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#i want to go abroad somewhere
apple-os · 5 months
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if one more thing goes wrong im fucking gone this is not a joke anymore
this is mostly a joke for the record
ive been having so many problems it's literally unfair why can I not just be HAPPY
every effort I make means nothing
every effort towards mine or others happiness literally means jack fucking shit like it's literally just pointless I don't even know why I try
i always end up feeling like
nobody loves me and I'm gonna end up alone or in an early grave or both
and that maybe that's for the best
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koko2unite · 2 months
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doctorjennifermelfi · 2 months
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they should invent erasmus for adults
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My mum keeps asking me what I want to do for my 30th birthday next year, and honestly, I'm not even ready to become 29 THIS year.
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narratorstragedy · 1 year
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obviously this is not relevant right now as i have over a year before i have to apply. and it will depend on what i end up declaring as my major. and maybe even what i think i want to do my undergrad thesis on. and there are more options than this that i could do (madrid, mérida, siena, santiago de chile, etc) these ones are just hovering around right now. ANYWAY. can’t stop thinking about it lately so i’m giving you all a chance to enter my brain </3
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moinsbienquekaworu · 2 years
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To counterbalance the sadness of that post I reblogged here's some positivity that hit me this evening: like someone said in the notes, I get to decide who I am now, and I get to do what I want and chase my dreams. And that's cool
#no because look. i'm going to the uk next year (!!!!!!!!) and after that i'll have more Things to do#notably i want to adopt a cat once i've got a flat for myself and i can take care of a little buddy#this - like studying a year abroad - has been a 'dream' for so long i can't remember when it occured to me that i wanted it#it feels to me that i've always wanted to go study a year in the uk and i've always wanted to adopt a cat#there are very few things i Want that way#i never envisioned myself with a partner. i didn't have a dream job. i just want to live in my city with a cat.#that's what i saw when i imagined my future. not art not a boyfriend not a specific job. just.... me in my city with my flat and a cat.#and when i started changing my future to include Him well that went away#i thought that that vision was silly anyway and as i was Maturing (i was 13) i was developing new life plans#ie living with him ?? somewhere ?? after uni ?? in a house in the countryside ???#no year abroad when i was Old Enough because that would cut our time together short. no cat unless he wanted one too.#no living in my city because he didn't like it and that's no place to raise children#(nevermind i didn't want children - i was 14 and i had time to grow into that. like i had time to grow attracted to him. Yeah.)#but it's been three years now. i think the three year anniversary came a few days ago and i forgot it?#oh. it's. it's tomorrow. the - well technically we're the 21st and most of it happened on the 21st but. last message was the 22nd.#well. i know when to buy myself an ice cream#three years.....#and in those three years i've learnt more about myself and i just realised.#i'm going to the uk next year. i'm doing it. it's HAPPENING. i'm not giving up on my dreams anymore!#yeah they're vague silly idealised dreams and they're not even dreams. but.#i want things for myself and i will get them. i'm going to the uk next year. i'm going.#and when i come back i'll stay with my parents if i want and when i have the money i'll find a flat in my city and get a cat.#no more limiting myself for a guy who's not even worth it. no more refusing opportunities for someone else.#no more deferring to someone for decisions big or small on what i do with my life. it's MINE.#it's strange and scary and freeing. it's been three years.#if you've read all this was extremely personal so. enjoy knowing me and don't mention it unless we are Fiancé.es#in which case at some point you are going to know so many details about that guy at some point anyway#that's what marriage is for <3#okay going to try to sleep now. bye bye#wow i have a ramble tag now
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ladyjmontilyet · 2 years
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i'm struggling so much with in person college again
i'm too tired when i come home to do any work and that's if i even have enough energy to make it into campus in the first place (and even after several weeks of iron supplements after finding out i was very anaemic)
i loved being 100% online in my first year
if anyone has any recommendations for 100% online undergraduate courses please send them my way. i got a First Class Honours in my first year and now I'm getting Cs and Ds on the rare times I'm actually able to finish something.
i currently have minus €2 in my bank account (-€450 debt overall) so idk if i'd be able to afford anything more expensive than an Irish education but... if anyone has any ideas i'd love to hear them.
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dni.
