plumbastic

[gayjunebug]

what if i made blog specifically dedicated to my ocs. not that i plan to but what if.

[gaudeixcc]

Peleton News – Confessions (G18 Tour special – April 2018)

This year’s tour was a little fractured to start with.

JT, my honorable (although diminutive) co-chair has been living in Munich for some time, so has reluctantly lobbed all administrative tasks my way. He still of course has a pointy figure hovering over the keyboard most hours of the day to fire off a bullet-like reminder should any delegated task fall in to the overdue category.

My approach this year had been to further convolute the whole process by sub-delegating further down the value chain. This year RTA picked up route-planning duties, shouldering the full burden once Moley had thrown the metaphoric towel into the Gaudeix corner.

JT arrived the night before to settle into Hotel Mariposa and to busy himself ready for our arrival next morning, where, his welcoming party preparation of sundry nibbles, iced towels, freshly pressed mango juice and 6 flutes of chilled Champaign could be seen exactly nowhere.

Quietly bikes were built and readied.

I don’t with to appear overly-critical at this early stage, however I feel it is important to highlight areas where improvement could be made.

My first area of improvement relates to a mathematical ratio.

13.2 is an acceptable ratio.

60 is a completely unacceptable ratio.

Back in the day when I rode motorcycles for my thrill-seeking pleasure, the most expensive item of an accessory nature was the helmet. An oft quoted saying was ‘If you’ve got a £10 head, get a £10 helmet’.

I valued my head at considerable more than £10 and hence why I could be seen peacocking about the place in the latest stealth MotoGP inspired bonce-protecting loveliness from Arai, makers of the very best.

And the same is true of bikes and their bags.

If you’ve got a ratty old Trek which you equally be happy to see as landfill as opposed to nestled between your legs, then by all means bag it with a carrier from Tesco.

If on the other hand you have a carbonfibre creation, with composite wheels, electronic shifting and less weight than a fat sparrow, then for fucks sake, buy a proper bag.

Is there a correlation between 2 visits to a bike shop for fixing 2 bikes hurled into fifty quid bags?

Answers on a postcard…

Next year we are going to be introducing the video referee to dish out ‘after the event’ fines and tickets to offences against cycling such as this little atrocity.

Anyway, peleton delayers aside, we had quite a good tour from a reliability perspective.

No flats at all in 3 days of riding.

Not bad going considering the excess baggage about 50% of the peloton where wheeling about the place.

It can be a harsh life travelling with a pack of cyclists. As a group, we are generally slow to acknowledge quality but lightening-fast to highlight weakness.

This year’s theme was most definitely fatness.

It all started when Dripping decided to relax on day one and let his guard down.

The relief a fat Victorian lady must feel when at the end of a day grazing on mutton, savory puddings and broiled swan, she releases the strings on her corset, was probably how Dripping felt as he gently supped an ale whilst not ‘tensed’ or ‘sucking it in for dear life’ sitting quietly in the sun.

It was harsh and cruel for Mac to take a picture of Dripping at rest in such an unguarded state. The resulting snap caused almost immediate physiological damage, which was then added to by verbal slappery of the worst kind from almost all.

Macca’s boobs got a much lower level of attention than would otherwise have been.

But the real crime in the whole torrid ‘fatgate’ affair, was a quietly outed photo from Colchester Mac which showed what looked like a Michelin Man ballooned around a struggling Cannondale, legs bouncing hard off an impressive midriff as the owner snuffled and puffed his sorry arse up a hill.

That night James in a moment of shocking and completely unexpected kindness said to me ‘You’ve put on a bit of timber this year’…..

It’s about as nice as he’s ever been to me in the 15 years of friendship we have shared.

Ever.

Meanwhile, back in the Peloton, Whatsapp was on fire as fat Michelin man took a breather from cycling, sat down, drank a beer, guzzled food and then promptly took a micro-nap to allow his body to digest this latest onslaught of calories.

The peloton…. They can be mighty cruel to those built for comfort.

Anyway…let’s move on. Let’s talk compliments….

‘Love the tattoos’

‘You’re girlfriend is very pretty. The plastic she has had inserted in the chest area is both proportionally perfect and pleasing to the eye’

‘Nice denim’

‘Wow.. impressive steed’.

All of the above are probably good ways to make a hells angel feel special.

Alternatively, you could surprise the life out of him by slapping him on the arse as you cycle past at 15 mph…. showing shock and dismay on your face and general surprise that he hadn’t apparently heard your tinckly bike-bell.

I arrived at a stationary Peloton to find Macca being verbally abused by a very angry biker who was busy calling us all arseholes……. I mean he was right…. Must have been a lucky guess.

This was another visible demonstration of Macca’s intolerance to a good swathe of human kind.

On the flight out, Moley’s seat on the plane had been taken by a Turkish lady of more senior years and built like I will be if I don’t stop eating constantly.

She was resting up from the exertion of having had to climb the stairs at the rear of the bus and drag her cabin bag the 6 yards to her seat. The bag was then occupying Macca’s seat whilst she appeared to be cuddling it.

This was clearly a cue for some helpful soul to then lift it into one of the overhead lockers and help her out.

Macca, ignoring this cue like the plague, barked at her. He informed the startled greek lady that he owned the seat, not her bag, and would she kindly get a shift on and move it.

The plane went awkwardly quiet.

Trembling, the lady dressed in black wobbled to her feet and with oscilating bingo wings hoisted the bag upward. There was a moment or 2 when none of us could be sure the bag was going to make it. Like an Olympic weightlifter going  for a PB, there was a pause, a grunt and then a final push… the bag was in.

Macca looked on in bland indifference.

She sat down, glazed with a sheen of garlic and thyme perspiration.

I think secretly Macca was hoping for an engine issue, a wayward turbofan blade and the exiting of the Greek weightlifter from the above-wing window seat.

He fumed quietly for most of the flight.

I suppose I should at some point talk about the cycling.

As with all these tours there is a lot to cover. But, as with most years, I generally can’t be arsed doing so and instead revert to the well-established highlights list.

So, here goes for G18, Malaga;

• Dripping confessing to having voted tactically in previous tours when it came to the yellow cap. Berlusconi-esque in its political nefariousness • C&N orange camo base layer • Mrs RTA’s contribution to the tour…. Can’t name it for legal reasons, but it went down exceptionally well • RTA’s ghost-like completion on date realisation • General higher standard of dress quality (although I still feel the shame and hurt from the explicit savaging I got from Dripping on the yellow cap voting paper… he went into enough detail to require and appendix FFS…) • Damo’s use of the back pen on photos • Whilst he did fuck all in his season of pink, Damo did at least sort out everyone elses mechanical catastrafucks whilst on tour • RTA’s route planning. Magestic. Simply nailed it to the floor. The pink was going one way only after 3 days of beautiful scenery • I hate losing. I especially hate losing to Dripping. I especially especially hate losing to Dripping twice. First time I made an error of timing. After having nearly lost a lung hunting down my prey I should have tailed his sorry ass for half a K before nailing the finish. I didn’t and paid heavily. Day 3’s mechanical was akin to running out of petrol 50 yards short of the finish line. I was running in the red and Drip snuck in and nicked my lunch. Absolute bastard. • Col Mac’s ‘Spam’ top • Macca’s deep-seated suspicion of foreign restaurants… he had me convinced that the preparers of our final meal where going to triple the bill, hack our phones, empty our accounts, spit in our food and quite possibly steal our children. What they actually ended up doing was serving us food which was simply sensational and probably the best meal I’ve eaten in the last 12 months, and then go on to charge us very modestly for it too. • Strange fact number 1. Everything edible in Malaga is cooked in beef fat. • Strange fact number 2. There is nothing wrong with 7 over 40 year olds drinking pink gin with berries in the glass. Completely hetrosexual and in keeping with the modern men we are. (On reflection, I think Colchester Mac way have swerved the gin actually) • If I have to hear one more bloody time about how good wahoo is…… you didn’t invent the fucking thing for the love of sweet baby Jesus… • Shit Garmins • The descent on day 3…on day one going up it I nearly died…. On day 3 coming down I could have cried…. Probably the best descent this peloton has tasted. • This year’s tour caps…. Top quality. • A vintage year that saw our first triple-cap…. ! Yes, my (well deserved) orange nailed a hat trick of caps (although only 2 physical caps probably maketh the point moot). • Desire takes many forms. But few have the strength and longing that have been displayed with the force of a Dripping wanting yellow. He may have ‘bought’ the cap, but god it was worth it to see his little face!! • Murdering 9 oranges to make 1 drink

And finally, whilst we have our highlights list, we also have a lowlights list. This one is my own personal list…. Only 2 entries… and neither of them spotted or witnessed by the Peloton;

1. On unpacking my bike and reassembling, somehow my fat fucking fingers and squinty eyesight have managed to crush the Di2 cable that runs the front mech…. FFS… bike now on turbo in just the little ring…. Horrible humble and apologetic call to Damo/Amy coming shortly. I can actually feel Damo’s eyebrows raise as he reads this…. (and can actually here him say ‘well you’re a fucking idiot aren’t you’…..) 2. Do you know what Raybans hitting tarmac at 20 mph sound like? No? It took me a while to figure it out too…. Well, 10 miles worth of fast riding to be precise…. And then I sulked quietly for 20 mins when I realised that day 2 would be the last time I went our armed with more than one pair of sunnies…… I kepy it quiet because Trusler would have definitely shit himself laughing at that one…..

So there we have it. Drip and Mac need new bike bags if they are to show their cycling faces ever again, Macca needs to take a tolerance pill twice daily, Damo needs to tut in my general direction, JT needs to not mention sunnies to me ever again, Moley needs to get his shit together in readiness for G19 and RTA needs to take a well deserved bow to a round of applause from the Peloton.

Malaga, G18…. Magic.

Hoppo

[harmonicegg-blog]

Why did I create the Harmonic Egg?

Why the Harmonic Egg?

It’s been the question of the day since I announced the creation in July, 2017. I have been studying sound and light therapies and healing for eight years. I have owned and operated my own healing center during this time and observed the effects of several therapies on clients’ health and well-being. I have owned and operated two technologies of sound and light chambers. I created the Harmonic Egg as a new and innovative, next generation healing chamber based on my observations of clients before and after sessions, research on the modality, reading books from experts in the industry, white paper studies and collaboration with the medical community.  The Harmonic Egg is a large ellipse (egg shape) where the client reclines inside the “egg” or chamber in a chair. We are getting great feedback thus far and continue to do research. It was not easy to build this unit. The materials used are natural. It was a challenge to find materials that could bend in the shape of an ellipse to form an egg. Plus, we had to create a chamber that resonated the sound in a holographic-like micro-environment. Instead of hearing the sound from a speaker, you hear it in what I think is its natural broadcast. It’s super fun! Sometimes I hear the sound above my head and I know there are not any speakers above my head. The angles, the ratios and all the other concepts we use in this Harmonic Egg is proprietary information, but it was well thought out and evolved from ancient teaching and texts. The best room size for the Harmonic Egg is 14×14. It took about almost a year from start to finish to create the first prototype that is now operational at Life Center in Westminster, Colorado.   One of the issues I observed with the previous technologies was sound distortion. In the previous chambers, automotive type round speakers are used beneath a thick foam pad where the client lies flat during sessions.  There is cubic air space under the speakers, but I don’t believe it’s the proper cubic air space for the rating of the speakers. I always felt there was a lot of distortion from the music having to come through a foam pad. Our nervous systems tend to take distortion and make up “data” to fill in gaps to process information. My experience and research led me to realize that I wanted to get the purest sound and little to no distortion, hence another reason for the Harmonic Egg. Let me mention here that lying flat for some clients is not comfortable nor relaxing. Clients have neck and back issues and want pillows and bolsters as props for comfort. In addition, some clients have a hard time rolling up from a flat position to exit the chamber. The Harmonic Egg uses a reclining chair and has been much more comfortable for clients. There is also the issue of the music that is being played. Over the years, I have studied sound and how different instruments effect / affect the body (physically and emotionally so I am using both spellings of the word). I have worked with sound and lighting experts gathering lots of information to create the Harmonic Egg. When you compress a CD into an MP3 format you lose much of the quality, frequencies, musical information, etc.  Compression changes the original intent of how the music was intended to be enjoyed. MP3s are for convenience so you can fit 1,000 songs on your MP3 player. It’s quite complicated, but easy to understand once you hear the difference. Based on my experience, two previous technologies both use compressed music. The Harmonic Egg uses the higher quality CD resolution giving the body and nervous system a purer listening experience. There is a difference!!!!  Then there was the investigation for the right speakers, subwoofer, amplifier and player for the music. Sound systems are not all created equal; the components have to all play nicely together. For example, there are surround amplifiers and integrative amplifiers and subwoofers that have speakers on the side and the bottom versus just the bottom or just the side. Speakers have different elements that make them relevant for different applications. The sound system was the second most important consideration after designing the structure and shape of the Harmonic Egg.

