#its not even a uniform im just autistic

[vlasdygoth]

ootd drawings except you wear basically the same thing to work every day like a cartoon character

[thebigcomed0wn]

im crying someone said "listen to machine girl" on a post saying nin isnt weird offputting music. Dude machine girl is practically the lofi of hardcore. Also have you heard anything that isn't Closer

[lightyaoigami]

.

[t-mblr-begone]

HI I JUST FINISHED TNG AND AM AUTISTIC I NEED TO TALK (warning long ass post, ramblings)

Q in his stupid fucking judge outfit???? Oh my god i love him so much?? And like?? I dont even think he wanted to put picard on trial at the end he says it was the continuums orders so did he even want to do that too him? Who knows!! We do know hes gay as shit though oh my god. I love him.

The past, the Encounter At Farpoint, picard yelling for Q on the bridge and everyone probably thinking hes insane. Picard not telling any of them whats going on, even though it doesnt affect the other timelines. Tasha Yar???? Hi Tasha!!!!!! Worf with his old sash, the old uniforms, the shitty dress deanna wore in the first episode (it slayed), data being. So autistic. Liek actually hold on can i talk about tha

This episode, with all its converging timelines, really shows how data grows- not just as a character just in general, as the years go by on the ship, he starts understanding idioms, somewhat. He. He gets more human. He really does. His movements more fluid, hes smarter. He really does grow, something about his neural net constantly evolving or something. Oh my god.

The shitty future?? Worf liking Deanna Romantically Cannon??? Riker was still holding on to the relationship this whole time?? (I never noticed really. Im. Autistic.) PICARD AND CRUSHER GOT MARRIED. And then divorced BUT STILL. Picard back on earth?? Tending to what i can only assume to be grape plants or something, like his brother. Data teaches at Cambridge. He has grey hair, thinks it makes him more distinguished. Geordi has eyes! Like in two different timelines he has eyes.

Thats another thing actually, like i could have sworn at least in the earlier seasons, he didnt want. Eyes? I thought?? But like. It seems like a minor Thing, cause it showed up in that one Riker Gets Kidnapped By A Child Alien Because Its Lonely episode. And again here, and probably other places i can't remember because ive consumed all of tng in 2 months.

The present. I dont have shit to say about that actually. It sure is season 7.

OH MY GOD THE BEGINNING OF THW EPISODE BEFORE Q REAVEALS HIMSELF?? How we dont know if he Is travelling through time or if hes Going Senile. The cuts?? I mean the cuts through the whole episode is so good the cinematography in general!!!! Oh my god. The close ups, the panning, THE ACTING?? TASHA YAR??? EARLY WORF? OLD WORF? I like worf. GEORDI? DATA???? love brett spiner.

And i mean who remembers the judge scene from the first episode at this point? The foreshadowing with the jury(?)/audience(?) i didnt even. Realize until they put Picard on the stand again.

DEANNA BEING FUCKING DEAD IN THE FUTURE HELLO?????????????

Oh my god but the end scene. The end shot of the poker game? Imagine seeing the future, all your friends, drifted apart, tense at each other with worf and riker. Seeing that. And then coming back to reality, to Your Time. And seeing your friends as they are right then. Why didnt picard join them for poker?

No like actually. Did. Did he have a reason for that? Some like, weird captain thing? Or like. Some weird barrier wall thing? Thing where he feels like he should isolate himself.

But the point is, he joins his friends for some poker, i dont think he had probably played poker in years. Its just. Amazing.

You know. I think this is one of the first times ive seen her again and not cried, which is progress because every other time it was. Not great.

But now that tngs over

Hey does tumblr have a word limit? We're about to find out.

But now that tngs over, theres still a lot i have to ask. Like why the fuck did they do that to wesley? Do we see wesley again? Is still dont know who b-4 is. Whats Ro doing now? Is she good? Do we see her again? Does she know kira? Do ro and kira meet? Probably not actually. Itd probably be cool though. Do worf and deanna get married? Please. I ne- oh wait no they cant bc worf has a thing with jadzia at some point. What the fuck is up with worf and jadzia? And also where is alexander now? When does worf join ds9? Probably season 3 idk. Or Barclay? Cheif o'brien? Cause the show ran concurrently for a bit. WHY DONR WORF AND DEANNA GET MARRIED THEYRE LIKE PERFECT???? What the fuck is that guy with the ears damar? Gamar? I think its damar? Idk. Why he look like that? IS RO GOING TO DIE??

Oh hey i get to meet sisko, hes cool. He gets like visions or some shit. Q doesnt like him i think "picard never hit me ):" "im not picard."

Q and Quark. Odo and Q. Do we get to see the cunty judge outfit again? Why does he have a mustache when hes boxing sisko or whatever?

OH I GET TO SEE FUCK ASS DUKAT THEOW DARTS AT HIM EVIL. Fun.

Okay yeah im done

[mxboxlocks]

yes im vagueing about a moot i love seeing different interpretations of red/blu mercs dawg. ugnngiggug. /gen gen gen

clone teams? diff people just uncannily similar looking? I LOVE IT ALL!! ITS ALL SO GOOD!!!!

if u want to see my personal ramblings pls click clasck

are you still here. ok good.

HUAGHAGHUUAHGGHHBGG!!!!!!!

so as for the canon of the game/comics its clear theres different sets of teams. i promise this is relevant

Team Echelon. Team Citadel. Team Vanguard. and of course, Team Fortress.

on team fortress, there's 9 other unnamed mercenaries that we don't know the identities of. and according to the update/mvm comics (plus the mvm trailers) the 9 mercenaries we DO know are scattered across RED and BLU. they are not all on the same team like they are in the mainline comics or in shorts like expiration date.

well. why is that

sure you could say "eh for things like mvm its more narratively compelling if both BLU and RED team up to fight the robots, since canonically Blutarch and Redmond, their bosses, are dead. wtf would they fight for" and yknow for a moment i would agree with you but let me get autistic for a sec

look at the language cheavy uses here in this panel

"All she had left was you rejects."

that's not just bully talk or anything, this is intentional. even with the way Saxton Hale treats Team Fortress reflects this

Bidwell's Big Plan, page 04

and even here in the main comics:

A Cold Day in Hell, page 03

they're rejects. quite literally. they get bottom of the barrel weapons, uniforms, food, even for Mann Co..

