#it's liberating as hell to realize this doesn't mean anything and it's not a moral failing but also terrifying cause i just have to Sit

[scoutpologist]

realizing i have religious obsessions and intrusive thoughts/fears is very much a harrowing experience. unfortunate vibes!

[downthepub]

The problem with the ending of Good Omens 2 and people being so upset about it is like, you never believed in it, you never thought anything about heaven could be good, but Aziraphale did, has, and wants to. Agnostic / atheist people may find this more clear cut, but folks who grew up with strong religious beliefs have to at least get it on some level. Like it's more complicated than just "be with you bf bc you love him."

Let me put it in a secular context.

Imagine you, a citizen, "hate" your country because you're so disillusioned with the government and things it's done and / or is currently doing. But suddenly you have the opportunity to get a high up position in that government with the promise that you can make a difference and help people and maybe even change the system from the roots up.

Your own view of the government hasn't changed; you don't like where it's been, or where it's at, but you believe in the people who live under that authority, you love and want to help them, you want to make amends, fix things, change things......even if it costs you something, and you never wanted to be a government employee in the first place. It's a hard decision but it's not about putting yourself first, it's not about "hating" your country, it's about doing what's right.

Meanwhile the person you're dating not only disagrees with this choice but says fuck your country, we need to run away together halfway across the world, we don't need your country, you hate it too, don't you? Why didn't you say no?? And uhhhhh....it's more complicated than that. Your world doesn't work in "do whatever you want and never consider anyone else" ways. It works if you take responsibility and do good when you can.

And perhaps someday you will realize you couldn't make a difference, but right now, this is the moral choice you will regret if you don't make, and loving someone who wants to just run away from that is very complicated and painful.

Because they're not who you thought they were, and you're not who they thought you were, and this is something you can't compromise on. There's no "in-between" right now for this decision. He's an anarchist, you're a liberal, or whatever parties / political ties you want to associate with. He's ready to tear it all down or just walk away; you want to do whatever good you can with the tools at hand, and fix what's wrong, help people where they're at now.

You take your chance and go and do the good you can and try to change the world, or you walk away because someone else says you should - not because you actually think you should walk away.

It's going to break your heart no matter what, but it's not a question you can dodge. Take the chance and do what you believe is right, or go and be with the person you love, but know you made the choice you didn't think was right, and that they don't really understand what makes you tick.

Actually I was surprised and blindsided because I somehow also thought Crowley wanted to be on the side of fixing things, through whatever means possible, opportunities inside or outside of channels. The way he talked in S1 about God and good and evil and regrets and questions, didn't make me think he would be 100% opposed to a chance to go back, to do some things differently, to work to change things. He's clearly willing to march into heaven on a mission, in disguise etc.

And obviously Heaven is not equal to God in this universe where God is a mysterious and terrifying force with inexplicable motives that Heaven (at best) tries to interpret in muddled and toxic ways, while Hell simply goes against whatever they think Heaven or God might stand for. But Heaven does have a lot of power and *some* tenuous link to the divine, however messed up, and it's quite easy to see a disillusioned angel finding the chance to influence and work within this system painful and difficult, but necessary.

And yet my own religious related trauma gives me Crowley's same visceral "fuck no" reaction to the idea of going back and working inside the lines, working within the system, bowing my head in obedience to something I don't follow anymore, can't follow anymore.

To believe that the connection to the divine is owned or usurped by people and systems who have actively used it to hurt and oppress, to do bad things and make excuses for and cover up other bad things, all while claiming to be holy and perfect and above critique themselves. It can make one actually feel a bit sick to think about it too hard.

Once again, it's More Complicated Than That, more complicated than just going along and working in the system. Crowley seems to see nothing redeemable in the system, it's pure toxicity, something to escape, not try to fix, not even try to save or help the people caught up and hurt in it. Just get away before they get you again.

There's no simple compromise, no in-between here. They still love each other deeply. And can't fix this by simply one of them changing their minds. No quick fix. It's about what they actually believe and doing what they each think is right. A separation, a distance, a love from afar, and very much being disappointed in each other not being on the same page.

But they just aren't. They aren't on the same page. They can't be right now. It's honestly not even about who's right or wrong, because it's More Complicated Than That. They really are living the Free Will Version of their own lives, with all the responsibility and pain that comes with that. It's not always the happy, easy stuff where things get to stay the same.

They are making choices, and they are living with those choices. And, just like humans, they are saying OUCH on the inside, very loudly.

