#bahumia

[operationslipperypuppet]

just a topical audio edit for your fine whatever part of the day it is when you've happened upon this.

Transcript:

Audio from FHJY Episode 16: Untapped Rage and NADDPod's Baggin' it with Balnor: Loud Libraries, Questionable Drug PSAs, and Staying Fit w/ Pendergreens. The difference in audio is shown with a cut. Murph: Oh, that's cocked. It almost was a nat 20, but you gotta honor the [strained] cock. --- Pendergreens (Murph): Yeah, you know, uh, sort of, when I smile, I do sort of an "o" face, cause, like, when are you more happy than when you're, uh, [starts to laugh] slangin' some rope. [Emily laughs] Jake: Oh my -

[stone-stars]

Transcript:

Marabelle: Dear Jolene, I'm leaving the crick. Not because I don't think you're gonna be a good Mee Maw, because, well, [sighs] I think you're gonna be a better one than I ever could've been, and… I can't handle that. Not right now. I'm... your older sister, and I'm-- I'm jealous. I'm bitter. Bitter that you're stronger than me, wiser than me, kinder than me-- I mean for Melora's sake I started a fight with you and you tried to shake my hand afterwards! Feel free to just tell me to piss off next time! I deserve it. I wish I could say this to your face, but I'm just… I'm not ready. I'm sorry for everything. We'll talk when I get back. I love you. Tell Cobb not to get his trousers in a tangle, I won't be long. Murph: Love, Marabelle

[kyeree]

[emiko-matsui]

if you wanna listen to naddpod you should know this about the hosts: brian murphy is a straightman to his inner most core and he's the funniest person alive, these things exist simultaneously and would not exist without the other. emily axford is clinically insane to a point where it's easier to not try to follow her logic when she says things. jake hurwitz is a certified cool guy but he's the biggest loser in a room of nerds playing dungeons and dragons. caldwell tanner can only be described as exactly what a 1930's cartoon describes as a rascal. three of them are a throuple and the fourth is their boss.

[yoursonlucifer]

the thing about emily axford as a player is that she rolls fine but whoo boy does she know how to play. theres a couple posts on here about murphs bad luck rolling vs emily "being able to roll a nat 20 on command," but that's just not true. emily rolls pretty middling, but she's very good at strategy, more often than not meaning that she is able to add buffs to rolls or have them work out even if she doesn't roll Great; we gotta give credit where credit is due, which is to emily's strategy and not to her rolls

[cntbtchthevapegod]

Emily Axford playing guitar and leading Carnegie hall in sing-along of “One Big Bed” at the end of the 5th aniversary show

Sorry for the low quality on this photo (I was up in the balcony)

[whamber]

dirty daddy origins

[thesaturdayb0y]

i’m rewatching the unsleeping city and got to the scene where sofia finds out the truth about dale

[sideblogdotjpeg]

moonshine and her meemaw n peepaw

[kickmuncher3]

Emily Axford’s PCs Ranked by How Likely They Are To Have Worn Crocs:

There was discussion on a recent short rest about which of Emily’s PCs are most likely to wear crocs, so I humbly present my findings:

1. Brenda Elizabeth: 100% canonical that she wears crocs. She is even wearing crocs in her canon artwork. God bless you Zac Oyama.

2. Tarragon Snakeroot: Also 100% canonical that she wears crocs, but the DM is being a little punk about it. Regardless of whether or not Murph thinks crocs exist in Eldermourne, if Emily says she’s wearing crocs, she’s wearing crocs.

3. Sophia Lee: A human living on present day earth. I’m certain she’s worn crocs around her place on Staten Island.

4. Chirp Featherfowl: Lives in the Feywild, but has a wife and child on present day earth. Has definitely tried on her wife’s crocs. Loves the novelty of them.

5. Ylfa Snorgelsson: Same voice as Brenda Elizabeth, so she’s already croc-coded. Plus, due to multiversal shenanigans, it’s almost guaranteed that there exists a version of her who’s worn crocs.

