#its a fucking gem and i need y'all to appreciate it

[therapist-solarist]

persona 5 royal: incorrect quote

Yusuke: I'm not surprised he's dating Akechi, Joker is far too beautiful a man to be straight, I have suspected he is bisexual for a very long time. Ryuji: No way man I'd know if he was gay! Yusuke: Have you seen how Joker brews coffee? Ryuji: Boss makes good coffee. Yusuke: He raised his dead situation-ships daughter, that's not a straight man's move.

[elijahs-wife]

🌙 hey y'all! we're almost at the very end of march so here's this month's reading list, to show some appreciation to all the amazing writers on this site. seriously, you're all absolute angels!

🌙 all the fics on this list are so incredible, please show these writers some support and reblog them if you enjoy them as much as i did! also a reminder to any minors to heed any 18+ warnings that some of these stories contain! 

🌙 and here's last month's reading list in case you missed it!

☁️ the vampire diaries/the originals

↠ clean up by @seraphictrash

[elijah mikaelson x reader, one shot] very very good elijah characterization and just all around spectacular!!💘 you’ll be seeing me rec a lot more of lauren in the future!!

↠ nsfw alphabet with klaus by @theeoriginals

[klaus mikaelson x reader, headcanon, smut] sweet lord this was so steamy and just... 10/10 man. its really that good 🥵

↠ can we make new orleans our paris? by @iliveiloveiwrite

[elijah mikaelson x reader, one shot, fluff] when i tell you my heart jumped when reading this!!💖 its just so sweet and fluffy i could die, also millie writes for a ton of other fandoms pls check out her stuff!!

↠ cockwarming with klaus by @nikmikaelsonswife

[klaus mikaelson x reader, headcanon, smut] read this for the second time and it still made me all 🥵🥵 bc goddamn who doesn’t want a klaus in their bed?

↠ eternity isn’t long enough by @imkylotrash

[elijah mikaelson x reader, one shot] absolutely beautiful, gorgeous writing style and such a warm happy ending, exactly what i needed💗

↠ remember me by @fieldsofmoonshine 

[elijah mikaelson x reader, one shot, angst] one of very few fics that actually made me cry, this is so horribly sad but beautiful at the same time💔

↠ for the quiet days in the the quarter by @klausownsmyass 

[kol mikaelson x reader, headcanon, fluff] absolutely hilarious platonic prankster kol content i will not say any more, just read this😂

↠ prophetess by @seraphictrash​

[elijah mikaelson x reader, one shot] this was so beautifully written!! i was sure it was going to be angsty as hell and it was, but fortunately there is a happy ending😌 lauren never misses, i’m telling you!!

↠ the club by @imgoingtofreakoutnow

[elijah mikaelson x reader, one shot] gentleman elijah content, we truly love to see it😌 go check out annie’s masterlist (and also follow her bc she just hit a milestone!!) 

↠ the notebook by @fieldsofmoonshine

[elijah mikaelson x reader, one shot, angst with a happy ending] absolutely adored this one, i don’t want to say anything so as to not spoil it so pls just trust me on this and read this one!!💘

↠ payback pt 2 by @mayans-sauce

[elijah mikaelson x reader, one shot, smut] oh my god oh my god i remember this one broke my brain lmao it was almost too steamy and good😂😭

↠ you and i by TheSushiMonster

[bonnie bennett x enzo st john, series] found this gem on ao3, don’t think the author is on tumblr but it’s a series of bonenzo drabbles and they are all absolutely incredible and beautifully written. this was published in 2017 but dont let that stop you from leaving all the kudos and comments!!💓

↠ keeping secrets by @imaginearyparties​ 

[davina claire x marcel gerard, drabble] ilana, all of your content is simply top-tier but i must say this might be my favorite that you’ve ever done💖 we are truly starved of davina x marcel content and you are our saviour😌

↠ elijah mikaelson imagine by @alwaysfangirlingish 

[elijah mikaelson x reader, drabble, fluff] an adorable little thing about elijah proposing to his girlfriend, absolutely adorable pls go read!!💗

☁️ marvel cinematic universe

↠ the cracks in our reality by @divine-mistake

[loki x reader, ongoing series] i really had to restrain myself from just putting your entire masterlist on here, but let’s start with tcor. i cannot rave on about this series enough, it is so wonderfully written and loki’s characterization and inner voice in this is like one of the best i’ve ever read. if you are a loki stan and not reading this, you’re missing out big time!!!💞

↠ deny (with love) my labor by @divine-mistake

[bucky barnes x reader, one shot, angst with a happy ending] the other fic on this list that actually made me cry😭 i was so, so moved by this story, it’s so painful and real and beautiful and UGH you are so talented how?? 

↠ the servant and the prince by @dizzydancingdreamer

[loki x reader, ongoing series] okay i am very behind on reading this but i adored chapter one so much!! as if i didn’t love soulmate aus enough, you went and added a cinderella theme to the story?? its outrageously good and i’ve only read chapter 1. pls everyone read dizzy’s story she is absolutely darling and so talented!!💖

↠ peaches by @buckycuddlebuddy 

[bucky barnes x reader, series] i didn’t really care for the dad’s best friend au before this series came into my life 😭😂 (mostly) filthy goodness, and i absolutely love it

↠ i like you better, than anything else in the sky by @ritesofreverie 

[sam wilson x reader, one shot, smut] my underrated king!!💖 i loved this, it was so sexy and sweet at the same time. he could really do whatever he wanted to me lmfao, thank you for providing us with delicious sam content😌

↠ groupie love by @burninmatches 

[bucky barnes x reader, one shot, smut] this is the first time i’ve ever read a rockstar!bucky au but god is it good!! so well written, so undeniably hot and i hate that i love how smug and douchey bucky is in this one😭😂

↠ oasis by @bubblebuckys 

[bucky barnes x reader, drabble, smut] when i tell you this made me gasp... i’m not even joking, this was just pure filthy goodness and i am so here for it🥴

↠ knife talk by @tripleyeeet 

[loki x reader, one shot, fluff] so cute and honestly so funny, i love that loki wasn’t mad at her either however i will not stand for the bucky slander lmao i refuse to believe he’s a bad kisser😂😭

↠ debt-free by @stormquill

[tony stark x reader, series] i’ve recently been on a bit of a tony streak and this,,, this really hits the spot🥴 only read the first chapter but i can’t wait to read the rest!! 

↠ study date by @wand3ringr0s3

[peter parker x reader, one shot, fluff] i love my spidey so much and this is just such a cute fic!! like i was yearning for it to be real the whole time💘

☁️ chris evans + his characters

↠ you won’t play, you’re no fun by @gyllenhaalstories

[chris evans x reader, one shot, smut] professor!chris absolutely owns this 🐱 that man could order me around all day every day and you know i would obey him💀

↠ little doves don’t cry by @ritesofreverie 

[steve rogers x reader x andy barber, one shot, smut] excuse me this was so fucking hot and for what. for what. who thought it would be a good idea to put a steve and andy 3some fantasy in my head😐

☁️ miscellaneous

↠ air conditioning universe by @darthamidalas

[javier peña x reader, series] honestly can’t believe i only found this series like 2 days ago but i’m so glad i did bc it’s some of the best writing for peña that i’ve ever read, no joke!!💗

↠ settle by @duskholland

[tom holland x reader, one shot, smut] i already love tom... add a mob au and i’m an absolute goner. this was genuinely so fucking hot and i can’t deal with it i can’t😩

lastly, thank you to everyone here for sharing your stories with us! the world is so much better with wonderful fanfiction authors like yourselves in it 💖 i am immensely grateful to all of you! xx tay

[brideofcthulhu10]

How would the boys react to their s/o teasing them to the point of them snapping? X)

Oh you thirsty, thirsty fang babies. Do y'all realize my most liked and shared post is the Soundtrack Sex post? Alright you little hungry bats, only cuz I love y'all. Keep in mind since I've done a few like this before, I'm going to be diving more into each guy's individual kink. I think all of them are into some form of bdsm but to varying degrees. They're sadistic killers after all, so they'll crave that same control over their s/o. Again with each vamp having his own preferences. Get ready because this gets pretty graphic. Y'all better appreciate this, it took me two and a half frickin' days!

