#it's simply about which characters I feel most strongly that they are lesbians

[naddpod-arc-tournament]

We all know that after dads, Murph's second most impactful NPC category is lesbians. So here's a poll for them.

P.S. Don't @ me about my choices here, narrowing the list down almost destroyed me

[controversial-blorbo-bracket]

Controversial Character Tournament Round 2: Light Yagami from Death Note vs Edelgard von Hresvelg from Fire Emblem: Three Houses

(remember that these characters are fictional and your fellow tumblr users are real. please be normal in the notes, i will not hesitate to block if you harass people)

Propaganda under the cut, may contain spoilers:

Light Yagami:

LOVE: - "He does some messed up things but have you considered: fucked up protagonists rock :)" HATE: - "this man makes me sick. ive genuinely had manic episodes over hating him. i have trauma from his existence in general. not even because of the murder. because hes a sexist cheater :(" - "My cousin and I frequently debate this. I think despite his 'intentions' he's ultimately a despicable character who cares for nobody but himself. She disagrees and says that he is just trying to do the right thing and making a difference in the world (she still thinks his actions are wrong, but she doesn't think he himself is despicable)" BOTH: - "I mean cmon man"

Edelgard Von Hresvelg:

LOVE: "People either claim she's the hero or the irredeemable villain with no in between. She's also my lovely wife who has never done anything wrong in her life." "I never even finished her route and remember nothing of what happens in that game but I DO remember the absolute warzone the fandom turned into because of her. She staged a coup and overthrew the head of the government/church and I think that's pretty cool of her. "But she committed war crimes!" God forbid women do anything." "I lied in the previous question. I don't hate her or love her in fact I have never even played this game. But I keep finding people making up Discourse™ featuring wild accusations of bigotry towards both Edelgard fans and Edelgard haters so I feel that she belongs here. (Also my friend hates her. but HER friend loves Edelgard. So even in my small social circle there is a clear polarization.)" "ok I don't have any solid propaganda because my opinion of her is more positive-neutral, but. she fits the spirit of this poll. trust me." "[three houses spoilers] Yes she started a war but it was the only apparent way to break the chokehold the church had over everyone in Fodlan. Also she’s the only lord you can gay marry so I’m hopelessly biased" "every time i go into the tag its either "edelgard is perfect no notes!!" or "edelgard is literally a fascist!!!". ive never seen someone with a neutral opinion of her. i yearn for battle." "I know very little about her to be quite honest! But good god. As a fire emblem fan for the GBA and engage. I have NEVER seen such a decisive character like Edelgard. Jesus Christ. I still find stuff in those tags. What the hell!!!" "I don’t even go to Fire Emblem but even I know that Edelgard has never done anything wrong, ever, in her entire life, and that if she did any war crimes they were a SUPER effective use of girl power. source: I am a lesbian. (realtalk I genuinely love a noble-minded extremist revolutionary and think Edelgard is a great character, so it’s kind of a shame that opinion on her seems to simply split down the line of “whether the person wants to kiss Edelgard or Dimitri more.”)"

HATE: "So on the one hand, she's fully willing to kill and burn and murder her way to a "better future" at the expense of the present, but on the other hand she's pretty cool and #girlboss. She's also a canon gay romance option, but idk if that makes her more or less problematic." "I just. I understand why people like her. I really do. And I don't have anything new to say for why I dislike her. Edelgard fans and stans have heard everything. She has great points and motivation, but her methods are wrong. She hitches her ideals to the first good opportunity and never reconsiders her allegiance when things go off the rails. She hates the church for "lying to people" and proceeds to lie to her own populace herself in her own route. She gives Claude an opportunity to live because she knows he believes in her goals. But Dimitri and his Kingdom are too beholden to the church to ever be offered such mercy. She herself acknowledges that the change she wants to see is more quickly enacted through war than subtle and slow societal change. She recognizes the human toll of her actions, but she justifies it through flowery language and an insistence that the change needs to happen now or it never will. I honestly find her so interesting, and I agree with a lot of her thoughts about the need for societal change in the world of FE:3H. But people latched onto her and propped her up as someone who can do no wrong. And that just never sat right with me. I just think she’s a hypocrite who got put in front of a shiny means to her end and was immediately blind to every other opportunity around her." BOTH: - "I dont even play fire emblem but I cant escape people not shutting up about how much they love or hate her" - "You said there were no hate answers for her...and I don't really hate her so it wouldn't be right but I wanted to balance things out some. She's the perfect storm of a character who sounds right and progressive and has a route all to herself that doesn't contradict that...but once you play other routes, it becomes clear she's kind of. full of misinformation. And attacking people who don't deserve it. Also a LOT of the divisiveness I'm willing to blame on the writers rather than her, for having her both be Evil Tyrant we NEED to take down and Sad Uwu Baby who just wants to eat cake and laze around and loves You the Player SO MUCH."

[anakirui]

decided to make a chart of my most recent lgbtq prsk hcs since my past ones r probably outdated

elaboration on certain points under the cut

-> ichika might be non-SAM aro. not sure but all that comes to my mind when i think of her is aro and i can't think of what her sexuality would be so. ? yeah ig she's non-SAM aro

-> touya is recipromantic, but she also feels romantic attraction at a much lower intensity than a lot of other people, so it was a bit confusing for him to figure out his identity.

-> akito, while put in the same category as an, is demisexual unlike an who is simply labeled as graysexual (there is a difference). additionally, akito is a-aesthetic, while an is the opposite, and regularly feels aesthetic attraction.

-> airi is specifically a mtf trans girl

-> shizuku is a cis girl

-> mizuki to me is just mizuki idrc what their gender is . although if they were a cis guy it would make mizuki1 queerbaiting which is... veeeerrrryyyy bad. yea

-> idk why minori and saki are in the sapphic category and not in the lesbian category but something feels Correct about them using the former label and not the latter even though i genuinely believe they'd never kiss a man

-> allocishet category is there mainly because i don't feel strongly about queerifying those characters. also, I think allocishet enataro e-dater saga is hilarious and just like real life

[lucyghoul]

@lottieurl tagged me to share my unpopular opinions about 5 fandoms!

yellowjackets

love and light but i hate mistynat. like i know people shipped it before nat died but to me it really feels like the momentum started afterwards, surrounding the whole oh no misty accidentally killed the love of her life and she's so sad and it's fucked up and crazy too!!! which sure if that floats your boat go for it. but to me it feels a lot like just a justification for nat's sloppy and narratively unhelpful death. if i didn't feel this strongly about nat's death i might not care as much about mistynat. we all know i'm a natlottietravis girl and it just feels so much more!!!!!! like the narrative is connecting these three people and their actions are all rippling out to affect each other. every single thing natalie does in season 1 is motivated by travis, just like everything she does in 2 is either in opposition to or alignment with lottie. misty just doesn't fit in there at ALL for me. and is actually just a distraction. and i can live with it all unless season three is the Misty Is Sad About Killing Nat season. i will tap out if that's the case. also just overall season 2 was a flop and they better pull something MAGICAL out of their asses to get me to the place i was like pre-2.05

house of the dragon

my main hotd take is that daemon is essential to both the story AND to the existence of rhaenicent. you cannot have one without the other. rhaenyra is shaped by both daemon and alicent from childhood and is tied to them for the rest of her life. removing daemon from that equation or treating him as anything but a person that rhaenyra loves and needs is pointless and a complete misunderstanding of the show. christon sucks ass. alicent is a full on lesbian. larys also sucks ass and there's no juice between him and alicent it is simply creepery.

shadow and bone

i mean this probably isn't too unpopular for my followers but widely just like. darklina is forever and always what that series is about. mal is a useless waste of space who wants what is worst for alina. alina starkov should be allowed to kill and maim and drink aleksander's blood and have nasty insane sex!!!! the ending of ruin and rising is literally a death sentence for her and not in the murder-suicide way that i want!!!!!!!!!

succession

again like i know my mutuals will agree but. romangerri is literally the most important non-sibling dynamic in the entire show and roman's character is so much more more fleshed out and interesting with gerri involved. AND the same goes for gerri. those two are in LOVE love even if they will never know it. they have multiple shoes please esk moments like are you kidding me. roman ceo gerri chair would have been my ideal ending in a dream world

hacks

i hate jimmy and kayla. i like them separately but every time they are onscreen together the entire episode starts dragging and i have to slap myself to stay engaged. the weird sexual harrassment joke went on WAY too long but even outside of that i'm like paul. paul. i know you wrote yourself into the show but PLEASE

no pressure, but tagging @nicollekidman @alyswesthill @lottienat @sapphicscience @tennesseewillams and @hunterbiden and anyone else who wants an excuse to shit talk

[baratrongirl]

B - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind.

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

W - A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom.

B - I don't have a lot for Ace Attorney because most of its ships are very obvious. I did however discover a fondness for the very rarepair Maya Fey/Simon Blackquill after reading a fic about them. She is a spirit medium who is going to become the leader of her village, and is also obsessed with the TV series The Steel Samurai. He is a raging weeaboo and/or British man with Japanese ancestry who wields a spirit katana and wants to be a samurai. They are even the same age! They are absolutely perfect together!

K - Urgh, see, this is the thing that Ace Attorney is very bad at. The games are good at showing 50-75% of a character development arc and then giving up. Like, AA4 is all about Klavier Gavin receiving trauma after trauma, and you'd expect him to need some time to process everything that's happened to him - yet he pops up in AA5 as if nothing has happened at all. Phoenix Wright and Miles Edgeworth both have development, but even then you don't see the trauma being processed. In fact, the way Phoenix flips back to his old self in AA5 ignores all of the changes that happened to him in AA4, and seems false.

I actually think one of the best development arcs I've ever seen in a game/game series is Martin Septim in TES IV: Oblivion. He goes from being the priest of a town attacked by Daedra (TES version of demons) to the Emperor of Tamriel, willing to give his life to stop the Daedric invasion. Each time you return to Cloud Ruler Temple on the main quest, he's a little more resigned to his fate. He goes from giving an awkward speech to the Blades where he says, "I know you all want me to be Emperor, but this is very new to me" to leading a major battle dressed in the Emperor's heavy armor. When did he learn to fight in heavy armor? Before that, he's only worn priest's robes. A lot is happening to him behind the player's back, and it gives him life.

W - I agree with you about hating soulmates and Hanahaki Disease, unless those tropes are subverted. I am quite fond of the idea of "soulmates" which simply means that the person will be very important to you - not necessarily your one and only partner, but perhaps your best friend forever. And I find it interesting when people write Hanahaki Disease as a chronic illness which affects people who love too easily and deeply. I've often felt that I'm a person who does that, and it's brought me emotional pain. Why not have physical pain to go with it?

The tropes I REALLY hate though are "Pair the Spares" and "Everyone is Gay".

Ace Attorney has a juggernaut F/F ship of FranMaya which is Miles Edgeworth's adoptive/foster sister Franziska Von Karma paired with Phoenix Wright's best friend Maya Fey. But there are plenty of other options for both of those women, both F/F and M/F. I feel they get paired together despite their wildly different personalities and interests simply because Phoenix and Miles do, and I really dislike that. I don't even hate the ship! But I LOATHE the idea that they are together BECAUSE of their brother/best friend's relationship.

