#it.s.... a lot....

[nomazee]

what ppl don't tell you about writing is that it's half having zero ideas whatsoever and not knowing what to write & half having too many ideas and not knowing which ones to pick

[superkitten-poison]

c!wilbur spends a day with karlnapity and makes tally marks of how many times someone says the word 'dude'

[prairleedog]

Wolverine ticklecannons!!!

This silly fucker has my heart omg <3

——————————————————

Lee:

— THE LAUGH. He has the sweetest little laugh like omg if you get a spot like his ribs or sum he will just absolutely go spiralling off into snorts like it.s so cute guys

— takes a lot to actually get him to allow it, you have to be friends / closely acquainted but once he's comfortable enough to actually open up, he doesn't really fight it or anything

— melts into neck + shoulder tkls + sometimes he'll growl through little giggles and it's just. aAJBAKDJSJHDHD

— has a really pretty smile. Like in the gif above like it's js so cute especially when he's laughing <33 + has canines that poke out a little when he smiles which is an added bonus

— swears like an absolute sailor while being tickled on certain spots (i.e: biceps, ribs, really anything upper body wise). He will act like a bitch but honestly he likes it cause it helps him destress

— some of his worst spots are def upper body related esp. around his stomach but he has ticklish knees :3

🌟—🌟—🌟—🌟—🌟—🌟—🌟—🌟—🌟

Ler:

— THIS MAN. He may be a cute lee but he is an absolutely unforgiving ler

— uses facial hair when blowing raspberries n stuff because it makes the whole thing tickle more

— if you piss him off enough, he'll bring out the claws and lemme tell you they are SO BAD

— an absolute asshole about everything. “ can you grasp the concept of silence? I'm trying to do something. ” while he's absolutely wrecking your shit

( STEALING MY POOKIE @just-a-fluffy-knight 'S HEADCANNON HERE)

— if he's feeling surprisingly playful he'll drop down and chase after you on all fours (which also happens to be incredibly scary)

— THE HOOD OMG when he pulls the hood down you are FUCKED. like absolutely royally fucked. You better dig your grave because he will tickle the absolute snot out of you

— surprisingly good at gentle tickles / cheer-up tickles :3

I'LL BE BACK W ONES FOR WADE SOON <333 BYE FOLKS :D

[theclownkaufmo]

Queenie, he drank a monster, and he's very hyper, and it's concerning a lot of people, we're not sure if he'll be alright just yet. I told him to take a walk and calm down, but Į̶̛̞̩̙̥̲̰̠̹͕̺̘̤͂͐̐̆̈͒̾́̇͌̉͜͜͠͠͝'̶̧̯̝͔͎͓̥͙̀̍̀͌̉̓́̎̄̆͂̓͝m̵̧̡̝̜͉͔̹̣̫̲̗̣̘̤̦̂͌̊̋̀͛̈́͊̋͛̕̕ not sure if it's ḩ̵̟͇̺͈͉͕̙̞̺͓̗̖̅̈́̉̋͌̚͘̚ȩ̵̱̺̪̯̖̜̟̹̟͐́͘l̸͔̹̜͙͖̱̖͇̐̀͐̃̀̈́̀͛̈́̂̏̇̉p̸̨̘̜͔̭̜̟͖̪̮͍̝̝̹̅̀i̴̺̻̦̠̤͇̫͚̺̟̼̱̻̩̲͒̽̂̓́͝n̶̢̦̤͍͔̰̬̫̝͚̗̜̪̄͊̒̔̾̈́̌̆̾́̍͒͝͝ͅg̵̻̍̽̍̄ much..

{ HE IS fiNe. It.s<o Kay! A¡ he is A[LRI——####]]

[shinearch]

       dan’s  story  is  ultimately  one  of  triumph.  triumph  over  the  cycle  of  alcoholism,  of  anger  issues,  of  his  childhood  trauma.  he  speaks  at  length  of  his  demons,  of  how  he’s  terrified  of  becoming  his  father,  of  how  his  family  had  been  wrapped  up  in  the  cycle  for  too  long,  dating  back  to  his  grandfather  and  probably  beyond.  and  he  takes  a  long  time,  over  thirty  years  to  face  his  demons,  his  past,  and  the  place  where  he  felt  his  life  ended.  to  finally  completely  heal  every  part  of  him  instead  of  locking  it  away,  not  acknowledging  it.  and  he  reclaims  it  for  himself,  for  his  niece  in  the  name  of  all  the  children  that  were  lost  to  the  true’s  vicious  nature  and  to  protect  those  with  that  shine  to  not  be  used.

he  could’ve  been  a  tragedy,  a  sad  story  about  how  you  can  never  outrun  yourself.  and  that’s  true,  you  can’t.  you  take  yourself  with  you  wherever  you  go,  but  if  you  turn  and  face  the  darkness  with  resolve  and  purpose  you  can  come  out  of  the  other  end,  free,  ending  that  dark,  dangerous  cycle,  breaking  those  chains  you  felt  you  were  not  in  control  of.  

dan’s  stronger  than  his  devils,  whether  that  be  alcohol,  his  shining,  or  the  overlook.  plagued  by  nightmares  well  into  his  thirties  and  beyond.  he  decides  it’s  never  too  late  to  battle  those  things  he’s  been  running  from,  and  in  the  end,  he  succeeds,  he  wins.