The Lost Boys Get Pushed to the Brink by Fem!S/O 

18+ CONTENT WARNING: Sexual Themes, BDSM, Potential Triggers, Offensive Language! READER'S DISCRETION IS ADVISED!

David 

David knows all too well what you're doing. You must think you're quite clever. The way you sway your hips when you walk across the boardwalk, dropping your purse "accidentally" and bend over to get it, pressing your breasts tightly against him for even the most casual hug. Don't think just because  you're in public he won't fuck you here. David has no patience whatsoever. What he wants he'll have. You're not nearly as sneaky as you think you are when you press your butt against his crotch, leaning back so your lips are just brushing against his neck sending tender little breaths across his chilled flesh. He'll run his hands over any exposed skin you have, and just below your ear he'll coolly growl little threats. 

"If you continue to tease me, little doll, I am going to fuck you until you shatter."

The words will send chills down your spine and light a fire inside you. That's not a warning, that's a challenge. When it's finally too much he'll tear you away to the nearest dark corner and rip your panties off. Just look what you did to him, the way he throbs until his erection is aching to break free. You will remember who is in charge when he hoists you right on top of throbbing his cock, balancing you with ease on his hips. He doesn't even have to hold you up, and instead uses his other hand to choke the pretty little words from that naughty mouth. Cautious not to strangle, he’ll tightly press his thumb right over the prominent vein in your neck savoring the rush of blood just beneath the skin.The gruff moans he huff out make your eyes roll back with delight. David loves the way your flesh clings to him, but you better not make a sound. If you even so much as whimper he halts his motions, leaving your body starved. No one is allowed to hear your moans but him. David doesn’t share in any way. Afterwards don't even bother asking for your panties back when you two sneak out of that secretive corner. He'll stuff then in his pocket with the most villainous grin you have ever seen. 

"Consider it punishment for being such a wicked little minx, love."

Now if you're in the hotel you're not gonna get very far teasing him. He'll raise a brow, just barely looking up from his book to see you in that skin tight dress, it doesn't take him long to realize you are without a bra. If you don't come to him when called, he'll go to you. You haven't even seen speed until you deny your lover his precious doll. In a flash you're swept into his arms, thrown atop a bed laying flat on your stomach. With a slow touch, David will lift your chin from behind and lean himself against you. You shouldn't have run, shouldn’t have hid your perfect body from him. When you're alone he drags it out so much more. 

Leather clad fingers will tease your lips, pushing ever so slightly but denying you the sweet release you so desperately yearn. He's such a cruel one taunting you, massaging your tender breasts just whispering into your ear. Naughty girl, are you wet already? He's just barely started. With a flick of the wrist he snaps his belt from his pants, dragging the cool leather piece over your exposed cheeks. The sting across flesh makes you moan, and again he sends a strike. David’s low chuckle is addicting. He takes a moment to admire your quivering form, tempted to leave you begging for more. That's what he wants more than anything. David desperately craves your wanton voice crying for him to defile you. He’ll just sit back, watching you lay in place. Don’t move, he’ll tell you. Instead he’ll order you to play with yourself. Show him how badly you yearn for his touch. The power fuels him, looking at your glossy eyes while your finger yourself, whimpering his name softly. When you close your eyes it breaks contact, and again he crashes the leather into skin. Never hide from him. The sensation is enough to entice a moan from you, the muscles squeezing your fingers spasming in delight. So, you wanted more. He’d chuckle again. You’re such a silly thing. All you had to do was say so. Slow strips of red surface over your ass with every erotic whip. He’s cautious to etch the border between pain and pleasure, never crossing the threshold. It’s give and take. He sees the way it sends you into a tizzy, which in turn only excites him more. Cum drips down your thighs, but he’s not ready to let you finish. Slowly David will peel away his gloves, taunting you with his precious touch. Clothes are shed to the floor in a mass of black. Lifting himself on his knees he runs a hand down your back. He taunts your soaked pussy with the belt still tightly grasped in his hands. Just look at the mess you’re making. When he pauses, hinting at his next strike you beg again. 

“Please, what? Tell me what you want!"

“I wa.. want you.. to hi...hit me again..”

“Hit you..? Where? I don’t even think you said please, you greedy girl.”

“P-Please! M-master please! Hit my pussy! I-I can’t take it, please"

The hit stings, but it sends a bizarre pleasure through you. They mix in a sickly concoction. A heat of fire that causes your lips to pulse, and when he hits it again your eyes spin backward into black. He takes your wrists slowly and pins them behind, leaning over your body with his erection just barely grazing you. 

“You did this to yourself, baby doll. I warned you what would happen, didn’t I?”

The wrought leather strap constricts your arms, binding them to each other while you lay face down on your knees. He’s left you completely exposed to him, ass eagerly in the air. Soaked sheets caught beneath your knees, any orgasm he had led you too was quickly denied, leaving you crashing back at the bottom just to be built up again. You're so wrapped up in the pleasure of it all, you don't realize when he commands you to scream his name; he's actually begging. Say his name. He has to hear it, he needs to hear your voice cradle his name perfectly on those luscious lips.

When you give him what he commands he finally takes you. With a hand pinning you down by the back of your neck he'll ram himself so deep you fear you may break. The twisted slaps of flesh crashing against each other is nothing compared to the crying whines that echo these endless halls. Everything is spinning, your walls are torn away leaving you to spiral into madness. Every thrust presses you further beneath. You are at his mercy, and there will be none tonight. Each orgasm you had been denied came flooding back in wild waves, spilling out onto the mattress below. His name practically burns your tongue, there is no other word you worship so endlessly. This creature of the night had you under his thumb. Tonight he had more than your love, more than your body. He was taking your soul into his hands and locking it away. Time is lost to the world. There is no before or after. Now just went on forever. Surroundings blur into wild smears of color. There is nothing beside the bed you two laid upon. His moans are a godsend, they caress your ears. Velvet, silky, David is all you know.  It's a tirade of sweat and leather, stained in his cum. You can't even breathe as he fills you in floods, it's just this trembling simper. Not a drop is wasted inside your precious womb. When all is said and done, and you are a cum drenched mess David is, for once, genuinely tired after such heavy petting. Do not fear, lovely. He would never leave you to wallow in filth after he had battered you so. Its almost fluid the way he wraps you beneath fresh blankets, pressed to his panting chest. There would be no rhythm to soothe your body, rather his hypnotic touch bringing you back to Earth. With a cigarette already lit clutched between his teeth he'll coax you into taking a slow drag. You savor the bitter, ashen taste that burns your mouth. The plume of smoke leaves a veil of fog around you two, laying together while he softly praises you. His frustration was long gone giving way to his tender kisses trailing across your rosey cheeks utterly flushed  

"You were such a good girl, baby doll. You did wonderfully my little kitten, I couldn’t ask for a more precious gem. Rest, you deserve it. I’ll be here when you awake."

Dwayne

Dwayne is a closet pervert. He's a lot more modest than the other guys, which is ironic considering his attire, or rather the lack of it. But it's true, he's not the type to fuck in the back of a McDonald's by the dumpster just because you went a day without undies. When you show up to the boardwalk in a low cut top he'll aggressively clear his throat with the reddest face you've ever seen. Flustered is an understatement. He'll suddenly comment how cold it is tonight and immediately sling his jacket over your shoulders. So what if he's shirtless? He doesn't get cold. 