When the trope is subverted, and FranMaya get together years before WrightWorth, then I like the ship much more. Though I still feel that both characters have plenty of other interesting ships available to them.

"Everyone is Gay" bothers me when it's literally everyone being GAY as in exclusively same-sex relationships. Especially as three characters are about as close to canon bisexual as it's possible to be! Others have strongly headcanoned sexualities which are part of fanon (e.g. Miles Edgeworth being homoromantic demisexual and Kristoph Gavin being aromantic homosexual). But other characters are more flexible, e.g. I've seen Ema Skye written as lesbian, bi, straight, asexual, aromantic and acearo!

By all means, make everyone queer. But recognise that a trans woman might date a man, that a lot of bisexuals end up in relationships with people of different gender, that heteroromantic asexuals are still queer, and that acearo people likely don't want partners at all. And all of that is okay.

[22degreehalo]

Also this is Incredibly petty and shitty and dumb but.

So I've been reading more fanfic lately and especially among Gen Z writers (presuming a lot of things here but it tends to line up that way I think) that when part of a m/m ship is canonically in a relationship with a woman, to have her also not have ever been attracted to men/him after they break up.

Which. I get the idea behind it!!! It can feel sexist to force her away just to get your two boys available for one another, and if it's an overall fluffy and lighthearted fic, it makes the whole thing a lot easier to swallow if she also was actually never really into it all along. Plus, there's a general trend to making most of the cast queer these days, and this allows for a quick and easy Queer Woman, so. It just makes sense.

Personally I kinda... have some mixed feelings about it because I think it's perfectly normal? for somebody to have bad feelings after a break-up and maybe be kind of human and hurt and even bitter about it, and I sortaaaa resent almost the implication I feel sometimes that it's more ~feminist and independant~ for a woman to have never had Actual Feelings for the guy. But THEN AGAIN I am simply an angst-liker deep down, SO.

But see the thing is. I expressed above that the woman in question is made as never having been attracted to men after all. But in absolutely every single case that I can remember of this (and there are a lot!), the woman was, very specifically and explicitly, made a lesbian. Not once, in ANY fic I've read, has she been aro/ace.

Even when there's nothing you could so much as hint at in canon of her being into girls. Even when there's not even a real plausible canon possibility for her girlfriend. Even if said girlfriend is entirely imaginary and theoretical, it will ALWAYS be assured to the reader that she definitely, 100% has one (or if not, is going to get one very soon).

which.

On the surface... I do not think there is any actual good reason for that. All the positive aspects I mentioned above would still apply 100% to an aro/ace character. And, like, when the plot itself focuses so strongly on romance between two men? That's the perfect place to bring in an aspec character as contrast!! They'll actually be able to provide a totally outsider view to this all! To me, that seems like the clearest option, diversity-wise?

...but. well. it's not hard to guess why things don't happen that way.

And it's the same sort of reason that Gen Zs are so eager to point out any random female character, no matter how strongly associated with romance with men, as a lesbian. While I have once again never seen such a character randomly labelled aro/ace (except by explicitly aro/ace people who forcibly acknowledge self-consciously that this isn't canon and they're just projecting because they like the idea haha don't worry!!!)

Because lesbian representation is 'more important' than aro/ace representation.

And because women aren't really 'not attracted to men' unless they're attracted to women instead. Otherwise, it's just 'not liking sex.' And that's just not nearly feminist enough, is it? Where's the female solidarity in that?!

[kellinrk800]

my thoughts on episode 11 of wonder egg priority

tw// neglect, possible abuse, murder, human experimentation

holy SHIT is there a lot to unpack.

first of all, everyone except ai and neiru have now experienced the truth of what happens when you complete the total amount of people to save. at the end of episode ten we saw momoe’s breakdown and panic’s death and at the beginning today’s episode we saw rika find out and mannen’s death. (i previously wrote that neiru and pinky had experienced it but after someone kindly let me know after a rewatch that it was in fact momoe, not neiru. sorry for the error)

however, ai is now the only one who knows about frill and what happened to her. speaking of, there are a RIDICULOUS amount of parallels between the two. i’ll be reblogging some posts that explain it a lot better than i ever could right after i post this.

what i really want to focus on is frill. despite her fairly questionable and downright evil actions, i can’t help but feel a shred of pity for her.

born out of quite literal boredom and under strict surveillance, she was almost destined to be unloved. she was not made to be a human, but simply something for acca and ura acca to love. in the way you might buy a doll for a small child. their mistake was adding such severe jealousy and stubbornness to something they had created to be perfection.

stuck at the age of 14 permanently, it’s no surprise her mental state was damaged. imagine the jealousy, the intense emotions, everything you go through at that age.

she is at least somewhat aware that she is artificial intelligence considering how open those who are around her seem to be about it. however, she does not seem to be keen on accepting it or believing it. after all, she is not programmed to. she is programmed to sense things in the way a human would. and that opens a whole world of other doors about how anyone could be an ai and not know it but i doubt wonder egg priority would get that meta this close to the end.

time to tie up all these loose ends. around midway through the episode we are introduced to a love interest (who i have forgotten the name of, apologies) who causes a split in acca and ura acca’s relationship (marriage), and she soon becomes pregnant with a child. a human child.

frill was programmed to be able to understand her parents in the way a daughter would. she begins to taunt ura acca about his husband cheating on him with the woman he loves and once she finally finds out that the baby is a girl, she decides to kill the mother.

the motivation behind frill’s mental deterioration is slowly becoming clearer and clearer. i strongly suspect that she felt she was being replaced with a human child and realised the inherent inferiority she was going to have once the child was born, and became overcome with jealousy. not only would she now have to take on the role to be a big sister (which she was not programmed to accept or do. she was programmed to be stubborn and jealous in the way a 14 year old girl would be) but she would lose the ability she had to be perceived as a human daughter by the parents who raised her.

imagine being created for the sole purpose of being the perfect daughter for somebody to love, and then being replaced. i am by no means excusing murder, but it’s hard not to see her motivation.

as punishment and as relief of acca’s grief, frill was then locked away with nothing but her ai machinery for anywhere between 12 and 15 years*.

enter himari, the child that survived despite frill’s attempt at murder of both mother and child. she is described as having “saved” ura acca and acca from their state after the mother’s murder and the abandonment of their artificial daughter. when we see her able to talk, she is shown asking ura acca to marry her once she is older to make up for the pain of the loss of her mother. she is stated as being in junior high at the time (*my timespan reasoning for the time frill was locked away). while this scene made me greatly uncomfortable, it might be to show frill’s impact and influence on himari. if they had come into contact, frill would arguably do anything in her power to gain back control of her parents.

perhaps himari asked this purposefully to anger frill, which is supported further by the fact himari was found dead (cause of death suicide) the night later.

suicide. what’s the entire theme OF the eggs? i don’t know about you but i can hear lightbulbs beginning to flicker.

ura acca and acca began research into girls suicides at that age, and found a steady surge around the same time as himari’s death.

acca and ura acca are trying to bring back himari, possibly their wife, and maybe, maybe just maybe frill as well. i think that is the real purpose of the wonder egg project.

we also finally have our answer as to why girls and boys suicides are different with wonder eggs! acca and ura acca are indeed sexists, just not about suicide.

i’ll let you do the rest of the theorising.

now for the loose ends that i don’t think can be tied up.

why are hyphen and dot named after punctuation? is their goal to bring frill back to life?

what was neiru’s family’s involvement in the wonder eggs? in fact, where is neiru?

is frill alive or dead? is there even a way to distinguish with someone in her state?

what happened to acca and ura acca to make them.. well, to make them like that? last i checked, turning into mannequins isn’t a symptom of grief. are they even alive?

MOMOE. WHERE THE FUCK IS MOMOE. GIVE ME MOMOE OR GIVE ME DEATH.

there are a shit ton of new, unspecified entities we’re learning about. what actually are hyphen and dot? are they AIs like frill? perhaps not fully formed? and thanatos and eros?

where do the girls go once they’ve been freed? is “freed” even the right term?

what did mr sawaki say to ai about koito? why did koito die? is mr sawaki going to have a bigger role than a consistently fucking annoying red herring after all?

rika’s father? why have that as a big factor in an episode conflict if it’s never going to be addressed again?

the sketchy lesbian representation compared to the consistent positive trans ftm and gay representation? why have the only canonically wlw character be a product of a harmful stereotype after treating everything else so respectfully?

and most importantly, how the FUCK is this going to get cleared up in one episode?

i don’t even think that’s possible. if it is, i’m really disappointed. after consistent excellent pacing, writing, storytelling, and everything else, cramming everything into the last couple of episodes is just cheap and annoying. if i wanted to drone on for an entire series before an explosion of poor plot points for shock factor, i’d just go watch the second season of the promised neverland (/hj).

the only somewhat reasonable explanation would be a second season, but it is a terrible media decision and i can’t imagine much, if any, good coming from it.

in conclusion, what the fuck. how the hell is this going to salvage itself in one episode?

also i wrote this entire thing while on my sleep meds. if there’s logical, grammatical, spelling or just general errors i apologise and i’ll fix them when i’m not half conscious.

[sparrowlovesskittles]

In the past, trans Mothwing has been a controversial headcanon/AU. There's nothing inherently wrong with it of course, but every time I've seen it it's been used primarily as an excuse for Leafpool to have kittens while in a lesbian relationship, but most people who use this AU don't bother to consider how being trans would actually affect Mothwing.

I've always felt this AU has a lot of potential. Being trans actually fits quite well into Mothwing's story, and I haven't seen anyone explore that yet... So I decided to explore it further. I created a video about trans Mothwing which doesn't even mention Leafpool's kits.

Under the cut I have copy/pasted the video description. It includes a document which explains some of the meanings behind the symbolism and such. If anything in the video confuses you, I suggest taking a look <3

--

Video cw// Transphobia, animal death (not graphic)

2022 edit: I had this unlisted for a couple years. I wasn't proud of it and was still sort of unsure I properly represented the struggles many trans people face. I think part of the reason I worried about that was simply because the video is a bit fast-paced and relies heavily on symbols, so it's a bit confusing and the message is kind of hard to get across.

The drama behind the trans Mothwing headcanon is something I feel strongly about, though. So I've decided to make the video public again, and I have written up a doc describing the video bit by bit, to hopefully help clear things up. Here it is, take a look if there's anything you didn't understand, or if you'd just like to learn a bit more about the symbolism and stuff:

Now, on with the rambles-

2021:

OOOH BOY IT'S HERE and oh boy do I have a lot to say-

So first of all- I'd like to thank Unofficially-Ace, who made the 'Rainbow' trans Mothwing PMV here:

https://youtu.be/vzhqNvE1Hkc

This PMV was what planted the idea in my head in the first place. They talked in the description about how the Trans Mothwing headcanon/au has been really problematic, since the only reason people ever make Mothwing trans is so she can have biological children with Leafpool, and it never really changes anything about her character. And yeah- that's a gross thing to do.