[kinglarrykoopadx]

Alright, let's talk about Project Moon.

Just to clarify, this does not mean I'm going back to regularly posting stuff here, particularly cause I've had some relatively bad experiences with this website alongside the fact that some of the stuff I've typed here makes present me wretch too much to consider going. However, just this once I'm getting my ass off the bed to share my thoughts on the Project Moon controversy since it involves one of the games I've been playing a lot recently, Limbus Company.

For those unaware of the Project Moon controversy that's been going on here, allow me to explain. During early July 2023, PM released the obligatory summer event that by this point is expected for all gachas. Now because we humans are genetically bred and designed to flush our brains down a drain at the sight of even a single nuance of rational thought, incels got super p'd off that Ishmael was wearing a skintight suit instead of swimwear for the obligatory gacha beach episode event, seeing it as an expression of "radical feminism" of some kind. There's also the fact that the CG artist behind Beach Episode Ishmael's design made some feminist remarks in the past on social media which was apparently sufficient enough "evidence" for the incels to go on a crusade of degeneracy in order to liberate fans of Limbus under the guidance of their lord and savior "Incel Christ".

The crusade I was referring to pretty much boils down to spreading negative misinformation on the Limbus subreddit, review bombing the game to hell and back, and even threatening violence against Project Moon's staff. The main goal? Have the artist behind the Ishmael censorship, VelleMori, be fired. And of course, in an unfortunate turn of events, Project Moon complied to the misogynists and fired VelleMori. While this probably satisfied the incels everyone else is now out for PMoon's blood since the struggle for gender equality in Korea (where PM is based in) is pretty vicious. It also doesn't help that a similar incident occured in 2016, in which a female Korean VA was fired because of a similar set of circumstances. Because of this, fans lost whatever remaining faith they had in PM and boycotted the devs, discouraging people to continue supporting PM and presumably moving on and trying to disassociate themselves with anything PM related in the future.

I'm not gonna lie. At first I was pretty miffed with PM as well for bowing to the incels. Hell, I even deleted Limbus yesterday just to give em the bird, however, after a good night's rest to help calm my anger over the situation, I realize that I'm putting way too much of the blame on PM. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to morally grandstand on behalf of PM or anything, what they did was indeed wrong as hell, but when you take the time to revise the situation, you can somewhat understand PM's decision, even if out of the two options they were given they'd picked the morally questionable one.

I say this because with this controversy, PM was pretty much fighting a losing battle right from the start. Even if they didn't cave in to the misogynists' demands, stood their ground and refused to fire VelleMori, they'd still have to worry about the prospect of the incels barging right through their front door and massacring the other innocent programmers and artists within the company, practically putting the lives of tens at an unwarranted stake, even if these incels probably have the physique level of your average Mario boss, which probably makes them kinda pathetic but I'm getting a bit sidetracked here so let's get back to the main subject at hand.

Now, as I said before, I don't claim to be on the moral high ground. I'm not sure this entire rant is 100% factually correct, I'm not trying to deny the fact that Project Moon didn't do an oopsie and I'm not well-versed enough in Korean laws and cultural background to back up the legitimacy of what I've said before and what I'm about to say. I honestly believe that there is some truth to PM firing VelleMori as a defensive act. The message is definitely there, it's just that the domestic cultural background and an incident of similar nature from 7 years ago ended up distorting the message into an entirely opposite meaning instead. From what I've heard, up until the start of all this shit PM isn't an inherently malicious company and seems to put in a lot of love and care into their games with Limbus being one of the shining examples of that so I don't really think PM is actually saying that they fired VelleMori as a defensive act just to save their bacon, particularly since they've clearly shown multiple times over that they genuinely care about the fans and put heart and soul into each one of their works.

Truth be told I really hope that this controversy doesn't end up leading PM onto a darker path that most businesses in the gaming industry wander into.

In short, while PM definitely deserves some of the blame, it should also be noted that the incels that started this whole clusterfuck in the first place deserves more of the blame. A LOT MORE OF THE BLAME. To those cyberstalking incels that remorselessly dug the grave that PM's reputation now resides in, I do hope you're proud of yourselves. Pray to the lord almighty that we never cross paths, cause the very moment you're locked within my line of sight, rest assured, I won't hesitate to give you a one way trip back to the stone age, and trust me, THERE WILL BE NO TIME MACHINE THAT CAN RECOVER WHAT YOU'VE LOST. AND EVEN IF THERE WAS, well, a little bit of SUPER SMASH BROS. might be able to resolve that problem juuuust FINE.

