#ive been an emo since middle/high school and still am so ive been around a bit 🤣

[blueberrysan]

no bc I literally started my emo phase last year, in college, and I'm 21 now 😭 I'm so behind

omg I love that! The roles kinda reversed but it still proves the connection nonetheless 😂💙

what bands do you like?? 👀 (only if you want to answer you don't have too!!)

[bl00dybat]

kind of positive entry i guess.

i think, even though weight loss has slowed down a bit, im genuinely so excited to get smaller and feel so much happier with my body. i love seeing that your chest shrinks soo much the smaller you are and godddd i want that sooo bad. i could probably get keyhole top surgery or somethiny similar where it wont even look like i have scars at all! maybe i could go without a binder and still pass. im so so excited for that!

i can finally feel like a cute small alternative guy i am snd wanna be. im short for a guy and my bf calls me tiny all the time but its not enough because i dont *feel* tiny. when i actually am i can wear my emo hoe clothes and still look really good, like in thigh highs, crop tops, muscle shirts. xl shirts will be super baggy on me and itll look even cuter bc im so small.

i wont have to suck in or anything to feel small or like i have a flat stomach itll just..be there. ive wanted that since i first was aware i had an ed in middle school and always felt like i never achieved it, even at my lower weights. its gonna be different this time.

i havent been walking much anymore because its so fucking hot outside and i depended on it so much bc i kinda struggled with soley restricting and losing from that. im doing so much better with that and that genuinely makes me so happy!

i go back and forth between hating myself but i know there are things to love about me and im not just a bad person. one of my biggest copes has always been to change my appearance to feel more comfortable in the body ill be living it. the past few years ive started to change it a bit less because i feel like im reaching my peak, and itll be so nice to finaaally not worry about my weight anymore, and even if my weight goes up and down a bit if its around 115 i can manage it, im already at my goal so i just gotta maintain it the best i can.

i can eat foods on my metabolism days or special events and not feel fat and greedy cause literally anyone could look at me and see im not. theyll probably be happy im eating more lol ill actually feel like its ok to have little treats and not just guilt for it.

no everything wont be perfect. i got a fucking eating disorder where ill be feeling weaker but a lot of people do and manage to cope and live with it, i just got to adapt and do my best. im hoping i can control it no matter how addicting it is to keep losing. going below 100 fucking terrifies me. i never want to be in the hospital again for my ed.

i know theyre happy and proud of me for gaining but ill just feel so miserable watching myself change like that. i just want to exist in a body i like as a small guy going about his life, someday being a tattoo artist and living my dreams, all of them, i want to be exactly how ive always wanted to be, i want to heal from past traumas and feel like a person again. even if i might be objectified sometimes at least ill actually feel hot so. i jus gotta make sure i got weapons n i should be ok. im always scared of creeps. i jus want to be small and cute and ok

what matters is that i will love myself, i will still live, i will still move, i will love others, and i will be me.

[autisticstarseed]

if u could, perhaps, bless us with all the applicable symbols from that fic ask for hvh 👀

ooOoOOOoOO Rub s gay hands togehter omg ty friend 😍;;;;;;

💡 - What was the motivation behind the story?

hHH i hadnt written in 10+ years so when i latched onto this plot idea i just thought itd be a good time to jump the shark and try it again !! i just wanted smth really edgy and depthful bc im emo and the rest kind of snowballed

💎- What was your favorite part?

osdlfksd;lf it’s hard to pick a fav but the drunk scene was definitely the most fun to write at least

⛰️-  What was the hardest part?

THE SCENE WHERE THE GANG IS KIDNAPPED BY ENKI,,,, i debated toning down the violence but in the end i knew where the story was going (and where its still going) and that its gonNA be kinda dark so why hold back now ig

🎭- What was the feeling or mood you were going for?