#i don't know how people who do not have siblings live cause#whenever i feel the very intense and real urge to genuinely kms their faces pop up in my head#my sister laughing at my jokes after she had a bad day and saying with tears in her eyes that hey you know what i need you so much please#call me constantly when im abroad i don't know what I'd do without you#and my little brother not trusting my parents advice when he is sick because he thinks they're constantly telling him to do a hundred thing#anyway but listening to me when im giving the exact same advice asking me such innocent questions that seem so obvious#but he doesn't know because of his childlike innocence#like why are we not going to the doctor if i have fever how do our parents know how to cure it and how can i take dolo without a doctors#prescription and me laughing and explaining that it's okay it's normal it's paracetamol you don't have to worry you'll be okay in day or 2#or how he's excitedly telling me that these are the colleges i looked up are they good how do you know if they're good#he needs me so much even tho he'd never say it they've been even worse parents to him than to me he doesn't have anyone else#so then how could i be so selfish and hurt the two people who love and need me the most the two people on whom if i see tears#it feels like a stab directly to the heart?#but i can't help it. can't help fantasizing about dying#maybe myself but even better if by some terminal illness#i keep thinking me lying in a hospital bed and doctors saying there's a complicated procedure and it's very expensive and results aren't#even guaranteed so are you sure want to be treated#and me saying no please let me die my parents would protest at first they would feel it is their duty responsibility to keep me alive#but id say please i don't have anything to live for and i just CAN'T i can't do this i can't live this life it's too difficult im not#capable im already failing please just let me give up and then they'd agree#and then i would tell my father that im sorry i couldn't pay you back for all the money you spent on me my education my living expenses#but atleast now i won't ask for anymore money from you ever you'll probably get some money from the insurance policies#and i would tell my mom that sorry for being such a burden on you all these years but now you can finally be free with the 2 kids you#actually love and you never have to cook for me again or fold my clothes or feel bad that i won't attend your family functions#and i would tell my siblings that i know it's sad but please i know you guys are strong and bright and you're gonna be very happy and#successful and that's enough for me im sorry we couldn't have our dream raksha bandhan away from our parents but you can carry on without#me and ill always love you. and that would be it.#i know it's wrong to fantasize so much about dying and ive read somewhere that they may just seem like thoughts now but if left untreated#one day you're gonna have a bad day and you're gonna find the perfect opportunity and you were so sure you were never going to do it but#then you do. but i don't know how to stop
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fingertipsmp3 · 5 months
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Anti anxiety meds are so fucking funny the way they treat the physical symptoms but not the thoughts. I’m absolutely freaking out internally but I look completely calm and chill
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katya-goncharov · 11 months
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idk why but i keep randomly getting mad about brexit again tonight
#i know it was nearly a decade ago now but it sucks so much#i miss there being people from all over europe in the uk and i hate how the government makes out like it was something everyone wanted#when nearly half the country voted against it (MORE than half in scotland and northern ireland)#and generally the way the government dehumanises immigrants who are just human beings who want somewhere nice to live and are#worth 1000 of the tory scum that run the country sucks so so much and i hate the way the government makes these rules and#policies and assumes we'll go along with it or that we're all as devoid of empathy as they are#& i hate that as someone born elsewhere in europe i was made to feel like the country didn't want to during my most formative teenage years#and i hate that no-one asked me or anyone i know whether we would want to allow refugees or most immigrants into the country because#i would have said yes in a heartbeat#and i was thinking about how much fewer students from abroad there are at my uni compared to several years ago and it's really really#sad and i miss them being around#and i hate the way people turn round blame the cost of living crisis ON immigrants when it's literally almost entirely because of brexit an#it's stupid policies only people are too dumb or too xenophobic to realise it#anyway whatever i just felt like having a rant because it all makes me so mad sometimes#and people never really talk about brexit anymore or they act like it's no longer relevant now it's happened but it still matters a lot to#me actually
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ulovemeback · 1 year
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whoever invented the idea of senior trips needs to go fack themselves tbh
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toast-on-dandelioms · 8 months
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What if m/c had been accepted for a scholarship abroad and just ended up stayinv there becoming the resident hero ? They did keep in regular contact with Alfred tho, seeing as he was the only family member who didnt ignore them.
Ok that is interesting and for this (which is not in the storyline in part 4) I will add another hero or two instead of Superman since he's not THAT special.
Small disclaimer: I am not sure if Green Arrow lives in Central City and where I searched told me he lives there so don't come at me that it's wrong please (I changed it to Star City so if you see it changed here is the answer)
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This is based two years before you entered highschool so when you were 13 and already in Bruce's Manor.
You were there for a year and after suffering so much from Damian's tormenting you and everyone just ignoring you made you so tired and you wanted, no, needed to leave the manor and city.
You knew it was drastic but you couldn't do it anymore, you missed your mother and being sent to a home where people detest you just for existing made you feel so bad you couldn't even leave your room without a panic attack at the thought of being hurt by Damian's words or weapons or being ignored by everyone when you tried to say anything.
You applied to a few scholarship far away from Gotham to enter some prestigious schools in different cities so you could spread your choices if you got accepted.
You didn't say anything to Alfred until you received many scholarships and you chose the one in Star City, wanting to be as far away as possible from Gotham and the Waynes.
The only problem was getting Alfred to accept to send you there since he was the boss in the house, not Bruce.
You knew Bruce wouldn't care if he sent you somewhere else but you didn't want him to know where you would be going but still needed his money since you were a thirteen year old with no job or an allowance.
Thankfully Bruce just signed it without looking when Alfred showed him some random papers and off you went to your new life in Star City.
As years passed you became more social since you weren't held down by the neglect of the Waynes and you were around people who actually sought you out and didn't completely ignore you.
You kept dancing and sent all of yours training practices, plus all your small and big dance recitals to Alfred so he could see you dance since he couldn't come to every single one of them and you didn't blame him.
When you turned 15 you found a part-time job at a science company where they allowed you to work on your experiments with the supervision of an another scientist.
Unfortunately (or fortunately) you got bit by a radioactive spider that escaped from the same scientist who was supposed to supervise you and gave you the spider abilities.
Which did worry you but you learned to control your newfound superhuman strenght and also your weird sticking to surfaces and walking on walls.
Did it take a while? Yes, but it was worth it.
You also decided to become a vigilante because why not? Why not put your life in danger every night just to not receive any money compensation from it?
You're not as active as your alterego in Gotham since you actually have friends here and you're not held down by years of neglect which pushed you to help people.
You helped people whenever you could and one night, during a patrol you accidentally bumped into Green Arrow and fought with him for a while before both of you realised neither of you two were villains.
You did apologise and after a few more encounters and you pulling some pranks on Oliver because he was an easy target to prank, like come on. The man wears green and has an arrow. You can't not prank that man and call him Robin Hood.
You became his little helper, got his phone number and helped him with some villains whenever you could and especially if he let you.
You also trained your fighting with him, which got you beat up and with so many black eyes that you had to beg him to not hit your face since you couldn't keep worrying your friends and dance instructor since they were starting to ask questions and you couldn't fool them forever.
You also met Roy, aka Speedy, while on a mission with Oliver and also got along with him despite his hatred for Oliver and gained a new older brother.