Being LGBTQ changes us, in ways we don't even realise- that's simply the truth. It changes the way we think and interact with people, like for example, weighing in whether or not it's worth mentioning your partner's pronouns in a conversation. Or as my sibling mentioned the other day - trying to decide whether you'd rather make yourself look cis and feel uncomfy, or go out as you are and risk getting hatecrimed. It feels weird to stick the label 'trans' on a character simply to support your own storyline, especially without giving them character motivations, development, or story to make them actually feel trans.

Unofficially-Ace mostly explored how it would affect Mothwing's relationship with Hawkfrost, but I wanted to take a different approach. I wanted to showcase how it would affect Mothwing's entire life up to AVOS, and completely exclude any mention of kittens with Leafpool.

Anyway, I read up on how badly the trans Mothwing idea has been represented so far, and the more I looked into it, the more I thought about it, the more I realised holy crap, this idea has SO MUCH potential, how has anyone not done anything with all this yet?? And so, with pride month coming up (though it's basically over now, but that's okay, because pride goes all year)… I did! I whipped this up in about one month. I did however honestly struggle back and forth a lot about whether I should even make this. I am not trans and so I have no real voice to talk about trans issues - but in the end I thought it would probably be okay as long as I handled it carefully, which I tried my best to do. I tried to show that acceptance was the most important thing, drew inspiration from real-life scenarios, and consulted with my trans friends before making this video public. I am not making any money from this video. If anyone is still uncomfortable with anything I will try my best to fix it!

A few extra notes:

The art is rushed and messy but I kind of like the style of the finished product. It was quick, easy, and isn't hideous. Nice.

The blue in Mothwing's eye is just a design choice, it doesn't mean anything :)

I also have to credit this CRIMINALLY underrated Mothwing PMV for inspiring a few of the shots, and also being part of the reason for my love of Mothwing, and ALSO for being my favourite PMV ever:

https://youtu.be/1PUIY7EFI0o

[ocdhuacheng]

The thing that often bothers me the most with the genderbending (wrt Xie Lian) is that the fandom doesn't acknowledge how (strongly) against adopting a female form XL was when SQX tried to persuade him. Like. It was smth very on the nose. But ppl also don't acknowledge that XL doesn't enjoy cross-dressing, either, it's just smth he doesn't feel bothered by anymore (after centuries of the world beating you down, shame isn't smth you care about) and goes ahead with if he has to for a job (plus: annoying fanservice). So, there is a fundamental lack of wanting to acknowledge that gender isn't part of XL's character arc. At all. (He very much likes being a guy.) It is a little for SQX, only. Hua Cheng has this whole shape-shifting shtick, so a case could be made.

(Similarly, I don't get the rare fem!FengQing... Have ppl read/watched their reaction to possibly dressing up as brides???)

Also, that beefleaf is hailed as this lesbian icon ship when I am pretty sure that He Xuan is never thrilled to be female but only goes along with SQX's pestering... I have seen ppl start tgcf because of lesbian beefleaf only to be disappointed and... not cool.

I have nothing against genderbending myself. Not the biggest fan of it but it can be fun sometimes (like. If ppl were to explore canon stuff with it. I have never seen or read about SQX's relationship with gender; e.g. their feelings about it, feelings about having grown up as a girl, SW's disapproval etc. - there is so much one could do, but ppl water it down or erase the struggles altogether. And don't get me started on the glaring lack of female form HC. If he were the preferred bottom, we'd never see an end of content). It just bothers me how often characterization isn't considered in these cases.

And I think you brought your feelings about it across well! I get what you mean and you are right.

yeah like people can headcanon what they want wrt gender but given that the canon indicates xie lian is completely comfortable as a man and very much NOT comfortable as a woman its very sus that everyone turns to him as the one to be ~turned into a female~ in fanworks and not hua cheng, who canonically shapeshifts into a feminine body sometimes.

one of my mutuals said that the watsonian (within the text) explanation for xie lian constantly crossdressing is legit while the doylist (authors intent) explanation is that mxtx wants to make people think of him simply as a feminine uke or the wife or whatever. and theyre right. which is why if tgcf were written by a gay or bi man i would be completely comfortable with the crossdressing/pretending to be pregnant woman arcs, but its not so whenever i read those sections i get vaguely annoyed at them.

though those arcs were also pretty transmisogynist with how much mxtx kept having to remind us over and over about how "weird" and "degenerate" xie lian looked or whatever. but thats another conversation

also about beefleaf............ saaame. i thought they were lesbians u_u (i mean i knew that mxtx would never write a lesbian because i dont think she knows lesbians exist, BUT you know what i mean) i was so disappointed when mxtx had to specifically say that he xuan did not enjoy being in a feminine body and just went along with it to appease sqx. like that felt like such a slap in the face. whatever. my city now

and it would have been awesome if mxtx had gone into sqx's feelings on gender more..... like even just devoting an extra or two for it. especially after they loose their powers, i want to see their feelings on gender then! because it seems like after they become mortal everyone always just views them as a man by default, and their genderfluidity is never mentioned again!! i want to see sqx, who had become used to being able to change their appearance, have to deal with no longer being able to do that. and to be able to accept that this doesn't make them any less genderfluid/trans, and they can be a woman even if they cant shapeshift anymore. i think that would be a nice little character study to have included.

[olderthannetfic]

Ah, I do see your points, anon. I'm not going to post all your asks publicly because if you really feel that unsafe, it's probably best not to have a bigass chunk of your text for people to analyze and try to guess your identity from. I think one of the best points you made is about how close to home it hits when the non-fave is not only your fave but is similar to you in some way like demographic. You're not wrong for having those emotions. I do wonder if they make it hard to see how some other people feel similarly embattled on other axes.

TBH, I think one of the big problems here is that the large aggregate patterns you're talking about are racist, but most individual fics and fans are not really the problem. It's hard to know how to talk about this or who to tell to "fix" it when we're looking at free, hobbyist art.

A lot of people's tastes are certainly formed by shitty society, but once they're formed, they don't change fast if at all. Asking someone to rewrite their libido is a big ask, yet tumblr does it all the time as though it's as simple as snapping your fingers.

This leaves me with the sense that a lot of tumblr is... like... the political lesbians of porn fic or something: desire is not real, only choosing based on logic and politics. Or maybe people are so asexual that they just don't understand the lizard brain's "YES!" at some porn things and complete indifference to others?

I don't think it's great if great swaths of people feel like bottom!Nicky is super hot and top!Nicky fundamentally isn't, but I also don't think they can necessarily just turn it off like flipping a switch.

(If someone reading this doesn't like their current tastes and wants to attempt to alter them, I do think it's possible. What you should do is line up a large slate of media that prominently features characters of the ethnicity or whatever that you don't find hot/interesting. These should be leads whose emotional development drives the plot and is supposed to be central to the audience's enjoyment of the media. Watch/read/etc. this media all the time. All. The. Time. Try out many pieces because you won't like every character or every show, and we're looking for genuine enjoyment, not the fandom equivalent of a pity fuck. Spend enough time on this, and your unconscious sense of who's hot and interesting will eventually shift somewhat. This is a project you should expect to take a few years.)

But I digress.

The one tweet thing is a very toxic pattern. If TOG fandom is doing that, guys, please try to be more conscious of holding the actors of color to a higher standard (or the women or whomever). I know this often comes from a place of paying more attention to our own and wanting to set a good standard, but the effect is that minorities can't fuck up ever while white dudes get infinite passes.

Okay, on to the fic thing... Gotta say, my instant reaction to that description is "Ooh!"--as it would be for the same scenario with the characters reversed. (Ships who start out trying to kill each other are my favorite! x1000 if they're resurrecting style immortals and they literally do.) I can see how it would feel like slamming into a brick wall if you aren't kinky in just the right way and you didn't know it was coming though.

Part of why I react so strongly to a lot of discourse that runs along these lines is that I am a naturally extremely kinky person. It's not so much about what I do (which as a deeply lazy person in a long distance relationship is essentially nothing), but it's absolutely how I'm wired.

And I can tell you that my quotidian experience in fandom is sharing something I don't even realize is a big deal only to have someone I like, respect, and trust react in horror and tell me that it's triggering and awful and should not be allowed in fandom spaces because it makes "people" unsafe. It's such an instant, kneejerk reaction they don't even realize I was sharing it because it spoke to the very core of me. Lesson learned, friend. Lesson learned.

That sounds a bit off topic, I know, but bear with me: The point of that anecdote is that it's pretty common for me to get people trying to raise my awareness of things I have already thought deeply about while denying my essential humanity and not even realizing. As a kinky person who likes to make my fave the top (and generally a conflicted sadist), this constant request to explain and justify is exhausting.

I doubt most of the top!Joe fans have this precise problem simply because people who make their fave the top are much less common in fandom than people who make their fave the bottom, but I see a similar pattern with fans who are just fundamentally wired for rape fantasies (one of the most common fantasies that exists) vs. fans who just don't get rape fantasies at all. Or substitute your BDSM/kinky/messed up fantasy trope of choice. Covertly radical feminist attitudes towards kink and power are on the rise in fandom, and as a naturally kinky person, boy do I notice it!

I know that it feels like crucial activism to share these insights about why the ratio of top!Joe is hurtful, and the pain you feel is real. But it's also the case that it's a big ask to want people to listen. (Not me. Obviously, I routinely choose to engage with discourse. I mean overall.) The reason for that is that you're only seeing a fraction of what they do or who they are, and you don't know how many previous people they've listened to how many previous times. It's a very different situation from someone whose job is making some major TV series or movie or something. That person does, in my opinion, owe you some amount of listening.

Now, I'm not saying no top Joe fan was ever a jerk. I'll bet they were. There's a tendency to be rude and to publicly air your schadenfreude when you feel like everyone has been yelling at you. What I am saying is that a lot of the problem here boils down to conflicting needs, and that means there isn't a good solution. It's a situation where people are genuinely hurt, but I don't necessarily agree that other people have harmed them.

I like that you did an actual count of the explicit fics, btw. It's good to look at the real numbers. I see too little of that in these situations. My off the cuff reaction is that 2/3 to 1/3 is not a bad ratio at all compared to many fandoms, but yeah, it definitely shows a strong trend, and that can be painful. (I have a fandom where I think there's maybe like 1 bottom so-and-so fic in the entire zine era fandom. One. It's pretty extreme.)

I guess my thinking here overall is: What is the practical solution? What are we hoping to gain? What is reasonable to ask of people?

And it can't be "Well, if they would just listen..." That's just a sneaky way of saying "If you haven't done it my way, it's because you haven't listened to me yet."

So the question I would ask of people is this:

What does a non-racist fic where Joe tops look like?

What does a non-racist sex pollen, dubcon, or even noncon fic where Joe tops look like?

And if you say the latter is impossible... well... sadists exist everywhere in the world. So do doms. So do people who prefer to top in a purely physical sense. People with rape fantasies where they're the rapist exist (people who are not actually rapists, I mean). None of this is restricted to any one group. We can't categorically say fic like that about Joe is coming from a place of racism without denying the fundamental humanity of kinky MENA people who'd want to make Joe like themselves or like their ideal partner. (Yes, I agree this won't be the majority of fic writers writing top!Joe, but this is a place to start for figuring out what the better version would look like.)

IDK, maybe you're that kinkster yourself, but your asks gave me the vibe that you don't really get the drive towards those darker kinds of fics and what might be motivating it besides stereotypes and shittiness.

