#its hard to keep track of all this british nonsense sorry

[snekdood]

finding a way to put your hair up Without it pulling in anyway is hard. i look like a victorian mother who lost a child and looks somberly out the window while it rains and im wearing a emerald green dress and my house is unusually dark and everything looks like it has a washed out filter on it

[veestormcourage]

I’ve finally gotten around to the Ace Attorney anime

And boy am I disappointed so far!

Not sure I need spoiler breaks for an anime that’s already been out for a few years and a game that’s been out for over a decade in the states and more than fifteen years in Japan, but I’ll still pretend no one knows about the sled, so to speak.

FIRST POINT: Animation

Seriously, the animation is shit.  I’m having flashbacks to Sailor Moon Crystal.  I didn’t take a million screen caps of it like I did for Crystal, but type the following into Google and take a look: ace attorney anime bad animation.  When Phoenix bows to Grossberg, his hands did the same thing Jadite’s did, and in the very beginning when he’s apologizing to Mia for being late, again, the hands.  His hair spikes are constantly changing size, the 3D is egregiously terrible when they pan the courtroom in the first episode (not so bad when they don’t pan the model), and the gallery in the second trial (ep. 2-5) could have been made with better models back in the original game’s launch year...of the Japanese version!!!  The use of effects only in the trial of ep. 1 just highlights further what a dumb idea it was (albeit one sort of taken from the live action movie), while the whole magic screens coming from the paneling thing seems just plain dumb given at this point the setting of the games has turned around and become “present day” instead of “fifteen years into the future.” Inconsistencies with things like Mia’s boobs and Phoenix’s hair spikes aside, the actual models they came up with...are pretty terrible, actually.  Phoenix’s forehead is just plain wrong, Gumshoe’s head is all...something...Mia looks like she has an animation error instead of a mole, the whole makeup thing when Maya channeling is idiotic and kind of sexist when taken in context with the credits animation, Mia wears slight heels and is only 8 cm/3 in. shorter than Phoenix in the first place yet she’s way shorter standing next to him in court -- for that matter, Maya is 22 cm/8 in. shorter than Phoenix, yet she only seems to come to his collar.  This tends to be true in all the official art that she’s absolutely diminutive, but it’s always irritated me there as well, so I’ll just grouse about that one on the entire franchise.

On pan outs, the judge is literally a tan ball with a beard.  Contemplate that quality kwality for a second.

SECOND POINT: Sound

The use of music from the games is a lot more understated than I was expecting, which is a crying shame because the franchise’s music is beloved by fans, and has been acclaimed repeatedly for years.  When I did hear the motifs from the games, I started to feel a shred of hope for the anime.  The opening is just fluffy nonsense, generic OP stuff that will be forgotten immediately and probably skipped if VRV will stop being a pain in the ass every time I jump around. I like that VRV gives me the option of dubbed or subbed.  I also appreciate that if I go to Crunchyroll itself instead of its VRV channel, I can choose the English or Japanese names on the sub track.  I wish that option was on VRV as well, just because I find it interesting, but meh. I don’t hate the credits song, but I’m not...happy with aspects of the animation on it.  But that’s for character reasons, not technical ones.

THIRD POINT: Voicing

I’ve watched both the dub and the sub, and I have to say, I like the fan VAs better from the years of fan-dubbing of the games.  Slightly British Edgeworth and scratchy Phoenix Wright are better than either official VA.  That said, I like Japanese Wright and Maya better than English, and I was so disappointed when I heard Edgeworth’s lack of posh accent that I went immediately back to subtitles, which is a shame because this is the kind of franchise where I might have actually gone with the dub.  And yet, that shrieky “WHAT” to open Ep. 4 in English...yeah, that lost me.  Sorry, US English Maya.

FOURTH POINT: Subtitles

Just gonna say, just because they kept the English names for one of the subtitle tracks doesn’t mean they had to keep all of the localization aspects.  Hearing Maya say “miso ramen, RA~MEN!” and seeing “burgers” gets weird.  To be fair, this was similar to the dissonance I had to wrap my head around when Digimon Adventure Tri came out.

SIXTH POINT: Compression

Actually, no complaints.  I think they’ve done well with what to cut and what to keep, and using the time they have to make the characters feel as over the top as they were in the games, so far.  Little sad the cute moment where Phoenix carries Maya to the couch was lost, though.

FINAL POINT: Characterization

This section is mostly gonna be about Maya, but I’ll knock a couple other things out of the way, first.  One is that Mia sounds a lot more...motherly, than I was expecting.  Another is that it seems weird Maya heard Mia in Ep. 4 when that’s...not a thing.  At all.  The judge seems less like a doof so far, and Edgeworth’s pompous ass has yet to seem quite as pompous as it should.  Gumshoe seems even less competent than usual, though, given his weird posing when entering the scene.

Maya got to point things out during the case and show signs of intelligence, which is nice, because half the fandom has her as Phoenix’s cool sis or something akin and recognizes her common sense wisdom and the other half has Crya the burger monster.  In the games, Maya gets Phoenix to actually pay her share way less than in fanon.  Her sprites present someone who’s a lot more solid and steady than the promo art does, which I’ve never been able to wrap my head around.  I’d finish a game, unlock that final CG, and be like “wait, what?”

So then this anime comes out, and I hear her voiced, and I go, “Wait, so she is the high-pitched adorable mascot?” I’ve never understood the universal need for them in every single anime and take great joy in subversions like Kyubey and the “Fairy” guy in Mahou Shoujo Ore.  It’s not that I don’t like them when done well, it’s just, if the series isn’t fantasy, they seem to squish a female into the role.  “Mayushii-de~su.”  Like that.  So hearing Maya done like that...ew.  Just, ew.  It also makes her seem much, MUCH younger than 17.  I moved out on my own when I was 18 and hadn’t come to terms with my gender, but I wasn’t sitting there with makeup to try to be more “adult,” either.  I think most girls go through that, sure, but it’s more of a middle school thing.  Even I did, and if 13 year old me (who wore makeup every day) was told “I have a magic ray that will make you a boy” I would have thrown my compact away and asked “Can you make it look like an accident?  My parents are Fundamentalists.”  And maybe I’m wrong for bringing my experiences into this, but then again, I’m not trying to give a professional critique, but my personal review, and in the end, that boils down to what I like and don’t like, which, meh, what can I say, I’m an innately selfish creature and myself doesn’t like seeing girls pressured to use makeup to be “grownups.” Sailor Moon always did that, too, and that’s one of my all-time favorites but LORD I hate that aspect, and hate that it’s persisted across adaptations for decades.  I hate that Maya’s new look in SoJ has lip gloss, too.  Like, “Hey, we back-stepped on all the growth at the end of AA3, so how can we show she’s matured?”  “I know!  Lip gloss!”  “Perfect, give that guy a raise!”

CONCLUSION: I’m gonna go over to AO3 and read “Archeology” again because it’s the Ace Attorney characterization we all really deserved and probably still come back and watch the entire series, but I’m gonna pray really hard it improves as it goes.  Maybe it got some actual money for the sequel seasions.

[lareinenoir]

∆Milk and Honey∆ Tom Hiddleston x Black! Female Reader •PART 1/?•

TWHiddleston > Y/N-St. John413

Dear Ms. St. John,

I had the greatest pleasure of meeting your agent last night in London a couple of weeks back. He tracked down my publicist and said you had an amazing script I just had to read. I know I am about a month late and I give you my sincerest apology.

As you may know, I am looking for a screenwriter for my first movie I'm going to direct and produce. Sadly the search has come to an end because I already found one. Unfortunately, I regret to inform you that you'll be stuck with me. I have chosen your script for my first movie.

