#its a good time whenever tbh
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about ready
#pokemon#swsh#gym leader raihan#ft. flygon#had a vivid vision of this pose the other day and had to draw it. thats all thank you#I think after flygon's first appearance in anipoke whenever it comes up again the artists just go ''fuck it whatever''#and draw the legs however they want. it's basically a dinosaur in pmd#this is good for me bc I dont know shit abt fuck#flygon poses really well for how kinda awkward it looks on its own... but I also think abt like#duraludon being in the carwash. practically all the time its all I think about tbh#rest assured.#mim's infected me with the goggles vision I see raihan now I immediately wanna put a goggles on that man#they arent wrong tho. is the thing#is flygon an insect or a reptile.... the tail suggest something like a dragonfly but the neck doesnt seem to have#the shell structure that'd let it bend. thats at least skin#well. flygon is shapes. thats what it is. I enjoy it#I should sleep now... so many things happened today#I really gotta prep the fish tomorrow. dang. so many things on the list for tomorrow too...#have a good night lads. achieve flight
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I got a really important commission from @theneonflower that i need everyone to see ASAP
#my post#NOT my art#arjuna#gudao#ritsuka fujimaru#ok real talk this is the first time ive ever done a commission and im SO happy w how it went. like i love neons art sm and it was awesome#also i like that i can use this so whenever i see the angsty arjuna comic i can pretend theres an au where its fine ;')#but like THEY LOOK SO GOOD GUDAO IS SO CUTE ARJUNA IS SO CUTE I LOVE THE COLORS#neon has really distinctive linework that i adore tbh. so of course i needed to buy art from them >:)#the hardest part of this tbh was figuring out like. what i wanted them to be doing bc i knew i couldnt message an artist like 'junaguda??'#'junaguda happy??? arjuna?????? yes???"#but i forced myself to pick something. for once. and its SO GOOD#its SO GOOD guys#ik im sounding insane here im just really excited lmao#the reviews are in: i like arjuna and i like getting art of him#and i love them having a nice date...theyre happy....
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venting in tags about gender n shit (long as hell) (u can comment and talk 2 me as always :3)
#okay so i got a really masc haircut about a month ago and i know it's just a haircut but holy shit has it changed EVERYTHING for me#like.... i've always leaned masc except 1) before i came out 2) when i was actively in love with someone who i knew liked femmes#and they always described me as a fem. because that's what i showed her. because i wanted to be with her.#but lowkey whenever i'm in a not-impressing-anyone raw-dogging-life-no-crush era i always resort to a very masc style#like masc being my default and i'd only lean fem to impress people whether it's for love or peer pressure in a specific setting#like ''dressing up'' has always been a form of drag to me. like something i HAD to do to fit in or impress my parents (scott favor core)#but ever since this haircut i've realized... i could just BE masc innately like i really don't have to be womanly if i don't want to#which i usually don't. again i have only ever dressed fem for other people. but it's not even being masc that attracts me on its own#it's like. being masc in a distinctly lesbian way. as in whenever i look in the mirror i don't wanna be like a Guy i wanna be a dyke.#like lesbian as a gender identity too sort of thing honestly. okay i've been waffling but basically i sort of want to call myself butch#but i don't know if i like... can?? if i'm allowed to???#everyone always says it's MORE than just wearing boy clothes and not wearing makeup and having short hair (which i already do all those)#i mean i've always id'd as genderqueer because it literally just means gender weird and i experience gender in a queer way#what's probably the most telling is that my friends (all queer) CALL me a butch lesbian#like every time they do i feel really internally validated. it's not just my clothes but my personality too ig is what people tell me#i have a higher pitched voice relatively speaking but apparently the way i talk is quote ''very clockably into women''#which?? gender euphoria asf. my best friend specifically he (gay trans guy) always uses butch to describe me very intuitively#people have also noticed that i ''transitioned'' in all aspects except hormonally. like ppl have commented and noticed my masculinzation#but at the same time i always feel rly haunted by my ex relationships because one wanted me to be more masc#(she's the one who came out as straight and would treat me like a man) which i didn't like and i didn't like playing up being fem either#bc now it feels like she (butch) won't believe me if i called myself butch too bc she remembers me being femme#idk i feel like there's her voice in my head all the time that sees everything i do through her eyes (i'm lowkey still in love)#i feel like even though this comes so naturally to me i must be putting on a performance#even though i've actually read stone butch blues and done research into the history and i truly love and id with the culture like i rly do#that im still just a sad imitation of a butch lesbian and can never really be a part of it because i used to enjoy dressing up sometimes#like it's so stupid but can i still be butch if i wore a dress to prom and i think i looked good in it??#even though i was envious of my friends who wore suits?? that i used to try goth makeup?? that i liked long dresses??#that i enjoyed stacked necklaces and rings on every finger???#and tbh ALL OF THAT CAME FROM A CONCIOUS EFFORT TO FEMINIZE MYSELF IN JUNIOR YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL WHEN I WAS 16#because omfg it was 2 months before junior prom and i was worried that i was too masc and wanted to get comfortable with being fem
