#it’s so easy to compare ourselves to everyone elses trajectory in life

[babyboywilson]

~ starry

[aion-rsa]

Why Hogwarts Legacy’s Transgender Character Options Shouldn’t Be Controversial

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A recent Bloomberg report revealed that the upcoming Harry Potter universe game Hogwarts Legacy will offer transgender character creation options by not associating the game’s “witch” and “wizard” designations with the player character’s voice, body type, and other customizable attributes. 

The reveal of this intended feature drew controversy from some gamers who threw out the usual complaints (“SJW,” “PR Move,” “Virtue Signaling,” blah, blah, etc., etc.), but the bulk of the controversy in this instance dates back to anti-transgender comments made by Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling. Those comments once seemingly prompted Warner Bros. and Hogwarts Legacy developer Avalanche Software to clarify that Rowling has no real substantial creative input in the development of the game.

It’s not just outside influences that have hindered this game’s reputation. Recently, journalist Liam Robertson posted a Twitter thread that revealed Hogwarts Legacy lead designer Troy Leavitt previously posted many anti-feminist and pro-gamergate YouTube videos. As of the time of this writing, those videos and the views they express have not been formally addressed by Hogwarts Legacy’s publisher or developers. 

There was a time when the idea of an open-world Harry Potter game that let you live out your own Hogwarts adventure was seen as a can’t-miss concept, but these recent events have cast doubt on this project’s prospects ahead of its vague 2022 release date. Some close to the game quietly disclosed the discomfort they feel working on the project, and that feeling has been shared by Harry Potter fans who are left to re-examine their feelings towards the franchise and this game in the wake of some of what has happened so far. 

While it’s understandable that the idea of a Hogwarts Legacy character creator that attempts to accommodate transgender characters would draw attention given everything that has happened so far, there’s a degree to which it’s hard to see how the simple idea of that concept could ever attract any level of scorn. After all, that idea is just an example of the continuing evolution of the video game character creators which typically garner praise for expanding options and not limiting them. 

Since the tabletop days of Dungeons and Dragons, gamers have been fascinated with the idea of character creation. It’s not hard to understand why. If such games are going to promise the chance to “play a role” and go on an epic adventure, then it stands to reason that part of that role-playing experience should allow the player to determine every aspect of who are they are and where they are going. 

As video games advanced, so did the concept of a character creator. While early video game character creators struggled to offer the options afforded by pen and paper titles where nearly anything is possible, it wasn’t long before technology allowed for games to offer truly wild possibilities. By the time that we arrived at the N64/PlayStation era, titles like WWF No Mercy not only allowed for surprisingly detailed character creation and customization but increasingly emphasized such features as a selling point. That is certainly also one of the more notable earlier examples of how the very idea of character creation soon extended beyond the boundaries of pure RPGs and became more expected in a variety of experiences. 

In the coming years, that combination of the growing appeal of character creators and advancements in the technology that fuelled them resulted in fascinating subcultures. With titles like Skryim, World of Warcraft, The Sims, and yes, wrestling games, the idea of getting stuck on a character creation screen for hours before ever even starting the game proper became this widely acknowledged aspect of the modern gaming experience that we’d call a “meme” were it not for the fact that it’s no joke. Whether we’re trying to make the wildest characters possible or are trying to get the bridge of the nose just right so that we may insert ourselves into a game, it’s easy to get lost in the process of watching it all come together. 

Beyond the visual thrill of seeing a character come to life, there’s the larger idea of what such opportunities really mean. Games that feature pre-made characters can obviously emotionally impact millions of players with their narratives and rosters, but the idea of creating your own character has always been based on the belief that there’s a degree to which many of us look towards entertainment in search of ourselves. We want to feel seen and understood even by the simplest forms of entertainment, and the ability to either create ourselves in a game or contribute our own vision to a game is still one of the surest ways to feel that connection. 

To that end, the metric by which every character creator is judged is the number of options they afford the player. The character creation screen is not a place for the visions and whims of the developers; it’s a place that should be designed to offer as many tools as possible so that the player is able to best realize the vision in their heads. Even games that do not strictly emphasize seeing the player character at all times have grown to expand their character creation options.  Just look at how much more detailed the character creator in the Demon’s Souls remake is compared to the original game. 

So why is Hogwarts Legacy attracting controversy for offering more options? There are complicated questions to answer regarding the state of the Harry Potter series, the trajectory of Hogwarts Legacy, and how the views of creators will affect (especially retroactively) our views of the works we at least once loved. However, the simple fact that Hogwarts Legacy wants to offer a character creation process that maximizes the possibilities should be celebrated as such options usually are in nearly every other game. 

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The news of this feature is hardly the end of the story, and it shouldn’t be. Avalanche Software and everyone else associated with this game should continue to have to answer questions regarding their design and personnel decisions. No creator is immune from those questions. However, before you decide to find a reason to be angry about this idea, consider the possibility that you’re rallying against is the evolution of a concept that gamers have spent decades admitting they care about and want to continue to see grow.

The post Why Hogwarts Legacy’s Transgender Character Options Shouldn’t Be Controversial appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[luovita]

You are in control, realise where you are, change your habits, achieve your goals and unleash yourself

Are you in control of your success? Is having an ideal lifestyle considered success?