Oh, not to mention the search for the right kind of music to use and the right tones and instruments and frequencies. This is something I have been studying for six years. It’s important to consider:  Who is the artist? What is their intention of the music? I learned so much about selecting music…testing and seeing how clients respond to the music and paying attention to the sound quality and frequencies. These are important details that effect / affect the clients’ response in the Harmonic Egg. You can purchase Harmonic Egg music here. Next there is the light therapy. I think in the future we will get more and more sophisticated technologies, but for now we do know that different light frequencies are effective / affective for healing. For example, if you are a woman with a lot of yeast infections this can be due to an imbalance in the body (specifically the sacral chakra), and using orange light and the instrument of the flute can help bring that back into balance. This is the type of training I never received with the two previous technologies, but after studying for the past ten years I can offer this type of training with the Harmonic Egg. Many lighting systems don’t give you the full color spectrum of lights. It took me about eight months of research to choose the lights and the right type of remote to control the lights and light settings. We can’t forget about the chair for the client while they are in a session. I searched the world over for a chair that reclines at the right angle for the best results in the Harmonic Egg. It also had to meet the criteria for size and comfort for so many shapes and sizes of clients. It was a matter of thinking about how the client would feel and how the technician putting them in for a session would be able to comfortably and easily support the client. Every thought and idea for the Harmonic Egg was well thought out for both the client and the center owner or technician from the complexity of the technologies used, effectiveness, to the ease of setup and use, cost and comfort.

How long does a client need to stay in the chamber, the protocol? We are using 40 minutes and then the POWERFUL 10 minutes of silence in the chamber to integrate the session. It’s truly an amazing experience! I read a white paper in 2016 that came out of Feiburg, Germany. It described the use of deep relaxing music to help patients heal and they discovered a period of 6.5 minutes of silence helped integrate the healing, so I adopted that discovery and added a few extra minutes because I feel the silence is important and more was needed. If you have read anything about chiropractic care and its beginnings, there are accounts where the doctor was trained to ensure the patient rests at the office for a short time to help the adjustment integrate and set into the body. Integration of all these modalities that people do these days is so very important.  I give the analogy of digesting food. You don’t eat a salad and then when you are full go eat a sandwich and then pile another salad on top of that… do you? No! You let the first salad digest and “integrate” with your body before moving on to a sandwich later in the day or the next day.  Energy work is the same…you must let one modality digest before you “feed” it more. We recommend, for chronic conditions, doing 3-10 sessions in a short period of time.  Say once a week to reset / retrain the old patterns and conditions.  After that we reevaluate for future use.  You might then join the membership as a once a month maintenance to keep up with the energy.  Everyone is different and we talk to you about your unique situation ad desired health goals.  I do phone consults, for an additional charge, to help you navigate diet and other factors. Finally, I did think about and tried aromatherapy in the room for the clients. The determination thus far is that it’s a bit of sensory overload for many clients. It might be something to use on a case-by-case basis, but as of now I am not using it. There are so many clients with neurological issues and chemical sensitivities I just don’t think it’s needed nor will it make the sessions more effective. So, that’s the story of the Harmonic Egg and why I created it! If you have any questions or would like to learn more you can contact me. In gratitude, Gail Lynn Read the full article

[jatamansi-arc]

Okay so like... I sent a message to @illusivexemissary​ about how I watched Gabriel’s introductory episode the other day and was just sort of fucking laughing at it? Because I just... I worked as a caretaker for an apartment building for four years. 

Every single one of those tenants would tell you, and I’m not kidding, “This is a really quiet, nice complex.” It’s a lie. It’s a terrible fucking lie. An apartment complex is never quiet. There’s always weird shit going on. Too many people in too close of a space. You may think it’s peaceful but you have become complacent. 

It’s worth noting that our complex also had a contract with a few agencies to rehome severely mentally ill people permanently, as a means to keep them in the community. So there are some stories here that reflect that fact and, at worst, most of them were just memorable for harmless, if not interesting, quirks. Our cookiecutter tenants were the strangest ones. So let’s jump into my fond memories.

I literally just spent like... an hour digging out my pictures for this, so you’re gonna have a time.

To begin with, before I moved into this apartment complex, I lived in New Jersey. I was the oldest person in the house, at 18 years. This was in 2004. 

My house caught on fire in November of that year. It was also Joe’s fault. Joe was not well liked. We declared war on him shortly thereafter.

But we did drink well under age and party in the house after it caught fire, ‘cause fuck the police.

We also did awful things to people who came to the house for any reason. This is why you don’t let 14-18 year olds live in a house unattended by any parental supervision whatsoever.

But I couldn’t get a job, so I ended up moving back home to Minnesota. I lived in a house for awhile, but shit happened and we ended up losing the housing when my mom got incredibly sick. So, being homeless, we hit the pavement and tried to find cheap living arrangements we could get into ASAP.

We found an apartment complex composed of six buildings that required a caretaker. We paid $250 in rent and worked about “ten hours a week” and it would cover the cost of the rental’s deduction. Seems legit, right? 

No, it was a lie. it was indentured servitude. It was never 10 hours a week and things were always going wrong. But that’s neither here nor there, we decided to take the apartment under the guise of a “it works until something better.”

This was where I moved to:

See all that sidewalk? I had to shovel that five times a day in winter. It was hell. I could have lifted fucking giraffes, okay. Sometimes it snowed clear up to my second floor balcony.

Like what is this madness? This was six feet off the ground, y’all.

Damn right, sad snow blob. But that’s neither here nor there. There was also an exquisitely nice pool:

Oh wait, that was what the pool looked that when I wasn’t the one taking care of it. Five teams of caretakers and not a bloody one of them but me could do this. This is what it looked like when I was in charge of it. 

Do you see anything wrong with this picture? Anything at all? Look at the writing. In the four years I was in this hell, not once did this rule ever come to apply to me. I never was accompanied personally by a jovial Scottish man to the pool. The only eventful thing that ever happened to me was that I caused an elderly Russian man to have a heart attack. Why? Things frequently went wrong with the pool. Sometimes they were minor.

That’s the chemical reader. It’s not supposed to be in the middle of the pool. One of the other caretakers wasn’t paying attention and kicked it in. At least it can be fished out with a net. That yellow cord you see? That’s a vacuum. You attach it to the pool’s natural suction and vacuum the floor and wall of the pool to clear out debris. The pole is literally like 18 feet long, if not more. Our pool vacuum was ancient. It was awful. Literally, it would break constantly and the actual suction device would get stuck on the bottom of the deep end of the pool and someone would have to jump in and get it.

One summer, my boss decided to keep the pool open beyond labor day. In Minnesota, this is an odd decision as September temperatures are only around 40-60 degrees at best, and this story takes place in the first week of October. It’s 7am, the pool opens at 10am, and I’m out trying to do my gig. Vacuum breaks and I scream at whatever gods will hear me because I don’t want to jump into 20 degree water nobody is even using to retrieve the thing. Without any choice, because I can’t jab it unstuck, I strip down to my bra and panties. Outside. On a frigid October morning. I take a deep breath because I know what’s coming, and then dive in. It’s like hitting a brick wall and I finally manage to get the thing unstuck, and surface to discover this 90 year old Russian guy named Petyr standing out on his balcony, giving me a huge thumbs up. I stare, mortified. He stands there the rest of the time, minding me. I rush through everything and go to turn in all the supplies. I come out of the office and there’s an ambulance at the building across the way from the pool. Run over there, still wet but at least with my overclothes on, and try to become informed of the situation. 

Petyr had suffered, most likely, a fatal heart attack. I was the last person to see him alive. I think I may have accidentally killed him. Awkward.

And this is only one thing I experienced, mind you. As the wifi in our building used to say, and it was apt:

Because this apartment complex existed in some sort of quasi-dimension of its own creation, and because why not, there were high amounts of two things. One was white squirrels.

The other was mormons. There were always mormons in the courtyards. Much like kin, their crisp whites, too, dotted the space starting early in the morning. They played soccer. Every day. It was very strange. I had a photo of this but I can’t find it, and that is immensely disappointing because it’s nothing short of hilarious. There was one thing that made them different in my mind, and it was that you weren’t punished with picking up the corpses of the mormons when you were not perky enough for the upper management.

Upper management also learned very quickly that this was a terrible punishment for me, because I wasn’t bothered by it. I once got into a huge fight with the proper manager for this building and she told me I had to pluck out all the dead animals from the pool for my “attitude.” I did this and threw them on her deck, the squeal thud of bloated dead things colliding with the door to her porch echoing through the courtyard. 

She could have fired me for this, but I was the most reliable and dedicated employee she had, so it put her in a bad row if she did. So she tolerated my dead animal rebellion and gave me a set of master keys instead. We would come to blows again a month later, where, as obsessed with cobwebs as she was? Her full moon ass on displace, panties half exposed, as she complained about a missed set on the basement stairs. Asking me, with attitude, and repeatedly if I had seen what she meant. 

It was probably not a wise decision to say, “Not around your fat ass, no.”

Eventually we forged a surprisingly decent relationship where she left me alone and I did my job and was Captain Reliable If Not Disgruntled, and my problems with Management diminished outside of Upper Upper Management. Who was I fairly convinced wanted us to die at any given moment sooner than cost than any more money.

This was a notice we were given when we had to clean and paint four apartments on a July day. It was 98 degrees. I turned on the AC anyway and dealt with the very irate CEO of the company two days later, a man named Ira.

They also seemed perfectly okay not labeling any of the chemicals we used so it was like “hey, want a chemical burn?” No? TOO BAD.

You may be saying, “Felicia, this is pretty funny but I thought this was relevant to the antics that Gabriel was up to in his introduction episode.” Listen, y’all, I’m just getting started. Like, you want some antics? Let’s talk about my coworkers. ‘Cause after being there for awhile, I was entrusted to handle a lot of money and do paperwork. This included filling out and processing applications for both new tenants and our hires. 

We had someone come to do an application for the latter, as a previous coworker got fired for having a lot of sex with the tenants. I probably don’t have to talk about how that was against the rules. But I did the application for this lady that comes in to replace him. Processing said app, after I collected payment and she had left, I noticed this:

I had reservations about this one. Stripper was probably the most legitimate part of her application. Boss hired her due to us absolutely needing someone, but my reservations were correct when she got wasted on cocaine and whiskey and thought she was apparently a superhero and jumped off her third story balcony and broke her leg.

This is just one of them. I saw many coworkers come and go of various lifestyles and interests. We had drag queens who did all their work in full costume. There was another one who was a 4′11″ redhead named Joie that pulled a gun on her boyfriend and then ran him over with her car and then was arrested for possession of meth (and my character, Joie, is named for her.) One, Carleton, was fanatically obsessed with his pet piranhas. It goes on like this.