It's extremely hard for him to resist you when you're running your hands over his chest,sliding your  wrapping your arms around him just playfully running your fingers through his hair. It aches, he can feel his zipper about to burst. That leopard print strapless dress doesn’t leave much to the imagination, including your bare breasts left braless just beneath the fabric, it's just perfect under his leather jacket. He’ll swallow dryly. When no one looks he feels your mischievous touch trails down over his caged erection eager to taunt his libido. One wouldn’t assume Dwayne could get so pent up, but when he’s pushed to the brink all bets are off. 

You never expected to awaken a panther inside him once you two were alone. Those chocolate eyes were predatorial, wild, and that's when he takes you in his arms. A single kiss is enough to knock you off your feet. It’s melted heaven dripped onto your tongue. He draws breath from you, slowly peeling off his jacket. Your skin is so soft beneath torn, calloused fingertips caressing those trembling bumps spreading through your body. Chills, utter chills. You can’t help but rock your hips against him. Wandering lower he cups your butt until you’re tightly pressed again him, pausing those kisses. His words are soft, a sweet wine that gives you eternal life. 

“Tonight, your soul is mine”

The way his voice rumbled deep in your core pushes you forward, hungry for more. But his cruelty surfaces. There will be no wild, tearing sex. He wants to drag it out. Making love can’t compare to those moments when he lays you on your back just to worship your sprawled figure. The deep, dark cave is barely illuminated by the wild flicker of candles wedged inside discarded wine bottles, the warm slips of light dipping over every curve in your body. You look like a goddess to him, and tonight you’d meet your god. Kisses trail up your silky legs, the way he shifts over you is like a tiger ready to pounce. Eyes eat you alive. His teeth drag, leaving tender little love bites. It’s an agony of anticipation swelling you. With a firm grip Dwayne tears your dress from your very body. Those same calloused fingers that taunted your skin now trailed over the dips and folds of your thighs tracing over your pelvic bone. A cascade of black hair veiled his face when he leaned in. You couldn’t see it, but you could feel hungry, labored breaths taunting your exposed womanhood. You draw in a sharp breath when his tongue slowly drags from the base all the way up and over your clit. The sensation envelopes you in waves. Slowly, aching, toe-curling licks prod at you, one after another. You wish he’d speed up, but he has you exactly where he wants you. Begging for more, utterly helpless to his will- just like you did to him. Fire wells in your lungs as you’re only able to writhe beneath him. Resistance was pointless, that iron grip kept your hips perfectly in place. He teases at your clit with wicked flicks, tracing around your most tender place. Grasps of his hair are clutched between your fingers, but it only excites him more. Dwayne will grant you mercy, slipping his tongue inside to lap up your sweet juices. 

It’s impossible to truly describe the ecstasy he sends you into, Your legs hook over his shoulders just grinding your hips into his masterful grasp. Shuddering moans reverberate in empty halls, waves serenading just beyond. That edge is so nearby, dragging you by your ankles until your back arches upward. Karma is a cruel mistress indeed. Dwayne’s tongue slithers out leaving a trail of slippery fluids behind. If you try to move he’ll climb over your body, his hands pinning your arms above your head looking in your eyes. Again that monstrous tongue taunts you. Twirling over your perked breasts. With his other hand he prods at your entrance, never breaking eye contact with you. The sheer intimacy of it all is utterly ethereal. When you hear his hungry grunt just under your breath just feel another pull at your abdomen. It’s just too much, you need him. More than ever before. “Dwayne,” you whimper, thighs trembling under him. “P-Please… I..”

“Say it, princess…”

“I need you… D-Dwayne I… I need you”

You’re dwarfed beneath his body, lifted beneath your butt with his hips pressed into your lower half. Something burning pushed itself tightly in. You were barely able to accommodate his size even with how much he had spread you before. Each thrust pushed your body back further into the mattress, firm hands keeping you crushed against his heaving chest. You wrapped a leg over his wait using the base of your heel to push him further inside. Dwayne pushed against your womb desperately trying to pace himself. When he pulled back a slick suction coaxed him back inside, contracting muscles clinging to his veined member. You feel a dull ache in your back all the way up to your shoulders that tightens when he digs himself deeper. His lips caress yours, tongues eagerly tasting one another until you lock lips. He begins to moan louder. It’s a deep, almost bear-like growl. There’s a rapid pace to his thrusts now. They become erratic bucks, moans lost in each other’s mouths until you feel that familiar throb inside. It’s a burn that practically melts you. You feel more fluids squishing out, your nails dragging up his back tearing into skin until his hips stall. It’s a perfect moment, Dwayne lifting his head letting you gaze into his dark eyes carrying a flickering flame. You’re veiled beneath his hair, unable to hold back your glowing smile. When he pulls out to lay on his back you nestle in his arm up against his chest, listening to his shuddering breaths. There’s not much that can be said after that, you’re so worn out that you can barely keep your eyes open and simply savor his company until exhaustion lulls you into a heavy sleep in the arms of your lover. You definitely had to start teasing him more often if this is what you got. 

Paul

That boy will chase your butt even if you weren’t teasing him. But catch him off guard, and he’ll make you regret ever getting him that pent up. You knew exactly what was up when you showed up in that  busty shirt giving him a mouth watering view of your glorious tits, a teenie little miniskirt clinging to your figure, those hot fishnets under a pair of biker boots, immediately he already tries to swoop you into his arms- except you beat him to the punch. Your breasts press tightly against him, hands wrapping around his waist while you go in for the kill. Oh when you kiss his neck it makes him melt. Fine if you wanted to play, he’d play. And he’ll win. When you think it’s safe he’ll sneak up behind you to get a good handful of your ass, burying his mouth up against your neck growling into you. That’s when you start grinding it up against his pants and you’re really not surprised that he’s already hard. In a quick slip he catches his hands under your skirt. 

Oh this just keeps getting better. You filthy kitty cat. He’s had enough, he pulls you to the alleyway in a mess of hot kisses. There’s barely time to react, his tongue slithering in to taste every inch of your mouth. There’s hardly a struggle when he tears a big enough hole in your fishnets for him to get access to your glorious pussy. There's the echo of vulgar clapping barely kept under by the hustle and bustle just only feet away. Paul isn't about to cover your mouth. You don't get the luxury, he wants to fuck you until the whole state of California knows you live for his cock. You shouldn't have pushed him, because now he's determined to make your head spin. The rough concrete walls scratch up against your shoulders, your front completely crushed against his heaving chest growling out snarls and heavy moans. Don't even try to beg for mercy, he'll just laugh. The whole time he's hissing into your ear.

"No more? That's not what your little pussy is tellin' me. God you're so fuckin' cute when you're screamin' my name kitten. Louder, fuckin' louder! I want everyone to know who you belong to!"

If it's not an alleyway he'll happily go into one of the larger ferris wheel kiosks. Yeah he knows you can be seen, barely kept hidden beneath a sheet of metal and a few choice windows. You don't have much choice, pulled into a straddle over his lap as soon as you get on. You're not even ten feet in the air when his fingers start to tease you. 

"God you really do get a kick outta makin' me crazy don't you? You're already soaked."