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#whats so disturbing. mostly bc i used to be so content being independent#is that whenever im somewhere. be it alone. or with other ppl. i always wish he was with me NXJZJZJZMMZMZMZZMMZ#LIKE THAT IS SO........... XJJZJKZKZKZK GOD#i went to like. a market today n the whole time i was like... man itd have been so fun if he was here ..... JDJSJZJZM GOD#i have it so bad#but i was always like. if i find someone i like hangjng out with more than i like being by myself... obvi thats the person for me#but when i said that. i kind of assumed that was an Impossibility but oh the turn tables JJXJXJXMXJZJZM#n e way. its just me writing another lovesick post JDJDMJDJDJDJS#personal#im getting close to making a move i think. but kind of want to settle in my job first. and like jddjddjjkdk he Knows i just got one after#looking for a long time so i think hes like. understanding that we havent seen each other Njdjdjz LOL IDK. im just assuming#we have talked consistently every week tho since i last saw him. which is pretty good for us tbh#idk i like that we dont have to talk all the time. i always hated when guys message constantly JDNDJDNZNDN like leave me alone i have a life#JDJDJDJSJZMZ#but yeah... im not worried anymore nor do i feel the need to constantly validate whether he likes me or not. i think at this point its...#clear JDJDJDJJDKXKXJX#WATCH ME BE WRONG LMAO GOD.#ah well... things will turn out how they turn out
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perfectionism, i think.
#i dont really know if its perfectionism#but whenever i write something and i love it#and someone asks to see#suddenly its horrible and im horrible#maybe its the expectation?#like when im sharing something online then theres no expectations#but as soon as it becomes personal then theres expectations#why else are they asking yknow?#like im fine with posting my fics on ao3#because there if someone doesnt like it theyll just scroll by#idk#i wish i could share this stuff though#but its like. a lot#vent i think#the art here is good but tbh i didnt really make this for anyone but myself#so i just kinda. threw it together#i spent the entire time i drew it debating whether or not to post it#but i think people will relate#thank you to the people who do genuinely want to see/like my work#i think i hate my work more than everyone in the world combined ever coule#could
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i absolutely love what their dynamic turned into in the show but whenever i watch the sf pilot im reminded of how much i love the way charlie just kinda slugs on behind pim and lets him do his thing and the only time in the episode he really gets his own moment he has no idea what to say to desmond and can only say they’ve failed. like i love the side of charlie that can be like overly passionate and kinda unapologetic and the way there’s nothing that can change his mind when he’s set on something and i dont even want it to be changed back to that but man . i just love it
#my quest of liking charlie more has been a huge success!!#all i had to do was stop staring at pim at all times whenever i watch the show and only hearing what he says and does … stop Temporarily#tbh i think the pilot is one of my favourite episodes of Anything ever#why r the first episodes of both seasons So good . idk if its just the effect of hype and excitement but dude#the gwimbly ep is SOOOOOO good to me ive had to have rewatched it around 20 times by now#its just so lovely. love how its another episode where the death of another character is what makes the client smile#and in this case it worked for both of the two clients. isn’t that so cool that there were two of them this time#and also how the b plot of the ep takes place in the office just like the pilot#i just wanna see more of the office… everytime we see it anytime other than the beginning of the episode#i always get so excited cuz that’s like The main setting of the show n we know barely anything about it#💝
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Have this wip panel from page 9 of Altar because I just love Arianna to pieces and can't control my urge to talk about her all the time lol ✨️
#sin scribbles#(cries screams throws up blood etc just girly things)#(she is so special...i get genuinely upset now whenever i play bb bc i know i cant save her and it makes me SICK!!!)#(but thats what my copium aus are for dont u kno)#(decided i dont care anymore and will embrace my pencil sketches bc no matter how hard i try my lined stuff gives me frenzy buildup)#(embrace the cronch)#(hemmmmmgh pomcil)#(god.....it feels so good to work on this comic again!!!!!!!)#(i mean i say that like its been 5000 years. its been 3 weeks 😂)#(artblock + adhd just be like that tho)#(everyone on discord has probably fucken had it with me and my ability to talk for 5000000000000 days about her. sorry. not rly)#(look. is it MY fault. that she is so lovely. no ✨️)#(i am also having an immensely good time writing her for In The Reeds. im obsessed frankly.)#(well tbf enjoying writing everyone in that fic 😂)#(dont expect consistency from me when it comes to rendering/art style bc i also dont know what im doing tbh lol 💙)