After a year of helping Oliver around and training to fight decently and not only use your superhuman strenght, he finally let you come to a Justice League meeting.
You met Batman and Damian there, along with Superman and Jon to which you tried to get along with but the two of them were extremely clingy and knew a bit too much about you which creeped you out.
During the meeting you stayed very close to Oliver to avoid the two teens and also hide from Batman and Superman since they kept staring at you even while talking.
After the meeting Batman did try to approach you and you avoided him, but while walking away he just said "(Y/N)", which made you stop before walking off.
You immediately knew that he knew who you were under the mask but you didn't care that he knew.
You just ignored him and his calls, plus his sons calls. You refused to even give him a bit of attention, especially since he didn't bother you for years but now they wanted your attention?
God no, you still had dignity and self respect. Giving them attention would be like forgiving them for all those years of not even knowing you existed.
Finally the calls stopped but they started to appear everywhere you went in Central City.
You went to school? You were called in the principal office where Bruce was and scolded you lightly about putting your mother's last name when it should have been his.
Your hand started to bleed from how hard you were gripping it so you wouldn't yell at the man in front of the principal.
What you hated more was the look of love Bruce had when he scolded you, gently patting your head as he talked.
You showered at least three times before you finally felt clean after feeling Bruce touch you so lovingly.
Everywhere you went as you or as Spider, you would be met by either Bruce or one of his kids, which got even more frustrating when they would try to coax you to come back home to Gotham.
Dick would try to coax you, too into his delusional idea that you were being forced to stay here with Green Arrow even though you told him many times that it wasn't true.
He would also manipulate you by fake crying whenever you yelled at him or ignored him, making you even more frustrated because he kept on caring about himself and didn't see how you were happy in Star City.
Jason would just follow you and talk like you never left, complaining about Bruce or Damian and offered to go to a café or restaurant to catch up and see what you were up to.
Even yelling at him that he didn't care when you left didn't budge him and made him give up. No, it made him even more persistent on trying to act like you two were close and a happy family.
You also had to slam the door in Tim's face so many times whenever he would knock at the door of your apartment, you had to replace the doorknob and locks too many times to count from Tim picking the locks and you destroying the doorknob from your strenght.
Plus, arriving home to relax and seeing both Tim and Bruce in your apartment with dinner made you sick but you had to endure since you couldn't afford to change apartments since it was in the best position in the city.
Oh but Damian was the worst. He would act like he never hurt you sometimes or other times used his own past as a way to show that he had it worse than you.
Did you throw him off a building when he said that? Yes but unfortunately for you, Jon was there to catch him which made you even more frustrated.
Clark? He was decent sometimes, you met him before when he talked with Oliver and you were around but you always got a creepy vibe from him.
Especially when he kept on staring at you or gave you things like small trinkets you saw but never bought. It was so creepy that he knew what you liked, plus he kept on calling you nicknames like a father would do to his child.
Jon wasn't that bad. He did leave you alone when you asked but he also helped you. The only problem was that he acted like you were his older brother/sister and talked about times you two were together when you distinctly remember being alone when you did those things.
You did call Alfred once, he was the only one you told that you were Spider since he kept on asking why you were always full of bruises on your face and arms and you couldn't lie to him.
The call did not go well, with you yelling at Alfred that he ruined it since now Bruce knew who you were and he ruined your once happy life just because he wanted you back home.
After a while of seeing Bruce and his kids and them trying to manipulate you into going back home, plus Clark and Jon, you decided to go to the only person you trusted the most in Star City.
You went to Green Arrow and confessed to everything, you told him about your mother's death and how you were suddenly sent to a family who couldn't care less about you.
You didn't hide that you were Bruce's biological child and also showed him your scars that Damian made in the year he tormented you.
At the end of the confession you were crying, the memories of Damian hurting you with all the neglect and blatant hatred towards you made you breakdown in an ugly cry.
You kept crying even when Oliver hugged you, hugging him back with all your might as you didn't want him to leave you.
You did admit that you thought many times on going back since they kept on insisting and you weren't that strong, you couldn't resist forever with all that pressure.
By saying that, you felt Oliver freeze for a second before hugging you back and holding you close, like you hugging him with your super strength didn't faze him one bit.
What you didn't feel was the tiny prick of a needle being inserted in your neck, the only thing you last heard before collapsing in Oliver's arms were "sorry kid, can't let you leave me"
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222col · 1 month
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summer at the zweig estate
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★ art donaldson x reader ★ patrick's little sister has always had a crush on art, it might not be the unrequited school girl crush she always thought when one summer at the zweig estate, art makes his move. ★ 2.8k ★ 18+ | cw: smut
summer at the zweig estate is always the most exciting time in the calendar year. art spends most of the season staying at patrick's, your parents darting somewhere across the world, leaving the three of you alone to spend the summer as you wish. just two years separate you and your brother, he's always instructed to look after you during your parents time abroad. "i can look after myself," you tell your mother, brushing you off before departing. "listen to your brother." patrick ruffles your hair. "actually, art's in charge, do whatever he tells you. he has more sense than either of you." the three of you wave your parents off down the driveway. "i'll happily do whatever you tell me to, art." your big eyes dazzling up at the tall blonde. your innocent facade making art blush. "don't even try it, donaldson. i know what you're thinking." patrick hits his friend on the back of the head as he turns into the house. "but i wasn't- i didn't even do anything!"
art's room is situated between you and your brothers, it was originally a spare bedroom, but dubbed art's after his first few summers on the estate. posters and belongings of his staying there through winter when he's been away at school with patrick. you spend more time in art's room then you'd like to admit, stealing random t-shirt's he's left behind and reading books he keeps at your house. occasionally sleeping in his bed when you knew it would go unnoticed by your parents. you'd always had a crush on art, he'd been in your life for years, and isn't it almost a right of passage to have a crush on your brother's best friend? as you got older you tried to rationalise, tried to distract yourself from your crush, but it wasn't until you noticed art flirting back, that you realised maybe this wasn't some unrequited school girl crush. maybe you can get what you want, and piss off your brother in the process, which is always a bonus.