Bethany, for example, ate crayons and was obsessed with true crime. Andrew had OCD and routinely dismantled the locks on the doors at all hours, and had to hammer a new nail into the wall every day. I know this because I lived above him and heard all of these things. Cameron addicted half of our coworkers on meth, and slept with two of them. Pamela had a nervous breakdown. Rachel was mild mannered and was fired for oversleeping through a shoveling time around 6am on accident, which seemed incredibly pale in comparison to everyone else. And Cathy, the only coworker who seemed to last longer than a year, cut her own fingers off in a freak accident and we had to rush her to the hospital. 

It goes on like this. There are more. There are so many more.

I was painting an apartment once with Cathy, for example, and Teresa, another coworker of mine. We were attacked by a SWAT team breaking in the door. Apparently someone had tipped them off that there had been a meth lab in operation by the past tenants. I don’t know if that was true, but having the SWAT team pointing lazer-guided sights at you is pretty terrifying.

And then there were the tenants. I loved a lot of them, and others I was glad to see go. There were several with alcohol problems that would come to my door at all hours, thinking that my apartment was there’s, and I would have to escort them home. 

There was a man named Mark who had been relocated into his unit by a local rapid rehousing organization. Schizophrenic and without a good response to medication, Mark could be a handful. I never got mad at him outside of his calls at 3am, which I was required by law to get out of bed and investigate, because I come from a family ravaged by the same disease. Mark wasn’t a bad guy by any stretch, but his complaint calls and quirks were amazing. In the four years I was there, I can tell you that he had Star Wars playing 24/7/365. Loudly, to boot, because he was mostly deaf. When I cleaned the building he was in, with him living on the third floor, he would oftentimes come out any say hello.

One time I pulled my egregiously heavy vacuum up the six flights of stairs and pulled open the third floor fire doors, only to discover his entire fridge sitting outside of his apartment. I knock on his door and a disheveled Mark opens the door. I ask why his fridge, obviously, is located out of his apartment. Mark tells me that it is haunted. So at 8am, I offer to bless his fridge to cleanse it of spirits and we move it back into his apartment. He never had a problem with it again. 

A couple weeks later, however, Mark tells me that the apartment across the hall from him is constructing the Death Star and I need to tell them that is a very dangerous course of action. I investigate this complaint, as I was required to, and discover that the tenant across from him has been hanging a few new pictures. I commend them for their good humor on it, talk to Mark and tell them that I’ve talked them out of this, and he is content.

I will field at least five more calls from Mark over the years about various Star Wars battleships being built in apartments.

In the same building, many other strange happenstances came to pass. The #01 building seemed to be a strange place onto itself. 

Birds nested in the windows and would get stuck in the stairwells.

Ants would appear out of nowhere in swarms of the thousands.

There was a strange child in one of the units known as Igor and routinely caused problems for management. 

Someone died and was not found for almost four weeks. Everyone else on staff was too afraid to field this call about an unusual decaying smell in the first floor hallway coming from an apartment, and so it fell to me. I, awkwardly familiar with the odor of decay, did a wellness check. Tenant was not well. Tenant was black and bloated and very much in the worst stages of decay. Upper Management was too scared to handle it, so I was forced to do paperwork and wait for the police and the hazmat team to remove the body. We ended up ripping out the entire apartment from head to toe.

Another time, an apartment next to Mark’s (a third floor studio), was rented by teenage tenants who had clearly never lived alone before. They made macaroni and cheese and caused and oil fire. They then threw water on it and spread it elsewhere. They call me, in their on fire apartment, and tell me exactly that. I ask them if they had called 911, and they inform me that no, they are still standing there in the apartment and just letting me know. I have to, in my booty short pajamas, run barreling through the apartment building while managing a call to 911, evacuating tenants. 

Oh, here’s a squirrel nest. That happened too.

And these are just a few of the weird things. I also found an early 1900′s sewing machine just sitting in the stairwell, abandoned.

My building was another strange place. Perhaps it was because we were the closest to the #01 building that some of the weirdness wore off. Because when we first moved in, our apartment had roaches. It should have been a sign. We didn’t take it seriously. We had it taken care of and never had a problem afterwards, but that’s only because the Universe had other ideas.

Like that there was a transformer looked directly behind the building, that you could see from my window, that routinely blew during any major storm. And not only just exploded like a gunshot, I mean that it routinely exploded and fell down and power lines were down. It was a mess.

Not once, but twice, the lines would push down the wooded area’s branches into the #00′s building. This meant trees and shrubs caught on fire behind the building. Thankfully our buildings were brick and therefore hard to ignite, otherwise this was two opportunities for the goddamn building to catch on fire.

My apartment was also a weird place. And I’m not referring to the complex here. This is my apartment. Beaten and abused by so many caretakers before it, the patio doors constantly would fly open even upon a gentle breeze that was stronger than normal. Which is something considering a paranoid motherfucker lived there before me at some point, and there were at least six locks on the patio doors themselves. And another three on the door.

Oh, and one time a glass panel fell out. I had to rescreen the actual doors, too, no less than four times. Because the wood was fucking rotting away.

This is how my cats escaped several times. Because having four bloody patio doors isn’t enough to keep out drafts, let alone anything else. Furthermore, inexplicably, Virginia Creeper lived in my patio structure, and no matter what we did, and we pulled it out dozens of time and even tried to have it professionally removed, it came back and would repeatedly just take over everything. Slowly climbing the building and compromising the structural integrity of my deck.

It produced berries in the late summer and kids would eat them and then end up sick. Kids are so dumb, I swear. Eventually I stopped warning them about this because they kept breaking everything I would put out to try and make the apartment feel a bit more like home. 

Or at least something slightly less like a personal Hell I was financially trapped in for four years.

We had a strict rule that nobody was, obviously, allowed to drive up on the property to unload trucks or moving vehicles. Perhaps unsurprisingly, it was the white dudes who thought this one didn’t apply to them. Here’s someone moving into my building. 

There were other buildings, too. There was an ICE raid in the #08 building at one point, though I’m not sure why. And there was a single mom of like eight who lived on the third floor who was fucking hilarious but otherwise this was where the caretakers lived, usually. You already know how that goes.

#16 was there the Upper Management lived, so she kept it quiet. The absolute worst offender was a chronically ill man who would frequently have severe seizures and we would have to keep a close eye on him for his own health and safety. #16 was a great building. The bottom floor was entirely boilers, laundry, and the Assistant Manager’s apartment. Most days she slept late and donned velour track suits, and usually was in charge of changing locks around the complex and occasionally she would bang the vents to try and get the heat to kick on. Kim was great. I loved Kim. Always getting in trouble with Stella, our Manager, for doing the logical thing, she had developed an apathy the rest of us could only admire.

#17 was where most of the rapid rehousing folks were placed. Petyr lived in this building. We had a few other people of note in #17; John was a man who lived in his unit for 3 years and his walls were so dark with nicotine that you’d thought they were just brown. We prayed every day that John would never move out, for as nice as he was. Socheeta stole plants. There was a lady named Kimberly who was a srs artist and had a giant wall sculpture of a vagina as the central focus of her apartment. The most notable tenants were the Ficus family, who would complain about everything. If someone coughed at 2am, the wife would call. If a piece of mail was discarded out of the trashcan, instead of picking it up, she would complain about it. 

There was a woman named Bernice who moved into #17 my second year there. She was a “retired prostitute” as she put it. I literally have no problem with sex work, mind you, but I was called to her apartment about two months later because she had slept with someone and his heart had given out. Apparently this was where the older dudes went to have heart attacks after experiencing something too sexy to handle.

#09 was the last building. Located between #17 and the quasi-dimensional #01, it followed a similar pattern to the two of them. The side closer to the later was generally quiet and the latter was full of oddities. We had one rapid rehouse that was removed after a couple of months for chasing other tenants through the parking lots and throwing patio chairs off his balcony. He called me a kike at one point so I didn’t feel so bad about his eviction. The apartment underneath him, for most of the time I lived there, was occupied at an elderly lady who we never saw. One day, shortly after going on oxygen, she lit a cigarette and her existence was abruptly ended. Cleaning her apartment afterwards was a level of odd and terrifying. I kept finding hair. Everywhere. It never stopped. It seemed weird it survived the explosion, but it did. 

The apartment under her, later, caught on fire. They left a spatula in their oven and also called our office line instead of calling 911. For some reason they felt the need to push the smoking oven out into the hallway where it proceeded to burn away until I could extinguish it, while my mother evacuated the building. We also had a tax agent come every winter and stay to the summer, and she always stayed in the #09 building. She was meticulous. She slept in a sleeping bag. Never had any cookware. It was very strange. We never had to even clean her apartment because the only things in it were a phone, desk, and sleeping bag.

Oh, and there were twins in this building. They were kids. They were named Feloni and Misdermeaner. My mom worked at the closest school back then, but I didn’t, and Misdermeaner’s classroom roster was listed outside. 

Was there any other weird stuff that happened? Oh hell yes. I could write so much more. Like how it would rain on only specific parts of the complex and not others all the fucking time.

Oh, and the day I gave my 30 day notice, there was a double rainbow over my building. Which is a testament to the amount of bullshit I survived for four years. Nonstop, awful bullshit. That was mostly from management.

Like that I was expected to come back even after I was no longer employed there and vacuum and clean buildings. Like, you know, fucking load all that on a bus after walking a half mile with it and back. What.

AND I FEEL LIKE THIS POST IS LONG ENOUGH SO IF YOU WANT MORE STORIES ASK BUT I’M SHUTTING UP FOR NOW I WANT TO EAT DINNER.

[talkcarol17-blog]

Interiors-Exteriors: Blending History with Personal Touch

On a rainy night a few weeks ago, Sara Korbecki and her husband Nathaniel Krempel welcomed me and our LoganSquarist photographer, Juan Montano, into their home. The couple bought the house in March 2013 and have been in the process of renovating the historic spot since then. 

Upon moving to Logan Square in 2007, Korbecki and Krempel fell more in love with the “community of the neighborhood” and its affordable, dog-friendly apartments. However, it wasn’t until they bought this home right off the boulevard that the couple began putting down roots for their family. 

The Inspiration

“We bought it with the anticipation of it being a fixer-upper,” Korbecki said. “It needed modernizing, little by little.”

They first started clearing out the outside of the interior that had become overgrown as the previous tenants used the house for the storage of dirt bikes.

“We wanted to start with a blank slate,” Korbecki added as she described the legwork she and her husband put into cleaning up their backyard and garage to start their own chapter here. 

The couple explained that their home had not been structurally renovated since the 50s when the previous owners originally moved in. “When I was five months pregnant, we decided a dishwasher would make our lives with a baby so much better,” Korbecki said, noting the urgency to complete the demo before her due date.

The Remodel

This is what the original kitchen tile and cabinetry in 2013 looked like. Photo: Nathaniel Krempel

Unfortunately, the original kitchen cabinets were not standard size and all of the cabinetry required renovation in order to fit a dishwasher. But that wasn’t all that needed updating in the kitchen. 

Behind the classic 50s yellow tile floor to ceiling, Krempel discovered cement with a layer of chicken wire behind it. As he detailed, he had to take a sledge hammer to the wall in order to start from scratch.

The kitchen in the process of being gutted for remodel in 2013 looked like this. Photo: Nathaniel Krempel

“It’s never quite finished in our eyes, but it’s pretty nearly there.”

Sara Korbecki, in reference to the remodel of the kitchen

Along with the cabinetry, the flooring was due for an update, which Krempel completed with the help of his father while Korbecki was eight months pregnant. “My husband is a lot more handy than I am,”Korbecki remarked, as she showed us the dark wood flooring and butcher block counter top that he made by hand.

Photo of the modern kitchen tile and cabinetry today. Photo: Juan Montano

After their son was born, the couple continued with the remodeling process, taking full advantage of their son being a heavy sleeper. Along with updating the underlying structure, installing heating and air conditioning, as well as tearing down the basement to make it more “livable,” Krempel somehow found time to renovate the Four Seasons Room attached to the kitchen. 

Photos: Nathaniel Krempel

In order to level the dipped down addition, Krempel and his familial helping hands created piece topography to raise it all up to the same level as the floor. 

Krempel described that his father provided him with a foundation of knowledge about how to renovate homes using his own two hands.