If we can answer these kinds of questions, we can better critique the way people write what they write without telling them all of their taste is bad and they should just stop writing. Even if we think the latter is true, it isn't going to get us anywhere. Figuring out how to make Joe more multidimensional in the fic they already want to write or finding very specific wording that should be avoided might actually work.

Beyond that, the actions I think are productive would be running prompt fests, exchanges, or other events for bottom!Joe or for top!Joe where he's the main character and the fics are required to be from his POV. Themed collections and recs lists are great. (I've seen a bit of this going around in TOG fandom in the past, and that's an excellent approach! Keep it up!) Positive actions tend to work better here. Make more of what you want. Promote what you want to see.

I don't mean this in some fluffy magical thinking way: you aren't going to change that ratio radically just by the power of positivity. But I've seen this kind of thing play out in many, many fandoms, and going after the people who write what you don't like, even in a well-intentioned effort to educate and even in a polite, kind way doesn't do much. A few people feel guilty. A few feel defensive. A lot ignore you. The overall fic doesn't change. It's not a good use of your limited time and energy.

I'm off to look up that fic to see what I think of it in practice, but I'm going to post this before tumblr manages to eat it.

[sparrowmoth]

I’m back in case nobody ever asked about your boy, so…. Carlos de Vil for the ask meme :)

@hoodpane Aww, thank you, sweetheart, I appreciate that! 🥰♥️♥️

1. Sexuality Headcanon

I headcanon (and write) him variously as gay OR bisexual since I can see it either way with him, for reasons akin to my thoughts on Evie in this post. Sometimes, I headcanon him as aspec, too, and that's been at the back of my mind with certain fics, but I haven't yet decided if I feel strongly about him fitting a particular label or if I'm just trying to figure out things for myself by projecting different labels at him idk.

Anyway, related (gender) headcanon that I can never shut up about: whatever sexuality I'm writing him as, he's always he/they nonbinary in my mind, my writing, my memes, just everything jdkaljgklsg. <3

2. OTP

Jaylos, my beloved! For me, there's no universe in which these two don't end up together, which is why they come out on top as my OTP, deeply fond as I am of the Rotten OT4 ship. Marlos and Carvie can be romantic or platonic, it's fine either way, but if Jaylos isn't happening, I probably won't bother. I just don't enjoy reading them in other ships.

3. BROTP

I think Jane and Carlos are really cute as friends. It makes me really happy to think about Jay and Carlos going on double dates with Jane and Lonnie (who are in lesbians together, change my mind you can't).

I'm also here for Chad being the bestie Carlos literally never wanted. Their dynamic is just so fucking funny. It makes no sense! Compels me though. And Mal, Jay, and Evie absolutely tease Carlos about it.

4. NOTP

No hate, but I'm not here for Benlos. I think it's cute that Ben clearly has a crush on Carlos, but I mean, it's Ben. Show me a VK he doesn't have a crush on lmao. I don't know, this ship just leaves me bored, so I'll usually take a hard pass on anything that features them together.

Less common nopes I've encountered: Gilos and Chadlos. Just nope.

5. First headcanon that pops into my head

In telling Carlos all those horrifying (and untrue) tales of dogs being vicious, rabid pack animals as he was growing up, Cruella liked to up the drama by growling, baring her teeth, even biting him sometimes.

This instilled such terror in Carlos that he thought to weaponize it, so, for years, he'd growl at his bullies and try to bite and claw instead of punching and kicking. The other kids found this strange at best and hilarious at worst—none more so than Harry Hook in the latter case.

Oh, he never let Carlos live that down, even long after he'd realized it wasn't having the desired effect. Harry would bark and growl at him in the street, laughing gleefully when he managed to startle Carlos.

Meanwhile, with Jay, Mal, and Evie, the nickname "pup" emerged as a soft, teasing reminder of the first impression he'd made on them as kids. Much to his exasperation, he's simply stuck with the nickname.

6. One way in which I relate to this character

Look at him, he's got anxiety. No, but seriously, that's definitely a big thing for me. The way his anxiety makes people underestimate him, both in canon and fanon, because it's easy to see just a scared little boy where, in fact, there are so many sharp edges, so much steel in him that's helped him survive.

I relate to that a lot, because IRL I find most people make the mistake of assuming anxiety is my personality ("omg you're so shy uwu," "you should talk more," "smile for me"), and well, they're wrong, but I didn't always realize that. I see something similar with Carlos on the Isle, in that he grows up being told that he's weak for so long, he internalizes that as a truth about himself when, in actuality, if he was weak? He'd have never survived. Not the Isle, not his mother, not his entire life.

7. Thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

chocolate-all-over-his-face.jpg jkdlajlkgsjlkg

Like, it warms my heart how excited he is about chocolate, but also I kind of want to be a mom for just TWO SECONDS and wipe his face before he gets out of the limo looking a mess like that jdkasljkgdlsjk

8. Cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

You know, he can be a cinnamon roll, but it would be a mistake to see that as the extent of his character. I'd say more than half the time it's just an act to get what he wants, which is valid of him. Jay and Evie flirt, Mal intimidates, and Carlos? He gives the puppy eyes so you don't notice the knife slip out from his sleeve before it's too late.

One of my favourite things about him is that he could have gone the route of problematic fave. He's capable of it. He just... chooses to be better than that, like in this scene from Return to the Isle of the Lost (Book 2), which is one of my favourite scenes in the whole franchise:

Cruella cackled with glee. “Go ahead, then, use it on me. Destroy me. With that ring you can obliterate me forever. Tell me to throw myself off this roof and I’ll do it. Isn’t that what you want? Isn’t that what you have always wanted?”

Carlos felt the ring throb in his hands. He could destroy his mother, rid the world of another villain, and stop having nightmares once and for all.

“Do it!” Cruella cackled. “Do it, boy!”

He raised his hand, pointing the ring right at her. Then he dropped his arm down with a sigh. “No, I can’t. I’m better than that,” Carlos said, turning on his heel and heading for the elevator. I’m better than you, Mother. No matter what you’ve always told me.

That's my baby and I'm proud.

Character Headcanons

[sserpente]

So um I saw this twitter post on how the main reason the loki series was created in the first place was to make loki the first main character in the mcu to be bi, is this true? I mean I thought the reason it was created was because marvel wanted to continue on where loki went after he escaped in endgame. I know I shouldn't just belive everything I read on the Internet that's why I'm asking you about this. I kinda belive it for a second cuz ever since ep 3 of loki came out, Kate herron has been kinda pushing the fact that loki is bi in everybody's throats in a twitter post of hers and I quote "it was very important to me, and my goal, to acknowledge loki was bisexual." So yeah, I just need a second opinion on this cuz lately marvel has been kinda woke if you know what I mean if you know about the whole controversies on their new comics. I really don't want any of this to be real. I'm really looking forward to your response.

*blinks* Okay, first of all, I'm flattered you want my opinion on this because I didn't even work on the show and I am, in fact, just another Loki girl on the Internet, haha! Okay, so here me out:

The main reason? I really doubt that! The reason we got a Loki show is because Tom Hiddleston has been stealing the show for years. In fact, I strongly believe that it is OUR passion for this character and HIS incredible talent and commitment that Marvel went ahead with his own series. If Tom's Loki wasn't this popular, I'm pretty sure he would have stayed dead after TDW. So don't worry about that. ♥

As far as I'm concerned, Kate is bisexual herself. She loves Loki as a character, so her passion for this is understandable. I support the LGBTQ+ community with all my heart, so I too cheered when Loki cheekily went "A bit of both". They worked this lovely aspect of his character into the show and given that it's always been there both in the comics and in the myths, it was only a matter of time in the show, I guess. After all, they didn't really have the time to focus on that in the Thor films.

But, and this is very important now: Loki being bisexual doesn't define him. It's a meaningful aspect of him (an aspect that resonates with many fans which is great), part of who he is, sure--but it doesn't define him as a fictional character. He is Loki, the God of Mischief, not Loki, the MCU character who is a bisexual. A friend of mine is a lesbian but if I pointed this out to her every time we met or only referred to her as such, she would go mad. And she certainly wouldn’t keep talking about her being a lesbian every time we met either. It doesn’t define her. It’s part of who she is but it doesn’t define her entire being, let alone reduces her to that. Just... let people love whoever they want, you know?

In other words, I remember there being a few discussions on whether the show should include Loki’s sexuality or even love interests before it came out and I understood that worry to some extent simply because Loki has a lot on his plate right now. Think about it:

The last thing that happened to him was him finding out that he is a Frost Giant, why Odin favoured Thor all these years and that his entire life is a lie, him starting a desperate attempt to gain his adoptive father’s recognition, failing, trying to commit suicide, ending up with Thanos instead, getting tortured and being forced to invade New York City, failing again (presumably even intentionally) and now being about to be brought back to Asgard expecting Odin to execute him (which is not far-fetched—Odin said ‘Frigga is the only reason you’re still alive and you will never see her again’ in TDW so I’m sure Loki was almost certain to be executed by Odin). So when the Tesseract landed at his feet, he saw his chance so he took it and escaped and now the TVA is telling him that he shouldn't exist and forces him to work for them, else he will be disintegrated and he learns that he can't return to his own timeline, has no home. He is struggling with his identity and finding his place in the world, figuring out who he is and what he wants. Now imagine making all that only about his sexuality and gender identity and disregarding everything else or shoving it in the background. Doesn't make sense, right? Loki must learn to love himself first before anyone else, regardless of their gender identity, can love him. If he ever gets love interests in the future, I'm pretty sure it'll be a process full of angst and hurt. I don't know anything about those alleged controversies concerning the new comics though, so I wouldn't be able to comment on that.

A lot of people are staining society with their negativity and try to find negative aspects everywhere which is why I never interact with such posts on here or elsewhere, it’s not worth my energy. It starts with bisexuals who happen to end up in a relationship with the opposite gender and are being judged for it even within their own community and as of right now it continues where some individuals on the Internet insist that we all must now use "they/them" pronouns for Loki when even in the show, they use "he/him" pronouns for him and "she/her" pronouns for Sylvie--not every non-binary/genderfluid person exclusively uses “they/them” pronouns.

Most importantly, I really doubt that every future episode now will keep reminding the audience that Loki is bisexual. You’re probably not familiar with her but Alex, the winner of this year’s season of Germany’s Next Topmodel is transgender--and, at some point in the season, when she was asked by an interviewer about what she thinks about a transgender model winning Germany’s Next Topmodel, she said in her opinion, simply a woman would win Germany’s Next Topmodel because that is what she is, meaning that society should stop pointing out how “different” the LGBTQ+ community is by constantly pointing it out but instead to finally start acknowleding it as normal. She told her story once and that’s it--she wants to be considered a female model, not a transgender model. Being transgender is a part of her but it doesn’t define her entire being.

