Bellinger - Hor D’oeuvres, Ethan Gruska - En Garde, Everything Everything - RE-ANIMATOR, Everything Is Recorded - FRIDAY FOREVER, Example - Some Nights Last For Days Fana Hues - Hues, Felt (Murs & Slug) - Felt 4 U, FINNEAS - Blood Harmony (Deluxe), Fiona Apple - Fetch The Bolt Cutters, The Flaming Lips - American Head, Fleet Foxes - Shore, flora cash - Baby, It’s Okay, Four Tet - Sixteen Oceans, Freddie Gibbs & The Alchemist - Alfredo, Free Nationals - Free Nationals, Future Islands - As Long As You Are, Future Utopia - 12 Questions Gabrielle Aplin - Dear Happy, Galantis - Church, PG-Eazy - Everything’s Strange Here, Gengahr - Sanctuary, Gil Scott-Heron & Makaya McCraven - We’re New Again: A Reimagine by Makaya McCraven, Glass Animals - Dreamland, Good Sad Happy Bad - Shade, Gorillaz - Song Machinem Season One: Strange Timez, GRACEY - The Art Of Closure, grandson - Death Of An Optimist, Gregory Porter - All Rise, GRiZ - Chasing The Golden Hour Pt. 3 [Mixtape], Grouplove - The Healer, GUM - Out In The World, Gus Dapperton - Orca, Guy Sebastian - T.R.U.T.H. Half Waif - The Caretaker, Haiku Hands - Haiku Hands, Hannah Georgas - All That Emotion, HAWA - the ONE, Hayley Williams - Petals for Armor, Henry Hall - Neato, Hinds - The Prettiest Curse, HMLTD - West of Eden, Hudson Mohawke - Airborne Lard, Hudson Mohawke - B.B.H.E., Hudson Mohawke - Poom Gems, Hurts - Faith Icarus - Unfold, Isaia Huron - Libbie J Balvin - Colores, Jacob Latimore - C3, Jacob Latimore - Leo Season, Jack Harlow - Thats What They All Say, Jadakiss - Ignatius, Jade Novah - Stages, Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit - Reunions, Jay Electronica - A Written Testimony, Jean Dawson - Pixel Bath, Jeezy - The Recession 2, Jeff Tweedy - Love Is The King, Jeremy Zucker - love is not dying, Jess Cornelius - Distance, Jessie Reyez - BEFORE LOVE CAME TO KILL US, Jhené Aiko - Chilombo, John Legend - Bigger Love, JoJo - good to know, J Lloyd - Kosmos, Jonah Yano - souvenir, Joyner Lucas - ADHD, JOYRYDE - Brave, Juice WRLD - Legends Never Die, Juicy J - THE HUSTLE CONTINUES, Junglepussy - JP4, Justin Bieber - Changes, Justine Skye - BARE WITH ME (The Album) Kaash Paige - Teenage Forever, Kacy Hill - Just Circling Back Here: Is It Selfish If I Talk About Me Again (Remixes), Kali Uchis - Sin Miedo (del Amor y Otris Demonios)∞, Kamaiyah - Got It Made, Katie Day - Mydata, Katie Gately - Loom, Katy Perry - Smile, K CAMP - Kiss 5, Keaton Henson - Monument, Kehlani - It Was Good Until It Wasn’t, Kevin Morby - Sundowner, Khushi - Strange Seasons, Khruangbin - Mordechai, Kiana Ledé - KIKI, Kid Cudi - Man On The Moon III: The Chosen, Kid Krow - Conan Gray, Kiesza - Crave, Kiiara - lil kiiwi, King Princess - Cheap Queen (Deluxe), Kllo - Maybe We Could, KLOUD - AUTONOMY, K. Michelle - All Monsters Are Human, Knxwledge - 1998, Kodaline - One Day at a Time, Kygo - Golden Hour, KYLE - See You When I am Famous!!!!!!!!!!!!, Kylie Minogue - DISCO Lane 8 - Brightest Lights, LANY - mama’s boy, LA Priest - GENE, La Roux - Supervision, Last Heroes - Finding Light, Laura Marling - Song For Our Daughter, Laura Veirs - My Echo, Lauv - ~how i’m feeling~, Lecrae - Restoration, Lewis Del Mar - AUGUST, Lianne La Havas - Lianne La Havas, Lil Wayne - Funeral, Little Dragon - New Me, Same Us, Little Mix - Confetti, LL Cool J - Authentic, Logic - No Pressure, Long Beach Dub Allstars - Long Beach Dub Allstars, Lonr. - Land of Nothing Real, Louis Tomlinson - Walls, Loyal Lobos - Everlasting, Lucas & Steve - Letters to Remember, Luh Kel - L.O.V.E., Lucky Daye - Painted (Deluxe Edition), Luke James - to feel love/d Mac Miller - Circles, MAITA - Best Wishes, Major Lazer - Music Is The Weapon, Mala Rodriguez - MALA, Margo Price - That’s How Rumors Get Started, Marsh - Lailonie, Marsh - Lost in You, MAX - Colour Vision, Maya Hawke - Blush, Mayor Hawthorne - Rare Changes, Medasin - RIPPLS, Megan Thee Stallion - Good News, Megan Thee Stallion - Suga, Midwife - Forever, The Midnight - Monsters, Mija - Desert Trash, Miley Cyrus - Plastic Hearts, MisterWives - SUPERBLOOM, Mitch - Better For You, Moaning - Uneasy Laughter, Moses Sumner - græ, The Mountain Goats - Getting Into Knives, Mourning [A] BLKstar - The Cycle, Mura Masa - R.Y.C., mxmtoon - dawn/dusk Nada Surf - Never Not Together, Naeem - Startisha, Nap Eyes - Snapshot of a Beginner, Nappy Roots - 40RTY, Nas - King’s Disease, Nathaniel Rateliff - And It’s Still Alright, The Neighbourhood - Chip Chrome & The Mono-Tones, Neon Trees - I Can Feel You Forgetting, Netsky - Second Nature, NIKI - Moonchild, NNAMDÏ - BRAT, No Mana - Secret Level, Norah Jones - Pick Me Up off the Floor, Nothing - The Great Dismal, Nothing But Thieves - Moral Panic Ohmme - Fantasize Your Ghost, Oh Wonder - No One Else Can Wear The Crown, Okay Kaya - Watch This Liquid Pour Itself, Omar Apollo - Apolonio, Omarion - The Kinection, Omar S - You Want, Open Mike Eagle - Anime, Trauma and Divorce, Orion Sun - Hold Space For Me, The Overcoats - The Fight PARTYNEXTDOOR - PARTYMOBILE, PARTYNEXTDOOR - PARTYPACK, Passenger - Patchwork, Perfume Genius - Set My Heart on Fire Immediately, Petit Biscuit - Parachute, Pet Shop Boys - Hotspot, Phoebe Bridgers - Punisher, Photay - Waking Hours, Pictish Trail - Thumb World, POLIÇA - When We Stay Alive, Popcaan - FIXTAPE, Poppy - I Disagree, Pop Smoke - Shoot for the Stars Aim for the Moon, Poolside - Low Season, Porches - Ricky Music, Post Animal - Forward Motion Godyssey, The Professionals (Madlib & Oh No) - The Professionals, Princess Nokia - Everything Is Beautiful, Princess Nokia - Everything Sucks, Public Enemy - What You Gonna Do When The Grid Goes Down?, Pure X - Pure X Quinn XCII - A Letter to My Younger Self, Queen Naija - missunderstood RAC - BOY, Ratboys - Printer’s Devil, Real Estate - The Main Thing, REASON - New Beginnings, Recondite - Dwell, Rhys Lewis - Things I Chose to Remember, Rina Sawayama - SAWAYAMA, Riz Ahmed - The Long Goodbye, RJD2 - The Fun Ones, Ro James - MANTIC, Royce da 5’9” - The Allegory, Russ - SHAKE THE SNOW GLOBE, Ryan Beatty - Dreaming of David Sad13 - Haunting Painting, SAINt JHN - While The World Was Burning [Mixtape], Sam Lee - Oh Wow, Sam Smith - Love Goes, San Fermin - The Cormorant I & II, Sasha Sloan - Only Child, SAULT - Untitled (Black Is), SAULT - Untitled (Rise), Savannah Ré - Opia, SAYGRACE - The Defining Moments of SAYGRACE: Girlhood, Fuckboys & Situationlists, Sea Wolf - Through A Dark Wood, Selena Gomez - Rare, Sérgio Mendez - In the Key of Joy, Sevdaliza - Shabrang, S.G. Goodman - Old Time Feeling, Shabazz Palaces - The Don of Diamond Dreams, Shamir - Shamir, Shoffy - Flash, Shopping - All or Nothing, Sleepy Hallow - Sleepy Hallow Presents: Sleepy For President, Slowly Slowly - Race Car Blues, Smashing Pumpkins - CYR, Smino - She Already Decided [Mixtape], Special Interest - The Passion Of, Soccer Mommy - Color Theory, Social Club Misfits - Feared by Hell, Songhoy Blues - Optimisme, Son Little - Aloha, Sorry - 925, Spacey Jane - Sunlight, Spencer Brown - Stream of Consciousness, Steve Aoki - Neon Future IV, Steve Spacek - House, Stormzy - Heavy Is The Head, STRFKR - Future Past Life, Sturgill Simpson - Cuttin’ Grass Vol. 1 (Butcher Shoppe Sessions), Sturgill SImpson - Cuttin’ Grass, Vol. 2 (Cowboy Arms Sessions), Sub Focus & Wilkinson - Portals, $uicideboy$ - Stop Staring at the Shadows, Surfaces - Horizons, Sweaton Klank - Good Days, Sweet Whirl - How Much Works, Swing Ting - 100 Dances, Symba - Don’t Run From R.A.P. TeaMarr - Before I Spill Myself, Tech N9ne - Enterfear, Tennis - Swimmer, Teno Afrika - Amapiano Selections, Terrace Martin, Robert Glasper, 9th Wonder & Kamasi Washington - Dinner Party, Terrace Martin, Robert Glasper, 9th Wonder & Kamasi Washington - Dinner Party: Dessert, Teyana Taylor - The Album, T.I. - The L.I.B.R.A., Tiana Major9 - Back At Sixes And Sevens, Tiësto - The London Sessions, Tink - Hopeless Romantic, Thao & The Get Down Stay Down - Temple, The-Dream - SXTPA, Theophilus London - Bebay, THEY. - The Amanda Tape, Thundercat - It Is What It Is, Thunder Jackson - Thunder Jackson, Tkay Maidza - Last Year Was Weird, Vol. 2, TOKiMONSTA - Oasis Nocturno, Tom Misch & Yussef Dayes - What Kinda Music,Toni Braxton - Spell My Name, TOPS - I Feel Alive, TORRES - Silver Tongue, Tory Lanez - The New Toronto 3, Trey Songz - Back Home, T.R.U. & 2 Chainz - No Face No Chase, Two Feet - Pink, Tycho - Simulcast, Ty Dolla $ign - Featuring Ty Dolla $ign Various Artists - Bad Boys For Life Soundtrack, Various Artists - Birds is Pray: The Album, Various Artists - Ophelia Presents: Advent Volume 1, Various Artists - Ophelia Presents: Advent Volume 2, Various Artists - Promising Young Woman (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack), Various Artists - REPRISE: A Roc Nation Album, Various Artists - Sable Valley Summer Vol. 1, Various Artists - The Turning (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack), Varsity - Fine Forever, Vic Mensa - V TAPE, Victoria Monét - JAGUAR, Vistas - Everything Changes in the End, Vundabar - Either Light, Vybz Kartel - To Tanesha Washed Out - Purple Noon, Waxahatchee - Saint Cloud, Whitney - Candid, William Black - Pages (The Remixes), WizKid - Made In Lagos, Wiz Khalifa - The Saga of Wiz Khalifa, Wolf Parade - Thin Mind Xavier Omär - if You Feel Yaeji - WHAT WE DREW 우리가 그려왔던, Yellow Claw - Never Dies, Yellow Days - A Day in a Yellow Beat, YG - My Life 5Hunnid, Yo Gotti - Untrapped, Youngr - Memories, Yumi Zouma - Truth or Consequences, Yves Tumor - Heaven To a Tortured Mind Zeds Dead - We Are Deadbeats (Vol. 4), Zeds Dead - We Are Deadbeats (Vol. 4 Deluxe) 070 Shake - Modus Vivendi, The 1975 - Notes On A Conditional Form, 2 Chainz - So Help Me God!, 5 Seconds of Summer - CALM