“As a kid, I would help him with a lot of the simpler stuff, like drywalling, demoing, woodworking in the garage,” he described, stunning me with what was considered to be “simple” in his eyes.

The completed Four Seasons room in the current apartment. Photo: Juan Montano

Krempel’s face lit up as he proudly illustrated the ways he utilized the teachings of his father to renovate his home for his own family. He expressed feeling most connected to the kitchen space in their home due to that being where he “put most of [his] efforts with the house,” and it’s where the family congregates. 

“We feel so much pride of how much energy and collaboration was put into it—we have such a great support system,” Korbecki said. The kitchen has become a representation of the family as well as a central part of the functioning of the home life. 

The Home’s History

Krempel said that they found records stating that the house was likely built between 1884 and 1888 in the workman’s cottage style since it was affordable to build that way. “This style usually included two bedrooms with a full basement and an attic,” he explained, demonstrating the amount of research he completed to better understand his home’s origins. 

This task proved more difficult than the couple anticipated due to complicated record-keeping systems and census data from over a century ago. The most recent census was from the 40s since the information is published so infrequently, but from this, Krempel and Korbecki were able to contact a member of the family who grew up in the home. 

“He told us that the home was last renovated in the 50s by their father, who was a tile layer,” Krempel said, noting how much he has always “geeked out” about the history of homes along Logan Boulevard. 

Photos: Nathaniel Krempel

While the couple made many significant updates to the home, it was important to both of them to honor the history of such a long-standing Logan Square home. In the process of tearing down walls and cleaning out the old remnants of the previous tenants, the couple discovered relics from many prior generations such as aged bottles from many decades ago in the basement and old toys in the backyard.

“We’ve discovered little things that give you a sense of the history of all the families that have lived here and called it home,” Krempel said. This made him want to document his own family history in the home. 

The Mixture of Old + New

Photos: Juan Montano

Part of the appeal of this apartment to the couple was the history of the space that they could mold to fit their own personalities and lifestyle. They explored the attic and basement for found artifacts to be repurposed in their own updated version of the home. For instance, the couple found a stained glass window in their attic and gave it a new home as a focal point on their living room wall.  

From their research, the couple also discovered popular styles from previous time periods to add elements of historical decor. Many of the doorknobs they added to doors in the apartment are a product of the Egyptian style which was popular in the 1800s. The refurbishing of furniture and components of interior design make this home a unique melding of past and present. 

Photos: Juan Montano

In order to make the historical feel fit with their modern family life, Krempel incorporated lighting that mixed the two. After finding one intricate wire light fixture, he used his creativity to fashion a matching fixture to function as reading lamps beside the couple’s bed.

He also created a lighting trio to sit above the dining table in the Four Season’s Room, which has a dual functionality as a piece of art. The styling was meant to fit alongside more historic pieces and vibes, while bringing a more model twist to the room.

Putting Down Roots Together 

The passion this couple shares for tattoo artistry shines in their unique pieces above the liquor cabinet. Photo: Juan Montano

The home is not the only life to have a longstanding history here: the couple has roots in Logan Square dating back to the 30s.

“My husband’s grandmother came to Chicago from Italy and lived in the neighborhood,” Korbecki said. Their shared love of integrating history, both architectural and familial, with their own family can be felt inside the homes and from their characters.

Korbecki and Krempel expressed a love for the community of the neighborhood which exists as a warm subset of a much larger city. The couple sought to incorporate the history of Logan Square into their artwork through capturing photos of the Bloomingdale Trail.

“We wanted to preserve a part of this history,” Krempel said, as he described their shared desire to document this history in 2013 before the 606 renovations.

The couple commemorated the Bloomingdale Trail in photos. Photo: Juan Montano

As they continue to work on renovating the home little by little, the couple continues to put deeper roots into the ground. “We bought [the house] with the intention of staying put after moving around [so frequently],” Krempel said. “This small house has just the right space for us—we could see ourselves growing old here.” 

With joy, the couple shared how much they love “being home and the idea of being grounded somewhere,” emulated in the creation of their home as a “sanctuary.”

Featured photo: Juan Montano

Source: https://logansquarist.com/2018/10/29/interiors-exteriors-history-personal-touch/

[braindamageforbeginners]

On the nature of evil

Cycle 5, Day 9 I’m in the grips of an infusion hangover; it’s not the worst I’ve ever had, and I predict be back up to full-speed in a few hours, with the help of a lot of coffee and aspirin. However, recent events - combined with my fatigue (fhe coffee has’t kicked in yet) inspired me to go dig this out of the “Drafts” bin and finish rather than start from scratch. This will be long - my apologies - and have more than few typos and problems in it (for starters, I stitched it out of three or four other ideas/observations/proto-essays, and I’m all chemo hung-over now).

I’ve thought an awful lot lately about the nature of good and evil - as you do, when you face an existential threat that originates in your own body (and, because it’s me, I’m not going to get there in a straight-line path). I’m a reductionist (that’s shocking, I know), and, as a child, I wanted to know what made us us (DNA, I know, but I was hoping for more details). I once asked my high school biology teacher whether it would be more accurate to describe us as multicellular critters, or as walking colonies of specialized cells. She said the latter. Later in life, I put the same question to my biochemistry professor; his learned opinion was that we’re just walking, talking biochemical reactions that existed to provide the carbon molecules within us the best, most-stable shot in a hostile universe (that might seem dehumanizing until you realize that all life, in all its myriad forms, and all human progress and endeavors - from laying cement to composing an adagio - stem from a few basic rules of chemistry and physics, which is almost miraculous if you think about it). Which means that my tumor is the result of one or two brain cells getting very specific mutations (six or seven I think: I have the exact list of mutations written in my personal notebook, but I’m not sure it’s that interesting), and then growing, spreading, and recruiting other rogue cells. That’s not particularly evil; it’s just the horrible result of a few cells being in the wrong place at the wrong time. It’s just some rogue, reprogrammed bits of me; but, unlike the harmless bacteria in my gut or the fungus on my feet, it will grow and spread without constraint... until it kills me (hopefully that won’t happen, but it’s important to keep that in mind throughout the essay)..

One accusation I’ve occasionally heard leveled at atheists, agnostics, humanists, and other non-religious folk like myself is that by not having some grand villain to creation, we refuse to acknowledge the existence of evil. As a pragmatist, has always been, “Well, you have to. The bar has to be set somewhere.” Even though human morality may not exist in the vacuum of space beyond Pluto, humans have to have it - or at least pretend to (we’ll get to that very shortly). The best, most-useful definition comes from an obscure short story written by M. Shayne Bell, “Evil exists; it is intelligence in the service of entropy.”

To further pad this essay, and make it all about me; I have not mentioned my psychiatrist much (this isn’t Shrink; they’re two different people). This is both to protect her privacy, and because, despite what you might think from these writings, I do have aspects of my life I don’t spill out to the general public. But, she is - like everyone else on my health team - not above using any and all tools available to her. Which means that she’ll prescribe any medication she feels is indicated (I am indebted to her for her reviewing my meds and recommending the exotic antidepressant I’m on)(and the rather more-common anti-anxiety meds I’m on). However, despite being up-to-date on all psych meds (as far as I know, she specializes in cancer patients, so that one’s important)(she’s the doctor who noted my previous antidepressant lowers seizure threshold, so it might not be ideal for me), she’s still what I would call old-fashioned. Which she’ll listen for a few minutes, then say something deeply wounding. Or, worse, means she’ll say something innocuous that you’ll wake up at three am to think about. She was the person who told me to look at my current situation (namely, I have stay within easy driving distance of my oncology teams in SoCal and NoCal for a year) as a form of probation, rather than a sentence. I know my father hated that metaphor when I discussed it with him, but it was what I needed to hear (and, more importantly, she knows me well enough to know I despise and mistrust people who sugar-coat things) to start changing my thinking. A few months ago, when she asked how I spent most of my day, I told I wrote, went to the gym... and spent most of my time dealing with the unfortunate, bureaucratic paperwork and bills (well, as many as I can deal with) that tend to stack up when you get sick. Her response was, “That’s depressing” and it felt good initially, to hear a real grown-up say that, because it reassured me that I wasn’t just going insane. However, as I thought about it, I got angry, because she’s right - it is depressing - it should not be a full-time job to be a sick person, but that is exactly what it takes. I have access to some of the best doctors and medicine, and there is a still dangerous amount of luck involved in this project. There’s been a lot of skill on my part at gaming the insurance companies, when I can (which is rare), and I’ve had a tremendous amount of financial support from my family, but there are sick people who die by the boatload from very, very treatable diseases (yes, hospitals do throw you out; it actually happened to me). And even though there are resources available, there are not enough, and anyone who claims that we don’t have the money is clearly not familiar with the bloated military industrial complex, which even most hard-core conservatives I know admit is bloated.

If the theme of Day 47 was “How much have we, as a species, lost because we all went out of our way to stomp someone,” the theme of today is, “how many people have we unwittingly killed - how much blood is on our hands - because we never said “No” to the few dozen psychopaths who maintain a system that is addicted to death and misery. And, let’s be honest, there is a massive difference between considering how much potential we destroyed when we chased the neighbor kids off our lawn, and nobody giving Jeffrey Dahmer a damned good thrashing when he set the cat on fire (for starters, we can actually quantify Jeff’s evil based on how many people we found in the freezer; the mountains those kids never climbed are completely imaginary).

Returning to mathematics and statistics (it comforts me); just as I am a medical rarity (I’ve done the math, the word “freak” might be cruel, but it’s not inaccurate), but the vast majority of you, readers, are healthy and able-bodied - in other words, if the law of averages works, if you spread it across a population - then, just as I’m becoming aware that almost all of us are filled with madness and wonder and magic; then a few of us contain black holes from which light can not escape. Bipedal nightmares, if you will.

The point of this piece is not to frighten you, although some of you might be frightened. It’s merely to recognize that psychopaths and people with psychopathic tendencies (we’ll get there shortly) exist, and, in order to triumph, you don’t have to do much. Just don’t let them walk over you. That’s it.

Now, this is one area where I definitely am largely uneducated (I like writing, because, as long as I flash that warning up front, I feel I’ve done my duty), and I’m not going to discuss psychopaths (well, not yet, we’ll get there very shortly) inasmuch as I am going to discuss anti-social personality problems. Despite the name, it doesn’t describe people like myself who’d much rather sit at home with my dog, a beer, and the latest sci-fi series from Netflix rather than go out or meet new people (which I would, thanks). It describes people whose actions describe a lack of empathy or caring about other people; which includes psychopaths.

Here’s the thing; according to Ron Jonson’s “The Psychopath Test,” people with anti-social traits make up 1-3% of the general population, however, 30-40% of politicians, CEOs, financiers, etc. - the people at the helm of society, if you will - have anti-social personality traits. I’m sure that number is entirely inaccurate, and the wealthiest, most-powerful class of Western society is quite normal and compassionate, and we serfs are entirely responsible for the harmful, dangerous policies that govern us. I’m sure there’s some sort of long-term wisdom in the medico-legal policies governing my access to medicine I’m not aware of, and me dying or going bankrupt in the process is a minor price to pay for everyone else to benefit (and it might be, using that Law of Averages idea).

Of course, that might be a little extreme; however, law and morality are miles apart, and you confuse the two at your peril (as any racial minority who’s received an unnecessary traffic citation can attest). In my own case, at age 17, after an MRI confirmed that I had a brain tumor; my insurance company literally pulled the plug as I was being wheeled into the OR - entirely legally, I might add, using a loophole in the law in my coverage (I think it’s the hall-mark of morality to let a teen die of a preventable disease)(yes, hospitals do throw people out into the street). Thankfully, my parents were calmer and faster on their feet than I, and they were able to get things back on track - two days later.

