#it’s so hard bc I personally value self understanding and personal growth and internal analysis and (ideally tactful) honesty

[lucysweatslove]

I finished and submitted all my assignments from my rural thing. The last assignment was kind of hard; it was a reflection on the experience as a whole, the community, and also how we personally feel starting school after this. It’s not hard in the sense of actual cognitive difficulty with the material to cover and analyze, but rather, I wasn’t sure how to positively explain how I feel. WE all know here that I felt like shit most of the time, spent lunches crying in my car trying to nap and feeling alienated, spent evenings crying in the room overwhelmed and overstimulated and way too mf HOT, multiple times questioned if I made the right choice at all to enroll in this particular program. I don’t and never had doubted my love for medicine as a whole and my abilities to learn how to be a good doctor. But like, program specific fit? I doubted that.

So anyway since I didn’t have much room I tried to briefly state the concerns I have in a way that (hopefully) conveys my ownership of my role in this and what I learned I need to do / how I need to grow going forward. And then also focus on how I really did love the medicine side, and how (even though I question my “fit” with the culture at this one site) the experience has affirmed that rural care feels RIGHT for me. (Like I may be autistic and struggle assimilating into a mid-sized practice full of neurotypical extroverts, but the patient care aspect? The scope? The relationships you build? I know a lot of people view autism as “self focused” people who don’t care about those relationships, but that’s not MY autistic experience; my empathy and desire to care for the whole person, not just see them as a body, is one of my greatest strengths).

ANYWAY when I was finalizing and submitting that assignment, apparently my third assignment (the previous one, a patient interview + reflection) was graded. I didn’t know that my specific state’s track’s director (who I have a lot of contact with) would be the one to read and grade it. She had very positive feedback. But. Now I’m super super anxious about my last assignment. When I thought it was read and graded by somebody I’d never really interact with in person, it was easier to mention that I’m neurodivergent and yes, that lead to some problems that I need to address within myself. But now I feel… more open and raw. I didn’t tell my preceptors, I didn’t plan on telling anything who like, had any major dealings with me. Buuuut now it’s out there and fuck. 🙃

[astrogrlz]

Jungkook Natal Analysis

Major Planetary Analysis

Again, we are unsure of Jungkook’s exact birth time so therefore; calculating rising and midheaven are not possible. If I did have to guess, I would assume Jungkook is a leo rising based on physical appearance. So, Jungkook is a Virgo Sun + Leo Moon. Virgo suns are typically noted for being well put together, having a strong need for organization + cleanliness because they are ruled by Mercury, a planet of communication and planning. Unlike geminis, virgos are more internalized and so, they are not the ones most open to engage in conversation but they do have great analytical skills, fierce judgement capability that they are able to maneuver through personal problems or drama. However, virgos struggle with pressure. See, capricorn suns are very used to this pressure, taurus tends to avoid it, but virgos struggle working with it. They have a little voice in their head constantly telling them to do better and so, this is where that perfectionist archetype comes in. A lot of virgo suns are not shy from entertainment jobs bc this voice trains them to be the best at their craft (i.e. Beyonce and Michael Jackson, to name a few). Now, his leo moon suggests emotion wise, he can exaggerate because leos are an external sign so they are not ones to resort to isolation or keep these feelings hidden. In fact, these emotions downpour. Leo moons typically act out when they are not receiving the comfort and love that they think they deserve, particularly if they are not getting attention or reciprocated. The moon also can deal with creativity so leo moons are very creative, usually has a lot of creative passion, and being a fire sign they are able to drive ideas into action. He has a Virgo Mercury which, like I stated before, Virgo is ruled by mercury so he has a good judgement set, he also needs things organized when he plans, he may be on time to where he needs to be. HOWEVER, his mercury is retrograde. Retrogrades in astrology pertains to the energies of the planet being turned inward, causing dysfunctions and awkwardness in manifesting. He may have an acute thinking process, quirky humor, planning could be disruptive. He has a Libra Venus so he can be very romantic, flirtatious and exude well crafted charm. Venus rules Libra so there is an attractability as well as the need to be peaceful. This is also a placement of idealizing romance, so he may have a clear idea of what kind of romance he has to the point where he gets sucked into it. Venus is exalted in Pisces so there is a fantasy element attached to Venus. He may struggle knowing when to leave a relationship because he may try to make the relationship fit his fantasy at all costs. In terms of interests, they are into high value, luxury, and so on. His Scorpio Mars, makes him quite the dominant, he loves to embrace all taboos. Scorpio mars men know how to work a person’s body because again, Scorpio rules the genitals so they are able to make you orgasm quite marvelously. Scorpio Mars may want power through sex, they may also be into sadism because the sexual energy here is quite dark and compact. Scorpio mars are not outwardly aggressive like an Aries Mars, but they will retaliate once they have been pushed to the edge or  have ran out of options; therefore, they have no choice but to aggress. His mars is also in the 11th degree so he is very sexually charged, the powers here are quite enticing it and the beautiful thing is that he appears to be a good boy and reserved but in the bedroom, its a completely different story. Now, I noticed Jk has a lot of retrogrades, again this could cause dysfunctions to how these energies are expressed. His jupiter retrograde allows this so-called growth to take place internally. He may procrastinate frequently, plan and re-plan. They usually have to seek their own higher truth. He is a high spirited individual so he does not work well directly following the footsteps of other people. Saturn Retrogrades typically are incarnations; therefore, it is though they have a second chance to redo life. He signifies an old soul who has advanced far in the life path. Saturn is a harsh planet so it typically flows nicely in the retrograde position.  