[valiantlyjollynightmare]

💖🎶

💖 you know. I actually don.t remember. I don't think it was a single reason though, to be honest. I think i started writing my first when i was still in 9th grade, roght after i read only time (travel) will tell (which has since been deleted and linked again from the wayback machine on @miraculousdeletedfics) and where have all the heroes gone and where are all the gods. In other words. I was obsessed with time travel and the idea of second generation heroes and i had this a4 notebook that looked legit like shit and i just wdote in it a lot. Nino was the guardian. He had an existential crisis when he had to pick his son as chat. Wild times. But yeah. I just really loved the fics that had already been written and wanted to contribute too. And i.m also always a sucker for attention so there.s that too lmao

🎶 AJDJSJDNA YOU KNOW THIS IS MY WEAKNESS. MUSIC. MY BELOVED. I always always have playlists for my fic and more often than not i at least start writing listening to stuff tho i might pause the music at some point if i get into the writing mood and need to focus better. Lately i have actually been listening to a romanian song on repeat but idk if there are ajy translations for the lyrics and idk if you want me to add the translation here ajrhehrjjaa but it.s called fluturi albi (white butterflies) by aeon blank and ana coman. It.s extremely angsty. And has a lot of sentiadrien vibes. Aged up sentiadrien vibes. So many of them. Like. "Blinding, blinding, this dead sun / any unsaid word becomes poisonous / they'll catch us, they'll catch us in the end / they'll lock us up in a castle with white butterflies / and whoever says we're not allowed to die? / hold me in your arms / we're going to fall next / we'll be free, we'll be free one day / between four walls / we've always been alone / alone we'll be left

I JUST. I.m so normal about this song sorry. It.s just. ENDLESS SCREAMING. AND THEY SING JT SO BEAUTIFULLY. it.s on the witch au playlist too tho idk if i can include it. But yeah. Aged up sentiadrien.

[llycaons]

FORGOT A TITLE UHHH STOP READING SHITTY BOOKS

CW: misogyny, wh*rephobia, anti-Rromanyism

in the episode, a previously he/him host is now a he/they. so congratulations on the pronouns

they talked a lot about the magic system here which I barely remembered and didn't find very compelling

unlike the hosts I just don't care for magic systems that try to break your brain. I get the appeal but I like to understand things

our PhD candidate is very earnestly trying to connect a later scene of mass production of magic lamps to adam smith's theory of political economy. idk what he's talking about but the other hosts assure him PR isn't that clever

so like we said before our main guy is....every type of guy. and REALLY dramatic about it too

theater kid kvothe?

so he's an unreliable narrator, I guess?

hmm so yeah there's a lot here about wh*res and how horrible it is to be a sex worker and how a gentleman shouldn't call a wh*re a wh*re because "you don't want to remind them of how terrible their job is" even though they're still thinking about these women in this derogatory way? why can't you just treat these people respectfully because they're people?

also PR is apparently an epic atheist (TM) and religion plays a very minor role in this story

also there's a myth where a there's man who's abusing his unfaithful wife and it's treated like "oh they deserve each other because they're both doing bad things" ??????

so PR is an abuse apologist now ig along with being misogynistic and wh*rephobic and anti-Rromani AND according to what I remember vaguely homophobic as well?

HOW did this asshole get his reputation for being progressive again???

so anyway there's a ton of irrelevant lore that none of the hosts care about because it.s boring, none of the characters seem to believe it, and it literally never comes back so it seems pointless

also, NONE of the things kvothe bragged about in his intro speech ever happen in these books? I'm taking it on faith but I don't think any of them do which means book 3 is going to have a LOT of work to do

one of the hosts posited the idea last episode that PR doesn't seem to understand the concept of character development bc 1. none of his characters in this story seem to undergo genuine change or self-reflection and 2. in his goodreads reviews apparently he's always saying shit like 'hmm, most mysterious how this character started one way and then ended up a different way"

one of the hosts described this book is a fine pinterest board or a really nice tumblr gifset but it has no actual....story

so the women in this section. kvothe's unnamed mother and the sexy contortionist. doing great pat

also kvothe's dad apparently seduced his mom, who is not originally a member of their tribe...okay leaning into some other stereotypes I see

the hosts conclude that women exist (go queen) but they only exist...so men can love them

DOES PR know they're people? difficult to tell

a note: when the chronicler came in initially to be like "oh you I want your story" and he said no the guy was like "I heard...there was a woman involved" and apparently kvothe went sicko mode and in the end was like FINE I SHALL TELL YOU MY TALE

this isn't original, obviously, but it's not even original to redhaired fantasy protagonists of the last 20 years. this is literally a watered-down version of how rand al'thor acts because he's incapable of being normal about women

I remember reading this book and being very creeped out by the objectifying way all the men in the inn would talk about women

so there's some disabled kids in the city with him on the streets which is interesting to one of the hosts because you don't see that a lot but nothing really was done with them so like many things in these books they're just there for the sake of...being there

one of the girls gets her own spinoff book. and its title...now tell me this, whoever's reading. what does the phrase "The Slow Regard of Silent Things" mean to you?

honestly I like how it flows and I'm not opposed to using unusual adjective/noun combinations, but this doesn't really say anything concrete so much as give me a vibe of...reflection. this is a hallmark of PR's writing, where there's not many concrete things explicitly described but more often just the general energy to it. this isn't a bad thing, but I'm not reading that book and i have no plans to. it sounds very...transparent, like there won't be much to it.

