#its giving katniss syndrome

[rubybaely]

rewatched the darkest minds movie and rereading the book and i think that

a) movie still sucks but

b) i don't think they ever could have made a faithful and interesting movie bc so much of what makes the book and ruby compelling is her internal dialogue and her mental development and it's just so hard to translate to the screen in any way

(though the movie didn't seem to care abt giving ruby any development at all, even if they had tried it wouldn't have hit as hard as the book imo)

[ellanainthetardis]

A much needed - and calmer - talk today! Let me know your thoughts!

[ff] or [ao3]

Chapter 55 :  No Good Choices

The door to the Training Center’s roof was already open and Haymitch groaned a little, not keen on sharing the place. He fumbled with the lighter, the cigarette already wedged between his lips… What he wanted was some peace and quiet, to escape Effie’s shrill voice as she babbled into the phone to arrange whatever it was he was supposed to be doing next.

According to the colored-code schedule she had passed around that morning on the train, the afternoon was supposed to be free. There would be a party in the evening, obviously, but for now his time was blissfully his and he wanted some fucking space.

Leaving the Districts behind was a relief. Two and One hadn’t been as bad as he had feared but he would never understand the people who lived there, the glorification of victors, the academies to train possible tributes… He had been very welcomed there. The victor who had won twice…

He pushed the door open and emerged in the soft cold. Winter was mild in the Capitol and he hadn’t bothered bringing up his coat. The sweatpants and the long-sleeve shirt were a bit too thin but he ignored it. He could deal.

It was sickening how happy he was to be back in the city. He wondered if it was a Stockholm syndrome thing, if he had been conditioned without his knowing… Or maybe it was simply that nothing in there made him feel like he had been tossed into a larger version of his arena. He would have to face the Presidential Mansion again but…

Problem for another day.

He walked close to the edge and studied the city spread at his feet, letting his eyes roam on the colorful beads of lights spread everywhere around them… ‘What is your favorite thing in the city?” Caesar had asked him earlier, after he had been done greeting his fans at the station, smiling, waving, signing and taking pictures… Haymitch had shrugged and smirked ‘My girl’. He and Effie had kissed, he had deepened it, she had pretended to be embarrassed and had rebuked him, they had bickered, everyone had been happy with the footage. The Welcome To The Capitol interview hadn’t been the most difficult thing he had faced during that Tour anyway.

The cigarette still unlit, he turned around to survey his surroundings and found what he was looking for on the other side of the roof. There were small movements in the garden and he eventually spotted the boy sitting between two potted trees. Haymitch hardly ever went into the garden. He knew it had been the kids’ corner but he preferred the bare part of the roof, with its concrete low wall. It was there that he and Effie usually discussed difficult things, safe from bugs but not bothering to pretend this was anything but what it was. The garden would have made it feel too much like a stroll.

He hesitated for a long moment before finally walking over.

Peeta must have seen him as soon as he had arrived but he hadn’t made any sign that he was there so Haymitch was probably not welcomed. But… The passive aggressive dance they had going on couldn’t go on. Not only was it painful to have the boy glaring at him behind his back, it would only get more difficult as the years went by. Twelve only had two victors now and two victors meant they would have to work together at some point, there was no point making it harder than it ought to be. He knew the kid didn’t understand his behavior. He knew he was hurting him. He knew he had made a poor job of explaining himself.

He also knew nothing could be like it used to be with Peeta.

He knew himself and he knew his limits.

He had meant what he had told the kid. He looked at Peeta and all he saw was Katniss.

He lowered himself on the ground facing the boy, right in front of a patch of jasmine. The smell was strong and maybe it was another reason he didn’t like the garden. It reminded him too much of his arena. His first one.

Peeta’s eyes tracked his every move but the kid didn’t say anything.

Haymitch plucked the cigarette from his lips and turned it over between his fingers, not quite sure how to start.

“Give it a few years and maybe you’re gonna get it.” he said slowly, keeping his gaze firmly on his hands. “I’ve been at this for twenty-five years. It’s… a lot of dead kids. It gets you… numb after a while. It ain’t that you stop caring but you just…” He licked his lips. “You learn to recognize who’s got a chance and who doesn’t, so that helps… That helps prepare you, yeah? You know they’re already dead. They just don’t know it yet.”