We ask ourselves what success in life means. Sometimes we tend to compare our life status with others to reassure we are doing just fine. Are there really best tips for achieving anything you want in life? Is it as easy as money management then you are already successful when you can make money working online.  

  Maybe it’s your fitness you want to improve and have a healthy lifestyle habits, maybe you’re looking to enhance your career and work with flexibility as you travel the world, or perhaps you want to live in modern lifestyle and probably have a passive income such as making money online, all of it boils down is to what I call LifeStyle Design.       Now, there is nothing wrong with having many goals, but it is also true that many of us lack the necessary skills and expertise to convert those into reality. This renders us somewhat powerless when it comes to choosing the trajectory of our lives. We’re out of shape because we don’t know how to stick to a training program, we lack motivation and consistency in doing the necessary then at the end fail with our goal to have a healthy lifestyle habits. We’re in jobs that are unexciting because we don’t know how to get out of our career ruts and are unable to earn enough money to travel or do leisure activities when in fact there are ways to make money fast from home. We have forgotten what it is to go out and have fun and live the ideal lifestyle you've been dreaming. The really bad part of the matter is when we tell someone how we’re going to quit smoking, write a book or get into shape, and they just roll their eyes and say “sure.” What’s worse? We ourselves don’t fully believe it. It’s time to change all that and be a new person. It’s time to come forth and take control of your life. Let’s look at how we can make it happen.  

Success is for everyone

Realize the real success within yourself

      For you to really understand the meaning of success, you must have your own definition of it that relates to your personal life. Success is way too far as most people defines it. What is success for you? What does success mean to you? OK let me share a little about me as a kid. I am honestly not so happy  whenever I received awards in school? There’s a distinct feeling of joy and excitement to eat out with my family and get all the attention, however shockingly, getting awards was never the wellspring of my joy. Not the grades that I want to celebrate but the the journey I had to get those good grades. Sleepless nights, projects, tiring days studying for exam, and the support I get from my family. That for me is a real success.     A lot of individuals long of getting a luxury car, working high up in an extravagant organization, gaining bunches of cash, making money over the internet and having the capacity to do what they want and what they need. They work so hard, they eat less, they invested more energy slaving over a long stretch of time of reports, books, and stress; just to get to the best. Give me a chance to ask you this, however: does being on top mean you are successful? Success is the feeling of finding a sense of contentment and inner happiness. Inner happiness is priceless, it is being optimistic despite the life challenges, and failures we may encounter in life. Success for me is living the ideal lifestyle. Reality is, many of us have different perception about success.  

  Some people measures success in the amount of money you have in the bank, some people look up to those who knows where to make money, to those who are good in making money ideas. Some feels like being in the elite circle is a representation of a successful life journey. Sad to say that our concept of success is ruled by the pictures of wealth, distinction, and influence. We invest too much push to accomplish that idea and what do we get in return? Are we truly satisfied, did we genuinely feel happy having all the glamour or even the attention we get from the others? If not, then that isn’t truly a success. Success is not tangible. It's a feeling that we get from exerting our effort and having that peace. Let me share my experience, I am a work at home mom but prior to this new career I have a good career in corporate world. I already moved up my ladder to get a good position at work. I have honed skills that clients and my company appreciates the most. In short, I already have that value in the company. However, after getting married I already conditioned myself that once we decided to have a baby, I will give up my career and focus on being a full-time mom. I wanna be there in every milestones of my baby. Then I got pregnant, guess what? After 8 years working with my company I am ready to give up everything just to fulfill my promise, because I know, that will give me the real happiness. Now, I am with my baby 24/7, watching her grow and ensuring she gets the best that I can give. I may be the best team lead that my agents would have, but I wanna be more of the best mother for my baby because she only deserves all the best in the world. While I am a full-time stay-at-home mom, I am also working as a virtual assistant where I make money online. I am into writing also as I learned that I can make money by blogging. I have dreams and future plans. I want to have my own home business so I can start making extra money online.   Material things are not forever so as our lives.   While we still can, invest more on real happiness and peace. Material things are there to use but the happiness we could get in the love of our family, peace of having nothing to be worried about, that moment that you can sleep peacefully at night, those are priceless and not everyone are given that chance. Yes, go for your goal in achieving your healthy lifestyle habit, be fit and be healthy. Or if you always dream working at home and making money online, then go for it! No on is stopping you to do what makes you happy but just make sure you will live your life.   Again while you still can, invest on those things that will make you truly happy, things that money can’t buy.    

    Time Invested Wisely leaves to Your Dreams

Lifestyle ideas make one to dream, act and achieve his aspirations in life. The more you spend your time wisely the more potential you can achieve your dreams, may it be an ideal lifestyle, or if you want to build your own home business to make money online, or maybe you want to take full money control and life control. Time is precious and should be spent wisely for your dreams.