The point is, we live in a society seemingly created by, and for, people who are unhindered by any sense of morality. Of course, I’ll admit that I’m an exceedingly small minority, and a self-solving problem, as far as society at large is concerned (literally, all it takes is stopping funding to a few programs at the FDA and NIH and I’ll be finding out if Pascalor or Marcus Aurelius was right. It’s quite possible the rules have changed (I’m sure they have, because I’ve successfully taken advantage of those changes)(and paid a lot of money for that privilege), and the faceless companies that were so eager to see me dead at various points are now fully-invested in my survival (good news, if I’m reading the FDA testing info right, I’m one of 80 people in this drug trial, and my gruesome end would represent a failure rate of 1.25%. I doubt that’s enough for them to step in and dramatically intervene on my behalf, but I’ll settle for CVS being a little more competent and generous about the Temodar).

As someone who is occasionally (okay, so more than occasionally) thoughtless or insensitive, but also horrified at the depths of human cruelty, I also feel like pointing out that we have an unhealthy fascination with anti-social personalities and anti-social personality problems. We marry them. We vote for them. We work for them. When, quite frankly, all it would take would be us - or someone else along the line - refusing to let these idiots get away with it. If we made them pay their taxes and stand at the back of the line. Now, that wouldn’t rid of us John Wayne Gacy or Ted Kaczynski, but they aren’t the problem. Adolf Eichmann is. Those of you familiar with recent history will probably have recoiled from the screen - probably rightfully; to the rest of you; Eichmann was a Colonel in the SS, and one of Hitler’s lieutenants; if there is one single person responsible for the planning and execution of the “Final Solution,” it is this man. Yes, I just broke Godwin’s Law, because the problem with Nazi Germany wasn’t actually the Nazis. Don’t get me wrong; they had to go; my point is, the relatively few Nazi zealots in power would have been completely incapacitated if their clerks and underlings had simply refused orders. Or if someone had dragged them off and told them that wasn’t cool.

Of course, this is being played in real-time with US detention of immigrant children. Again, I’ll bring up Nazis, but in this terrifying context: they didn’t have first, or even the biggest genocide; they were just the first to keep records that allowed the prosecution to build a case. So when you hear a hospital administrator say, “We’ll get back to you about that,” or a border bureaucrat say “We don’t know where the girls and toddlers are,” it should raise the hackles on the back of your neck. Once you get lost in the paperwork - in medical administration or the actual administration - that’s the first, quiet sign that someone doesn’t want to be held accountable if something bad happens (to counteract that, I’ve had good luck demanding to speak to supervisors or get employee ID numbers)(we will ignore the irony - in a few cases - that I was way too tired or in pain to really back up any threats).

At each step in this thing from July 5, 2002 until now, I’ve been lucky enough to find great doctors, surgeons, nurses, etc. who cared about their patients. Sadly, we live in a society that views Gregory House as a realistic character (there’s a fun med student drinking game where you sip whenever he inadvertently kills a patient). And the common thread throughout is that no one thinks it’s just a job or a paycheck or a way to get rich (if you want that, get MBA and become a hospital administrator - they’re usually paid way more than doctors). I think Mad Scientist and Senior Warlock would show up at the hospital tomorrow if they won the Powerball today (I could see them quitting work after finding some definitive cause of brain tumors and/or winning a Nobel Prize). In other words, the trick to finding great medical groups - is the same trick as finding someone who loves their job and would keep working even if all their financial obligations were met. In other words, you find someone who loves their job or their patients, and they’ll focus on being a better doctor. Which means fewer mistakes and/or dead patients.

To tie this all together - or attempt to, this is a Frankenstein’s Monster of writing combined with a morning head - I met, a med student a number of years ago (two neurosurgeries), who said, about my near-disastrous first-surgery (that’s the one where I was thrown out of the hospital while being wheeled into the OR, thanks to an insurance screw-up) that the medical system - such as it is, was more or less fine, dismissing me with “I’m sorry things didn’t work out for you.“ Telling someone they deserve to die due to profit margins and bureaucracy is right up with “Have you gained weight” as far as ways to promptly alienate and piss off other people. He also boasted about how many women hit on him, even though he wore a wedding ring (to be fair, I’d give it a 50-50 chance his wife was actually his mother’s corpse in a wedding dress), and how you have to be careful when providing free service because “poor people will tell their friends” - that man was not very smart (although I have no doubt he’d pass an IQ test)(BTW, there are a lot of studies showing that IQ tests are only slightly better than the MBTI or mood rings when judging intelligence; and it’s telling that whenever one of my crazy, brilliant physicians wants to assess my intelligence, they don’t use an IQ test), but, as far as I know, there are no set systems in place to ensure he didn’t graduate and go into practice (I mean, it’s possible he passed through med school and never got into a residency; I really hope some interview board looked at each afterward and said, “This is the creepiest motherfucker I’ve ever met; do we need another cadaver?”) . And, if he is practicing, I promise you - I’d bet my new lease on life on that statement (you need to understand, though, you’re betting your life on that statement if you’re one of his patients) - that he has, probably unintentionally, killed people because of his complete lack of interest in anything apart from money, sex, and self-aggrandizement - he has absolutely no interest or incentive to improve himself, or save more people, or take anything, other than his bank account to the next level. It’s possible the fear and/or wrongful death suits got to him (again, that’s assuming  a lot). It’s a single case, but it’s demonstrative that our society has no real check against human evil or one person getting a dangerous amount of power. You can read into that whatever political statements you like, I’m just noting as a chronic patient a few observations about the importance of compassion (or curiosity) as a quick indicator of physician quality.

The other important lesson here regarding medical sociopathy - and I might’ve written about this previously, forgive me - is that talent attracts talent. I write a lot about the nurses and physicians, but in the chemo ward, I have never seen the orderlies not take out the trash and/or replace linens (and they recently went on strike - and I really hope they got all their demands met, because they’re making it possible to be in a hospital and not feel under a microbial threat). My point is, even the orderlies - a group no one ever thinks of, are top-level. And when that’s just the cleaning staff, everyone else is of a similar competence. I don’t know why they (the orderlies) work there - it might just be a paycheck - but they’re good, and the nurses and doctors aren’t going to outshone by the facilities. Meanwhile, think of that one great doctor in an otherwise lousy practice or hospital. Go ahead and do some research if necessary; I’ll wait. I’m guessing there aren’t a whole lot.out there.

To bring all of this back to the current medico-political situation, the White House has something of a staffing problem, to say the least. At this point, I believe we have a series of rubber stamps in office at this point (everyone familiar with my “Fall Risk” story will know how I feel about that issue), and not particularly competent ones. That’s disturbing in and of itself, but the greater problem is that it’s an endorsement of psychopathy as policy, and, as noted, psychopaths aren’t even particularly intelligent or efficient. But, more importantly, the way you’re betting - if you’re a majority member - is that you will be, personally as wealthy, healthy, and powerful as you are now, and that you will never need the help of someone else. If you don’t feel comfortable with that, then maybe just slap the bullies when you see them. I’m more-serious than you might think; they’re not all going to stand down and behave, but it’s a safer bet than that Immortan Joe will overlook you and behave charitably.

[realtor10036]

My Very Own Versailles: Homeowners Who Re-create the French Palace

Chad King for The Wall Street Journal

On an unassuming side street in Long Island’s Old Brookville, a 1,000-foot long driveway flanked by an allée of pear saplings leads to a 120-room, 17th century-style château bedecked with elaborate limestone carvings. Atop its slate roof, a copper ridge decorated with rosettes shines in the early summer sun. Above the front door, the initials “RY” are flanked by horn-blowing cherubs.

Though it is a brand-new building in suburban Long Island, the roughly 23,000-square-foot structure looks for all the world like it belongs in France at the Palace of Versailles, King Louis XIV’s famous creation. That was the goal of its owner Raphael Yakoby, an Israeli-born entrepreneur who created Hpnotiq liqueur, a bright blue liqueur popularized by hip hop artists in the early 2000s.

A sitting area. The Glosman house is available for rent for $100,000 per month for long-term rentals for $300,000 for short-term rentals.

Emily Wilson for The Wall Street Journal

The front door, with its wrought-iron metalwork, is a scaled-down replica of a door found at Versailles. On the grand staircase in the foyer, the cast-iron and gold-leaf banister is a replica of one found at Le Petit Trianon, Marie Antoinette’s retreat on the grounds of Versailles.

Mr. Yakoby, who has spent about four years building the house, says he plans to move in next month, but once it is completed he’s also planning to put it on the market for $100 million—a figure he says is close to the cost of building the home.

The condo was given its Versailles-inspired appearance by a previous owner and came partially furnished, but Mr. Pierre says he plans to complete the decor with period-appropriate antiques or replicas.

Emily Wilson for The Wall Street Journal

There is something about Versailles that has produced a seemingly constant stream of imitators, ever since the late 1600s, when Louis XIV transformed a hunting lodge into the opulent palace known world-wide. With roughly 2,300 rooms and its chandelier-laden Hall of Mirrors, Versailles started prompting imitations as soon as it was completed, from other European palaces to grand homes. Even the layout of the city of Washington, D.C., borrowed elements from the gardens of Versailles.

When it comes to private homes, Versailles continues to have an outsize influence: According to realtor.com, 23 homes currently on the market or recently sold referenced Versailles in their marketing copy. “It’s maintained this huge mystique,” says historian Tony Spawforth, author of “Versailles: A Biography of a Palace.”

Mr. Pierre says when he’d visited the real Versailles, ‘I was in awe of the design of that era.’ He bought the condo before seeing it in person. ‘I was so amazed by the property,’ he says.

Emily Wilson for The Wall Street Journal

The allure of Versailles was no accident: Louis XIV created the massive palace as a way to showcase his power and draw attention to the glories of France. “There was an enormous ‘wow’ factor that Louis was aiming for,” Mr. Spawforth says.

For many of those who choose to build homes inspired by Versailles, the palace represents the pinnacle of success and achievement, and the culmination of a lifelong dream. The costs of this dream are considerable: Not only is building a modern-day Versailles very expensive, it can upset neighbors and be difficult to sell.

A crystal chandelier hangs above a curving marble staircase with 18-karat gold detailing.

Emily Wilson for The Wall Street Journal

“It’s a little bit over the top,” concedes Jean “Manouch” Pierre, a businessman who bought the “Versailles Penthouse” at the Metropolis condominium in Las Vegas last year for about $2.8 million. “But this is what working hard is all about.”

Mr. Pierre says his opulent condo was given its Versailles look around 2005 by a previous owner. It has 30-foot-high ceilings and cabinets trimmed with gold leaf. A chandelier hangs above a curving marble staircase with 18-karat gold detailing. A commercial real-estate investor in his mid-50s who is originally from Iran, Mr. Pierre bought the property at auction after it had failed to sell at its asking price of $4.88 million; he says he was so amazed by photos of the condo that he bought it without ever visiting. The first time he saw the property in person, “I was extremely emotional,” he adds, noting that the purchase felt like an embodiment of his hard work and success after “coming here with nothing.”

A bathroom

Emily Wilson for The Wall Street Journal

To make the condo even more Versailles-like, Mr. Pierre got permission from the homeowners association to install fireplaces, and plans to complete the décor with period-appropriate antiques or replicas.

To Patrice Tarsey, Versailles is “the most beautiful palace ever built.” So in 1992 when she saw a newly built house in Los Angeles that was inspired by Le Petit Trianon, she jumped at the chance to own it.

The roughly 11,000-square-foot home in Holmby Hills has wrought-iron and marble balconies and gold-leaf moldings throughout. In the entry there is a 46-foot-high dome, with twin rose marble circular staircases topped by an 18th century Baccarat crystal chandelier. In the library and living room the cherry wood floors, in a Bordeaux pattern, are a copy of the floors in the Hall of Mirrors.

Ms. Tarsey is a real estate heiress whose father Jason Tarsey owned the Dunes Hotel on the Las Vegas Strip. A few years ago, she relocated to Florida, and rented the house out. Now she’s planning to list it for $22.5 million with Gregory Bega and Lindsay Galbraith of Sotheby’s International Realty.