Hopefully, you'll give me the honor of turning your script into a million dollar movie. If you could email me back as soon as possible, that would be very much appreciated.

Yours truly,

Tom

Y/N-St.John413 > TWHiddleston

Mr. Hiddleston,

You have no idea how excited I am! I couldn't be any happier to receive your email. It would be my honor to have you produce and direct my script.

I have been waiting for my big break and its finally here. Thank you so much for even considering reading it.

I'm so excited to be working with you.

TWHiddleston>Y/N-St.John413

Ms. St. John,

I am very excited to be working with you too. Again, your script was absolutely brilliant. I'd love to chat more about it when we meet in person. I ask you to keep a lock and key around this whole operation. I don't want the public to jinx it before it has already begun.

To keep from checking emails all the time, I'll leave my publicist number below. I'd like to see when is the earliest flight I can get you to London. Don't worry about cost I'll fly you out here and buy you a hotel room for however long you need it.

Only the best for my new screenwriter!

Hope to see you soon,

Tom

And here you were. Outside his house. His house! Tom freaking Hiddleston's house! You didn't know if you were under dressed or over dresses. You decided to wear one of your suits. Pam said the black and white one looked great. Hopefully, it was enough to impress Tom.

"Y/N?" Ask Luke, Tom's publicist. You look in his direction and see your hand is shaking. "You've been standing at the curb for over ten minutes."

"I'm sorry, Luke." You Said rubbing your lips together. "I uh-well-you see I'm just-erm-"

"It's ok. Tom isn't a monster. He won't bite." Look said making you giggle and the train of nerves disappear.

"Thank you. I ain't never been this nervous before."

"Don't think about the nerves, ok? Just walk in and...be you. Be the girl-woman from Mayfield, Alabama who wrote that script."

"Right. For Mayfield..."

"I would go in with you, but I have a meeting. Break a leg." Luke gets back in the limo and your feet start heading towards the front door.

Pushing your glasses up on your nose, you knock hesitantly and see the doorknob rattle. "I'm coming, I'm coming." Says a voice behind the door. Stepping back and squeezing the strap of your crossbody bag. When the door swings open, you were greeted by a woman holding a broom.

"Hi."

"Oh!"

"Sorry, ma'am-"

"You must be Tom's guests. Come in, come in." She rushes you through the door with a hand on your back. "I was just in the middle of sweeping. Tom is upstairs taking a shower, but you can go on into his office." She told you pointing down the hall, behind the staircase. "Its the one with the blue curtains. He'll be with you shortly."

"Thank you." You say, but see shes already off sweeping. Turning back around, your heels click against the hardwood floor and you push the doors open and quickly gasp. "Sweet mother of Jesus." You whisper. "This ain't no office." You chuckle.

When you first walked in there was a giant living room with nice clean, cream-colored couches and blue curtains. It looked wide, but the couches looked lonely. Not a crease or a shoe print in them. But standing here in the office...Remarkable.

"I've never seen so many books." You whisper starting to pull some off the shelves. Tom had every book of Game Of Thrones. Even the very first one!

You fingers cross one on the shelf and it was one of your favorites. The Iliad. Without hesitating, you snatch it off the shelf and flip the pages. You loved the Iliad. It was the start of the great Trojan War. What wasn't there to love.

"Its a good read."

Your hands lift and the book goes flying in the air. "Oh!" You shout as your heart beat quickly. Standing a couple feet away from you, leaning on the door was Tom Hiddleston.

Tom freaking Hiddleston. A nervous lump kept you from breathing as he rushed to you. His hand on the small of your back as you stared at him wide-eyed, trying to find a way to catch your breath.

"Gee, I'm terribly sorry." He chuckles giving you a friendly smile. "I did not mean to scare you. Are you alright."

"You scared the living crap out of me." You mutter reaching for the book and holding it out to him. "I'm sorry about the book. I didn't-"

"Nonsense. It was my fault." He interrupts and your heart slowed down a bit, mostly because he was just smiling and talking in a calm voice. And the fact that he was wearing a rather clingy sweater and the traces of his abs looked fantastic

"Its nice to meet you Mr. Hiddleston. You have no idea how much...how much working for you means to me." He shakes your hand and it was warm, except for the little water dripping off his hair that landed on your hand.

"Tom, please. And we are working together. A producer/Director need to be on the same page as the writer. I have so many questions for you Ms. St.-"

"Y/N. You can call me Y/N."

"Y/N." He nods "I like that name."

Looking down you thank him and then he continues, "Y/N, I have so many questions about your script. I read it three or four times. Is it ok if I ask them?"

"Sure. Fire away." You answer pushing up your glasses as he leads you to the couch. You scooted over expecting Tom to sit next to you but he sat across from you on the other couch.

"So Milk and Honey is obviously set in the 1920s, right. Ok, I guess my first question is why the 1920s?"

"Personally it's my favorite era. The fashion and crime it was all just really close to home. Mayfield was found in the 1920s by a mobster looking for a place to start his drug trade. From Mayfield he went all over the US, shipping his drugs."

"Wow! That's very interesting."

"I know its not a great founding story-"

"No its better. Most of the founding stories center around crops. Mayfield sounds amazing."

"We don't sell drugs anymore." You laugh "We are now known for our pineapples. We have pineapple fields everywhere in Mayfield. Best in the US if I do say so myself."

"Then I better try one then."

You both laugh again and you can't help but feel giddy because right across from you was Tom Hiddleston. Talking to you well, you talk to him like you had known each other for years.

"So, Warren and Celeste. I love how you wrote their chemistry. I could feel it coming off the paper. It was so real. They say the writer leaves a bit of themselves in their story. Forgive me for being so front but, did you base it off you?"

He went straight for it. What should I say? The truth! Duh.

"In a way I did. My growing up wasn't the best. My ma gave me up when I was five to her grandmother, my great grandma and I was raised by her. I thought bringing in a character who felt lonely like I did would help their growth. But I mostly based it off my Gran. She was a very good singer and not all the time she was allowed to sing in public. They'd make her use the back door to get into places and she'd sing for not even a quarter for what the stars in Hollywood get paid for nowadays."

"I think thats what I liked most about your script." Said Tom and he was studying your face. "It felt real. I want the film to feel real and for people to feel connected. You can show anything on a screen but it takes one hell of an actor to put that much passion to turn a script into a movie."

You smile trying to break eye contact with his heavenly blue eyes. He was being very poetic and it made your heartburn with excitement.

"Tea time!" Said a voice, rolling in a tray of tea. "Early Grey for you, Tom and I chosen green tea for our guest."

"Thank you, Mrs. Gaynes." Said Tom and she slid her way out of the office. "Y/N, do you drink tea?"

"Does sweet tea count?" You ask and then nod your head quickly, so he knew you were joking. "I do. Call me weird but Ginger tea is my favorite."

"Ginger!" He exclaimed as if he didn't believe you. "Points for you." Tom winked

Drinking tea and eating finger sandwiches gave you and Tom both the opportunity to ask him questions and make small chit chat. You didn't realize how long you'd been sitting in his office talking.

You learned Tom always wanted to be behind the camera.

"I always liked the idea of being in charge. Being the man behind the camera and seeing my name on something I worked hard on."

"A man in charge." You smirk taking a sip of tea. "Sounds bossy. In a good way, I mean."

"Y/N, I want you to meet the rest of the team. I'm hosting a bit of a get-together and I'd really like you to meet all the sponsors.''

"Sounds great. What's the dress attire? I don't wanna be overdressed like I am today."