i'm of the personal belief that the 9 unnamed mercenaries and the teufort 9 are constantly being either exchanged in the unnamed cases, or transferred across team RED and BLU appropriately. autobalanced. some mercenaries have been on certain teams longer than others, like BLU Soldier and RED Demoman YEAH THAT'S RIGHT THIS ROLLS RIGHT BACK TO WAR UPDATE BABY FUCK YOU YOU CANT ESCAPE IT

but the reason i say this is because before the events of the animated shorts (excluding meet the team) or the mainline comics, i have a headcanon the teufort 9 were giving the nameless mercs too much trouble for what they were worth, so they just shoved them all together on the same team, hoping they would just kind of fight it out like pathetic rabid dogs.

what ended up happening was these losers formed the strongest found-family bonds in the history of the universe.

demo and soldier in the mainline comics are still clearly very tense with one another after the events of WAR!, even though they're on the same team (or lack thereof rather). WAR! is still very much canon past the update comics. this is my excuse for changing team colors on their ship and calling it the same people constantly

ANYWAYS yeah. tldr: the mercs are autobalanced a lot and i think there's canonical evidence to prove it . this and clone teams are very near and dear to my heart

[antiradqueer]

i'm an ex radqueer. (you likely know who i am, we share a server on discord, just anonymous for comfort reasons)

they made me into a worse person. everything had to be a transid. i think sleepy people are cute, so i was transnarcolepsy. i was transnpd because i didn't realize i actually had npd. i liked my autism, so i was "transseverity"- i didn't actually want worse autism, i just wished i could publicly be autistic and not have to mask, but they encouraged me making every tiny thing about myself a transid. they promoted unhealthy coping mechanisms like delusions. i was in a radqueer dating server(it was later deleted) that said in the rules they "would not stop" relationships between minors and adults. there were 13-14 year olds in that server.

it was so toxic. and the mindset was so hard to get out of. i hated myself so i wanted to be a completely different person. i even convinced myself i was a willogenic system (i am now endo neutral because i'm a singlet and it's not my place to take a side) and every time i'd feel like i didn't want to be myself, i'd pretend so hard to be someone else that i believed i was actually them. unsurprisingly, once i realized it probably wasnt real, the "switches" stopped immediately.

i saw a person in the server draw art of herself with a n*zi sw*stika on her green uniform because she was transn*zi. and no one seemed to have an issue with it.

only after i left the community did i realize how fucked up i had been. i looked at my little cousins and realized how horrible it had been for me to ever think they could CONSENT. i'm anti-ageism but kids cannot fucking consent to sex or any type of nonplatonic relationship(except for romantic ones with people at their age and developmental level). i felt horrible that the community had taken the few times i'd had intrusive, distressing thoughts about being a pedophile, and made me think that because of them i was a "map".

thats sick /neg

yeah, everything to them has to be radq or a transid, theres people in those tags saying "i really like this countries culture, maybe im trans(country)!!" its like actually crazy how theyre just cool with someone just liking a culture trying to insert themselves into it too

they seem to do a lot of "oh well that means youre this transid!!!" or "oh thats not abuse thays normal!!!" which is how i think they rope minors and/or more vulnerable people into their shit

[alltimewhat]

not to be autistic but the lambert+ripley "were meant to be a couple" post bugs me because as far as i know it's not true. lambert IS trans and it IS shown onscreen in aliens, but ripley was not written as a man (the script was written unisex), and canonically has a husband and child at home (though that doesn't necessarily Negate anything, it also isn't a point Towards them being a couple). the "rainbows" on their uniforms are the uscss nostromo mission patches- every character within the movie wears one, and they all feature the "rainbow" (it's actually just red, orange, and yellow with a purple outline on a lighter blue background). brett literally wears his on his hat.

like im not Mad about it really but this movie means a lot to me and i dont want people to get the wrong impression of it. lambert and ripley dont even interact all that much within the film. though as far as i know there is some homoeroticism between ripley 8 and call in alien resurrection (which i haven't seen yet), i just think its important to correct things that are being passed around as truth when there's not much evidence to them being true. to clarify idc if people ship ripley+lambert like thats fine i just dont like that its being passed off as The Truth

[number1weirdo2010]

The Prison of education

hey guys ! so i am if you don't already know a Non-binary , bisexual , dyslexic and autistic person . I want to be a writer of some sort in my spare time so I decided to practise on tumblr . please no hate Im trying my best and trying to share my experence of bulling and homophobia while expresing my imagination thru characters anyway thanks for reading and any requests or advise on writing please don't hesitate to ask !

!!! warning: mention of su!c!de thoughts , bullying : !!!!!

im going to write this in the first person but i will be changing a few names for privacy purposes!

5:30am alarm is blaring , i can feel the damp whether without even looking out the curtain it's time to get out of my bed . which for me is one of the hardest tasks of the day as all i want to do i stay in my warm, comfortable bed and sleep away any of my worry's . Although I know i cant do that . My legs are heavy like 50 pound weights , my head is banging and throbing with a headache that feels like a strong wave forcing me back down to the pillow . I have to resit . I look in the mirror and instantly feel this rage of gender dismorphia , ARE YOU A GIRL , ARE YOU A BOY , PICK A SIDE , U DONT DESERVE TO LIVE . i force my self to block it out with the blast of music in my headphones . i pick up my toothbrush , on goes the toothpaste and into my mouth . some people don't like the mint flavor , i hate it but some times i feel like i deserve the burn . I put on some shorts and a baggy t-shirt , trainers on and out for a run by 6:00am.

home a 7:00am still hate the way i look but i have no more time to work on it now i have to shower and pack my things for school. Now second battle of the day breakfast or no breakfast ? It's the only thing i can control , to make myself look thin or more masc at this point I do not know so to make my life slightly easier i skip it . I kiss my mum on the head tell her Im ok and that i will see her later . i open and close my door , hands shaking i lock using my old , rusty key . choking back tears i think un my head what will they say today , my hair ? The way i wear my uniform ? What bag i choose to wear ? my sexuality ? my gender confusion ? the reading book ? what i eat ? the list goes on . standing at the gate , there it is .