BITTERSWEET AF,,, sort of just treading the line of ‘hopeful’ and ‘hopeless’ at all times to fully portray the feeling of being at your lowest, but with that classic tss ‘silver linings just around the corner’ kind of undertone

🏟️- Who was your intended audience?

mostly all the adults that watched tss as a kid and felt like spirituaLLY MOVED BY IT cuz i really tried to tap into that Emotion Tee Em we all felt when we found out that zak was [redacted]

🔬- Was there one scene you were building up to/knew you had to get just right?

hHH theres actually a LOT of scenes like that and i think a lot of my general motivation to keep going comes from that ‘WAIT FOR IT WAIT FOR IT’ vibe slkdf:SDF but the Plot Twist tm in the latest chapter was definitely a big’n, and theres a few more of those still to come :^)

🗝️ - What were you thinking when you wrote it?

kjdjFSDs:DF tbh whenever i start really writing, [’im shifting into soup mode’ seinfeld meme voice] im shifting into maladaptive daydreaming mode

🎥- Were there any tv shows, books, or movies that influenced this verse, if any?

:^) devilman crybaby pls forgive me for everytHing

📈- Was there a clear character arch you wanted____ character to go on?

i actually have a short list of what i somewhat consider to be the story arcs in my notes !! mostly just for organization and obvs i wont list the future ones but so far we’ve seen the kushtaka arc, the enki arc, and now we’re in what i call ‘the annunaki’ arc.

🎢- Were there any scenes you were nervous about? For audience reception or otherwise?

ALL OF IT JSHDJSKD, but again a lot of the enki scenes i was worried would be too edgy TM, and the whole annunaki plot as well i was worried might be too ‘out there’ for ppl, but it takes the story exactly where i always wanted it and lines everything up perfectly so i went for it lol. i was also ofc worried if people would like ila or not bc oc but most ppl love her actually which is so 😭❤️

☠️- Did you consider killing off any of the characters? Did you?

8^) [mickey mouse voice] this is a surprise tool that will help us later ,

✉️- Did you title your chapters? What title do you like best?

yes! the next one actually has my favorite chapter title yet, but so far i like ‘so strikes the harpoon’ since its a throwback to the first couple chapters

☀️- Was there symbolism/motifs you worked in?

o every single paragraph is an overly thought out middle school poem im entering in the talent show actually

🎵- Did you have a playlist/piece of music that went with this story?

Yes !! i have HVH insp part 1, Part 2, and an extra one for all those songs that have the vibes but just dont fit enough to make sense in a playlist

📜-Do you want to write something like this again in the future?

probably ! ive learned i definitely like the edgy/darker and emotionally driven stories with ongoing plot, so that trend will almost definitely continue. idk if ill write a dystopia again anytime soon, but i think my future stuff will at least retain that long and heavy vibe

💁- Did readers influence/change any part of this story?

oh yEA like basically i was ready to quit after the very first chapter before it was even written and kinda just got it all out on a whim of motivation but was expecting to flake on it like i tend to do with projects, but the invested response to it was just so uplifting that its what ive been riding on all ten chapters and im so grateful for it :’)))

✏️-Would you go back and change anything if you could?

hHHHHHHH yes and ok this is terrible but i actually tend to avoid re-reading my older chapters until i hAVe to bc i suffer from that sO much ,,, , its just little things like tiny words i wanna change or bits i wanna take out/put in and once or twice ive even caught a mistake or plot hole/smth i forgot to add that i rly do have to go back and edit and i just turn to dust every tim e

⭐- What’s a scene/paragraph you’re proud of?

i really liked the northern lights scene!! it was meant to be a pivotal moment of that ‘bittersweetness’ vibe i was talking abt and it was another one of those scenes i had been planning for a while;;;

“ I think of how much the rest of the family would love this. This isn’t like the moon and the sun, where I can see it and know that even if it looks different, they’ll see the same one soon enough, wherever they are. This reminds me only that I am not with them. It stings. It seems unnatural for something so gentle and natural to appear before us as if we aren’t in complete, total fucking chaos. After all we’ve been through, and the sky still dances. “

📣-What was the best piece of encouragement you got?