"Overdressed? Not at all. You look great. Come as you are." He tells you and you smile at him.

British charm...how charming!

"As much as I enjoyed talking to you," his eyes scan his phone. "I have another meeting." Tom stands and puts his teacup down.

"Right. I had better get back to the hotel anyway. I have to unpack and call my folks back home to tell them I'm still alive."

"I'll see you tomorrow then." He extends his hand for you to take and you slide your hand into his. "Do you have a ride back to the hotel?"

"No, but I can walk. Luke didn't tell me how close the hotel was to your house."

"Walking? The weather changes at night. Allow me to drive you."

"Really, you don't have too. I don't want you to be late for your meeting."

"Let me drive you, Y/N. My mum wouldn't be very happy if she found out I had the opportunity to drive a lady home and didn't do it."

"Your momma raised you right." You told him

Instead of letting go of your hand, he slipped it into his arm, escorting you to the front door. You felt your face get hot and you couldn't stop smiling at the ground. Tom walked you to the car and held open the door for you.

"Thank you."

A couple minutes later you are outside the hotel and Tom rushes to open the door for you. "Shall I walk you up?"

"No. You did quite enough already by buying me a plane ticket here. I think you should get going. It was nice to finally meet you in person."

"You too. Goodnight, Y/N."

"Goodnight Tom." You wave heading to open the door to the lobby.

Tom Hiddleston was no southern gentleman. He was a British gentleman. So the tingly, warm feeling growing in your stomach was nothing. Nothing at all.

He was like that to everyone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tag list: @tell-me-a-poem @thatweirdwalangpake @schizonephilim @hisparadox @nirvanaslovechild @empressoftheundergroundsun @inlovewith3 @smartiedork @naughtybaroness30 @fanfictionaffair @nobodynobodynobodynob @gerli49 @spookytyphoonbouquetsblog @angelicvixenn @wtficantfindausernam

[drinkthehalo]

Supernatural Season 12 - the Mary Winchester storyline

Of all the ridiculous things… I’ve fallen down the Supernatural rabbit hole.

Supernatural is the last fandom I’d have expected to sneak up on me. I stopped watching years ago and had been wishing that someone would put it out of its misery.

But then a few weeks ago, my friend mentioned that Sam and Dean’s mother was on the show as a regular character.  It piqued my curiosity.  A story that’s actually about the Winchester family, not the internal politics of Heaven or whatever random boring nonsense that caused me to stop watching?

So long story short - I was just in Shanghai (for the third time!) and when I wasn’t running around a dark hotel or drinking at a bar, I was waking up at 5am, jetlagged and half drunk, mainlining SPN. (Watching it in bed on my phone! Ha.)

To my complete shock, seasons 11 and 12 are GREAT. It's like the show took stock of everything it was doing wrong, remembered what had once made it awesome, and set about methodically fixing it.

If you are someone who also gave up on the show - watch 11x04 “Baby.” It made me laugh, made me cry, made me literally want to hug my television. It was such a gift to the audience, and a promise to do better. Proof that the show can still be absolutely wonderful when it puts in the effort.

Also, Dean Winchester. He’s one of the best fictional characters I’ve ever seen; he's so fucked up and he's also the most lovable thing ever. His combination of strength, fragility, competence, darkness, sweetness, silliness… His heroism and idealism and fatalism and self-abnegation… His joie de vivre, suicidal impulses, bitterness, weariness, ridiculousness and awkwardness… His badassery and heroism and codependence and tragedy.

Such a complex beautiful mess. Narratively, he is the gift that keeps on giving, the reason the show has lasted twelve years - you can just keep throwing stories at him and you get the most fascinating results.

I will be writing more about SPN. Sorry if you’re just here for the immersive theatre posts!

Here are my thoughts on the Mary Winchester storyline, which I LOVED -

It’s a complex, messy, fascinating story, where nobody is completely right and nobody is completely wrong, and you can sympathize with every character. It brings the show right back to the core of what made it good and interesting.

The three key things I loved about it:

I was pleasantly surprised at how it subverted my expectations

Mary herself was relatable, interesting, complex, and her choices raised intriguing ethical questions

Mary’s presence provided an opportunity to dive into the psychology and issues of Dean (especially) and Sam in a way we haven’t seen before

As soon as I heard that Mary was back, I was simultaneously afraid of the ways it could go wrong, and deeply intrigued by the possibilities it raised.

The most interesting thing the show had going on in its early days was the complexity of the boys’ relationship with their father. The success of Jeffrey Dean Morgan’s career was a tragedy for Supernatural - once he was gone it just never had the same emotional intensity, though they did interesting things with flashbacks and time travel and pseudo-father figures.

But Mary - Mary has that same intense emotional resonance. She was the first character we saw in the Pilot, Dean’s deepest wish (in arguably the best episode of the show, 2x20) and Dean’s Heaven (5x16), the key to Dean’s character.

"I know [my mother] wanted me to be brave. I think about that every day. And I do my best to be brave." - Dean from 1x03 - what an amazing through-line to a story still unfolding twelve years later!

But… Supernatural doesn’t have a great track record with female characters. The original sin of the show - the reason I’ve always been a bit ambivalent about loving it so much - is how it portrays women as symbols that matter only in relation to men. The Pilot is egregious. Mary and Jess, in their ridiculous frilly white nightgowns, dying as motivation for the men to embark on their quests. In Supernatural, men have journeys. Men are subjects, with destinies, and “work to do.”  Men are multi-dimensional characters. Women are objects (in the early seasons - it’s gotten way better recently). We barely know Mary and Jess as characters, and don’t need to. Their deaths are not even about them; they’re about what they do to Sam and Dean.

Usually when Mary reappears in the show, it’s as a symbol, the embodiment of the ideal of motherhood. The love, safety, and care that Dean longs for. (Sam, interestingly, does not long for Mary the same way, both because he doesn’t remember her and because he had Dean as his mother figure. I have always adored that parallel, that Dean is like Mary and Sam is like John, which so subverts our expectations of how they present their gender roles, tough guy Dean and sensitive Sam.)

So my fear of season twelve was that we’d still see Mary a symbol. And THANK GOD they were smart enough to completely subvert that expectation, and make the story ABOUT the fact that Mary is an individual human being, not an ideal personification of motherhood.

When we meet this version of Mary, her whole world has been taken from her. Her husband is dead, her small children are lost to her. Her friends are thirty years older, or dead. I love how the show handles Mary’s reaction to the ubiquity of smartphones. It’s not a joke about moms being bad at technology. It’s profoundly disconcerting. It’s sad and strange, especially for a person so smart and competent to suddenly be in a world where she lacks foundational knowledge - it’s almost like everyone else speaks another language.  She doesn’t fit.

So she tries to find her way. She’s a fully-realized person, just as conflicted and complex as Sam and Dean, with her own goals, flaws, fears, vulnerabilities. (And THANK GOD she’s tough, not in need of her childrens’ protection.) 

I imagine myself in her position - with these two well-meaning, overwhelming adult children tracking her every move - and I completely understand her need to break away and carve a space for herself. The pressure and weight of their expectation, on top of everything else she’s going through, would be overwhelming.

As with the best writing in Supernatural, Mary makes choices that are not entirely wrong and not entirely right. Her embrace of the British Men of Letters is driven by guilt that her deal with Azazel destroyed her childrens’ lives, and her own need create a purpose for her life in this strange new world, and a sincere belief that it really will make the world a better place. It’s the same kind of complex psychological motivations that would drive Sam or Dean. (I have a whole other post brewing about that storyline, and about the unique and brilliant way that Supernatural’s handles moral ambiguity.)