Surprise, Paul had a bit of experience shredding a few tasty licks on a guitar not too long ago. Why did that matter? Because once those appendages slithered in, you almost immediately let out one of the loudest moans of your life. The way they pushed past his knuckles, swirling around, curving up hitting the sweetest spots even you hadn't touched before. It's impossible not to tightly cling to him. While you're utterly incapacitated he'll tear down your shirt and twist your pink nipple between his thumb and point finger. He'll tease you, suggesting maybe you oughta get them pierced. If you try to pull away he'll glance up towards the other kiosks just barely out of sight and smirk pulling you back into place. After all, we wouldn't want everyone else seeing how dirty you were. Everytime your body adjusted to the size he'd slip in another finger. Those muscles just sucked him in so perfectly, your sweet juices drenching his hand as he dug further inward. The moment you whine you're going to come is when the fun really begins. Paul's not just going to give it to you. Oh no, not yet. After all, you teased him, made his poor dick ache until it almost broke his zipper. It was his turn to tease you. You could hear his belt clink against itself and his fly slowly drag down. His cock practically whipped against your pulsating entrance once released, but rather than ram it right up inside where it belonged, he'd grab you by your chin and boast the most cruel, wild smile you'd seen. Stuffing himself inside, he halts watching your head immediately knock back at the sheer rush of pleasure that sent your back muscles into a spasm. With little effort he bounced you atop his lap. But you've still got a lot to make up for. Even while he penetrates you he's shoving his fingers inside as well until you're completely full, wiggling his tongue across your tits. The sensation makes your mouth hang open. There's no moans left. Just guttural whimpers barely able to make it through until you are left panting for air. You can't even keep your eyes open, it's too much to take. When you're on the brink of climax he'll halt again, burrowing his throbbing cock so deep you swear it's about to break your womb. The torture is unimaginable, he's just firmly wedged in place sending spasming pulsations that spread from the inside out. He fought the urge to ravage you. His revenge was just too cruel to give up now. WHen your hips tried to shift he planted them firmly against his naked pelvis. “Don’t fuckin’ move, or I’ll pull out.” The tight ache of your stomach just grew and grew but there was no relief! You beg wildly for him not to stop, tears edging the corners of your eyes. Do it more. Scream his name! 

Everything inside burns white hot, gushes of sticky wet juices squirting onto his lap and the seat beneath you. For a moment you could feel your soul trying to fly away. After all you just experienced nirvana, fucking Valhalla on steroids. It's easily a good five minutes before you can even speak instead of just moaning out slurred vowels. When you do come to, you immediately slug him in the shoulder. Jeeze! You were teasing him, he was just flat out torturing you! "Well next time don't fucking tease me, my dick was just dying for you, kitten!" After you've got feeling back in your legs he'll release the ferris wheel attendant and take you out for a sweet treat, probably ice cream. Oh yeah! He almost forgot. You watch as he fishes out a pair of your panties, a souvenir from your many sex exploits. Don't get him wrong, he'd rather you be commando, but you were still oozing out cum. Besides, he wasn't patient but he could wait an hour to tear into you again. W-wait? An hour? Again??

Marko

The moment you stepped foot on the boardwalk he knew something was up. Since when did you own a skirt that short? You practically jumped into his arms when you spotted him, a chill running over his flesh. Your bra was missing, perked nipples rubbing into his chest just beneath the tight fabric of your shirt hugging your breasts perfectly. Now he’s not nearly as ballsy as Paul or David, he can’t just fuck you in the alley. Well, he could, but the situation called for drastic measures. He wasn’t about to give you the satisfaction of riling him up. Rather, he has to plan this out just right. Revenge is a dish best served cold- WHICH ISN'T EASY WHEN YOU'RE OVERHEATING HIM!

God, it aches! Half the time he doesn’t leave any sort of counter or object he can lean on to hide away his pressing member begging to be unleashed. Plans would have to be dragged out, apparently this naughty girl wanted a whole date to torture him with. At the arcade he nearly lost his damn mind when you bent over to fish out your quarters from the machine. Yooooouuu vicious kitten, this was torture! When he stuffs his hands in his pockets he finally finds your panties, snuck in there while you had been hugging him. While you tore it up at the pinball machine he’d lean on you from behind. From any outside point of view it was just a boyfriend hugging his girl from behind. What couldn’t see was Marko’s hips grinding into your tender body barely kept safe under that tiny cut of fabric. When he whispered, he’d warn you what’s going to happen if you keep all this behavior up. Do you want him to go crazy, you wicked kitten?

“Careful what you’re doing, baby girl,” he’ll hiss in your ears, his fingers just barely brushing across the edge of your skirt. “When I get you alone… you’re mine.” At first it seems like a bluff. However you didn’t often send him into a fuss quite like this. Any teasing was at the hotel, little kisses and bites. Never was he denied for so long leaving him clinging to you. Every grasp craves you, but no matter how he snarls wicked begging into your ear you torture him further, even slipping from his arms when he least expects it. Tender kisses could never reach the passion you taunted him with. The loss of touch leaves him cold and yearning for more. At his brink, Marko practically tears you by your waist into his arms, jagged blue eyes cutting past your mischief. He’s taking you home. Now.

The entire ride across wind blown dunes and crashing shores he never releases you. Even as you rapidly step over debris scattered around the hotel’s entrance he cuffs his fingers around your slender wrist. Tonight you’ve made a very grave error denying him. For hours. Hours! Hours of watching you saunter about with nothing beneath, egging him on until he was ready to break. Now, it was his turn to punish you for your wicked ways. Marko had always been a tender lover, his dominant behavior kept cautiously under wraps. After all, he was afraid to frighten you off. No longer. With a firm flick of his wrist he practically throws you on the bed, pinning you in place by your neck. The force from the fall alone nearly knocked the air from you. There was an eerie silence for a moment, a dark tension emanating off of your boyfriend. His breathing would be sharp and trembling just barely keeping himself composed.

Honestly the urge to smirk is just too hard to pass up. Marko loved to tease you, rubbing up against your butt, nibbling on your neck when no ones looking, yet throw you in some tight clothes where he can't have you and suddenly it's unfair. His kisses ravage your mouth. There's little room to breathe. Wet appendages spiral in desperate taste for more. It physically hurt you to feel him pull away, leaning forward trying to keep the kiss going. 

"Uh uh," he taunted, fangs poking through his smile, pushing you onto your back again. "You were too cruel, baby girl. Now I get to have my way."

Using the panties you had previously crammed into his pocket he tightly tied your wrists together until the fabric began to dig into your flesh. Slowly he trails his claws over your clothing, tearing through it in one painstaking cut leaving your body utterly exposed to him. The cold night air dances around you, any movement halted as if invisible strings held you in place. Hungry gazes froze your blood. Flicking his thumb nail just over your pelvis, Marko savored the tiny hiss you unleash. Little beads of ruby decorate you with an enticing aroma. Pulling himself between your bare legs he took a slow, deep inhale of that hypnotic ambrosia. His tongue dragged over your wound sending a thin sting up your thigh. While his tongue tore at bloodied flesh his gloved fingers traced just over the flesh above your clit. The anticipation alone made your toes curl. Time slipped through your fingertips tips like sand through the hourglass. Every painful minute he edged closer to you, and when that cold touch reached your aching mound it swept away your thoughts in one foul swoop. How he managed to leave you so weak from a simple touch was beyond comprehension. You tried to squirm when he pet at your entrance with a single finger, but he immediately hooked his arm around one leg while using his knee to pin down the other. "You're not getting out of this," Marko hisses, pressing his nail into the wound until a trickle of crimson fluid spilled over into the crevice between your thigh and pelvis. He tempted it further, smearing layers of color across your womanhood watching it stain. 