AVERY ALL OF UR LIVEBL OGS AND COMMENTS GIV ME SUCH L I FE, ,, ,, CRYIGN CAT FA ce

🔦-Did you learn anything while writing it? About yourself? Writing?

isdfhSDF YEs, part of my hesitation to write came from this thing where i always just assumed there was a wildly high standard of writing in fandom spaces like in original literature spaces, where you had to have like 10+ sentences to a paragraph and you had to describe every tiny detail of a setting and you had to follow every single grammar rule or it was unreadable but like. genuinely its like sculpting with words as long as you have a shape ppl get the idea which is such a weight off my shoulders lol, its still a lot of work but so much fun to know i can to an extent do what i want and ppl actually like it like that. i also learned that like most other writers i have to cause my favs emotional and physical pain,

🎁- Any writing advice for people who want to write something like this?

hhHHHH 1. please do it its so fun just give in to the edge my guy , 2. try to get comfortable re-reading your chapters, for me its like when ppl listen to themselves sing/act but im trying to do better bc its so much more consistent when i keep it fresh in my mind and it also boosts confidence when u can pick out the things u like instead of the things u dont, 3. trying to have at least one scene in mind for each chapter that ur excited to write so u can have motivation to update faster! for me it doesnt have to be smth i think would excite the audience either like it could be the most basic thing but just having an idea of it and knowing i want to see it come to life rly helps me stay on top of it all

TY SM FRIEND THIS WAS SO FUN x x )

[queerloquial]

tagged by @nonbeanary-squid

1. Nicknames: magpie (with or without ‘the’ in front), birdie, nerdlord

2. Gender: gendervague, so, agender variant “my brain doesnt work right so what the actual fuck even is a gender”

3. Star sign: aquarius

4. Height: 5′5.5

5. Time: 9:25 am as of typing this

6. Birthday: february 10

7. Favorite bands: fall out boy, radical face, panic! at the disco, linkin park, yes im still a goddamn emo leave me alone

8. Favorite solo artists: uhhhh shit idk hozier?

9. Song stuck in my head: mr mistoffelees from the cats musical

10. Last movie I watched: the iron giant

11. Last show I watched: leverage, and i am Very sad bc netflix is taking it off their list tomorrow

12. When did I create my blog: i was lurking on blogs in high school but i dont think i created my own until late 2012/early 2013. this specific blog has been around since december 2016, i moved bc i got discourse’d at for saying gay aces exist

13. What do I post/reblog: mostly funny/sappy posts, some fandom shit, occasionally feel-good posts when i remember to reblog them. and every once in a while a vaguely discourse-y post, but i try to keep those to a minimum bc im here to have fun, not to get some kid yelling in my inbox abt how ive got bad opinions and should die

14. Last thing I googled: uh. shit idk [...] it was ‘current temperature -hometown- va’. bc why walk all the way to the other side of the house to check the thermostat

15. Do I have any other blogs: @sharedheadspace is the system blog, and ive got 2 nsfw blogs of varying purpose, only one of which i will ever give out to anyone but a select handful of people

16. Do I get asks: only if i reblog an ask meme and my partner has the spoons to send one

17. Why I chose my url: im autistic. my name is magpie

18. Halloween costume: to be quite fuckin honest i forgot it even was halloween until my mom asked if it was late enough we could turn our porch light on again

19. Fave vine: gO suck a dICK suck a dICK suck a mOTHErfucKING diiiick (suck a diiick) sUUUCK a hUUUGE or smAALLL dIIICK

20. Average hours of sleep: vaguely 7?

21. Lucky number: 13

22. Instruments: i played the keyboard in middle school but ever since we turned my piano into a desk i havent touched an instrument

23. What am I wearing: a college tshirt i wore yesterday + a pair of athletic shorts i kept from high school

24. Dream job: baker

25. Dream trip: visiting my partner and just never leaving

26. Favorite food: pizza tbh

27. Nationality: american

28. Favorite song right now: i dont think i currently have One Song i like more than the others tbh

29. Last book read: i got another couple chapters into the elder scrolls novel ‘the infernal city’ at the laundromat yesterday. i dont really read much these days, it takes a form of concentration i just dont feel up to exerting for anything but my special interests