but like, he goes on and on about storytelling so much that he never actually tells a story. like he's so up his own ass about how clever he's being that he doesn't actually accomplish anything

oh also this dude our mc who's telling his life story, he's only like in his early to mid twenties. which is actually quite hilarious and a detail I find genuinely interesting. so apparently he was this great legendary figure and did all this stuff and he retired at 22 to be depressed and run a bar? I mean. mood. that's great

anyhow I guess he has this old mentor who's teaching him stuff back before his family was attacked? super original pat 🙄 the wise mentor is a staple of western fantasy. not that there's anything wrong with that, but it's annoying after hearing him talk about how this is such a totally unique story when it is SO generic is so many ways

so in his backstory, our legendary mc's family entire was murdered, he spent some time along in the woods, he came to the city and immediately became a street urchin, and then he went to magic school and was so genius and good at everything, prompting one of the hosts to observe that he "has every single backstory an adventure/fantasy protagonist could possible have"

hm...you know who has a backstory just like that and is also an unparalleled genius and legendary figure who left the world in his early 20s and who is also full of himself and who also has killer monologues about himself and whose character arc is also rife with romantic tragedy and who's also a musician and who also has a sick title the world knows him by and WHO ALSO showed up his teacher in a supernatural-adjacent school? that's right! mfing!!!! wei wuxian babey!!!

but unlike kvothe here he doesn't fucking suck because he's well written and his story has actual themes and a plot and he undergoes character development and has real relationships with people

in conclusion

watch the untamed

[just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi]

Y’all I had this dream and I just need to tell it to someone

Okay, so I have weirdly vivid dreams and this was one of them. I just. ghhahhhahh i just need to tell it to someone it’s. it.s sakfjlksjd’ag why brain why

Also this is just the main storyline of the dream. There were also some aliens, I think I went on vacation with my actual parents but forgot my clothes, and some of my whumblr friends walked by getting snacks while I was crying on the kitchen floor.

CW: implied sibling death, hidden illness. 

We were living in this small town that honestly, didn’t really like us. We had moved around quite a bit for our parents job, and at the time we were living in this really cool trailer/RV in the park. The people from town were snotty and self important, but we didn’t care cause we were genuinely having a good time.

I had an older brother; his name was Clive. He was a funny dude, but spent a lot of time to himself. He would just disappear for hours at a time, and sometimes not show up to important things. It was annoying, but for the most part everyone just kinda wrote it off like “eh yeah that’s Clive.”

So, the town was holding this footrace – and they were being really smug about it. Making it seem like it was just so important and that their star athlete dude was of course going to win.

But I knew Clive was faster. And I really, really wanted to rub it in the faces of the people that had been so mean to us. Clive ran almost every morning (I went with him but he was way faster), so I thought “this’ll be a breeze.”

But Clive didn’t want to. He just kind of laughed it off every time, saying he didn’t feel like it, didn’t have time. I was annoyed because I knew he had time. If he just stopped disappearing randomly he would have time to win and make those losers never forget it even after we moved out of town!

I literally had to beg him, and he finally agreed only if I would race with him.

So I did. And he won.

But then he freaking didn’t show up to the trophy ceremony.

I kept waiting and waiting, but he just didn’t show. I really thought he was going to this time, but he didn’t.

But before I could get too mad a Clive, they Mayor/organizer guy got up and said that their Town Darling had won. I just popped out to the front and went, “No? No, Clive won. You were there you know that Clive won.”

“I didn’t see it happen.”

I pointed around to people in the crowd. “THEY saw it happen! We have proof that it happened. You’re lying to cover it up because you don’t like my brother – my family!”

He gave me this godawful smirk and it made my blood freaking boil.

“Even then, if Clive isn’t here to accept the prize, then he forfeits it. It’s in the rules.”

With that, they brought up the Town Darling and stared heaping all this undeserved praise on him. I went to read the rules.

They said nothing of the sort.

Standing back up, I got up on the stage and confronted the Mayor again, telling everyone that he was lying, that the was manipulating the results. He got red in the face, trying to grab the rules from my hands before sitting down.

So they declared Clive the winner, even if he wasn’t there.

I was so excited I raced home, happy to tell him. He wasn’t there. Eventually, I found him at this treehouse he had made/found out in the woods.

I thought he was going to be happy, and I guess he kinda was, but he wasn’t excited.

“I guess I’ll enjoy it for the next three months, but after that you should take it.”

I cannot describe the way my heart dropped in my chest. “What do you mean? What’s important about three months?”

He looked me dead in the eyes and said, “I’m not going to live past three months.”

He never just disappeared, he was going to medical treatments or wasn’t feeling well from them. Our parents didn’t say anything cause they didn’t want me to worry.

Ya’ll I cried so hard I woke up. It still makes me wanna cry when I think of it what the actual fuck brain I this is not what I wanted to start my day withhhhh.