Already drips of clear, slippery fluids drenched his fingers, just barely pushing in to feel your muscles tighten. Any contact swallowed them. If you were a good girl and held still he'd push further, tempting a third finger. Now come on, he knew you could do better than that. In went a fourth, spreading you open watching with amusement as all your juices spill down onto the mattress beneath you. He laps up the sweet taste, sucking it off his fingers and leaving you still aching from more. Just look at you, so eager for him to be inside you. Marko throws his shirt and pants to the floor. You can see his pulsing shaft pressing up against the fabric of his underwear. Firmly he pulled you up by your bound hands, teasing your bottom lip with his thumb. He’d rub his fingers against your tongue, the soft appendage wrapping excitedly over his knuckles. With his freshy wet hand he'd pinch your nipples, waiting for the inevitable whimper that gave him an opening to ram his own tongue back inside your mouth. A vulgar string of saliva barely kept your mouths connected when he pulled away, holding up your chin with his pointer finger. "I think you need more than just a little tease, don't you?"

When you nod he weaves his fingers beneath your hair and grasp it towards the scalp, bending your head back. Fangs brush on your neck, tugging at tight skin easily broken. Laying with his back against the headboard he yanked you over to him, pulling you down so you were balancing on your knees and forearms. 

"Suck it." The command was so firm, you almost thought you misheard him. No, you wanted it so bad? Fine. Now you got it. Open up, or he'd leave you drenched, trembling, on the edge of orgasm.  With wrists still restricted you pulled away his boxer unleashing his wild erection that eagerly pressed against your mouth. Marko will sit like a king in his throne with fingers woven through your hair. He makes sure it's all out of the way and in his grasp, watching your mouth bobbing up and down his shaft leaving slippery trails of saliva in its wake. His hips will begin to buck on their own with his tip grinding into your tongue. There’s a small push at the base of your skull, coaxing you further down. “There you go baby, get as much as you can fit in there, suck it nice and good.” You can feel his muscles tense under your grasp but you don't stop, continuing your relentless barrage until he snaps. All that pent up ache will flood your mouth in one foul swoop. It's hot, sticky, sweet and before you dared to open your mouth he pinched your nose. You better not waste a fucking drop. When he’s felt you’ve learned your lesson he gently pulled you on top of him, teasing your aching lips, swelled, pulsing, begging for release with the burning tip of his cock. You were such a good girl, taking all of him in like that, think you can do it again? 

Leaning back with you on top where he can watch you, he rocks his hips back and forth with such force it bounces your breasts, his conniving whispers commanding you to never look away. His icey blue orbs lock with your own. Utterly hypnotic. Sloshing squelches of liquids were churned around inside you. It pushed further with muscles tightly contracting around him. Your body is coated in a tender mist of perspiration, whimpers and whines creating a symphony of erotica that leaves you feeling a well of humiliation. There’s nowhere to hide from Marko’s prying eyes, he’s watching every curve, ever fold, every perverted expression contort your beautiful face and he lives for every moment. Your hips move on their own, grinding your clit against his pelvis while his veined shaft spirals around inside you. Vision fades in and out, all you can do is feel fire running through your veins. He felt so cold inside yet it burned. As you edge towards climax Marko lifts himself up and hooks your bound arms over his neck. Your raw nipples rub up on his bare chest, burying your face into his neck where a mass of messy curls cradle you. The intoxicating scent of your body sends him into a frenzy, grasping your ass assisting you in slamming down harder and harder until that deep, overwhelming tension bursts like a flooded dam. A rush of liquids squirt out, feeling him stretch out your insides. It fills you, and rather than pull out he holds you in place. The sensation of you pulsating causes his hips to buck until he slams into your womb with a final spray of cum painting your lower abdomen. Barely able to pull himself out he releases your raw wrists, stealing a hot kiss from your quivering lips. You just look so cute painted in his cum. Maybe next time you’d think twice about taunting him. Now that your punishment has finished, he crashes onto his back with you on top. Even he had to catch his breath. There is no guilt, but that doesn’t mean he won’t praise the hell out of you for being such an angel. He’ll practically hum when you play with his hair while he rubs your back, peppering kisses all over your head and cheeks.

“I’m… sorry for teasing you,” You whimper out, nestled in the crook of his neck. His chuckle makes his chest spasm, lithe fingers tracing shapes over your shoulders.

“Don’t be sorry baby girl, you did amazing. Maybe next time I’ll try to be gentle, hm?” 

[hobidreams]

@petty-talkofthecharts-discord-members You people really have 0 idea how industry, market, major music awards and charts work and it shows. Sit down. People are streaming because they enjoy music. You consume the music by streaming. Stop portraying people as bots and rabid fans. You listened to BE? Sorry to break it to you that you streamed. It's not about breaking records, it's not about other acts, it's about giving back love to BTS. THE BOYS explicitly said, multiple times, on a national 1/6

under a cut cause multipart 

television, in US and Korea, that they want all BE songs to chart on Hot100. THEY said they want #1 BB debut w Korean song. THEY all said, multiple times, including last week, they want a Grammy. THEY all wept whole night after #1, Jimin literally cried until 4 AM on the timeline together with armys. THEY SAID in the skit, after expressing euphoria, "Hoba, don't you think this is what happiness is like?". THEY said in the skit, "This is the best gift of my life... what... what just happened" 2/6

We appreciate them and the comfort, happiness their music brings us and we want to make them happy in return. So we give them what makes them happy. By doing what makes us happy. Which is listening to their music. If you don't want to see BTS happy, if you don't want them to get the awards they want, don't be a pressed anti in other people's business and let armys do what they want. If you think BTS is inorganic, that's fine, whatever helps you sleep at night, but know that so are all your 3/6

faves whoever they are. Name one organic big western act. Don't be shy, baby, speak into the mic. And it's cute how you think the strategies are a new thing on the west and how it's tied to BTS and ??kpop?? somehow? Do a little research on the history of Billboard charts. Whole history. Not just the last decade. Although the last decade has plenty of gems, too. Come on, sweetie. And let's not even BEGIN to talk about payola and blacklisting and fucking bundles. DON'T FUCKING LET ME START ON 4/6

blacklisting and payola and western acts and other certain acts and all your precious organic gp-loved "critically-acclaimed" radio-loved faves. You don't wanna have that convo, you really, really don't. It's gonna get real embarrassing for all non-BTS real quick. The receipts are out there, honey. So maybe don't start convos about charts and music industry when you're absolutely oblivious about everything, including how much you don't know about anything. 5/6

Y'all pressed people need to stop disrespecting BTS. You come and say THAT after everything Joon said and expressed just recently? Seriously? I hope the fuck you're now spewing this on weverse or twitter where there's even a tiny possibility he can see it. I have 2 questions for you: how could you? Why do you hate him so much? 6/6

my dude. first of all i literally disagreed with the anon that said streaming is inorganic lol.

as i have said through my responses multiple times, i think STREAMING IS IMPORTANT AND VALID. i said streaming serves a lot of purposes and streaming gets artists growth. i literally said this at least 3x. i am not here to argue organic/inorganic. please don’t put words in my mouth. i did not say that any of the western acts are organic. i never said that they don’t have strategies to get their numbers higher. i said western artists have easier times getting radio play than our boys do because they compose music primarily in english and that’s absolutely not fair and xenophobic, and streaming is a way to combat that from our side. i was praising those who take the time to stream. i am literally saying its UNFAIR that our boys don’t get more chances to get heard on the radio.

the only point i am trying to make is that nobody is obligated to stream. my original post was made in response to many many tweets i saw that were straight up BASHING on those who dont stream, saying they’re not real fans or they don’t deserve to get decent concert tickets. there are MANY MANY ways of supporting BTS or any other artist you like, and that’s buying tickets. buying merch. buying albums. i don’t want anyone to feel guilty or bad because there are people telling them theyre not doing enough, when they are. the only obligations we have as fans is to enjoy the music. that IS streaming. the very definition of streaming is to listen to a song in real time. please take a look at my answers again. i’ll even quote one here:

we have a right to enjoy content however we want. if that means streaming to you, then yay! if that means listening once today and once tomorrow, yay!

i am trying to say that there should not be any bullying of people to stream. im no way am i discounting the importance of streaming. i am saying it should be something undertaken willingly.