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Feeling a bit hmm about the day… got lots done but i think there’s still some regret about not having really finished the stuff i planned for the day? Got to chip away at something important + do some errands that i know my mom has been looking forward to me doing + inspiration struck for like 5 different ideas that i got to sketch but it doesnt feel like enough
#like objectively my days have been the most productive theyve been for a long time ever since i#started taking these new meds daily but i guess at this point its really a mindset issue of not feeling like i do enough?#but like. a lot of my day really does get lost to stuff that i deem distractions that really arent important and#whenever i do them im like ‘i could be drawing right now’#but also i kinda feel like i feel this way bc when i got home from doing errands and working in a tea shop somewhere#theres no internet at home (until now tbh) so a lot of the stuff i had planned for the evening got put on hold#so like. is the feeling of not really having done much justified? half ig idk#god i wish i had dola’s super good ability to focus on anything she wanted at will#i think part of the feeling is like… ending up multitasking so it doesnt register that i spent a significant amnt of time doing smthing#but really if i count up the minutes i did?#idk…
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I was planning to build new desktop this fall, but seeing that the winter half year practically chains me to bed making me incapable of sitting up I took some of my savings to get a laptop so I can have it in bed for drawing, writing etc at least. And so I'll save back up the coming months and build it once spring arrives instead (hopefully component prices has gone down then too)
All that to say I can only eat my hands as I catch glimpses of dawntrail news after having been ffxiv-less since july last year. my abstinence is out the roof
#that being said i am admittedly a little bit nervous about returning now that its been so long#i played without break from 2014 til 2020 and then its been on an off between 2020 and 2022#and then since then i havent had the means to play#like on one hand i dont dare looking too much into ffxiv happenings cause my abstinence grows worse#and on the other i worry that ill feel weird coming back#because returning from past breaks have felt weird#which admittedly might be because i dont allow myself to take my time and enjoy things but rather rush to catch up#but whenever i can play im just gonna take all effort possible to not rush and potentially even do things on my own#rather than feel stressed by not slowing down others#im glad for the increased single player options tbh#at the same time the break has done me good cause i feel like im further away from making those mistakes#and having a lot to catch up with before being up to date might be good for me#finding hobbies outside ffxiv has done me good too#my relationship to it wasnt the healthiest as it was my sole lifeline during horrific and traumatic years#but now ive been able to play tons of other games again and read books and draw more and write more than ever#and done more irl things again even finishing one type of education#so honestly? i think itll be fine#i dont have to feel bad over my relationship with the game evolving into a different form#i still love it immensely and its had a profound impact on my life as a whole#both in terms of friends and creativity and also significant other#anyway that got longer and rantier and more personal than i first intended#peace signs and sparkles
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i am really on the verge of identifying as a lesbian because i feel like that label really does fit me but what’s confusing me is that there is one fictional tv show character who’s a man who is probably the only man i’ll ever Like but it does really confuse me as to why i feel like i may find him attractive but never any man irl
would just like to generally casually direct you to the lesbian masterdoc just in case you were looking for a bit of a read this lovely friday eve
#i will say i am like attracted to many a man who does not exist#this was part of the reason i was able to affirm the fact that im a lesbian and ignore some of that comphet#is bc i realised i only liked men in theory and not in practice at all#in my early days i’d match men on tinder and flirt w them and run for my life if they tried to meet#i’d make eyes at boys at parties and as soon as they approached me be hugely unwelcoming#like i only liked men who didnt exist or whose traits i could invent myself in my mind#and before i knew i was a lesbian i thought that was me ‘being picky’#but actually it was me purposely (but not consciously) creating unattainable standards that no man alive could fill#because; reader; as you may have guessed; i did not and do not like men#but it took a while to work that out confidently! a long while#take your time in the meantime like#i always was annoyed by people who were like ‘labels don’t matter!’ bc i fucking wanted one i felt good about#and i got there eventually but all i can offer for advice in the meantime is like#nobody cares tbh. just lie. tell somebody you’re a lesbian then tell the next you’re bi and just fuckin wing it#nobody’s gonna bust your door down for using different labels whenever u feel like it#just . kiss women and have crushes on fictional men and eventually itll work its way into a label you’re comfortable with#answered#anonymous
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Kinda sick of the angst in HS when it comes to fan stuff. Not in the sense that things should be happy or that its not fun, no not at all. I'm just sick of how it becomes a competition of "I suffered the most" basically.