Aspects

Sun Conjunction Mercury signifies a person of self knowledge with very strong opinions. He knows the importance of knowledge but can be very elitist, especially with sun conjunction mercury, these people often struggle seeing the viewpoint of another person.

Moon Square Pluto signifies buried feelings and an intense emotional life. These people live for crises because that’s how they function--through intensity. They are also unconsciously elected to carry and heal wounds so there is a bruised undercurrent to the individual. He may, in fact, attract tragedy wherever he goes. He may tend to crash through and invade other people’s feelings or, in some cases, be very frightened of doing so. His motives are often concerned with establishing an intense emotional connection but he may do it with slight suspicion.

Mercury Square Pluto seeks power through language. It is a placement of where words can kill. These people are highly investigative; they creep deep into people’s business to find some sense of information that further their power. Because this is a harsh aspect, he may always be filled with suspicion, suspecting the worse of others.

Sun Square Pluto shows an importance of the self. He illuminates power and may even be obsessed with self image + identity. There could be an introverted and defensive side as well. He may fear when his identity is under threat.

Venus Square Saturn shows a serious glance at romance.  They often deny affection and if they are immersed into romance their instinct is to control it. When receiving compliments, they have a hard time accepting them, usually adding a snide remark. This could be a placement that could indicate a lack of nurturing in childhood. He may believe, though not always consciously, that it is others that dont care about him and therefore, he wont care about them. It may take him a while to understand and learn about giving and receiving. He may even attempt to make himself indispensable to his loved ones--willing to give his time and money to them. When you know he cares it is through the time and warmth he gives to someone.

[sombytaco]

Why DaveKat is Narratively Important

Let’s talk about DaveKat because I have nothing better to do!! So, whether or not you personally ship or agree with davekat, this is just going to be about how, from a narrative standpoint, it is 100% vital to both Dave’s and Karkat’s storylines and personal character arcs, let’s start with:

Knight Class- So, bit of class/aspect analysis because the fact they both Dave and Karkat are both Knights is absolutely VITAL to their character development and their connection to each other. Something Kanaya said, that classpects are not necessarily chosen to suit the strengths of each player but rather to challenge them in a way that is most beneficial to their personal growth? That is completely correct, Dave and Karkat being some of the best examples in the comic. The aspects are the elements which the game, and therefore the universe(s) are made of - literally. Like, these are the constructs out of which the world exists, the building blocks so to speak. However, they also represent more metaphorical concepts, Life=Optimism, Hope=Belief, Heart=Soul, so on and so forth etc. So paired with the Knight class, the active pairing of Maid class, we have to examine how exactly the aspect *applies*. Obviously, being active, the Knight class is self serving (more on active vs passive or knight vs maid specifically if y'all hmu with some asks I’d be happy to explain more in depth), there’s also a metric shitload of symbolism involved in the name. I’ve been reading this comic for almost five years and the sheer amount of symbolism never ceases to amaze me, but the absolutely loaded amount of metaphorical value behind this class has to be in my top 5. The classic “knight” iteration, sword and shield type of deal, is instrumental in the interpretation of how Dave and Karkat wield their abilities and grow as characters. The weapon is obviously the way in which they wield their aspects, but the shield is so much more interesting: it’s their PERSONA. Part of the blatant parallels between Dave and Karkat’s story arcs is how they allow others to perceive them in regard to their own internal struggles, they both put up a persona to protect themselves. For Dave it’s his “coolkid” facade, he doesn’t let others see his emotions, feelings, or motivations because he’s so wrapped up in this delusion of irony and toxic masculinity that he feels it would be a weakness to show himself for what he is, one that could very possibly (at the hands of Bro) get him severely injured at best, dead at worst if he fears for his life which is a distinct possibility. Karkat suffers in a similar way, his persona is this image of the overly aggressive, “shouty/angry” guy, he’s loud and obnoxious because he’s trying to keep people at arms length, similar to how Dave doesn’t let anyone in. Karkat also has similar motivations behind this persona, because of his blood color he knows he will be in immediate danger if people get too close, look to closely, care too much, so if he can shout and seem just as bloodthirsty and aggressive as other trolls, he can both keep them away and keep himself free of suspicion. So, they have their shields, their personas, this is how they protect themselves from the world. Let’s talk about their weapons.

Aspects- As I mentioned above, aspects are the literal elements that make up the world, but also have a more metaphorical meaning. In the same way that Heart=Soul, Dave’s aspect Time is not only literally representative of time, but metaphorically representative of PROGRESSION. Karkat’s aspect of blood is therefore, while literally blood (possibly a reference to his mutation), also more symbolically representative of UNITY. Now, let’s see how those apply to each players personal struggle, because remember that’s the key here, how their classpects tie in to their character arcs. Dave is troubled by his aspect at multiple points throughout the storyline, severely disturbed by dead Dave’s and essentially haunted by the multiple loops he has running, in what is a single day to his fellow beta players likely feels like *weeks* for him, he’s not progressing in the game, he’s running all these loops and doing so much and yet he’s not really going anywhere. He’s like a broken record, if you will. Dave doesn’t see himself as a hero, broken sword symbolism aside because I cannot get into that rn lmao that’s way too loaded and this is long enough, Dave *can’t* see himself as a hero because in his mind, Bro was a hero, and he will never live up to it, so why bother. Easier to just run his loops and do whatever Terezi says because she’s probably right and anyways it’s just easier to do something menial and meaningless that doesn’t move anything forward because he would probably fuck it up anyways, right? Dave is so stuck in the past, haunted by his loops, haunted by the legacy of his Bro, haunted by dead Daves, he is terrified (whether consciously or subconsciously) of moving forward, of Progression. Alternatively, Karkat’s aspect of Blood, or UNITY trips him up in similar ways. Karkat’s relationships are…complicated. It’s been *headcanoned* that he comes across as pale towards most of his friends, because despite how hard he tries to act loud and aggressive, he’s a big softie who cares way too goddamn much about everything. Terezi also represents his biggest struggle with Unity and relationships, he “wanted her in every quadrant like a desperate fool”, and she played along for a while to see if he would settle in any one quadrant, but when he never did she moved on. This is a huge blow to Karkat’s self-esteem, he thought he was being so suave and smooth just like his romance novels and movies, but really he was pushing her away either knowingly or unknowingly. On the topic of his romance novels, his obsession with relationships also shows him trying to compensate (more on this in a sec) for his lack of capability in the area, as if he’s studying them to get a better understanding of how relationships should work because he really has no idea. In his very first conversation with Sollux that we see, he ends by affirming that he hasn’t gone too far right? They’re still friends? Because underneath his loud, obnoxious persona, he’s just acting the way he thinks he’s supposed to in this hyper-aggressive society. Sound familiar? It’s because Dave is doing the same thing. They’re both using their personas to survive, to appear the way they think they should to other people, because when it comes to their aspects, they’re fucking terrified and don’t have a clue as to what they’re really doing.