    Invest your time wisely because a time wasted will never return. One should study the best ways to invest your time, time wisely used for leisure, for work, for family and for making money ideas so you can support the needs of your family. Last Friday, I met with someone, who had just started with his own home-based networking business that gives opportunity to make money online. Being an entrepreneur, I believe that this particular venture can truly be an effective method to attain a great financial success which is one of my lifestyle ideas. My advice to the person was to plan the work in a simple way. Some projects can be lengthy, but while executing them, you should always keep your patience and never quit the job until achieving your ultimate goal. It is like setting up home business to make money online, at first you may not get much traction nor clients but if you study well through online education learning and you also put dedication and passion to your online business, then I won't be surprised that one day you are already a successful entrepreneur who make money working online. What if, your fellow teammate or business partner is giving an excuse of a lack of time? Be the leader and emphasize to them the value of Time. My stance on the phrase - “I DO NOT HAVE THE TIME”, is that it should be deleted completely from your vocabulary. A day consists of 24 hours, which is consistent for all. For the next 7 days, keep a detailed track of your invested time. This simple task will help you to understand your loopholes and will assist you to utilize your time properly and effectively. God has blessed everyone uniformly with the Universal currency- Time. But, only those who invest in time sensibly, prosper. A successful person, with loads of work can easily give an excuse of time limitations, but he won’t, as he knows the secret to win in life. To progress in your endeavors and attain your dreams and live your ideal lifestyle, you must look into your soul and perceive the value of time, which is considered as the greatest gift from God. So, make sure to use this to maximum effect by investing it judiciously. Today, most of the people are impatient and find their job exhausting, when compared to others. But, you must realize that there is a very thin line between winning and losing the game. The way you set your mind, determines your success. Thus, I always suggest my readers to ignore what others say. Listen to your inner-self and choose the right path that leads you to your ideal lifestyle and be successful. I believe, you and everyone else can live up to their dreams, by simply wiping off the negative thought that you do not have any time. We all are familiar with the proverb “You reap what you sow.” Take this slogan to your heart and sow your time wisely to live your dreams perfectly. Whatever the situation is, be affirmative and never say that you are running short of time. Trust me, no other investment can make you richer and happier than investing your time wisely.   Learn more about the truth about living your life.

    Next Step - Change Your Habits

Change your habits so you can live more freely. Change is constant, and changing your habits can help you start living your ideal lifestyle.    

    Change your habits, change your life. Everyday matters a lot to us, it gives us hope, a new beginning, a brand new start. But imagine yourself doing the same old stuff that isn't making your life better? How do you feel about each day doing the same exact old routine and lifestyle habits and at the end of the day accomplish nothing new nor better for your life. Think about it, you may be doing something that must end by now. It doesn't mean closing your door to change, but you are allowing change to come into your life. Allow us to make you realize that breaking your old habits will bring so much improvement in your existence that will make you live your ideal lifestyle. How many years are you doing the same things, thinking and worrying about the same things, telling the same story, being the same way to all the people in your life and never fully going after the dream that is burning inside you? How many years are you making excuses for why you have not step up yet? How many people try to inspire you to step up and yet you tell them excuses after excuses of why you’re too old, why you’re too young, why you’re not educated enough, why you’re not smart enough, why you’re not good-looking enough, why you don’t have the experience, How many excuses have you made in your life that had held you from fully going after your purpose, you're missing your dream, the thing that brings the fire out of you and inspires those around you. How long and how much longer are you going to hold yourself back, lay small, play it safe, stay comfortable, not hurting one’s feelings. How much longer are you going to play a safe life and never ever doing anything that leaves a mark on this planet. This is your wake-up call, this is the moment you decide, you have a choice every single breath, every single time your heart beats. If you want to have a healthy lifestyle habits, start reading and researching about healthy lifestyle tips. Am I going to move towards my dreams or am I going to waste another breath, waste another heart beat and allow my fears? My insecurities, my stupid stories that I have going in my head over and over that I’m not worthy enough, that I’m not good enough, smart enough, that I’m not ready enough, that I don’t have enough experience holding me back? From fully opening your heart, expressing yourself and living like a human being on a mission to change whatever it is that you want to change and live the way you want to live. This is your wake-up call and you have a huge decision right now. If you want to make big money, then step up and make a move. Try looking for answers, maybe building home business to make money online is the answer, or maybe you can make money fast from home. There are online education learning available everywhere. It's really up to you when to grab it. I’m calling you forth to get out of your comfort zone, whatever you normally do on a day to day basis you’re going to do the complete opposite for the rest of this day. Live in modern lifestyle and feel your freedom. If your usually quiet, you’re going to be outrageous. You are going to be loud. If you usually loud and crazy you’re going to be reserved and quiet and you're going too open your ears which you never really opened and going to listen to the people around you. If you don’t feel worthy, you’re going to walk around like the worthiest person in the world. As if you’re so worthy and deserving that everything you want, feel and experience are just for you. If you dress conservatively, you’re going dress wild, if you dress wild you’re going to dress conservatively. Whatever is on your mind right now and you think that if you would do that I would be so crazy and uncomfortable you’re going to that the rest of this day because that is going to move you towards your dream. Whatever is on your mind, regardless how wild, how timid, how adventurous, how laid back, it will be totally fine because this is your chance to move towards your dream. Do what you want and do it for yourself. The only way you gonna get closer to your dream is doing things that are going to make you feel so freaking uncomfortable. You must be uncomfortable in order to achieve your dreams of living your ideal lifestyle, get the woman or men of your dreams. In order to have a family, the relationships, the health you want, you need to get uncomfortable. If you’re gonna stay comfortable this day that probably you’re gonna stay comfortable for the rest of your life, you have a choice, this is your wake-up call. What are you willing to do to get uncomfortable right now in order to start moving towards your dreams? What decision are you’re going to make right now in order to step up your life and move towards your dreams? Live fully, follow your dreams and make a worthy living, we can have it all in life, we can live a rich life      

Structure Goals and Make Your Plan

  In modern lifestyle, there's so much to do and time is so important, that's why structuring your goal and making your plan is the first thing we should do in order to leverage ourselves in reaching success.

