#it... sucks this isn't like uhh oh im being cruel to ppl around me!

[shenzuns]

man.

my 2022 hard pill to swallow is that sometimes being bitter is not the best result for those i care about and even though i’m angry about things, being the mature one, being the kind one though that’s Really Fucking Hard will be the best thing.

and it hurts, and it sucks, and i want to be the asshole guard dog i’ve always ever been but no one’s ever stayed in the face of my rage so i have to be kind always. and i want to be kind, don’t get me wrong, but it’s so difficult and it hurts. i would love to stew in my rage and my bitterness and my cries of ‘it’s not fair’ but i’m not given the option to be childish anymore and it SUCKS ass and dicks and this is the cruelest thing abt growing up. being kind isn’t as easy as it used to be.

[with-the-same-tattoos]

What are some things you noticed about Grima that you like in particular? Sincerely, someone who also desperately wants to talk about Grima.

GBLESSGBLESSGBLESS u r a blessed being........... ok im gonna ramble for a bit im gonna add some gifs n pics to not make this a complete slob of text bc. Yeah.

I'm gonna clarify that I am talking about Brad Dourifs Grima- I'm not far at all w the books, my opinion may change via them? But i think mr Dourif did a wonderful depiction of him, and I'm. Simply in love.

Starting off w the appearence bcs its defi the easiest to explain....

I do see the bummer notions about ppl calling him ugly and I.... yk, I don't like it, I know my taste in features is kinda off the beaten path, but it still rly bums me out imo hes incredibly beautiful? I loooove the toning of his face- the deadly grey pale is so full of small hints of different tones, the yellowing rot, the reddened flush around his eyes, the blue hues it attracts...... he is like a chameleon.... its v nice... also i like how his skin rests on his face: he is a bit more aged so it isn't as tight anymore, and gives the lovely angles of his chin and jaws even more weight.... i looove his big wet expressionful eyes and i loove his hair its GORGEOUS wet like a fish, he could be a mythical beast from the swamp come to listen to singing. He is SO beautiful. gOD. Also i love his awkward lil posture and expressions.

More on what I like abt his personality tho....

I loved mr Dourifs quote about him being someone who had been bullied & felt lonely, and just wanted to be wanted. I just rbd that one post abt guys who are awkward and resentful/entitled towards women, and tbh Grima feels like one of those- expect i feel like he might not have felt entitled pre-saruman stuff. Ill explain uhh lets see.

This is my reading of him as a character taken from a few hints. It's probably complete shit. Im not good at analysis.

I think a fun thing abt Grima is how emotionally open he is. He is very expressionate, very honest, very bad at hiding his true intentions. Talking about Theodens son- he sounds completely dismissive, as if moving from a subject he doesn't care about, just to break the ice, despite the situation being incredibly grave (lack of empathy), looking at Eowyn (i mean, the bro could have punched him on the spot why would he admit his feelings so openly) and he straight up has a scheming face.... he is a very emotive man for someone who's supposed 2 be slithery and secret-ful, i don't think he is. I actually think it'd be fun if he'd been picked by Theoden for the work of advisor pre-lotr events bc he was so shit at lying and was probs a lot nicer then. Probably very good at noticing little things, he seems fairly anxious (even tho he's bad at hiding his... vibe, hes constantly still planning?) He could tbh be a very good advisor who thinks things through.

I think this heart on your sleeve personality could have been one of the reasons why he felt so outcasted- a lot of people like that, me included, who are very openly emotional and easy to read, are made fun for it bc it is a lot to some?

Aside from people , i guess, making fun of his appearence, which sucks.

The lotr plays with a lot of themes of corruption. There isn't some inherent evil, evil is made n all that. For Grima I see that corrupting push as Saruman etc. He had these bad things inside him, insecurity, hatered, want, but i like to think that because he was originally surrounded by fairly good people, he didn't listen to that side of himself. He could have been in a better enviroment defi, where those feelings could have been mended and worked through, but the corruption spread to him through Saruman, making those selfish, cruel thoughts bubble to the surface, making them overtake him. Not completely, because oh. My. Fucking. God. Look at this shit.

That is not the face of victory, certainty, that is the face of devastation & desperation. HE LOOKS SO FUCKING SAD YO?

"Oh, but you are alone. Who knows what you have spoken to the darkness, alone, in the bitter watches of the night, when all your life seems to shrink, the walls of your bower closing in about you, a hutch to trammel some wild thing in?"

And when your life seems to shrink, the walls of your bower closing in about you, are these not the words of a man who lays awake at night, feeling hot and cold, tight chested, questioning everything, flipping between emotions all of which hurt so bad? Im sorry but LOOK AT HIM HES SO FUCKING SAD STFU HES SO UNSURE OF HIMSELF. He has really bad thoughts and feelings and he has been feeling vindicated for them because someone, the corruption, is finally validating those feelings, but it breaks when he looks in the eyes of the one he loves and ....

I also see it in him after Saruman slaps him. (First of all- that yelp? Screaming.....) since I kinda see him as having gained some kinda validation/comfort from Saruman, even confidence, the expression he makes when he looks back at Saruman is like. So devastating. I like 2 think it was him full of anger after the one person who had made him feel validated/wanted, betrayed him. Would explain also why his flip was so so fast.

I also defi just have this desperation to feel needed & desired, bad mindset born from growing up as the ugly & undesirable person- any kind of show of attraction feels like flattery to me, because im just. Not used to it, I will take anything I get. The way Grima thinks of Eowyn is incredibly unhealthy, but god the way he looks at her? I would just. Do anything if I could have someone look at me like that once in my life. Spin some poetry about how pretty I am. This is like mad unhealthy & im aware of it, but I can't get over it ; . ; his desire is so beautiful to me, esp bc he is so beautiful & so interesting & so.... studyable.... idk how else to explain this.....

Also his hands? So gucci. Wanna hold them.

Anyways this has been page 1 of my 700 page essay, next I will be discussing-