Storyline Parallels- So, I’ve seen a lot of good analysis of this and I doubt any of what I’m saying will be news to any of you, but I’m gonna put it in my own words as best I can bc this shit is imperative to understanding why DaveKat works so perfectly in the narrative. Dave is obviously working an uphill battle the entire story to overcome the hyper-masculinity (see also: toxic) that his Bro has ingrained in his psyche for 13 years. Not the least of which is some deeply rooted homophobia. Dave fronts constantly, accusing others of being gay, accusing *Karkat* of being gay pretty amusingly. Obviously he pokes at this in other people because he’s so insecure about it in himself, he struggles heavily with his sexuality the way so many pre-teens do, only he’s fighting against a decades worth of anti-gay propaganda basically so there’s no room for him to search within himself too deeply without feeling deeply uncomfortable because obviously that’s Wrong and Bad and that’s not how society works in his world. Similarly, Karkat struggles with the quadrants which is practically unheard of on Alternia. It’s such a clear parallel to human homophobia that like. I’m left speechless when I think about it honestly. Their struggles are so overwhelmingly similar and parallel to each other sometimes I just have to stop and appreciate it. But back on topic, his whole life, Karkat has grown up with this over idealized concept of romance, the quadrants, and he obviously knows something is wrong with himself from an early age. Karkat’s obsession with romance novels is no coincidence, he’s clearly always felt off when it comes to that and so he most likely reached out to these novels and movies to get a better grasp of the quadrants, consuming what was essentially romantic propaganda to overcompensate. The problem is, in studying these works, he latched onto the wrong thing which is so funny to me. He’s reading these trying to understand, to make himself fit into this system because that’s what society is like *cough* heteronormativity *cough* and yet he latched onto quadrant vacillation like it’s the holy fucking grail of romance. Like oh, okay, this is normal? Obviously people do this, as long as they switch within the bounds of the system it’s Okay™ and even romantic in some occasions. Only, this is fiction he’s reading and if you try to apply the logic of romance novels to real life…well, we all know what happened with Terezi. He was constantly pushing the boundaries of vacillation, he was red for her, he wanted to act black on occasion, he cares so much about everyone it’s impossible for him not to be pale, and we see him (though I doubt he realizes he’s doing it) trying to auspistice for her and Gamzee in the pre-retcon timeline by staging a sort of intervention. He “wanted her in every quadrant like a desperate fool” and I don’t understand how people put Karkat into the quadrant system!!! That line is so IMPORTANT, not even taking into account that we know his dancestor, who shared his blood mutation which may have had something to do with his irregularities, loved the Disciple “beyond the quadrants”. It’s. So. Obvious. Karkat is overcoming the stigma of wanting to love beyond the quadrants in the same way that Dave is struggling to overcome the loaded idea behind being Not Straight. They’re both overcoming these extremely similar prospects and it’s an absolutely stunning feat of narrative that as an English major it makes me fucking weak in the goddamn knees like Hussie is a lot of things but this? This is fucking genius. I’ve never seen two characters written together in such an in depth and parallel way before.

