#its genuinely exhausting being trans on the internet sometimes

[livingprophecy]

like maybe i'm just a little cynical but if you don't understand why trans/jewish people don't want to interact with you after you say you're playing the hp game when it's been expressly described why we dislike the idea of people playing a game about blood libel where the money is going directly to a woman supporting anti-trans bills... you might have to re-think your definition of allyship

[farmerlesbian]

where is the line between transmasc/genderweird lesbians and Men with a capital M? i dont think there really is one, but as a lesbian who straddles that line, people are constantly trying to shame me onto one side or the other and its exhausting. i think sometimes the ppl trying to protect our community by keeping men out end up targeting mostly ppl who are in between or overlapping categories and are typically trans, instead of like, Cisguys preying on dykes. its become a real problem in the community just being visibly trans or butch tbh

i don't think it's possible to articulate A Line. i agree with you and don't really have anything to add!

i'll just say what i've said before. it's fuzzy/blurry. the nuances and intricacies of someone's gender through the narrow slice the internet (on anon!) is not enough for a stranger to make any sort of call about! it's something that individuals with non-binary gender experiences gotta use their own discretion about. people should go about these things with a mindset of using their best judgement and engaging in good faith, instead of like, pushing the boundaries of what is "allowed". instead of seeking approval and validation, seek to look inside onesself and determine 'is this for me? is this space for me? do i genuinely feel like i'm intruding and pushing the boundaries or do i feel like i'm being pushed out and unjustly excluded?'. those are different feelings and while i can imagine it's hard to discern sometimes, maybe talking with your irl people you can figure it out. yeah sometimes you gotta ask a clarifying question here and there to the organizers of the space in question -- i certainly do when seeing (nonlesbian) events for "femmes" and stuff like that haha!

i'm sorry that you're dealing with people being shitty to you about straddling the line. i know i see it, people having this like compulsive need to find rules and permission and categories for everything, needing to push people into one box or another in order to make sense of them, to know how to see you and treat you. and it sucks! it sucks even more because the boxes are WRONG! it hurts and they don't get you.

for ME, when i say "no men" i mean people who are men period. no additions no explanations no complications. just a straight up man. a fully binary man, if you will. i do not intend to apply this to people with funky genders. to trans folks straddling lines. i think if someone is genderweird or got somethin funky goin on they aren't a straight up Man capital M with no qualifiers! do you see yourself as a man or not, deep down? (general you, not you anon!) i do apply it to trans men and cis men alike. i see no reason to separate the two as if trans men aren't really men. because there ARE binary trans men. there are binary cis men! there are a LOT of them out there in the world! some of them are even on tumblr! are there ALSO trans men that feel also kinda butch at the same time and like a little dykey? maybe. i dunno any personally so i'm not gonna make harsh calls and big rules and statements. i'd expect people to make their own judgement calls and use their discretion and best judgment! i absolutely do not want to push someone out who feels that it is their community and that they deserve to belong in it. this is why i don't patrol my followers list except for bots (common lately ugh tumblr!) and obvious gross lesbophobes (quite rare).

sorry this got so long. lmao i say i'm not gonna add anything and then next thing i know you have an essay!! sorry!! hope it makes sense. basically i fully agree with you and i'm sorry you are having people shame you and push you. they should not do that and i do not support it and it is not what i think We should be doing as a lesbian community.

[halfdeadsacrifice]

About

name: vayu chandra das alias: yuya age: 38 gender: trans man pronouns: he / him occupation: line cook / hunter sexuality: ace spectrum, romantically interested in men and women alike, but otherwise unlabeled height: 5'6" hair: black, long, wavy eye color: black scars: scratch marks on cheek, burn marks on neck and torso, vivisection marks on torso birthplace: Khulna, Bangladesh current home: Toronto, Canada nationality: Bangladeshi / Canadian ethnicity: Bengali languages: English, Bengali, some Sanskrit

Personality

Vayu looks like a quiet and dreary, but gentle and helpful person. And he is. In that way, he’s quite simple, but there are a lot of wrinkles even in those traits.

Vayu’s first instinct is to help others. He wants to treat others with kindness and hospitality, and even if there’s no reason or reward, if he finds someone in need, he wants to help. This kindness has its limits, of course. But Vayu’s own needs and wants are not part of those limits, and he’ll give to others far more readily than he’ll ever give to himself. He’s remarkably patient when it comes to others’ attitudes, too. His treatment of others, other factors aside, is one of understanding and gentleness.

On the outside though, Vayu’s attitude is lonesome, depressive, and occasionally even resentful. He was always quiet and socially awkward, but furthermore, he’s not a naive youth anymore, and the cruelty he’s faced has worn him down. He often feels exhausted, both physically and emotionally. Sometimes even his patience cracks when tested, and he’ll get passive aggressive or show genuine frustration or anger. None of this will stop him from doing what he feels is right or needed, but it does affect him -- and he really, really doesn't like that about himself. He feels like he's been tainted, somehow. It's not really a rational feeling, but he often sees his cynical and resentful streak as proof of that.

What keeps him going despite all this is unshakable loyalty and determination. There are people who depend on him and there is always something left to do. Vayu gets his resilience from the people he cares about, and the sense of responsibility he feels for them – and Vayu quickly and easily comes to care about others.

Abilities + Skills

Slow regeneration: not nearly potent enough to be worth much in the moment, but helpful over longer periods of time, as even fairly severe wounds will heal.

Burning blood: situationally useful, but Vayu’s blood will catch fire from a spark, at least when fresh. It has a low, warm glow to it, like embers, when fresh.

Skill in hunting and combat, in a rather intertwined fashion. Weaponry, anatomy, tracking and situational awareness, archery etc.

A deep familiarity with the fantastical and occult elements of his world. Knowledge of ghosts, undead, and the magic associated with them, though he can’t use much of it himself. He knows some basic stuff, useful for sensing, warding, and talking to spirits and similar powers, though.

Other interests and skills are:

Cooking, which is his day job. That’s sucked some of the fun out of it for him, but he’s fairly good at it still.

Poetry and literature. He had more time and energy for long books as a teenager, but he’s trying to get back into it by reading poetry collections.

Additional Traits, Fun Facts

Despite being a hunter by training, and being willing to prepare meat dishes, Vayu is a vegetarian himself.

He was a grunge and metal fan in his youth, and remains one to this day.

Vayu has a facebook account he never uses, posts on some forums that have still remained up, and that's about it in terms of internet presence. The only thing that can get him online is classic doom.