30. Fictional Universe You’d want to join (top three): being a very out of shape neurodivergent with strong sensory issues, i would survive in notably few fictional universes. stardew valley doesnt seem too bad tho, and its possible i could do ok in the ~other side of reality~ from my partners game. third choice is the mass effect universe altho only when theres no major crises going on bc chances are id have a shit time :P

tagging time @loghainmactir @mageheart @gunplayreyes uhhh tbh i think thats all the mutuals i have who havent already been tagged + who have any likelihood of answering

[animeniac]

Starbomb Ch. 2

Fandom: BNHA Pairing: Bakugou x Uraraka Genre: Romance and Comedy because I swear it’s a lot more light-hearted than it sounds. Chapter Summary: The aftermath of the proposal continues, and when Bakugou spots Uraraka fawning over a bunny in the window of a toy store, he resorts to craftier methods to “win her.” Meanwhile, Uraraka toughens up in the face of his harrassment. 

Chapter I Chapter II Chapter III Chapter IV Chapter V Chapter VI Chapter VII

Maybe if Todoroki could have left the troubling quandary alone, Bakugou would have retreated to his room for a quiet evening of studying. But, he foresaw sleepless night for allowing history to repeat itself. He felt like he had the responsibility of preventing the sins of his childhood from ever occurring again, and he had every right to be troubled.

Quirk Marriages should have been outlawed - in his opinion. At least, the masses should reject such a deplorable practice. While the fire and ice young man knew nothing about love firsthand, he knew the effects of a choleric marriage.

When he grabbed Bakugou's arm, he had to curb his violent urge and hinder himself from giving the lout the battle that he wanted back at the Sports Festival. He pulled him into an alleyway on campus and pushed him against the brick wall out of any teacher's line of sight. "What was that back there?" he demanded to know.

Bakugou's eyebrow twitched. He exclaimed, "What the fuck is this shit?" He couldn't understand why Todoroki of all people pulled him aside for a sudden confrontation.

"Marriage with Uraraka? You know you embarrassed her in front of the entire class," scorned Todoroki.

The only reason that Bakugou added to this conversation was so that Todoroki didn't mistake him for some kind of romantic, sappy softie. There was no way he'd let his reputation stoop to that level. He begrudgingly elucidated, "I shouldn't have to tell you, but it's not the fairy tale shit you might have been thinking. I'm marrying her for her quirk and nothing else - not that it's any of your damn business." As usual, his scowl did not betray him. He had nothing to hide.

"Yeah, I got that," scoffed Todoroki. His hands shook as he restrained the combustible kid against the wall. He had to contain a lot of disgust in order to prevent an escalated altercation. "That's repulsive. She's better than that, and she deserves more for her life. You don't even know what it means to marry someone for their quirk. Do you know what kind of life that leads to? Pain, neglect, abuse of power are the only things that come from a quirk marriage. Such an arrangement escalates from a legal convenience to an abusive tragedy - especially with someone as violent as you."

Bakugou snorted, "Ha. Spare me the emo dribble, half-and-half. I don't need a fucker like you talking down to me. I know what I'm doing, and I don't give a flying fuck how you feel about it." This trifling conflict bugged him. The destructive young man only spoke what was on his mind. He knew that his life was destined for greatness, and he needed to carry on that legacy with a person who could lend the most compatible genes.

Why would he waste an opportunity on sentimental crap when he could make kids that could make tons of floating bombs?

Maybe Todoroki needed some time to collect himself, for he felt his rage swell within both sides of his body. Even if he shared his past, he would not be able to quell the drive of Bakugou. He could hear his breath as he panted, "Your volatile personality will kill her inside before she ever gets to the age to marry you. Don't you get that? You can't force someone to marry you."

Was someone like this capable of love? Todoroki wasn't even sure if he was capable of such an affinity for someone else. They were all in the middle of their adolescence and had only been pubescent for a few years.

Daringly, Todoroki knew that if he glanced at Bakugou's glower, he'd feel the emptiness that his father often had throughout his childhood. However, when he raised his eyes to study Bakugou's, he had a glimpse of his wide, crimson eyes and neutral, relaxed brow. Sadness? No, vulnerability - that couldn't be it. Quickly, he turned his head around to see what his classmate saw - Uraraka.