Mary’s reaction to her adult children was so unexpected, but so right. One of those character-deepening twists that make perfect sense in retrospect.

Mary struggles with Dean, and connects more with Sam. This is what I mean about Supernatural being great at subverting expectations - because we’ve spent the entire series knowing that Dean is the one most shaped by Mary - the one who remembers her, who dreams of her, who longs for her, who can’t even say her name without flinching. And Sam is the one who doesn’t remember her - who tells Dean in the Pilot “If it weren't for pictures I wouldn't even know what Mom looks like.”

But it makes perfect sense. Sam, without the weight of a lifetime of expectations, treats Mary as an individual and tries to understand her needs. Dean struggles to see beyond what Mary means to him, and what he needs from her. Dean’s love is overwhelming, and suffocating.

There’s this great line in season twelve - I can’t remember where, but it’s when Sam and Dean are talking about the British Men of Letters, not quite agreeing or disagreeing, and Sam says something like “I know you think [whatever]” and Dean interrupts and says “WE think.” (Sorry, I need to rewatch and dig up the quote.) It’s borderline abusive, and it must be exhausting for Sam, to live with someone so overbearing that you’re not even allowed to have a different opinion.

The whole season deals with Dean’s abandonment complex - going right back to the heart of the Pilot, “I can’t do this alone.” Dean is so afraid of being abandoned that he clutches his loved ones way too closely.  We understand and sympathize because we know where it came from -  the death of his mother at four, the neglect from his father, twelve seasons of everyone he loves dying - but that doesn’t mean he would be easy to live with.

The line that kept running through my head when watching Dean this season is from Marilyn Manson - “When all of your wishes are granted, many of your dreams will be destroyed.”

Mary’s return is an incredible opportunity for character exploration and character growth for Dean. In many ways Dean is emotionally stuck at the age of four, unable to move on from the loss of his mother. He’s finally forced to recognize that his perceptions from that time were a tiny sliver of the truth, a four year old’s limited view.  Maybe these dreams need to be destroyed. You can’t live your entire adult life longing for the cocoon you were in when you were four. (Or, I mean you can, you’d be Dean Winchester, but it’s not healthy.)

Dean needed his mother’s love AS A FOUR YEAR OLD, and it’s devastating that it was ripped away from him, but for his own sanity he needs to move on. I love that Mary flat out tells him that he’s not a child anymore. He needs to hear it.

The other side of the story is Dean’s perspective, which is incredibly sympathetic. Supernatural does a brilliant job telling a complex story where no one is entirely right or wrong. Dean tries so hard. He knows he’s weird and socially awkward. He doesn’t want to scare Mary away. He wants so desperately for their relationship to work. The scenes of him angsting over what to text her are some of my favorite moments ever in the show. It’s so surreal and yet so truthful.

And I have to admit - as much as I loved Mary NOT functioning as stereotypical mother figure - I also LOVED when she finally found out how tragic the boys’ childhood was. It was completely cathartic for me as an audience member. Those boys went through more than any child should have to bear. Dean is so scarred by it, and he’s this amazing person so full of love and compassion and this beautiful vibrant light that has been twisted by these awful experiences he’s been through, and the audience has been watching him suffer for twelve years, longing for the equivalent of his mom to give him a hug.  (Just look at the bazillions of hurt/comfort fanfics.) The emotional payoff of that validation finally happening from his actual mother is enormous. Intense, and it would be indulgent if it wasn’t so EARNED.

I love that in their big conversation at the end of the season, Dean phrases it as all about what SAM went through.  Of course the entire audience is watching that scene going BUT DEAN. It’s Dean that Mary saves. It’s actually all about him, but he’d never say it.  Brilliant writing.

[silkysonia-blog]

How Speech of Hindi Speaker Reflects Cultural Differences

My Aunty Krishna was born in New Delhi. She graduated from New Delhi with a degree in chemistry and a post-diploma in marketing. She grew up speaking Hindi and Punjabi. She has a distinct accent but awesome vocabulary and grammar. She goes in and out of Hindi and English when she talks to my parents. She talks to me in English but switches to Hindi when she gets excited, tells a funny story, makes fun of someone or something, or is trying to explain something quickly.

 She came from a Hindu family and while she rejects Indian culture, she keeps the aspects that define the New Age movement. She married an American guy who follows Tibetan Buddhism so he is also part of the New Age Movement. So she had good help in learning American English instead of keeping the Indian British-English style of talking. It is interesting that the husband is European American but adopted a different set of values also, so they equally arrive in the middle of cultural exchange. She raised and socialized her kids totally American so it is clear that she values American culture more and which parts.   

 We visit each other’s houses a lot and we both talk too much so I easily disappear for 3 hours at a time. For another class I had to interview and record her, and the topic was about her values so my material about her cultural impressions helped two-fold.

 She has strong high-context and collectivist habits but they are not applied rigidly or presumptuously like it’s the word of law like in India. Her word choices, social behavior, reasoning style, and belief system share common themes of balance, harmony, sharing, good will, giving back, holistic, inner peace, continuous introspection/self-education, and constant state of evolution.

 The book said that Hindi speakers struggle being precise in English (209). Instead of straight shooting her point, she sounds like she is listing a bunch of examples. However, those examples will share an explicit common theme because they are exactly related to what the topic of the conversation is. So while it appears random, it is actually giving you additional useful information to continue that topic and discover insights for yourself. Here is a transcript for class:  

How do you define this New Age movement that is popping up?

I love it! By trying to lessen my impact, my footprint. Trying to have voluntary simplicity, living in a small place, driving an efficient car, not caring about any labels. Because people are realizing that we are so dependent on things outside of us and we need to respect that. Well the main goal is to lower my carbon footprint. And ultimately be totally adaptable to voluntary simplicity. I am on the path but I am very far.

 Her persuasion style is Analogical. Her idea’s start out sounding extremely random and everything somehow ties together at the last second (214). Her explanations take form of something that is easy to visualize so they sound like she is changing the subject. Actually, it combines thinking about different concepts at one time. This style makes sense for her because she comes from a “being” culture, which values the process of things rather than the finish line (86). So understanding the how and why part of the knowledge is emphasized rather than memorizing how the dots connect. I tried cutting down this quote but I also talk like this so I understand why every sentence was vital.

What elements of your philosophy come from India?

This is an interesting question you asked me! The belief in reincarnation, that is strengthened in Einstein’s equation; that mass and energy are inconvertible. That what happens to my consciousness when the material body in gone. Does the consciousness die? No, it gets converted, it is electromagnetic energy, my consciousness is electromagnetic energy that lives forever! Because energy cannot be destroyed, electromagnetic energy cannot be destroyed. And then Hinduism tells us that all souls are packets of electromagnetic energy, which put on different outfits. In one lifetime it could be an animal outfit and one time it can be a human outfit in order to evolve, in order to learn, in order to progress. So you keep taking birth and you keep getting a new set of parents… and the ultimate goal is to connect with the cosmic consciousness, to realize, the ultimate realization is, and its not logical it intuitive. You can’t think your way into it, it just is. To connect with the cosmic consciousness; that is the goal of reincarnation. To get to the stage to where you don’t feel separate from the cosmic consciousness, because that is where you originally came from the big bang ,right? Everything came from the big bang. And Hinduism very much teaches that. People think Hinduism is polytheistic, that so many gods and goddesses but that is actually not true. Everything goes to the original cosmic consciousness.