Opposites Attract- So we’ve talked about their similarities, let’s talk about their differences and how those differences are also actually poorly disguised similarities. Karkat is obviously a Loud Boy, thats his coping mechanism. He keeps people out and away by being loud and aggressive. Dave needs to cope for similar reasons, to protect himself he needs to keep people out and away but he does it in just the opposite way, he gets quiet. He doesn’t talk about his shit. Sure, he’ll go on the rambling metaphor when the occasion calls, but although he’s always talking he’s never really saying anything. Karkat is an almost compulsive over sharer, like, the boy (bless his heart) has zero filter. Dave will talk your ear off just as well, but I’ll be fuckin damned if he says anything worthwhile outright (his many, many Freudian slips aside). It’s also interesting to note that while I’ve seen people talk about how part of the reason Karkat doesn’t fit into Alternian society is that he’s so human, as its stated in the narrative that after seeing this soft species, that shares his blood color and stupid, stupid compassion, even *Vriska* admits that Karkat seems to fit in better with them than he ever did with trolls, we don’t see the same for Dave? I’ve rarely, if ever, seen the situation flipped, in that Dave was more suited for Alternian society the same way Karkat was more human than troll or at least had severely human aspects. Obviously Dave’s romance is still very human in that he’s a big ol’ fan of monogamy (he and Karkat both faced problems in their relationships with Terezi romantically when she became involved in other quadrants, these boys love monogamy I’ll fight), but his upbringing? Yikes. Lusii are supposed to, while still protecting their trolls, prepare them for the harsh and violent world. Whether they had to kill other trolls and Lusii to feed them, or learn how to fight to fend off other trolls on their own, there was a shit ton of fighting in their pre-pubescent years. Trolls are a hyper aggressive, violent species that learn to fight basically as soon as they can walk, which is exactly what Bro did to Dave. Dave could fight practically from the second he crawled off the meteor, I doubt a day went by without a sword in his hand for some reason and god knows he suffered through enough strifes. Both boys were brought up just thoroughly *wrong* for their societies in a way that ensured they would never feel like they truly fit in.

Finally, Romance- In the final culmination of all this, let’s actually talk about how they work together as a couple. So, they have this overwhelmingly similar upbringing and life experience, what happens when they finally meet up? Dave thinks it’s hilarious that Karkat is always yelling, “get a load of this guy I was telling you about, Rose”, and while I have no doubt he thought Karkat’s shitfits were the funniest thing since Colonel Sassacre, there had to be a part of him that was just in awe of how someone could be so free with their emotions. Like, he’s angry? And you know it the second he walks into a room?? This is an entirely new concept to Dave, my son, who grew up with an insanely passive-aggressive psychopath who would sneak up on him and fight him with a crazy fucking puppet like what the fuck?? Dave has always had to be on edge at home, Bro was quiet so you never knew when he was upset and you never knew when he was coming for you. With Karkat, that’s such a non-issue it’s like the issue dined and dashed, no bill and no tip, vanished into the wind. You can hear Karkat stomping down the hall five minutes before he even gets into the room, and once he gets there oh boy he will Let You Know What The Problem Is. Why is Dave always provoking Karkat? Literally just to hear him yell because it’s so goddamn refreshing to know exactly with 100% certainty what someone is thinking, no irony, no bullshit, just genuine fucking refreshing annoyance. And for Karkat, well here’s the guy he’s always wanted to be, right? Cool and suave, the romcom hero who could smooth talk the paint off a wall. Only, Dave isn’t actually cool in the way he pretends to be, he’s not this smooth suave hero, he’s not even just a hero. He can’t be. He’s just…a kid. A kid like Karkat who has issues like Karkat and talks just as much when he’s nervous as Karkat and he’s relatable even though he’s trying not to be. He’s trying so hard to be what society wants from him he wants to be the tough guy with the sword but he’s just so not and that’s so refreshing! Karkat realizes he’s not the only one who’s trying to live up to some buttfuck impossiblestandards and he realizes…that’s okay. He doesn’t have to be anything he’s not. And they figure that out together.

So pardon me if I don’t understand how you can put Dave with John, or Jade, because they don’t fit. The narrative literally doesn’t benefit in any way for them to fit, and if it’s your personal preference then by all means go for it who am I to stop you, but there is no benefit to them being together. They will not grow from it, John is explicitly someone who doesn’t seem to focus or care much about romance even? And Jade has no concept of anything Dave has gone through, she couldn’t even begin to understand. Same with Terezi and Karkat, or Gamzee and Karkat or John and Karkat or whatever, Terezi likes quadrants. They make sense to her and she enjoys them, Karkat cannot bring himself to deal with with that and they’re so much happier as just friends. I’m not even getting into Gamzee, I’m not even gonna dip my toe into that discourse because everyone likes different characters for different reasons and I won’t begrudge you of that so I’m just gonna stay away. So again, if you ship those then that’s fine! Go for it! This is just an analysis of why the narrative, in my personal perspective, supports DaveKat and why I personally think they are good and healthy for each other and help each other grow as people.