(I'm deeply apologetic over my use of violent language, especially with some of the implications of the last paragraph, it's just that this whole controversy has got me peeved in more ways than one can imagine. Unless you're one of the incels behind the scandal. In which case I do not owe you any apologies.)

[aschlindartroom]

Bingo template made by @hyba

Two bingos! Huzzah! I never realized there were so many fun things to do with a bingo format. Thanks for educating me, Tumblr, as always.

Character info below the cut! ~~

Magic Wielder: Rowan Faraday: Rowan is a telekinetic powerhouse who is known throughout Lower London as the Liberation's most powerful enforcer. She can easily throw men twice her size across the room. I love her. If she wasn't trauma-bingo, I'd want to be her when I grew up.

Mischief Maker: Antoni Nowak: Antoni was born in the Lower London district of Bermuda and grew up around subversive freedom fighters. Since the manifestation of his abilities, Antoni uses blood magic and seals to set traps, protect the home of his found family, and harm anyone who stands in the way of the New Enlightenment's goals.

Cursed: Ehren Schmidt: Ehren's Direct Insight ability (read: clairvoyance that acts kind of like an empathetic synesthesia) manifested when he was only four years old. He is consistently bombarded with the thoughts and feelings of the people around him, and has spent his entire life finding coping mechanisms and building up psychic walls. Every year his ability gets stronger and stronger though, and it's a well-known fact that he'll likely die young or suffer a psychic break. He is my baby and he deserves better.

Food Lover: Egon Schmidt: Egon is Ehren's older brother, and his particular ability requires him to consume a lot of food and resources after each use of his powers. Exactly WHAT his powers are is a whole other post, but he definitely could have gone under the "Inhuman" category.

Inhuman: C.A.S.S.: The Computer Assisted Security System is a bit of a misnomer. Truthfully, this is a centuries-old name for the AI security that protects Schmidt & Foster's internal documents and such. C.A.S.S. has been around for hundreds of years and is basically the clueless uncle who always peeks over your shoulder and asks you to explain jokes to him.

Morally Ambiguous: Martin Hightower: Martin is the ADC Liasion for Schmidt & Foster, which means that he lobby's for S&F's interest within the Allied Districts Council. This man could have just as easily gone under "liar, liar" but he doesn't lie ALL the time... just when it suits his purposes. Martin grew up in Lower London, and has spent his entire adolescence and adulthood crawling up the corporate ladder, wheeling and dealing, to get a taste of all the luxuries life has to offer. Ten years ago, however, after meeting Eckehart Schmidt, Martin has directed his overwhelming political power toward more... wholesome endeavors. He's my current hyperfixation and I love him a lot.

Annoyingly Perfect: Mahalia Bhrambhatt: Mahalia is the ADC Representative for the Asian Corridor, and she is the cutest, sweetest woman in power I've ever written. She's a character who has gained political traction for all the right reasons, and when the story begins, she is going up against some unsavory characters in pursuit of justice and civil rights. She will likely have to go through hell in my story, but I have yet to find any moral flaw. I hate it. I love her. Help me.

Evil to the Core: Franklin Belks: Franklin is the COO of Schmidt and Foster. He actively makes political moves against well-meaning people like Mahalia in order to keep his wealth and position. He was Martin's mentor and taught him every snakey, schemey thing he knew. Franklin will do anything, and I mean ANYTHING, to keep his power and status.

Good-Hearted: Eckehart Schmidt: Ehren and Egon's cousin (although Ehren considers him a brother) and the CEO of Schmidt & Foster. Eckehart inherited Schmidt & Foster when his father passed 10 years ago. He was once repulsed by the idea of working for S&F, content to live a small life away from the ugly legacy of his family. Now that he's here, however, he intends to make the most of his position. When the time is right, he'll light Schmidt & Foster on fire, and then he'll watch the people finally take their power back. Luckily, he has the amazing Martin Hightower on his side. He knows that this power shift will likely mean his assassination, or imprisonment, or banishment, but he is still determined to make the world a better place and stop the cycle of political corruption.

Athletic: Seung Kim: Hey! It's the main character! Seung is many things: well-read, discerning, resolute... but she's also strong and fast as fuck. You don't want to go up against Seung in a fight. Think you have the upper hand with a gun? Hell no. She'll still smash your head open. Barely ever winded, this woman's the energizer bunny.

Thanks for reading!