[thirstyforlulu]

I love your HCs.Can you do a poly one,please? Alucard and Sebastian have a goth s/o that owns a bookstore that has a tea room cafe in it.S/o's store specializes in rare,antique and occult type books.The reason why they met s/o to begin with is because of how knowledgeable s/o is when it comes to the occult.The store is also well known to supernatural beings.This tends to put s/o at risk and many different creatures and people often come in and flirt with s/o, knowing full well that s/o is taken

Being in your profession puts you into contact with all sorts of strange beings 

At this point, you were used to it, as long as they didn’t bother you, you didn’t have any problems 

Alucard and Sebastian were different though 

Your eyes were on them as soon as they stepped through your doors 

You had never seen anyone as attractive as them in your store before 

They both needed information so they had to go talk to you directly

When they spoke, you felt like you could listen for hours 

They both had you spellbound, which led to a little back and forth flirting 

You nearly wanted to scream when they flirted back 

Your relationship with the two of them started separately at first 

For a long time, they didn’t know about each other, but then they both happened to come in at the same time 

You were so sure they were going to dump you, but they were ok with it 

They said they didn’t mind sharing as long as you didn’t keep any secrets from them 

After that, the two them spent a lot of time in your store, either sitting in the cafe and chatting or reading some of the books you had 

Of course, some of your costumers still tried to flirt with you 

When that happened the two of them would give them such a death glare as they approached 

If someone dared to threaten you, they would take care of it 

If it happened in front of them they would either escort them out or drag them out if they had to 

If it happened when they weren't around, they would track them down and let them know what would happen if they dared to lay a finger on you 

Nobody had the guts to take the two of them on

[underworldpoppy]

It.s true what they say about college proffesors. You spend a lot of time to write a mail and you check more than twice to see if you wrote gramatically correct and then they send you an email ,short and with missing letters. Now i wonder if i should continue writing so damn formal or just write whatever lol

[sprayerbottles]

Marks Dorsan has been actively involved in septic tank related services like lift station pumps services and septic system maintenance services

Marks Dorsan has been actively involved in septic tank related services like lift station pumps services and septic system maintenance services . The fact is that those additional constructions cost a significant amount of money and a lot of infrastructure budgets these days are simply not capable of handling that extra cost. In short, the submersible pumps generally installed inside this form of a lift station are actually placed so as to pump water that reaches that station out of the well as well as into pipes that will ultimately take the waste water to a treatment facility. Nevertheless, the assistance of an expert can help you overcome all the lift station pumps installation and septic tank maintenance problems.

Motion For your concern, when the sewer system of your area is laid out, the experts always try to incorporate the lay of the land into it.e. This is because dry well set up Lotion Pumps contains two wells bored in tandem as well as sealed all around with concrete.If you are wondering why a wastewater unit is laid out the way they are or why they are actually placed in one particular location, of course, as opposed to installing systems in another locale, then it is wise for you to have a look at varied aspects of gravity. Also referred to as lift stations, these enclosures are available in one of two potential types: dry wells or wet wells. Simpler units The wet well method is used by many smaller communities that might maintain only one water treatment plant and works on the same basis as the sump pumps used with individual septic tanks by homeowners.

Since larger cities use certain wastewater treatment areas when it comes to handle the workload for the entire community as well, they primarily come forward to opt for the dry wells these days, so that they can save on maintenance costs. After the recognition of the proper water level by the sensor the pumps are turned on. Providing Electricity When Required If the gravity and land are not compatible with each other, then extra will need to be made in the form of lift pump stations that will hold a submersible pump or lifting pump in order to make sure that wastewater and freshly treated water on the return trip get to where they are supposed to go, actually. Gravity Provides most important thing i. Remember the septic tank maintenance is needed from time to time. He loves to pen down his experiences and thoughts related to the industry in his spare time.. However, the truth is that not every area or place will have that kind of legendary power in order to back it up and most importantly when gravity does not succeed, that is where a lift station comes into play.

This helps natural gravity lend a hand in getting wastewater as well as freshly treated water to flow naturally throughout, without having to add in lift station pumps along the way. There could be no denying to this fact that everything runs on gravity to treat and process water today since it costs far less to operate such a big installation if the grade as well as the slope of the land will lend the power of gravity to it all when it comes to move things along

[valiantlyjollynightmare]

For the fic writer asks: 🥺🎶🤗

🥺 mia just asked me about that too and i have had time to do a bit of self reflection since then ajdjrjjew, but really it all boils down to established relationshiop moments akrjrjjwa especially when they allude to their secret identities hehe. Banter and soft moments always make me go nghhhh and afterglow conversations are absoluteky chef's kiss in my book. But i also realized i absolutely adore moments when marinette especially is incredibwly overwhelmed (especially after a good dose of angst) and adrien is there to support her

🎶 madchattery just asked this too akfhrhjas but yeah, i always always take inspiration from music and let it help me while i write. It happened so many times for me to be struggling with a scene only for some random song to come in my playlist and give me a revelation. I'm not normal about music so i'll answer the second part with another song i've been starting to listen on repeat ajdheja. I just discovered it yesterday tho, and today i haven't had much time to listen to music, but it.s the song from suzume no tojimari's trailer. I don't even know what it's called lmao, but it's the one that starts eith kimi no naka ni aru aka to aoki sen. And that amazing hummimg rurururu sounds. YESTERDAY I COULDN'T STOP HUMMING IT IT'S SO GOOD i can't wait to watch that movie, it hyped me up a lot lmao

🤗 okokokok so. Hmmm. I know everyone says write write write always all the time, but they're so right! If you don't write, you can't improve, so write as much as you can, and don.t let anyone - not even yourself - tell you you're not good at it. Other than this, i'd say talk to people. I didnd.t actually have ideas until i started making friends in the fandom and just talking to them was like opening the floods. It wasn.t even brainstorming, i just had ideas. And when you have ideas, the more you talk about them, the more ideas you have and the more complex they become! So yeah, talk to people a lot and trust them with your ideas however wild they.d be. God knows my dms with some of my friends are beyond wild, but they're so fun skfjdnfnk. (If you want, you can dm me too!!! I'd be more than happy to help howver i could with any kind of ideas you might have). Also, as i already said, i.m very not normal about music so i.d say, if you love music, make playlists, vollect vibes, and then see of they could help you with the stories you come up with. It doesn.t even have to be music. Drawings, photos, memories, colors, myfhological creatures, anything you like can be a source of inspiration if you look at it and ask yourself something like, how can i make this into something i'd enjoy even more, or like. How would my otp/confort character relate to this specific fic i love?