last summer art watched you grow into your body, he'd always had a thing for you, but last summer was when everything became a little more real. swimming and relaxing by the pool with you wasn't so innocent anymore, definitely not when he got a boner watching climb out of the water. watching you come down to breakfast in just an oversized t-shirt, that happened to be one of his, and having to excuse himself to his room, because grey joggers aren't your friend when you're turned on. he'd been liking your social media posts during his time away from you, making small conversations with you throughout the year, waiting for summer to come around.
art knew patrick would kill him for even thinking about touching you, let alone acting on it. to patrick, you're his annoying little sister, but you're his little sister, and he refuses to acknowledge that you've even kissed a boy, despite the fact he's unfortunately seen it with his own eyes at one of the famous zweig summer parties. as much art never wanted to upset patrick, he was struggling with the idea of resisting you for a whole summer.
"so, first party this saturday then, yeah?" patrick drumming his hands on his knees, sat with you and art around the pool. "yeah, sounds good." you respond, laid on a sun lounger, white bikini and dark sunglasses hiding your eyes. "what's the theme?" art questions, with backwards cap and red swim trucks. every zweig party had a theme, you suggested it during one of the first ones you and your brother hosted, now you can't have a zweig party without a theme. propping yourself up onto your elbows. "1996 romeo and juliet." patrick hums at your idea. "it is one of our favourite films, the outfits are good, i like it." smiling at your brother you lay back on the lounger. "get the invites out then, zweig."
the party's in full swing by the time you're zipping up your dress, your angel costume adorning your body. walking your way down the stairs, people styling graphic button ups, sheer shirts and catholic inspired clothing. pouring yourself a drink in the kitchen and making your way to the dance floor set up in the garden. patrick's already made his mark on some girl in a cleopatra costume, rolling your eyes and moving past him to the centre of the floor. art makes eyes with you, shimmying through the bodies to reach you. silver metal armour clad to his skin, smirking as he looks you up and down. "looks like we're matching." he whispers in your ear over the loud music. "i think you did it on purpose." you whisper back, purposefully letting your lips graze the skin of his earlobe. "so what if i did?" your cheeks are almost touching, the music vibrating from the floor up your bodies, surrounded by dancing and drinking. it would be so easy to kiss you, it's all art can think of. moving his face to look at you, lips mere inches apart as you lean up to look at him.
the next thing, art's being dragged away from you by your brother, winking at you at patrick pulls him away from the crowd. "stop trying to fuck my sister." patrick laughs at his friend, sipping his beer. "i'm not!" he protests before patrick palms art's crotch. "why are you hard after talking to her then?" art blushes, patrick only laughs and returns to the crowd to find cleopatra. the party carries on to the early hours, the boys finding you to dance with you, lifting you up onto their shoulders after one too many drinks. slumping down on a lounger next to the pool once the party starts clearing out, patrick groaning as he falls onto the end of the lounger you're perched on, head falling in your lap. art perching on the floor to the side of you both. "isn't cleopatra waiting around for you? thought for sure she'd put out." you laugh at your brother. "she already did, fucked her in the downstairs bathroom an hour ago." shaking your head, pushing patrick off of you and into the pool. "you're so gross." patrick comes up for air, shaking the water out of his hair. "oh, you're asking for it, zweig!" your brother smirks, pulling you by your arm into the pool. art's sat laughing, before the two of you pull him in by his feet.
the three of you are laughing, splashing each other before art realises that your white dress has become sheer from the wetness. freezing in his spot, watching the fabric reveal your skin beneath it as you continue messing around in the pool. patrick notices art's gaze on you in his still state. "oh for god sake, you couldn't have worn a bra?" patrick laughs, pushing your head underwater. coming up for air, you realise your chest is fully exposed through the wet fabric of your dress. sober, you would have immediately covered up and ran for a towel, but in your drunken state, you're not so bothered. "and you, stop eye fucking my sister." patrick jumps on his friend, the two of them wrestling playfully in the water. laughing at them, you climb up the ladder out of the pool, feeling art's eyes on you. "c'mon, you two, bed time."
entering your room as the boys enter their own, stripping the wet dress from your body, hanging it over the chair at your desk. drying yourself off before changing into some pjs, plugging your phone in and removing your make up. deposing of the used make up wipe as your phone pings.
you looked beautiful tonight btw, if the way i was looking at you didn't make it obvious enough
your heart almost stops beating when you read the message from art. you know it's the alcohol running through his veins that made him confident enough to send the message. but that doesn't mean you're not blushing at the words. laying down on your bed, typing a message back to him.
thanks, art <3 you looked really good too, if the way i was looking back at you didn't make it obvious either
you can hear his phone ping on the other side of the wall. holding your breath as he likes the message. patrick is going to kill the both of you. putting your phone on your nightstand, falling asleep quickly as dreams of art wash over you.
stealing shy glances with art over breakfast, patrick suggests a movie day to distract from the hangovers. grabbing a blanket from your room, you slump onto the couch, patrick balled up on the armchair, art taking his place next to you. sharing the blanket with him as you scroll through netflix to find a movie. "keep your hands where i can see them, you two. i'm not having anything disgusting happen under that blanket while i'm sat right here." patrick orders, half-lidded as he rests his head on the arm of the chair. "ugh, shut up, pat." sticking some random movie on the tv as the three of you sit quietly together, snacking on all your favourites and laughing at the shitty jokes in the movie.
hearing snores from the chair next to you, art's hand reaches over the blanket to yours. his pinky finger barely touching yours. snapping your head towards his, finding his signature half smile already looking your way. your heart beating so fast, at just the contact of your hands. he looks over again at a sleeping patrick as he laces his fingers through yours. sitting together like that for a few minutes, before art shuffles himself closer to you. snaking his arm around your waist, bringing you to lean on his chest. "is this okay?" he whispers to you. turning to look at him, smiling and nodding your head. melting into his chest as you carry on watching the movie.