Meh: ARTHUR - Hair of the Dog, The Black Lips - Sing in a World That’s Falling Apart, Bring Me The Horizon - POST HUMAN: SURVIVAL HORROR, Bruno Major - To Let A Good Thing Die, Cuddle Magic - Bath, Don Toliver - Heaven Or Hell, Eminem - Music To Be Murdered By, Foogiano - Gutta Baby, Frances Quinlan - Likewise, French Montana - CB5, Future - High On Life, Future & Lil Uzi Vert - Pluto x Baby Pluto, iann dior - I’m Gone, Ichiko Aoba - Windswept Adan, IDLES - Ultra Mono, Jacob Collier - Djesse, Vol. 3, Jason Mraz - Look For The Good, Jaunt - All In One, Jaye Jayle - Prisyn, Lil Baby - My Turn, Lil Uzi Vert - Eternal Atake, Lil Uzi Vert - LUV vs. The World 2, Machine Gun Kelly - Tickets To My Downfall, Masiwei & Higher Brothers - Prince Charming, MHYSA - Navaeh, Nicolas Jaar - Cenizas, RARE Sound & K Camp - Rare Family, Rich The Kid - BOSS MAN, Rich The Kid & YoungBoy Never Broke Again - Nobody Safe, Rico Nasty - Nightmare Vacation, Social Club Misfits - MOOD // DOOM, WHIPPED CREAM - WHO IS WHIPPED CREAM?

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hlupdate · 5 years

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When One Direction announced their hiatus at the end of 2015, the world took out their magnifying glasses and awaited how each of the members would progress past the mammoth presence the supergroup had bathed them in. Over time, a particular light fell onto the tender tenor of the group, Louis Tomlinson, as his voice always provided the edge that elevated the group beyond the generic boyband model. Just as other wildly successful boybands like *NSYNC and The Backstreet Boys had Chris Kirkpatrick and Brian Littrell, One Direction had Tomlinson whose voice differentiated the band from others in their field. So, when Tomlinson announced his long-awaited debut record, Walls, back last Fall, there was an air of intrigue that soon accumulated for where this voice would journey, solo.

Tomlinson experimented with a handful of singles over the years with “Just Hold On” and “Back to You” tapping into the EDM market while his highly underrated track “Miss You” dabbled in the foundations of pop-punk to solidify his sound as an independent artist. Yet, it’s when the British-bred singer began digging into his roots that he found a familiar fire that shaped the overarching soundscape that is found in the bulk of Walls. It’s obvious that Tomlinson found comfort in Britpop, and if anything, it is a strong starting point for a debut as his voice sits naturally atop the genre.

Opening the record is electric track “Kill My Mind” which feels as though one has shaken up a fresh soda can and popped the lid. It’s a rowdy fizz full of a hodgepodge of 90’s alternative influences, and the longer one sips on Tomlinson’s biting vocals and rambunctious, guitar-led production, the better it tastes. Following the tune is “Don’t Let it Break Your Heart,” an instant crowd-pleaser detailing the strength of healing through adversity, relying on it’s endearing chant-like structure to push the track to new heights. It’s easy to imagine this song rumbling a venue as the fans scream out its words. Bleeding into the piano-entrancing “Two of Us,” we see Tomlinson at his most vulnerable, lyrically and vocally, as the song details the passing of his mother at the end of 2016. Almost as if he is cracking his ribcage open to allow others to find collective healing through the process of grief, the track is more uplifting than sorrowful—it being Tomlinson’s words and personable voice to thank for that. The title track, “Walls,” being a nod to Oasis, was well-received by critics and fans alike as Tomlinson breaks down the walls that his trials and tribulations have built up around him over the years. It’s rare to find a title track that can firmly stand on its own, yet this one does just that.