I kid you not at kne point i was lamtenting the fact that i was born in winted and i was like, what would adrien and marinette do if emma was born in january to make her birthday more fun and i had an epiphany. Sp yeah. Put the writing lenses on at any time and you'll have a blast. But also take care of yourself!!!! If you don't write in a day, or if you have to scrap something, or if you.re jyst not in the mood, that.s normal! Take a break. That s still being productive

[the-firebird69]

and i am her his jersey girl....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRXhDQXhdXE

and Hera nd her character look like her...certainly do.  and yeh the one in the middle...

she has bigger hips not much bigger...and hey laugh ok they are huge...but mine re good sized im taller as this woman is es she is about six four. and is a great ape yup no she is not is a mac yes.  is tall.  born to be and htis  is not her normal look

but it is mine.  and he sees it yes.  her proportions are right but back shortened...about five inches hurts at times.  up we go and her head is larger than it appears hair does it.S

AND  i thank you for remembering me yes. lol...mb was nine foot ok lol.  tons will look. hahahah im famous too lol ahhah  iam.

and i am her on many occasions. large. too.  and bigger of course but there i put in our Offsrpring, our children. to survive.  and to man ships. of all kinds but mainly Stoneships, it is wonderful perfect a bit of suffering no not due to the math it is the best and my Christmas present from my wife.yes it is awesome no way it is better nnow yes wow.

and we see it ours there no but ok lol you are lol ahahah one of you Thor Freya say

and i say ths it is awesome, we will come in and take you home.  we se you get it.  tons dnot but ok we see.

no you dont hve to have fun driving it geezz

Hera Zues

and we love it they are exctatic in Jersey and all along the shore but really to find them.  nd it is hell but they rre up and hear it love their women and not  as much but they dont know it is a lot to them overwhealming all the time.  so they will work.

Thor Freya

we work.  and this is it lovely work.  and we noticed something they are puring their hearts into it we help here. now too.

Olympus

[fa-nfiction]

Thunder #36

Everything inside of me told me to call my friends. To ask them what I should do. But that meant that I had to tell them everything that had happened. The way that I’d used Michael because I just couldn’t leave him alone. The way that I’d begun drinking and partying to forget all the things that I’d done. They already knew that I’d been pregnant, of course, and they had probably thought that the loss was because of the wild life I’d been living. They didn’t judge me, or at least, way less than I did myself.

But the thought of Caitlin rolling her eyes uninhibitedly at me, or Megan shaking her head at me, while I was wondering whether or not to help out my estranged ex, was simply too much. They both seemed so settled now. Caitlin was talking about babies and trying to convince Chris that they would have plenty of room for one in their apartment. Megan was sending Snapchats every now and then, depicting dinner arrangements or cups with tea in front of the T.V., never showing her mysterious boyfriend but always showing how happy she was. Neither of them needed me, it seemed. I was just the single mom who became addicted to everything too fast and who would once in a while park my child at their apartments, leaving the responsibility to someone else than myself. If anything, they would tell me that I should just go and see him. That I should make friends with him. That it would help in the future, that I always had someone who could take care of my boy. But I didn’t need their advice. I wanted someone to come and tell me: Stay at home. You got this. You can be a perfect parent all by yourself. No matter how much you miss him. Don’t go to him.

My own inner voice didn’t supply the reason I needed and before I knew it, I stood outside of his door.

( ... )

“Cas! Christ. Come in, how long have you stood there?” He ushered me inside of his apartment, and I entered in a flurry of winter clothes and snowflakes. 

“It began to snow a lot. I- I wasn’t out there for long.” I lied, and we both knew it. I had been standing out there for the better part of 15 minutes before I mustered the strength to knock on his door. Two cigarette buds were out there as a silent proof of it, but they were rapidly becoming covered by the snow. He cocked an eyebrow but said nothing, and I was thankful that he at least had that courtesy. He looked tired, I thought. The small lines around his eyes had grown deeper since I last saw him. It felt like decades ago that he smiled and laughed with me, and that added to the awkwardness of me being here. I cleared my throat of something that wasn’t there and looked around to avoid looking more at him.

“Holy sh … shit. You’ve … redecorated?” The empty walls and the even emptier hall helped me through the strange silence.

This looked like nothing I remembered, and it was simply too empty and too unfamiliar not to address.

“Uh … you could say that.”

“Where are the posters and stuff? The dresser?”

“Already moved it.” His reply was short and dry, as if I knew exactly what he was talking about.

“Moved … it?”

“Yup. Going to drive again tomorrow.”

“I’m a bit lost here. Driving where?”

“Storage room. I’m moving.” He used the same dry tone again. “I figured Yasmin would’ve told you.”

“Um … no. When?”

“I’ll be loading the truck for the last time tomorrow. That’s why you’re here.”

I felt like a giant question mark.

“You wanted my help to … move?”

He chuckled with a strange lifeless voice. “No. It’s a cupboard I need help with. I could saw it to pieces or smash it with a hammer, but I figured, maybe I could keep it and sell it to someone. But then I need help to take it down.”

“Wauw. Michael the merchant.” I teased to try and wrap my head around the fact.