 Another cultural pattern a noticed was in the Social Relations Orientation. Asia cultures need harmony in the group so openly saying “no” is uncomfortable (89). I noticed that she will avoid using the word, create a distraction around it, or make up an excuse so she can indirectly decline me (219). “I’m ok for now, thank you” or “I’m sorry honey, I’m feeling sick I can’t have more chai.” Maintaining everyone’s feelings is clearly highly valued by her because I’m 30 years younger than her and have known her for 5 years but she is still uncomfortable in declining even my simplest offerings like a cup of chai.    

 Her delicate interpersonal communication with me is a reflection of her collectivist cultural pattern. In the same style as the Chinese, friends are fully immersed into life (227). It feels like my house has acquired additional parents/siblings in the sense of their comfort in probing any part of my personal life or thought. She calls my parents “brother” and “sister” and I call her Aunty despite having no relation. “We-ness” takes place in the form of expectations that friends take care of each other’s kids as well (228). The friendship is expected to be continued through the kids. We are referenced to each other with “your sister.”     

 Her verbal codes, synactics, reflects her Hindi background. Hindi follows SOV form (158). Sometimes she will still place the conjugated verb at the end of the sentence like when she asked me “Well what do you think the voids are, it’s filling?” To show aggression, in English she says “you see this.” To be dramatic, in Hindi people will make up a rhyme word to attach to the end of the sentence or to the precise noun/verb/adjective they are belittling. She keeps this habit in English too. She hates technology so she says “I don’t understand this hi-fi nonsense” or “what is this love-shove, you are too young to have a boyfriend.” Her verbs and adjectives are never aggressive. “He shared with me” instead of “gave”, “it’s not my right” instead of “I won’t”, “give back” instead of “you have to.”   

 She continues Hindi’s pragmatic styles into English as well. Indian’s will show annoyance of someone by calling them “bhasiab” or “banji” (formal “brother” and “sister”). It looks respectful but it means you are getting stiff. When I come to her house she will offer chai and food multiple times but time and repetition will not stop her from bringing it to me (159). If she is frustrated with the conversation she will say the common Hindi phrase, which translates to “just die then”, sarcastically. It is not harsh, this is a common phrase that just shows that one is giving up on giving you the advice you really need to hear. 

 Her non-verbal codes lean towards Indian cultural patterns. She utilizes the same emblem that many Asian cultures use, wai (190). To show something does not add up or she does not understand, she will slightly twist her wrist with her fingers spread out and pointing up. Her affect displays mostly live through her eyes and hand gestures and mostly show enthusiasm. Her regulating behaviors are precisely Indian with me. High-context cultures have elaborate head nods and rockings, eyes, and eyebrows language (192). If I ask her a question, I have my answer just by seeing the manner in how she looks up to see me while nodding her head and coordinating her eyebrows. In Hindi and in English, she will punctuate a statement sentence with “no?” or “yes?” Voice tactics are highly consistent with Indian culture. She is easily excitable and loud, Punjabis are known for being more charismatic out of all Indians, and quickly recedes at a perceived slight. The rhythm and tone of certain words will be dragged out for dramatic affect, it is hard to explain but the way it is done explicitly shows the sentiment towards it (anger, passion, curiosity, etc).       

 Her speech reflects her World Orientation. Her purpose of her career was to serve her belief that humans are just a piece of nature and that it needs to be acknowledged (93). Here is part of my interview:  

Why do you do what you do?

All life is valuable, not just human life. And we are all part of a circle, we are all connected and if you are indiscriminate and kill everything that is not human is upsetting the balance.

The book says that Indian people believe that they are subjugated to nature but they way this is worded is a little misleading because this “subjugation” is not seen as any form of insult or downgrade.

What is your response to/encounters with U.S anthropocentrism?

I don’t agree with that because even a rock has energy… it’s got a consciousness. Everything has a consciousness, we can’t tap into it, but that doesn’t mean its not there.

Even when she is sick, she describes it as a sign that she has been composing her life off track lately. Ailments are because of stress triggers. One time she had stomachaches for weeks but the source talk about was not it being bacterial (she does know that is the real reason though). The reason that the bacteria got to her was because she was so stressed about her daughters lately. She believes in science, but the motives for the biology changes in the body were psychologically self-inflected. So ill health is interpreted as a sign to slow down and introspect.

 She is also Being Oriented. Everything she talked about was never said in a way that indicated it was finished. She describes everything as ‘being on the path, but still very far.’ She is in her 50’s, well educated, and always reading more, yet still is aware that she is never done learning or adjusting herself:

What are your experiences explaining your lifestyle to others?

Well first of all I have to explain my lifestyle to myself.  I’m still at the stage where I am evolving, I want to have less cravings. I don’t have to explain my lifestyle to others. I have to explain it too myself! I have to come to terms with it myself, and what is lacking and what is it I would like more of.

She emphasizes how heart and intention is what contributes to the common good, not the right education or right lifestyle. Our conversations predominately discuss our failings. From an outsiders view, we sound like we cherish and praise them. The learning process is that sacred. We constantly dissect and decode the meanings in them and want feedback on it. This value is so sacred that is serves as a foundation for her work also:  

What is the message you want people to receive from staying at your hotel?

To find the uniqueness inside themselves. Everybody has something, some unique attribute that they need to nurture in this lifetime.

This is unusual because in our culture mistakes are serious and are a shame or weakness. But not for us, she says that the process of getting the to ‘reward’ is the actually reward, because that is where the life lessons are, and it needs to be savored. Even while I was recording us, she told me to relax and have chai first because she could tell I was uncomfortable with recording our voices.

 I would also say that this interview and my constant social interactions with her indicate that she values both intellectual and affective autonomy on Shwartz’s Taxonomy (113). I though it was interesting since the both did not mention any countries that valued both.

 Examining her conversational style through this class helped me understand a lot about the way I think and talk. It was interesting to study her because Indians consider her Americanized yet according to this essay she sounds very Indian. Since everyone thinks we have the same behaviors and mannerisms, it means I turned out more Indian than I ever could have imagined.

 This study showed that there is a stark boundary between what we believe is a good value for the culture to have and have a separate idea about what is a good personal value to have. We both overwhelming believe in American culture as a whole so we do not blend in with Indian people so much. Yet our social skills and mannerisms are very collectivistic. This study showed that simply knowing what is valued does not mean that the implications or manifestations will be easily translated to be predictable.

 Sources

Lustig & Koester, 2013: Intercultural Competence; Interpersonal Communication Across Cultures   

[mialbowy-blog]

The Villa In The Forest

The letter in her hands had a disconcerting appearance, at least to any other child, or adult for that matter. Rather than paper, the writer had chosen a leaf, and rather than ink or pencil—or even crayon, if it came to that—they had selected what she thought to be mud. If that was not enough to disconcert the reader, then there still remained the choice of language. Rather than the English one would expect in the English countryside, the Spanish tongue instead.

A final hurdle to cross, after translating the message, would be believing that, hidden amongst a wild forest between towns, a villa had been constructed. Not any old one either, but of glistening marble, and boasting a luxurious pool.

Of course, none of those mattered much at all to Amelia. Delivered by Hare, she did not ponder why an animal may have chosen that material to make it. When unable to read it, she badgered a friend until he begrudgingly translated it.

She did not wonder what events may have lead to a Badger stuck on the British isles learning Spanish either.

Regardless, the message had been passed on to her: an invitation to The Forest Dance. The name alone excited her, having been ever so eager to attend one of the events her parents went to. Wearing a wonderful dress, and beautiful jewellery, and elegant shoes. To then dance like mother and father did when she played the piano for them, she could barely keep from running off the moment Badger had finished speaking!