He chanced a glance up at Peeta. The boy was staring at him, listening. It was already something he supposed.

“Thing is… Before you… Twenty-three years… I only got maybe… two who had a real shot.” he continued with a shrug. “Kids from Twelve… Don’t need to tell you they’re at a disadvantage, yeah?” Peeta gave him a brief nod so Haymitch went on, torturing the cigarette between his fingers so badly it would be too battered to be smocked. Waste. Then again, it was the thing in the city. Waste was expected, they could always buy more. “Last year… Can’t describe how I felt when I realized I got not only one but two kids who had what it took to get to the finish line.”

“You chose Katniss.” the boy said, breaking his silence for the first time. It wasn’t entirely an accusation. It was the kid who had spilled his feelings for her and had asked him to do whatever he could to bring her back after all. Sure, Haymitch had already made up his mind at that point because as charismatic and charming as Peeta could be, Katniss had the guts and, ultimately, it was having the guts that kept you alive.

“’Cause she had what it took.” he muttered. “And you’re… You’re soft, boy.” He raised a dismissive hand before the kid could protest. “Ain’t an insult. You’re a good person. It’s a rare thing nowadays.”

Peeta sighed. “You’re not a bad man, Haymitch.”

That was debatable and not the object of the conversation.

“Thing is… The star-crossed lovers thing… I convinced Seneca it would be a great twist but I knew they would never go for two victors.” he admitted. “Not after what Katniss had done with Rue anyway. That was…”

“I saw the footage.” Peeta cut in.

“You saw part of it.” he corrected. They hadn’t showed the whole thing at the Recap during the Crowning and they had been careful to never air it again. Katniss might have told him but he hadn’t seen. “It was powerful, boy. And dangerous. Chaff only made it worse when he sent her a loaf of bread…” He shook his head. “Changed all the rules.”

“It was brave.” the boy snapped.

“Yeah, it was.” he chuckled bitterly, rubbing his forehead. “Brave and stupid and fucking inspiring. That was the point, yeah? Can’t tell you how much me and Effie were already sweating by that point… Then, the berries…” He closed his eyes and then shook his head. “The berries were the nails in our fucking coffins. But you were both alive and all the Districts were grumbling and… When Cinna told me about the rebellion, when he brought me in…” He swallowed hard at that memory. “I really thought we had a shot. With Thirteen not being as dead as I had thought… There’s always been rumors floating around but I didn’t believe it. Not until Cinna showed me and I thought…” He sighed. “They were gonna use the girl either way. She was supposed to be their Mockingjay but I only trusted them as far as I could throw them. Didn’t want her to become their martyr. And Snow… Snow was breathing down our fucking necks.”

“No good choices.” Peeta said slowly.

“No good choices.” he confirmed. “I threw our lot where I thought I could keep you both alive. Freeing Panem from the Capitol… Well, ain’t gonna lie, it would have been a nice bonus. Everything I’ve always wanted. Revenge and everything. But… I chose the rebellion ‘cause I really thought it was the only way to protect the two of you.”

“You could have told us.” the boy insisted. “You’re always keeping things from me.”

“If I had told the girl…” He made a face. It would have been a disaster. “She was already figuring some out anyway. The less she knew, the safer she was. Same for you. Same for Effie.” He shrugged. “I tried, kid.”

“And then?” Peeta asked.

“And then everything fell on our heads ‘cause Thirteen bailed out and I was glad I had kept you out of the loop.” he confessed. “Thought you would be safe. Both of you. Really did. Should have known better.” He accidentally dropped the cigarette but made no move to pick it up. It left him with empty hands though. “I wanted to save both of you, Peeta. I’m… I’m sorry I failed. I still think… Me going in was the best solution. At least I got you out. It probably ain’t much of a comfort to you but at least I got one of you out.”

Peeta studied him for a long time and then averted his eyes. “But you can’t look at me anymore.”

“Give me time.” he requested quietly. “I know it ain’t fair. I know you’re angry. But… I loved that girl.”

Saying that out loud was like tearing his chest open and clawing his heart out. He took a deep steadying breath but it smelt too much like jasmine, it smelt too much like being trapped.

He fumbled in his pocket with shaking hands, came up with an empty packet of cigarettes and crumpled it angrily.