Puuh, now that was a very long answer. Please, anyone, feel free to add things, I’m happy to learn more about what you guys, especially if you’re in the community, think about it. ♥

[mormonmonastery]

(Venting anon. TW for mentions of homophobic violence as well) I just… I haven’t been active for more than a couple weeks at a time for four years now, and I wasn’t expecting to be hit this hard. But it really hurts! The gun imagery hurts when last weekend a lesbian couple were shot and killed in Moab! For the first time in ages today I walked around in public feeling like someone was going to see the gay on me and shout me down for it. The more things like this happen, the more I want to just sever myself from the whole thing. I don’t observe any of the rules anymore, and I have no clue what I think about God, aside from feeling like His chosen left me behind. But I don’t quite have the nerve to properly get my name removed. Plus new roommates moved in for the new school year and I have no idea how they’ll be about me being gay, so I’ve been avoiding being home all day because I keep tearing up over it and AHHH 😭

I feel a deep sympathy for how you're feeling, despite not really being able to imagine just how awful it feels to be attacked like this. I'm sorry that you're stuck feeling this stress and that one man's cruel and irresponsible language still impacts you even after you've taken some steps back from the church for your own comfort, health, and safety. That's really the important response. All that follows are reactions that your message sparked in me and which you can take and leave as you see fit.

I'm hoping that, because it was an address only delivered to BYU faculty instead of something like a conference talk or a devotional, that this will end up being a relatively small ripple in the discourse pond for most average Mormons; that at most they'll hear a few rumblings about it before moving on and that we won't see it pointed to as a justification for more hate or violence. I don't know how well that hope is placed. And even if its harm is confined to BYU...that's still a large population of people placed at greater risk. Even what you tell me already about feeling less safe just existing in public is enough to damn anyone who prompted that fear while claiming to speak in the name of God.

I believe what the New Testament writer said when they wrote that God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7). Because of that, I don't think anyone who use their power to create fear is speaking with any of God's spirit in them for as long as they persist in fearmongering and the perpetuation of hatreds. I believe that if there is a time when Elder Holland stands before Christ at the judgement day, he'll have to understand and accept responsibility for the exact fear his words caused you to feel and for the miscarriage of his stewardship in saying them. I don't usually like so baldly saying that God will prove someone else wrong; it's a card that's usually best left unplayed and I think it a mean thing to make God into your cudgel. But, frankly, I would not want anything to do with a God who would not outright condemn this kind of speech, who would stoop to the small and petty level that endorsing it would mean. I choose not to believe in any God like that because they have no continuity with the God I have encountered; if such a cruel God somehow turns out to exist, I would rather walk backwards into hell.

It strikes me as grievously irresponsible to reprise Neal Maxwell's whole "musket and trowel" metaphor to compare continuing to persecute LGBT+ people with a historic instance of Mormon persecution, particularly when DezNat is a thing that exists. I honestly don't know how intentional that was, but I also think that if Holland was intending to wink at DezNat he couldn't have found a quote that would be better at achieving that if he tried. I'm sick and weary of even metaphorical violence and I long for the prince of peace. I don't know anything about the couple shot in Moab, but it does indicate the preponderance of violence in our society and the persistence of violence against queer people specifically—which makes telling people to aim their metaphorical muskets at anyone a rhetorical flourish that is distasteful at best and even worse in this context.

I agree with the Latin American liberation theologians that, while God loves all of their children unconditionally, they have a "preferential option" for the poor (literally and in spirit) and the marginalized. I believe you're God's chosen at least as much, and quite arguably more than, any church leader, so long as you wish to claim God's preference or believe a God exists in that way.

It is sad to feel left behind by church leaders but, at least for me, the larger sensation is this sadness from the other direction. It's sad to realize that a man like Jeffrey Holland, who I have received inspiration and comfort from hearing in the past and who I feel like God has been able to use as a messenger for me at times—it's simply sad to see him refuse to move past an attitude and set of beliefs that I can see as so clearly unchristlike and to mistake them for a unique and essential aspect of Christ's gospel. I want to have charity for my brothers and sisters who I see as being stuck there but it's hard—I feel overwhelmingly sad and frustrated and impatient and remorseful about them and it is hard to alchemize those feelings into charity. It's sad for me to feel like, if I'm to continue to grow spiritually and ethically, I might very well have to leave behind this person whose words have at times been an aid to my own spiritual growth. I think that's why my reaction and the reaction of others has been to feel a little more hurt and a little more betrayed than whenever the general authorities who are more frequent purveyors of homophobia deliver this kind of talk—they rarely gave up that kind of talk long enough to inspire me. Of course I knew or intuited on an intellectual level that Holland wasn't significantly better or more enlightened on these issues, but it feels different to see it displayed publicly like this. And it's sad to me to see people I like and respected on the other side what seems to be an ever-widening and impassable gulf in how we understand who the God that has revealed themselves to us is and what their character is like. I cannot believe that God could bring about or observe a situation in which two people were capable of sincere, consensual, and committed love for each other and then condemn them for living in that love and promise to erase their capacity for that love in the resurrection. Apparently, Jeffery Holland can believe that and believe it quite strongly. It's sad for me to realize that about him and about so many other people in the church like him.

[kuronokiseki]

A Few Years Had Passed, the BL Genre has Changed Alot... Yet I Still Love Romantica

But seriously, if you love something, is it necessary to have a reason? xD Can't I love something merely because I want to? Like, you don't need to have a reason to like fried chicken amirite?

Ahem. Anyway. Long post ahead.

First of all, it's merely because of a certain shot.

After seeing this for the first time, I was like "This is going to be one of my faves for sure. I'll enjoy every seconds of it. I believe this is a story that I will never forget. I'll constantly look forward to knowing the two and their story more and more."

Proud to say, this still rings true even now!

I have already listed the reasons why I love them so much, so I won't do it again in this post. But for this time, I'll explain why I still love them even after several years, even after I've transitioned from a teen to an adult which would affect my tastes over time, even after I've seen more BL works... even after knowing that there are things that other BLs managed to pull off better.

Flashbacks to the 2000s which I assume was the golden age of this series, where it was the only "watchable" BL anime back then and Sakurai Takahiro did a phenomenal job in portraying Misaki. Almost all of the fujos in internet would at least have heard of this series, and naturally it was massively beloved that 90% of the fujos would hold it as the no. 1 in their top BL list. However, since it is popular, of course there will be a fraction of people who strongly hate it because of a certain scene. Hence, citing it as the epitome of toxic BL lmao.

But of course, things will constantly change as time passed, just like how it's growing evident that BL is only consumed by cishet women is a huge myth, as queer men themselves have started to voice their love towards the genre as well. And it is also possible for ppl who aren't interested in men to enjoy BL, such as the straight guys, lesbians, and asexuals.

Likewise, BL itself is also evolving - newer ones are more aware about the idea of consent although some may still clueless of how healthy relationships work (relationship is more than just sex!). While this may sound subjective, technically there are more and more quality BL works to consume nowadays. In case you are bored with the slice-of-life BL, there is a plethora of fantasy and horror BL out there to choose, moreso when you're aware of webnovel sites like Syosetu. Isekai BL? They're out there.

And it isn't just from Japan, China and Korea are also capable of producing good BL as well. Even BL is getting praised for the more genuine M/M representation compared to how it's generally done in the West (coughcough performative diversity coughcough).

And it doesn't stop there. The series doesn't even need to have a BL label, the MC can still be gay, and the gay romance can still happen despite the plot not centering around that.

There should be no reason to think that it isn't possible for two men to fall for each other nowadays, the teases shouldn't amount to nothing, which alot of non-BLs were guilty of back then. Well, I'm talking abt series that would tease two male characters together but the creators will allow them to be anything but gay for each other. The only time you'd see them as canon gay is in doujins or fanfics.

Hence, you'd only get canon gay couples from series that have been labelled as BL. Luckily, it's no longer a reasonable thing to do in 2021 onwards.

So, thanks to this new golden era of BL or LGBTQA+ representation, since there are so many quality works to indulge yourself, the Junjou Romantica series is getting outdated. I believe alot of the new generation haven't even heard of it ahahaha. When compared to other BL, I'll admit that Junjou won't even fit to be the best or the worst. I'm not saying that Junjou is bad, but it's simply because there are so many BL works now compared to in 2000s. To the point I bet they would discover Junjou because of sheer luck.

Now, I'll get to the point. Why I still love Romantica through these years? Well, just because there are more and newer BLs, doesn't necessarily mean that it is better. While it's true that there are stuff that other BLs do better such as the plot, the characters, and the art, there's something that Romantica does better than others too, in my opinion. That is, Misaki and Akihiko's dynamic.

I love how Misaki and Akihiko are characters of their own whilst loving each other very much. In many BLs I've seen, the dynamic doesn't feel equal, where the MC is generally too busy to think about the ML most of the time (to those who are unfamiliar, it's referring to the main love interest), whereas the ML serves no other purpose to the story other than being the MC's love interest. In comparison, as the MC, Misaki's POV is always 90% USAGI-SAN USAGI-SAN USAGI-SAN in every chapter although he faces different problems every single time. As for Akihiko, yea he loves Misaki so much but his character arc isn't limited to that. As outdated as the series would be, this aspect of their relationship, will always be timeless to me.

I've grown to love them so much, that I'll get happy from merely seeing them. Yea I do understand that others will get disappointed of the slow and repetitive plot, the bad art, not to mention after waiting for months for the update, spending money to get it... but all I think when looking at new acts is "OMG it's my babies I miss them so much T-T".

So yea, that's it. I don't ask much, I just want to see Misaki and Akihiko, and nothing more.

[moiraineswife]

Jasnah - The Facade Meta

Today we’re going to discuss the stormlight of my life, your life, your cat’s life: Jasnah Kholin. Topics of discussion include (but will likely not be limited to): the face she wears, the effect her childhood and what we know if it has had on her, madness, her mother, her perceived invincibility, and whatever else strikes me as relevant in the midst of this chaotic clusterfuck of yelling tarted up as character analysis. 

Now. To business:

Let us begin at the beginning (of what we know) and talk about Jasnah’s childhood illness, and what this has done to her in terms of her relationship with her mother, her outlook on life, and her perception of, well, perception…

“It’s your daughter,” Dalinar guessed. “Her lunacy.”

“Jasnah is fine, and recovering. It’s not that.”  (OB, 49, Born Unto Light)

Peppered through Dalinar’s flashbacks in Oathbringer are small hints at the dark side of Jasnah’s childhood. We’ve had hints before that Jasnah’s life has not always been...entirely typical for a princess.

Her existence as a radiant was a hint itself, as it's implied most of them are ‘broken’ in some way.

The others are more obvious: Kaladin’s depression, Shallan’s PTSD, anxiety, and DID, Dalinar’s repressed memories, and alcoholism etc,etc.

With Jasnah, you know it has to be there, but it’s harder to see. To use Shallan’s metaphor, she’s like a cracked vase, but the cracked side has been turned to the wall, so the outside world sees only smooth perfection.

This flashback comment is the most obvious indication at what caused Jasnah to break. A fairly shocking one for a reader as 'Jasnah' and 'lunacy' seem to match as well as chasmfiends and tea parties.

It also provides some rather awful context for this segment a few chapters earlier:

“Something stirred deep within her. Glimmers of memory from a dark room, screaming her voice ragged. A childhood illness nobody else seemed to remember, for all it had done to her.

“It had taught her that people she loved could still hurt her.”   (O, 47, So Much Is Lost)

We know, given Shallan’s research into Taln at the behest of the Ghostbloods, that the current treatment for madness involves confining the person in darkness.