"what the fuck?" your eyes flutter open, your brother standing in front of you. both of you not realising that you must have fell asleep in each others arms. "why were you fucking cuddling on the couch?" art's blushing, too shy to speak. "patrick, calm down. we all fell asleep, i must have just moved over to him in my sleep." art squeezes your waist away from patrick's eyes, grateful for your lies. stretching as you move away from art to sit up properly. "oh yeah, that sounds so believable." patrick's arms are crossed, playing the protective big brother role. you roll your eyes at him. "patrick leave her alone, stop making it a thing." art states, cracking his neck. "oh of course you'd say that, donaldson. c'mon, i wanna go play tennis." art's face scrunches up at the idea. "i'm too hungover." patrick just stares at his friend. "it wasn't a question. let's go."
you know full well this has nothing to do with tennis, they probably won't even take their rackets to the court. you know patrick is taking art to the tennis court to warn him away from you, doing the 'if you touch my sister i'll kill you' thing that he does with every guy you bring home. you can almost see the idea of anything happening with art slipping through your fingers, no one ever comes out of the big brother talk with patrick ready to carry on dating you. patrick manages to scare everyone away with whatever goes down on those talks, you know he's just trying to protect you, while stroking his ego as he watches these boys almost shit their pants at his intimidation. grabbing your blanket from the couch, you go back up to your room to hide away for the rest of the day. it's late at night when your phone pings and lights up the room.
come to my room in 20 mins?
you read art's text, your mouth agape. you thought he'd steer clear of you for the rest of summer, not invite you into his room that same night. you jump out of bed, replying quickly.
sure :)
scrambling around your room, combing your hair, putting on some chapstick. slipping back into your gingham sweats and white tank. calming down your breathing before leaving your room and knocking lightly on art's door. he opens the door quietly, smiling down at you and inviting you in. he closes the door behind you, sitting on the edge of his bed and patting the space next to him, you of course oblige and take a seat next to him. it's peacefully quiet for a few moments, the two of you just looking at each other. "so why did you want-" your words are stopped by art's lips on yours. only briefly before he pulls away to look at you. your cheeks are red, a shy smile resting on your lips before pushing them back onto art's. he hums into the kiss, placing his hand on the curve of your back.
"patrick had a big talk with me today." he pulls away from your lips, his hand staying on your back. "i thought he might have." you sigh, awaiting the words from art's mouth. assuming this was a pity kiss, a what could have been kiss, a this will never happen again kiss. "he said he knows i've liked you for a long time, i didn't know he knew." your lip is between your teeth. "you like me?" he laughs lightly at your words. "of course i do, i thought you knew that, silly girl." he places a soft kiss to your forehead. "patrick said he's okay with it," you can't help the smile that spreads across your cheeks. "as long as i promise not to hurt you, and that it won't come between him and i's friendship, which of course i agreed with both."
you can't stop yourself from pressing your lips against art's again, hands in his hair as he chuckles into the kiss. your bodies falling onto the bed, the kiss deepening as your legs tangle together. shuffling up the bed, art rolls his body on top of yours. hands roaming your body as his tongue slips into your mouth. pulling at the hem of his shirt, signalling you want it off. smirking into the kiss, he slips his t-shirt over his head. his lips softly kissing the skin on your neck, your hands caressing his exposed back. "i want you," you whisper against his ear. "are you sure? you don't have to do anything you don't want to." he looks deeply into your eyes. "i want you art, please."
he's gentle with you, slowly removing your clothes, admiring your body as he slips out of his shorts. "you're so beautiful." he whispers, his big hands exploring your naked body. pushing your legs open with his knee, slipping his hand between your bodies to stroke your clit. whimpering at the sensation as he gradually increases the pace, not breaking eye contact as you hold back your moans. art works you to orgasm, watching every movement you make and worshipping every noise that slips from your lips. "such a good girl, you ready for me baby?" nodding your head as he lines himself up with your entrance, leaning down to kiss your lips as he slowly slips inside of you. letting you adjust to his size. "please, art, fuck me."
his hips start to move as you struggle to keep quiet, stroking your hair and whispering words of encouragement as his lips suckle against your jaw. his thrusts slowly starting to speed up, the room filling with sounds of skin slapping and quiet moans from you both. compliments fall from art as he sucks and nips at the skin on your neck, sweat forming on both your bodies as his thrusts get sloppy. pulling out of you suddenly as his come falls over your stomach, whimpering at the feeling. "fuck, that was better than i've ever dreamt." he breathes out, falling to the side of you. "you've dreamt about fucking me?" you giggle up to him, placing a kiss on his cheek. "oh, so many times." he laughs as you both come back down to earth. art grabbing a towel from the drawer and cleaning you up. slipping your tank and sweats back onto your body as art does the same, wrapping his arms around you as you both fall asleep in art's room.
patrick is already sat at the breakfast bar when the two of you enter the kitchen the next morning. "i know i said i was okay with it, but i'd just like to remind you both that the walls are very thin. you wasted no time at all did you, donaldson?" patrick's half laughing into his morning coffee, art blushing before pouring you both a cup. "i never said you could give her a hickey, you perv." patrick hits art on the back of the head. "i don't remember you saying i could fuck her either but i still did that." art mumbles into his coffee. shaking your head, laughing at the boys, hopping onto the counter as patrick began to chase art around the kitchen. "don't get all cocky now, donaldson! i can still change my mind!"