The Prison of Education .

greeted by the teachers i put on my mask , my virtual mask , a smile. time for form , i can just about stand up let alone walk to the 3rd floor. I must not let anyone know how i feel so . I smile.

i open my form room door slowly to be greeted with a perverted form room teacher , laughter and sniggering . I suddenly feel overwhelmed as if i want to die on the spot as if i want the floor to eat me whole as if i didn't exsist so that these bully's wouldn't have to put them selfs out to bully me . there i go again trying to make THERE lives easy with me not in it . i sit down in my seat , sweating , holding my breath as if if i exhale ill be shot on the spot which at this point i wish would happen . time passes while i feel like im going to pass out . i can feel them staring at me , all of them there judgemental eyes trying to figure out what i am . well i don't even know myself . 2 lessons pass and now its break time and ofcorse as i step out the classroom there they all are , all 13 of them . im backed into a corner where i am verbally , mentally abused but hey it's just me im fine i should be used to it by now . the minuetes go by i feel trapped until i finally break down . crying , i can't breathe , alone .

finally the end of the day all i want to do is go home and lay under the covers . I know i cant , i have to help my mum she has enough to worry about DON'T TELL HER but i know she will make me feel better either way .

a bit of time with my mum later and im back in the same place . the mirror , judgeing , hating on myself but hey tommorow is a new day right a new day of struggles .

the end... For now .

thanks so much guys for reading i understand it's a bit dark and i do apologise but i wanted to spread awarness or bulling and the affects of it on surtain people please dont hate on puntuallity and spelling im trying my best many thanks

Heidi (liam xoxo ) !

[cringedog]

ahem. ok. even tho in terms of like why im insane about this game its two characters specifically but in all honesty the entire series kind of makes me autistic . so heres a basic overview of kingdom hearts. there's technically . uhm. 13? games in the series total. in release order (which is the order ppl recommend playing in) its

Kingdom Hearts.

Kingdom Hearts: Re:Chain of Memories.

Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days

Kingdom Hearts Birth By Sleep

Kingdom Hearts Re:Coded

Kingdom Hearts 3D: Dream Drop Distance

Kingdom Hearts X (pronounced cross, also referred to as back cover tho that may be a different game/movie entirely)

Kingdom Hearts Birth by Sleep: Fragmentary Passage

Kingdom Hearts III

theres other games like dark road and melody of memory but for the sake of this ask we are only going to go over kh1's plot n characters and im not even going to explain the timeline order . ok here we go.

^ this is the destiny trio. from left to right its kairi (redhead), sora (brunet), and riku (white/silver hair). these guys are, essentially, the main characters of kh1 and are plot essential for every game following. sora is the main player character for a majority of the games.

these guys live in a world called the destiny islands, hence why they're called destiny trio by the fandom. sora n riku are born residents but kairi washed up on the shore of one of the islands when she was younger. shes technically from a different world called radiant garden but i don't think anyone finds that out until birth by sleep so its not relevant.

the plot of kh1 is this. these guys are tired of living on the same islands so they want to leave n find new worlds. they make a raft together so they can sail off into the ocean together. whilst making the raft kairi suggests to sora that they leave together n leave riku behind. sort of. its kind of vague whether or not she actually wants to leave him behind.

however, the night before the three of them plan to leave, the world is plunged into darkness. sora finds riku and riku has like kind of gone insane. these guys are like 13 btw. riku goes to fight sora and whilst fighting sora summons a weapon called the keyblade.

^ side note about this fucking guy . in the first game its kind of implied that only one person can wield The Keyblade, but this is later retconned as legions of people are revealed to have wielded different keyblades through history. a lot of them look really different except in a certain point in history a lot of the keyblades had a uniform look to them to save up on resources. this is dark road/union cross nonsense so don't worry about it i just think its silly

anyways. moving on. after getting the keyblade riku vanishes so sora goes to find kairi who in a cave that the two of them used to play in as kids. sora goes to reach for her but the island basically explodes, so she vanishes as well. turns out her heart (which is essentially the equivalent of a soul in this universe) just fused into sora's but that's a later reveal so don't worry about it. sora gets knocked out but wakes up in a new world called traverse town, which is essentially like. a life boat for people who's worlds have been destroyed by darkness.

sora is woken up by pluto the dog who came to traverse town with donald and goofy. mickey in this universe is the king of a world and donald is his royal mage n goofy is his knight. they came here in search of the keyblade under mickey's request. mickey himself is off in search of the door to darkness. again you truly do not need to worry about this until later so we're moving on again.

goofy and donald decide to team up with sora since sora has the keyblade, and the two of them help sora travel to different disney worlds to search for kairi n riku. turns out riku was found by maleficent, yes the real ass maleficent, and she's essentially gaslit him into believing that sora doesn't care for him or kairi. meanwhile kairi's soul/heart is in sora but her body is fine, just empty n lifeless. this is because kairi is a princess of heart which means shes made out of pure light and cannot fall to darkness. (dying in this universe means u turn into a heartless, a creature whos sole purpose is to obtain a heart. later on we are introduced to nobodies, who are the empty shell of a person, who also want hearts. yes its confusing. don't worry about it.) riku is keeping kairi's body safe until he can get her heart back ig.

the disney worlds are interesting but overall not crucial to the main plot. in this game the big disney villains (jafar, oogy boogy, ursula, etc) are trying to Get You but again not crucial. the main point is that the princess from each world (jasmine, belle, ariel, alice from wonderland is there even tho shes not a princess) are also princess of heart like kairi and the villains need their hearts for . something. i think its to open the door to darkness i cannot remember. anyway.

at the end of the game sora donald and goofy have to fight dragon maleficent n its treated like the final boss until whoops tricked you. now you have to fight riku. except riku is possessed by someone named ansem seeker of darkness whos been foreshadowed this entire game to be the mastermind behind why the worlds are being plunged into darkness. except no he's not bc in a later game its revealed that ansem sod is actually a heartless of the real ansem. its really stupid.

possessed riku is defeated but they still need to bring back kairi so sora stabs himself to release both his heart n kairi's. sora becomes a heartless temporarily but kairi brings him back with her princess of heart powers. but now sora n the gang need to close the door to darkness to seal the darkness away forever n bring back all of the dead/dying worlds

they struggle to close it until wow look at that the real riku is on the other side of the door!!! him and mickey mouse, whos also revealed at the very last second of the fucking game, close the door on their side, trapping them in the realm of darkness. kairi is sent back to destiny islands, while sora, donald, and goofy are sent to a place called the land of departure, as they still need to find and bring riku and mickey back from the realm of darkness. this leads into re:chain of memories which is an insane game in of itself.