“Yeah. London life is expensive. But I guess you know that already.”

“Hold up. London??”

“Yeah.” He simply shrugged and walked down the hallway. No explanation, nothing, only this weirdly cold behavior and me who was left in a state of shock. It wasn’t until a moment later when I heard him calling my name, that I managed to snap out of it for a moment.

“It’s in here, Cas. Coming?”

( ... ) 

After a bit of instruction, I found myself, trying to keep most of the cupboard from collapsing while Michael screwed out one of the sides. Much to my surprise, it was not an easy task, and I understood why he needed the help.

“It’s … fucking gigantic, this thing. Where the hell did you get a cupboard like this?”

He was crouched down on the other side of the cupboard, and I could just see him from my strained position. He was holding a couple of screws between his lips, and he removed them before replying.

“It was my dad’s. He died.”

“My condolences. I’m sorry -” I wanted to show empathy by saying his name. I found that I couldn’t, and my sentence became strangely amputated.

“It’s alright. He was an arse. Everyone’s happier without him.”

I didn’t know how to respond. I knew the backstory, of course, but this was neither the time nor the place to try to be a therapist. I didn’t feel like it, either. My mind was swarmed with the fact that Michael was moving - to London - and I’d likely never see him again.

“Um. How … Why …” My sentence was cut short by him, unfastening one side of the cupboard and putting it aside while I was struggling to stabilize the rest of the thing. As the side was effectively off, he procured some rope and strips and went to my side of the piece to connect the remaining three sides. The question I was trying to ask died on my tongue and began to hurt inside of me.

“Hold.” He reached for the top of the closet and tried to secure it with the rope.

“I am holding it.” I huffed, while the whole piece of furniture wobbled dangerously.

“Here … and … there.” He fastened the rope some more, and the cupboard stood more still than before.

“What about … “

“What about what, Cas?” He secured some strips and I let go of the furniture. I felt the blood running back into my arms.

“Teddy. What about Teddy? When are you going to see him?”

He furrowed his brows and clenched his jaw. I could see the question was causing him pain, and I felt a strange joy from it.

“Go and have a break. I’ll fetch some drinks and tell you about it.”

I hesitated. I didn’t want to know what his plans were. I didn’t want any of this to happen. Instead of telling him that, I just nodded and went to sit in his living room.

( … )

The room was bared, except for moving boxes and a few items here and there. I didn’t know where to sit or what to do, so I just stood, waiting for him to bring us some sodas.

“Here.” He entered the room and handed me a glass of sparkling coke. I took it but couldn’t drink it. The shock that had started as soon as I heard the news had multiplied several times. The feeling that I couldn’t talk properly to him was making it even worse.

He sat down against the wall and took a large sip from his glass. His seeming obliviousness finally made the tipping point.

“It.s … it’s … three-hundred pounds, Michael. Three hundred pounds for the cheapest flight to London. How did you think this was a good idea? I don’t have that kind of money.” I almost snarled at him from my standing position. He looked up at me, his tired expression more present than ever

“I’ll pay for it all, Cas. Flight, food, everything.”

“Oh, great. So I’ll just put an infant on board of the flight, or? Tell the stewardesses how to feed him during the trip?”

“You’ll go with him. At least until he’s older. I’ll pay for the both of you.”

“Oh, so I’ll just stop everything that I’m doing and go to an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT COUNTRY so that you can see your boy? Why do you think I’d accept that?”

“Or I’ll come to you.” He rubbed his temples with the lower parts of his hands, as if trying to procure a solution to make me less mad. “Can you hear me out?”

“I really don’t want to, Michael. What were you thinking? And what about … the pub, and … Yasmin? James?”

“Yasmin’s the boss of the pub now. James will come and visit once in a while, and so will she.”

“Wait … what? That pub is … was … your dream. When did this happen?” I was dumbfounded. This night held so many surprises that it made my head spin, and my anger had been replaced with confusion.

“It’s a long and dull story, Cas. Things happened and …”

“Things … happened?”

“Yeah.”

What?

“I’m at a loss for words here. But … your … family? Your friends?” Teddy. And me.

“They’re all supporting me.”

“But why didn’t you tell me? Shouldn’t I have a say in this?” “I don’t need your permission to go, Cas.” His eyes looked tired. I clenched my teeth and tried to conceal the anger and sadness that was suddenly overwhelming me. I felt tears trying to escape my eyes and I turned away.

“Did you need help with the rest of the cupboard?”

He hesitated before replying. “Sure. Let’s get it down.” 

( … )

We worked in silence. It seemed like thousands of question were occupying my mind, but they never had the courage to let themselves be asked. Like that, I stayed silent. It was only if he gave me a command or instruction, that I briefly nodded in return. The cupboard was coming apart slowly, and the shelves in it were being taken down one by one. In the very back of one of the top ones, I suddenly found something that I hadn’t expected in a million years.

“There’s … something here. A … teddy bear of some kind?”

“Oh. That’s where it was.” He simply took it out of my hands and put it on the floor, a slight smile on his face. “I was afraid he had gone missing.”

The strangeness of the situation prompted me to ask.

“Is it yours?” It didn’t look like an old, worn out toy from his childhood, it seemed too … new. It was a regular brown teddy bear, with long legs and an embroidered text on the back - “My teddy”.

“No.” He paused and looked at the bear as if deep in thought. “I bought it for him. For Teddy.”

Another pause. “I just never got around to giving it to him.”