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woso-dreamzzz · 2 months
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Flag III
Frida Maanum x Emma Lennartsson x Baby!Reader
Summary: When Emma and Frida found you
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Frida is leaving for England.
Arsenal have been interested in her since the season began so it was only natural that she went off there to develop her career further.
But, still, Emma doesn't want to see Frida leave.
Frida occupies a space in Emma's heart that she can't put into words. Frida is everything to her, the air, the ground, the sky and the stars.
But Emma would never discourage Frida from finding her place in a league abroad.
Frida deserves everything in life, even if it's half a world away from where Emma is looking after their home in Sweden.
It will be different in the beginning, Emma knows this, but together there isn't much they can't overcome.
But, still, she'll miss the way Frida's body feels against hers. Even now, as they sneak around the back of the training centre to kiss.
It's not the most professional they've ever been but she just can't help herself when it comes to Frida.
"E-Emma," Frida says in a hushed tone, pushing Emma's roaming lips from her neck," Did you hear that?"
"Hear what?"
Emma pulls away, glancing around for whatever errant sound Frida has heard.
"I..."
There's nothing but the breeze in the wind, the rustle of leafless branches in the height of winter.
It's absolutely freezing. It's predicted that this is to be the coldest day of the year.
"Nothing," Frida says," I must have imagined it."
Emma's lips go back to her neck, leaving dainty kisses all over her skin. Each one a labour of love, red hot in a way that feels beautiful as the snow falls around them.
Emma stops though, pulling away again.
"No," She says," Wait. I think I can hear it too."
It's faint, barely audible whimpers and whines that are getting more and more quiet as they go on.
But Emma and Frida are alone in an icy cold wasteland.
There's not even birds in the trees. Yet, now that Emma's straining her ears, she can hear the noises with crystal clear clarity.
She shivers as another freezing breeze cuts through her like a knife.
"I...I think it's coming from over there," Frida says, looking over at the clump of dense bushes over by the bins.
"Stay here," Emma says, wary of if it's some wild animal," I'll go and luck."
"Emma-"
"Stay here, Frida. I'll check it out."
She approaches the bushes carefully, slowly in case the animal jumps at her.
But there's no animal.
Just you.
"Emma?" Frida calls, watching as Emma lowers herself to her knees," What is it?"
Emma turns, a singular blanket in her hold and, in that blanket, is you.
"I...I think we need to call an ambulance," She says shakily," I-I think she's been abandoned."
You're tiny, smaller than any baby that Frida's ever seen before. You don't look good either. You're obviously freezing, little lips turning a concerning shade of purple and the cries from your mouth are getting quieter and quieter the longer you're outside.
Teammates clamber over themselves to help when Emma and Frida run in with you.
Somewhere along the way, Frida loses her top when it's clear that you're either nearly hypothermic or already developing it. Skin-to-skin seems to be what's best for you as you lay weakly on Frida's chest with layers of blankets over you both.
Now that she can see you properly, it's with a sinking feeling that she realises how underweight you actually are. You're nothing but skin and bones as Frida holds you close while they wait for the ambulance.
"They're calling her the Linköping baby," Emma says softly," The staff and the girls, that is. Word has spread pretty quickly."
"That's unfair," Frida replies, her own voice barely above a whisper as she feels your lungs inflate shakily against her," They can't call her that. She needs a name."
"They don't think she's going to survive," Emma says," Even before the ambulance gets here. She's in bad shape. They don't think she's going to make it."
"And you?" Frida finally tears her eyes away from you to look at her girlfriend. "What do you think?"
"I think..."
Your head barely pokes out from under all of the blankets, your eyes half open. You're not moving much. It seems to almost be too much effort to even breath, like everything in you is fighting to do something as basic and instinctual as that.
Emma didn't know what to expect when she looked in that bush. You were laying there, weak and unmoving in just a singular blanket and a thin onesie. One could almost mistake you for being asleep if it weren't from the stilted way your chest rose and fell and the way faint noises would escape your mouth every so often.
"I think...I think she's a fighter."
"I think so too."
Emma can tell what Frida's thinking before Frida herself even knows what she's thinking. She can tell by the way Frida's holding, you the way she's looking at you, the way she presses a soft kiss to the wispy hair at the top of your head.
Emma can tell because she's thinking the exact same thing.
"She looks like you," Emma says, starting off gently," Don't you think?"
Frida giggles a little bit. "I was thinking she had your nose. What part of her looks like me exactly?"
"Her hair, maybe," Emma says," And I'm sure once she opens this eyes of hers, they'll be like yours."
"You don't know that."
"I think I do."
"She might never open them," Frida says suddenly," If everyone is thinking she won't come out of this. They might never open."
"She will. She's a fighter."
Frida's throat bobs. "But if she doesn't...What would they even put on her grave? The Linköping baby?"
"You want to name her?"
"Everyone deserves a name. No matter how little they are."
"Then name her."
"I-"
"Ambulance is here," One of their teammates pokes their heads through the door," Medics are coming in now. They said to stay put."
"Y/N," Frida says suddenly.
"Huh?" Emma asks.
"She looks like a y/n."
You're tiny and malnourished and halfway to death's door. The possibility of you surviving the night is astronomically low.
But you have a name now and, in Emma's mind, you have a bedroom at home. A bedroom with a soft, warm crib and a dog companion who would just adore you. A bedroom in a house full of toys and soft clothes and two mothers who would adore you too.
A first name and a last name from the mothers who found you freezing cold in the dead of winter, buried in a bush as snow fell over you.
"Yeah," Emma says as the paramedics rush in," She does."