It’s when we fade into the meat of Walls, past the singles, do we start to see Tomlinson’s artistic identity flourish. “Too Young” acts like a melancholic lullaby that is sang too tenderly to cross. A simple acoustic that highlights the delicate vocals he was famous for in One Direction. “Habit” easily presses rewind on the era and takes a trip back to the alt 90’s, providing what could be the blossoming of a softer Everclear influence. Tomlinson showcases his impeccable ability to flow words overtop a sonic landscape here, which follows into a couple other tracks, providing a storytelling technique that has been challenging for his fellow bandmates to crack as he confesses to his love interest that they’re a habit he can’t break. It’s difficult not to hear this breezy, guitar-driven tune and not think of how seamlessly the chorus could blend into a 90’s, coming of age film that stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

“Always You” gives way to lighter moods in musicality as Tomlinson’s voice bounces over lively guitar plucking, providing the same word flow as “Habit” just more staccato. The building climax compliments his tone, being a hidden talent in his repertoire, landing with a big melodic chorus so gravitating that one will be humming it to themselves long after the record’s over. Then, there’s “Fearless,” a surprising power-ballad that is hard to forget. Structured around the age-old phrase, “let’s stay young forever” it would’ve been easy for this theme to fall corny rather quickly, but instead, the track is a haunting recount of forgotten youth and being lost in nostalgia. Tomlinson’s vocals are at their peak here, following the foundations of simple verses and light instrumentals, allowing his isolated vocals to take center stage to deliver an iron-clad performance.

The two most personal tracks on the record, though, are saved for last. Being the most reflective of his growth going forward as an artist, “Defenceless” and “Only the Brave” display his duality in the sonic landscape. The former is a powerhouse earworm that represents everything good about a pop song. Bringing one of the catchiest bridges to the mainstream in recent years, “Defenceless” soars with poppy chords and heavy drums that’ll have one itching to listen to it on the open road. Tomlinson teamed up with Andrew Jackson and Duck Blackwell for the latter, “Only the Brave.” An interlude track that came to Tomlinson as a demo, it resonated with him enough to mark it the star of the show as the album’s closer. It taps into an indie market that suits his voice well as the song’s corners feel burnt and tinged. The stunning religious subtext that could be metaphors for both his relationship with another and with fame is only a little over two minutes long, but it acts as one powerful ending.

Walls works because it’s a culmination of Louis Tomlinson’s best assets—the distinct edge of his vocals and his commanding lyrical prowess. Tomlinson’s voice has a knack of making a listener feel as though he’s sitting across the kitchen table, speaking directly to them. It’s personable, tender, comforting, and it’s endearing. His peaks as a vocalist breathe through his debut, nailing airy falsettos and parading his raspy edge. Lyrically, whether it be him tackling adversity in the title track with, “These high walls never broke my soul,” shedding the tightly constructed public image tied to his boyband past in “Habit” with, “I took some time ‘cause I’ve ran out of energy of playing someone I’ve heard I’m supposed to be,” directly asking a friend the heavy question, “[are you] strong enough to get it wrong in front of all these people” in nostalgia-chasing’s “Fearless,” or sticking true to his clever symbolism found in “Always You” that details, “We’re sleeping on our problems like we’ll solve them in our dreams / we wake up early morning, and it’s still under the sheets,” it’s obvious that Tomlinson is a true songwriter. All in all, it’s in the conjoined efforts of these two aspects of his artistry that lays a solid foundation for Tomlinson moving forward. Walls has proven that he has what it takes to stand on his own, and looking towards the future just like the record’s closing lines, Tomlinson has shown that “it’s [his] solo song, and it’s only for the brave.”

#louis tomlinson #060220 #walls

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obtusemedia · 5 years

Text

The best songs of the 2010s: #25-1

#25: “SICKO MODE” by Travis Scott feat. Drake (2018)

When music historians look at hip-hop’s late-’10s dominance, I have no doubt that “SICKO MODE” will be viewed as the pinnacle of the era.

Let’s just go through a checklist of what makes “SICKO MODE” an instant classic: The weirdo multi-part structure. Travis Scott’s nearly two-minute long verse with quotable lines galore. Drake somehow managing to make falling asleep on an airplane sound cool. That spooky two-word Swae Lee refrain. Multiple Jamba Juice name-drops (inspiring a hilarious meme video). An iconic, striking music video with whacked-out imagery galore.

But most importantly, it’s a stone-cold banger that will get any dance floor moving. What more could you want?

#24: “Dance Yrself Clean” by LCD Soundsystem (2010)

You might have noticed that one of the decade’s biggest musical trends — EDM — hasn’t shown up much on this list. That’s because a majority of it has already aged badly, even just a few years later. Songs like “Don’t You Worry Child” or “Wake Me Up!” certainly have their charms, but unlike the more enjoyable, trashy electropop that preceded it, most EDM hits were plodding and self-serious. And its best artist, Calvin Harris, made his best work when he drifted away from the subgenre’s rigid structure and just made pure pop music.

But my passiveness towards EDM doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate a great drop. There’s been plenty of songs on the list with incredible drops up to this point, and there’s still a couple more to come. Hell, I even halfway considered putting some Skrillex on the list just because some of his early stuff still can get your pulse pounding (even if these songs REEK of the early 10s). But there will never be a drop more bonkers than “Dance Yrself Clean.”

Indie legends LCD Soundsystem kicked off the decade with a bang with this song — but they made you wait for that bang. More than three minutes, to be exact. But those who were patient enough to sit through the quiet, drawn-out opening were treated to frontman James Murphy wailing like a madman over a shuffling beat, bouncy bass and a cascading, randomized symphony of analog synthesizers. Although I’m sure Murphy calculated every second of “Dance Yrself Clean,” it sounds like absolute anarchy. And in the moments when his screaming vocals go hoarse over the slamming synths, it’s unreal.

#23: “Born To Die” by Lana Del Rey (2011)

This was the first Lana Del Rey song I heard, back in my junior year of high school. I was immediately floored. The vocals, the cinematic orchestral sweep, the spaghetti western guitars, the tragically beautiful lyrics — it was an instant masterpiece. There was no way Lana wouldn’t be the world’s biggest popstar within a year.

A couple months later, Lana infamously bombed on Saturday Night Live, which some thought would derail her career entirely. Even after her career has survived and she’s become a critical darling with a cult fanbase, her debut album, Born To Die, and its title track still have a bit of the stink from that SNL performance. Well, no more.

“Born To Die” is a haunting gothic-pop masterpiece that’s aged much better than much early-’10s pop (although I love the corny club stuff from that era, don’t get me wrong). Lana’s smoky voice is unparalleled, the trip-hop production is untouchable.

And although her pinnacle wouldn’t come until 2014 with her sophomore album Ultraviolence, “Born To Die” is still Lana’s most perfect single to date.

#22: “Green Light” by Lorde (2017)

In 2013, Lorde completely upended the pop universe with “Royals,” a minimalist tune chastising radio hits for their un-relatable opulence. By 2017, the culture had fully gravitated towards Lorde’s moodier sound, with greyscale acts like Post Malone and Alessia Cara writing monster hits about being angsty and sad (and not in the artsy, brilliant way that worked for Kurt Cobain or Kanye). It was a far cry from the neon, bubbly world of Katy Perry and Carly Rae Jepsen from a few years prior.

The New Zealand prodigy could’ve cashed in on being ahead of the curve and continued down her minimalist moody path. But she did the opposite with the defiant and proudly energized “Green Light.” Yes, it’s a breakup anthem, but Lorde doesn’t wallow in her sadness here (she saves that for other Melodrama cuts). Instead, she wailed away into the night, playing off of the thundering drums and bouncing pianos of Jack Antonoff’s production (his best-ever).

With “Green Light,” Lorde let her ex, and the world, know that she isn’t going anywhere. She might not ever reach the commercial heights of “Royals” again, but she’ll be an icon as long as there’s heartbreak that needs overcoming.

#21: “If You Know You Know” by Pusha-T (2018)

Pusha-T’s magnum opus, “If You Know You Know,” is a masterclass in cocaine rap with its effortless wordplay, sinister-yet-charismatic flow and blaring Kanye West beat. It deserved to be the song of the summer in 2018, but the masses chose a C-tier Drake single instead (despite Push absolutely ENDING Drake that summer).

