#it's weird i'm asexual and have no interest in that type of play irl but it is fascinating to me

[personalzombie-tv]

There's so many things i wanna say re: informed consent and aftercare in regards to ttrpgs and other roleplay situations but i can not get the ideas in the right order. Gonna give it my best shot though.

A lot of people who suck have been yelling on tiktok about consent surveys and checkins becoming more popular with mainstream DnD. And like- it's just like in bdsm really. You gotta know what you're getting into, provide continuous consent to it, and have a way out if it gets to be too much. The only real difference between sexily pretending to be someone's maid or whatever and pretending to be an orc in a massive collaborative storytelling session is the content of the pretending and how likely anyone involved is gonna get their rocks off to it. It's still the same kind of effect on the brain and you're gonna be processing emotions that come from that. It's super important to know exactly what to expect and be able to set hard (and soft) boundaries about what you are and are not ok with experiencing there.

There's a reason safewords are considered so important in a lot of bdsm circles even when the scene isn't a situation where a plain "no" might go ignored. It's an immediate stop and return to the real world outside of the play. Having that in non-sexy rp is an amazing tool. It lets the gm or other players know "hey this needs to stop now" without having to say those words or worry about whether it's a full stop or a pause. It pulls everyone out immediately and gets them on the same level. I think anyone who's unexpectedly encountered more than they could handle in a game can appreciate the ability to do that.

The thing I haven't seen talked about as much as that though is the concept of aftercare. Like, especially in high rp settings where emotions are running high you gotta be able to take the time afterward to calm down. You need to be able to talk to your friends and remember you're playing a game, they still care about you even if your character and theirs just tried to murder each other. Maybe it doesn't get talked about much cause there's no real word for it that doesn't have the sex connotation but we really should be. I've seen first hand how dropping after intense rp can hurt someone and leave them not wanting to continue playing. You gotta make room to take care of your friends. Especially in online gaming where you can't exactly just hand them a slice of pizza and tell them how well they did acting and how much you love them.

I don't know how to end this. I've just been thinking a lot about these things. I'm glad consent forms and check ins are becoming more normalized in the gaming space. Good for everyone that that's happening even if the old guard dudebros are pissed off about it

[beneathsilverstars]

hello for the ask game 9: any theories on stuff unexplained by the game?

I always love theories and thoughts and worldbuilding hcs etc so anything in that vein works :3

I think my favorite little worldbuilding headcanon is that Ka Bue is super chill about aromanticism and asexuality! Not in the same way as irl activism, but it's something that is understood and respected in their ideology, like transgenderism in Vaugarde. So if we combine the powers of everyone in the crew we'll get an entire queer-friendly worldview going lmao!

Maybe... Something about an overarching philosophy of understanding the self? In Vaugard they see the self as something you refine through making, creating and destroying and rebuilding, but in Ka Bue you're supposed to be uncovering and polishing what's already there. And part of that is understanding your position in relation to others, so they have a lot of little descriptive words for flavors of relationships and dynamics, and being the sort of person who seeks those dynamics. Like "oh i'm usually the comedic straight man of the friend group and i seek out jokesters who play well off of that". And that means that nonsexual romance, nonromantic sex partners, QPRs, etc, are all understood dynamics, and various kinds of friend and family and colleague relationships are seen as distinctly important, and being alone is seen as a valid dynamic!

Now that I've typed this out I love it more and more... I was originally just thinking about the metaphor of cutting and polishing a gemstone, but having a lot of little Dynamics that various people may find more or less relevant to themselves is a similar approach to having thousands of Expressions! And it meshes with the transphobia as well - you can describe yourself as having dysphoria but you're not supposed to go and try to change that.

And there's that Odile + Isabeau conversation where she gets really specific about their relationship: "We're not friends, we're associates. Colleagues. Allies at best." And she's obviously joking, but this hc puts some extra weight behind her making that particular sort of joke! Plus she's the one who's like, "I wouldn't call you all friends, that would be weird, we're more like family," and she gets mad about being called the mom. I love the idea that she has Very specific dynamic classifications in mind for her relationship with each member of the crew, and gets pissy that Vaugardian doesn't have the same nuance/connotations!