.
#homestuck confession#mod cola#yeah i feel that#the only homestuck angst thats right in my opinion are the ones written right to show that no one had it worse than the other#and that everyones just scared kids trying to heal#not sure if ive seen anything made like that but i have specific and special versions made like that where everyone gets a turn processing#what happened and gets a comfort area where they can move on and begin to heal#like bad shit and trauma is not a competition everyone processes things differently#so its good when other people are there to support each other#the only angst i need is like a group therapy session#please fanfiction gods give me group therapy where everyone struggles over their issues but is healing in the correct way#and that means setbacks too i want to see setbacks and support and everyone there for each other#and it doesnt have to be perfect it can be messy and full of mistakes that gets corrected later because thats realistic#it takes time and you learn from it all especially since all the kids have their own thing going on not everyone will know how to properly#do things and all#oops i ranted in the tags#enjoy my take lol#i just like analyzing characters and interactions and what their reactions to certain situations would be#tbh wish i could fully write it down but i feel cringy whenever i do
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What’s the moment in Yakuza that made you go “I’m In.” As in the moment that made you obsessed.
there wasnt ever really one Singular moment that made me go 'ok im obsessed now', it just kinda gradually happened and now here we are almost a year later
#snap chats#it'll be a whole year on wednesday heugh heugh#i really couldnt tell you what it was tho. i guess after i beat y0?#because i remember beating y0 and thinking 'wow this was a great game i wanna see the rest' and wanting to play yk1#i was really depressed that week and i saw the rest of the series was Practically on sale so i was like 'fuck it why not'#that was a good day though. i was still pretty gloomy but it was nice just snacking on pizza i got and playing yk1#i felt like a proper kid for once. even though i was 20 ☠️ but i never got that exp growing up so w/e#god thats so weird though that was a year ago at this point... it doesnt even feel like its been a year#i started y0 years ago but stopped after lee died ☠️ i remember telling myself i really wanted to finish the game but it just didnt happen#well. now it has happened LMAO so glad i finally finished it#its always a coin flip whenever i get into series tbh#ill either love it and become wholly obsessed with it and make a blog for it#or i'll just love it quietly there really is no in between#i had a moment like that with Y7 tho. it was the second ichi started talkin bout dq </3#'snap i thought you said that was the moment you fell in love with ichi' ok and. it was both. loving ichi means loving y7#my initial reactions to y7 are soemthin ill always cherish like of course ive always been invested in the games and the plot#but y7 felt like the first time i was REALLY invested and i was eager to keep playing#not saying the other games /werent/ interesting ofc but like. with y7 it as just different#also because y7 was the first and only rgg game i showed my friend (we only got to chapter 2 before she just. stopped acting like i existed#plus before she went home we were driving to get sushi and i was just asking her how she felt bout the game so far#and yk she gave reasonable answers and even started theorizing (she was totally right about arakawa not actually trying to kill ichi)#but then we just sat in my car in silence for a sec before i was just like '..so what'd you think bout jo' because im Not Subtle#and she was really on my same bullshit wavelength immediately and we just spent the rest of the car ride talking about him LVKJAELKJ#i was so glad she ALSO 'Really Liked Him' frame one vVLKAV#its always funny whenever we find the same characters attractive like. it happened once in a blue moon cause our tastes are Just Different#but when we would agree it was the funniest shit we were such goons- I REMEMBER WE MADE A HOT-OR-NOT TIER LIST ONCE LVKJVKLA#we're so unserious about it because generally we just. Arent attracted to people that much so when it does happen Lmao#i miss it. i miss having a friend to play games with.. i miss having a friend to hang out with in general tbh i miss being silly （；´д｀)#IVE RAMBLED ON SO LONG SORRY IM RUNNING OUT OF TAGS but yeah. there's That answer
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So apparently it was said that a lot of the team really want to do a Kenzan Kiwami. They said it would depend heavily on Ishin's success.