  If you want to succeed, you need to set goals. Goal setting will lead you to your success. We start with dreaming about ideal lifestyle, then we make a plan, we execute and finally harvest what we planted.       Step 1. Visualization    The first and most important step is to visualize what you want and to really understand what you want. Visualizing helps you identify possible steps you need to undergo as you try to reach your goal. It will boost your motivation as you see the picture of your ultimate goal. It also stimulates your creativity that allows you to create ideas. This is proven approach in order to achieve goals. As you know most companies have vision which they also entails to their employees. If you plan to build a home business, you must visualize the future. Why do you want to build an online business, is it just to make money online or to have a long term success where you can have financial freedom. It depends on goal but still visualizing it can help you achieve. Step 2. Assess your situation   Making an honest appraisal of your current situation is a very important way to assess your current situation. Analyzing helps you better understand all aspects of your goals from planning until reaching them. Allowing yourself to identify possible hiccups and how you could possibly avoid them. Say for example, a home business to make money online you must have an intelligent assessment of your current situation. Do you have the means? Do you know exactly where and how to invest money in online business? Never go to a battle without your weapon. Always be on top of your game. Step 3. Formulate a plan   Formulate a plan on the basis of your current situation where you want to be and what options you have available to you. You go in a battle with all your weapons including your strategies. Making a plan will also serve as a guide and reminder for you to keep on track. You have now assessed your situation in building a home business, now you can start planning how to attack the situation. If there are challenges, how are you going to deal with them? Have you done your research through online education learning or read about online money investment topics. Plans will make you ready which will bring you to your success. Step 4. Phrase your goals in small steps    No one is rushing you, every small steps you achieve is already an achievement and you should continue striving for your goal. If you aim to lessen your weight by undergoing physical exercises and strict diet, then every improvement you see and feel must serve as your motivation to continue. You are praising yourself for a job well done regardless how big or small the improvement was. If you have a home business, it's not magic to earn million dollars right away but appreciating every movement on your sales and setting it as a guide in making more money through your online business.   DON'T GIVE UP. This system can be applied anywhere as it helps also for you to really know what you want and make those aims concrete and tangible.   You can watch the full video here : Structure goals and make your plan

  To be successful, start with a the basic life goal.

      Many people asked me what the secrets are behind achieving a goal in Life... And you are surely aware that most of the goals created are not fulfilled. Sometimes, it seems that we are living in a world of fantasy. Entertainment is the way most people use in order to escape from the happenings in the real world, well I’m really against it, Life and Time are so precious. Well, at least, some gain gratification (short term) from this form of entertainment… What about the reason behind this act of fantasy and the implications that they bring? You need to have an unbelievably responsive mind to be able to observe that you are always eliminating or adding something, which is the act of constantly fantasising. Living in a world of fantasy will not let you have a chance to see the real world as it is. If you go in dept you will know that your fear and greed is responsible. These are habitually the reasons behind the way most people react about life. I, myself like to dream and fantasize a lot, get out of seriousness, love to navigate through time and space imagining situations, what would be my life if I were living so and so, doing and having but then I say to myself, some of these could be reality and are achievable. My advise, don’t take everything to serious, believe in yourself, listen to your feelings (gut feelings) and analyze if it feels OK or not and most important, take action, every day one step froward… This is your life experience talking to you, called subconscious mind, just imagine everything you experienced until now, was it for nothing? Surely not, so what do you do with all this, you ask (or how do I apply this)? My response, listen to your inner voice, focus, don’t bullshit yourself, don’t lie to yourself, don’t get trapped in fantasy land, I mean I like being there but its also exciting to see what you can apply in this world. Like saying to yourself, what if I approach this situation in this way… you be surprised… I leave you thinking about this, back to our goals. What I learned is that sometimes what we want is the outcome or the feeling associated with that outcome, well this is a complex issue but it can be simple. We have tendency to complicate thing…first hand experience. It happens to me all the time, I must really put an effort to simplify tasks, the advantage is that you have a better overview of whats going on and change is easier, not to mention reactivity to situations. Very important, set up a system where you feel organized, where you find things easily, this will help clear your mind. Being a goal-oriented person will help you a lot in achieving the goals that you aspire in life. It has been given very much importance during the old times but later on its has become more and more loosen in our society, what I mean is we never talked more about it but never done less? If You want to learn more about the main purposes of being a goal-oriented person AND ACHIEVE, Welcome to the club! But before reaching your desired goals in life, setting them up first is essential for achieving and the long term view. It lets you concentrate and focus more on the long run objectives as it gives you the opportunity to think on how your present actions will affect your life in the near future. The things that you are doing now to develop yourself will surely determine who you will be and what kind of life are you going to have in the future. This is something that you should give enough importance as you go along in this process of attaining your goals and you must acquire a goal-mindset. Everyone has their own dreams and goals in life. But it is very apparent that most people just keep on dreaming and never tries to do something to attain those dreams. I, personally remind myself all the time, THIS IS MY LIFE! I’m responsible and everything I do will give me MY future, like a script in a film, I’m writing my script. We have 3 Main Projects / Courses and each one of them starts by knowing yourself better, its essential to pass this stage, no matter what you want to do in life. If you haven’t achieved your goals yet, you need to do something different in order to make your goals come true. Let me assure you that you have a greater power within you which surpasses your imagination. Lets discuss Visualization. The daily routine of visualizing the dreams that you have in life helps you in achieving such dreams, ambitions and goals in a faster way. Setting your goal can be a nice way for you in improving your performance because it stimulates you, reminds you, gives you a direction to follow. Have you ever been working for a goal within a short period of time limitation and confused on what you are about to focus, which often result to the not fulfilling your goal? And when that time comes, you wish that you have put in more effort in order to obtain that objective? Maybe the main reason for those failures is that you shifted your focus to the other things that interests you instead of the goal that you have, well its called distractions. Believe me, this world is full of distractions and wants to distract you, generally its hard to maintain focus all the time or at all. That's why visualization is essential, just try to imagine your goal in front of you all the time and like in a battle, just defend yourself but keep going, treat every distraction quickly and keep going, don’t give it to much attention, don’t fight to much, guard your energy, keep going, don’t let your goal out of sight, like your enemy is in front of you and peace or your goal behind, you must pass this battle. Well, I know what your thinking, why bother, let someone else fight! Because its your life! You have the privilege to be in this world and if you fight your fight its an unbelievable experience of achieving, helping others and gratitude, love and inner peace. You should have one goal at time only. Having much more, will confuse you and upon concentrating on one will make it difficult for you to achieve the other one. Just by leading your life you show others that you really can achieve something which they thought of being impossible. You will experience abundance and wealth (not only the physical!) that the other people never realize. Of course there is a lot more to say and to know about and Creating Goals, this is why its part of the LifeStyle Attitude Course and has a Chapter of his own, and as you probably aware this course in Evolutionary and will Grow. You could start by download the PDF below and read (& Apply) it whenever you want.      

