#its just a reason some ablests might be more willing to accept

[paradigmintimemusic]

the world needs more fighters

There are few things that I feel I am incompetent at given that I work hard enough to improve at them. I believe that if you truly love something, and truly want to do the something you love, that you will find a way to do it, because not doing it would be more painful than trying and perhaps not succeeding at first.

 Likewise, I don't believe that you can fail at something you believe in. I cannot fail at making music, not even if I write a bad song that I am dissatisfied with, and there have been plenty of those. I cannot fail at writing, sculpting, being artistic. Because I know, like all people who are truly passionate about something that they believe in, and believe in the power and impact of that thing as it pertains both to their lives and the lives of others, that dreams, goals, the artistic process, and all things of this sort, that require effort and practice and faith, are all ongoing journeys. Things of this nature are a marathon of highs and lows and hurdles of indecision. Think about it this way: a religions practitioner doesn't simply "give up" at being a member of their chosen path or start to believe that they are not good enough to be apart of it. Rather, because they believe in the religion’s teachings and recognize the positive impact that it could potentially have on their life and on the world, they practice; to get better, to be more in alignment with their values and beliefs. 

Another example: a parent doesn't simply "give up" on their child just because they think they are a bad parent. Instead, they try to become better parents, or will put their child up for adoption so not to harm the spirit, well-being, and development of that child. 

Furthermore, you don't simply "give up" on peeing just because you can't find a toilet. ;) Or on eating or sleeping just because you can’t immediately find food or a bed. Instead, desperation makes you unconventional, makes you creative. You find a way, or die trying. 

Giving up is a sign that you don't fully appreciate something enough yet or that you don’t truly believe that something is integral to your well being, that you need to reevaluate what the thing you are giving up on actually means to you, and to reevaluate what effects they may have on you if you were to let them go, in any humane fashion. Sometimes this can be a tough task, as it might shatter a long standing self image, or make one feel insecure about one's future. But if you ever sense yourself beginning to give up on something, perhaps it is time to reconsider whether or not you should even be pursuing the thing in the first place without first redefining what it is that you are pursuing and realizing why it is important to you; you have to determine whether or not your perceptions surrounding the thing are overly superficial, and doing more harm than good, and to consider whether or not you are willing to irradiate those walls that you have built up around any specific thing.

 If you love something, you nurture it. If you don't, it is your responsibility to give it away and get it away from yourself, because your idea of it will become triggering and toxic to you, and consequentially, every attempt you make thereafter to do that thing will be infused with the same terrible energy and preconceptions, and it will hurt yourself and everyone around you in sometimes imperceptible ways if you pursue it in spite of this. 

Mostly, I am writing this post to say that I am tired of peoples' excuses. I am tired of self pity and negative self indulgence when it comes to things that people themselves can control or choose to pursue. Mental illness is one thing, but it is never the whole story if you still have the ability to recognize you have a choice, and are not yet engulfed in an impenetrable negative mindset. That is called severe depression, and if that is your experience, please try to surround yourself with loved ones and find a psychiatrist to help you. I have been on this level of depressed many times in my life, and I think that because of this, I am now able to more clearly see the difference between complete incapacitation and mental paralysis and an, albeit insidious, handicap. This is not to lessen the latter, but to help it realize its inherent potential. The narrative that I am referring to, that infuriates me, is the one of negativity based on excuses, of bringing others down, of bringing yourself down, by choice, because it is an easy avoidance tactic. There is a difference between feeling incapable and being incapable, and if you are or have ever been fatally, severely mentally ill (depressed/anxious), you know the difference. I am referring to the people who need to come to terms with themselves and with their fears. I am tired of narrow mindedness, and of people expecting others to condone and ensure their fates. It is a choice to make an attempt, just as much as it is a choice not to. There is too much negative energy and superficiality in the world, and I am tired of people who create excuses, who stall and blame factors outside of themselves for a lack of confidence or self worth or reinforcement. I am guilty of this too! It is important to have people who support you, but if you require that before you even support yourself, then you are doing it backwards. If you seek confidence in this way, other people will start to create a self image and sense of competence for you; and you have also given them just as much power to take all of that granted support away. If you are unwilling to see the beauty in your own abilities and contributions to the world, regardless of whether or not they measure up to someone else's or the "norm" or even with the delusion of "the best of the best," you are going about things the wrong way, and need to take a step back and reevaluate. If something is important to you, you do not give up on it. You do not perceive yourself as a failure at it, but a student, a practitioner on their way to self mastery. I am tired of artists who bring other artists down with talk of the worthlessness of all things and the ultimate unimportant of something else that is important to someone else just because it is, unbeknownst to them, just not as important to them as if may be to that person. I am tired of classist, racist, sexist, ageist, ablest discrimination in art and among artists. Don't ever talk "bad" about someone's art, not even your own. Excessive negativity is selfish and helps no one (as does excessive positivity). It only hurts. Only be constructive. BE SUPPORTIVE! Don't tear people down. DON'T TEAR YOURSELF APART! I know I can write. I know I can sculpt. I know I can make music. I know I can craft a film. I know I can make art, because I love it. It is the reason why I am alive, and it saved my life. It is not a cliche. It is my truth. If art has saved your life, or you believe it has the ability to, then if you value life, if you value making it better for others and recognize that no matter how broken you are or feel that you are, that there is always some contribution that you can make or some story you can tell to inspire others to do the things that you did, or could, or couldn't, and that you must live trying to do those things. A good test is to see if there are other things that you find important and worthwhile. If you do, why do you find those things worthwhile? Are you supportive in any way towards anything? If you have but an inkling of hope left, and place value in anything at all, then you have not been defeated. That’s all it takes. Take that thing and dissect it and extend its meaning. Let it shed light on things you once felt were meaningless. Fight for the cause that is you, and be open minded enough to accept the challenge and find the worth and nobility in that cause. If you are lucky enough to still be alive, then use your privilege, and fight. The world needs fighting spirits just as much as it needs people who are willing to fight for those who cannot. If you recognize that you have a choice, then you have a choice, and it is up to you to make your life work.

[rat-meal-blog]

a reason that captioning things is good: it is a lot easier to find it again if u lose the vid or whatever