“When did you buy it?” Something about Michael’s face made it feel like I already knew the answer. Even more so when he looked at me, his eyes looking like he had lived for a thousand years and had now grown weary.

“The night you were admitted. Got it at the gift shop.” He said, quietly, as the wall between us finally began to crumble. My hands had covered my mouth with the surprise that somehow wasn’t a surprise at all.

“You came?”

“I did.” Memories of the night my boy was born were flying through my brain. The pain. The uncertainty. The anxiety. Richard. Michael. And finally, the joy -

“You came, and bought a teddy bear, and left again?”

“That … he came too. Richard. He saw me, and I figured I would only be a disruption.”

My head was swimming with thoughts.

“But … why didn’t he tell me? Why didn’t he say that you were there?”

Michael chuckled, the thought of his old rival that had now long left the premises, now merely an amusement to him.

“Why would he? He had won.”

The strange wording made me think about Richard and the deception he had put me through. A well-known anger was bubbling underneath it all, and I suppressed it.

“Why didn’t you text me back? Call me?”

He shrugged in an effort to push the memories away.

“I figured you had texted the wrong guy.”

I couldn’t reply. Of course I hadn’t texted the wrong guy. I never wanted Richard to be there, but the pain became too much to handle on my own. Somehow, back then, I knew deep down that Teddy wasn’t his. I knew that the birth of him would be the end of us. Of course, I couldn’t tell Michael this. I just sat down on the floor and wondered how one person could single handedly fuck up her life as much as I’d done. I felt like I had become three decades older in the blink of an eye.

( … )

“You need this.” He held a Guinness in his outstretched arm and one in the other. I took it as he sat down in front of me, his back against the frame of the bed

“I’ve quit drinking, Michael.”

“Yeah. Same here.” He said and took a sip of the cold bottle. The taste made him do a strange grimace. After a moment where we did nothing but take sips of our beers, he decided to break the silence that had once again enveloped us.

“Is he at Liz’ place?”

“Yeah.” I looked at him and felt that the beer had already begun to work as intended. I procured a cigarette from the crumbled package in my jeans pocket, and he pushed over an old cup to use as tray. “I’ll never get used to the fact that you’re just calling her Liz.”

“Elizabeth seems a bit too formal for her. She’s more of a Liz.”

“I meant that I won’t get used to the fact that you two know each other.” I lit up my cigarette.

“Ah.” He nodded. “Ask her about it one day.”

“So, you’re not going to tell me?” He shook his head and took another sip of the beer.

“She’s a friend. Can’t betray her confidence. Can I bum a smoke?”

“Right. And go ahead.” I drank some more too, and the taste felt like liquid heaven. We sat like that in silence, smoking and drinking our beers until they had emptied and he fetched new ones. Oceans of time and fuck-ups and mistakes had passed between us, but right now we seemed to drift along together.

“London, huh.” I said, and it was more of a statement than it was a question.

“Yup.” His eyes were tired and the darkest blue I had ever seen. Everything in me wanted to yell at him to stay, to not leave us behind like this, but I couldn’t. What I could do and what I decided to do, aided by the beers, was all the more horrifying. Before I could stop it, the old jealousy monster came roaring back. Apparently with a vengeance.

“So aren’t you going to leave some girl broken-hearted?”

He looked at me with the saddest smile on his face, and I could have shot and buried myself right then and there. Why did I say that? Why, oh why, oh fuck-shit-WHY …

He ran his hand through his hair and fired the metaphorical gun.

“There is someone.” He looked down, shying away from me. I felt like I was dying, and yet, my voice stayed unfazed. All is good. All is good here. I feel no pain.

“See? London is a bad idea. And long-distance relationships never work out.” Not that I want it to.

He looked up at me and chuckled in a strained, low manner.

“If you say so, Cas.”

“Cassie.”

“Sorry.”

We sat there, the silence and the pain dividing and uniting us simultaneously, until finally, I got up from the floor.

“I should get going. It’s getting late.”

“Sure.” He got up as well. “Well, shit …” He exclaimed as he looked out the window and my eyes followed his. The heavy snow from earlier had now turned into a full-blown blizzard, and it was nearly impossible to even see the streetlights. The streets were covered in a thick blanket of snow, the wind was throwing large duvets of snow through the air, obscuring the visibility for everyone. The streets were completely and utterly empty.

“Ah, Christ. What …” I sighed with the frustration of having to go home through all of this.

“You’re staying here.” Michael suddenly said, and I turned around to look at him.  “It’s … I don’t want you getting hurt or something like that.”

It felt like I was exasperated down to the smallest bone in my body. I didn’t want to battle my way through tons of snow, this night had been tiring enough in itself. And like that, I agreed with him.

(... )

I don’t know what bothered me the most. If it was the sound of his snoring from the sofa in the living room or if it was the fact that he slept so soundly, so safely, while I was here, in his bed, feeling anything but sleepy. He slept like he didn’t have a care in the world. He was on his way to the future - new job, new country, a whole new life, and I was not a part of it. I was the accessory that came along with the child he would see now and then, whenever it suited him the best. I was stuck in this small town, without a job, without any possibilities, without a partner to share it all with. Just a burden to society. A single mother stuck on welfare. People would look at me in the streets and talk about me behind my back, and I had no one. I shifted from angry to sad to frustrated to angry again, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I decided that enough was enough, and that I had to get up and out and home. My plans of sneaking away in the night and thereby avoiding the dreaded goodbyes were obstructed as I heard the noise from the flushing of the toilet. He had awakened.