6. Onyx Lumiere: I don’t remember if crocs have been confirmed as canon in Trinyvale, but they definitely are. If Onyx didn’t already own a pair of pastel crocs, she’s surely looted a pair from someone she’s killed.

7. Fia Boginya: Crocs are not necessarily her style, but she lives in Eldermourne, so she’s had ample opportunity to wear them.

8. Brimstone Billy: Also, lives in Eldermourne, but I’m not sure if crocs have made their way to Endoterra yet.

9. Sundry Sidney: Technically exists in our future, but crocs are probably ancient relics in her time. Even if she could get her hands on a pair, she wouldn’t be able to get them on over her permanent roller skates.

10. Fig Faeth: I’m gonna say that crocs probably exist in Solace, but Fig was too preppy to wear them as a kid and is too punk to wear them now.

11. Moonshine Cybin: I’ll throw Murph a bone and say that crocs don’t exist in Bahumia, but if they did, I bet Moonshine would wear them. If a crick elf was gonna wear shoes, they’d probably wear crocs.

12. Calliope Petrichor: Again, no crocs in Bahumia, but even extra no crocs in the Feywild. Furthermore, they aren’t really the shoes of choice for either crime families or knights. No crocs for Calli.

13. Saccharina Frostwhip: Calorum is the setting least likely to contain crocs. It’s such a classic medieval fantasy world. That said, growing up poorer than the other PCs makes Saccharina the most likely A Crown of Candy character to have worn crocs.

14. Jet Rocks: By far the least likely Axford character to have worn crocs. Spent her short life growing up royal in a lavish castle with dreams of becoming a military commander in a world where crocs absolutely do not exist in the first place. Case closed.

[operationslipperypuppet]

“feywild.” (long pause) “gay child.”

you will always be famous

[littlebearwithlittlebrain]

“A bunch of cowards and the bravest little girl in the world.” - Neverafter, Ep. 3, about Ylfa Snorgelsson

“The world should have protected you, but you have been asked to protect it. What an honor. What an injustice." - NADDPOD, Ep, 97, about Beverley Toegold V

Something something about children being forced to grow up faster than they deserved because the powerful people around them aren’t doing enough. Gonna go cry thanks.

[figsbass]

on hardwon and moonshine. alternatively titled: on love vs. time

1. war of the foxes, richard siken 2. love & misadventure, lang leav 3. this is how you lose the time war, amal el-mohtar and max gladstone 4. dialogues on love, sue zhao 5. nothing gold can stay, robert frost 6. soft in the middle, shelby eileen 7. love letters or suicide notes, doc luben

[emiko-matsui]

the two ends of the dm spectrum are brian murph murphy (emily jokes that pawpaw takes the dagger for gemma and he stands up and shouts EMILY AXFORD HOW DARE YOU) and brennan lee mulligan (zac pets ox on the middle of the fight and brennan stands up, makes eye contact with the camera and goes I'm gonna kill that dog)

[moon-warlock]

General Jaina Bronzebeard

[sexiestpodcastcharacter]

Sexiest Podcast Character — Unscripted Bracket — Round 5

Propaganda

Glenn Close (Dungeons & Daddies):

#Propaganda for Glenn Close: one of the other PCs mentions multiple times how hot he is #Actually several characters point it out but especially Henry #Also the only person in a podcast that has to put a disclaimer about not being a BDSM podcast to have had sex during the course of the show

Young hot rocker dilf

Loyal to his dead wife <3

Does in fact smoke weed

BARD!! HES A BARD. HE WAS LEAD GUITAR IN HIS BAND (that he was kicked out of)

His band was a Christmas cover band btw.

Literally the fandom had hot Glenn summer which consisted of drawing him being incredibly hot and sexy

Anti government (ofc)

Kind of cringefail (Disney adult) (was on dilfs of disneyland)

Young and sexy not your style? Then how about HIM AFTER YEARS LOCKED IN A TIME PRISON WITH A DAMN HANNIBAL MASK ??