The class prodigy slowly loosened his grip on Bakugou's collar. Those weren't the eyes of Todoroki's father.

Noticing the movement, Bakugou snapped back and shoved Todoroki away from him. "I got shit to do. Enough of this," he barked before he shoved his hands into his pockets and walked away from the scene.

Todoroki could properly calm himself. He took a deep breath before Yaoyorozu met up with him. "I had my doubts at first, but there's something about him that's different from the way my father looked at us. He's not dead behind the eyes - he's just difficult," he sighed and stretched out the tension from his arms.

"It kind of came out of nowhere, don't you think - this whole obsession? He probably doesn't know about the thing that Midoriya and Uraraka have for each other," she pondered out loud to him.

Of course, that didn't cross Todoroki's mind. He softly smiled, "They do?" Midoriya would be more than suitable as a romantic interest for her.

She wanted to tease him for his density. Yaoyorozu let out a deep sigh as she gazed at him. He had such a capacity for caring despite his stoicism. "They don't know about their feelings for each other, either. Well, Uraraka knows she likes him, but she doesn't know if he likes her because he doesn't know that either. And, he doesn't know how she feels. I probably shouldn't have told you that."

Why did something like that have to be complicated? He could hardly comprehend the drawn-out explanation. And, how does that count as liking each other if they may not even be aware of their feelings? "Anyone would make a better partner than Bakugou," decided Todoroki. He could still stand by that fact. Even if he weren't the worst for her, he definitely wouldn't be the best.

"And Mineta," added Yaoyorozu as she watched the kid fawn over one of the girls from their school.

"What does he have to do with this?"

Kirishima met up with Bakugou at the gate UA's campus. He noticed how late he was, but of course, he refused to say where he'd been. They agreed to get some fast food before heading back to the dorms. On the way to a burger joint, the red haired boy spotted Uraraka standing with a few of her female friends in front of some novelty toy store or boutique. The colorful lights illuminated her face, so there was no way that Bakugou could have missed her.

Since the best way to get to their destination would have been to cross the street, Kirishima stood at the crosswalk and patiently waited for cars to pass. He also wanted to avoid any conflict with the girls. Bakugou seemed a little more perturbed than usual. His rigid hands gripped the insides of his pockets.

A smirk rose to his face as Bakugou passed up the crosswalk to pass by the toy store. What could have caught her immature eye? Her wide eyes glowed along with her giant smile. The window displayed a green rabbit about the size of a cat on sale at half price. He would have just passed by, but the sight irked him. "What are you staring at that for? You look like a baby. What kind of high-schooler gets shit like that?"

"Bakugou, no," muttered Kirishima as he jogged up to the scene from meters away. If he kept harassing her, he'd get in trouble. On top of that, he would probably ruin his chances of being with her. Above all of that, he could hurt poor Uraraka's feelings!

But, she was strong. She could stand her ground in the face of petty adversities. "Leave me alone. I thought you were going to study," Uraraka complained.

Toru and Mina had gone into the store. They apparently failed to see Bakugou approach them, or else they would have stayed by her side.

"What? I already know the material. It takes me less than an hour to study," he explained, but then he shifted his attention back to the infuriating bunny. His blood boiled as his haughty demeanor surged. "Why don't you just buy it already? Are you stupid?"

Uraraka held her breath and tried with all her might to fight back the tears that welled in the corners of her eyes. If she uttered a single word, they'd probably spill down her face and reveal her weakness. She couldn't afford something like that to happen in front of him. Although the stuffed animal only cost a few coins above her budget, she couldn't bear splurging her limited allowance. "I have to go," she strained herself to say.

The instant that Uraraka turned her back to Bakugou, tears stained the pavement as she walked away from her tormentor and back to the dorms. He probably had no idea that he hit a nerve, but she would rather he never know her financial situation. A block away, she messaged her friends that she had forgotten something at the dorms. She wouldn't have been able to afford to do anything with them anyway.