2 Steps to Stay on Track and Achieve Your Goals

    Have you thought about what you really want to accomplish in life? Do you have any specific set of goals? Are you clear about how you can support your goals? How will you ensure you are following the desired path towards success? Thinking about staying on track to achieve your goals, LuoVita gives you the most efficient and proven to be effective steps to stay on track. It’s extremely easy to get veered of course, get wrapped up in the hassles of everyday life. Trust me, I know as I have faced the same. The real question is, with so many distractions in your vicinity, how do stay you on track? It’s crucial to have a “vision”, and strategy or realistic ambitions to achieve that. When your goals are clear, they become easier to fulfill. Have a look at your life. how does it feel? How is “today” panning out? At the end of the day, can you feel satisfied that you have done enough to reach your goals? No? Then, how do you stay on track?    

Here are 2 steps to stay on track towards your goals:

  1. Hire a coach or mentor   This is one effective way to stay on track towards what you desire in life.Your life coach can guide you in the right path. Their job is to help you overcome any sort of fear or self-doubt that may persist. They will tweak your game, arming you with added incentives and motivating your journey towards success. Most successful people have life coaches. From Oprah Winfrey, Hugh Jackman, Serena Williams to Leonardo Di Caprio, everyone has attributed their success to their life coach. There are various types of life coaches, providing guidance for weight loss, relationships, business etc. You just need to find the one that suits you the most. Now, if you cannot afford one, you can always turn to someone you trust. They will help ensure that you follow the desired path to reach your goals.   2.Join people that have a goal similar to yours   There are many individuals, or organizations in your own community, who might share you views, and your goals. If you can’t find one in your area, check online, or through social media. The more you get successful individuals, who share a common goal around you, the more pressing problems you will solve. You will improve your life and of those who share your expertise, and all of this is possible with the correct attitude, accelerating your steps towards your desired goal. You will become accountable, and also bringing in reinforcement. Think of your goal as a dream, albeit, with a deadline. When you gain that desired level of clarity, it automatically puts power behind your goals and ensures that you measure your progress more often and take appropriate actions. You are an amazing person, it's your life. No one should be in control of your own life other than you.    

        I wish you a lot of courage, persistence and prosperous achievement, Life is Precious and Time is passing, don’t waste time anymore, its never to late, take it from me… Jose

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[thesimplyluxuriouslife]

252: The Characteristics of Being a Late Bloomer, and How Embracing This Gift Could Change the World for Everyone

"By necessity, we late bloomers are on a different, more challenging trajectory. As we travel through life, we encounter obstacles like the push for conformity, the oppression of groupthink, and the pains of self-doubt. But . . . in all these challenges, we find our hidden treasure. We unearth our individuality. We see that a path to excellence, to reaching our true potential, is available to all of us. Within these challenges lies our true power, our covert talents and secret advantages as late bloomers." —Rich Karlgaard, author of Late Bloomers: The Power of Patience in a World Obsesses with Early Achievement.

Unsurprisingly, the new book by Rich Karlgaard spoke to me and offered an abundance of reassurance and exhilaration. If the comments on IG a few weeks ago when I posted an excerpt from the book are any indication, you are or will be as well.

Especially as Americans we greatly celebrate, strive for, and thus put pressure upon ourselves, and either unconsciously or consciously, to figure out our path early, to achieve success quickly and when we don't we make faulty assumptions about what we can contribute which can erode our self-confidence and potentially prevent the gem that resides within us all to be discovered and then shared with the world enabling us to find deep, lasting inner contentment.