Lost an eye and wears a fucking eyepatch

One incredibly buff arm

Has a pet rat named after his son <3

Immeasurable amounts of trauma in this man- becomes progressively more unhinged

OH OLD HUMAN BARD ISNT CUTTING IT? FINE

HE BECOMES A FUCKING DEMON

A COOL HOT ONE-EYED DEMON WHO WANTS TO KILL HIS DAD (also sexy)

HE CANONICALLY ENDS CHRISTIAN HELL VIA CHRISTMAS

IS ALSO WAY OVERLEVELED

Becomes a demon hunter for the rest of his existence

Also nonwhite !!! We are done with cringefail whiteboys !!!!!!!!!

I can’t put into words ok just know he is the best plz love him.

Okay but Glenn made a minivan cum by talking to her so

HE HAS A BOOK THAT HE MARKS X’S AND CHECKS FOR EVERY DAY TO SEE IF THAT DAY WAS A SUCCESS OR NOT. TO SEE IF HE DID GOOD THAT DAY. ITS ALMOST ENTIRELY X’S. HE WAS CUCKED OUT OF A SON. AND A DEAD WIFE. HE DIDN’T EVEN GET TO KILL HIS DAD IN REVENGE. There’s absolutely nothing going for him except his sex appeal in his life. Nobody he loved remembers him. He lost his eye. All he has is a pet rat and friends who admit they don’t really like him that much. He was kicked out of his own band. The band was named after him. He was kicked out of the Glenn Close trio. All he could do was deez nuts the big bad and be sexy. If nothing else, then pity him. Look in his eyes. Look at his heart and soul. He did not do the BDSM episode for this I’ll tell you what. Do this for my his sake. Do it for Nick Jr, who needs the prize money to pay for his rat snacks. Do it for his son. For Morgan. Ganbatte.

Glenn is the goofiest sexiest character there is and I will die on this hill! I will ride into battle for him! what Dndads created is truly unique and Glenn is a key part of that and for that he deserves to win. I said it before and I'll say it again - GLENN SWEEEEEP

Can we talk about how he says ‘baby’ casually? Like he just calls people that?? That’s HOT. THAT IS HOT!! He’s also bilingual and knows Japanese!!!! He’s a big dumb idiot with a lot of charisma!!!!!! HE WORKED AT A BDSM PLACE FOR TWO SEPARATE ONE SHOTS. HES SO SAD BUT PLAYS IT OFF LIKE HE’S CHILL ALL THE TIME!! HE DOESN’T THINK OF HIMSELF AS SINGLE BECAUSE HE DIDN’T DIVORCE HIS DEAD WIFE!!! He’s like.. the perfect guy. We need this win.

I’d also like to add the fact I made this. Which is the first 11 episodes edited to (almost) only have Glenn in them <3 which is a level of insanity I hope to reiterate. These took hours to make. I wouldn’t do that for anyone else.

Mod Note: While I will still take "bad dads are sexy" propaganda and "bad dads aren't sexy" anti-propaganda, I kindly request no more discussion on whether or not he was a bad father. This is a sexypoll, not a parentingpoll. If you see a post you strongly disagree with, you can just not reblog it.

Mod Note 2: This tournament is about fictional podcast characters. Please do not vote for the real actress Glenn Close.

Amber Gris (The Adventure Zone: Ethersea):

Middle aged woman who punches sharks to death. My hero

If you love me you'll vote for amber gris I swear to everything holy on earth amen

Amber is butch, instant win

Amber Gris has a negative charisma modifier and she pissed her pants on purpose in order to trick a guard and knock him out. She tied up a dude. She once killed an evil magic shark (they're out for murder. not like real sharks) by punching it and then picked it up and smashed it into another shark, also killing it. She talks in a southern accent. She calls people guppy because it indicates a lack of respect. She has a big pair of magical green arms that come from her stomach. She got a fancy jacket and immediately ripped its sleeves off. She has a gay thing going on with one of the political leaders in the city. She gets in fights with people and doesnt do vulnerability and tries to lay low and not get in any social trouble she doesn't have to. She jumped through a portal into a new world because she could. She's now the god of said world, alone with only afformentioned political leader, who was previously possessed and she had to fight. She spends her time in a bar called the Cloaca. She calls people she doesn't like claspers, because it means shark penis. She and her friend, an old man named Uncle Joshy, sneak attack each other and yell VIBE CHECK! She tries to talk fancy to impress people and she's really bad at it (verily).