“I know.” Peeta said at last. “I loved her too.” There was so much pain in his voice that Haymitch started compulsively tearing the packet apart in small little pieces. If the boy noticed his littering, it didn’t seem to bother him. “I’m sorry about what I said the other time. And I’m sorry I was a jerk.”

“I was a jerk too.” Haymitch admitted. “Just… It gets too much.”

“I understand.” the boy offered. “Going back for a second time… What you had to do in there… I understand. You’re probably doing well considering.”

“Yeah.” he snorted bitterly. “Considering.”

If you didn’t count regularly trying to boil himself to death in the shower.

“I’m impressed you didn’t start drinking again.” Peeta commented.

“Nothing to be impressed about.” he grumbled. “Want to. Every day I think I’m gonna cave.” He averted his gaze and stared at the oddly shaped potted tree on the left. “Can’t afford it. Can’t slip. Effie… You… Can’t risk my family again.”

Peeta seemed to perk up a little at being called family and that was good because that had been the aim. Unfortunately, it also made the boy frown. “Why again?”

His mind flashed to the Everdeen’s living-room, to the fresh burning gashes on his back, to brushing the subject with Katniss when he had tried to convince her that…

“Remember my Games?” he asked, forcing his voice to sound even and failing miserably.

Understanding dawned on Peeta’s face. “The force field.”

“The force field, holding Maysilee’s hand while she died, that I went looking for a way out of the arena in the first place…” he shrugged. “I was stupid and naïve. Lost everyone I cared about.”

“I’m sorry.” Peeta said and Haymitch shrugged. It wasn’t the boy’s fault. The kid hesitated and then it was his turn to look away. “When I got back to Twelve… Everything was different. Thread had expulsed Katniss’ family from the Village, they were staying with the Hawthornes. Mrs Everdeen…” He shook his head. “If Prim didn’t force her to feed, I’m not sure she would remember. She’s… She’s not here anymore. Her eyes are always empty.”

“She’s been through a lot.” he remarked.

“Yes, maybe, but…” the boy sighed. “Prim is a good kid but she’s thirteen and she shouldn’t have to take care of her mom like that. If I hadn’t taken them in… I don’t know how they would have fed themselves. Prim was planning on trying to sneak to the woods, to do what Katniss used to and that would only have ended in disaster. Twelve’s really not a nice place to be right now. Thread… Well, to be honest, he’s fair. He applies the law to the letter but the law’s harsh and people are starving.” Peeta shrugged. “I didn’t want to deal with all that. I kept thinking if you’d been there…”

“If I had been there, I’d have been drunk and useless. Would have gotten myself flayed on the whipping post for illegal moonshine.” he pointed out. “Ain’t good at taking care of people, kid. You’re better at mending things than I am.”

Peeta shrugged again, clearly not convinced. “Can you try calling now and then? I’m not saying I need you to call every two days like Effie does but… Maybe just once a month or something… Just check in. Prim would like that. She misses you.”

“Yeah.” he promised slowly. “Can do that.”

He would tell Effie and made sure she would force him to follow suit.

He could repair things.

“Good.” the boy nodded.

“Can’t ever be your mentor again.” he muttered awkwardly. “You get that, yeah?” It could never be like before, not with his guilt his treacherous memories, but it could be… better than this hostile relationship full of things unsaid – well, he supposed most of those things had been said now. “It’s just… That’s too much.”

“But we can be friends.” Peeta stated firmly, with the calm of a man who had been forced to grow up too quickly.

“Friends.” he repeated. “Yeah. I can do friends.”

They didn’t have to be best friends, they could be friends who sometimes exchanged phone calls and who saw each other once a year – twice maybe – to watch kids get murdered. Nothing he hadn’t done before with younger victors.

That was manageable.

[kristnirpresti]

ooc: so screenrant made an article about 10 things that don’t make sense about athelstan. and it pissed me the fuck off.

so im gonna rant

1. Athelstan helps ragnar while still a slave

They say if he were wise he wouldn’t have shared any of that information. First, Athelstan is a slave! He doesn’t really have a fucking option unless Ragnar punish him. He’s not free to just deny information. Two, when Ragnar obtains this information he purposely gets Athelstan drunk so Athelstan will be more loose lipped about the information. Its got nothing to do about whether or not Athelstan wants to give up the information.

debunked, this makes sense.

