#ive had the tendency to write suicide notes and make plans in my head just in case i do go through with it for a while
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if one more thing goes wrong im fucking gone this is not a joke anymore
this is mostly a joke for the record
ive been having so many problems it's literally unfair why can I not just be HAPPY
every effort I make means nothing
every effort towards mine or others happiness literally means jack fucking shit like it's literally just pointless I don't even know why I try
i always end up feeling like
nobody loves me and I'm gonna end up alone or in an early grave or both
and that maybe that's for the best
#tw suicide mention#ive had the tendency to write suicide notes and make plans in my head just in case i do go through with it for a while#because i have several mental illnesses and i am unpredictable even to myself#but like i dont think anything is going to come of it#if it does im sorry but i still dont think it will#i feel like people forget sometimes how someone can just be gone in an instant#i try to remember it because i don't want the last moments i have with someone to be terrible#there are a lot of things i want to do in my life i just feel like i cant do them#as much as im currently really upset with her i want to meet my girlfriend in person#even if we aren't partners anymore by then#i want to go abroad somewhere#i want to have my own place#i want to get a job#i want to be able to do dishes again#i want to be loved and feel loved#i want to understand how to cope with my breakdowns and episodes#i want so much but yet nothing#and somehow it all still feels so far away#where are you? why can't i reach you? don't you see how I'm hurting? can you lend me your hand?#what are you up to right now? you're so far away i cant see you#sad dogboi hourz
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