Karlgaard's new book is worth reading in-depth, from cover to cover as he delineates the obstacles that our culture currently needs to address with historical details, new studies, multiple anecdotal examples of how indeed the "late bloomer" simply needs time, patience and awareness to blossom at their own time, as well as the most difficult support to refute findings - neurology.

So while I will encourage you to read the entire book, in today's episode/post, I wanted to share with you the characteristics that you might find yourself identifying with when it comes to being a Late Bloomer and not realizing the gift of opportunity you have given yourself to enjoy the rest of your life.

15 Characteristics of a Late Bloomer

1.Curiosity is the late bloomer's fuel

"By its very nature, curiosity demonstrates an independence of mind."

To keep on blooming throughout the entirity of our lives, forever remain curious.

2. We are predisposed to be compassionate

"In facing the ups and downs of life, many late bloomers gain a greater sense of compassion. They show greater reflective thinking, diminished ego-centeredness, and a deeper appreciation of others' challenges."

Because late bloomers have faced struggles along the way, have refrained from conforming at the expense of our social connections and acceptance into "the group", we can more easily put ourselves into the shoes of others, we are more empathetic.

3.Better leadership skills are developed

Due to elevated compassion, workers view leaders more favorably, and combined with "authenticity and integrity", this trifecta of skills "improves retention and employee performance".

4. Resilience is developed and strengthened

"When it comes to developing resilience, the regulation of emotions gives mature people an advantange over the young: 'There is a naturally learnable set of behaviors that contribute to resilience. Those are the behaviors that we gravitate to more and more as we age'."

5. Emotion regulation is easier which cultivates a calmer demeanor which leads to more effectiveness and better relationships

"Our brains are driven to seek calmness as we age. Columnbia University social psychologist Heidi Grant Halvorson claims that calmness is central to happiness . . . research has long established that calm leaders are more effective".

Late bloomers naturally develop the skills necessary to find calmness if we choose to keep exploring, learning, listening and observing what works and what does not. This is where our curiosity helps tremendously leading us to the blooming stage of our lives that is authentic and unique to each of us.

6. Extensive insight

"Our insights are the result of us drawing on our full mental library of experience, patterns, and context, yielding an idea of extraordinary value."

Karlgaard explains that "the right hemisphere [of the brain] matures in childhood; the development of the left is consistent with the development of the prefrontal cortex, which is not fully mature until the mid-twenties". Due to the left-side's difference in development compared to the right, it takes time for us to see the connection of the awesome or unique events, sights and experiences of our lives and make sense of how we can utilize them in our unique way.

7. Navigation of life's ambiguity becomes easier

"Perhaps this is the perfection defintion of wisdom: reasoning and cognition based on knowledge and experience".

In other words, we are not born wise, but so long as we choose to be curious, continue to be life-long learners, we begin to build it. "Wisdom is the ability to see the layers of light that were harder to see when one was younger". And consequently, we have the opportunity to hone our intuition as to how to best navigate our journey even with the unknowns that are presented.

8. More easily determine what's important versus what's trivial

To piggy-back onto #7, because we have acquired knowledge about the world over time and have made the conscious choice to continue to learn, we are then better at discern patterns faster and jump to logical solutions more quickly.

9. A desire to cut the apron strings with your parents

"To fully bloom, we must declare our independence from our family. That doesn't mean we must reject their love . . . it means only that we must reach our own conclusions about what does and doesn't support our blooming."

Creating a healthy culture in which to bloom is analogous to the proper soil and conditions for a plant to flourish. Each plant will need different types of soil, different amounts of sunshine and shade, varying temperatures - some extreme, some moderate, and it all depends on the plant. Unlike the saying, "bloom where you are planted", we should instead get out of the soil we have been planted in and explore to discover where we truly thrive.

10. Adult peer pressure is real, and if you've felt it and tried successfully or not to not succumb, you may be a late bloomer

"Some of this [peer group] influence can be healthy and positive, as when we join a hiking club or sign up for a program to quit smoking. But not every peer push leads us to a better version of ourselves; not all communities support growth and positive change."

To break free from our peer group, even when we don't know why it feels uncomfortable or wrong (but we know it does), is not easy and it takes great inner strength to do so. However, it does become easier because we eventually begin to feel more in tune with our true selves, we feel a burden lift, we feel our energy surge because we are no longer trying to be or do something that isn't truly in line with what we can offer the world.

11. Societal pressure to conform is limiting to our true potential

"[Today's media] also promote cultural, racial or gender biases, either through stereotyping roles and behaviors, or under- or overrepresentation of minorities. And repeated exposure to media content can lead viewers to begin to accept media portrayals as representations of reality."

From the media's portrayal of how to socially engage, what dating should look like, what children should be doing at certain ages based on their gender, the values are repeatedly shared and included in endless amounts of media such as video games, movies, television, newspapers, magazines, books and radio, and since it is a passive medium, unless we are critical thinkers questioning everything we receive, it is easy to accept what is applauded as normal and what we should adhere to regarding our life's journey.

12. Letting go of comparisons

"Mass media ask us to compare our body shape, sex life, marriage, house, car, family and community to unattainable television versions of perfection. Social media ask us to compare our own commonplace or even boring reality against the curated accounts of how absoutely wonderful someone else's life is — people we know!"