But that doesn’t diminish the achievement Push made with this song. It’s quite a feat to record your best-ever track 17 years after your breakout. It’s even more of an accomplishment when that track kicks as much ass as “If You Know You Know.”

#20: “Teenage Dream” by Katy Perry (2010)

Teenage Dream-era Katy Perry is one of pop’s all-time juggernauts. The five consecutive #1 hit singles that album racked up is a feat matched only by Michael Jackson. Of those five singles, one stands out as the clear masterpiece of the group: the album’s title track (although “T.G.I.F” is also incredible).

I remember feeling a little underwhelmed by “Teenage Dream” when I first heard it in 2010. Her last single was a goofy, bombastic summer jam complete with a ridiculous video. “Teenage Dream” is a much more conventional, timeless pop jam. The chord structure is shockingly simple and the lyrics are lovestruck notes from a ‘50s ballad.

But that simplicity is what makes the song work. “Teenage Dream” has aged well because sometimes, all you need is three chords, a monster hook and yearning lyrics. This song will be Perry’s biggest legacy.

#19: “Drunk Drivers/Killer Whales” by Car Seat Headrest (2016)

“Drunk Drivers/Killer Whales” has to be the only uplifting, U2/Nirvana-style power ballad about DUIs.

Landing smack in the middle of Car Seat Headrest’s indie rock concept album/instant-classic Teens of Denial, “Drunk Drivers” is about the main character taking stock of his entire life and emotional instability. And yes, it all centers around driving drunk — or in this case, refusing that temptation as an impetus to change one’s life.

Naturally, in the very next song on the album, it’s revealed that the narrator drove drunk and got arrested anyways. But for a cathartic six minutes, “Drunk Drivers” provides a fleeting escape from the constant loop of self-hate and depression. Not to mention that it’s a grinding ‘90s alt-rock throwback that probably makes Billy Corgan jealous.

#18: “Harmony Hall” by Vampire Weekend (2019)

I’d never guess that Vampire Weekend’s second-best song (after “Oxford Comma,” of course) would be a hippie-friendly tune combining the Grateful Dead and Screamadelica. But here we are. And awkward combination or no, Ezra Koenig knew exactly what he was doing.

In a very dark, uncertain year, Koenig decided to write a song that doubled both as a blissed-out reprieve and a nervous warning. The music is utopian, but the lyrics detail the anger, confusion and constant obstacles of life in the late ‘10s. Koenig takes a lyric from one of his previous songs — “I don’t want to live like this/but I don’t want to die” — and makes it a rallying cry for anxious Millennials around the world, paranoid that the world might not stick around much longer.

It’s a heavy topic, but the gorgeous instrumentals, breakbeat drums, lilting guitars and bouncy pianos certainly ease the stress. “Harmony Hall” is a late-career masterpiece for the ages.

#17: “Marvins Room” by Drake (2011)

Never before has a booty call sounded so sad.

Way before he ruled the pop universe, Drake was just hip-hop’s resident mope. And “Marvins Room” is peak sadboi Drake. Using a real voicemail message in the hook (that he was later sued for using), “Marvins Room” is a six-minute phone conversation in which Drake drunkenly begs his ex to come back.

On the surface, what Drake discusses are what most rappers brag about — sex, money, wealth. But in “Marvins Room,” Drake seems to view them as obstacles to his ex, who he clearly still isn’t over. When he said he had sex four times this week, he sounds disgusted with himself, not proud.

Drake doesn’t look remotely good in this song; it’s more than a little pathetic. But it feels real and raw and revealing in a way that few R&B ballads are willing to get.

#16: “Pedestrian At Best” by Courtney Barnett (2015)

Courtney Barnett’s grungy masterpiece, “Pedestrian At Best,” is appropriately angsty given its crunchy guitars and yell-y vocals. But the Melbourne singer-songwriter touches on a different kind of angst here than Pearl Jam usually tapped into: the pressure of living up to sky-high expectations.

In the early/mid ‘10s, Barnett was earning lots of hype after witty (and excellent!) early singles like “Avant Gardener” and “History Eraser.” She clearly assumed she’d screw up her debut album following up those breakout songs, as she declares herself “a fake” and “a phony” in “Pedestrian At Best.”

Arguably her generation’s best lyricist, Barnett nails her expectation to squander the public’s expectations: “Put me on a pedestal and I’ll only disappoint you/Tell me I’m exceptional, I promise to exploit you.” The ironic thing is, she did the opposite. “Pedestrian At Best” is one of the most successful songs about failing.

#15: “Ni**as in Paris” by Jay-Z and Kanye West (2011)

There was some close competition, but I don’t think there was a more quotable rap song this decade than Jay-Z and Kanye West’s crowning achievement from Watch The Throne, “Ni**as in Paris.”

The classic lines don’t stop coming throughout the minimalist banger. Jay’s verse is smooth braggadocio perfected: “I’m liable to go Michael, take your pick: Jackson, Tyson, Jordan, Game 6.” Then Kanye comes crashing in with some truly bizarre bars that are both the dumbest and greatest thing you’ve ever heard. After hearing the song, I never felt the same way about fish filets ever again.

And then, the piece de resistance — Kanye’s inspired Will Ferrell sample from Blades Of Glory. It’s one of the most left-field and iconic moments in hip-hop history, and perfectly described the song itself. “NOBODY KNOWS WHAT IT MEANS. BUT IT’S PROVOCATIVE. IT GETS THE PEOPLE GOING.” Amen.

#14: “Run Away With Me” by Carly Rae Jepsen (2015)

Carly Rae Jepsen deserved to be one of the biggest popstars of all time. She should be selling out the same arenas that Taylor Swift and Beyoncé fill. But, in what is a true tragedy, the British Columbia native is only remembered as being that singer with that one earth-shattering hit and a feverish cult following.

But despite how adorable and fun “Call Me Maybe” is, Jepsen’s true magnum opus is her 2015 album, EMOTION, and its bombastic opening track, “Run Away With Me.”

The single is a masterclass in blending ‘80s flourishes with modern production. On the thunderous chorus, the EDM synths and roaring saxophone riff work in harmony with Jepsen’s passionate vocals to create pure pop bliss. Combined with the intimate verses, the single perfectly encapsulates that butterfly-feeling of a relationship’s honeymoon stage.

“Run Away With Me” is only one of many, many Jepsen singles that would’ve been #1 smashes in a perfect world. But the lack of chart success for this one especially hurt.

#13: “Formation” by Beyoncé (2016)

Where were you when “Formation” dropped? I bet you probably remember (I was writing an essay in my college’s library).

Sure, Beyoncé’s self-titled 2013 album is the surprise drop that gets all the attention. But “Formation” came out of nowhere too a few years later, and let’s be honest — it was much better. (side note: 4 is also much better than the self-titled)

Mike Will Made It’s beat for “Formation” incorporated some Texas twang into his trap-pop production — a fitting match for a Houston legend like Beyoncé. And Bey takes heat-check shot after heat-check shot here: declaring herself the next Bill Gates; casually dropping a “swag” ad lib and magically not sounding corny as hell; making a trip to a mediocre chain seafood restaurant sound like a cool post-sex reward.

It all works. And that’s because on “Formation,” Beyoncé was as untouchable and fearless as her cutthroat stans had always proclaimed her to be. The fact that it was the triumphant coda to one of the decade’s best pop albums just cements its legend.

#12: “Old Town Road (Remix)” by Lil Nas X and Billy Ray Cyrus (2019)

It’s the longest-running #1 hit in U.S. history. An unstoppable juggernaut that held titans like Justin Bieber, Taylor Swift, Ed Sheeran and Drake from the top of the charts. And, oh yeah — it’s perfect.

There are probably a few party poopers out there who hate “Old Town Road.” I am not one of them. By 2019, pop’s grayscale, Post Malone-fueled gloom had gotten out of hand. Then out of nowhere, this teenage Nicki Minaj Twitter stan writes a goofy novelty song that’s both a parody of country clichés and a sincere celebration of the cowboy lifestyle. (It’s also the greatest country song ever written, and the entire city of Nashville can fight me on that.)

Lil Nas X has a pure charisma other artists would kill for, from his warbly, infectious chorus to his endlessly quotable verse (WRANGLER ON MY BOOTY!!). And pulling Billy Ray Cyrus away from Hannah Montana-funded retirement to drop a shockingly fire verse about living the luxury lifestyle in Beverly Hills? There’s no way this wouldn’t be one of my all-time favorites.