However, she would have to wait nearly a week before the date and time given. Once again peculiar in the choice: the midday after the full moon. Badger had been kind enough to tell her when that would be.

Though the days seemed to last forever for her, they did come to pass, and the day came. Perhaps a little earlier than necessary, she set off in a wonderful gown she had been given for the recent Easter celebrations, and a purse for her invitation and bits and pieces.

Finding a path through the forest that didn't find issue with such a delicate dress proved troublesome, but she persevered. Indeed, while at first she took two steps forward and one back, she chanced upon something resembling a trail eventually, the earth well tread, coming from nowhere amongst the trees and leading towards the centre. As she continued to pay attention to the ground in front of her, she noticed that at points other, similar tracks joined onto the one she took, like estuaries joining the river heading out to sea.

Upon looking at the sky, she guessed it would be an hour or so longer until the sun peaked, and when she turned her gaze back down a glint caught her eyes. It had been a moment of shimmering from up ahead, unlike anything she had seen, though it reminded her of the unique way her mother's pearl jewellery glittered.

While she knew care was still needed, there didn't look to be anything to catch on, and her interest had been thoroughly piqued. So, she lifted her hem higher and dashed along.

Soon enough, down what had become wide enough to be considered a road, a corner loomed before her. Once around it, as though finding herself on the edge of a cliff, she shuddered to a stop. And, as when she had stumbled into Badger's tea room, words escaped her.

A few paces in front of her, ornate gates stood, flanked on either side by magnificent marble walls. They stretched far off, eventually obscured by the trees. The gates did not slump in their shadow though, boasting a metal that gleamed gold, and an intricate pattern resembling tendrils of ivy.

That was to say nothing of the sight that lay beyond it, but for the moment she crept forward, as though an intruder upon some holy site. With the entrance ajar, she slid through, not daring to touch.

Chalk gravel lead straight ahead, and various flower gardens blossomed across the lawn. In particular, a species—wonderful spires with violet tubes, foxglove she thought—lined the walkway, as though lanterns. She knew it not to be so, but she imagined that they would light up at night, perhaps by faeries.

Finally, she came to the house itself. Broad steps rose half a flight or so, narrowing to a double-door at the top. As she ascended, she thought that the stone actually looked more beautiful than the pearls her mother sometimes wore. The sun caught it so brilliantly, and, try as she might to spot a flaw, it looked perfectly smooth. Rather than a building, she thought it as a piece of art, which furthered her sensation of being somewhere she wasn't allowed to be.

Still, she continued up, contenting herself by reciting what the invitation had said. Humbly invited, she was, to attend the Forest Ball, and she wasn't about to turn it down upon the stairs.

Like before, she found the doorway open, though not enough to see much of anything. Curious, she touched the door, finding it cool against her fingertips. Emboldened, she peeked inside, but she could not see anything of interest—just a vast, empty room.

She edged around more and more, until she could only move further by stepping in. So, she did. While it had not quite made it to midday, she had been expecting some of the guests to arrive early as she had, however no one danced, or stood around. Turning left and right, she spotted not a single other attendee.

Except for a fox, and it stared at her, standing beside a table and holding a wine glass in one paw.

She didn't know what to do, frozen where she stood. Then, the fox raised an eyebrow, and she thawed, picking the hem of her dress to curtsy. Though it took a while, she crossed the room.

Unlike the other animals, she thought it looked rather comfortable standing, not even using the table to lean on. Then, she noticed that it wore fine clothes, which no other animal had. A dinner jacket, and bow tie, and trousers to match. Even cufflinks glinted as it moved its hand, taking a sip of the drink.

In front of him—and, given the outfit, she reasoned it must be a he—she curtseyed once more, this time while saying, “It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Fox.”

“'Mister Fox'?” he said, quoting it back at her. “You would think I have such a poor heritage I would stoop to naming myself after my species?”

Thoroughly flustered, she stuttered through saying, “I'm terribly sorry.”

“I should hope so! I've never been so insulted in my life.”

She apologised again, and continued. “It was just that, all the other animals I have met called themselves so. I meant no harm, I promise.”

He puffed through his nose, turning away from her. “One would be hard pressed to blame you for coming to such a conclusion. This time, I shall forgive you.”

“Oh thank you,” she said.

In the lull, she looked to the table, and found the selection exquisite. Cheeses, and exotic fruits, and all sorts of dishes she only knew from other fancy events. Though she had eaten breakfast, that had been a long time ago, she reasoned, and lunchtime did near.

However, she couldn't leave things with the fox where they were. Especially if, she thought, he was the host, then it wouldn't do to not introduce herself.

To gain his attention, she softly cleared her throat. “My name is Amelia, Amelia Abbott.”

He peered down his snout, though about the same height as her. “I am Enrique Bourbon, to put it simply.”

“That is an interesting name,” she said, and she meant it too. Often, it felt like everyone had the same name as someone else, so long as she bothered enough people for their names. “Is it Spanish?”

He let out a sharp bark of laughter. “The first is, the latter French, though it has found a place amongst the Spaniards.”

“Very interesting,” she said, bobbing her head in a gentle nod. When she felt confident he had nothing else to add, she asked, “Are you the host?”

“Indeed I am,” he said.

“May I ask if I am early? Only, it seems awfully quiet for ball.”

He did not reply right away, and she looked to see if he had even been listening. “A touch, though I fear all who wish to attend have already arrived.”

“What do you mean?” she asked, eyebrows knitted together with concern.

Giving something resembling a smile, though it only really served to highlight his sharp teeth, he said, “Despite sending out many invitations, no one will come. To be frank, I am surprised that you did, considering I did not write one for any 'Amelia Abbott'.”

The worry invaded her lips, pushing them into a deep frown. “But, I have it with me,” she said, opening the clasp to her purse. “Here,” she said, handing it over.

He looked reluctant to touch it, a snarl stretching all the way to his eyes. “What on God's earth is this monstrosity?”

“It's my invitation, I thought.”

“So I gathered,” he said with a drawl. “However, I write invitations on paper, not leaves. Not to mention that I neither wrote them in Spanish nor is this 'The Forest Dance'. Perhaps the only piece of truth on this, this rag is the date and time. Though, I used the actual date and time, not this full moon nonsense.”

Her face didn't know quite what expression to make, and ended up settling upon gentle surprise, and she spoke accordingly. “Oh, I had no idea.”

“So you say, having fallen for the most pitiful forgery in all of creation.”

Though she didn't quite understand, she felt shamed by the tone, and bowed her head. “If, if I am troubling you, then shall I leave?”

He grumbled, gaze still stuck on the fake, running a claw across as he read. “Do what you wish,” he eventually said. “You are the closest thing to good company I could hope for in this barbaric forest.”

Once again, unsure, she picked up on what she could. “Are you lonely?”

Another bark of laughter. “Lonely? What in Heaven's name would make you think so?”

“Well,” she said, dragging it out as she looked around. “You have thrown a party, and no one you invited turned up. If it were me, I think I would feel lonely.”

He replied with no humour that time, and she panicked thinking she may have offended him, but he didn't look angry with her. If anything, she thought, he looked in need of a friend.

“But, I am here! My mother always said two is enough to dance.”

His lip curled, though the distant gaze didn't break. “It sounds like you think well of your mother. A kind woman is she?”

“Oh, she's wonderful! So beautiful, and elegant, and she speaks to my father with such wit. He tells me that, and I think it means she's funny, because they often laugh together.”

“If I weren't lonely before, then I would be now, as would anyone,” he said softly.

“Pardon?” she asked.