Kirishima ran up to Bakugou who was still fuming. The rocky hero had difficulty balancing his stern sincerity with a tactful plea. Only the perfect medium would be sufficient after all. Gritting his teeth, he frowned, "Bakugou, Uraraka is poor."

"How the fuck am I supposed to know that?" spat Bakugou as he continued down the street. He didn't have much money on him either - enough to go to the shitty burger restaurant and play some games afterward. That particular location was mostly an arcade, so their food was cheap and legitimately mediocre. He burst open the glass doors before stomping into the facility.

Who would he be if he stopped to coddle Uraraka? He knew she could handle whatever he threw at her. Her resiliency was one of the characteristics he didn't despise about her. However, when she took it too far and became cocky, that pissed him off the most.

The explosive hero-in-training growled his order at the cashier before he trudged over to the prize bar while he waited for his food. He needed to calculate which games he should play for what prizes. Most of the cheap toys and accessories never appealed to him, but upon approaching the booth, he immediately spotted that grinning, green rabbit that Uraraka had fawned over earlier that evening.

An even 2,000 tickets were all it cost. How unfitting. That's about how much it cost at that toy store. At both locations, the dumb rabbit was insanely overpriced in his opinion.

"Do you see anything you like? Do you have a girlfriend? Maybe you see something she'd like," pitched the irrelevant booth operator.

Were women so simple? Could he win something like that to get her to quit crying and whining all the time? And if she were as destitute as everybody cried about, then that would make his objective a lot easier to achieve. Even though he didn't have a lot of money, he probably could buy more than she could.

She'd be at his mercy.

Now, Bakugou could not comprehend just how malicious his thought process truly was. Even if he knew, that probably wouldn't quell the drive that flamed in his eyes. "Win her over. Win her. Win," he thought to himself with a growing grin. That's what it came down to after all. Fortunately, he didn't think to go as far as Endeavor once did by approaching her parents with a lump sum of cash. That case scenario failed to cross his mind.

Regardless, he only had the money in his pocket.

Bakugou knew not to go too crazy with this investment. He had other shit to do.

Kirishima shivered. He felt the aura of fervency burst from Bakugou. As they walked back to get their food at their table, he nervously laughed, "You didn't tell me that you wanted to marry Uraraka. Aren't we kinda young?"

"We're not too young to plan for the future," he muttered without any inflection in his voice.

"Ah," he replied. "Yeah, I guess you're right. I don't even have anybody I like yet, and I'm already 16." Should he ask more questions? Did Bakugou like Uraraka, or did he have some convoluted plan that involved her? He couldn't tell.

With his mouth full of food, Bakugou set his classmate straight. He corrected, "Who said anything about liking her?"

Well, that was that.

Sweat slid down Kirishima's temple, and he sighed, "I think I'm just gonna play a couple of games and go back to the dorms. I just got an email that said the exam tomorrow is canceled."

Perfect. Such an occurrence was as if the world parted for Bakugou's destiny. He grinned as he chomped through his burger. At this point, he had to wonder if influencing her would even be a challenge. He knew just the game to play to win the most tickets - a game of chance, for he felt incredibly lucky.

Meanwhile, Uraraka reached the dormitory shortly after her encounter with Bakugou and had since cleared the tears from her eyes. She spotted Midoriya and kind of wanted to avoid him just in case he recognized that she had been crying. In front of him, she wanted to appear strong. When he approached her, she smiled, "Hey, Deku. What's up?"

"I thought you were going shopping with Tooru and Mina. What happened?" Midoriya asked. Hopefully, he didn't sound like he was accusing her of anything. As always, he was a little concerned. The scene from earlier with Bakugou was a little intense. He had a lot of guts, though, and after knowing Bakugou for a considerable amount of time, he had never witnessed the blond go out of his way for a girl or anyone for that matter.

Like she read his mind, Uraraka mumbled, "Bakugou's really annoying."

Midoriya's eyes widened. He rose his head to see the irritation in Uraraka's knitted brow and frown. "What?" he said. Did something happen between them again when she went into town?

She continued as she stared at the ground, "He's selfish and really brutal and harsh. I wanna say that there's more to him, but sometimes, I don't know. Maybe he's just a bad guy."