but this ask is way too long already so. uhm. anyways. there's things i skipped out on like how traverse town is run by squall leonheart and aerith gainsborough of final fantasy fame, or how the only character to like actually real life die in this entire series is kerchak from tarzan which only shows up in the first kh game and never again bc square enix couldn't get the rights back to use it again. this series is so fucking silly.

i had such a good time reading this ask. grips keyboard withmy fist

[theunconcernedembalmer]

not rlly an ask or anything but just??? i love how you portray aesop sm aaaaa the size of your BRAIN is HUGEEE and your art is so cute?? thank u sm for all the work you put into this blog it rlly shows

hi every time i hear someone loves my portrayal of aesop i cry a little thank you for the sweet validation kadjgfkagskf OK BUT SERIOUSLY thank you so so much for this message and your support it really means so much ;^;

i think aesop is a super interesting morally flawed and super tragic character and i love him so much so its really heartening to know that im doing him justice because. you know how aesop fans have That Reputation of being annoying fujoshis, and the more i spend time on twitter the more i agree with that... its honestly so hard to find good aesop content when what you get is the severe woobifying/ shipping in the fandom... what have you done to my son...... i dont use twitter anymore btw HAHAHAH i just want to take all of that bs out and really delve into his individual personality properly

but yes thank you so much for this for liking my art and my blog maybe i really do put in too much effort into my stuff sometimes but sometimes i get messages like this n its just really nice. thank you so much again and i hope you’ll enjoy your stay here on my humble blog uwu

[minamotoz]

my hbo degrassi wishlist bc i have a Lot of thoughts about it

• i want them to bring back fictional bands like gourmet scum or dead hand, maybe even release a song like they did with paisley jacket

• better neurodiverse rep, especially autism. no offense to my boy connor, i love him and hes one of my favorites, but he definitely feels like a stereotype more than anything and in his later seasons they treat him like a child and characters have to explain concepts like suicide and racism to him, despite him being 16-18 . i hope if they introduce an autistic character, they dont talk down to them like they did with connor.

• idk how possible this will be, but i want them to bring back major characters acting as background characters like they do in degrassi classic. also, but likely even less possible, it would be cool if the child actors could give feedback on the scripts to make things more realistic like they did with DJH/DH. idk i just think everything about the way degrassi classic incorporated the actors into almost every aspect of production is so cool

• i want characters with more relatable interests. i want characters who are into music without being musicians, or characters into drawing or anime or something. idk maybe this is just bc im a terminally online loser with no real life, but its kinda embarrassing when the character whos interests are the most relatable to me is the bigoted, almost a school shooter incel.

• look, im a NC apologist until i die, but i hope the way they go about writing social issues into the show is less... idk.. on the nose than NC was??? like yeah cool lets talk about feminism and how the internet dogpiles women for having harmless opinions, but the entire thing with maya and the feminist club vs the gamers was so over the top and all the characters, especially goldi, felt like caricatures. later parts of NC got back on the right track with more nuanced topics in a less cheesy way (saads story arc in NC4 my beloved <3) but it was a bit too little too late.

• i want the show to incorporate the cultures of the characters into their stories more. like, im somali and hazel is literally the only explicit somali rep ive ever seen that isnt a stereotype, and her culture and background is only mentioned ONCE (she isnt even played by a somali actor which Sucks but also isnt andrea lewis' fault) and degrassi is a pretty diverse show, so it really sucks that very few characters of color have had their cultures explored.

• hottest take of all time: I DO NOT WANT THE OLD CHARACTERS TO HAVE MAJOR ROLES. the amount of people who say that this new show should be a reunion for the earliest TNG cast do not understand the purpose of degrassi as a franchise at all and its baffling to me. it would be cool to have maybe a couple of characters show up but i dont want the show to have storylines about adult characters bc 1. thats not what degrassi is about and 2. it was boring 80% of the time TNG did it. i dont want a spemma divorce storyline, i dont want any character that isnt snake and maybe marco to come back (and i single out marco bc hes one of the only characters that would make sense for them to come back as a teacher). let the show be about a new generation of kids like degrassi has always been about.

• now this may come off as contradictory to what i just said, but i want references to past seasons and characters. i want someone to be like 'isnt it so weird that this school has so many famous alumni like craig manning or manny santos haha' or 'this school is cursed didnt you hear like 5 students have died here' or 'my cousin went here like 10 years ago did you know degrassi had uniforms at one point' idk it would be funny. hell it doesnt have to be dialogue it could be easter eggs in the background like the jt yorke memorial garden or how NC had posters for romeo and jules and captain who in the background

• a trans character who explores multiple different identities before settling on one. no offence to adam and yael, theyre both great, but adam came into the show with his identity already figured out and it took yael one episode of exploring their gender to find an identity they feel comfortable in, and thats fine! but i think it would be cool if we had a trans character who tried different labels and pronouns before settling on one they thought was right, maybe in a multiple episode arc. mainly just bc i know that not every trans person instantly knows what they are. on the topic of trans characters, maybe cast trans actors this time ????

[helmarok]

naw i feel like crap so im just gonna list my jimmy james headcanons straight up

⬇️mental illness under the cut⬇️

they're bi and nonbinary/genderfluid. they go by any pronouns and mostly prefer he/they but will also at times be fine with or even prefer she/her

they're italian/japanese (or whatever tf kinda pokemon equivalent?????😭)

he is autistic and has ocd as well, which with his ocd he will usually horde things he doesnt need like soda tabs (not the same as collecting tho)

he loves soda but especially purple soda

he also loves many other "grape" flavored things that taste like purple and its their favorite flavor of candy

speaking of candy they also love it a lot and fill their pockets with as much as possible

they collect many other things besides whats shown in canon. he collects and always wears funky socks, and likes keeping pretty stones too

they eventually get growlie back from the estate and travels with him. one fay when the trio was out, an incident happened at home with morpeko rummaging around that ended up in growlie evolving, but he doesnt have a problem with it. he is happy being used as a ride pokemon and even a bed for meowth and jessie and james' pokemon

not exactly james specifically but growlie's pokeball is a luxury ball, but he's not in it all that often unless the trio is traveling around, and a giant arcanine following you everywhere while u work is kind of a pain