And this philosophy being the total opposite of the Change belief is so interesting for Odile in particular! It would definitely flavor people's perception of her in Ka Bue - oh, she's one of those fickle Vaugardians who change masks every day and will never truly understand themselves. No wonder she wanted to get actual Vaugardian perspective on their belief. Oh, how lovely it will be for her to synthesize the two extremes, and both discover and create who she is!!

[nothorses]

weird question you might be able to help me with because you seem to possibly share similar experiences? so in those posts a few days ago you mention how you would date women before you realized you were trans because it felt good to be gay even if you had the direction wrong...

see okay, I've felt like that or at l similar to that a lot, and I often find myself getting crushes on girls I know irl but then when I actually act on those feelings (with one exception where things were blurry) I end up realizing I just like the relationship because I get to be (yes I know how cishet normative this is to say) "the man" in these relationships. I end up feeling deeply uncomfortable whenever I have to imagine being more intimate than light kissing with any of these people. on the other hand, I always "dream/imagine" myself to be in relationships with men (usually other trans guys) and never with women in my mind, but when it comes to real life I not only do I hardly ever interact with men (it's all very confusing to me + where I live is pretty homo+transphobic) but the few I've had that express interest in me are not my type and the one I was willing to give a try once ended up ghosting me when things started picking up.. except there's no guys I've really ever really been interested in, except for like models/characters/others who are impossible to reach

I know some people say that's comphet when you only like someone of a certain gender when unachievable (and yeah as a trans guy comphet isn't maybe the exact right word, but I feel attraction to women in a queer way and I feel the word connects more to my girlhood upbringing)... But anyhow, if it's comphet... Then why don't I like the relationships once they start picking up steam? But on the other hand, if I like guys, why is it so hard to be initially attracted to them? And not even just that but just to generally interact with them? And ofc I know like bisexual exists... But then why does the word just feel so wrong, and like gay doesn't feel right either.. Something feels off about straight too.. And I know there's others but to start there nothing fits and I haven't found anything more obscure that seems to either

it's just I find myself seemingly only liking men in theory, and then I find myself liking women irl until the relationship develops beyond what might be platonic and then I'm just bothered by it too (might also be important to note all the women I've dated I was extremely close with for years before we dated, and all the guys who expressed interest in me I had limited to medium interactions with for 6months-1year before they expressed their interest)

even if you don't know anything, do you have any like resources that are good for these sorts of things- or any ideas for questions I could be asking to better understand my feelings? I for some reason feel like this is all so much harder than gender XD

Idk I probably sound a bit whacky, but maybe you could help- if not that's okay too, no expectations! Thank you for reading!

There's a lot of things that could be going on here, and I am definitely not an expert! I just want to preface that what I'm giving you here is based on my experiences, and how I understand what you've told me.

First, I really want to encourage you to look into asexuality and aromanticism. The labels and experiences might not end up fitting you, but I think it's important to have access to those labels and be able to consider them as part of this process.

This is a good overview of asexuality, and I recommend clicking around this page a bit to get a better understanding of the term, the experiences, and the grey-ace umbrella. This is a good starting point for aromanticism- and info on this is a little harder to find overall, but I think of it as a romantic equivalent to asexuality in many ways, if that helps as a starting point.

That said, I resonate a lot with what you've laid out here; I'd always had a sort of abstract attraction to men, but this never seemed to manifest in the meatspace.

It wasn't until I started T that I suddenly grew a lot more comfortable with the idea of actually being with men, and started to actually identify feelings for accessible men in my life.

I think it was something about comfort with my body, personally; I just couldn't imagine being with a man "as a woman", and I couldn't get past the idea that I'd always be seen as one as long as I looked the way I did. T made me feel like I was finally moving forward, and like the possibility of being seen the way I wanted to be seen was realistic and happening.

That was also around the time I looked back and realized that a very intense, very emotional, very physically affectionate friendship I'd had with a gay friend of mine had, uh, maybe not been 100% platonic. My dumb ass really cuddled this boy for hours on end while he played with my hair, thought my life was over when we stopped being friends, and still thought I "didn't have crushes on men". Jesus christ.

That might not be what you're experiencing, and it might not resonate with you! But it's where those threads went for me, and it might be worth adding to the list of possibilities to consider.

I think ultimately, the best thing you can do for yourself is to just... not worry about it. Just do what feels right in the moment; don't push yourself into anything you don't want, and don't hold yourself back from anything you do. Let the labels come later, when there's a pattern to identify. Maybe just don't worry about them for now.