Sometimes, when it comes to predicting future classics, you’ve just got to trust the screaming elementary schoolers.

#11: “Midnight City” by M83 (2011)

“Midnight City” sounds like what Space Mountain feels like.

The decade’s best electronic song is so perfect as to be almost alien, yet also remarkably warm and human. And just when you thought the song couldn’t get better, the second-greatest sax solo of all time (only behind “Jungleland”) bursts out of the neon layers of synth.

M83 has a catalogue stuffed with stunning retro synthpop bangers. The fact that “Midnight City” towers above them all is a testament to the song’s sheer majesty.

#10: “All Too Well” by Taylor Swift (2012)

Yes, I’m aware that this is the obvious Taylor Swift pick for this list. But Swift’s literary masterwork, “All Too Well,” hits me too hard to deny it.

“All Too Well” is so packed with vivid details and intense emotional swings that it feels like more like a short story backed by arena-rock instrumentation more than a pop song. From her an abandoned scarf tucked in a drawer, to her ex’s mother embarrassing him with his dorky child photos, to the phone-call breakup that was “casually cruel in the name of being honest,” Swift didn’t leave anything out.

Coupled with her songwriting, Swift’s vocals also make “All Too Well” her pinnacle. She reaches into her upper register so rarely that it sends shivers whenever she does, like on the emphatic climax here.

If it catches me in the right mood, Swift’s performance, the lilting guitars and cutting lyrics in “All Too Well” brings a few tears to my eyes. (Yes, really.) It’s only fitting that one of the greatest breakup anthems of all time is sung by a master of the artform.

#9: “Ivy” by Frank Ocean (2016)

I was very tempted to put Frank Ocean’s 10-minute synthpop epic “Pyramids” on the list instead. Make no mistake — if it wasn’t for my self-imposed one-song-per-artist rule, both it and “Ivy” would’ve placed highly.

But “Ivy” is a heart-stopper. It’s a fairly simple song, with just Ocean’s raw vocals playing off the languid guitars. To pull a song like this off, you have to be a double-threat, a genius lyrically and a stunning singer. Ocean fits that bill.

“Ivy” is the decade’s greatest R&B song, a heartbreaking ode to a slowly crumbling relationship.

#8: “The Edge Of Glory” by Lady Gaga (2011)

Lady Gaga’s best songs hit you like a brick to the face. Gaga — the greatest pop star of the 21st century, don’t @ me — has plenty of pop bangers that do this, particularly on the wildly underrated Artpop (shoutout to the insane and insanely fun “G.U.Y.”). But arguably none of her singles provide as much maximalist pleasures as “The Edge Of Glory.”

The track reeks of trying too hard in the best way possible. Gaga reaches into her upper vocal register frequently, scratching her upper limits every time she reaches the chorus. The production is a messy-but-beautiful jumble of slamming synths and drum machines. And that Clarence Clemons sax solo — one of the last musical contributions he made before his death that same year — is just the icing on top of the gloriously sugary cake.

Gaga’s over-the-top synthpop from her early years isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. But for someone like me, who wants pop to feel as massive and inescapable as humanly possible, “The Edge Of Glory” is still a towering high-water mark.

#7: “Pay No Mind” by Beach House (2018)

This spot could’ve been taken by any number of Beach House songs, the modern masters of dream-pop. “Space Song,” “Myth,” “Take Care” — the Baltimore duo honed in on a specific musical style and perfected it.

To me, “Pay No Mind” is the culmination of those years of Beach House subtly tinkering with their hazy, nocturnal sound. It’s like a gothic wedding slow-dance song: the right rhythm and with a romantic feel, but maybe a bit too gloomy for your grandparents. But regardless, “Pay No Mind” is breathtakingly beautiful, like seeing neon lights through the fog.

#6: “m.A.A.d. city” by Kendrick Lamar feat. MC Eiht (2012)

If you haven’t tried to memorize the nearly two-minute uninterrupted opening verse of “m.A.A.d. city,” were you even alive in the early ‘10s?

Kendrick Lamar has written many hip-hop epics in his career so far, but so far none have topped the semi-title track from his major label debut, good kid, m.A.A.d. city. In that concept album about Lamar’s teen years growing up amidst the gang warfare in Compton, “m.A.A.d city” marks the point where the gangsta dream shifts into a horrifying nightmare.

The song is a blur of murder, violence and police sirens. Lamar sounds positively terrified on the track, his voice cracking while he confesses. And bringing on old-school rapper MC Eiht to play a veteran gang member snapping Lamar out of his haze was a brilliant move. “m.A.A.d city” is an exhilarating tour-de-force that proved how much raw talent, in both flow and storytelling, Lamar had.

#5: “Somebody Else” by The 1975 (2016)

If Vampire Weekend is the most important band of the early ‘10s, then The 1975 is the most important band of the rest of the decade. Their transformation from (really good!) simple pop-rock to tacking incredibly dark subject matter while successfully taste-testing their way through nearly every musical genre was unexpected. And brilliant, seeing as they pulled it off.

But The 1975′s best track is much less capital-I important than most of their epics about Trump or suicide or heroin — it’s a synthpop song about complicated post-breakup emotions. But “Somebody Else” earns its keep as the band’s pinnacle through sheer relatability. It nails that complicated feeling of being over someone...but not really. Or as lead singer Matty Healy puts it bluntly: “I don’t want your body/but I’m picturing your body with somebody else.”

The shuffling drum machine groove and icy synths complete a perfect song for wandering aimlessly at night, longing for a lost love. And although The 1975 might switch sounds endlessly in their career, their sweet spot will always be this moody ‘80s update.

#4: “TiK ToK” by Ke$ha (2010)

“TiK ToK” is still easily the peak of the 2009-12 pop golden age. It has a bit of everything you’d want in a single from that era: Gloriously grimy synths! An uber-catchy chorus with plenty of demands to party! And of course, a charismatic and unforgettable star who can deliver the song. I don’t think anyone would argue Ke$ha fit that role to a T.

When “TiK ToK” first arrived around the turn of the decade, I couldn’t stand it. I thought it was too sleazy. Nearly 10 years later, Ke$ha’s performative sleaziness is exactly what makes this song so fun. Yeah, the hook is bulletproof and the production is buzzy. But Ke$ha’s slurred, drunken delivery and ridiculous lines are what have kept “TiK ToK” in the public consciousness. She single-handedly made P. Diddy and especially Mick Jagger relevant again. She made brushing your teeth with Jack Daniels seem cool (and not insanely nasty, like it actually is). Every single ridiculous line, sung through Ke$ha’s fake valley girl accent, is a gem.

I can understand how someone wouldn’t like the unfiltered debauchery and greasiness of “TiK ToK.” But to me, that’s the entire charm of it, and what makes it stand out amongst a sea of similarly-minded club jams from its era.

#3: “Runaway” by Kanye West feat. Pusha-T (2010)

I was going to ask all of you to forget about Kanye West’s recent stumbles, be it his association with Donald Trump or his insistence that slavery was a choice. But the power of “Runaway” is that it is a semi-apology from a man who knows he’s deeply flawed. Every one of Kanye’s gaffes and terrible decisions makes “Runaway” even more relevant today.

But “Runaway” was originally a response to Kanye’s infamous “Imma let you finish” rant at the 2009 VMAs, where he interrupted Taylor Swift. The song basically operates as a semi-apology to the world for being, as he puts it, a douchebag. An asshole. A scumbag. A jerkoff. He’s somewhat bragging about his misdeeds, while sheepishly asking for forgiveness.

And yet, it’s an extremely vulnerable song. The bridge — “I guess that you’re at an advantage/Cause you can blame me for everything/And I don’t know how Imma manage/If one day you just up and leave” — initially feels like something Kanye is saying to a lover. But really, he’s saying it to all of us. And it’s arguably the most moving moment in his whole career.

#2: “Get Lucky” by Daft Punk feat. Pharrell and Nile Rodgers (2013)

Don’t think about it too hard, folks.

Considering that Daft Punk are the greatest dance-music artists of all time, it only makes sense that they’d dip their toes into disco and absolutely KILL it. And that’s all “Get Lucky” is. Two French masters making their grand comeback by recruiting one of funk’s finest guitarists and one of the 2000s’ most charismatic vocal presences.