james is usually the one to give meowth his kitty medicine, brush his fur, polish his charm, etc. they always do it with a lot of care so meowth is comfortable

meowth also rubs up against james and sits on his shoulders/lap or in their arms to calm their anxiety

james was around 15-16 when they ran away from home and was found by and lived with an old lockpicker until he joined team rocket. this was in the same town with the bike gang and jessie and stuff to fill that hole 💀

the old man gave james his ring he considered to be lucky, and james is always wearing it as a necklace even underneath his uniform

this is more-so canon based on multiple episodes. but they are a terrible money spender as a bad habit from when they were younger and could just blow their shitty dad's money on any random thing

they are very good at random things like dancing, gardening, lockpicking, etc. but are half decent at actual life skills like cooking and driving. even several years after the "i should get a license" joke, he still does not have a license and has crashed cars outside of incidents trying to steal pokemon

james also matches outfits a lot with meowth outside of canon. he will buy an outfit for himself then pull a tiny version out of the bag for his buddy

he is really close with wobbuffet too, and actually sleeps on wobbuffet a lot like in that one SM league episode. wobbuffet is also very shaped and like a giant stress ball when needed

in their spare time, they love to read, write poems, polish off their collections, and make crafts using recycled materials. they also tidying up and organizing when in the mood, which is an endless job living with jessie and meowth

I ALWAYS HAVE TONS OF THESE SO there will be more for sure i just had to get this out in a place where i can say whatever without spamming or being off topic and whatnot

[tobebugjewce]

THE WALTEN FILES: my jumbled notes on my blind run-in with this web series

first off this is gonna be long and unorganized, also this is my second time writing this as i had lost literally half of my progress and im This (imagine two fingers almost touching with a 0.0000000001mm distance between them) close to ripping all of the fucking hair out of my goddamn head. but now this will be extra long and yes, i will lose some accuracy to my first writing but thats okay ill probably edit this a kajillion times over

which brings me to my next tangent; im literally braindumping here. so to have a smidge of organization all afterthoughts, edits and corrections will be boldened, i forgot what im gonna do with italicized text but ill probably bolden it here yeah im pretty sure its for side tangents, separate from Corrections, which are in bold. also theyre for emphasis too.

so in general, this post right here is all of my notes i wrote down on my grid-patterned sticky notes (which i used WAYYYY too much of) about the first 3 uploaded walten files youtube videos transferred onto my handy dandy digital notebook, this b(l)og. yeppers peppers. you know im serious about this shit when i typed probably over like a thousand fucking words including boldened shit, italicized shit and motherfucking links, lost it ALL, and im sitting here re-typing it again.

i feel bad about this but im not gonna trigger warn right here, but this is technically a warning. if you want a list of triggers as to what this post (and the walten files in general) i will link a little list to that here

without further a doo doo, (mama mia) here the fucking fuck we go again.

THE WALTEN FILES - VIDEO #1

clarifying this now, im gonna put some useless shit which i thought was code onto this because even though it was useless it was part of my notes and im physically going to combust if i dont put down every single thing i wrote on my papers. so what i thought was code was in the closed captions, i started writing it down when i got to the second video but came back to my first videos notes to include them. i wrote down the first letter to every word that was capitalized in the closed captions, which i had on as a default because number one i knew going into this id need them because most web horror things like args and cryptic shit like that has some of the most crucial shits in the closed captions. number two i am autistic and have auditory processing issues and have most closed captioning on as a default if theyre available.

firstly jotted, i wrote down the closed captions “code” so im gonna put the rest here too: HYWITB(BSI)Y A(BSI)BJWFKWITW ILHHFSBBSBTLBWI USOISTBNBSFIRBCAWHSHCBWHTAIGRNB*C*BTWLTSFA(20)MCFP ILITIIACPH(1978, 1979)SA(4)YTSCH*C*OGSSU SFTGRPATDBBUTFBNLLCHMIHLBRALLCLAYTUKB*LC*WHATWASTHATTHING 

the numbers in parenthesis are there because i wasnt sure they should be included in the “code” or not. i also thought of this with the BSI - bunny smiles incorporated and also the years 1978 and 1979. the shits in asterisks are coughs and light coughs, which were capitalized in the closed captions so i included them too just in case

i then jotted, in parenthesis of course, the names of the animatronics when they were listed in the animation section of the video; bon aka the blue bunny, sha aka the sheep one, boozoo aka the clown<3 honk<33, and banny aka the purpled eyelashed up one who is also a bunny btw. also i got boozoo the clown and boozoo the mustache guy confused because apparently the clowns name is billy???? but they named “boozoo” in bons sleepover and showed the clown? idk maybe im an idiot and theyre the same or just an idiot and theyre different or a super mega (matt and ryan?!?!??) idiot in general which is probably the case

i started drawing little stars to write down things i thought would be super important or to 100% look at again. the first subject of this pointy torture was the part of the video where at 3:00, i marked it down to make sure to reverse the audio as it was most definitely a weird audio that has that signature warp-y effect that makes sure you KNOW its in reverse. i then listened back to it Very carefully (still got it wrong) and got this: “you finally start to remember. that old doll. they will look out for you soon” im also pretty sure i heard “sophie” at the end of that audio but im not entirely sure and dont remember and i dont wanna go back to check lmfao but anyways it didnt matter because i was wrong anyway. after i had finished all 3 walten files i watched the film theory video on the walten files (which didnt cover all 3 but was dece.) out of curiosity and to hear matpats signature silly little voice explain some stuff i already knew, and click some shit in my brain that i couldve thought up of if i was a bit more... i dont know honestly. anyways yeah so the actual audio is “you finally start to remember. that old day. they will look out for you soon.” so yeah. day, not doll.

i then wrote down “sarah evelyn”, the name on the bons sleepover animation (i dont remember if she created it or animated it or whatnot) and scribbled will she matter? under her name. turns out no, as i didnt see her name in the rest of the series, let alone the first video. this is also a great time to mention how matpat theory helped me realize that the walten files are collections of videos, uploaded onto youtube by anthony. (i already knew about anthony as he signed his name in the descriptions of the youtube videos, making me categorize this overall web series more into an arg type genre.) but yes, the tapes, recorded “irl” footage, animated clips, vhs tape recordings and other audio-visual content is all collected and labeled the walten files, as i had mistaken each video to be a tape. stupid me. alrighty, onward!