If Midoriya had intentions like that for a girl, he would have to go through a lot of effort before he talked about marriage. In a way, Bakugou was similar to him. They both had social inhibitions. For Midoriya, it was a lack of self-esteem that prevented him from getting close to others. And for Bakugou, his greatest hindrance was his egotistical behavior. "Kacchan isn't a bad guy. Every nice thing he says, he really means," he added. Inversely, he didn't mean every insult he threw at people.

Except, Midoriya figured that Bakugou meant every jab he slung at him.

Uraraka frowned. She kind of hoped that Midoriya would just agree with her, but he was right. She took a deep breath and smiled, "Midoriya, you might see the good in people when it's not even there. You're really special like that. Maybe that's your other quirk."

He jumped and blushed as sweat rained from his head. "R-Really?" he stuttered. "You're okay, right, Uraraka?"

Gripping the air, she nodded, "Yup! I just came back to get something I left in my dorms." Maybe she could splurge every once in a while. "Thanks for talkin' to me." She went up to her dorm after waving back at her friend.

Whenever Midoriya became a hero, Uraraka would be one of the many people that he wanted to protect.

Sure enough, after Kirishima left the arcade, Bakugou wound up with the stupid green rabbit. He had slaved at some game of chance for hours. Naturally, he won the jackpot twice with minimal effort before going back and forth over whether or not he should waste his tickets on a stuffed animal. How could he go back to the dorms with such a piece of shit toy in his hands? It would attract attention. He glared down at its smug grin.

How could he give something like that to Uraraka? What was he supposed to say? Maybe he could just throw it at her or leave it at her desk. Everything he thought of sounded too uncanny and out of character. He had only given something to someone a handful of times, and typically, the gifts were more of a repayment than a token.

Token? What the fuck was this token supposed to symbolize? He gripped the cotton plushie by the neck and ground his teeth together.

No way! "I'm not going to give her shit!" he decided out loud as if to announce to the world that he wasn't a pansy. Initially, he thought that he had the advantage in the situation. By flexing his monetary muscle, he thought she was at his mercy. Yet, he was the one that spent hours of effort and time trying to win her a toy. For what? Was this the only way to get what he wanted? After all, he reveled at the idea that all the events lined up for him earlier that day.

Moreover, would she smile?

No, not fucking moreover! Who gave a shit about things like that?

Bakugou's eye twitched, and the image of a smiling Uraraka withered out of his mind just as quickly as it had faded into his thoughts.

All this contemplation disgusted him, and he needed to put an end to it. He was already thinking of the girl way too much. As he neared the campus, his grip on the toy steadily increased until he finally decided to blow it up. He planned to focus on other aspects of the future aside from marital opportunities until at least his third year of high school. And for the rest of the night, he didn't think of Uraraka once.

Not thinking of other people was one of his best talents.

Then, at school the next day, he spotted Midoriya holding the same stupid rabbit stuffed animal that he had destroyed the evening before. All the annoyance picked up where it left off.

Bakugou's fingers twitched at the knuckles as he stomped towards his former childhood friend. "Oi," he snarled, "Where the fuck did you get that? You can't give that to her."

"Oh, hey, Kacchan," greeted the All-Might protege. He wasn't too sure what Bakugou meant, but he figured he could easily clear up the confusion. "Uraraka gave this to me this morning." Although Midoriya assumed that he could read Bakugou pretty well, he had no way of knowing what went through his mind at that moment. Why did he care about Uraraka giving him a toy?

Then, he saw evidence of a flicker of feelings - Bakugou's glistening eyes. Of course, Midoriya knew that Bakugou wouldn't cry over something like this, and the tears wouldn't even well up in the corners of his eyes, but he'd seen such a look in his eyes before then. He was frustrated as if something he wanted but couldn't reach had swung in front of him and away from him without warning.

Midoriya felt guilty. He was about to apologize, but then...

Abruptly, blood shot within Bakugou's eyes as they radiated a demonic crimson glow. He couldn't believe the situation, the audacity of that girl. His anger swelled faster than he could think. "Where is she?" he barked as he stormed into the classroom. Even though no one knew the strides he made for the prize that he destroyed, he felt like his cards had been exposed to everyone in the damn class.