“Get Lucky” will be a wedding dance staple until the sun explodes. And it deserves that status. It’s a flawless dance track. Just embrace the groove.

#1: “Archie, Marry Me” by Alvvays (2014)

My favorite song of the 2010s wasn’t a part of some major trend. It wasn’t particularly influential. It doesn’t have any profound meaning, and it didn’t try to tackle a major event. “Archie, Marry Me” just happens to be the greatest indie pop song ever written.

Every little aspect of Toronto band Alvvays’ debut single works, from the surf-y guitars to lead singer Molly Rankin’s monotone-yet-yearning vocals. With its lo-fi ramshackle charm and monster hook, “Archie, Marry Me” is all you could want in a dream-pop single. It even has the nice touch of echoing a Neil Young classic in the chorus.

The whole intention of this list — as it is with any of my year-end lists — is simply to measure which songs made me the happiest; which songs never wore out on me. And no single this decade puts a bigger smile on my face than “Archie, Marry Me.” It’s simple, achingly romantic (in a Wes Anderson-esque half-ironic way, but still), and I wouldn’t change a thing about it.

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kootenaygoon · 5 years

Photo

So,

Shambhala was more than just a music festival. It was a culture, a dividing line in the community, an unruly giant stamping its feet. It had become a 20-year fixture in the Kootenays, and routinely brought millions of dollars into the local economy, but the conservative population of Nelson would always sneer at the basic premise of the whole enterprise: getting fucked out of your mind on drugs and dancing costumed in the forest amidst laser beams firing in all directions. If you weren’t into chemically altering your headspace, and you weren’t into EDM, then Shambhala just wasn’t designed for you. It was designed for the ultra-elite partiers, the drug connoisseurs, the ones inventing and sharing new substances that the harm reduction tent couldn’t even identify.

When I interviewed their spokesperson for the Star, though, he was quick to down-play that aspect of the event.

“Think about it this way, man. You’ve got 15,000 people all in one place, all looking to have a good time and party. That’s more than the population of all of Nelson,” he said.

“Now of course people are going to make decisions that you don’t have control over, which is no different than what goes on in normal people’s houses every day. Some people will drink, some people will do drugs, and some people won’t. For us it’s just about putting on the best party we can.”

He told me technically they were a dry event, and they confiscate all alcohol at security when guests arrive. Really, he argued, that made them a more sober event than some of these big raging beer fests.

I sighed into my phone. “Okay, but Shambhala is essentially synonymous with drug culture. Everyone knows that. I’ve known that since I lived in East Van and all my friends would rave about this druggie Utopia out in the Kootenays. You can’t say it’s not about drugs.”

“It’s about fun, dude. People just want to dress up in costumes and act weird and have fun, and that’s what they do. That’s the opportunity we provide for them, a chance to get freaky for a few days and listen to some really awesome music. The sound systems? They’re crazy.”

By the time August 2015 rolled around, I’d come to a deeper understanding of Shambhala’s dizzying influence and its fervent vilification within Kootenay society. Locals accepted it begrudgingly because of the much-needed tourism dollars, but in return they felt like they were being forced to watch their children fall prey to a dangerous sub-culture that routinely ruined lives. I’d been reading a book called Chasing the Scream by Johann Hari, though, and it was complicating my ideas about addiction and drug culture. Was it the drugs themselves that were dangerous, or was it the lack of regulation? And if people were going to do them, why not work to prevent them from overdosing and dying? I’d learned this new term, harm reduction, and earlier in the summer I’d written about the ground-breaking drug screening they were doing.

I wanted to see it all firsthand.

“Okay, so if I’m going to cover this thing, how much do I need to engage?” I asked, during a poker game smoke break, as I stood on the back patio with a radio journalist who had been to Shambhala multiple times.

“I mean do I want to go full Gonzo journalism style? Were you there in costume? Like how did you approach it?”

He smiled. “I have a very simple strategy for you, with simple steps.”

“Oh yeah?”

“First, drive to the ranch and get situated. Set up camp. I would take a lazy one or two hour walk around the property, trying to hit all seven stages. Get a sense of the vibe of things, the scope. The site is absolutely massive. This would be a good time to take a bunch of pictures,” he said, gesturing with his beer.

“Next, take some sort of party drug. Whatever the kids are doing, maybe MDMA, something that will make you dance. Get in a good crowd of people and go dance your face off. Try to hit multiple stages, but if you spend all night at one that’s fine too.”

I laughed. “Okay.”

“Now here’s the key part: once you’re done dancing, go back to your camp and go to sleep. Sleep right through to the middle of the next day if you have to. Don’t rush yourself, get a good rest. Then, once you’re awake and sober, get the fuck out of there and drive home.”

“Seems like you’ve thought this out.”

“Things go downhill after the first day, the further they get into the festival. Remember you’re dealing with people who aren’t showering, who are dancing around doing drugs and shitting in Port-a-Potties and just getting foul, right? If you get out after that one day, then you avoid that tidal wave of grossness. I mean, it gets feral fast.”

I asked him what he thought of my recent story on harm reduction, and whether their strategy was really as impressive as everyone said it was. I thought it was astonishing that in all the years of the festival they’d never had a death, except for one woman who passed away in her trailer of natural causes. Every year the Star would do the same coverage, basically just detailing the number of overdoses, drug seizures and impaired drivers coming in and out of the festival. I wanted to go beyond that superficial stuff and understand exactly how the cultural juggernaut functioned at its base level. On the ground. Some people talked about it like it was Mecca, like it was their yearly spiritual cleansing, while others considered it to evil incarnate. There wasn’t much of a middle ground, but I was determined to find and map it.

“The scale of the infrastructure, it will blow you away. It’s not just harm reduction, they’ve got this world-class medical team, they’re on top of the garbage situation, sewage treatment even. They’re making so much money that they can afford to be absolutely dialled.”

He tipped back his beer, took a slug. His face turned contemplative. He took a deep breath through his nostrils and shook his head.

“But there’s only so much you can do, you know? If I were the owners, I’d be losing my shit worried that one of these days they’re going to carry out like fifteen body bags and that will be it, the end of Shambhala,” he said.

“Really, it’s only a matter of time.”

The Kootenay Goon

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themusicenthusiast · 6 years

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Single Review: “wonderful life” by Bring Me the Horizon

The second single from amo (out on January 25th, 2019 via Sony Music Entertainment UK Limited) -- “wonderful life” – continues to showcase the creativity Bring Me the Horizon possesses and just how daring they’re willing be as they put more distance between themselves and the original metalcore sound that was crucial to their early successes. That makes them one of the more intriguing bands currently in existence, due to the fact that breaking a mold you’ve cast yourself in runs the risk of alienating longtime fans; and for those fans who thought their previous record was a vast departure, it seems that this forthcoming one will be even more eclectic. “wonderful life” alone incorporates a plethora of genres, even subtly hinting back to BMTH’s initial sound while also splicing it with some hard and heavy rock and alternative styles as well as a catchy pop tone. In regard to that pop influence, it relies heavily on a synth as well as some programming aspects, the electronic components generating an undeniable vibe that draws the listener in. All of that culminates with the breakdown. Done in the vein of what one might typically hear in EDM or even hip-hop, it still fits with the exuberant display that defines the track. Primal yet polished, it’s teeming with raw power. The use of some horns in the final moment isn’t to be overlooked, either. As out of place as it may sound, upon hearing it, it just sounds so behooving of the track, allowing it to pull off a triumphant, overwhelmingly positive tone as it finishes strong.