Yeah, I've heard that too!
#I just can't see them making the 'Haruka sells herself to a brothel as a Courtesan in training game' in 2024/5/6#like I feel like they'd edit the story tbh bc some of this stuff is a bit HM#Like I've enjoyed watching it and visually it's a very very pretty game#Lots of vibrant reds and colours and stuff#And I really liked Ukiyo and Yoshino as well#Gorohachi is good fun#theres some other characters that are neat too and the story is interesting enough I'm just not sure#like I do be grimacing whenever its vaguely referenced that Haruka would be graduating to like Full Courtesan eventually its uncomfortable#even if its realistic to the time bc little girls very much were sold into that kind of work but that don't mean it isnt super 😬 to see yk#what i mean?#I think they should do another 1600s game but maybe do full fiction- no historical people or characters#and bring like Nishiki and shit back#Ask#anyway that has nothing to do with your ask i just went on a tangent <3
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having ocs is great until you have to organize them
#the bin#for a long time whenever i would draw i would just draw a body and then add stuff to it#and like never ever redraw ocs#so yiu would think they were throwaway designs but no. i get attached to almost every character i ever make unless they are like super#boring human losers#but now i actually wanna do stuff with the characters and its a pain cause i gotta go through and take pictures and document#most if them dont have nanes either :/#so ive got over 200 character designs i need to go through scattered about. im probably gonna marge some if them and firget others#n a lot i think will just become fodder. just like a species or group since i did a lot where id draw diffrent ppl wearing the same clothes#some i think ill maybe archive also. ones that i still like as their own thing but arent my style anymore#tbh it makes me kinda sad how i have many hundreds of drawings ive made the past several years but i never posted them#just kinda sad to me.#anyway. this is such a pain in the ass and im not enjoying it. i enjoy organizing stuff bc tism but not when i have to decide subjective#stuff on what to do. i feel like this will be a long project but at the end id like to make some collage style pictures of them and post it#cause i think its a shame i have so many ocs that i never posted. i never even posted strawberry mold! who i drew right after roach#i think this will be helpful also in just having some stuff existing already that i can use for ibuprexulmethane#some of this stuff will only be good npc stuff for yume juso.#ill probably actually make a little game with rooms dedicated to each of them as a little test for making games#i think thatd be fun and cool to have. and i can add to it whenever i make new ones#tbh i think id enjoy sharing that too#nobody cares abt this lol. but i dont have anywhere else to talk abt it so :/
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the hotter it gets the more people reblog my autumn moodboard
#totally understandable#it got an uptick in notes in june and again the past couple weeks#i think it has doubled#its not even good im lowkey embarrassed#im planning another one but i dont want to post it until september tbh#this has been a shitpost#apparently there was something inappropriate in one of the gifs i didn't notice at the time so now whenever it gets notes i cringe
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I never finished the original psychonauts or played psychonauts 2 but the little i did play was really fun! Its very silly for people to call it obsolete because theres a brand spanking new sequel when the reason there even is one is because it became such a cult classic for its writing and gameplay. Especially because as far as i know psychonauts 2 is still, like, a continuation of psychonauts? Very silly.
no literally... its a wildly beloved game that managed to get a sequel 16 years later despite being a bit of a flop at first for a reason!! and yeah it is a direct follow up, and like. while you can technically play 2 without the first since they do provide a little recap at the start, i think thats more for people that haven't played 1 in awhile, not to supplant the actual experience lol... drives me a little crazy sometimes.
#also u should finish it whenever you have time its suchh a good time#not perfect by any means it is from 2005 after all. but its very worth it imo#shaped my humor probably more then i even realize tbh
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