(p.s. what? lol i can’t even fathom why you think i would dedicate nearly two years of my life to run a blog about a guy i ‘hate’?)

edit: also in case it isnt clear, ive been talking about mass-streaming. not just listening to the album. ive been talking about the culture that promotes people staying up and sacrificing sleep/health to stream.

[acceldance]

Hey you, @your top 10 blogs and say why :D

I wonder if anyone is catching onto the fact that I am making icons for this as I go--BUT, WITH THAT BEING SAID! I had to think long and hard about this because well, I couldn't think of 10 blogs off the top of my head due to the fact that well, I don't talk to a lot of people ooc so this might be a mixture of mun/muse picking! I guess this is going to be a bit of a follow forever since I hit my milestone too.

@gctgud / @p-rimeape: LOOK AT THE GROWTH ON YOU! I remember when we used to talk about tumblr and you refused to come here. You were dedicated to the other platform until you saw the light and I couldn't be happier. You've learned a lot and it shows through your writing. You've adapted, acknowledged and exceeded expectations that you've laid out for yourself. You're a really great writer, I mean that. Its a marvel to see you write out any scenario and give it a flare that ought to be canon. You're doing so well and I know you'll keep on doing well. Don't stop. Can't stop--won't stop. You wanna be number one? Then go for it. I truly believe you have the ability to do so because when you have an idea, you not only hit the ground running, but you keep on running even if you don't have any backers or supporters. You use the drive to prove people wrong to further your cause and win them over with it later. Its great to see, its great to experience and its great to be on the other end cheering. NOW GET ON HERE AND RP WITH ME!

@challengingods: You are quite the character.  You not only care for your muse, the people that you rp with, and the people outside of your inner circle but you have the ability and the drive to want to better with what you have. Some people would just stay stagnant and just keep what they have going right now. You on the other hand, like the feeling doing better by your character; you want to be able to expand on Goku and take him to heights others haven't. That is something that a lot of people don't do nowadays and that is something that a lot of people, I feel, lack. So, I feel that this is why a lot of people tend to leave their muses after a while because they don't feel that same connection with their character anymore. Your relationship with our muse is like a relationship with a person: In order to have that connection, you have to work with your character.

@hybrid-warrior: Well, well, fucking--well. What do we have here? Another pig for the slaughter? Ok, I might be musing the wrong character but, let's try this again. You're a great person both IC and OOC, even with your moments. Its interesting to see your interactions with other people on both your blogs; you don't make it seem as though you're rping with someone from other walks of life or even other fandoms. You make them feel at home with your characters and you make the reading experience for me and others (I'd assume) more enjoyable. I'm sure they're a lot of people who would like to see how different characters would act with others and I believe we have the ability to do so whether we notice it or not. Let your imagination run wild--its doing great for you.

@viticsus : VEGETA!!! I've never seen someone put forth so much love and dedication into their character like you have. Ten years as Vegeta? Holy shit! I think the longest I've ever rped a character solidly was Legolas for almost two years. You represent the prince of all Saiyan(s) in a way I'm sure he'd enjoy. You stick to him; you don't waiver on his emotions nor his mannerisms. You have so many people out here that are more than willing to bend their character some in order to fit narratives BUT NOT YOU! Oh lort not you and that is a breath of fresh air. I don't know how I'd feel if I saw Vegeta acting like, say, Goku or Gohan. I'd leave my dashboard. Your Vegeta is a gem and a forced to be reckoned with and its my honor and pleasure to have the ability to rp with them.

@z-amasu: WHERE TF U AT TO GET THIS LOVE? WHERE IS MY WONDERFUL SADIST? Well, you might be reading this, you might not--not sure, but your Zamasu/Goku Black is, to me, one of a kind. He's unyielding. He's relentless. He's a spectacle. Did you know you were my first rp fight in a long time? YEA--MY FIRST TIME GETTING BACK INTO FIGHTING IS AGAINST GOKU BLACK (GG). But your patience with me and the way you wrote your responses sang to me--like, it literally did. You can put music to your responses and they'll fucking sing. You have an elegance about you and it really reflects in Goku Black and your writing since, although he is what he is, it his complex that exerts his elegance, which comes out in your writing. COME HOME SOLIDER! WE MUST YOU!!!

@icefier: *SPRAWLS OUT ON YOUR DASH* MY BAE No, but seriously, I see you on the dash as Frieza and I instantly stop what I'm doing to see what you have to say because, I always need a dose of frieza and yours always gives me what I'm looking for. When you dig yourself out the snow, come back to the dash--k?

@doctormyuu / @scperxvii: I never thougth I'd rp with a super seventeen to be honest. I never thought I'd see the day. But, you made the day and our rp apparently already has my muse breaking her usual antics. THEN AGAIN--I CAN'T BLAME HER FOR THIS! Its a joy to write, to see you perform and you see you on the dash. How many people you know would take up a character like Dr. Myuu? That shows dedication and love for a character.

@undinaes: What can I say about my child---I can say a lot and it'd probably be roast city and the last thing we all need to smell is the stench of salt water fish being cooked over an open fire. But, what I love most about Kas is Kas. Kas the sass--she gets it from mama

@ryuuseiken: WHOEVER HAS A PROBLEM WITH LILLI NEEDS TO COME SEE ME SO I CAN KNOCK Y'ALL DOWN A PEG. HOW CAN YOU HAVE SUCH A PROBLEM WITH SUCH A WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING? SUCH A SWEETHEART? WHO THE HELL DIDN'T HUG Y'ALL???? My lilli is my world. She is one of my best friends and I'll put on my armor and go to war for Lilli. Y'all don't need to test me, gt it?

@ALL OF U CAUSE WITHOUT ANY OF YOU, THIS BLOG WOULD NOT BE POSSIBLE. WITHOUT YOUR SUPPORT, I WOULD'VE PROBABLY DELETED BY NOW. Seriously, I bounced around the idea of deleting 18 so many times now because I felt that not a lot of people wanted to rp with me or even be around me. I wasn't sure if it was because of the lack of ooc, my shipping choice or just the fact that they probably don't feel 18 the way I do, but its nice to be proven wrong. I get tagged in so much positive stuff that I'm in amazement. I honestly, never expect people to say anything nice about me; I don't expect them to talk about me in a positive light or anything of the sort. It really is nice to see that they're people out there that actually are human beings still and don't allow their idealism and whatnot to get in the way of them being a human being to others.

Thank you, everyone.

-D.B. Cooper.

[survivorkvaloya]

Episode #3: “I Wanna Start S#!t” - Chelsea

Honestly, Steffen, not much has happened for me in the first two episodes. We'll go over it really quick. I liked my original tribe of 5 with Jules, Liam, Christine, and Ryan. They were all awesome. My mentor, Colin, a fellow House of Shade alumni--also awesome. We won the flash game challenge (of the 5 competitors of my tribe, I scored 1 point which landed me in the middle of our tribe rankings). I bonded with Christine early. That could be something to hang onto. The following round was a crapshoot competition and we won that, too! On my new tribe, I like Lauren and Jack and I also have Christine there. I really wish there was more dirt or drama because I love writing lengthy confessionals, but things are just getting started here!