The riff that kicks “wonderful life” off is as classic as could be. A hybrid of rock and nu metal, it’s euphoric in a way but also haunting, alluding to the chaos that’s about to unfold; and when the track cuts loose, it makes sure that it’s an all-out assault, being unrelenting for the next four minutes or so. Self-described as being “mostly word vomit” by vocalist and songwriter Oliver Sykes during one interview, the singer also remarked that the lyrics were done freestyle in the studio. At times you can tell that, specifically during the intro where Sykes sounds as if he’s embarking on a train of thought and just seeing where it goes. Other than that, though, as unorganized as some of the lyrics may seem at times, it could be argued that never has such randomness sounded as significant and meaningful as it does during “wonderful life”. From that intro where he is pondering the gradual decay of the brain that begins when people are still just in their twenties Sykes moves on to an array of topics that constantly feel cohesive. In what some could view as being a bit disturbing, he likens his current disposition to that of an infamous killer, at least in regard to the fact that he wears a smile, masking the deeper feelings he’s experiencing from those around him. That’s crucial to the narrative, though, this latest single addressing the multiple feelings often raging within a person. In this instance, that seems to focus on the desire to be home and simultaneously still wanting to go out and enjoy a night on the town, enjoying the former to an extent but also needing to be a part of the action along with not wanting to be fully “domesticated” just yet. There’s a sort of sad irony about the chorus that works in contrast to the song’s title, Sykes proclaiming “Oh, what a wonderful life!” immediately after singing “…Nobody cares if I’m dead or alive…”. However, it’s difficult to discern if it’s meant to be slightly tongue-in-cheek or rather legitimate feelings that have come to be the new normal; and helping to give the track a little something extra is Cradle of Filth's Dani Filth, the vocalist being brought in to spice up the bridge. His throaty growls are absolutely chilling, and brief as his guest spot may be, it is unforgettable. It doesn’t seem that fans will be able to find any middle ground with this new material, either bound to love it or hate it. Nevertheless, it deserves recognition for what it is. And what it is, is Sykes, Matt Kean, Lee Malia, Matt Nicholls and Jordan Fish continuing to redefine themselves as musicians and a band. Thus far with the released singles there’s barely a thread even connecting this to 2015’s That's the Spirit, just proving that when they got to work writing for amo they didn’t have any self-imposed restrictions. Everything was allowed to flow as it may, and the result has been something that wields a universal appeal while also being a bit edgy. Parts of “wonderful life” do sound a bit more mainstream with more commercial undertones, though at other moments, if you listen carefully, there’s no arguing that Bring Me the Horizon is still very much in touch with roots. Whether he’s screaming or singing (in a surprisingly pristine manner in this instance) there’s a constant ferocity about the ever impassioned Sykes; the music casually bridging together genres that typically wouldn’t even be associated together, which just speaks to the artistry of the musicians that they could pull off a massive soundscape like this in such a cohesive way. Personally, “MANTRA” didn’t connect with me that much, but “wonderful life” is a brilliant piece that challenges preconceived notions of what can and can’t work in music. And hopefully BMTH will continue to push that envelope throughout the remaining tracks of amo. Pre-order amo on: iTunes | Google Play | Amazon MP3 Visit Bring Me the Horizon’s websites: Official Website | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter | Youtube Current Shows: 2018 November 5--Stuttgart, Germany--Schleyer-Halle 6--Hamburg, Germany—Sporthalle 8--Berlin, Germany--UFO Im Velodrome 9--Chemnitz, Germany—Messe 10--Vienna, Austria—Stadthalle 12--Zurich, Switzerland--Samsung Hall 13--Milan, Italy—Forum 14--Munich, Germany—Zenith 16--Antwerp, Belgium—Lotto 17--Frankfurt, Germany—Jahrhunderthalle 18--Dusseldorf, Germany--Mitsubishi Electric HALLE 20--Amsterdam, Netherlands--AFAS Live 21--Paris, France--Le Zénith 23--Birmingham, United Kingdom—Arena 24--Leeds, United Kingdom--First Direct Arena 25--Glasgow, United Kingdom--SSE Hydro 27--Cardiff, United Kingdom--Motorpoint Arena 29--London, United Kingdom--Alexandra Palace 30--London, United Kingdom--Alexandra Palace 2019 January 23--Nashville, TN--Nashville Municipal Auditorium 25--Orlando, FL--CFE Arena 26--Atlanta, GA--Coca-Cola Roxy 28--Fairfax, VA--EagleBank Arena 29--Manhattan, NY--Hammerstein Ballroom 30--New York, NY--Hammerstein Ballroom February 1--Boston, MA--Tsongas Center at UMass Lowell 2--Montreal, Canada--Place Bell 4--Detroit, MI--Fillmore Detroit 5--Chicago, IL--Aragon Ballroom 6--Minneapolis, MN—Armory 8--Dallas, TX--South Side Ballroom 9--Houston, TX--Revention Music Center 11--Denver, CO--The Fillmore Auditorium 13--Los Angeles, CA--The Forum 15--Phoenix, AZ--Comerica Theatre 16--Las Vegas, NV--The Joint at Hard Rock Hotel & Casino April 10--Brisbane, Australia--Entertainment Centre 12--Sydney, Australia--Qudos Bank Arena 13--Melbourne, Australia--Rod Laver Arena

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thisisnot-chris · 6 years

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Where Life’s Taken Me

These past few years since my last year of college have been quite the roller-coaster ride. I never imagined it to turn out this way (so far). I look back and remember what I was like in high school; a shy, scared kid who wasn’t sure what to do in life and was afraid of criticism. I see what I’ve become 8 years later; an outgoing, adventure seeking, person who knows what he wants in life and isn’t bound by the fear of other’s opinions. College helped me realize what I wanted to do but part of me still felt held back by other people’s thoughts on what I was trying to do with my life during that time. My choices were too risky; no job security; why wasn’t it something “typical & traditional”. I ended up learning that was not me at all years later, and it wasn’t easy to come to terms with it throughout that time. In fact it all came together in the last 2-3 years. All I had to do was figure out things with myself and who I truly am. Those ideas and thoughts sat dormant in the back of my mind for a very long time but it took some unexpected events to occur which initiated that journey.

It started in December 2015. I was about to start an internship with a local booking agency that specialized in EDM shows; something I was beyond ecstatic about. I love EDM. I love music and everything about it; both artistically and business-wise. I wanted to share the amazing news with a number of my good friends at a Christmas party we had one Saturday nite, about 1 week before Christmas came. The party was a blast so far; drinking games, great music, and so many laughs. I shared the news with everyone there and it felt so satisfying to share a new experience coming my way with the people I cared about. Little did I know… I was about to get some news later on at the party.

I was in the basement and had to go use the bathroom upstairs. I made my way up and stepped into the kitchen where 3 of my friends were talking. One of them said 3 words that changed it all; “Chris is gay”. I uttered something back in confusion and all 3 heads turned towards me with looks on their faces that screamed “OH SHIT!...” One of my other friends pulls me into the living room while I’m still puzzled as all hell and begins to legitimately question if I was or not. I was PISSED, and I’m usually not one to get angry very easily. They had known me all these years and NOW I hear about this?! And the reasons as to why were so stereotypical; I wore pink clothes, I watched what I ate, I didn’t drink much, I talk differently, etc. How the fuck should those label me anything?!?! They started apologizing afterwards and said they shouldn’t have made bold conclusions like that. At that point I should’ve gotten over it. But I didn’t. It bothered me. REALLY badly. And it only worsened in the coming months and years.

Shortly after the new year, my internship didn’t turn into a full-term employment due to the manager’s business needs and schedule. I needed to find work in the time being so I could make money and move out of my family’s house and continue investing in what I wanted to do with music. That time off had that thought keep coming back to me. George Michael once said, “When someone questions your sexuality, you begin to question EVERYTHING!” That’s exactly what happened to me. I never dated a woman in my life; but that shouldn’t have meant anything. I had crushes on girls throughout the years. When I was a much bigger kid in middle and high school, I started wanting to lose weight and exercise. I would compare myself to other attractive and much more fit men, looking at them and saying “God, I really wish I looked like that.” I didn’t think that meant anything either, even though I still had thoughts like that after losing so much weight. I kept pushing it aside during this time. I even joked to myself about it; for some reason, I always remembered this line from a Ron White stand up special where he says “Guys, if you ever have a thought… let it go. Everyone’s a little gay.” That line made me think of the times my friends and I poked fun like that; I didn’t realize I was just fighting myself. That year’s summer and fall began some very serious talks with myself soon on.