She’s everything and more. She’s irreverent. She punches sharks for a living. She becomes God. What more do you need in a butch.

amber gris propaganda: she is straightup the physical embodiment of "women want me, fish fear me." also she's an appalachian post apocalyptic sea captain. that's just objectively cool.

AMBER GRIS IS PUNCHES SHARKS AND IS (one of) THE MOST BADASS BLACK WOMEN PCS IN DND SHOWS IVE EVER SEEN. SHES INCREDIBLE AND A WIN FOR DYKES EVERYWHERE

amber's creator said she was based off of the type of working-class woman you commonly see in appalachia where "this is the sort of woman that you see walking past CVS, and you know that a truck could hit her and it would just split around her as she continued to go pick up whatever she had to do that day." and that's pretty hot

guys Amber becomes lesbian god of the new world with her childhood “”friend””

#amber gris is LITERALLY a middle-aged butch #she would win this entire tournament in a just world

Last time Amber got horny was when she killed that shark

"it was a savage bummer though, don't-- trust me, there's nothing that great about a history. You know? I got one. What did I do, killed a bunch of sharks? Last time I got horny, god and christ I can't even tell you-- well, it was when I killed that shark. But! Hey. We're all just kinda figuring it out."

Moonshine Cybin (Not Another D&D Podcast: Bahumia):

She's a hot elf with mushrooms growing on her. She has 1 level of barbarian. She's bisexual. She shapeshifted into a dragon and ate a god.

how tf does the post not mention Moonshine’s giant boobs her greatest asset

Moonshine has canonically gone down on a woman for a solid hour without asking for anything in return. Moonshine edged a dryad just by kissing them. Moonshine faced down someone being controlled to kill everyone in his path and told him if he still wanted to hurt her, she would take his blows as a friend. Moonshine makes jambalaya for her family and friends. Moonshine mispronounced someone’s name for a month and that woman still wanted to hook up with Moonshine. These are just a few of the reasons why Moonshine is sexy.

shes illiterate

canonically huffs dirty water from a bong

has big tatas

wears a belly chain with a demon trapped in it

almost became the queen of hell

ate a god

turned into a pregnant moose & gave birth

The woman she went down on for an hour asking nothing in return is still hung up on her, 200 years later. Moonshine is unmatched

To be clear the woman whose name Moonshine mispronounced for a month and then hooked up with is the same woman she went down on for an hour, and the same woman who is still flustered over her 200 years later. The rizz is unparalleled. She’s also incredibly kind and accepting of others, and goes out of her way to bolster her friends. The party always requests one big bed.

moonshine cybin is a druid who learned counterspell through sheer force of will. moonshine cybin turned one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse into a dolphin, flew him 60 feet up into the air, dropped him on the ground, and then spit spores into his face to kill him. moonshine cybin turned into a dragon and bit the head off of a double god. moonshine cybin was willing to confine herself to an eternal hell to save the world. moonshine cybin is a dragon rider. you know what you must do.

Amber and Moonshine Together

Look at them. They should not have to fight when they could be gay instead. Imagine the power they would have combined... Every lesbian in a hundred mile radius of the post would swoon. It may be an odd alliance, but from an Ethersea fan to Bahumia fans, i believe this will strengthen both our odds. I have always been insane about Amber Gris but through this poll I have also learned about Moonshine and come to love her too. Take my hand... We can do this together...

OKAY HEAR ME OUT MOONSHINE AND AMBER WOULD GET ALONG SO WELL

appalachian sapphic solidarity!

Art of Amber and Moonshine from @pirateknight.