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luvz-me · 3 months
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being at the last year of your sports medicine university course abroad in america was like a dream come true. but in all honesty you just wanted it to be over and quick. the prospect of having to intern at a random clinic for three months wasn't appealing at all. you made sure to send your cv to different physiotherapy clinics, gyms, sports clubs but still no answer.
watching all your colleagues start earlier than you was discouraging until one afternoon, after watching 2 boring movies a guy at a club told you to watch last night you got a call.
someone with a very poised voice starts talking almost immediately, "good afternoon, i'm speaking on behalf of the sports clinic and i was wondering if you'd be available for an interview tomorrow morning regarding your internship application?"
you almost envied the way there wasn't any hint of nervousness in their voice. it was almost immediate the way you accepted the offer, in all honesty you just wanted to get it over with.
you started your internship there after almost a week until one day, by the evening you witnessed something you never thought you would. tashi fucking duncan walking in the clinic right as you were about to leave. you felt your stomach turn, not in the bad way, but in the - what the fuck, did i hit my head somewhere and wake up in an alternate universe? - way. your anxiety making you want to throw up seeing one of the people you wrote countless essays about stand before you.
"i'm looking to book a sports physician. medium term for art donaldson, need them to be able to come in-house monday through friday." you heard her say to the receptionist, blunt yet always polite. one of your idols standing just a few meters away from you made you weak at the knees. you were aware the clinic was well frequented but you never thought she'd be in your sight ever.
you looked at your nails, pondering if you should start biting them, regaining a bad habit just because you found yourself in a situation you couldn't control sounds very much like you but tashi probably would think that's gross so you stop.
a client you had been assigned to arrives and you curse yourself out for not being able to keep listening to the conversation anymore. the day never ended. each glance you took at the clock just seemed like you were stopped in time. sighing while helping the elder woman stretch her upper body and muttering some words of praise, explaining to her that she'd have to keep coming for at least one more week so the pain could dissipate. you flashed her a smile as she got up and said goodbye, thanking you endlessly for helping her ease the pain.
your supervisor had been watching you. giving some criticism on this session with the client. as you were about to leave she pulled you aside and informed you that starting tomorrow you'd be going to tashi duncans house.
everything inside was pristine, you were even scared to even lean against the furniture in fear you'd somehow break it. tashi had given you a quick house tour, her heels clacking on the hardwood floors as she warmed you up to her, occasionally telling jokes about herself and saying you reminded her of herself. when she was in college. you didn't really know what that meant but you decided to take it as a compliment, nervously fidgeting your fingers. art was nowhere to be seen up until you reached the gym area.
standing there, broad shoulders scrolling through his phone, distracted and flashing a smile towards his wife once she clears her throat and wraps an arm around his shoulder. introducing you to each other and leaving promptly, saying she had a meeting with her pr team and that she'd be back at 8 pm.
you swallow dry. standing there awkwardly with your backpack on your shoulders.
"so.. umm were gonna start with wall angels maybe. tashi told me thats your problem area right now" you blurted out, trying to sound as professional as possible "just. place your arms against the wall in a 90 degree angle and slowly straighten them"
art follows suit, standing against the wall awkwardly moving his arms up and down before asking "how old are you?" breaking the silence
"i'm 21" you mutter in surprise analysing his form and his toned shoulders, and arms.. and muscles. eyes narrowing trying to remind yourself that this is not one of your hookups, this is art fucking donaldson and you're here for an internship. at his house. in his fancy home gym. hes not yours to admire. "why?"
"ah.. just wanted to know" art shrugs, looking at you intently. he gets up suddenly, yet his movements are deliberate. you feel the knot tighten in your stomach, your pulse quicken as i looked at the man before me. "can you show me how to do it properly?" his voice drops to a lower tone and all you can do for a few seconds is flutter your lashes at him
"but this is pretty easy already, i don't know how to ex-"
"i said, i want you to show me" art cuts you off, his gaze literally burning through your skull
art mirrors your movements, his eyes never leaving yours. you hope he doesn't notice the slight tremble in your hands.
"like this?" he asks, his voice even softer now, almost a whisper.
you nod, your breath hitching. "yes, just like that. make sure to keep your back flat against the wall."
he follows your instructions, his body inching closer. you can feel the heat emanating from him, a stark contrast to the cool, clinical setting of the gym. there's a tension in the air, a charged silence that makes your heart race.
"you're good at this," he murmurs, his eyes darkening with an emotion you can't quite place
your cheeks flush, the compliment catching you off guard. "i appreciate that, mr. donaldson."
he moves closer, his body now just inches from yours. you can feel the magnetism between you, a pull that's impossible to ignore. his hand reaches out, gently brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. the gesture is tender, almost too intimate for your professional setting. "it's art, yeah? call me art, i don't want to feel like an old fart" he grins
"i should… i should check your shoulder alignment," you stammer, trying to regain some semblance of professionalism. "you're a bit tight here," you say, your voice trembling slightly. "let me help you."
you guide him through a series of stretches, your hands lingering a bit longer than necessary on his shoulders, his back. the room feels smaller, the air thicker with each passing moment.
the session was over. finally. you gathered your things and slid your backpack over your shoulders. art's gaze is still on you and it's impossible not to feel it "are you in a hurry to leave?"
"umm, no i just. no im not in a hurry" you smile "just don't want to bother you anymore" your breath catches in your throat
"i was hoping we could talk a bit more. get to know each other better." he smirks. what the fuck "tashi told me some things about you but i think one on one conversation is far better" grabbing your hand and guiding you to a small resting area at the gym engaging in some superficial conversation about you while tracing circles in the back of your hand. you can't help but sigh. his hands becoming more and more pervasive, touching your thighs, reaching up up up until he's close to your crotch. a slight whine escapes your mouth. you're not focusing on the conversation at all.