"K-Kacchan," stuttered Midoriya as he followed him into the classroom. Was it a blunder to reveal where he got the toy from?

Bakugou slammed his hand onto Uraraka's desk causing her to jump. "I'm going to buy everything for you after I become the number one pro hero. You got that? Don't be stupid and waste your money on nerds, and then, maybe I'll marry someone like you," he shouted. When he slowly lowered his head to see her response, he respected her to cower or cry or at least look away. Yet, she looked into the deepest part of him with a knitted brow and the darkest glower he had ever witnessed.

Something in his chest jumped even though he had his feet firmly planted on the ground, and then, she slapped him at his weakest moment.

"I'm never gonna marry you, and if you think you can buy me makes you disgusting! I'll be my own hero, Bakugou," Uraraka barked back as she tried her hardest to keep him on the ground so that the teachers didn't see her delinquency.

The desk rattled as Bakugou gripped the sides of it to stay still until she forced him back to the ground.

She barked back despite the consequences. She readied herself for a fight as she got to her feet.

His eyes widened and dilated, and the redness somehow faded from his eyes, but at that moment of tension, he swore, his rage had grown tenfold. In a low grunt, Bakugou replied with nothing but dryness in his stare, "Motherfucker."

Midoriya ran up to the scene. Many other people prepared to defend her in this calm before a storm. "Kacchan," he began to challenge him with the utmost intention of ending Uraraka's sorrow.

Typically, Uraraka would have faltered to Midoriya's act of heroism, and while she found his gesture to be incredibly charming, she wanted to seize this opportunity to stand up for herself. She was her own hero just like she said. "I can handle this," she replied as sweetly as she could despite her frustration and determination in her shaking voice. Midoriya would stand up for himself, so she needed to, too.

Bakugou's hands had remained in his pockets. His fury grew by the second, but this time, it merged with a unique sentiment - undeniable intrigue. How bad could a good girl get? He wanted to test her limits.

He still wanted to fight her or someone.

Fortunately, Eraserhead entered the classroom and ordered everyone to their seats and tried to not pay attention to whatever over-the-top dramatic scene occurred. The class obliged.

[98gbs-blog]

title entry #1 jan 6th 2018

you know when you just wanna be someone else when you scroll through instagram and you see a selfie someone posted and think to yourself “why can’t i just be pretty like her for a day” or when you see someone’s snap chat story of a party someone is at and think to yourself “why can’t i be that socially active” sometimes i low-key think about having three wishes and always, every single time i think about this scenario i always wish to be ___ or to be like ___ 

i remember when i was in middle school i would look at people walking through the car window and wanting to be one of them because i thought everybody was in some shape or form better than me 

and then i realized everybody’s lives fucking sucked and basically the human race is just shit and we should just all die because life is hopeless and the world is just a corrupt place i was basically hella depressed and emo and just hated everybody and everything 

and then in high school i was like fucking numb idk its kinda hard to describe but my mentality has become so strong in a way that even if someone insults me or rejects me it like makes sense in my head for that to happen and when someone compliments me im just like what the fuck just happened you know its like im completely oblivious to the fact that people actually want to be around me and like me and stuff and so when anybody expresses any sort of positive reaction towards me i just become shook and confused 

its been years since the days i self harmed, had suicidal thoughts, started having depression so many nights have passed by and im still here im still alive and that alone i want to pat myself on the back for  the world is shitty and the fact that ive only tried dying like once is pretty amazing i have been through a lot and i know that through these early hardships my mentality has grown very strong and hard ive matured more than i should tbh lol 

i am still very broken and damaged on the inside my self esteem has been crushed and stepped on numerous times many many people in the past have stepped on my self esteem i don't think anyone has crushed my self esteem more than myself i have forgiven the people who have hurt me but i have never been able to forgive myself for it  the only way to forgive myself and to redeem myself from the endless cycle of self hatred is to start appreciating myself and loving myself i hope in 2018 i am able to make some progress on learning how to self love