Versailles-style details don’t come cheap. Builder Tom C. Murphy, co-president of Florida-based Coastal Homes, says he’s worked on three homes inspired by Versailles, ranging in size from 15,000 to roughly 80,000 square feet. These homes are pricey not just because of their size, he says, but because materials and artisans are often sourced from overseas. Moreover, 17th and 18th century homes didn’t have to contend with things like electric lighting and HVAC systems, which take extra work to conceal without ruining elaborate design schemes.

Raphael Yakoby’s Versailles-inspired home in Long Island’s Old Brookville. The under-construction home should be completed next month. For Mr. Yakoby, the building of this Versailles-inspired home represents a life-long dream. While travelling in France years ago for business, ‘I was awed by the buildings,’ he says. ‘I said I would build something like this when I could afford it.’

Dorothy Hong for The Wall Street Journal

In the U.S., homes inspired by Versailles don’t always go over well with neighbors. When dentist Leonid Glosman and his wife Natalie set out to build a Versailles-inspired home in Beverly Hills in the late 1980s, it took two years to get permission to build, because the home’s style “is not customary in the neighborhood” and “the height was much higher than the rest of the homes,” says their daughter Monique Vayntrub.

Once they are built, Versailles-style homes can sometimes have trouble on the resale market. “A lot of people today want modern, contemporary, they don’t want traditional and they don’t want European,” warns Beverly Hills-based real-estate agent Myra Nourmand of Nourmand & Associates.

One of two ballrooms in Mr. Yakoby’s home, each of which have custom plaster moldings. While Mr. Yakoby says he believes Versailles-style design is ‘timeless,’ he says he did make attempts to update the aesthetic for contemporary life. For example, he used soft pastels in the ballrooms rather than covering the moldings with gold leaf.

Dorothy Hong for The Wall Street Journal

According to realtor.com, homes that mentioned Versailles in their listing copy spent a median of 122 days on the market, far higher than the national median of 62 days and above the 111-day median for the top 5% highest priced homes in the country.

Several Versailles replicas have faced difficulty selling. Perhaps the best known example is the 90,000-square-foot mansion in Windermere, Fla. that inspired the 2012 documentary “The Queen of Versailles.” Owners David Siegel, founder of timeshare giant Westgate Resorts, and his wife, Jacqueline, put the partially completed home on the market in 2010 for $100 million fully finished, or $75 million as-is. The home sat on the market for several years and had its price reduced before being taken off the market.

The house has about 40 chandeliers and over 100 sconces.

Dorothy Hong for The Wall Street Journal

Ms. Glosman, who moved with her husband to the U.S. from Russia in the 1970s, says she chose Versailles as her inspiration because “it is one of the most magnificent architectural achievements in the world.”

But when the family put the eight-bedroom house on the market for $18.95 million in 2014, they found that not everyone had the same appreciation for the style. The home had “a limited audience” of potential buyers, says Ms. Nourmand, one of the listing agents.

The house has about 40 chandeliers and over 100 sconces.

Dorothy Hong for The Wall Street Journal

When the house didn’t sell, the Glosmans took it off the market and spent millions on a renovation, replacing many of the colorful interiors with white and swapping antiques for modern furniture. Now they are seeking to rent the house out for $100,000 a month for long-term rentals or $300,000 a month for short-term rentals.

When it comes to Versailles-style homes, “either you love it, or it’s not for you at all,” says Debbie Sonenshine of Coldwell Banker Residential Brokerage, who is listing a $4.75 million home in Atlanta with elaborate gardens inspired by Versailles.

But if history is any indication, there will be no shortage of future mini-Versailles to come.

Cherubs in the Yakoby home. Though he plans to move in, Mr. Yakoby is also putting the home on the market for $100 million with Douglas Elliman Real Estate.

Dorothy Hong for The Wall Street Journal

“It’s unique—it’s not cookie cutter,” Kevin Harris says of the Versailles-inspired home in Indianapolis he bought in 2014 for $650,000. The roughly 14,000-square-foot home has hand-plastered moldings on the ceilings and doors, murals on the walls and a ballroom. The Scalamandré fabric on the dining room walls is a copy of draperies at Versailles, he said.

Mr. Harris, a manufacturing executive, acknowledges that the home’s ornate style may make it difficult to resell if that time ever comes. But he and his wife love the home, he says, and after all, “you gotta live somewhere.”

The post My Very Own Versailles: Homeowners Who Re-create the French Palace appeared first on Real Estate News & Insights | realtor.com®.

from DIYS http://ift.tt/2uuYOJt

[realestate63141]

My Very Own Versailles: Homeowners Who Re-create the French Palace

Chad King for The Wall Street Journal

On an unassuming side street in Long Island’s Old Brookville, a 1,000-foot long driveway flanked by an allée of pear saplings leads to a 120-room, 17th century-style château bedecked with elaborate limestone carvings. Atop its slate roof, a copper ridge decorated with rosettes shines in the early summer sun. Above the front door, the initials “RY” are flanked by horn-blowing cherubs.

Though it is a brand-new building in suburban Long Island, the roughly 23,000-square-foot structure looks for all the world like it belongs in France at the Palace of Versailles, King Louis XIV’s famous creation. That was the goal of its owner Raphael Yakoby, an Israeli-born entrepreneur who created Hpnotiq liqueur, a bright blue liqueur popularized by hip hop artists in the early 2000s.

A sitting area. The Glosman house is available for rent for $100,000 per month for long-term rentals for $300,000 for short-term rentals.

Emily Wilson for The Wall Street Journal

The front door, with its wrought-iron metalwork, is a scaled-down replica of a door found at Versailles. On the grand staircase in the foyer, the cast-iron and gold-leaf banister is a replica of one found at Le Petit Trianon, Marie Antoinette’s retreat on the grounds of Versailles.

Mr. Yakoby, who has spent about four years building the house, says he plans to move in next month, but once it is completed he’s also planning to put it on the market for $100 million—a figure he says is close to the cost of building the home.

The condo was given its Versailles-inspired appearance by a previous owner and came partially furnished, but Mr. Pierre says he plans to complete the decor with period-appropriate antiques or replicas.

Emily Wilson for The Wall Street Journal

There is something about Versailles that has produced a seemingly constant stream of imitators, ever since the late 1600s, when Louis XIV transformed a hunting lodge into the opulent palace known world-wide. With roughly 2,300 rooms and its chandelier-laden Hall of Mirrors, Versailles started prompting imitations as soon as it was completed, from other European palaces to grand homes. Even the layout of the city of Washington, D.C., borrowed elements from the gardens of Versailles.

When it comes to private homes, Versailles continues to have an outsize influence: According to realtor.com, 23 homes currently on the market or recently sold referenced Versailles in their marketing copy. “It’s maintained this huge mystique,” says historian Tony Spawforth, author of “Versailles: A Biography of a Palace.”

Mr. Pierre says when he’d visited the real Versailles, ‘I was in awe of the design of that era.’ He bought the condo before seeing it in person. ‘I was so amazed by the property,’ he says.

Emily Wilson for The Wall Street Journal

The allure of Versailles was no accident: Louis XIV created the massive palace as a way to showcase his power and draw attention to the glories of France. “There was an enormous ‘wow’ factor that Louis was aiming for,” Mr. Spawforth says.

For many of those who choose to build homes inspired by Versailles, the palace represents the pinnacle of success and achievement, and the culmination of a lifelong dream. The costs of this dream are considerable: Not only is building a modern-day Versailles very expensive, it can upset neighbors and be difficult to sell.

A crystal chandelier hangs above a curving marble staircase with 18-karat gold detailing.

Emily Wilson for The Wall Street Journal

“It’s a little bit over the top,” concedes Jean “Manouch” Pierre, a businessman who bought the “Versailles Penthouse” at the Metropolis condominium in Las Vegas last year for about $2.8 million. “But this is what working hard is all about.”

Mr. Pierre says his opulent condo was given its Versailles look around 2005 by a previous owner. It has 30-foot-high ceilings and cabinets trimmed with gold leaf. A chandelier hangs above a curving marble staircase with 18-karat gold detailing. A commercial real-estate investor in his mid-50s who is originally from Iran, Mr. Pierre bought the property at auction after it had failed to sell at its asking price of $4.88 million; he says he was so amazed by photos of the condo that he bought it without ever visiting. The first time he saw the property in person, “I was extremely emotional,” he adds, noting that the purchase felt like an embodiment of his hard work and success after “coming here with nothing.”

A bathroom

Emily Wilson for The Wall Street Journal

To make the condo even more Versailles-like, Mr. Pierre got permission from the homeowners association to install fireplaces, and plans to complete the décor with period-appropriate antiques or replicas.

To Patrice Tarsey, Versailles is “the most beautiful palace ever built.” So in 1992 when she saw a newly built house in Los Angeles that was inspired by Le Petit Trianon, she jumped at the chance to own it.

The roughly 11,000-square-foot home in Holmby Hills has wrought-iron and marble balconies and gold-leaf moldings throughout. In the entry there is a 46-foot-high dome, with twin rose marble circular staircases topped by an 18th century Baccarat crystal chandelier. In the library and living room the cherry wood floors, in a Bordeaux pattern, are a copy of the floors in the Hall of Mirrors.

Ms. Tarsey is a real estate heiress whose father Jason Tarsey owned the Dunes Hotel on the Las Vegas Strip. A few years ago, she relocated to Florida, and rented the house out. Now she’s planning to list it for $22.5 million with Gregory Bega and Lindsay Galbraith of Sotheby’s International Realty.

Versailles-style details don’t come cheap. Builder Tom C. Murphy, co-president of Florida-based Coastal Homes, says he’s worked on three homes inspired by Versailles, ranging in size from 15,000 to roughly 80,000 square feet. These homes are pricey not just because of their size, he says, but because materials and artisans are often sourced from overseas. Moreover, 17th and 18th century homes didn’t have to contend with things like electric lighting and HVAC systems, which take extra work to conceal without ruining elaborate design schemes.

Raphael Yakoby’s Versailles-inspired home in Long Island’s Old Brookville. The under-construction home should be completed next month. For Mr. Yakoby, the building of this Versailles-inspired home represents a life-long dream. While travelling in France years ago for business, ‘I was awed by the buildings,’ he says. ‘I said I would build something like this when I could afford it.’

Dorothy Hong for The Wall Street Journal

In the U.S., homes inspired by Versailles don’t always go over well with neighbors. When dentist Leonid Glosman and his wife Natalie set out to build a Versailles-inspired home in Beverly Hills in the late 1980s, it took two years to get permission to build, because the home’s style “is not customary in the neighborhood” and “the height was much higher than the rest of the homes,” says their daughter Monique Vayntrub.

Once they are built, Versailles-style homes can sometimes have trouble on the resale market. “A lot of people today want modern, contemporary, they don’t want traditional and they don’t want European,” warns Beverly Hills-based real-estate agent Myra Nourmand of Nourmand & Associates.

One of two ballrooms in Mr. Yakoby’s home, each of which have custom plaster moldings. While Mr. Yakoby says he believes Versailles-style design is ‘timeless,’ he says he did make attempts to update the aesthetic for contemporary life. For example, he used soft pastels in the ballrooms rather than covering the moldings with gold leaf.

Dorothy Hong for The Wall Street Journal

According to realtor.com, homes that mentioned Versailles in their listing copy spent a median of 122 days on the market, far higher than the national median of 62 days and above the 111-day median for the top 5% highest priced homes in the country.

Several Versailles replicas have faced difficulty selling. Perhaps the best known example is the 90,000-square-foot mansion in Windermere, Fla. that inspired the 2012 documentary “The Queen of Versailles.” Owners David Siegel, founder of timeshare giant Westgate Resorts, and his wife, Jacqueline, put the partially completed home on the market in 2010 for $100 million fully finished, or $75 million as-is. The home sat on the market for several years and had its price reduced before being taken off the market.

The house has about 40 chandeliers and over 100 sconces.

Dorothy Hong for The Wall Street Journal

Ms. Glosman, who moved with her husband to the U.S. from Russia in the 1970s, says she chose Versailles as her inspiration because “it is one of the most magnificent architectural achievements in the world.”