It seems like far too much of a coincidence that Jasnah, diagnosed with lunacy, would have memories of screaming herself hoarse in a dark room that could somehow be unconnected to this.

Based on my shoddy maths, she was around 11 or 12 at this point, which is marked by many, especially Navani, as a turning point in her life. There was a profound change in how she acted with those around her following this.

“She wouldn’t let me be a mother to her, Dalinar,” Navani said, staring into the distance. “Do you know that? It was almost like . . . like once Jasnah climbed into adolescence, she no longer needed a mother. I would try to get close to her, and there was this coldness, like even being near me reminded her that she had once been a child. What happened to my little girl, so full of questions?” (WoR, 67, Spit and Bile)

It seems like too much of a coincidence, again, to assume that Jasnah’s childhood illness and her confinement had nothing to do with her reluctance to allow Navani to mother her any more.

Jasnah herself reflects that her imprisonment, for lack of a better word, taught her that people she loved could still hurt her. It seems very likely that this refers to Navani and Gavilar, as they would have allowed this treatment to continue. It’s also likely the reason for the change in their relationship afterwards.

Navani's presence didn't remind her she had been a child; it reminded her of what had been done to her.

Navani’s little girl was branded insane and locked away in a dark room with her parents' consent. This removed her ability to trust in Navani to mother and protect her. She kept her distance, she kept herself aloof and removed from everyone, and that’s something that hasn’t changed over twenty years later.

She takes no wards, an expected thing for a woman of her rank. She's unmarried, well past the age she should be. She has no friends, the closest she has are both "pen pals" she communicates with via spanreed.

Jasnah, of all the characters in Stormlight, is the one least emotionally connected. She clearly loves her family, and is devoted to them...But again it's from a distance.

She works in the shadows with assassins to protect them. She studies the end of the world a world away from everyone she loves.

When we see her in Kharbranth for the first time with Shallan, she’s alone.

The servants she uses seem to belong to the Palaneum. She travels alone, she researches and works and bears her burdens alone.

The sole exception is Ivory and she doesn't really have a choice with him BUT to have him with her.

I am NOT suggesting that Jasnah doesn’t actually care about her family/Shallan - we see repeatedly that she absolutely does.

Poignantly, the first thing Renarin’s visions predict that turns out to be false is the lack of love that Jasnah has - they claim she will choose logic and kill her cousin, but she chooses to save him instead.

It’s clear that Jasnah cares very deeply...but she also deliberately distances herself, both physically and emotionally, from other people.

(continued below)

Jasnah is so independent that it’s almost a flaw. She’s an interesting opposite to Kaladin, in this regard.

Kaladin defines himself so much by those around him, his family, his men, those under his care and protection, that that almost becomes a flaw in him. He destroys himself to protect them, and every failure wrecks him.

Jasnah keeps everyone away. She operates alone, in secret, and she clearly struggles to let people get close to her.

The reasons for this are twofold, I feel.

The first one is assassins: Jasnah has been ‘killed’ by one such assassination attempt, has survived another, who made multiple attempts on her life in the form of Kabsal, and has almost certainly experienced more beyond that.

Her casual expectation that Kabsal is trying to use Shallan to get close to her, likely, though she doesn’t say it, to kill her - which turns out to be true.

She knows firsthand how easy it is for someone with enough money and influence to place spies and assassins into a setting- she does it herself all the time. And it resulted in the death of her father.

In a lot of ways, she’s as paranoid about assassination as Elhokar is - she just expresses it in a far more subtle/rational way. Where Elhokar rants and panics, Jasnah blocks up air vents and rejects rooms in the 90000 foot, lost for centuries, tower with balconies because they're a security flaw.

The second reason for her emotional isolation, I believe, is what caused her initial withdrawal from Navani.

Being believed mad, locked in a dark room, screaming for help and being ignored, and knowing that your parents, the people whom you went to with questions and looked to for safety and protection are at least partially responsible, all at the age of eleven is...fairly damaging.

Jasnah hides the effects of her trauma far better than Kaladin or Shallan. This is probably partially because she’s older and has been dealing with it for longer.

By this point, her trauma reactions (which went, by her own admission, unaddressed by her family after what happened, which is traumatising in itself), have melded in with her personality/are brushed off as simply Jasnah being Jasnah.  

“I know what people say of me. I should hope that I am not as harsh as some say, though a woman could have far worse than a reputation for sternness. It can serve one well.”  (TWoK, 8, Nearer the Flame).

As a matter of fact, we know full well that Jasnah ISN’T as harsh or stern as she’s claimed to be. Shallan repeatedly affirms to Kabsal, and to a reader, that Jasnah is not what she expected - a stern, harsh mistress. She also notes that Jasnah believes herself to be one - likely due to everyone else perceiving her that way.

I think the perception of Jasnah is one that she’s cultivated deliberately - a stern, aloof, even harsh person. Not one anyone would want to be close to. Also not someone anyone would associate with weakness, or needing to be cared for or protected.

More than assassins, I think Jasnah fears people who love her with good intentions, and the ability to assert those good intentions upon her, because it's "for her own good".

When she was a child it led to her imprisonment, something which still triggers traumatic flashbacks over ten years later. She fears having people she loves hurt her. And so she keeps them away, and cultivates for herself a presence that doesn’t need to be cared for, that almost doesn’t need or want to be loved, so that can never happen again.

She rejects, most notably and strongly, her mother, and any implication of a husband. This has led to speculation about her sexuality - maybe she’s gay - though it seems fairly acceptable in Alethkar for a person to be gay (they don’t even have to fill out social reassignment forms!). I

It might be more frowned upon in noble society, due to the expectation of forming political marriages, and while I don’t necessarily doubt it (give me queer Jasnah, Brandon, I beg of you, I’m a starving lesbian and I need this) the only commentary we have from Jasnah on the subject sems to suggest a different, sadder, motive:

Jasnah relaxed visibly. “Yes, well, it did seem a workable solution. I had wondered, however, if you’d be offended.”

“Why on the winds would I be offended?”

“Because of the restriction of freedom implicit in a marriage,” Jasnah said. “And if not that, because the offer was made without consulting you.

[...]

“It doesn’t bother you at all?” Jasnah said. “The idea of being beholden to another, particularly a man?”

“It’s not like I’m being sold into slavery,” Shallan said with a laugh.

“No. I suppose not.” Jasnah shook herself, her poise returning.

(WoR, 1, Santhid).

This is the only time, after an entire book of content in which Jasnah, amongst other things: Soulcasts three men into oblivion, is almost assassinated repeatedly, is betrayed by the first person she’s taken in and trusted in a long time, and is researching the literal end of the world, that Shallan notes Jasnah looking nervous/uncomfortable in discussing anything.

And it’s about marriage.

Jasnah views marriage as being a ‘restriction of freedom’ and finds it distasteful because it encompasses the idea ‘of being beholden to another’.

Anything that even implicitly binds her to another or puts them in her power is something she wants nothing to do with. And, legally, if she were ever to be accused of lunacy again, the two people most likely to have the authority to make a decision on her treatment/send her back to the ardents would be either a parent, or a husband.

The first she’s distanced herself from in pretty much every way since the first event, and the second she’s refused to entertain for years, to the point that high society whispers that she must be gay.

I also think she's uncomfortable because she sees what she did here - setting up a betrothal, which she views as a restriction of freedom - for Shallan, without consulting her, as the same thing that was done to her as a child.

A restriction of freedom for Shallan’s own good. The same justification that was used to imprison her. It's obviously not the same, but Jasnah views marriage as a kind of imprisonment. So in her mind it is.

Jasnah also has huge trust issues. She just covers them with what appears to be personality traits - of being independent, and aloof - but that’s largely just a cover for her own insecurities, and her fear of ever having her freedoms restricted again.

This idea also gives a little bit more of a twist (or dramatic gut punch, thanks Brandon), to her advice to Shallan about perception and power:

“Power is an illusion of perception.”

Shallan frowned.

“Don’t mistake me,” Jasnah continued. “Some kinds of power are real—power to command armies, power to Soulcast. These come into play far less often than you would think. On an individual basis, in most interactions, this thing we call power—authority—exists only as it is perceived.

“You say I have wealth. This is true, but you have also seen that I do not often use it. You say I have authority as the sister of a king. I do. And yet, the men of this ship would treat me exactly the same way if I were a beggar who had convinced them I was the sister to a king. In that case, my authority is not a real thing. It is mere vapors—an illusion. I can create that illusion for them, as can you.”  (WoR, 1, Santhid)

Jasnah is talking here with Shallan about being more confident, assertive, and being able to have people do what you want (Something Navani later notes Jasnah is very good at doing).

But I think Jasnah uses this same idea - the power of perception, as a defence mechanism against her trauma, a way to protect herself.

We dismiss her isolation as aloofness. We dismiss her lack of emotional reaction as a cornerstone of the "strong female character" trope. But I think it's deeper than that. Because Jasnah isn't ACTUALLY like that deep down. It's a perception she works very hard to achieve.

Jasnah uses logic in a similar way to how Shallan uses art and drawing, or how Kaladin uses training with the spear. It’s a distraction, a grounding technique, something she can calm herself with. It’s an anchor and a crutch all at the same time.

Jasnah is logical to a fault, to the point that it makes others see her as a monster lacking empathy. I don’t think, at any point in the last few books, we’ve seen Jasnah genuinely distressed/angry/displaying emotion to the point she’d be considered out of control.

Almost all the other POV characters have had moments of weakness/breakdowns/extremely poignant emotional displays. But not Jasnah. All we ever see from Jasnah is the controlled, cultivated perception that she wants us to see. Something which I think is rooted in her trauma.

Logic is the antithesis of lunacy. Rational thought is the direct counter to madness. If the whole world sees Jasnah as logical, utterly in control of herself, if that is the perception she has everyone believe at all times then she can’t be accused of madness again.

Madness, at least in Jasnah’s mind, is an outburst of excessive, uncontrolled emotion. It is the opposite of logic. It’s acting impulsively, without thought, based purely on emotions. Ivory supports this idea:

“Ivory, you think all humans are unstable.”

“Not you,” he said, lifting his chin. “You are like a spren. You think by facts. You change not on simple whims. You are as you are.”

She gave him a flat stare.

“Mostly,” he added. “Mostly. But it is, Jasnah. Compared to other humans, you are practically a stone!” (O, 39, Notes)

Even Ivory, who has been closer to Jasnah in recent years than anyone we know of in the series so far, characterises her this way.

She rejects this idea, telling Ivory that:

 “You call me logical,” Jasnah whispered. “It’s untrue, as I let my passions rule me as much as many.”  (O, 39, Notes)  I think this is true, she does let her passions rule her, but she doesn’t let anyone, even Ivory, see that from her.

That's deliberate. She deliberately makes herself out to be this logic-driven robot, with no feeling or passion.

To the world, Jasnah Kholin is the consummate scholar, the eternally logical thinker, untouched by empathy or feeling. This is how she wants them to think of her.

We know that it’s not true. We know that Jasnah is driven by emotions - her guilt at feeling like she failed Gavilar, her fear for what’s coming for the world, her love for her family, her true passion for scholarship and knowledge.