When we stop comparing and start celebrating, we liberate ourselves and enable the opportunity to observe our own awesomeness without the outside world's close-minded criticism or limited acceptance.

The author shared something that I think is worth sharing here as a reminder that there are many paths to success, to reaching a goal, to attaining contentment. He writes, "There are always many ways to achieve a goal, gain expertise, or find success. In sports or music, they are easy to see . . . But it's not as easy to see multiple paths for success in most endeavors . . . [which leads to confusion. As a result,] we default to following norms and take the road everyone else is taking". And these paths to success have as much to do with professional "success" as well as personal "success". Your definition of a life of contentment, as I have said many times before on the blog and in my books, will most likely be very different than mine, but that doesn't mean we both cannot feel the contentment that is spoken about and written about that provides deep satisfaction and peace.

It is important that we all recognize that each of us will bloom at a different time.

"Each of us deserves the opportunity to bloom in our own way."

When we do this there are many invaluable benefits:

1.We protect ourselves, and others we encourage to bloom, in our own time from the consequences of disappoitnment or failure. (this doesn't mean there won't be bumps along the way, but it reminds us that it takes time to understand where we are headed and why)

2.We learn how to work with self-doubt and let it be our superpower.

"To bloom, we all must learn not to fear self-doubt but to embrace it as a normally occurring opportunity for growth and improved performance . . . The key to harnessesing self-doubt starts at the very core of our individual beliefs about ourselves . . . self-efficacy".

3. We strengthen our self-efficacy

Self-efficacy is an individual's confidence in their ability to accomplish what they set out to do.

4. Obstacles begin to be seen as opportunities to grow rather than road-blocks

"While you may feel a general sense of self-doubt . . . [you] proceed anyway".

5. Improved positive self-talk

"Positive self-talk can improve our performance by helping us regulate our emotions, thoughts and energy".

When we begin to see skill-sets that render positive results, we are more likely to invest in them. For example, positive self talk leads to more confidence, a strengthening our self-efficacy and thus improved performance with whatever task is in front of us. And so we continue to practice positive self-talk and it becomes stronger with this skill rendering more positive outcomes.

6. Stronger, healthier relationships

When you bloom, gravitate toward those who celebrate your blooming, and for those who initially are not, give them a moment to understand why your blooming makes them uncomfortable. Depending upon the person, they may not realize that their discomfort with your growth is a reflection of their disappointment in what they feel they could have achieved but didn't. This is all about them. Some will grow from this and remain in your life, others will not, and you will need to move on. But all of the skills you have acquired and applied will help lead you toward building not only healthier relationships with others, but a healthier, less critical relationship with yourself.

7. Excellence will arrive when you let your curiosity take over

"When [curiosity takes over], a sense of exploration also takes over. I get in the zone, and I go for it. I feel pulled, not pushed — pulled by a beautiful power I cannot explain."

8. The courage to repot when necessary

"When it comes to repotting, late bloomers have a distinct advatnage over early bloomers. We're naturally curious and resilient. We're not afraid to follow a different path or break free of convention. We genuinely want to see what's around the corner or over the hill. These late bloomer strengths enable —even propel— the change we need to find the right people and the right place to help us thrive."

Once you have a clearer understanding of who you are and what cultures and communities are best suited for you to bloom, you will have strengthened, as was mentioned above in the first list, an awesome skill set. This skill set will be your bedrock for being able to repot when and if it is necessary.

"We need to give ourselves a break. We need to recognize and celebrate the fact that we're all different, with different skill sets, developmental profiles and backgrounds and that each of us will forge a different path toward blooming."

Being a late bloomer is most certainly something to celebrate, and when we "change our story, we can change our behavior and even our life".

Let me leave you with this lasting thought from the book that resonately powerfully with me:

"If we're not forced to conform to standard timetables for success, we can —and will—bloom on our own schedules. And we can do it with a deeper sense of mission and a greater feeling of contentment. What we accomplish in the marathon of life depends on our persistence, our patience, and an ability to see ourselves as we really are. Our cultural obsession with youthful talent, with early achievement, distracts us from this simple truth. . . . our late bloomer power is different. It is the power to renounce what's supposed to happen in life and intead embrace what actually happens in life, with its ups and downs, twists and turns. It's the power to explore and experience, to be an individual. It's the power that comes with knowing and valuing ourselves."

Petit Plaisir

~The Gown: A Novel of the Royal Wedding by Jennifer Robson

~read my review and reason for recommendation here.

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[morrisbrokaw]

Lies We’re Told As Working Mothers

Preface: I am writing from my own experience because it is impossible for me to truly know what it is like to mother full-time. I would LOVE to hear similar takes on this post from different perspectives. It is so important to understand and empathize with each other’s struggles— not to compare but to support the different obstacles we face as caregivers.

The other day I was chatting with a friend of mine who was about to give birth to her first baby. She fretted over all of the things most of us do— what will happen once the baby is here? The sheer amount of “what ifs” is overwhelming to all of us and perhaps that is why these little lies we tell each other have become a part of the motherhood vernacular. Because I have worked through all of my pregnancies and early after the birth of both of my babies, there is a particular set of lies that are told to women who are worried about what kids will do to their trajectory in a professional sense. Much like my 20s, motherhood has been a series of experiences that have opened my eyes to the truth about being human— and that there is no sure thing in life except death. In all the lies we tell ourselves and others, we perpetuate the belief that things will always work out for the best. And you know, most often they do. But does it help to avoid considering the worst case scenario, too?