i starred this one, good for me; MISSING: Jack Walten LAST SEEN: 06/11/1974

i jotted down with an arrow that; sophie was a nightguard? she was wearing the uniform explained in tape 2 i dont know why but i went back into my video 1 notes after i had watched video 2. organization purposes. i guess.?? 

i then paused the video when the screen flickered a date, the beginning of video footage dated 10/10/1982 (Brian Stells?) god my little genius ass assuming the videographer was brian stells, based on the id card i saw earlier.

i then wrote down what text i saw on the dead, mangled, bloody body in the purple security suit; “i cant feel anything” “he thought i was her” then drew a little arrow pointing to; thought brian was sophie? or ashley? i also starred the name Brian Stells this is totally out of order LMFAOOOOOOOO also i wrote down ashley because, again, my little pea brain went back on my video 1 notes after watching video 2. but yep thats all i wrote for The Walten Files 1 - Company Introductory Tape

THE WALTEN FILES - VIDEO #2 

Tape #1 - created 07/02/1978

awesome how thats first and foremost in the captions. god. so sexy of you martin walls. /j /nsx

this pack of notes is chunkier because again, like i have mentioned before i am an absolute goober and thought the capitalized letters of the words would actually mean something. I MEAN MAYBE THEY DO AND IM JUST DOING IT WRONG but i stopped doing it after this video because holy shit it was exhausting and my stupid little fingers couldnt take the writing anymore becasue i am WEAK. 

so write off the bat (squeak) i wrote down 197[] the blacked out rectangle over the last digit of that year and everything im also now assuming its probably 1978 or 1974 because lore reasons but whos to say but yeah i also wrote down this;

Tape #2 - created 08/13/1978

then, straight up in the beginning of the video i caught it, the flash of text, as i had by now realized i gotta be SUPER stupid focused on the screen in case i miss anything, i wanted to be crazy precise on my theorizing and mental notes, among other things. but yes i saw it, the first half of a youtube link;  “https://youtu” 

claps hands together and rubs them evilly. oh yeah baby. thats the hot lunch. this shit right here? the cats pajamas. lets fucking go.

i wrote down this goofy shit i pasued to inspect when i saw bon sorting through a file cabinet and naturally scribbled down the labels and other written things i could see on the files; 

relocate X/X/75 felix

storage K-9 07/23/1975 felix k(ranken)

Bons Burgers 06/28/1974 Jack Walten

Shipping Service 1975

New Location -> 1982

i also wrote down more goofy shit, like when banny was created for some reason; in 1974

starred, i noted to go back and reverse the audio at 5:09, when played back, i didnt write it down so i dont remember. lmao.

i also marked to screenshot and brighten the darkened image i saw at 5:20, i was going to do it on my phone then realized i can just do it on my computer so i quickly took a screenshot, brightened it and wrote down what i saw; a missing person poster that read MISSING: SUSAN WOODINGS(?) Last seen: 1974 i was very unsure of the spelling of her last name because the image was so goddamn low quality and grainy but its what i saw. this is where tape #3 gets thrown in, which im gonna type again because i like how the formatting looks;

Tape #3 - created 07/09/1978 (BEFORE tape 2?!//1/1??? its more likely than you think)

i wrote down more dates, any dates i saw, i jotted down. i wrote; 

Technical Support 1978 

then, 

Brian Stells (for some reason i dont remember right now)

alrighty this is where the stupid capitalized letters come in, but before it looks like i vomit a keysmash time infinity on this, ill put down the little inbetween things i wrote in the midst of the caps lockalypse like timestamps and stuff, so here you go;

- Reverse at 8:16 which i did but of course didnt write down what i heard. i think it was too warbled to hear anything clear out of it, or it was just the good ol auditory processing issues fucking me over yet again. WAIT yep yes i did here it is: “rosemary would go to the restaurant every night hoping that [her] beloved husband would reappear after being missing for weeks but no response until one day [s]he heard a voice [saying] ‘i know where he is rosie’ coming from the back stage” the bracketed stuff is the corrections, i misheard the audio and thought the audio said “his”, “he” and “singing” like a nimrod

- Brighten at 10:14 which was another missing person poster, but i dont think it had any information on it because i didnt write it down, just;

- Sophie again (pic at 9:08?) (dismemberd and put in Sha) i was stupid and wrong haha idiot it was rosemary who was put in sha but anywho

i starred and underlined a huge thing i discovered which was;

- Walten had 3 kids which i dont remember how i found out but it doesnt matter, its good important info i uncovered.

- Tape #4 - Unkown Date

- recorded 07/12-07/14 1978 

- Hilary B, Ashley P & Kevin W i made sure to get these names down as soon as i saw them on screen but then realized shortly after i wouldnt really need to have it as the closed captions made sure i knew which person was talking by using their first initial (capitalized of course) before each line of text. this is the perfect time to announce the arrival of the clusterfuck of capital letters, which is going to include colons which will indicate that the letter before it is the initial of the person talking. without further aedue, here comes another chinese earthquake;

TCWTSTATO(K-9)TBSSFWFCNEHAWBSUBIUC(BSIIDC)OWHISF INBIJTILNSPL(K-9)LCSCKCCCWTTLTLITTTYROTFAJAMHPYYSTCSPMBBWSBIB H:NTPPCCK:DA:HH:YCPRPMWTCBCRAWK:JH:SYYTCPBACPSTBAWCA:TK(?):FMTTCMK:TCPNOA:DTOFK:ITNPPRA:YBUTIRRFH:HKIBESRAIA:TCK:WA:WPCCFTRRIDPEH:GGK:GPA:LKK:WA:HNCGTKMK:YH:IGKA:ESK:MFH:RK:HILRLBNTRPPUWHITRRTPEIFEPH:YWBEBPK:MAHPBTRPTRPEL(LN)HTACPKLIKHPFITSKLTKLB(LB?)ISIBSUBIPRW AEBATHSPUAICTPURTWBBRPHTRTIIIILTCITCUCCP S(bpe, be)WA”IDCPBPSIB

holy shit its finally over okay now onto some MORE of what i wrote down in between and also after that keysmash attack;

12 doors? (backrooms) 27? 26? i was unsure because ashley was unsure too lmfao

found cassette (6/11/78) <- says “discard”? yeah it did

Tape in clown audio, speaking voice; jack, susan, charles(?), rosemary, sophie, last word sounds like “walrus” it was walten lmfao