This is particularly notable when set against a character who exemplifies the opposite in so many ways: Kaladin.

“Yes. The answer is obvious. We need to find the Heralds.”

Kaladin nodded in agreement.

“Then,” Jasnah added, “we need to kill them.”

“What?” Kaladin demanded. “Woman, are you insane?”

“The Stormfather laid it out,” Jasnah said, unperturbed. “The Heralds made a pact. When they died, their souls traveled to Damnation and trapped the spirits of the Voidbringers, preventing them from returning.”

“Yeah. Then the Heralds were tortured until they broke.”

“The Stormfather said their pact was weakened, but did not say it was destroyed,” Jasnah said. “I suggest that we at least see if one of them is willing to return to Damnation. Perhaps they can still prevent the spirits of the enemy from being reborn. It’s either that, or we completely exterminate the parshmen so that the enemy has no hosts.” She met Kaladin’s eyes. “In the face of such an atrocity, I would consider the sacrifice of one or more Heralds to be a small price.”

“Storms!” Kaladin said, standing up straight. “Have you no sympathy?”

“I have plenty, bridgeman. Fortunately, I temper it with logic.”  (O, 39, Notes)

Ah, the old ‘punt the Heralds back to Damnation to buy us time’ argument. Lovely.

Jasnah and Kaladin are at two different ends of the sympathy-logic spectrum and it was kind of inevitable they’d clash. But I think it makes Jasnah’s assertions more...Stark and shocking, when she pitches them to Kaladin.

What she suggests IS logical. And it’s actually the same sort of logic that led the Heralds themselves to abandon Taln to Damnation in the first place: “better that one man should suffer than ten.”

It’s a cold, harsh, brutal logic, and it’s very typical of how Jasnah likes to present herself when she’s speaking to others.

The killing of the footpads in Kharbranth is another prime example - it’s all cold, dissected logic when she reasons through it with Shallan afterwards. (Though I imagine if we saw Jasnah’s POV of it in the moment, it would be very different than what she presents).

Because what I find most interesting about the Heralds argument is that we get Jasnah, just Jasnah, away from anyone who has to view her performance of perception, reflecting on the situation. And her internal thoughts/her private reactions are very different from those she displays in public.

“These words trouble you,” he said, stepping up to her again and resting his jet-black fingers on the paper. “Why? You have read many troubling things.”

[...]

Something stirred deep within her. Glimmers of memory from a dark room, screaming her voice ragged. A childhood illness nobody else seemed to remember, for all it had done to her.

It had taught her that people she loved could still hurt her.

“Have you ever wondered how it would feel to lose your sanity, Ivory?”

Ivory nodded. “I have wondered this. How could I not? Considering what the ancient fathers are.”

“You call me logical,” Jasnah whispered. “It’s untrue, as I let my passions rule me as much as many. In my times of peace, however, my mind has always been the one thing I could rely upon.”

Except once.

She shook her head, picking up the paper again. “I fear losing that, Ivory. It terrifies me. How would it have felt, to be these Heralds? To suffer your mind slowly becoming untrustworthy? Are they too far gone to know? Or are there lucid moments, where they strain and sort through memories … trying frantically to decide which are reliable and which are fabrications…”

She shivered.  (O, 39, Notes).

In an ironic (fuck you Brandon) twist: I think Jasnah knows EXACTLY what she’s suggesting they do to the Heralds. She’s also probably the person in that room who has the most experience with/has contemplated most what they would be condemning them to, and who therefore empathises with them the most.

It’s STRONGLY implied in this passage that Jasnah has experienced some sort of hallucinations in the past. Possibly this is connected to some kind of neurodivergence. I think this more likely than the alternative - that she was seeing into Shadesmar, because I believe that her imprisonment was what caused her to ‘break’ and enabled her to form her spren bond in the first place. But it’s possible. 

Regardless of what’s happened in the past, now, Jasnah’s mind is her sanctuary. If she only ever knows one thing it’s her own mind. She’s a rationalist. She puts her faith in things that she can know intuitively, via logic, like maths - things that exist independently of god, that cannot be doubted. Their truth is tied to their very existence. All that's required to know it is to know her own mind and reason. Losing that is quite literally the worst thing she can think of.

And honestly? Taln’s story probably really fucks with her. Because what he went through is what she went through, too, as a child.

Taln was dismissed as a madman, because no one believed what he said, even though it was true. Truth doesn’t matter; not when it comes to being perceived mad. Nor does being right. Taln was telling the truth. Taln was right. Taln was a goddamn Herald. And they still decided he was mad and locked him away in a dark room, alone, the same way they did to her.

Jasnah knows what that feels like. Jasnah empathises with Taln and the other Heralds more than probably anyone else. But she speaks of condemning these people to that fate, to the greatest hell she can think of, calmly, and rationally. But that’s absolutely not what she really feels/thinks. There is...Such a stark difference, when you really sit and think about it, in the Jasnah that she lets everyone see, and the Jasnah that exists only behind closed doors.

She could see Jasnah’s face, hand against her temple, staring at the pages spread before her. Jasnah’s eyes were haunted, her expression haggard.

This was not the Jasnah that Shallan was accustomed to seeing. The confidence had been overwhelmed by exhaustion, the poise replaced by worry. Jasnah started to write something, but stopped after just a few words. She set down the pen, closing her eyes and massaging her temples. A few dizzy-looking spren, like jets of dust rising into the air, appeared around Jasnah’s head. Exhaustionspren.

Shallan pulled back, suddenly feeling as if she’d intruded upon an intimate moment. Jasnah with her defenses down. (WoR, 6, Terrible Destruction).

The text itself characterises Jasnah’s mask as a defence. A defence against being known, a defence against being seen as anything other than perfectly logical. Having this mask so firmly and so constantly in place is a lot of work. It’s almost a compulsion for her at this point - the refusal to let anyone else in, the strict adherence to logic, regardless of her own feelings or how it makes others see her. Better to be emotionless and in control, utterly, unquestionably sane and rational, than to ever go back to being considered mad.

This, ironically, isn't rational behaviour. It's a trauma response. I'm stating this, the idea that being emotionless/always rational prevents anyone viewing her as insane again (though, again ironically, this is exactly what Kaladin accuses her of being (OUCH)). But I think these are facts in Jasnah's mind? It's her coping mechanism. It's a really bad one. But that's what it is.

As an interesting side note - I think the only time we ever see Jasnah draw emotion spren is when she’s on her own (or assumes she’s on her own, as in this passage, or too exhausted to keep them away entirely - like the single fearspren she draws later in this chapter).

This feels notable because every other character who features in the books, even minor side characters, draws emotion spren of one sort or another at some point in the text.

Jasnah, for all that she’s on screen, draws very little. This may be a function of her ability to tap into Shadesmar, to keep them away, remove any trace of emotion spren from spawning around her. That or she just has such a tight hold on her emotions that she doesn’t draw them.

Either way, I think it’s (another) sign that her behaviour isn’t entirely natural. Spren are everywhere on Roshar, you draw them when you feel a powerful emotion - that’s a natural day-to-day occurrence there.

Unless you’re Jasnah.

Maybe that’s straying a little too far into the realms of what’s reasonable, but I do still think that Jasnah’s output, especially when it contrasts, often very strongly, with her internal feelings, is a coping mechanism/a response to the trauma she endured as a child.

Madness is a fairly strong theme in Stormlight, a few of the characters discuss it/experience it. Syl asks Kaladin fairly directly what it is:

“What is madness?” she asked, sitting with one leg up against her chest, vaporous skirt flickering around her calves and vanishing into mist.

“It’s when men don’t think right,” Kaladin said, glad for the conversation to distract him.

“Men never seem to think right.”

“Madness is worse than normal,” Kaladin said with a smile. “It really just depends on the people around you. How different are you from them? The person that stands out is mad, I guess.” *(TWOK) 

Dalinar’s TWOK arc deals very strongly with madness and the ability to trust your own mind. Taln is, as has been noted, locked away for being mad. Several of the Heralds and the Fused are described as mad after what they've been put through. It's something I expect to be explored further as the series progresses.

Jasnah, I think, is the character who tries so hard never to seem that way. Never to be unhinged, or unbalanced, or affected by what's happened to her. But of course we know that she is.

I think, though, that it’s easy to write off Jasnah's trauma. The other characters all have flaws that are very obvious/things that make them obviously ‘broken’ in terms of their spren bond and the oaths they need to speak.

Kaladin suffers from depression, and from crippling guilt, and taking on too much responsibility. But also with his anger, and his hatred towards those who have wronged him, and how that can push him to blame them/avoid responsibility for what’s happened to him. Basically, his inability to let go or move forwards.

Shallan has the opposite problem, and an inability to look back/face the past. She repressed memories of trauma, and wove lies over them to protect herself, which she had to overcome to progress.

Dalinar had his alcoholism, and prior to that, his ‘addiction’ (which I think is absolutely how it’s written/the parallels are pretty obvious) to The Thrill. He had to accept responsibility, and guilt, and grief, and pain. He had to acknowledge that he had been a bad person, who was not worthy of Evi, but also that he’s capable of change, and improving himself, and becoming a better man.

Their trauma responses are loud, and obvious, and messy. They're aware of them, a reader is aware of them, the other characters are aware of them. "They stand out" if you like.

Jasnah does everything she can to ensure the effects of her trauma never stand out. To the point that other characters fairly consistently characterise Jasnah as perfect/an ideal woman.

I’m NOT saying that the text ACTUALLY presents Jasnah as being perfect/without any flaws (that’s...that’s kinda the point of this entire meta) but the characters gloss over these things/her flaws are perceived as good things?

She’s seen as so aloof, so unflappable, so commanding, and in control. She’s highly intelligent, she’s beautiful, she’s a cunning tactician and politician. Shallan claims that she’s almost always right, which Renarin backs up. Dalinar trusts and respects her, and wants her back at the war camps to aid them. She’s a highly revered scholar, respected, and brilliant. She is, in a way, almost beyond human, let alone being flawed or broken like the rest of them.

Jasnah grimaced at the thought. Shallan was always surprised to see visible emotion from her. Emotion was something relatable, something human—and Shallan’s mental image of Jasnah Kholin was of someone almost divine. (WoR, 1, Santhid).

Shallan reflects that seeing her as divine is a weird way to consider a heretic, and we’re kind of led along into that thread. But it’s also very...Othering?

It’s a “positive” kind of othering: she’s divine/superhuman, that’s great! Only it’s...It’s not? It’s so easy to see Jasnah as beyond human, and that makes us forget what she’s endured, and ignore the walls she’s put up and the profound effect that it’s had on her. And the fact that this is not healthy at all.

It's so unhealthy to be put on a pedestal this way. And it's unhealthy to cultivate a persona that makes the only response to you one that sees you as beyond human/without typical human reactions and emotions?

Shallan can be a bit whimsical and can romanticise/idealise people, but even Navani, another deeply scholarly, rational, and logical thinker, categorises Jasnah in a similar way.

She’s dismissive of the idea that Jasnah can have died. Even when others (like Adolin) start getting worried about the ship’s delay, Navani is sure that Jasnah is fine.