"art, this is not-"
"tashi doesn't have to know" he replies knowing tashi knows damn well. hell, she even planned this for him. it wasn't her intention to scout a pretty little physiotherapist like you at first. but you were at the right place, at the right time. the moment she took a glance at you she knew she had to have you. it was a plus art needed help with his shoulders. his hands roaming on the waistband of your tight leggings, your mouth parting with a sigh. sigh that he takes as opportunity to crash his lips against yours. your eyes narrow at first and for a second you try to pull back but you don't really want to.
his fingers edging closer to your panties, the tightness of the leggings increasing the skin on skin contact. "aw you look so pretty with your lips parted. you wanna take my fingers in you don't you huh?" now hovering over you, caressing you over your top "fucking corrupt that little head of yours"
you can't help but let out a moan that sends him over the edge. sliding your leggings down caressing you over your panties. before pushing two fingers inside your mouth for you to suck. "you want this don't you baby?"
"mhm" you nod trying your hardest not to bite him when he uses his opposite hand to caress your sensitive nub. furrowing your eyebrows trying your hardest not to grab his arm. his calloused fingers leaving your plump mouth suddenly and making a 'pop' sound "but tashi might" cut off by the pads of his fingers circling your clit
"tashi doesn't mind" his voice hungry "im just helping you out yeah? we're just getting acquainted" one of his fingers teases your entrance slowly entering earning a sharp wince from you. the unfamiliar feeling slowly turning into pleasure as he slid it in and out "open your eyes f'me, let me see those pretty eyes"
you bite your lip staring at his face as he does such a lewd thing to you, and you let him. knowing he has a wife. somehow this made it even more arousing. whats wrong with you? "gonna add one more finger, fuck you're so tight around me, so good. i bet that clit would feel so good around my tongue" small tears cornering around your eyes. the soft noises leaving your lips only encouraging him to keep going.
"feels good huh baby?" he coos, his face edging closer and closer to your clit as your hips rise, only to stop once you're about to cum. abruptly sliding your panties back up along with your leggings.
this earns him a well deserved mewl. edging you like this. stopping when you were just so so close was just so mean of him. looking up at him just to see him lick your juices off his fingers, feeding them to you. "suck" he commands "don't be mad, i just need to make sure you come back for more sessions" fixing your hair and picking up your backpack from where you left it on the gym floor
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eddiediaaz · 20 days
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hi guys, i am kind of ashamed and embarrassed to have to do this, but i figured it can't hurt to ask. basically i am really struggling right now (i know a lot of us are). i need financial help, so i set up a ko-fi page ☕
any kind of help would be so appreciated and i am so grateful for anyone taking the time to read this little post.
long story short: because of situations completely out of my control, i lost my job in vfx after almost 8 years and i am now forced to switch careers. i'm going back to school and can't find a part time job even tho i have been working non stop for 15 years. financial aid will only cover my rent, so i absolutely need to work 20 to 30 hours a week to cover the rest of my living expenses, but it's really hard to find a job. i am also currently over 10k cad in debt from my film school loans and credit cards.
signal boost would be appreciated, if you can 💕
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my situation in more details under the cut for those who are curious
i was working in the vfx industry as a 2D compositor since 2016 (i have worked on over 40 films and tv shows), but in december of 2023 i lost my job due to the hollywood strikes (as expected, and as it should—i fully support the strikes). this was supposed to be temporary for a couple months where i could get unemployment benefits (only 45% of my usual salary though). unfortunately, on may 31st 2024, my government announced that they are significantly cutting the funding & tax credits for the vfx industry where i live. what does this mean? mass lay offs. thousands of canadians and other people in the world working in the industry are losing their career, including me. there will only be about 20% vfx jobs left where i live by 2025. vfx shops and production houses have already started to close doors here. i'm still mourning this career i have been working in for 8 years and loved, even tho it's been difficult and demanding at times (lots of overtime), but there are just no jobs right now (unless you are a senior vfx artist with decades of experience) and the future will only get more bleak. i could move abroad and follow the industry that is already moving somewhere else, but i don't want to do that on my own (i am already super lonely as it is!!) and i can't afford it.
my unemployment benefits will run out by the last week of september. in 4 weeks. i've been sending resumes everywhere, both online and in person, but i am just not getting anything in return. even tho i have over 15 years of experience working in various jobs and i have never been fired from anywhere. even tho my resume and cover letters are solid because they have been approved my professional counselors (a free service for people under 35 where i live). so much for they're hiring everywhere...
since my vfx compositing skills are very niche and not really applicable to much else, i decided to go back to school, taking college classes in the admin and excecutive assistant fields, since it's something that i think would be good for me and there are lots of jobs for that here. i will be getting some financial aid, but it's nowhere near enough to survive. it will only cover my rent, and that's because my rent is super cheap for my city. my college classes start on september 30 and i am excited for it, but also very stressed because i still don't have a part time job.
i've been living on my own with a small salary for over 10 years now, but it truly is the first time that i'm struggling this hard. i honestly don't have anything worth selling except some taylor swift perfumes, which i sold this week. i also have over 6k of credit debt and another 4.5k of school loans left to pay. at the bare minimum i will need about $1.000 CAD/month to cover my other bills and expenses after rent, hence why the need for a job ASAP. i am desperate and my mental health has been a huge mess. this is why i decided to open my ko-fi accounts. not that i'm expecting much, but anything can help, i think.
i don't have much to offer in exchange, except gifs? i'm wondering if (cheap, low price) gif commissions are a thing? i have no idea know, but i set up a poll on my ko-fi page to see if anyone would be interested.
thank you for reading if you've made it here, it's appreciated 💖
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