2. He pretends he isn’t a christian

They give no actual reason for this in fact they say that his faith has dwindled. And that he is scared to be found out. How does this not make sense. This moment in season 1 is so very precarious because Athelstan has more freedom now, he wants to be accepted and to do that he cannot be Christian.

debunked, this makes sense.

3. he suddenly believes in the gods

They are using the fact that Athelstan is describing stories to Ragnar as his belief in the gods. Look Athelstan has been with these people for a while he knows how they talk about the gods. But also as we have already established his faith is dwindling. But he also has asked about the gods multiple times because he wants to learn about them. it is not crazy that he can spit that information back out, he’s a fucking monk learning and retaining knowledge is second fucking nature to him.

debunked, this makes sense.

4. he hits on judith in front of the king

Yes and Ecbert is hitting on lagertha in front of him and judith. no one is a saint in this little hot tub. also like she admits to fucking dreaming of him why is it his fault that she dreamt of him like that? Why is it hitting on her when he tells her that she didn’t sin because the actions weren’t real. When was comfort equal to hitting on? The only reason he is flirtatious with her is because she opened that door, and lets be real she did it long before this damn ass bath.

debunked, this makes sense

5. he raids with ragnar

sorry ragnar trusts him. athelstan at this point in his story and journey has become very detatched from the monk that he once was. however the raids still heavily affect him as we see when he admires the work of the monks, he feels bad for killing one, and he ends the priests life quickly instead of letting floki and others make a game out of it. just because he raids does not mean he has lost his morals.

debunked, this makes sense

6. he sympathizes with ecbert

So they say he falls in love with ecbert, WHERE? Where do we ever see Athelstan and Ecbert having the same relationship as Ragnar and Athelstan. They even state that he is more of a prisoner with Ecbert which automatically makes the position he had with Ragnar different. Athelstan doesn’t sympathize with Ecbert he merely understands his position, and knows that he could be killed.

debunked, this makes sense.

7. he returns to kattegat after working with ecbert

JESUS FUCK. They say that Athelstan can reclaim his christian roots like that is all that he is. They say that Athelstan’s relationship with Ragnar is Stockholm syndrome when they just say that he was a prisoner under ecbert? Like excuse me, if any relationship would be stockholm it would be the one with ecbert. Athelstan had grown as a person by this point, he is not the teenage monk we met in season 1. He is a grown ass man, and can make his own decisions. He knows full well that he is a prisoner with ecbert and he gets the opportunity to leave and he does. it has nothing to do with love of both captors or whatever shit screen rant is saying.

debunked, this makes sense

8. he sleeps with judith

this was a mistake on both their parts not just him. do not place this solely on him. let us also not forget the whole relationship with judith starts with judith coming onto him and disrespecting his boundaries. he has problems saying no to people in general, so he is in the wrong, but this isn’t out of the blue.

debunked, this makes sense

9. he throws away his arm band

lord almighty its like they don’t expect a character to grow and change and who is shown to be fickle about his faith because he is trying to understand it himself to make decisions regarding his faith after what he believes to be a revelation. Its like character arcs aren’t a thing. There argument isn’t even about the armband it makes no actual sense. It isn’t even an armband it just states the circumstances surrounding the armband. The armband has alot of meanings to Athelstan, most notably that he now can make his own decisions and is not connected only to ragnar as that is who gave the armband, it allows him to live without the “love” this article likes to place on him tying him down.

debunked, this makes sense

10. he isn’t surprised to see floki

im sorry but were any of us? if stan was gonna die it was 97% gonna be by floki’s hand. he also sees the dude in the hut with an ax, is that surprising? no. Athelstan is well aware of floki’s dislike of him, that is why it is no surprise that it is by floki’s hand that he dies. he would have not been surprised about this ever. they are saying his death was willing and a departure from ragnar because athelstan is only about ragnar right? fuck no. His death was willing because he was at piece with himself finally and any moment past throwing his arm band his death would have been willing because his arc came to a close. the fact that floki is the one who kills him is not a surprise to him or fucking anyone.

debunked, this makes sense

FUCK THIS FUCKING ARTICLE. did they even watch the damn ass show? cause like they boiled athelstan down to a man who loves ragnar and ecbert and that’s it. when their own article ends with athelstan not loving either. he’s not katniss everdeen from the fucking hunger games deciding he doesn’t need peeta or gale. fucking christ.