Ashley died? yeah she did lmfao OR AT LEAST I THINK SO??

starred this one, Reverse @ 17:06, then got this;

“they left the next day, they thought ashley left early, but she was in the backdoors, screaming as much as she could, but no one heard the screams, the following days the caretakers would complain about an awful smell coming from the backdoors, company decided to shut down facility until new advice, the relocate project was unsuccessful. ashley is still there, but she is not screaming anymore, she saw something she wasnt supposed to see and now shes beautiful” the phrase “shes beautiful” was repeating like a bajillion times in that wall of text. then, god motherfuckng bless: 

at 17:23 i found the other half of the youtube link, “.be/k07QqEDOfQ” i pieced that bad boy together as instant as i think any form of ramen could never be, but remained ever patient. because i made sure to jot down this before moving onto my next segment;

@ end of vid 2, “shadow man sees* me when lights go off” im an idiot *it was actually “feeds” not “sees”, which AGAIN, i only found out after watching the stupid little film theory video *begins snarling and foaming at the mouth*

okay im not proud to admit im editing this to post it and realized ive lost my notes. well. 

might as well post what ive got! if i find my shit ill add onto this, i suppose.

[micharemade]

umm for da character thing lets go with haru from p5 pls

YAAAY my best p5 girl <3

favorite thing about them: her whole aesthetic!! i basically knew she would be one of my favorites from the moment i saw her bc shes just so cute and her outfits are so good! (except the top she wears in her summer uniform i kind of hate it purple doesnt look good on her to me. i feel like its only her theme color cus it was the only one left. what were we talking abt again)

least favorite thing about them: the classic. how little screentime she gets. like idk if its a HUGE issue bc royal helped this a little bit by spreading out her appearances but it also got me fuming how sumi got an awakening in the middle of her arc. like thank you for that

favorite line: every line in strikers abt how she hates cops its just soo funny even tho they team up with a cop and makoto is right there. truly a hello kitty says acab girl

brotp: HONESTLY IDK... since she doesnt get to do much i dont rly remember any time where she like. hung out with another character that wasnt protag. i have yet to play q2 but i think she would get along well with mitsuru!

otp: i love shuharu its my fav joker x girl ship by FAR and i kind of even prefer it to okujima and other haru x girl ships. theyre a nice take on girlboss x malewife and theyre just rly in love w each other its so cute that she wants to open a cafe w him... i jsut think more ppl should date haru! i chose someone else in the ng+ playthru im doing rn and its just not the same </3

notp: if theres ppl out there who ship haru x akechi... lol

random headcanon: i like autistic haru a little <3 other than that the game didnt rly give me....... much to work with

unpopular opinion: AGAIN SHES THE BEST AVAILABLE DATING OPTION AND IM RIGHT though its upsetting she comes so late so u cant hang out w her in hawaii or anything

song i associate with them: haru beautiful everyday by momusu <3 it can be seen as kind of a cheap answer cus her name is literally in the title but i almost always think of her when i listen to cute sweet songs abt spring!

favorite picture of them: her gorgeous haregi from royal! i love my gf <3

[cruelsister-moved]

feel like im not allowed to have gender issues or whatever bc im like. gender conforming in that I'm not clearly gender non conforming and im a woman in that I'm clearly not a man but like that's. all there is to it and idk i tend to just mind my own business and respect that i don't really experience gender related distress (i do as in like. being distressed that my experiences are dominated by misogny and its like an inherently for want of a better word dysphoric experience but like the fact that im as much a woman as I am anything else)

and like i think autism impacts my experience of gender SO much and it is both bc i don't seem to really "get" gender the way it seems to mean things for allistic ppl but also like. growing up as an autistic girl is such a gendered experience. my entire childhood was looking over my shoulder wondering why I wasnt like the other girls - even from a young age my feelings of not being quite right were always measured against the other girls as a yardstick, and i built my mask based on trying to copy them.

i didn't feel this intense gender isolation around boys, I was largely indifferent to them and if anything more comfortable around them because I didn't feel the intense expectation that i was supposed to be like them, and the discomfort from feeling like i so obviously wasn't - i wasn't like them either, but it didn't cut the same because I wasn't expected to be.

being an autistic girl felt like being a person in a fursuit in a pack of actual wolves (LOL sorry for the awkward metaphor). like it was obvious what I was supposed to be but it was always artificial and deliberate and obviously performed. my girlhood was a uniform i wore to try and blend in and ultimately it was something i put on and took off while masking, and not something i ever internalised or thought about as part of my own perception of myself.

I'm never going to be able to detach my perspective of my own gender from those experiences, I'm never going to not feel it as an uniform i put on in the dark and get to school and try and figure out if everyone is looking at me funny. i know the whole "im not a man or a woman, I'm me :)" thing is so whatever but i really don't feel gender to be a discernable part of myself.

i love girly stuff and i love being a femme in a butch femme relationship but all of it feels like something very personal to me that doesnt relate to social gendering in any way at all. like being into sports is just a standalone part of you rather than a one half of a binary you sort into. like...im a girl on my own, but i feel completely out of place being a girl in relation to other girls.

bc I don't really perceive gender innately, my experience of gender is all comparative. i see the signs and the marks it leaves , rather than the thing itself as a discrete object. im aware of gender when Im comparing myself to another girl, but I feel nothing alike to her - what I'm really comparing is how we are seen by a 3rd party. do i exude the same signs as she does that mark me as "like her"?. my access to gender is indirect, interpreted through observing its secondary output from others.

ive always been aware of the autisic different understanding of gender thing but I didn't ever properly follow through on all my feelings of discomfort and realise how deeply tied gender & masking was and still is for me and I think like the experience specifically of being an autistic woman creates this very specific gender experience... this is a lot of fumbling to try and put my finger on things but autistic ppl w gender diseases I would love to hear ur thoughts 💜

i think in a lot of this i am just awkwardly trying to explain what masking is like so the tldr of this if u already know is like. for me gender is basically a part of masking which means I do have a concept of my gender but its inseparable from like. observing and mimicking to avoid the consequences of being different and not like smth i understand or internalise or feel is me or whatever?