But when the family put the eight-bedroom house on the market for $18.95 million in 2014, they found that not everyone had the same appreciation for the style. The home had “a limited audience” of potential buyers, says Ms. Nourmand, one of the listing agents.

The house has about 40 chandeliers and over 100 sconces.

Dorothy Hong for The Wall Street Journal

When the house didn’t sell, the Glosmans took it off the market and spent millions on a renovation, replacing many of the colorful interiors with white and swapping antiques for modern furniture. Now they are seeking to rent the house out for $100,000 a month for long-term rentals or $300,000 a month for short-term rentals.

When it comes to Versailles-style homes, “either you love it, or it’s not for you at all,” says Debbie Sonenshine of Coldwell Banker Residential Brokerage, who is listing a $4.75 million home in Atlanta with elaborate gardens inspired by Versailles.

But if history is any indication, there will be no shortage of future mini-Versailles to come.

Cherubs in the Yakoby home. Though he plans to move in, Mr. Yakoby is also putting the home on the market for $100 million with Douglas Elliman Real Estate.

Dorothy Hong for The Wall Street Journal

“It’s unique—it’s not cookie cutter,” Kevin Harris says of the Versailles-inspired home in Indianapolis he bought in 2014 for $650,000. The roughly 14,000-square-foot home has hand-plastered moldings on the ceilings and doors, murals on the walls and a ballroom. The Scalamandré fabric on the dining room walls is a copy of draperies at Versailles, he said.

Mr. Harris, a manufacturing executive, acknowledges that the home’s ornate style may make it difficult to resell if that time ever comes. But he and his wife love the home, he says, and after all, “you gotta live somewhere.”

The post My Very Own Versailles: Homeowners Who Re-create the French Palace appeared first on Real Estate News & Insights | realtor.com®.

from DIYS http://ift.tt/2uuYOJt

[gillespialfredoe01806ld]

My Very Own Versailles: Homeowners Who Re-create the French Palace

Chad King for The Wall Street Journal

On an unassuming side street in Long Island’s Old Brookville, a 1,000-foot long driveway flanked by an allée of pear saplings leads to a 120-room, 17th century-style château bedecked with elaborate limestone carvings. Atop its slate roof, a copper ridge decorated with rosettes shines in the early summer sun. Above the front door, the initials “RY” are flanked by horn-blowing cherubs.

Though it is a brand-new building in suburban Long Island, the roughly 23,000-square-foot structure looks for all the world like it belongs in France at the Palace of Versailles, King Louis XIV’s famous creation. That was the goal of its owner Raphael Yakoby, an Israeli-born entrepreneur who created Hpnotiq liqueur, a bright blue liqueur popularized by hip hop artists in the early 2000s.

A sitting area. The Glosman house is available for rent for $100,000 per month for long-term rentals for $300,000 for short-term rentals.

Emily Wilson for The Wall Street Journal

The front door, with its wrought-iron metalwork, is a scaled-down replica of a door found at Versailles. On the grand staircase in the foyer, the cast-iron and gold-leaf banister is a replica of one found at Le Petit Trianon, Marie Antoinette’s retreat on the grounds of Versailles.

Mr. Yakoby, who has spent about four years building the house, says he plans to move in next month, but once it is completed he’s also planning to put it on the market for $100 million—a figure he says is close to the cost of building the home.

The condo was given its Versailles-inspired appearance by a previous owner and came partially furnished, but Mr. Pierre says he plans to complete the decor with period-appropriate antiques or replicas.

Emily Wilson for The Wall Street Journal

There is something about Versailles that has produced a seemingly constant stream of imitators, ever since the late 1600s, when Louis XIV transformed a hunting lodge into the opulent palace known world-wide. With roughly 2,300 rooms and its chandelier-laden Hall of Mirrors, Versailles started prompting imitations as soon as it was completed, from other European palaces to grand homes. Even the layout of the city of Washington, D.C., borrowed elements from the gardens of Versailles.

When it comes to private homes, Versailles continues to have an outsize influence: According to realtor.com, 23 homes currently on the market or recently sold referenced Versailles in their marketing copy. “It’s maintained this huge mystique,” says historian Tony Spawforth, author of “Versailles: A Biography of a Palace.”

Mr. Pierre says when he’d visited the real Versailles, ‘I was in awe of the design of that era.’ He bought the condo before seeing it in person. ‘I was so amazed by the property,’ he says.

Emily Wilson for The Wall Street Journal

The allure of Versailles was no accident: Louis XIV created the massive palace as a way to showcase his power and draw attention to the glories of France. “There was an enormous ‘wow’ factor that Louis was aiming for,” Mr. Spawforth says.

For many of those who choose to build homes inspired by Versailles, the palace represents the pinnacle of success and achievement, and the culmination of a lifelong dream. The costs of this dream are considerable: Not only is building a modern-day Versailles very expensive, it can upset neighbors and be difficult to sell.

A crystal chandelier hangs above a curving marble staircase with 18-karat gold detailing.

Emily Wilson for The Wall Street Journal

“It’s a little bit over the top,” concedes Jean “Manouch” Pierre, a businessman who bought the “Versailles Penthouse” at the Metropolis condominium in Las Vegas last year for about $2.8 million. “But this is what working hard is all about.”

Mr. Pierre says his opulent condo was given its Versailles look around 2005 by a previous owner. It has 30-foot-high ceilings and cabinets trimmed with gold leaf. A chandelier hangs above a curving marble staircase with 18-karat gold detailing. A commercial real-estate investor in his mid-50s who is originally from Iran, Mr. Pierre bought the property at auction after it had failed to sell at its asking price of $4.88 million; he says he was so amazed by photos of the condo that he bought it without ever visiting. The first time he saw the property in person, “I was extremely emotional,” he adds, noting that the purchase felt like an embodiment of his hard work and success after “coming here with nothing.”

A bathroom

Emily Wilson for The Wall Street Journal

To make the condo even more Versailles-like, Mr. Pierre got permission from the homeowners association to install fireplaces, and plans to complete the décor with period-appropriate antiques or replicas.

To Patrice Tarsey, Versailles is “the most beautiful palace ever built.” So in 1992 when she saw a newly built house in Los Angeles that was inspired by Le Petit Trianon, she jumped at the chance to own it.

The roughly 11,000-square-foot home in Holmby Hills has wrought-iron and marble balconies and gold-leaf moldings throughout. In the entry there is a 46-foot-high dome, with twin rose marble circular staircases topped by an 18th century Baccarat crystal chandelier. In the library and living room the cherry wood floors, in a Bordeaux pattern, are a copy of the floors in the Hall of Mirrors.

Ms. Tarsey is a real estate heiress whose father Jason Tarsey owned the Dunes Hotel on the Las Vegas Strip. A few years ago, she relocated to Florida, and rented the house out. Now she’s planning to list it for $22.5 million with Gregory Bega and Lindsay Galbraith of Sotheby’s International Realty.

Versailles-style details don’t come cheap. Builder Tom C. Murphy, co-president of Florida-based Coastal Homes, says he’s worked on three homes inspired by Versailles, ranging in size from 15,000 to roughly 80,000 square feet. These homes are pricey not just because of their size, he says, but because materials and artisans are often sourced from overseas. Moreover, 17th and 18th century homes didn’t have to contend with things like electric lighting and HVAC systems, which take extra work to conceal without ruining elaborate design schemes.

Raphael Yakoby’s Versailles-inspired home in Long Island’s Old Brookville. The under-construction home should be completed next month. For Mr. Yakoby, the building of this Versailles-inspired home represents a life-long dream. While travelling in France years ago for business, ‘I was awed by the buildings,’ he says. ‘I said I would build something like this when I could afford it.’

Dorothy Hong for The Wall Street Journal

In the U.S., homes inspired by Versailles don’t always go over well with neighbors. When dentist Leonid Glosman and his wife Natalie set out to build a Versailles-inspired home in Beverly Hills in the late 1980s, it took two years to get permission to build, because the home’s style “is not customary in the neighborhood” and “the height was much higher than the rest of the homes,” says their daughter Monique Vayntrub.

Once they are built, Versailles-style homes can sometimes have trouble on the resale market. “A lot of people today want modern, contemporary, they don’t want traditional and they don’t want European,” warns Beverly Hills-based real-estate agent Myra Nourmand of Nourmand & Associates.

One of two ballrooms in Mr. Yakoby’s home, each of which have custom plaster moldings. While Mr. Yakoby says he believes Versailles-style design is ‘timeless,’ he says he did make attempts to update the aesthetic for contemporary life. For example, he used soft pastels in the ballrooms rather than covering the moldings with gold leaf.

Dorothy Hong for The Wall Street Journal

According to realtor.com, homes that mentioned Versailles in their listing copy spent a median of 122 days on the market, far higher than the national median of 62 days and above the 111-day median for the top 5% highest priced homes in the country.

Several Versailles replicas have faced difficulty selling. Perhaps the best known example is the 90,000-square-foot mansion in Windermere, Fla. that inspired the 2012 documentary “The Queen of Versailles.” Owners David Siegel, founder of timeshare giant Westgate Resorts, and his wife, Jacqueline, put the partially completed home on the market in 2010 for $100 million fully finished, or $75 million as-is. The home sat on the market for several years and had its price reduced before being taken off the market.

The house has about 40 chandeliers and over 100 sconces.

Dorothy Hong for The Wall Street Journal

Ms. Glosman, who moved with her husband to the U.S. from Russia in the 1970s, says she chose Versailles as her inspiration because “it is one of the most magnificent architectural achievements in the world.”

But when the family put the eight-bedroom house on the market for $18.95 million in 2014, they found that not everyone had the same appreciation for the style. The home had “a limited audience” of potential buyers, says Ms. Nourmand, one of the listing agents.

The house has about 40 chandeliers and over 100 sconces.

Dorothy Hong for The Wall Street Journal

When the house didn’t sell, the Glosmans took it off the market and spent millions on a renovation, replacing many of the colorful interiors with white and swapping antiques for modern furniture. Now they are seeking to rent the house out for $100,000 a month for long-term rentals or $300,000 a month for short-term rentals.

When it comes to Versailles-style homes, “either you love it, or it’s not for you at all,” says Debbie Sonenshine of Coldwell Banker Residential Brokerage, who is listing a $4.75 million home in Atlanta with elaborate gardens inspired by Versailles.

But if history is any indication, there will be no shortage of future mini-Versailles to come.

Cherubs in the Yakoby home. Though he plans to move in, Mr. Yakoby is also putting the home on the market for $100 million with Douglas Elliman Real Estate.

Dorothy Hong for The Wall Street Journal

“It’s unique—it’s not cookie cutter,” Kevin Harris says of the Versailles-inspired home in Indianapolis he bought in 2014 for $650,000. The roughly 14,000-square-foot home has hand-plastered moldings on the ceilings and doors, murals on the walls and a ballroom. The Scalamandré fabric on the dining room walls is a copy of draperies at Versailles, he said.

Mr. Harris, a manufacturing executive, acknowledges that the home’s ornate style may make it difficult to resell if that time ever comes. But he and his wife love the home, he says, and after all, “you gotta live somewhere.”

The post My Very Own Versailles: Homeowners Who Re-create the French Palace appeared first on Real Estate News & Insights | realtor.com®.

from DIYS http://ift.tt/2uuYOJt

[harmonicegg-blog]

Why did I create the Harmonic Egg?

Why the Harmonic Egg?