Alright. So I guess no one wants pleasant kind hearted lily around. They want mean angry bitter ass lily which I'm happy to give but they ain't gonna like it. I got an extra vote on this island thing that no one is gonna know about because fuck these bitches. I know I will need the upper hand later when the couples try to destroy the singles. When I get out of reflection island I'm gonna try to buddy up with Connor and ask him to be my new mentor. Jules I'm pissed. I wish I knew exactly what happened but I will try to get to the bottom of it and make sure all those losers pay. I hope you start feeling better too. I feel like I can't trust anyone after that but Jackson seems pretty genuine of not knowing or not being able to do anything. But, because of this HUGE betrayal everyone on that other tribe can fend for themselves. I'll be all nice nice yeah I'd love to work with you but nah. I ain't interested. Let's be clear here, I have no loyalties and I'm not playing some kind of loyal game. You cut my mentor ill cute you. BYE Andreas also told me about Jules getting voted out most likely before the vote which is cool. I appreciate that. But Nicholas Colin we ain't buddies. I'm rooting for a student to win but it ain't y'all. Tonight I will hopefully put together a board of what original tribes people were on their swap tribe and who their mentor is. I think this will help me get a better picture of what's going on. Also, being bitter as fuck only two days in? My aesthetic. 

Oh and also I miss the damn creative challenge? There better be more to come because I'm sad. I've never done a music video challenge this was my shot and these bitches took me out!!! What the HECKIE???? 

nothing's really happened imo. this main is slow. i want drama. nicholas said there's a majority cross tribe alliance. where's my invite? i wanna start shit. my goal is just to make merge so i can blow up, the best way "Trixsea" Steele knows how. :) :) :)

I know i killed this music video challenge, but Chelsea told me that me and only 3 others submitted anything and after re-reading the rules and seeing that its an extra 5 points for every appearance we could actually be fucked. It wouldn't be to big of a problem because honestly I like going to tribal and getting to vote people off, but I also know of the cross tribe majority alliance who supposedly has majority on our tribe right now. If we lose this I'll probably try to blow up and either shake that alliance up or go out in a blaze of chaotic glory.  

Im at tribal right now and I was getting a sick feeling that I was going to be the one voted out... But I always feel like that. I think that I am going to get my team together, Liam got a vote and if he wasn't sure if he wanted to work with me (even thought he said he wanted to) so yeah.... Me, Andreas, Colin, Liam, Ryan, Jackson... Then we have the numbers? yeah cus there is only nine of us rn. We could pull in Conner to make life really easy and to add a couple number just encase. If we do that then out of everyone we would have: Me and Liam, Colin and Brett, Ryan and Jackson, Andreas and... someone (-_- sorry) and then Conner who lost their student. Thats 9 people in a game with 18? maybe that  about half. I don't know what I'm talking about anymore but I do know that this needs to happen soon before I get bumped to the side... I do no like being a side bitch 

Ahhhh, I'm literally so in love with this challenge it was so much fun and Chelsea did such an amazing job editing it. If we don't win I'll be shocked...and scared. Lauren disappeared for a bit and didn't participate so like I'm a little...or a lot worried for her. As of right now I literally love this tribe. QuilLynn is super smart and I adore her, Willow and Chelsea are sweet and adorable and Brett is a gem. I guess the only person I haven't clicked with is Jack but for now everything's looking good and Im hoping we win the challenge :)

Whew, I'm so excited to have won immunity! The challenge was so much fun and now...its messy cause alliances are starting to form and QuilLynn told me about one that apparently me and Lauren are in? So I don't know if Lauren's making deals without me or what, but nobody's approached me specifically and I'm not in any chats so! I'm not sure what's going on and I don't like it. I think right now my #1 is QuilLynn. She's smart, sweet and very easy to talk to so I officially adore her and wanna protect her at all costs. I need to get things in order with Lauren cause I don't wanna get in the middle of some warfare we don't need to be in. 

We lost. Again. This is the worst. My tribe is cursed. Kinda. It's like a blessing in disguise for me tbh. I'm using this time to recover from last round and regroup. There's more talk of a majority alliance forming and I wanna make sure it happens so I can solidify my place in it. I think my number 1 ally has shifted from Nicholas to Jackson now. Jackson is literally my fave person in this game. He's so nice and fun to talk to, he's socially and strategically aware, and most importantly, he's really cute and nice to look at so! I still got that alliance with JD and Andreas but I am not really loyal to it. JD seems to playing messily and I've mentioned before Andreas seems too well connected for his own good. Anyway, onto this vote! Literally? The only thing I've heard? Is Connor? but....... that's all I've heard. Connor isn't putting out another name. No one else is putting out another name. And that's a recipe for paranoia in my mind. I wanna trust the majority that's been built, JD says Jackson and Ryan will be voting with us, and I trust them 10000% but I'm a paranoid hoe. 

my confessional game so far has been weak af so far like I literally forgot to write a confessional last round, so I guess I'll just do a quick recap. Essentially I have mixed feelings about my tribe bc there are 3 other people who I really like Chelsea, QuilLynn, and Gage. We ended up creating an alliance and QuilLynn titled it "arent you Klad I didn't say fjorden" which is iconic! Anyway that cookie challenge last round killed me but I'm glad I came up with the strategy to split 3 on 0, 3 on 9 and 3 in the middle. Lily was convinced that they weren't going to put all their cookies on one of our tribe mates so like I'm kinda glad I proved her wrong lmao idk. As for the people I have mixed feelings about Jack is okay I mean he usually replies but in PMs he can be kinda boring and give one word answers. Christine is really nice but she just doesnt reply a lot? maybe she just doesnt like small talk or something. Brett, I've heard really good things about him but he only replies when its about him lol, like if I ever start sharing one of my stories or whatever idk he just stops replying lol. Lauren, okay shes super cute but seems inactive. Anyway I was like super excited that we got to do the music video challenge this round, its always super fun even though what I make is always really awkward lmao. Anyway like 4 people from our tribe didnt submit, Jack was sick (so he says), Gage was moving which is alright, and Lauren (didn't say anything about why she didn't do it lol), and Chelsea was editing so its all good. Shes like a really good editor and our video turned out great so I'm glad we won even though we had like 4 people in the video compared to them having like 7. So then QuilLynn informs me that Chelsea told her that theres a majority alliance of like 8ish people?? like what the fuck thats about half the people here. So its Andreas-Jack, Colin-Brett, JD-Liam, and potentially Lauren-Christine. And there are a bunch of people we're unsure could be in the alliance. And then as Im hearing about the alliance I'm realizing that it consists of the people on my tribe who dont always reply to me lol or when they do are boring. And I mean I know im not the most interesting texter but these people are worse then me. So then I was talking to Ryan and asking him about his tribe and the reward and stuff to see if I could get any information about whether if hes in the majority or not without directly asking. So I was like whats was the idol clue reward this time and he told me about how it has to do with whoever gets the lowest score in the challenge, which sounds super complicated bc if someone with the lowest score doesnt have the clue then no one gets the idol. And he gave the clue to me, and I wanna give it to QuilLynn but we dont need too many people throwing the challenge and if one of our alliance members already has it then it should be alright, and it'll keep up my trust with Ryan since Im not supposed to give it to anyone so Im hoping its a win win. but he told me that I wasnt supposed to tell anyone about what the reward was but before he told me that I had already told my alliance bc I think I trust them more oops? but I think I want to trust Ryan. I told him that I heard rumors about a cross tribe majority alliance but thats all I knew, and he told me about a group of mentors and students talk about a potential alliance and they asked Danielle about it and she told Ryan she would try to get him in if she could. So then I tried talking to Danielle just making small talk or whatever and she only gave one word answers, which was fucking weird? Like some shit is clearly going on that I dont know about? I can already tell im becoming messy af which I wanted to not try to do as much as I did last season but maybe im just naturally a messy player and theres nothing I can do about it lol. Anyway I hope the majority isnt something I should worry about and I hope they self destruct somehow or Im just hoping that it doesnt exist at all and it was just a rumor made up to scare people or some shit. 