You’ll feel torn between your career and wanting to stay home with your kids.

Truth: You’ll feel guilty about enjoying the time you spend at work. You may find yourself looking forward to having the time and space to shed your “mommy” title for an hour or two only to feel saddled with regret an hour later. Motherhood changes us but it doesn’t strip us of who we were before we brought our babies home.

You’ll find a new support group through other working mothers.

Truth: You’ll find support in unexpected places, not always with other working mothers. Some feel your experiences should mirror their own, and others had an easier time adapting to the change. The important thing to remember is that what you are experiencing NOW is your journey. Anyone who doesn’t see that or tries to change your outlook or view of what you are experiencing isn’t going to give you the support you need.

You’ll be the person you were after baby.

Truth: It is impossible to predict the ways pregnancy and childbirth will change you. But if you can lower your expectations for the kind of mother you WANT to be and focus on becoming the mother you can be, with all your hopes, dreams, passions, and preferences in mind, you are able to focus on what you care about. The key is to give up control because we really can’t worry or hope our way into having the child we want. Motherhood helps you understand that control is never truly tangible, it’s something we invent to deal with the uncertainty of what we cannot change or influence.

Your instincts will kick in.

Truth: It takes longer for some of us to connect with our babies. No pregnancy, birth, or adoption is the same and many of us have mixed feelings when the baby does arrive. That doesn’t make you any less loving or able to give your baby what they need. Emotions are not black and white. The breadth of the human condition is constantly living in the gray area between these extremes.

It gets easier!

Truth: It’s a rollercoaster. There are moments of relief but in many ways, it gets harder. Trust that we become more experienced and with experience comes the ability to endure hardship with greater ease because we trust that we can survive it.

If you’re not breastfeeding, you’re not committed to giving your baby the best. 

Truth: There are so many reasons mothers elect not to breastfeed. In my case, I was healthier and my family was safer when I was able to manage my ADHD with medication when already sleep deprived. That meant choosing to stop breastfeeding. Please do not let anyone make you feel like less of a mother because you made a choice that was right for your family. There is no room for shaming when you’re already struggling to find your own rhythm in this life. We cannot control the guilt that other mothers project on to us, so we all have to figure out how to use good boundaries or remove ourselves from toxic relationships masked by friends and family who believe they have the best of intentions.

  You’ll never sleep again.

Truth: You’ll never feel fully rested again. But you will sleep. And you’ll get used to being tired and find ways to cope.

Your baby will come before everything else. 

Truth: You will be conflicted about putting the baby’s needs before your own because intuitively you know your baby’s survival depends on you staying well. Unfortunately, so much of our attention goes towards what the new baby needs we fail to understand, unpack, or process what we’ve been through both physically, mentally, and emotionally. It can take some of us years to realize there is trauma behind the most beautiful moments of our lives. The trauma doesn’t have to be intertwined with our babies, but when we don’t turn inward to ask ourselves what we need, we begin to resent our babies and our partners.

  You can be fulfilled and happy with your roles at home and at work. 

Truth: There will be moments, even days and weeks when you feel like the balance is just right. But that’s the tricky thing about balance— it takes an amazing amount of work to stay in that position and none of us can do it forever. At some point, something has to give. The trick is to know that’s just part of life. Harmony and balance are to be enjoyed when we achieve them because it’s special— fleeting even, and if we’re so busy trying to suspend that feeling we forget to enjoy it when it arrives.

Postpartum depression feels like the baby blues but more intense, and it happens right after giving birth. 

Truth: It can happen anytime within the first 18 months of giving birth and is also triggered when life feels like it gets to be too much. Postpartum depression can also look a lot like anxiety. They’re related and so often we think worrying is just part of being a mother, but excessive worry isn’t something you have to endure day in and day out.

Your relationship with your partner will improve.

Truth: I like to think of marriage— or any commitment you make to another person— is a whole separate entity that plays a role in your nuclear family. When you share in the role of parents, naturally someone is left doing a little more heavy lifting than the other. When you throw your work life into the mix, especially if you are managing people or have a high-pressure career, when you have to carry the burden of the brunt of childcare, it is really easy to feel used or unappreciated. Even if your partner expresses appreciation, our love languages are all different. Having a child can dig up all sorts of emotional baggage that plays out in bizarre ways. Knowing this may happen is half the battle.

  The takeaway I’ve gotten from writing this list is this: When we— as mothers, put everyone else before ourselves, we carry a weight that even the strongest cannot bear to hold forever. You have to dictate your own standards by which you navigate the role of mother and career woman. When we are in tune with ourselves, we are better in tune with our babies and the people in our lives. When we can advocate for our needs, we teach our children to do the same. There is no type of mother that does this better than the other. It’s about looking inward and knowing what we need to be the truest version of ourselves. When we treat ourselves with respect, we give ourselves room to fail, room to feel a range of emotions, the permission to be irrational, petty and childish at times. We are able to make room to mother ourselves in a way that is so instrumental to being human. When we have empathy for our own struggles, we are able to have empathy for the struggles our children, spouses, friends, and co-workers face.

If you are struggling with any one of these examples above, please comment below. I’d love for us to be able to help each other by sharing our experiences, both positive and negative in a way that promotes empathy.

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