During my job search leading into the summer, I had a good friend keep in contact with me over the search and how I was doing. I started hanging out and spending time with him more; video games, watching stand up, random shit, whatever it was. It was great. As it got warmer, I was invited out to bonfires and hung out with a bunch of guys he became acquainted with. I was relatively quiet around them but it was still fun hearing their conversations. I was glad I got to spend time like this with my friend. Then in the middle of July, I finally got a job for the time being at a financial institution. Soon after accepting that position, I was also invited on a camping trip up North with him and his buddies. I ended up arriving on a Friday afternoon at a lake while they were out on a friend’s boat; they were drinking beer, listening to music, games, you name it. I thought it was great he invited me and will always remember my time out there. After a couple hours, they wanted to head back to the campsite they were at but I had no clue where it was. He offered to direct me back. I got back in my car, and then he got in it, sitting in the passenger seat. I drove halfway there until a state patrol officer pulled us over. There was a festival that weekend so he was just checking for drunk drivers but he kept us there for a good 15-20 minutes for whatever reason. We sat there for a while, trying to see what he was doing. But I wasn’t looking at the officer that whole time. I couldn’t help but look at my friend and I didn’t understand why. There he was next to me. Slightly buzzed. Wearing a hat from a foreign country. Shirtless. That was the moment there that something seemed different to me. What the hell was going on???

After that ordeal, we made it to the site and got ready for the festival. It ended up getting rained on and they got a crappy replacement band instead of the one they’ve gotten before. Their specialty ‘Summer Hummer” drinks were cheap though so it was a win in the end. We then headed back and had a fire for a bit til’ the rain got heavier and we all huddled under a canopy. I stayed in one of the guys’ tents that nite but had so much trouble sleeping because I kept thinking about that moment my friend and I got pulled over. Why couldn’t I help but look at him like that?... The next morning, we all packed up to leave but he wanted to stay and hike the area and asked me to. I wanted to say yes but that moment in the car yesterday scared me from doing so. I said I was gonna head back home instead. The questioning continued on the drive home. The nights after when I went to bed. Throughout the day during my new job. We still hung out since that and the questions kept growing on me. Why? Why was I looking at him like that??? Within that next month, what I considered to be the scariest thought I ever had ended up revealing itself to me… I think I was starting to have feelings for him.

That thought began to mess with me even worse than the initial questioning. I never thought things like this before; why now?? The coming September furthered this. There was a nite we went out and one of his friend’s questioned my sexuality. Pissed me off again. But I still had thoughts and they scared me more. I never knew anyone who was gay at this point and I wasn’t sure on my friends and immediate family’s thoughts on homosexuality. Then, one of my current best friends that was rooming with him at the time was planning on moving to California in October. My friend I started to have feelings for… offered me to move in. Living with someone you have feelings for… how the hell could this be a good idea?... My head couldn’t take it anymore. It started to affect me negatively from here on.

Jumping to October 29th, 2016, around the time my best friend moved to Cali, my “crush” and a couple other people went out to a bar for a Halloween party. On the ride back after the party, there was an argument on who the hottest woman was there. I was asked on my opinion. I never paid attention to any there and lied saying, “the blonde one”. Believe it not, there were no blonde women there that nite… We make it to his house, I use the bathroom, and come out to hear my two friends, one I’ve known since elementary school and the one I had feelings for, uttering to each other if I was gay. I had it at this point. I leaned against some cabinets, slid to the floor, and told them, “Guys… I’m not sure what I am.” I was scared out of my fucking mind. But they were ok with it. They didn’t care. It didn’t make a difference. That was a slight sigh of relief but I was “playing the bi-card” at this time. I could be interested in women too I thought back then. But I had feelings for my friend at this time… a man.

It wasn’t even 2 weeks later that my feelings were bothering me even more so; I felt the need to tell my good friend how I felt. Another friend of ours had a post-Halloween party at his place on November 5th, 2016 (“remember, remember, the 5th of November” has new meaning for me now); it was fun at first but the cops shut it down due to noise complaints. Still bothered, I then texted him at 1:00AM asking him where he was. He was on his way back home. I waited for him til 2:00AM when we arrived back to talk to him. I initially stated I started having feelings for someone we know and didn’t know what to do. He knew I was going to say it was him but kept asking who. I started to hold back myself from saying it was him. I was fucking crying for god sake. But I said it then. I liked him. And I couldn’t take it back. He then said his side of the matter; he appreciated me telling him, was flattered, but did not feel the same back. He did not feel that way about men. It didn’t change anything between us which shocked me. But I still didn’t know what to do. Did I simply just let it go? I unfortunately didn’t and it caused a major problem later on. I had more feelings for him after that talk. It wasn’t right. But I felt I lied to myself if I let it go.

January 2017 came around and I told my best friend in Cali about my questioning; he was ok with it and stated his support. I even told one of my friends that questioned me the nite of that Christmas party. I thought he out of all my friends would have the BIGGEST problem with it; but he didn’t. He hugged me and opened up much more about himself to me than I expected. He even suggested I talk to this woman we knew; little did I know she would end up helping me so much and becoming one of my best friends after we had dinner one nite. Oh, that major problem I mentioned? It began during the end of that month. Some friends and I were over at my “crush’s” place. My feelings were troubling me so much that nite. I ended up being a bit… “upfront” with him later that nite. How stupid could’ve I fucking been...

After that, he didn’t want to talk to me for awhile. He treated me differently. He distanced himself and when I look back on it, I can’t blame him. The feelings diminished away as they should’ve initially. I couldn’t believe I did this to a good friend. I crossed a line. I was not ok with myself. I felt like I was slipping into some phase of depression that screwed up my work performance, affected my job security, and made me feel everything was falling apart. Friends were breaking up and taking sides on different things. My one best friend moved to Cali and I thought I’d never see him again. I ended up telling more people that were close in my life about my questioning, including my parents, and everyone was ok with it. But I still struggled. I began to feel who I was was wrong. Being a man and having feelings for men was wrong. I was still having AND causing problems. I even caused trust issues with more friends I care so much about and diminished those relationships significantly. I felt that I couldn’t take life anymore… I wanted to give up and leave everything behind… I tried to twice…

…

But I didn’t give up. I kept moving forward in dealing with this and figuring things out. The girl I mentioned who is one of my best friends now? She introduced me to so many new people that shared their experiences and opinions on things I never thought I’d hear about. She invited me to visit so many places that summer of 2017. From Sturgeon Bay, to Milwaukee, to Eagle River, to the Dells, to frickin’ Toronto, Canada for a big convention. I even went to Pasadena, California to visit my best friend that moved there and went to the Warner Bros Studios, downtown LA, and even saw the Hollywood Sign. I saw so much, did so much, and made so many memories. During that time, away from the typical things I dealt with back at home, it gave me answers to so many questions I had. That time even helped one of my other best friends in the area and coming to terms with her sexuality. But it answered one big one and I had an answer for myself soon enough; I am gay.

Since then, I’ve continued to meet new people, explore new places, and taken new opportunities that help me reach goals I’ve made for myself and what I want to do in my life. If I never came to terms with myself, I don’t think I would’ve enjoyed life as much as I do now. I never would’ve met so many amazing people. I never would’ve started playing shows again or getting a creative spark for music making again or even starting up a side business. It’s still a bumpy road, but isn’t it for everyone? You got to move forward, challenge yourself, and continue learning. That’s what life seems to be about to me. And I’m glad I see that now.

I’m sure most of the people closest to me have heard this story before so they can figure out who is who, but names shouldn’t be a defining factor here. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it wasn’t for the amazing friends and family I have. My parents; even though some initial concern was shared, their love never changed. My brother; 8 years younger than me and so much more open minded than I ever was when I was his age. My friends I’ve known throughout middle and high school; I’m glad that we still hang out, talk, keep in touch, even with all the problems I caused. My friends I’ve made during and after college; I appreciate everything you guys have shared with me and every chance we get to see each other is something I value highly. My friend who was my “turning point”; I know things can never be the same like before but it’s good to know it’s much better than before. My 3 closest friends; if I never met any of you, I never would’ve came to terms with myself. Now I know who I am. I’m an EDM-loving, music making, goal oriented, cartoon & meme-mimicking, ambitious man that loves taking on a new adventure every chance he can get his hands on and won’t let life’s obstacles hold him back (who happens to be gay). I am who I am and I haven’t felt the need to hide it for the past year now. Thank you all for the impact you’ve made on me.

Let’s see where life takes me next :)

#wherelife'stakenme #life #story #iamwhoiam #beyourself

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