It’s been the question of the day since I announced the creation in July, 2017. I have been studying sound and light therapies and healing for eight years. I have owned and operated my own healing center during this time and observed the effects of several therapies on clients’ health and well-being. I have owned and operated two technologies of sound and light chambers. I created the Harmonic Egg as a new and innovative, next generation healing chamber based on my observations of clients before and after sessions, research on the modality, reading books from experts in the industry, white paper studies and collaboration with the medical community.  The Harmonic Egg is a large ellipse (egg shape) where the client reclines inside the “egg” or chamber in a chair. We are getting great feedback thus far and continue to do research. It was not easy to build this unit. The materials used are natural. It was a challenge to find materials that could bend in the shape of an ellipse to form an egg. Plus, we had to create a chamber that resonated the sound in a holographic-like micro-environment. Instead of hearing the sound from a speaker, you hear it in what I think is its natural broadcast. It’s super fun! Sometimes I hear the sound above my head and I know there are not any speakers above my head. The angles, the ratios and all the other concepts we use in this Harmonic Egg is proprietary information, but it was well thought out and evolved from ancient teaching and texts. The best room size for the Harmonic Egg is 14×14. It took about almost a year from start to finish to create the first prototype that is now operational at Life Center in Westminster, Colorado.   One of the issues I observed with the previous technologies was sound distortion. In the previous chambers, automotive type round speakers are used beneath a thick foam pad where the client lies flat during sessions.  There is cubic air space under the speakers, but I don’t believe it’s the proper cubic air space for the rating of the speakers. I always felt there was a lot of distortion from the music having to come through a foam pad. Our nervous systems tend to take distortion and make up “data” to fill in gaps to process information. My experience and research led me to realize that I wanted to get the purest sound and little to no distortion, hence another reason for the Harmonic Egg. Let me mention here that lying flat for some clients is not comfortable nor relaxing. Clients have neck and back issues and want pillows and bolsters as props for comfort. In addition, some clients have a hard time rolling up from a flat position to exit the chamber. The Harmonic Egg uses a reclining chair and has been much more comfortable for clients. There is also the issue of the music that is being played. Over the years, I have studied sound and how different instruments effect / affect the body (physically and emotionally so I am using both spellings of the word). I have worked with sound and lighting experts gathering lots of information to create the Harmonic Egg. When you compress a CD into an MP3 format you lose much of the quality, frequencies, musical information, etc.  Compression changes the original intent of how the music was intended to be enjoyed. MP3s are for convenience so you can fit 1,000 songs on your MP3 player. It’s quite complicated, but easy to understand once you hear the difference. Based on my experience, two previous technologies both use compressed music. The Harmonic Egg uses the higher quality CD resolution giving the body and nervous system a purer listening experience. There is a difference!!!!  Then there was the investigation for the right speakers, subwoofer, amplifier and player for the music. Sound systems are not all created equal; the components have to all play nicely together. For example, there are surround amplifiers and integrative amplifiers and subwoofers that have speakers on the side and the bottom versus just the bottom or just the side. Speakers have different elements that make them relevant for different applications. The sound system was the second most important consideration after designing the structure and shape of the Harmonic Egg.

Oh, not to mention the search for the right kind of music to use and the right tones and instruments and frequencies. This is something I have been studying for six years. It’s important to consider:  Who is the artist? What is their intention of the music? I learned so much about selecting music…testing and seeing how clients respond to the music and paying attention to the sound quality and frequencies. These are important details that effect / affect the clients’ response in the Harmonic Egg. Next there is the light therapy. I think in the future we will get more and more sophisticated technologies, but for now we do know that different light frequencies are effective / affective for healing. For example, if you are a woman with a lot of yeast infections this can be due to an imbalance in the body (specifically the sacral chakra), and using orange light and the instrument of the flute can help bring that back into balance. This is the type of training I never received with the two previous technologies, but after studying for the past ten years I can offer this type of training with the Harmonic Egg. Many lighting systems don’t give you the full color spectrum of lights. It took me about eight months of research to choose the lights and the right type of remote to control the lights and light settings. We can’t forget about the chair for the client while they are in a session. I searched the world over for a chair that reclines at the right angle for the best results in the Harmonic Egg. It also had to meet the criteria for size and comfort for so many shapes and sizes of clients. It was a matter of thinking about how the client would feel and how the technician putting them in for a session would be able to comfortably and easily support the client. Every thought and idea for the Harmonic Egg was well thought out for both the client and the center owner or technician from the complexity of the technologies used, effectiveness, to the ease of setup and use, cost and comfort.

How long does a client need to stay in the chamber, the protocol? We are using 40 minutes and then the POWERFUL 10 minutes of silence in the chamber to integrate the session. It’s truly an amazing experience! I read a white paper in 2016 that came out of Feiburg, Germany. It described the use of deep relaxing music to help patients heal and they discovered a period of 6.5 minutes of silence helped integrate the healing, so I adopted that discovery and added a few extra minutes because I feel the silence is important and more was needed. If you have read anything about chiropractic care and its beginnings, there are accounts where the doctor was trained to ensure the patient rests at the office for a short time to help the adjustment integrate and set into the body. Integration of all these modalities that people do these days is so very important.  I give the analogy of digesting food. You don’t eat a salad and then when you are full go eat a sandwich and then pile another salad on top of that… do you? No! You let the first salad digest and “integrate” with your body before moving on to a sandwich later in the day or the next day.  Energy work is the same…you must let one modality digest before you “feed” it more. We recommend, for chronic conditions, doing 3-10 sessions in a short period of time.  Say once a week to reset / retrain the old patterns and conditions.  After that we reevaluate for future use.  You might then join the membership as a once a month maintenance to keep up with the energy.  Everyone is different and we talk to you about your unique situation ad desired health goals.  I do phone consults, for an additional charge, to help you navigate diet and other factors. Finally, I did think about and tried aromatherapy in the room for the clients. The determination thus far is that it’s a bit of sensory overload for many clients. It might be something to use on a case-by-case basis, but as of now I am not using it. There are so many clients with neurological issues and chemical sensitivities I just don’t think it’s needed nor will it make the sessions more effective. So, that’s the story of the Harmonic Egg and why I created it! If you have any questions or would like to learn more you can contact me. In gratitude, Gail Lynn Read the full article

[harmonicegg-blog]

Why did I create the Harmonic Egg?

Why the Harmonic Egg?

It’s been the question of the day since I announced the creation in July, 2017. I have been studying sound and light therapies and healing for eight years. I have owned and operated my own healing center during this time and observed the effects of several therapies on clients’ health and well-being. I have owned and operated two technologies of sound and light chambers. I created the Harmonic Egg as a new and innovative, next generation healing chamber based on my observations of clients before and after sessions, research on the modality, reading books from experts in the industry, white paper studies and collaboration with the medical community.  The Harmonic Egg is a large ellipse (egg shape) where the client reclines inside the “egg” or chamber in a chair. We are getting great feedback thus far and continue to do research. It was not easy to build this unit. The materials used are natural. It was a challenge to find materials that could bend in the shape of an ellipse to form an egg. Plus, we had to create a chamber that resonated the sound in a holographic-like micro-environment. Instead of hearing the sound from a speaker, you hear it in what I think is its natural broadcast. It’s super fun! Sometimes I hear the sound above my head and I know there are not any speakers above my head. The angles, the ratios and all the other concepts we use in this Harmonic Egg is proprietary information, but it was well thought out and evolved from ancient teaching and texts. The best room size for the Harmonic Egg is 14×14. It took about almost a year from start to finish to create the first prototype that is now operational at Life Center in Westminster, Colorado. One of the issues I observed with the previous technologies was sound distortion. In the previous chambers, automotive type round speakers are used beneath a thick foam pad where the client lies flat during sessions.  There is cubic air space under the speakers, but I don’t believe it’s the proper cubic air space for the rating of the speakers. I always felt there was a lot of distortion from the music having to come through a foam pad. Our nervous systems tend to take distortion and make up “data” to fill in gaps to process information. My experience and research led me to realize that I wanted to get the purest sound and little to no distortion, hence another reason for the Harmonic Egg. Let me mention here that lying flat for some clients is not comfortable nor relaxing. Clients have neck and back issues and want pillows and bolsters as props for comfort. In addition, some clients have a hard time rolling up from a flat position to exit the chamber. The Harmonic Egg uses a reclining chair and has been much more comfortable for clients. There is also the issue of the music that is being played. Over the years, I have studied sound and how different instruments effect / affect the body (physically and emotionally so I am using both spellings of the word). I have worked with sound and lighting experts gathering lots of information to create the Harmonic Egg. When you compress a CD into an MP3 format you lose much of the quality, frequencies, musical information, etc.  Compression changes the original intent of how the music was intended to be enjoyed. MP3s are for convenience so you can fit 1,000 songs on your MP3 player. It’s quite complicated, but easy to understand once you hear the difference. Based on my experience, two previous technologies both use compressed music. The Harmonic Egg uses the higher quality CD resolution giving the body and nervous system a purer listening experience. There is a difference!!!!  Then there was the investigation for the right speakers, subwoofer, amplifier and player for the music. Sound systems are not all created equal; the components have to all play nicely together. For example, there are surround amplifiers and integrative amplifiers and subwoofers that have speakers on the side and the bottom versus just the bottom or just the side. Speakers have different elements that make them relevant for different applications. The sound system was the second most important consideration after designing the structure and shape of the Harmonic Egg.

Oh, not to mention the search for the right kind of music to use and the right tones and instruments and frequencies. This is something I have been studying for six years. It’s important to consider:  Who is the artist? What is their intention of the music? I learned so much about selecting music…testing and seeing how clients respond to the music and paying attention to the sound quality and frequencies. These are important details that effect / affect the clients’ response in the Harmonic Egg. Next there is the light therapy. I think in the future we will get more and more sophisticated technologies, but for now we do know that different light frequencies are effective / affective for healing. For example, if you are a woman with a lot of yeast infections this can be due to an imbalance in the body (specifically the sacral chakra), and using orange light and the instrument of the flute can help bring that back into balance. This is the type of training I never received with the two previous technologies, but after studying for the past ten years I can offer this type of training with the Harmonic Egg. Many lighting systems don’t give you the full color spectrum of lights. It took me about eight months of research to choose the lights and the right type of remote to control the lights and light settings. We can’t forget about the chair for the client while they are in a session. I searched the world over for a chair that reclines at the right angle for the best results in the Harmonic Egg. It also had to meet the criteria for size and comfort for so many shapes and sizes of clients. It was a matter of thinking about how the client would feel and how the technician putting them in for a session would be able to comfortably and easily support the client. Every thought and idea for the Harmonic Egg was well thought out for both the client and the center owner or technician from the complexity of the technologies used, effectiveness, to the ease of setup and use, cost and comfort.

How long does a client need to stay in the chamber, the protocol? We are using 40 minutes and then the POWERFUL 10 minutes of silence in the chamber to integrate the session. It’s truly an amazing experience! I read a white paper in 2016 that came out of Feiburg, Germany. It described the use of deep relaxing music to help patients heal and they discovered a period of 6.5 minutes of silence helped integrate the healing, so I adopted that discovery and added a few extra minutes because I feel the silence is important and more was needed. If you have read anything about chiropractic care and its beginnings, there are accounts where the doctor was trained to ensure the patient rests at the office for a short time to help the adjustment integrate and set into the body. Integration of all these modalities that people do these days is so very important.  I give the analogy of digesting food. You don’t eat a salad and then when you are full go eat a sandwich and then pile another salad on top of that… do you? No! You let the first salad digest and “integrate” with your body before moving on to a sandwich later in the day or the next day.  Energy work is the same…you must let one modality digest before you “feed” it more. We recommend, for chronic conditions, doing 3-10 sessions in a short period of time.  Say once a week to reset / retrain the old patterns and conditions.  After that we reevaluate for future use.  You might then join the membership as a once a month maintenance to keep up with the energy.  Everyone is different and we talk to you about your unique situation ad desired health goals.  I do phone consults, for an additional charge, to help you navigate diet and other factors. Finally, I did think about and tried aromatherapy in the room for the clients. The determination thus far is that it’s a bit of sensory overload for many clients. It might be something to use on a case-by-case basis, but as of now I am not using it. There are so many clients with neurological issues and chemical sensitivities I just don’t think it’s needed nor will it make the sessions more effective. So, that’s the story of the Harmonic Egg and why I created it! If you have any questions or would like to learn more you can contact me. In gratitude, Gail Lynn Read the full article