[witchlightsands]

ur gonna take my autistic roy mustang headcanons and ur gonna LIKE THEM

this,, fucking dumbass is autistic just listen to me here

Doesn’t Know How To People

fluctuates wildly between hyperempathy (fiercely protective of people he loves) and hypoempathy (what is... this phenomenon of... relating to the tiny alchemist)

hypoempathy interpreted as just.. being an ass

worries about being called childish when he talks about something he’s passionate about to riza

deep interest in politics. im not judging his spin but i’m judging

seriously tho he was passionate enough about his interest that after like... how many fucking days. one???? he had like half of ishval’s culture memorized and you could argue it was for his job but no one memorizes that much that fast unless its special interest related come on let me have this

doesn’t know what to say in certain situations, but also acts Super Well with a script

consider.. the elizabeth scenes

also every time he pretends to be dating one of his informants?? yah that was scripted

doesn’t really... talk much sometimes. partially nonverbal? partially nonverbal

the way he played with that chess piece? stimming. he’s always snapping his fingers or like rubbing his gloves?? stimming. looking at fire? visual stim!

doesn’t know how to social interaction in a way that’s appropriate re. his ambitions

most importantly: i’m autistic and i said so

ok now that i’ve definitely Convinced you, onto the Actual Headcanons

govt official: congratulations you’ve passed your state alchemist test take these special gloves that let you snap and create flames roy: thank you roy’s brain: stim toy roy @ roy: no!

five minutes later roy, snapping repeatedly and watching the flames: stim toy

oh come on it’s a visual, auditory, AND tactile stim all at once

has more or less learned how to portray himself as a neurotypical, but it feels wrong and it’s 100% faked. he pretends he knows what to do in social situations, but really he has no idea what’s happening

one particular Tiny Alchemist keeps throwing off his routine and it’s majorly pissing him off

also, ed is also autistic (but thats a whole other post lmao) and he and roy’s stims mess each other up a lot so its Really Hard to be around each other without wanting to scream

ed: bounce the leggy roy: ur making me sad i can’t bounce the leggy i’m at work please..... 

someone: hurts riza roy: Is Murder A Socially Acceptable Response?

roy loves his gloves but Hates his uniform... gotta change it... Feels Bad Scoob

other Bad textures include: coconut, lettuce, and some kinds of yarn

oh!! and even though he hates the way his uniform feels he loves the pressure of his jacket so like... you win some you loose some

roy: EXECUTIVE DYSFUNCTION CANNOT DEFEAT ME!!! I AM UNBEATABLE!!!!  roy, two days later, laying face down on his desk: pick up the pen pick up the pen pick up the fucking pen let’s do it three two one why isn’t the pen picked up pick up the pe

volume control!!! he used to be super loud as a kid but trained himself to quiet down, but now it’s usually too quiet. can’t find that happy neurotypical-passing medium

when he gets excited he gets loud again and then he kinda. stops dead and goes nonverbal. 

someone: hey why don’t you make eye contact roy, sweating: um.

life hack- stare at their eyelashes/eyebrows/nose

roy: say it again hughes: but i’ve explained the plan five times already roy, doesn’t know how to explain he’s just. stimming. it’s a good repetitive sound: again 

had to Forcibly keep himself from doing most happy stims and now its just so ingrained into him that he hesitates even when he’s alone

honestly he’s repressed most of his stims? raptor hands, flappy hands, jumping up and down, etc etc

one of the stims he did keep tho is pacing! it makes him look busy

sits on his feet. puts the feet on the desk. sits in normal chairs but criss cross applesause

havoc: but... why roy, internally: i like the pressure. pressure stim roy, externally: i am your superior officer don’t question me

roy: wow good job me, you did A Single social interaction with a superior today roy: i will now spend the next five hours recharging

roy is covered like... head to toe in clothes All The Time its reasonable to think he doesn’t rlly like. doing the touchy feely thing

riza is the exception

has shutdowns most of the time (internal angsty dialogue) and his meltdowns usually end with someone on the wrong end of his flame gloves (see: lust and envy)

post-canon he starts opening up a little bit more about being autistic and reteaching himself how to stim and be okay with that

he and ed finally start to connect bc OOOH THATS WHY WE BOTH DO THE THING.

riza makes his entire office do like five hours of research the second he makes it public

of course she’s already known for years (birds of a feather) she’s just giving these fucking slackers a crash course

spends a good ten minutes trying to figure out a good pun with autism and alchemy and the best he can do is auchelmistic

roy has Mastered the art of balancing two fidget spinners on each middle finger. the look is completed by the tacky black and red flame patterns on the spinners. it’s for the Aesthetic.

roy is... the kind of autistic person who doesn’t understand mainstream sarcasm, but has Mastered his own particular brand of Patented Roy Mustang Sarcasm

riza: hey roy check out this cute video of hayate roy: cool roy: i’ve looked at this for five hours now

someone: having emotions roy, internally: fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

is it bc he feels the Emotion too or bc he Cant Relate? the world may never know

roy, putting all his pencils and pens in an organized fashion: :D roy, realizing this will get messed up the second his clumsy ass runs into the desk: D:

SPEAKING OF ROY’S CLUMSY ASS LMAO... has never heard of a gross motor skill in his life!!

his fine motor skills are refined af but his gross motor skills? uh

they leave something to be desired. 

someone: mentions roy’s special interest but gets One fact wrong roy, having to physically restrain himself from infodumping but can’t resist the urge to correct: . um. actually.

conversely-

winry, a much better actor than roy: i don’t really understand the system of government you’re trying to set up here? could you explain it to me? spare no detail roy’s brain: LADIES AND GENTS THIS IS THE MOMENT YOU’VE WAITED FOR

roy: i need to speak.  roy’s brain: no!!! roy: please i need to talk right now roy’s brain: too stressful!!! cannot do the stress!!!!! maybe in a day!!! roy: I DONT HAVE A DAY roy’s brain: MORE STRESS!!!!! CANNOT DO THE SPEAKING!!!! roy: AAAAAA roy’s brain:  AAAAAA

roy mostly communicates in either absolutes or jokes bc he’s trying to get people to understand him but he doesn’t understand THEM! so! joke! absolute!

someone: *tries to make eye contact with roy* roy: what the FucK is that

echolalia w/ his name

come on.... it’s a nice fuckin name

roy has a special compartment in his desk just for stim toys.

he usually doesn’t use them at work (at least not when people are watching) so when he does everyone just knows if they fuck with him he’s going to bite their head off probably

roy mustang is autistic thank you for your time