[theworstbob]

the thing journal, 3.19.2017

review-like bitlets of the 7+ new things i took in last week.

this week: mystery team, what we do in the shadows, quelle chris, /sigh/ ed sheeran, the lies of locke lamora, sorority noise, margo price, valerie june

1) Mystery Team, dir. Dan Eckman: This is such a small movie, and such a relatively hidden gem, that I kinda feel bad for pointing out flaws. There's so much charm that I feel the gross-out humor is, while executed well, really out-of-place, doesn’t really fit with what I thought the movie was best at doing, and I really think they should've done more with Donald Glover's boundless exuberance and Aubrey Plaza's deadpan stare; that's a quality comic pairing that I kinda think got short shrift, and for good reason, it's DerrickComedy not DerrickComedy & Friends, but that's still a well they could've explored more. (Hey Bob! maybe edit that sentence?) Nah, dude. Such a solid comedy, though. The central goof somehow never grows tiresome, is in fact never fully abandoned, and they take this concept to really interesting places; like, these characters in a gentleman's club would have been good enough, but they found an absurd angle to take that took it to a whole new level (and then they took it to... a different place? a decidedly less whimsical place, to be certain). There's a lot of imagination, and that’s this film’s saving grace. Honestly, bringing up what I don’t like about this film kind of feels like analyzing a newborn fawn’s first steps. “Yeah, see, the great ones, they strut out the womb. Birth to trot time here is pitiful, not pro-quality at all. You can tell he doesn’t have that motor. You can’t teach motor, you just c -- why is it vomiting. Goddamnit, but why.”

2) What We Do in the Shadows, dir. Taika Waititi: I'm counting this as a film I haven't seen before because I was half-asleep the first time I saw it! It's... Enjoyable, I guess, is the right word? Hey. Team. Let's real quick talk about something. Why has every comedy I've seen in 2017 had a protracted vomiting sequence? It was a good time in Santa Clarita Diet. It was at least acceptable in Mystery Team because that's about what I expected from a film of its caliber. Why did anyone need to vomit here? Or, perhaps more accurately, why have I missed what makes vomit so inherently funny? The gross-out gag didn't really fit the general vibe of this film. This film was so subtle, so deadpan it's hard to tell what the jokes were, then the dude eats a fry, "You shouldn't have done that!" BLEEEEEEEEH like why, did that advance anyone's arc in a meaningful way that i just missed, did it test so well that they would've been fools to cut it, i don't get it. That was the one thing about this movie that wasn't right up my alley, which is why I spent so many sentences talking about it.

3) Being You Is Great, I Wish I Could Be You More Often, by Quelle Chris: Because I've never smoked pot in my life, I was initially put off by the weirdness of this album, but because I'm a generally weird person, I was on this album's wavelength by about halfway through, and now I'm stoked to give this an album a shot now that I know what to expect and that it's something I feel. It's especially nice to hear something this weird and unique because I came to this on Monday and, hey, y'all know what I did over the last weekend? Listened to a fuckton of shitty pop(/country) songs from 2007. It's such a treat to come into this world where this dude's being his own dude.

4) Divide, by Ed Sheeran: In what world is "Eraser" not just an acceptable track to put on this album, but the opening track ahead of "Castle on the Hill." "Castle on the Hill" strikes a much clearer tone, sets an actual mission. "Eraser" is just the song where Ed Sheeran raps because how do you know your limits if you never push them, and not only is it a bad intro, it’s redundant because THAT'S WHAT "GALWAY GIRL" IS THERE TO DO. Ugh. Whatever. I hate how much I enjoyed "Galway Girl." I dunno, this wasn't the worst thing in the world, there were parts were I was like "enh" but parts I really dug, so I guess cheers to exactly fulfilling my expectations!, but I kinda wish it had a more cohesive sound? This was like Ed Sheeran's tour through the magical world of music. This is U2! This is dancehall! This is traditional Irish rap! This is what your exceedingly normal cousins will play at their weddings! This? is Spain!??? And it's like hey man, just be yourself. /remembers ed sheeran's early works Yeah OK this is more than acceptable, then. As something I made myself listen to for a thing no one ever asked for, I couldn't have asked for a better time.

5) The Lies of Locke Lamora, by Scott Lynch: This was a really impressive con man story told within the parameters of basic-ass fantasy. It was this Breaking Bad-esque display of a character getting out of the tightest corners possible, and part of the extrication from the corner involves a sword fight. Father Chains is one of the best, most down-to-earth characters I've ever come across in this kind of novel, and there's a short interlude toward the end between Chains and the title character that I'm still thinking about and laughing at, but it is this kind of novel, where they call chicken “capon.” You can call it chicken. No one’s gonna call bullshit if you call it chicken. Goddamnit. Like there's a Gabe Liedman bit about The Fantasy which all fantasy novelists apparently share and how boring that makes standard fantasy, and I don't 100% get why this needed to be set in a vaguely Spanish (but almost certainly British) fantasy land with an all-powerful wizard? But y'know what, if that's what's in your heart, you write your heart out, and the fact this was fantasy didn't keep me from having a grand old two weeks on the bus.

6) You're Not as _____ as You Think, by Sorority Noise: After my first listen, I immediately hit play on this thing again, 'cuz fuuuuuuuuck, y'all. One of my favorite records of last year was The Hotelier's Goodness, it was this odd little thing that I kept returning to because it kept hitting me in this certain way, felt like an album that sort of understood the special way in which I'm depressed. This album does what Goodness does, but in a more conventional way, speaking about emptiness and failure and staying in your own head, but with music that positively soars at points, like holy shit "A Portait Of" is kind of perfect? And maybe it's worth dissecting why something more conventional hit me harder than the weirdness of Goodness, but fuck it, not now, this is _____ time, and I absolutely love this. If this doesn't end up being my #1 album of 2017, I'm going to be so stoked, because I will have heard something better than this. My favorite punk album since No Closer to Heaven. I don't think I'm going to be capable of having rational thoughts about this album.

7) Midwest Farmer's Daughter, by Margo Price: hahaha you can hear the OH SHIT I DON'T WANT IT TO BE ALL DUDES THIS WEEK from a million miles away! I really dug this. I think it's probably the least interesting out of anything in the recent rash of traditional-leaning country albums, but we're talking about Big Day in a Small Town and Sailor's Guide to Earth and Traveler, that is a strong-ass chain that would see this album as the weakest link. I think, because I had this follow _____, I wasn't really in a space where I could connect to a different kind of sadness than my own? And it's not fair to this album that its evaluation should suffer because I try to binge albums.

7a) The Sun's Tirade, by Isaiah Rashad: So like I've listened to this a couple times on the bus before, so it doesn’t belong in the New Things category, but I just wanted to give this a quick shout-out, because I actually spent some uninterrupted quality time with it (previous listens have been marred by connection issues MUSIC IN 2017 HOLLA), and man, this dude kills it. It's like a Gothic OutKast, if that makes any sense. I'm really intrigued to see how he builds off of this, because man, if he can put the pieces together, he's gonna be incredible.

8) The Order of Time, by Valerie June: It should surprise no one I lurk on a website called Saving Country Music, which is where I heard about this woman, and I was intrigued enough by the description to check her out, and this is like the country version of the Quelle Chris album, where it took me a few tracks to get on the same wavelength, but once I was there, I was there, and I loved spending time in this fully-realized world. I almost feel bad calling this country; trying to fit this into a genre feels inappropriate, like, there isn't a word for Valerie June's songs, there's only the phrase Valerie June's songs. There’s this album I listened to last year, My Wild West by Lissie, this really dreamy and ethereal-feeling folk-rock album, and that’s the closest comparison I can find to The Order of Time, except The Order of Time is more eclectic, has a more interesting sound. It’s a touch slower than what I typically go for, but this is a phenomenal artist doing something crazy-unique and making it sound dope, and I appreciate it.