He shook his head, and said, “Forgive me, I merely thought aloud.”

“Okay, then,” she said. A silence sprang up, and though she thought she needed to say more, nothing came to mind. So, she turned to the food and drink, satisfying her stomach before it embarrassed her by making unflattering sounds. In a room such as she was, no doubt it would echo for an eternity.

“If you are unfamiliar with anything, I advise you not to try it. Most is an acquired taste, and I assure you that acquiring it as an adult is easier.”

She nodded, and said, “Thank you,” with a bright smile. Then, she settled on crackers, and a cheese that didn't look as though it had been left out in the sun for too long. Still, fitting them into her mouth proved tricky, but she dared not break them, lest crumbs pile up.

A few more later, she decided that she had had enough, and poured a cup of water from a jug. Meanwhile, he had done much of nothing, continuing to mope.

She had not had any inspirations as to the conversation. But, she thought they could maybe pick up from a little earlier. “If the people you are inviting aren't attending, why not invite some of the animals? I think they would rather enjoy a ball.”

“Animals? Are you serious?”

“Why wouldn't I be?” she asked.

He hesitated in answering, and ignored the question in the end. “They are unkempt, loutish, and utterly dull.”

“Does that matter?”

“Of course it does! Why would I want to be surrounded by smelly beasts, who think it's acceptable to track mud all over my floors and grubby my tableclothes? Beyond that, they talk of nothing but the forest, as though the world itself existed only amongst this patch of trees! No such thing as an author to them, and art is nothing more than a word to be used for crude rhymes.”

She swallowed in fear, having taken a couple of steps back already as he gestured this way and that.

“So no, I will not invite any animals here. They are, under no circumstances, welcome.”

“If you didn't know,” she said, speaking bluntly out of shock. “You are an animal.”

He snorted, rattling his claws on the table. “As are you, however we are animals in the same way marble is a rock. We are sophisticated, a step above them.”

“Really? I didn't think so when I met them.”

“Then you are deluding yourself.”

“Well, if that means I can be friends with them, I guess that's a good thing.”

Shaking his head, he turned away from her. “You are like arguing with a curtain.”

“Thank you,” she said.

“It wasn't meant as a compliment.”

“Oh.”

With a tilt of his head, he finished his drink. “I think this has run its course. Thank you for your company.”

It didn't feel like a good end for her, as she thought his mood had been thoroughly soured by her. What to do to fix that escaped her. There may be someone who could help though, she thought. “Have you been to Badger's tea shop?” she asked.

“I have not, nor have I heard of it.”

Remembering the actual name, she said, “It's also known as Amelia's Tea Shop.”

“Ah, so that's why your name was familiar,” he whispered, before carrying on at a normal volume. “Yes, I am aware of such a place, though I can't say I have any desire to visit it. Why do you ask?”

“I think it is a lovely place, and you may enjoy it. There are a lot of interesting people there. You might even have a lot in common with Badger, because he's the one who read the invitation for me, so maybe he's been to Spain.”

A smile softened his expression. “You are a persistent child, aren't you?” When she looked about to speak, he said, “Don't answer that.” After a few moments, he said, “May I ask you a question?”

“Of course,” she said.

“Why do you seem to care about me?”

She pursed her lips, and thought hard. “I guess, because you aren't a bad person.”

“So it is your naivete, I understand.”

“No,” she said, crossing her arms and narrowing her eyes. “That's what grown-ups say when they want to ignore me, but you asked me a question so you have to listen to the answer. It's polite.”

A chuckle rattled through him, and he bowed his head. “My apologies, Ms. Abbott.”

She did so back. “Then, as I was saying, I don't think you are a bad person. It is kind to open your house like this, and to give food, and even to accept me without a real invitation. So, I want to repay your kindness, though I am sorry, but I am still learning how to and aren't all that good just yet.”

He nodded along and, when she finished, he looked down at his empty glass.

“If there is anything I could do, then please ask and I shall do my best to help.”

“You could leave.”

She went to protest, but restrained herself. “Okay, if that will do you some good.”

Her steps sounded loud with nothing else to listen to, taking her across the room, to the door, out onto the steps. She took a deep breath at the bottom, wishing she had studied her mother better. Surely, her mother would have known what to say or do.

Before she set out down the path, she turned, and to her surprise found him at the door, and he spoke. “If you would visit the tea shop tomorrow at noon, I may have room in my schedule to attend.”

She beamed, bringing her hands together in a clap. “Oh it would be my pleasure!”

“Good. Now, if you would kindly leave.”

Written in response to the prompt: You receive an invitation to a party at a beautiful Spanish villa. Upon entering the ballroom you see, not a group of dancers as you expect, but a single fox staring at you. Found here Prequel here

[kroncreative-blog]

Top 10 Saviours of 2016

I’d like to start off 2017 by taking a brief trip down the 2016 section of memory lane. 

2016 was a mind trip of a year. From the stacks of shocking political moves, across the globe, to the sheer number of legends taken from us, this year has been a lot.  On a personal level, the trials and tribulations of the year were made a little easier because I started dabbling in a little self care. It wasn’t a conscious decision: it just kinda happened. Some of my fav artists dropped gems, lost a little weight, started sleeping a little more. These all helped pull me through. They were so helpful in fact that I am bringing some into 2017. So here is a list of my top 10 saviours of 2016. 1. Lemonade by Beyoncé Unless, it has not yet been made clear, I am a HUGE Beyoncé fan.  This album and accompanying film was easily one of the highlights of my life never mind year. The album itself is a stunning showcase of Beyoncé’s range and ability - not that we needed any more reminding. ‘Freedom’ and ‘Sorry’ are two of my personal favourites from the album. The visual element of this album is simply beautiful. The way Warsan Shire’s words and the imagery were weaved together was just out of this world.  One of my absolute favourite things about this Bey project though? Was seeing the joy and elevation it brought to the Black women in my life and those I follow online. It was genuinely a heart warming thing to see.  2. ANTI by Rihanna The release of Rihanna’s eighth album at the top of the year was an absolute delight.  One of the highlights of this album was actually the way the album was promoted. The launch of ANTIdiaRy in November and all of the rooms really helped build up hype which this album DEFINITELY followed up on. “Higher”,  “Love on the Brain” and “Kiss it Better” are my jams.  A particular shout out to the opening track “Consideration” with SZA. The way their vocals merge together is like honey.  This album really made me feel like Rihanna is an artist who even with eight studio albums behind her has not yet peaked.  3. Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin Embarrassingly, despite having a degree in English Lit, 2016 was the first time I had picked up this book by Baldwin. And flipping heck! Why this book is not taught as part of the school curriculum is a down right mystery to me.  The way Baldwin writes is simply astounding. In Giovanni’s Room he deals with the complexities of David’s relationship with Giovanni and others around him in such a palpable way. His articulation of David’s immersion in French culture, his love for Giovanni and in particular Giovanni’s love for David are highly emotive. I felt as if I was going through these experiences with David. Such is the capability of Baldwin.  “I thought of the people before me who had looked down at the river and gone to sleep beneath it. I wondered about them. I wondered how they had done it--it, the physical act. I simply wondered about the dead because their days had ended and I did not know how I would get through mine.”  4. 6,741, S05E04, Person of Interest I could, and perhaps at some point will write an entire in depth blog post on this exhilarating episode, but it was too important to miss out of this list. This was one of the most highly anticipated episodes of this season as it marked the return of Sameen Shaw (played by Sarah Shahi). 