Part of this is, I assume, due to the fact that Jasnah is a radiant and, as the Diagram predicts, they survive when they should have been killed - so Navani has had this idea reinforced with empirical evidence over the years, which is noted in the text.

However, when Shallan first brings her the news of Jasnah’s death she refuses to believe it. Even after Shallan tells Navani she watched Jasnah stabbed through the heart, Navani still refers to her as being ‘unconscious’ (which...is actually correct, in this instance) but that is besides my point: regardless of reason or logic, people presume that Jasnah is beyond such mortal, trivial, human things like death:

‘Though Jasnah had been away for some time, her loss was unexpected. I, like many, assumed her to be immortal.’

If she’s beyond death, she’s certainly beyond something like trauma, or being broken, or damaged.

“You’re still human,” Shallan said, reaching across, putting her hand on Navani’s knee. “We can’t all be emotionless chunks of rock like Jasnah.”

Navani smiled. “She sometimes had the empathy of a corpse, didn’t she?”

“Comes from being too brilliant,” Shallan said. “You grow accustomed to everyone else being something of an idiot, trying to keep up with you.”

[...]

How surreal it was to imagine Jasnah as a child being held by a mother. (Wor, 77, Trust).

More ‘othering’, less positive than the divine, but it clearly categorises Jasnah as something other than human, and in this case, it fixates on her lack of (perceived) emotion.

Jasnah has so defined herself by her lack of emotional response to things that even those closest to her -her ward and her mother - view her as emotionless, like a rock, a corpse, dead. Ivory also says this in a previous quote “you are like spren” / “you are practically a stone.” Jasnah is categorised as strong, invulnerable to emotion, beyond human, something other. 

Though Jasnah, as she herself admits, makes decisions based on emotion.

For all that she says about pursuing the footpads in Kharbranth as purely an act of logic/civic duty, I think you can sense the emotion in that moment.

“Besides, men like those…” There was something in her voice, an edge Shallan had never heard before.

What was done to you? Shallan wondered with horror. And who did it? (TWOK, 36, The Lesson)

Shallan can sense it. This is the point where Jasnah’s mask is at its most strong. She defends, calmly and rationally, what she had done. But I think at this point Shallan, and the reader, gets the sense that when Jasnah is her MOST logical and composed, she’s also her most vulnerable and emotional.

She does the same thing in the scene with Kaldin discussing the fates of the Heralds - yet we actually see later, not just through Shallan, the emotions, and the turmoil, and the direct, traumatic flashbacks Jasnah is experiencing in that moment. All covered up with logic and reason.

I think what Brandon is doing with Jasnah is really clever. Because I think media has conditioned us to accept these cold, aloof characters.

Characters who have become hardened to the world, and numbed by their experiences with violence and trauma. So we accept these things more readily as personality traits/a symptom of modern media.

I think especially with female characters. The "strong female character" who isn't allowed to cry lest she be called hysterical, who can't react to trauma or she's weak, who can't have an outburst of emotion or she's mad.

With Jasnah, I think Brandon is continuing to show how trauma expresses itself differently in different people. And I think, once explored more directly, Jasnah will become a condemnation of the easy acceptance/idealisation of these kinds of traits. What she’s doing is not okay. It’s not healthy. It’s as self-destructive as what Shallan, or Kaladin, or Dalinar was doing, we've just been conditioned to accept and even praise it.

Jasnah has so much pressure piled upon her to be perfect. She’s made an illusion so believable even those closest to her can’t see through it. She comes across as divine, as something other than human, as emotionless, and absolute. She’s become a constant in the world of those around her. She’s a law of nature more than a person - like a spren.

Except she’s not.

She’s human.

And she’s broken.

And she’s suffering a trauma that makes her afraid to be even a little bit human - because then they might think her mad again, and she’ll lose everything, and she can’t handle that.

I’m FASCINATED to see Jasnah’s interactions (if we get any on-screen) with Taln and Ash. It will probably give a big insight into her character, her relation to madness/her past illness, and I think it will bring out an interesting side of her, which I’m curious to see.

But I'm also really interested to see how Brandon explores the idea of the "ideal traumatised woman' and how that's absolutely bullshit and completely unhealthy.

Jasnah is, on the surface, everything men demand from a "strong female character". She's been exposed to trauma but she doesn't "let it define her" (ie she doesn't seemingly react to it at all). She's beautiful, and she's intelligent, she's a (literal) Queen, she's a fighter/skilled warrior, she's never "overly-emotional" - she reacts to trauma exactly as she's "supposed" to - as defined by men, she's the epitome of a stereotypical "strong female character".

Except there are obvious flaws in that ideal. The first one being: she does not exist for men. Fairly obviously. She point blank refuses a husband.

Also: it's been implied, as per this meta, that this is NOT an ideal anyone should aim for. It's actually very unhealthy and self-destructive and I really, REALLY hope that when Brandon finally digs into Jasnah that this is something he explores.

Jasnah is not perfect. She is not unbreakable, and invincible, and beyond emotion. And she shouldn't be. She shouldn't be idealised.

She's a person. A human being. And she should be able to express herself and process her trauma in a healthy way that allows her to heal and grow. She shouldn't be forced into anyone's ideal of who or what she should be.

I'm just...Really really excited for Jasnah's arc and what Brandon can say through her and the harmful tropes regarding women's trauma he can explore and god...can I just have the next six stormlight books now please?

[upside-down-uni]

Hey! Idk if this is too much t9 ask, but could you rec me 2, 19, 20, 45, 55, 63, 69, 71, 72, 75, 86, 104, 111, 116, 131? sorry if it’s a lot but thanks in advance if u can rec me some! :)

Hi, you're in luck! I have an essay to procrastinate on and this ask is just the right thing to distract me! Here you go, I hope you'll find something that you like:

2. a book with a blue cover

Radio Silence by Alice Oseman. When i read it for the first time I was just on the brink of going to uni, still figuring out what I even wanted to study and this book just wrapped me in a warm blanket and said "it's going to be okay". I love the main characters Frances and Aled, their arcs and especially the really nice and quiet queer rep in this book.

19. a book that put you in a reading slump

The Knife Of Never Letting Go by Patrick Ness. When I start a book I generally have the feeling that I can't put it away until I have finished it. With The Knife Of Never Letting Go my problem was that I did want to read it but it didn't fit my mood, so I couldn't bring myself to read it but also beat myself up about not reading it until I put it back onto my shelf. So, I basically pushed myself into a reading slump over this book.

21. a book with a red cover

Honey Girl by Morgan Rogers. I enjoyed this book so much but probably not for the reasons most people would think I enjoyed it? The wlw romance was definitely nice and I really liked them being dramatic but also kind of mundane? What really got me though was the strong theme of found family of young adults and queer friendships, that really yanked the yearning hours wide fucking open for me. (I also liked that in the end the book wasn't as much about romance as it was about finding yourself after surrendering yourself to academia for ages and working through your issues.)

45. a book featuring the friends to lovers trope

The Priory Of The Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon. I adore this book. It's so long and there's so much incredible world building and history in it that it made reading an untter delight! Coming in it was a bit hard to acclimate to the slow paste but after a while I just settled in and enjoyed the ride. It's a breathtaking story in a breathtaking universe and afaik there's a second part coming!

55. a book with a satisfying ending

Yolk by Mary H. K. Choi. Yolk doesn't really have an ending in the sense of a "happily ever after" but I really loved where the author chose to leave the characters and how she did it. The book is quite different from what I usually read, tonewise, but especially that ending made me leave the book with a warm feeling. (also the cover is yellow and really really gorgeous)

63. a book that actually made you laugh out loud

I would've reccd Red White and Royal Blue but judging by your url you've read that already...sooooo, it's Snapdragon by Kat Leyh! Super cute graphic novel, with a weird and adorable storyline and such lovable characters!

69. your favorite mythological retelling

I haven't read a mythological retelling in ages, so basic Percy Jackson by Rick Riordan will have to do.

71. your favorite LGBTQ+ fiction

now that's just rude how am I supposed to choose?? I'll say it's Every Heart A Doorway by Seanan McGuire and Gideon The Ninth by Tamsyn Muir and Loveless by Alice Oseman. I feel very strongly and very distinctly about all of them, if you can get your hands on them my only comment is READ. (and maybe make sure you're okay with gothic sci-fi horror for Gideon The Ninth)

72. a book with a gorgeous cover

Plain Bad Heroines by Emily M. Danforth. It's her adult gothic horror debut after The Miseducation of Cameron Post and not only is the hardcover just stunning in black and red, it also got illustrations inside!! (And all teh women are queer and it's deliciously fucked up!)

75 a book featuring the I'm not like other girls trope

I think the closest I can come to that is The Lady's Guide To Piracy and Petticoats by Mackenzi Lee. The main character has to unlearn a bunch of stuff really fast if she wants to get along with the only other people that will help her. We have road trips in the 16th century, kidnapping and asshole husbands to be, piracy of course and friendship!

86. a book with an insane plot twist

Sawkill Girls by Claire Legrand. Sawkill Girls was my first touch with horror and I have to say I have no idea whether there was heavy foreshadowing. I think I remember thinking that there was something else to come but when the shit hit the fan I just sat there with big questionmarks over my head because I had read the book in a frenzy in one evening and truly did NOT anticipate it. As someone who did not read horror or thriller before this I have to say I was already insanely confused and disgusted by a bunch of stuff that went down. But then...uh. the thing happened and I was just lost. (In a good way though.)

104. a fluffy sweet read

Let's Talk About Love by Claire Kann. It's been a while ever since I read it but it's essentially a cute summer story about Alice who's a disaster bisexual when she sees people she finds cute. Which is a little inconvenient because the new guy at her job is really, really, really extremely cute and she ceases to function around him. There's best friend drama, eating pizza iirc and figuring shit out!

111. a book writing a book

I assume it's either "a book about writing a book" or I am literally supposed to rec a book that is writing a book...I'm going to rec a book that is about books! (because I can.) It's The Girl Who Reads on the Métro by Christine Féret-Fleury and it follows a young woman called Juliette wo gets sucked into an old bookseller's world of life saving, life changing books. A really quiet, really cute book.

116. a book with multiple povs

the Reckless books by Cornelia Funke! Simply divine stroytelling, a vibrant world and amazing characters! I have to say that I only know the German original so I don't know what the English translation might be like.

131. recommend any book you like

um. so knife gang members and people who follow my main, you'll once again be subjected to me being a mess because of lesbian necromancers in space! I've mentioned it before, it lives in my head rent free, it is the one, the only Gideon The Ninth by Tamsyn Muir! It's an insane sci-fi horror fantasy blend where Gideon has to play cavalier to Reverend Daughter Harrowhark I-love-being- an-absolute-pain-in-the-ass-to-Gideon Nonagesimus to help her become an uber-necromancer (like Harrow needs motivation to become even more of a nerd and shockingly good at necromancy) for the Necrolord Prime/Undying Emperor. There's BEAUTIFUL WRITING sprinkled with MEMES when you least expect it. There is incredible toxic codependency and repression. There's MURDER. There's fancy necromancy theorems and DUELS. There's enemies to begrudging allies to ??? Staple your socks to your feet or this book will blow them clean off!