 “Cas?” He asked, surprised, as he was caught off-guard while exiting the bathroom. He looked at the winter coat draped over my arm and put two and two together. “Are you leaving?”

I nodded and looked anywhere but at him. The lump in my throat was threatening to expose me.

“Have you slept?”

Again, I nodded. It was a lie.

“I don’t think it’s gotten better. Probably more the opposite.” He gestured towards the street, where the snow was still everywhere.

“I’ll call a cab.” I replied and tried to ignore the way he looked. Pajama pants and nothing more. He reminded me of mornings when he would hold my hair and rub my back while my morning sickness made existing almost unbearable, and the memory made my heart ache.

“A cab?” He chuckled. “They can’t make it through in weather like this.”

I clenched my fists and tried to will the lump of grief inside of me to disappear. It worked for a second, and the anger came back to replace it.

“How can you do it?” I spat out and finally looked at him. “To her?”

“To … who?” He looked perplexed for a second.

“The girl … woman … whoever it is. Don’t you think you should … i don’t know … stop being a jerk to women?” My voice became strangely high-pitched at the end, but I was already so far gone that it didn’t matter. Hey everybody! Jealous Cassie is back …

“A … jerk?” He looked even more perplexed, and I got angrier by the second.

“You know what you did to me.” I hissed at him, my eyes burning with the feelings that had never really gotten out. “Why are you leaving someone else behind again? Why are you doing this again?”

“What the hell are you on about, Cas?” He raised his voice at me. “This is nothing like … us, back then.”

“Oh, but it is. Tired with your old life? Just kick out the girlfriend and move on. New life, new fun, new everything, none of the complications. How can you … how can you do that to her?”

“New fun?” I could see him getting angry, and I felt oddly content about that. “New … fun?”

“Yeah. Just like back then. You were probably swimming in sluts before I even left the pub. Oh, wait. You were. Was she any good?” I had now begun full-on yelling at him, and I felt hot, angry tears leaving my eyes. He stood there in front of me, jaws clenching, unable to stop the attack I’d begun.

“Did you enjoy it? Hmm? And are you gonna enjoy yourself this time too? New pub, new girls, and this time in London where they all look soooo fine -” I mocked him, each word causing him a new blow. He didn’t back down, though. With some kind of fierceness in his eyes, he took a step in front of me and it felt like he was going to push me out of his way. I stood my ground.

“You … know … nothing … about the time I had, Cassie.” He snarled lowly as he had gotten close. “You know nothing. So shut up.”

“Like hell I’m shutting up. I’m not going to stand and watch as you wreck another girl’s life. I just hope you haven’t gotten this one knocked up. Have you?”

The unexpected attack was below any moral standards I had left, and I could see it in the way he backed away.

“I’m not ... “ He hesitated. “I’m not with her like that.”

“Oh, that’s such a surprise, Michael. The no-commitment-guy is not in a relationship? SHOCKING.”

He leaned back against the wall and put his hands against his temples, as if trying to make me disappear like a bad hallucination.

“She doesn’t want me, Cas. Alright?” His eyes were pleading for me to stop now, but I couldn’t. I had found a wounded man and proceeded to kick him in the guts over and over again.

“Have you asked her? Have you asked her about it? I’m thinking you don’t have the ability to form a question like that.” He looked back at me, and something - the need to retaliate perhaps - made the shine in his eyes come back. “Should I, Cas? You think I should? Are you an expert on this, or?”

“Fuck yes, you should! I’m not going to let this happen to someone else ...” What the fuck am I doing.

He went into the living room, back straight and head held high, as he searched the room for his phone.

Now he’s going to call her. Why the fuck did I do this to myself.

“There. There it is. Happy now?” He went back into the hallway where I stood. For some reason, I had to see it through. I had to endure the pain, again.

“Dial her number.”

“Fine.” He snarled and opened the phone. I could see him finding the call option and tried to dream that I was somewhere else in this very moment.

Suddenly, a the muffled noise of a song playing could be heard somewhere. I recognized it immediately. C’mere by Interpol.

“ … It's way too late to be this locked inside ourselves

The trouble is that you're in love with someone else

It should be me. Oh, it should be me …”

My phone was ringing.

[aesthetic-for-all]

Thank you so much for the Wolf x Fox (Wolfox/Folf) moodboard, I really appreciate it a lot and sorry for any trouble with that! It's lovely. <3

Happy to see you love it  (*°▽°*)

And it wasn’t troubling really, of course I can’t know about every fandom ever, but it.s still interesting to work with them since I can maybe discover something new I might like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I’m more sorry to have taken so much time to finally get to make it, but school should end soon and I’ll be able to do some more aesthetic in the winter vacation (at least I hope so :’) ). Getting into bnha has put back some life and motivation in me (a little on the wrong thing, but still it a good change). Let say 2020 has been harder than I would have first expected.

[jasonstuart]

I'm actually doing stand up comedy LIVE for the first time since March. I will be in a parking lot in with all these funny headliners. Saturday Nov 21 at 3pm. You get to see the show from your car! If someone said this to me a year ago, that I would doing this? I'd of said they were nuts, count me out. Well.... the times are a changin. Come lol for a while with us,  it.s the best medicine. Jason Stuart Click on the link for detailshttps://myscvcoa.org/pec-events/a-night-of-laughter-under-the-stars/?fbclid=IwAR0ccfI4YZK8IpkDv7v1WpQrXyHQmQ59CW1eag_Tx6Z_xHBCoCUe0f0EwJo