6741 is a mind bender and mirrors the episode If-Then-Else which marked Shahi’s temporary departure from the show.  The way this episode was directed by Chris Fisher and written by Lucas O’Connor and Denise Thé and the concept of it is just phenomenal. Also shout out to Shahi’s fantastic acting skills which heightened the impact of this highly emotive hour of tv. One of the most beautiful aspects of it was the exploration of the depth of Shaw’s feelings for Root. The use of simulation to expose the audience to this was not only creative AF but inline with Shaw’s type II personality disorder.  “Do you know where we are? What they did to me? The torture? I told you I couldn’t escape it. But when things got to be too bad there was one place I would go to in my mind. Here. With you. You were my safe place.” 5. Grayish Black by Devyn Springer I received this poetry collection as a present from a good friend. And my days! What a present it turned out to be.  Everything about this poetry collection is stunning. The cover is black which is intentional. “Your fingerprints are all over this book now. It is all you can see across all the cover.” There is something about this notion that personalises the collection straight away and immediately makes it feel more intimate.  Something which builds upon this intimacy, is the photographs. When I first flicked through, the photographs took me surprise. I don’t think I’ve ever seen photographs in a poetry collection before. There’s also photocopies of some of Springer’s poetry/stream of consciousness/drawings which again add to the intimacy of this collection. The actual poetry though? I found it to be very raw and extremely evocative. There were a few instances where I had to close the book and set it down and come back to it later because the feelings brought to the surface were just too much (in a good way). But such is the power of Springer’s writing. Just so damn beautiful and breathtakingly honest. Again this is probably another piece where I will have to do an in depth blog post just to encourage people to go out and buy this piece and read it. 

“It seems all of the things I hate about myself have latched their claws into my skin, planted seeds in my bone marrow,  built hones in between my ribs, and decided to stay for a while.” 6. Dreamland by Mic Righteous This is one of my many musical highlights of 2016. Not only because I have been waiting for this album for the longest time but because it was entirely worth the wait. Straight out of Margate, Mic Righteous has an undeniable talent. His flow is effortless and his wordplay is genius. And his storytelling ability is insane. Every track on this album tells a story, just a tiny segment of different aspects of his journey. Highlighting his difficult childhood in Margate to his outsider status in the UK Scene.

This album also has a strong set of accompanying videos. Not every track has a video but some of my personal favourites are the passion filled ‘Gone’, party vid, ‘I Turn Up’ and the highly personal ‘Kids’. Stand out tracks are ‘All Dressed Up’ and anthem ‘Tempo of the Dance’. This is an album that you’ll just have to check it out for yourself. 

“My family don't get why I'm dead broke I'm deffo on my arse I guess that's the tempo of the dance I'm certain of my future like a psychic read a palm Maybe it's the patience that's ringin' red alarms I don't wanna see a sceptic have the last laugh Nearly spent seven years to perfect my every part Thinkin' of my examples and I don't get very far Because not many of them last or achieve What they set out from the start Selling out, dwellin' on what could be I live to prove people wrong because they overlook me I live to see my son smile, father livin' cushty” 

7. The Friendzone Podcast Hosted by Dustin, Assanté and Fran, this is one of my favourite podcasts and it’s one that just keeps getting better and better.  As is no secret to anyone, 2016 was hard. But this endearing yet hilarious podcast was something that helped keep me grounded and not get too consumed by the nonsense of this year.  This podcast is primarily concerned with “mental health, mental wellness and mental hygiene because who in the hell wants a musty brain?” Every weekend brings a wellness segment brought to you by Fran of Hey Fran Hey fame which aims to help you increase your wellness. One of the coolest things about this wellness segment is that everything that is recommended is trusted and used personally by Fran. Not only that the segment is well informed providing scientific research where necessary. Some of the things I have incorporated from the show are Palo Santo, weighted blankets, journal work and the Forest Productivity app.  Assanté is the musical maestro bringing us musical recommendations and has put me onto some flames music including Isaiah Rashad and Xavier Omär. His vulnerability adds an extra layer of familiarity to the show. 

Dustin. Sir Dustin is a law unto himself and keeps the show real and hilarious. His speciality segment is reality tv. Every week he gives the lowdown on shows such as Married to Medicine Atlanta and the Real Housewives franchise. His knowledge is encyclopaedic. Also the intro freestyle every week has a special place in my heart. Its literally lit every week and I haven’t heard a dud one yet.  8. Coloring Book by Chance The Rapper Listen. I was BEYOND hype about ‘Chance 3′ since I first heard ‘Ultralight Beam’. Which was also a freaking bop! It was so much of a bop in fact that I am yet to listen to the rest of TLOP. And my favourite part about it was Chance’s verse. Anyway, back to Coloring Book.

Coloring Book is beyond amazing. I am in love with the mixtape, the cover, Chance’s voice, the beats, the production, EVERYTHING. Chance even had me singing along with Bieber in ‘Juke Jam’.

Even though I’m not a Christian I really love the Gospel influence and features on the mixtape. Although the presence of Gospel in Hip-Hop/Rap is not new, I feel like Chance really elevated it. And his level of faith is inspiring.  Every single track is astounding. And to be honest, I know that I’m going to be listening to this for a very long time. I also know that there are not enough words for me to do this mixtape justice.  9. The Good Immigrant edited by Nikesh Shukla With Brexit and the election of Donald Trump largely played to the tune of ‘fear the foreigner’ 2016 has taken a toll on this particular second generation immigrant.  Just when the rhetoric of British Values began to feel like almost like a vaguely defined threat, this little gem came along. This collection of 21 essays hit me right in the heart. These essays represent and validate the breadth of the experience of immigrants in this here United Kingdom. The blurb boldly asks “What’s it like to live in a country that doesn’t trust you and doesn’t want you unless you won an Olympic gold medal or a national baking competition?” Although it is worth noting that even these people have been exempt from racism.  Anyway, pretty much every essay in this book was relatable and made me feel some form of validation and acceptance. One essay which resonated with me deeply in particular is ‘Going Home’ by Kieran Yates. Yates details her perspective of the British Asian experience and learning how to navigate society, family and personal spaces and all the spaces within these spaces. The difficulties which sometimes arise like the ability to make a round roti. Yates highlights how she doesn’t feel a split between her Indian culture and British culture when she can take the best bits of both. “But for me, there is no neat duality; no neatly sliced elements of my identity that are in opposition. There is no hollow insecurity about rootlessness because these additional details and stories I’ve learned are additions to our identity, not losses.” This is something that took mea long time to realise and I’m still learning to be entirely honest.

10. The Get Down, Netflix Oh My Goodness. 

This series yeah? This series is already one of my fav tv shows ever.  Anyone, who knows me, knows I love Hip-Hop. This musical series loosely explores the origins of this spectacular and beautiful art form including, DJing, Graffiti, B-Boying and of course rap. It stars Justice Smith, Shameik Moore and Jaden Smith. The show was created by Baz Luhrmann and Stephen Adly Guirgis. I can’t lie, as soon as I heard Luhrmann’s name I was sceptical. I mean I love Moulin Rouge and his adaptation of Romeo and Juliet but I wasn’t sure how this would translate to 70s South Bronx. I was wrong, this series is visually gorgeous.  The raps in this series are largely written by Nas. Not only does this make the series feel more genuine but it made me fall in love with Nas’s own discography again. It also reminded me of the poetic nature and roots of Hip-Hop. There is a scene of Zeke’s teacher reciting one of his pieces to him in the opening episode and it is just breath taking. One of my favourite things about this series though, even though it deals with some really heavy social issues, it is infectiously hopeful. It can’t help but inspiring hope and looking forward. I feel like, in the coming months, this is something we will all need more of.